Reading Reviews From Member: Deltaris
  
152 Reviews Found

Review #26, by DeltarisLife's No Fairytale: Letters from Home

29th March 2012:
Adore the interaction between her and James. I can see her making snarky comments.

I like how this chapter was a bit of a slow down compared to the first two. You take the time to show Kestrel in a personal setting with another person, and how she rejects it completely. Her reactions to the two very different letters show a lot about her, as well. You really show how her little sister understands her, it's fantastic.

Del<3

Author's Response: Thank you for the lovely review! I'm so glad you liked Kestrel's interaction with James and the letters :D
I'll be sure to re-request for the next chapters!
~horseyrosyrb


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Review #27, by DeltarisLife's No Fairytale: Unexpected Visitor

29th March 2012:
I love the depth to Kestrel's character that you provide here. We learn so much more about her, but have so many more questions. You've given her complexities and insecurities that make her believable.

Coma for four days?! What a way to start the year.

I love the inclusion of Harry, and his feelings on the competition. Of course he wouldn't be ok with it, and want someone there to protect his son and the others.

I like the direction that this is going. The pace is perfect, and everything is being set up nicely.

Del<3

Author's Response: Thank you for another lovely review!
I tried really hard to make Kestrel believable and I'm so glad you think she is :D
She certainly doesn't have the best of luck...
I loved writing Harry (I may or may not be bringing him back in chapter 8). He certainly doesn't like the competition!
Anyway, thanks again!
~horseyrosyrb


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Review #28, by DeltarisLife's No Fairytale: I Watch The Sun Rise

29th March 2012:
I'm already liking the plot to this. Hogwarts Cup? Only fourth years? I'm curious to see what the task is. You've done a wonderful job setting up the story here!

Kestral - she seems interesting. I'm also a morning person, so I completely feel her on not wanting to stay in the Great Hall with so many people. I'm a little curious, though, is she muggleborn? You don't mention any of her other siblings attending Hogwarts.

As for her as an OC, I think you've written her pretty well. She's funny in a dry humor sort of way, which I adore. It'll be interesting to see how her being in the contest will play out.

Del<3

Author's Response: Yeah, Kestrel is Muggleborn. When I go and edit through the chapters I'll try to make that clearer ;)
I'm so glad you like her though! I'm trying to make her as far from cliché as I can and I like adding in lots of sarcasm/dry humour :)
Thanks a million for the review and sorry for the wait for a response - I haven't been able to access a laptop for ages.
~horseyrosyrb


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Review #29, by DeltarisThe Steep and Thorny Way to Heaven: Act III

29th March 2012:
I love the action in this chapter. Moody bursting in to Regulus's room, the boy's reactions, everything.

The flow of the chapters is very well done. How you modeled it after a play really add to the mood of everything. Your writing style is amazing, as well. Perfect balance of dialogue and description, I can envision the characters and scenes.

Del<3

Author's Response: Ah, thanks so much! This story is a constant battle between going too slowly and moving things too fast. It's hard to find a perfect balance and knowing how to set the scenes up, so I'm really happy it worked for you.

There was never any other kind of format for this story aside from mirroring after the play that gave me the inspiration, so yay for getting something right!

Thanks so much for your really kind review. I'm so happy that you liked this little project of mine. :)


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Review #30, by DeltarisThe Steep and Thorny Way to Heaven: Act II

29th March 2012:
Ahh, miscalculated his age. The thought of running a kingdom is a heavy burden for anyone, let alone a small child. Although, he was probably raised expecting to and being taught how.

The connection between Regulus and Sirius is amazing. I can tell how much Sirius cares for his little brother and wants to protect him. And his last words to his father; so touching. He seems so much wiser than a regular little boy, although I suppose that's because he isn't.

I love the way you've incorporated the other characters into this new world. The boys, James! I'm so excited to see what you've done with the Marauders in this :)

Del<3

Author's Response: It's okay. A lot of people felt Sirius was older than I made him to be - and maybe that'll come back to bite me in the butt later, but we'll see how things work themselves out. Sirius was definitely raised with the expectations that he would eventually run the kingdom, so he's a lot more mature than other children his age.

