Reading Reviews From Member: Beeezie
  
538 Reviews Found

Review #26, by BeeezieTwo Letters: Rite of Passage

11th July 2014:
Aw, this was a really cute little story! I almost never read Rose/Scorpius stories that aren't at least a little romantic in nature, so this was a really nice change of pace. I liked the reference to what Ron said when Rose and Scorpius started at Hogwarts, along with the implication that he's said the same thing many times since.

And I also liked the way you characterized both Rose and Scorpius. Scorpius's insecurity was really sweet - I felt bad for him that he was so unsure of the strength of their friendship before they talked that he was a little afraid of what would happen to their friendship if their marks were radically different. Rose, on the other hand, was really sure of herself and headstrong, and it might me smile. I thought that it was great that you avoided the stereotypical all Es/Os for either of them - with the marks they were talking about, they're certainly good students, but there's no danger of a Mary Sue kind of dynamic.

Great job. :)

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Review #27, by BeeeziePlaying Pretend: The Last Remaining Fan

11th July 2014:
I never liked Lockhart - I don't think many people did - but this was heartbreaking. It's horrible to watch someone lose themselves. It would have been one thing if, without his memory, Lockhart had turned over a new leaf... but he didn't. He was just left as this hollow shell, with most of the personality of the Lockhart we knew but literally none of the substance. I can absolutely see how once the last vestiges of his old life faded away, he would do the same. The imagery of him reading and appreciating each letter he'd gotten before throwing them away was just so sad - my heart went out to him.

Terrific job.


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Review #28, by BeeezieClandestine: Crescendo

11th July 2014:
Wow.

You managed to sweep so many difficult, intricate, complicated emotions up into this. I loved how you depicted Rose's relationship with Lily - there was so much jealousy and disdain mixed in with affection and what almost felt like a sense of duty to her family. I couldn't quite figure Lily out in this, which I loved - I wasn't sure whether she was intentionally trying to seem superior to Rose, or whether it was all in Rose's head.

Either way, though, my heart did go out to Lily. It's terrible to feel like all the time and effort you put into a relationship has been wasted, and I think it absolutely can lead to someone forgiving something horrible, like being called a Mudblood. Lily's comment about not wanting her parents to know screamed so loudly of "keeping up appearances," and it really made me sad for her.

Great job.

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Review #29, by BeeezieHeart's Desire: Beauty

11th July 2014:
Oooh, I love Lavender stories like this.

The start of it feels so quintessentially Lavender as we knew her in the books. The daydreaming, somebody-my-prince-shall-come little girl playing dress up, who sees men as something to manipulate and "fix" - yeah. That was perfect. And it didn't come off as malicious to me here, any more than it did in the books - just naive.

I always think of Lavender as having been scarred by Greyback similar to how Bill was, just I really liked this version, too - the idea that she wishes she'd been scarred is really sad but horribly realistic in so many ways, and I love how you describe her using make-up and props to keep up appearances.

But the way the moon and the potion affected her - yes. I think we've all had experiences where somehow we suddenly saw things in a radically different way, and the way you described it sent a shiver up my spine.

You are an amazing author. You really are.

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Review #30, by BeeezieAnachronous: In a Man's World

11th July 2014:
This was a really interesting take on Andromeda and her family!

I felt like your initial description really was the classic, stereotypic middle child, but you took it so, so much further. I loved the idea of Andromeda initially being a peacekeeper and then later being the target of joint hatred and resentment - even when she left the family, she helped unite her sisters. I really liked that take, because throughout the books, we see snatches of conflict and discordance between the sisters - not just with Andromeda herself, but between Narcissa and Bellatrix as well.

I also loved how you depicted Andromeda after she married Ted - in this, she truly was both a product of her environment and trying desperately to escape from it. The struggles she had with simple household tasks and interactions was perfect, as was her sense of emptiness when she realized that there were so many things that Tonks wouldn't get. It was almost as though she didn't quite know how to be a mother with the shallow, surface stuff removed.

