Reading Reviews From Member: Beeezie
605 Reviews Found

Review #26, by BeeezieAesthetic Alterations: Library Aesthetic

23rd May 2015:

Oh my god. I'm finally getting around to reading everything so I can make an informed vote for the Diadems, and this is absolutely wonderful. I love it beyond all reason, and if it hasn't been recommended in the Jily thread, it will be five minutes after I've finished this review!

Because wow.

I just - I love this. It's so sweet. I wasn't sure what a modern Muggle Jily AU would look like, but it was wonderful. You completely captured both of the characters and found perfect stand-ins for all the important aspects of their lives and personalities. Remus having lupus was perfect instead of being a werewolf in particular - though I do wish you hadn't dismissed it quite so quickly. I get that it wasn't the point, but even with medical care, lupus can be a really big deal, and I wish some of James's worry had remained. (Not all, but some.)

I also loved that Lily admitted that she was behaving according to her idea of what a librarian should be than what a librarian actually is - as someone in the field myself, I've absolutely met people like her, and it occasionally drives me crazy because "internet" is not a dirty word! (Argh.) But she was adorable here, as was James - I can totally see the appeal of him, especially for someone who's cultivated this persona of being reserved and controlled.

Loved this so, so much. ♥


 Report Review

Review #27, by Beeezieslowly: and then all at once

16th May 2015:
I'm going to choose to believe that this is Alastair. (Please let it be Alastair?)

This is so lovely. As always, I could see the picture of it in my mind, and you really brought what Lily was feeling as she descended the stairs and walked down the aisle to life. This was utterly, beautifully realistic, and the little details you threw in really helped take the story from lovely to extraordinary - Lily almost tripping in particular made me smile, because I am literally one of the klutziest people I've ever met. (I can literally bruise myself just walking down a hallway. It's pathetic.)

I love this story. Omg. ♥

 Report Review

Review #28, by Beeezieheaven: can't help me now

16th May 2015:
Ooooh are some of your next gens in the same overarching universe? I don't think I knew that!

Or maybe just these two are. Either way, why haven't I stalked your author page before? I've loved both fics that I've read so far, and oh I love this song so much. So this is all kinds of win, really.

(Now I'm listening to 1989. I suspect that I will continue to do so for the rest of the day. HOW DARE YOU. Wow, I love this CD so much.)


This was such a wonderful fic on so many levels. Your description was absolutely perfect - I felt like I was watching a movie, and I could totally see the draw of Alastair. By the time I was halfway through, I kind of wanted to get into a passionate secret romance with him! You just made their relationship so lovely and real and secret without being... well, illicit? If that makes sense?

It also gave a lot of new meaning to Cherish, and now I'm going to have to go back and reread it knowing that this was how their relationship began and how fleeting she'd assumed it would be.

On that topic: I actually really liked that Lily was so convinced that their relationship was fleeting, and he seemed to be... not pushing for something more, exactly, because I didn't feel any pressure there, but have faith in something more? Maybe? Sort of? And I loved that in the end, she was kind of proven wrong.

Loved this so much. ♥

 Report Review

Review #29, by Beeeziecherish: all these simple things

16th May 2015:
Hi, Sarah!

This was such a cute story - I really enjoyed it! I feel like often, people who are a little introverted and not in the middle of all the excitement and festivities are painted as being depressed and/or not enjoying themselves, but IME that's often not at all the case, and I think you showed that with Lily perfectly. She came across to me as totally peaceful and enjoying herself, which is wonderful. :)

Speaking of wonderful, I loved your depiction of the Weasleys in general. It was just such a wonderful depiction of their Christmas - so frantic but so, so loving.

And YAY queer Weasleys - I'm a Rose/Scorpius fan, but Albus/Scorpius is definitely growing on me, and my Roxanne is also definitely queer. (Actually, most of my next-gen Weasley women are queer - not sure how that happened, but hey. :P)

This was lovely. ♥ (And it kind of makes me wish it was Christmas. :P)

 Report Review

Review #30, by Beeeziefelt: Chapter 1: In Which Harry Interferes

15th May 2015:
Hi, Carla! Back for BvB! ♥

I really enjoy what you did with this chapter. I think that you're a little evil for not taking us off the hook for what exactly the law says, but I guess wanting to know so bad is the mark of a good chapter (and a good writer, of course!).

Your portrayal of Hermione was perfect. The way she's approaching the law is so reminiscent of the way we saw Hermione approach pretty much any much problem in the series: with rapt attention and significant anxiety, sometimes to the exclusion of everything else.

Though - the bit at the end about her and Ron also made me wonder whether a rough patch in her relationship was contributing to her focus on the law. I mean, it sounds like she'd be focusing regardless, but it's not at all uncommon for people to use work to hide from trouble in their relationships.

I also appreciated the way that she was a little more hesitant about trusting Draco than Harry was. That makes sense to me, as they've moved forward - I think that Harry saw a little more of Draco in HBP and DH that helped lay the groundwork for getting past the hard feelings to some extent and giving Draco a chance to change, where Hermione (and Ron, of course) weren't privy to the same information.

I did initially wonder why you had her focus on the punch rather than some of their other encounters (most notably when she was tortured by Bellatrix in DH), but as I thought about it, I realized that the punch is probably much easier to talk about, and I can see why she'd focus on it instead.

Regardless, though, I really enjoyed your portrayal-through-Harry of Draco after the war in its own right, too. I tend to think that Draco did reform to some extent, but while you alluded to that, you also didn't skim over his very troubling background - it was a wonderful balancing act, and I'd excited to see Draco show up!

One tiny bit of CC. While I really enjoyed the content of the chapter and thought that you captured Harry, Hermione, and their relationship perfectly, there were a few points where I felt like the dialogue itself was a tiny bit stilted. For example, phrases like "mark my words" or "get off your high horse" didn't really sound like Harry or Hermione (respectively - though they could fit if the speaker was reversed), and there was sometimes a little too much formality in Harry's dialogue in particular.

I also feel like you overused adjectives/adverbs a little. For example,

She rolled her eyes at what he was doing to her notes but gave him a sincere smile as well.

