Reading Reviews From Member: Hogwarts27
  
195 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Hogwarts27Harry Potter and a Daughter of Druid: The Storm

19th March 2015:
This was good chapter with a lot of action, that I really enjoyed. I always love a good action scene. The broom chase grabbed my interest right away, and there was a nice sense of danger during the conversation with Ron in the mirror after they landed.

The part with Harry and Ginny naked turned out be very sweet, but I had to laugh at first that Harry's eyesight was supposed to be so bad that he couldn't see Ginny's body clearly even when she was so close to him. But he was very sweet about acting like a gentleman.

I was surprised at Harry's new animagus, but I can see how being an animal that can fly would feel very natural to him. And it seems this animagus will come in very handy if Dara and her father are birds.

You gave the chapter a good ending. It makes me curious to know what happens next.

Author's Response: Thank you, again for your constant review. I really appreciate for that.

You and I have a commomn point in action scene, I think. So I'm glad to read your comment about that. :)

Their awkward scene in the hollow was inspired by Yukio Mishima's literary work.
So this chapter has a kind of mood mingled with druidic magic and oriental essence.

To make up my lack of vocabulary, I squeezed out my imagination at midnight, the idea popped up in my mind.


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Review #2, by Hogwarts27Harry Potter and a Daughter of Druid: Labyrinth

17th March 2015:
Hi, I saw your post about review swaps, so please don't feel rushed to answer this if you're busy with those.

This is another good chapter where the reader gets some surprising good and bad news. I enjoyed the little part where you pointed out Ginny's guilt about needing to be rescued by Harry again. I also enjoyed the sudden twist with Dara - first she seems to be helping, but then we discover that she loves Harry and becomes jealous of Ginny, with her behavior suddenly changes. That was well done. And just when we think Harry found the way to escape, he remembers the words of warning. So I'm curious to see what will happen now.

Author's Response: Thank you for your constant encouragement, I always feel happy to read your comment. :)

I wanted to do something, kind of twists and turns, so I tried writing about it between Harry and Ginny. The easiest way to do that, another witch enters, which will add another situation, I thought.



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Review #3, by Hogwarts27Harry Potter and a Daughter of Druid: The Lake Loe

12th March 2015:
Terrific chapter again! What a great fantasy adventure you gave us in this one chapter. I loved every bit of it. The pace was just right to keep it exciting. I think this is my favorite chapter of this story so far. I loved reading about all the new things Harry encountered. You made it all very interesting with just the right touch of being magical and mysterious. Very imaginative. It was also good to have Sirius as a guide. That made it feel like everything was under control.

Author's Response: I wanted to put Sirius somewhere in my story, for he's still Harry's godfather even after he was dead. Thanks to amazing CI by bellatrixx of TDA, it added much more mystic atmosphere to my story.

I don't want to forget the first time to feel excited by J.K.Rowling's magical world so I try to create the kind of her world but it's hard to express with my poor vocabulary. I need to improve myself.

Thank you again for your encouragement! :)


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Review #4, by Hogwarts27Harry Potter and a Daughter of Druid: Trap

11th March 2015:
Terrific chapter! The plot gets more interesting with every chapter. I really enjoyed the way you developed this chapter and kept building the problem and adding information. To have a chapter start out interesting and then just get better and better is great story-telling. I really enjoyed it. By the end of the chapter, I feel like we're going on a great adventure.

Author's Response: Hi, thank you for coming back to read my story. I feel great for getting such a nice writing pal like you through this site, at the same time appreciate that J.K.Rowling letting me know you through her work and HPFF.
As you wrote in Dumbledore's wand adventure, I also edit this chapter, too. It's a good thing I have reading fellows, thank you very much!


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Review #5, by Hogwarts27Esto Perpetua: The Last Vestiges Of Peace

11th March 2015:
Hi, after leaving a review on that other story of yours, I came to check this out.

I absolutely loved this from start to finish. What a delight to find a story that is so well-written, and that portrays the characters and all the little details of their lives so well. This was truly excellent, very engaging, and perfectly paced. I love all the little details you slip into the writing, as the marauder's just go about an ordinary day. You even made the part about Sirius waiting for the exam time to end an engaging read. Your characterizations and dialogue are great. It's not often that I find a good marauder's story that isn't romance centered, so this is going on my reading list. Applause applause!

