Reading Reviews From Member: tangledconstellations
  
262 Reviews Found

Review #1, by tangledconstellationsBigger on the Inside: The Doctor

19th May 2015:
LISA - - LET ME EXPLAIN.

1) (this is awesome)
2) I was browsin' the Crossovers recommendations thread on the forum and I read this story summary from 2011? And I was like, THIS SOUNDS AMAZING, Doctor Who? Library creatures? YES PLEASE - and then I was like, WAIT LISA WROTE THIS.
3) and now I am here.

So I totally get how strange it feels when someone reads an old fic you've posted and you're like 'thank you!' but also half like 'I don't write like this anymore!' but as I have also read some of your newer stuff I find it really exciting to see how much your writing has changed and developed. But honestly, this fic so far is pretty awesome ♥ like I'm currently rewatching series 5 & 6 of Doctor Who (I finished series 5 last night actually ~ Amy's wedding ♥) and in this fic I am reading all of raggedy man's lines exactly in his voice. I think you've done such an awesome job of emulating how like excitable and fleeting and thorough he is through his speech. Not only that, but the premise of this story is pretty neat too!

Anyway I just wanted to notify you that reading this fic is making my morning so much brighter and I am loving this a lot. I'm gonna stop pestering you and read the next two chapters haha.

Laura xxx

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Review #2, by tangledconstellationsUnaffected: Unaffected

17th May 2015:
Heya!

I'm here for our review swap :) I absolutely loved this!! This was so awesome - I love that it's about Quirrell and that he's so incredibly grumpy and just, everything! This was really enjoyable to read, so thank you so much for sharing! When you posted this on the forums I was immediately interested too because I've had a pre-Voldie Quirrell plunny bouncing around my head for a while, and reading this has just encouraged me all the more to get writing it! :D

I really liked the tone of this one-shot - it wasn't too serious and here Quirrell isn't like inherently evil or anything. But at the same time he was sort of unlikable - like he's being unreasonably bitter about general happiness but you've explained his feelings in such a way that it's all very endearing and I can understand why he's feeling like he is. This really does work as a precursor to his later Voldemort years but he's not properly sympathising with Voldemort yet, which I think had you included it would sort of make this less believable. Instead, he cares more about himself and his rest and his studies, which is far more realistic, especially as I've always viewed him assisting Voldemort as an action taken more out of his own curiosity and his personal drive to achieve something big, rather than because he thinks Voldemort is a great guy, haha. I love the way a lot of what he thinks is quite dry and tongue in cheek and he really dislikes being around people. It's such an interesting mentality and it really works here. I love the line 'Maybe it was better when people were afraid. They were certainly quieter.' - because I really think he doesn't fully mean that, but at this point in time he is just so grumpy! :D

Your writing itself is really fluid and really interesting to read. I loved the classroom part - I could really picture it, with all the students' voices chiming in one after another. Your descriptions are really subtle and I think they work well for the length of this piece. One thing to mention is that I spotted 'inevitable' a number of times in the first half of this piece, so maybe it might be worth taking one or two mentions out. It wasn't a big deal, but just enough for me to notice it. But apart from that, this was a really engaging read and I thought it was totally fab! His thoughts, how he talks to his students, his coworkers...it was all very convincing and a really interesting take on the Quirrell we know from canon. Really awesome stuff!

:D Laura xxx

Author's Response: Hello, and thank you for the really lovely review!

Quirrell is quite a grumpy squirrel, isn't he? Yes, I decided that was the appropriate animal comparison before realizing how similar it was to his name.

Please keep me updated on your Quirrell story. Based on your writing style and my own interest in minor characters, I'd definitely be interested to read it, and I am flattered that I inspired you to keep working on it.

I'm really glad that what I was trying to do with the tone and Quirrell's character came across so clearly.

When I was first brainstorming this story, I considered giving him the realization that perhaps Voldemort had been on the right track and that he didn't realize this until too late, but I like the subtlety that came out of this better.

I'm also glad that you say the classroom part read well. That was the part of the chapter that I felt least confident in, as I really didn't develop any of the students' characters, and their lines felt a bit personality-less to me.

Thanks for the note on the overuse of the word inevitable! It was a deliberate word choice a couple of times, as I was trying to weave foreshadowing into this and subtly connect Quirrell to his inevitable destiny, but I'm sure I didn't mean to use it as many times as you said, and it's very helpful that you pointed it out.


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Review #3, by tangledconstellationsWe Will Rebuild.: We Will Rebuild.

13th May 2015:
Hey there!

I am so, so sorry it's taken me forever to get round to my side of our review swap :( to try and make it up to you I'm going to try to review a few more fics of yours tonight, too. I've been meaning to read lots of your writing anywho - it just feels like there aren't enough hours in the day recently! :(

I really enjoyed reading this one-shot. It was really fresh to be within Kingsley's headspace and to see the wizarding world from his quite measured outlook. But at the same time I liked that his doubts were creeping in here, and that he wasn't 100% disillusioned to think that the Ministry could change overnight. In the books he comes across as a very aware and wise character, and I think that is definitely emulated here. It felt fantastic to see Arthur be given a new job with a pay rise! I think his work during the war wouldn't have gone unnoticed, too.

It's really important to remember that things weren't immediately rosy after Voldemort's downfall, and you showed that really well here. Even once his threat has been diminished there's still so much work to do and so much grieving to sort of get over, if you know what I mean. It must be really stressful to want to press on but also to know that not everyone is ready to make so many changes just yet. I always like seeing how other characters view the Golden Trio and the other Hogwarts students. It was great that Kingsley was really aware here of how helpful they were, yet also aware of how specifically Harry might also feel very failed and let down by the Ministry. Politically, this was really interesting because you've really highlighted the contrasting concerns of a political head here.

