Hi, I've been enjoying this story so far. I usually don't enjoy reading OC characters, but I haven't been bothered by it in this story. There was enough interest in the first couple of chapters to keep me reading. You did a really nice job describing Liam's family, and differentiating Liam and Patrick in the early chapters. You also gave the reader a brief glimpse of Cyrus' personality, and showed us some of Patrick's insecurity. The other kids, however, are not nearly as well-defined in my mind, so some more character development would be good as the story progresses with all these OCs. I think the writing, dialogue, and pacing of the story are all good. Even chapters about ordinary Hogwarts school days are perfectly appealing to me as long as they're well-written, and I haven't minded that the story has some repetitive elements from the books in describing the start of another first-year class at Hogwarts, and with the usual bullies vs good kids. I also enjoy that you're giving the reader a good sense of Hufflepuff house. I thought the scent of Jasmine Heather was a nice original idea, and I'm sure there will be more originality in your plot as the story continues.
The only thing that felt a little 'off' for me was how much magic the kids could do without any magical training yet. They all struck me as being just a little too prematurely skilled, but maybe you have a reason in mind for it. It certainly hasn't dulled my enjoyment of the story. As a really minor point, you've also got Gryffindor and McGonagall mispelled. But I think you've done a nice job so far in writing this, and I look forward to reading more of it.Author's Response: Thanks for the review! You're pretty early on in the story at this point. You'll find there's more insight into the other characters as I get going . . . There's very little in Philosopher's Stone about the First Year cirruculum, particularly with DADA. I was having to make a lot of it up . . . Yes, I know about the typos . . . I'm digging deep into the Slytherins right now. Will have some new stuff posted by June . . . Be sure to check out more of my original fiction on Amazon. Thanks again for the review! I really appreciate the feedback! Report Review
Once I started reading the first chapter of this story, I couldn't put it down, which is how it is with ALL your stories. I love them all. I recently discovered your Truth series on another fan-fic site and was delighted to discover your work. I'm well into the second book of your Truth series and intend to read the entire series as I have time, and the rest of your work as well - every bit of it is marvelous. I just Just dropped in to say that you're a wonderful writer, one of my very few all-time favorites. Your characterizations are always true to to books, which is a must for me when I read. Your plots are entirely believable. Your stories are fast-paced enough to keep me thoroughly engaged, and the story line is always satisfying. Bravo! You've already written an impressive amount of material, and I hope you'll be inspired to keep writing more. Have you got any original fics in the works as well? Report Review
This was another good chapter. This may be your first fan-fic, but it feels like you've done plenty of other writing, because your work is pretty polished. It's a nice read.
Okay, here again, I thought Minerva crying was out of character for her. She just doesn't strike me as the crying type, even when under extreme stress, but again, I didn't let a minor little thing like that bother me. I know you're trying to explore some of the emotional trauma characters are feeling.
I did think Snape's apology to the healer was a little too soft and overdone, considering she's a person he scarcely remembers, and even for a man who's been given a second chance at life and who probably WOULD want to make a few apologies. The degree of his apology also made me suspect right away that these two have a romance coming, which feels just a little too predictable if that's what's really what's going to happen. And the healer being excessively overseeing about everything that happened to Snape was pretty much a giveaway as well. I'll see if I'm right about the romance as the story goes on, although I'm not really a romance lover. I'm really just interested in the Snape/Harry aspect of the story, and seeing what you'll do with a Snape as a character.
On the other hand, I think you portrayed Snape with Shacklebolt quite well as a 'softer' Snape who might want to live his life in a better way. And I like that you have him wanting to be an instructor instead of the Headmaster. But that's because I think Minerva makes the perfect headmistress in the absence of Dumbledore, and Snape is so interesting in the classroom even when he's nasty. Both potions and DADA instructor suit him perfectly well. Report Review
Hi, I just happened to find your story, and just finished reading all the posted chapters (through 9), and have really enjoyed it so far. I like a good Snape fic, even when he's portrayed as 'softer', as long as he's kept in charcter. I'll also say that I think you're a very talented writer, and I really like your writing style. It's very engaging, and your descriptions are vivid without being overdone. The pace and flow of the story is also good. It moves along nicely. You did a good job portraying Snape's thoughts in this chapter, which really drew me in. I think you've got his dialogue pretty well in character too, for a 'softer' Snape. I also liked the way you had Lily greet Snape beyond the veil.
I don't think you got McGonagall's dialogue exactly in character, but I didn't let a little thing like that bother me.
