Reading Reviews From Member: Beeezie
414 Reviews Found

Review #1, by BeeezieInvisible in Death: Ghostly Day

8th March 2014:
Oooh, I really liked this! Great job!

I'd always kind of wondered about Myrtle. She seemed to be so pathetic and sensitive in the books that it was clear that something had happened to her, but I guess I always just assumed that it was a combination of her personality and dying young. This makes much more sense, though - I can totally see how bullying and loneliness could have led her to be that way.

Reading about how she was bullied and ignored was heartbreaking, but you really did portray it in a very realistic way. The combination of teasing and silence was just terrible, and it made me feel so much sympathy for her.

Olive in particular was brutal, and I can see why Myrtle haunted her for so long. She definitely deserved it. I do question your making Olive a Slytherin, though - it seems to play into a lot of stereotypes about the House, which isn't a problem all on its own, but it also seems to me that there is a limit to how much damage Olive could do being in a House that was different from Myrtle's. I'm not saying that she couldn't be awful in class, but it just seems to me that she would have been so much worse as a Ravenclaw. It would also make Myrtle's hiding in the bathroom make a little more sense if she was avoiding her common room or dormitory because of Olive.

I don't know, though. I can also understand why you'd choose to do it this way. If Olive was in Myrtle's House, you might have had to tone down her behavior a bit. And, of course, for all I know, it's canon that Olive was a Slytherin!

I'd also always wondered how Myrtle died. I mean, I know that she died, but she wore glasses, so why didn't she just get petrified? Your take on Myrtle makes that make a lot of sense - though I do wonder why the glasses ended up carrying over to her ghost form if she was so unaccustomed to them and wasn't even wearing them when she died.

Sorry. Very nitpick.

Overall, this was an excellent story that made me care about a character I never really expected to care about! Excellent job. :)

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Review #2, by BeeezieLying Josephine: Promises, Promises

7th March 2014:
I really liked this chapter, too!

Again, I felt like you revealed just enough detail about Josephine and her relationship with Fred to intrigue me more without leaving me feeling completely flat-footed. I'd been wondering whether she'd had feelings for Fred, but now the situation makes perfect sense. In some ways, I actually feel like the extent of her grief makes more sense now, because the impression that I'm getting is that he was really her only friend, and now she's in a position where she's essentially alone in the world. I'm curious about what happened to her family and why she doesn't have any other friends, but I'm willing to wait to find out, and it doesn't seem unrealistic to me, just sad.

I'd also been a little confused about how she could not know George if she was so close to Fred, but now that makes sense, too... and I'm starting to think that she probably felt closer to Fred than he did with her. Not that he didn't like her, but she seems very lonely and cut off from the world - the surprise she seemed to feel that George remembered that she'd been there after she ran off made my heart ache, and felt depressingly real. I'm definitely getting a strong sense of who she is as a person, and I really feel for her; this is a terrible situation to find yourself in.

Based on the story summary, it seems like there's going to be a fair amount of deception in this story, and I felt like you sort of foreshadowed that a little with the way she was watching George and Mrs. Weasley at the end of the chapter from behind a tree. It was very well done, and has me eager to read on.

All of that said, I did think that this chapter had the same issue that the last one did. It just got a little too wordy or included too many adjectives at times where I felt like less would have been more.

I felt like you often used dialogue tags or short descriptors where they weren't necessary, which impacted the flow of the chapter. For example, in the first sentence, I don't think you needed to say that Fred was whining - the way you wrote out her name already implies that. Similarly, when you say that he "brushes aside" her silence, or "chuckles in low vibrations," or that she gives "a silent laugh," I feel like you're not really adding to the story or the narrative in a meaningful way.

There are just a lot of points where it feels like you're just trying to break up the dialogue or add more description, but based on your writing as a whole, I think you could probably do it in a much more graceful way. Think about whether your descriptions are really helping the reader form a picture in their head of the scene or contributing to their understanding of Josephine and/or Fred. If they aren't, you probably don't need them.

I also felt like you did a little too much telling rather than showing about her feelings toward George. I loved the Dementor analogy, and I wanted to see a little more of it. What is it that she loves about George that Fred doesn't have? Does she daydream about him? Does she wish that he'd died instead of Fred - or, alternatively, is she relieved that it was Fred over him? Does she feel guilty about that?

Maybe you go more into this later, but I would have liked to see a little more now.

Overall, though, this was a great chapter. I thoroughly enjoyed it, and I'm excited to read on!

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Review #3, by BeeezieLying Josephine: Introduction: Boxes

7th March 2014:
Hey! I'm so sorry for the delay in this - stuff in my life got really tough for a couple weeks in some unexpected ways. I hope I can make up for it.

There were a lot of things that I really liked about this chapter. I thought that you did a great job at providing enough information to ground the story in what we know from canon while still leaving a lot of intrigue and questions, and I thought that overall, you did a great job at conveying Josephine's emotional state. I could really feel her sadness and anguish, and especially in the first section, I could definitely picture the scene in my head. It was very poignant.

I don't want to critique this too much because it is just an introduction, but I do want to mention a couple little things I noticed.

