Reading Reviews From Member: maidenwriter
  
13 Reviews Found

Review #1, by maidenwriterThe Steep and Thorny Way to Heaven: Act IV

29th January 2012:
Hello there, flamel.alchemy here from the forums with your long awaited review. :)

This is a great story so far. I usually don't read cross overs, but Hamlet is my favorite work of Shakespeare, so you're in luck. It's written wonderfully, I give much credit to you and your beta's! I have a few things to point out however. When in the first chapter, Carrow and Dolohov are arguing about how they should kill Sirius "we can't just Avada Kedavra him" that kind of threw me off guard. I think if you revise it to "We can't just use the killing curse on him," or something along those lines. Also, in the last chapter, you wrote "could care less." People often mistake that saying, the correct way of saying it is "couldn't care less."

Other than those few mistakes I saw, I didn't have any issues with the story. It was wonderfully written and I liked your blending of dialogue and description. The flow was smooth with those two put together. All in all, great job! Come back to my thread when you have the next chapter up. I want to know what happens next!

10/10. :)
flamel.alchemy

Author's Response: This was definitely inspired by Hamlet and there will be similarities to the play but it will mostly be my own story.

I'm sorry that line didn't work for you. I'll definitely go back and re-read it and try to word it better. Oops, I definitely think that was an error that was supposed to be remedied and wasn't. Thanks for pointing it out.

I'm glad that you think the dialogue and description is balanced out. That's definitely something that I think I struggle with sometimes.

Thanks so much for your review and your feedback. I will go fix those mistakes asap. :)


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Review #2, by maidenwriterAlbus's Story: Watching

24th January 2012:
Hello there! It's flamel.alchemy from the forums with your review.

First of all, I usually don't read slash so this was a step up in fan fiction for me. But I'm not dissapointed! You wrote very well and I understood the plot.

You asked in your review about your use of English in the story. I couldn't even tell that it wasn't your first language! Beta's are wonderful, aren't they? :) You did wonderfully.

The flow of the story is good overall. You went from Albus having a crush, then the hopeful point of it, and then finally getting to meet him in person... just try not to get into the cliches of it. Avoid that.

I'm confused, you said that six chapters were up so far and you only have one up? Re request or PM me when you have the next few up and I'll read them. I'm interested in what this will turn into!

Great job overall! 10/10

-flamel.alchemy

Author's Response: Thank you! :-) Yes, I have an amazing beta reader!

I can understand that you are confused about the chapters. I have decided to re-write major parts of the fic, and therefor I have deleted the later chapters. I'll re-request when they are up again! :-)

Thank you again for your time and effort!


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Review #3, by maidenwriterLike A Romance Novel: The Paradox

19th January 2012:
Hello there! This is flamel.alchemy from the forums with your long awaited review. :)

First of all, I want to say I really enjoyed this story. Very well written and the flow is great for a crossover, to answer your question in your request! I have never seen Dr. Who, and I think that you sparked some interest. I'll have to make a trip over to Netflix!!

I think that you have a lot of potential for this story. It's really interesting and you engage the reader and left me wanting more which is great. As for grammar and flow, etc, wonderful! Beta's are amazing, aren't they? :) Characterization was well played out, also. I like that Hermione is taking a break, she deserves it. I think this will help her a lot.

I loved it!! Come back to my thread and request another review when you have the next chapter!

10.10

Author's Response: Thank you!
You should defiantly watch Doctor Who! It is one of the seven wonders of the world! Haha, I'm glad I sparked some interest!

Thank you! I seemed to have hit a mental blank for this story however :/ Yes! Beta's are amazing!! I love her!

Thank you for such an amazing review! And you should defiantly watch Doctor Who!!!
10/10! *rolls around on the floor*

I'll be sure to come back when I have another chapter!
Jaz


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Review #4, by maidenwriterBuilding Dollhouses In The Sand: Chapter Six

19th January 2012:
Hello there, this is flamel.alchemy from the forums with your long awaited review. :)

You have a great story here. I think it's got great potential and you could do a lot of things with it. There are some things that I noticed.

There are quite a few grammatical errors, may I suggest requesting a beta from the forums? Your writing is wonderful, just some small things I noticed. :) You had asked about the plot line in your request. I think that it is nicely played out, and you could do anything with your OC which is the great thing about OC's. I think you have developing plot line, which is great for potential.

You also asked what could be done better. I think that some punctuality could be improved as well as the formation, or organization of the story. You have great details and description, a beta could certainly help with the things I have mentioned!!

Overall, I think that you have done a wonderful job with your idea. I like that you are exploring the life of a Death Eater, what with the prejudice against them. I think that the minor details need some attention, also some more background on Katherine. I enjoyed her character and I can really connect with her. You make the reader want to read more and that's hard to do! Great job! :)

PS: I failed to mention this on the forums, but for novel length reviews I will be posting all my comments at the end chapter, to make it easier. Happy writing!

