Reading Reviews From Member: LadyL8
  
354 Reviews Found

Review #1, by LadyL8Firewhiskey: Chapter 1

22nd August 2015:
Hello Kaitlin,

Iím trying to review all the dobby rec. fics and that led me right here to read yours. Iíve actually wanted to read it for a while, but I never got around to it cause Uniís been so stressful lately. But Iím excited to finally get to read it, cause it looks really good. And such an interesting couple as well, not at all two people you would think about putting together, so Iím excited to see how youíve done this/solved it.

Wow. This was so painful to read. Poor Charlie. Heís really struggling with the war, with everything he lost and everything he wishes he couldíve done differently. It was really painful to see how much it affected him, but so believable. Iíve been lucky enough to never be in a war myself, but I can only imagine how it affects a human being. I donít think thatís something you can really fully recover from, because youíve seen and maybe even done stuff that just changes you forever. And your portrayal of that feeling of loss, of regret and pain is so realistic if you ask me.

This was such was an original idea. I love that Poppy and Charlie bonded over his grief and her caring of him. Itís definitely believable that she would in my opinion. The whole thing is very awkward of course, because she is like god-knows-how-much older than him (but that doesnít necessarily means they couldnít be together though, cause thereís quite an age difference between my dad and his girlfriend as well). But more importantly because she was the school nurse/matron back when he was a student as well, which really makes it impossible not be awkward.

However, I think thereís something really beautiful there as well. I mean grief can change everything around, best friends becomes enemies and the other way around, familyís splits up, two people youíd never thought would bond can suddenly bond. Look at my auntís family for example. After her motherís death the entire family argued with each other about who was to blame for it, and since then no oneís really spoken to each other. And the way she looks after him, the way she understands him Ė itís really beautiful. I canít really see them as being a long-lasting thing, but I just love what they have.

This is really well written. Pairing two characters that never really interact much in the books is risky, because itís important that it doesnít come across as just two random people put together. You have to make it seem believable, to find a way they could possibly be involved. And you really did, Kaitlin. I love your style, your descriptions and characterisation. I definitely see why this story was recommended cause itís really good. Thanks for sharing.

Lots of Love

Lotte

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Review #2, by LadyL8Invisible in Death: Ghostly Day

22nd August 2015:
Hi (for the last time for now) Rose *waves*

HAPPY BABY SHOWER!

So Iíve been looking forward to reading this story since I began reviewing for the baby shower, because I canít remember having ever read a story about Myrtle. I mightíve read one, but I donít remember it, so Iíll be thinking of this one as my first. And Iím so excited to finally read something about her, and her life or her death. And it looks so good, so my expectations are high, but I know you wonít let me down cause you havenít in the other 9 stories of yours Iíve read today.

Wow. This is so good. I love how your characterised Myrtle. I sympathise with her, but at the same time I definitely see her bad traits like how she blames Hagrid, when he was just as much a victim as her. You can see hints of her intelligence, which is very believable considering sheís in Ravenclaw, and I definitely saw her differently, in another light. Iíve always found her to be very whiny, but then again who wouldnít be when you were teased most of your life, youíve been murdered at such a young age and forced to see the people who made your life miserable go on. Iím not sure if I had been much better in her situation myself, cause she did have a tough life. She deserved better.

I love that you got Hagrid into the story as well. He too is someone who was teased for being different, and I found it to be very believable that Olive (or any of the other bullies) would try to ďpair them togetherĒ for laughs. Bullying is such a sensitive topic for me, because I was bullied myself and I feel like that made me relate to Myrtle even more. And the many situations she got herself in; I could probably have gotten myself in the same situations, but thank God I never did. Poor, poor Myrtle.

I like the structure, the pacing and especially the characterisation. The story is just so good, and I am never going to look at Myrtle the same way again. Itís almost like you in a way justified her bad traits, because you can really see where sheís coming from. And I just really liked it. Definitely one my favourites. Thanks for writing.

So since this is the last review, I have to say (for the last time) happy baby shower. I hope you liked the reviews and the other gifts youíve gotten, and best of wishes to you and your husband and your Baby Curls. I really want to thank for all you have and will do for this site. It would not be the same without you, and weíre all so, so grateful for you and all you do. Baby Curls is one lucky baby cause he or she has you as a mum, and I honestly canít wait to hear all about your little one and your life as a mother (preferably with some pictures, but I totally get it if you donít feel comfortably sharing those).

Hope you have had a wonderful day!

Lots of Love

Lotte

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Review #3, by LadyL8Don't Mean a Thing: Not the One to Stay Around

22nd August 2015:
Hello Again, Rose.

ITíS STILL VERY MUCH HAPPY BABY SHOWER!!

First of all, ouch. That was one painful ending. I mean I love Sirius, but I guess I can see him doing this. Lily was a beautiful girl, and lots of sixteen-year-old guys would not care if their friend liked the girl. They just what they want, go for her if she was what they wanted and not cared too much about the friendship. Unfortunately that is the case for at least a lot of the guys that went to my high school Ė they did not care too much about their friendship, and pretty much did what they wanted with whom they wanted. And they were loved for it, which is so sad honestly. You should not be applauded for being a womanizer, thatís not something to be proud of, but unfortunately many of them were proud of it.

I felt so sorry for Lily. She was so used, and she didnít really see it until the end. He didnít care about her, and I can just imagine how painful it mustíve been for Lily to realise that. I donít really like that he breaks it off with her so she can date his best friends, because I donít really think he has any say in that. She decides who she wants to date, not him. Iíve had so many cases like that in real life with my friends, and it really makes me mad because you canít make a decision for someone else. One of my friends actually broke it off with her boyfriend because she thought it would be better for him to be with is ex, and I kept telling her that it is okay to break it off if you donít like him, but donít break it off so he can be with his ex, cause he decides that and not you.

But anyway, I see why you wrote it that way, because itís very believable. You really see in the books that Sirius cares a great deal about James, their friendship is real and Sirius loved him like a brother. So I feel like itís believable that he would break it off for Jamesí sake, and you actually made me really hated my favourite character in this story. So creds to you for managing to do that (heís still my favourite character, though)

Thanks again for another amazing story. Now to one more review, and then Iíll have to finish for now. Hope you like the reviews youíve gotten so far, and happy baby showers.

Lots of Love

Lotte

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Review #4, by LadyL8Until the End: Together

22nd August 2015:
Hello Rose.

HAPPY BABY SHOWER!

So I canít believe I never read this story. Where in the world was I when the 2014 HC was going on? I shouldíve read this, and I donít know why I never did. But better late than never, right?

I love the Prewett brothers, and I always love reading stories about them. But thereís not really that many stories to choose between, and thatís sad cause I think theyíre really interesting characters. But I feel like people that do write about them tend to make them too much like Fred and George. But I donít feel like you did. Theyíre alike sure, but you can still see some differences there. And I loved that, because all twins arenít necessarily the same, you know. And they werenít here; there were some small differences.

Iíve always liked the relationship them and their sister. Molly called her twin Fred and George, thus using the same first letter as the name of her twin brothers. So I feel like she mustíve been really close to them, loved them a lot. And she mustíve taken their deaths hard, but thereís not nearly enough fanfics about it. I enjoyed them using magic against her, and the way she reacted to it. Sheís adorable, and you can see that while her brothers might annoy her, she also loves them a lot. And they love her enough to willingly fight the death eaters to keep her safe, and thatís says a lot about their relationship.

I love the ending. Itís great to see them together till the actual end, death. Iím not a twin, but Iíve always believed the bond between twins is special. Itís even stronger than the relationship you have other siblings, like stronger than the close one I have my three sisters. And I canít imagine how it must feel like if you lose your twin and have to carry on living alone, so Iím happy in a way that they died together. But sad at the same time, of course.

Now, I love you told the story. I quickly fell in love with the twins and their close bond, and I just liked seeing them gradually get older but still staying together until the end.

So yeah, good job!

Lots of Love

Lotte

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Review #5, by LadyL8Road to Joy: Startling Discovery

22nd August 2015:
Hi again, Rose,

HAPPY BABY SHOWER!

