Um..this was...confusing? Wait...was she dreaming about before? I'm confused. :(
But if she /was/ dreaming, (right?), this was very well written and a very good attempt at De-cliching. I know how difficult it is to do that! But you did it very nicely. The piece was hilarious- Malfoy's snarky attitude was so accurate! :D
Hm..Hermione was a little off, though. I mean, would she get so sappy and stuff, if her enemy proclaimed his love for him, even if it was a dream? I don't quite know.
Otherwise, I really enjoyed it! It made me laugh, and it was definitely a unique idea! :) I didn't notice any spelling/grammatical errors either, which is always a plus! ;)Author's Response: Yup is was a dream... or was it? Hmmm, perhaps we shall never know... or we will I can't be sure.
Though the point was for it to be flustering, bwahaha! And yay you liked my Malfoy!
Thank you!! Report Review
Hey, since you've left me plenty nice, long, detailed review, I decided to leave one myself. (A sort of guilty conscience :P)
First off, let me just say, I've NO idea why this doesn't have more reviews. Seriously. This was a very, very powerful start. I suppose, most people prefer romance reading, but you drew me right in. The refrain of- "There are those.." in the beginning was a very clever way to start a story, and I adored that.
The premise of the story is very nice too- very creative; I've never seen a story that tells how the Weasley family coped with the end of the war. And you described it perfectly- it was sort of heart-wrenching in a subtle way.
Ron just fell into drink? Wow, never actually expected that last line. I'm SO intrigued to read on.
All in all, very, very promising start. You write really well, you do. :)
I'm adding this to my favs, and will continue to read this when I have the time. (It's 11 in the night here now) :)Author's Response: Thanks so much for taking the time to review this! I'm so glad that you liked the start of this story and that you think that I described their reactions well. It was something that I tried really hard to do well and it's nice to see that it came through nicely.
Haha- I'm glad that you're intrigued. And thanks so much for the compliment! You write lovely as well. Report Review
Hey! This is very promising start to a story. There aren't many Lily stories, and I love this one already. And that whole 'not knowing that their parents are war heroes' thing? It's actually really canon, isn't it? I mean, in the epilogue it is mentioned that Albus doesn't know why everyone is staring at his dad. But they would know someday, wouldn't they? I mean, the other students at Hogwarts are bound to know about it, right?
Anyway, there weren't any spelling/grammatical errors to distract from the story, and all in all this is a very nice start. I don't know why this doesn't have more reviews. :) Report Review
Hahaha...that was brilliant! :D A unique and hilarious idea. The beginning was perfect!
"One day, a miner walked away from work, and wandered into these woods to have a poo. But before he could finish, he was attacked and killed by a band of robbers, struck by lightning, and eaten by a bear!”
*Snort* Seriously? :P
I couldn't stop laughing throughout! I'm so glad I read this fic- it made me feel sympathy for /Voldy/. Gawd. Seriously, though, I loved it, loved it, loved it. You've a very wry sense of humour. :)Author's Response: Thanks for the review!
I'm glad you liked the opening, I was trying to make fun of the whole horror movie genre there.
I'm glad somebody gets my humor! Report Review
WHOA. *gapes* *at a loss for words*
This... this was very, /VERY/ powerful. It's Moody, right? I was a bit confuzzled in the beginning, but 'constant vigilance'..eh..can't doubt that, can I? :P And he's talking about Neville and and his parents, right? *tentative dance*
Now, on to a /coherent/ review (ahem..), YOU ARE A GENIUS! (to hell with coherency :P) No, seriously, you characterised Moody PERFECTLY. you hear that? PURR-FECT-LEE. This whole piece was just so Moody. Now, I've read Moody fanfics before, but then, it felt like I was reading fanfiction. BUT THIS? This was canon, canon, canon! This could have been a part of HP, for all I know. Phew.
It sort made me cry too, because, oh poor neville, I've never felt more sympathy for him than I did now. How Moody promised himself that he'd teach him to be tough. Just, awww..
