Reading Reviews From Member: Remus
  
406 Reviews Found

Review #1, by RemusDetox: Yes

4th April 2014:
Long time, eh? :D

I had forgotten my love/hate relationship with Gamp. But the line If you'll excuse us, we're gonna go overthrow the Ministry. When you're done wasting time on these blood traitors, you can go crawl back into your cave." reminded me of my dislike of him because he's brutal and my love for him thanks to your fantastic work in characterization.

Draco refused to give the former Death Eater the satisfaction--Alright so this line kinda made me think a little bit. Why would they be 'Former' Death Eaters? Even with Voldemort gone, they're still Death Eaters. I guess 'former' would apply to those that left Voldemort voluntarily. Which we know that never happened.

Gah so much action!! I can't believe that it was an Auror in disguise!! Once again you managed to fool us. Haha.

I can't believe I'm saying this but I'm annoyed with Ron for interrupting Astoria and Draco! And he wants to arrest him? What?! I want to strangle him right now.

And now he wants to arrest Astoria too? It makes me wonder if he's a bit prejudiced himself towards some purebloods. I don't know if its because of the war (its been a year after) or because he just hates Draco personally and everything related to him.

HOLD UP! What?! Zabini was Harry?! WHAT?!

"You'd haggle with your possible future father-in-law over ten Galleons a week?"


"You'd marry your daughter off to a man who settled for a twenty Galleon salary when he's obviously worth thirty?"


I cannot tell you how much I loved that exchange!

AAH *flails*

She said yes!!! Gah! That was the perfect ending to this chapter!! And I needed this happiness today after a very 'ugh' day at work and watching a very sad episode of Once Upon a Time; I cannot handle character's death very well, specially when they developed them really well. Hahaha, sorry I'm still angry from "The Big Moment".

Dan!! I've missed your story telling and I'm glad to be back to read more! Hope to hear from you soon! And hope to see a new, epic story as well! Do you have other stories planned or is work keeping you too busy from brewing new stuff?

Anyway! Miss ya and until next time!

--Rosie

Author's Response: Hi, Rosie!

It has taken an embarrassingly long time to respond to this; I apologize. I was so excited when I saw it!

If I've accomplished nothing else, it seems I've allowed a few readers to rekindle that love/loathe magic with our old pal Jeremy. He's truly one of a kind.

Hmmnn... Interesting point you have there. In some ways, they ceased to be Death Eaters when Voldemort died. But Avery doesn't seem to have accepted that his master is truly dead, so perhaps not. Something to think on.

If you recall from CoB, Draco says something disparaging about Daphne's ex-husband. I believe it went something like, "Gamp is a donkey who to break into Azkaban with two undercover Aurors and the village twit at his back." Well, you've met the first Auror already, and the second is...

Harry! So you see, the Aurors have a long and fruitful history of polyjuicing themselves to be Blaise Zabini and/or his mother.

Poor Ron. I made him sort of a jerk in this story. I didn't mean to, but sometimes when you're writing a "Slytherin story", you need some Gryffindors to be the villains.

The negotiations over salary between Draco and Mr. Greengrass were some of my favorite dialog in the entire story. You can take the boy out of Malfoy Manor, but you can't take Malfoy Manor out of the boy.

And she says yes. It's kind of a soft yes. She still has to finish school, he still needs to impress her father, but she does say yes. Think of it more as a betrothal.

The sun is starting to break through the clouds a bit at my new job, so I do hope to be around more often. And I have a few ideas for a new story to start. It's all a matter of time.

Thanks for reading and reviewing!


 Report Review

Review #2, by RemusTraitorous Hearts: The Lady of Greengrass Hall

28th March 2014:
I'm here!! :D

I really liked Lavinia's characterization. She sounds like a proper lady, but at the same time she seems to get a bit tired of being a proper lady. By the way, the name Lavinia, is that from Downton Abbey? I just always thought this was a very unique name. And wow, she met quite an end!!

Woah, hold up! So basically Levania spied because she was technically 1)bored and 2) restricted by her gender? NICE! And lastly, she got killed by another Death Eater?! What?! Who?! Will we know at the end of this?

GAH! Astoria is taking matters into her own hands. I really like this plot. It's different from any other ones that I've read. They're usually very cliche when it comes to both Draco and Astoria but your Astoria seems to be strong in her own accord. And a spy, whether she's a novice or not, a spy nonetheless. I can't imagine how she'll help bring down Voldemort.

Is this happening while Harry is away at his camping trip, right? Haha! I love to read Hogwarts stories when they take during Harry's 7th year. They're, for me, like behind the scenes while Harry was away.

Anyway! I'm adding this story to my faves! :D

--Rosie

Author's Response: Yay! Delighted to have you here. :D I just posted my review of your chapter.

That's a very accurate summation of Lavinia's character. "A proper lady who gets a bit tired of being a proper lady." I like it.

I didn't actually get the name from Downton Abbey. Is there a character named Lavinia on Downton Abbey? Everyone tells me that I should watch that show, and that I'd love it, but they've taken it off Netflix, so I'm just out of luck for now. I actually named Lavinia after a character I wrote for a theatre assignment where I had to write a scene in the style of Tennessee Williams. They weren’t really alike, as characters, but I liked the name and when I was trying to assign one to her character, that was the moniker that floated up from the depths of my mind.

Yup. There you have the majority of Lavinia's motivation. Thanks so much! Lavinia is pretty complicated. I wanted to explore a character who was a "bad guy", but you could understand her reasons for "turning to the dark side", so to speak. As far as whether or not you will learn who exactly killed her, and why...well, I am not in the habit of making assurances.

However, I will tell you that those are questions that Astoria certainly wants answered. And Astoria IS rather good at getting information when she wants it... ; )

Thanks. There is a huge smile on my face. I am so happy that you like the plot. I have tried to mix things up a little bit. Astoria is definitely strong. And as to how to give Voldemort some trouble, well, she definitely has some plans to that end.

Yes! This is happening during DH, and I'm really impressed that you caught that, because most people have had trouble nailing down the time in the first couple chapters (which is my fault, for not making it clearer. But still, you're obviously a careful reader). And you're in luck then, because, especially later in this story, you'll get a pretty extensive behind-the-scenes view.

Oh my goodness, thank you! I feel so honored! And thank you for your sweet, thoughtful review. I'm really glad you enjoyed the chapter!

--Penny


 Report Review

Review #3, by RemusGame Over: One

27th March 2014:
Perelandra here from the forums!! I had to pick this story because it sounded interesting! It also made me wonder how you can make a story with just 500 words per chapter. So I had to pick this one! And I have to say, I find it very impressive that you combined 3 challenges at once! Hope you place on either one!

Gah that was over too quickly! Who is this Matt and that lady?

I absolutely loved your entire chapter. I loved the detail you give us without really going overboard with it. It's quick but the chapter still felt nicely paced.

You were quick at making me wonder what is James doing. What's his line of work? What happened? Who did he anger so much to have everything stolen from him? What' in the note!

So many questions! Hahaha! But that's good though! A good author makes you wonder right off the bat what is going on.

Question though. The line that says He could smell it: must, with a hint of shellfish. Is it "Musk" maybe? O.o That was the only thing that jumped right at me that seemed to disrupt the flow.

Wonderful start! Must know what happens next!

--Rosie

Author's Response: Hi there!

Yes, it had me wondering if 500 words was enough for a chapter too... not one of those "prologue teaser" quickies, but an actual beginning, middle, end with a twist things. I gave it my best shot.

