Reading Reviews From Member: tangledconstellations
  
201 Reviews Found

Review #1, by tangledconstellationschang(e): a changing chang

29th January 2015:
Oh, Jess,

This was so beautiful - I am in awe. Honestly, this is such an important fic right now. Everything about it felt right - I really feel like you nailed Chang's character and this was such a good snapshot into his life. I'm so glad you are writing fics like these, to help push the scope fanfiction encapsulates.

Your writing itself is to die for - the more and more of your stuff I read the more I love it. I really hope you receive the recognition and encouragement for your work that you need, because you've got a beautiful way with words and it's so obvious you care so much about the stories you write.

This is only brief but I really want you to know that this has moved me a lot and you've handled it well as a topic. Except, y'know, it isn't really a 'topic' - you've made this real life for readers who won't have necessarily experienced anything like this. Because that's what it is. It is real life, and it's always amazing and a pleasure to see fanfiction and different ways of life go hand in hand, especially with inspiring writers like you.

Really incredible. ♥

Laura xxx

Author's Response: Is it okay to want to cry because of this, because I really want to cry right now this review is so so lovely I'm just adjhfkdjfabdjfg ♥

I'd like to call 2015 my 'phase 2' of writing. I'm just feeling it this year. I'm feeling great things all around not just for myself but for everyone in the hpff community. I think this year is going to be OUR year.

I'm so glad this community is becoming a place where ideas like this can be shared with compassion and acclaim rather than the age old 'nothing against slash but I won't read it' etc etc comments that have plagued the online fanfiction world for far too long. I'm glad that I'm growing with this site and broadening my horizons and perspective of the world.

I realise this review is probably getting entirely off topic now, but I'm in a very retrospective mood hahaa. I thank you so much for your kind words - they make me smile so hard.

- Jess, xo


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Review #2, by tangledconstellationsNot entirely true: Toast to that

22nd January 2015:
Hey again!

I had some more time so figured I could go for the next chapter too!

I loved that Maddie got to see some real magic being performed. If I was her, I would be so excited and freaked out at the same time. It was believable when you said that Josh wouldn't want to use magic too much to scare her - but I thought when he dried her clothes and made her suitcase lighter it was really sweet!

There are a couple of grammatical errors so maybe getting a Beta reader on the forums would help you there. Sometimes it's good to get a once over on a chapter before submitting :) but this chapter was really nice and it'll be cool to see some Quidditch action soon!

Laura xxx ♥

Author's Response: Hey Laura!
Thank you so much for your reviews! The first two chapters weren't beta read, but all from the third on are and will be :)
I hope further chapters will give the readers better idea of Maddie and Josh and their relationship, they spend a lot of time together so writing more on them is inevitable :)
I'm writing 5th chapter and I plan to finally take everyone to the game, though I'm as scared about writing about a game as Maddie is about spending three weeks with wizards ;)


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Review #3, by tangledconstellationsNot entirely true: Truth Is Out

22nd January 2015:
Hey there!

Swinging by to leave you a review for Blue vs Bronze review tag. The premise for this story is really interesting - I've always wondered what would happen if a Muggle that wizards trusted is welcomed into the magical community. I can sense that later chapters are going to leave Maddie feeling very bewildered, especially as she's not totally up to speed just yet on Josh's situation. I think it's good that she's overwhelmed by it all, because it's such a genuine reaction! And right at the end there, it's so nice that she doesn't want to mess things up for him. That speaks ounces about their friendship.

Part of me wishes that I knew a bit more about the characters, though, and how their friendship works, what makes each other laugh etc. This is a good first chapter because you've set up the next one and you've given us a brief backstory for the characters, but I think at this point as a reader I want to understand them more. Saying that though you've already showed us some distinctions between Maddie and Josh, like their work ethic, for example. It'll be interesting to see how these elements come in to play in later chapters!


Congrats on posting your first fic - hopefully there are many more to come! :D

Laura xxx ♥

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Review #4, by tangledconstellationsWhat next?: Red Nose, Red Fur

22nd January 2015:
Hey love! ♥

I had no idea you had a new chapter! If I had realised I would have read and reviewed much sooner!

This chapter was so good - I really, really enjoyed it. I'm really liking that there's more communication going on between Scorpius and Rose because as a pair they're hilarious. But at the same time there's obviously something there between them - I want them to either fight or kiss! I don't know which one I want more!

Ugh, Jonathan though...I felt so sad for him, but at the same time I totally sympathise with Rose and her frustration with his straight-forward thinking. Jonathan is such a great character because I totally recognise him to be like guys I knew in high school and stuff and he comes off as so believable. They're all at such an in-betweeny age in this fic, where they should focus on their future but they've got such strong ties to being a teenager. Even though he's quite difficult to communicate with (and even though Rose KNOWS inside herself that she's just not that attracted to him - but will she admit it?!) I think it's really important that he would still get really hurt by Rose if she and Malfoy get too close. Having him see them in the Charms classroom actually felt like I'd been kicked in the gut because I could imagine what was going on inside his head - or rather, what wasn't, and how he was trying to make sense of the situation he just saw and sudden pangs of betrayal. Obviously it was technically innocent but maybe he's right - maybe he doesn't need the drama because of exams, and if he doesn't think the drama is worth it maybe he doesn't really want Rose either.

Okay so there we have it: I AM JONATHAN'S BIGGEST FAN, ha ha ha ♥

I do still love Rose though, and I just want her to eventually work out what it is that she wants. This chapter was important for that: it's like you're building up to a crisis point where Rose does have to I guess make a decision, but maybe not quite as explicitly as that. But nonetheless I can feel the tension rising.

Eek, I am so looking forward to the next chapter. I am so hooked!

Laura ♥ xxx

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Review #5, by tangledconstellationsThe Ides of March: Melancholy were the sounds.

22nd January 2015:
Hey there lovely! :)

I finally stole some free time for myself and hurried over to read the next chapter ♥

This one was really good, and it felt like another really steady continuation from the first two. Again, you have that gentle introverted tone that's so effective and has kept Helena so in character throughout. Reading this fic is such a joy because I don't feel hurried or as though anything is moving too fast - it's like daily life, things are escalating and changing in their own way and at their own pace.

But oh no - the wheels are in motion for Helena and the suitor :( Honestly, it makes me so sad that she feels as though it's expected of her. It was really effective that Helena was almost meek and quite obliging to her mother about the topic. My gut instinct was for her to just flip out and say she doesn't want to but after all you're writing in a really particular context and Helena is a particular character. She wouldn't just start shouting and refusing because she's been brought up entirely in a certain manner. In some ways I felt as though I wanted to see a touch of jealousy from Eleanor, but maybe that's something that will come later. There's starting to emerge a frustration that I think is really interesting about their position - the fact that they can't have what they want; they can't be together and even if they were it just wouldn't be okay or accepted. Helena's hands are totally bound - I mean, there's no real reason why she CAN'T marry this guy. It's so heartbreaking.

Again, your writing style is as flawless as ever. I know in previous chapters you were worried about Helena being whiney but if that's a concern for this one, don't worry. There's enough plot justification at this point to balance out her feelings and she still has that focus on Eleanor that's seeing her through, like a guiding light. While this chapter felt shorter than the others (I don't actually know if it was - it just felt it hehe) I think you're heading at a good pace. To throw too much at Helena at once (and the reader for that matter) would break the really effective style.

Good luck with the next chapter! I'm really enjoying reading this so if you ever wanna PM me about it, please feel free!