One small thing I might point out, and this is not to criticize, but just to mention - was that you suggested James was partially to blame for Snape aligning himself with the Death Eaters, while in Canon I never got the feeling that James had anything to do it. Snape was already firmly aligned with his Death Eater friends before James even entered the picture, and even the possibility of losing Lily's friendship wasn't enough to make him consider breaking ties with his dark friends. I also heard JKR say in an interview that Snape sided with his Death Eater friends in his youth because he wrongly thought power would get him respect, Lily's respect in particular, but later came to realize he was wrong, so it wasn't James at all who pushed Snape in the wrong direction. It was just Snape's own wrong thinking. That said, the books made it clear that Snape came to regret his choices when Lily was killed, and it's always good when a character owns up to their mistakes, which I know Snape does later in this story, and I enjoyed reading how you portrayed that shift in him. Report Review
Hi, I decided to sample another one of your stories, and I must say this is an excellently written first chapter. It really conveys a lot of intrigue and captures the ominous dealings of Death Eaters very well. The writing is just lovely, and the vivid descriptions add a lot to the story. There was one place where I thought the description delayed the pace of the story though, and I was anxious for the dialogue to come in faster, and that was in the spot with the paragraph that started 'Not waiting for a reply, he turned back to the warehouse.' - but that's a really minor point, and it might strike other readers differently.
Otherwise, I really enjoyed all the little tidbits you put in about potion brewing and all the descriptions you used. The sentence with Netterheim alluding to a combination of pigs and dogs - well, I speak some German so I knew exactly the word you meant, and I just broke out laughing.
I like your dialogue for the characters. It does feel authentic. While your portrayal of Snape's relationship with his family is a little different than in Canon, I really didn't mind much. The scenario you present for Snape is very much like how Draco felt forced to go along with the Death Eaters to protect his family, while in Canon Snape chose to become a Death Eater of his own free will. The one flaw that strikes me about your version is that it doesn't make good sense for Snape to have such loyalty and love for his mother or father, when his mother did nothing to protect Severus from an abusive muggle father as a child, that you describe at the end of this chapter as a 'worthless man for whom she'd sacrificed everything - including her own son.' So it just struck me as a discrepancy in logic for Severus to be willing to go along with the Death Eaters to protect his parents. But I had no trouble overlooking that point, and it certainly didn't spoil my enjoyment of this chapter at all.
Your writing is lovely and the story-telling in this chapter is captivating. It kept me immersed. I love Snape as a character, and I enjoy a good Snape story when he's well-written. Overall, I think you've done a terrific job writing from Snape's POV and portraying the dark world Snape gets tied up in. A really great first chapter!Author's Response: Hi there!
You came to see another story! That was incredibly nice of you. I see you caught my "AU" interpretation of Snape right away, and I have no excuse for that, other than that's the way I felt it had to be written for this story. I'm glad it didn't spoil the chapter for you. Snape fans can be very picky about that sort of thing. :)
I hope you get a chance to read more. This piece was my first novel-length story, so I really hope that I can grow from this experience and write cleaner, more sensical prose in future works. Clarity and continuity were definitely two of my weaker points.
Thanks so much for the encouraging review!
Hi, I what a delightful little story this is. Once I started it, I just read it all the way through. I loved your young Fred and George. They were very believable, and the way they were counting down the time to being 6 years old was so cute. Young children can be very hard to write. Very often they're either written as too precocious or too babyish, but I think you struck a nice balance with the twins, and you gave us a delightful portrayal of the Weasley household with young children. I loved Arthur too, the way he struggled with putting the beds together and managed the twins, and the way the whipped cream mess didn't phase him in the least. This story was well-writen, entertaining, warm, humorous, and just plain LOVABLE! I liked it a lot.Author's Response: Hi there!
This was such a fun piece to write and I'm glad you enjoyed reading it. I kind of felt a bit claustrophobic though, because the Weasley family is such a big mess of people. At first I thought I might have tried to include too many characters, but after thinking about it, that's what their home life must have been like: crowded and hectic, with people constantly moving in different directions. I decided that if I left anyone out, it wouldn't feel authentic enough.
Thanks so much for your review! Report Review
Hi, I just read this story and enjoyed it immensely. It was nicely paced and just the right length to read in one sitting. Your excellent writing shows through here as always. The descriptions flowed smoothly through the changing moods and scenes of the story. It also built up nicely with enough unpredictability to keep the reader curious and engaged. It didn't take long for me to be completely immersed and captivated once the story got going. The opening discussion with 'the counselor' scene put us into the story right away, introduced us to Hermione's career world, and demonstrated her formidable tenacity and debating skills which would later come into use. Your characterizations and dialogue were excellent, and your descriptions vivid, not overdone or underdone.
