Wow celtic - you made me cry, and I never thought I would cry during a Snape one-shot...
First of all hank you so much for participating in my challenge, it means a lot!
Now to your review.
I loved the emotion that was put through this, it was so raw at times, but other times, like when Harry came into it, it was so loving and caring and you reverted back to the eyes, which Snape always love on Lily. *wipes tear*
I felt, personally, that you captured Snape and his attitude of being dead, really well. Your dialogue was perfect as well as your characterization.
perfect Girl! no more words to say...
~Karni, x Report Review
you!! ... you!! you.
so you've made me cry, laugh, cry a little more, get anxious and on the dge of my chair, yell when they FINALLLY kissed... and then you made me wait, and wait, and wait, and wait just that bit more, and do you know why your read count is rather big now? thats is my fault! because I kept reading this story, waiting for updates but they never came.
and here it is! The final ever chapter! and I have to say, I am so happy with how you ended this! it is an amazing finish, to one of the best fanficitions I have ever read.. :D
I am so happy you finished this! and gae me an update... but most of all, after all this long time of waiting, your writing technique, imagery and style was still perfect :D
thank you for an amazing story!! I'll keep reading, until the day I leave the site!! *inserts heart!*
10/10Author's Response: YOU are amazing! Thank you SOOO much for sticking with this story and continuing to read it and wait for my updates that took forever! That is truly incredible, and I can never thank you enough for doing that for me. I am so glad that you enjoyed this final chapter and still feel like my style and such fit in with the original stuff. I have been writing this story for a couple years now and it feels so amazing to finally be done. Thank you again for your support and incredible kindness. You have made this journey that much more enjoyable! (: Report Review
Hey hun - I'm here with your requested review.
I'm not going to lie, when I very first read that he was paired with Padma - I was did a little dance, and was like; "Yes, its not lavendar." :D Just so you know :P
I must say, asking me to read a seamus story is very brave ;) I adore him, and even though I can NOT for the life of me write him very well, a lot of people won't ask me to read their Seamus stories because I do nit pick :halo: only a little.
Although, with that said. I serioulsy have nothing with his charaterisitics to pick on. I loved reading this story - I especially loved it that he wasn't with lavendar, and that you explored him in a light not many do - when his younger, more vunerable, hating on Harry (for present and past mistakes) and we can actually see his love life. Most stories have him after the war and when his older, and I like that you didn;t fall into cliche and took your own spin on it :D
I like the description at the start, with the yule ball. I thought that was a really nie start to it, not the dream when he caught fire I was like :O NO - someone pour water on him, but the actually description of how Harry had ruined his chance to ask her. I thought it was a little cute ^_^
I really enjoyed reading how you inturpreted the 'date' into the story, without it actually being a date. I thought that was really cool :D The pacing and low of this story was also really well written. I didn't get bored nor did I think too myself - oh hurry up already. It was really good :D
If you even write anymore Seamus stories, please do come and see me, because you do a great job of writing him!!
~Karni, xxAuthor's Response: Hey there!
Haha, I'm sooo happy you liked it! I think Seamus is quite a complicated character, as we're not given much about him except he didn't really trust Harry at first.
and you saying I portrayed him well is really a good thing to hear!I'm so happy now!
Hey there hun - I am here with your requested review :)
You have a lot of potential behind this story, but there are a lot of spelling mistakes, as well as words missing for example, before Harry and Neville start talking you missed out a word in the sentence where he was meant to 'be focusing on his textbook', but you missed out some words there ;)
So maybe look back over it agaian, and you'll see what I mean :)
I thought the pacing could of been slowed down just a little. I would of like to have seen a little more Luna and Neville - like when they first entered the broom closet, even if it was never Luna's intenetion to talk or clean, I maybe would of liked to have seen Neville try and ask her out again - I think that would be a really nice twist on the story, but other than the fact that it went just al ittle too fast for my likings, it was fine :)
However with those aside, you should be proud - I don't read much Neville and Luna, but this was a really nice little one-shot. It was different to how most people write the pairing and I thougt it was a very lovely, story. Especially how Neville felt for her :D
I think maybe a quick beta read over this would make it a lot more spell-checkish, but other than that, it was just lovely ^_^
~Karni. xxAuthor's Response: Hey Karni
Thanks so much for the great review! Thanks for pointing out those spelling mistakes. I'm going to try and get a beta to take a look at this so hopefully they'll be sorted out! I'll definitely think about putting in more stuff with Neville and Luna. Thanks so much that means a lot, I'm really glad you liked it
Susan *tackles* You have converted me to reading Harry and Ginny!!!