Laura ♥ xxx

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Review #6, by tangledconstellationskisses-blood-valentine: Ballad of Evvie and Bernie

22nd January 2015:
Ok - so -

Wow!!

I thought this would be fun because I love really crazy, experimental writing and ALSO because I've been watching so much (some may say TOO much) Criminal Minds recently I like to think I'm a mastermind psychological profiler ^_- your summary had me like woah - so much mystery and intrigue! Combined with the cray title it successfully dragged me in to the story and I was well and truly not disappointed.

This was SO GOOD. I hope I'm stressing that enough. SO. GOOD. Like sometimes you just wanna read stuff that makes you rethink the way you write your own stuff and that makes you consider other styles you can play with and what not. Sure idk plot-driven, linear stories are awesome too but you know when you're itching for something that's stand-alone and unique and has a KICK? This has the kick! It all came together really well - the title had me curious and thinking back to my emo myspace days (totally a good thing) and the summary had me wondering what the heck I was about to read and then the WRITING just took it to the next level.

In a way I don't feel like you need to justify this by saying it's the weirdest thing you've written because I guess in it's own context it's not weird at all - I mean, it all really fits. What you're writing about is supposed to be surreal and the way you've displayed it, the way you've introduced the story and the way we have to kind of work it out ourselves all contributes to making it feel abstract and asides from the norm. I can't really explain how 'in-the-writing' I felt when reading this but it was really great. It's so awesome to be stolen from my living room like that and to be invested in a piece, even when this was a relatively short 2000-ish words! I can definitely see the nods to Fear and Loathing - you really captured a certain style here. If I had any CC it would be to maybe take it up a notch and see how far you could take this piece with Bernie's extreme emotions and the merging of time/moments. I started reading this figuring it was gonna be unusual and while you by no means disappointed with this it would be cool to see how much further you could go.

I love how you've mixed the norm with the surreal, especially towards when Bernie is trying to piece it all together and is making such slight observations, like, about the lipstick, with, "This is strange." It really impressed that time-delay feeling, as though emotions and reactions are slowed, but then you've totally brought us rushing back to the present too as she remembers her priorities, where she is etc. I also love that this isn't just a story about love or Bernie/Evvie in a vacuum. It also encompasses the Order and parts of Benjy's life and while the focus isn't really on him it left me thinking about him and the aftermath for him.

Eek, I can feel myself starting to ramble a bit so I'm gonna leave it here with my THEORY: I think Bernie was put under the Imperius curse and killed Evvie to upset her, in an attempt to get information from Bernie about the Order. I kind of don't know if I want to know if I'm right though! I like that I'm doubting myself about it. It makes me feel like Bernie.

Honestly, this was super and I really enjoyed reading this. THANKS for sharing and sorry for being too overly-enthusiastic...I got too excited because I thought this was wicked, ha!

:D Laura ♥ xx

Author's Response: Laura!!

Oh wow. This review is just too much. I mean, you had me in a grin for quite a while with this.

I haven't seen criminal minds but I'm glad that was a good inspiration for you to check this out - and that it did not disappoint!!! :D :D

Well, this isn't like anything else I've written. I have one other nonlinear story but its style is completely different. I JUST WANT TO HUG EVERY WORD YOU PUT THERE, OKAY?!! I'm thrilled this managed to get that kick in - I know exactly what you mean with looking for that in stories.

It's such a relief to know that this isn't impossible to follow. I can't get over how much you liked this and were transported while reading this. Ooh, I did kind of focus on the visual and not the emotional. I'll definitely poke at it to add more of that aspect to the story.

Part of my reason for mixing real and surreal was to keep something tangible for people to read and not have it all be too far out there. It's kind of like if Space Odyssey were all the weird music and lights section without any of the (limited) narrative. I'm so happy you liked the larger issues touched on in this. When I decided to make Benjy have a sister for this story, I knew I would want to include something of the war and the Order. I have a longer story planned where I write about romance in the first war - Benjy has a chapter that takes place after this. We'll see some of his fall out there. :-/

I love your theory and I will refrain from commenting on it further. :)

Thank you so very much for this review and your enthusiasm. This was such encouraging feedback to get!

-Rose


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Review #7, by tangledconstellationsThe Night of His Life: The Yule Ball

8th January 2015:
Hey there!

Thought I'd swing by and leave you a quick review! :) I don't think I've ever read a Harry/Hermione before because...I don't know, I think because it's not canon I've just never gone there. I guess in reality though Harry and Hermione have a really good dynamic, like, the way Harry is pretty much always in awe of her intelligence.

I was really pleasantly surprised by this one-shot! Good job on straight up accepting the challenge given to you in your stories offered thread! I really liked that you maintained all of the teenage awkwardness Harry has at this point in the books. The Yule Ball would have been such a strange experience for all of them! In the books I love that Hermione looks so beautiful - it genuinely makes me so happy, so I'm glad you focused on that here. It was really good that this was just a snapshot into one moment. Like, it doesn't have any repercussions on the later plot - we could just say this was Harry's awkward hormones getting the better of him at this point :) it still felt very true though and you wrote their relationship really well.

For my first experience of Harry/Hermione, this was super good! ♥ Laura xxx

Author's Response: Hey Laura! :)

Honestly, before I wrote this I'd read maybe a total of five Harry/Hermione fics on here and that was well over a year and a half ago, so I'm kind of with you on that aspect!

I figured if people think I possess the talent and skill to write their plunnies, then write them I shall and do my best and hope they like it! Before I began writing this, I reread the yule ball chapter in Goblet of Fire to get a feel for how they acted/spoke during that year so I wouldn't write them horribly OOC. I also made Hermione's dress periwinkle blue, like in the books and not the movie! :P Lady Asphodel specified that she just wanted them to somehow dance together at the yule ball and perhaps have some reflection about each other, so I knew where I wanted it to end, I just had to figure out how to get them dancing in the first place. It would be rather ridiculous for them to go off to a broom closet and have a snogfest, etc because they aren't exactly acknowledging their feelings in this little snapshot either--I feel it's more of an elevated emotions environment, what with it being the yule ball and all, so they don't really know what to make of it and are almost reading too much into things. I'm glad you liked it as your first experience and am very honored you chose mine! :) ♥
~MadiMalfoy x


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Review #8, by tangledconstellations'Eyes' with an 'L': Boom

6th January 2015:
Oh, love, this was so amazing!

Honestly, I'm in awe of this and I just sat and told my boyfriend all about this, haha, mainly because he was like, why are you making those happy noises? It was so nice! Maybe I'm super emotional or something but I just felt like I was about to well up at about 3 points during this fic, haha. I must be super emotional. Just...all the feels! This was so good.

Your writing is really good here. I haven't read much of your writing before but I definitely will do. This feels very swift and fleeting especially nearer the beginning which I think really works because it shows Lily as a wide-eyed child absorbing everything. I didn't feel like anything was overdramatised or super angsty - it all felt very right.

I love that Sev and Lily use sign language to communicate - I love that he's realised that it's so important to her and that he's gone out of his way to learn it. At the same time you've shown that later element in their relationship where they've almost grown out of each other, and you've redeemed James a lot, too. He's really just an honest, jokey school boy, after all.

This one shot just felt very pure and heartfelt and it was such a joy to read. I loved your descriptions of sound, of the way Lily can't quite express her feelings and the family dynamic she has at home. I really can't find any fault with this at all. I am just in awe!

I'm sorry that this review hasn't been remotely constructive. You MIGHT have a new super fan.

Laura xxx

Author's Response: The fact that you told your boyfriend about this might be the most flattering thing ever!

I'm so amazingly honoured that you liked this story after reading your MASTERPIECE.