LURRVEE...Simply the /way/ you narrated- the use of the words "god.", and just, /everything/ was fantastic. I don't know how you did, but you captured everything about Moody there was without mentioning his name. As well as about the Longbottoms. From the mere narration I can see how and why they were popular as they were, how much their loss affected the wizarding world AND Moody. You showed his way of showing feelings brilliantly. Wonderful job. :)
I think I've already mentioned how brilliant this was, so on to the CC. There were a few spelling errors in the beginning. The ones I remember, I'll point out-
"They child, that kid, god". I suppose you meant their child or the child?
"His parents battles, not quite won--": Parents' battles, right?
Last line of the first para- "To the death, if he had too." : If he had 'to'.
Thank you for entering my challenge, and look out for the results in January! ;)
~Vanya (hm..first time I wrote this. Feels weird.)
PS- I heard you hadn't had a challenge entry reviewed before? Well, now you have :PAuthor's Response: HEY! Thank you for reviewing my challenge entry! This so never happens. This has like made my day, so thank you very very very very muchly :D
YEAH ITS MOODY :D I wanted to make it all confusing and ambiguous at first, because it seemed like a wonderful opportunity to mess with peoples heads (and I enjoy that too much...). Yeah, the Longbottoms! I'm so glad you got it - I was scared that I was going to make it either really really really obvious, or impossible due to terrible characterisation so THANK YOU SO MUCH!
Hehehe, I'm just gonna soak up the compliments for a little while before I have to slap myself back to reality. Thank you though, really, definately made my day :D
Thanks for pointing thoes things out! I'll go back and edit it ASAP - I always miss a couple of things.
Can't wait! Thanks for the great challenge :)
-AC Report Review
This was so..so sad, and heartwrenching. :( JKR never elaborated upon what Ginny went through after her first year. And to be honest, even I never wondered. But, /of course/ she would be feeling so terrible. And you wrote her feelings so beautifully. I know this is a sensitive topic, but this somehow fits, you know? As does Ginny's not so brave personality, because, after all, she's only a twelve year old. I loved the way you wrote about Ron- that he understood her pain, to a certain extent.
Overall, lovely writing. There were quite a few spelling errors in the beginning, but it's quite an old piece, so it doesn't matter anyway.
Wonderful writing. :)
PS- congrats on writing 400 reviews! I don't think I'd ever be able to do that. Perhaps in ten years or so... :PAuthor's Response: Thank you so much for this review and for your heartfelt comments.
I agree that this was never explored by JKR but I always thought that this must have been a horrible life-changing event in this young girl's life. She was very young and she certaintly went thought most of it alone, not wanting to talk about it too much. But dealing with it would be extremly hard.
I will check the spelling errors you talked about. It is an old piece and I'm still working on the second and third chapters (it will be 3 chapters long) because I want them to be authentic and emotionaly adequate. This is a hard subjet and I don't want to look like I'm taking it lightly or saying that things will suddently be all roses and puppies for Ginny.
This story is really about learning that things can get better, if we let time do it's work and brace ourselves to face the difficulties.
Ah yes! 400 reviews is such a big accomplishement, I never thought I'd get there so, don't give up, you'll get there as well. Also, considering you give such great reviews, always considerate and helpfull, I'm convinced you will get there because people will request your opinions!! Report Review
Hey! Woodrow Rynne here with your challenge review! :)
I KNOW THIS, I DO! Cormac McLaggen, right? And he fancies Hermione! *does a little dance* Usually, I'm quite bad at guessing, but you described him so clearly that it was fun to guess. So, congratulations on that count! :) That's one part of the challenge overcome!
I really like that you chose a minor character as well- not many people write about Cormac, and it's wonderful to see someone write him in such detail. Your writing is very well, too. "I am a well built guy, with a muscular form," This sentence was so Cormac, really. Arrogant much? I loved the way he talked about himself, that he is /not/ what he seems like...sigh. talk about ironical. :P
I would have liked you, though, to have shown this arrogant side more. I know you wrote him in a different light, but a little more attitude on his part would have been more canon.
But apart from that, you managed this challenge really well, and I really enjoyed this- the monologue style was quite effective. I loved the mysterious banner and the title and summary, so plus points on that! Thank you for participating, and look out for the results in January! :)Author's Response: Heyy!!