I really wanted to give Regulus and Sirius a strong bond. I always imagined, in canon, that they were close growing up and it was only time and Sirius's Sorting into Gryffindor that eventually drove them apart. I hate stories where Sirius disliked his family even before Hogwarts, and have a hard time believing that.

Aw, yeah, I couldn't leave the Marauders out of this at all! They will play an important role in Sirius's maturation and all that good stuff.

Thanks for your review, and sorry about the delay in responding.


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Review #31, by DeltarisThe Steep and Thorny Way to Heaven: Act I

29th March 2012:
Wow, this is fantastic.

I love how you've taken characters that we know so well and have put them in a completely different universe. This is why I love AU stories! It's a whole new world and set of actions underlined by something familiar and comforting.

Sirius is fantastic. He must be, what? 13/14, here? I can already see the bits of Sirius that we know - his rebellion against his family and desire to see everything in the world righted.

Cygnus! We don't know much about him in canon, but I think this character would be so much like the man you describe here.

Your dialogue is amazing. It's handled perfectly and adds so much to the story. Every word you use just adds to the setting and actions.

Del<3

Author's Response: Thank you! This is my baby and definitely a story I'm proud of. AU is fantastic, I must agree! There is so much you can do.

Sirius is quite young, and part of me wishes I had made him a bit older, but there will be a time lapse later in the story and he needs a few years to come into his own. I figured I'd start with how old they were when they first went to Hogwarts and go from there.

Cygnus is such a fantastic character to write. I really love him a lot and it's great that he's essentially non-existent in canon because I get to play with him as much as I want and no one can tell me he isn't in-character.

Thanks! Finding a balance between dialogue and description is hard and it's especially difficult to maintain a sort of proper tone to everything being that they're royalty and all that, so I'm glad that you loved it so much.

Thanks for such a sweet review. :)


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Review #32, by DeltarisNothing Else Matters: Chapter Three - Avrille

29th March 2012:
I'm really sorry, but this one is going to be short, I'm getting ready to leave the house for a bit and don't want to forget, haha. I'd probably just say all the same things I did in the others; I just can't get over how well you use description!

I have to say, I'm really getting attached to Avrille. It's fantastic, she's such a well thought out and well written OC.

And Remus! Hilarious :)

I really liked how you did the oath. I don't think there was any sort of induction or anything shown for the Order in canon, and I thought you did it well. The oath was simple, beautiful and respectful.

I'm adding this to my favorites, and will review the others as you get them posted.

Del<3

Author's Response: No need to apologize, you stroked my ego plenty with the previous two reviews :D (just kidding! I'm actually very humbled by reviews in general. Even a few years later, it's still hard for me to grasp that people would enjoy my writing like I'm a *real* writer or something).

Aw, I'm glad you like Avrille! She's pretty neat, if I do say so myself. I kind of wish she was real so we could hang out. Char and Babbin could play, it would be great. I've always really liked Remus, so I hope to do some more with him later, though I have no ideas at the moment.

Eek, "the others." I guess that means the pressure's on for me to write something new. I'll do my best, but likely won't be able to get big chunks like this out until the summer :) Thanks so much again, Del. I'm headed over to my MTA thread now to answer your couple questions. See you around! ~Renny


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Review #33, by DeltarisNothing Else Matters: Chapter Two - Severus

29th March 2012:
This is a very dark chapter. I'm a huge fan of darker writing, so I really enjoyed this.

The amount of small details that you put in are fantastic. Little things like Severus flexing his fingers before meeting the Dark Lord, or Char's arm smothering his teddy, bring life to the writing. I really admire the fact that you take the time to inject these little things into the story. It really makes it so much more interesting to read, and let's more of the character shine through.

I feel like we really got to know Severus a lot more here. Which is absolutely fantastic, especially for people like me who haven't read the original. Last chapter, we got an amazing introduction into Avrille, and now we've been thrown headfirst into Severus's mind. His strength is simply astounding in canon, and you do nothing to disgrace him here. His becoming a spy here almost feels more fitting than canon, where he did it to protect the son of a man whom he hated. Now he's protecting his own wife and son, it's heartbreaking. He's a man who has given his entire life to the war, he deserves something more than living for nothing but a bad memory.

The little bits in both chapters where the two have been together has really left me wanting to see more interactions between them. Severus is an enigma, and Avrille really seems to understand that, and him.

