I finally have time to come and review this! *celebrates* I'm so far behind! :'( With my job, working out, cooking half the time on my days off and looking for a house...it makes it quite difficult to just sit down and relax while reading your favorite fanfics. However! I haven't forgotten about you, Jami!
Alright, let's get reviewing! :D
Argh! I knew Alrek was up to something! I just thought that he wanted to be with Lily or mess with James but man, this goes beyond what I expected! He's a very tricky person so I'm afraid of them actually pulling off the whole 'kidnapping James' deal. However, I really like the concept of Voldemort getting James as the poster boy for his campaign. It would make sense as to why he really wanted James. A handsome looking guy, with charisma and brilliant personality...of course people will follow him.
You just totally killed me with Belle's story! I mean, gah! I have no words for it! It was something I should've expected but at the same time it hit me like a bucket of cold water. You're making me afraid for poor Belle's future here. I mean...what's going to be her end? I have a feeling that she's not going to have a happy ending and I'm sort of upset about that, ma'am! I mean she might get together with Sirius in the end, but then he goes to jail and Lily and James die and Harry's sent away. GAH! Don't do this to me, Jami! :( :( :(
This was a great chapter, as always! I wish my review were longer but right now I'm sticking with short reviews, that way I can hit Dan's Detox next before taking the plunge to HPo4.
Until next time, Jami! :)
--RosieAuthor's Response: ROSIE! I know what you mean, RL can be such a pain. I've been so behind review, too. I've been gymming MWF evenings after work nstead of mornings, and I didn't realize how much time I really was losing. But still, waking up at 6 instead of 5 is so nice. And I'm so happy you haven't forgotten about me! *cuddles Rosie* hehe
I think that's the oddest part about introducing an OC into a Marauders story, cause people don't know where she'll end up! I mean, we all know what's going to happen to the group by the end. But Belle's future is still very much unknown *rubs hands together evil-like.* I'm so happy her story felt emotional to you. That's definitely what I wanted!
And Alrek! Mwahaha is all I have to say ;).
Aww Rosie it's been so awesome replying to one of your reviews again. You're so sweet to come buy even with your crazy schedule, and I hope it slows down soon so I can have more HPo4 ♥ Report Review
Perelandra here from the forums! :D
Just so you know the idea of "shoot flaming forks at someone with his wand" sounds like something I would've loved to do/think back in my teens. I wouldn't mind that happening now as an 'adult' though but not for 'love' or 'jealousy' reasons. Hahaha!
The first thing that made me love this is the imagery you have. Just how he describes the feeling of being rejected is both funny and so true!
Glad that Hermione makes the children work without magic. Haha, its so like her to do something like that.
I like how you have Teddy change without meaning to. Just like there are people out there whose eyes change with the weather and feelings, Teddy here has his whole appearance change. As cools as it may be sound, it must be a complicated to live with.
It sometimes feels like the only things my parents have left me are a tendency for undercooked meat and a body that changes at the slightest whim or emotion.---I laughed with that line and at the same time I found myself 'awwing' at it. I mean, he almost sounds resentful towards his parents but I'm sure he would've loved to meet them.
Teddy's personality and character is what got me sucked into the story. He sounds like a perfect teenager who is being way too dramatic about his feelings, specially his jealousy. The one thing I wish I could've seen here is a physical change when in a bout of jealousy. He changes without meaning to when around Vic but why not when he's jealous about Victoire? Just wondering though, nothing big! XD
The end was so cute! You did a fantastic job at imagery and just overall story telling! I'm not a huge Vic/Teddy fan but you managed to get me to like their relationship! Thank you for letting me read this. I really enjoyed it! :)
Until next time
--RosieAuthor's Response: Hi! Thank you very much!
You know it makes sense for him to turn green or something when he's jealous xD I never thought of that, so thanks for pointing it out!
Thank you for your review and I'm so glad you liked it :) Report Review
Perelandra from the forums.
I love Remus-centric fics. Specially then they deal with Lily and James's death. I really like how you pointed out that he felt left out, even by Peter.
The imagery in this is great. I managed to picture everything in my head. The feeling of sadness and Remus's own feelings of detachment. Actually, Remus reminds me of someone that's there in body, watching the action but is not there mentally and in spirit. He's in his own world, mourning his friends in his own way.
It always makes me very sad/upset that everyone thought that he was the traitor. He must've lived with the guilt for a long time for not seeing Sirius's supposed guilt. You did a fantastic job at portraying emotions without making me reach for the tissue box. I think the emotion of jealousy was the best. I mean, he's jealous of Petunia the woman who would've been happy to give him Harry in a heartbeat. Never thought about it but it makes a lot of sense.
I spotted a typo:
In the line that reads "Peter isn't even getting funeral" --think you're missing an 'a' after 'getting'.
Anyway, overall this was a great one-shot. Thanks for letting me read it! I sure love me some Remus stories.
Until next time
--RosieAuthor's Response: Hi Rosie!
I'm really glad that you liked the imagery and that you could picture it, as I'm trying to incorporate more into my work as I tend to forget about it. Yeah I kinda had that idea of Remus not fully being there as he would be too wrapped in his grieving to notice much else.
I think that's one of things which saddens me most throughout the series as it's just so tragic. I'm glad that you liked his emotions, as I wasn't too sure about them myself. I never thought about him feeling jealously, but when I began writing it I thought I had to include Harry into it and seemed best to include jealously with it.
Thank you for pointing out the typo, I always managed to miss the odd one or two :P
Thank you for this great review, I'm so glad that you liked it!
-Kiana Report Review
Hey Perelandra here with your review!
I'm so sorry that I've taken forever (and ever) to come and review this! Life has been crazy lately. New job, long hours...anyway, I'm sure you don't want to hear me complain. You want your review! XD
Just so you know, I'll be reviewing this as I read along. :)
First of all, your summary immediately intrigued me. I love Doctor Who/HP crossovers but to do it with Petunia...brilliant idea!
Man, Mr. and Mrs. Evans are quick to dismiss Petunia's comment. Makes me sad for her, really. She was just making a comment that she saw a police box and they're quick to dismiss her, telling her that it was a 'trick'. I can understand why she's mad. It would've made ME mad too!
before Lily could soar through the air and make flowers bloom in the palm of her hand, before she became a pretty thing herself. --Man, that last bit right there was like a knife to the heart. Without really saying it, you managed to show Petunia's jealousy of Lily's ability to do magic.
Yay! 11 to the rescue!
Oh my gosh! I could flail! Your Doctor sounds just like 11! Kudos to you for that! He's a hard character to pin down I think so I'm happy that you managed to do it.
Wow, thanks to your story I found out that Petunia got married at a very, VERY young age! 18-19.
Wait, what? no! It can't be over! What! You can't end it like this! XD Does the Doctor find her again? This isn't a very nice end for a one-shot! Does he try to look for Petunia, at least to apologize? He could at least go and make sure that she's happy. He doesn't take Lily and James, right? Because that wouldn't be fair to Petunia. He's Petunia's, not Lily's. Hahaha, as you can see, I'm devastated for Petunia's sake. XD I can't believe it but you managed to get me attached to her and worried about her feelings.
Love the Doctor's personality. It's so him.
Hahaha! This was a fantastic one-shot. Not very happy with the end because I want to know more! This was Petunia's story so it made me sad that it ended with Lily. :(
Anyway, I'll stop complaining now. XD
until next time
--Rosie Report Review
Hey! So I have a bit of time to spare before my life gets too complicated once again so I figured I should drop by!
As I read this I realized that Daphne is only 18-19 and is already getting ready for marriage. It just goes to show that even though the pure bloods always regard themselves to be better than the other 'lowly' witches and wizards, they still live in what I would see as a backwards way of living. Hermione, same age as Daphne, wants to finish her education and go work for the Ministry. Daphne on the other hand is getting married, be part of the inner circles of society to excel in gossip and be a dutiful wive. Oh and let's not forget about having and raising the pure blooded children she's suppose to have. You just really made me think of how the 'noble' pure bloods are raising their daughters compared to someone like Mrs. Weasley or the Grangers who have strong and independent girls.
