Reading Reviews From Member: Beeezie
  
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Review #26, by BeeezieThe Dream Trilogy Book One: To Dwell On Dreams: Chapter Six: This Is War Part Three

19th March 2015:
I was pretty sure Parvati showed up in a future banner, but I didnít think that Seamus did - I was wondering why. I guess now I know - ouch, that was like a punch in the gut. (Not a sword in the gut, though!) That was harsh, but I can understand why you did it.

Ouch, though. Ouch. And Iím sure that Harryís going to be completely wrecked by guilt that he got Seamus into this mess, and that he wasnít even quite who Seamus thought he was. It raises the question - would Seamus and Parvati have come along if theyíd known? I think they probably would have, but Harry canít know, and I bet thatís going to weigh on him. I feel like he wonít be able to keep the truth from Parvati for much longer - I wonder how sheíll react to it.

At first, when Draco said that magic wouldnít work in there, I actually assumed that he meant their magic - that Voldemortís side could do magic. I guess that wouldnít make much sense in this context, but I wasnít stopping to think. I was thinking about it throughout this chapter, though, and it makes a lot of sense to me - he never really trusted anyone, so giving himself, and only himself, that power... yeah, I can see that even from a healthy Voldemort. An unhealthy Voldemort, who could be more easily defeated? Absolutely.

I keep planning to go to sleep after the next chapter! It keeps not happening, and Iím not sure itíll happen here, either. :P

- Branwen

(Left for the HPFF Fundraiser - Ravenclaw)

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Review #27, by BeeezieThe Dream Trilogy Book One: To Dwell On Dreams: Chapter Six: This Is War Part Two

19th March 2015:
I actually wasnít quite sure of your depiction of Bellatrix here - it seemed like you were projecting a lot of what we know from the end of OotP through DH onto her here. I didnít think that interaction made it clear that Bellatrix had a ďclearly unhealthy obsessionĒ with Voldemort. I wish youíd shown a little more of how truly crazy and disjointed she is - Azkaban didnít help, but we saw in the Pensieve that she wasnít the most stable person in the world even before that. As it was, I didnít really get the unhinged fanaticism I would have ideally liked to see.

That aside, though, this was an amazing chapter. I love the way that our Harry continues to have experience and skill that their Harry very clearly doesnít, and itís clearly throwing everyone else off (for good reason). I hadnít thought about the stone, really, but once the issue was raised, it made perfect sense to me.

I loved seeing Harry battle the Imperius Curse, and I found it really ironic that Barty Crouch Jr. - who in this world has always been at Voldemortís side - is really responsible for his ability to do that. Every time I reread GoF, Iím confused by fake-Moodyís actions there - way to hand your enemy a super important tool.

I found it interesting that Harry was able to speak Parseltongue here and that his motherís charm seems to still protect him, even though she didnít die for him in this world - Iím still trying to figure out where the line is between our Harry and this worldís Harry, and at this point, Iím pretty confused. I was assuming that the protection wouldnít hold, but that it is makes me wonder if thereís more confusion between the worlds than just Harry switching bodies right now. Hmm.

Other than Bellatrix, my only real crit is that I think the chapter could have used another going over for edits. There were some little typos (which I havenít been pointing out, but Iíve noticed elsewhere), but more importantly, you say that Harry was trained to fight off the Impervious Curse, not the Imperius one. Nothing huge - just maybe go over the chapters one more time? :)

Great chapter, though. I canít wait to keep reading!

- Branwen

(Left for the HPFF Fundraiser - Ravenclaw)

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Review #28, by BeeezieThe Dream Trilogy Book One: To Dwell On Dreams: Chapter Six: This Is War Part One

19th March 2015:
† The people around them were rallying, shouting, jostling.† Hermione looked petrified.† ďTheyíre not vampires,Ē she stuttered.

ďPretty sure,Ē snarled Parvati, a look on her face Harry had never seen before.† ďA stake in the heart will still kill them.Ē


This made me laugh despite how serious and dire the situation is. There really arenít many things that can survive a stake to the heart, particularly not without immediate medical attention.

Anyway. This was a really interesting chapter - Iím not quite sure what I think about the mass infiltration/betrayal, and I hope that youíll address it a little more at some point. It did make for a really exciting chapter, though, and itís interesting that Snape joined the resistance and stuck with it for so long, even without Lilyís death. I mean, I can see it - itís just interesting. This story is really making me examine a lot of charactersí motivations in different ways, and while Iím not sure I always agree with your interpretation (though I usually do :P), I think itís really thought-provoking.

At this point, Iím also really curious to see whether youíre going to kill Voldemort off in this book or not - Iím not clear on whether youíre using the horcuxes or not, which obviously will affect whether he dies. Iím not even sure whether OotP Harry would be able to kill him - a lot of how he does has to do with all the stuff with the Elder Wand, though of course you may have something much more creative in mind!

So many questions. Time to keep reading, I think!

- Branwen

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Review #29, by BeeezieThe Dream Trilogy Book One: To Dwell On Dreams: Chapter Five: Shout Part Three

19th March 2015:
Quintapeds! I love quintapeds, too. (In my next-gen fanfics, creatures have become a much bigger problem than dark wizards in a lot of ways. Ughhh, still need to edit those and then start writing again.)

Iím really glad that Hermione, at least, knows the truth about Harry. I think itís important for him that someone knows, but I also think that itís important for me as a reader. Itís allowed you to present this story in the context of canon information without straining credulity or going off-topic in some deus ex machina sort of way.

Malfoy shook his head.† ďYou picked one hell of a night to make friends with us.Ē

†† ďSo did you,Ē said Harry before he could think.


I love this. I mean, I kind of guessed that this was going to turn into a real friendship, since I know that Draco is on the banners for books 2+3, but itís nice to see it happening, and this exchange in particular really made me smile.

And then I got to the dementors.

