Reading Reviews From Member: tangledconstellations
  
211 Reviews Found

Review #1, by tangledconstellationsSomebody's Heartbreak: Somebody's Heartbreak

25th February 2015:
Heya!

I'm so sorry for the slight delay with my side of the review swap! But here I am, here I am!

Okay, first off: I am officially a Fred/Hermione convert. This was such a good story! As I was reading I was like, WHY have I never thought about pairing them before? I love that Fred kinda watches Hermione from afar and I love that its his rule breaking that kinda keeps them apart initially. I also sort of like that he notices how much Harry and Ron take Hermione for granted - it's so sweet. I never really pair Fred or George with anyone - I guess cos the books are so Harry-centric and that's not something he would think about. But this was really good - he's the perfect amount of cheeky but self-conscious for him to be believable.

One thing I did notice was that there were a couple of typos - I think another read over and you'll be able to catch them all. It wasn't really anything major, just an extra letter here or there. Also, sometimes your sentences ran on quite long. One example in particular is here: "Hed also gone on to say that his best bet would be a quick shg in a broom cupboard if he could actually slip her a love potion or something similar to get her to even consider the idea of something so temporary and Fred had been forced to slip him a Puking Pastille before refusing to give him the antidote end of the sweet and watching him suffer whilst grinning gleefully the entire time." I think if you broke this up a little bit more it would give more a "punchline" to what you're saying. The end of the sentence was sort of lost to me because I was reading it in one great big breath - but I think once you've split it up the impact would be much greater. It's a great few lines though! I love Freds sense of humour! :)

I can picture Hermione really well in this piece, too. I think you've balanced her perfectly. She's not too bossy, she's still got that feminine charm about her. It was really lovely to read, really nice to give her an alternate few moments at Hogwarts. I felt myself sort of wishing she was a little more fiery though, maybe a little more reluctant to be wooed by Fred but nonetheless attracted to him - but maybe that's because I'm so used to her seeing her interact quite stubbornly with Ron and Harry. It would be interesting to see what you think?

Anyway, this was great and I really enjoyed reading it! :D

Laura ♥ xxx

Author's Response: Hey Laura,

Thanks so much for reviewing for me. I totally didn't catch those typos when I edited, but I'll be sure to edit it right now. And I know what you mean about the run on sentences. I do them all the time. I can't seem to control them. LOL.

I usually like to write Hermione as being a little more fiery too, but if I had this would've turned into a novel length book rather than a one-shot for the song-fic. I'll definitely get right on editing those run on sentences and the typos. I'm totally blushing over having missed them.

Thanks again for review swapping with me. I can't wait to read more of A Single Point in Time.

xx-Ellie


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Review #2, by tangledconstellationsThe Department of Spectral Affairs: Darkness

25th February 2015:
Hullo there :)

Wow...

Well, I most definitely did enjoy reading this. I thought it was absolutely beautiful. I love that you've created a really spatial distance between us and Regulus, suggested through the format on the page but also the theme. I'm really, really interested in your story Not Normal now, because I love Regulus as a character, probably because there is so much speculation about who he could really be.

As a prequel this definitely works because your writing really makes makes me want to read on and to develop this idea further in my mind. And, "Not the end." - I LOVE that this is the last line. It's so captivating, it really makes you not want to leave this piece. It feels like poetry, it's so abstract and flowing. "My eyes snap open" - snap is such a good word choice, it's almost a contradiction to the way eyes operate, how normally they're, y'know, a bit squishy and human-like. But that line just gives you such a clear image, suggesting the sound and the way he almost can't not do it. Ugh I'm rambling, and I probably could ramble for every single line here. They're all so beautiful, they all work together so well.

One thing I think is really cool about this piece is that there's no real mention of time - like, I have no idea how long Regulus is drowning or falling for. And it doesn't feel relevant - you don't need to say at all. It could be a single moment for all I know. Or it could be for ages. The piece has been manipulated in such a way that it doesn't matter, its not your focus, just, Regulus is. And it's done so, so well. His thoughts are so abstract, too, just bouncing off one another. While I was reading it I was thinking about synapses in the brain, just like passing messages on and on leading on to the next thought and the next thought. It's such a cool effect.

Anyway I rambled a lot just there - I'm sorry I couldn't be more constructive. But I am totally in love with pieces like this, pieces that are just like poetry and manage to so expertly use a little number of words to create a huge and expansive picture. This was wonderful!

Laura ♥ xxx

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Review #3, by tangledconstellationsChaos Theory: ii. the journey

25th February 2015:
Hey again!

I think I'm hooked on this story - it's got so much energy and it's so great to read. I love your characters, I love how you're really playing with the modern wizarding world. It's so cool! I also love that they love Coke and Dairy Milk. After my own heart..

It's interesting that so much about Hogwarts has changed, but like I said before you're making this wizarding world your own and you're creating your own very new setting for your story. It makes me more intrigued than anything - especially with the altercations to the assessments and also things like uniform. In some ways a bit of the magic is lost too, but that's not necessarily a bad thing. It makes sense: in the modern world, with technology absolutely everywhere, it seems natural that traditional magical conventions would fade away with the new generations of students. It feels a bit sad - BUT it also feels a bit exciting, trying to comprehend how a magical society can survive and flourish in the modern day.

I really like your characters, I love that you're pushing the boundaries with 'conventional' characters, as always. I think it's so important you're doing that. Like, even if your story is one out of hundreds featuring a lesbian or gay character, but not making a big deal out of it, that's awesome. They shouldn't be a big deal, and casually including them like this is the way to do it, to get rid of sexuality being a novelty, being a 'character trait'. It should just be the norm, obvz in real life, and writing characters like you have here help make that real and helps change perceptions on another front.

Anyway, this was super and I'm really excited about reading the next chapter! I'm gonna be that reviewer: update soon, update soon!!

Laura xxx

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Review #4, by tangledconstellationsChaos Theory: i. the introduction

25th February 2015:
Heyy Jess! ♥

I've been meaning to read this for a while but real life ugh. I love the idea behind this - it's so cool, and so funny! I think Lucy is perfect for the main character, especially considering Percy is her dad and he would probably go mental if he knew what she was doing. I love that you've really thought out her character and I'm positive that she's gonna remain devoid of stereotype like she has here. Like, right now she's a rebel and it's awesome - she is literally unpredictable and independent and it's great.

I also love how real you've made next-gen feel. I've always really struggled with it, I don't know why. I think how broad it is intimidates me haha. But I really like it here. Maybe it's because you've put more of British emphasis on it - like with the footie, with the swearing, with the wrestling for the seats in the car. These guys are literally just like people I went to sixth form with ahaha. And it makes me love them! I really feel like I know them and it's cool to instantly have a connection to characters and root for them. The world you've set up is so coherent and doesn't necessarily depend on what 'next-gen' is like in my head - which is good. You've made it your own.

The sisterly dynamic you've set up is also really interesting because it adds a different dimension to the story. It makes me think of Ron a lot, with that massive chip on his shoulder because he's so overshadowed by his brothers. It makes you think about the character on a new level and question their motives a lot more when it's kinda like their being attacked from all sides with expectation.

Eep this was super good and I'm gonna carry on reading! :D

Laura xxx

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Review #5, by tangledconstellationsFull of Grace: It's Better This Way.