I'd never tried doing a bunch of time jumps like that before, and it's objectively a risky thing to do, so I'm so glad you thought it worked! Some of those sequences were longer originally, but I didn't feel like they DID much more with more time, and I wanted to try risking the fleeting effect. And then yeah, jumping from that to longer time stretches is also a weird thing, so I'm really relieved you think that made sense, given she was older.

I'm really glad you noticed the 'growing out of him' thing. I mean, his calling her a mudblood and then having a crazy scheme to make everyone deaf rather overshadows it--but I wanted there to be cracks before that.

James was such a tricky thing, again relieved it worked out! I wanted him to be in-character with the books, but still /likable/ and reasonably just kind of immature.

Yee! Thank you so much for this swap!

xoxo
Roisin



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Review #9, by tangledconstellationsBroken: i. a broken lavender

6th January 2015:
Hey there!

Argh, this was such a beautiful one shot. My heart is fully broken. You handled the topics in this fic really sensitively. I always get mini waves of anxiety when I know to expect triggering content, mainly because its precisely that but also because it can sometimes not be handled sensitively and cause upset. The worst thing in the world is someone belittling an issue that is an absolute reality for someone. But honestly, this was really impressive. Is that an ok description to use? I'm finding it hard to find words, ha ha! This one shot feels very mature and I think its a very important look at post-Hogwarts life. It reminds you that the characters are meant to be seen as real people - that's why we love the books so much, and so of course they're going to struggle with real pain. Sometimes I think people forget that. From a more selfish point of view, I'm attempting (/failing) to write a fic based on depression and coping with it. It's really reassuring and inspiring to know that a fic dealing with a heavy topic is so possible.

I really liked the way you jumped between the different time periods. It hit home that this whole piece is about Lavender healing. It feels right that during her time in St. Mungo's she would reflect on all of her time at Hogwarts - but at the same time telling the story in this way was successfully instructive to the reader. I wasn't expecting the ending to be honest. I thought perhaps that she wouldn't ever be reunited with Parvatti, but I'm glad that she was. It felt very right in the moment. I also do really like the way you've portrayed Lavender because often she is an under-loved character. I think that's what is so great about fan fiction - we can take a character from the books but make them even more than what they were. I like that you didn't just deny her canonical ditsy and giggly nature, because after all that's what we are given in the books. It's far more effective that you've taken that and then told us why it is that she is like that. It feels more convincing. Reading this, I had no doubt in my mind that this was canon Lavender.

Ah, I so wish I had taken part in the Reset the Default challenge! I lurked on that thread so much but I just wasn't feeling inspired enough. Your take on the challenge is really effective and its interesting that you said this one shot hasn't turned out how you originally intended. Hopefully you do write the three-parter about the three girls after the war. I think it would be a really fascinating (yet also emotional and powerful!!) read. I just LOVE that this is so much darker than I originally thought and I really can't stress enough that I think you've done such a good job with it. Your writing is very fluid and at times is nearer the abstract poetry spectrum - although who can really say if there are any lines between the two? I enjoyed reading this a lot and I'll most definitely be checking out more of your writing in the future :)

Thanks for sharing this on the forums! Laura xxx

Author's Response: WOW! Okay so now I feel bad because my review wasn't NEARLY this long. Afkmjgfsndgkdfdlldf thank you so much.

Posting this oneshot (and even writing it) made me incredibly incredibly nervous for exactly those reasons. I wasn't sure whether or not I would've handled it sensitively enough and although I was SURE that I had done I obviously never wanted to upset anybody. From feedback, it seems like I handled it well though :) yay! I'm sure your story is coming along beautifully don't worry so much about it and just remember that research is always your friend. That always helps me :p if you ever want to run anything by me though, I can't guarantee I'll be a massive help but I'd lend a willing ear :)

Wow. Canon Lavender? I feel insanely pleased by that compliment and yet at the same time not because who would wish this past upon anybody? :p I know what you mean though haha and thank you so much! Her being naive and giggling and pink-loving is SO much of who Lavender is in canon that it was never my intention to ever stray from this. She's very much a superficial person, but she's also so much more than that.

I am planning to do the three-part thing though! This took me forever to write so it might not be for a while yet, and I need to fine tune out some more of the details, but hopefully I'll get there at some point. The challenge really was so inspiring (although I did already have a base idea for this already).

Thank you so so much for this lovely review!

(although I can't promise any of my other writing is up to this standard, or in any way similar)

xo


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Review #10, by tangledconstellationslow tide: a meditation

6th January 2015:
This was honestly one of the most bittersweet, heartbreaking one-shots I think I have ever read! And that is saying something, because I normally tend to gravitate towards the angst spectrum. Wow! The twins :(

I think you've done such a good job for the Every Word Counts challenge here. This is my no means overstated or rambley - its concise and raw and really grounding as a brief tale of loss. I love that you've started this out kind of abstract, but gradually George focuses more and more on the real and Angelina and Lee around him. I can picture this scene so clearly - just three friends trying to support each other and trying to live on. This was really beautiful. You didn't need them to speak, you didn't need George to really mention how he is feeling. It was already there, in the beach and the sea. It felt as though it was washing over me really gently without being overbearing, like the tide, I guess.

The mention of the memories is what really got me. I don't know why, but it was the one about the two of them making up a song about Ron stranded on the rock. I think because its such an honest, silly thing - something the two of them would definitely do! In the wake of the war and Fred's death it seems like such a lovely and childlike memory. It really got to me!

This was a really great read, thank you. :)

Laura xxx

Author's Response: Laura! ♥ This review was such a wonderful surprise, thank you so much!

Only using 500 words is a huge limitation but it seemed to make a lot of sense for this story as that highlights the simplicity of the moment even more. This story, while it's technically George in a step towards recovering, was also me getting past grief in my real life - so I am really glad you pointed out the word 'raw' there, and that everything I was putting into the story translated well. I'm so flattered that you liked the way this was written and saw it as beautiful, and the transition from abstract to real in his head.

Thank you, I'm so glad the memories stood out to you. Despite how sad George was in the present, most of his memories have Fred in them, and are happy or humourous or just not sad, and I think with that memory especially it was really just to bring Fred's memory back to life for an instant, and at least George has that. I'm so touched that you said it got to you, and that you liked that aspect of the story.

I can't thank you enough for this review! You are so kind! ♥


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Review #11, by tangledconstellationsThe Ides of March: Nothing thicker than a knife's blade.

19th December 2014:
Hey again lovely! ♥

I really, really, REALLY enjoyed this chapter :D In some ways, it felt stronger than the first. I found myself identifying and understanding the characters even more so. You've really set the wheels into motion now, and it'll be interesting to see what happens in the next chapter. I think it's great that you've ended this chapter with Helena committing herself to her feelings for Eleanor. It makes the potential next chapters very powerful and driven, because now you've got a character that has made a decision for themselves and has got something (in Helena's case, her love for Eleanor) that is worth sacrificing things for. The stakes are set higher for the chapters to come, because now we know Helena is willing to risk a lot for Eleanor, we just don't know in what ways that might materialise later on.