Your writing is spectacular - I don't review that often, on anyones stories really, however that doesnt mean I don't read. i have practically read every one of your stories on your author page. I've read your next gens, your 'other', and god forbid I'v even read you Maurders story - Venom: a tradgey.
You are such a unique writer, no matter what you write, what spin you put on a tale, what PoV it comes from, you can write. And I for one love this story.
However, i'm not going to lie - it was another review you recieved on this story that led me here, but I have to disagree with that review.
Every story is different, becuase No minds are the same, which means no imagination is either. We all see characters in a different way, with different feelings, emotions, characiristics (sp?) etc.etc. When writers write, fanfncition or in real life, a character is what we make it, it's what we see. If Ginny fell in love with Tom first - good on her! Good on you for tackling that side of her! Its your descion, as the author, to write the character how you feel comfortable with writing her.
And I really enjoyed reading this, becuase this is how I always invisioned Harry/Ginny. He left her to go galavanting around the country side, she was always going to be heart broken, there would always be a part of Ginny that ached for the year or so that he left her, but she will always love him. I thought it was really well written.
I coudl really get into how Ginny was feeling, I could feel her heart breaking but at the same time I felt she was still being strong. She was practically dying and yet she was pulling courage from somewhere - it was incredible, I still have a little tear in my eye.
The ending was lovely as well, I really thought the way that it was centered around Dumbledore, but also Ginny and Harry was just lovely. And the words from Dumbledore, are really true!!!
Just becuase one story - might not be someone elses cup of tea, it;s sure is mine !! ^^ And I loved it. Kudo's miss Susan *tackles*
~Love Karni.Author's Response: Thank you, Karni! You're much too kind, though. This story doesn't at all deserve the accolades you've given it, not only because it's totally out of my realm (which was the point of the challenge it was written for), but it's very old and definitely not my best work. It's lovely to hear that I was able to get into Ginny's head in an interesting way and bring out her emotions, but I don't know, I never really liked it from the beginning - I was never very invested in it.
The one thing I did like about it was the whole Ginny/Tom aspect, the potential that she was always affected by the events of CoS, even if she was only eleven at the time. Tom and Harry are very much alike in appearance - the main difference between them is Tom's overwhelming egotism as opposed to Harry's overwhelming humility and self-sacrificing nature. Tom can't care for others, while it's all that Harry can do. But being so young, Ginny probably didn't see that until it was too late, and I think it made her love Harry more. Even so, the very act of pouring out your heart to someone forges a connection between you, and that can't be forgotten. I'd love to read a story that explored more of Ginny's understanding of what happened with the diary, but I've never found one that really captures the trauma to its full potential.
Thank you again for reading and reviewing this story! It was lovely of you to take the time out to do so. :) Report Review
Hello there!!! I am finally here to begin your re-quested review.
First of all, I really enjoyed this line -Great,” he mumbled to himself, “you’re dead again.”- I thougt it really set the moon, and I instantly went back to the book and the movie when I read it. It was a very good line to throw out there, altough I would change 'you're' to 'I'm'
For a prologue, I think your pacing and how fast the scene changed - what he saw, etc.etc - was very well written. Prologues are there to give us a basic idea of what happened, what we will see, or sometimes they are the start, but are really the end. Like a progologue starts with the end of the story and goes backwards, telling us hw they died, what they did etc.etc. So for a proglogue your pacing was fine.
I think your word choicing could of been a little better. In the first paragraph you said something about stocking himself? Or something like that. My first thought was "is Harry going on the selve?" So in a few places you could re-think through about re-wording some words but other than that everything was pretty good.