Anyway! The scene with the dresses reminded me of those reality shows on TV. Made me giggle and made me feel bad for Astoria. However when her mom told her that she was to be escorted to the wedding by Emery I felt so bad for her and anger towards the mom. One minute she's this person Astoria can open up to, the next she's a demanding mother who forces Astoria to do something she doesn't wish to do. She's quite a character! I'm wondering of how she'll react when Astoria tells her that she wishes to be with Draco. Will she be mad or try to be happy for Astoria?
I absolutely LOVED the conversation between Zabini and Draco. Its like Draco wants to appear like a BAMF in front of Zabini about the wedding but in reality he's doing it for a girl. That, overall, is just funny.
we both know that Emery Montague is playing Chaser for the other squad.
That was brilliant. It had me laughing! Ah, wizarding humor. Zabini, though, he's playing with fire and will always play with fire. He's not evil or anything...just very stupid. The wizarding world just went through a horrible war and thinks that he can rally the losing side and overthrow the current government. Doesn't he stop to think that Harry went face to face with Voldemort and that facing Zabini would be nothing compared to him? Even if they're targeting Shacklebolt it's not like he'll be alone. Ugh, Zabini frustrates me!
Anyway! Now I'm one chapter behind and I already read half of it at work. Just so you know, Gamp is just scary! Haha! Sorry the review is a bit short but today is becoming hectic once more. Real life bites some times.
Until next time, sir! :D
--RosieAuthor's Response: Hi, Rosie!
Daphne is so vested in the old pure blood way of doing things that none of this seems at all strange to her. Her sense of right and wrong is hard-wired at this point and she really isn't the type to spend a lot of time second-guessing things. That's the difference between her and Astoria. Or her and Hermione, for that matter. So yay for strong, independent-minded girls!
I was definitely thinking along the lines of some of those awful reality shows when I wrote that whole section. It's definitely not Astoria's "scene", if you will. I'd say not to pass judgment on Astoria's parents *too soon*. They're products of their upbringing and they really do love both of their daughters and try to do what they think is best. They just have some weird ideas about it, that's all.
Draco does prefer to look hardcore when he can, but he has other reasons not to want Zabini to know why he's so intent on attending Gamp and Daphne's wedding. If word gets back to Mr. Greengrass that Draco and Astoria are still romantically involved, he'll probably send her away to Beauxbatons or something.
I'm glad you liked Draco's little one-liner about Emery Montague. I enjoyed writing that.
Zabini is not being smart at all, but you'll soon see that he's probably the least dangerous of Draco's old friends. He's disenchanted and he has a bad substance abuse problem and he's too dumb to realize what he's getting himself into.
You're going to be all caught up and I still don't have the next chapter done! I'll have to work on that. Thanks for reading and reviewing! Report Review
I really wish I had a time turner because I seriously don't have the time to read and review as often as I did. But considering that I'm already three chapters behind I figured I should narrow the gap by coming to review this chapter. I was guilty of reading and never coming to review until now...oops. :S
One of the things that stuck out to me the most and definitely one of my favorite details is how Astoria behaves. One moment she's a normal teen talking to her friend and the next an obedient daughter who only speaks when she's allowed. You definitely have kept in mind that most of the Slytherins come from a somewhat 'posh' upbringing. Proper behavior from a lady is expected from these girls. Perhaps that's why I always seem to picture Astoria in a large Victorian era gown instead of her uniform. The part where her friend tells her that she's a Slytherin and therefore she has to lie made me giggle; mostly because it's true.
"Not being a parent, perhaps you can't understand how upsetting that is to her mother and me."
That line by her father just annoyed me. I thought, "How dare this man talk to Minerva that way!" And then I felt a little sad because McGonagall has a very tragic past. How rude of a man! Again though! Kudos to you for bringing yourself into a mindset of a Slytherin father. He's concern about his daughter's wellbeing but at the same time, he doesn't think that school is dignified enough for his child and feels the need to let the Headmistress know that. I have to ask, how do you do it? You're able to write bad guys so well but clearly you're a Gryffindor. Hahaha! Astoria's dad is not a bad guy per say but he has a bit of that pure-blood tendencies and that his family is better than everyone else's. And yet...he's a loving father who is concern about her wellbeing and her future. He's a very stubborn man...ugh, I don't know how I feel about the guy yet...
Just so you know I wanted to applaud just like Astoria after Minerva's speech. But I was at work...and that would've looked weird.
I absolutely loved Snape's speech.
Lucius is going absolutely mad!
I can just picture Jason Isaacs rocking back and forth in his chair looking wasted away and disheveled. For a while you had me there, that there were some Death Eaters trying to rise once again and finish what Voldemort had started. But then I felt bad for him...a little bit.
But Draco in the end just made me very upset! He was doing so well with his drinking and now Lucius had to ruin everything. So much angst for Draco! I know that Astoria and Draco get together so I know that there will be a happy ending to this story. Unless you go through the alternate universe route...then I won't be happy! Haha!
Well, I hope to not take forever to read and review the next chapter! But I'll be back nonetheless!
Until next time, sir!
--RosieAuthor's Response: Hi, Rosie! I caught up with my review responses this morning and now I'm endeavoring to keep up a little better. Time will tell whether I succeed.
Astoria's upbringing definitely affects how she behaves, and it's different around adults than people her own age. She is expected to be a proper young lady when her father is addressing her in public, or when he's angry in general I imagine. But she's also a teenage girl and the behavior of her less proper schoolmates has rubbed off on her. And Isadore doesn't just think she should lie because she's a Slytherin, it's also because she's a girl. :p
Mr. Greengrass has been one of those characters that I'm sort of figuring out as I go along. I don't know whether that shows, but I always sort of plunk him into a situation and think, "OK, how is he going to act?" In this case, he is very concerned about Astoria's well-being. And he still has enough misconceptions about the war to make ignorant statements like the one he makes about Dumbledore. In his mind, Dumbledore over-reacted to Voldemort and because of that, he allowed Hogwarts to be dragged into something that a school never should have been part of. He's wrong, of course, but he doesn't know that and McGonagall probably doesn't see any point in trying to set him straight at this particular moment. It isn't as though she would have changed his mind.
When I was first mapping out this chapter, I had Astoria talking to Dumbledore instead of Snape. But then it occurred to me that Snape knows Draco much better and Astoria would be more likely to take his advice to heart. It just sort of rolled from there.
Old Lucius isn't well. His time in Azkaban and the war both took a toll on him, and losing all of his friends and influence inside the Ministry was a pretty cruel blow, as well. I'm glad you can see Jason Isaacs behaving like that, because it was pretty much exactly what I had in mind.
In my mind, I always expected Draco to have some missteps during his recovery. Most addicts do. I wasn't planning on going to AU route, but now that you mention it, I could turn this into a really awesome Dramione! :p
I always love it when you stop by. Thanks so much for reading and reviewing! Report Review
I'm on my tablet so this review might be a bit shorrt and full of horrible typos.
It always intrigues me when people write about Bella during her youth. Her family is always fun and creepy to read. You however managed to get me all angry towards her dad! The way he was and the way he spoke about muggle borns was so infuriating! I mean...seriously! Hahaha so much anger towards a man that doesnt excist.
Bella was fantastic, though. Right now she just strikes me as this very spoiled brat who thinks she's better than everyone around her. God forbid if the waitress didnt smile at her she might complain of being ill treated by the staff. You just can't win with her, you know. Her personaliy makes me giddy and at the same time it make sme shudder.