I sort of really want to see more of Kingsley! I know I said it a moment ago but it was awesome to see inside his mind and to be able to see that he's just another man trying to rebuild the future after such a catastrophic few years. Have you written any more fics with him as a central character, or do you think you will in the future?

I loved this! :D

Laura xxx

Author's Response: Hey, thanks for the review. There's no need to make anything up to me. I know life gets busy and school and work do come before fanfiction.

Yeah, things aren't going to return to normal immediately after the war. I live in a country that got independence less than a century ago and managed to descend into civil war within months of achieving independence. I guess the whole idea of state building plays a large part in our history. After all, some of the Founders of our State didn't die until around the 70s. Anybody older than about 50 would remember a time when some of them were still alive, or at least remember their funerals.

And yes, I think Harry would have good reason to be suspicious of the Ministry and of fame. After all, he'd been let down over and over again and had gone from a childhood in which he was despised into a world where he was lauded, then seen people turn against him in his 2nd year and again in his 5th, then been courted by the Ministry in his 6th year, only to realise they had their own agenda.

I haven't really written any more fics about Kingsley, although I did write a chapter about him for the house cup collaboration. I've just checked and it's chapter 59. He also plays a part in the second year of my next gen series, but only in the background really. I don't think he ever actually APPEARS in the story. People are just calling on him to support this or that piece of legislation or mentioning having spoken to him and received his assurances that he will do his best about this, that or the other.

I haven't any more stories planned from his point of view, but I wouldn't rule it out. I like him a good deal as a character.

And yeah, Arthur is the obvious choice to take on greater responsibility as he has proved over and over again that he can be trusted. Not sure how he'd feel about it, as he's not a man who really wants advancement and one of his kids mentioned that he turned down promotions in the past because he liked the job he had, but it IS good to see him get the recognition he deserves.

Thanks again for the review. Really glad you liked it.


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Review #4, by tangledconstellationsWildest Dreams: Wildest Dreams

7th May 2015:
Hey there!

Swinging by for review tag!

This was such a lovely little moment, and you wrote it so beautifully. I love the tone of the piece, the suggestion of colour and the really heavy summer air. I thought all of it was really nicely pieced together and this was such a pleasure to read! I love that their romance is so short and so quick and that it fades into the summer and the setting so well. This was a really powerful piece, thank you so much for sharing it!

I thought the ways you described Fitzgerald were really effective. I had such a clear image of him in my head - the way he tries to hide his accent - and the little things were really telling, which is precisely what you need for a short moment like this. Dominique's introduction, too, was really nicely done and I love that you contrasted her with the stereotypical American girls, but yet managed to emphasise how different she was too. Describing her as 'supernatural' was perfect. As well as showing how different she was it also gives the piece just an edge of uncertainty, like a tiny touch of an unsettling feeling. It goes really well with the way she leaves him at the end, the way he doesn't remember anything out of the ordinary but still has a distorted memory of her. Really, really effective.

In some ways, I don't understand why Dominique felt as though she couldn't stay. What's holding her back from Fitzgerald and why is she so hesitant about her feelings? A part of me wishes I knew, to understand the gravity of the situation. Although, even though it's not clear here, it's sort of okay too. I think the tone of the piece is fleeting enough for that explanation not to be completely evident, and perhaps that sort of information would work better in a multi-chaptered fic anyway.

This was wonderful, I'm glad I've had the opportunity to give it a read! Thanks so much for sharing! :D

Laura xxx

Author's Response: Hi Laura!

I'm so glad you liked this piece so much! I was quite uncertain about it, since I'm definitely not what you would call a romance expert. I was inspired by Taylor Swift's Wildest Dreams, so I thought it needed to have a real magical, but very fleeting feel to it. And since its Taylor Swift, I felt like it had to take place in the South. Plus, I feel like there is something very romantic and dream-like about those miles and miles of empty desert.

About Fitzgerald, I actually have this whole long backstory for him about why he is the way he is. Like why he tries to hide his accent, why there's this sense if refinement to him.

As for Dominique, I wanted her to be this real enigma. There's no method to her, she's a bit impulsive too. She's always felt like the kind of person who does not stay in one place. That's why she left Fitzgerald. I think she just doesn't do commitment and prefers to wander alone.

Anyway, thanks so much for your lovely review!

Stefi


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Review #5, by tangledconstellationsLike a Multiverse on Fire: Spider

7th May 2015:
Hey there!

I'm so sorry it's taken me forever and a day to get round to our review swap (I think we talked about it like, 2 weeks ago? Gah I'm so sorry!) ~ I was finishing off all of my final uni work, but now it's all done and handed in and YAY I am finally here! Please forgive me :(

But this was such a great first chapter! You've got me hooked! I really like the setting you've created here (reminds me of my first year of uni!) and the way when you're in a dormitory/halls of residence you really do listen out to what your neighbours are doing - not intentionally or anything! - but you get really conscious of the fact that there are other people around you. I sort of expected Sirius to be really aloof and flirty but to not really know anything about his neighbour, so to have him just as conscious as we all are was a really nice touch! It makes me excited that we might be getting to know a Sirius who is slightly different to a lot of other portrayals of him ~ just ads flirty but a little more realistic!