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Review #6, by Hogwarts27Endless Night: Endless Night

11th March 2015:
Hi, I came to take a look at this story after noticing it in the reviews requested thread, so I thought you might welcome an additional review.

I read both chapters of this. From the writing style you're trying to explore here, it's obvious you're a highly talented writer with good skill at creating wonderfully vivid images and moods. I love a story with vivid descriptions like these that I can savor. I think your dialogue and characterizations were equally good .

To answer the question you asked in the thread, yes I do think you're a bit too heavy-handed on the descriptions, both in length and in frequency of use throughout the chapter. In your attempt to make the descriptions intense, your sentences sometimes got too long, meandering and wordy. At times, this made parts of the chapter difficult to read, and sometimes impeded the pace and flow of the story.

For instance, you begin with the mention of madness, which instantly peaked my interest. But the explanation of the madness was so deeply buried in the long flowery sentences, that it was like searching for a needle in a haystack, trying to unearth it. So I'd suggest shortening the long sentences, cutting out any redundant words or phrases, and trying to make every word count, so that you get a vivid description that's also easily worded, and easy to digest. And be sure to make the main point clear and easy for the reader to spot without effort.

It's also worth bearing in mind that any place you put a detailed description will slow the reading pace and change the reader's focus, which might not be what you want in the middle of a dialogue, for instance, when an interesting conversation point has just been reached, or for parts of the story where the reader doesn't really want the focus to change.

For instance, when the concept of homes is mentioned, I was anxious and impatient for more information, and wasn't really focusing on any
extraneous information the story might present, before my curiosity about homes was satisfied.

I also think the part where Sirius discovers he's spoken his thoughts aloud without realizing it, would actually be better if it were turned into
dialogue. The way it is now, it's basically an infodump. And it just doesn't make sense for a character to "speak" that much info without
realizing they've done it. But I think that if this were turned into dialogue, with the characters discussing these issues, it would be
a fascinating conversation.

Anyway, great job on the the story. It was a pleasure to read. I really like the premise of the plot, and think it has the potential to be a great story. It really shows that you've put a lot of love and hard work into creating it so far. And it's a pleasure to give some feedback to a writer who focuses as much attention on the writing as they do on the story.

Author's Response: Thank you for your review. Yes, additional surprise reviews are always welcomed.

This is a completely new style I'm trying out, which does include a lot of exposition, detail and occasionally formal language. This chapter in particular was a struggle to write - I scrapped about ten drafts of it before settling with this one. I will be cutting down on description and the length of the sentences in future, as you suggested.

Regarding the exposition about werewolves, I did try it out as dialogue a few times, but it seemed rather forced and stilted, so I settled back on narrative. Technically, it isn't intended to convey that Sirius spoke all of it word-for-word, but rather that those were his thoughts, and the gist of it was spoken aloud. In hindsight, it certainly has not come across well, and I may go back and edit it at some point.

I will certainly work on style, flow and pace, and hopefully the rest of the story will move smoothly and be easier to read.

Thanks again for the review, it is very much appreciated.

SilverDarkHorse x.


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Review #7, by Hogwarts27Magic for a Muggle-Born: Johnny meet Luna, Luna meet Johnny

10th March 2015:
Hi, congrats on getting your very first chapter posted. I think you have good writing ability that will only get better the more you practice, so just keep writing if it's something you enjoy.

You claim to be bad at dialogue, so just practice writing LOTS of dialogue until you get better at it. Most writers struggle with at least one aspect of their writing, so we're all in the same boat there.

On the whole, I found this a pleasant read. The opening paragraph did a good job of drawing me into the first scene, with some good descriptions and interesting details. I wondered why the boy wanted to be in a public cafe to test his magic. And what outcome he was hoping to make happen if he discovered that he could magically cause a cup of coffee to heat up. And why he was deliberately trying to do underage age, without even a wand. It wasn't until druid magic was mentioned later on, that it dawned on me there was probably something magically different about this boy.