So this was a sweeter story, I guess. At least compared to the one I just read, and that pleasantly surprised me. I like Brandon and Cora, and itís so cute to see them together. And I havenít actually read anything with these two characters before, but I really like them. So I hope I might see more of them in any of your other stories.

Okay, so this is going to be a little bit of a shorter review, and I hope you can forgive me for that. Iím just starting to get tired, cause itís been such a long week. And Iíve had no free time whatsoever until yesterday, so these reviews have been left in a very short time, and Iím not usually that good at leaving a lot of reviews.

But anyway. I love Brandon, and the way you described his feelings for Cora. He really loves his daughter, even though he just found out about her. And Brandon and Albus are in there as well, and I really like the two of them together. So this story was really good for me. It cheered me up a little after all the sad stories of yours Iíve read, and itís just really beautiful. Good job!

Lots of Love

Lotte

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Review #6, by LadyL8Dull Ache: Oblivion

22nd August 2015:
Hi Rose.

So this story is very personal to you, I know. I actually remember the tweet about your baby, and it really broke my heart. Itís definitely part of the reason why Iím so happy you are now going to be a mum, cause everyone that wants to be parents and that can and will give a child a good home should be allowed to be parents. And I know youíll be an amazing mum, and I canít wait to hear all about it.

This story is so heartbreaking that it actually took me a while to come up with a review for it. You really convey her emotions, the sadness, confusion and desperation. And it really touched my heart, because itís very close to me personally. My sister has been trying to get pregnant for over 10 years, but sheís been having many issues with it. And sheís now taking hormone pills to help her higher the odds of getting pregnant. And she was actually pregnant last year and so happy about it, but she lost her child a few weeks later. And she closed herself off a lot, and it broke my heart to see her like that. But now theyíre trying again, and I really hope she will eventually get to be a mum, because I know sheíd be an amazing.

Itís also close to my heart because Iíve always known I want to be a mum, but I have a blood type that makes the chances of me having problems in a pregnancy much higher. But fortunately theyíd advanced a lot when it comes to medicine, so the chances have been reduced a lot. So hopefully everything will work out for me when or if I get pregnant sometime in the future.

But anyway, I love how you wrote this. Itís an amazing story, and I felt really sorry for Andromeda. It was just incredibly moving to read, but it really broke my heart. I feel like this is the best place to end it, so Iím just going to do that. Thanks for sharing the story.

Lots of Love

Lotte

(P.S did I mention how brave I find you to be for daring to be so personal, to write about something so close to you. I would never have the courage to do that, so you're definitely braver than I am)

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Review #7, by LadyL8(Sometimes) Love: Just Ain't Enough

22nd August 2015:
Hi again, Rose.

HAPPY BABY SHOWER!

BUT OMG IíM SO MAD AT YOU RIGHT NOW. HOW COULD YOU DO THAT DO ME? I WAS BROUGHT DOWN BY THE FIRST OF YOUR STORIES, BROUGHT FURTHER DOWN BY THE THE SECOND ONE, UP IN THE THIRD, DOWN IN THE THIRD AND PRETTY MUCH HIT ROCK BOTTOM WITH THIS ONE. HOW AM I GOING TO SURVIVE THIS?!

You know they warned me you like to make people cry, but this was too much. Iím a mess, Iím a sobbing, heartbroken mess, who very happy itís her BFís fresherís week so she has the apartment to herself, cause this is not a good sight I can tell you. Iím devastated, broken and a little lost, because you write sad stories too well. And to end it like thatÖ Iím going to be thinking about it for weeks. WEEKS!

I like/hate that theyíre arguing in the beginning. I was worried sheíd leave him with those words, that sheíd never get to tell him something better. But of course she went after him, she had to after all, but did they have to die right after seeing each other?! OMG. So sad. Crying. Tears canít stop falling (Iím very emotional, I should probably have warned you).

But such a good story. You write so well, and Iím so envious of you. Canít I just take your talent for story writing and numbers, because I really need it and youíre sooo good already. God, your kid is going to be a math genius and a famous writer for sure. How can he/she not with you as a parent?

I donít even know what to say anymore. This is just too much for me. So Iíll just say Happy Baby shower once again, and leave it with that.

Lots of Love

Lotte

(P.S Really hoping for something happier in the next story)
(P.S.S I'm not really that mad at you, cause the story is after all really good. And I can never hate a good story or a talented author)

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Review #8, by LadyL8You Don't Own Me: Don't

22nd August 2015:
Hello Rose.

HAPPY BABY SHOWER! (yes, I am going to write that in every review :P)

So this is the pre-story to the newer one where Scorpius is trying to recover from the abuse. It was actually pretty interesting (bad choice of words, but hopefully you get what I mean) to read it in this order, because you first the damage that had been done to him/the aftermath of the relationship, before you saw the actual relationship itself. And I feel so sorry for Scorpius who had to go through something like that, but Iím glad he found the courage to ask for help.

Corbin really seems possessive and violent, and I hated him from the first time I saw his name. The sad thing about abusive husbands (or sometimes wives) is that they actually think theyíre doing whatís best for their partner Ė theyíre doing it out of love, they say. And itís sick and twisted cause thereís no love in what they do, and to see in this story just how much it affects a human being was really painful to read.

My heart bleeds for Scorpius. It was such a messed up and twisted relationship, and he deserves so much more than that. It was great to see his friends stand up for him, helping him move out. They say you find out who youíre real friends are in times of need, and that is very true. Albus and Rose are really good friends, and Iím sure theyíll do everything they can to make Scorpius heal from all the damage. But then again do you really fully heal from something like that? Iíve been, like I said in an earlier review, fortunate enough to never have been in an abusive relationship, so I donít know. But I know I still remember being bullied and I still have problems with depression and other issues, and I feel like an abusive relationshipís got to be even worse. So I donít imagine he could ever really recover, but heíll slowly start getting a little bit better. But itíll always be there, I think.

Enough thoughts from me for now. Thanks for another good story.

Lots of Love

Lotte

(P.S I think I'm getting a little bit better at not rambling, but I'm not sure. Hope you don't find it really annoying)

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Review #9, by LadyL8Too Sexy: For My Love

22nd August 2015:
Hi once again, Rose.

HAPPY BABY SHOWER! Now this story looks so interesting, mostly cause I remember you saying youíd write this, but I donít know where I remember you said it (was it on twitter maybe?). But the song fits so well with the guys, so I look forward to seeing how youíve combined the two. And how youíve solved the time-issue, since the song was technically not created when James and Sirius was young. But Iím sure youíve found a logical explanation for it, and I canít wait to find out what it is.

Okay, so first of all I love the summary. Itís entertaining, and it gives a feel of what type of story this is. And OMG. Do I love the story?! YES, I DO. The perfect story to go to after you broke my heart with Wolfstar story. But how in the world can you make me cry and then laugh all in like 10 minutes?! Youíre really good, really, really, really good. Iím going to have to read more of yours from now on, cause Iíve obviously been missing out on great stuff. So expect me here sometime when life calms down again, but first Iíll have to finish the baby shower ones.

I can so imagine James and Sirius doing this, and itís a pretty hilarious mental imagine you gave me right there. I love how their friends respond, cause Iíd hide, watch and laugh myself if I had come across them dancing like that. OMG. The mental images. Iím dying of laughter here. Definitely the story to read when you need to be cheered up, cause it definitely makes you feel better. Iíll have to add it to my reading list, so I can come back to it later when Iím feeling blue.

I had an exam like two weeks ago, so I can totally relate to how boring it is to study, especially when you get two weeks free from Uni to prepare for it. Itís so boring to spend day in and out just reading stuff, and Iíd totally love to dance myself (but Iím a pretty horrible dancer, so Iím going to save everyone from having to see that image).

But yeah, this was so funny. Thanks for sharing, and Iím so happy I got a happy story to make me feel better after that last story of yours. It killed me, but this fixed it. Still laughing. Too funny.

Once again, happy baby shower! And congrats on Baby Curls.