I know itís ridiculous, because, well, dementors, theyíre kind of serious business, but I knew that the Patronus Charm was coming, and I couldnít wait to see Seamus, Parvati, and Dracoís reactions to it. Iím not quite sure what I think about Hermione managing to cast it, since she always struggled with it in the books, but I think it does make a really powerful statement about her emotional state and life before Harry told her she had magic. I can see how lifting that burden from this Hermione would concentrate so heavily in such a good memory. (The nitpicker in me, though, demands that I point out that Hermioneís patronus is an otter in canon, and Iím not quite sure why that would change.)

I felt like this scene also really allowed you to really start to build a strong friendship between Harry and Draco (though it really makes me wonder what will happen when Harry returns to his world - this friendship going to be really discordant with the acrimonious relationship he has with that Draco). Harry can understand where Draco is coming from and why he fainted - he hears his mother being murdered every time he sees a dementor. Heís only adjusted enough that he doesnít faint because heís had so much exposure (which is pretty messed up in and of itself). My heart went out to Draco - I can see Narcissa being expendable to Voldemort, particularly if she talked back, and while itís hard for me to envision canon Narcissa talking back... well, this Narcissa had been through a drastically different journey. I am a little surprised that Lucius watched, but again, the situation is so radically different that I can suspend my disbelief.

- Branwen

(Left for the HPFF Fundraiser - Ravenclaw)

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Review #30, by BeeezieThe Dream Trilogy Book One: To Dwell On Dreams: Chapter Five: Shout Part Two

19th March 2015:
Iím back!

The beginning of this chapter is really, really intriguing. Like Harry, Iím curious about how Draco managed this - he was twelve, after all, and it took him almost a year to figure it out in HBP, by which point he was better educated and almost certainly more clever as well. I also found Harryís semi-forgiveness to be interesting - Iím still working out whether I think heís being too understanding for Harry as we know him. On one hand, I feel like he sort of is, because even in OotP Harry is a bit harder line - but at the same time, given that Harryís just found a family heís always wanted so badly (and, of course, that he wound up in this world in the first place because Sirius had been recaptured), that his thoughts are trending in this direction does make some sense to me.

Hermione really is quite clever - you showed it a lot in this chapter. Theyíre very lucky she came along with them - theyíd never have even gotten inside without her, since I donít really fancy Harry and Dracoís chances against a sphinx. I love that about her, and again, I feel like the consistency there is perfect - the ways in which youíre making her clever remind me a little of PS, where she and Harry are at the potions right before the room with the mirror of Erised and she says that a lot of wizards canít use logic at all. None of what sheís doing really requires a lot of knowledge of the magical world - just not being totally shell-shocked and being quick on her feet. I mean, she deserves credit for taking this in stride - that speaks to a tremendous amount of mental fortitude - but the way youíve handled it makes complete sense.

Wonderful chapter.

- Branwen

(Left for the HPFF Fundraiser - Ravenclaw)

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Review #31, by BeeeziePrincess: Princess

19th March 2015:
Iím here for the HPFF fundraiser! (I think I recognize you from around the forums, so Iím assuming I donít need to explain it.)

Iíve always found the Greengrasses to be fascinating, so when I saw that you were tackling Astoria, I was really intrigued. I have to say, I love the result.

I think that your depiction of her makes a lot of sense - the pureblood girl who never wanted for anything isnít necessarily going to jump into the resistance like someone like Neville or Ginny - who, while purebloods, are not in the same position of privilege. Itís tough, because on one hand, the heroes always do stand up - but I think that itís also important to acknowledge that it can be a process, and in the real world, itís not always quite so simple. You captured that really, really well here, both for Astoria and for Draco.

The idea that Astoria and Draco work together so well as a couple because they understand each other resonated with me. They werenít on quite the same side in the battle, but they werenít really on different sides, either - and where someone who was in the Order probably wouldnít give much credence to any of their trauma, there was trauma there, and I thought that you did an excellent job of capturing it. My heart went out to her.

Terrific story.

- Branwen

(Left for the HPFF Fundraiser - Ravenclaw)

Author's Response: Hello!
I'm so glad you liked the way I wrote Astoria. I was thinking about how a lot of the rich, pureblood kids at Hogwarts probably wouldn't know they were spoiled until they had something to compare to they way they grew up. But once that happens, for some of them it will really make them think about who they are, like it did with Astoria.
Astoria and Draco were both really damaged by the war, and they probably aren't going to get tons of sympathy and help from people like the Order, so they turned to each other.
I'm so glad you enjoyed this. And thank you so much for leaving a review!
Cassie :)


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Review #32, by BeeezieThe Dream Trilogy Book One: To Dwell On Dreams: Chapter Five: Shout Part One

19th March 2015:
Thatís interesting. So there hasnít been a switch - their Harry seems to have just vanished. Iím actually a little worried at this point that heís dead - if he was attacked, that might make sense. Of course, Harryís body didnít switch worlds, because he doesnít have the scar - but then where is his real body?

Iím very confused. Well, I guess that means I really have no choice but to keep reading!

I like the feral witches and wizards that you introduced - itís kind of a super dark version of Ariana Dumbledore, in a way, which is cool. It makes some sense, too, that not everyone is well-trained - I can absolutely see where people with magic that donít really have any understanding of it could end up like this.

I feel like it canít be too much longer before they start to figure out that Harry isnít quite who he says he is. Thereís just too much that he knows that he really has no way to reasonably know - the Parseltongue is a huge glaring sign, and thatís not something that can be explained away with, ďSirius taught me!Ē Sirius did not teach him about Parseltongue.

Also: oh, my god. Hermioneís quick. Hermione has always been quick. She caught something that I... hadnít missed, exactly, but hadnít really processed, either. At first I wondered whether Draco was Imperiused - which Iíd believe of Bellatrix or Voldemort without a problem - but having his mother makes sense, too, and I can see how his father would have turned on him (in private, at least - Parvati and Seamus clearly have no idea of this, which also makes sense). Narcissa, though - I mean, she was a pretty awful person, but she loved her son.