"Sincere" just felt like overkill to me, especially since from the context, we can surmise that her smile was probably genuine.

Other than that, though, I really enjoyed this chapter, and I wish there was more to read! ♥


 Report Review

Review #31, by Beeeziefelt: Prologue

14th May 2015:
Hey, Carla! I'm here for BvB! :)

Wow. This is a really intriguing start, and I'm dying to know exactly what that law says! I love the way that you pulled Cassandra (I'm assuming Cassandra Trelawney?) into this and that you made her Muggleborn - it was a really cool way to tie in a little bit of what we know from canon and give it new depth and meaning. If this is Cassandra Trelawney, I particularly like the way you continued the portrayal in the books of Muggleborns being perfectly capable of being immensely talented and powerful witches and wizards, since we know that she was such a celebrated Seer.

(Ugh, I hope this is Cassandra Trelawney - otherwise, I'm going to feel like an idiot!)

I also really loved your portrayal of Hermione. I can absolutely see her fleeing noise and celebration (particularly noise and celebration that she isn't really a part of) for dusty archives and books, and the way she's using the time came off as absolutely genuine to me. Of course she's working on research to push for werewolf equality. Hermione was always someone who cared deeply about that stuff in the first place and wouldn't let it slip away, and it makes perfect sense to me that even though it's been about six years since the Battle of Hogwarts, all of the problems with blood status and prejudice haven't been solved yet - not on a societal level, and not on a legal level. (And I do want to mention that her caution before touching the parchment and your reason behind it? Perfect.)

This was so wonderful. I cannot wait to read more.


 Report Review

Review #32, by BeeezieL'optimisme: Silence

8th May 2015:
Hey, here for BvB! :)

This was so beautifully written - I can completely understand why so many people nominated it for the diadems, because your prose is just breathtaking. It's lovely on its own merits and would be no matter what the content of the story was, but when combined with a character as laden with emotion and sadness and regret as Albus is, the story jumped to a completely different level.

And is now on my favorites and currently reading list, and I have a feeling that I'm not going to sleep tonight because OMG MUST READ. Why, Aph. Why do you do this to me. (Because obviously this is directed purely at me. :P)


You showed so many facets of Albus, Gellert, and their relationship. One of the things I particularly adored was that in some ways, I felt like you humanized Gellert at least a little - outside of Albus's commentary about the future, he mostly came off as just a typical teenager to me - while simultaneously making Albus look worse. I mean, not worse like "you irredeemable monster," but you didn't pull any punches, either. I felt like he was a self-centered and selfish jerk who was so consumed by his first love that he acted very, very poorly.

That's so realistic, because 1) that's so typical of teenagers, particularly teenagers in love and 2) it really gives so much depth to his insistence throughout the books to give people second chances. Some of the second chances he gave always kind of bothered me, to be honest - I thought that he was blind to keep Hagrid as a teacher when he was so clearly pretty incompetent at it (kind-hearted, but incompetent) and to not set Snape in line when it came to bullying students... but as I read through this, I kept thinking back to those little things from the books and started to interpret them in a bit of a different light. In some ways, Albus overcompensated, didn't he?

(At least that's my take!)

The end of this was absolutely heartbreaking. The way you described it more through Albus's feelings than the setting itself made me sympathize more with him, and I could feel his anguish and pain when he realized what he had done.

This was lovely. I can't wait to


 Report Review

Review #33, by BeeezieHurricane Luna: They Fall in a Cave

27th April 2015:
Aww, this was so much fun!

I really liked your choice to jump ahead six months here. Showing the very, very slow progression of their relationship would be interesting, too, but it would be a different story. The way the past six months are summarized in the first few paragraphs is perfectly done. It flowed perfectly and didn't leave me confused about the evolution of their relationship and Rolf's feelings toward her.

And, as far as the latter goes - you actually addressed this at a lot of points in a lot of really subtle ways, which I loved.

For example, his insistence that he's just tolerating her and is expecting her to disappoint him spoke volumes. My heart went out to him that that's been his experience to such an extent that it's at the forefront of his mind, and it also indicated to me that he liked her more than he was admitting.

Or his focus on her hair - even though it's initially couched in his being annoyed at her, it's pretty easy to see through him, particularly since just a couple paragraphs later he's looking at it again without any of that.

And can I just say: it is so like Luna to basically invite herself along, anthropomorphize all his subjects, and then come up with a really useful way to get what he wants. Combined with his noticing that Luna wasn't complaining, it also helped set up their romance. They're tangible, useful things she does that 1) show some compatibility with Rolf and 2) show that she cares about his passion.

I would like to see a little more of an explanation for what Luna's getting out of this - it's not necessary yet, but while I can guess at some potential reasons, it would be nice to see it addressed more directly at some point.

Loved this chapter, though, and the kiss was so wonderful. I got this ridiculous smile on my face as I read it - it was so cute!

This is wonderful. I can't wait to read more!

Author's Response: Hi again!

Wow - thanks again. You picked up on every little detail that I tried to tie into their love story. I didn't want to rush it and I'm glad that came across. And yeah, he's not being entirely honest with himself about his feelings for her :D

I actually never considered what Luna's intentions or motivations were for this. I think that Luna is so complex and such a free spirit that she was just following her heart - to see the interesting animals AND be with Rolf. She is just going with the flow and seeing where life takes her.

hee hee - I wrote the kiss part first and then backtracked and set it up with the rest of the chapter.

Thanks again! I loved these reviews!

♥ Beth

 Report Review

Review #34, by BeeezieHurricane Luna: They Meet in a Tree

27th April 2015:
I'm finally here! Sorry for the delay. ♥

I am so excited to get into this story - I find Luna to be such a fascinating character (and so difficult to get right, but I'll get to that in a minute!), and I love seeing Rolf - from what little we know about him, he must be a fascinating guy in his own right.

You had me hooked from the first paragraph. I loved the way you described Rolf and his surroundings for two reasons: first, the picture you painted was just so incredibly vivid, and second, I could see so much depth and promise in what you said about fkejjows - it was just wonderful world-building.

