I've actually stopped reading most of the stories on my 'favorites' list (life has intruded on my reading time), but I can't seem to give this one up. This is just a really great, fun story.
I don't have much specific to say about this chapter, just that I enjoyed it and am looking forward to the next one. Good work!Author's Response: Eek, I'm glad you've stuck around :3 HPFF has been kind of slow lately, so it's always nice to know which readers are still reading. Thank you! Report Review
So I've had this on my favorites list for a while, but somehow forgot how awesome it is and skipped reading any chapters since the third one. I just caught up with the rest and I have to say, I'm sorry to have been missing it.
You've been able to keep just the right amount of tension in the story- enough that you know that everything is going to blow up at some point, but not so much that it eclipses everything else that happens. That's a hard balance to strike, and in my opinion you are doing it fantastically.
I hope you update again soon! I'm happy to have rediscovered this and I'm looking forward to more. Report Review
Any chance of you picking this up again sometime soon? I really like where it's going, but I'm sad that there are only five chapters and it's been a while since you updated.
This is a very cool, unique story- your characters seem pretty complex and the plot is crazy awesome. That flash forward at the very beginning has me excited about what's going to happen when the story picks up momentum. And now Luna's involved! She's one of my favorite characters, and it's nice to see that she will be even just a minor character. Your original characters are great, too- Angie is interesting and I don't like Wyatt, but I feel like I sort of understand him. Al and Scorpius remind me of a probably-less-insane version of themselves from 'The Octane Generation' (an awesome fanfic which I think was sort of based on Lethal Weapon). I hope to see more soon!Author's Response: Oh, no! I missed seeing this was out there. I'm so sorry.
I'm very slow writing lately but I haven't dropped this story. Far from it. I'm actually busy tweaking its outline for better pacing. I'm so glad you like it so far. I'm truly excited about the plot myself. Playing with time -and the idea of reverse prophesy- is fun but a bit of work if you want to get it right. I hope very much to do that.
Luna's awesome. She's minor here but pivotal to the way things are going to go down. I'm so glad the characters are coming across well. Having a reader understand them is probably more important to me than liking all of them, so yay there too! I might have to go check out the Octane Generation. But then, that's likely to distract me from writing so maybe I shouldn't. That kind of thing is part of my slowness.
Your comments are awesome to hear and great encouragement. Thanks so much!
~a slow but grinning Ty Report Review
Haha Mary is Mrs. Cattermole- I love it! I like that you include so many minor characters from the books.
I really like this story- I don't know though, it seems to be shaping up to be Keira/Sirius and I sort of like Henry... looking forward to some good drama there.
The Professor Grimstone subplot sounds interesting- I'm looking forward to that developing a bit more!
Both Charlie/OC and Hannah/Neville are pairings that I generally like, although I suppose that whether I will read them regularly depends on the specific plot. I like your writing, though, so I would definitely give either or both a try!Author's Response: Shhh! You'll give it away! ;) *Nothing to see here people, move along now. Move along...*
I love Henry too. It's a bit of a conundrum, isn't it? :/ But drama will indeed ensure, and I hope you'll like reading it as much as I've loved writing it! ;)
Ah, I'm so happy you liked Professor Grimstone! I actually cut a large chunk out about him, but i'm glad that it works without it. Hopefully you'll enjoy the tidbits I'm leaving in later chapters, haha.
Oh, hooray! I've written a few scenes of the Charlie/OC although it might take me a while to get an actual chapter together as i'm focusing on Canis Major at the moment. Neville/Hannah has a basic plot mapped out, and once I work out details I might start jotting down ideas.
*foolish grin* I'm so glad that you like my writing! I sit here and smile to myself whenever anyone says that, so thank you. ^_^
Thanks for the review, and hopefully you'll like the next chapter just as much!
- Adele :) Report Review
I really really like this. Did I mention that I like this? I REALLY like this.
Oh man oh man. I was worried that Lady Eirene would be a total jerk after Dominique's conversation with Jocosa last chapter, and that it wasn't just Ignotus' brothers that she was happy not to be serving, but I really like that she seems so nice. I also like her subtle reminder to her sons that Dominique doesn't remember if she has a husband or not (so they really shouldn't go after her). Nice.
Tyrion is really cute- I hadn't thought that Cadmus would have a son. I guess it just makes his story that much sadder (if it stays the same with Dominique in the picture, that is). It also makes it a possibility that it's Cadmus instead of Ignotus who Harry is descended from, which spices things up.
This whole chapter I was like NO DOMINIQUE SAVE THE OTHER BROTHERS NO! But I guess even if she had said something, she probably couldn't have saved Antioch. Now Cadmus is next! How does one go about saving someone from suicide, though? Very tricky.