All in all, this story had just the right feel. It created suspense and a real sense of danger. When the action happened, it was intense enough and went on long enough to be satisfying and exciting. And you brought it to a satisfying close. This was an excellent and well-executed story. The writing was polished with no flaws. Thank you for sharing your talent with us. A well-written, suspenseful, action story is always a delight to find on the archive, and this one is great!Author's Response: Hi, there! I'm so pleased to hear that you enjoyed it. I actually got the idea for this story when Conspiracy of Blood was about a third of the way done. I wrote and outline and the first scene with Hermione and Al and then set it aside until just recently. I do that a lot, actually.
It's really good to know that the story's atmosphere worked for you. I did a fair bit of tweaking to try to get it just so.
Thanks so much for reading and taking a minute to review! Report Review
Hi, well I spent the better part of the afternoon reading this story until I finished it. Let me say again the I'm not a lover of next gen, so it took me while to get used to these characters. On the whole, the story was very well-written, the descriptions vivid, and the characters thoughts and feelings well brought out. The plot was imaginative with a lot of interesting twists and turns that kept me wanting to keep reading to see what would happen next. You also gave the story a very sweet, heartfelt and satisfying ending.
I loved the part where Hugo was made secret-keeper. That scene had just the right magical feel. The acromantula scene also surprised me at first because they were friendly, but that just made me I'm curious to see how the story would evolve from that point on.
I thought your characterization of Neville was pretty good. The only thing that surprised me was that he didn't insist on taking the kids back to the safety of
Hogwarts after the acromantula attack, which is what I would think any school professor would do. But other than that he did what I expected and felt like a competent adult Neville.
I won't comment on your portrayal of Hugo, because I'm not a next gen fan and really dislike the genre. I will say that I didn't start sympathizing with Hugo until his real reasons for wanting the plant were revealed. Up until then I thought his motives were petty and frivolous, and he seemed like just a foolish teenager who was going to get himself and everyone around him into trouble. It wasn't until the story revealed his real reasons and personal feelings that I could empathize with him and actually start hoping for him to succeed.
I did like the scene where Scorpius knew about navigating by the stars. That's the kind of traditional study I think a lot of powerful wizarding families would expect their kids to learn. The HP books always gave me the feeling that there must be some special magic related to astronomy that was never explained. Dumbledore had all those curious silver instruments with whirling planets in his office, he had a watch that had heavenly bodies instead of hands, and the time-turners had stars cut out of them. So apparently the movement of heavenly bodies had some special magical power. I imagine any wizard who aspired to have great magical power would need to learn about it those magical properties.
The only minor drawback I noticed about this story, and this is just my own particular reading preference, is that I found the pace a little slow-moving. There was a lot of delving into the character's thoughts throughout the story, which sometimes got a bit lengthy for my own liking, but that's a point that will vary from reader to reader. Other readers will probably find the pacing just right.
On the whole, I enjoyed this story enough to read it start to finish all in one go. Your writing is lovely, and I enjoyed all the original magical additions of your own that you put into the story. You've built on that world we know from the books, to take your readers to new places of magical interest, and your story plot evolved in unexpected ways that kept us engaged. It's certainly a story you can be proud to have written, and one that readers will be delighted to have read. Great work! Report Review
After discovering that lovely one-shot you just posted, I just had to check out your other stories. After reading the first chapter of this, I'm already interested to continue with it. I liked it from the very first sentence. I love your writing style, which makes me curious to sample your other stories as well. I have to say that I usually stay away from next-gen stories, but I love a good adventure or a school-based story that feels genuinely Harry Potterish where at least some of the characters are familiar, and so far this one feels like that, so I'll see. At least so far I'm not bothered by this being next-gen because at least in this chapter, there were enough references to Harry's generation to keep me interested. I like the way you've portrayed the both characters. Neville really came into his own in the Death Hallows book, so I'm interested to see what you'll do with him as a competent herbology professor, which is a subject we know he excelled at. So far, I think you've portrayed him really well as a teacher, and it's interesting that he knows Harry, Ron, and Hermione well enough to have some insight into Hugo's inherited traits. This story is off to a great start, and I'm eager to continue to see where this goes, and to sample your other writing as well.Author's Response: Hello, again :D
I'm glad that for someone who's not totally in love with Next-Gen (like I am...ahem), that this was still interesting enough for you to want to read on! I count that as a great victory :3
I sort of picture all the post-DH survivors having book clubs and tea every weekend, I don't know why. I think I assume that it's a really small pool of people in a world they've just realized is horribly large, so while they'd want to move past the war, they'd also really want to cling to comfort in the form of friends. And since Ginny tells James to send Neville their love in the epilogue, I guess I just assumed he'd be equally close with Ron and Hermione, since I don't picture them being far from Ginny and Harry really ever...