24th February 2015:
Hey Beth! ♥

This was absolutely beautiful. You made me well up a little bit at the end - this is such a beautiful portrayal of the complexity of grief. It also worked so well as a song-fic. The lyrics and your accompanying prose went together so nicely, neatly. You managed to capture the emotion of the song and put it so seamlessly into a situation. This was really, really special to read.

I've always loved Molly as a character. I think because we only see her as headstrong, fiery and overly-motherly from Harry's point of view it's easy to forget that she's as vulnerable as everyone else. I can't even imagine losing a child - and she must feel the burden so much heavier because her role as the mother is so ingrained within her, it's who she is. I imagine everyone instinctively looking to her for help or support and this song fic really hit home that she might not be able to do that so effortlessly after the war.

Your writing is so lovely! It's interesting that you said in your authors note it took you a long time to write this - well, I think it most certainly paid off! You captured a certain tone throughout this piece and it didn't falter at all. I was so swept up when reading it. It's so heartfelt and painful but there's this underlying abundance of love - for Molly, from Molly - and for all of the survivors, really. This, in particular, I thought was really beautiful: "The crisp air is a shock to her warm lungs, but she feels more alive in this moment than she can even remember. Her head cocks to the side and she notices how deep the snow has become since shes been out here. She reaches forward with her raw fingers and swipes the top of the stone, so his name is visible, but that is the extent of her cleaning. The rest of the snow, she leaves." There's such rhythm to it and it's simplicity is what is really special. But there are a million other bits I could pick out too!!

This was really beautiful - thanks for agreeing to review swap otherwise I may not have had the chance to read this!

Laura xxx

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Review #6, by tangledconstellationsResisting Ardour: Most Days, He Was Okay.

10th February 2015:
Heya!

Ahh, this was so beautiful! I'm so glad I had the chance to read it! I've never really explored much of George and Angelina before, sort of accepting them as one of those couples that just are. But yet reading this it was really great to consider the bumps involved with them getting together. After all, its not just physical attraction they're dealing with - they've both got this connection to Fred and it's so sad that George naturally feels like he's doing something wrong by him in liking her.

They way you wrote George was spot on. He's hilarious! He's so inappropriate and awkward, but at the same time you've balanced that with the loneliness he feels and with him struggling with his grief. It was a really honest and convincing portrayal. At the same time Angelina was awesome too. It was sort of as though she had her head and her heart organised before George had, and she was willing to help him through his grief too. But that's not to say the situation wasn't weird for her too because I think it was. I think you've captured the complexity of the issue really really well.

Finally, your writing is such a pleasure to read. You've set up the scenes really well, really nicely. Even when you refer back to Christmas, or moments in the shop a few days previously, I still get a really clear idea of what you're showing me and how the situation played out, even if they're only portrayed as memories and mentioned in passing. What I think is especially great about this piece is the way that it is George through and through - your style is perfect for him and the way he talks, the way he repeats things - it's so George!

This was so good! Thanks for giving me the opportunity to read this :)

Laura ♥ xxx

Author's Response: I don't read much George/Angelina myself, so this was new territory for me. I'm glad that it had you considering them a little more! They have a few more bumps than your average couple, but I like to think they make it work.

I'm glad that you think George is in character. He was the hardest part of this story for me. It was a little difficult to balance the humour and the loss and the awkward feelings so I'm really pleased that you think everything works out with him. Angelina does have it worked out far more than George - they need at least one person between them who knows what's going on :P The situation is definitely weird for her, but she's more accepting of that than George.

Gah! Thank you so much! My writing style can sometimes get a little confusing for the reader, but I'm so pleased that you didn't find yourself getting lost. Woohoo!

Thanks so much for the lovely review :)


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Review #7, by tangledconstellationsFlawless: Flawless

10th February 2015:
Hey there!

This was really lovely, and I decided to read this one out of all of your stories because I love Bill and Fleur. I love that in the books everyone think Fleur is just vain and Bill is just ridiculously lucky - but really they do love each other. Mrs Weasley finally accepting Fleur as her daughter is one of my favourite moments from the books. I think they're such a special couple, so it was really lovely to read them from your point of view and how you see their relationship. I definitely had a sense of 'pink' when reading this - it was so fluffy and lovely, but at the same time it was a very self-conscious piece. Fleur is very aware that she does like him for looks, but then their love cuts through that. It was really nice to read.

It works really well as a snapshot in to one moment, especially considering the heightened emotions at this point in the story. Everyone wants Bill to be okay and to get better, especially Fleur. But while the story carries on in canon past this point, I like that only here is where the one-shot is centered. It's just about the two of them and it feels really intimate and close to them. I also loved the way despite them seriously talking about their feelings Bill is still cracking a joke and Fleur is still telling him off. They're so cute!!

Your writing is really great too, and it read so nicely. Right from the beginning I could picture where Fleur was and the quietness of the hospital wing. Your writing really denotes the pace which meant that your piece had a great rhythm too!

I really liked this and will definitely read more of your stories in the future :D

Laura ♥ xxx

Author's Response: Hi Laura! Thanks for stopping by!

Ohh I love Bill and Fleur too! They're like one of the cutest canon couples, aren't they? And I always believed they loved each other deeply and their love definitely wasn't about looks. This was confirmed in the hospital scene so it has always been my favorite scene from the whole book too. That's why I decided to give this a go even though I don't like fluff all that much. I'm just happy you agree with me and that you enjoyed this! :)

Fleur is a challenging character to write because readers often get distracted because of her good looks. I also wanted to say how love isn't skin deep too.

Yeah, the emotions are very intense in this story. But it was quite necessary because Fleur was too close to losing Bill just a couple of hours before this story takes place. She is still very scared and sensitive. Noting that, Bill did not do serious talking, but instead tried to cheer her up. I believe that her face looked way too pale and worried to him when he woke up! ;)

I'm so happy you liked my writing! Thank you so much for leaving this wonderful review!

Ashwini


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Review #8, by tangledconstellationsIlluminations: Alfajores

10th February 2015:
Hey there!

Eek, I absolutely loved reading this! You had me grinning at so many points during this chapter! I love that you've decided to write about Pomona - she's quite an underloved character I think. I don't think I've ever really read anything about her before! The dynamic between her and Dumbledore was so interesting and I think you've captured it pretty spot on. I mean after all he is her superior but then he does have that friendly, approachable way of talking that sort of makes characters both comfortable and uncomfortable until they've properly worked out what he's truly like. With Dumbledore it's always the little things he does that captures his character - like appropriately looking away to give someone privacy from an awkward situation, that kind of thing. I really felt like this was Dumbledore - you write him so convincingly!

The structure of this chapter was really great too. You set up just the right amount of intrigue at the beginning to keep me reading more, with Minerva's situation, and then the outcome of that was interesting enough to amuse me and want to know what else you have in store! Kind of a digression, but at the moment I'm studying for a writing degree and in one of my workshops our tutor is making us rewrite and rewrite and rewrite the first 1500 words of our project, which is a novel, so that we have the optimum amount of intrigue, setting, idea of characters, blah all of it, his argument being that the beginning of a story is where you lose readers and how to like, counter that! Despite it being absolute HELL looking at the same opening I've written again and again for weeks and it still not being just quite right haha he does definitely have a point because it's made me really in-tune to it when I'm reading other stories. Anyway my point is this opening really DID grab me and you've paced it out in such a way that it's carried me through this chapter and kept me so interested. Maybe you've just naturally done it but it's really nicely done and a real mark of a good writer. Kind of a long winded way of saying this chapter was so interesting, haha! Sorry about that...