I agree with one of your other reviewers that when Luna comes in, it gets a little rushed, and she spills too much too quickly to a complete stranger. That reviewer also gave some great dialogue tips.

I enjoyed the Diagon Alley scene. You did a nice job taking the reader through the setting and events. One thing I noticed was that Johnny was very passive. We weren't shown how he reacts with any amazement or excitement, and there's no description of his thoughts. So if you ever edit this, you might consider incorporating more character reaction into the already nice narrative that you've got. All in all, I think this was a good first chapter.

Author's Response: thanks for your review
I agree with both you and lucyzi when Luna comes in it gets a bit rushed and if I do edit this I will change that however at the moment I'm still wondering if I should carry this story on as I wrote it months ago ad forgot about it and know I don't know how to carry it on
thanks anyway though for your tips and for reviewing altogether it means a lot to me
love from me xx


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Review #8, by Hogwarts27Harry Potter and a Daughter of Druid: Trace

7th March 2015:
I enjoyed reading the conversation about Lily and druid magic. In my last review I almost wrote that I wondered if there was some tie between Cliodna's blonde hair and green eyes and Harry's eyes, and in this chapter I get the answer. The music box idea was brilliant! You're making the druid magic fit very well into a Harry Potter story.

I was puzzled by Harry's animagus change. Even with Dumbledore's explanation, I wonder if it's going to change again.

Author's Response: I really appreciate that you keep reading my story.

The question you have, there is an answer in this chapter:

'In the shades of red and blue Harry was sleeping. He was naked in the water. He heard the song through the sound of gentle wave with regular beats like heartbeats. He was closing his eyes but he could see the scene, a stag and a doe were dancing with a young deer in his brain.'

His father's Patronus was a Stag, and mother's a doe so, I think Harry's animagus form should be a Stag as his Patronus.
But in my story, Harry can't have confidence, he sometimes goes astray in his younger days as a trainee Auror. So I made up the story like that. After this chapeter, weird thing will happen related to his animagus form,again. I hope you'll keep reading next chapters.


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Review #9, by Hogwarts27Harry Potter and a Daughter of Druid: Wandmaker

5th March 2015:
This was another great chapter. I enjoyed the wand making lesson and reading about the tree wood. And then a promising plot starts to unfold as we see what Umbridge is planning. And I enjoyed the part where Harry gets a warning about it later on from Cliodna in the picture.

Ha Ha - I laughed when I read about the Harry toy figure at the joke shop because I almost decided to put the same thing in the joke shop chapter of my own story, but then decided not to. I thought it was interesting that Fred's portrait seemed to know what was happening with Umbridge. Really good story so far! I'm enjoying it when I have time to read.

Author's Response: Thank you again for your kind review.
After reading your wandlore story, I remembered this chapter of my story, then you stopped by to leave review! I was very happy at the coincidence.

Talkig of Fred, I really miss him, twins.
Harry must have missed him, too. So I wanted to let him enter the stage, and I'd like to make him do somewhere in my story again.

I really like your wandlore story with Dumbledore and Olivander. Please keep writing. :)



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Review #10, by Hogwarts27Harry Potter and a Daughter of Druid: Godfather

3rd March 2015:
Great Chapter! I enjoyed all of it. My favorite part was the dive into the lake for the stones. Merpeople singing the same song as Andromeda was brilliant! And you even showed us the words - that was great! I enjoyed Harry's dream too. I'm guessing the tree will be part of druid magic too. This seems like the start of a very creative plot.

Author's Response: Thank you for leaving nice review!

It took much time for me to write this chapter, so I'm glad you like it. :)

Your great suggestion always let me think I need to reread and rewrite this story, which reminds me of first feeling when I started this story.


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Review #11, by Hogwarts27Harry Potter and a Daughter of Druid: Apothecary

3rd March 2015:
Hi, I enjoyed this chapter. It was a good read, and thought it was a good start to a new story. I liked the short opening scene about the druid lands. This already promises the reader the story is going to deal with these problems and develop an interesting plot.

I also like the conflict between the houses against Slytherin for how they behaved in the Rowling books. It makes sense that other houses would have hard feelings about that.