My heart really went out to her toward the end - it was a heartbreaking glimpse of a character who I find endlessly fascinating. Thank you; it was a beautiful read.

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Review #31, by BeeezieThe Lucky Girl: The Lucky Girl

11th July 2014:
It was really interesting to read this right after Anachronous! I'm not sure if in your head-canon they're connected, but when Tonks started talking about her mother, I could hear Andromeda's voice from Anachronous, and it was a really interesting way to fill in some blanks that Tonks touched upon but didn't really expand on, particularly when it came to Andromeda's relationship with Ted.

Regardless - this is primarily about Tonks, and not her mother. And I thought that you did a great job at showing her in this moment. I loved the insight and advice from both of her parents and how she took it to heart - I could really get a sense of Ted and Andromeda's personalities and background solely from the advice they gave her, which was really cool. I also loved the brief mention of Charlie - from what little we see of him, I can see him and Tonks getting along wonderfully.

The conversation Tonks had with Arielle was also lovely. For a moment, I was afraid that it would turn really sad - she wasn't going to get a letter because she was a Squib, or something - but instead, it was just a nice way to showcase a little more of Tonk's personality, and it was perfectly handled.

You really managed to give off a really strong sense of who Tonks is as a person in a very limited amount of time. Great job.

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Review #32, by BeeezieRule Breaker: The Siege

11th July 2014:
Well, that was complete and utter pandemonium.

I'm not very good at writing complete and utter pandemonium, but you do not suffer from the same difficulty. This chapter was fast-paced, frantic, and riveting, but I never felt confused about what was going on. You managed to fit so many interactions into a relatively small amount of words, and I can't believe I have stop here!

I loved the little interactions with this - between Hermione and Fred and George, between Hermione and Mrs. Weasley and Ginny, between Hermione and Mad-Eye, between Hermione and Snape... I really thought that you captured those relationships - and the relationships as they might be in a super stressful situation like this - well.

One minor piece of CC, though - you talk about people escaping the castle, but I don't think you explicitly say how they're getting out. I would have liked to get a bit of a clearer picture of that, as well as a better picture of how many people were left afterward to defend the castle.

Overall, though, excellent job!

House Cup 2014 Review - Ravenclaw

Author's Response: Hello once again (fourth to last time, oh my gosh!)!

I'm so happy that you thought I wrote pandemonium well! I never know if I'm pulling off that fast-paced writing well. I'm really happy it worked here. I worried in this chapter about doing too much. I didn't want it to get ridiculously long, but I also didn't want to leave anything out, and there were a lot of people I kept thinking: "Oh! You should show up!" It was stressful, to be honest. XD I'm glad you liked it, though! And I'll edit to add in a better explanation of how people are fleeing! Thanks for pointing it out! :)

--Emily


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Review #33, by BeeezieRule Breaker: End of the Term

11th July 2014:
It's always sad to say goodbye, but this situation gives it a bit more gravity than most goodbyes, and I thought that you covered that perfectly toward the beginning of the chapter. You didn't dwell on it, but you acknowledged it, which was perfect.

It was actually really sad to hear Harry acknowledging that he and Ron might not survive the war. I do think he's wrong about how much being good at magic really helps you when it comes down to it, but at the same time, I think everyone can think of at least three or four times over the course of the series that Hermione's magical knowledge and skill kept them alive.

I was happy to see her insisting that she would join him and Ron on the quest to find the last horcrux and kill Voldemort, but I do think that it would have felt more genuine if there hadn't been a lot of instances over the course of the year where Hermione sat out of their mission in favor of Theo or Draco. I don't think you really needed to write a lot of scenes about it, but I would have liked to see more mentions of her going off with them or quick summaries about what they'd done or even just thoughts from her about balancing this with the rest of her life. As it is, there just isn't enough, so here, when she says she'll go, it doesn't have the same force that it could have.

Otherwise, though, this was a great chapter. :) I loved Professor McGonagall's brief show of affection toward Hermione - I thought that it was very much in character. Ican't wait to see what happens next.