Author's Response: Hello!

Thank you I'm happy you think this story has potential.

I got myself a beta so my grammatical errors are close to their end! MUWAHAHA! XD I'm glad there weren't any problems with the plot.

Yes I did what I could have done better and I'm working on correcting this stories errors.

Thank you for your compliments :)


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Review #5, by maidenwriterA Renaissance: When nothing goes right, what's left?

8th January 2012:
Hey there, this is flamel.alchemy from the forums with your review. :)

First off, I want to say that this was very well written. The flow of the story was good, the way you marked the dates with the spaces. The only error that I found, grammar wise was "I hand her back the vial" maybe it could be re-written into this: "I handed her the vial."

In your request you asked about it being vague. To be completely honest I was confused as to what happened to Lorcan until he was talking with his mother. It might be better for the reader to revise a little and explain what happened, maybe a flashback? It would certainly help with the flow.

The characterization was well written also. I think that your Lucy is original, selfless, bubbly. I liked her. My overall opinion of the story is that it's got a good plot line, and you could even do more with it, expand it into a novel. And it was very well written. Good job!

10/10

Author's Response: Hi there! Thanks for reviewing! I really appreciate it.

I'm glad you thought it flowed well, that's always a big concern with writing. I do agree that the wording in that sentence is a bit awkward but actually, saying "I handed her the vial" would contradict the present tense of the story. Sometimes I do struggle with those little snippets of wording, though. One of those things, haha.

I guess I've always been an intentionally vague writer (particularly with one-shots) but yet I always worry over whether or not it's too much (or too little, I suppose). It's definitely not something everyone likes and I did consider a flashback or something, but I felt it would be a little misplaced. Still, I struggled a lot with getting what little explanation there was. In one of the first drafts, it was left completely up to interpretation.

I'm glad you enjoyed the characterization. I really like Lucy, and I actually just realized a bit ago that the last three stories all have her in them and all three versions of her are so different. I rather like this Lucy, though. As you said, she's bubbly. I probably could expand it into a novel if I had the inspiration, but I doubt I ever would. Although I am very much considering a follow-up one-shot.

Thanks again for the review! (:


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Review #6, by maidenwriterInnocence: Innocence

4th December 2011:
This story is really well written, the flow and organization of it caught my eye. I've never really read stories about Bellatrix, but I think that you portray her character quite well. She's such an interesting character, despite being completely senile and in love with serving Voldemort who has no idea what the meaning of the word is... but, I can see why here. You go into depth about her relationship with her husband, and I liked that as well. I think you did a great job, and this could be expanded maybe a few more paragraphs or into a series. All the same, two thumbs up!

10.10
maidenwriter

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Review #7, by maidenwriterThe Perfect Day: The Perfect Day

20th June 2011:
Hello there, it's maidenwriter from TGS with your review. :)

I must say, this is a really good story! I think you should definitely extend it and go further with it! Like, why the mysterious man on the beach killed her, etc. It was short and to the point, the flow was good as well. I like your Dominique. It shows that she's not as perfect as her sister, but perfect in her own way.

I was a little confused as to how you mentioned that George and Angelina were characters, but the only characters I read about were Dominique and Liam and the one who killed her. Maybe you could change that around. One more thing, when you said "high school sweethearts" I think that the term should be switched to "school sweethearts" or just leave out high school. Remember, it's Hogwarts, not high school. ;)

Great job overall!! I really liked it! You should definitely keep going with it, maybe even turn it into a novel or a novella! :)
10/10




high school sweetheart

Author's Response: Thanks for getting to this so quickly!
I was wondering about Dominique, i'm glad you like her! I've got an idea for what I'll do with this, but it'll be a while before I post it, I have to plan things out first :)
Did I mention George and Angelina? Whoopsie.
Oh, thanks, I think that must have just slipped out, 'high school' is really a more muggle term :P I'll edit that!

Thanks so much for the lovely review!

-Julia


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Review #8, by maidenwriterPower and Persuasion: Roaming Charges

20th June 2011:
Hello there, it's Erika again from TGS. :)

Another great chapter! I really have no complaints with this one. It was very well written. I enjoy your writing style, and your use of characterization. I think that you are in character. The flow of the story is also very quick and easy to read. Another plus!!

I think you should go back to this story! It has great potential and if you twist the plot around a bit I think that you can write something amazing. :) So far it's excellent! Great job! 10/10

Author's Response: Thanks so much, that's very kind of you! I ran into a brick wall while trying to plan Chapter 3 so I put this on hold till I finish another story -- never thinking it would take me 3 years to do so. (eek!) I know where the story is going in the long run, at least, so when I sit down to write it again I have a good framework. I really enjoyed writing Arthur and Ron in this chapter in particular -- Arthur has always been a favorite of mine! Thanks again :) you put a big smile on my face today!