I'm glad you've enjoyed this so far, and I can see already you've left me a whopping review for the last chapter, so I'm onto that next! Thanks so much for taking the time to let me know what you think, I really appreciate it (:
-lily Report Review
Hi, I happened to find this story as it came through the queue and I'm so glad I decided to read it. The writing is absolutely lovely. The words just flowed like poetry with descriptions so vivid that I felt like I was walking through the forest with all my senses. The writing also creates mood and mystery but in a calm peaceful way that soothes the reader while intriguing us to know more about the creatures and lovely fantasy setting you've created, all highly imaginative. This is a fantastic piece of writing! I really enjoyed it and would gladly have read more.Author's Response: Hello! I'm very flattered by your compliments; the style I chose for this is inspired by epic poetry, or German Romantic poetry, so I am glad that came across (: I know this is a very short story for all the creatures I introduced; as I mentioned, I am thinking about expanding this into a short story collection that would develop these characters/creatures more.
Very glad you enjoyed reading it, and thanks so much for leaving me such a lovely review! xx Report Review
Hi again. Well, while this chapter didn't have the intense drama of some of the others, it did take the reader through the background details of what was going on in the character's lives at this point in time. It's always interesting to see George and Percy together. They were pretty amiable in this chapter, so it was good that you mentioned all the nasty pranks the twins would generally play on Percy. Once again, you did a great job with vividly describing settings and new characters. It definitely helped me get a clear image of the scenes in my mind as the story moved along.
I certainly did not anticipate George's question at the end of the story, but I think romance reader's will absolutely LOVE the idea and be anxious for this couple to get together as quickly as possible. I must say it's too bad that readers already know from JKR that George and Angelina will end up getting married, because if they didn't, this cliff-hanger of a question would have even more impact and serve the purpose of adding risk to the romance plot. Reader's would not only be wondering if Angelina would agree to move in, but whether it would be good or bad for the couple to take that step. Interestingly, real life statistics reveal that more than 50% of couples who live together will split up, so living together seems to spell doom for most relationships in real life. So George's proposal for Angelina to move in would create a serious risk in the story if we didn't already know the outcome according to JKR. Of course - I'll say this in a whisper - you don't have to make your story agree with her if you don't want to. EEK! Reader panic.
That said, I was pretty surprised by George's proposal for Angelina to move in with him, only because it's not what I would expect from canon - and this just my own opinion of the books, and in not in any way meant as criticism of your story, which is absolutely delightful. Okay, here's the thing - I always thought JK Rowling painted very traditional and rather old-fashioned family and marriage customs in the books, even to the point of being stereotypical. Everyone in the epilogue ended up marrying their school sweethearts, getting married, having kids, and living happily ever after. Rowling never hinted that anyone got divorced, which simply isn't realistic, nor did she mention unmarried young couples ever living together, which is a pretty common modern-day practice, but also not reflected in the books. I don't know if she left it out because it wasn't a necessary element to her story, or because she would like us to believe that the customs in the wizarding world are much more old-fashioned than our modern-day customs. Aside from couples in love, a lot of pure-blood marriages must also have been arranged, so most of those couples would probably be staying married out of a sense of duty to the pure-blood line rather than actual love - which again seems to reflect old-fashioned tradition rather than modern practice being followed in the wizard world. What I'm saying is that the books seem very out of step with reality in that regard. I certainly have nothing at all against YOUR story which portrays the way it really is for most couples when a relationship gets serious nowadays.
Anyway, now that you've teased us with this cliffhanger, I'll be interested to see where you take it from here. I'm really enjoying the way you're telling this story, and all the creative additions of your own that compliment the magical world so well. As always, I look forward to the next chapter. Report Review
Hi again! I can't even begin to tell you how much I enjoyed this chapter. First off, it was wonderfully written, and you put in your original creative ideas that complimented the Hogwarts' world so well. From the very beginning when you described the tedium of studying for NEWTS, your descriptions were so tangible - I loved the way you described the castle being so cold that students wanted to keep their hands in their robes. And the part about measuring Asphodel seeming like blah blah to the minds of students - how perfect! Hmm, somehow it shows that you're no stranger to long hours of studying yourself!!! You described it perfectly! And all of the potion descriptions,including the harmful effects of Dittany were so creative. It was delightful to read.
The humorous banter between the friends was spot on. Your characters are always 'in character' - it's as if they flowed straight out of the original books. The scene with George coming into the library - you got his character down so well with his humorous little remarks. He was perfect. And your description of the romantic thoughts going through Angelina's mind really drew me in. I'm not even a lover of romance stories, but this was good! I was completely absorbed.
Then the description of when they went through the secret passage was so vivid and well-done that I was totally captivated with it. And then it only got better! I loved the scene when George told Angelina about the shop and gave her that little glass gift. It teased the reader the entire time, wondering what George had to tell her. It sort of mirrored an impending marriage proposal, even though I really didn't think you were leading to that and would have been really surprised if you had. But it was perfect, because the shop WAS a big event in George's life. I was a little surprised that Angelina wasn't a little more forthright in voicing her true feelings for George, but I also think it made it a better chapter for her to discourage him because it created a small setback that the couple will have to overcome - and every good romance story needs that. It just makes me eager for the story to continue! An absolutely FANTASTIC chapter!Author's Response: Hello!!