House Cup 2014 Review - Ravenclaw

Author's Response: Hello again!

Ahh...goodbyes. I'm feeling so nostalgic about this story right now. I'm so sad that it's coming to a close. I feel like I'm living these final chapters alongside Hermione, and it totally sucks. It hurts! I don't want to write what I know I have to write. I've come up with my death-list (how morbid!), and I can't even bring myself to start chapter 49 because of some of the choices I've made (I'll leave it at that.). Point is, yes, goodbyes, they're a thing. ;) I'm glad you liked how Harry and Hermione discussed his possible death. I wasn't so sure about that conversation, but I wanted someone to really verbally acknowledge his/her mortality, and Harry has always seemed morbid enough to be the one to do that. As for Hermione's insistence to accompany them on the Horcrux-hunt...I completely agree with you. I'm so bummed about agreeing with you, but I totally do. The previous chapters haven't done Hermione's dedication to their search any justice, and I can't even begin to think how to remedy that. I'll have to come up with something, though...We'll see. And finally, I'm fantastically happy that you liked McGonagall's brief moment with Hermione. She's usually so stoic, but I wanted that second of softness to show through. That was important to me. Thank you again for everything. This is so amazingly helpful.

--Emily


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Review #34, by BeeezieEvent Three - Ginny's Story: Ginny and Luna

11th July 2014:
Oh, ouch.

I'd never given much thought to how the events of CoS would affect how Ginny was perceived by her classmates, but now that you've brought it up - of course it would. Given how much time she spent possessed by Voldemort, I'm sure she wasn't making a lot of friends, especially since she seemed to be withdrawn and quiet the rest of the time. And then, of course, she was kidnapped into the Chamber itself, and when she came back for her second year, she already had to play catch up because everyone else had established their friendships the year before.

Given how odd Luna was perceived to be all through her Hogwarts career, I can definitely see their friendship getting its initial start because some nasty girls in their year were gossiping about them (though it did seem a little odd that twelve year olds would be talking about mascara and people looking "boyish").

The little snippet about the Department of Mysteries was also terrific. You captured both Ginny and Luna perfectly, I think - I could practically hear Luna's voice in my head talking about her earrings while Death Eaters swarmed around them. Ditto the bit at the Battle of Hogwarts, and I absolutely loved the ending part, where Luna discovers that Harry and Ginny's daughter is going to be named after his mother and her.

This was beautiful. Great job.

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Review #35, by BeeezieEvent Three - Ginny's Story: Ginny and Fred

11th July 2014:
I love the way you handled the aftermath of the war in this one-shot - because you're absolutely right! Voldemort getting defeated ended the war, but it didn't end the suffering. I can definitely see why Ginny thought that once the war was over, everything would be okay... but it wasn't. I don't think it would have been even if Fred hadn't died, but especially since he did, the war probably won't ever really, truly end for her. It certainly won't for her mother - the metaphor of each of them being stuck in giant bubbles that they couldn't pop was both brilliant and incredibly, incredibly sad.

Fred haunts the house they grew up in together - there's no way around that. And, I thought that it was really, really interesting that you depicted everyone else as basically spending as much time out of the house as possible. It's a great way of subtly acknowledging the fact that everyone grieves differently.

However, while I thought that you did a great job at portraying the grief, I also felt like you did a terrific job at portraying the beginnings of Ginny being able to cope with it. The idea that she would use flying - something that both she and Fred loved to do - to help herself process his death was ingenious, and I thought that Harry's appearance at the end was a great example of how a simple affirmation of life can help people to process the deaths even of those closest to them.

This was a great one-shot.

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Review #36, by BeeezieEvent Three - Ginny's Story: Ginny and Arnold

11th July 2014:
I really don't read enough fics about the time Ginny, Neville, etc had at Hogwarts while Harry, Ron, and Hermione were off searching for the Horcruxes. It's a side story that actually really intrigues me, so I was really happy to see that this was about it. (I'm trying to review all the Ravenclaw entries, at the very least. We'll see how successful I am!)