This chapter honestly did work really well as a continuation from the first. You needn't worry at all, although I totally understand where you're coming from. I think it's easy to worry that the chapters don't quite slot when you yourself have had time away between each one, because then you get concerned that your readers will view them that way too. But for me, I didn't feel as though the style or the tone or anything changed. Rather, it was a natural progression. Helena was a little different, but it was a good different and an example of a welcome character growth. Time has passed since the first chapter, so we can't expect her to still be head-over-heels for Eleanor as explicitly. Instead, it was really effective that at this point you were starting to show the doubts creeping in. I totally go back on the point I made in the first chapter's review about maybe should Helena be more concerned about her sexuality - I should have waited until I read the second, ha ha! Sorry about that - but anyway, in this chapter you showed that really well. I was really engaged when reading of her conflict, as she walked away from Eleanor and refused to look at her. Those moments in particular were very engaging, very visual (no doubt because of your really lovely style). It was very convincing, especially as now you've provided us with more of a religious backbone and you've pushed the pressures of Helena's mother and Aunt to the forefront a little more.

Helena as a character is one that I've already found myself really liking. And, actually, Eleanor too. (I don't know why I surprised myself by writing that - I think I've trained myself to be suspicious of liking characters early on, ha ha!) Having Eleanor as perhaps the more headstrong, defiant one of the two adds a certain attractiveness to her. I'm glad that it's the inside of Helena's mind that we can see in this fic, though, because it heightens the contrast between them. I think if this was from Eleanor's perspective it would be difficult to understand either of them in such a way that being inside Helena's mind provides us with. Helena is just as headstrong in some ways, but she's more concerned with the pressures from her family, from society etc. It grounds their love story in reality, which is important. Yet saying that, Helena is STILL so in love with Eleanor. Seeing her constant conflict, the way she is almost trying to save them both, is really special. It makes their feelings more real and their feelings worth fighting for, too.

Ah, again with your beautiful writing style! Every now and again you slip in these wonderful lines that just make me melt and totally absorb all of the feelings and loveliness from the piece. The last lines of this chapter were utter perfection! There is a really low, gentle rhythm to these two chapters that I think is maintained through the scattering of these really powerful lines. It's almost as though it's the work of Eleanor, or Helena's feelings for Eleanor. They keep the piece moving, reminding her of how she feels and what this means. The stuff in between is all the other stuff, like...doubt, and plot, and conflict, etc. But those lines transcend that. It's those lines that blow the reader away and that exist for Helena as a grounding device, to keep her headed on the right course. Which, for Helena, is to Eleanor and no one else!

I really loved these two chapters, and I'm really looking forward to when you next update. (Hopefully soon!) Let me know when you do, and I'll drop by with another review for you. These were two really well-written and powerful chapters, and I hope the rest of the story progresses well for you. It has so, so much potential right now!

Laura xxx

Author's Response: Hey Laura, and wah, wah, wah thank you for this lovely review, it really has made my day! :D

Haha, that's quite funny that you preferred this chapter to the previous as I wasn't too sure about this one as it was more focused on doubt and less action and more thought so I wasn't sure how interesting it was to read, but you've made me feel a lot more confident about it now, so thank you for that! I get what you mean about Eleanor and Helena now having a grounding because declaring your feelings for one another, and the fact it's based on faith is no easy feat so this will continue to effect them throughout the story.

Phew, I'm glad you thought there was natural progression because as well as there being a big gap in between the first two chapters, this was all written during JulNo so detail wasn't very high on my priority list and I wasn't sure how much attention I paid to it during editing too. Haha, no I still think your comment about Helena's doubt is valid for the first chapter as she's still unsure about so much it makes sense for her to really wonder whether Elenaor's feelings for her are genuine or not. I'm glad that you liked the conflict in this chapter as that and unrequited love go so nicely together it was a lot of fun to explore. The pressures of her mother are even more dominant in the next chapter and for the rest of the story because I think as Rowena has such high standards when it comes to intelligence, it's sort of carried through in social things too, as I always imagine perfection being linked to it, which is why she's like that.

Hahaha, don't be surprised as it always takes me a while to like characters too as I always think you should be suspicious of them as they usually are up to no good. I prefer it from Helena's mind too as she's so much more observant and reflective I think you understand their relationship much more easily because of it. Whereas with Eleanor, while she loves Helena too, part of it is for the excitement and the journey too so it would be a little too crazy being in her mind. You are right about Helena being more concerned by external things too, because I always imagine Ravenclaws looking at the greater picture first and she can see all the potential consequences from them being together so she holds back that little bit more.

Aw thank you so much, that means so much to me and if I could do the :wub: face I would but sadly it doesn't show up in reviews. Wow, thank you so much I'm not really sure how to respond to those lovely comments as I'm a bit in awe right now but they mean so much to me so wah thank you!! ♥

Haha, I actually finally got my act together and updated the story yesterday if you do want to read the next chapter as that would mean a lot to me and thank you for this fabulous review! ♥

-Kiana


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Review #12, by tangledconstellationsThe Ides of March: A star riding through clouds.

19th December 2014:
Hey there! ♥
It's Laura from TGS.

I absolutely loved reading this first chapter, so amidst the enthusiasm I'll try to address your areas of concern too :)

I was really intrigued with this fic. I always find Founders fics really interesting and somehow more magical and ethereal than any other time. I guess its the archaic tone and style - it just sends you to a totally different world. Anyway, along this vein, you did not disappointment. The little things are really important when writing a historical-fic - even just down to clothes details and style of talking. You totally nailed it. Even things like the conservative, measured way of thinking...it felt very 'old' (not as in age!) and appropriate to the time period. I think Helena is a really special character to use, too. She's somehow veiled - which adds to the mysterious and archaic tone. I guess it sets us apart from her a bit - which is why Founders fics and historical fics are great; we can't immediately relate, but it's the common, human threads that draw us in. Really, really lovely.

I loved the way you dipped into Helena's past, but not too heavily either. You gave us enough information to spark our imagination and to tentatively tug us along in the direction you wanted to take us with regards to her background. Having her father as a clergyman is a really unique aspect to dwell on. It links the historical setting right back up to the religious connotations of the time, and obviously as Helena is in love with someone of her own gender that would cause some conflicts. This is a bit of a work-in-progress point, but... I was just about to write that I thought maybe Helena would have reacted differently about her sexuality - perhaps have been more confused and uncertain, maybe in denial to an extent? I don't know how right I am to suggest this though, because on the other hand I guess feelings like that come about due to a religious or social context of the time putting pressure on someone. And, if religion isn't overly prevalent in her life as a witch then maybe it's not something she would have been too concerned with. But, I don't know. I'm rambling a bit, but it would be interesting to hear your thoughts on this in the response section! Just something to think about after all :)

I really didn't think Helena was too whiny in this first chapter, so you don't have to worry! I feel like you've started the chapter at a good point. She's already noticed Eleanor, so she's established this affection that we're gradually understanding. It cuts out a lot of time for the reader to potentially become uninterested - but not in a horrible way! I just mean that strategically starting here means you have nothing to lose - Helena's affection doesn't have to be justified or warmed to. It's a love that just exists. It makes it feel as though her feelings have always existed, transcending the spatial limits your story's set up. In some areas Helena is very persistent with portraying how lovesick she is and I can understand how you would be concerned that she is 'whiny', but again I feel like this adds to her desperation.