Lots of questions, and believe me, I was asking the same thing, right along with "what have I gotten myself into, writing this way?" Hmm. I'll have to check my notes and see if that "must" was a typo or not. I have used the word "must" before, to describe the smell of grapes. It's a brewing term when you're making wine. Now I can't remember if that's what Matt smells like or not. Haha! I guess it doesn't matter, as long as it's consistent, because it comes up in another chapter. Gah! Now you're making me go and check!

Okay, nope. Only the clams repeats. So it could go either way. I'm gonna keep the "must" because it's more interesting and less sexy. And clams mixed with musk... blech! :P

Thanks for checking this out! I hope you can come back for more sometime!

-Pix


 Report Review

Review #4, by RemusLiving in a Sea of Death: So this is how it begins.

26th March 2014:
Hello!!

So I picked this story because I love zombies and anyone mixing the zombie mythology and the Wizarding world is my hero. AH! And I've heard of Roth and Ruin, have seen it at work and been meaning to read it. I might have to pick it up now!

Your premise is good. I definitely like how it catches everyone unaware of the problem. I mean, even the wizards didn't know what was going on. It even makes me wonder if they had heard of zombies. They had their own kind with the Infery but zombies are different; the Infery aren't contagious at all.

I like Albus's voice. He really sounds like a 15 year old boy. Sarcastic. However, he feels a bit like "meh, whatever, it's ONLY the zombie apocalypse. Nothing big." What I mean is that I would like to see a bit more emotion, such as fright, coming from Albus. I've LONG left my teen years but even at my age I would still be scared of zombies! Panic. What would my family do? Will they survive? Zombie apocalypse can be scary and Albus here feel like "meh...psh, I can handle this. Or whatever." Hahaha

Another thing I would suggest is adding more details to help the reader get into the story. Tell us what's going on. Make us scare for our beloved characters. Basically, paint us a picture of how gruesome they have it (just within your rating allowance, ya know.)

Lastly, punctuation. I would suggest going back and re-read the chapter. You have some missing periods, periods instead of commas and also some missing comas.

Anyway, hope you don't think the review is harsh! :S This was a good beginning and practicing will only make your writing and storytelling better! I really want to know what happens! I hope you don't make either Harry or Ginny into zombies because that will be sad!

--Rosie/Perelandra

Author's Response: Thanks for the review and help!

 Report Review

Review #5, by RemusVox wuod Sanctimonia; Speed Dating Entry: Cupiditas

26th March 2014:
Heya!! Perelandra here from the forums!! So sorry for the delay! Work got in the way but I am here now! :D

I'm very excited about this. I like Founder fics, they're always different one way or another.

Your first paragraph was fantastic. I can immediately tell that you're good at description. You were quick at painting this picture in my head without being too overbearing with details.

Aww, I like stores when Godric and Salazar are friends and not enemies.

"Which is why we need to take action. We've long spoken of creating a school, to train people like us to use their magic -"

"- to fight back," Salazar interjected, turning back around to face his friend.


I never thought about it but you definitely brought up a good point. Perhaps Salazar did intend to create the school as a way to fight back, and that's also another reason he didn't want muggle borns for they could side with the muggle and use magic against them.

Aww I feel like I left off with a cliffhanger. I guess I'm going to have to read the other one to find out what happens! Anyway, I liked how Slytherin has this medieval way of thinking. Quite literally. He is a man who is into traditions and for him, traditions are women are to keep quiet and muggleborns from learning magic. I half expected Slytherin to tell Rowena to sit quietly and let the men talk business. However, I have a feeling that if that had happened, Rowena would've torn him apart bit by bit. With Helga helping him as well.

I loved your detail however, the only thing that I noticed was that you left that detail when you had dialogue. Maybe adding a bit more it would make your already awesome story even greater.

Anyway, thank you so much for doing the swap with me! I appreciate it!

--Rosie/Perelandra

Author's Response: Hey there! (No worries about the delay, it happens to everyone!)

I do like Founder's fics, especially when I get to play around with old-timey language.

Actually, adding descriptions has been an area of improvement that I've needed. I've been working on that, so I'm glad that the first paragraph had some decent descriptors.

One of the things I had wanted to focus on (on Salazar's side of the story, anyhow) was the friendship despite conflicting personality, ideas and opinions. Salazar and Godric make terrific friends.

Unfortunately, neither my partner nor I were ready to try our hand at writing real romance, so we left both of our stories off ending with a potential romantic interest. That means, we began in different places (me with Salazar and her with Rowena) and ended in the same place. So, the stories both end with the same cliffhanger O.O.

I also don't think that Rowena would have taken kindly to Salazar telling her to be quiet! :D

The detail fled when we were running out of time for the challenge. The story needs a bit of revision -- I'll get there eventually!

Thanks so much!

-Rumpel


 Report Review

Review #6, by RemusHourglass: morning

20th February 2014:
Hey!! So sorry for that uber long wait. So much for 24 hours, right? Haha.

This sounds like a very, VERY interesting story! Time travel? Hopefully! Those are always fun.

Ah, Albus! He sounds like a sweetie but also very meticulous about how he leads his life with the pro/cons lists. I can relate to that, hahaha since I do something like that myself from time to time. However, he seems kind of lonely. Specially with that sanctuary of his. Almost as if he wants to keep everyone out.

His relationship with Rose and Scorpius is both funny and interesting. Rose, of course, is a regular annoying little cousin but his friendship with Scorpius...now why would he feel "responsible" for him? It seems they're not exactly friends but they seem to rely on each other since they're trying to leave their father's legacies. It must be tough. One is the son of the savior, the other one is the son of the turncloak. Must be tough!

I guess that's it! Hahaha. It was a short chapter but it gives us a taste of what's to come! It makes me wonder what's going to happen and how time travel is going to come about since the Timeturners were destroyed.

Thank you so much for doing the swap with me!! :D

--Rosie

 Report Review

Review #7, by RemusConnect the Dots: hermione

17th February 2014:
Hello! Perelandra here from the forums to do your review swap! :D

I usually stick with canon pairings but I have a secret love for Krum/Hermione. He was the first boy to actually see her for a beautiful girl with brains. Not some bookworm who had all the right answers and the person who helped with homework.

I feel like this story, however, needed a bit more background information. Why are Ron and Hermione separated? Heading towards Divorce? Will they stay together? Hermione felt a little flat to me emotion wise. I wanted to believe that she wanted to be with Krum but couldn't. That something (or someone) was holding her back; to let go of her emotions and just be happy with Krum. Overall, I guess this story is a bit too vague to know what really is going on.

I really like the interaction between Hermione and Ginny though. She wants her there but at the same time the line I know you don't want to come more often. That line made me sad! I mean, these two girls were good friends and now, for whatever reason, they're not. At least, Hermione thinks they're not while Ginny here is trying to make her understand that no matter what happened between Hermione and Ron, they're still sisters. Also, it made me giggle how Hermione wanted to touch Ginny's very pregnant belly. Hahaha. Such a maternal thing to do.

I really like your characterization of Krum. It makes sense that he's not one to travel any more and a good reason to break up an engagement. Kinda sad, really. Makes me even wonder if he was happy with the girl to begin with. Aww, I think I just made myself a little bit sad now.

P.S. When I read this, it was back on Saturday and it was a One-Shot and now I see that it's now a Short Story. I'm very curious to know where this is going to go. Part of me (the R/Hr shipper) wants her to stay with Ron, but another part of me is telling me that she belongs with Krum! Hahaha!

Anyway! Thank you for your review swap! And so sorry for taking forever! Surprise date with the Husband on Saturday and dinner with Parents yesterday made it hard to review. However, I'm here now! :D You should get my other review within 24hrs. :)

--Rosie/Perelandra

Author's Response: Hello hello! No worries--a surprise date sounds awfully wonderful. :) And I didn't mind the wait.