That is correct ;)
Well done on the guessing, he does fancy Hermione indeed lol.
I'm a minor character shipper (generally) and am in the process of writing a McLaggen Novella :) I adore underloved characters, Seamus being my number one fav :) x
Sorry I didn't get quite into Canon :/ I did want to show another side of him, but at the same time I apologise for not getting into canon enough :/
Non the less thank you for reviewing my entry :)
And Ill keep an eye out for the winners in Jan :)
~Karni. x Report Review
This was very, very characteristic. And again, you awe me by how /well/ you depict Narcissa Malfoy. You are a natural at writing her, really. :) I think her eleven year old thoughts seemed very natural- her fear of disappointing her family, yet her sadness. I really wish she had been sorted into Ravenclaw- perhaps then she would have grown to have a different exterior? - Not the cold and arrogant one that we came to know.
This was short, yet the length suited this fic perfectly. Really enjoyed reading this one as well. :)Author's Response: Hi!! Aw you flatter me too much! Thank you so much! I am so glad you found her character spot-on once again xD
I wish so too, but then that's not canon is it? xD
Anyways thanks a ton once again for your amazing review!! :) You rock totally!! I am glad you enjoyed reading this!
thanks Report Review
Aww.. sob. That was heart-wrenching. To see that Lucius, despite all he had done, still loved his wife so. :'(
I think you characterised both of them perfectly. This was so easy to imagine to happen after the battle- well done on that count.
Your descriptions were again great- they definitely evoked emotion in me. :)
Umm..there was just this one sentence that I didn't comprehend, even in elf-speak. "He is it sits in the living room." Was that supposed to be, "He sits in the living room?"
Your writing is wonderful and keeps me intrigued. Such an enjoyable read. :)Author's Response: Aww thank you for your sweet review. I am glad you found it so good :) I am so flattered that you think I characterized both of them "perfectly", it really means a lot to me :) Again, thanks a ton for the comments on the descriptions and the reality of the situation; good to know it all went well.
About that sentence, well I thought elves don't generally speak correct english so I put it in there, lol.
Glad you enjoyed this. Your review made my heart melt. Thank you :) Report Review
*jawdrop* *squeal* *crazy grinning*
See what this fic made me do? This was just...the cutest Ron/Hermione story I've ever read. It was short and simple, and just../beautiful/. I loved the way you described all those kisses and what they meant to Hermione; how when she grew up, she started losing hope of that fairytale kiss..and then Ron kisses her, and my stomach just somersaults. Because it was so sweet!
"And sometimes, a kiss can change a world."
Sigh. Thank you for writing this. And making me all sappy and cheesy and romantic and gushy... :PAuthor's Response: Oh wow, thank you so much for such a lovely review! I really appreciate the feedback! :) Report Review
I'm gaping at the screen right now. You know why? Because this piece was simply terrific! :D Seriously, I'm starting to love your one-shots. So unique, yet so fantastic!
Every characterisation was jaw-droppingly accurate. I've never seen anyone characterise every canon character so wonderfully! :)
Also, I never thought selecting prefects was such a difficult job. I like the idea that the Professors didn't choose certain students for their own safety- to prevent them from being targetted. :)
And that Ron twist was wonderful. I never imagined /McGonagall/ choosing him. In a way, it was very much canon, and characteristic of her. :)
Loved it. This was brilliant in its simplicity. :)Author's Response: Thank you so much for this nice review and I apologize for the delay in my response.
I feel so touched by what you said, I hardly know what to say other than a huge thanks. I'm glad you enjoyed the plot and especially the characterization because that was the hardest part.
I didn't think it was that hard either, choosing the prefects... But as I was writting, all these questions came up as to why this one and not that one and I really got a sense of how important these decisions were.
I always thought Dumbledore was blinded by his affection for Harry, not in a bad way or anything, simply, he wouldn't have seen Ron next to Harry. I thought the best person to see it would be the Head of House and I'm glad you think it works.