Malfoy owning an apothecary is an interesting idea. I think he could be very successful with it, and I think it suits him well.

One suggestion I would make for both of your sequels is to include a little more story summary than just saying they are sequels. Even for a sequel, I think it's good to describe a little of what the general plot will be, so the reader can decide if it's something they might like. :)

Author's Response: Thank you so much for your awesome review! Writers want to keep going, but sometimes we feel uneasy when we can't guess how readers think after their reading. So I really appreciate for your leaving your thoughts.

In my opinion Dumbledore, even now he is dead, he keeps giving influence on teachers and leaders like Kingsley or Harry. And Hermione always sees things in the right direction, supports Harry to carry on.

Speaking of Draco, my plot may be close to your idea in your story, (if you don't think that way, sorry). He also has right to start fresh life.


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Review #12, by Hogwarts27Harry Potter and the First Mission: Father and Son

26th February 2015:
Now that I've read this whole story, I think you did a terrific job writing and finishing this novel in English. So congratulations to you for this great accomplishment!

Your descriptions are a strong point in your writing, so I encourage you to keep using and developing that skill. It really makes a big difference to a scene when there's enough description in it.

In this final chapter, you brought the story to a nice close with the scene between Harry and Andrew. And the quidditch details left me feeling that Harry and his friends will have a future of pleasure and friendship along with their work.

I will also say that I started reading the sequel to this - and the plot is really GOOD! After I read the first 2 chapters, I couldn't stop reading. So I'll be back to leave some reviews on the sequel, because I'm really enjoying it so far!

Author's Response: Ooh I really appreciate for your wonderful encourageous review. Thank you so much for your follow.

I also like your style focusing on George and Oliver in your story. Harry loves George's banter and you don't forget letting Hermione play an important role from which I can learn
something.

I hope you will enjoy and understand what I tried to write though my English expression needs much more progress.


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Review #13, by Hogwarts27Harry Potter and the First Mission: Snitch Catch

26th February 2015:
After the last chapter with the battle and other serious things going on, this chapter felt like a calm change of pace. I enjoyed both of the animagi scenes - they were my favorite scenes in this chapter. You nicely described Harry's transformation to a horse, and I liked the part where Harry reacted to Ginny touching him. Your animagi logic makes me wonder if Ginny is going to be a doe when she learns how to become an animagi.

The first quidditch scene - When I read this scene, it felt a little unbalanced to me. The introductions felt like they went on too long for the little bit of quiddtich playing that happened there, so if you ever decide to edit, I think that scene would be better if you shortenened the introductions if the quidditch playing is going to be that short. The second quiddtich scene was good though.

I enjoyed the scene with Andromeda singing to Teddy again, and the scene at the end where we learn that Harry is being recruited to a team was a fun way to end.

Author's Response: Thank you again for stopping by. We need sometimes calm things after sequence of action and mystery, you're right.

That Quidditch scene was my first time to describe it, so as you say, I reckon there are too many dialogues, I need to reread and edit them.

Talking about Andromeda and Teddy, many authors wrote about them, so I tried to write in a little bit different way.

I also like your writing about Harry alone with Kreacher in Grimmauld Places.


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Review #14, by Hogwarts27Misconceptions: Protective

22nd February 2015:
Hi, thanks for posting another great chapter. It was a thoroughly enjoyable read.

First, I'll point out one minor thing in case it happened during the editing you mentioned in your author's note. At the start of this chapter you describe Snape and Riddle well enough, but when you first mention Harry, there's no description of what he's doing or where he's located in the chamber in relation to the basilisk. Adding that little detail would help orient the reader better to the action at the start of the chapter, instead of relying on the reader to know how the scene goes from the books. I'll also say the part where Riddle disappears when the diary was destroyed felt a little rushed. I think you were just trying to get past the part of the story readers know from the books, but I think another sentence or two to describe Riddle's demise would be good there. And perhaps a sentence or two to show Riddle's rage after the basilisk is killed.