I hope that you had a merry christmas! I'm so glad that you enjoyed this chapter and thought it was well written -- it hadn't been beta'd at the time you read it, so I was a tad nervous about it being unpolished. Writing Angelina's stresses over studying was definitely the scene I've been able to most closely identify with her -- long hours of studying is sort of my middle name. :P It's so nice to hear that you enjoyed the passages from the potion's text. I quite enjoyed writing that.
I know that technically, this story is a romance, and I may be egotistical in saying so, but I'd like to think that this story isn't just a romance story -- it's a story of a young girl and her experiences being a teenager and student in an increasingly dangerous world and it's the story of a man trying to overcome his grief and put his life back together. I sort of feel like the romance stems from these stories.
!! I had a lot of fun writing the scene when they were sneaking out of the castle, and I'm glad that you enjoyed it. WWW is one of the most important thing in George's life after his family, so I think it was only natural for him to want to share it with Angelina, the girl he fancies.
Ahh. Yes -- Angelina is a rather forthright sort of character, but I think that in her logical mind, the two of them moving on from Hogwarts was enough of an excuse to not be involved in a relationship. He is one of her better friends and I think that she was sort of scared of putting that friendship at risk.
So glad you enjoyed this chapter!! Can't wait to see what you think of the next chapter. :) Thank you for all of your support. Report Review
Yay! A new chapter! I'm glad you found time to write - amazed really that you found time while doing veterinary study. Anyway, I really enjoyed reading it. The poker game with all the humorous banter was great. All the dialogue was in character. And I loved the bit about needing a cigar to play even if you never light it. And the names you gave the cards, especially Supreme Mugwump, had me chuckling. Very fitting and creative.
The part with Zonko and his personal quirks was also well done, including the bird. The way you portrayed him as eccentric fit so well into the story - sort of like Albus being eccentric and having Fawkes - except Zonko at the opposite end of the spectrum with jokes. I enjoyed all of it.
And the part with George and Angelina - it was nice to see them together being affectionate without any reservations in private - I especially liked the part where he slid her off the table. I think that would have been George's style, very bold. Yet fitting how you portrayed George reluctant to openly admit to his other friends how much he's involved with her. Which I think would be just like George to play it cool around his friends, who probably WOULD love to tease him to death about it.
I've found this story absolutely delightful ever since I started reading it, and I voted it for a Dobby. Finishing a novel-length story is a big commitment, but keep writing whenever you find the time, and I hope you never lose your muse! And good luck with your vet studies as well. Hagrid would be proud of you!Author's Response: Hello! I'm so sorry about how long it's taken me to respond to this reveiw. I could blame my veterinary courses, but instead, I'll just apologize. You've been such a support since you first began reading this story, and I really appreciate your dedication to the story -- your reviews really bring a huge grin to my face!
The whole guys' night sort of began as a spur of the moment decision, but as soon as it was made, I knew I was going to write about magical poker. Thankfully, my friend and her boyfriend were able to teach me the basics of the game!! Having only learned it as I was writing it, it is a relief to hear that it was well done /and/ entertaining. :) (though I completely attribute the entertaining bit to Lee -- that boy has a way of stealing the show no matter what scene he's in).
Zonko is basically just my guilty pleasure character. It's just so much fun to have a character that can do or say anything and have it be completely normal! That is such a cool analogy... I am flattered (and my mind is sort of blown).
Annd georgelina. I am such a fail at writing physically romantic scenes, yet here I am 70K words into a romance. I'm always very suspicious of these scenes and cobbsquint them like crazy to try and make sure they don't sound too purple or forced or ridiculous, not to mention in character.
Baww. Again, you're just too sweet. I'm literally grinning from ear to ear over your hagrid compliment. thank you! Report Review
Okay, I've arrived at the last posted chapter where I will patiently wait for the story to continue. Not as much going on in this chapter as in some of the others, but it was a nice turn of events to learn that George's absence was because of Arthur's attack. I'm sure a lot of your romance-loving readers will be feeling a let down that the promised meeting didn't materialize - well, that's the way the cookie crumbles sometimes!
Let me just say that it was nice to find this story, and I'll gladly come back to it when more gets posted. And as much as you have enjoyed my reviews, I have equally enjoyed your responses.Author's Response: yayy!!