To me though, one thing that does feel a little off is Eleanor's immediate positive response tied in directly to her introduction. I felt like maybe there needed to be more of a build up, more of a hesitation, to justify Helena's intensity and severe doubt - maybe more evidence of Helena believing to have been ignored by Eleanor. I feel like as a reader we haven't yet spoken to Eleanor or had her interact with us or Helena. We're not sure what to expect, and so having a pause or a stunted scene before meeting by the forest and before the really lovely climax of the chapter (with the gorgeous and subtle "Enchanting," bit!! ♥) would make Eleanor's attitude more realistic. I really hope that made sense - I just read it back and I don't think it does, haha! I just mean that before she calls out to Helena, to tell her to meet her by the forest, maybe there should be something else, something before, just to stagger it. I feel like the forest scene is beautiful and not overdressed at all and should be left as is, but MAYBE something should be before they first mention it. Again, let me know what you think! It's just an idea, and I haven't yet read the second chapter, so maybe I'm getting a bit ahead of myself here :)

Ultimately, your writing style is really beautiful, and it's truly the biggest strength of this first chapter, and one of the things I want to emphasise most! I love reading fics where it's obvious the writer cares about it and enjoys writing. It makes you want to carry on, to give them the time to understand what they are saying and showing us. Indeed, we haven't really been introduced on tgs yet! But I think this is a great fic for me to start with when reading your stuff - I'll most definitely be on the look out for more of your stories on the archives :) good job on such an awesome first chapter. Now, on to the second! :D

Laura xxx

Author's Response: Hi Laura, thank you for this wonderfully detailed review, it was much appreciated as it was so lovely and useful! ♥

Aw, thank you so much as that's something I always personally love about Founders story as it just makes it so much more magical and special to read so it's great to see that you thought it was like that, as I suppose that was another big fear about writing in this era and it's sort of what put me off writing it for so long. Yeah, I get what you mean about Helena being a little veiled as we know who her mother is and she has such definitive traits but her father and the impact of the other Founders on her was always unknown so it was a lot of fun to delve into that and see what it could potentially be, so I'm so glad that you liked that.

I'm glad that you liked the dips into Helena's past, as I didn't want them to be the centre point of the story as that's much more about Eleanor and Helena, however, given what a unique person Helena is, it's sort of necessary to know what happened to her before to figure why she is like that. I totally get what you mean about how she reacts to her sexuality, because I think with Helena it's a little different as she doesn't think she is a lesbian per sey but rather she loves Eleanor, so it's a little different so I wanted to focus on her love for Eleanor rather than anything else. I will definitely take what you said into account though, and I think I will add more confusion in as it will add more to her character.

Phew, I'm so glad that Helena's character was fine as she's so different to anything I have ever written before and the fact she's a founders era character too makes it even more complicated, so yeah, I think you can understand why I had a few worries. :P Ooh okay, it's good to know that about her love for Eleanor wasn't too ott because it's rather fun writing all this unrequited love as you can be all poetic so I tend to get carried away and write too much of it. :P

I totally get what you mean in regards to Eleanor, as I just couldn't get her reaction right as I only wanted this to be a shortish story I didn't want to dwell on the chase too much and I always knew she loved Helena too, but I just wasn't so sure how to write so that scene has always left me a bit meh (if that makes sense, and btw what you said definitely did make sense!). But I really like your suggestion and it was really helpful as I definitely do think it will add with the flow and transition of the story a lot more so I'll add it in now and hopefully that will help it! :D

Aw, thank you so much, you are so lovely that you're making me blush right now! This story definitely is my baby as it's probably the one where the style has mattered more than anything else which is why I love it so much so hearing that has made me waay too happy. Yay for starting to get to know each other and I'll have to check out some of your stuff too now!

Thanks for the fab review too! ♥

-Kiana


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Review #13, by tangledconstellationsLetters: Prologue

8th December 2014:
Hey there!

I thought I'd drop by your authors page to leave you a review.

I really liked this story - you've set it up for a lot more action to come. You introduced the characters really fluidly and its already got me hooked. Do you have plans to add any more any time soon? My only wish is that this chapter was a bit longer. As soon as you've really got into the motions it ends! But it'll be interesting to see where you take this further on.

A great first chapter!

Laura xxx

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Review #14, by tangledconstellationsWhat next?: Chapter Three

4th December 2014:
THIS CHAPTER!

I loved this so much. Things are getting so tense, and things are starting to unravel...eek!! You've crafted these past few chapters so well - your writing absolutely astounds me. It's so great to read. And Malfoy - I love that he's not the cliche guy you expect with a Scorpius/Rose fic. He feels developed already, and the way he acts really works.

Ahh all I want to do is just squee at this chapter. I really really enjoyed it - it was the perfect balance of intrigue and humor and a smidge of (sexual?) tension, just at the end. I want them to work out their differences and be together forever, SO BAD. I hate myself for saying that but I so do!

Really love this. Each chapter just keeps getting better and better - I can't wait to read more :)

Laura xxx

Author's Response: Laura! How many times can I say 'thank you' and 'I'm glad' before it gets weird? :D But the thing is, I really am so thankful for your reviews and I really am extremely glad you seem to be enjoying this story so much!

I spend ridiculous amounts of time re-reading every sentence over and over until I am satisfied with it so I am thrilled you like my writing style!

Aaah, Malfoy! So glad to hear he's not a cliche guy - I definitely didn't want my characters to be cliched in any way.

''He feels developed already, and the way he acts really works. '' THIS! This is so awesome to hear because he didn't actually appear all that much yet and I was afraid he might be under-characterized. Thank you for writing this, seriously. :D

Intrigue and humour - yes! Sexual tension - not...yet? Hahah, I wasn't really going for sexual tension here. It appears that way, yes, but that's just because I needed it that way so that the plot can move forward the way I imagined it. And this doesn't make sense now but I hope it will once I post chapter four. :)

I have no idea how you came across this story (I'm not advertising it that much) but I am so happy that you did! You've been so encouraging and I actually did some writing today because of you! So, thank you and I hope you'll enjoy the rest! :)



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Review #15, by tangledconstellationsWhat next?: Chapter Two

4th December 2014:
Hey againn!

Ahhh RUTH! She is such a secretive one. I love her, she's such a good character. Also, I feel as though Rose was entirely justified in calling Malfoy a prat...although maybe she should have checked to see if the coast was clear first.

This was such a great chapter, I'm really enjoying this fic! AH again, your writing style is so good, its so lovely to read. You're a natural storyteller, and it's super lovely to read a fic that flows with characters that are so engaging.

See you on the next chapter!

Laura xxx

Author's Response: Laura, hello!

Gah, I'm so glad you like this story! Hurrah for Ruth, I'm having so much fun writing her. :) And it's so great that you can understand Rose here. I wanted both of them do be sort of reckless here - not bad people or really mean to each other but just a bit silly with the things they say and do. :)

I am a natural storyteller! Aah, you are spoiling me with compliments, dear! Thank you so much for this review and again, I'm so happy you gave this story a shot!

Andy


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Review #16, by tangledconstellationsWhat next?: Cold War

4th December 2014:
Hey lovely!

I was really intrigued by this story so I thought I'd stop by for a little read. I'm normally super picky about next-gen stories, but this was really, really lovely and I really enjoyed reading this chapter. You've definitely got me wanting to read more!

I think you've set up Rose as a character so well. She's so likable and easy to relate to! I love how you've established the relationships between her and the main characters already. There's such a great dynamic between Rose and Ruth, and Al as well. It's really refreshing.

I really like Rose, and I'm totally rooting for her in chapters to come. The way you write is so great too - perfect for the genre.

Can't wait to read more! :)

Laura xxx

Author's Response: Hello Laura!

Wow, thank you so much for this surprise review! I'm so glad you gave this story a shot and liked this chapter. I hope you'll enjoy the rest as well! :)

My main goal with this chapter was to establish the relationships between characters so to hear that you thought I've done a good job with it is so gratifying! I honestly love writing this story so this sort of feedback really makes the whole process all the more exciting. And I'm so happy to hear that you're rooting for Rose already, I think that's the best thing a reader can tell you.