That being said however, was in Ginny there? is she dDead - oh dear. Not Ginny, poor dear. Wha t I would like to now somewhere in this chapter though is how old is Harry? That would be something I would love to know.
Anyone, I'll be back later to review the next chapter - just thought I would out this one here, so you knew I am still reviewing it and that I will be back. :)
p.s. I am sorry about the wait, and I thank you for you patience. :DAuthor's Response: Hi!
I appreciate what you're saying about wanting to know more, but I made a choice to keep everything in the prologue very vague. And if you want to know more, I guess it worked. The point is to try to draw the reader in.
At some point, I'm sure I'll go back and revise my early chapters, word choice included. It feels like it's been ages since I wrote those, even though in reality it's only been about six months. So much has happened since then...
Thanks so much for the review and please don't apologize for the timing. Everyone is busy, and folks like yourself who offer your time and attention to help the rest of us never have anything to apologize for! Report Review
-I never thought I would run out of books. - Is hermione here?? :O
Sorry, helloo, I am here with your requested review - not that you need requst with this story, becuase it is in my favourites and if I am interested in a story enough, I always review ^_^
Anyway, at first I honestly didn't know from whose PoV this was from, untill like the third of fourth paragraph when you mention Helena. I, personally, love it when you have - even if only a little - some suspense. Not knowing who we are actually reading about always gives the reader an initivie to read further becuase they need to know who it is! I loved that thrilling part ^_^
You still have such a fantastic flow and dialogue. Not once did I miss a beat or feel like it was dragging or going at a pace so fast that I couldn't keep up. It's always great to read one of your stories, because I know they will be perfect :D
A girldle, my god. when I read that I was like :O you poor poor girl ;) lovely choice of wording and fashion..
Oh how I adore this story soo much. You are such a talented writer!
Be sure to re-request when chapter 4 is up! If I don't get too it first :P
~Karni, xxAuthor's Response: Hey Karni! Thanks for coming by :)
I'm very glad you liked the little bit of suspense there in the beginning. I was worried that it might confuse people if I waited a little while to actually use Helena's name, but if it worked for you, that's great!
You're really sweet. I'm very happy that it flowed for you (I always worry that the chapters in this story will drag because of the detail and characterization, but apparently not) and that I got the dialogue and everything right.
I've still got to write chapter four... sometime. But it will be up eventually, I promise! :)
Thanks for your very kind review!
Amanda Report Review
I think I said in one of the previous chapters that I thought it was your best next gen story - I lied. This one is deffientley your best by far.
So, I really, really enjoyed reading this chapter. It was so lovely - to be honest I have only read a handfull of Louis Fics, and not many of them I have liked. Purely becuase he seems a lot like Al and James, stuck up and prude. However your version of him is great.
You have for sure, got a way with Next Gen characters. You take them too a completely new level, with a different eye as well, which I think is great. I've said it numerous times before - not only to you but to others as well. Next Gen is a lot like founder - we know albeit nothing of their generation and so we can invision them however we want too, which I think is just golden.
Normall, as all next gen readers would say, each and every next gen character canon or original, comes off as the boy/girl who gets everything and everyone he wants, sleeps with people all the time, is snooty, a princess or prince, etc.etc yet with your characters they are always different, that is why I never hesitiate when you ask for a review because I know that what I am expecting will never be what I am actually expecting.
This chapter was just so lovely, im still getting my head around it all. Your flow, dialogue, entire concept is just lovely :D
I love it!!
&& Please feel free to re-request more chapters :D
~Karni. xxAuthor's Response: Sorry for the delay, ive been away for so long.
This was such a lovely review, and so appreciated. I try and make my characters different, and though i dont think i always succeed, it means alot that you like them! Report Review
First of all - ket me just say - Thank god this isn't a one-shot over three thousand words, I don't think my eyes can take much more today ^_^
Anyone - a percy and Pen-o story, this would possbily have to be the first one I have ever read!! So I was really excited to read this :D
I'll be honest, when I first opened this story I honestly didn't know what to expect - at first I had a little giggle, it was so beautiful, the way percy did things and the way he went aorund everything - Hogsmeade, the kissing, the studying, everything was so darm cute to say he was arrognant and a lot not like the other Weasley boys!!