As I said, overall, you did a great job at portraying her emotional state, but there were a few points where I feel like you were just using too many adjectives, and maybe less would have been more.

For example, in the second section, the paragraph starting, "I couldn't stop my anguished tears" - I feel like "anguished" actually takes more away from the description than it adds to it, because it's really not needed to convey how strongly Josephine feels. There were a few points throughout the chapter like this, where I just felt like you got a little wordy or used too many adjectives - not many, and they were very minor, but I thought I'd mention it.

Overall, though, excellent chapter. :) I really liked it, and I'm excited to read more!

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Review #4, by BeeezieReason to Fight: Prologue

19th July 2013:
Hey, I'm here with your review! As soon as I saw the summary, I knew I was going to enjoy this - I love other era stories like this.

Description: Absolutely lovely. It's well suited to the time period and the setting, I think, and as you go from scene to scene, you always paint a strong picture without getting bogged down in too many details. Excellent, excellent work.

Characterization: This is terrific. None of these vignettes felt repetitive, and all told me a lot about the characters you were introducing in a short amount of time.

Camille may only have a short scene and no actual lines, but she made a major impact nonetheless. You communicated so much in so few words - I got a great sense of the atmosphere, her frame of mind, and her history. From the barren streets to her disliking heels to the soldier, it was quite clear that this was not a peaceful time. She's clearly ruthless, but I'm still trying to figure out to what extent that is.

Astrid is really interesting. I feel like she's a bit more straightforward right now than Camille - I know where she's coming from and what side she's on, and seeing her transformation indicates to me that she's not as jaded as Camille seems to be. That said, if Apolline is the same Apolline that is Fleur's mother, the letter intrigues me.

Johanna is great, too, in part because she and Camille both feel so similar and yet so different. She plays on her supposed innocence and appearance to get soldiers' guards down just as Camille seemed to - and, of course, because they're women the job of appearing weak is easier in the first place - but unlike Camille, she doesn't appear to be leaving bodies behind. In the last section, when you drew them all together, I liked the way she cut through the excuses about why they couldn't rescue Simon. She's not wrong.

Xavier intrigues me because he's the first character who isn't clearly magical. Camille and Johanna both use spells, and Astrid mentions vela heritage. However, since Xavier is focused on weapons, that makes me think that he isn't. I didn't get much more of a sense from him than that, but that's okay - I didn't need to.

Simon's section sets the desperation of the era of the story in a slightly different context. While the other four sections have all been about overt resistance, war-torn streets, and soldiers, this is much bleaker and sadder. His mother is probably dead, and his father is clearly going that way as well. My interpretation right now is that he's a Muggleborn, but that could be off.

Jean: I got a bit less of a sense of Jean's character than the other five from his section, but I'm okay with that, because you used his situation to answer some important questions in an elegant way. I also got a better sense of him in the last section, which tied all of them together, so that was definitely okay.

Flow: There was only one thing that didn't quite make sense to me. In the second section, when Astrid looks in the mirror, you say that "the gorgeous Veela is gone." I wasn't quite sure what that meant - cutting her hair doesn't change her identity that much, surely. It's not a huge deal, and I understood what you were saying, but it felt a tiny bit awkward.

Other than that, I have absolutely no complaints, and that's ridiculously minor. You transition between scenes beautifully and you didn't give me a chance to get confused while still keeping me very intrigued.

Amazing work, Val. Please feel free to rerequest.

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Review #5, by BeeeziePride & Pestilence: A Promise Given

18th July 2013:
Susan, why isn't there more for me to read right now? I'm going to commence whining. I want to read more.

I loved this so much. Your writing is superb, as ever, and I was really interested in how vehemently Rose rejected the idea of being an Auror. I don't know if that's something she'll come around to later on or if that's how she really feels. I kind of want to say that that's how she really feels. If my read is correct, that's very inconvenient for her, because judging from Roxanne it seems like that (or maybe being an Unspeakable) is pretty much the only way out of the "lady" role.

That said, I did like Ginny's reaction, and the tension surrounding them just walking around was interesting and helped contextualize the supposed peacetime for me. Sure, there's peace now, but it really is quite a recent development, isn't it?

Finally: Adela Zabini. Well, then. This makes me want to read on more than ever, especially with the P&P quote at the end!

Author's Response: You know, I only posted a new chapter days after you finished reading. ;) It's wonderful to see how much of a positive response this story has received - hopefully I can write chapters fast enough to keep up with everyone.

Thank you very much for reading and reviewing the whole thing! Hearing that you actually loved - not just liked - it is a fantastic compliment. I'm glad to be getting this story right so far - it's fun to write, but I'm worried about my lack of experience in this kind of happier romance between Rose and Scorpius no less. Thank goodness for the inspiration of Austen and her novels! I couldn't have done this without them, and without readers like you. ^_^

Rose's rejection of the Auror role does come back to her later because some will expect that, if she doesn't want to marry, then it must be because she'd prefer to follow in her father's footsteps. Of course, she actually wants to become what her mother was unable to do: write. Rose dislikes violence, and while she's skilled at spells, she doesn't want to use them against others - the duel with Scorpius has reinforced that because some part of her actually enjoyed it, and that terrifies her, reminding her of all that went on during the revolution and the war that followed. She doesn't want to forget the war, but she does want to play a peacetime role.