I also loved the way you showed part of Rolf's motivation as being based around a desire to make a name for himself, rather than just building on his grandfather's fame. It was perfectly done - I can totally see why he'd feel that way, and while I don't know quite how old he is, if he's at all close in age to Luna I'm assuming he's probably in his mid-late 20s or early 30s. That time frame makes perfect sense for this evolution in his career and perspective, which made the character feel realistic and rich from the start.

I wasn't sure how you'd choose to depict Rolf and Luna's initial meaning. Sometimes he's shown as being immediately enchanted by her, and while I've seen that work, I think this is my favorite take on it so far. You got Luna so right (which is a feat in itself! She's so tough to write in so many ways), and his reaction to her... perfect.

His reaction actually brought something important that often gets overlooked, because Luna is such a popular character among fans: she's really quite annoying sometimes! Hermione's irritation in OotP in particular is not unreasonable, and neither is Rolf's here. Luna marches to the beat of her own drummer, and while that's a lot of fun, it can be infuriating when you encounter it in an actual person, especially if they're mucking something that you worked hard for up.

I love the quote at the end - I can't wait to read on! Amazing job!

Author's Response: Hi there Branwen!

Gah - two totally wonderful reviews :D I'm totally grinning right now.

Hmmm... this is a complete failure on my part as an author, but I never really considered how old Rolf was. I'm thinking that he is a few years older than Luna - (perhaps five or six) and that would explain why he's not mentioned as being at Hogwarts.

Wow. Thanks so much for your compliment about Luna. She IS a bit intimidating to write - because people love her so much. I'm just squeeing over this review so much.

Thanks again!

♥ Beth

 Report Review

Review #35, by Beeezieto the end of time: My Sweetheart

14th April 2015:
Here again for BvB! (And aww, the shout-out in your A/N was so sweet and very appreciated!)

As soon as I saw the summary, I was even more excited than I usually am to read the chapter (and Iím usually pretty excited, because have I mentioned that I am loving this story? Probably).

Thereís just so much about it thatís wonderful. I love the spin youíre putting on things that we remember from the books in some chapters - seeing them through Parvatiís eyes is interesting enough on its own merits, but itís especially fascinating because weíre also seeing them through the lens of what is quickly becoming one of my favorite ships (to the extent that my head canon for my next-gen universe has rearranged a lot to make them be together after all).

There are ways in which Parvatiís reaction to the necklace and Lavenderís relationship with Ron actually mirrors Harryís, which I really liked. It made me think of a line in HBP where Harry and Parvati have a moment of being embarrassed together of their best friends in particular, as well as of Harryís being completely bemused by a lot of what they were doing. Thereís clearly also some jealousy there for Parvati, which makes perfect sense, but you didnít go overboard with it, which was perfect - sheís not just pretending to be Lavenderís friend because she wants to be with her, sheís genuinely Lavenderís friend, and for friends as close as they are, portraying everything through a lens of ďsheís so jealous!Ē would cheapen it for me. Youíre walking that line beautifully.

This was an amazing chapter. Again. I love this fic. ♥

Author's Response: Hey Branwen!

Hehe, I love that you love this story so much! It's slowly becoming one of my favorite ones to write!

Normally I shy away from anything Hogwarts-era related, just because there's so much canon already in place, but this story is just so much fun and I'm loving interpreting everything through Parvati's eyes because we only ever see Harry's perspective. It's really good for me as a writer and so much fun to write these characters.

Yes, I'm so glad that you felt like Parvati is genuinely Lavender's friend. I think that's the most important part of their relationship. Sure, there's some romantic feelings on Parvati's part, but she still genuinely cares for Lavender on a deeper level than that.

I'm so glad that you still like this story so much, it really makes my day when I get to read your reviews! Thank you so much!


 Report Review

Review #36, by BeeezieThe Ides of March: Melancholy were the sounds.

14th April 2015:
Hi, Kiana! Iím back for BvB. :)

Oh, yikes. Helenaís relationship with her mother really is so fraught. I canít say I blame her, really, but itís a really thought-provoking view of Rowena that I donít think Iíve run across before. I like it a lot, though, because I think itís actually really effective at showing a darker side to a lot of the traits that are really characteristic of Ravenclaw as a house. I can see how, taken to its logical conclusion, an analytical and intellectual nature could lead to being cold and distant. Itís really thought-provoking, and it makes me wonder whether sheís like this with everyone or just her daughter.

My heart really goes out to Helena and Eleanor, because I just canít see this story having a happy ending - since, as you mention in your A/N, we know that the baron kills her, and it seems like she was still fairly young at the time.

I am wondering whether Helena and Eleanor run away after the baron arrives. Helena seems so focused on Eleanor that I canít see her falling for the baron, really (although I guess itís possible that sheíll initially be intrigued and question whether it would really be so bad, since thereís no denying that it would be easier). Itís been interesting, though, to see Eleanor voicing the same concerns Helena was in previous chapters. I wonder if sheís trying to distance herself from Helena, a little - maybe even subconsciously rather than consciously.

This was another great chapter. :) I can't wait to see what happens next!

Author's Response: Hey Branwen!

I know, it really isn't good at all, but it does change a lot later on so keep yours eye out for that. Yes, I thought it would be interesting to focus on how Ravenclaws could be just as bad as Slytherins could be, as the pursuit of intelligence and perfection can be a bad thing if taken too far, and I think that's the case with Rowena. I think with Rowena she finds her to deal with complex emotions, hence why her relationship is worse with Helena than with other people.

I know, I'm sorry but it has to happen, but there are few more things which happen before we reach that point.

Hmmm, I can't answer that as that would be giving away the rest of the story, but I will say that Helena is guided by her own will at the end of it and she does what she thinks is right. Hmm, as for the case of Eleanor, there will be more twists and turns for regarding her, but I can't say more than that.

Thanks for this fab review! ♥


 Report Review

Review #37, by BeeezieThe Ides of March: Nothing thicker than a knife's blade.

14th April 2015:
Here again for BvB!