I thought that you covered Ginny's emotional state with amazing insight. This was such a stressful time for her - she had no idea whether her (ex-ish)-boyfriend, brother, and close friend were okay or even quite what they were doing, and I can absolutely see that uncertainty being made a million times worse because the people around her would assume that she did know more about the situation than she really did.

That her poor mood started because her pet bit her also struck me as really realistic. When you're under a huge amount of stress, it really doesn't take much to set you off. But I also liked that it was resolved, to some extent, when she was able to take concrete action to that end - I feel like paralysis and feeling helpless are often even more debilitating than the situation itself.

A little bit of cc - I wasn't sure that it was necessary to have a "Steven Creevey." It's certainly possible that there was a third Creevey brother, but given that the Creeveys were Muggleborn, it seemed unlikely that a third brother would also happen to be a wizard - and are we sure that the Creeveys were around Hogwarts in DH, anyway? I know Colin died, but I always assumed that he just came back because he was summoned by the DA coins, not because he'd been there from the start.

That's super minor, of course, and overall, this was an excellent story! I just thought I'd point that out. :)

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Review #37, by BeeezieBlackbird: A Tale of Misery

11th July 2014:
Huh. I can see that this is theoretically a WIP, but I actually think that it stands really nicely as a one-shot. I never see anything written about Myrtle that's not centered around her death or being a ghost, so this was a breath of fresh air and really made me look at the character in a way I hadn't before.

Your description really is lovely. I can see how it's evolved over the years, having read some of your more recent fics, but even here, it was spellbinding. Toward the beginning of the fic, it really threw me into a setting that I hadn't ever really thought about before - but she was alive around that time, wasn't she?

The depiction of Myrtle as being bullied before going to Hogwarts as well as during her time there was heart-breaking (I feel like I use that word a lot with your fics, but it's only because it so often applies!), but totally plausible. Kids who are targeted by bullies are often targeted over multiple settings - it's not like wizards and muggles play by such different rules.

Great job. And the quote? It was perfect.

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Review #38, by BeeezieForever, The Twinkling Dust: Tick tock. Tick tock.

11th July 2014:
I'm back!

Your one-shots really do kill me. I loved the repetition of the clock ticking in this - I could practically hear it in the back of my mind as I read! It really helped lend this creepy, unsettling air to the narrative that, given the situation, was so, so appropriate.

I felt like the disjointed stream of consciousness from Rose - the statements that didn't really make sense - came off as heartbreakingly genuine, and I felt so strongly for the people around her who were trying to comfort her even though they clearly didn't know what she meant. The brief interaction with the girl - Zabini - was also absolutely chilling; I felt so bad for Rose, who clearly wasn't able to communicate what she wanted to about this girl who wasn't really sad at all.

Which makes me wonder about her motives, but that didn't really need to be touched on here. It was perfect the way it was.

This was lovely and sent a shiver up my spine. Amazing job.

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Review #39, by BeeezieThe Pitch: The Pitch

11th July 2014:
I loved this one-shot.

Gideon and Fabian showing up to help take Fred on past the veil was kind of reminiscent of Lily, James, Sirius, and Remus doing the same for Harry in DH (though death doesn't quite stick with Harry like it does for Fred). That's one of my favorite scenes in the book, because the symbolism is so strong and the emotional impact so intense, so that semi-mirror was a really positive thing for me. Your using Gideon and Fabian to this purpose really helped to hammer in how terrible the First & Second Wizarding Wars were and how much they hurt families across multiple generations - Gideon and Fabian are people that Fred should have grown up knowing, not people he only recognized from photographs, and all three died too young.

But while that undertone to the one-shot was kind of sad, the story as a whole didn't come off that way. It was more cheerful than I'd have expected of a tale that ultimately comes down to untimely demise, but that worked for the characters, especially since Fred has always used humor to cope with difficult situations.

This was a lovely job. I love your Weasley one-shots.