Ha, I was chuckling so much at him being afraid of the spider. The way he is sure, with so much conviction, that it's going to kill him, too. So funny! He has weaknesses like the rest of us! And it sort of shows us that he's secretly a big softie, too ~ not quite as unattainable as Millie might think! I think Millie's feelings towards Sirius are super interesting, though - the way she sort of openly admits to herself that she likes him, but yet there's no way she can go there. In a way it's an attitude that's quite stubborn - in a good way - because it's as though she feels she doesn't need to waste her time on him, because there are better things to be doing as he's so impossible. But I absolutely loved the eye contact they had at the end of this chapter. It's as though they're equals, and are going to toy with each other as much as they can. It's really refreshing to see a convincing OC who can not only match Sirius but isn't totally bowled over by how hot he is.

I'm really looking forward to seeing where this going! Your writing is wonderful - really witty and really enjoyable to read. Thank you so much for sharing this, and I'm so sorry it's taken me a million years to get around to our review swap!

Laura xxx

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Review #6, by tangledconstellationsMurphy's Law: Chapter One

7th May 2015:
Hey there! ♥

Thank you so much for my review - I thought I'd swing by and return the favour, and this story in particular caught my attention!

I'm with you ~ I always tend to stick to angst/drama/all the feelings when I'm writing and I've never actually attempted to write a humour fic at all. But I thought this was really good, and I absolutely love the tone that you've set up! I think Pippa is a really sweet character - I love that she's sort of distanced herself from all the accidents she keeps having so she's just talking about it in a really objective way! That's really effective I think. This was a really good introduction to her, and your anecdotes here were really funny.

I also love your writing style! You've used some really witty turns of phrase here and there's a sort of tired edge to Pippa's narration that suggests she's so done with being worried about her injuries. They're just a part of life! As an intro this chapter was short and sweet and I'm looking forward to seeing Pippa grow as the novel does, too.

My one bit of cc is that maybe you could expand on the anecdotes and the accidents a little? I think what you have is hilarious, but it wouldn't hurt to make them take up more room and to delve into them a lot deeper, because I'd love to sort of see them 'in reality' and see more of your descriptive, scene-setting writing and to see how they played out exactly. You could also maybe use that opportunity to provide some more information about Pippa, the way she moves and looks, that sort of thing? But at the same time, it is really funny that they're short little events that you've mentioned. It makes me think that there are soo many more! :D

I really enjoyed this, and I'm really excited to see where you're going to take this! A clumsy person around rogue magic ~ what could possibly go wrong, hey? :D

Laura xxx

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Review #7, by tangledconstellationsThe Ides of March: Love makes one solitary.

7th May 2015:
Hey there!

*cheers* Another chapter!! I've been so excited about an update ♥

This was a really beautiful chapter, and even though things are getting really tense and really quite 'real' in terms of the relationships you're portraying I love that your tone still shines through and this fic is still written so wonderfully. In some ways, it feels sort of nice to have Eleanor and Helena have a disagreement. It makes me think of them even more as real characters, as two people who are being shaped by the time in which they're living in. But at the same time, it totally hurts my heart too. I feel like at this point all of the stresses are piling up on Helena and maybe she is being irrational and bitter like Eleanor says - but that just makes me feel for her so much more, and just shows that they're not just existing perfectly in a vacuum ~ their situation is absolutely going to take its toll on how they view themselves.

I thought the final few lines of this chapter were so beautiful and really left an impact on me. Because Helena is still waiting, even though she feels bound and insecure and not loved, she is still waiting for Eleanor and I think that's so important. It would be so easy for her to just be like, fine ok I'll marry this guy, I'll make my mother happy and I'll be what I'm supposed to be, but she's instinctively not. I love the romance element of this fic, the way it's not all flowery feelings and flirting. It feels really real, really convincing and as though it's something that these characters cannot avoid.

I also thought it was great to understand more about Helena's father because it's creating a richer background and adding a lot more to the cultural context. Knowing more about her past, about her family etc makes me care for her more and makes me really sympathise with her. Again, I really loved the relationship you've shown between Helena and Helga ~ you write it really well, the way Helga often wants to indulge Helena in information and just general care and affection, but she doesn't entirely too, because she's aware that Helena isn't her daughter to care for.

This review is a bit rambly - I'm really sorry! - but I really really enjoyed this chapter. Even though things are sort of going awry here in some ways it's important and beneficial to see that. I am so looking forward to seeing what's going to happen in the next chapter ♥

Laura xxx

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Review #8, by tangledconstellationsBreathe: ii. Bhaii

23rd April 2015:
Heya!

Ahh, I am genuinely so relieved that James and Sirius are cool now. Like, that is a weight off my shoulders. I thought Sirius learning Hindi was really beautiful and really nicely done, because it just emphasised how much he wanted to apologise to James and how he was going the extra mile to prove that he was sorry. Not to mention the language itself is so beautiful to read, so that sort of added an extra aesthetic to this chapter. The whole studious, solitary tone is really wonderful too - like this chapter felt quite 'quiet', if you know what I mean? I think it's really gentle and nicely written, and it makes the focus rest on Sirius and the importance of the Marauders friendship a lot more.

Sirius feeling bad about his sexuality was so painful to read, and yet you've woven it in really nicely, and it's so entirely believable that he would feel this way considering he's been brought up in that awful house. This was one of my most favourite lines: "He'd taken his mother's hissing about perverts and homosexuals, and he'd taken the flame that had burned his Uncle Alphard off the family tree, and he'd tucked it all into the back of his mind, and now it hissed and sneered at him and sent fear shooting through his veins." - the 'taken the flame' part is just a really incredible image.

Ahh, this was just a really fantastic chapter and I'm honestly looking forward to where you take it so much. It's heartbreaking that he doesn't feel as though he can contact Remus yet, so I have all the angst right now!!

Really, really beautiful. Thank you for sharing! ♥

Laura xxx

Author's Response: Laura! Oh my goodness, I am SO glad that you enjoyed this!