Lots of Love

Lotte

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Review #10, by LadyL8Morningstar: Watching You Fall

22nd August 2015:
Hi again, Rose.

HAPPY BABY SHOWER! Iíll try to ramble less in this review, but I canít make any promises. Especially since itís Wolfstar, whom I happen to love very much. But Iím getting a feeling this is a sad story, so Iím well prepared to have my heart broken once again by yours sad, sad words.

Yes, I was right. And what in the world have done you done to me, Rose? Iím crying here, like actually crying. Tears are literarily falling from my eyes as Iím typing this, because this story is too sad for me to handle. Poor Sirius. He didnít deserve that, he deserved love, but Remus doesnít love him anymore. And to end it like that, thatís just cruel, Rose, very cruel. Sirius should not have died like that, without Remus paying any attention to him at all. He deserved better, he really did.

And this was just painful to read. Poor Sirius how loved he a guy who didnít love him anymore, and despite loving him, he actually does his best to keep Tonks and Remus together. Thatís true love right there. They always that if you truly love someone, let him or her go cause if youíre meant to be together theyíll come back to you. And that loving someone means putting their happiness before your own, and Sirius really does. But he had deserved a happy ending, but I suppose itís realistic, cause in real life people donít always get a happy ending. Sometimes things you end badly, so I guess why you did it even if you broke my heart.

Iím too sad to say much more, so Iíll have to end it here so I can go look for the pieces of my broken heart. And try my tears, cause Iím still crying. What have you done to me? Iím going to have the biggest headache later today, cause I always get one when I cry. God, why did you do this to me? *sobs uncontrollably*

But anyway. Happy baby shower, once again, and thanks for sharing this sad, sad story with us, even if it really broke my heart. You really are a good writer, Rose, thereís no doubt about that. Good luck with Baby Curls and your new family.

Lots of Love

Lotte

(now excuse me while I go pick up the pieces of my broken heart)

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Review #11, by LadyL8Winding Road: Finding Home

22nd August 2015:
Hi Rose.

HAPPY BABY SHOWER! Now, Iím a little ashamed to say I havenít actually read much of yours, but this finally gives me the chance to do so. And itís my gift to you, because you deserve my gifts and many more. I hope you have a wonderful time with Baby Curls, and I look forward to hearing all about it on twitter and on the forums. Best of wishes to you and Mr Curls, and congrats on your new family.

But over to the story, cause me reviewing it is after all my gift to you. I love the beginning. It captured me right away, and I love the description and the fact that itís in italics. Itís just perfect, and it makes me excited to read the rest of it. Iím thinking itís a relationship gone wrong, but I could way off (if you didnít get it already, Iím reviewing this as Iím reading, so I donít actually know what happens next when Iím typing this).

So I was right, but itís about an abusive relationship. Thatís horrible, and I already feel really sorry for Scorpius. I have to applaud you, though, for daring to take on such a difficult theme. It takes a lot of bravery, but itís so important to do. I donít how it is in other countries, but abuse is sort of a taboo theme here in Norway. People donít speak about it; you donít see much of it in the news or in works of fiction. And I hate when things end up being like that, because it makes it seem like something you should be ashamed of. And you should never be ashamed of being abused, cause youíre the victim and daring to admit you need help is never shameful. Itís just brave. And thatís why I really appreciate it when people take on themes like that, because itís only when we speak about the problem, we can help people that are in it.

But enough chitchat from me. I should probably have warned you; I ramble a lot. As in A LOT, pretty sure Iíve broken some sort of world record for it, really, if that exists of course. See, now Iím even rambling about rambling. Thatís it. Iím going to stop talking, and just read more of the story!

You know, Iíve never liked math or numbers, and I never really understood people that do. I feel like you might Ė and I could way off Ė be telling us, through Scorpius, why people can love numbers like you do. For me, I always need to read books when Iím sad or heartbroken; I can only find comfort through getting lost other, fictional peopleís lives, especially if they too have a lot of issues to handle. So I feel like I can relate to it, and that I better understand what numbers can mean to people now, and what they might mean to you (because I know you love numbers and statistics).

Wow. This is so heartbreaking. Heís clearly in pain, but you can also see that heís slowly healing as he spends more time away from Corbin. And I love that his parents have different ways of reacting to his pain, and I especially loved that Draco was fighting for the domestic abuse law to be better. And was even willing to meet with someone he doesnít actually like, all because he loves his son. In fanfics people tend to paint this bad pictures of Draco as parent (at least in some fanfics Iíve read), and I hate that. I donít think Dracoís a bad father at all, I always believed him to be sort of like my own father. Heís not a very emotional man, but I still know he loves me very much. He just shows a little bit different than some other people might. And I feel like thatís Draco too, and you portrayed him really well. He was believable.

This is just such a powerful story. And to think itís just one moment in his road to recovery. You have such a realistic portrayal of abuse in my opinion, though it should be said Iíve been lucky enough never to be an abusive relationship myself. You have paranoia in there, insomnia and nightmares. And you can really see Scorpius struggling to contain his own fear, because he really does want to get better. That much is clear.

So yeah, I loved it. Once again, Happy baby shower. And I hope this is readable and that my rambling isnít too much for you. Iím trying to make myself stop, but itís become a nasty habit of mine.

Hope you like all your gifts, and congrats again on your little one.

Lots of Love

Lotte

(And again, I'm so, so sorry for the rambling. I'll try to be better in the next reviews)

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Review #12, by LadyL8Serenity: Serenity

21st August 2015:
Hi Laura.

Wow. That's the first thing I just have to say to you. I came here because I saw the story in the dobby recs. thread, and I can totally see why it was recommended. This is so tragically beautiful, so wonderfully written. It broke my heart, you broke my heart Laura! And this is just so amazing I'm not even sure I can find the right word to convey it, but I'll definitely try cause you deserve many, MANY more reviews.

I love how you characterised Padma and her struggles with accepting herself, her confusion, desperation and her sadness. In high school I was actually really confused about myself and my sexuality, but eventually I came to realise I'm aromantic. You see when you're never been romantically interested in anyone, you kind of start question whether you like girls or boys or both. And I've just reached the conclusion that I don't care. But this story really brough back memories of what it felt back then, when I questioned myself and who I was. It's painful, and I wouldn't wish it on anyone really.

I love the different parts. It's interesting to see it develope from something as simple as a kiss between two friends to practice, until it eventually ends up being a secret/private relationship. Padma can't really seem to accept herself, and it's must be especially tough because she battles the more traditional views of Indian culture - the pressures of finding yourself a future husband. And I really sympathise with her, and I can see where she's coming from and why she does chose to do what she does in the end. She's just lost between who she is and who she thinks she should be, and it's really sad to watch.

The scene with the boys breaks my heart. It's sad to think about the homophobia we still face in the world, even if it has gotten much better than it once was. This story, however, is set around 1997-1998, which obviously would mean that homophobia would be a bigger problem than it is today. But even now we still have a way to go. And I don't know how it is in other countries, but you can still face bullying and prejudicsm and other bad stuff here in Norway, even though we've had legalised same-sex marriages for like almost 8 years. The problem is biggest with teens, though, which is sad because most people realise who they are in their teens.

Anyway, there's something so beautiful about the style of this story. You know from previous reviews from me that I love your writing. It's out of this world, really. You're so talented, so amazing that I honestly don't how to say it in words. I don't think there are words for it, and what you did with this story... I'm so in love with it. There's a beautiful development of a relationship as well as Padma's gradual realisation of who she is, and her trying to accept that. You have such a beautiful language, amazing imagery and the story is just captivating, fascinating, interesting, lovely, indescribably good. Like every good adjective you can find really.