Your descriptions are really great too - especially with regards to their movements. I can visualise the characters really well and I like that it's canon characters we know and love but YOUNGER and more scandalous! :D I think this is going to be such an interesting read - you've got a really unique tone and I love the idea of the two of them working together to get their colleagues dating! That kind of thing is exactly what Dumbledore is thinking about when he's staring off into space looking wise and noble, hehe.

I really, really enjoyed this! :D

Laura xxx

Author's Response: Hey there, Laura (name twin! :P)! Thank you so much for stopping by!

Thank you so much! I'm so happy you liked it - it's a little story I've had the idea for for a while, and I wrote on a whim, so it means a lot to me that people like it! I considering writing Minerva originally, but Pomona just seemed like so much of a better fit for it - it meant I could create a different dynamic between her and Dumbledore. I actually really like writing Dumbledore - there's something fun about it. It was interesting too - the only other time I've written him was from his own pov, so looking at him from outside was a strangely cool experience. I'm so glad you liked him, though - I was nervous I was going to get him wrong! :)

Gah, thank you so much! It's so great to hear you say that! Plotting is one of those things I really struggle with, so set up and things in fics is not really my strength, so I'm so glad you think it's working okay! I really wanted to introduce Minerva's subplot early on, because it's sort of supposed to be the catalyst for the friendship and the idea to meddle in their colleagues' love lives in the first place, so it was sort of necessary. Plus, it's a long subplot :P No worries - I ramble all the time, so I really can't complain about other people doing it ;) And thank you so much! :) (looking over 1500 words, the same 1500 words, for weeks would drive me mad. I'm amazed you're still able to think about it! :P)

Gah, thank you! I do love writing description, I have to be honest - and movement is something I've been trying to work on, because I'm terrible at action and one seems to me to lead into the other... haha, definitely more scandalous - the younger part is not really by much :P Well, it's true for some of the cast, for some of the others, you could consider it almost negligible :P Hehe, plotting!Dumbledore, ah so fun to write! ;)

Thank you so so much for the wonderful review - it was so amazing to get! :)

Aph xx


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Review #9, by tangledconstellationsMultiverse Theory: Coffee Shop Etude

9th February 2015:
Hey there! ♥

I thought I'd poke my head in after you posted this fic on the forums because Jily is one of my favourite pairings ever! This was such a joy to read - I haven't stumbled across that many Muggle-AU fics, so this was immediately really interesting for me. It was such a pretty, fluffy snapshot into a really gentle situation. I love the idea of James being a charismatic, disheveled musician, and Lily as an eager writer, trying to push her craft to the limit. It captured aspects of their characters so neatly, and it's so lovely to see them interact in a situation like this, when they didn't get a chance to in the books. The freedom of AU really is special and while this isn't canon it could be I guess, if things had been different for them and they had never met - impossible, I know. Though maybe James would have preferred to fancy himself as being more of a rock star than playing in a cafe - but I think it suits him just perfectly!

This was really lovely - it's so subtle and secretly romantic. It leaves you wondering whether they keep on talking once he's finished his set. I hope they do!

Thanks for writing this! :D Laura xxx

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Review #10, by tangledconstellationsThe Ides of March: Consider things like the stars.

4th February 2015:
Heya again lovely,

Eep, the fourth chapter! I love how far this fic is coming, I am so invested in Helena and her love for Eleanor right now.

I really enjoyed this chapter, most especially because there feels like there is more of a distance between her and Eleanor. She's not as swept up in her feelings anymore - the rational, more socially conditioned part of her is speaking up and convincing herself that the way she feels is in need of some sort of cleansing. You've created a really interesting contrast: Helena is still in love with Eleanor, and she is the unattainable beauty that transcends their social positions, but at the same time its as though she's something that she needs to be purged of. The implications of their feelings for one another are really starting to take a hold of their lives actively. Helena was almost quite optimistic when visiting the priest, like she had found a way for her love of God and of Eleanor to exist side by side. Alas...!

I feel like Helena has become a lot more headstrong in the last couple of chapters. Though I think at this point she's still not sure what it is that she wants she's fighting for/against something, and it's all taking such a toll on her body. Has she fallen really sick at the end here? Argh I just want to know!

Again, your writing is beautiful in this chapter. It feels ethereal and dream like, but your dialogue brings it down to earth and makes me feel like I am Helena, sort of floating through life with these conflicting feelings and pressures. I can't wait to read the fifth chapter - I just want to know whether or not she marries this man, especially as it's not a matter of choosing what her heart wants - it's her heart that's so divided!

Laura xxx

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Review #11, by tangledconstellationschang(e): a changing chang

29th January 2015:
Oh, Jess,

This was so beautiful - I am in awe. Honestly, this is such an important fic right now. Everything about it felt right - I really feel like you nailed Chang's character and this was such a good snapshot into his life. I'm so glad you are writing fics like these, to help push the scope fanfiction encapsulates.

Your writing itself is to die for - the more and more of your stuff I read the more I love it. I really hope you receive the recognition and encouragement for your work that you need, because you've got a beautiful way with words and it's so obvious you care so much about the stories you write.

This is only brief but I really want you to know that this has moved me a lot and you've handled it well as a topic. Except, y'know, it isn't really a 'topic' - you've made this real life for readers who won't have necessarily experienced anything like this. Because that's what it is. It is real life, and it's always amazing and a pleasure to see fanfiction and different ways of life go hand in hand, especially with inspiring writers like you.

Really incredible. ♥

Laura xxx

Author's Response: Is it okay to want to cry because of this, because I really want to cry right now this review is so so lovely I'm just adjhfkdjfabdjfg ♥

I'd like to call 2015 my 'phase 2' of writing. I'm just feeling it this year. I'm feeling great things all around not just for myself but for everyone in the hpff community. I think this year is going to be OUR year.

I'm so glad this community is becoming a place where ideas like this can be shared with compassion and acclaim rather than the age old 'nothing against slash but I won't read it' etc etc comments that have plagued the online fanfiction world for far too long. I'm glad that I'm growing with this site and broadening my horizons and perspective of the world.

I realise this review is probably getting entirely off topic now, but I'm in a very retrospective mood hahaa. I thank you so much for your kind words - they make me smile so hard.

- Jess, xo


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Review #12, by tangledconstellationsNot entirely true: Toast to that

22nd January 2015:
Hey again!

I had some more time so figured I could go for the next chapter too!

I loved that Maddie got to see some real magic being performed. If I was her, I would be so excited and freaked out at the same time. It was believable when you said that Josh wouldn't want to use magic too much to scare her - but I thought when he dried her clothes and made her suitcase lighter it was really sweet!

There are a couple of grammatical errors so maybe getting a Beta reader on the forums would help you there. Sometimes it's good to get a once over on a chapter before submitting :) but this chapter was really nice and it'll be cool to see some Quidditch action soon!