It's a relief to hear that Sirius trying to learn Hindi came across the way I wanted it to. And I do know what you mean! I'm glad that the tone of the chapter worked so well for you.

The "taken the flame" part is probably one of my favourite angsty lines from this. I was a bit nervous that my meaning wouldn't be conveyed, but it seems like you've got it! So that's good to know.

Anyways, yeah! Thank you so much for the very sweet review! I'll have a new chapter up sometime next week :)

-Kayla


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Review #9, by tangledconstellationsin this moment: i am ticking like clockwork

22nd April 2015:
Heya! Just popping by for the review tag! :)

This one-shot was really lovely! I really enjoyed reading it and it's given me more to think about with regards to Lily/James. They're one of my favourite pairings so it was really nice to read them here ♥

I think your Lily is absolutely brilliant. She's the Lily I want to see in every fic and I love that she honestly doesn't need anyone - she is so in control. But yet at the same time you have suggested that she doubts herself a lot, and that she really worries that she's not in control and that she's doing things wrong and being too hard. But having her just sort of powering through anyway is so awesome, it's so realistic. She's such a strong character!

I liked that you interspersed other scenes here too. Her shutting up the Slytherins was awesome, and I really felt for her there. It's really easy to forget that Hogwarts would have been becoming a dark place at that time, and especially as she's Head Girl everyone would be a lot more aware of her, and consequently, her blood status. And actually I really like the way she interacts with James, because she's not absolutely dithering inside thinking about him - she's keeping it really cool and really collected with him. Maybe that's because she doesn't know what it is she feels just yet.

This was really awesome, so thank you so much for sharing! Your writing is really beautiful to read and this has such a great rhythm to it! ♥

Laura xxx

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Review #10, by tangledconstellationsYet: Yet

21st April 2015:
Heya!

Awuh, this was so sweet ♥ it was so absolutely beautiful, thank you for sharing this! I loved the way there was such tension between them, and I thought it was going to stay quiet and peaceful forever, but they ended up playfighting! It's so them, it's so lovely to read Lily and James just messing about and being cute.

This was a little piece of perfection, ♥

Laura xxx

Author's Response: Thank you so much for reviewing!

I needed a little bit of fluff in my life :) And Lily and James deserve it once in a while.

I wasn't quite sure if I wanted to incorporate the lyrics, but I'm very pleased with the way it turned out!

I'm so glad you enjoyed it!


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Review #11, by tangledconstellationsBreathe: i. Consequence

20th April 2015:
Hey there! ♥

This was such a GOOD first chapter. Oh my gosh I just want to know what is going on with Sirius and James right now and you have done such an awesome and successful job on getting me suitably hooked. I know you said that the other chapters will be longer, but I really liked this length to begin with. It's tantalisingly short because now I just want more!

I like seeing this side to Sirius - brooding, kinda sad, hesitant. It's so different to the self-assured Sirius normally portrayed in fics so I'm really excited to see where exactly you take him over the course of this story. This whole chapter feels really natural, like you've just plucked it from a real moment during his summer. But now I just need it explained to me, I want them to be pals again, I wanna knooww~~

Your writing was really gorgeous here, too. You conveyed a lot in quite a short word count and you set up a really effective atmosphere. Your descriptions were subtle but they really worked. And your enthusiasm for this is certainly catching - it was really nice to read you author's note at the beginning.

Eek - I am just really looking forward to more of this fic. Thank you for sharing! :D

Laura xxx

Author's Response: Hi Laura! Thanks so much for this review, it's really wonderful!

I'm so glad this worked for you in terms of a first chapter. I was nervous that it would be too short and not reveal enough, but it seems to have hooked people pretty well. So I'm super excited about that!

There's so much I could say in response to what you said about Sirius, but I'll try to keep it short. I think that Sirius was confident in himself to an extent - like, he knew he was handsome and he knew he was clever. But I don't think he was necessarily self-assured. Given his home life, I think he would have an undeniably fragile side to him, and he would HATE it. So that's what I set out to explore here. I hope the rest of the fic works for you in terms of his character!

Haha, I really am excited about this fic. I normally write one-shots, and I was pleasantly surprised when "Breathe" came pouring out!

There will be more soon! I've just had a bit of a delay in terms of some details in the next chapter. Don't worry, updates will be much more forthcoming in the future!

-Kayla


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Review #12, by tangledconstellationsRemember My Last: Remember My Last

20th April 2015:
Hey there!

This was absolutely awesome! I'm all for 'missing moments' from canon, and filling in the gaps. This was really, really great - so thank you so much for sharing!

I love the way you've written Dumbledore here. Right from the start he is so in character. Of course he's doing a crossword in the Daily Prophet when he's not out saving the wizarding world, haha. And I love that he has all sorts of sources of perfectly honest and innocent intel, via the portraits. I imagine that he engages all of the portraits in conversation every now and again, which is why he has such a good rapport with them, hehe. I love that they all get so involved in the on-goings here - but that it is always Dumbledore that makes the final call.

Your writing is really nice to read here. It's concise yet it is still elegantly written and it flows really well. You have a touch of humour (as with the beginning) but this doesn't overshadow the severity of the situation at all. I love that Dumbledore just knows what to do - it's as though he acts on instinct. Maybe he did. I think he must just be a very trusting person, and here its really interesting to see him trusting in Petunia, even though they are so many miles apart at this point in time.

I really enjoyed reading this so thank you so much for sharing. I'm actually currently writing a short story collection with 'filling in the gaps' moments too, which is why I was so excited to read this and to see your take on events. This was great, really really great! ♥

You should definitely write Dumbledore more! :D

Laura xxx

Author's Response: Hello! Thanks for stopping by and giving this story a chance.