Thank you again! I hope that you enjoy the next chapter too! :D

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Review #6, by BeeeziePride & Pestilence: The Field of Dishonour

18th July 2013:
This is perfect.

Action scenes can be really difficult to write, at least for me, but you did a beautiful job with this. It was engaging, entertaining, and had me hurrying on to find out what happened next. I obviously guessed that Rose was "Louis" from the start, but I wasn't sure whether Scorpius would ever find out. If he did, I was expecting a sarcastic sneer of some sort, but that definitely didn't materialize. He seemed genuine.

Which is, I guess, in keeping with a lot of Austen's leading men. :P

I also want to mention - I find the disconnect between Roxanne and the way ladies are "supposed" to behave very interesting, because the rules don't seem to apply to her. Where Lily in particular is always going on about looking proper and what ladies should and shouldn't do, Roxanne seems to be doing pretty much all of it. I find that interesting.

At any rate: the end really was perfect. I loved that Rose was able to defeat Scorpius, and the fact that his reaction was to respect her rather than dislike her more - or, worse, feel embarrassed/humiliated - is a good sign, I think, and I wish there was more than one more chapter posted so I could find out more!


Author's Response: Yay, thank you very much! Action scenes are things I try to avoid because they require a kind of fast-paced narration that I don't feel capable of achieving. But to hear that it worked in this chapter makes me incredibly happy - your compliments have made my day! ^_^

It's not that big a secret that Louis isn't... well... Louis, but like you've said, the suspense builds instead from the question of whether the others there will discover the truth. The real trick, though, was giving Scorpius an unexpected response - he is perhaps so surprised that he can't even affect it. At the same time, he experiences much of what Darcy does as he becomes better acquainted with Elizabeth. In this case, Scorpius is shocked to discover that the witch he only regarded as the daughter of Ron and Hermione Weasley was a witch worthy of respect for her own abilities - that she is more than her parents.

It's less of a disconnect between witches like Roxanne and Lily than it is a spectrum with Ginny, Rose, and Victoire somewhere in between the "extremes". What Rose has to do is decide on where she stands in this spectrum. The main difference between Roxanne and Lily is that the latter has unquestioningly accepted the role of "lady", a role that is more influenced by Muggle society's expectations. Wizarding society is a little more open-minded, though it still maintains expectations of politeness and modesty - both of which Roxanne adheres to. There aren't that many female Aurors at this time, but during the war with France, there was a significant increase in their number because they were very useful as spies and "carriers" (for both messages and those escaping the revolution).

It's still something I have to work through. I don't want to make it that female Aurors have less to do with violence and aren't as involved in the action, but at the same time, they're not of a different class than other witches. You're right that the story presents a tension between these two roles for women, but I'm not sure whether they're actually opposing roles. Note for instance how comfortable Roxanne is as an Auror, whereas Lily is incredibly anxious about everything she (and everyone else) does - Lily seems to be the only one anxious about being a proper lady and following society's rules. There is a lot I have to do with Lily - it will be something good to deal with in the next chapter. :D

Thank you very much for reading and reviewing this story! You've given me wonderful material to think over, and it's also fantastic to see that you've enjoyed this chapter.

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Review #7, by BeeeziePride & Pestilence: In Which History is to Blame

18th July 2013:
Oh my god.

I didn't realize that Albus had overheard, which I guess isn't surprising, since you didn't say it. But I didn't even consider that anyone in Rose's family who might stick up for her would overhear, and here's Albus, being, well, Albus. In earlier chapters, I had this impression of him as a foolish dolt without a thought in his head. And, well, maybe he is, but he also clearly cares about his cousin and his family, and honestly, what's more important than that? I'm sure Lily is mortified, but Lily can be mortified all she'd like. Albus was awesome. Rash, sure, but awesome.

I also loved Rose's interactions with both Harry and Ginny at the end. I could tell how comfortable she was with them and how she was able to voice her fears, and I also loved that - once again - Ginny took on the role of the rather unconventional aunt. The more I read, the more I love the way you've characterized Ginny. She's not completely outside societal norms, but she seems to have carved out her own way to do things, which is something Rose will clearly need to do as well.

Amazing job. :)

House Cup 2013 Ravenclaw

Author's Response: Haha, of all the people to overhear that conversation, it had to be Albus. :P He's got a good heart and is proud to stand up for his cousin - there is a bit of the foppish fool about him, but much of it is an act, sometimes to shock people like his poor sister, and at other times to make people underestimate him. And he is wonderfully rash, just like like father.

It's fantastic that you like how both Harry and Ginny have turned out as well as the kind of relationship they have with Rose. They're the only people who really know what her life has been like and how much she's been affected by her parents' problems. She trusts them in ways that she can't trust anyone else.

I never expected to write so much about Ginny in this story, but it's been a great experience to situate her in this universe and give her such a prominent role as Rose's "mother figure". She has definitely made her own way in the world, understanding and manipulating society's expectations in a way that Rose would like to do for herself one day.