Did Mr. Black not wish to meet with Avery's friend because he lacked the proper pure-blooded name? It was Riddle, wasnt it? By the way I spotted a typo in the paragraph in which Mr. Black refuse dto meet with Avery's friend. Instead of the word "of" you have "or".
The end, though, that was just fantastic! I definitely did not see that coming. And it really did shock me a whole lot! This would make young Bella an accomplice to the murders. Well...she doesnt see it that way.
Anyway this was a fantastic chapter and I really cant wait to see the rest of this story.
Until next time, Jami!
P.S: ignore the extra word at the end of this review. My tablet is dumb and wouldnt let me delete that. Hahaha
Anyway!Author's Response: Hi again my lovely Rosie! PS -- do you have blonde hair? I understand that's a creepy question... but blonde seems like it would go with your name, haha.
My iphone reviews are always very short and typo riddled, don't worry, no judgement to be had on this side of the computer ;)!
I'm so happy Cygnus made you angry! I think it's clear that the Blacks had some intense prejudices, so showing how open they were about those in front of their children was fun for me in a weird way, haha. I believe Bellatrix was always missing that part of her that gave her the ability to care, but I don't think she'd have gotten to the point she was at without being raised to believe what she did.
It was Riddle! But I wasn't thinking about the blood status when I had them not meeting. I think Voldemort wouldn't ever have allowed anyone to know that. I think Cygnus likes to keep his hands clean. He has influences and can pay anyone off to do anything, but he also has appearances to uphold and doesn't want to be on the messier side of it all. Which is why I think he probably did support the Cause financially, but chose not to be an actual Death Eater.
Ahh thank you for the typo!
I'm so happy you liked the end!! yay!
Thank you for all your lovely compliments, Rosie! ♥ Report Review
I did NOT know about this! O_O Why!!!
I really enjoyed this prologue. It's definitely a bit creepy but I'm intrigued! Bellatrix is, to be honest, my favorite villain in the whole story. She's this complex individual who went more than bonkers in Azkaban. I can't wait to see how you're going to handle this! I think you definitely tapped into her crazy when you mentioned how she had overgrown her husband. He served his purpose (or perhaps didn't because he didn't give her a child to pass on the 'Black' nobility) so it was time for him to go.
What I love the most about this is this line:
You've been given a gift. The ability to see the way things are destined to be and act on that.
I think you're going to show us the reason why she did those things and justify her actions during both wars. I absolutely love that idea! I'm tired of her always being the evil one. I want someone who will make me think about her actions and find myself cheering for her even though I know its not right! Hahaha! Am I asking for too much? XD
Anyway, I guess we'll see coming soon! :D
Until Next Time
--RosieAuthor's Response: Rosie! Hi!
I'm so happy you liked how this started! And yes, it is a bit creepy, isn't it? Haha! I think that using the second person narrative really helped with giving it that eerie sort of feeling. I'm hoping to bring that back in for future chapters, but nothing's really planned with this one. Which is crazy for me, because I always plan :P!
You're half right about me trying to show why she did those things throughout the wars during this story, though I don't know if they'll ever actually be justified or even attempted. Since all of this will come from her perspective, she'll never think that any of it's wrong. If that makes sense... I haven't had enough coffee today so if none of this makes sense that's why :P
Thank you so much for stopping by my lovely Rosie!
♥ Report Review
So sorry I have taken like 1000 years to come and review this! Seriously! A day didn't go by where I didn't think "oh, gotta review at least one chapter of Before they Fall". But with work and chapter 6 of HPo4...But I'm done with it so now I'm here taking my deserved break!
Argh! I'm so far behind but I need to know Belle's secret! And I KNOW you already posted it and I'm trying really hard to not just jump to that chapter and read it. And just looking at this...I'm more than 10 chapters behind! :( I'll catch up, trust me!
When Lily didn't cry when she saw the cardigan, I teared up for her. Seriously Jami, the choice of words, the imagery and just overall feel to it...I was sad for Lily. Sad over the loss of her parents and feeling responsible.
I like how Alice's parents, who are pureblooded, don't like the idea of Alice spending time with muggles without coming off as supremacists. I think it can be a bit tough to find the fine line between supremacists and those who don't agree with the whole idea of muggles. Alice's parents...do they not like muggleborn or just muggles?
So far, you've kept this very British, one of the reasons why I LOVE your story so perhaps in the line:
After Lily grabbed her purse, instead of 'purse' it could be satchel.
Just an idea/opinion. XD Nothing big!
I need to confess something: I love Belle. I just want to shrink her down and carry her in my pocket that way she can insult/deliver her sassy attitude to people that deserve it.
Is it fair to say that I don't trust this Alrek guy at all?
Awww! He got her a kitten!!! I'm jealous of Lily! I've been trying to get my husband to agree to a cat but he hates them. Hahaha, oh well!
Anyway! This was a great chapter and I hope the next one is Belle's big reveal!
I can't wait to see what happens but first I must finish the queue and Dan's Detox. You'll see me again, that's for sure!
Until next time, Jami!
--RosieAuthor's Response: Rosie! You're the best tackler, you know, ♥ I was so excited to see you here!
I'm so happy that you got chapter 6 finished and am so excited to read it!
Hahah aww you're so sweet ♥ when you do get caught up, I'm so excited to see what you think about the chapter, Holding On To You!
I've been waiting to bring that cardigan back for SO LONG HAHA! I was just so excited to show how much stronger Lily has gotten, and I am so happy that you felt like that moment was done well. I want to hug you!
I really wanted to have Alice's parents balancing that like that you just talked about. They aren't prejudice and they aren't active in helping try and fix other people's prejudice. It just doesn't concern them. I think they would only really not care for he spending time with Muggles. They just don't believe they're up to their class. They don't care who she's friends with at school or anything, they just don't love her being in a Muggle home. Though they don't stop her either, because that's just more effort than they're willing to put out. Haha
Thank you for the brit pick up! In this case, it's mean to be a purse :). Like our version of a clutch or coin purse. Just a small thing you slip your money, cards, lipstick... in. Then what we call a purse over there is a handbag. Then a satchel is more like our version of a.. computer bag almost. Sort of more rucksackish and more professional. Then for them, a clutch is a small handbag with one thing strap and only one pocket. Haha, seriously, we all need to get on board with the same names or something! But i always interrogate Sarah (Athene Goodstrength) with the British things I'm not sure about. But if you spot anything else that seems off, please point it out! I love trying to make this as authentic as possible :)!
HAHAHA I think I love getting my sassy-ness out through Belle :P! I'm so happy you love her. I can't even tell you how much that means to me. You're making me want to shrink YOU and put you in my pocket!!
A KITTEN! eek! Aww you can't talk your husband into it?! Rosie. maybe it's time you try the whole... 'I just found him and I couldn't not take him in!' trick with a kitten. Cook a yummy dinner, maybe some delicious dessert, and if all else fails. bring out the tears! hehehe. My fiance doesn't like cats either though. Maybe you should try going for a puppy?! Are you a dog person??
eeek I'm so excited to see what you think of the next chapter!!! It was such a scary one to write.
Thank you as always for your incredible and detailed reviews. I love them so much ♥ Report Review
So sorry that I have taken FOREVER to come and review this. I had a major writer's block and once I knew where I wanted to go with the story, I just wrote before all inspiration went away. I'm here though! Ready to tackle this! :D
I felt so bad for Simon and everything he's experiencing. I'm sure it was like that and even 1000 times worse in a real concentration camp but I just wanted to save him!
What amazes me the most is how you seemed to have thought of everything. Like Xavier's need for a cane which is only a 'tool' to deceive others.
I spotted a typo:
with its decaying paint peeling of,--shouldn't it be 'off'?
Camille and Xavier need to stop this, ok? They belonged together! You definitely managed to get to my emotions here when it comes to those two. I rarely ship OC, nor care much for them but you definitely managed to get me riled up with their memory of Le Havre. Your choice of words and description are fantastic and I think that's why I got attached to the two of them and why I think they need to stop this and get back together!