Your comment about of course he was doing a crossword made me laugh. I needed him to be doing something to pass the time and it just seemed so fitting for him, so I'm glad you thought it was like him.

Thank you for all the nice comments about Dumbledore. I was given him for a challenge and I was a bit nervous at first because, well, Dumbledore can be a bit intimidating so I'm glad you felt like I did him justice in here.

Thanks for the lovely review. =)


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Review #13, by tangledconstellationsFor Eternity: The Becoming

20th April 2015:
Hey there!

This was a really strong first chapter! You've set up the conflict really effectively straight away and I felt so sad for Louis :( At this point I feel really intrigued and invested in what's to come, which is definitely the mark of a good first chapter. The world you have established here has really captured my imagination.

*sigh* The part with Fred was really lovely, and absolutely made my heart hurt! It's really nice that these deceased characters are given voices again and I think that's a really important topic to explore in fanfiction. And I love Narcissa here. I've just written a one-shot with her actually, but it's so amazing how any one characterisation of her can be totally different. I'm excited to see what part she has to play later on, because it seems like Louis is really drawn in by her presence.

This was a really great start, and I'm looking forward to seeing what's going to happy to Louis. All the feels right now! For something that was out of your comfort zone, this was awesome and beautifully written.

Laura xxx

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Review #14, by tangledconstellationsfelt: Prologue

20th April 2015:
Heya lovely! ♥

So I've seen you talking about this on the forum and I've been super excited to have a read of this, so I jumped on it as soon as you posted it!

First of all: your banner & ci ~ they are SO BEAUTIFUL!! They are literally gorgeous you are so good with your graphics ugh I just love everything that you make. The colours are so just perfect and they make me really excited for the story to come. Agh they are just so pretty ♥

*ahem*

Anyway, on to your writing ^o^

This is such a cool idea, because I love Draco/Hermione and I love that you've got a really interesting reason for them to sort of be interacting without it being quite forced. I'm looking forward to Draco coming into this fic and how you're going to have the two interact. They have such an interesting dynamic! I love the way you've written Hermione here - she's sort of grumbly at the Aurors but at the same time she has that eternal patience for reading and learning which is just so her and it's so nice to see that. And I love that she's super on guard here as well, but is so ready to problem-solve as soon as she's faced with an issue. And she is the perfect witch to fix this. So much Hermione love right now!

The whole 1779 part was really awesome too - I think setting this issue up straight away was definitely the way to go, instead of having them learn about its origins later. It immediately made me really interested in why exactly you were beginning the story here, and I think you captured the sense of the time really well - the wax seal, the low light, the deep voices of the other men there. It was just really atmospheric and really gripping, and made the law they were writing feel very absolute and scarily convincing. So as soon as Cassandra was involved, scurrying down the hallways, I was so keen to know what was going to happen to her and why she was getting involved. Even though she was only here momentarily I still managed to get a lot from her character through what you had told me here, which just feels really rewarding. The way you suggested the importance of her altering the law was really beautiful, with 'On the night she died, decades later, she would still be asking the same question.'

This was a great first look at this novella, and congrats on writing something long that you feel proud of! ♥ Oh, I did spot a couple of typos, just bits and bobs where you'd missed off a letter here and there - a quick once-over will weed these out, I'm sure. But apart from that this was really engaging and really exciting. I'm honestly looking forward to seeing where this is going so much!

Laura xxx

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Review #15, by tangledconstellationsThinking About You: You, You, You

17th April 2015:
Hey there! ♥

So, I'm currently listening to the song you recommended - it is so nice! It's so chill and it really compliments this piece. Thank you for suggesting it because now I am a fan. :P

Anyway, on to your writing :D This piece was so beautiful. It was short and sweet and really enticing. Every line felt so incredibly emphatic and there was a really continuous rhythm throughout that carried me along. It sort of linked back to the really quaint descriptions, the constantly coordinated suggestion. I was actually tempted to read this as I saw you posted in the Ship It! Challenge, and I saw your pairing was Lockhart and Umbridge. This whole piece is just so absolutely them and I think you did such a good job for the challenge. Maybe it's the mention of colours, of neatness and I guess of admiration. It captures exactly what both of the characters are about.

I really enjoyed this. Your writing is beautiful - thank you for sharing! :D

Laura xxx

Author's Response: Dear Laura,

I am delighted to know that you enjoy the song! It's one of my favourites, actually. I thought the 'you, you, you, you' bit would especially reflect what's going on here: that though there are two narrators, they're only thinking about one 'you.' :D

Aww, Laura. Thank you, thank you, thank you! I am so glad that you found rhythm in in and that you think the story, however unlikely or unusual the pairing, the characters' personalities still shone through and thank you for giving this one a chance!

This review is absolutely lovely, I really, really appreciate you taking the time to read and review, thank you, again! You're wonderful!

Cheers,
Em


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Review #16, by tangledconstellationsBruises: Terror

17th April 2015:
Hey there Kaitlin! ♥

I'm so sorry it took me so long to swing by for the review swap - I had some uni stuff that needed sorting and I'm generally not very good at organising my time :( I'm sorry you had to wait!

This was such a cool one-shot though, and I sort of want you to carry it on! :D I love that it's based within the wider HP universe rather than being straight up canon. It stretches the boundaries of HP fanfiction even more, which is such a good thing! You never really think about all the people with magical abilities that aren't included in the HP series I guess. And it seems so natural that there would be heartbreaking stories like this involved, because some people just wouldn't understand what's going on. You've suggested so much about these characters and their relationships and they are so fascinating to me, which is sort of why I want you to go back to their story! It was really interesting to get a description of Caroline's parents from a perspective not clouded by any sort of familiarity. That was really cool. The sisterly relationship between Caroline and Sarah was really well written, too, as it cuts through the din of Caroline feeling lost and trying her best to keep up with what is going on with her life right now, and provides a stability for her. The solidarity at the end was really beautiful, as well, and it brought this piece to a really moving conclusion.