And I have to applaud you for the diversity. I know it was for the diversity challenge, but I'm still applauding you. I love to see different cultures, ethnicities, sexualities, religions etc. I don't think we mean to do it, but we tend to make most of the characters in our stories (I said "we", because I need to get better at it too) caucasian, British, straight and Christian (if they have a stated religion). And while that is good too, we do need to see more people from different places, different ethinicities and religions etc. Because magical people are found all over the world, not just in Britain

Now finishing this review I have to once again say that I LOVE this story. It's so stylistically perfect, so beautifully written, but tragic and heartbreaking at the same time. I can't even come up with one critical thing to say, cause it's that good. This is just flawless, perfection. I'll definitely favourite it, and I'm so glad someone recommended it so I got to read it, cause everyone really should read this. Thanks for sharing the story.

Lots of Love

Lotte

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Review #13, by LadyL8falling. : falling.

21st August 2015:
Hello Erin.

So I'm reading my way throught the dobby rec fics, and now I reached this one. I have actually read it already, but I don't know why I never got around to reviewing it. I'm sorry I didnt', but better late than never right.

First of all, I knew this was for the A-Z challenge before I read, so I noticed that of course as I read. However, I don't feel like it was obvious for people who didn't know about that; they probably wouldn't actually notice that each sentence start with a new letter, at least I think so.

Now this was really beautiful. You know I love your writing cause I've said that many times, but I actually think this might be my favourite story of yours EVER. I get why it was recommended, cause it really is good.

I especially love the vocabulary, which feels more advanced than in your other stories (I might be wrong, though, but I've read so many stories from other writers since I last read something of yours so I could be mixing you with another author or just remembering wrong). At the same time it wasn't too advance; it didn't feel like you were just trying to find synonyms without really knowing how to use the words. So that was amazing. Good job on that!

My favourite part is without a doubt the description. You have so many beautiful descriptions, and it really gets across Hugo's desperation, love and how much he wants to help Lysander. And you have small/short sentences that says so much, like the "karma" one, which is just one word, but it says a lot. And I just love the almost lyrical tone to it, your writing style and how wonderfully the story flows. This is a really good story, Erin. I've fallen in love with it.

Now I'm a bit of a perfectionist myself, which you already know from my review on the challenge entry, but fortunately not to the same extent as Lysander, I've never had OCD thankfully. I still felt like I could relate to him, though, because I too feel like I get to lost in myself, I suppose you could say. I'm too strict on myself and only accept the best of me, and I don't give up or even take a break until I have achieved that. Like Lysander I'd lock myself up, isolate myself from everyone that could distract me from my work. And I too actually - and this comes from other issues I'll eventually share with you guys when I'm ready for it - stop eating when I work on something. I can't eat when I work on making stuff perfect, and I can't break that habit no matter how bad I know it is for me. Because it really isn't easy.

Hugo breaks me heart in this story. You can see how hard it is on him, having to watch Lysander "wither away" to quote him. I could really feel how much it hurt him, how painful it was for him to watch, and my heart just broke for him. I'll love that he'll be there for his friend, but then again it's kind of bad because Lysander shouldn't be dependant on Hugo; he should get help so he can fix his own problems, and not have Hugo fix them for him all the time.

But putting that thought aside, the style in this piece is just amazing, You have such easy descriptions, a very beautiful (I want to say easy here as well) tone to it, and I love how different Lysander is from his mother, Luna. That's such an interesting contrast, and it really shows that kids aren't their parents, because they tend to be in fanfics. And that's not true at all. I'm nothing like my parents, I can't count on two hands how many times I've been asked if I'm adopted (I'm not, if you're curious), because I don't look or act like any of them. But no one is exactly like their parents, many people are actually really different from them. And your story really showed that.

I don't know a lot about OCD myself, but I think you portrayed it well. I want to applaud you for daring to write him like that, cause it's a very difficult topic. In my country it's almost taboo, because we never speak publicly about it. So I love seeing it in fiction, cause that's the only way to break the tabooness of it (yeah, I know. That's probably not a real word, but you get what I mean).

A really good story. I understand perfectly why it was recommended, and I'm glad I read it. You nailed the challenge, that's for sure, and it's going to get a favourite from me because I honestly think it's your best work. Really love the style and the flow, and I love that I can relate to it in a way. So yeah, 10/10 and a favourite from me. Good job, Erin. This is amazing!

Lots of Love

Lotte

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Review #14, by LadyL8Putting the Strawberry in Blonde: One

13th August 2015:
Hi There.

I saw this story had no reviews, so I thought I should come by and leave you one. Now my reviewing style is usually what I call the sandwich-method, which basically means positive-negative-positive. Hopefully I'll manage to keep to that, cause I really do like the story and I don't want you to think anything else. I'm only saying stuff to help you, not to discourage you to keep writing. And I'll be sure to say lots of positive stuff as well.

First of all, I was a little surprised the story had no reviews, cause I actually think it looks really good. So I'd have thought other would've R&R it, but apparantely not. I don't know why. Maybe people's just been very busy or something like that. Hopefully they'll come around soon, cause it's definitely not a bad story.

Now, I like your writing style. There's a lot of dialogue and thoughts, which I often find to be the most interesting parts of a story. So I really liked that, and Victoire's got a good narrative voice and she's very easy to understand as a character. And to relate to, but that might be because my friends can't decide if my hair is just ginger or strawberry blonde (some say the first, some say the latter - I think it's the first though).

I like the relationship between Teddy and Victoire. You can very easily tell that they have a close friendship, and I like how playful they are. You can tell why they'll end up with each other eventually, cause they're so compatible and very ... tight. Yeah, I'll go for that word, since I can't come up with something else. So yeah, I loved that close friendship :)

I noticed one tiny typo here: "I considered as I detailed the want movement involved in the charm. He did give me twenty galleons for last Christmas, and Merlin knows he really is a brilliant uncleó". I think it's suppose to be "wand" instead of "want". Other than that I didn't notice any errors, but I'm Norwegian so my English is obviously not perfect.

Anyway, I also noticed a little thing. It's mostly a formatting issue. I don't know if you know this or not, but you can actually add in a line in the story. I - personally - would do that after the author's note, because it makes it even clearer where the story begins. Cause I found that a little confusing.

I think that's all really. The rest was so good. I think the story is humourous and entertaining, and it makes me want to read more. And that's the most important job of a first chapter, so well done. I enjoyed it, and I hope to see an update soon. Thanks for sharing and I hope to be back and read more soon :)

Hugs

LadyL8

Author's Response: Hello, LadyL8! The part about you relating to Vic because of your hair made me chuckle - that's awesome haha :) Thank you so much for your review. It truly means a lot! :) I'm so glad you like the story so far as well as the characters. Thank you for your critiques - typos are the bane of my existence!! Haha. I tend to be very meticulous about that, but I definitely missed the "wand" one, you're absolutely right. I'll try to edit that in later.

As for the formatting thing - thanks for the heads up! I'll do that for the next chapter I submit; the line definitely does keep everything organized. I've actually already submitted the second chapter, but for the following ones I'll try to insert a line :)

Thank you for all the kind words - I'm so happy that you enjoyed it! I love Ted and Vic, and I hope my readers do too.

By the way, your English is great! Have a great day xx


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Review #15, by LadyL8Light as air: 1. Lisa

9th August 2015:
Hi There.

I'm Lotte. I've been trying to find and review stories with few reviews, and that's how I came upon this story. But I've actually had it on my reading list for a while now, and the reason is that I strongly relate to the fic alreay before reading it. You see, I've been fighting an eating disorder since I was in elementary school, but not the kind that are most talked about; anorexia and bulimia. I actually have another one, that basically means that I don't feel hunger the same way others do. I can go a day without eating, simply because I don't feel hungry at all. They had a name for it, but I can't remember it.

But enough about me. I wanted to read this story cause eating disorder is eating disorder, and - like I said - I figured I'd be able to relate to it. So I was excited (I feel like that is the wrong word, considering what the story is about) to read this story, and see Lisa battle her disorder. And I liked (which again sounds so wrong) it.

Before I start commenting on the story I just have to say one thing - I'm a lot better in grammar than this review will indicate. For some reason my grammar sucks in reviews, but is good in everything else. I just keep making so many mistakes in my reviews, and I only notice them when I've already posted and no longer can edit them. I hope you can forgive and try to overlook them all. I promise I really am better than it might seem like I am from this review.