However, will we get to see what happened between the two of them?
Jean is very...umm...intense. Why did he try to stab his uncle?
Anyway! This was a fantastic second chapter and I can't wait to see the next one so I hope you get to update soon!
Thanks for letting me read this and so sorry for taking forever!
Until next time
--RosieAuthor's Response: Before anything, I must tell your comment about shipping Xavier and Camille made my entire week. Even now, as I respond to this centuries later, I smile like an idiot when I read that. &hearts
If you want to save Simon, then I'm managing what I'm aiming at! He's such an intense character to write, and I'm really tempted to just magically whisk him out, but then this little voice speaks up and tells me that that's not how things went, that people suffered of cold, hunger, discrimination and torture; were deported and that most of them died. Out of respect for all of those people, I have to leave Simon in the camps for now, simply because it wouldn't feel right saving him when so many others weren't (even though it breaks my heart writing his scenes, trust me).
Whoops, that turned into a bit of an essay.
I think you pointing out the cane makes me love you even more right now. Originally, I just had the scene without the cane, then when I reread, again, the little voice came back, and I thought 'Wait. Xavier shouldn't be in Caen, he's an adult male, so he should be away in Germany working in a Nazi factory. Cane it is'.
Thank you for pointing out the typo, I've resubmitted the edited chapter!
I've said what I had to say about your compliments on that scene, so I will stop before I go off on a tangent again. THANK YOU SO MUCH &hearts
Yes, we do get to see, though not just yet!
Jean, whom I originally really liked, is turning out to be dsturbingly creepy. He has a chapter dedicated to him in two or three chapters (I think), where some background info is given, and it includes the causes for his hate of his uncle.
Thank you so much for your review Rosie, it gave me the kick I needed to proofread chapter 3, which is currently sitting in the queue waiting to be validated -- it should be up give or take two or three day!
Again, thank you so much! Report Review
Heya! I saw Dan recommending this fic some time ago and now with the Gryffindor v Slytherin thing going on...I've taken this as an opportunity to come read it!
I usually read and review at the same time. However, with Ron being one of my favorite characters in the series, I felt immediately sucked into the story and didn't review as I usually do.
His monologue about how amazingly good looking he is and his trouble with Lav-Lav is done amazingly well. You had me rolling my eyes along with Hermione and laughing with Harry about poor Ron's predicament. What I like about the way you wrote this was how well you painted the picture in my head without over explaining things. Writing in first POV is difficult and some people over-do details so its always nice to see when an author seems to get it right.
Lavender is a piece of work though. She was a bit crazy in the books...you managed to make her insane and a bit stalker-ish. Seriously, I had an image of crazy Lav-Lav hoovering outside the Gryffindor's boy dormitory, just watching Ron sleeping or talking to Harry. All while wearing a creepy smile.
Harry tells me not to discourage her because it amuses him to watch.---That has got to be one of my favorite lines. Because as horrible as Harry's life was, he still enjoyed school...thanks to moments like these.
Ron felt so in character. Of course he has a big head about the whole Lavender thing, but he's still denying his feelings for Hermione. He even gets a bit jealous about Harry and Hermione and he doesn't even know it.
Anyway! This was an amazing one-shot! Thanks for the laugh!!! I'm adding this to my faves now! :)
--RosieAuthor's Response: Hi, Rosie!
Lavender and her creepy smile was a blast to write. I almost always write in third person, so it surprised me when I sat down to write this and it ended up being in first; but there's something about first person that lets you inside the character's head more than other POVs do. Ron's thoughts kept flicking to Hermione, even when he wasn't totally sure why, which I enjoyed doing because Romione is my absolute favorite HP ship.
I'm so happy you thought Ron was in character! Things got a bit absurd in this one-shot, with Lavender trying to lick his hand and Ron strutting around, so I had to remind myself to reel it back quite often.
Thank you for reading and reviewing. :)
- Sarah Report Review
Hey there, Jami!
With the Gryffindor V. Slytheirn I'm sticking with one-shots or short stories...so hope you don't mind me reading this instead of BTF. Gotta help my house beat the Gryffindors, you know. :P
I have a feeling that this is going to make me cry...So I'm ready for this! *has tissue box at the read*
Not even half way through and the screen is fuzzy. Oh Jami, is this payback for the Lily/James one-shot? Haha.
The scenery, the dialogue and Bill's thoughts and feelings were amazingly done and well handled. Not only you put the picture in my mind, but you also placed me in an older brother who has lost one of his young brothers. Being an older sister myself...*shudders* I hope I never get to experience that loss and feelings.
Oh no, are we going to see every sibling's reaction to Fred's death? My poor feels...
Poor George.The promises he made to his little brother can't be kept now. And I'm sure that's weighing him down a lot.
I agree with Percy...it should have been him. That's for sure. I mean...That would've been the only way he could've redeemed himself in his family's eyes and even the fans after being such a none-12 word towards the Weasley Clan, his own family, and Harry.
He would have imagined Fred's pale face, no smile.---That's the part that always gets to me. The last image of Fred George has is of his brother being dead. Sure, Fred died smiling, but still...He was pale and dead and never going to laugh again. That's a horrible last memory to have, specially for a twin that has lost his other half.
I love Ron's section. You definitely managed to capture his attitude when it comes to personal feelings. He was never good at expressing himself so him talking to Fred as if nothing had happened instead of wallowing in misery was very Ron-like attitude towards something like this.
'...that she really had no idea how Albus managed to cut off such a large potion of his hair.'---Did you maybe mean 'portion of his hair' and not 'potion'?
Thank you Jami, for destroying my poor feelings! Haha, I think I'm going to find myself a story that has happy feelings or go watch something stupid and silly like South Park!
Ugh. *wipes tears again* Amazing story nonetheless. I would've been shocked if it wasn't, to be honest! The ONLY thing I guess I would CC is the length...When it came to Percy's part and George's, it felt like you were rushing past it instead of dwelling just a bit more to dig the knife further into the heart. XD
Thanks for the tears!
Until next time!
--RosieAuthor's Response: Hi Snaky Snaky Snaky!!
I'm so happy that this made you said! That sounds mean, huh? Hehe. Well yes, we'll just call it payback for your James Lily one shot!
I really liked exploring all the siblings feelings, though. Especially getting to do so as we moved forward in time. That's why I ended up saving Molly and Arthur for last. Theirs was obviously set much farther in the future, but I don't think a parent would ever get over that kind of loss.
Charlie's was probably my favorite to write, him and Bill's both. And I totally agree with what you said about Percy. It really, really should have been him. Fred didn't deserve it, George doesn't deserve to live without Fred. Ugh :(
Ron was really difficult for me to write. I guess because I have a hard time getting inside his characters head. But I'm so happy that you enjoyed his section ♥
Thank you so much m'dear for this lovely review &heart; and Gryffies are going to get you snakies hehe
♥ Report Review
I love how you started this chapter just like the previous one. For a second there I thought that I was reading the same first chapter again until the narrative started focusing on Augusta instead of Neville.
I can totally relate to Hannah's feelings about Augusta. I mean, it felt like she kinda cared for Neville...just because he was Frank's son. Put up with him. But only, just only, when Neville showed bravery in DH, she all of the sudden cared for him. It just didn't feel right. Ugh!
I seriously got teary eyed again reading this second chapter.
Come on, no one could ever be as ridiculously Gryffindor-like as Harry! He took it to the extreme... ---There has never been a much truer line about Harry than this!
Awww, the end was cute!! :) However, how did Neville get the letter to Little Neville? The Time Turners were destroyed...unless there's a new batch. Haha, sorry, just started to wonder about it. XD
Overall this was definitely a great story. I was able to see the difference both in confidence and attitude between the young and old Neville. Even Augusta's attitude is somewhat different...yet the same. She's still trying to see Frank in Neville but he knows how to handle it better.