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Review #9, by maidenwriterPower and Persuasion: Five Galleons

19th June 2011:
Hey there, it's Erika from TGS with your review. :)

I like this so far! It's funny and very original. You mentioned in your review that you wondered if the characters were in the right. Yes, I think they are. Ron might be a little too enthusiastic about things, but for the most part he was in character.


One thing that caught my eye was when you said "Nagini, Voldemort's giant serpent." I think that this scentence could be rephrased to just "Nagini" because I think that most everyone knows who Nagini is. Just a thought. :)

Overall your story is very good! Original plot and I like the characterization and flow. Great job! 10/10

-Erika aka maidenwriter from TGS

Author's Response: Thank you so much, Erika! I really appreciate your thoughtful review. It's been a long time since I took a serious look at this story and I agree the passage you pointed out could be usefully updated. I'm particularly glad you liked Ron's character in this story, he is such a joy to write for.

See you around TGS!


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Review #10, by maidenwriterThe Opposite of History: All I Need

16th June 2011:
Another great chapter!

I love the flow and characterisation. And you put Lysander in the story at the right time, I loved it. :) It's a very good read! I can't wait to see what happens next! I'll definitely read on even though you requested the three chapters. Let me know when you've updated! Excellent and 10/10 overall.

-Erika from TGS

Author's Response: Erika,
Thanks so much for the review. I'm really glad you like Lysander and how I've written him. This plot is lovely and sweet, and while difficult to write, I can't help but love it. Fluff is difficult for me, but I try and give it my all.

I am so glad you have enjoyed these first three chapters.
Len


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Review #11, by maidenwriterThe Opposite of History: Insomnia

16th June 2011:
Here with another review. :)

This chapter is even better than the last! You are a very good writer.

You write well with first person. It is hard to do first person, more or less than third, I'm not sure. I usually write in third person. But you do it very well. The emotions that you give Lilly are very real, and could probably only be put into first person to make sense. Which you do perfectly.

The flow is very good. It's not too fast, or too slow. I think that the transition that Lily makes from living in her dreams to trying her hardes to live in reality is a huge part in her and it does well with the flow in this point of the story. She is trying to put her past behind her and start new, and I like how you introduced Lysander into this as well.

The characterisation that you give Lily is perfect for this story. The emotions that you give her are very strong and I think that you have done very well with it. Good job!!

10/10

Author's Response: Erika,
Thank you for another lovely review.

Writing in first person is, depending on the plot, harder or easier than writing in third. As of late, I tend to write more in 3rd. But most of my Original Fiction stuff is written in first. This is an experiment of sorts as I venture into writing in present tense, in a genre I would almost never likely touch before. So I'm glad it's working.

Introducing Lysander was difficult at first. I didn't know where to bring him in or how to bring him in that seemed realistic. So I'm glad you like that it was here and that it works.

Thanks again for the review.


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Review #12, by maidenwriterThe Opposite of History: Fantasy or Reality?

16th June 2011:
Hey there it's Erika from TGS. :)

I like this story. I was a little confused at first about her family and where they were, but then I got it. I like the in depth description that you use here, it's a great skill that you have. I also noticed that the imagery is very well brought about. You portray her family and what little information we get about them here just right. Well done on the first chapter.

Great job! 10/10

Author's Response: Unfortunately, the confusion is done purposely. I wanted the readers to feel the confusion and pain that Lily felt when she realized they weren't real. It was completely planned.

Thanks for the review and I'm glad you've enjoyed this first chapter.


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Review #13, by maidenwriterPermanent: I.

16th June 2011:
Why hello there. :) I'm here with your review!

This first chapter is very well written. I love your writing style as well. You have great dialouge and perfect flow, the song fits very well with the story. I've actually never read a fic with Angelina as the main character, so yours is the first. :)

The flow is excellent. I like how you incorporated the song with the story. The characterization of George is very well done. I think that he was extremelly distrought when Fred died, as you explained, his other half had left him. He was very emotional and I was shocked because we never see this side of George during the series except at the end of course when Fred dies. However you have definitely pin pointed his emotions and what he was going through.

I think that you also did Angelina quite well. The fact that she cried and broke her promise says a lot about her character in this story. I also liked her emotions as well, that she was there for George and how you portrayed her needing George as he needed her.

Very well done! :)
10/10.
-Erika

Author's Response: Hey there, Erika!

Thank you so much for the kind review. That was so very helpful. Thank you for tackling the areas I was worried about.

Thanks, love! :) Talk to you soon! :D

Drue


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