I love that you start before she's developed an disorder. It'll probably end up being a great contrast to her after the disorder, really showing the power of words. Lisa is feeling good about herself - or at least not hating herself - until Cho and Roger starts talking. And then that really gives her a different perspective of herself, makes her think she's not skinny enough. And that's sad, of course, really sad, but very believable... unfortunately.

Now, I like your description. I guess the only thing I kind of miss is more emotion... the repeat of Cho's words does show us a little bit what effect they had on her, but I think maybe it would be good if you showed it even more. Does she feel pang of pain in her chest at the words? Does she feel nauseous just looking at food, cause it reminds her of Cho's words about her being fat? Is she scared Chelsea will find out that she's not eating? And what about her brother; is she worried he'll find out?

Things like that. You already show it a little, but I think it would be great if you could show it even more.

I don't have anything to say about your grammar. I actually think it's really good, but I'm not a native English speaker either (Norwegian, actually). I also think it flows well, and that it's well-structured. So good job on all of those things; I'm impressed really. Especially considering it's your first story - everyone always hates their first story, for some reason. But you don't have a reason to hate this one, cause it's good if you ask me.

So this is definitely not a bad start. I'm excited to see where you'll take it, and if her friends and family will notice something's going on with her. Which by the way reminds me, I did not see it coming that she was Harry's brother. I was actually thinking she was Lisa Turpin, a known Ravenclaw girl in Harry's year, but definitely not his sister. So you surprised me there (I did not read the summary well enough apparently)

Now, I'll come back soon and review more. Hope you enjoyed this review, and thanks for sharing the story. You and the story really have lots of potential, so I'm excited to see where you'll take it from here.

I guess my only concern would be the summary. It's not bad, it's just formatted a little strangely. I'd advice you to head over to the forums, check the Flourish and Blotts - Fundamentals, and then the lesson on summaries. It's really helpful, but if you still feel lost, you can always create an account on the forums and ask for help in the story summary thread. Or you can ask for CC reviews.

But yeah, this is very good for a first story. Lots of potential here. Can't wait to see where it'll go.

Hugs

Lotte

Author's Response: Hi Lotte!
Thank you for your review! It was really helpful and I think that have a few really good points. I think you're right that I should have elaborated on Lisa's emotions more, because in the end eating disorders are mental health disorders, so emotions, feelings an thoughts do play an important role.
Thanks for the tip about my summary! I will definitely try to improve it ;)
Again, thank you for writing a review! It was really helpful!
Eleanorr


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Review #16, by LadyL8At Home.: At Home.

9th August 2015:
Hi There.

I'm Lotte, and I'm trying to review stories that have few reviews, and I came upon this one. And it looked good, so I figured I'd give this one a read. And I'm glad I did, cause it really is good. Now before i start I just need to say that I always try to have lots of praise, but also some CC. It's just to help you improve - to reach your full potential as a writer. So I hope you don't hate me or feel really discouraged, cause that's honestly not what I'm trying to do... I promise you.

Before I start, you might find millons of typos and grammar mistakes here, but I'm usually a lot better at grammar. For some reason it just completely falls through when I try to review, and it ends up having so much mistakes I get embarrassed thinking about it. So just know that I'm usually better than what you'll see here.

Okay, so I like the idea. I never thought about what house Molly II would be sorted into, so I was really curious about where you'd place her. I think you made the right choice, though I might be biased considering I'm a out and proud Hufflepuff. But yeah, I feel like I can see her value friendship, loyalty and fair play more than knowledge or the adventurous side that the sorting hat mentions. So yeah, I liked the sorting.

And I love the idea. As I said, I'm a Hufflepuff myself, and I strongly dislike the stereotype about them being stupid, cowards and/or just inimportant and boring. I don't think that at all. Hufflepuffs are just amazing as all the other houses; I mean we have produced the fewest dark wizards, and had the most members fighting in the final battle, only second to Gryffindor. And we've had some pretty amazing members of our house, and I love when writers aim to show that instead - to show that Hufflepuffs are amazing.

The only CC I have really is on the formatting of the story. You have some strange spaces here and there, a couple of paragraphs with no space before them or with too much space before them. But it's really the only thing I have to comment on. Grammar-wise it's good as far as I can tell (some punctuation mistakes, like in the first paragraph. I recommend visiting the forums - Flourish and Blotts, and then the Fundamentals. There's some really good topics there that help you with grammar and punctuation, and you don't need to be a member to read them), but I'm not a native speaker so I could of course be wrong. But I think it flows well, I'm loving the description - you could possibly add a little more non-physical description (as in other things than what we see), but I'm happy with everything you already have of it in the story - and the characters are good.

I suppose the only other thing I could comment on is the first paragraph. I feel like maybe you're giving us a little bit too much information, if you understand what I mean. I get that you want us to know who Victoire is and who's her parents, but I feel like it's not necissary going to so much into detail about it because Victoire is not an important character; she plays a minor role. So maybe you could do something about that.

But as I said, the story's good. I'm actually struggeling with coming up with something you can improve, so that says a lot. It's more the formatting than everything else, so I'm going to give you some quick tips for how to format the story (I've been here for 4 years, so I'd like to think I've learned a thing or two).

1. Use the Easy/Simple Editor and Not The Advanced One. The Advanced one adds strange spaces, like the ones you see in this fic, and you don't want that.

2. There's a guide to the Simple Editor that you'll find under the text box after you've clicked on "switch to simple editor". There you'll see how to do it.

3. I always write "Author's Note" in bold letters before I speak directly to the readers - you did write it, but not in bold letters. I would that, because I feel like that makes it really clear that I'm not longer telling the story but speaking directly to them.

4. I always chose to either have the author's note at the beginning or the end of the story. There's nothing in rules about the disclaimer having to be at the beginning of the story as far as I know, so I'd just write everything at the end of it instead it if I were you

But yeah, that's mostly it. I just have two more things to say before I finish this review.

1. I love how you structured the story. It was a good start, that really built up to an amazing end. I like that she feels like she's come home, because it's so close to what Harry describes feeling when he enters the Gryffindor common room in the books. So it was a really good way to end the story, if you ask me.

2. This is your first story? I would never have been able to tell if you hadn't said that in your author's note. For a first story this is freaking amazing. My first story - and I'm not lying about this - was embarrassing I can't even speak about it. It was one of those teenage pregnancy cliches, and it was really poorly written. In comparison this is amazing. You have nothing to be ashamed about, that's for sure. I really liked it, and knowing it's your first story just makes me really impressed. I can't wait to see you develope as a writer, and read your stories after a couple of months/years (depending on how much your write) here, cause you got lots of potential, that's for sure.

Good job on your first story, and I hope to see more from you soon (and I hope I'll remember to come back - I'll definitely try)

Hugs

Lotte

Author's Response: Hello,

Firstly, thank you so, so much for your lovely review!

I'm really glad you liked my sorting Molly into Hufflepuff. As a fellow Puff, I always tend to get a little annoyed by the lack of more-than-just-extras placed in Hufflepuff, although I do think it's gotten better recently (That however, may just me being more aware of it).

Also, thanks for being kind and constructive; I'll definitely look into formatting and punctuation! As for the things more directly related to content, I'll try to see how I can improve as well, but it's been quite a bit since I wrote this, hence that might take a little while longer.

Sadly, while I genuinely enjoy writing, I can't promise I'll post much in the near future. 'At Home' isn't just my first story, it's also the only one I've ever actually finished (Like, what is a plot?). I started on a few things, and I'll see if there's anything worthwhile I'd want to use. It's always immensely motivating to read reviews, especially if they're as thought out and uplifting as yours! You've been incredibly kind and I am honestly keen to try to pick up writing more seriously once more (Although I am a terrible procrastinator).

All the Best,

Julia


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Review #17, by LadyL8Taking Back My Life For My Own : To Hell With Them

9th August 2015:
Hello There.