Thank you again for leaving this review and for all the lovely compliments, you just made me really happy! I tried toning down my excitement but I'm actually all *squee* and I'm grinning like crazy and just thank you so much! :)

Andy

P.S. I was logged out of my account while writing this response and when I logged back on I saw the other two reviews and gaaah, thank you so much!! I'm so excited that you are reading this and are enjoying it! I honestly have no time to respond to them now but I just wanted to let you know that I you just made my day! *hugs*


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Review #17, by tangledconstellationsWhen Summer Fades: solstice

4th December 2014:
Gah! My heart hurts!

Compared to the last chapter, I feel like the angst that welcomes you to this chapter is well-needed. Poor, poor Regulus :( I think its really important that you've shown him to be both accepting and also really really angry that Summer has died. Grief is such a complex thing, but just as the last chapter was a catalyst, this chapter is definitely the reaction that I wanted to see!

When I initially started reading this, the story that you set up in the first chapter feels so, so different to the one concluding right now before me - in the best possible way! It's like you've shown this important contrast between normal school life, making new friends, etc etc with a topic so much bigger than just Hogwarts and just the wizarding community. First of all, I had no inkling at all in the first chapter that Summer was unwell, but the way it panned out was so effective. This is super angsty but I love it so much. I love it because it is just such a good example of why you should keep your mind open when reading fics. I wasn't expecting any of this to happen. Come to think of it, I don't really know what I expected to happen, but I love the way this HAS happened. Gah! I am totally rambling. But this is such an awesome three-act story and just.you've done such a good job with this fic!

Ultimately I think it's great the way you tied this story in with canon events. You gave Regulus a true motive - something I'd kind of been searching for when reading the books. I can totally understand why he did the things he did, and the reason why is such a pure one, too. Everything really came to a head in this final chapter and Regulus felt different to how he did in the first couple. He's taking more responsibility and he's changed because of Summer and because of the impact her death had on him. It's really, really effective.

Finishing the chapter the way you did really works because it puts emphasis on why we all know Regulus, but it twists his actions so that we can understand them more. I feel like I've been searching for a Regulus fic all my life that really grips me and leaves me feeling like he's more real than he is in the books (does that make sense?), and I think I've found the one!

I really enjoyed reading and reviewing this story, and I know I'll probably be back in a month or so to reread :) EEP! Loved it.

Laura x

Author's Response: This review literally made my week. I can't get over it. I want to print it out and hang it on my wall. a;skdjc;jawi THANK YOU ♥♥

Yeah, this is where the angst piles on and only goes from bad to worse. :( Especially since he feels all this anger and guilt and listlessness but he STILL can't show it.

I'm glad this chapter feels so different to the ones preceding it - I was definitely writing a different style in this one because this is when he really makes his change personally. I'm so thrilled to hear that the contrast and the big topics stood out to you, and that it wasn't predictable! Gah, thank you so much!

There was so much to explore that was left out of Regulus' small part in canon, so this story was sort of my way of fleshing out his background. I'm so glad you thought this provided the motive that wasn't evident when reading the books! It really is so wonderful to hear that it was all effective. :)

Aah, those last two paragraphs I just don't know how to properly respond other than saying THANK YOU!! I'm so honoured! So glad you enjoyed this story - I loved your thoughtful reviews!



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Review #18, by tangledconstellationsWhen Summer Fades: syzygy

4th December 2014:
Hey again, love! Back with your second review :)

I thought this chapter was really special, because here Regulus is starting to understand that things exist that are a lot bigger than him in his self-centered world! It feels very coming-of-age-y, because he's growing up, in a way. He's starting to realise that he cares about Summer, not because she makes him feel better about himself, but because she is a good person. I love that this chapter is the middle one, the crux of the story, holding it all together. I guess essentially Summer telling Regulus that she is so very unwell is the catalyst for him, to consider who he is and what he should stand for.

At the same time, it was good that you didn't rush into Regulus suddenly being this totally awesome nice guy. He's still reluctant to really openly reveal that he's friends with Summer. In a way, this really makes me sad because she's been such a support for him! But at the same time, it's understandable - and one of the merits of this piece. You haven't broken out of Regulus' character at all, and that's really important, I think. Him talking to Jasper was a really good moment in this chapter. It's so easy to write every Slytherin or every Death Eater off as a terrible, awful person with no human emotion, ever. But of course, that's dumb! :P I think Jasper's character is really interesting. Even though he is still prejudiced he's patient and a good friend, too. I'm finding myself wanting to read a one shot from Jasper's point of view based on this situation... :P hehehe

The last four paragraphs for me were really wonderful. You showed the passing of time really well, something I find really difficult to do without it sounding a bit weird. Reading how you did it was definitely inspiring because it felt really effortless, kind of suggesting that to Regulus that time didn't really matter. The way you finished this chapter, too, was really nice. It was gentle and sad and made me really feel for everyone in such an awful situation, but you didn't over do it at all.

This chapter was really lovely, and ties in so beautifully with the first.

Laura x

Author's Response: Hi again, Laura! ♥

That is exactly what I had in mind for this chapter - it's where he finally begins to open his eyes and see more than just himself. The point when Summer tells Regulus her secret really makes Regulus think about what is important to him. Very much a catalyst.

I'm glad you appreciated Regulus' continued reluctance to openly align with anything though - even if he was figuring out where he stood, it's harder to wear that face publicly, so outwardly he's the same as he was. I'm thrilled to hear that he was in character throughout! Ah yes and Jasper... thank you! Haha, yeah I like to think the Slytherins are more complicated than that, and it would be unrealistic for them to just be 100% evil and devoid of feeling. I love moral grey areas and Jasper is definitely a prime example of that.

Thank you, I'm really happy that you liked those last paragraphs with the changing of the seasons. I love what you said about it, that's really beautiful and I'm flattered!

Thanks so much for yet another amazing review!!


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Review #19, by tangledconstellationsWorship You: Storm

4th December 2014:
Oh my gosh.

I read this after stalking the classic challenges section of the forums and saw that you'd actually written a piece without the letter E! Which, naturally, blew my mind, and I NEEDED to see it. This is incredible!!! It's so beautiful and graceful but at the same time very fierce. And I spotted not one E.

I have literally melted and don't think the rest of this review is going to be that coherent. I think the most wonderful thing about this is that every line is so careful, and upon reading it you can really feel that you've made sure that every word is the right one. Your sentences feel remarkably balanced and I really love your style of writing. The subject, too, is really nice and very unique. There was a feeling of circularity, too, upon reading the ending, with the way you linked it back to the title and the opening section. Gah. Really really beautiful.

This is hardly constructive at all and I'm sorry for filling this review with general squee - but you should be super proud of this. It's so so lovely! Thanks for writing this :)

Laura xxx

Author's Response: Hi, Laura!

Ah, I'm glad that you wanted to read this when you saw I'd written something without an E - I'd have been annoyed if you managed to find one as I made sure like a million times there weren't any there :P It was a real challenge and I'm glad you enjoyed reading this!

Those compliments on the writing in this mean so much to me. Writing this story without the letter E meant I had to rephrase lots of sentences and use tons of synonyms, and I was worried that because of that there would be a negative effect on the style. But I'm glad that you found it worked well, and liked the circularity of it!

Don't apologise at all - it's amazing to get a review like this and know that a reader liked my story so much, so thank YOU for this review!


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Review #20, by tangledconstellationsBroken Wings: Broken Wings

4th December 2014:
Hey there! I'm Laura!