I must admit, I'm not a huge fan of shifting POVs when something's written in first. I tend to find that it gets messy, confusing and hard to read. What I really like about this shifting POVs is that you keep it to one POV per chapter. I've read stories that shift more than once (one, I think, shifted four times) a chapter, and stories that retell huge chunks of the story from two+ POVs. It's just a huge turn off for me. When it's done strategically, evenly and smoothly, it can turn out absolutely stunning, just like this. Shifting POVs is a great tool to use to tell different aspects of the story without getting the awkward second hand accounts and such. You've used it well so far :)

I do have a question or two for you. I'll just find you on the forums, MTA or something, later.

Del<3

Author's Response: I also enjoy dark writing. Even as a child, I was always much more interested in the villains of the story than the heroes, thinking they were much more interesting. Therefore I absolutely LOVE characters like Snape, who seem kind of evil but end up being much more complex than a straight black or white bad or good guy. I think Snape is probably in my top 3 favorite literary characters of all time.

Anyway... wow, your reviews are just so great, I don't know where to begin without sounding like a gushing little girl :) I hope you don't think I'm a crazy review stalker since I'm replying so fast (ok, maybe I am a tiny bit...) but I just knew you and a couple other people were filling a request from me, so I wanted you to know I'm on top of things ;)

In canon, I always felt like Snape's agreement to spy again for the Order was half duty to Dumbledore and half self-preservation (knowing he'd be a dead man like Karkaroff should he refuse). But like you said, it's pretty heartbreaking that he finally has a good life here (I also gave him a pretty crappy childhood in the first story) and now has to risk his very life just to have what others take for granted: love, safety, and acceptance for who they are. At least canon-Snape was used to thinks being totally the pits :/

Wow, FOUR POV shifts in one chapter? I don't know if I could handle that. Like you said, I think even shifting once per chapter would be a bit disorienting. Years ago, I read a published "Phantom of the Opera" phan-fic ("Phantom" by Susan Kay, out of print, but PHENOMENAL) where the POV is switched between the two main characters in first person. I LOVED that style, and decided to do the same thing. I really like getting two perspectives on the same events, but NOT having to relive them through two people, like you said. Glad you didn't mind it. I think Severus is someone who is just wonderful for a writer to play around with (*ahem*) in first person because so much of him is very internal and personal. I love making him think things he would never say outloud.

Well, this reply was interrupted about five times by my own baby dinosaur not wanting to stay down for a nap. So I hope it isn't very disjointed to read. I'd love to answer any questions you have! MTA, PM, whatever works for you. MTA is cool because maybe someday someone else will look at the thread and get some interesting insight or something :) Thanks so much again! Ugh, reality and motherhood calls... ~Renny


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Review #34, by DeltarisNothing Else Matters: Chapter One - Avrille

29th March 2012:
This is incredibly intense.

Your writing is amazing in the amount of detail that you're able to capture. In the very beginning, when introducing Avrille and Char, there's such humor. It's great in setting up the events of the rest of the chapter, because they do get so much darker. Had it just started with the darkness out right, the length and amount of detail you provide would've most likely made it overwhelming.

I must admit, I don't normally read chapters of this length. It's a bit daunting to see the word count over 10,000 for a single chapter. You did an amazing job in keeping an interest in your words. The transitions between scenes was completely smooth; fantastic. Even without the hr tags to create a visible 'ok, you're changing scenes now,' it was clear when the focus shifted, even slightly.

I haven't read the original novel (although I honestly think, after reading this, that I will eventually) but it wasn't painfully obvious that I was missing part of the plot. There was one reference, the incident with the Reverant, that got me confused. Other than that, I didn't feel like I was missing anything crucial from the first novel. It would've made reading it so much better, being able to see how Avrille and Severus get together.

On the two of them, they seem completely believable as a couple. You said that you wrote this before HBP, so before we knew Snape was in love with Lily, and that is clear (at least to me ^^;) here. He's still Snape, guarding his emotions and whatnot, but he doesn't seem to have any 'competition' for his love with Avrille. I would love to see how they did fall in love, but this is written with such emotion that there's no doubt that they are, so it doesn't distract from the reading.

I love showing the bystander's view of the final task. I can't imagine staring at shrubbery being entertaining, but the moments when someone screams or the signal flashes from the maze must've been incredibly suspenseful. You capture that perfectly, and fill in the blanks of the night in a completely believable way that could very well be canon for all it matters.