Thank you again for reading and reviewing! :D

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Review #8, by BeeeziePride & Pestilence: Of the Prejudiced and Proud

18th July 2013:
This was really interesting! I liked the way you introduced Teddy, for two reasons. First, it continues to contextualize the role each family has in this story. From previous comments (especially regarding Lily) and particularly from this, it's clear that Harry is incredibly popular and powerful. I know that was implied when you mentioned he'd turned down the Minister of Magic post, but this really brought it home for me. Teddy's natural abilities may be impressive, but it's clear that a lot of this is Harry's influence.

I also found Victoire's presence interesting. I mean, obviously her being with Teddy isn't surprising, but it makes me wonder whether Bill's branch of the family has more respect and weight that Ron's?

Regardless, I loved seeing them both, and the mention of Dominique really intrigued me, as did Victoire's response to Rose's telling her that she had good fortune. I'm not sure if that will ever come up again, but it intrigued me right now!

Oh, and I'm glad you included this scene at the end! I've noticed that you've been tending to capture the sentiment of Pride and Prejudice rather than the particulars, which is great - it keeps the story from getting predictable and shows off your creativity (which, of course, is one of your strong suits).

However, this really is a classic scene, and I would have been a tiny bit disappointed if it hadn't been included. The fury she feels is perfectly in keeping with the way you've characterized Rose thus far, and I loved it.

Another great chapter. ♥

House Cup 2013 Ravenclaw

Author's Response: Wow! I hadn't thought of that in regard to Teddy's position in society, but it's very true that Harry's sponsorship/influence would have made a substantial difference. Teddy's parentage would have counted against him in many ways - female Aurors don't usually marry in this society, and having a father for a werewolf would have lead many to entirely exclude him from consideration - but people are willing to accept Teddy because he is Harry's godson. It's a very good point, and I'm glad that you pointed it out because I might be able to do something more with it later on. :)

Bill's branch does have more respect, not only because he's a banker/curse breaker, and thus higher on the social scale, but because Ron's actions during the war (which you'll find out about more as the story continues) brought him disgrace. It reminds me that I have to include Victoire and Dominique more in future chapters - they're fascinating characters in this universe, and I'd love to write more about them.

Haha, yes, I thought it'd be good timing to include a P&P scene, and this one is certainly one of the most recognizable. But it's also perfectly suited to Rose and Scorpius. To have the Malfoy look down on the Weasley (especially this Weasley) in such a way might as well be the classic image of the ship. :P I'm really pleased to hear how much you've enjoyed this story so far and how it works within the framework of P&P. It means a lot to hear such compliments from you! ^_^ Thank you!

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Review #9, by BeeeziePride & Pestilence: The Flowers of London

18th July 2013:
The start of this chapter was very, very interesting, and you brought a lot of serious societal beliefs up in just the beginning of the chapter. You're not just telling a story - you're creating a world and showing the readers its faults and flaws. Lily's thoughts about wizards not needing to look good was very, very telling about her attitudes and the way her society as a whole sees women. It's clearly a bit more complicated than that, but it gives an overall idea, as did Lily's reluctance to criticize her brother, even though what she ended up saying really isn't that bad.

And I continue to love your writing style. It's easy to get absorbed in and quite witty as well; I loved the bit where Ginny popped out of thin air and you said there were too many spells for "this poor author" to list. I also loved the comparison Ginny drew between herself and Rose when she was talking to Lily in the carriage. The similarities had occurred to me as well, though Rose would likely rather read or garden than play Quidditch. Still, it amounts to the same thing: not being a "proper" lady.

Another great chapter, Susan. I loved seeing this from Lily's perspective, and I can't wait to go one.

House Cup 2013 Ravenclaw

Author's Response: Yes! Yes, that's what's happened to this story! It's become much more about the worldbuilding than I ever intended, but that's mostly what motivates me to write more. I've fallen in love with this universe and all of its complexities. At first I was worried that it would take away from the story, but if anything, it's helped me develop the plot in my own way, distinct from Austen's P&P. This story started as a parody, but it's become something more substantial... and I'm not complaining. :D

What's interesting about Lily is that she's "bought in" to those societal beliefs and doesn't think about what they mean - she represents the "average" point of view, unquestioning of the world in which she lives. A lot of the cousins are like this because they've not known anything else and are comfortable - complacent. Rose, coming from an outsider's perspective, sees all of the inconsistencies and hypocrisies of this society - she doesn't view Ginny or Roxanne as strange because the memory of the war is still fresh in her mind, thanks to her father's stories, in which witches are as much a part of the action as wizards.

It makes me warm and fuzzy inside to see you pull these things out of the story. ^_^ Thank you again for your wonderful reviews!

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Review #10, by BeeeziePride & Pestilence: The Pestilence Comes Forth

18th July 2013:
You continue to amaze.

I think my favorite part of the whole chapter was the "Oh Rose" bit in the very beginning. I've totally been there, and it's really annoying. While I'm pretty sure Lily means well, she's starting to get under my skin, too, by being so ridiculous. I also loved the bit about constantly having a handkerchief in her hand just in case a man she wants to get the attention of walks by - oh Lily.