I absolutely love this. I'm adding it to my faves.
Thanks for the lovely read!
--Rosie/Perelandra Report Review
Hey hey hey! Saw that you signed up for the Gryffindor V Slytherin review so I figured I should come here and review!
The first thing that struck me about this chapter is how well you paint a picture. I managed to imagine perfectly well in my head both Neville and Augusta just sitting and enjoying their breakfast. Many people forget about imagery so it always makes me happy when authors remember and take their time to paint the picture instead of rushing into their story.
Of course, Frank had done it way better and when she got that glassy look in her eyes, remembering how great Frank had been, Neville and whatever he was doing, disappeared from her thoughts.
That line right there...ugh, my feels for Neville, I just want to hug the boy. Poor little guy. Augusta never stroke me as a kind woman...You definitely managed to get to Augusta's true thoughts and Neville's emotions with just one sentence.
Neville's letter was so heart breaking though! Seriously! It made me teary eyed just reading it. You definitely managed to get inside the head of a boy who is invisible to the only parent he's ever known. He grows up thinking he's not good enough and that he'll be forever alone and that's just sad for a little boy to think that way. My poor feelings! :S
To be honest, I didn't see any mistakes so definitely no CC from me. :)
Now I have to know what's in chapter 2! How Neville is going to react to seeing that letter!
--Rosie Report Review
Heya! Perelandra here. FINALLY here with your swap review. When I read this one it had no reviews and now I see 3! haha! I'm so slow. So sorry about that. I got a new job that's kicking my behind...BUT finally here.
It took me a while to realize that you used the title of 'Baron' as his name. Nice touch there because I've never come across that detail. I also really liked how they had a crush on each other since they were young and that they went to school together. I usually see the usual "he's older than her" scenario. He seems, however, to be very obsessed over her. I mean...he just fixates on her. Then again, she's not giving him the time of day.
I do have a question, what happened between the two of them for Helena to become so 'cold' towards him? Did he do something to her? Because even then, it felt to me that they were friends. What caused the friendship to end?
I have a couple of CC, though. First of all, punctuation. Whenever you have something like:
Her voice cuts me more than her small blade, "Stay away from me, Baron...
The word after the comma (after Blade) should not be capitalize unless its a name or the world 'I'. The only way it should be capitalized is if you have a period after 'blade.'
The second and last CC is the lack of description. You have a very strong story here, however, you seem to be lacking some details such as description and imagery. There are times where you paint the picture just perfectly, like when Rowena is dying and wishes to see her daughter and then there are times that you rely so heavily on dialogue. You should try to balance a story with the right amount of description and dialogue in order to have a perfect story.
Well, I believe that is it! This is a great Founders fic. I'm always incline to read those because they never get much love from people.
Keep on writing! And once again, thanks for the swap!
Until next time,
--RosieAuthor's Response: What a wonderful review :)
I'll try to answer your questions, but I try to leave room for my reader's imagination to fill in blanks :P (*cough* I'm lazy *cough*). This story is written from Baron's point of view. I asked the question: What pushed him into murdering Helena? So, my interpretation came down to this: pure obsessive love.
You read about crimes of passion on the news all the time, and the research I did for this one-shot lead me to believe that that could be a possible factor to push Baron to murder.
That all being said, I chose to center his obsession around her voice, because I have a bit of an obsession with greek mythology and I thought Sirens would be awesome to allude to here. So, Helena is the siren, and Baron's the guy caught in her drama.
I really think that the pressure of being Rowena's daughter put Helena in a tough spot. Her life shifted from being carefree to being stressful as she tried to live up to expectations set by the people around her. Petty things like romance and marriage aren't important to her as they are to Baron. She was almost willing to use it as a tool to get ahead, but I think the "Ravenclaw personality" in her pushed her to make the rash decision of stealing the diadem and leaving to gain knowledge for herself without pressure.
Did that all make sense? Basically, Baron's became obsessed with her and her rejection drove him into murder, Helena's trying to escape from her mother's shadow, and I tied it all together with allusions to greek mythology.
Geez, maybe I should stop writing :P Practice makes perfect, so I'll keep going. I have noticed that I hide behind dialogue, I'll definitely work on that.
Oh man, I hope I answered your questions and thank you for the helpful CC :D
I feel as though this reply was a jumbled mess, but, eh, I tried.
Jack Report Review
Told you you'll see me here! :D
Glad to finally know what happened to them after that horrible cliffhanger! Draco here is being very...macho. "I don't need help." Sort of attitude, specially when he stated that he could've taken the other men. It's almost as if, subconsciously speaking, he's trying to impress her. Almost like a peacock strutting his feathers.
"It's a girl thing, Draco. Subconsciously, she needs to fix you." i couldn't help but to laugh at that because it's very true. No matter what we think, say, act...We're out there to save the poor men who look like they "need saving" when in reality is just possibly a lost cause. I wonder if Astoria feels that way about her 'possible' relationship with Draco. That she can change him, save him from himself and his past. We'll see though.
I really wish I could draw because the image I have of Draco and Astoria in the Muggle place is just priceless in my mind. Perhaps also when the muggle woman tells him to get his money back for that 'tat' and then proceeded to say that the guy went out for business. I seriously imagined Voldemort owning a tattoo shop. Thank you for that image.
So just I have things clear in my head...Astoria is in her 6th year? She's 2 years younger than the Trio, 1 year younger than Ginny so I'm trying to figure out what year she's in, specially when she got in trouble for doing magic outside the school.
The whole conversation between Astoria and Draco was both fascinating and haunting. I mean...how did you come up with that idea? It sounded horrible just thinking about it. However, it sounds very like a plausible thing in the HP canon...just not something we would see from the books since they're directed towards children. I can seriously see the Death Eaters just enjoying a house burn with people in there. *shudders*
Once again, brilliant chapter. I really do wonder where you're going to take this. Will it end with him proposing? Getting married? Anyway, can't wait to see what happens in the next chapter.Author's Response: Hi, there! :)
Draco spends a lot of time in this story trying to maintain/save face. Astoria finds it kind of endearing, up to a point. That's the world she comes from, after all. Fortunately, she has no problems with telling him to knock it off when it gets to be too much.
So once again, I find myself spending a lot of time trying to put myself into the female mindset while I'm writing this. For some reason it was a lot less stressful when I was writing Tonks, because she and I are more alike, I think. Astoria is more cultured and far less of a wiseacre. But there are some things I think are fairly universal.
You're not the only one who pines over non-existent artistic talent. I really wish I could sketch my own chapter images. Draco was just trying to be dry, but that line came off a lot funnier than he probably wanted.
Your timeline is correct. Astoria is in her sixth year, Ginny and Luna are in their "natural" seventh and Hermione is sitting her seventh year year that she was forced to miss due to being a muggle-born and, you know, having other things to see to. Ron and Harry decided to forgo their seventh years to begin Auror training, as did Neville and a number of other D.A. members. That's my story and I'm sticking to it! ;)
The idea that Draco would have been forced to participate in a lot of terrible things seemed almost inescapable to me. He was Voldemort's whipping boy. Lucius Malfoy's son, marked as a Death Eater specifically to be made an example of. So whenever there was an opportunity to try to break him, I'm sure Voldemort didn't hesitate. There certainly isn't any way JKR would have gone there in the books, but they constantly allude to the horrible things going on around Britain.
I know where I want the story to end, but I'm still working on exactly how to get there. I started off thinking this would be 4 or 5 chapters. Now it's starting to look a lot longer in my head. At any rate, I'm really glad you enjoyed it. Chapter 6 is about half done at this point, and I have to say I'm pretty excited about it. Thanks for reading and reviewing! Report Review
Hey Dan! :) So its the whole Slytherins v Gryffindor review contest so I took this an an opportunity to come review your new story.