Thanks again for those kind words, you really made my day! Report Review
This was really enjoyable. Slughorn was simply hilarious. I can definitely imagine him talking and behaving like that when drunk. :P So, that is one part you captured really well. Harry and Draco, likewise, were characterised really well. On the whole, I couldn't stop grinning while reading this and this was a most enjoyable read. :D
You said you'd edited out the staff names? But I think I saw timeturner a couple of times in the beginning. ;)
The ending was really good as well. I wish this was longer, though, especially the scene at the party. Even so, I loved it, and congrats on the third prize! :)Author's Response: Yeah... Someone else told me I missed timeturner's name. I have that edit and many others waiting to be validated. Thanks for the review! Report Review
This was another fab chapter! I think that your writing gets better with each chapter; it's as if I'm seeing the author in you grow (cheesy, I know :P). The characterisation of Bri is fantastic, as I'm sure I've pointed out before. The twins likewise. It's nice to see their sensitive and serious side, more so because this chapter demanded it, even though I'd like to see their funny side return in the future.
I think the plot is progressing nicely as well. Just the right amount of mystery to keep the reader hooked, as well as Bri/George fluffy moments (I love those, btw! XP).
I never thought I'd see a day where a transfer student story would grab my attention, but congratulations to you, for you have done so. :)
Wonderful writing, and no grammatical errors, as far as I could spot, this time, which is always a plus. ;)Author's Response: :D Hi! Thank you so much for reviewing, I'm very glad you liked it! Report Review
Oh, haha :P This was short and cute and just, made this huge grin stretch upon my face. Ron is so /evil/ :P! Harry likewise.
I like one-shots like this one that focus on family time and not on romance. It was really cute. I think you captured the relationship between the characters very well.
Sad to see, though, that James' plan falied. I suppose he should've tried to bring in Hermione in the plan too. :P
Lovely writing- a few typos that I noticed here and there, but nothing distracting. :) I really enjoyed it! :)Author's Response: Thank you so much for this lovely review! I'm glad you enjoyed my story and was able to skip over the typos I did... I will check into that as soon as possible, promiss! Thanks again for give me a smile! Report Review
Aww.. this was such a cute story! Such a rare couple, yet you spun their relationship fantastically! :)
I don't think you need to be worried about OOCness. I know how difficult it is to write canon character with the fear that the slightest changes in character can make people scream 'OOC!'. In fact, I like how you've written both of them. George's serious side that is not often seen is very well depicted- even though I'd have liked him to crack a joke or two more, it's still pretty good.
Hermione is so spot on! Throughout the fic, from the time when she's nervous about an essay to the end, I think you've characterised her perfectly.
Descriptions are all very nice- your narrative is not overly descriptive; it makes me picture exactly what was happening quite clearly.
I think the only (tiny) problem I have with this was the nickname " 'Mione". It just...annoys me because It's not exactly canon, but that's just a personal preference.
Other than that, this was a really enjoyable one-shot. :)Author's Response: Hi..!! I am so glad to know you found this good and that it wasn't that OOC. I am not really good at humor so I wasn't able to make George crack jokes xP I am thrilled to know that you think I characterized Hermione perfectly!! :)
Thanks a lot for such a nice detailed review; good to know I haven't overdone the descriptions too :)
Well, I really like the nickname so I put in there - I know it's not canon but this story is not canon either is it? haha.
but thanks so much for the wonderful review! I am so happy to know it made an enjoyable read. thank you! Report Review
Oooh, I likey! :) This was a very nice start- humorous and just- happy, happy. Which fits the Marauders' Era! I'm glad you didn't make it all angsty (though it was a little in the beginning), I love the characterisation of the marauders- for the most part, they are characterised well. My only (tiny) problem is with Pettigrew. He seems a little too quiet and well, awkward. I know JKR characterised him similarly- but I suppose I've read too many stories in which he's the same that I'm bored. :P
Other than that, this was fun to read! Marlene has a very bubbly personality, despite where she comes from, and I can't help but smile at her narrative. :)
Good job!Author's Response: Hiya!
Thanks for the lovely review :) It is meant to be light hearted at first but gets more serious as it develops.