I enjoyed the way Snape interacted with Riddle though, and refused to be intimidated by him. And I always enjoy the masterful way you manage to take the reader into Snape's thoughts, as you did with the scenes that followed. I always enjoy a good Snape-Dumbledore scene. Those two just play off of one another really well, and you portray them both well. It sounds like we'll be treated to another Snape visit to the Dursleys soon, which I'll be looking forward to that, along with whatever else you've got in store for us. I am thoroughly enjoying this marvelous story!

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Review #15, by Hogwarts27Harry Potter and the First Mission: A Reason for Living

21st February 2015:
Hi, I really enjoyed reading this chapter. Every scene was interesting from start to finish.

Battle scenes can be hard to write, but I think you did well. I enjoyed the little details you put in like - the way you compared Ron being hit by the battle debris to Fred being hit by a wall fragment. And I liked how you explored some of Harry's feelings both in the battle and afterward. I also enjoyed the conversation between all the characters after the battle.

Druid magic sounds very interesting. I enjoyed reading that part.

And the scene between Dumbledore and Harry was a good way to end. Harry learns something important about himself and his career choice in life. Great chapter!

Author's Response: Your comment shows me how it took for me to write this chapter. You're right, I spared time for this battle scene. I learned from your awesome review : when we cost much more energy and time in writing, we can produce better one. Thanks. :)

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Review #16, by Hogwarts27Harry Potter and the First Mission: Undercover

21st February 2015:
This was another good chapter. I enjoyed reading it. It had good action and good descriptions, and it kept me interested to see what would happen next. The fast action was good in a chapter like this.

I wasn't expecting Umbridge when she showed up in the story, but she was a good character to put in. When she mentions druid magic again, it made me curious to know more about it. So I was happy that Umbridge told us one thing that druid magic can do later on in the chapter.

You also surprised me with the unicorn patronus being from Draco. Even in this chapter, I wondered if Draco was secretly aligned with the Death Eaters again, especially when Lucius appeared in the story. But by the end of the chapter, I could see that Draco seems solidly on Harry's side.

You always end your chapters well. This was another good ending.

Author's Response: Your review always reminds me of beta reading and adding more description, thank you so much. I have no time to rewrite them but I have to. I like the softness in Draco, he may inherite that from his mother or Lucius loves his son as well so that Draco can't be a bad guy.

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Review #17, by Hogwarts27Harry Potter and the First Mission: Mentor

21st February 2015:
Hi, this chapter tells an important part of the story. The information you tell is interesting, and the plot takes an interesting turn. But I think this chapter needs more description to help bring it to life, the way you did in the earlier chapters. The scenes that are only dialogue feel a little empty without some description to go with them.

There were parts of the story where I wondered if Malfoy was going to switch sides and become a Death Eater again. And I don't trust Scrimgeour. I enjoyed Lily's journal - you did a nice job with that.

Author's Response: Thank you for your review. :) I could get what you could understand or not from your leaving review, I really appreciate that.

If I can get time to rewrite each chapter, I'll do it based on advice brilliant readers gave me including you, of course, Hogwarts27.

Speaking of Scrimgeour I made a little smirk because your react was definitely the direction to which I tried to lead readers.

And your review reminded me of using Lily's thing to mystery I'm writing now. Thank you. :)


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Review #18, by Hogwarts27Harry Potter and the First Mission: The Potions Master

7th February 2015:
Great chapter! I really enjoyed everything that happened, and all the interesting new details we find out. It kept me interested all the way through. Every scene was well developed with a good mix of dialogue and description.

I enjoyed the way you started out, explaining about Draco and his family. That was a good way to bring a reader into the story, and it was nicely written. And then it just got better and better with everything that happened.

I loved the potion making scene, and the way you described all the ingredients. I loved Snape's portrait too, and the search for the books. And you ended it perfectly. Excellent story-telling. I really enjoyed reading this. And I give you double credit for writing such a good story in such detail in a second language!

Author's Response: I really appreciate for your wonderful comments. :)

To tell the truth, I've read lots of fan fiction stories on this site and the other about Draco and Snape including slash, random reading. So they might influence me. There are so many Drarry, aren't there?

Much strong sexual nature , in my opinion, prevents readers from reading more. I like moderate pace.