I'm Lotte, and I've been trying to read stories by new authors at HPFF. So that's why I'm here to read yours. I know this is your first story, so I'll definitely try to be nice to you. However, as I'm a writer myself, I will give some CC, but it's only to help you reach your full potential. And it'll be well packed in between lots of praise, so hopefully you won't hate me too much for it.

Now starting from the top. I like the summary. It's intriguing and it makes me want to read the story. I like that you don't say who the person is, that you keep it a little bit mysterious. That's definitely something you should keep doing in summaries, cause it makes it so much more interesting.

Now, you've already said you struggle with spelling and punctuation. I'm not going to comment a lot on that, but I will give you some small pointers that can help you a lot. It's more tips than anything really, and I could make a big a difference writing wise.

First of all, I always use an online spell/grammar checker when I write (I'm not a native English speaker either). It's my secret, and I've never revealed it before now. You can easily find one just by google-ing "English grammar checker". It'll point out small stuff you've done wrong, like for example - and this is one thing I always mess up - then/than and is/are. It really is a smart tool to help you, so I recommend just copying small paragraphs of your work into it and fixing your mistakes (it actually show you what it's suppose to be).

Second tip. I don't know if you're a member of the forums, but even if you're not you can read the topics you'll find over in Flourish and Blotts - The Fundamentals. These are amazing topics that help you understand the basic of grammar, dialogues and punctuations etc. I use them all the time, and I promise you they're really good (or you can join the forums of course, if you're not a member already. Feel free to contact me then - I'm LadyL8 over there as well, and I'm more than willing to help you out)

But enough about grammar. Over to the actual story. I like the idea. It's a very serious theme - Harry is considering suicide after all. And I've had some personal experience with people in a bad place like that, so I can definitely relate. I think your description is really good most of the time, but I kind of miss a little bit more emotion I guess. I can see what Harry is wanting to do, but what is it that makes Harry want to do it? Why does he want to end his life? It's a very drastic and very serious decision, so something must've happened right. You mention shortly that he's had a lot of bad things happening to him, but maybe you could possibly show it a little bit more. Like - and this is just an example - if Harry could imagine the bodies of everyone he loves that are dead, maybe he's telling himself that "it's my fault". I don't know... something like that.

But I think his friends' concern are really believable, and I like that it's Hermione that ends up finding him. I can totally see that. She does seem like the one that would eventually just get up and look for him, worried like crazy. So that's very belivable. And yeah, I'm a sucker for Harry/Hermione friendship, so I definitely loved it.

Now, I have to say that for a first story, this is really impressing. It might not seem it from everything I say above, but if you'd read my first story (that was deleted ages ago), you'd know how good it is in comparison. Everyone's first story is bad - I've yet to many members that liked their first one, but it was the story that helped them become greater/better writers. And I see lots of potential here, it's just about making small improvements here and there. Your description of the physical - what we can see - is really good most of them time, and that's something I'm not good at. That's definitely you're strenght.

What you could work on besides grammar - because you already know about that one - is making sure the emotions come fully across. We - the readers - must know why the character does what he does, or we're not going to connect to the story in the way you want us to. And we're not going to feel like we know the characters either, and that's important in order for a story to be liked.

But as I said, there's lots of potential here. The idea is good, and I can imagine Harry being in such a dark place after the war. He has gone through a lot after all, so I find it to be realistic. With small changes here and there, I honestly think it can end up being a throughly great story. So don't stop writing. You really have something here, but you just need to make small improvements here and there. I think that'll come with time, as well. So yeah, I'm excited to see more of your work later on, and to see how you'll grow as a writer. Good job on your first story, and I hope to see more from you soon :)

Hugs

Lotte

Author's Response: Hi Lotte
This is the 2nd time i have done this as i have been trying get back to you for your review site would not let me for some strange reason.
All i can say is wow what a great review and i thank you from the bottom of my heart and no i would never hate anyone reviewing good or bad ones espesh the bad ones but i have been lucky so far ie no bad ones but the day is still young as they say lol.
So as you say from the top lol yes i do have a spell checker and it helps from time to time but i have dyslexia so it is really hard for me , I have had offers to help edit my story so will keep that in mind and try to do my best.
As for the forums i have been trying to get on to that but for some strange reason it wont let me but saying that it is prob me doing something wrong knowing me lol but will try again just for you as would really like to talk to you more if that is ok with you ?.
I'm really glad you like the story so far and yes it is going to be a very dark one and a lot will come out in the 2nd chapter as to why it made harry think of taking his own life but mione will help him out of that and other things as you will see a dark side to her too but i always thought that jk got that wrong and harry and mione are better together and never did like ron and gin but the rest are ok ish again see the 2nd chapter lol.
As for the rest i will try and do better and i thank you for the cc it can only make me better i hope.
I will try and get the 2nd chapter finished sometime this week as i'm off work and i very much hope you will review again and let me know what you think.
Once again thank you for that great review and i hope to speak to you soon by for now and have a great week to come.
Bruce x



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Review #18, by LadyL8Her Secret to Bear: Smile

6th August 2015:
Hi There.

Simplicity's the secret name, and my task is to spread some love and happiness around here. So I've been visiting stories with few or no reviews, with the plan of leaving a long and (hopefully) very hopeful one from me. Now my job is to let you know what I see as your strenghts as a writer, and to let you know if there's something I feel like you could improve. The intention is fully to help you reach your full potential (unless I feel like you're there already).

Okay, so starting from the top. I can see this is your first story, and I must say I'm very impressed then. My first story - under my actual username - is so embarrassing to think about, and it was deleted long ago, I can assure you. But this is really good, especially considered it's your first one. You have no reason to be embarrassed by this one, I can tell you right away.

So starting with your strenghts. I absolutely loved your small descriptions of the different characters and the environment. You can really tell Victoire's not feeling all that confident or even comfortable with the attention she and the rest of her family's getting, because of the way she acts and how you describe it. I like when people have small indirect ways of getting the feelings across, and you did that well.

I like Victoire as well. I think you do a wonderful job of introducing us - the readers - to her. You can really tell she's more insecure and distant than the rest of her family, but at the same time it's clear that she wasn't always like that; she's changed because something bad's happened to her. And it's so visible because of how her friends act, and I already sympathise with her even though I don't know (or actually I do because of the summary) what happened to her. She's just very reletable and believable, so good job on that,

I also loved how you built up the chapter, the way you gradually drop more and more hints that clearly indicate something's not right with Victoire. It was clever and it made me want to read it. And it really just did what a first chapter is suppose to do; introduce us to characters - but at the same time not giving us an overload of information - and make us want to read more. I'm dying to know what happens next, because clearly something bad's happened to Victoire that she doesn't want her friends to know about. And if she doesn't want to tell Teddy, it's got to me real bad.

I guess the only thing that sort of ruins the surprise is the warning in the summary, but I get why you have it there. And for the sake of some of the other readers - who might feel strongly about not reading those type of stories - I think you should probably keep it. But yeah, it does kind of ruin the surprise. However, we still don't know the details or who did it. So that remains a surprise, and I look forward (and dread) to finding out.

Now I don't have much to comment on when it comes to improvement. I think the formatting of the story is a little strange. I don't know if you know how our editor-thing works, but from personal experience - and I've been her for a couple of years now - the simple editor is definitely the best one. I recommend you use that one if you aren't using it already. There's a guide to it that you'll see once you've clicked on the "switch to simple editor" under the box where you write your story. There you can also add in a line between the different parts of the stories, which might be a little better to look at then the spaces.

Now I have a question for you. I struck me as a little odd that Fleur would still have an accent after so many years. I mean, speaking solely from my country and the impression I have of refugees here, they are pretty good in the language after only a couple of months. And after what - 18/19 years - I'd assume Fleur would be better in English. So my question is what made you decide to keep her accent?

So yeah, I really liked the story. It was a great way of starting it, and it did make me excited for the next chapters (that I'll hopefully get to read, but I can't make any promises right now). I love Victoire and Teddy and their friendship, but I would of course love to see it develope into something more. Tedoire actually happens to be one of my OTPs, and I just love reading stories about them. And I've read a lot, but in most of them are very happy stories, so it was refreshing and a little sad to see a more serious, tragic and angsty story. I love that you dare to take on such a serious theme as the one you're here taking on; it takes a brave person to that, because it's definitely not easy to do so in an accurate, honest and believable way. But so far everything's good to me.