I really loved the way you wrote this - at times the narration was a little confusion, but in the end I thought it was really clever and very well written. I know, that I certainly could never write a story like this, I would die just from trying :P lol
You said you wanted to know if your charactereization was okay, well personally, I for one don't think we knew enough about these two to actually judge their characteristics. Penelopy we never heard much about except that she had a big nose, and Percy was just arrognant and stuck up - so your spin on both, I believe, was quite good! And cimpletely different, and I like different. Beucase I love to see characters in a new light :D
I guess you could say that what I am trying t say is that these two characters are similar to the Next Gen and Founders Era - we don't know much about them so we can run away with whatever we want :)
You have a lovely one - shot and your writing is splendid!
Keep up the good work - feel free to re-request if you have any other stories you would like me to review :) x
~Karni. xxAuthor's Response: Hello Karni!
I'm glad you liked the story, I'm glad you gave it a passing grade I was really nervous because this is pretty much my first angst story. I love working with minor characters for that exact reason, you can twist their personalities. Report Review
I'm back to review again !!
Your descriptions still haven't changed - they're practically perfect!! You can really feel the emotion and suspense that's piled into this chapter.
Hermione was sort of confusing though - one minute she didn't know what to think about the mirror or who was speaking to her or even behind aher, and the next she was just following instructions from someone behind her, that she assumed was the mirror. It still flowed really well, but if you re-look over it, you might see what I mean!! :D
I like how you ended thsi chapter - you left us with a cliffhanger, not knowing whether it all was a dream or if it was real - I know its real cause I skipped a head to chapter 8 - which appears to be missing O.o I know naughty naughty but ya know)
Anyway, another thing I noticed through this was your choice of wording wasn't as good in some places as it had been in the recent chapter, it was nothing too major, I just thought that you might like to double look at a few phrases and word choices and see what you think ;)
Other than those nit picky things - I really enjoyed this!! It was a marvelous read!! You should be happy with the way this story is developing becuase I for one am having a great time reading it :D
~Karni, xxAuthor's Response: I did notice that some of her reactions seemed to be a bit confusing. While I was working on my chapter 1 edit, I decided to make a few changes to some of the other chapters which in turn changed the older chapters so I had to delete them or it wouldn't make sense with the new changes.
I will make sure to double check the wording. Thank you for the insight and hopefully you will continue to like the story as well as the new changes I am making. Report Review
Miss Angie!! Helloo!!! :D
So I actually read this, a little while ago - like I told you, and I would have to say that this is one of your better fics!! It is simply lovely.
Your descriptions of how they meet, kissed, how it ended, everything was simply perfect. I hate Teddy/DomorTeddy/Victorie as we both know, however I took the liberity of reading this cause I love you, and It really was quite good.
He loves Dom, but her sister more - I really felt sorry for Dom, the poor thing was so heart broken and yet what could she do? She was just the other women!!
Lovely one-shot.. :D
Love Karni, ox.Author's Response: Karni xx
Thanks a lot for your awesome-y awesome review honey! I am glad you think its one of my better pieces, and that you find it 'lovely' :)
Aw I love you too and I am so happy that you read it even though you don't like the Teddy/dom/victoire thing!
Yeah that's true. I feel sad for her too.. poor thing.
But over all, thanks again for you sweet review. I love you pumpkin xx
Angie Report Review
Hi!! Karni here with your requested review :)
First of all the first part to this chapter was excellent for an opening. The descriptions that were in it made me feel sick, becuase they were so accurate - and frankly I did not wish to think about burning flesh ;)
To me, an opening should be what gets your readers in - what hooks them. FWhether it be two words like "I'm dead" or a whole paragraph. The opening is the most important part to a story - and you did a terrfic job with it!
You have a very broad range of a dictonary in here. There was so many large words during the story that sometimes I had to double take - for e.g. The air was tainted with more than just death. - Tainted was a really good word to use, but I re-read this paragraph twice, I think it was because of the line that followed. Personally, I think that the smell of death would be a little stronger than blood, no matter how much blood there was, too me it just seemed a little contradictory. (p.s. I wont go on spelling cause I suck at it ;) < as you can tell)
I think that it's great you reached so many words - I think that's a great effort if you haven't written more than 3000 before, so Kudo's on that.