As you said about being canon, the only things that aren't are the names. Which is perfectly fine, in my opinion.

I'll get started on the next chapter soon, but I've yet to eat and am very hungry, haha. See you soon!
Del<3

Author's Response: Hi! Thank you for making it over here so quickly! I'm so grateful for those like you who are offering to do review requests. I probably said this in my request, but since this is a WIP, it's incredibly helpful for me to get feedback on what I've written recently to know if I'm on the right track with new material.

So, for your reply! Yes, the word count is daunting. When I posted it, I was sort of like, *GULP,* but I hope you can see why it needed to be so long. It's a lot of information to convey, and I really felt like it all needed to be from Avrille's POV since we KNOW what Severus is doing that whole time from the original book. So thanks a million for sticking the whole chapter out and not saying, "Um, you need to shorten this! It's insane!" :D

Glad to hear that you didn't feel too clueless reading it without the whole backstory. The Revenant is a Dark creature, kind of like a Boggart/Dementor mix, that I invented. I won't go too much into it in case you do decide to read the other one (which would be just so amazing. Really, I'm very honored you're even thinking about it. That's probably the best compliment you could give me for this chapter, that you want to know more.)

Yes, a few of the names aren't canon, but I figured since I was creating whole new characters to be Severus's parents (because it's very important in the first story that his father is a wizard. Silly me thought pre-HBP that Severus would be a pure-blood, being Head of Slytherin and all) I wanted new names to really reinforce that these are different people. I didn't realize until recently that Prof. Sinistra even HAD a semi-canon name. It's ironic since I decided a while ago that her daughter's name is going to be Aurora.

I'm really glad you think my kind of AU Severus is believable. Yeah, I wrote a lot of the first book before HBP, and obviously before DH, so he's not quite as bitter and unpleasant as canon-Snape, not having all those years of guilt over Lily's death tearing him to pieces. Well, let me amend that because my version is very guilty since I had them being best friends who fell out, but it's not the same as knowing you basically were responsible for the love of your life being murdered. Not to mention that he's probably in a pretty good mood recently, being married and all :D

No rush at all on the next chapter. I'm really grateful you're continuing on, because I know it's a lot to ask. If you want to give another reader a chance to request, I'm fine waiting and putting in a new request later. Whatever works for you. Thanks a million for your review. It REALLY helped me out! Getting feedback like this while I'm working on a story is so neat! I didn't post TDoON originally until I was completed with it. Thank you thank you again! ~Renny


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Review #35, by DeltarisThe Caustic Ticking of the Clock: The Caustic Ticking of the Clock

28th March 2012:
Wow. This is absolutely so different from anything that you've ever written before. To start with, I commend you on the use of second person. It's a hard tense to use and be comfortable with, and I feel like it was perfect for this piece.

I love this. It's so great to see you move away from the way you write your other pieces, and have it turn out so beautifully.

I really don't know what to say, heh. The pace and flow are perfect. You focus so wholly on Helga's love for Rowena that the characters are not developed as they would be in any other story, but are still just as real. Your descriptions are perfect, so wonderful. The use of action instead of speech to tell the story is superb.

Del<3
(Oh, and I never did get around to finishing Checkmate. I left the archives and forums before you'd finished posting it. I'll probably have to reread it just to refresh my memory, but I will get back around to it eventually. Promise! And I missed reading & reviewing your work :D)

Author's Response: Hi :)

Thanks so much. I am really, really surprised, as well as overwhelmed, with the lovely reception this fic's got so far, so I'm ever so glad that you enjoyed it.

Second person was the only POV I could write this in. First person would be too introspective, and third would be too detached (and with the way I didn't use names until towards the end, that would have been a nightmare!), so second was the natural choice, I think. I'm really pleased it *seems* to have worked, though -- I was rather worried about it to begin with :)

This is definitely very different from my usual style, especially with the lack of any real dialogue. And it's nice to know the pace/flow was good because that was definitely something I was concerned about.

I see what you mean about the characters not being as developed as in my other stories. I think it's because I didn't use any dialogue, but I'm pleased you didn't seem to mind much nevertheless.