Laura xxx ♥

Author's Response: Hey Laura!
Thank you so much for your reviews! The first two chapters weren't beta read, but all from the third on are and will be :)
I hope further chapters will give the readers better idea of Maddie and Josh and their relationship, they spend a lot of time together so writing more on them is inevitable :)
I'm writing 5th chapter and I plan to finally take everyone to the game, though I'm as scared about writing about a game as Maddie is about spending three weeks with wizards ;)


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Review #13, by tangledconstellationsNot entirely true: Truth Is Out

22nd January 2015:
Hey there!

Swinging by to leave you a review for Blue vs Bronze review tag. The premise for this story is really interesting - I've always wondered what would happen if a Muggle that wizards trusted is welcomed into the magical community. I can sense that later chapters are going to leave Maddie feeling very bewildered, especially as she's not totally up to speed just yet on Josh's situation. I think it's good that she's overwhelmed by it all, because it's such a genuine reaction! And right at the end there, it's so nice that she doesn't want to mess things up for him. That speaks ounces about their friendship.

Part of me wishes that I knew a bit more about the characters, though, and how their friendship works, what makes each other laugh etc. This is a good first chapter because you've set up the next one and you've given us a brief backstory for the characters, but I think at this point as a reader I want to understand them more. Saying that though you've already showed us some distinctions between Maddie and Josh, like their work ethic, for example. It'll be interesting to see how these elements come in to play in later chapters!


Congrats on posting your first fic - hopefully there are many more to come! :D

Laura xxx ♥

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Review #14, by tangledconstellationsMiddle Clouds: Red Nose, Red Fur

22nd January 2015:
Hey love! ♥

I had no idea you had a new chapter! If I had realised I would have read and reviewed much sooner!

This chapter was so good - I really, really enjoyed it. I'm really liking that there's more communication going on between Scorpius and Rose because as a pair they're hilarious. But at the same time there's obviously something there between them - I want them to either fight or kiss! I don't know which one I want more!

Ugh, Jonathan though...I felt so sad for him, but at the same time I totally sympathise with Rose and her frustration with his straight-forward thinking. Jonathan is such a great character because I totally recognise him to be like guys I knew in high school and stuff and he comes off as so believable. They're all at such an in-betweeny age in this fic, where they should focus on their future but they've got such strong ties to being a teenager. Even though he's quite difficult to communicate with (and even though Rose KNOWS inside herself that she's just not that attracted to him - but will she admit it?!) I think it's really important that he would still get really hurt by Rose if she and Malfoy get too close. Having him see them in the Charms classroom actually felt like I'd been kicked in the gut because I could imagine what was going on inside his head - or rather, what wasn't, and how he was trying to make sense of the situation he just saw and sudden pangs of betrayal. Obviously it was technically innocent but maybe he's right - maybe he doesn't need the drama because of exams, and if he doesn't think the drama is worth it maybe he doesn't really want Rose either.

Okay so there we have it: I AM JONATHAN'S BIGGEST FAN, ha ha ha ♥

I do still love Rose though, and I just want her to eventually work out what it is that she wants. This chapter was important for that: it's like you're building up to a crisis point where Rose does have to I guess make a decision, but maybe not quite as explicitly as that. But nonetheless I can feel the tension rising.

Eek, I am so looking forward to the next chapter. I am so hooked!

Laura ♥ xxx

Author's Response: Hey Laura!

Gaah, thank you for this lovely review! I've been swamped with uni and just didn't have time to reply sooner, I'm sorry! But thank you so much for reading and reviewing! :)

I'm glad you liked this chapter! And I'm so relieved you decided to describe Rose and Scorpius as 'hilarious' here, because I think they also have a bit of 'annoying' in them, haha. To be honest, i can't wait for them to get to the part where they're friends.

''I want them to either fight or kiss! I don't know which one I want more!''

^ This is a good thing, I suppose? Yup, I'll take it as a compliment. I'm not really good at writing conflicts so I'm not too fond of this chapter, to be honest. I'm more of a 'man vs self' kind of girl. :D

But Jonathan! This is such a perfect analysis of him! Thank you so much, dear! I haven't really had the opportunity to flesh him out as a character, so to read all of this and how well you summed up everything I imagined him to be - that's just so flattering and amazing! Thank you! And you're so right about them having strong ties to being a teenager. That's sometimes hard to write because I'm not a teenager anymore (thank god, haha) and that's why reading this review has been hugely flattering.

I'm really glad you are Jonathan's fan, though! He's not the most exciting character, and he's definitely not one of the 'popular kids' but just because of his utter normalcy, he's become one of my favourite characters in this fic.

And you're still rooting for Rose - that's a great thing! I can confirm that this is the beginning of Rose starting to understand some things about their relationship, so I hope you'll like how things turn out in the next few chapters. :)

Thank you again for this truly amazing review, love! You understand my characters so well, and that is just so gratifying, and it really makes the whole thing worth-while. Thank you thank you! :)

Andy


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Review #15, by tangledconstellationsThe Ides of March: Melancholy were the sounds.

22nd January 2015:
Hey there lovely! :)

I finally stole some free time for myself and hurried over to read the next chapter ♥

This one was really good, and it felt like another really steady continuation from the first two. Again, you have that gentle introverted tone that's so effective and has kept Helena so in character throughout. Reading this fic is such a joy because I don't feel hurried or as though anything is moving too fast - it's like daily life, things are escalating and changing in their own way and at their own pace.

But oh no - the wheels are in motion for Helena and the suitor :( Honestly, it makes me so sad that she feels as though it's expected of her. It was really effective that Helena was almost meek and quite obliging to her mother about the topic. My gut instinct was for her to just flip out and say she doesn't want to but after all you're writing in a really particular context and Helena is a particular character. She wouldn't just start shouting and refusing because she's been brought up entirely in a certain manner. In some ways I felt as though I wanted to see a touch of jealousy from Eleanor, but maybe that's something that will come later. There's starting to emerge a frustration that I think is really interesting about their position - the fact that they can't have what they want; they can't be together and even if they were it just wouldn't be okay or accepted. Helena's hands are totally bound - I mean, there's no real reason why she CAN'T marry this guy. It's so heartbreaking.

Again, your writing style is as flawless as ever. I know in previous chapters you were worried about Helena being whiney but if that's a concern for this one, don't worry. There's enough plot justification at this point to balance out her feelings and she still has that focus on Eleanor that's seeing her through, like a guiding light. While this chapter felt shorter than the others (I don't actually know if it was - it just felt it hehe) I think you're heading at a good pace. To throw too much at Helena at once (and the reader for that matter) would break the really effective style.

Good luck with the next chapter! I'm really enjoying reading this so if you ever wanna PM me about it, please feel free!

Laura ♥ xxx

Author's Response: Hi there Laura!

Aw, thank you so much! I really love writing her inner reflections and thoughts as it means the story takes a much slower pace compared to others which is a nice change. I'm glad that you liked it too, as I was worried that some readers might find it too boring as it's not that fast and nothing much has really happened yet.

I know :( I know, it really is sad, but I guess that's just the norm for women at the time and it's nice if the parents try to take their daughter's wishes into consideration when choosing the husband. You definitely are right about Helena making a stand from this point onwards as she really does become resolute and realise that it's Eleanor that she wants and she'll fight for it no matter what. Hahaha, as for the jealously and Eleanor that will be explored more later on!