Ah, yes. The vagueness was intentional. Ultimately, this is a story about Hermione and Krum, not Hermione and Ron. And because it's in first person and Hermione is purposefully NOT thinking about Ron, I kept those background details out. Some of them will come up in the second chapter from Krum's perspective. Hermione left them out in her narration (I focused more on showcasing her emotional state through description and detail), but Krum will hone in on them because it means Hermione is free. ;) It should clear up some confusion, but this will largely remain a story about their reunion. I don't want to bog it down with background.

It's not that Ginny and Hermione aren't friends anymore, they're just distant. It's because Hermione knows that Ginny and Ron are close, and since they're separated now, she assumes Ginny will side with Ron (she's being ridiculous, really). Ginny obviously disagrees with her reasoning, hence the line about Hermione being her sister. Such a sweet moment.

JKR said that Krum eventually found happiness with a girl from Bulgaria, but never mentioned if they were married or not. So I decided they eventually parted ways. Krum is a pretty resilient guy, so he's doing alright with himself, though I imagine they were happy and it was hard when they first separated. I'll explore that more in the second chapter as well.

This may be a spoiler, but I don't intend this story to be AU, so eventually she will go back to Ron. Okay, so here's some background info: Hermione is dealing with a bit of post-partum depression here, which is why I threw in a lot of references to Ginny's pregnancy/stomach and Hermione aching for that feeling again. I think this contributed a lot to her leaving Ron (which will ultimately be a temporary separation since I'm trying to stick to canon). As far as the actual reason, I imagine it's more a series of little things adding up. That's as much as I'll say. ;)

Well then, I think my response was longer than your review! I apologize. Thanks for taking the time to read and respond--it means a lot!


 Report Review

Review #8, by RemusTraitorous Hearts: An Unwelcome Visitor

12th February 2014:
Hello!! Here I am again with your review! :D

This is the perfect set up for the story. It left me wondering what happened to Astoria's mother. What is going on? What are the secrets! I must know!

What I liked about this was the relationship between Draco and Astora. Well...the lack of, actually. It makes me wonder what those two are going to go through together to get them together. Unless this is AU and they don't. Which will be just as fun as well.

I like how you pain Astoria, though. She needs to be a woman who is sure of herself and of where her values are for she is the woman that marries Draco Malfoy. A Death Eater. One thing is to be a supporter while another is to have the heart to marry one that was on Voldemort's side. She must be able to look past the mistake and move on.

The details again is what I love from your writing. I mean, this epilogue is not as detail oriented as Where our Voices Sound but you were still able to paint a very clear picture.

Anyway, sorry for the short review but I must get dinner started! I may be able to come back soon since I've added this to my reading list. I love me some Astoria/Draco fics.

Thank you for doing the swap with me once again!

--Rosie/Perelandra

Author's Response: Hey Rosie,
(By the way, I knew your name was Rosie. I remembered just moments after I posted my review, and I was just like...oh, none of the above, then. Whoops! Sorry!)

What happened to Astoria's mother? Well, you'd have to read chapter 2 for that ;)
But I'm glad to hear that the suspense is working properly. That's what I was aiming for.

Some relationships don't come easy. If there's a future for these crazy kids, they'll definitely have to work for it. I'm delighted that you like it that way, though. Astoria definitely isn't one to be pushed around, which makes for an interesting dynamic with Draco "I'll tell my father about this" Malfoy in the mix.

Thank you. The details are fun to write, but they definitely take the most time, so I really appreciate your saying such nice things. It's very motivational :)

Dinner is of the utmost importance, and I totally understand.

Thanks for the lovely review!

--Penny


 Report Review

Review #9, by RemusHouse of Cards: Three of Hearts

12th February 2014:
Hello! So it turns out that I already had read the first chapter of this back in 2012! So I re-read it before going to chapter 2. Gotta know what happens!

Barty here just...I don't know. He makes me feel a bit uneasy. To me, he's acting like this obnoxious child, asking very silly questions but questions that speak the truth. I had to do some digging real quick to get a time frame of the ages...since Sirius is still in "good" terms with his family, he's 15 or younger, right? And Barty is 3 years younger so pre-teen to early teen years? The reason I ask is because for some odd reason, when reading Marauder fics my brain tends to imagine them older...like 17+.

This sentence:

"Where are you going?"a quiet voice interrupts their conversation, and they both turn quickly, guiltily, Sirius forgetting about the clumps of dust still sticking to his robes and fingers, to see Regulus standing in the doorway.

Feels like a bit of a mouthful and a it breaks the flow you had. Perhaps breaking it down a bit might help. Something like:

"Where are you going?" a quiet voice interrupts their conversation. They both turn quickly, Sirius forgetting about the clumps of dust still sticking to his robes and fingers, feels guilty to see Regulus standing in the doorway.

Just a thought. :)

A cynical voice in the back of his head (which, when it shows up, he likes to call 'Remus') That line just made me laugh!! Love it.

Oh hey, Sirius is 16! Making Barty about 13 here. Hmmm...

Whoa, did Bellatrix kill her own father? Well...she IS indeed crazy enough to do it! But why though? Or maybe it wasn't her! Dun dundun!

The only small CC that I have is that Sirius doesn't feel 16 to me. I guess it's because I haven't been a teenager for a long time that I have forgotten...but he feels like he has a young way of thinking. His way of acting and feelings towards his family is the dead ringer. By this age he hates his family and their way of thinking, rebels in every way and eventually he runs away to the Potters. So him even trying to get the tiny approval from them by going to pay his respects feels a bit off. no one would fault him for it and it might even gain him some kind of grudging acceptance that he was. you know, still part of the family despite being a Gryffindor and all."

That's just my opinion though!

Alright, this review has gone long enough! Thank you so much for the swap! I appreciate it!

--Rosie/Perelandra

Author's Response: Hey there! Thanks so much for the swap - it was really great and I really enjoyed it! :)

Yeah, sorry, it's perhaps a little unclear! In this, Sirius is 16, Regulus is 14 and Barty (I manipulated his age a little, since we're never given an exact year/age, only an approximation) is 14/15, too, so he's in the same year as Regulus. Hope that clears things up for you!

But yes, Barty is pretty young - definitely seems younger than the others.

Ah, yeah, thanks for pointing out! I'll definitely take a look at that sentence and see about re-arranging it - you're right it definitely is a mouthful!

Hehe, I did like that line, too! But hey, I imagine it would be true, lol.

Bellatrix is definitely crazy enough to do it - though she's not quite so crazy here. Starting on the crazy wagon, so to speak :P But yeah, who knows? ;)

It's fine! I thought a lot before writing this about Sirius' character, and his family and things, so it's all pretty developed in my head. Teenagers often think they're very mature (I was one not that long ago, so I remember pretty clearly! :P) but they're not, so Sirius is like that. He thinks he's very grown-up, but he is still a child. I based a lot of Sirius' relationships with his family on the experiences my mum has had with her family. So, I think he doesn't like them, doesn't like their views, but they're still people (particularly his grandfather, and to an extent his father) he looked up to when he was young, and at 16 he still really needs a family, and he wants to be complimented and not outcast, because no one really enjoys that, you know? It's a very different characterisation of Sirius, I know, but I thought about it a lot and this was what seemed sort of best to me.

Thank you so much for the great review and the swap - it was so much fun to do! :)

Aph xx


 Report Review

Review #10, by RemusDeath Eater's Kitchen: once more, with quiche.

7th February 2014:
Hey! Sorry for the delay! I've been at work and it's been crazy!