Well, I'm incredibly glad you found this story too!! your reviews have been so lovely and encouraging. :) I think one of the reasons I love this chapter so much (it is one of my favorites for some silly reason or another) is that nothing really happens -- I feel like normal things are overlooked a lot in fanfiction like courses and eating and things like that. I've been itching to write a DA scene for ages, and so I really enjoyed the oppurtunity to do that here.
Ahh. yes. a bit of a let down, but it's only chapter 14!! Indeed that is the way the cookie crumbles.
thank you again for your review! I'm glad you enjoyed the chapter. Report Review
Well, what can I say about a very sad chapter except that is was - well sad. I felt a real twinge at the one line Fred had before he died about the twins knowing the secret passages better than anyone and that he'd better see George at the end of it. There's just something about knowing what a person's last words were before they died that makes them feel very haunting.
On a lighter note, I kept reading that part in the beginning where the strange man wanted to talk to George, thinking to myself - okay, what am I missing here? Finally, it made sense in the end, including his odd costume, when the name was revealed. I also liked the little scene with Arthur, George, and Ron at the end, and your line about every time Arthur cried it was into Molly's shoulder - what a great line. Again you point out something about the characters as you imagine them that was never in canon. Nice!Author's Response: Hee. Thank you again for your (as always) wonderful review. I had reread the chapter in Deathly Hallows where the forces at Hogwarts were splitting up to protect the castle, and all the relevant scenes involving characters that weren't Harry and realized that George wasn't with Fred when he died! This made me really sad, especially when I realized that the last time they likely saw each other was when they split up to gaurd the entrances.
Molly and Arthur have such an amazing canon relationship and family that I'm sure the Weasley children look up to them as models for relationships in their own lives. George's thoughts about his dad and mum, and reflecting it on himself and ang (though he doesn't completely realize it) is a sign of how much she has come to mean to him.
Ahh. Mr. Zonko. I really didn't plan for him to show up in this chapter, but he ended up in it anyway. :P He's a fun sort of character that doesn't necessarily have to make sense. I can gaurantee you'll be seeing more of him in future chapters. :)
Thank you so much for your continued enthusiasm and support. It really means a lot to me. Report Review
A very pleasant and enjoyable read. I enjoyed the quidditch scene where you so aptly pointed out what was going on with all the players, Ron's insecurity, Harry's distraction, etc., - all so true, but I'd never put the whole dynamics of it together for myself before, and your explanation made me see it in a whole new way. In the books we only saw things from Harry's perspective, but it's nice that you shed light on all the players.
It was also really nice to get a glimpse of an ordinary day at Hogwarts through the eyes of Fred and George's class - with Umbridge showing up no less! And you rose to the occasion with fine use of humor again throughout the entire chapter. I thought your Flitwick was great. His dialogue really fit him, and I loved him insulting Umbridge. He didn't seem intimidated by her at all, which was refreshing. We all know how the rest of the year goes from the books, but I'm interested to see what you'll include of it in future chapters. So many possible good scenes to come yet. You're doing a marvelous job.Author's Response: Hee. Hogwarts is such a central facet of the HP world -- it's so enjoyable to write with it as the setting. This was and still is one of my most favorite chapters. I'd never written any quidditch before this chapter, hence the very abbreviated look at it (lol, I totally had a longer scene planned and chickened out :P ). I enjoy very much being able to take moments we know from canon and analyze them from another character's perspective. OotP is such a complex school year, that there are a lot of oppurtunities to play around with.
I think you may be my first reviewer to point out how sassy Flitwick got with Umbridge. That part makes me giggle (hopefully that doesn't sound too egotistical), so I'm so so glad you did point it out. Fred and George are so much fun to write when they're up to mischief, I just couldn't resist it here. At the same time, knowing that in the next chapter (george's timeline) he won't be there, makes writing him in angelina chapters very bittersweet.
Gah. You spoil me with reviews, and for that I am very grateful. I've not received nearly as many reviews for these later chapters and so I appreciate them even more. :) Only two chapters to go, and you'll actually have to wait for an update!! Report Review
This was a lovely chapter with so many facets in it, George's birthday with thoughts of Fred, a family gathering. I enjoyed Molly's ranting as she tidied up her grown sons, and Percy's introduction of his girlfriend, all well written as usual. The Three Stooges made me laugh - nice choice.
Hmm, the kiss - okay, my own opinion is that George would have taken the lead and not been the one to pull away - just because the twins were such opportunists at everything that came their way, and because they were pretty bold and unabashed about everything. I think George would have taken full advantage of the situation, maybe even to the point of having to be called off. But that's just my own opinion. It didn't really put me off that you wrote it the way you did. I was quite happy to go along with your idea of how it should be - because it was time for a kiss to finally happen, regardless of how. And it was so nicely written that it was easy to just go with the flow of the story and enjoy whatever came. I did like your description of the hesitancy BEFORE the kiss, like any little thing could get them running apart. Terrific job as usual. I'm glad there's more to come.Author's Response: Why thank you!! I'm starting to get spoiled here. Everytime I log on I seem to have a new review from you!! I really do appreciate them. :)
Ahh. This chapter was a bit of an emotional roller coaster ride, and for that I apologize. I am glad you enjoyed it though. Molly is the best, and it was so much fun having a chance to write her in a mothering sort of context -- those are the scenes with her I love the most in canon.