The way you address brainwashing and threats toward the end of this chapter worked really well. It made a lot of sense to me, and I think that you depicted the complexities of the whole thing really well. And while some people might differ, I can see how what Dracoís talking about could have led him down a road I think he was starting to go down in DH several years early.

Great chapter!

- Branwen

(Left for the HPFF Fundraiser - Ravenclaw)

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Review #33, by BeeezieThe Dream Trilogy Book One: To Dwell On Dreams: Chapter Four: Silence Part Three

19th March 2015:
This story really is addictive. Well, further up and further in!

I love everyoneís reaction to winding up in Germany. I actually totally get the insistence on knowing where in Germany, even though it really pretty irrelevant - when something so out of the ordinary happens, itís natural to grasp at any straws you can to feel like youíve maintained some hold on the situation. Itís a super common reaction to intense stress. And I like the fact that theyíre in Germany - that implies a vague connection with Grindelwald, I think, which is cool.

I love how youíve dealt with the Black Forest. Itís kind of inspiring me to do some research and send my Rose or Victoire there when Iím done rewriting my fics - I hope you donít mind too much if I do! Iím so glad you included Lethifolds in Dracoís recitation of all the monsters that live there - theyíre my favorite obscure magical creature (though the nitpicker in me has to point out that they usually live in the tropics :P). As soon as I saw that, I wanted them to bump into one and have Harry have to use Expecto Patronum so bad. Iím not sure why Iím fixated on that, I just think it would be really funny.

I also really liked that you had Draco use the Imperius Curse. I think it did a couple really important things - it let us know as readers how those curses are viewed in this world, which IMO is important. Desperate times and all that - Harry uses both Imperio and Crucio in DH, after all. From Seamusís reaction, Iím not sure that he and Parvati know the Imperius Curse at all, which I found surprising - was it kept that under wraps in the FWW (which, of course, this still is)? It was nice that you didnít dwell, though - the unpleasant taste in Harryís mouth was enough to get a lot of subtlety across, IMO.

Oh, thatís where Seamusís line comes from! Love it.

AH DRACO DOESNíT SPEAK PARSELTONGUE! Of course he couldnít let the basilisk in! That seemed weird to me from the start, but I was so busy freaking out over the story that I didnít really process why.

(I like them falling into the river and everything, but Iím going to freak out over that instead, because oh my god, I love the way exchanges of information can get so strange so quickly here. Yes.)

This is something thatís making me super, super curious, and the fact that you donít immediately address it.

Instead, you make Ron - our Ron - show up. And oh wow, I guess their Ron really is dead, then. And no, Alex, that did not really work as I think you intended it to. Fail. But now Iím confused about whether that was really a dream or not (though I hope it wasnít, because Ron could be very useful, though heíd undoubtedly raise approximately a gazillion questions, too).

Oh my god, Iím half done with the first book, arenít I?? Oh dear. Well, at least there are more after this!

- Branwen

(Left for the HPFF Fundraiser - Ravenclaw)

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Review #34, by BeeezieThe Dream Trilogy Book One: To Dwell On Dreams: Chapter Four: Silence Part Two

19th March 2015:
Oh, Hermione.

I really love that sheís the reason they start to waver, despite her complete lack of training and understanding of the magical world. (And I love that she cites D&D as a reason they should bring her. Of course Hermione would get into D&D if her magic went unidentified.)

I was wondering whether they were going to come along - those chapters didnít seem to be quite enough justification to include them in the banner. (Which might mean Ron isnít quite as dead as heís rumored to be? Itís weird to guess at charactersí importance using the banner I made 8 months ago! :P)

Just a thought, though - they seem to keep emphasizing that these kids are untrained, but Iíd think that given the situation, their parents would have at least tried to teach them basic protection spells - the stunning spell, full body bind, expelliarmus, etc - if not other spells as well. Itís certainly not as good as a Hogwarts education, but itís not nothing. Parvati claims to have some training, but the general thought is there, and it confused me a little.

(Oh, please please please tell me you have Harry use the Patronus Charm at some point, that would make their jaws drop. Their Harry clearly isnít anywhere near as experienced as the Harry we know and love. Iím already loving how taken aback they are by his knowledge... which is ironic, given that our Harry was completely oblivious about the world of magic until he was 11.)

I really, really like the way youíre handling Hermione. Theyíve all been through very different experiences than the versions of themselves that we know, but Iíd argue none more so than Hermione - they still existed in the wizarding world, even if it was a very different one, but Hermioneís been cut off from it and severely bullied. I feel like youíre making great choices over what to keep consistent and what to change.

So yeah. Great chapter, but what on earth are they doing in Germany???

- Branwen

(Left for the HPFF Fundraiser - Ravenclaw)

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Review #35, by BeeezieThe Dream Trilogy Book One: To Dwell On Dreams: Chapter Four: Silence Part One

18th March 2015:
Iím back!

I loved Lilyís anger at the beginning of the chapter. I think it makes perfect sense - James vouched for Peter, in a sense, and in that way, this is his fault. (Though really, sheís known him for years - this is on her, too.)

When Draco started talking about Freiheit, I kind of wanted to smack Harry for not just playing along and reading the room. I mean, come on, Harry, even a simple shrug would have been sufficiently vague. But, at the same time, that does fit Harryís character. He doesnít tend to think very quickly on his feet if no oneís pointing a wand at his head.

I like the way youíre having Draco reveal a lot of things that we know and that this Harry knows. Itís kept the story from dragging while we wait for big reveals, and itís also completely plausible - Draco tended to know a lot more than most people did, and in a world like this, I can see him being even better informed.

Iím happy to see Harryís friends tagging along, though - itíll be interesting to see where you go with this!

So, yeah, great chapter overall.