I just had to come read this. First of, David Tennant on your banner looking all crazy along with what seems like a random plot. I love this!

The line Dark Mark-Stencilled apple pie from his most loyal servant. just cracked me up! In fact, it made me wonder if someone had actually done that. Lo and behold, there's a few out there! Ah, I love the fandom. Also, isn't it 'Stenciled'?

and it would save a certain Muggle author from having to write 2,500 more pages I think that's the best line! Lol!

I just wish I could make someone make me lunch like Barty did. Or dinner since I get off work so late. Life would be simple indeed.

I just...I just can't with this fic. Voldemort vs. Quadratic Equations. That's how one can defeat the Dark Lord!

Sherri Sue Riddle (in an American accent, of course!)--Hahahahahaha!!! :D

said Dumbledore, his eyes twinkling like sequins at an ABBA concert. I think Dumbledore's theme is Dancing Queen or Mama Mia. :)

Suddenly, the most wonderful aroma wafted into the corridor. Bacon! BACON! I love bacon!

The end tho!! I was not expecting the quadratic equation! I loved this!!

It was silly. Beyond absurd but it was fantastic. I guess it helps when it's well written that you can just forget all the seriousness of the series and the characters and just go with silly.

Anyway, thank you very much for doing the swap with me!!!

Author's Response: No worries on the delay! Thanks for the swap!

Wait, real people made Dark Mark pies?!?! *dies of laughter* Thank you for bringing this to my attention. :D Stenciled- hm, yeah possibly, I will double check that.

Hehe yeah, think of all that we'd miss out on if GoF was the last book in the series! I mean honestly what would the series be without Grawp? lol. But anyway, I'm glad you liked that line!

Yes, if only Harry had known about the power of the quadratic equation before he started that silly hunt for Horcruxes, right? :p Maybe that'll be explored in JK's new book called Harry Potter and the Quadratic Equation.

I'm glad you liked the not-even-remotely-cliche American Sherri Sue!

Ooh yes I think Dumbledore is probably a fabulous dancer. I could see that being his theme song.

Thanks so much for your review and I'm glad you enjoyed this absurdly silly fic!


 Report Review

Review #11, by RemusHoping for A Heartbeat : Prologue

7th February 2014:
Heya! Perelandra/Rosie with your review swap! :)

I picked this story because well...I'm not entirely too sure. I'll be reviewing this as I read along.

The first thing I noticed was the spacing problem you have. Sometimes that happens during the transfer of the story from your word document to the editor.

my night in shining armor. Change 'night' to 'knight'.

Throughout the story, you have sentences that sound a bit weird. For example:

Mum put two and two together and started asking questions by the time the Yule Ball came around when I hoped he would ask me but Neville beat him to it.

Perhaps something like "Mum put two and two together and had started to ask questions. When the Yulo Ball I hoped he would ask me but Neville beat him to it." Your commas and periods seem to get mixed up and it disrupts the flow of your storytelling. Also, some sentences feel like they're too long. Perhaps breaking some of them up?

Why the change of PoV at the end? Was it on purpose? It just seems kind of random. My honest suggestion right now is to partner with a BETA to help you smooth out any problem areas you may have.

That being said, I give you many kudos for writing this. It must be tough on your and your husband. I can't even wonder how it was for you to write this either. This is a very interesting start and I'm sure this will be a heart breaking but I want to know what happens!

Thank you for the swap!

--Rosie

Author's Response: Hey there:)
Thanks so much for reviewing my story I fixed alot of things and I am waiting on the chapter to reupdate. I am glad you liked it for the most part and thank u for leaving some good CC!!!:) I hope u keep reading possibly because my sec one chapter just came up. When I get time I will review a second chapter of your story too, if u want:) well once again thanks so much and I will see you around the forums!!:)


 Report Review

Review #12, by RemusWhere Our Voices Sound: Beneath The Surface

5th February 2014:
Hello! Here I am with your review swap! Thank you so much for taking me up on the offer!! I really appreciate it! And I'm so sorry for taking forever! Work and life just get in the way. However, here I am!

I have to say, my story falls flat on its face when compared to yours! Just the beginning, the part about the lake, was...wow! I love how you mention how the lake could've been somewhat "poisoned" by the magic. I mean...it's a possibility to be honest.

Your description is just amazing! I love details so the picture you painted in my head with all the details was beautiful. You have great flow and wording that it feels like your story just comes to life. Ugh, I'm jealous of your talent, hahaha.

The line:

She shook her head back and forth, thin tendrils of hair--like that she'd seen on the human girls at the surface--flowing back and forth and tickling my cheeks." You changed from third person to first towards the end.

Now I want to know who Viviene's father is! Is he important? Someone we know?! Ah!

Woo, finally done! this is a long chapter but I finally finished. I really liked this story! I would love to see what happens next. Is Viviene going to conquer Prince or is she going to fall for Albus instead? Ah!

I have absolutely no CC except that perhaps the chapter was a tad bit too long. However, I saw why it was that long and it makes sense. I've read the original Little Mermaid so it makes me wonder if you're going to do the whole "happy ending" or just make it sad like the fairy tale. This'll be a very interesting read!

Anyway!! Thank you so much for doing the swap with me and once again, so sorry I took forever to come and review your story.

--Rosie

Author's Response: Hey Rosie,

Never fear! I totally understand about real life swallowing up all your time. Happens to all of us :D

First, your story certainly does not "fall flat on its face". Bah! I thought your story concept was fascinating. Nice of you to say that. But give yourself some credit, missy!

About the lake description--I'm so glad you liked it! I had a lot of fun writing that. And then I just had to wonder, what came first, the lake or the magic? It was really interesting to consider (to me, at least--Advanced Magical Pollution Theory should totally be a Hogwarts class).

Thank you so much for your sweet words! They really do mean so much. I'm glad you think I have talent, most of it is probably less innate ability than just the result of a lot of hours spent hunched over a keyboard, and a lot of reading. Like, maybe too much ;)

But thank you!

Oh! And thanks so much for the CC. I didn't even notice that, but I really appreciate your letting me know. I would be lost without you guys, truly. :)

Viviene's father...muahahaha! I mean, he's certainly important to Viviene. As for who he is...he has certainly been mentioned in the books at some time. And that is all I will say, for now. It's important to keep an aura of mystery, and all that ;)

And as for who Viviene falls for, if anyone, I certainly can't reveal that at present.

It is a bit long, isn't it? I need to go back and split it up. Perhaps once I add another chapter. I should probably post one soon. I've been focusing on my other fic, Traitorous Hearts, but I suppose that this one needs some love.

Thank *you* for swapping with me! I had fun, and I really appreciate your thorough review. You're a star! Thank you so much!

--Penny


 Report Review

Review #13, by RemusPure Intentions: Red Flags

1st February 2014:
Heya!! Thank you so much for your review swap!!! :D

I picked this one because it's been a while (like years actually) since I've read a Slash fic. And a pairing like Albus and Scorpio is rare to me! So I figured I should give it a shot.

I'll be reviewing as I read along. :)

Scorpius was awake and mostly dressed by the time Albus first stirred in the morning. "Better hurry up or you'll be late," he said tossing trousers over to the bed. "Will you survive three entire weeks with your clan?" Malfoy asked with a momentary smirk.--From the beginning this seems to be like it's from Albus's POV and calls Scorpio by name until that last bit where it switches to 'Malfoy'.

owning something that a convicted death eater once wore made it special. -- Death Eater is capitalized.

I like how you've made Astoria and Draco's relationship as a loving relationship. I like the detail of how Astoria cried during their wedding day. I usually like the whole love behind those two but at the same time, I like a little twist.