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Review #19, by Hogwarts27Harry Potter and the First Mission: Back to Hogwarts

7th February 2015:
Hi! You did a nice job developing the story in this chapter. The plot unfolded nicely, and I felt a sense of increasing danger when Higgs was questioned and we learn out about the kidnap of his father. I also enjoyed the pensieve scene where Higgs sees his father unmasked. The was an excellent scene to put in.

You did a nice job describing the scene where Ginny wakes Harry up with the sun coming through the window. That was a lovely descriptive paragraph.

But then the part after she wakes him - you say Harry puts on a shirt, and Ginny gets up staggering a little, with her face turning red. But the story doesn't show why. Is it because she looked at Harry's bare chest and is embarrassed he might have noticed? If so, there was nothing in the conversation or scene description to give the reader this idea. Whatever the reason is, I think it would be good to bring it out better :)

You did an excelllent description of Harry's romantic feelings toward Ginny in the next part though. Oh my, a blazing goddess! It's clear that he adores the way she looks!

I loved the mystery ending. It makes me curious to find out why the Peverell name suddenly comes into the story. Excellent!

Author's Response: :) Thank you for reading my unskilled story.

To express being in love is the most difficult part for me. Because people in my country generally mask sexual nature. We have thought a modest attitude was a virtue.
But you're right. I need to explain more for readers.

Quidditch is one of my favorite magical category, maybe Book 4 and 6 influenced me. So I let Higgins enter.

Speaking of mystery, I'm just a green hand. I have to read other stories more.
Thank you for your kind review!


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Review #20, by Hogwarts27Harry Potter and the First Mission: The First Training Week

6th February 2015:
This was another good chapter. I had a really good time reading this.

Okay, I'll get a suggestion out of the way first:

Your newspaper headline - The Boy Who Saved Galleons - this is correct English, but I don't think it expresses your meaning well, because all people save galleons, so this doesn't make Harry feel special or different than anyone else. So I might suggest you think of a different headline. One idea that came to me was - Harry Potter, The Rich Hero. But it's completely up to you.

Also - Five Best Rich Wizards - this is bad grammar. The correct way to say this would be to call Harry the Fifth Richest Wizard, meaning he is number 5 from the top. You could also call him One of the Five Richest Wizards, meaning he is somewhere in the top 5. :))

Now back to the story. I really enjoyed all the action and training exercises they did, the tracking, the broom dismounts, everything. And again, very good descriptions from beginning to end that draw the reader in. The pace was good too, never boring.

When I read that McGonagall wants Ginny to protect Malfoy, this made me wonder if McGonagall had some special reason for making Malfoy head boy, because he seems an unusual choice.

The scene with Andromeda's lullaby was very sweet, and I enjoyed her explanantion. And again, it peaked my interest to hear her say she feels magic in the song. It makes me wonder if the song has some sort of power that we'll see in the story. Or it could also just be interesting lore. Either way is good. Don't spoil it by telling me!

And the ending was also good. Good story so far!

Author's Response: Wow, I really appreciate for your advice and opinions. It's been a long time since I wrote the last chapter of this story. I'll reread , edit and post a renew one.

When I wrote training action part, I imagined kendo, Japanese swordsmanship, so I'm glad you enjoyed it.

I think there are two big opinions treating Malfoy; the former Death-Eater to be hated and the pitiful victim caught under Voldemort.
I chose to treat him as the latter. But I want to treat him on equal term with golden trios, he is also a young man who has ambition.

Your encouraging words about Celtic song Andromeda sang reminds me of Druidic magic I tried to set up later which was not completed.
I'm wondering to set it up again in my third story, thank you!


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Review #21, by Hogwarts27Harry Potter and the First Mission: Auror Headquarters

6th February 2015:
Oh, I really enjoyed this chapter. It was a great read. The way you took us through every step of the auror process was wonderful, describing every little detail along the way. You even made the walk through the halls, and going in and out of the lifts interesting. I could picture everything so clearly. The way you put this all together really made it come to life. It truly drew me in, and made me want to keep reading. Terrific!

Author's Response: Thank you again, Hogwarts27.
I like action and wanted to write about the scene of the Headquarters.
Since I watched the movie of book 1, the friendship between Ron and Harry has always been in mind when I write HPFF story.
I know my English skill is not perfect but I try to write about a process of their growing up to be adults with fellow trainees.