The way you've formatted this piece on the page by sectioning it out into days is really effective. It makes you think about the duration of one single day, how they're really quite compartmentalised here and how Caroline is sort of recording them because they're the only piece of stability in her life at the asylum. I think the way you staggered her memories was really effective too. Her realising what had been done to her near the end of this piece had so much impact and you wrote it really well. It's absolutely sickening thinking about it, and having her realise that it happened to herself must be awful. Oh, also, the way you showed how disoriented she was at the beginning was really good too, because it wasn't too in-your-face, like you didn't go over the top stylistically. But at the same time you said enough to let us really feel how lost she is feeling, while also focusing on the important narrative, the thing that keeps us and Caroline grounded throughout the piece.

I really enjoyed reading this. The topic is so interesting, and in a way because Caroline is so disoriented throughout this piece it reduces some of the horror of what is going on. But that in itself makes the piece so much scarier, when you stop to think about it. Really, really well done. I would love to see you return to the sisters at some point in the future, but if not, this is wonderful and atmospheric and so intriguing as a stand alone. Thank you for sharing!

Laura xxx

Author's Response: Hi Laura,

No worries on the time frame. I'm not fussed at all about having to wait, so whenever you get here is just fine!

This definitely stretches into other parts of the magic world and it was really my first attempt to write about a non-cannon character. I really feel that magic would be received differently in different countries based on things like religious beliefs, cultural differences, etc.

It was kind of fun getting to write a view of Caroline's family that didn't involve much memory. I tried to think about them as if they were strangers almost. Only Sarah really triggers any type of reaction in her and I thought that that really speaks to how close they are. (or at least it does in my head)

I'm glad that the sectioning it off worked out okay. I was a bit worried that it might be too redundant and choppy, but I wanted there to be some way for the reader to judge time as Caroline sees it.

The amnesia was fun as well. I actually started at the end with that and kind of wrote the details backwards. I tried to think of what would be realistic to start remembering first. I figured that her first foray into magic might be pretty strong.

Your comments about my stylistic choices made my day. This was the hardest part, trying to incorporate her confusion and vague memories without destroying the plot or losing the reader. It delights me to no end to know that it worked out.

I've had a couple of people mention a follow up on the sisters and I may at some point revisit this, although I have no immediate plans to do so.

Thank you so much for your lovely review! I've very much enjoyed swapping with you!

~Kaitlin


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Review #17, by tangledconstellationsAesthetic Alterations: Library Aesthetic

16th April 2015:
Hey there lovely! ♥

Agh, this was just the cutest, loveliest one-shot in the entire world! I love that, even though it's still classic James/Lily we all know and love, you've given it a different edge and made it your own. And I think you used the word 'aesthetic' really well here. This piece is all about being yourself and 'aesthetic' is more of an ideal - that came across really nicely :)

From the wonderful descriptions you set up at the beginning with the light on the pages of the books, the whole piece felt so golden and warm and 'library-ish'. It was really lovely, and I had that image in my head the whole time I was reading this. In some ways there's something really comforting about Lily's appearance here, and the books that she's reading, too. Everything feels very 'just-so', and it's a really nice feeling. Everything feels organised and quiet, right down to her neat shoes and her hair bow. It's really interesting that she takes a lot of pride in her appearance, in her 'aesthetic', and that, even though it provides comfort and a sort of familiarity she nonetheless finds herself unraveling once she meets James.

James' effect on Lily was really subtley written - it's far more believable that it wasn't instant love-at-first-sight, and that he really grew on her over a period of time. It makes their budding relationship worth a lot more here I think. And it's really lovely to speculate on their relationship in an alternate universe. I think this is James and Lily all over :)

I absolutely loved this and I will definitely read more of your Jily AU's! This was gorgeous :) ♥

Laura xxx

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Review #18, by tangledconstellationsTaming the Dragon Tamer: [one]

16th April 2015:
Hey there!

It's Laura here for our review swap :)

So I have a confession - I absolutely love Charlie Weasley! I think he's such a neat character and I love that he totally goes against the grain with what his family's doing. I love the idea of him being a bachelor and loving his job, and I think you characterised him perfectly here. You included his passion for his job and the dragons, but at the same time you added an extra depth to his character in that he sorta wants someone, too. That was really interesting, and it immediately made me feel invested in his character.

I think you started this chapter at a good place - with his injury. You get a real sense of his frustration and boredom right away, which emphasises his interests and how much he wishes he was in full health again so he can work! I love that he's literally okay with any job, even tour guiding - he loves his job so much! But the way you introduced Mr. Parker was really seamless too. He's already integral to the plot. In some ways, he's a reminder to Charlie that he can't do his original job of looking after the dragons. And it's so telling of his character that he was worried the wheelchair might hurt the dragons. I swear, Charlie is meant to marry a dragon, haha! :D

The way you suggested Charlie's sexuality was really subtley done, too. You sort of built up the idea which makes it seem much more natural. His initial reaction to Mr. Parker was interesting...I'm excited about the next chapter! :D

This was an awesome first chapter! Thanks for sharing :)

Laura xxx

Author's Response: Hi Laura!
Thanks so much for the swap.

I'm really glad you like the way I write Charlie. He is such an easy character to write about, it's almost like he tells me what to type. He can also be very stubborn when I want something to happen and he just doesn't.