Not wanting to be the only people for the first guests to talk to... 'Person' perhaps would work better?

Waiting for his dad to disappearing into the growing mass of people, Albus asked, 'Disappear' might work better.

Albus asked extending a hand and bowing slightly. Smiling, Scorpius took Albus' hand. Neither of them really knew how to waltz so they did a slow back and forth movement where both of them avoided stepping on the other's feet. -- Awww, that's so cute!

Overall this was a nice set up. I can understand the desire of Draco to want to continue the family name but at the same time his reaction was not something I expected. This is a man who grew up in old school tradition, so perhaps I was expecting more anger. I liked Astoria's compassionate reaction. Even trying to reason with her son about why he needed to marry a girl.

I really want to know what happens! This chapter leaves me wanting to know how is Scorpio going to break Albus's heart. What's going to happen afterwards. I mean, is Scorpio going to start dating girls? Will he get married? Haha, so many questions!

The CC I can only give you is to just double read for weird wording. Today, while re-reading the same chapter you reviewed I ended up catching some small typos in my story. Happens to everyone.

Anyway, thank you for the review! And than's for letting me read this!!

Until next time, dearie!

--Rosie

Author's Response: Hi Rosie!!

Thank you so much for such a detailed and thorough review! You've helped me identify quite a few awkward sentences and places where i need to align the verbs better.

I'm really glad you like the overall premise of the story and that Draco didn't seem completely backwards. To me, his issue wasn't so much with homosexuality, just that he wanted the family name to continue on.

Scorpius will indeed be a heartbreaker in this story - but I'll leave the how a mystery. It's really great that the story left you wondering.

Thanks so much for doing a review swap and for leaving such a specific review!
-Rose


 Report Review

Review #14, by RemusDetox: Clarity

16th January 2014:
I've finally made it back!!

What immediately caught my eye here was how serene things are on the outside when there's a storm brewing inside the Greengrass manor.

Have I told you that I love Gamp? No, seriously. You have taken a character who was just sort of mentioned in the Black Family tree and created this evil person from scratch. Gamp is your character. Your creation. He just happens to have a name that JKR gave his family. You seriously have outdone yourself with Gamp. So I request a fic about him! Just go get inside his head once would be wonderful!

Daphne here feels different than your Daphne from CoB. I know that these are two different stories but you've kept everyone the same except Daphne. I mean, she does sound a bit conceded and arrogant but in this chapter we see a different woman.

I LOVE the plot twist. I really did think that Malfoy had been the one that got together with the young generation and was plotting. But no! It was Avery! Tricky, tricky of you! I loved it! Gah!

Big question! Is this "artifact" that Malfoy supposed to have the same "artifact" he was supposed to have during CoB? Cus I remember the vaguely that Draco was supposed to have and Malfoy Manor got broken into.

Gamp and Avery just really don't get along. And Gamp is too thick to see that he's just being used as a pawn. Avery is too smart and I honestly think he doesn't need Gamp and his friends. I mean, who really wants to deal with a a bunch of teens and twenty-somethings after dealing with the Dark Lord?

Who is this person that has arrived? Part of me wants to say that it's Lucius in his still "crazed" state but at the same time I want to say that its another evil Death Eater. I guess I need to read the next chapter to find out!!!

Anyway, this was another fantastic chapter, Dan! I've come close to the end real quick! Just 2 more chapters to go and I'll be done!

Until next time!!

--Rosie

Author's Response: Hi, Rosie!

There was a bit of a contrast between the outside of the manor versus the inside, at least until Flint comes out and spoils the serene setting.

Loving Gamp isn't a commonly held opinion, but I'm glad that the character works so well for you. As a villain, he's been a lot of fun to work with. I sort of doubt I'll ever have a story dedicated just to him, but it's an interesting idea.

I think Daphne is younger and more heart-broken here than when you see her in CoB. By the time she and Astoria are in their 60's, she's pretty resigned to living her entire life vicariously through her sister.

I'm been trying to gradually lead the reader toward the idea that Lucius might not be behind Gamp's conspiracy since somewhere back around chapter 5, but it's finally a sure thing. I liked the idea of throwing Avery into the mix because I came to think of him as such a demented guy while reading pix's Until We Close Our Eyes for Good.

The "artifact" is something that Draco made up when he was trying to explain to Zabini why he needed to go to Daphne's wedding. Unfortunately, that lie came full circle in this chapter. Avery doesn't understand horcruxes, but he does know that Voldemort had "experiments" that allowed him to survive his first defeat in Godric's Hollow. He isn't willing to chance Voldemort's anger a second time by not doing whatever he can to possibly assist his dead master.

Gamp and Avery can't agree on who's top dog in this situation. They're both alphas by nature, and neither respects the other. This *might* just work in Draco's favor...

The person who arrived at the end of the chapter is... a surprise. :p You'll know very soon.

I'm so pleased that you're enjoying it! Thanks so much for reading and reviewing!


 Report Review

Review #15, by RemusDetox: A Break with the Past

11th January 2014:
I had to come read this!

My initial thought to Flint was "How dare he order Draco around in his own home?"

I want to make Narcissa my spirit animal. Haha!

"I say we hex him the lot of them,then leave them at Azkaban for the Ministry to find after we're gone.--maybe take out the 'him'?

Aww, Lucius comes to help! I couldn't help but laugh at the fact that he thinks he's in the Dept of Mysteries but still. He has come to help his wife and Draco. He means well...in a way.

Narcissa, kicking some behind and taking names! Yeah!!

Sorry for the short review but I got sucked into the story! That and I'm beginning to feel a bit under the weather again and all I can think of right now is taking a nap on the couch. Haha. I shall be coming back to this soon!

Until next time, sir!! :D

--Rosie

Author's Response: Day 2 of getting back on top of my unanswered reviews! The big push day!

Flint is the same sort of cocky jerk in this story that you might remember from CoB. You know, before Lady T gets tired of his act and wastes him.

Narcissa would make a good spirit guide, wouldn't she? She's pretty wise and well-measured and she presents well. Also, she'd unleash the family Fiendfyre on anyone who caused you grief.

Thanks for that typo! Amazing how these things can slip past so many people for so long...

Poor Lucius doesn't know where or when he is, but he's still pretty good in a fight. At least he didn't start hurling curses at the wrong side.

No worries on the short review. Man, I love knowing that somebody's enjoying the story! Thanks so much!


 Report Review

Review #16, by RemusDetox: Climbing Back

11th January 2014:
Hola! It has been a while! I read that you have a new story being Beta read so I figured I need to finish Detox before the new one comes along! Don't want to be too far behind! :D

This line right here:

She should be attending dinner parties and balls, not studying for exams that will never matter again once she's married."

Kinda made me feel bad for Astoria. I mean, here she is, trying to excel herself in her studies, to become someone and her father is like "meh," about it. I mean, he's right in a way. Once Astoria marries there's no need for education. Even with Malfoy she doesn't need it even though I'm sure that Draco would like an intelligent woman by his side. But her "end" will be getting married and raising children, not join the workforce.

I love Priscilla! I mean, she somewhat wipes the floor with Horatio with her argument.

Madam Blishwick is certainly...unique. Haha. She doesn't see the war or Bellatrix as something horrible but as an advancement of magic/science. I like her because she takes the analytic side to things and has zero regard to Draco's feelings or the horrors he saw during the war.

I love Lucius in the books but your Lucius just irritates me! He makes me want to jump into this story and give him a couple of slaps. I mean this line just...argh!!

After a week of relaxation, you'll be back to your old self again and your ancestors can stop spinning in their graves.