I honestly feel like this is taking off from my own Lily/James fic, just pointing it out. XD
I really liked James's confusion about what happened. Its almost like he's in shock and his brain refuses to accept or even remember what happened. It seriously felt like he sort of went through a quick spell of the seven stages of grief. He doesn't dwell much in them either so it all blends in together seamlessly.
There were bits that made me laugh but for the most part I just felt sad for James! Specially the line:
This isn't me, watching James Potter crumble into a sobbing heap, surrounded by the hideous whiteness that threatens to drive him into madness.
What I imagined in my head was so depressing and sad I got teary eyed. I guess because I've never imagined James being so distraught about something that he ends up curling in a ball to cry. He's always been this happy-go-lucky guy who loves a good laugh. Not this shell of a man who feels like he's a huge failure for being killed by the most dangerous wizard.
I remember Lily once talking about the various stages a person goes through while grieving.
XD Yay, I wasn't imagining things. I was wondering if you had written James's emotions and reactions as the 7 stages on purpose or just by coincidence.
OMG the tears!! You seriously made me more than teary eyed when he remembers Harry's weight, wishing he could carry him once more. Ugh, Dan! Dagger to my feelings! I find it cute that he compares Harry's weight with something that's related to Quidditch.
Sirius and I were the ones who sneaked into the girls’ bathroom to turn the toilet seats into portkeys
Really?! Haha, I can't imagine...I mean. Poor girls! They there are...fixing to do their business and then BAM, they're somewhere else. Horrible. Hahahaha!
This also gave me the feeling that you poured some of your father instincts/thoughts into this. That you put yourself in James's position and wondered what you would do/say if you were in that situation.
Overall this was a fantastic fic, Dan. As always...! I'll be surprised if once day you don't write good quality stories. If that were to happen, I'll start to think that someone broke into your home and stole your computer or something along the lines.
Anyway, I suppose that's it! :D
Thanks for the lovely read! XD
See ya in Detox newest chapter!
--RosieAuthor's Response: Hi, there! Thanks for taking a moment to read and review my angsty little brain hiccup.
This one definitely bore a resemblance to yours. Between you and Jami, I've read a fair bit of Lily/James lately. It starts to get wheels spinning in your head.
James made it through a few of the stages. In the beginning, he's totally disoriented, which seems like a perfectly natural response to being killed.
I tried as best I could to mix a bit of levity into this without detracting from the overall tone. I didn't think this should be a funny story. They're dead, after all. But I couldn't stand the idea of dragging people's emotions over the coals for the entire piece, so I picked my spots.
So I didn't actually sit down and list out the 7 stages and try to construct the story around them, but they were definitely in the back of my mind as I wrote this.
Physical details, I think, are huge in a sad story. Something about juxtaposing strong emotions with pithy descriptions of little sounds and smells and sensations just does it for me. I'm glad you liked it.
Yeah, James and Sirius weren't the kindest or most mature when it came to devising their pranks. And Peter was the consummate follower. In a way, I guess his betrayal makes a little more sense if you think of it that way. James found Lily and his life was heading in a different direction. I could see how Peter felt sort of abandoned.
I'm really glad that you enjoyed it! Thanks so much for stopping by! Report Review
Heya! Perelandra here from the forums! Thanks for the swap by the way! :D
So I have to say... I'm never really inclined to read stories that don't feature any of the canon characters. I'm always very cautious because the OCs tend to be very cliche, or very Mary/Gary-Stu. However, as soon as I finished reading Camille's section I was hooked. I wanted to know more of what was going to happen in the story and what was happening to the characters.
Within each section I managed to see a different personality in all of them. No one felt like a cookie-cutter character that had the same thoughts and feelings. The imagery and description were fantastic as well; I was able to imagine everything in my head. It had this Schindler's List sort of tone to it.
I spotted a tiny typo...or at least I think it's a typo:
His mother has disappeared, separated from him and his father as soon as the stepped off the train. Did you mean 'as they stepped'?
I find it very brave of you to write around something that's historic, specially when you're just a teenager. So lots of kudos to you! :) You said that there's a character here that is linked to a canon one and that its fairly obvious...but I just don't know who! Hahaha! Is it Astrid related to Fleur? XD I don't really have that much to say considering that this is only the prologue of a story that I have a feeling is going to go much more in depth as it progresses.
Anyway, this story is fantastic! I'm adding it to my faves so I can can come back and read the rest! Thank you so much for letting me read this and the swap!
Until next time
--RosieAuthor's Response: Hi Rosie!
Thank you so, so much for the compliments on my OCs -- I was worried they'd pass for cookie-cutter characters and it's great to hear that's not the case!
Yes, that is a typo (pesky bugger). Thank you for pointing it out, I'll edit.
Yes, Astrid is related to Fleur, but as you said, that was fairly obvious :)
Thank you for reading, leaving such a lovely review and favouriting! Report Review
Heya! Perelandra here from the forums. Thank you so much for doing the swap with me! :)
Just so you know, I wanted to read The Odd One but since its so short I didn't think it would be fair. And right now I'm sticking to one-shots only...so this one won out! :D However, I'm definitely looking forward to reading it!
Your entire fic had me laughing! The Ghoul's is just so...full of himself its just hilarious. XD
Having just watched the Oscars last night I found this one just perfect. I laughed in: ...though they may think Leonardo DiCaprio is the best new actor around... because poor Leo...he's been snubbed in the Oscars so many times. I like, however, how you tied this to real life: DH happens in 1997 which was the year Titanic was released...so kudos to you for tying everything together!
Everyone felt so in character even though we didn't get to see much of them. Which is good because in those tidbits I managed to see that you have the Weasley clan and Hermione down.
I did spot some punctuation issues. There are points where you have a lot of semicolons and it just feels a tad bit wordy. Also, the lineHonestly I was one of the cleaner ghoul's it should be 'ghouls' not "ghoul's"
Also, the other line: “so we wondering whether you would be up for the job?” you're missing the world 'are'. Tends to happen...I do it quite frequently!
Overall this was a great one-shot. It definitely had me laughing with the Ghoul's comments and thoughts! XD I never thought I would read about how they got the ghoul to come down...in fact, I never questioned it until I read your fic!
Thanks for the swap and for letting me read this! :D
--Rosie/PerelandraAuthor's Response: Hello there!
I wouldn't have minded if you read The Odd One, as it doesn't matter how long the review is, it's the thought that counts! I'm glad that you looked forward to reading it though!
I'm so glad that you laughed throughout as that was my aim :D
Yeah the other characters didn't feature much, so I was kind of worried as they only had about one line each, and I had to make it fit, so I'm glad that you found that they did!
Yeah I was born in the 90s so I had to do some research! I saw that Leo would fit, and I felt bad about his lack of Oscars, so I choose him!
I meant to edit this story, but ended up working on my novel :/ I'll definitely go back and fix those errors though. Thank you for pointing them out to me though!
I'm so glad that you enjoyed it, and it made you question they got the ghoul down, as I never thought about until the plunny stuck as well ;D
-Kiana! Report Review
Hey Hey Hey! Guess who's back! Meh! :D
I've been meaning to come and read this one for a while (considering that you haven't updated Defining Astoria...) so I'm glad to finally be here!
I really, REALLY enjoyed this take on Druella. She's always portrayed as this evil, dark woman who pushed her daughters to the limits, was a proud to be a pure-blood and rejected Andromeda when she married Ted.
Your Druella seemed to be full of regret when it came to her daughters. I can see the love she has for them though. When it came to Bellatrix, Druella sounded like she was a bit disgusted over how her eldest turned out, specially that she joined just because she had technically fallen for the wrong man.
I love the emotions she felt when Andromeda left home to marry Ted. She knew very well that Andromeda would never come back even if Ted were dead or that she would never be able to visit her daughter. However, was it because she was afraid of Cygnus's reactions or because she felt disappointed in Andromeda?