Your description of Bill I found different to how everyone else describes him - everyone else's write Bill as the older brother who protects them all and is a lot like Fred and George and isn't afraid of Death - however, you mentioned that he was a coward, right at the start. And I always love a reading about a character from another light. :)
I really enjoyed your little one-shot, I think there where a few places where comma's and full stops could be placed to break down a few paragraphs - but it's nothing to major.
All in all, well done ona lovely little one-shot :) and I hope I was helpfull in some way? :/
~Karni. xxAuthor's Response: Thankyou!! I'm so excited that you thought my opening was good!
Ahh that line. I knew it didn't quite work but when it popped in my head I was like wow that sounds awesome and so I used it. I think I should go back and fix that...thanks for pointing it out otherwise I might have just ignored it! :D
I think it's a side that could very possibly be there. Obviously he can still have his bravery occasionally, but I'm glad you liked reading him in this light :)
I might go through and edit it at a later stage or get someone to look over that, thanks!
Thanks for the review and it was helpful! Thank you for the lovely feedback :D And sorry my response seems so short! Report Review
Tag, your it!!
This was another excellent chapter produced by you Miss Manda. :)
Your descriptions are unbelievably good, and your writting always hooks a reader. There is possible no story of yours, on your authors page, that doesn't leav me needing to read more.
Grammar - How do you do it? It;s always perfect. Curse it :P
I really enjoyed this chapter, especially the flow of things, and how they where preparing for a big event. For the middle ages I think you nailed it on the head. Stuck up, pricey, has to have the best of everything. It was almost like I stepped through time and into another world where I hated all of the toffee nose's.
I think you should write founders era more often ^_^ xx
~Karni, xxAuthor's Response: Thanks, Karni :)
It's awesome to hear that this hooked you, especially with the descriptions, and I hope this means that you'll read on when the next chapter is posted (which should be very, very soon).
Grammar is one of my strong points, I guess :) I appreciate your compliments! I'm also glad that I got the historical features right for you and really pulled you in to that period.
Founders era has been fun, that's for sure! :)
Thanks again for your very kind review!
Amanda Report Review
Hi *hides* So I uh, yes, well, Do not hate me *hugs nd love* I am here, I love everything onwards ^_^
This my dear was so unbelaivbly well written - you have no idea how much I actually wanted to cry with Ariana. Her emotions where so raw that just by reading this littleone shot about her made me tear up. You have a way of writting about sadness.
Your descriptions and everything flowed really well. When I first issued this challenge, everyone assumed it would be really hard to write a story about such a thing. A Portrait? Does it have a life? who painted them? How is it they stay so young and have a soul?
I wanted people to explore the potential behind what a portrait has. There are so many questions, and you nailed it on the head. For example, in a sentence you said she sat on the grund and starred at the door - you explored the questions of why does she sit on the floor, you made people think how big is her portrait? what else can she do ^_^
You wonderful, wonderful person you!!
This was very, very enlightening story, filled with emotion and everything I wanted to see!! :)
Thank you soo much for a wonderfull little tale and be sure too look out for the winners shortly :D
~Karni. xx Report Review
Hi there - Karni here with your requested review. To be honest, I was actually planning on reading this story, becuase almost 9 times out of 10 anything that Kristy ((sol)) makes a banner for, is really, really a well written story. It's just like I guess :D - excluding my own sucky stories of course :P
Onward to the review :)This time, I am going to do your reiew a little differently to how I normally do them - I hope you don't mind; and with this first review I'll review on what you asked me too, then with the remaining stories I will Review how I normally would :D I will also point out my favourite lines from the story - which is coming up right now.
- They say that some people are born under a lucky star and that the sun rises each morning just for them. - For me this as a reader was a big hook into the story. The online was practically dragging you in from the start - so Kudo's :)
-On the infrequent occasions when she had tried to date, the guys had gotten so fed up with how seldom she could see them and how low on her list of priorities they seemed to be, that they’d soon sought greener pastures.- This line was just unbelieveably so close to a girl who would work all the time. The men would soon retreat and deffiently look in a new direction.