Thanks so much for the review! And, by the way, you don't have to read Checkmate if you don't want to -- it's definitely not my best work or anything, and looking back on it more than a year later, I don't like it half as much as I did at the time, lol. Anyway, thank you lotsly, and if you ever need anything betaing that's not chaptered, do shoot me a PM :)

~Soraya~


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Review #36, by DeltarisHeaven Can Wait: Forgive and Forget

28th March 2012:
The conversation between James and Lily seemed so real. It was written believably and wonderfully :)

I love James's last line. So something he would do!

This was another great chapter. The way you wrote the different scenes made them real, and the flow was very easy to follow. I do have one little thing, though. They just took their OWLs, so that places them around 15/16 years of age, correct? James and Sirius wouldn't be able to Apparate, and the four of them wouldn't have had the duel (as awesome as it was to read).

Del<3

Author's Response: Thank you again so so much, that conversation was pivotal so I'm really supremely glad that you like it!

Yes, James has big plans for Lily :P
Thanks for picking out the 15/16 age barrier for apparating but it'll become clearer in the future how they did apparate :) in fact very immediate future chapters will clear it up :)
Thanks for being a very sharp reader though!
And thanks you for the review!


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Review #37, by DeltarisHeaven Can Wait: Reflections

28th March 2012:
Another great chapter.

Oh, Severus. I can't believe he did that! Delving into her mind without permission, gah. It was a great way to learn more of the back story and explain why some things happened the way that they did. It was done nicely as well. It's always hard to not make flashbacks awkward. I did find it slightly awkward, but only because of the amount of different scenes that Severus pulled from her mind, not from you writing it badly, don't worry.

James and Sirius are hilarious together here. I can really tell how close they are; like brothers. Tibbs! I did find the comment Sirius made about his family being named after stars, so astronomy was important a bit OOC. This is Sirius, after he's run away from home, he's given up all ties and thought to what his family expects from him.

Alice! I love her character. She's one of my favorites to write and read. I think you did really well with her. "I'm just glad to be witnessing this." BRILLIANT. I can picture her finding amusement in this situation :)

The overall flow of the chapter was very clean and neat. It didn't ever feel like something was getting cutoff. Except the end, cliff hanger :O

I very much like that you've written Lily the way you have. You show a real teenage girl, who acts on her emotions before thinking, makes mistakes and owns up to them. Good work!

Del<3

Author's Response: Hi again!
Wow loads more compliments! Thank you so much :) Yes I know the memory scene can be a bit jumpy cos of all the time gaps and disjointed scenes but it had to be done.
I've tried to include that they are academically smart and intelligent kids although they are much more interested in pranks. I mean it's not logical for someone to be a star student as McGonagall sees them without any effort at all, they must have been fairly smart students in class to hold a reputation of brightest minds of the year... anyway not many people seem to agree with the astronomy part, I'll work on it :)

Alice is one of my favourite supporting characters and I think she fits perfectly as a friend and mentor for Lily. I'm glad you like her :)

Thanks for reading!


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Review #38, by DeltarisHeaven Can Wait: Turning Point

28th March 2012:
That last line...ouch.

I really like your James. He's a fascinating character to begin with, but there's just something about him here that I like.

How you show the exams and use them as a way to introduce the other characters without interrupting the flow is genius. And it shows James' ego in a manner that's not obnoxious, too.

I'm really interested to know what Snape said to Lily at the end. She changed her entire attitude towards James so quickly. Although, she was extremely upset the night before, and I get the feeling she just needed someone there. Not specifically James.

Author's Response: Thank you so very much for the lovely compliments! Yes you are right, she would have been happier with anyone there that night, James happened to be that person and in her distraught state she chose not to push him away.

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Review #39, by DeltarisPoisoned Honey: Arrest

28th March 2012:
"I thought you couldn't use the trace on a grown up," - I'm not sure, but this comment seems out of place. Almost as if the rest of the paragraph got erased, somehow.

This is good. I like how it's short, just the moment before Umbridge gets what's coming to her. Amazing.

The mood of the story is fantastic. It's clear that it's not about revenge, but right the many, many wrongs that Umbridge played a part in.

Del<3

Author's Response: Glad you liked it, it was so satisfying to write this, because she got away with so much before! Well, not anymore!