And of course Narcissa would make Cygnus proud. She did what a dutiful pure-blooded woman would do...at least in his eyes.
I really liked the nicknames she had for them! In fact, if I have your permission, can I use the nickname for Andromeda? Seriously, yours is the best one I've come across. The line: Cygnus' Bella, Andie and Cissy. Druella's Trixie, Medie and Narci. Three girls but with two vastly different personalities Was fantastic. It gave me the feeling that they tried really hard to please both parents in different ways.
You killed me, though. When I read what exactly put her in that muggle hospital I just felt so sad for her! I've always felt sad for Regulus because Sirius dies thinking that his brother was just a coward Death Eater when in truth he was one of the first ones to know Voldemort's true plan.
There were some parts that were a bit wordy and got me confused but I still loved this. I LOVE Black family stories when they're not cliche! :D
The end was beautiful by the way. I was glad that, in the end, Druella passed away and couldn't feel the pain anymore. Sad that the secret died with her.
Anyway...I think that's it! Thanks for the wonderful read! :D
Until next time
--Rosie/PerelandraAuthor's Response: Hello, Rosie! XD
I've updated Defining Astoria by the time I've managed to respond to this review; so I hope you like chapter three! :)
I'm one of those people who think that most Slytherins were actually people who got a lot of flack for no reason - I mean, Wormtail betrayed his best friends, but nobody called Gryffindors double-crossers. And Marietta Edgecombe sold out the DA to Umbridge, but Ravenclaws aren't called untrustworthy. So yeah, writing human Slytherins is one of my favourite things to do, which is why I'm so glad you loved my portrayal of Druella! ^.^
I think Druella does love Bellatrix, but she doesn't condone what she does, hence her disgust - although you could say that that disgust was aimed at Voldemort and Bellatrix was tainted by association. :P
Ahhh, you'll have to decide for yourself on that one! ;) Plus, it wouldn't have been Cygnus who would react badly if Druella and Andromeda remained in contact - so would everyone she knew, especially Bellatrix and Narcissa. You have to feel for the poor woman - one path means she loses one daughter but keeps two, the other means she keeps one daughter but loses two. :(
Haha, I love those nicknames too! I actually use them in my new one-shot about Narcissa and Andromeda! XD I've already posted this on your HPFF page, but yes - of course you can use those names! Out of curiosity, which one did you have in mind for Andromeda? And I'm glad you think my names are the best! ♥
Awww, sorry! But it's great that you were able to empathize with my characters! XD And eh, sorry for the wordy bits. This is actually a six-year-old one-shot >.<
No problem! Until next time,
-Katie :) Report Review
Hey!!! So Perelandra here from the forums. So sorry that I've taken forever and ever to come and review this. However, I'm here! Ready to tackle this! :D
I really liked your portrayal of Snape. Whenever I read Marauder fics, specially those surrounding Lily and Snape, they tend to sort of put Lily on a pedestal and worship her while Snape just becomes the 'evil one'. Don't get me wrong, I like Lily but I understand what you mean.
Snape here is so angsty and I love it, however, there were some points where he sounded a bit melodramatic at times. For example:
'"I can get the Potter boy to go anywhere, really. It's almost pathetic how he follows me around."
A dull pang pierces Snape's stomach at her words'
Why is he feeling the 'dull pang' when Lily is being very clear that she doesn't like James? He mentions that perhaps there was already an inclination that Lily liked James, however, as the reader...I only see a very angst-ridden Snape.
Lily here was fantastic though. I LOVED the fact that she wasn't the loving, happy go-lucky, bubbly and smart girl I usually read. She was a fierce girl that didn't take a 'no' for an answer and that seemed to hate the world. Haha. Or at least seek revenge towards the Marauders. This is a much darker side of Lily that I've never seen and I definitely enjoyed that! In fact, any fic with Dark!Lily would be great in my books. XD I want to know, however, WHY is Lily going after the Marauders. Is it just because they think they're "awesome sauce" or because they did something in particular? Anyway, just my curiosity wondering about the events that lead to this.
There were times that I got a bit confused as you seemed to be jumping from one part of the story to back to the present then back to the future. Perhaps its really just me but I wanted to point that out just in case.
Overall this didn't feel that cliche in my part. Just a tad bit melodramatic in some parts. I really enjoyed reading this! :D
Until next time!
--Rosie Report Review
Heya! Here with your other review for the swap! I just had to come and read this one because I wanna know what happens!
I have to be honest, I've never been a Colin Creevy fan. In fact, I'm usually annoyed by him. However, you're making me like him a little bit here! Hahaha! He seems more mature around Astoria than what he is around Harry.
Once again, his conversation with Astoria is fantastic. He seems like a guy who matured quite a bit after being petrified. I'm half tempted to ship Colin with Astoria...but I'll settle with a friendship! A secret friendship.
Astoria's feelings towards Colin are fantastic. I like she feels and thinks that she's superior, that she deserves the world and that no Gryffindor should dare to talk to her without her consent. However, at the same time, she's definitely feeling inferior thanks to the bullying she's suffering from Pansy and the other classmates. I'm glad, however, that Daphne is sticking up for her sister. Otherwise, I really would not have liked Daphne at all. I'm an older sister myself and when my sister got bullied I became a dragon, ready to attack.
I like how you brought forward other bullying themes. In the books, we only saw bullying about blood status but never really about other things that we go through in real life. Something about weight is not only very realistic but very harsh to read. Having been both a bully and a bullied victim it was both harsh and sad to see the truth behind the bullied. This was definitely very realistic. So I applaud you to that.
I definitely see the improvement from the previous chapter to this one. Not so many semicolons and ubber long sentences. Brilliant job on that part.
I really can't wait to see what happens in the second part of Gluttony!
Until next time!!
--RosieAuthor's Response: ROSIE! *glomp*
It's great to see you back here unexpectedly, and I'm really glad you liked this story enough to come back! XD
I think part of that is down to the fact that Colin is a fanboy, and Harry is famous while Astoria isn't. I mean, we're perfectly sane human beings until we meet someone famous and then we turn into mush and act stupid... and that's Colin. I always thought he was more mature around his own friends, especially as he was friends with Ginny if memory serves me right. :)
Haha, yup - Colin and Astoria only have a secret friendship. The pairings in this story are, in chronological order, Draco/Pansy, Astoria/Neville and Draco/Astoria. :P
Every human being is complex, and I don't think Astoria is any different. She hates Pansy for how she looks down upon her, but she does the same to Colin. And I wanted Astoria and Daphne to be close, especially with the kind of parents they have, but I wanted to remain true to canon and as we know Daphne is part of Pansy's circle of friends, I decided to have Daphne torn between the two instead of abandoning Astoria.
Thank you! I did think that it was odd just to have blood status bullying, so I wanted to incorporate other kinds too. Having been a bullied victim in the past too, I wanted to portray the topic realistically and it's brilliant to hear that you felt that it was! :D
True story: when I first read your typo of uber, instead of seeing ubber I saw udder and I was like: "Wait, wait, what happened? Where are the cows?" It was a really funny moment! XD And it's great to hear that my sentences are better in this chapter! :)
I can't wait to see your review on the next chapter when I post it, too! :)
-Katie Report Review
Heya! Perelandra here from the forums with your review! :)
Ugh, this story and my poor feelings!
I absolutely enjoyed reading this. The change of POV was genius and I loved how you wove their narratives together to make it whole. My favorite line has got to be:
she has accepted the portion of my heart I am able to give her and made no claim on the rest
That made me go 'awww' very loudly. I'm actually glad that I'm on my own right now other wise I would get strange looks.
The personalities you give Salazar and Helga are fantastic. She seems like a woman who doesn't care what people think of her for she is happy. She doesn't care of people think of her as the best looking woman in the world or the ugliest. She just lives her life and is happy. And Salazar...he's definitely more well rounded with actual feelings! He's not evil and I'm glad that I didn't get to see that overly done Slytherin characteristic. Really liked how despite being in love with each other, they still love their respective husband and wife and they're loyal to them. Now I'm left to wonder of what happened between Salazar and Helga that they didn't end up together.