Aw, thank you so much! ♥ Yay for Helena not being whiney either, as she's still so confused and unresolved about everything I was so unsure about it all! I think it might have been a little shorter actually so that might be why. :P

Thanks for this amazing review, you are lovely! ♥

-Kiana


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Review #16, by tangledconstellationskisses-blood-valentine: Ballad of Evvie and Bernie

22nd January 2015:
Ok - so -

Wow!!

I thought this would be fun because I love really crazy, experimental writing and ALSO because I've been watching so much (some may say TOO much) Criminal Minds recently I like to think I'm a mastermind psychological profiler ^_- your summary had me like woah - so much mystery and intrigue! Combined with the cray title it successfully dragged me in to the story and I was well and truly not disappointed.

This was SO GOOD. I hope I'm stressing that enough. SO. GOOD. Like sometimes you just wanna read stuff that makes you rethink the way you write your own stuff and that makes you consider other styles you can play with and what not. Sure idk plot-driven, linear stories are awesome too but you know when you're itching for something that's stand-alone and unique and has a KICK? This has the kick! It all came together really well - the title had me curious and thinking back to my emo myspace days (totally a good thing) and the summary had me wondering what the heck I was about to read and then the WRITING just took it to the next level.

In a way I don't feel like you need to justify this by saying it's the weirdest thing you've written because I guess in it's own context it's not weird at all - I mean, it all really fits. What you're writing about is supposed to be surreal and the way you've displayed it, the way you've introduced the story and the way we have to kind of work it out ourselves all contributes to making it feel abstract and asides from the norm. I can't really explain how 'in-the-writing' I felt when reading this but it was really great. It's so awesome to be stolen from my living room like that and to be invested in a piece, even when this was a relatively short 2000-ish words! I can definitely see the nods to Fear and Loathing - you really captured a certain style here. If I had any CC it would be to maybe take it up a notch and see how far you could take this piece with Bernie's extreme emotions and the merging of time/moments. I started reading this figuring it was gonna be unusual and while you by no means disappointed with this it would be cool to see how much further you could go.

I love how you've mixed the norm with the surreal, especially towards when Bernie is trying to piece it all together and is making such slight observations, like, about the lipstick, with, "This is strange." It really impressed that time-delay feeling, as though emotions and reactions are slowed, but then you've totally brought us rushing back to the present too as she remembers her priorities, where she is etc. I also love that this isn't just a story about love or Bernie/Evvie in a vacuum. It also encompasses the Order and parts of Benjy's life and while the focus isn't really on him it left me thinking about him and the aftermath for him.

Eek, I can feel myself starting to ramble a bit so I'm gonna leave it here with my THEORY: I think Bernie was put under the Imperius curse and killed Evvie to upset her, in an attempt to get information from Bernie about the Order. I kind of don't know if I want to know if I'm right though! I like that I'm doubting myself about it. It makes me feel like Bernie.

Honestly, this was super and I really enjoyed reading this. THANKS for sharing and sorry for being too overly-enthusiastic...I got too excited because I thought this was wicked, ha!

:D Laura ♥ xx

Author's Response: Laura!!

Oh wow. This review is just too much. I mean, you had me in a grin for quite a while with this.

I haven't seen criminal minds but I'm glad that was a good inspiration for you to check this out - and that it did not disappoint!!! :D :D

Well, this isn't like anything else I've written. I have one other nonlinear story but its style is completely different. I JUST WANT TO HUG EVERY WORD YOU PUT THERE, OKAY?!! I'm thrilled this managed to get that kick in - I know exactly what you mean with looking for that in stories.

It's such a relief to know that this isn't impossible to follow. I can't get over how much you liked this and were transported while reading this. Ooh, I did kind of focus on the visual and not the emotional. I'll definitely poke at it to add more of that aspect to the story.

Part of my reason for mixing real and surreal was to keep something tangible for people to read and not have it all be too far out there. It's kind of like if Space Odyssey were all the weird music and lights section without any of the (limited) narrative. I'm so happy you liked the larger issues touched on in this. When I decided to make Benjy have a sister for this story, I knew I would want to include something of the war and the Order. I have a longer story planned where I write about romance in the first war - Benjy has a chapter that takes place after this. We'll see some of his fall out there. :-/

I love your theory and I will refrain from commenting on it further. :)

Thank you so very much for this review and your enthusiasm. This was such encouraging feedback to get!

-Rose


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Review #17, by tangledconstellationsThe Night of His Life: The Yule Ball

8th January 2015:
Hey there!

Thought I'd swing by and leave you a quick review! :) I don't think I've ever read a Harry/Hermione before because...I don't know, I think because it's not canon I've just never gone there. I guess in reality though Harry and Hermione have a really good dynamic, like, the way Harry is pretty much always in awe of her intelligence.

I was really pleasantly surprised by this one-shot! Good job on straight up accepting the challenge given to you in your stories offered thread! I really liked that you maintained all of the teenage awkwardness Harry has at this point in the books. The Yule Ball would have been such a strange experience for all of them! In the books I love that Hermione looks so beautiful - it genuinely makes me so happy, so I'm glad you focused on that here. It was really good that this was just a snapshot into one moment. Like, it doesn't have any repercussions on the later plot - we could just say this was Harry's awkward hormones getting the better of him at this point :) it still felt very true though and you wrote their relationship really well.

For my first experience of Harry/Hermione, this was super good! ♥ Laura xxx

Author's Response: Hey Laura! :)

Honestly, before I wrote this I'd read maybe a total of five Harry/Hermione fics on here and that was well over a year and a half ago, so I'm kind of with you on that aspect!

I figured if people think I possess the talent and skill to write their plunnies, then write them I shall and do my best and hope they like it! Before I began writing this, I reread the yule ball chapter in Goblet of Fire to get a feel for how they acted/spoke during that year so I wouldn't write them horribly OOC. I also made Hermione's dress periwinkle blue, like in the books and not the movie! :P Lady Asphodel specified that she just wanted them to somehow dance together at the yule ball and perhaps have some reflection about each other, so I knew where I wanted it to end, I just had to figure out how to get them dancing in the first place. It would be rather ridiculous for them to go off to a broom closet and have a snogfest, etc because they aren't exactly acknowledging their feelings in this little snapshot either--I feel it's more of an elevated emotions environment, what with it being the yule ball and all, so they don't really know what to make of it and are almost reading too much into things. I'm glad you liked it as your first experience and am very honored you chose mine! :) ♥
~MadiMalfoy x


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Review #18, by tangledconstellations'Eyes' with an 'L': Boom

6th January 2015:
Oh, love, this was so amazing!

Honestly, I'm in awe of this and I just sat and told my boyfriend all about this, haha, mainly because he was like, why are you making those happy noises? It was so nice! Maybe I'm super emotional or something but I just felt like I was about to well up at about 3 points during this fic, haha. I must be super emotional. Just...all the feels! This was so good.

Your writing is really good here. I haven't read much of your writing before but I definitely will do. This feels very swift and fleeting especially nearer the beginning which I think really works because it shows Lily as a wide-eyed child absorbing everything. I didn't feel like anything was overdramatised or super angsty - it all felt very right.

I love that Sev and Lily use sign language to communicate - I love that he's realised that it's so important to her and that he's gone out of his way to learn it. At the same time you've shown that later element in their relationship where they've almost grown out of each other, and you've redeemed James a lot, too. He's really just an honest, jokey school boy, after all.