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Review #40, by DeltarisThe Price of Redemption: The Price of Redemption

28th March 2012:
Hagrid is absolutely fantastic in this. You captured him perfectly. He's nervous and worried and just everything that Hagrid is. I love his comment about Ginny having a heart of gold; it really shows the compassion and love that Hagrid holds in his heart for everyone around him.

You did wonderful in writing his speech, as well. A lot of people struggle with accents and just choose not to write them. Which is perfectly fine, they aren't necessary for the story at all, but it added that little touch that made the story so much better.

The amount of people there in support of Hagrid is fantastic. Honestly, I don't think I've ever considered what happened to Hagrid after the war. This is an amazing story of redemption and righting the wrongs done. The hearing that you wrote was amazing, as well. Things like that are hard to write and get just right, and you did. It was a believable and convincing argument.

I do have one concern. It's not the length, for you kept me interested in the story for the full length of the one shot. It's more of the switch from Hagrid to Harry during the intermission of the hearing. I can understand it being necessary to show how Harry needed to use his influence to swing the vote in Hagrid's favor, but I was a bit put off at the change in POV. I was really enjoying Hagrid and his plight in getting himself reinstated as a wizard, that the sudden switch to Harry was confusing. It was heart warming to see Hagrid's response to Harry and Ron fixing his old wand so he wouldn't have to get a new one, but them going after the Elder Wand just seemed out of place for me.

It's a very well written story and a great read, I just feel like there's not enough Hagrid after a point. Especially when the plot is about Hagrid's redemption.

Del<3

Author's Response: Thanks so much for reading this!

I hadn't read much about Hagrid's life after the war, either. It seemed like one of those fun little loose ends to tackle with a very short story. I'm really glad that you liked the way I wrote Hagrid and all of his nuances and reactions. It was tricky in places to make it sound right.

I understand what you're saying about the shift in point of view. I started out wanting to write a Hagrid story and somewhere along the way it did shift to being more of a Harry story. I have a bad tendency to do that. I'm very close to making a decision to remove the entire section with the Elder Wand and just end the story where Harry and Ginny walk out the castle doors. I had that one extra idea, and I think it was too much.

At any rate, thanks so much for your opinion and your unbelievably fast turn-around!


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Review #41, by DeltarisThe Human Factor : The One Where Pippa Can't Sleep

28th March 2012:
Oh, Pippa. You definitely give more information about Pippa in this chapter, it helps solidify her as an OC and make her real.

Pippa learned a little more about Albus too, which is nice. It's strange how just one little thing or comment can cause a person to question their view on another. I like how the interactions between the two are developing, it doesn't feel over the top or forced at all.

Del<3

Author's Response: Hey :) Yes, I like to explore the characters through the whole story and not give away too much in the first chapter. I'm so glad that you thought this chapter helped do that. And yes, it is very strange, but that is what happens quite a lot of the time. Thank you, I never want it to feel forced so I'm glad you think it doesn't feel that, I want the story to go at it's natural pace. Thanks so much for the review and I hope you have a great day.

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Review #42, by DeltarisThe Human Factor : The One Where It All Begins

28th March 2012:
I've read this before! I don't know why on earth I hadn't left a review before, because it's fantastic.

I adore Pippa, her character is just so funny and curious. The way you write is simply amazing. You make Pippa, Albus and the others just plain, normal people. (And by that, I mean super complicated and impossible to figure out, because we're all a little crazy.) Pippa getting locked into the cupboard seems like just the thing that would happen to her.

"I wanted to be cool and all that was coming out of my mouth was nonsense and it was laughable." We've ALL had those moments. I do almost constantly.

"I was strolling though Hogwarts minding" - just a little note; I believe you meant 'through' instead.

Del<3

Author's Response: Wow. I'm so glad you like my story, that means a lot to me.

I'm so glad you like Pippa. I try to write them as normal, whole people, with issues, as everyone has issues, whether they are big or small. And yes, everyone is a little crazy. Haha, yes, she does manage to get herself into some situations!

Yes! I get word vomit a lot.

And thank you so much, I'll fix that as soon as possible! Thanks so much for pointing that out.

Thanks so much for the review and I hope you have a great day! xxx


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Review #43, by DeltarisMe, my friend, and my glory: Hogwarts, here we come

28th March 2012:
Woohoo, Hufflepuff :D

This is very humorous. I can certainly see Addey as a Hufflepuff, just by the things that she was taught growing up. I'm also curious as to if you're going to sort Rane into Slytherin with the rest of her family.