This was really heartbreaking. I hate (hate, hate) the beliefs that Helena is buying into, but I think that theyíre (unfortunately) very realistic for the time period, particularly since Helena is Rowenaís only child and thereís some stake in carrying on the family name.

And speaking of Rowena - ooh, I love the way youíve set up their relationship! Given what little we know about it, it seems likely that it was strained at best - she didnít just steal her motherís diadem and run away out of nowhere. I feel like youíve introduced a lot of nuance and room for tension in their relationship, which I really love. And, in giving Helena a good relationship with Helga, youíre making it so that she does have some adult council that she trusts, which I think is important for the story - otherwise, sheíd only be thinking about this to herself!

But the best part of the chapter was (of course) Helenaís interactions with Eleanor. I love how Helena is pulled toward Eleanor like a moth to a flame, even while sheís struggling against it - so much so, in fact, that sheís congratulating herself on managing to stay away from her for a few hours. Thatís pretty significant, and it makes the fact that by the end of the chapter sheís decided to pursue Eleanor anyway very believable.

One little bit of CC, though: while the dialogue usually comes across as being a lovely feature of the very different era, there are occasionally moments where I feel like it got a little stilted. Iím not sure if part of it is that you donít always describe people during conversations (which I think would really help convey the anguish and pain during the scenes with Helena in particular) or if itís the language itself, but either way, it might be something to look at. :)

Overall, though, this was a wonderful story. ♥ I can't wait to read more!

Author's Response: Hey there Branwen!

I know, it's so sad as I really wish I could change and go back and tell them how stupid they are, but their entire belief is so, so, so rigid it took centuries to see the slightest bit of progression in it.

Aw, thank you, I was a little worried about portraying her in such a negative light especially as I'm in a Claw and all so I did feel quite bad doing it but I'm glad that you liked it. I was always interested in way Helena stole the Diadem as it seems like quite a strange thing to do, so I put a little spin on it here and I hope you like it. Yes, I always imagine Helga being a sort of guardian angel to all the Founders children so at least Helena can count on her.

Aw, thank you! I know, they have a very odd relationship but I think the reason why they need each other so much is because they're the only ones who understand what it is to be a lesbian and how they had to fight with society for who they love, but at least with one another they can be who they truly are.

Oooh, I'll definitely look into that as the dialogue is always a rather tricky to think to conquer, especially making it time appropriate so it could probably do with some reviewing, thanks for pointing that out!

Thanks for this great review Branwen ♥


 Report Review

Review #38, by Beeezieto the end of time: The Yule Ball

12th April 2015:
Back for BvB! (Aw, Iím on the last chapter - please reassure me and say youíll be putting more up soon? No pressure, of course. :P)

Huh - what you did here is really interesting! Iíd always kind of wondered when Lavender developed her crush on Ron, and I like this interpretation of it. I can see Lavender only getting the confidence in her sixth year to act on it, especially since Lavender-as-a-teenager seems like she might have been the sort to enjoy mooning over someone for years. I donít know about you, but the melodrama was strong with me when I was that age! :P Itís funny, though, because sheís so confident about pretty much everything that isnít super personal.

Which in some ways is also true of Parvati herself. There are a million and one reasons a fourteen year old wouldnít want to tell her (female) best friend she has feelings for her, particularly when said friend is trying to set her up with other people and mooning over Ron Weasley. (Oh, Lavender. Why??) But it also feels like part of Parvati is... not enjoying, exactly, but invested in? this unrequited love. Iím not sure sheíd know quite what to do if Lavender did tell her she had feelings for her.

But thatís what makes this so realistic. Teenagers, especially young teenagers, really do tend to be so unsure of themselves even when they arenít queer. When they are, that just adds a new layer of complication to an already complicated equation.

Quick nitpick - Parvati went to the Ball with Harry, and Padma went with Ron. I think that the conflict between Parvati and Lavender could have just as easily come because Parvati set Ron up with someone else, of course, but I thought Iíd mention it.

Overall, though, this was wonderful. I wish there was another chapter for me to read! ♥

Author's Response: To answer your question: yes, I have the next chapter written and everything and I'll post it later this week :)

I know the books and everything make it seem like she only started to like him when he started to get "interesting," but I feel like Lavender would be the kind of girl who did exactly what you described and drag out the crush, much to her friends' (mostly Parvati's) annoyance. She had to have had some sort of attraction to him before sixth year or else I don't think her sudden infatuation would have made any sense.

Yeah, you're definitely right. I think Paravti has been attracted to Lavender for so long without any reciprocation that she'd be lost if Lavender actually returned the feelings. And I think that also has something to do with the fact that she realized that she liked Lavender quite early and hasn't actually had any experience with people liking her back.

So after you said that, I went back and realized that when I first wrote this, I looked up that Parvati went with Harry but that was about a month ago and when I went back to edit before I uploaded it, I completely forgot and wrote that in. But I just changed it, so hopefully that's fixed soon haha.

I love seeing your reviews on this and I'm so happy you enjoy it so much! Don't worry, the wait shouldn't be too long!


 Report Review

Review #39, by BeeezieSilent Rumors: A Kidnapping

12th April 2015:
Wow. Yeah, these people really could use a reality check, unless theyíre just using this ďrevenge on the purebloodsĒ as a smokescreen for another motivation. Ernie is so far from an enemy to the Muggleborns and halfbloods that this actually offends me on his behalf.

But I think people who kidnap small children and threaten people who havenít done anything probably arenít usually the most reasonable, and there are certainly plenty of people in the world who do things that I will never be able to understand.

What Iím still not clear about is what they want, which I like - youíre definitely unravelling this story little by little, which is cool (though a little maddening, since itís not all up yet!). I mean, why kidnap Lydia, Max, and Cara if they were just going to go after Ernie immediately anyway? And if they donít want the Aurors involved, why on earth would they cover his yard red and and write ďAtonement Is ComingĒ on his door? Ernie wouldnít need to tell the Aurors anything at this point - theyíre not blind, and it seems likely that someone will notice this!

This is all so intriguing - I feel like we havenít even scratched the surface of what these people really want, yet.