This one shot just felt very pure and heartfelt and it was such a joy to read. I loved your descriptions of sound, of the way Lily can't quite express her feelings and the family dynamic she has at home. I really can't find any fault with this at all. I am just in awe!

I'm sorry that this review hasn't been remotely constructive. You MIGHT have a new super fan.

Laura xxx

Author's Response: The fact that you told your boyfriend about this might be the most flattering thing ever!

I'm so amazingly honoured that you liked this story after reading your MASTERPIECE.

I'd never tried doing a bunch of time jumps like that before, and it's objectively a risky thing to do, so I'm so glad you thought it worked! Some of those sequences were longer originally, but I didn't feel like they DID much more with more time, and I wanted to try risking the fleeting effect. And then yeah, jumping from that to longer time stretches is also a weird thing, so I'm really relieved you think that made sense, given she was older.

I'm really glad you noticed the 'growing out of him' thing. I mean, his calling her a mudblood and then having a crazy scheme to make everyone deaf rather overshadows it--but I wanted there to be cracks before that.

James was such a tricky thing, again relieved it worked out! I wanted him to be in-character with the books, but still /likable/ and reasonably just kind of immature.

Yee! Thank you so much for this swap!

xoxo
Roisin



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Review #19, by tangledconstellationsBroken: i. a broken lavender

6th January 2015:
Hey there!

Argh, this was such a beautiful one shot. My heart is fully broken. You handled the topics in this fic really sensitively. I always get mini waves of anxiety when I know to expect triggering content, mainly because its precisely that but also because it can sometimes not be handled sensitively and cause upset. The worst thing in the world is someone belittling an issue that is an absolute reality for someone. But honestly, this was really impressive. Is that an ok description to use? I'm finding it hard to find words, ha ha! This one shot feels very mature and I think its a very important look at post-Hogwarts life. It reminds you that the characters are meant to be seen as real people - that's why we love the books so much, and so of course they're going to struggle with real pain. Sometimes I think people forget that. From a more selfish point of view, I'm attempting (/failing) to write a fic based on depression and coping with it. It's really reassuring and inspiring to know that a fic dealing with a heavy topic is so possible.

I really liked the way you jumped between the different time periods. It hit home that this whole piece is about Lavender healing. It feels right that during her time in St. Mungo's she would reflect on all of her time at Hogwarts - but at the same time telling the story in this way was successfully instructive to the reader. I wasn't expecting the ending to be honest. I thought perhaps that she wouldn't ever be reunited with Parvatti, but I'm glad that she was. It felt very right in the moment. I also do really like the way you've portrayed Lavender because often she is an under-loved character. I think that's what is so great about fan fiction - we can take a character from the books but make them even more than what they were. I like that you didn't just deny her canonical ditsy and giggly nature, because after all that's what we are given in the books. It's far more effective that you've taken that and then told us why it is that she is like that. It feels more convincing. Reading this, I had no doubt in my mind that this was canon Lavender.

Ah, I so wish I had taken part in the Reset the Default challenge! I lurked on that thread so much but I just wasn't feeling inspired enough. Your take on the challenge is really effective and its interesting that you said this one shot hasn't turned out how you originally intended. Hopefully you do write the three-parter about the three girls after the war. I think it would be a really fascinating (yet also emotional and powerful!!) read. I just LOVE that this is so much darker than I originally thought and I really can't stress enough that I think you've done such a good job with it. Your writing is very fluid and at times is nearer the abstract poetry spectrum - although who can really say if there are any lines between the two? I enjoyed reading this a lot and I'll most definitely be checking out more of your writing in the future :)

Thanks for sharing this on the forums! Laura xxx

Author's Response: WOW! Okay so now I feel bad because my review wasn't NEARLY this long. Afkmjgfsndgkdfdlldf thank you so much.

Posting this oneshot (and even writing it) made me incredibly incredibly nervous for exactly those reasons. I wasn't sure whether or not I would've handled it sensitively enough and although I was SURE that I had done I obviously never wanted to upset anybody. From feedback, it seems like I handled it well though :) yay! I'm sure your story is coming along beautifully don't worry so much about it and just remember that research is always your friend. That always helps me :p if you ever want to run anything by me though, I can't guarantee I'll be a massive help but I'd lend a willing ear :)

Wow. Canon Lavender? I feel insanely pleased by that compliment and yet at the same time not because who would wish this past upon anybody? :p I know what you mean though haha and thank you so much! Her being naive and giggling and pink-loving is SO much of who Lavender is in canon that it was never my intention to ever stray from this. She's very much a superficial person, but she's also so much more than that.

I am planning to do the three-part thing though! This took me forever to write so it might not be for a while yet, and I need to fine tune out some more of the details, but hopefully I'll get there at some point. The challenge really was so inspiring (although I did already have a base idea for this already).

Thank you so so much for this lovely review!

(although I can't promise any of my other writing is up to this standard, or in any way similar)

xo


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Review #20, by tangledconstellationslow tide: a meditation

6th January 2015:
This was honestly one of the most bittersweet, heartbreaking one-shots I think I have ever read! And that is saying something, because I normally tend to gravitate towards the angst spectrum. Wow! The twins :(

I think you've done such a good job for the Every Word Counts challenge here. This is my no means overstated or rambley - its concise and raw and really grounding as a brief tale of loss. I love that you've started this out kind of abstract, but gradually George focuses more and more on the real and Angelina and Lee around him. I can picture this scene so clearly - just three friends trying to support each other and trying to live on. This was really beautiful. You didn't need them to speak, you didn't need George to really mention how he is feeling. It was already there, in the beach and the sea. It felt as though it was washing over me really gently without being overbearing, like the tide, I guess.

The mention of the memories is what really got me. I don't know why, but it was the one about the two of them making up a song about Ron stranded on the rock. I think because its such an honest, silly thing - something the two of them would definitely do! In the wake of the war and Fred's death it seems like such a lovely and childlike memory. It really got to me!

This was a really great read, thank you. :)

Laura xxx

Author's Response: Laura! ♥ This review was such a wonderful surprise, thank you so much!

Only using 500 words is a huge limitation but it seemed to make a lot of sense for this story as that highlights the simplicity of the moment even more. This story, while it's technically George in a step towards recovering, was also me getting past grief in my real life - so I am really glad you pointed out the word 'raw' there, and that everything I was putting into the story translated well. I'm so flattered that you liked the way this was written and saw it as beautiful, and the transition from abstract to real in his head.

Thank you, I'm so glad the memories stood out to you. Despite how sad George was in the present, most of his memories have Fred in them, and are happy or humourous or just not sad, and I think with that memory especially it was really just to bring Fred's memory back to life for an instant, and at least George has that. I'm so touched that you said it got to you, and that you liked that aspect of the story.

I can't thank you enough for this review! You are so kind! ♥


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Review #21, by tangledconstellationsThe Ides of March: Nothing thicker than a knife's blade.

19th December 2014:
Hey again lovely! ♥

I really, really, REALLY enjoyed this chapter :D In some ways, it felt stronger than the first. I found myself identifying and understanding the characters even more so. You've really set the wheels into motion now, and it'll be interesting to see what happens in the next chapter. I think it's great that you've ended this chapter with Helena committing herself to her feelings for Eleanor. It makes the potential next chapters very powerful and driven, because now you've got a character that has made a decision for themselves and has got something (in Helena's case, her love for Eleanor) that is worth sacrificing things for. The stakes are set higher for the chapters to come, because now we know Helena is willing to risk a lot for Eleanor, we just don't know in what ways that might materialise later on.