I'll have to head out now, unfortunately. Hopefully I'll see you around the forums eventually (I don't think you're a member there, but I could be wrong of course. If you're not a member, I hope you'll join us soon. It's a wonderful and welcoming community over there, and you'll definitely fall in love with it.

But yeah, I'll have to go now. Have a good day!

Love

Simplicity

Author's Response: First off: Oh my god, THANK YOU for this long, lovely review! I appreciate it so much!
I'm glad you enjoyed it, and I'm also glad you understood why I had to put that warning in the summary. I know it gives it away, but I just couldn't bear the thought of someone being triggered by my story.
As for Fluer's accent, I kept it for a lot of reasons. To begin with, I have to believe that she and Bill would have taken lots of vacations to France to visit her family, and I like to think she still speaks French around the house sometimes. Also, she learned English when she was 17/18, so French was her first and only language for a very long time, and thus would still have a large effect on how she spoke. I think by now she would be fluent in English, of course, but that doesn't necessarily mean she has no accent. I don't pretend to be a linguist, though, or have any real authority on the matter of course, so this could be entirely wrong, lol. There's also the fact that I just imagine her with a French accent, and I imagine her weaving French words into her daily language--especially with her children.
Thank you so much for your kind words and advice! It really means a lot! The next chapter will be up as soon as it validates, hope you can read it!
Thank you again :)


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Review #19, by LadyL8Waltzing Matilda: Prologue

30th July 2015:
Hi Lisa and Emily. Iím finally here with my reviews. Sorry for the delay, but Iíve been on a vacation for the last three weeks, and I didnít have that much Internet connection until I got home today. Anyway, Iím going to start by explaining how this works.

First of all, Iíll be reviewing after the judging point system you can find on my blog over at the forums, but Iíve made a couple of changes to the system. Iíve added some new categories, and Iíve changed the amount of points some of the categories can give you. Now the most important thing is to make me like the story, and Iíll have to be critical when it comes to that. Thatís simply because thereís so many talented writers that have signed up for the challenge, and Iíll have to find a winner some time.

Second of all, I wonít tell you what you points you get the different categories or in total, because I donít want anyone to be able to guess the winner before itís announced by looking at the points given by me in my reviews. Also, I might have to adjust the points all after the level of writing, so if thereís a lot of really good writers, I might have to be even stricter. So thatís why I wonít tell you the points.
Last but not least, this review might end up being too long for the characters count. If that is the case, Iíll send the full one in a group PM to the two of you. My reviews are meant to help you understand what I like the most about the story, and possibly I donít like or see room for improvement in.

But thatís enough talk. Lets get to the actual review.

My first impression (a new category, by the way) of the story is really good. I get a feeling of it being Rose and Scorpius, just by looking at the lovely banner you guys have. I really like the banner; it captures my attention immediately. The summary gives me the feeling that this is a humorous story (but I couldíve guessed that without looking at the summary, because Iíve read your stories before. And youíre both good at humour). I like the title. It stands out. I didnít know it was an Australian song before I googled it, so to be it captured my attention cause I had no clue what it meant. But I guess it makes sense for it to be an Australian song, since the story is set in Australia.

But enough about that.

I really like the idea. I donít know that much about Australia. My sister studied there for half a year, but I never got the chance to visit her so Iíve never been there. I donít feel like I know much about the culture and the people either, but I think thatís a common thing for Europeans who have not studied there. Australia is just so far away, we never really think of the country that much. Or bother to learn much about it, I guess. So for me this is a chance to learn about Australians and Australia, and I like that very much.

But I do, however now my history, so Iím guessing Captain Cook School of Magic is named after James Cook, the British explorer. It strikes me as bit odd to name a magical school after him, but maybe he was magical as well. I donít know. Itís your guysí universe, so you know better than me.

Iíve always been in love with your dialogues Ė both of yours I mean. I love how natural it sounds, and how witty and funny it always ends up being. Youíre both amazing at creating good chemistry between characters just by using your dialogue, and I envy you for that. Your biggest strength and what makes me love the story the most, is definitely the dialogue. Itís just really good.

I didnít spot any grammar mistakes or typos, and the story flows well to me. I donít have anything to say about the genre either. Itís obviously humour, and from past reviews from me you probably already know how much I like your humour. So yeah, youíll definitely get a high score there.

I guess my only note would be that it is a very dialogue-heavy chapter, which is in part good cause youíre so good at dialogues. I do however feel like maybe you could break it up a little; add more description here and there. But I know this chapter is the prologue, so it might be necessary for you to have this much dialogue here just to give us all the information. For that reason, Iím going to have to wait till I read the next chapter until I put up any points for it.

Youíll get lots of points for creativity, since this is a very creative story. I donít think Iíve ever seen a story on HPFF set in Australia, but it should be said that I havenít actually looked for stories like that. So there might be some, but my unknowingness comes to you guysí benefits.

Iíll just quickly say a few words about your teamwork. I think youíre the best example of good teamwork. I love that you can tell how much fun youíve had working together, and itís so contagious as well. Youíre done what I hoped would be the case for everyone; youíve managed to have write together, communicate and respect each other, and at the same time have lots of fun writing. I hope you keep writing together even after the challenge is over, because it truly is rewarding (and fun) to write with someone else. Iím sure you know that already.

So to sum up everything; my opinion of the story as a whole is that it is very good. A little dialogue-heavy, but itís the first chapter so Iím not going to be so strict about it now. Other than that, everythingís good. I love the idea, I love your writing and I canít wait to see whatíll happen. So good job, guys!

Hugs

Lotte

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Review #20, by LadyL8Shattered: Chapter 2

30th July 2015:
Hi Erin and Kaitlin. Iím finally back from my vacation, and have come here to leave you the review for this chapter. Itíll probably be as long as the last one, cause I ramble a lot. It will also focus more on the actual chapter, since Iíve now finished with categories like ďfirst impressionĒ and ďteamworkĒ (I havenít seen a change there, so Iím assuming itís just as good as it was when I left the last review)

Speaking of ďfirst impressionĒ, I donít normally (or more like for this challenge I wonít in most cases) go back to commenting on this category when itís the second chapter and so on. But Iím making an exception, cause I noticed youíve gotten a beautiful banner. Erin, youíre so talented. Iíve been seeing your progress over at TDA, and youíre really good. And the banner really helps draw my eyes to the story, so good job on it and I really do hope itíll bring new readers to it.

But thatís all Iíll say about that. Iíll instead focus on the other categories that I need to look at in each individual chapter.

I didnít spot anything grammatically wrong, but I didnít Ė like Iím sure I said in the last review Ė expect that because I know youíre both very good grammatically. I donít think Iíve ever spotted a mistake or even a simple typo in any of your fics, so that says a lot.

I really like your characterisation. Iím glad to see youíre still aiming to give us a different view of Barty, making him this sad, little boy, whoís father is abusive and just someone he fears. You can tell thereís still a little of that respect for his father that was also there in the last chapter, but now itís more out of fear than idolisation. And itís sad to see, of course, but unfortunately very believable. I like that you keep him very childlike Ė you start it at such a young age, making us - the readers Ė really see how his father has effected his life. I canít speak for everyone, of course, but I personally feel like it makes a greater impact on me and the story comes across as even more powerful because of his young age. It makes it easier to sympathise with Barty, which - as I said in the last review Ė is necessary in order for us to want to keep reading it, especially since we only know him as a bad guy from the books.

I like that so far weíve only seen small glimpses of a darker side to the young Barty. Itís a great way of building the story up, and Iím really wondering what it is that ultimately will make him the dark character we know from the books. What makes him go from fearing his father to fighting him? And how does he view Voldemort? Is the dark lord just a means to stand up to his father, or does he genuinely believe in what Voldemort stands for? There are many unanswered questions here, and I canít wait to find out some of the answers to them.