One tiny thing, though: at the beginning of the chapter, you say that Ernie is careful not to wake Lydia when he gets up... but when he gets downstairs, sheís there feeding their kids. I know that thereís a shower in between his getting up and going downstairs, but even so, showers usually donít take very long, and for her to go from fast asleep to feeding their kids seemed a little quick.

That aside, though, this was wonderful, and I really wish there was more to read!

Author's Response: Hello again!

The "revenge on purebloods" thing is the main motivation, but it becomes apparent quickly that it is a very warped view of this. I imagine this group being quite radical in their views.

As far as the kidnapping and flashy graffiti, it gets explained eventually in Atonement Is Coming. It definitely continues to unravel little bit by little bit.

Your point about the timing is noted and I will make some adjustments to it when I go through and edit. You're right, she'd have to be flash to wake the kids, make breakfast, etc. before Ernie got out of the shower.

Thank you again for your lovely reviews!


 Report Review

Review #40, by BeeezieSilent Rumors: A Letter

12th April 2015:
Hey, here for our swap! Iím not sure how much time Iím going to have, but both this and Atonement Is Coming look super intriguing, so hopefully Iíll be able to get caught up on both. :P

I really enjoy that you opened this story with Ernie MacMillan getting a threatening letter. In the books, we saw that not all purebloods or pureblood families are created equal, and we know that Ernie is accepting and actively invested in equal rights for Muggleborns - since, you know, as he says, he was on the right side in the war. It makes it clear that what weíre dealing with here is probably essentially a hate crime rather than simple revenge (whatever the letter writer wants to believe).

I also thought that you did an excellent job of working a lot of little details into the narrative rather than leaving them either unclear or explicitly stating them in an awkward way. Ernie is married and has multiple children, which means itís probably safe to say that the war has been over for awhile - Iím thinking that either one of the trials for the Death Eaters was super prolonged or they had to be hunted down after Voldemort fell because they fled. Itís a really nice touch, and it also makes me wonder about why people looking for revenge on all purebloods, any purebloods... well, are choosing now.

I also think the war has probably been over, actually, because Ernieís making some choices that I think could really come back to haunt him. I can see that happening if heís lapsed into a sense of security (not sure whether Iíd call it false, but itís definitely not honed) that I donít think would have happened with the war still at the forefront of his mind. While I wanted to leap through the screen and into the story to yell at him, I can totally see why heíd feel like this, and you made this reaction make a lot of sense.

You also really left me wondering whether that shadow was indeed a cat. In a movie, it would definitely not be a cat, but in real life, sometimes your eyes and ears really do just play tricks on you when youíre afraid... so basically, I need to read on immediately, because I need to know!

This is really intriguing - amazing job! I canít wait to read the next chapter! (So Iím going to go do that. Now. :P)

Author's Response: Hey Beeezie!

Thank you for swapping with me!

So this story is supposed to be taking place a little under 5 years after the war ended. I imagine that it would've taken a very long time to round up and have trials for all of the Death Eaters. In real life, post war trials can take a decade or more, so I thought this time frame seemed realistic.

It is also, as you pointed out, enough time for Ernie to start becoming complacent again. All of the criminals are being locked up, so he feels he has nothing left to fear.

The plot will only develop so far in this little short story because it's the prequel. Atonement Is Coming is where we really start to understand why Purebloods are being attacked and who is doing it!

Thank you so much for swapping with me! I'm glad you enjoyed it!


 Report Review

Review #41, by BeeezieBetween the Lines: Any-way-what-how

11th April 2015:
Hey, Iím here for BvB!

I really enjoyed this. I think it can be really difficult to write kids - I definitely shy away from it for that reason! - but your portrayal of second-year Minerva was perfect. The kids were so realistically obnoxious - twelve year olds are so easily amused by the stupidest things sometimes, and they can be so insecure that they canít laugh off nonsense like ďMinervousĒ for the ridiculousness that it is. I can completely see why Minerva felt uncomfortable and excluded, and I can also see how her tendency to talk more to professors because she was more comfortable with them probably turned into a little bit of a self-fulfilling prophecy.

I also loved how Amelia approached Minerva - I think she needed that friend and to feel like she wasnít alone, and I can see how Amelia could be that for her. Iím curious to see where you take their friendship - Ameliaís clearly been paying close attention to Minerva and is a lot more outgoing, but Minerva is already clearly feeling a little off-kilter from their conversation. Iím not sure yet whether itís the shock of having a friend at all or something about Amelia herself - Iíll be interested to see who develops and articulates their feelings first!

The only thing I wasnít sure about was the level you depicted Minerva (and Amelia, for that matter) at. Ahead of everyone else and ostracized for it, I can totally see, but teaching fifth years or performing a Disillusionment Spell at 12? That seemed unlikely to me. I usually use Hermione as a vague benchmark, because everyone was so impressed by her, and this is so far beyond what we saw from Hermione that I had a hard time believing it. I felt like you probably could have kept the same sentiment without making it quite so fantastic, and I think your setting the standards so high here might make writing about their later years at Hogwarts difficult.

Other than that, though, this was an amazing job, and I canít wait to see what happens next!

Author's Response: Hi there Branwen,

So, so sorry that I've taken so long to reply to this lovely review. This story is definitely out of my comfort zone, as I've never written a slash pairing before, but you're right - writing 12 year old kids can be just as daunting! Thank you so much for your comments, as I'm breathing a huge sigh of relief that it came off as realistic.

Also, I appreciate your notes on their magical abilities. I did do a fair bit of research (Pottermore, et al) for this part and I actually think Minerva is the benchmark (at least in my own head). I also remember Hermione being referred to as "the smartest which of her age" - which made me thing that while she was very, very gifted and clearly top of her class at Hogwarts, there were others before her who were even more gifted - enter Minerva. And I want to clarify (and I'm going to check back in the story to make sure I didn't slip up) - Minerva was helping the fifth years with History of Magic, because Minerva had studied/read about History on her own up to that level. In her other courses, she's about two years ahead (4th year or so). I also chose that "two years ahead" mark because that is the *general* definition of a gifted child (for all of us mere muggles - haha!).