This chapter honestly did work really well as a continuation from the first. You needn't worry at all, although I totally understand where you're coming from. I think it's easy to worry that the chapters don't quite slot when you yourself have had time away between each one, because then you get concerned that your readers will view them that way too. But for me, I didn't feel as though the style or the tone or anything changed. Rather, it was a natural progression. Helena was a little different, but it was a good different and an example of a welcome character growth. Time has passed since the first chapter, so we can't expect her to still be head-over-heels for Eleanor as explicitly. Instead, it was really effective that at this point you were starting to show the doubts creeping in. I totally go back on the point I made in the first chapter's review about maybe should Helena be more concerned about her sexuality - I should have waited until I read the second, ha ha! Sorry about that - but anyway, in this chapter you showed that really well. I was really engaged when reading of her conflict, as she walked away from Eleanor and refused to look at her. Those moments in particular were very engaging, very visual (no doubt because of your really lovely style). It was very convincing, especially as now you've provided us with more of a religious backbone and you've pushed the pressures of Helena's mother and Aunt to the forefront a little more.

Helena as a character is one that I've already found myself really liking. And, actually, Eleanor too. (I don't know why I surprised myself by writing that - I think I've trained myself to be suspicious of liking characters early on, ha ha!) Having Eleanor as perhaps the more headstrong, defiant one of the two adds a certain attractiveness to her. I'm glad that it's the inside of Helena's mind that we can see in this fic, though, because it heightens the contrast between them. I think if this was from Eleanor's perspective it would be difficult to understand either of them in such a way that being inside Helena's mind provides us with. Helena is just as headstrong in some ways, but she's more concerned with the pressures from her family, from society etc. It grounds their love story in reality, which is important. Yet saying that, Helena is STILL so in love with Eleanor. Seeing her constant conflict, the way she is almost trying to save them both, is really special. It makes their feelings more real and their feelings worth fighting for, too.

Ah, again with your beautiful writing style! Every now and again you slip in these wonderful lines that just make me melt and totally absorb all of the feelings and loveliness from the piece. The last lines of this chapter were utter perfection! There is a really low, gentle rhythm to these two chapters that I think is maintained through the scattering of these really powerful lines. It's almost as though it's the work of Eleanor, or Helena's feelings for Eleanor. They keep the piece moving, reminding her of how she feels and what this means. The stuff in between is all the other stuff, like...doubt, and plot, and conflict, etc. But those lines transcend that. It's those lines that blow the reader away and that exist for Helena as a grounding device, to keep her headed on the right course. Which, for Helena, is to Eleanor and no one else!

I really loved these two chapters, and I'm really looking forward to when you next update. (Hopefully soon!) Let me know when you do, and I'll drop by with another review for you. These were two really well-written and powerful chapters, and I hope the rest of the story progresses well for you. It has so, so much potential right now!

Laura xxx

Author's Response: Hey Laura, and wah, wah, wah thank you for this lovely review, it really has made my day! :D

Haha, that's quite funny that you preferred this chapter to the previous as I wasn't too sure about this one as it was more focused on doubt and less action and more thought so I wasn't sure how interesting it was to read, but you've made me feel a lot more confident about it now, so thank you for that! I get what you mean about Eleanor and Helena now having a grounding because declaring your feelings for one another, and the fact it's based on faith is no easy feat so this will continue to effect them throughout the story.

Phew, I'm glad you thought there was natural progression because as well as there being a big gap in between the first two chapters, this was all written during JulNo so detail wasn't very high on my priority list and I wasn't sure how much attention I paid to it during editing too. Haha, no I still think your comment about Helena's doubt is valid for the first chapter as she's still unsure about so much it makes sense for her to really wonder whether Elenaor's feelings for her are genuine or not. I'm glad that you liked the conflict in this chapter as that and unrequited love go so nicely together it was a lot of fun to explore. The pressures of her mother are even more dominant in the next chapter and for the rest of the story because I think as Rowena has such high standards when it comes to intelligence, it's sort of carried through in social things too, as I always imagine perfection being linked to it, which is why she's like that.

Hahaha, don't be surprised as it always takes me a while to like characters too as I always think you should be suspicious of them as they usually are up to no good. I prefer it from Helena's mind too as she's so much more observant and reflective I think you understand their relationship much more easily because of it. Whereas with Eleanor, while she loves Helena too, part of it is for the excitement and the journey too so it would be a little too crazy being in her mind. You are right about Helena being more concerned by external things too, because I always imagine Ravenclaws looking at the greater picture first and she can see all the potential consequences from them being together so she holds back that little bit more.

Aw thank you so much, that means so much to me and if I could do the :wub: face I would but sadly it doesn't show up in reviews. Wow, thank you so much I'm not really sure how to respond to those lovely comments as I'm a bit in awe right now but they mean so much to me so wah thank you!! ♥

Haha, I actually finally got my act together and updated the story yesterday if you do want to read the next chapter as that would mean a lot to me and thank you for this fabulous review! ♥

-Kiana


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Review #22, by tangledconstellationsThe Ides of March: A star riding through clouds.

19th December 2014:
Hey there! ♥
It's Laura from TGS.

I absolutely loved reading this first chapter, so amidst the enthusiasm I'll try to address your areas of concern too :)

I was really intrigued with this fic. I always find Founders fics really interesting and somehow more magical and ethereal than any other time. I guess its the archaic tone and style - it just sends you to a totally different world. Anyway, along this vein, you did not disappointment. The little things are really important when writing a historical-fic - even just down to clothes details and style of talking. You totally nailed it. Even things like the conservative, measured way of thinking...it felt very 'old' (not as in age!) and appropriate to the time period. I think Helena is a really special character to use, too. She's somehow veiled - which adds to the mysterious and archaic tone. I guess it sets us apart from her a bit - which is why Founders fics and historical fics are great; we can't immediately relate, but it's the common, human threads that draw us in. Really, really lovely.

I loved the way you dipped into Helena's past, but not too heavily either. You gave us enough information to spark our imagination and to tentatively tug us along in the direction you wanted to take us with regards to her background. Having her father as a clergyman is a really unique aspect to dwell on. It links the historical setting right back up to the religious connotations of the time, and obviously as Helena is in love with someone of her own gender that would cause some conflicts. This is a bit of a work-in-progress point, but... I was just about to write that I thought maybe Helena would have reacted differently about her sexuality - perhaps have been more confused and uncertain, maybe in denial to an extent? I don't know how right I am to suggest this though, because on the other hand I guess feelings like that come about due to a religious or social context of the time putting pressure on someone. And, if religion isn't overly prevalent in her life as a witch then maybe it's not something she would have been too concerned with. But, I don't know. I'm rambling a bit, but it would be interesting to hear your thoughts on this in the response section! Just something to think about after all :)

I really didn't think Helena was too whiny in this first chapter, so you don't have to worry! I feel like you've started the chapter at a good point. She's already noticed Eleanor, so she's established this affection that we're gradually understanding. It cuts out a lot of time for the reader to potentially become uninterested - but not in a horrible way! I just mean that strategically starting here means you have nothing to lose - Helena's affection doesn't have to be justified or warmed to. It's a love that just exists. It makes it feel as though her feelings have always existed, transcending the spatial limits your story's set up. In some areas Helena is very persistent with portraying how lovesick she is and I can understand how you would be concerned that she is 'whiny', but again I feel like this adds to her desperation.