I'd seen you about on the forums and thought I'd swing by to leave you a review :)

I was really intrigued by the synopsis for this fic, as Lucius is one of those characters that it seems impossible to imagine as a child! I think you did a really super awesome job though, because even though he is so young here he still has that level of rationality and measure that sets him apart from other wizards even as an adult.

I really like that this ends kind of dark too. I can imagine Lucius as an adult quashing all of his negative memories from his childhood, perhaps seeing them as things that make him stand above everyone else. This also made me think of Draco too, because even though Lucius is occasionally hard on Draco he does have a lot of love for him - which makes me wonder whether it might be because his father never had much love for him, and so this fic ties in perfectly with that idea.

Straight away I was drawn in by your writing style. The first few paragraphs are absolutely flawless. You've shown a swell use of diction and it immediately captivated me and made me want to carry on reading. There are only a few grammatical mishaps, such as where you use speech marks you sometimes don't use punctuation after, such as here: "Most don't" I reply. Instead, pop a comma after 'don't' and other such examples. It'll read much nicer and keep the piece flowing. Also, in a couple of places some sentences felt as though they could just be connected by a comma, too, again to keep up that wonderful flow you had going at the beginning and it numerous parts of this piece. Moral of the story: go crazy with commas!! :D Have a reread (maybe read it aloud - I find this helps a lot) and I'm sure you'll spot places that needn't be broken up quite so much with full stops.

But overall I really thought this was great. It was so thought provoking and its really refreshing to see Lucius as a multi-faceted character. After all, if we're to believe that he's real its fics like this that we need! I think this is such a unique take on contributing to why and how canon-Lucius turns out the way he does.

Loved it! :D

Laura xxx

Author's Response: Hey Laura,

Thanks so much for reviewing! I'm glad you liked it and I know what you mean about the flow. I always go crazy with the commas but then someone else pulled me up for using them to much and making too many run-on sentences, so since then I've been trying to minimize the number I use and settle for more direct sentences. I will definitely re-read the piece and edit those things in. I always forget the comma after someone is speaking before the quotation marks too so thanks for pointing those out.

I'm really glad you enjoyed the piece. Lucius was a lot of fun to write for this one, once he started cooperating with me. =) Thanks for taking the time to read and review. I'll pop over to your AP soon and return the favor soon I promise.

xx-Wolfgirl.


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Review #21, by tangledconstellationsWhen Summer Fades: equinox

2nd December 2014:
Hey there! :)

I'm so sorry for the delay in reviewing! I read this a week or so ago but didn't have time to review - but I'm so glad I've found time now!

I think the whole tone throughout is really really brilliant. I really really felt as though I was on the same level as Regulus throughout - something that's pretty hard to achieve because he's such a mysterious character throughout the series. I love your take on him, because there are so many unanswered questions about his motives that we can only speculate on and you've given a really honest and interesting take on his story. I think you've hit the nail on the head with your portrayal - he was both likable and aggravatingly stuck up at the same time! :P

This is an absolutely perfect opening chapter. It's so refreshing to read a fic where the two main characters aren't going to just fall head over heels in love. You've set up a strong basis on their actual friendship and on them ultimately being on the same wavelength, which again makes the reader question how much they know about Regulus, thus giving you lots of lovely scope! You've introduced us to his world, to his closest friends and also to a conflict that is going to play out in the next couple of chapters. In technical terms, everything is done spot on! The gradual warming to Summer, too, is done at such a pace that you've gently swept the reader along with Regulus and his changing attitudes. He doesn't once feel out of character - except that he is quite spontaneous in wanting to see the view with her again - but it totally works because she has this positive hold on him, which again links to their friendship and how great they work together.

I love your writing style so much! (sorry for abusing the exclamation mark - I'm just really trying to get my point across :P ) I'm so envious how you manage to weave the quite serious issue of finding your identity with that of humour - it kinda kept in my mind that they are teenagers and mainly that Summer is so bright and positive - she keeps the tone balanced. The whole chapter feels so balanced and perfectly timed. It kind of surprised me when I reached the end. You have this great mix of positive moments then a conflict, and then ordinary life...you show it in such a natural way.

As for Regulus himself...I love that you end the chapter with him lying to his Slytherin friends. It's almost as though he's made his choice in who he wants to be - he just hasn't worked it out yet. And a cliff hanger too! Having Summer looking a bit concerned makes me concerned, so good job on successfully hooking me to the next chapter! :P

A really awesome first chapter!

Laura xxx

Author's Response: No worries at all! Your reviews were so amazing which absolutely made up for it ;) The reason it's taken me so long to respond to these is just because they're so kind and thoughtful and I don't know how to convey my gratitude in a coherent way (if I'd responded when I first read this it would've been something like "asdkjfjkjaaa??!!!?")

I am so glad you thought Regulus was relatable, and that you liked him and were irritated by him at the same time. He really is such an interesting character with so much potential - there were a lot of holes in his story in the books which left it open for a lot of interpretation here. I'm so thrilled you like my portrayal of him!

Aah, yes - it's great to hear that you liked the friendship aspect. I really couldn't have seen this being a love story, and there are too few stories out there that are just about friends! I'm so glad it feels like a good pace and that Regulus' world is built up appropriately.

Wow, thank you! (hehe, I'm a big fan of exclamation marks too :P) It's really wonderful to hear that you liked the balance of the serious issues and the silly things, and that they seem like normal teenagers because of it.

Ooh, that's a great way of phrasing it about Regulus - like his heart knows where he stands, but his mind doesn't.

Thank you so much for this incredible review!! ♥


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Review #22, by tangledconstellationsFor the Living: Stages

9th November 2012:
My lovely Rin,

It has been far, far too long since I read any of your work, and I've been meaning to read this since you posted it! Real life is such a cow sometimes, but I am super glad that I've managed to get this down, and give you a well-deserved review full of squee.

I really, really enjoyed this. Even though it was very heavily about grief and about this great loss and regret Marlene feels you do still manage to create something beautiful from it. Throughout this, I could almost hear white noise, hear Marlene literally fading herself away from anything real that reminds her what she's lost. Yet, the way you've described things shows the way she's experienced this loss. It's not a great gaping hole, and she's not howling and wailing. This line is so, so spot on: 'Her grief drips and trickles out of her, and she cannot begin to patch the leaks.' She is wounded and she's not letting herself heal - that's how I see it. The encounter with the salesman, too, just shows how lost and absent minded she's become. I really, really feel for her :(

One thing you did ask me to comment on was the choppiness of this piece. You really needn't have worried though, because I don't feel it is an issue at all. I loved the pace of this, the distance there is between this piece and the reader, (which somehow manages to tighten the bond nonetheless) and your use of italics and brackets...it all really worked for me. You've also notably switched your writing style throughout, which I guess does make the piece choppy like you intended, but it more predominantly shows how up-and-down Marlene feels, during this awful up-and-down time. I think it's lovely that you have managed to stick to 500 words, so the pace is absolutely fine. I do wonder what it would be like if it was extended to, say, 1,000, or 1,500 words, and whether it would become too choppy then. But here, this is perfect, completely and utterly.

What breaks my heart (and makes me fall in love with all the more) about this piece is the obvious anger Marlene has for Edgar's death. Instead of her moping, she's a character with real pain and an obvious fire in her, even if this has made her feel all but just flickered out :( When she is angry with him it doesn't seem unjustified at all - I really think you've done an astounding job at expressing how she's feeling and why, but at the same time letting us decide at the end of it that it is grief twisting her thoughts, and it's something we can't really begin to understand. Really, really beautiful.