Ahh. The kiss. I do appreciate your opinion. George is definitely a go-getter, oppurtunist sort of person, but at the same time -- THIS IS ANGELINA -- they have such an drawn out history that I think it would be very realistic to have developed a bit of a stigma about it all. Otherwise, George would have kissed her way back in the Yule Ball chapter... So, I think I'm going to chalk this one up to lurve~ and say that George is just a bit hesitant and unsure with most everything to do with Angelina due mostly to all the time he's spent trying to analyze their relationship.
I'm so glad that you are continuing to enjoy this story!! You're almost all caught up and I hope you enjoy the next few chapters as much as you have the first few. As always, I look forward to hearing from you again!
Melissa Report Review
Hi, I happened to find this story as the latest chapter came through the queue, and I've been been enjoying it. I don't usually read a romance, but this story seems to be more than just that, and I do enjoy a story that portrays the twins well, and you're certainly doing that.
I absolutely loved this chapter with George's visit to the Burrow. It was so touching. I think you've portrayed the family in the early days after Fred's death really well. As soon as I got to the end of the chapter, I wanted to read it all over again! I'm not so sure Molly would have tolerated the crude humor about Percy and his 'plaything' without reprimanding her sons to curb their manners - I kept expecting her voice to break in, sounding appalled, but maybe she didn't overhear. Anyway, the humor was delightfully funny. Great job.
All in all, this was a wonderful chapter to a lovely story. Your writing is great, your descriptions are vivid, and you've done a marvelous job at capturing even subtle hints of the underlying emotions of the characters. Fred and George dialogue can be hard to get right, especially in a romance! But I think you're done it extremely well so far, and I look forward to reading the rest.Author's Response: It's so wonderful to hear that you found this on the recently added page!! Welcome to the story. I'm so glad that you decided to read this and that so far you are enjoying it. :) One of my biggest goals in telling this story is to tell the story of their lives -- sorting through the mail, doing homework in the library, talking about boys, visiting friends, etc. I think those sorts of things tend to fall by the wayside in a lot of fics labeled as 'romances' for sake of the romance. I'm trying really hard to make this first a story about them as individuals and how their relationship grows from that.
Ahh. Weasley sibling humor is my favorite -- their banter is just so much fun to write. And if I did state it, I intended for Molly to be out of the room (perhaps grabbing trays of pudding or fixing Percy his plate) when that conversation happened. I will definitely go back and look that over once the Dobby Awards are over and I'm permitted to edit again. :) Because you're absolutely right, Molly would not permitt that sort of language and insinuations in her presence -- if they tried, I'm sure somebody would be getting slapped with a spoon. :P
It's always such a relief to hear that my George/Fred dialogue works. I am not by nature a funny person, and so it was by biggest fear going into this project.
Anyway, thank you so much for this review!! I'm very proud of this little story. I look forward to hearing what you think of the rest. Report Review
Hi, I've thoroughly enjoyed every chapter of this story. The pacing was good without any lag, so it really held my interest. The scenes kept nicely to the story line without unnecessary wandering in all the chapters. I particularly liked this chapter - it had just the right feeling of tension, the descriptions were vivid, the characterizations were very good for everyone, and it had a nice ending that left me feeling satisfied if you wanted to end the story here.
Whether to continue? Well, I think that depends less on the opinions of your readers and more on whether YOU feel inspired to take it further. The story would not suffer either way in my opinion. If you're torn, you can always start something new and come back to this. But it's up to you and what your muse urges you to do. Anyway, you've done a great job with this. I've enjoyed it very much.Author's Response: Hi!
I'm really glad to know that you enjoyed it. I was able to pace this story a lot faster than Conspiracy of Blood because all of the back story is known. There was no need to stop and fill in the gaps. That was pretty enjoyable, actually, just to be able to tell a story without worrying about whether readers would know who any of the players were.
It's hard to say what I'm going to do. There are opinions on both sides. At a minimum, I think this story is taking a hiatus. I hate to do that, but there are other things I feel like working on, instead. If the muse comes back, I can hop right back onto it.