I am trying to work on the Peter Problem (other reviwers have told me the same thing!) but I can't yet think of a suitable solution.
Thanks again, LWG x Report Review
Whoa- dumbledore? At once I'm awed simply by that fact. Not many authors dare to write him as he is such a complex character. You, however, did a very good job. There's not much to go by, but Dumbledore still seemed very much himself, so great work on that!
Your depiction of Slughorn is great as well! So perfectly in character- his cowardice, Slytherin side is pretty obvious.
Plot- I love the setting. I don't think anyone has attempted this time-frame before? (I don't really know, I don't read much fanfiction). It was very unique and creative- that, combined with the length of this chapter (not too long, not too short- but enough to introduce the fic), makes this for a very intriguing start, and I definitely want to read more! :)Author's Response: Thanks a lot for the review! I like writing underused time periods since it gives you more freedom to be creative. I'm also fascinated by Dumbledore. Report Review
Wow. This was so, so /intense/. I'm almost in tears by now. You depicted Lily so realistically, so deeply just within this one-shot, that I'm at a loss for words actually. So moving. So /heart wrenching/. Sob.
"And are you? Are you proud of me?"
This was so very real. I loved that this was a monologue- poor Lily, truly! :'( She just wanted to make her dad proud, and he is no longer alive!
I loved, loved the last paragraph. It was very powerful, in my opinion. A teeny-weeny hopeful? The way she feels Harry's presence, the way her guilt eases a bit?
Very, very moving, enthralling piece. Loved it. *adds to favourites* :)Author's Response: Aww...thanks so much. I'm so happy you enjoyed it so much. I hardly don't know what else to say *gushes*
I do know it took me a while to nail that last paragraph though so it's awesome to hear you found it so powerful Report Review
Hey there! I'm here from the review tag thing-y. Er..anyway. This was so cute! Eek! I love your characterisation of Teddy- he definitely seems like Lupin's son. Overall, his nervousness was very adorable- it's so different from the usual Teddy fics these days and I love that. I also liked how he came to love pumpkin pie again because of Victoire even though he had always liked it in the first place. :P
Great job! I enjoyed this! :)Author's Response: Thanks so much! Glad you liked it :) Report Review
This was SO..*squeall!* ...well, even /fantastic/ seems like a small word! :D All I can say is that even from this single chapter, I have to say this fic completely deserved the Dobby award. And again, you awe me with your characterisation (I've read your Marauder fic before)- so perfect, so absolutely /wow/. You could be JKR in disguise for all I know! Seriously.
Ron was absolutely adorable- I think my favourite line has to be: "Before he could cry as he wanted to do, however, Charlie had tiptoed up to him, hands raised as though in preparation for the tears." I've never been able to write a child's PoV properly myself- and you did so brilliantly. When Mr. Stuffing turned to spider must have been so scary!- Poor Ron!
A very good plotline, a summary that draws you in, /fantastic/ characterisation, and brilliant writing style! Just how do you do it? You make me feel so jealous! :PAuthor's Response: SO MUCH SMILING ON MY FACE. :) I'm trying to form a response and it's getting hard, because your words were so wonderful. JKR in disguise?! I'm honestly so flattered -- that's one of the nicest compliments anyone's ever paid me, and I don't know how I'll ever return the favor.
This review just puffed up my ego about five sizes, but for the moment I'm not concerned about it. Thank you so much! ♥ Report Review
Have you ever written poetry? You'd be a natural if you did.
This was absolutely beautiful. I love Percy, despite everything he did; there's something just so /human/ about him- not everyone is able to choose the right side; in real life too, ambitions do shroud common sense.
Nevertheless, I loved it when he came back- and you wrote this homecoming just so naturally! I've never before felt so connected to a character as I did now- the bittersweet feeling (well, much more bitter, actually) and the guilt he felt- my heart feels so heavy right now, I could cry. The whole piece flowed just so gently and tragically...that I'm completely awed- which might make this review might seem pretty incoherent. :P
But seriously, truly, this was.../beautiful/. I LOVED, loved this. A favourite(st) for sure. :)Author's Response: HELLOOO there!