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Review #40, by BeeezieRule Breaker: Aftermath

11th July 2014:
Wow - I'd forgotten that Hermione hadn't even been able to check in and see if her parents were still alive. I actually kind of wish that had entered the storyline a bit more before now - maybe either in a conversation with Theo or Ron, or maybe even one of her Slytherin friends. While everyone else is stressing about their life circumstances, I think Hermione should have pointed out at some point that she's facing a pretty terrible and stressful situation, too.

I did love that she talked about it a little with Draco, though, and I was equally gratified to see that he responded in kind. I'm glad that breaking with Voldemort and the Dark Arts didn't also involve breaking with his family, because while I do understand that the two are closely connected, I also feel like one of Draco's major avenues toward redemption is the love he's always felt from his parents.

At first, I wasn't sure how I felt about McGonagall's party idea, but on reflection, I've decided that I really like it. Hogwarts became a battle zone in DH, but that was because of the Carrows - in HBP, which I think Rulebreaker aligns with more closely overall in terms of tone, there was certainly some of that 'school-is-not-the-real-world' sentiment.

Still loving this!

House Cup 2014 Review - Ravenclaw

Author's Response: I'm definitely going to work Hermione's parents into this storyline more. As I've mentioned before, I've tended to forget certain things throughout the story (since it is SO FREAKING LONG), and when I edit (soon soon soon!), I want to fix that. Thanks for pointing it out! I had a big choice to make about whether or not to make the Malfoys stay "evil," but I wanted to do something a bit different, and didn't really want Draco to have to lose them. I think Narcissa at least proved her love for her son very early in the canon series, and Lucius's "affection" came through towards the end, and I wanted to showcase that. How they'll react to how much Draco has changed...that's to be determined. But I didn't want to get rid of them completely. I felt that was a bit of a cop-out. I'm glad you like the party idea! I needed it to set up the rest of the story (WHICH IS COMING TO A CLOSE SO SOON), so I felt it was necessary. I'm glad you don't hate it! ;)

Thanks again for a fantastic review!
--Emily


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Review #41, by BeeezieRule Breaker: NEWTs and News

11th July 2014:
Hmm. I'm not sure about your having Hermione decide not to go to the Chamber with them. I get that Draco and NEWTs are important to her, but it seems like a huge departure from her personality to let that overwhelm the real mission. She's always been capable of making sacrifices where necessary, and especially since nothing plot-important happens as a result of her not going, I feel like you could have just as easily faded out with her going down to the Chamber with Harry and Ron as with her going to bed with Draco.

Otherwise, though, this was a solid chapter. I liked the way you depicted the NEWTs, and I also appreciated the throwback to HBP where Tonks's patronus changed because of her feelings about Remus. However, I also really liked that Hermione seemed pretty unwilling to talk to Draco about it - that felt very genuine to me.

And then, of course, EVERYTHING HAPPENED. Onto the next chapter, because WOW what a cliffhanger!

House Cup 2014 Review - Ravenclaw

Author's Response: Hello (again)!

I'll think about what you mentioned with Hermione going to the Chamber. I guess I'd never really considered it, but it's something I should really decide on since the implications are quite large. But I'm glad you liked the rest of the chapter, especially the ending! :D I was happy about that, even though it was honestly a pretty last-minute choice.

Thanks again!
--Emily


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Review #42, by BeeezieOutsmarting Umbridge: Outsmarting Umbridge

10th July 2014:
I love that you referenced Minerva's backstory at the beginning of this - it brought the entire story very round-circle in a lot of ways, and really explained why she was so good at filtering herself (which she clearly managed to do throughout the books, most notably in OotP and HBP). I can definitely see how being a Muggleborn/Halfblood would be an advantage on that front in general.

I also loved the way you depicted Minerva's and Pomona's friendship. I never thought of them as being about the same age, but it's certainly plausible, and I love thinking of their friendship stretching back that long.