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Review #22, by Hogwarts27Harry Potter and the First Mission: Eighteenth Birthday and Independence

6th February 2015:
I read a few more chapters of this story, and they were all a pleasant read.

Molly makes rock cakes? It sounds like hers are better than Hagrids, since I didn't hear anyone complaining. And you thought of some nice presents to give Harry. The aboriginal mirror was an interesting gift. It makes me wonder if will do anything unusual. I think it's good you made the owl a little different looking than Hedwig. Sirius "black" the owl - Ha Ha - shows why he deserves the name.

The second part of this chapter was very nicely written with some lovely descriptions and more emotion written into the scene, which I really
enjoyed. You did a great job writing those two nice descriptive paragraphs that come just before Harry talks to Andromeda.

Hmm, my first thought when I came to the part where Harry invites Andromeda to move to Grimmauld Place was this might be a problem when Harry gets married. So I was happy to see that Andromeda thought of this too before she made her decision.

This was a very nice read, especially the second half where you went a little more in depth into the scene.

Author's Response: I'm glad you keep reading my first story.

I wanted to write about the warmth of a happy home Molly made.

In my country not a few high school students visit Australia so the aboriginal mirror popped in my mind.

I wanted to give Harry a new owl since he lost Hedwig. So it should be Hagrid to give him a new owl as a birthday present.

J.K.Rowling didn't mention about Andromeda so much so we HPFF writers can create anything, can spread imagination.


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Review #23, by Hogwarts27Harry Potter and the First Mission: Reconstruction and Funeral

4th February 2015:
Hi, I had more time to read, so I went on to this story and read the first 2 chapters. This was a terrific chapter. Really good story-telling. Sometimes funeral chapters can get boing, but this wasn't. You described the family's grief really well. And I really enjoyed how the funeral ceremony you described was a little different than how it's done where I live. I just loved reading that, and found it so interesting. And the funeral fire was so sad. Terrific job!

Yes, for Fred's body to be buried or put in a tomb at the Burrow was perfect. But I didn't understand for sure which - was he buried or put in a tomb like Dumbledore? And the fireworks fit of course.

And the Castle being rebuilt with all the old stones also. That was as it should be.

I also enjoyed Hermione's letter, and all the details you put in about what she saw and enjoyed in the different countries. I thought you kept her nicely in character. That letter really sounded like Hermione wrote it. And it made a good ending for the chapter. This was a good read!

The language mistakes in this were all very minor. Most of the time it was just that you had a word or two in the wrong order in the sentences, which was no problem to ignore.

Author's Response: Thank you for reading my first story. The second chapter was based on my experience, so I recreated the emotion I felt in my real life.
I intentioned Fred's was put in a tomb. I only know graveyards in my country so it might lack of detail explanation.

I always like the way Hermione is clever among trio. I reread J.K.Rowling's describing about her letter before writing this chapter.

Yeah, it's about time to look for a beta.

Thank you agian for your kind suggestion.


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Review #24, by Hogwarts27Hogmanay: Hogmanay

4th February 2015:
Hi StarFeather,

I came to see some of your writing, but not because you left a review on my author page. I really was curious to check out your writing, escpecially since you're trying to write in English, and might appreciate a little feedback. I looked at the first and last posted chapters of each of your novels/novellas and I could definitely notice that your writing has improved, so keep writing. I speak both English and German, but I struggle with German. So I understand how much of a challenge a second language can be. I think a beta could help you express your ideas and learn how to make your writing flow more naturally and more beautifully in English. But keep writing and practicing the language either way.

I looked for something to read that had some nice descriptions in it, after you mentioned on the forums that you enjoy writing descriptions. So I picked this one-shot.

I think this was a charming little story, and I really enjoyed the setting you picked on the Isle of Skye and your description of the holiday night. Even though your phrasing of the English wasn't always perfect, it was good enough for me to enjoy this. I could completely picture the scene in my mind. This lovely Scottish holiday reminded me a lot of Christmas. And I enjoyed the tradition you described about the good luck lump of coal, salt, shortbread. It was also good you that you explained how the tradition was practiced, and its meaning, because otherwise, I would not have known.