The disillusionment spell from Amelia is quite a feat, but she excels in some very specific areas, where Minerva is quite talented overall.

Thanks again - I'm just so excited that this story is being so well received!

♥ Beth

 Report Review

Review #42, by Beeezieto the end of time: Just a Phase

10th April 2015:
This is just wonderful. I love this story so much.

There are so many things about this scene that worked beautifully. I thought that how uncomfortable Parvati got when they pressured her to talk about what Ďboyí she liked was completely realistic - even if none of the girls had anything against same-sex attraction, when thatís not even mentioned as an option, itís no wonder that Parvati feels unsure about admitting to it - particularly given how insecure kids tend to be at that age anyway! Itís that kind of heteronormativity that, while not ill-intentioned, can do real damage by making people feel like theyíre... well, freaks, for lack of a better word.

Of course, I doubt Parvati would have said anything, Lavender being right there and all... but being pressured didnít help, and now Iím wondering how long she has to keep up the charade of this supposed crush on Harry - and whether youíll even maybe draw it into GoF.

Also: Iím not sure it was intentional or not, but I saw the pressure Parvati felt mirrored a little in how the girls approached Padma when she said she didnít like anyone - again, that idea that thereís a rigid pattern of attraction that you need to conform to is so harmful. Iím not sure whether thatís going to come up in the future or if itís going to remain a small mention in this chapter, but either way, it was a nice subtle touch.

I wasnít quite sure about them being in the Hufflepuff Common Room - we donít really see any indication in the books that friends in different Houses spend time in each otherís Common Rooms, and some indication that they didnít (the assumption that Harry wouldnít know anything about the Slytherin or Ravenclaw Common Rooms at various points in DH, for example). It would have made a little more sense to me if theyíd been in the library or by the lake or something.

Thatís minor, though. Overall, this was another great chapter in a wonderful story. ♥

Author's Response: Hey again!

Yes, I'm so glad that that scene came across like that because it was exactly what I was hoping people would get out of it! I made sure to include the whole "what boy do you like" thing because even though people are more open minded now, they wouldn't have been when these girls were young and especially since they're only 13, they wouldn't really consider any other option.

The Padma thing was an extension of that as well. As I was writing this, the "aromantic Padma" headcanon popped into my mind, so I started running with that. It wouldn't make sense to them that she just wasn't attracted to anyone like that and even though Padma herself probably won't figure that out til later, it was fun to stick in something like that when it was so relevant to what Parvati was going through.

The Hufflepuff common room was a last minute descision. I wanted to have a sort of sleepover feel to the whole thing and no other setting really seemed right. I figured that I could get away with it because we only get the books from Harry's point of view and just because he wasn't visiting other common rooms didn't mean that other people weren't.

Thank you again for the lovely review! I love seeing them!


 Report Review

Review #43, by BeeezieThe Ides of March: A star riding through clouds.

10th April 2015:
Hey, Iím here for BvB! Youíve been leaving me such awesome reviews on CINAS, so Iím really happy I can get in after you and start to return the favor. ♥ (Especially since I love reading Founders fics, though I havenít had the courage to try to write one yet.)

Then I clicked into the first chapter and realized that this story was about Helena being in love with another woman, and I was sold. Yes please.

I loved your characterization of Helena on so many levels. The picture she paints of herself and the place she occupies relative to the Founders and their children is fascinating, and it makes a lot of sense given what we know about Helena and her mother in particular. Itís tough to know how much of this is in her head and how much of it is reality, but either way, the frame of mind youíre showing makes a lot of sense in the context of her running away.

The mention of her Muggleborn father is also intriguing, because it really does bring up so many questions for me! Itís interesting to see hints of how the old prejudices played out back then, especially in the context of religion - IIRC, this is around the time when Christians are burning witches and wizards, right? Iím wondering whether that plays a part in Rowenaís hostility toward it.

And Eleanor.

I love how enchanted Helena is by Eleanor, and I found the way her social status and understanding of her fatherís religion are shackling her to be heartbreaking. I could see Eleanor in my mind, because your description of her was so wonderful, and I was a little enchanted, too! Iím glad Eleanor does seem to return the feelings, and I think that her initiating something goes very well with her family lineage and House - fortune favors the bold, after all!

This was lovely. Iím definitely going to find time to read more of it. ♥

Author's Response: Hey there Branwen! Aw, thank you, I'm glad that you decided to read it as I know not that many people are interested by it as they think Founders stories are kind of meh.

Whoo, thank you, I thought it would be an interesting thing to explore as it's mentioned in so many other eras but rarely in this one.

AW, thank you! I know, I think she will always be judged differently from the Founders children as she's an only child and she can't confide in others what it's like to be a daughter of Rowena Ravenclaw. I think naturally as a Ravenclaw too, she's more likely to be withdrawn and quieter, but I do think quite a lot of this is just in her head.

Haha, I'm actually studying witch-hunting in history right now so I'll be able to answer this for you. The peak of the executions was 1560-1660, and that was when there were mass witch-hunts and a real sense of terror in the populace, however, they did occur before but they were much more sporadic and they weren't known for running rampant.

Aw, I'm glad you like her too as these two do have a very special place in my heart. I'm so glad that you did like her and you were able to imagine her as I sometimes wonder if the idea of Eleanor is lost in all these mystical descriptions of her. Hahah, yes, her family lineage and House will definitely motivate for the rest of the story.

Thanks for this fantastic review! ♥


 Report Review

Review #44, by Beeeziea slow shattering: the mirror thrown to the ground

10th April 2015:
Hey, here for BvB! :)

Wow. I have a soft spot in my heart for post-war Lavender stories, so when I realized that one of your stories was centered around her, I knew that this was a story I needed to read.

I donít think Iíve ever seen a story where Parvati dies in the battle, let alone quite so violently, and that added a new level to Lavenderís state of mind and the trauma sheís grappling with, both because of the memory and because her best friend isnít there to help her recover.