The one thing that has been nagging at me through this is (and maybe I just haven't read it closely enough) did Dominique bring her wand with her to the past? It seems like if I were a witch and didn't have my wand with me for such a big event like this, I would feel really naked and unprotected. But you haven't made any mention of her having or not having her wand. It's not a big deal, it's just something that bothers me.
Great job on this! I really love this story. Much as I love all of your other stories, too, I would personally be ok if you dropped everything and only wrote this one. (Just kidding because it always makes me extra happy to read another chapter of Prime Suspects, but seriously, this is awesome. Awesome.) Report Review
Oh man, I'm not sure you understand how good reading this makes me feel right now. With most stories I feel like I know exactly where they're going (and often how they're going to get there), but with this one I don't really know and I love it.
I love how calculating Al and Clemence both are. It feels like each is smart enough to outwit the other and it's the first time either has had a real opponent. Even when they have a common cause, they like competing so much that they end up sabotaging themselves, which is really entertaining to read. It isn't the type of self-sabotage that makes me cringe and want to look away, either, it's the kind that makes me want to cackle and drum my fingers together menacingly. (That might not sound like a complement, but it was, I promise. I'm just an extremely strange person.)
I really don't have any criticism for this at all, constructive or otherwise- this is just awesome. I hope you update again soon!Author's Response: Thank you so much! :) Aha, to be quite honest, I'm half winging it as I go (as it was never my initial intention to make anything serious of this fic, though that turned out differently). I've got the motives and important plotty things laid out though so hopefully you'll like what's to come! ^__^
And I love how you describe Al and Clemence -- it's very much how I wanted to portray them. Very sharp, very aware characters, which sort of becomes a problem when putting the two together.
Thank you so so much again! :) Report Review
Okay, so I just finished this and now I'm going to try to review the whole thing.
First of all, it was really cute and fun to read. I thought that the emotional turmoil of Lexie dealing with her mother's sickness and death was very touching and realistic. Lexie and James were really cute together, and it was overall just adorable.
Now we get to the mean part- I'll try to make the criticism constructive and please understand that I really did like the story but these are just some things I noticed you could improve.
I think you would really benefit from having a beta read your work before you publish it, just because there were a couple minor things where you accidentally repeated a paragraph or put the wrong person's name somewhere or something.
Also, it might help you if you made a timeline for yourself of when things happen in the story and how old everyone is at every event, because that got pretty confusing. They got married before James was 20 (because he 'wouldn't make it to 20' without Lexie), but then two years after they got married Lily was a seventh year, which I don't think makes sense if she was a first year when they were in seventh. There were a couple other minor things like that, that could have been avoided with some sort of timeline.
Last, the 'serving Lexie's meals' things that kept on coming up really bothered me. If it had just been the one time I would have ignored it, but it seemed like you mentioned it at least once every chapter. And yeah, if the dish is hot and difficult to move then whoever is in the best position to serve should fill everyone's plate before theirs, but jeeze! If anyone tried to fill my plate every meal I would hate it- I'm a big girl, I know what I want and how much of it I want, and I can serve myself. Lexie isn't that fragile that she can't even touch a spoon. Sorry about the whole 'feminist rant' thing, but seriously. I don't see it as a sign of love so much as a sign that Lexie's going to let James run her life. I mean, I understand that it's supposed to be a symbol of James putting Lexie before himself, but to me it ends up being a symbol that Lexie hasn't really grown at all and is just letting another person walk all over her. In the future, just be careful how your symbols can be interpreted and make it very clear that they are saying what you intend them to.
So, overall I think you did really well with the pacing of your story and the emotional characterizations and relationships, but being a little bit more careful about the organization and message of your story would really benefit your writing. Keep writing! You're really good- don't let my mean review discourage you!Author's Response: thanks for the long review! :) Report Review
Wow. This is awesome. I just finished reading what you have so far, and this is awesome.
Don't take this the wrong way, but I was a little put off the first few times I read the summary just because it kind of sounded cliche and history-repeating-itself stories are usually not my favorite, but it kept popping up when I was looking for new stories to read and I'm really really really glad I ended up giving it a chance.
The story seems to be moving pretty quickly- how long do you intend this to be? It doesn't seem like it will last more than about another five chapters as just a relationship story- do you plan to put some adventure-y stuff in it or is it going to remain sort of a how-Rory-swallows-her-pride-and-gets-with-James thing?
Aurora Pond. Excellent name- very fairytale. Haha I love that her name is Rory Pond. He's my favorite Who character right now.