That said, I wasnít quite convinced by Lily and Jamesís reaction later on, after theyíd all gone inside. I get that itís their kid, but theyíre reacting as though this is a surprise, not a constant threat theyíve been afraid of since they had Harry. But that doesnít make a whole lot of sense to me - it sounds like theyíve been in hiding for about fifteen years, so they must live with this anxiety nonstop. And, though itís not the same as losing your child, theyíve lost many, many close friends over the years. The grief makes sense, but not the shock.

Other than that, though, I really enjoyed this chapter. The story is progressing terrifically, and I canít wait to read on.

- Branwen

(Left for the HPFF Fundraiser - Ravenclaw)

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Review #36, by BeeezieThe Dream Trilogy Book One: To Dwell On Dreams: Chapter Three: No Light No Light Part Two

18th March 2015:
AHHH this is such a good story, my graphics are not worthy.

I am loving Draco so much in this. The dynamic between him - as someone who does know a lot of what Harry knows in his own world - and Harry is absolutely hilarious, and Iím also really enjoying Hermione, whoís gotten the cliff notes version of the truth.

During the entire confrontation with Peter, I was waving my arms at my computer screen and trying not to scream ďSTUN HIM FOR THE LOVE OF GOD HEíS GOING TO ESCAPE AND RUIN EVERYTHING!Ē because my boyfriend is asleep and has work tomorrow, and he quite reasonably like to be, you know, well rested for work.

But wow.

I love how Draco dropped the meek little puppy act when he got angry enough. I can totally, totally understand that - I suffer from depression, and I can get like that sometimes just because, but there are things that just trigger an on switch and listening to someone lie through their teeth like that? Definitely one of them. Ugh Peter is the worst.

But he blew his cover. He got so flustered by Harry knowing things that he couldnít possibly know and Draco being in the Pottersí living room that he blew his cover. And I love that, and it is so, so realistic - as is James and Sirius jumping through all kinds of mental hoops to explain the slips rather than accept the simplistic explanation: that Peterís slipping because Peterís a snake. It also made sense to me that Remus and Lily would be quicker to catch on and less willing to let it go - as purebloods, James and Sirius are still very much operating from a place of privilege that Lily and Remus donít have, and it shows.

But wow, that one decision. I hadnít really processed that it was that one decision that changed everything, but it was, and I can see how that would be the case. God, itís sick, but the world was kind of better off with that awful, awful decision and the Potters dead.

Oh, Peter. Yes, Harry is quite capable of standing up to grown wizards because he has feelings. Also, please someone give Hermione a wand and tell her a few spells, because I have every faith that that girl will make it work. And I love this line:

Seamus stood in front of her protectively, and they both had their wands out and pointed at Malfoy, though not with half the conviction Harry and Malfoy had theirs at Wormtail.

Yeah, they wouldnít. No matter what Dracoís done in this universe, they wouldnít.

(Iím writing this review as I read, can you tell?)

Ugh you guys you let Peter get away, why did you wait so long? Just stun him and figure it out later!

(No, I get why they didnít. BUT STILL.)

Yeah, this story is addicting. Why doesnít it have more reviews? Well, youíre helping Ravenclaw win the reviewing competition, because I literally canít stop reading, and if we win, each review I leave is a pound for HPFF. So basically, youíre helping HPFF by being awesome. Go you.

- Branwen

(Left for the HPFF Fundraiser - Ravenclaw)

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Review #37, by BeeezieThe Dream Trilogy Book One: To Dwell On Dreams: Chapter Three: No Light No Light Part One

18th March 2015:
Oh, Draco.

Iíve really grown to like Draco, in recent years. Not Draco as he appears in the series, really, but based on what we saw in HBP and DH, I think there was a lot of capacity for growth there, and Iíve always been curious about what he (and his parents, to a lesser extent) did later in life. My interpretation in my Scorose fics has generally been fairly charitable toward Draco, but when I saw that heíd showed up, I really wanted to know what alternate reality Draco was like.

And wow, I was not disappointed.

I wasnít quite sure about your description of Seamus hitting him - the result seemed to be a little drastic for one punch. But the disgust and anger from Seamus and Parvati was perfect, IMO - it seemed like they reacted more on principle than out of any special desire to defend Hermione, which makes sense for a bunch of teenagers who have seen far too much of the world, especially if Draco is already a Death Eater. (Which raised the question of how on earth he knew who she was, and kind of confirmed the concern I raised about having a list laying around in the last chapterís review.)

I also loved Harryís initial confusion at Parvatiís assertion that he couldnít do anything to hurt Voldemort. I mean, fair enough, their Harry hasnít, but this Harry and our Harry had done quite a bit to hurt Voldemort even before the end of OotP, HBP, and DH. His track record of ďhurting VoldemortĒ was pretty good.

AND OH MY GOD OF COURSE HE DOESNíT KNOW ABOUT THE PROPHECY YET. Wow.

AND OH MY GOD PETER SOMEONE GRAB HIM NOW AND LIKE RESTRAIN HIM AND OBLIVIATE HIM FOREVER.

You and your cliffhangers will be the end of my attempt at a reasonable sleep cycle. Itís all your fault.

Awesome chapter.

- Branwen

(Left for the HPFF Fundraiser - Ravenclaw)

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Review #38, by BeeezieThe Dream Trilogy Book One: To Dwell On Dreams: Chapter Two: Sleeping Sickness Part Two

18th March 2015:
Hermione listened intently, asking numerous questions, never needing to be told anything twice.

Of course she didnít. Oh, Hermione. How we all love you.

I like the light she was able to shed on this - and what she wasnít able to explain. Hermioneís clearly very quick on her feet, and you didnít dumb that down at all, but thereís clearly a limit on what she can know, and I thought you walked that line really, really well. I also loved the little bit of explanation about how the Ministry is approaching Muggleborns these days. Itís nice to know that they acknowledge the problem, but theyíre clearly letting some things slip, and it worries me to think of the Ministry - which is so rife with corruption throughout the HP series - having access to a list of Muggleborns. That could really do more harm than good!