I loved the interaction with Fred and George. You captured their voices perfectly - I can totally see them nitpicking and claiming that canary creams didn't necessitate wand use. But it ended up being to the best that she took it... I would have loved to see the look on Umbridge's face.

Great job!

House Cup 2014 Review - Ravenclaw

Education Decree #7

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Review #43, by BeeezieA New Moon: A New Moon

10th July 2014:
Oooh, you captured Slughorn perfectly. The name dropping, the taste in food/drink, the belated realization that Wolfsbane shouldn't really be mixed with alcohol... but he's also uncomfortably perceptive at times, as shown when he recognized Remus's tension.

I loved seeing some of the side effects of the Wolfsbane, particularly so soon after its invention - I'm assuming that potionmakers may have been able to find a workaround to the awful aftertaste in the future, but not then, not in the early days. I loved seeing, though, that at the end of the day, despite all the discomfort, this really did make Remus happier. (I don't blame him. Losing your mind the way he's described as losing it must have been torture.)

House Cup 2014 Review - Ravenclaw

Education Decree #7

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Review #44, by BeeezieHPFF United Collaboration: The Quidditch Ban

10th July 2014:
Oh, James and Sirius. I feel kind of like McGonagall wanted to be talked into allowing Quidditch from the start, though - in the books, at least, she was always a huge supporter of the Gryffindor Quidditch team. I did think that they were really ingenious about their efforts, though (I don't care what McGonagall and Regulus say, I liked the essays!), and I loved that Regulus ended up sticking his nose in, too - it was a great reference to the fact that he'd also been on a Quidditch team, which was briefly mentioned in canon, and it was also a nice way of showing some complexities in Sirius and Regulus's relationship that often weren't really touched on in the books themselves.

I especially loved that you had Madam Pomfrey, who is always complaining about injuries to students, become an advocate for the most dangerous activity in the school. It was definitely a good bit on cunning on Regulus's part!

Great job!

House Cup 2014 Review - Ravenclaw

Education Decree #7

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Review #45, by BeeezieHow I Saved the Wizarding World with Hair Potions, By Gilderoy Lockhart: Hair-Care Potion Maker Extraordinaire

10th July 2014:
I love a good parody, especially a good parody involving Lockhart.

This was hilarious. Both your writing style and the subject material have me cracking up. You really captured Lockhart's voice perfectly - he was just so intensely self-satisfied that it felt like I was reading CoS all over again.

I also loved how you included some of the more minor characters who might have had some contact with Lockhart - I especially enjoyed Gladys, who I've always really wondered about. How on earth did she find Lockhart to be so fascinating that she spent so much of her life writing letters to him? This definitely provides some explanation, which I really enjoyed. And I loved seeing James's reaction to him - I can totally see him reacting with such disdain and irritation.

Hilarious, and a great story.

House Cup 2014 Review - Ravenclaw

Education Decree #7 (McGonagall tells Lupin he should be wearing black, not lilac)

Author's Response: Hello! Thank you so much, I am so glad this was entertaining and that it sounds like Lockhart! I had SO much fun writing this in Lockhart's voice :D And I'm quite flattered to hear that this was like reading CoS over again!

I loved adding in those minor canon characters - Gladys, the perpetual fan from the books, seemed like an ideal friend/admirer for him at Hogwarts :D I'm glad it seemed logical! And it's wonderful to hear that you enjoyed James' cameo as well.

Thank you so much for your review and I'm really glad you enjoyed the story!! :D


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Review #46, by BeeezieTwins and Marauders: ~One~

10th July 2014:
(I'm not sure that this counts for Decree #7, because Lupin isn't one of their professors right then, but since he is a professor, I thought it was worth a try!)

I loved the housekeeping part of OotP, so one-shots that delve further into it always entertain me. I suspected that might be particularly true of a one-shot you wrote, because I've tended to really enjoy them, and I was right!

I've always wondered when (or if!) Fred and George found out who Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs were. I always suspected they must have at some point - what with Harry's Patronus and Sirius's nickname and Remus being a werewolf - and I've always wished we could have seen it.