I mean...really Lucius?!

Wait...he has redeemed himself a bit. A bit!

Lucius seemed to shrink before Draco's eyes as he stared blankly at his shoes. He sunk back into his chair and rested his walking stick across his lap. Finally he shook his head and lowered his forehead into his palm before speaking softly, more to himself than to anybody else.

What's ironic about this line is that Lucius here is acting like a child who has been caught.

Wait...this has taken a turn that I was not expecting!

What sort of ending was that?! What evil cliffhanger is this?! Gah! I'm so glad that I don't have to wait for the next chapter!!!

--Rosie

Author's Response: Hi, Rosie!

So I have been genuinely awful about responding to reviews this past week. Time to work on that...

I felt very bad for Astoria while writing this. I know that nearly every teenage girl in the history of our species has thought this, but in Astoria's case it's the truth: her father just doesn't understand her. His background and upbringing are such that he simply can't understand why his daughter would be so intent on finding her own way in the world. Her mother, on the other hand, at least has a sense of where Astoria is coming from, even if it's only from reading her trashy romance novels. And she does pretty much run over her husband in this chapter. ;)

I think I've said this in past review responses, but it bares repeating: Madam Blishwick is a very pure, single-minded academic who is completely oblivious to the deeper philosophical implications of her work. In her mind, if it can be analyzed and understood then it should be analyzed and understood in the name of science. Well, in the name of magic, I guess. You get my point, I hope.

The enigma of Lucius finally starts to unravel a bit in this chapter. He's not well, mentally. And it just so happened that his paranoid delusions lined up with the particulars of Gamp's conspiracy. Unfortunate for him and for Draco.

What sort of cliffhanger? Why the best kind, of course! The kind that makes Rosie want to read the next chapter! Muahahahahaaa...

So glad you're enjoying this! Then end is near. Thanks for reading and reviewing!


 Report Review

Review #17, by RemusResolute: Resolute

10th January 2014:
Heya!! Rosie here with your review! So sorry that I've taken forever and ever to come but hey! I'm here! Better late than never, no?

:)

So I've never read a young Tom Riddle story so I was very excited to read this. And I have to say, you didn't dissapoint.

Your opening quote was definitely the first thing that caught my eye. I'm a "Grinch" when it comes to the new year so that quote was the perfect for me. From then on I was sucked into this story.

Your Tom is arrogant, evil, and just nasty and I absolutely love him! It honestly felt like you took him out of the books and plopped him into your story. I liked how he just disregarded the Felix potion. Of course he sees himself as above that, he's Tom Riddle and he doesn't need luck. Ugh, I wonder what would've happened if he had taken that when he went to kill Harry.

smoothen out his hair and tuck his shirt into his trousers. It hardly matters since no one will see him anyway, but the idea of someone seeing him in any state other than perfection is abhorrent.

I really liked that line because I can really see him doing that sort of stuff while at Hogwarts.

Ugh and of course he goes for the Chamber!! Evil Tom!

Ah Slughorn. Poor, poor man. He doesn't know that he's being used. Even if it is just for truffles. I wonder what would've happened if Tom went on to become a politician. What would've happened if he decided to become the next Minister of Magic. He probably would've been more successful but alas, he saw himself as above that as well.

Overall this was a fantastic fic! I was definitely impressed with your handling of Tom. In the whole series, Riddle, Snape and Dumbledore seemed to me as the most complex so kudos to you for making him feel real.

Thank you so much for letting me read this!!

Until next time!

--Rosie

 Report Review

Review #18, by RemusThe Nightingale's Lament: The Nightingale's Lament

5th January 2014:
Heya!! Perelandra here from the forums. :) Sorry for taking forever to come and review this! However, I'm here now, with coffee ready to tackle this!

Just so you know, I'll be reading and reviewing as I read along. Also, if this review seems a bit...weird, I apologize. I'm on my 3rd cup of coffee...:D

I absolutely love the first paragraph. I mean, you painted the picture in my head with all your description and I love that because I'm a very detailed oriented person.

It made me sad at the end of the first part because I didn't know it was going to be about Colin's death. Waah!

I liked how Susanna is a bit prejudice towards the other houses. It just goes to show that no matter in what house you in, or where you come from, everyone can be a bit prejudice towards the other houses.

Awww, it's sweet that he took her to the Room of Requirements! And the charm bracelet was a nice touch too. Ugh, I have a feeling that this fic is going to make me cry!

This part:

Summer was a glorious time of year, Vicky's favourite time of year broke your flow with repeating 'year' twice. It just didn't seem to fit with the rest of your narrative.

Ok, I think your timeline is a bit off. Fudge confirmed that Voldemort was back at the end of Harry's 5th year, Colin's 4th. He didn't take any OWLs then. It was the year after that, Harry's 6th year, that he did. Colin's in the same year as Ginny, and there was this part where Harry couldn't spend time with her because she was too busy studying. Anyway, perhaps it's the phrasing of things that made it sound like your timeline was a bit off.

I got sucked into the last bit! Ugh such a good, bittersweet story. I mean, I knew where this was going but it's just sad to see it from someone that cared so much for Colin. The heartbreak that the war caused but in the end, I'm glad that Vicky decided to live for Colin. To not let his death go in vain.

Aside from what I pointed out, I have no CC to give you. I really enjoyed this!

Thank you for letting me read this!!

--Rosie

Author's Response: Hi Rosie :)

I love details too, so I enjoyed including all of them in the description. I'm pleased that you liked it too!

Thank you for that suggestion, I'll definitely look at removing the repetition! I looked back at the part you're referring to and I think it's probably the way I phrased it. I was trying to say that over the course of the last year, they'd found out Voldemort was back (the end of Colin's fourth year), then taken their OWLs and Dumbledore was killed in their fifth year. Thank you for pointing it out though, I'll definitely think about how to phrase that better :)

I think that often the only prejudices that appear in stories like these are those between Gryffindor and Slytherin, so I'm glad you liked the appearance of other prejudices here.

I'd have loved to see more of Colin in the books so it was great to write more about him, although kind of bittersweet in a way as well. It was good to develop his character more through this and his relationship with Vicky, and I'm really pleased that you enjoyed it!

Thank you for offering to read this and for your lovely review!

Sian :)


 Report Review

Review #19, by RemusInto Oblivion: Into Oblivion

4th January 2014:
Heya! Perelandra here from the forums! Sorry for taking a while to get here and give you your review but life, you know. However, I'm here to give you what you asked for! :)

I have to be completely honest here, I was a bit hesitant to read this. Lily and Remus is not a pairing I dwell into. Sirius and Lily, maybe, but Remus? O.o However, I gave it a chance.

I'm not entirely a fan but I liked your story and take nonetheless. Lily was not the Lily I'm used to reading. She's more, mean? Horrible? Cruel? I can't think of the proper word to describe her! Detached? Full of flaws? Help me? Hahaha!

I couldn't help but to feel mad at her! She toyed with Remus's emotions and if James had found out that these two had been an "item" he would've 1) backed off 2) not have dated Lily. He's his friend, his brother, and James would never hurt Remus like that. Haha see what you've done there? Haha, got me all riled up!

I couldn't be mad at James here, he didn't know any better, but Lily...

I absolutely loved the whole "stabbing" thing. That was beautifully handled. I think, in the whole story, my favorite line is:

All this time with Lily. All this time she must have known that James the one, not him. He will fade into oblivion. Instead of Lily being a phase of James's, he is a phase of hers.

Speaking of that line, you missed the word "was" after James. You have a few grammar issues but it wasn't too big of a deal. A few read through will fix those up. Everyone's guilty of those! XD

I liked that line a lot because it shows that love is painful, and can sometimes deceive you into thinking things that are not true. Perhaps Remus put Lily on this pedestal and sort of worshiped her until his world came crumbling down.