He's definitely my favourite character to write about because we don't know all that much about him. I have lots of freedom when writing about him because of that.

His work definitely is a big part of him. Yet he is still a very lonely person with many fears and problems. It takes a strong character to get him out of his solitude.

Chris is a great OC to do, he's so relaxed about everything. He's been through a lot as well and he gets Charlie because of that.

This story has taken over my head completely. I think about it all the time (and neglect my other stories and uni stuff for it).

It means so much that I got all these great reviews because this story is so important to me.
Thanks for reading and for the review swap

~Anja


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Review #19, by tangledconstellationsfall.: fall.

15th April 2015:
Hey lovely ♥

Can we just take a minute to talk about how absolutely beautiful and perfect this was? *sighs breathlessly*

This was SO beautiful. The setting was just mesmerising and the whole Teddy/Rose story line was woven in so effortlessly. I love the way 'fall' had so many different meanings throughout this piece. It added so much depth to it, making their moment so poignant and special and just so heartbreakingly wonderful to read.

Like you've got the ultimate perfect balance here. The images you've created through this piece are so beautiful and your descriptive writing is so flawless, yet at the same time you've managed to set up this really intriguing relationship between the two, and it has a history that doesn't feel forced and also a future that feels kind of imminent as well. This honestly feels as though you've plucked it straight from a real romance - it flows so naturally and I have no doubts at all about their past or what will be their future. I'm sort of rambling right now but I hope you get what I mean haha xD Ok, I mean to say that this is just so convincing as a stand-alone piece, and you've suggested at so much more of their lives surrounding this moment.

There were so many subtle moments here that I just absolutely fell in love with. The way the leaves blow into their faces and hair, the sounds, the really gentle dialogue between the two of them at first. There's such a neat pace and such a measured outlook here - it makes me wonder more about Rose's POV, whether she's trying to measure herself out too, trying not to get too invested in Teddy right now because she really feels like it won't work... *sigh*

This was just really lovely, and thank you so much for sharing. The colours, the sounds, all of it. It was just a pleasure to read. Let's hope we do more swaps in the future, eh? :P

Laura xxx

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Review #20, by tangledconstellationsDeath on the First: Chapter Four

15th April 2015:
So it was Pansy!

Crickey, I was barking up the wrong tree thinking it was a guy haha. Ahh, I didn't even suspect her - this was so good! I love that all the clues building up to this weren't 100% solid - it really felt like you were steering me towards Dean, so kudos to you for tricking me, haha!

Ahh, I really enjoyed reading this - you should definitely write another one, this was really fun. It's the perfect length as well - not too long, but just enough to really pack a punch! Thanks for sharing this! :D

Laura xxx

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Review #21, by tangledconstellationsDeath on the First: Chapter Three

15th April 2015:
Ahh! It's getting tense! It's getting tense!

I am so super excited to find out who it was and also why. The mention of the letter at the very end here just makes me wonder even more, and I just want to know now! Eep! I love that there's more context now, just as things are hotting up and the end is in sight. It's great that you've staggered the info about the characters and things as the chapters have gone by, because than in itself feels like a mystery being unraveled too.

I still don't have a clue about the narrators identity though - maybe I'm just the worst detective in the world, haha. I love the way the narrator is being so totally blase about everything as well - it makes me wonder whether they really are in as safe a position as they think they are... hmm! It's really great to see their observations as this has unraveled, and their internal reactions to some of the other characters!

Well, here goes...on to the final chapter! :D

Laura xxx

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Review #22, by tangledconstellationsDeath on the First: Chapter Two

15th April 2015:
Hey again!

Oh maan, this whole chapter I was trying to put the clues together to work out their identity and I still don't know! So, they don't dine with people much, and I assume (from the pool game) they're a guy, and they're a similar age to others. But how is it they can get away with killing of Padma so easily?! Ahh, I want to know!

I really liked this chapter - it felt as though you fleshed out the setting a lot more and I could really visualise it. I like the way the rooms have little plaques outside - it makes me think of a Cluedo board! The confined location is really cool too, because it means that the characters are gonna start to get under each others skin and things are going to get really tense!

Eek! Reading on!

Laura xxx

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Review #23, by tangledconstellationsDeath on the First: Chapter One

15th April 2015:
Hey Sian!

I realised I hadn't really read many of your stories so thought I'd swing by! I was straight away excited about reading a mystery, and your story summary grabbed my attention! :)

This was such a cool first chapter - I love that it's from the perspective of the murderer because it sets up so much intrigue. It puts the reader in a weird position because we're half on the narrators side because we're seeing the story unravel through their eyes, but at the same time it's like, they're a murderer! Gah! At this point I have absolutely no idea who it may be - though I assume they blend in with the other students so I'd put them at a similar age to the rest of them. I also assume they don't stick out much, so they're not an obviously shady character or anything. Hmm... I guess I just have to wait and find out!

This is really fun so far and I can't wait to read on :)

Laura xxx

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Review #24, by tangledconstellationsThe Other Weasley: Black Sheep

15th April 2015:
Hey there,

Welcome to the archive! ♥

This was a really cool first chapter - it was a lot darker than I thought it would be and it immediately grabbed my attention. Your interpretation of the next-gen characters is really good here. It's really original and very true-to-life. Often with next-gen everyone gets on and its all very rosy but somewhat unbelievable. I like that this is a fresh take on the families. I'm really excited to see where you take this!

I felt so bad for Molly throughout this chapter. Gosh it must be actually the worst feeling in the world feeling like you don't belong within your family - especially such an overachieving and magical family like the Weasley/Potter combo! It was really interesting that you introduced all sorts of tensions here - like between Audrey and Percy, and Lucy and Molly. It made this very intriguing and ultimately made me want Molly to be okay! Your characterisation of Percy is really original too. I like that he's got this harder edge to him now, that he's really pushy. It's a really unique take on him and is much more befitting with his canon-self, I think.