Grammar: Your Grammar, is actaully very good. Your Dialogues are shockingly impressive - especially to a girl who hated English in school and used to sleep when ever she could :P - and to be honest, I (I can be blind though) did not see a fault at all with your Grammar. I think you have terrific Grammar.
Another thing with this story, that I guess flows under Grammar is your description. You have such a unique way of writing your descriptions. It's unbelieavble but in the best way possible. I have read a lot of stoires on this archive in the past, and I mean a lot. But I do believe you description takes the cake.
The way you can stay so in tune with all of them is so talented. For example the way you slip from Salazar, to Godric, to Hermione - they're all different times, with how each of them speak, whats going on around them, like the phone call and the mirror, completely different, but so well written. Not once did I have to re-read anything because your description was so brilliantly written. *virtual hug*
Plot: Considering I adore AU - I was possibly one of the best people to pick for this review :D So as the banner and the Summary pretty much point it out, Godrics been imprisioned in a mirror, which lessons the Element of surprise for the story, but however predictable the story line is, the plot its self is really good.
I really enjoyed the way you explained that Godric could smell Hermione. His trapped behind a pan of glass yet he can smell women - which is really good when we move back to the Prologue becuase in that you wrote that he was pretty much a babe magnet. So that was really cool - at first, and i'll be honest, I was like how does he smell a women? But its Godric Gryffindor, so who cares ;)
So with all that babble being said, the Plot is very predictable, but becuase its so well written, it does leave a little bit of a gap in the door for surprises :D
Flow: The flow I found surprisingly, well done again - you have a talent for the writing!! It was never to fast - nor too slow - and you could feel what the characters where doing, what they where seeing, everything was jusr pretty much perfect in my eyes!!
Characterization: I, personally love, not only AU but also the founders era. I think its a lot like Next Gne. We don't know all that much about the characters and so it leaves a wide door open for us to explore them and what they where like, who they were, what they did. Everything is so, completely, up to us!! And I love it!!
But I will go more into depth with this part as the story progresses.
Okay so that concludes the first review ;) Thank you so, so much for a lovely read - adding to favourites! and I will be back tomorrow day-night for the next chapter :D
~Karni. xxAuthor's Response: Thank you so much for the review. It brought a huge smile to my face while reading it. I have been making some huge changes to the story line the past few days so that has been fun. I was so glad to hear that you loved this chapter. I have had a lot of up and down reviews, most like it but didn't like the flow. I have been thinking of putting Salazar's scene right after Godric and before Hermione's so that I can expand her scene more. The updated version should be up soon.
Thank you again for the review, it truly lightened up my day. Report Review
Before I go into this review - might I just say that this line here -though feeling her ears reddening , as her Dad’s did.- Made me giggle so much :D It was brilliant!!! && This one - Al had always been her favourite; it was unfortunate that he was now going to have to die.
- was priceless ^_^
Hi!! Karni here with your requested review :D
First of all, let me just congratulate you on another well done chapter to this little love feast ^_^ All your next gen stories are written really really well. I really do love this little series ^_^
Now - I am going to be honest though and say that I did feel a little lost during this chapter :/ Only to begin with though. At first I couldn't really follow it as everything seemed to be very muddled and confusing, but then as it went on things started to make sense, going from fifteen to thiry :P But after I read it, it all came together and actually flowed really really well.
I thought during this chapter that there could of been a few different wording structures, but nothing major ^_^ Just a couple of sentences here and there!!
Rose was a very beliavable thirty year old, as well. Her personality like her mums - bossy, arranging the wedding, hens night, reading, etc.etc. Everything was really, really well written. However, with that being said, I like how you explored another part of Next Gen and kind of went for another Era all together. With Rose being all grown up and everything - it was just so nice to see a different light to another Next Gen.
Other than that I absolutley love your mini series and will review another asap!!!
10/10 - as always.
~Karni, xxAuthor's Response: Hi! thanks s much for this!
I really do need to explain the background better. I think I just didnt want to get it too long, but I seem to have lost a lot of background information. I'm going to edit this week, thanks s much!