I did wonder at how quickly Hermione was willing to cast aside all the rules sheíd lived by for fifteen or sixteen years, but I can see how this sort of revelation might do that to a person, even one like Hermione, particularly when taken in context with the rest of her life - that story she told Harry about the science lab was chilling.

And the cliffhanger - oh boy. I was going to go back to writing after this review, but you just couldnít have that, could you? :P

- Branwen

(Left for the HPFF Fundraiser - Ravenclaw)

Author's Response: Thank you for complimenting Hermione again in this chapter and how she dealt with the situation. I worked extremely hard to get the tone of her reaction right, so that is wonderful to hear. I love that the science lab story came over as chilling!

Haha, yeah, that's definitely one of my favourite cliff-hangers of the whole trilogy ;-D

Hxxx


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Review #39, by BeeezieThe Dream Trilogy Book One: To Dwell On Dreams: Chapter Two: Sleeping Sickness Part One

18th March 2015:
Itís so fun to read through this after making all the graphics for it - seeing the context of the quotes is really interesting. Iím glad the fundraiser is giving me an excuse to go through and check this story out. :)

I love the little things youíve kept the same. Hedwig, his wand - theyíre such little things in some ways, but they really make me think about what sorts of things really are innate. I mean, the wand chooses the wizard, but the same wand chose a Harry that had grown up in wildly different circumstances. Itís just really interesting.

I like the way Sarah is continuing to cover for him without really knowing whatís going on, too. I have a brother who Iím close to, so Iím a sucker for a well-written sibling relationship, which this is turning out to be.

And Hermione... I really, really like that you had Harry go to her first, even knowing that she probably has no idea that sheís a witch. Itís really in keeping with their characters and relationship, I think - Harry really came to rely on Hermione to explain and fix things, and I can see how heíd think she might have a better shot of figuring out this whole mess even without a Hogwarts education. (I think heís probably right.) You captured her confusion and emotional state perfectly, too - of course sheís had to deal with a lot of turmoil because no oneís addressed her magic, which is a giant elephant in the room, and I thought that her anguish came across as very genuine.

There is one tiny thing I wasnít sure about, though: in this chapter, you refer to the Healer as ďDr Jaisun.Ē That seemed a little weird to me - in OotP, Iím pretty sure they were called ďHealer SmythwyckĒ (or whatever), not ďDr.Ē I think you may have called the Healer a doctor in the last chapter, too, but I kind of filed it away for mention and forgot about it. Itís a really minor thing, but it did strike me as being weird and out of place.

Otherwise, though? Amazing chapter. :)

- Branwen

(Left for the HPFF Fundraiser - Ravenclaw)

Author's Response: I bet it's interesting for you to see the context of the quotes from the graphics! It's exciting for me to know you're able to put the two together now :-D

I am a sucker for the details lol ;-)

Yeah, my brother is my best friend (and also my incredible editor, seriously, this book series would be nothing without him) so siblings are a big theme in my works. Sarah is incredibly important to me and very dear to my heart, so when people engage with her it makes me immensely proud :-D

I'm thrilled how much you appreciated Hermione's introduction xxx

Yeah, that's what you get for not reading the canon or even other fanfiction for years! It definitely should be Healer, not Dr, and that's something I will definitely change in my grand master edit.

Hxxx


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Review #40, by BeeezieThe Dream Trilogy Book One: To Dwell On Dreams: Chapter One: Over The Rainbow Part Two

17th March 2015:
Huh. This was really intriguing.

I really like the butterfly effect that youíve alluded to. There are some pretty substantial changes to the timeline, but I think that they make perfect sense - Voldemort not dying would really change things around a lot, and I think it also speaks to the importance of Ron and Hermione in Harryís story - they werenít really just supporting characters, they were major participants and contributors in a lot of ways. Without them, of course Harry wouldnít know what to do about the basilisk (though Iím wondering if thereís more of a story there), and since we saw them about to close the school after the few nonfatal attacks in CoS, itís not at all difficult to imagine the school closing if people actually died.

And, on a more visceral level, it was kind of a punch in the gut to hear that Ron had died and Hermione probably didnít even know she was a witch - particularly after hearing that Lily and James are alive and had another child after Harry. It was a lot to absorb, but I like the way you handled it, and I like Sarah, too.

One tiny bit of crit, though: early on, when Harry first woke up and thought Lily was an imposter, I didnít quite feel the urgency I think I probably should have. Itís a little hard to articulate, but I felt like you approached the scene from the perspective of knowing that this Lily was the real thing, even if Harry himself was confused. (If that makes any sense?) I would have like to see a little more uncertainty in that.

Otherwise, though, great chapter, and I canít wait to see who he uses Hedwig to find!

- Branwen

(Left for the HPFF Fundraiser - Ravenclaw)

Author's Response: Okay - I'm tackling the reviews one by one again!

I'm really happy to hear you appreciated all the changes in the alternate reality, I thought long and hard about their implications. Especially the reaction of hearing Ron was dead. It seemed logical to me the Weasleys would be taken out, as such an important pureblood family on the 'wrong' side to Voldemort. But also, stripping Harry of his best friends at the start was important to get that isolated feeling across.

As for Harry's reaction to Lily, I can appreciate what your saying and I'm a bit sad to hear I didn't quite pull off the urgency. When I first wrote that scene over a decade ago it was almost comical, Harry was just a bit freaked out rather than down right terrified/confused/suspicious/appalled. So every time I re-wrote it I had to make it more and more believable, but I'm not surprised if some of that residual complacency seeped through. Ah well, live and learn! Hxxx


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Review #41, by BeeezieThe Dream Trilogy Book One: To Dwell On Dreams: Chapter One: Over The Rainbow Part One

17th March 2015:
Iím back for more!