This was a great chapter and I'll definitely be reading the next one too! Thanks for sharing, and I hope you enjoy your time on the archive and on the forums :)

Laura xxx

Author's Response: Hey Laura,

thank you for the wonderful and long review, it really made my day!

I like that you enjoyed the first chapter, it was my intention to make the first chapter darker as you said, and I'm glad it worked. I think with the next gen it's very easy to get caught up in them being a happy family with their parents being heroes. But not everything is hunky dory, and I wanted to show this with Molly. The Weasley's are a rather public and famous family in the time of my story, and I wanted to show their shame if there was a squib in the family. Some members still loved her for who she was whereas others shun her.

I found it difficult the characterization with Percy difficult at first as I've never written him in the past. Although it came easier than I thought, seeing as he did turn his back on his own family back in the day. He's very ambitious and his goals are his main priorities at times that it reflects on his relationship with family, especially Molly.

Anyway I appreciate your kind words and hope the next chapter is okay! Thank you!

Ella xx


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Review #25, by tangledconstellationsHermione Granger and the Dead Man's Mark: Chapter One

12th April 2015:
I've been meaning to read this story for absolutely ages, and I am SO GLAD I have!! ♥

Honestly, this was such an incredible first chapter! You have such a way with words, and this was a real joy to read. Right from the very first line you had my attention and you've set up a fascinating tone, completely making it your own. Your descriptions were so good - and there was the perfect amount of tension and intrigue throughout. You write it so well! Truly ugh I am lost for words and am really struggling to put down how I feel about this - I am so excited by this story!! I haven't read a story like this before and I am so eager to see where you take it!

This is such a unique take on the HP world - I love the idea of a darker underbelly to the wizarding world, and I love that you're focusing on that here. It was a good move to start with Weston's perspective because it draws a real contrast between him and the inmates. He was a great character to start with as he's also provided a lot of info on the wizarding world at the time. This made me think a lot about the interesting complexities of working in a prison environment. I like how the guards feel intimidated but know they have a 'role' to uphold - and yet maintaining that moral high ground means they might potentially put themselves in danger, and get grabbed through the bars, that kind of thing. And - I love your version of Azkaban. Writing Azkaban is something I find really difficult but you've set up such a convincing and really quite intimidating picture. I got a real sense of the noise, the damp, the tension and the cold. It was really effective and immediately drew me into the setting. I felt myself feeling all cold and tense when reading it! Your descriptions are simply beautiful and worded so well. Describing Azkaban as a 'dark, geometric fang'? Not the most conventional description, but an absolutely perfect one for this piece. I immediately knew what you meant, and it not only gave an impression of the strange physical shape but also how dangerous it is, how sharp and venomous it is too. Ugh - just beautiful.

There was a whole section that literally took my breath away, it was so awesome:

"With a thud and a series of rhythmic, metallic clangs and snaps, the hidden workings of the cell and its many locks and countermeasures began to unfasten its hold over the prone inmate's surrounding environment. Slowly, the heavily rusted barred door slid down and away into the floor. It hit home with an echoing bang and the corridor was quiet once again. Weston felt his fingertips begin to tingle from the accumulated anxiety and growing stress as he waited for something, anything, to happen.

Nothing did. For almost fifteen seconds both Weston and Foster waited in a taut, electric silence as they tried to detect even the slightest change."

This is just written SO WELL. The tension is absolutely inescapable. I was so nervous/excited when I was reading it, half expecting Skerbetz to leap up and grab them or something, or to not be there at all. Part of me was sort of expecting something majorly scary to happen, too, like them being locked in or something. Anyway, my point is, my imagination absolutely ran away with me here. It was great. And I'm kind of glad that it turned out that he was dead, not because I'm a horrible person that likes people dying or anything haha, but because you didn't let this situation get ridiculous or unbelievable. From a guard's pov having an inmate die is a big deal - and their reaction to it is totally justified. And I love the descriptions of the silence, as though everyone knows, or everyone can feel it in the air. Ugh it was just great, it felt so human and real. I love that the reminder of these 'bad guys' mortality is still a scary thing, it's still something that makes the guards (and the reader) hesitate.

Now - the section with the girl getting the tattoo was awesome :D I love your descriptions of the cat, slinking away and tucking itself under her armpit. It felt so sort of nostalgic to read that, as a reminder of the really captivating and simple magic we see in the Harry Potter series. It made me think about the moving portraits, and how charming those were the first time I encountered them in the books. I love the Harry Potter series for many many reasons, but one of them is definitely the small details, the really unique and exciting small pieces of magic that capture the imagination. I feel like throughout all of this chapter, not just in the tattoo part, you've managed to emulate that. This fic is so rooted in the magic of the books that its honestly really wonderful to read. I think that's why I feel so excited about this fic. It's just so magical! :D

Ugh - I'm so sorry that this review isn't that coherent. But I just really want to get across that this is so freaking awesome. I'm sorry I've rambled a lot and haven't really offered much constructive criticism. I am so keen to keep reading (though I don't have much free time and it may be later rather than sooner) and I really hope this review gives you encouragement. Maybe I'm just particularly into this genre of writing - but also, I don't think it's just that. This is so original and so exciting, and the fact that your writing is brilliant makes this so much better.

I just. Ugh. I really enjoyed this. (Can you tell?)

Thank you for sharing this - this is such a reminder of good, well-written fanfiction! And now you have a uber fangirl. Sorry about that..

Laura xxx

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