I really wish I could make this review longer but I just don't have anything to say!
Fantastic job! :D Thanks for letting me read this!
Until next time
--RosieAuthor's Response: Hi Rosie! Thank you so much for coming by!
Haha I'm glad you enjoyed it, and that it gave you Helgazar feels. That's what I was aiming for :) And the narrative was my biggest worry when posting this; I like the way their thoughts flow into one another, but I wasn't sure how it would sit with readers. It's wonderful to hear that you liked it!
I'm glad to see that you connected not only with Helga and Salazar's love story, but also with their spouses. This is the 3rd story I've written for this ship, and I sort of have their whole lives planned out already :P So I wanted to show what it would be like for them to have happiness with another person, and yet still have regrets for what might have been.
Thank you so much Rosie! This review made my day!
--Maggie Report Review
Heya! Back for more and seriously...I can't wait to read this one! I love me some Marauder fics...! I'm sorry, however, to have taken so long to come back. I went walking today to clear my head and did some needlework while watching the HP 7.2 movie. Before I knew it, it was dinner time! haha, However, better late than never!
Awww! The guests don't seem to like James much, now do they! They thought that Lily had left him in the altar and that she had changed her mind...I felt sorta sad for James! Was there anyone that actually liked him aside from the friends? hahaha. I was half hoping that Sirius would offer some firewhiskey to James because that's something I bet he would do in the wedding. Anyway, I'm glad that the people didn't bother James when it came to what they thought. He only cared for Lily and that made me happy. He sounds so in love and hopeful and seriously...I was grinning like a mad woman as I was reading this. The imagery of the church, by the way, was fantastic! I could picture everything in my head without a problem.
How come Lily wasn't walked down the aisle by her father? Were James's parents already dead by now?
There was a instance, in paragraph 4 where it starts off with For a moment... where it got a bit wordy. But that was the only moment that felt that way.
Remus took me by surprise! I seriously thought it was Sirius who was thinking all of that until I read the part that he became an Animagus just for me. I was shocked! It was in a good way though. I can understand why he would fall for her. They were prefects, both were dedicated to their grades so I'm sure that they spent a lot of time studying together. However, it made me sad to think that even Remus thought of James as person just pretending to be mature. Perhaps his jealousy speaking?
I really wish this had been longer, you know! Like an expansion of Remus's thoughts and feelings. Sirius perhaps and definitely Lily's. It just felt a tad bit rushed. Then again, it could be me just wanting more James/Lily fics of them getting married. Hahaha!
Thanks for the swap once more! XD
Until next time!
--RosieAuthor's Response: Hello there! Ah, don't worry! You're right - better late than never! :D
Considering that James is infamous for his prankster attitude whilst at school, and how much Lily disliked his behaviour in her earlier Hogwarts years, I think most of the wizarding world would be all "wait, what?!" at the news of their marriage. But that's only because they don't -really- know James and Lily. ;) I know! That's something that Sirius would totally do! XD It's also fantastic to hear that you could picture the church in your mind perfectly!
That's a good question - I didn't actually think of that. :3 The last wedding I went to, the bride walked down the aisle by herself instead of being accompanied by her dad so yeah, I don't know what happened there. I'll fix that soon, if I remember. >.< As for James' parents, they would've been on the groom's side of the church like Remus was. Since Remus was looking behind him, towards the middle of the church, he would've had his back to James' parents so he wouldn't have described them since he couldn't see them. :3
I thought I dropped the hint that it wasn't Sirius by having Sirius ask Remus if he'd heard from Lily... :3 Absolutely - and there's no need to be sad! Mr Hooves is definitely mature - most of the time! (Side note: I can't think of that name anymore without thinking of that dancing stag! :3) It is definitely Remus' jealousy speaking there, and not his unbiased opinion.
I actually found it really hard to write this, as it was originally written for a challenge where I had to write the Remus/Lily pairing, so expansion from Remus' POV would be impossible since James/Lily is my OTP... I do plan on including the wedding in a chapter of TGND from Lily's POV, so you'll get more detail if you read that one when I eventually post it! XD
-Katie Report Review
I have to be honest, I wasn't sure what to expect! I mean, this had Dom so I almost dismissed it for being a 'Next-Gen' but I got curious and then I saw that it had the Peverell brothers in it ...so I just now had to read it! XD
Let me just point out that your chapter image is fantastic and that I'm a fan of all those three gents and their characters. Not to diss Ned Stark (Sean Bean) but Henry Cavill and Michael Vartan as he was in the Mists of Avalon's (my favorite book of all time) Sir Lancelot...*drool* So yeah.LOVED that image!
Anyway! Enough fangirling over the gentlemen. Lets get ready to tackle this story now! :D
I'm a huge fan of the dialogue! The way they speak feels like old, proper English without adding the 'thou', 'thee', 'thy' and 'thine'. Their characterization was fantastic as well. As I read it, I could tell that each brother had different personalities instead of a shared one. I have a question though; did Cadmus have a son with Seraphine out of wedlock? Kind of naughty of him, hahaha, especially when it comes to the age of chivalry. However, the Peverell family must continue in a way...Anyway, continuing on with the Brother's personalities. They honestly felt like real people to the point that I wish I could meet them. Specially Cadmus who is the most angsty of them all.
The setting and imagery was fantastic. I was able to picture everything you mentioned and it had me glued; especially when Death made his appearance. He seemed like a very frightening creature by being 'kind' to the three brothers. The one who stroke me as the best character was Antioch because you managed to grasp his greed for power without feeling too overwhelming and too murderous. The movie and book made it sound like he was a Dark Wizard but you gave him a somewhat softer personality while still power-hungry.
Even though we know the Tale of Three Brothers it was refreshing to actually see it played out instead of just a tale from a book. Does that make sense? It gave me, as a reader, a whole other perspective about the whole situation. You reaffirm and made it believable to me that they did indeed meet Death along their journey rather than what Dumbledore said: that they were just smart and powerful wizards.
When I got to Dom's part I just couldn't stop laughing. Mostly because I'm being a tad bit like Victoire right now when it comes to a wedding. You definitely managed to capture a bride that has no idea of what she wants and driving those around her insane. Poor Dom. Hahaha.
I've never seen her, however, being part of the Aurors so its very refreshing to see a different Dominique instead of the usual 'damsel in distress' that I tend to come across sometimes. Her relationship with her cousins, however, struck me as a bit of a cliche, however that's just my opinion, so please don't take offense by it! I guess I've read way too many Next-Gen fics where at least one of the cousins is always the 'outsider' which usually lead to a Mary-Sue personality. Your Dominique, though, feels well rounded to me thus far so I'm not worry about a Mary-Sue character right now.
Overall, the story really does sound original and if you're worried if it's believable or not...I wouldn't worry. In real life we know that if we mix the wrong chemicals, we'll get very bad outcomes...so why not potions? It works and I really like it! It's not too out there for me, so no worries! :)
Seriously...I can't find anything to CC aside from what I said about the personal feeling of cliche. You have absolutely no grammar, punctuation or flow issues. Overall, this is a fantastic great first chapter. Especially at the end where you leave the reader wanting to know what happens next to Dominique!
So yeah...feel free to re-request if you wish! :D
Until next time
--Rosie/PerelandraAuthor's Response: Ack! Thank you so much for this review! It really means a lot to me! You were so incredibly helpful.
When I read it, I was seriously so excited! So lengthy and so helpful! You really did help me get rid of some of my fears for this story. Honestly, my biggest fear was getting the time right, but you really helped calm my nerves with that.
Thank you SO SO much with that review! I may have to come re-request from you sometime soon! Thanks again! :D Report Review
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