You asked about the believability of your OC: I have to say, I do like her. I like how simple she is, and how she quotes things that her parents and grandparents have taught her, not what she believes, as she's only eleven and those beliefs aren't often set strongly until later. It'll be really interesting to see how she grows throughout the story.

I can see the plot being set up already. Rane's comment about Hufflepuff not winning the House Cup, hah. As soon as Addey's sorted, she's going to make to change that.

Feel free to rerequest once you have more validated :)

Del<3

Author's Response: Yay! A review :D :D :D

I'm glad that you can see her as a Hufflepuf :D (Go Hufflepuff!!). And abour Rane... we'll see :D

That's what I think too about an 11 years old. At the beginning I made her says 'I think .' when stating her opinion, but as you said, it doesn't really sound like an 11 years old to have a strong opinion/belief about something (especially for some of those she stated). Not just yet. I'm glad I made the change.

Oh the sweet old House Cup. Who doesn't want it? :D We'll see if Addey succeeds in bringing her house closer to glory.

Yes! I definitely will re-request from you. I just don't think it will be soon... but stay alert ;)

Thanks for the review!! :D
Gray


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Review #44, by DeltarisInto The Light: A Pause

28th March 2012:
Lily's dry sense of humor is captivating.

Her logic is certainly upside down, though. Being friends with James to anger Snape? Honestly, it's something that I can completely see her doing. I know too many people who have done this; heck, I've done this. It's a terrible thing, but makes complete sense at the time. (And, it helps that we know it works out alright, for the most part. Disregarding the fact that they all die.)

I want to comment on the length. It's fantastic, really. The prologue was shorter than these past chapters, but that is expected from a prologue. I always have a heard time writing a chapter with ~4/5k words, but find that they are definitely (when written well, as yours) much more captivating to read, draw me in more.

Del<3

Author's Response: I'm glad you thinking Lily's actions are realistic, even if the logic is a little off. That's the point though, isn't it? She's letting her emotions get the best of her, and when that happens, you don't always make the best decisions. It happens.

As for the length, I'm glad you like it! People have said they're too long, so it's good to know that you're enjoying them. :)

Thank you so much for taking the time to review this!


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Review #45, by DeltarisInto The Light: Descent

28th March 2012:
This was amazing. I love the paper fight in class, I can completely see that happening at some point. And, it was a wonderful way to ease the tension of the chapter, something light and fun to counteract the turmoil of Lily's emotions in this.

Lily seems so real, so human in this. I think we've all been where she is now; the build up of frustration and emotion just breaking loose all at once. It was well written, and Edric and Eliza are just what Lily needed at that moment. I love people like them, the people close enough with you to know that sometimes you just need to cry and then change the subject.

"In the fireplace, the last of the embers extinguished itself." Brilliant use of imagery! It's like the clock running out on the time Lily has to take back her offer.

I adore your writing style, too. How a story is written tells just as much as the words used to write it, you know what I mean?

Del<3

Author's Response: People comment on the paper fight a lot, and it's strange because I really didn't put that much thought into it. I'm glad it worked out.

I'm so glad Lily is coming across well. I was so worried about her! It's so relieving to know that people like the way I'm writing her.

I do know what you mean! I'm a firm believer in it, and I'm so glad that you think I'm doing it well. :)


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Review #46, by DeltarisInto The Light: Prologue

28th March 2012:
I'm very glad you requested this.

I'm a huge fan of the way this is written. The 'there once were two boys' is very reminiscent of how old fairy tales and legends are written. The Lily/Snape/James story is one of those legends that will stand forever in the hearts of HP fans everywhere.

The comparisons between James and Severus show just how different they are at the core of their beings. And just how similar they are; their lives will be equally ruled and ruined by the love of one woman.

I'm very interested to read the rest of this :)

Del<3

Author's Response: Oh, Thank you!

I'm glad you enjoyed it! I tried really hard to get it to sound just right. I'm so glad it came across! Thank you so much for the review!