You should be ever so proud of this piece, because you've managed to make it so breathtaking and heartbreaking in only 500 words. I guess that shows what a really inspirational and amazing writer you are :)

Laura xxx

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Review #23, by tangledconstellationsWhen The Storm Breaks: What Might Have Been Lost

18th October 2012:
Hey again!

It was great to return to Narcissa in this chapter. I love that you've turned the general view of Narcissa and Lucius being inherently nasty right on its head, because to me they seem quite lovely. It's amazing to see them as actual people, and not just the parents of Harry Potter's enemy! Their meetings and their very very initial feelings towards one other work really well - especially considering the Siobhan character from the previous chapter. I know I said before, but I love how this isn't a 'love at first sight' story, yet you've still managed to include the slightest bits of attraction here and there too.

Something I do really enjoy about this fic too is that you don't just slip over the rest of the family members. I can tell you're making an effort to include Bella and Andromeda, which is really great. For some readers, it might be the family dynamics that they really want to hear more about, so I think it's good that you've kept these well rounded and interesting. As with Lucius and Narcissa, they're not all typically bad either, yet their are inklings about their future. I loved the earlier line where the servants couldn't quite put their finger on what was strange about Bella...lots of foreshadowing to the canon Bella we know!

I really enjoyed this chapter - there's a swiftness about your writing that really carries the reader through your chapters. Saying that though you never seem to lack on any of the details, and the images you paint are always really beautiful. I loved Livia arriving - the awkwardness and the tension - it was perfect! :D

Hope you're doing okay with the next chapter, and an update won't be too far away! :D

Laura xxx

Author's Response: Hey :)

I loved writing this chapter. LOVED it! There's something about writing Narcissa that makes me smile. I don't believe that they are nasty people when amongst themselves. There's a certain loyalty I found within these pureblood families while reading the series. I like emphasising that they are people under those masks who have their own problems, and who aren't pure evil. I must stop, otherwise I'll turn this into 'in the defence of the Slytherins' post. Oh no, definitely not love at first sight. I think for now they've developed an understanding. Lucius sees small comparisons between himself and Narcissa, and I think that's what draws him to her. Cissa, at the moment, is trying to be polite.

While they are based off of Austen's characters, I still want to introduce them as we know them from canon. So, Andromeda is passionate, Bella is spirited, and Narcissa…she tries to be the glue that holds things together. I honestly cannot write this story without any of them. It would not be fair.

Ah yes, Livia. I thought that scene was funny. Seriously. She tends to have that affect on people :P But it was the beginning of the end, and most likely a taste of what is to come for her new household.

I'm trying to finetune some things at the moment. But I hope to get out the new chapter in a few weeks time.

Thanks for being so lovely with your reviews, Laura.


Lia


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Review #24, by tangledconstellationsWhen The Storm Breaks: It's Just Another Brick in the Wall

17th October 2012:
Hello! I'm so sorry it's taken me forever and a day to get round to reviewing this. My summer was the weirdest ever, but now I'm at uni I've got way too much free time :P

I was so absolutely absorbed by this whole chapter. I was just reading and reading and reading, and reaching the end actually surprised me haha! I really, really enjoyed this. You've brought in a lot of new elements and challenges that Lucius has to face, and as a character he is growing into someone that I really like. He does have so much responsibility, and holding the family up when he doesn't quite feel as though he should be must be so difficult. A lot of the tension is really expressed through your writing, too, which, by the way, is as mesmerising as ever. The overall sense of this third chapter was one of weariness and pressure but at the same time I got the impression that there's got to be a moment where Lucius breaks out of this. The anticipation is heightened!

I can't remember which parts I've touched on in previous reviews, but I'm going to say this just in case I haven't already: your writing is gorgeous! There's a simplicity to it that isn't overbearing, and you set the scenes in a really lovely way. I like the switching of scenes too, because it gives things a quirky disjointed sense that compliments Lucius' feelings. The way you described Siobhan and Lucius too was really effective - there were elements of sexual tension and a little bit of longing but you snipped that back with Siobhans somewhat dominating character and her need to know exactly how he is - like a true friend would ask. At the same time there was a gentleness about their moment together as well. The two of them are really interesting, and I'm beginning to wonder how this slots in with Narcissa, too.

Ooh, something else I really enjoyed was the way you flipped back to Siobhan and Lucius meeting. It was really lovely to take a break from the present for a moment. Rather than telling us how they met you showed us how they met, which is always one thousand times more effective and encapsulating than paraphrasing! The way they talk to one another is perfect - short, snippy, but carefully. I basically think this review is a Siobhan appreciation rant, haha! But no, she's an awesome character to bring in at this point.

I'm really looking forward to seeing where you take this! I'm still quite not over the fact that Lucius is the good guy in this - it's such a fantastic perspective to take. Loved this chapter :)

Laura xxx

Author's Response: Hi Laura,

I'm so sorry I took so long to respond to this. I've had a hard time thinking of what to say.

I'm trying to put a lot of things in perspective for him. It's been a while since his father passed and he is still trying to learn new things about what his title entails. At the same time, his natural development is stifled. I agree with you. He still feels as if he's way too young for this. There are too many things happening all at once for him. His mother's pressuring about finding a wife, his relationship with Siobhan, his family, his father's influence, and what he ultimately wants. I loved writing the scene with his mother the most. She's a bit inconsistent with what she wants. She preaches, but apparently does not practice, and all of it has made her grow resentful. Maybe all of them might get a moment where they can break away.

I'm glad you think so, thank you. Siobhan and Lucius. Hmm. Before I refused to see him with anyone but Narcissa, but these things are never set in stone (in the fandom). She can be a bit bossy, but there's this quietness about her that I like, sometimes Lucius doesn't have to say anything at all because she would just /know/. I loved the kiss on the inside of the wrist. It's so…old fashioned and hot at the same time. All I have to do is make Lucius wear a cravat then have him loosen it. The more I think about how this story will progress, the more I appreciate the fact that she is a true Ravenclaw. Narcissa will shine…at least I hope she does.

Hahaha. I like the sound of that - a Siobhan appreciation rant/review/post! (she would too). She happened to catch him at an interesting time in his life, I think. It was the point where he needed someone other than his family.

Well, every bad guy has to have a beginning. This is my version of his :)

Thanks for reading!

Lia


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Review #25, by tangledconstellationsWildflowers: Egyptian Heat

12th October 2012:
Hey again!

Compared to the last chapter, the tone of this was so hot and claustrophobic and damp and eugh, I could feel the heat and the tension and everything! But saying that, that's not necessarily a bad thing. I love that I was able to get that sense, even if it wasn't the most comfortable. I hate arguing when its too hot, because everything bothers you! The last line too made me giggle, because it was like an irritable after-thought :P

Asides from the heat and the sweat (which I do think you portrayed really well) I thought you captured the Egyptian kinda culture well too. Like, with the marketplace and the amazing architecture. I loved that Elsa was completely in awe of it all and just wanted to go exploring! The creepy woman though - eep! A little bit ominous. It's gonna be interesting to see how right she was. I hope she wasn't at all though, and I hope this break is flawless for them. But saying that, Gareth's short temper is something that could only cause future problems for them all...

Ahh, I said I wanted to see Sirius in this chapter, but not as a divide between them! But when Elsa said she missed him, I was a little bit secretly glad...is that bad?! Ahh, Elsa doesn't know what she wants and I don't know what I want for her either! I think they were both being overdramatic and overtired and generally overreacting earlier, and there isn't just the one of them to blame. Elsa shouldn't have mentioned Sirius so bluntly, and Damon shouldn't have got in such a strop. But yet, at least they can both see their true colours!

I really enjoyed this chapter!

Laura xxx

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