I also absolutely loved Rose's first reaction to Scorpius. It wasn't quite unreasonable - he did compare her to a hippogriff when she was already having a bad time of it with Lily - but it was perhaps a bit silly, and I was glad to see that she recognized that. And, of course, immediately dismissed it, but that's all right. A little conflict is necessary, and she found other things about him to dislike in no time! I especially liked the bit about Malfoys "heaving into view from whatever moral void in which they existed." It was lovely imagery that made me laugh.

This was another amazing chapter. I'm overusing that word. I can't help it. Great job.

House Cup 2013 Ravenclaw

Author's Response: *blushes* You're being way too kind! Thank you very much for taking the time to read and review every chapter of this story. It's lovely to follow you through and see what aspects of the story are working most effectively. :D

The funny thing about Lily is that as close as she gets to caricature here, there's something frighteningly realistic about her. XD I'm looking forward to continuing to give her depth, slowly revealing more about her as the story develops.

Although this story is founded on the love-hate romance, I don't want there to be that much actual hate between the two of them. Certainly they misunderstand one another and get off on the wrong foot, but they're surprisingly well-suited to one another - the major difference between them is their background and education, which gives them an outward appearance that the other finds unappealing. Rose does have a bit of a short temper (rather like her parents :P), so I'm glad that her snappishness toward Malfoy wasn't unreasonable - poor girl, already in a bad mood, then mocked by this stupid boy... it wounds her pride, and she lashes out.

Thank you again for reading and reviewing! ^_^

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Review #11, by BeeeziePride & Pestilence: Sense and Insensitivity

18th July 2013:
Oh, Violet. How are you so talented? It's almost unfair, except that it's not because you have such lovely stories (and graphics!) for everyone else to enjoy.

I have so much love for this story.

The writing is absolutely beautiful. It definitely felt a bit old-fashioned, which is perfect, but not so much so that I think it would be inaccessible even to people who don't like Jane Austen (which I very much do).

I also loved the way you set the stage for the book early on. That can be a really awkward point in an AU story - it's important to give the readers some sense of what's going on, since it is AU, but it can be difficult to do that without having it come off as awkward and boring. You, however, did not fall into that particular pitfall - the way you talked about the Weasley history here was elegant, and the way you phrased Hermione's background - "as far from pureblooded as one could get without actually being a Muggle" was awesome and so well suited to the time period.

You justified why Rose needed to marry very well. I think a "Because I said so" would have been fine, but I liked that you went deeper and gave reasons that doubled as a way to give the reader some idea of the world around them.

However, once you'd established that, you seamlessly slipped into Rose's character. In just a short period of time, you made me sympathize with her and feel for her. Your last two sentences of the chapter seem to sum up a lot of Rose's fears perfectly, and I can't wait to read on.

House Cup 2013 Ravenclaw

Author's Response: Oh dear, don't start on the compliments so soon! *hides* I don't know how I'll get through your reviews otherwise. I can't begin to explain how happy I am to hear that you love this story, its style and its universe. It's my first time writing a positive Scorose relationship, and also my first time writing in the Regency period, so I tend to agonize over... well, everything. To hear that it's working out means an incredible amount. ^_^

The wonderful thing I've found about writing this kind of AU is the amount of worldbuilding that's necessary. It's more like writing an original story - in fact, I can easily imagine how this story could be converted into an OF with some additional work on the magical structure. It becomes a way for the story to grow beyond of the confines of the P&P structure because I've included a lot more historical content than Austen normally does, largely because it figures prominently among the reasons why Rose and Scorpius become at odds with one another. Their prejudice is based less on class hierarchy and more on family reputation and the "sins of the father(s)".

Thank you very much for taking the time to read and review every chapter! It's lovely to get such a treat, and even lovelier to hear how much you're enjoying the story so far!

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Review #12, by BeeezieIt Began with a Push: It Began with a Push

18th July 2013:
Aww. This was really cute and sweet!

It's a take on Rose and Scorpius's friendship (and, ultimately, relationship) that I've never seen before. That's not to say it isn't plausible, of course - at first, I was confused because the Malfoy Manor is nowhere near where Rose's family would be likely to live, but then I realized that Scorpius was unlikely to be living at the Manor, since presumably Lucius and Narcissa are still alive, and given that the Blacks lived in the center of London, clearly the presence of Muggles isn't the worst thing in the world to blood-conscious wizards as long as they can avoid them.

Then it made sense to me, which was especially cool because you made me think about little details I usually don't.

I liked the way you captured their personalities - they both came off as very believable six year olds. Rose was definitely a little bossy and self-assured, and Scorpius was pretty easily talked into doing what Rose asked. I found that really interesting, especially since it's clear that neither of them are anything carbon copies of their parents. Draco certainly wasn't a great humanitarian, and while Hermione could be bossy, I can't imagine her ever telling someone she didn't know to help her with something or she'd "bop them on the nose." It was great. I also liked the fact that at the end, I could see bits of that in their older selves, which was nice and provided great continuity.

My only issue was that while at the end it was clear that Rose and Scorpius had been in the Pensieve, during the the actual scene where they met I found it a little confusing. I wasn't sure who the two people were, but there was so much focus on them that it was a bit hard to ignore.

Other than that, though, excellent job. I really enjoyed this.

House Cup 2013 Ravenclaw

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Review #13, by BeeezieThe Perfect Present: The Perfect Present

17th July 2013:
Oh, this was so cute!