I like how youíve set this up. Youíve really thrown Harry into major turmoil - even more serious turmoil, IMO, than the end of OotP, when Sirius actually died, because here thereís this sense of helplessness that itís very difficult to move past, where there... well, Sirius was already dead. I think you nailed Harry's probable reaction here - the anger felt very genuine to me.

As much as the anger, though, the sheer frustration - not just from Harry, but from Ron and Hermione as well - really hit me. I found OotP frustrating on a lot of levels because the Ministry's actions were just so ridiculous at times, and seeing that reflected here was perfect.

That said, I do have a couple little bits of CC for this chapter.

I felt like it was a little unrealistic that Dumbledore needed Ron to point out that maybe Arthur could be helpful - Iíd assume that Dumbledore would be several steps ahead of all of them when it came to something like this.

There was also something about Harry's interaction with Draco that felt a little forced - your description of Harry's reaction to Draco made Harry come off as unusually passive to me, and I also wasn't really sure why Draco was spelling it out so clearly. When we saw him mocking Harry over Sirius in the books, he was a lot more vague than he was here. I feel like cutting out most of the dialogue and just leaving "I heard the dog catcher's going to get a nice Christmas bonus here" (or something similar) would have been sufficient and more in-character for these two.

Other than that, though, I thought this was a great chapter. Nice job! :)

- Branwen

(Left for the HPFF Fundraiser - Ravenclaw)

Author's Response: I'm glad you enjoyed Harry's reaction to the situation here, I spent a very long time indeed honing a realistic response and I'm happy to hear it felt genuine.

Thank you for the constructive criticism, people aren't always brave enough to offer that!

I think you make very valid points, and I'd like to just offer a little bit of contact that will explain some of the hiccups later in the book too (I hope anyway!)

I started writing this story in 2002, and it continued slowly into a trilogy until 2011 when I realised the whole thing was a bit of a mess and I wasn't sure how to end it. So I decided to go back a 'tweak' it...which resulted in a complete and utter re-write that spanned a very intense 3 years. These few beginning chapters ended up being thoroughly re-written 3-4 times, and I'm not surprised to hear that the encounters with Draco and Dumbledore perhaps don't sit quite as well as the rest of it. By the time I came to adding them in it was a bit hard to see the wood for the trees!

At present, I am not planning on going back and doing any more edits, as twelve years writing one story is more than enough! However, if I create a webpage for the trilogy I would consider doing a final, master edit to take into account all the little corrections etc that I've had whilst publishing the series. At that point I would absolutely take into account advice like you have given me here, as I do want this trilogy to be the best it can be. I just also want to work on other things now, rather than worrying over the same story like a dog with a bone lol ;-)

I hope that give you some context for this and later chapters :-)

Hxxx


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Review #42, by BeeezieThe Dream Trilogy Book One: To Dwell On Dreams: Prologue: Parallel Lives

17th March 2015:
Hey, you! Thereís a fundraising competition going on over at the forums, and I thought that Iíd take the opportunity to check out the stories Iíve made so many graphics for! :)

This was a great read, and Iím excited to get to more of it. I thought that your prose was really lovely - I felt like you described the setting (and Alex and Jia!) vividly without interrupting the flow of chapter. That balancing act can be tough to pull off, IMO - Iíve definitely struggled with it in the past, so it was wonderful to see you do it so elegantly. Along the same lines, I thought that the way you introduced the world itself was really well-done; I was left feeling like Iíd gathered all the information I needed to move forward from the little bit of dialogue between Alex and Jia, which was perfect.

Beyond those mechanics - wow, this is a really, really interesting idea for a story! I donít know if youíve ever read the Chrestomanci series by Diana Wynne Jones, but it kind of put me in the mind of that, a little. I doubt youíre going to be dealing with the thousands and thousands of realities - probably just one or two (although Iím pretty sure Iíve made a CI for Godric Gryffindor, so maybe not?) - but itís a backdrop thatís intriguing, and it makes Alex and Jia compelling characters who very much have their own agendas. Iím interested to see how you play them off Harry & co.

Really terrific start to the story - I canít wait to read on. :)

- Branwen

(Left for the HPFF Fundraiser - Ravenclaw)

Author's Response: Right - I am going to make a start on responding to your reviews Branwen! I have never had such detailed feedback (other than from my editors) and I am so incredibly touched that you would take so much time to write such long and thoughtful responses to every single chapter! And it's for a great cause, how brilliant :-)

So, all I can really say to this one is thank you SO much for your kind words! The opener of a book (and especially a trilogy!) is essential to get right and draw people in, and I'm thrilled to hear how much you responded to my OCs and in particular how you enjoyed my prose. As an aspiring writer that's pretty much the highest praise you can get!

Okay, on to the next one!

Hxxx


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Review #43, by BeeeziePerfectly Pansy: A Proper Pureblood Witch

1st September 2014:
Hey, I'm here to review for Team Bronze! :)

I really hated Pansy in the books (as did pretty much everyone else, I think), but this story caught my eye both because I was really curious to read your interpretation of her and because I think that tackling Pansy Parkinson and second person narration all at once deserves some serious kudos.

I was not disappointed.

I loved your prose; the alliteration was a really nice touch. The general tenor of the story was a little compulsive, and the alliteration added to that without overdoing it.

I also liked the way you handled Pansy's character. She's clearly not a very good person, and I didn't feel particularly sympathetic toward her, but she also didn't feel like a caricature. I thought that you walked the line between caricature of a villain and sugar coating her very well.

One of the moments that stuck out to me the most was in the first section: Daphne looks the most passable - you will place yourself next to her. That says so much about Pansy's attachment to status and how much her self-worth is wrapped up in her appearance - especially since you follow it up with the letter from her mother and her assumption that her appearance is stopping Draco from noticing her. It's really sad, but depressingly realistic.