So glad Rose seemed right to you, and you still like the series!
Thanks! x Report Review
“If Granger lives,” Blaise countered. That last line was so ture ^_^
Why didn't she just ask him straigt out if he liked her - silly girl wasted al that time and effort into making him drink water when all she had to do was ask him - silly silly girl :)
Must I say - your writing is still very much the same. But in a good way. I could really feel the characters, that Theo was a dumbbie, Blaise was the sensible one - and Ginny/Blaise; that's new ^_^
Anyway I really enjoyed this story and I think imma add it too my favs ^_^
Thank you so much for a wonderful story !!
10/10.Author's Response: That was, like, my favorite line! ^.^
People do crazy things. LOL. Ginny/Blaise is new? I love Ginny/Blaise. :)
Sam. Report Review
O.o And the fun begins ^_^
Boy oh boy, and this is only 2 chapters? Why is this only 2 chaptes there should be more chapters - many many more chapters.
You have such a unique writing Style. You know how to describe things without making your readers bored and skip half and paragraph but more so we can't look away incase we miss a tiny little detail. Kudo's on that.
I only picked up on a few things in this chapter - the first was in this line
- All she had to do know was find out why - know should be now.
And this line.
-“Were you not listening,” he lies and I can’t be with a liar, because I find it hard to trust them. I can’t fully trust Draco, Ginny. Besides, I don’t even know if he likes me.” - You have an extra " after listening.
But apart from that this is a great first chapter into a great short story.
~Karni. xxAuthor's Response: I've always planned on going back and editing this, I don't know why I haven't yet. *adds it to the list*
Thank you so much!
Sam. :D Report Review
Naw - Lizzie this was sooo cute.
at first I was like - how does one write about a puff - but you pulled it off and nailed it on the head ^_^ This was possibly the cutest thing I have ever read.
The way Arnold interacted with everyone was really really good. I like how you made him squuek all the time and the way he was sarcastic but serious - it all really flowed well together.
You have a knack for H/G - but this does not mean I enjoy them, but your writting is really really good ^_^
Keep it up!!
~Karni, xxAuthor's Response: Naw- Thank you, that was super sweet.
I'm glad you liked it, this was just one of those one-shots where it felt like it was down to fast, I think I got into it way to much!!
I'm glad you liked her though and it's a She, Arnold is a girl :), but don't worry I won't tell Arnold you called her a him ;)
I love Harry/Ginny, I really do :) I'm hoping that see the light, but if you don't I think that's fine because your truly such a nice person :)
Lizzie Report Review
Hi there ^_^
This was a lovely start to your story - I really enjoyed the way your descriptions flowed together really well as did your sentences. I found a few grammar errors - but we all have them, so there's nothing to really panic about.
I liked the names you picked for the girls I thought they where different to the normal names everyone picks and I like that you haven't followed cliche. :)
I will continue reading - but I am also involved in something at the moment so it may take me a couple of hours to do all four chaptets, but I will get to the asap :)
~Karni, xxAuthor's Response: hello(:
thanks! boo for grammar errors):
I'm glad you enjoyed the names:D
I've lost so much sleep worrying over them!
Its great you will continue to read thanks for the review(:
Just wow. You have such a talent for description and huge big long monteruous words ;) lol
I could really feel the emoition that this man has for Helena. It was so dark and mysterious but at the same time elgant and loving, with a little bit of caring in there too.
You are such a talented writer.
I for one absolutley love Founders Era, I adore it. And you with only this one lonely little chapter give offf a great sense that this story will be very enjoyable, emoitional and over-all great!!!
I really can't wait for more already.
10/10 - and added to favos :D
Keep it up!!!
~Karni, xxAuthor's Response: Thanks so much! You seem to have described the feel I intended to give quite well -- a bit mysterious but also elegant and quite romantic. I'm very flattered by your compliments.
I've really gained a new appreciation for the Founders era in the first few chapters I've written of this. I think it's neat because it's more free and requires a bit more research, which usually leads to better writing, at least for me. Having to construct a plot that isn't centered at Hogwarts has been very interesting!