I sympathize with Cedric, a lot. It's always difficult to know what to do when you're first starting to get into a relationship with someone and a holiday like Christmas or their birthday comes up, because expectations are just so confusing. Even once you decide that you should get something, you often still don't know the person well enough to know exactly what they'd like and what they even have. This was a great depiction of that uncertainty, and I liked it a lot.

I also really liked the way you had Cedric resolve the situation - a hair clip like that is a nice gesture for someone you're still getting to know. It says, "I care" without being flashy and making you seem creepy.

Excellent job. This was such a cute one-shot.

House Cup 2013 - Ravenclaw

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Review #14, by BeeezieResolution: Resolution

17th July 2013:
I liked this story a lot! You gave us a nice glimpse of a witch who was mentioned a few times throughout the series but who we never really saw, and I always kind of wondered about her. This take makes sense - if she was such a huge singer when Molly was young, of course Molly would still be devoted to her years later - and of course Fleur would find her less than amusing.

You did a nice job depicting how this sort of thing works in the wizarding world - I loved the soundproofing charm (which I often wish I had), though why Celestina thought banshees were a good idea still confuses me a bit.

Nice job! I really enjoyed it. :)

House Cup 2013 - Ravenclaw

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Review #15, by BeeezieGeneration to Generation: Generation to Generation

17th July 2013:
I don't think I've ever read a story about James getting the invisibility cloak before, even though most next-gen fics depict him as having it. This was a nice take on it, and I really like that you didn't have Harry give it to James for his first year (and that Ginny was the voice of reason). That's definitely much more realistic, especially given what James immediately does with it!

Nice job!

House Cup 2013 - Ravenclaw

Author's Response: Thanks for your review! :)

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Review #16, by BeeezieLet It All Out: Let it All Out

17th July 2013:
You know, as I said to WTM in an earlier review, I don't usually like songfics, but I think you pulled it off here and made it fit the situation nicely.

I did think that the evolution of their relationship was a bit abrupt - if it had been drawn out more, even with just a quick summary that they got closer over several weeks before the end, it would have felt a bit more realistic to me.

That said, I liked what you did with the characters. I liked the way that once Draco said anything about his feelings, it was like he couldn't stop - I think that's a really realistic approach to where he's been over the past few years. He couldn't share his emotions. Of course it'll be like a dam breaking once he does. And the way Hermione just kind of tried to roll with it amused me, because it was just so Hermione.

Nice job. :)

House Cup 2013 - Ravenclaw

Author's Response: Hey Branwen!

Thanks for reviewing again! This was great to read. People haven't reviewed it in FOREVER. I don't actually remember my own story, to be honest. XD I'm sure it's abrupt. I have a tendency to do that. I'm finally breaking the habit with "Rule Breaker." I'm 33 chapters in and Draco and Hermione aren't yet together! :D But I'm sure this moved ridiculously fast and I'll try to fix that as soon as I get around to editing it (I update everything about once a year). Thanks for your honesty and your splendid review!


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Review #17, by BeeezieThe Final Journey: The Final Journey

17th July 2013:
Oh, god. Poor Fawkes.

I don't know what 'too much' is, but this was definitely upsetting. That said, I don't think it was upsetting in a bad way - I mean, this was about Dumbledore's death and Fawkes essentially mourning him. It should be upsetting.

But it was also beautiful.

You depicted Fawkes's sorrow in a lovely way, and I'm glad the HC brought this out. Your description of the places he passed over was amazing, whether it was Godric's Hollow or the ocean, and when you talked about the simple act of flying, I really, really wanted to fly, too.

Terrific job.

(I am sorry for this substandard review and I promise I will leave you better ones at some other point when we're not racing. ♥)

House Cup 2013 - Ravenclaw

Author's Response: Hey Branwen!

I'm so happy that you liked this story! It was actually really challenging for me to write and I was completely unsure of its quality until I've received so many splendid reviews on it. :) I appreciate you reading and reviewing it! Thanks so much! And it's a lovely review, don't knock it. ;) W!


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Review #18, by BeeezieTwins!: Twins!

17th July 2013:
Oh dear.

I love the way you depict the young Weasley boys, both here and in the story about The Talk that I don't remember the name of right now. You definitely differentiate between them and make what they do age-appropriate - Bill is very clearly the oldest and the most responsible. And Charlie - god, Charlie. I loved Molly barking at him as he tried to touch everything he shouldn't be touching, haha.

Molly's reaction to having twins was also quite realistic, IMO. I can see how she would feel a bit overwhelmed, especially if Fabian and Gideon were twins... and this is still in the midst of the FWW, of course, so two years since they died makes sense. Of course she'd have a lot of open wounds still.

Lovely job, once again.

House Cup 2013 - Ravenclaw

Author's Response: I'm going to echo the "oh dear", but it's because I'm always a bit embarrassed when someone reviews this one. It's not one of my better efforts. I often think about taking it down, but I can't quite do it.

I squidged the timeline for this story - the exact year of death for Gideon and Fabian is a contradiction in canon (JKR always says she's bad at maths), but since I was already making them twins when it's never specified one way or the other, I went for the angsty emotional payout. For some reason, I often like to have Molly be full of tragic feels. And I always love writing little Weasleys.