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Review #47, by DeltarisHour Eleven: Pink

28th March 2012:
I think this is the first Pansy/Daphne that I've read. I've been meaning to come over and read what you've done since the last time I was active, just haven't gotten around to it yet. Must review EVERYTHING. Cause you're brilliant. Mmk, fangirl moment over ;)

I really enjoyed Pansy here. You wrote her in a way that not many other authors do. She's a real person with feelings, instead of the 'stuck up, pug faced Slytherin.' Yet, she still feels like canon Pansy: fawning over Draco and getting her heart broken when he becomes distant. We all know why he did, he was on a mission, but to Pansy, it was a rejection of her love, and just about the worst thing in the world.

And Daphne! She's not a commonly written figure at all, as it's her sister that we know marries Draco. I love her. Her feelings for Pansy are real, and written beautifully.

Del<3

Author's Response: Hi! You're super sweet - I'm glad to see you again after so long. I hope you do find time to pop over and check out what I've been doing!

I'm happy that my Pansy seemed real to you, because that's always my intention, to add a little to the foundation we have from canon. It's great that the pairing seemed believable and that you felt a little sympathy for poor Pansy.

Thanks so much for your very kind review :)

-Amanda


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Review #48, by DeltarisFlicker and Fail: A Fickle Heart

27th March 2012:
This chapter was incredibly intense. I'm sure most of us have been through the emotions Leanne has at growing distant from a once close friend. It's hard.

Katie's mum has certainly gotten the two of them into a lot of trouble. I think that you handled the issue well; not over dramatic and not pushed under the rug. You tackled the drug use, and used Leanne's emotions and turning her head away to show just how bad it's gotten for them. Katie stating that her life would've been what society expected from Leanne's life really brought out the fact that we never know what's going to happen. Life's tough - you either fail or hold on.

I liked seeing more of Katie in this chapter. I can tell that both girls have changed from their circumstances, both in a manner that is believable.

I think that this was beautiful. PM when the next chapter gets validated, I'd love to read it :)

Del<3

Author's Response: Hi again, Del!

Yeah, I've definitely grown distant from several close friends, and it's not easy.

I'm so glad you thought I handled the subject of drug abuse well. That was probably the thing I was most concerned about (well, that and the smut in the next chapter! :P) so yeah, thanks :)

I'm also glad that you thought Katie was more developed in this chapter. I think part of the reason is because the way Leanne has viewed her has changed, and her characterisation is therefore different.

Thank you so much! I will definitely let you know when the next chapter is posted -- my beta actually sent it last Friday but it didn't work for some reason, lol. So as soon as she sends it again, I shall post. See you there, and thank you again!

~Soraya~


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Review #49, by DeltarisFlicker and Fail: When Will I See You Again?

27th March 2012:
Wow. The emotions running through Leanne at the start are extremely powerful.

The transition between present-Leanne telling the story and past-Leanne living the story was very nice. It was easy to tell the difference in narration, but it wasn't distracting from the story at all. It almost feels as though the two girls are watching a show while in the hospital.

Leanne is characterized wonderfully; you've written her in a way that makes me feel like I know her. With Katie, it's different. It's not that she's not done well, more that we're only seeing Katie as Leanne sees her. Her character is clouded behind a haze of confusion, friendship and love. I, personally, love that that's how we're seeing her, although I would like to see more of who Katie is, instead of how Leanne sees Katie.

Author's Response: Hi!

Thank you so much :) I've missed your reviews, not gonna lie. (Not sure if you ever got round to finishing Checkmate, but no worries if you didn't. It's not one of my best works, imho, so I don't expect you to read on or anything.) I'm so glad you thought Leanne's emotions were powerful.

And I was worried in case the past and present tense shifts were confusing or clumsy. I'm glad that it seems not to be the case here.

I'm really pleased with the reception I've got for Leanne's characterisation. And yeah, Katie's characterisation -- or lack thereof -- is something that's been commented on by other reviewers. You'll be seeing more of Katie in the next chapter and the one after that, too.

I'm really happy you enjoyed it! Thanks for reviewing :)

~Soraya~


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Review #50, by DeltarisHelga's School.: The kind one.

27th March 2012:
This was really good. I don't read many Founders' era works, so this was a nice change.

I like your characterization of the Founders themselves. It was short, sweet, and captured the essence of the founders. Good job!

Del<3

Author's Response: I'm so glad you liked it! Thank you so much.

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