I actually went into college last year thinking I was going to concentrate my major in poetry. I'm floored and enamoured of it; for the last two years of high school it was all I wrote outside of essays :) I'm glad, in a big way, that you've noticed this through this story!
I find that after writing this I have much more of an appreciation for Percy than I did before hand. I can't say his flaws are mine but I think characters that are really different than you as a writer are almost easier to get into while you're writing. For me, there's no pressure to change or make any of the flaws better when they're not my own, so there's sort of a free-flowing; I'm not self-conscious, I'm not frustrated, I'm just thinking and explaining and living in a way that doesn't require anything out of me other than exploration. I think that's why this worked out how it did; though honestly, I didn't plan it more than I knew how I thought it would feel :)
I didn't actually ever consider this kind of feeling before writing it, either. It's kind of an isolated incident, I think, which made it all the more compelling to me to write!
Thanks so much for your review, I really appreciate it :) Report Review
Perfect characterisation! :D Most often, I'm wary of Luna fics, because authors have a tendency to go overboard with her character- but the way you portrayed her was utterly beautiful! Your descriptions are so lovely too! :)
Great start! :)Author's Response: Thank you so much for this review!! Report Review
This was so beautiful! Honestly, never would I have imagined a Ron/Hermione written in such an unconventional way- your choice of narrator was fantastic as it was unique. That's not all, you awed me completely with the way you wrote this- their subtle relationship- even if not so subtle to an outside eye :P
Characterisation- again, simply fantastic. Twycross was so well written- your constant use of the three D's made me laugh a little actually, but it did make the character pretty canon-y (ahem) from the little that is known of him.
The last line was so beautiful. Endings really matter to me, and this one was perfect.
I'm so glad I read this fic- it was so enjoyable to read. And perhaps this good writing would inspire me to write as well (and my writer's block would go away :P)Author's Response: Thank you so much! I was actually a bit timid about posting this so your kind comments are very welcome! When I first arrived at the site, all I did was read Ron/Hermione - I even tried to write one of my own that turned out to be pretty horrendous - and so there's always been a part of me that wanted to get it right.
I was also quite scared to do /anything/ with minor characters - I know that sounds stupid, seeing as major ones can be so easy to get wrong - but there's so little known about them it sorta intimidated me. I loved the idea of writing a story about Wilkie Twycross (originally he was paired with Pomona Sprout in my head) et voila!
Thank you so much for all your lovely comments and for reading and reviewing and being lovely! Report Review
Oohh...and it gets exciting! :D I couldn't stop grinning throughout this chapter. Your sense of humour is great! :D. I especially adored Lily's POV (again); I love the way you write her! :) So sarcastic. Teehee :P
Even though the chapter was short, I couldn't help liking it- it was so well written! I'm starting to love your writing, seriously. :) A CC, though- the characterisation of Marauders seems to be too cliche, you know what I mean? Um..like Remus engrossed in a book and Peter rarely speaking up. But that is just personal opinion; other people might like it.
But apart from that, it was another great chapter- I really enjoyed reading it! :)Author's Response: Thank you so much, I'm glad to hear that you're enjoying it! :)
I agree that the Marauders are a bit cliche at the moment, I'll work on fixing that up in later chapters. Thank you for pointing that out!
~Khanh Report Review
I loved the change in point of view in the beginning. It was very refreshing to see Lily's POV.
Talking of Lily, I adore your characterisation! Everyone is acting just like they should; I think the best part about your fic. :) Grammar, and sentence structure are all very all too. :) Harry couldn't recognise his mum? That's a li'l sad. :(
I still find the chapters a li'l short, though I suppose that's your way of writing. This story is progressing nicely. Great work! :)
PS- The password was Chocolate Frog? :P :PAuthor's Response: Thank you! I know it's a bit sad, but Harry is very confused and in a combined state of shock and denial, so there you go. He hasn't even realized he's time-traveled yet! xD
As for chapter length, I honestly tried to make the chapter longer, but it didn't work out as well. I'll try to make it longer next time, but no promises! xD
Oh, and of course that's the password... I couldn't resist! :)
~Khanh Report Review
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