Tiny nitpick:

I felt like the confrontation with the Trio was a tiny bit overdone - Pansy herself was fine, but their reactions seemed a bit off to me. Hermione didn't really say anything at all, and Ron's temper in particular seemed to rise strangely quickly, even for him; if Pansy had insulted someone, sure, but she only took a few points from Harry and alluded to danger outside of Hogwarts. It just didn't seem worth actually threatening to jinx/hex/curse/whatever her. Neither of those things were exactly news, and it's not even like she threatened him.

Overall, though, I really enjoyed this. Excellent job!

Author's Response: Hiya!

Thanks for reviewing this story! I'm glad you liked it. I was worried about the alliteration, but it seemed to just sort of happen. I really felt like I needed a way to give Pansy a motivation for her despicable actions. I didn't want it to be an excuse, but maybe a little bit of understanding.

You're not the first person to comment on the confrontation with the trio. I think that it might seem a bit harsh because it's from Pansy's perspective. She was always going to hate them and, in her eyes, they are more than intolerable.

Thanks again for this awesome review!

Beth


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Review #44, by BeeezieCreeper: Creeper

1st September 2014:
Oh, wow, this was chilling.

I loved the way you used repetition throughout the story - I didn't mean to do it in particular was haunting. I felt so terrible for Teddy, and I can definitely see something like this happening - it's the wizarding world, after all. And, of course, it was definitely plausible - after all, we already know of cursed necklaces; didn't Draco see one in Borgin and Burkes? Your take was obviously different, but I didn't have any trouble believing that there would be a necklace like that.

There were a few things that didn't make so much sense to me. I didn't understand why he was in prison - why didn't they go back to the store owner, or use Veritaserum? There are certainly ways to get around that - maybe the shop owner skipped town/was only there for a day, or maybe they thought that Teddy was mad. Or maybe he even confessed, because he felt like it was his fault. I just would have liked to see some explanation.

That said, I do understand why you didn't have one. There's not much space in the Every Word Counts challenge, and given those parameters, I was very willing to suspend my disbelief.

Overall, excellent job. :)

Author's Response: Hi there! :) Thanks for stopping by!

I'm glad you thought the idea of the creepers was believable. Actually the cursed necklace from HBP inspired me to write this one shot. :) I can certainly imagine that there would be many many types of cursed necklaces.

If they had enquired about who really killed Victoire, the story wouldn't have been much effective. ;) Also I think that Teddy was so shocked that he didn't even try to defend himself. And the creepers can be found only on Halloweens in Hogsmeade and aren't seen very often, so no one would've believed him anyways.

Thanks for the lovely review dear! :D

Ashwini


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Review #45, by BeeezieRule Breaker: The Battle

18th July 2014:
Aww, thank you so much for the dedication! ♥ I'm sad that both the story and the CIs are coming to an end. :( You don't happen to have another novel in the planning stages that will need graphics, do you? :P

I really enjoyed this chapter. Looking back on all of them, I can definitely see how your writing has evolved and improved over time, which is great. The adjective/adverb overuse I'd been noting in early chapters has basically vanished at this point, and the prose as a whole just has a smoother flow to it. (That's not to say your writing was bad at the start, of course! It wasn't! But it has gotten better.)

A couple little pieces of crit:

I would have liked to see a little more about Draco's relationship (or lack thereof) with Wormtail. It's not even so much that I wanted you to spend more time on it, because I agree that Hermione would not have wanted to dwell on it, but I did wish I'd gotten some indication from Draco about how Wormtail affected him, even if it was just a sneer or a kick.

I also was a little confused by Lucius and Narcissa showing up and calling Draco, 'Malfoy.' That seemed very out of character for them. I also felt like Hermione was a bit too nonchalant about their presence - after all, the mending that's happened between her and Draco certainly doesn't extend to them, and I'm not even sure that 'changed sides' is accurate as much as 'defected' is. It's not like they joined the Order, after all.

Overall, though, this was an excellent chapter. I thought that you captured the affection and love that the Malfoys clearly shared for each other perfectly, and I also loved that you didn't ignore their prejudices. Even though there wasn't time to properly address it in the moment, it's clear that they weren't pleased, and it wouldn't shock me if they did take Draco out of the fight by whatever means they had to... because that's something they would do, too.

I also thought that you captured the action elements of the chapter really well. There was a lot going on in it, but throughout the chapter, I felt like I had a very good picture in my head of what was going on, which is a pretty impressive feat given how chaotic the scenes you were describing were. It never got repetitive, either, which was excellent.

Great job, and this was a crazy cliffhanger! I hope you get the next chapter up soon!

Author's Response: Branwen! :D

You completely deserved the dedication! Your CIs give such a beautiful face to these chapters, and your fantastic reviews are really going to help me improve this! (That improvement is going to start happening like...tonight! WHOA.) As for other projects planned...I'm considering a sequel to this, actually! I don't know yet, but I feel like I could continue from where this ends. We'll see, I suppose! I'll be writing a huge, in-depth, overly-emotional blog post on HPFF after I post the epilogue to this story, so maybe I'll decide by then. :)

I'm so happy that you see how my writing has changed! I completely agree that it's gotten better! It's been five years since I started this, after all, and a lot has changed in my style, etc. I'm glad you think it's better now. When I edit the other chapters (starting like...tonight! ;) ), I hope to improve them also. Thanks!

I love your criticism, as always! I'll think how to clarify with Wormtail. As for the word "Malfoy" being shouted...I actually imagined that as one of the fighters in the hall seeing Lucius and shouting that. Huh. I'll have to clarify that as well, oops! But I will fix Hermione's reaction...and pretty much that whole scene for that matter. XD

But I am glad you liked their characterization for the most part, as well as the action-elements here. Thanks again for this fantastic review! I can't believe the end is so close...I barely even want to write it. Edits first, though, and then the end...wow.