Thank you so much for the kind words! I really appreciate it. (Go Ravenclaw!)

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Review #19, by BeeezieForgive Me: One

17th July 2013:
... And there's another couple I usually can't be bothered to care all that much about that you've gotten me invested in. In a songfic. In a songfic. I mean, really.

Why haven't I been haunting your page before now? Not having time is no excuse. Your stories are just brilliant. You are even making me love songfics!

Anyway. This was beautiful, in a kind of heartbreaking way. You pulled me into Remus's frame of mind and emotional state, and made me understand what he felt for Dora and why he left. I especially loved the lyrics at the beginning - he's still learning how to navigate these waters, and he's not doing it perfectly, but he's trying to learn. That just resonated with me so strongly. I loved it.

When Dora opened the door and he sank to him knees, I really felt his anguish and her vulnerability, and I really started to care about them as a couple.

Amazing job. Though, of course, I probably shouldn't have expected anything different from the Head of Ravenclaw. ;)

House Cup 2013 - Ravenclaw

Author's Response: Is it weird that I mostly dislike songfics? Somehow I've written two of them. I'm not sure how that happened.

I have to admit, Remus/Tonks is not a ship I'm super invested in. This song really called to me though, it just seemed to suit them so perfectly. It's a very sad story, and the song is a bit mournful. I thought they worked together and couldn't resist.

I have always pitied Remus, he's too hard on himself and he's had such a rough life, so I do want him to be happy. Sometimes I feel like motivations need more explaining than we got in the books, and Remus's little emotional breakdown over Tonks's pregnancy was definitely one of them for me. It just seemed so... messed up to do that to your wife, you know?

Thank you so much for reviewing, and och you're too kind - Ravenclaw forever!

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Review #20, by BeeezieHarbor: Harbor

17th July 2013:
Oh my god. OH MY GOD. When I saw the title "Harbor," I wanted to read it because of the Vienna Teng song (which I love so much and has been stuck in my head for days), but I never dreamed that it would be using it! I am so excited right now.

And then you followed that up immediately with the phrase, "You're in a brown study." Which I love. I don't usually like songfics all that much, but you have won me over.

And the story was good, too. :P

Harry and Ginny as a couple often don't engage me. I don't dislike them - I just don't really feel deeply invested in them, you know? But in this, you made me care. You convinced me of their affection. You made me understand what Ginny was going through in this, and I loved it.

Amazing job. Again. (And squee, Vienna Teng!)

House Cup 2013 - Ravenclaw

Author's Response: I love that song! She has such a beautiful voice. So angelic. And I do love some mother/daughter moments. And some Molly-isms. I love writing her voice, however briefly.

I actually quite like Harry and Ginny. I absolutely think Ginny is the only for Harry - her experience being possessed by Voldypoo leaves her one of few able to really understand what he's been through, and he needs that. I do think he loves her a lot. I always enjoy selling people on my favorite ships, so I'm glad I could sucker you into Harry/Ginny. Thank you for reviewing!

Vienna Teng high-five!

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Review #21, by BeeezieFree: Free

17th July 2013:
So I want to mention a couple things about this.

I love your writing style. I may or may not have mentioned this in previous reviews, but it was true then, too. It's just absolutely lovely - there's just this slight tinge of melodrama and a lot of humor. The way you string words together makes me laugh all on its own, and I find your style to be one of the most readable of any writer I've read on the archives.

This story in particular was just amazing. I love the way you describe Scorpius's falling for her - it was just so funny. Angel, indeed. I also love the bit where he's an artist and a theatre person and a Hufflepuff - not big on the stereotypes of Scorpius, are you?

Rose was also a lot of fun, and I loved how clueless she was when he initially asked her out. (Especially since my Rose was similarly clueless when someone asked her out in one of my stories - it's just something that never gets old!)

Excellent, excellent job.

House Cup 2013 - Ravenclaw

Author's Response: Wow thank you so much! I'm a little speechless. I love writing and reading humor, so I do write it a lot, and I enjoy the melodrama ;) I'm so glad you like my writing! I'm squeeing a bit here. :D Thank you!

Scorpius is fun to write. His perspective is so different from Rose's. He's so calm where she's so chaotic. I'm definitely not into the Draco Jr version of him. I just can't see that ever working with dating Rose Weasley. I actually question whether they could ever work out in real life, given how often his family tried to kill or destroy hers, but for some reason I wrote them together and now I can't stop. lol.

Rose is a bit ditzy at times. She had no idea he was asking her out. In her defense, he was a bit vague at first, and she, like most of the school, thought he was gay, so she was not viewing him through the lens of a possible romantic partner. But still - ditzy. I agree, it never gets old!

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Review #22, by BeeezieFreshly Mown Grass: Freshly Mown Grass

17th July 2013:
One-shots that focus on little moments from the Hogwarts Era like this are awesome, and pretty much never fail to make me smile. That was certainly true here.