You describe it exactly as I'd imagine it would happen, right down to their being taken aback (and kind of disgusted) that Pettigrew was part of the Marauders. I loved this - and I loved Remus, responsible(ish) to the last.

Amazing job!

House Cup 2014 Review - Ravenclaw

Education Decree #7

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Review #47, by BeeezieRule Breaker: Looming

10th July 2014:
Huh. I actually really liked the way you approached this - I feel like with this sort of fic, there's always a danger of making Hermione too much of a resource for McGonagall. Instead, though, you've put Hermione (and Draco, sometimes) and McGonagall in a position where there are things that Hermione wants to know that McGonagall can't tell her. I can't really express how important I think that is - we saw it happen over and over throughout the books, even as the trio got older, that there are some things that they're just not privy to, because they're not Dumbledore. I also liked that while the theory Hermione and Draco came up with did turn out to be right, it wasn't something that McGonagall needed explained to her - she is a very bright witch, after all!

I also really liked the way you developed Harry and Ron's reactions to Draco in this chapter. Harry had already started to thaw, but now Ron has, too. As I said before, I think that it's totally plausible that it would take Ron longer to do so than Harry, but I'm glad it's started to happen at last.

Great job!

House Cup 2014 Review - Ravenclaw

Education Decree #7

Author's Response: Hello there!

I'm so happy you understand Hermione's relationship to McGonagall and the people "in power." Hermione's brilliant, yes, but the adults DO still have sway over what they will and won't tell the "students." For me, that separation was really important. I don't do it enough, but I want to emphasize that Hermione and her friends, as mature and intelligent as they may be, are still only 16/17/18-years-old. They're practically children, and I think that sometimes people (myself included) can forget that. And I'm glad you liked Harry and Ron, since, as you know, they're tough for me to write. Thanks for another great review!

--Emily


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Review #48, by BeeezieRule Breaker: The Quidditch Cup

10th July 2014:
Yeah, Quidditch can definitely be tough to write. I think you did a great job, though!

So much of this chapter was Quidditch, and I don't have much to say one way or the other about it (other than what I've already said), so this probably will be a bit of a shorter review. (Which, as a Ravenclaw, I hope you will forgive me for. :P)

I really liked the way Hermione reacted to Theo's revelation. The cold shoulder is completely, 100% appropriate. I also generally liked the way her friends reacted to it. I can, unfortunately, see Ron advocating forgiveness, because Ron has made some pretty poor choices over the course of the books. I would have liked to see a little more outrage from Harry, though - he's always tended to take that sort of thing really seriously, and it seemed a bit out of character for him to be so mellow and stoic about it.

Oh - this is related to the last chapter, but since I forgot to mention it then, I thought I'd mention it now. I was interested that Garrett was probably the least hostile of all of her Slytherin friends thus far, especially since, IIRC, Theo mentioned that Garrett was his best friends in one of the first chapters. I'd actually pegged Garrett to be the one to talk to her civilly if anyone would, though I have no idea why.

Good chapter! I'm sad I'm nearing the end. :(

House Cup 2014 Review - Ravenclaw

Author's Response: Hello once again!

I'm glad you think I wrote the Quidditch scene well! I pretty much hate writing Quidditch. I feel repetitive and boring and awful. :P I'm glad you liked Ron's reaction, and I'll tweak the other ones to make more sense. ;) I really need to balance my explanations of the Slytherins and Gryffindors thoughts/personalities/etc. I keep falling too far to one side and not giving the other enough attention. Dang!

Thanks again!
--Emily


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Review #49, by BeeezieRule Breaker: The Grounds for Mistrust

10th July 2014:
Hmm. I can see where Draco is coming from with that theory, and I'm sure that it will prove right, but I still think that you're skating over it a bit too much. There are plenty of other reasons for them to want to attack Hogsmeade - to hurt students, to get back at them for the McDougal and Boot arrests, or even just because. I mean, the Death Eaters do a lot of terrible things just because they think it's fun. Maybe you could add in something about not many people being hurt/killed, or something else that makes her feel like there was another motive?