I'm so glad you liked it so much! I don't see you in the Favorites list, though, so you may want to go back and double check that if you intend to follow the story from this point on :)
Thanks again for your kind review :)
Amanda Report Review
This was a lovely introduction into a further development.
There was just enough to keep me going and reading further - because I have to know more, and that cliffhanger was great.
You have such a lovely description when you write - I could really feel what Hermione was doing - when she turned around and smacked in Malfoy, when the time turner began spinning. Everything was great!!!
You have a fantastic story on your hands and your writing is superb :)
Have a safe and merry christmas!!
Your Secret Santa,
~Karni, xAuthor's Response: Karni! Yay! Thanks so much for the review :D
This definitaly made my Christmas (sorry it took my until 2012 to respond, haha).
So glad you liked it, I'm really bothered by this story right now, what with it being my first that I actually put on the archives, now I just get sort of self-conscious about it... but I will finish it and... then edit it... a lot...
But still, thanks so much for the lovely review :D It made me want to keep writing this one, Thanks again and a bleated Merry christmas and happy new year!
~Ria Report Review
more please, I really enjoyed this first chapter :) xxAuthor's Response: More coming right up! It's really great to know you did enjoy it! :D Report Review
You are a horrible, horrible person. Horrible.
Do you mind? Leaing ME - YOUR NUMBER ONE DEVOTED FAN OF THIS STORY!! - WITH A CLIFF HANGER LIKE THAT? and YES! YES I WILL YELL AT YOU FOR THAT STUNT!!
Okay, so now that I am over my tirade of annoyance and cliffhangers, I loved this. There was just something special about this chapter that made me not be able to tear my eyes away from it for a second (not that your writing isn't always great anyway, *grumbles* Jealous streak here ^_^
Justin seems so real and cute and amazing, I mean she doesn't even realise that Cedric - CEDIRC DIGGORY, silly girl should of looked a little harder lol - was gazing at her, her Els midgen. I had a little smile ^_^
Now Justin better retaliate, and there better be a sequel cause I adore this, your writing, the techniques, everything. Show me how !! Please, your an incredible writer, and I love this story, so so s so so much!
inserts heart .. ♥ there lol
~Karni, xxAuthor's Response: I've been procrastinating answering reviews for far too long. Anyway...
Ahhh! *hides from rants and glaring* Sorry, dear Karni! I know I'm a horrible person, but I just couldn't resist! :P SORRY. But fret not, for the next chapter is on its way, I pwomise! *bats eyelashes*
Eek! Thank you so much! You are far too kind to me! (And don't be jealous- your writing is much too better than mine. I've no idea how you think up those creative plots :P)
YES! I know, Eloise had gone through much personal growth, so much so that she didn't notice /Cedric Diggory/. That's practically blasphemous, I tell you! :P
I'm not going to reveal anything right now. Nanananaa :P! You'll have to read the next chapter to find out. And the sequel...hm...well you'll come to know in the next chapter :P Mwuahhah :P
Thanks, thanks, thanks! Aww...thank you for being an incredible reviewer and reader!
Thankyouuu < 3
Vanya Report Review
This was rather a cute little one-shot for the short story collection of sorting ^_^
I enjoyed this thouroughly. :PIt wasn't really a surprise that you put her in Hufflepuff ;) But ya know ^_^
I hate the word Probe, I absolutley hate it. But that's just me ;)
however, I personlly, me being me and all (picky:P) probably wouldn't think the hat would use such a word to an eleven year old girl :/ I know it's politically correct and all, but maybe you could word it just a little better than -probe- but that's just me. (And i'm afraid of Alien movies, so that's probably why I dislike the word so much!!)
anyway, Other than that I really enjoyed learning more about another underloved character by rowling ;)
Well done hun!!
~Karni. xAuthor's Response: Aw thanks hon!
Of course you'd know she is in Hufflepuff :P
Well, I really like the word Probe, and I think the hat is kinda deep so uses it, lol. but maybe that's just me. thanks for the advice though (even though I like the word too much to change it xP)!
I am glad you liked the story :)
thanks for reading & reviewing!!
Angie Report Review
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