The way you depict Lavender here is really brilliant - I thought that you portrayed her frenzied and disjointed state of mind perfectly. I also loved the way you drew attention to the way suddenly everything was being seen through the clinical lens of her condition - thatís a very real and very harmful thing that happens, and the fact that it makes her feel like she should be doubting herself is brilliant.

Actually, Lavenderís feelings and opinions were dismissed pretty consistently throughout the chapter by medical professionals who seem very sure that they know whatís best for her for more than she does. I felt frustrated on her behalf, because the way they were treating her was dehumanizing and counterproductive - but it was also very realistic, and Iím glad you touched on that side of mental health issues rather than making it out like everything was wonderful in the wizarding world.

There were a couple things I wasnít quite sure of, though. You refer to the people treating her as ďdoctors,Ē but if sheís still in the wizarding world (as she certainly seems to be), wouldnít they properly be called Healers? I also think you could have been a little more specific with the terms you used - delusional, psychosis, etc would have seemed more realistic to me than ďinsane,Ē even in a fairly conservative environment like this one appears to be

Otherwise, though, this was an amazing read. Excellent job!

 Report Review

Review #45, by BeeezieYou: you

10th April 2015:
Hey, here for BvB!

This was really, really gut-wrenching to read in a lot of ways. On one hand, I can sort of see how Elphiasís feelings might have been an accurate understanding of the situation, because Albus really was so gifted and talented and respected... but at the same time, I was really struck by his low self-esteem. It seemed like he genuinely felt like he didnít give Albus as much as Albus gave him, because Albus was so much more gifted... but look at Hermione. I donít think Harry ever worried that he was just dragging her down.

(Of course, that could get into gender dynamics, too, but thatís completely off-topic.)

Thatís not to say, though, that I didnít find Elphias believable. It was heartbreaking to me because it was so believable, particularly in the era they were growing up in. Even if we suppose that the wizarding world doesnít mirror the Muggle one perfectly, I canít imagine that Elphias would have another to fear from someone finding out in the late 1800s/early 1900s. In a lot of ways, I feel like having the unrequited love you canít talk about builds this unattainable ideal Elphias seemed to have - secrets can take on a life of their own sometimes, especially when theyíre forbidden.

This was a great story. Amazing, amazing job.

Author's Response: Hey Branwen! :D

Oh my, thank you so much! I'm so glad that this had that effect, as horrible as that might sound. :P I don't really know where this came from - Elphias, I think, spent so long in Albus' shadow that it kind of became second nature for him to be the un-smart one in the background all the time as Albus won accolades and prizes and talked with respected scholars, and that would be pretty heavy on anyone's self-esteem, I think.

That's actually a really interesting idea I haven't thought about, about Harry and Hermione's relationship and the way gender dynamics factor into their attitudes towards one another. I do think that gender has an effect on the way Hermione was perceived, though, as a know-it-all and a nerd where Albus was a genius. This is quickly getting very off topic.

I'm so glad that you could find Elphias to be a realistic character - it is heartbreaking, that some people can be so downtrodden and so honestly believe that they're not good enough. :( Yes, I think another reason the prompt worked was because during this era, sexuality was still a beast that hadn't been explored at all, and I'm glad that you think that his keeping this secret to himself would make sense. I honestly couldn't have put it better myself - some secrets just grow so huge. :(

Thank you so much for an amazing review, Branwen! ♥


 Report Review

Review #46, by Beeeziekisses-blood-valentine: Ballad of Evvie and Bernie

10th April 2015:
Hi, Rose! Iím here for BvB. :)

Wow. This was so intense and disjointed. I thought you did an amazing job of portraying Bernie, Benjy, and Evvie, as well as Bernieís relationship with each of them, amidst the pain and anguish that Bernie is so clearly feeling after Evvieís death. Iím not completely clear on what happened or how Evvie died, but I did cobble together some interpretation. (You can tell me whether or not itís right!)

What I think happened was that the Death Eaters targeted Bernie and Evvie because of Bernieís association with Benjy, or maybe just because Bernie was a witch getting romantically involved with a Muggle. (Or both. Evvie being a Muggle clearly entered into the equation at some point, since they call Bernie a blood traitor.) It seems like they were interrupted before they could have their romantic night and that they were both tortured... but from some of the things Bernie says (especially ďIt wasnít me when I hurt youĒ), Iím wondering if the Imperius Curse was used on her to make her hurt (or even kill?) Evvie. That seems like it would fit with her being locked up in Azkaban - if they found that the spells came from her wand, it seems like there are plenty of Ministry officials who would judge her guilty then and there without holding a trial, and since the Unforgivable Curses earn you a one-way ticket to Azkaban, there wouldnít be any getting out.

I donít know. That could be completely off! Either way, though, this was amazing, and Iím so glad I clicked into the thread after you.

 Report Review

Review #47, by Beeezieto the end of time: Bracelets

7th April 2015:
Hey, here for another BvB review! I loved the first chapter of this, but I also have trouble remembering things sometimesÖ so Iím really excited to have an excuse to come back and read more! (Though now Iím disappointed that thereís not more.)

This is such a cute chapter. Oh my god.

And what I love is that it really does get at so many different aspects of their relationship. You definitely get at the friendship as we saw it in the books - sweet and enthusiastic and clearly full of affection, but also pretty typical of their age group in the grandiose statements and special best friend bracelets. I think that in this short scene, you do a great job of keeping their growth and the way they express their friendship realistic and perfectly in line with canon.

But I also feel something deeper going on, and thatís one of the things I like about them as a couple - I feel like a lot of HP couples are almost larger than life, if that makes sense? You know, like theyíre pulled together through the ravages of war or thereís something larger pushing them together. But Lavender and Parvati donít have that - Iíve always felt like the core of their friendship (and relationship!) was built long before they had to grow up, and thatís something I really, really like.

This is so beautiful. ♥ Adding it my favorites, and I canít wait to see new chapters.

Author's Response: Hi again! Glad you came back!

Before I got the idea for this story, I'd never really thought about Lavender and Parvati all that much, but exploring their relationship has been so much fun. I don't know what it is about them, but they seem like they have the perfect friendship in a way? Like, from the moment they met they were friends and nothing was going to derail that. It just kind of seems inevitable that they would end up together either romantically or just stay as best friends.