Overall this was a great fic.

My CC on it would be the grammar and typo issues that you have around the story.

Thank you for letting me read this!!

--Rosie

Author's Response: Hi Rosie! I have to admit I was a bit worried about giving this one-shot to you because I know some people are a bit torn about Remus and Lily and whether they like it or not, but in the end I had to give in because all my other one-shots had a ton of feedback and this one didn't have as much, so it's great to hear that you liked it though!

Bahaha, I think that's the reason why I had a little too much fun writing this story because exploring the more 'evil' side to Lily was a definite change to the usual side to her, but then trying to figure out how to make her like that but believable was rather fun again.

I know what you mean about James, because deep down he would have done the right thing and stood back but Remus was too much of a good friend to break James' heart and didn't want to tell him and I'm fairly sure that Lily probably had a part in that too. I'm sorry I got you riled up though!

I'm so glad that you liked the stabbing part because it was a new thing for me but it was quite fun showing his pain in that way. As for that line, I think I have to agree with you about Remus putting Lily on a pedestal and worshipping her, hence him not realising that she and James were together until it was all too late!

Thanks for pointing that out, I'll go and fix and the other issues too. There I was thinking that they were all gone :p

Thanks for such a great review, Rosie!

-Kiana


 Report Review

Review #20, by RemusThe Lucky Girl: The Lucky Girl

4th January 2014:
Hey, Amanda!

Perelandra here from the forums! :D Sorry that I've taken a while, life and all, but I'm here to review your story! :)

I have to say, I was very excited to read this one. Pack of Four has started on the whole Remus/Tonks deal so it's always nice to see how people perceive her.

In the books I felt she came across as this woman with a firmed reassurance of herself. This Tonks is different. She's nervous, a bit insecure of her abilities even though she a Metamorphmagus!! But I really liked that! It's refreshing to see a different perspective to a character that I've grown to really love.

What I enjoyed the most about this fic was that all of her emotions were very reletable because once or twice I've been in her position.

That bit about Charlie was cute, by the way! I wouldn't doubt for an instant about Arthur having muggle books. Possibly would read them to the kids when Molly wasn't there.

This was a short and sweet story and I kind of wanted more! Wanted to see the now confident Tonks take the job that she wanted, stalk Moody, possibly scare the old man. Haha! But I guess I'm going to settle with what you gave us. :)

I really liked this, Amanda! Thanks for giving me the link to read it!!!

Until next time!

--Rosie

Author's Response: Hey Rosie, thanks for coming by!

I'm glad Tonks felt slightly different but still in character. I think it would take some time and experience to build up that confidence we saw in the books, and Tonks clearly went through some challenges and dangerous, character-building situations between now and when she met Harry.

I'm glad you liked the emotion and the little details, like the anecdote about Charlie. This was just a little snapshot, but I'm sure you can imagine Tonks growing into the slightly clumsy Auror we love :)

Thanks for your kind review!

-Amanda


 Report Review

Review #21, by RemusSubjugo Sempiterne - Forever Under the Yoke: Part 1: Friendship and Betrayal

5th December 2013:
Heya! Rosie/Perelandra here from the forums! I meant to review this last night but friends came over...hahaha, then nothing got done. But man, am I glad I came to read this!

This is such a great idea/twist to the whole elves being enslaved. Is Hywel a descendant of Helga or an ancestor? What I liked about this was that it was a Hufflepuff, not a Slytherin or a Gryffindor to do this.

I absolutely love the description of their friendship and how it goes from real great friends to possible enemies. It seems to me that Hywel is jealous of Winifred's magic for hers is more powerful than his. And the idea of her just taking his wand like it was nothing definitely angered him.

He strikes me of a man who won't let go of grudges that easy. I mean, that poor muggle got his face slashed for revenge, I can't imagine what he has in mind for Winifred! (well...I can...)

Ugh! I wanna know what happens so please don't hesitate to let me know when you've posted the next chapter! :D

Thank you for the great read!

--Rosie.

P.S. To answer the question you asked in a review response, yes my hair is curly too! XD

Author's Response: Rosie!!!

We definitely are secret twins then. :D

Thank you so much for reviewing this!! I'm so full of squee with your review.

Hywel is an ancestor of Helga (I can't decide between a father/uncle or grandfather/great uncle. I thought it'd be interesting to have Helga be an advocate for house elves as a "sins of my father" type of action. I'm glad you liked that it was a Hufflepuff and not another family.

The idea that an elf would have more magical prowes than wizards was something I wanted to toy with in this story. Wizards really seem to think of wands as something to keep from other magical creatures (the reaction Narcissa and Bellatrix had to Dobby taking their wand, Winky at the world cup, and Griphook's tirade on wizards and wands). I wanted to make some sort of explanation for that.

I can't write about what he has in mind for Winifred in detail (TOS and all) but, yeah, it is what you think it is/ ;)

I'll definitly post when it's updated!1 Thank you so much for writing such an incredbile reviews.
-Rose


 Report Review

Review #22, by RemusLet Not the Silence Break: Let Not the Silence Break

27th November 2013:
Hey Perelandra here from the forums!

Ugh Sometime ago I asked for some Gryffindor Reviews and I'm finally getting here. What's funny is that I read it and meant to leave the review but things happened and I just put it in the backburner. So sorry for the uber long delay.

This piece was definitely haunting. What I liked was how you switched the Twins with George dying instead of Fred. Despite the switch, it doesn't make this any better. The pain, the suffering they go through...I guess its more traumatizing to watch the Twin die rather than it being a quick death like it was in the books.

I just couldn't help but to feel sad for Fred as he watched George slip away and unable to say a word. Then again, what can you say at a moment like this?

The end though! It almost felt like an equivalent exchange. Fred's happiness, voice, jokes and everything in exchange for George's life. Yeah, they both lived but still, its a bittersweet end. And no one will understand why he's silent, of the stuff Fred went through except for George.

The end did get a little confusing. Did Fred do some ancient magic that ended up killing the Death Eaters? That part, for me, got a bit muddled but it didn't turn me off from the story at all.

The whole no dialogue thing was great! It felt more powerful, to be honest. It allowed me, as the reader, to just picture these two's suffering a lot more. Which is weird to say but it made me enjoy the story a lot more. Something about the silence here is powerful.

Thank you for allowing me to read this! It was a great and powerful story! I loved it!

--Rosie

Author's Response: I am the SLOWEST review responder in the world, and I'm so sorry for that. It seems like no matter how hard I try, I still manage to get hopelessly behind. So no worries about taking a while to get to the story, since I've taken even longer to get to the response.

It's been a long time since I asked anyone to read this story, so I wasn't sure what your reaction would be to it. I'm glad you appreciated it, and your review is amazing.

I'm not sure I consciously switched the fate of the twins, or that's just how the story wrote itself. I did notice it, towards the end of writing this piece, but I didn't really plan it. And you are right, losing a twin isn't any easier no matter who it is.

I really was trying to pull at the heartstrings with this, so while I'm sorry it made you sad, that is kind of a compliment, so I'm gonna say thank you as well!

When I first wrote this and people were reading it, they kept asking me to add to it, to make it better, let Fred get fixed. But I just couldn't do it. That's not how this story worked. I do hope over time, he regained some happiness, but I'm not sure the joking or the voice could ever come back. It's too much a part of the dark magic he tapped to save George. I'm glad you recognized that and saw it as a fair trade.