Thank you so much for everything.
--Emily


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Review #46, by BeeezieEvent Three - The Plans We Make: The Plans We Make

12th July 2014:
Wow. I knew that something must be really, really urgent for Hermione to make such a simple grammatical mistake.

I'm not sure I've read a single story for this event that focused on Harry and Hermione's friendship. Their friendship is one of my favorite friendships in the series, so I'm really glad I decided to get a few more reviews in and ended up clicking on yours.

This was really nicely done. I can absolutely see Hermione reaching out to Harry upon discovering that she's inadvertently gotten pregnant, and I think that you captured how Harry would respond to such a confidence perfectly. He was clearly trying to help, and through a bit of awkwardness, I think that what he said was helpful. It certainly seemed to make her feel better!

The end was absolutely perfect. I loved them both being wrong about Ron, for once - he's usually pretty predictable, but I feel like this is a very unusual situation!

Great job. I'm so glad I read this.

House Cup 2014 Review - Ravenclaw

Author's Response: Thanks for the review! I love Harry and Hermione's friendship. When I saw the friendship prompt I knew I'd be writing them!

I'm really glad you liked it! Thanks for the review:)

-Georgia


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Review #47, by BeeezieEvent Three - Saving Teddy: Saving Teddy

12th July 2014:
Awww, this was so cute!

I assumed when I started reading this that "Teddy" referred to Teddy Lupin, and that he was either in trouble or playing a trick on Rose... so I was really surprised when Ron burst in and found a huge spider instead.

I could totally understand Rose's terror, though, especially considering that she's only four, and I loved seeing how Ron's initial reaction was pretty similar. His thought about Rose and Hugo sharing a room really made me laugh. I was also really happy to see how he rallied, though, when it became clear that his daughter needed him - I definitely saw a parallel between that and his going into the forest in their second year because he thought it would help Hermione. I thought you captured Ron perfectly, with appropriate modifications for his new responsibilities.

More than that, though, I loved the way you depicted Rose and Hugo. I find little kids to be really, really hard to write, but you did a brilliant job. I loved this entry.

House Cup 2014 Review - Ravenclaw

Author's Response: Thanks so much for reviewing!

Hehe, the "Teddy" thing was sort of meant to mislead the reader... ;) I'm glad you hear that you thought I wrote Ron well!

Thanks for such a nice review!


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Review #48, by BeeezieEvent Three-Into the Flame: Charlie's Test

12th July 2014:
I love this look at Charlie before he became accustomed to working with dragons. There had to be some point where it was a Big Deal - and you did a great job at showing that. I loved the way you talked about the dragons and distinguished between them - which breeds were endangered, their build, their speed... it really heightened my interest in the story, because those are the sorts of little details that, for me, show an author's imagination and the depth of their world development.

I was not expecting where you took this story, though. I was expecting the transfer to just go well and have that be that. Instead, you had Charlie get fried by a dragon.

Really, I didn't see it coming.

But it really made the story something special for me. I mean, I liked it before, but that bit of beauty and recklessness from Charlie really made him feel real to me.

One tiny nitpicky thing - at some points, you capitalize "Pen One" and "Pen Six" as though they're proper nouns, and in some places, you don't. I think that they probably should be capitalized, but more importantly, it should be kept consistent. It's super minor, but I thought I'd mention it. :)

Overall, though, I loved this.

House Cup 2014 Review - Ravenclaw

Author's Response: Hey, thanks so much for the review! I did a lot of thinking about the details, so I'm glad it showed.

I'm glad that you liked the ending! And thanks about that note. I went back and forth with whether or not to capitalize them, and I guess I ended up halfway inbetween... whoops!

Thanks again!

-Georgia


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Review #49, by BeeezieEvent Three: Overcoming Azkaban: Prompt Two

12th July 2014:
This was a really interesting look at Sirius's relationship with Harry. I can absolutely see how Harry, who was often told that he was very like James, would remind Sirius of his best friend in ways that were really painful, especially since most of his memories of James were from when they were still in school and around Harry's age. It was so sad to see that Azkaban had really destroyed so many of Sirius's best memories of his friend.

There were some bits that I wasn't quite sure about, though - when Sirius and Remus talked about James messing up his hair in the books (maybe in HBP), I thought they'd described the habit with some affection. It seemed a little odd to me that now he was being described as hating it.

Overall, though, this was a really creative take on their relationship, and on Sirius's experience post-Azkaban in general!

House Cup 2014 Review - Ravenclaw

Author's Response: I mean Rowling never really went into how that could have hurt Sirius, but I believe that it definitely did. Seeing someone who reminded him so much of his best friend but wasn't him as well as just have been through Azkaban were he relived all these horrible memories. Oh, whoops, I didn't really think about that, I guess I'll just say that I strayed a bit from canon and in this world Sirius doesn't like it haha :P Thank you!
Mary


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Review #50, by BeeezieHead Girl Evans: Lily

12th July 2014:
Huh. I really liked this take on Lily - I feel like it takes her out of the Mary Sue realms and into someone who's a little more realistic. The idea that part of what drove her to be such a powerful witch was competitiveness and the desire to prove people wrong is one that I can believe very easily, and given how many slurs and insults Hermione received when Voldemort was out of power, I can only imagine how much worse it would be to be Lily, who grew up during the First Wizarding War. The internal drive and sentiment that she absolutely had to be tough seemed like it was absolutely the sort of pressure that could mold someone into being as talented and accomplished as Lily is always described as being.

I really enjoyed this little look into Lily's character. Great job.

House Cup 2014 Review - Ravenclaw

Author's Response: Branwen, you are my last review!

I'm so glad to hear that you liked this version of Lily. I think if you look at what we're only given in the books, she seems pretty Mary-Sue but if you made up the rest of Lily, you could make her pretty realistic. I feel like in Lily's days, it was either be the best in your classes, especially Defense, or you'd find yourself in the hospital wing with a very bad injury, or dead.

Thank you so much for your awesome review!


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