The first sentence of your second paragraph is such a beautiful description, but I think the sentence is a little too long, so you might think of dividing it into two shorter sentences. Also I don't know whether pier street is a Scottish word or British word, but if I understand your meaning right, you could also call it a boardwalk. One other little thing in that paragraph - a drunkard sort of means someone who is always drunk, sort of an alcoholic. But if people are just drunk because they're having a lot of fun, you might just call them drunk people, or people drunkenly singing Auld Lang Syne. :)

I also enjoyed the Wierd Sisters, but the legilimancy scene was even better. I would have liked that scene to be even a little longer, because to invade someone's mind even by accident, could be a scene that really draws the reader in if you ever decide to develop it a little more. The legilimancy scene led the reader very nicely to end of the story where Harry wants to express his love by becoming an auror to protect Ginny from all harm. So all in all, nice job with this one-shot! It was a pleasant story that I enjoyed reading. Once again, I applaud you for writing in second language. Keep writing.

Author's Response: Thank you for your warm-hearted and kind review and suggestion. I happned to know there were betas in this site. But I don't know how to request them. I eagerly want to be proofread. I need to ask one of prefects.

The tradition I wrote in this story, I searched Internet a bit. If someone knows this tradition better than me, I'd like to know. When I found the black haired hadsomeman brought luck at New Year's Eve, I pictured the scene Harry and his friends visit Isle of Skye, though I've never visited there. But I heard the place was very beautiful. I have traveled Edinburgh but had no time to go north. I wish I could visit the northern Scotland.

I really respect your way of writing, so I will visit your story site more often and leave review. The legilimancy is written in my third novel, this one-shot was just a fragment of them but your idea makes me write more about Harry's legilimens.

Thank you for your words of encouragement!



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Review #25, by Hogwarts27Divided: The Tale of the Hogwarts Founders: Chapter VIII

20th January 2015:
Hi, I came running to read this when I saw your post in the finished stories thread. This is a wonderful last chapter, superbly written, and a real joy to read.

I enjoyed the arrival of Peeves, which made a nice bridge for the reader, reminding us that some things from the early days of Hogwarts continue absolutely unchanged into the present day Hogwarts we know. I also enjoyed the short sentimental moment between Helga and Godric when they notice each other's gray hair and remark that they've become old, or perhaps prematurely old, through all the chaos of running the school.

And I felt a real sense of loss when Salazar left, because of your earlier backstory, and the touching way you dealt with it in this chapter. And what a dramatic and fitting way to end this story with the ghosts, so that everything tied in with canon.

Thanks for writing - and finishing - this lovely story. And congratulations! A finished story is always an accomplishment. I've enjoyed every bit of the journey it took me on. Your writing style just grabbed me so that I could lose myself in the story-telling with every single chapter. Thank you very much for the reading adventure.

Author's Response: Hi! Thank you so much for coming to read this - it means so much to me that you pounced on it just as soon as it was posted! I'm so, so glad you liked it!

Haha, you know what, Peeves was not even originally intended to be in the story at all, until the idea popped into my head as I was partway through writing this chapter. In the end I'm glad I did, because the rest of the chapter is pretty heavy with stuff like death and betrayal and more death. And yes it does kind of link Founders-era Hogwarts with present day, as a few things never changed! That's a lovely way to think of it! I'm glad you liked that moment with Helga and Godric as well - despite all the huge changes on a grand scale that happened here, I felt like the little scenes of mundane things are a nice balance. :)

I'm glad that resonated with you, when Salazar left - that's definitely what I was going for, to not really have either side be entirely to blame. As angry as they were with him at the time, I felt that having Salazar leave would be devastating to them after so long of working together. So glad you liked the bit about the ghosts as well, and that you thought it fit into canon! That is so great to hear :)

Thank YOU so much for reading this, and for the congratulations! It truly is a great feeling to have it completed, and having support from wonderful reviewers like you made it just that much more enjoyable to write. I am thrilled that you enjoyed the story so much, and thank you for your amazing support. ♥


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