Thanks so much for taking a moment to review! Report Review
Hi, I'm still following this story and thoroughly enjoying all of it. I loved the Snape chapter which was very well written, your action chapters are always great, and the transitional chapters fill in the extra details about the characters. This chapter was a fun read, and it's got me wondering where Snape's mother is. Maybe there's a reason you brought up her name and we'll find out her whereabouts later. A Snape/Eileen conversation would certainly be an interesting addition to the story if she's in the clock, that is.Author's Response: Hi, there!! Thank you so much for this lovely review. I'm glad you liked the Snape chapter - I love seeing the world through his eyes. And I always fear that the transitional chapters will seem boring after the action ones, so it's a relief to hear that you like those, as well.
Snape's mother was brought up only to point out her absence, so keep that somewhere in your memory for later on in the story. ;)
Thank you for reading and reviewing! Report Review
I thoroughly enjoyed this chapter, with Remus and Moody trying to sharpen Tonks' dueling skills. I was also glad to hear Moody's take on the topic of the loser needing to sacrificing their soul, and found myself agreeing with him. It seems like a very harsh price to pay for losing. It feels like there's a twist coming.Author's Response: Moody seems to have a point, which unfortunately goes largely overlooked just because of his reputation as being paranoid. Having no soul seems to be a horrible price to pay for not winning some game where even the prize is sort of twisted and tantalizing, because those twenty-four hours cannot realistically be satisfying. It would be such torture, I would think, to be right there with your family/friends and not be allowed to stay with them forever. Report Review
I can't believe how quickly I've read this far. Ah, finally we get a glimpse into the Grotta, which like Azkaban, is it's own place of suffering - nice job creating this and describing the residents. A very interesting trio of duelers on Mortuus with James, Lily, and Snape to duel each other, very interesting dynamics there. I'm sure you have an interesting final pair between the teams in mind as well. Ending the chapter with those two lists was such a good idea - it just makes you think and wonder what will play out. Bravo!Author's Response: You've really flown through this story! I'm in awe because I read at a snail's pace. It takes me eons to get through chapters on this site because I always read way too much into every little detail and then I go back to inspect other sections to comb for more details.
The Grotta is a lot like Azkaban. It's cold and full of bad people, and everyone's wasting away under an everlasting Kiss.
I couldn't resist the chance to pit James, Lily, and Snape against each other. I love the idea of them all being able to get their emotions out of their systems in a physical, battle-to-the-death sort of way.
Thank you, as always, for reading and for taking the time to leave a review! Report Review
What I appreciated most in this chapter were the details you put in about Colin's death. It captured the feeling of what the chaos of the battle must have been like. It was nice to see some interaction between the founders as well, and a very interesting idea for Rowena to be on the committee.Author's Response: Something I noticed when I was scrolling around the wiki, trying to find out who killed who, was that some of the deaths were vague. It struck me then that not everyone would know who killed them, just like in war. Sometimes when you've got a bunch of people shooting at each other, it's difficult to tell who fired the bullet. I wanted to portray that mass chaos and confusion, and Colin just got caught in the crossfire. For all we know, he was accidentally killed by someone on his own side, just because of all the spells going back and forth. It's a sad thought. :(
Thank you for reading and reviewing! Report Review
Another great chapter. Sirius daring Fred to approach a woman for a date was a delightful prank when it turned out to be Lily - A stroke of genius on your part! And Fred handled it wonderfully, but it was a hoot to see Sirius put one over on him.
And Remus/Tonks - what a nice change of pace. And they felt so canon. Loved it. How can you choose which mother ought to get the chance to see their child? The only thing I can say is that Lily's had the chance to do it before, while Tonks hasn't yet. And what a very touching and lasting gift Tonks hopes to give if it turns out to be possible.Author's Response: They say that Lily was a knock-out, so I thought it would be amusing to make Fred look at her just a little longer than would be polite and have Sirius taunt him into making a fool out of himself. This story has so many darker, more sober moments in it that I jump on the chance to show lighter, ordinary aspects.
Lily's has had more opportunities to see Harry than Tonks has had to see Teddy, but sometimes the winner isn't always determined by fairness. It's a combination of luck, willpower, and the Devil's Basin.
Thank you for reading and reviewing! Report Review
Another terrific chapter. Remus and Tonks struck me as so right. They were older and more mature when they became parents and died (especially Remus), so they have a more mature attitude aside from just being newly dead. I always imagined James and Sirius pairing up as immature teenagers and you really captured that here with Sirius sort of regressing back into that immaturity again once he's around James. Altogether interesting dynamics between all four marauders including the wives.Author's Response: I always pictured Sirius as spending so much time missing James and his old life that it would be so tempting to regress back to his youthful days after he died. Sooner or later he'll have to face facts that he's not twenty-one like James, and that he lived for many years without his partner in crime, but for now he's content to be delusional. I feel bad for Remus, because it would be such an awkward situation.
Thank you for reading and reviewing. :) Report Review
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