More importantly, though:

Ooof. Poor Hermione. That is not a fun thing to discover about someone you care about. Unlike his other theory, though, the minute Draco suggested that Theo had ratted him out, it felt true to me. And as he expanded on his theory, that certainty only grew. We'd seen shades of that possessiveness from Theo in the past, and I can absolutely see him ratting out Draco. He'd always disliked him, and he definitely came from a family and a culture where life was not viewed as particularly sacred.

(Sidenote, though - wasn't Boot part of the DA in OotP? If so, wouldn't he at least know where the Room of Requirement was?)

It also really illustrated one of the most important differences between Theo and Draco: where Theo was willing to go behind Hermione's back and try to warn her best friend away from her, Draco was willing to step back when she told him that she needed to talk to Theo alone. He wasn't happy about it, and he cautioned her to be ready to defend herself, but ultimately? He stepped back.

I love that. You've done that a few times now in really noticeable ways, and I especially value it because I think that the cultural narrative in this day and age is often to idealize behavior like Theo's, as though it's only proof that the person cares. It's not okay, and having Draco as a counterpoint really makes that clear. As, of course, does Hermione herself: You don't get to make that choice, indeed.

Great chapter!

House Cup 2014 Review - Ravenclaw

Author's Response: Hi!

I'm definitely going to flesh out Draco's Hogsmeade-attack theory so that it doesn't seem so "of COURSE that's why!" As for his Theo-theory (which sounds awesome), that sucked for me to write. I didn't want Theo to turn out that way, but he wrote himself, and by the time that this chapter happened, his path was set, if that makes sense. :/

(Great point about Boot! I always forget he was ever mentioned in canon...)

I absolutely love that you pointed out the difference between Theo's and Draco's treatment of Hermione. I really wanted Hermione to come across as strong and independent. That's why you don't see many displays of affection between her and Draco. They're more reserved, quieter about their love. Ultimately, Hermione WANTS to be with Draco, but she can definitely still take care of herself, and I wanted him to be okay with that. I'm glad that came across!

Thanks again for all the advice!

--Emily


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Review #50, by BeeezieRule Breaker: Tales of Trials

10th July 2014:
Oh, dear. I just realized how close to the end I'm getting. :(

Anyway.

I liked this chapter, too. I think the more recent ones have probably been the most fraught with difficulties, because they necessarily align so closely with events from DH. However, as I said before, I think that you've done an excellent job with adapting them appropriately. I think that this chapter is particularly interesting because you had the chance to do here what we didn't get to see in the books: Harry (and Hermione) interacting with Snape.

I think that you actually captured Snape quite well. He's not easy to write, so huge congrats on that. He didn't have the same condescending air that he usually does in the books, but we did see that spark of anger and resentment at Dumbledore, and I think that the rest of his personality change is fairly understandable considering the circumstances. This wasn't a normal day, and Snape, as an adult, was, I think, able to put his personal feelings aside when it was really important.

I did wonder at Ron's not being there, but hopefully that will be explained in one of the next chapters. I also wish that you'd included a little more internal monologue about Draco being there for the conversation with Snape - it strained my credulity to think that Harry, at least, wouldn't have objected to Draco's presence quite quickly if he thought that the Horcruxes would come up. I don't have an issue with Draco being there for part of it, but I would have liked to see a little more of an acknowledgment that it was a big deal.

Overall, though? Amazing job!

House Cup 2014 Review - Ravenclaw

Author's Response: Hello again!

I'm absolutely ecstatic to hear that you think I wrote Snape well. He was practically impossible for me to feel comfortable writing, and I'm so happy he came across well. I didn't want him to be too slimy and horrible because I DID want him to have a certain degree of maturity about everything he and the other characters had gone through. Consequently, I wrote him somewhat mellower than he would usually come off.

I'm definitely taking your CC into account when I edit this, so I'm really glad that you've pointed things out for me to improve. Thank you so much, as always.

--Emily


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