Ron was (obviously) perfect - his irritation at having to do chores made me laugh, but it really was so realistic. I didn't even mind his using an excuse that he'd used in the books - I often would, but this just fit in so perfectly, and I actually like thinking that his complaint in HBP (I think?) when asked to cut vegetables for dinner was used a lot. I mean, it's just so Ron.

And Hermione was also amazing. I think that you captured her in all of her perfectionist, thoughtful glory in that she's insisting on helping the Weasleys with chores - I never thought about it, but you're right, Hermione would not be the type to sit idly by!

Hermione is also not the type to not have at least two thoughts when confronted with anything, I don't think, so the brain/heart/hormone conversation was excellent. (Also, you're so right - hormones totally don't speak in sentences!)

This was awesome. Great job!

House Cup 2013 Ravenclaw

Author's Response: I love a missing moments story ;)

Ron would definitely whine about the same thing a lot. Kids generally do. And "why do I have to do it?" is a common refrain when one has siblings. I hear it all the time from my boys, they would always rather throw their brother under the bus than just do as they're told. "Why can't he do it?" Sheesh. hahaha

Normally I would also not want to reuse something straight out of the books, but yeah, Ron would absolutely trot that one out every time he's asked to do something. In fairness, I'd bet the twins said the same thing about Percy and Percy said the same thing about Charlie, etc. Ah siblings.

I'm glad you liked Hermione! She would never be a guest for an entire summer without helping with chores, she's too well-brought-up for that. And she would want to feel part of the Weasleys, particularly after she realizes her feelings for Ron.

Ohh yes multiple thoughts seems very fitting for her, I thought. Hormones wouldn't speak in sentences even in Hermione!

Thanks so much for reviewing! Ravenclaw for the win!

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Review #23, by BeeezieBetrayed: Betrayed

16th July 2013:
Hey, you.

I love founders fics, I really do, and I'm sad there aren't more of them. So when I saw you had one, and that it was a one-shot... Well. I had to read it.

And I really, really loved it. Your writing style is smooth, elegant, and engaging. You made all the right choices in how much description to include, and the opening few paragraphs were particularly so. The juxtaposition of her tears and the rain outside was genius.

And, of course, I also loved the content. You chose a very significant event to portray, and you did a great job with it. I liked how repulsive you made the baron, and Helena's horror and disgust was heartbreaking, especially considering when she made that "promise" in the first place. I also appreciated Rowena's reaction. It was in keeping with the time period.

Great job!

House Cup 2013 Ravenclaw

Author's Response: Hey Branwen!

I'm so happy you liked this, I found it more than a little difficult to write. Everything you say, especially as it comes from you (and you have as style I really love and wish I could have too) means a lot to me.

In my head, the Baron never was an appealing human being, until I read Amanda's Diamonds Into Coal. If I were to write this again today, I doubt my take on the characters would be the same.

Thank you for the review, and go 'Claws!

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Review #24, by BeeezieThe Odd One: Plotting Revenge

16th July 2013:
I really enjoyed this one-shot. It was nicely written, which always makes me happy (you're a Claw, you understand, haha), and I also feel like it delved into a really interesting topic that doesn't get enough attention.

There's an inclination, I think, to see Voldemort as having always been a terrible irredeemable person, but as you touch on, that's just not fair and it's not how the human mind works. Even if he had an inclination to not be a great human being, it's a nasty cycle that the people around him perpetuated... and they did it to the wrong guy.

Unlike Harry, he was not emotionally resilient, and I loved how you showed that complexity, especially in 500 words! I definitely got chills when he was talking about the other kids - it was a combination of sadness and knowing that I would run far away confronted with him.

I'm sorry this is so scattered - I'm typing it on my phone, which is a bit difficult, but I want to do my part, and this really is a great one-shot.

House Cup 2013 Ravenclaw

Author's Response: Hi there! I'm so glad that you enjoyed it. I wrote when I my writing was still pretty bad, so to hear you say that made my day!

I'm glad that you viewed it wasn't fair, because his life, in a way, wasn't fair and people immediately judge him without actually looking at everything in hand.

I'm glad that you found it worked in 500 words because it was hard to decide what to chop and what to keep! I think your reaction would be the same as mine if I met him which makes it really sad to know that no one could have ever really helped him!

I didn't find this review scattered at all, though I do understand the pain of phone reviews! Thanks for this great one, Branwen!


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Review #25, by BeeezieDiamonds into Coal: Second-Best

15th July 2013:
Yeah, I thought that might be the case.

Venn came off as quite stiff and even a bit removed in the last chapter, but I did wonder whether that was actually what was going on inside his head. I suspected that it wasn't, but that he can be very difficult to read at times (and probably makes himself that way, judging from his interactions with his mother and his uncle). I loved that in this chapter, when he heard that Cepheus was marrying, his immediate thought was, "Oh god, it's Helena, isn't it?" (Horribly paraphrased.) That's totally the paranoid thing someone falling for a person but trying hard not to would think, and I loved it.

I also liked their second encounter, and I'm interested to keep reading. This event has been great if for no other reason than to get me into this story!

Author's Response: Yeah, Venn isn't really comfortable letting his feelings show, because he doesn't quite have them all the way figured out for himself yet. I love that you're already getting a paranoid vibe for him--that will only be amplified later on.

Thanks for your lovely review :)


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