I'm so glad you like this story so much! It's so different from what I normally write, but it's definitely becoming one of my favorites! Thank you again for such a wonderful review!


 Report Review

Review #48, by BeeezieThe Man With the Twisted Face: A Reluctant Slytherin

7th April 2015:
Hey! Iím here for team blue for BvB! :) Yay, Iím really glad I have the excuse to keep reading this story, because I really enjoyed the prologue.

I continue to love your prose - you have such an engrossing way of narrating your story that just draws me in and leaves me feeling completely absorbed in the your world.

Rabastan Lestrangeís reaction to Antonin actually brought something Hermione said to my head - at one point, she tells Ron and Harry that the Death Eaters would probably have been perfectly happy to have them. Harry had a point about the whole mortal enemies thing (though I think Hermione was getting at blood status more than specifics), but I always thought that Ronís defensiveness wasnít really based in reality. Blood traitors are not as bad as Muggleborns - they can be Ďreformed.í I saw that attitude in Rabastan here, and I really liked it, because it illustrates the position of privilege that all purebloods are really operating from, at least until theyíve actively placed themselves against the regime.

I also loved the way you described his initial experience at Hogwarts. The usual first year tensions were there, but I thought that you did an amazing job of integrating his discomfort with his parentsí beliefs and his House in general into that. Iím really, really curious to see why you had the Sorting Hat put him there without any conversation, despite his clearly saying he didnít want to be there.

In answer to your question: I thought Rabastan came across very like Draco Malfoy in PS; he seemed very sure of himself and secure, and that made sense to me in a lot of ways. I didnít like him, but I didnít really hate him yet - mostly because itís hard to hate an eleven year old. Iím sure in future chapters, my feelings will be different. :P

A little CC: There were points, particularly on the train, where I didnít quite buy that Antonin was eleven - it wasnít that the prose read older (which it did, but that was fine), but rather that his frame of mind and the course of his thoughts read a little older. I also - and this is super, super minor, but I thought Iíd mention it in case itís not just a mistaken impression on his part - didnít quite believe the mention of older Slytherins being current Death Eaters. The incredulity people treated Harry with when he said he thought Draco Malfoy was a Death Eater (and Narcissa and Bellatrixís reactions to it) makes me think that it was unprecedented or, at best, exceedingly rare.

Those are both minor, though. So far, this is a really great story, and I canít wait to see where you take it!

 Report Review

Review #49, by Beeezieto the end of time: New Friends

6th April 2015:
Hey, here for team Blue in BvB! Iíve started to get really, really into this ship lately, so I was happy to see that one of the two fics youíd mentioned was a Lavender/Parvati story. :)

I loved this. Opening the story at their Sorting seemed fitting, since as far as we know, Lavender and Parvati didnít know each other before they started at Hogwarts. Going back to the beginning was a really wonderful touch.

And I also liked the way you managed to introduce a lot of personality into such a small scene. Padmaís calm approach and her focus on the Sorting did bring Ravenclaw to mind, and honestly, Parvatiís nerves did make me think of Gryffindors - maybe itís just confirmation bias, but I can see Gryffindors being the least at-ease with the Sorting ceremony because they tend to be more action-oriented, and action-oriented people tend to be particularly bad at being patient. It was nice insight into their personalities and their relationship that I really, really liked.

I also liked the way you included Lavender toward the end. I can absolutely see her being outgoing and sympathetic toward someone who looks a little lost - she was always a little silly in the books, but I think that sometimes gets exaggerated in fanfiction to the extent that her better qualities get lost. That didnít happen here; I saw a girl who was cheerful, friendly, and open, and I could see why Parvati was put at ease so quickly.

Ooooh I love this idea so much. This is an amazing ship, and thus far, I think youíre definitely doing it justice.

Author's Response: Hey! Thanks for reviewing this!

I'm so glad you liked it! I've been having so much fun exploring Parvati and Lavender's personalities. We get such a limited view of them in the books, especially Parvati, and I love being able to explore everything that happened before we get a good idea of them in canon.

Lavender just seems like that stereotypical girl that everyone blows off because she's a bit silly sometimes, but I doubt she'd be like that all the time. She'd definitely be a little flaky at times, but there's no way that she isn't extremely kind and friendly when she wants to be.

Aww, I hope I can keep doing it justice! This is a brand new territory for me, so it's really fun to explore all of it! Thank you again for reviewing this!


 Report Review

Review #50, by BeeezieThe Man With the Twisted Face: Prologue

6th April 2015:
Hey, Iím here for review tag!

I really, really like the premise of this story. I feel like this is a side of Death Eaters (and just ideology in general, really) in the HP world that we didnít really see in the books - either we had characters like Draco or Ron, who wholeheartedly believed what their parents did, or we had characters like Sirius, who (as far as we see, anyway) disagreed with their families from the start. Even characters like Regulus who seemed to sway a little tended to sway toward the side of good. Iím really curious to see what happened to make Antonin Dolohov sway in the opposite direction.

Right. Onto the actual chapter.

So far, I love the execution, too. Your prose is really wonderful, and youíve already introduced so much subtlety and complexity into your world. Mentioning the interview with Dumbledore helped set the stage for just what kind of family Antonin Dolohov was born into, and the way you described purebloods as responding to Voldemort was chilling. The whole ďtricksters trying to take advantage of true believersĒ made my skin crawl, as did the idea of parents encouraging their children to hate because they wanted their stature within Voldemortís supporters to rise. Itís thoroughly realistic, which makes it particularly horrifying.

The way you describe Antonin himself as noticing the change in his fatherís demeanor when Voldemort or pureblood supremacy came up in conversation was perfect - the fanaticism was already reading like a cult to me, and that added a layer of realism to it that I really, really liked.

Amazing job, and I loved the little mention at the end of the chapter of a girl. It intrigued me where the prose and mood had already caught my attention, and Iím definitely adding this to my reading list so I donít forget about it.

 Report Review
If this is your story and you wish to respond to reviews, please login

<Previous Page   Jump:     Next Page>