Sorry for the confusion at the end. I can see how that would happen, given the style I was writing it. I hinted that yes, he tapped some deep, ancient, instinctual magic - magic like Lily's blood sacrifice for Harry or magic that only a twin, someone connected so deeply to another, could find. And he caused a reaction that did kill the Death Eaters, but whether he did that on purpose or it was just a side effect he didn't realize would happen I left up to the readers.

Thank you for recognizing the power of the silence in the story. That is EXACTLY what I was trying for. *hugs*

Thanks again for reviewing! And I'm sorry it took me ages to respond!


 Report Review

Review #23, by RemusForget the World: Lie With Me

30th October 2013:
Heya! Perelandra here!

You know, I read this fic sometime ago and apparently I didn't leave a review. For shame!! :O However, I'm here. Thank you for replying to my post...yesterday was just a bad day and needed some cheering up. Your fic definitely helped me cheer up a big.

Poor Hermione, though! She's living a bride's nightmare. One bad thing after another would definitely put anyone on edge. I just love how well in character those two felt to me, you know. Hermione, the one who always wants to have the answers, a way to fix something and then there's Ron...He made me laugh by doing nothing. Haha.

However, he was so adorable. Just the fact that he had done everything for her makes me want to hug him. That's just too cute.

Even though you said that Ron/Hermione were out of your comfort zone, I honestly think you did a great job. Honestly, I see no grammar, structure, or flow issues. Great job, my dear! :D

Thank you for letting me read this and for trying to cheer me up! Haha, I appreciate it!

--Rosie

Author's Response: Hey, Rosie!

I'm glad it cheered you up. *hugs*

I've never been in this type of position, but I imagine it would be very hard, especially for someone like Hermione, so it was interesting to write this story.

Ron doing nothing was fun. Well, supposedly doing nothing. ;) I loved writing Ron, he's awesome. He is why I now have to write more. :D

Thank you so much for leaving a review!

Sam.


 Report Review

Review #24, by RemusAn Adventure of His Own: A Warm Welcome

15th October 2013:
Heya! Perelandra here with your review! So sorry that I've taken a while to get here...Life's too busy; the adult life is certainly not that fun as I thought when I was a child! Haha!

Anyway, I picked this fic because well...I don't think I've ever read a story about Filch! So I figured why not do so now!

I usually read and review at the same time...but ugh, your stories tend to suck me in and I just read through the whole thing without stopping.

This Argus felt bitter about life...but not as bitter as we saw him in the books. Perhaps after working in a castle full of 'spoiled' children that have the one thing he wants the most turned him into the bitter, angry man we know.

The little Mrs. Norris was a cute touch! I like how even at a very young age, she sticks to Filch and doesn't leave his side. His small run-in with the Marauders was cute! Ah, the pains they'll give him.

You know, I never put too much though into it but I guess Madam Pince also hates children. If those two ever got together, their children would be cats and books. That's it.

Your characterization you gave them was great though. I could relate to them in a way (I work retail...and deal with kids a lot...)but you didn't exaggerate their dislike of children to where they sounded like nasty pieces of work. They're tolerable, haha!

Aww, I didn't know that JKR named Mrs. Norris out of Mansfield Park! I feel like I learn something new every day with Harry Potter! I also like the little touch of HOW Filch might have given her the name. :D

Overall, this was a nice one-shot! Thank you for expanding my head-canon of a character I rarely think of! And thank you for letting me read this!

Until next time, academica!

--Rosie

Author's Response: Hey! Oh, man, tell me about it :) Sorry this response has taken a while, but here I am.

I'm really glad you liked my characterization of Argus and Irma and all the little details I included, like Filch's run-in with the Marauders and the introduction of Mrs. Norris as a kitten. I agree that not a whole lot has been written about Filch or Madam Pince, and it was fun to explore a new character and think about how Filch came to be the way he is by the time we meet him in the canon series.

Thanks so much for your sweet review :)

-Amanda


 Report Review

Review #25, by RemusAccidental Apparition: Destination Destination Destination

15th October 2013:
Heya!! Perelandra here form the forums with your review! :D So sorry that I've taken forever go get here...life and all. I have a small break before work so I figure I would come here! I chose this one because I like me some Jily fics.

The first thing that I noticed about your fic was the description. I was able to put myself there without any problems. And that's something I really like from any fic.

This Lily, however, felt like a sad Lily. Almost depressed. Well, I guess I would be too if I were in her position. A father who is gone, dislike from her sister, the name calling, her friends ignoring her... Everything starts to build up in the end. It's no wonder that she apparated elsewhere!

The little tidbit you had of Filch was funny and so downright Filch-like. Part of me thought he wasn't going to let her out!

When she apparated to the beach I got jealous! Hahaha! Right now we have the gloomy, rainy and cold weather you described. If I could apparate else where just like Lily did...that would be awesome!

Your Lily and James moments were great! They felt normal 16-17yr olds who no real cares in the world. I'm glad that James is there for her, even when she doesn't want him to. And his sense of humor was great! Specially he tells Lily to stop perving on him. LOL! And her comeback...that was just perfect!

I think my favorite line is:

'I really think we should go back. But we can always come back here for our honeymoon, and for family holidays when we have our four children.'

It's so bittersweet because we know that never happens. Well...at least the family holidays. With their four children. Haha, I can't imagine Harry with 3 more siblings! He wouldn't have grown up lonely, that's for sure!

Anyway, your narrative, description and overall flow is great! I mean, this was a Cup Challenge so I know that you must've been pressured with time but the outcome was a nice one-shot!

I'm pretty sure there might be other typos but nothing really stood up except for this one part:

She was very aware of the fact that James Potter was stood before her in just his boxer shorts -- I think the second 'was' is an extra word accidentally left there. XD

Anyway! Thank you for letting me read this one-shot! It was too cute!!!

Until next time!

--Rosie

Author's Response: Hi Rosie! Oh my, please please do not apologise! Your offer was so kind so you really do not need to say sorry!!

Anyway, on with the response! Thankyou so much for this lovely review :) I am never sure with my descriptions so i'm glad you liked them and were able to put yourself there :)

Aw, yes she was a rather sad Lily in this. In this, her father dying was the final straw, until then she was able to handle all the other stuff. I kind of wanted to show how emotions can affect magical ability and just how small things can very quickly build up into major problems. Poor Lily, she really was having a tough time of it!

Hee, I'm glad you liked Filch :) I was going to have him lock Lily in and have her having to find a way out but I was running out of words for the 5000 maximum word count!

Haha, I have that weather here too! I would love to be able to apparate somewhere else!

Yay!! I am so happy you thought the James/Lily moments we're great :D I really enjoyed writing those - especially the two parts in particular that you have mentioned! So that you have mentioned them is just amazing :) Ah, yes, this was the perfect time for James to prove himself to Lily, and I think he did by the end of it ;)

Now you've mentioned about Harry having 3 siblings I can't help but imagine what he would have grown up like if James and Lily had survived and had 3 more children. I wonder how different he would have been.

Yes, this was written rather quickly (for me anyway - I think I am usually the worlds slowest writer! ) and I think this was the fastest I'd ever written nearly 5000 words. Maybe the pressure actually helped! It is good to know you felt it was a nice one-shot and that the flow, narrative and description were great :) thank you!

I have not done a full edit since I posted this (have edited small bits that have been pointed out in reviews but not a full edit) so I will do that to try and catch those pesky extra words :) thanks for pointing that out!

Thank you so much for taking the time to read this and leave me such a lovely review :) I'm glad you enjoyed it and found it cute!

Haronione ♥


 Report Review
If this is your story and you wish to respond to reviews, please login

<Previous Page  Jump:     Next Page>