I donít have much to comment on when it comes to dialogue, description and flow. Youíve done it amazingly, Erin, and Iím very impressed with both of your writing (but not surprised, because I know youíre good writers). And one thing I really want to bring forth from both of the current chapters is your ability to convey emotions. I can tell when Bartyís scared, cause Iím literarily terrified myself. I can tell when heís sad, cause then I feel sad. I can just imagine someone talking to me like how his father spoke to him, and yeahÖ youíre just both really good at emotions. Itís your biggest strength.

I suppose if I had to give some feedback, and Iím not saying you havenít done this, but you just to advise you to still keep an eye on it, Iíd advise you to pay extra attention to the mother of the story. One of the main reasons why I never read much stories where thereís abusive relationships or marital abuse, is that I often feel like they make the mother/wife/girl (or in some cases the man/boy) seem very weak. My high schoolís donated money to a crisis centre for victims of marital abuse (only women), and we got to visit the centre once (only like 3 of us, because itís dangerous if too many people get to know its location), and the women there are to this day the strongest women Iíve ever met. I donít think women or men are weak for not being able to better defend themselves against that sort of treatment, being strong means accepting help, to realise you deserve better. So I would just probably keep an eye on it.


But like I said, Iím not saying you havenít done that so far. I donít feel like that at all. Itís just something to keep an eye on, because itís very easy to make that little mistake (I see it as a mistake anyway). But anyway, this is Bartyís story, so I assume it wonít focus a lot on the mother. But since we know Bartyís mother will switch place with him in prison, I think itís important for you to start really showing the close relationship between the two. Because the mother must really love her in order to do something like that for him (maybe she blames herself for not standing up to her husband, letting him [as she may see it] treat their son horribly for most of his childhood.

Anyway, since this is the last chapter of yours right now, I'll sum up my thoughts about this story. I like the idea, and - as a lover of minor characters and as a criminology student - this is right up my alley. I like that we see a different side to Barty, and that you really show that he himself has been a victim, and maybe that's what made him eventually because a criminal himself. Cause - as I'm sure you guys probably know - victims of crimes often ends up being criminals themselves. So it's very believable. And I like your teamwork, you're writing is close to flawless and I was a lot more excited about the story after this chapter (mostly due to the ending of the last one, which to me felt a little bit to one-shot like. But this made it better). All in all, I'm very happy to have read this story. It's as brilliant as I expected of two wonderful writers like yourself. I'll have to cut now, due to the review limit

Hugs

Lotte

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Review #21, by LadyL8He Visits Twice A Day: Twice A Day

20th July 2015:
Hufflepuff - House Cup 2015

Hi Sian. This was such an interesting piece. Very different, but also powerful. I love the idea, though it breaks my heart to imagine Sirius visiting their graves twice a day - in his mind, because he's been wrongfully imprisoned for their murders. I feel sorry for him, especially knowing the real guy's still out there. There's so much beautiful description and emotions here, and I'm so envious of you for it, cause description is my biggest weakness as a writer. I can't get it right, but you obviously can. The repition of "he visits twice a day" has such a strong effect - it really shows how much he cared for them and how much he misses them. And I love how the story comes across as almost poetical - I hink it's the structure and beautiful descriptions that makes it appear poetic to me. But I liked that, I really did. I found it to be - and this is the terms for stories that are beautiful but sad - tragically beautiful. Sirius' emoitions are well-conveyed and I sympathise with him. Seeing as he's also my favourite character and ai'm generally very critical when people try to write him, that's a huge compliment. So good job. I'm going to have read more from you when things calm down, cause everything I've read so far has been good :)

Hugs

Lotte

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Review #22, by LadyL8Linger: Linger

20th July 2015:
Hufflepuff - House Cup 2015

Hi Cassie. It's been a while since I last visited your page, but I'm very happy to finally be back. And this story looked so interesting that I just had to read it. I've never read anything about or with Mary Cattermole, so this was a first for me. Very creative of you, I must say, and I really liked reading it. It was so - what's the right word for it - emotive and just breathtaking. I love that you go through all the emotions and how you sort of went through her life from kid to now, and it really made me sympathise with Mary as a character. Although it's short, it feels much longer. I really liked it, and especially the part with her husband. Like her, I was waiting/hoping for him to show up, and yeah... I just really felt for her. Now it should also be said that I happen to be a BIG fan if stories from the POV of a minor character, so this story was definitely my type of story. And I've favourited it, cause it really got to me. It was breathtaking and heartbreaking, and I very often use the term 'tragically beautiful' for stories like that. So yeah, it was tragically beautiful and I loved it. Good job!

Hugs

Lotte

Author's Response: Hi Lotte!
I loved writing this story, so I'm really glad that you liked reading it! I've always been interested in Mary, even though she doesn't have a very big part in DH. I always felt bad for her, since the trio unknowingly keep her husband from being there for her at her trial. It always made me wonder how she must be feeling, so I wanted to write something that explored that.
I'm also a really big fan of stories that focus on minor characters, so I'm glad you thought this one was well done, and that it made you give Mary more thought that you had before!
Thank you for the review!
Cassie :)


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Review #23, by LadyL8Exit Wounds: Exit Wounds

20th July 2015:
Hufflepuff - House Cup 2015

Hi Kayla. It's been a while since I last visited your page, so I'm very happy to finally be back here. And what a good story of yours to read. I'm shocked I haven't read it before, but better late than never I guess. So yeah, to the story. Rhis was such a poweful piece, following someone who's clearly having many issues in her life. Been there, yes, but fortunately not as badly as this girl. But I think your portrayal of her struggles were realistic. My BF in middle school was in a similar situation as this girl, and she too felt like she needed the scars. They were proof of her battle, she said. But enough about that. I'm always shocked when people write stories in just 500 words,ccause they often end up being some of the best stories they've ever written, simply because you need to plan your words more carefully. And I think this story just show how good a writer you are. You conveyed so much emotions and her struggles in just 500 words. It feels very personal as well, but that may be because I've had some tough times myself. But yeah, I really enjoyed reading it. Good job!

Hugs

Lotte

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Review #24, by LadyL8Legos: Legos

20th July 2015:
Hufflepuff - House Cup 2015

Hi Julie. Not that long since I last visited your page, but it's always nice to be back. And with this round of TAR being for us, I finally got the chance to come back again to read this story. And what a good story it is. I love the build up.nthe beginning makes me think - like you've obviously planned for us to - something horrible is happening to him. My first thought was crucio, which is technically not that far of. Cause I've stepped on many legos in my life. As a kid, legos were my favourite thing in the world. But step on one, and you can't walk on that foot for a good while. There's really nothing more painful, so a very accurate description, if I may say so. And Draco/Luna. Going to be honest and say I'm not that big a fan of the, but that is not say I hate them. I'm so-so I guess, but I liked them here. I love that Luna jokes with magical creatures when she sees her husband on the floor. That's totally something I can see Luna do, and it does show that she's more mature now. Olde. So yeah, I liked it. Once again (cause I've said this to you many times before), good job!

Hugs

Lotte

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Review #25, by LadyL8Sunflower: Sunflower

20th July 2015:
Huffllepuff - House Cup 2015

Hi Jayna. Since you left me a lovely review a while back, I felt like it was my time to do the same for you. And with this round of TAR review being for us, I finally got the chance to do so. I will try to come back at a later point to give you a better and longer review , but this will wirk for now. So over to the story. I found it so fascinating cause it could just as well have been one of us fans writing it, conveying how much the character Luna Lovegood matters to us, what she represents. But it's from the POV of one of her classmates, another girl in Ravenclaw, and we don't know who exactly this girl is. Did you hav someone in mind when you wrote it? But you really capture Luna's character, and I love how the POV girl gradually warm up to Luna and understand how amazing she really is. And the comparison to andunflower is a beautiful one, and really descriptive and accurate if you ask me. I really liked your descriptions, and I found th story to be good, especially considering how few words you've used. So yeah, good job Jayna. I loved it!

Hugs

Lotte

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