To me though, one thing that does feel a little off is Eleanor's immediate positive response tied in directly to her introduction. I felt like maybe there needed to be more of a build up, more of a hesitation, to justify Helena's intensity and severe doubt - maybe more evidence of Helena believing to have been ignored by Eleanor. I feel like as a reader we haven't yet spoken to Eleanor or had her interact with us or Helena. We're not sure what to expect, and so having a pause or a stunted scene before meeting by the forest and before the really lovely climax of the chapter (with the gorgeous and subtle "Enchanting," bit!! ♥) would make Eleanor's attitude more realistic. I really hope that made sense - I just read it back and I don't think it does, haha! I just mean that before she calls out to Helena, to tell her to meet her by the forest, maybe there should be something else, something before, just to stagger it. I feel like the forest scene is beautiful and not overdressed at all and should be left as is, but MAYBE something should be before they first mention it. Again, let me know what you think! It's just an idea, and I haven't yet read the second chapter, so maybe I'm getting a bit ahead of myself here :)

Ultimately, your writing style is really beautiful, and it's truly the biggest strength of this first chapter, and one of the things I want to emphasise most! I love reading fics where it's obvious the writer cares about it and enjoys writing. It makes you want to carry on, to give them the time to understand what they are saying and showing us. Indeed, we haven't really been introduced on tgs yet! But I think this is a great fic for me to start with when reading your stuff - I'll most definitely be on the look out for more of your stories on the archives :) good job on such an awesome first chapter. Now, on to the second! :D

Laura xxx

Author's Response: Hi Laura, thank you for this wonderfully detailed review, it was much appreciated as it was so lovely and useful! ♥

Aw, thank you so much as that's something I always personally love about Founders story as it just makes it so much more magical and special to read so it's great to see that you thought it was like that, as I suppose that was another big fear about writing in this era and it's sort of what put me off writing it for so long. Yeah, I get what you mean about Helena being a little veiled as we know who her mother is and she has such definitive traits but her father and the impact of the other Founders on her was always unknown so it was a lot of fun to delve into that and see what it could potentially be, so I'm so glad that you liked that.

I'm glad that you liked the dips into Helena's past, as I didn't want them to be the centre point of the story as that's much more about Eleanor and Helena, however, given what a unique person Helena is, it's sort of necessary to know what happened to her before to figure why she is like that. I totally get what you mean about how she reacts to her sexuality, because I think with Helena it's a little different as she doesn't think she is a lesbian per sey but rather she loves Eleanor, so it's a little different so I wanted to focus on her love for Eleanor rather than anything else. I will definitely take what you said into account though, and I think I will add more confusion in as it will add more to her character.

Phew, I'm so glad that Helena's character was fine as she's so different to anything I have ever written before and the fact she's a founders era character too makes it even more complicated, so yeah, I think you can understand why I had a few worries. :P Ooh okay, it's good to know that about her love for Eleanor wasn't too ott because it's rather fun writing all this unrequited love as you can be all poetic so I tend to get carried away and write too much of it. :P

I totally get what you mean in regards to Eleanor, as I just couldn't get her reaction right as I only wanted this to be a shortish story I didn't want to dwell on the chase too much and I always knew she loved Helena too, but I just wasn't so sure how to write so that scene has always left me a bit meh (if that makes sense, and btw what you said definitely did make sense!). But I really like your suggestion and it was really helpful as I definitely do think it will add with the flow and transition of the story a lot more so I'll add it in now and hopefully that will help it! :D

Aw, thank you so much, you are so lovely that you're making me blush right now! This story definitely is my baby as it's probably the one where the style has mattered more than anything else which is why I love it so much so hearing that has made me waay too happy. Yay for starting to get to know each other and I'll have to check out some of your stuff too now!

Thanks for the fab review too! ♥

-Kiana


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Review #23, by tangledconstellationsLetters: Prologue

8th December 2014:
Hey there!

I thought I'd drop by your authors page to leave you a review.

I really liked this story - you've set it up for a lot more action to come. You introduced the characters really fluidly and its already got me hooked. Do you have plans to add any more any time soon? My only wish is that this chapter was a bit longer. As soon as you've really got into the motions it ends! But it'll be interesting to see where you take this further on.

A great first chapter!

Laura xxx

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Review #24, by tangledconstellationsMiddle Clouds: Chapter Three

4th December 2014:
THIS CHAPTER!

I loved this so much. Things are getting so tense, and things are starting to unravel...eek!! You've crafted these past few chapters so well - your writing absolutely astounds me. It's so great to read. And Malfoy - I love that he's not the cliche guy you expect with a Scorpius/Rose fic. He feels developed already, and the way he acts really works.

Ahh all I want to do is just squee at this chapter. I really really enjoyed it - it was the perfect balance of intrigue and humor and a smidge of (sexual?) tension, just at the end. I want them to work out their differences and be together forever, SO BAD. I hate myself for saying that but I so do!

Really love this. Each chapter just keeps getting better and better - I can't wait to read more :)

Laura xxx

Author's Response: Laura! How many times can I say 'thank you' and 'I'm glad' before it gets weird? :D But the thing is, I really am so thankful for your reviews and I really am extremely glad you seem to be enjoying this story so much!

I spend ridiculous amounts of time re-reading every sentence over and over until I am satisfied with it so I am thrilled you like my writing style!

Aaah, Malfoy! So glad to hear he's not a cliche guy - I definitely didn't want my characters to be cliched in any way.

''He feels developed already, and the way he acts really works. '' THIS! This is so awesome to hear because he didn't actually appear all that much yet and I was afraid he might be under-characterized. Thank you for writing this, seriously. :D

Intrigue and humour - yes! Sexual tension - not...yet? Hahah, I wasn't really going for sexual tension here. It appears that way, yes, but that's just because I needed it that way so that the plot can move forward the way I imagined it. And this doesn't make sense now but I hope it will once I post chapter four. :)

I have no idea how you came across this story (I'm not advertising it that much) but I am so happy that you did! You've been so encouraging and I actually did some writing today because of you! So, thank you and I hope you'll enjoy the rest! :)



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Review #25, by tangledconstellationsMiddle Clouds: Chapter Two

4th December 2014:
Hey againn!

Ahhh RUTH! She is such a secretive one. I love her, she's such a good character. Also, I feel as though Rose was entirely justified in calling Malfoy a prat...although maybe she should have checked to see if the coast was clear first.

This was such a great chapter, I'm really enjoying this fic! AH again, your writing style is so good, its so lovely to read. You're a natural storyteller, and it's super lovely to read a fic that flows with characters that are so engaging.

See you on the next chapter!

Laura xxx

Author's Response: Laura, hello!

Gah, I'm so glad you like this story! Hurrah for Ruth, I'm having so much fun writing her. :) And it's so great that you can understand Rose here. I wanted both of them do be sort of reckless here - not bad people or really mean to each other but just a bit silly with the things they say and do. :)

I am a natural storyteller! Aah, you are spoiling me with compliments, dear! Thank you so much for this review and again, I'm so happy you gave this story a shot!

Andy


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