I have to say, I absolutely love Mrs. Pond and Ginny. They are just so awesome. I love that you didn't make Ginny and Harry into boring grown-ups who don't have any personality- they're hilarious.
In summary- you've done an excellent job on this and I'm excited to read more! Don't wait too long to write the next chapter! (Although I completely understand if you do. 18 credit hours?! And it's currently midterm season. So, yeah- I hope you can find time and inspiration to write some more soon!) Report Review
Oh my lanta this is getting good again. Not that it hasn't been good- it has! It's just that it's getting super exciting. Honestly, I've read this chapter like four times and even went back and reread the rest of the story. So... yeah, I'm excited now.
I have to say, painful as cliffhangers are, I love this one. It has really pulled me back into the story and made me think about what has happened and what might happen and the waiting is making me kind of jittery in a good way and this sentence is going on way too long so I'll just stop. Seriously, though. Awesome.
There is a bit of drama that I'm sad to have missed in the whole skip-six-years thing, like what happened with Rose and Scorpius' wedding? Did Adele just not go? That's so sad! And how has she managed to work at St. Mungo's without running into ANY Weasley/Potters? I bet there were some close calls. However, these are things that I am happy to imagine happened and don't need to be told that they did because ohmygosh I love where the story is going. Even if it is going to be heartbreaking for a bit (like that part with Harry- there aren't even words, and I'm sure there's going to be even more like that soon).
I've said before that the whole locking-people-in-a-broom-closet thing is dodgy and cliche, but I wish I could personally do that to Al and Adele right now. I mean, wow. Their particular combination of communication issues, pride, stubbornness, and competitiveness just fed back into a loop of awful that is about to blow up in their faces. Six years? Get over yourselves! Have some empathy! Talk honestly with each other! Gah! (Note here that I am yelling at the characters here, not you, the author, because I love what their feedback loop of crazy did to the story but it doesn't make me any less mad at them as people. Which I guess they aren't technically, but it's a story and I'm allowed to pretend. In fact, I'm supposed to pretend. In fact, me pretending shows that you've done a good job as an author. So there.)
I realize that some of this review belongs in previous chapters, but I'm too lazy to split it up and I only thought of them after reading this one anyway, so whatever.
In any case, beautiful job on this- I'm looking forward to the next chapters very, very much. Report Review
Ahhh this is awesome. I have a deep, secret love of time travel novels. Don't tell anyone.
I really like your writing from all of the other things of yours that I've read, and this is not letting me down. I can't wait to read more!Author's Response: Hahah. I know that you mean. I absolutely LOVE time travel.
I'm so glad that you are enjoying it. Thank you so much! Thanks for taking the time to read and review. Your input is so helpful, and I hope to see you back for more. Thank you! Report Review
This is so excellent- I just finished reading through the whole thing and I kept wanting to comment on it in earlier chapters but I made myself wait until the end. It's funny but not in a way that it's painfully obvious that you're trying to be funny and cute but not in a sickening I-don't-even-want-to-read-this-anymore sort of cute, which is very refreshing.
Your work could use someone reading through it for spelling- there are a few times when you confuse one word for another- but really, it doesn't take away from the overall impact of your story too much so it's just something to keep in mind.
Dom makes me so angry- she reminds me of my sister's awful ex-best friend who was awesome sometimes but usually just self-centered and awful. I can see the potential for her to maybe be less awful after the proverbial excrement inevitably hits the fan, though, which makes me hopeful. I mean, obviously she has to go crazy first, but there has to be some good in her, right? Sometimes it seems like she's only friends with Autumn so she can push her down and shine in comparison, but you also see that she does actually care about their friendship to a certain extent... I'm looking forward to seeing what happens.
Autumn is cool but she really just needs to man up. Even though Dom will freak out, keeping a secret like that from your best friend is destined for failure. And obviously she needs to stick up for herself and build up some self-esteem, but that's part of what this story is about, right?
I really really really want to know what's up with Autumn's parents. Ohmygosh. I want to know. I'm excited. What was in that letter? Why would her parents call her a 'miserable creature' when she was a kid? I mean, are they really just that awful?
As you can tell, I'm super-excited about the rest of the story. I hope you update soon, but your other stories are pretty good, too, so no complaints from me!Author's Response: Hi there :) Thank you for this lovely long review - it really is a treat and I've read it over several times (and it was pretty awesome every single time).
My issue with spelling is that I'm very lazy. I usually write it all out in a rush then only go back and read it over quickly (I blame too many WIPS and my rush to get things in the queue). Then I'm like I'LL GO BACK. And then I don't. I'm a bad person, see.
Dom, Dom, Dom... I'm becoming rather attached to her really. I think a lot of people put up with a lot of rubbish from the best friends, but sometimes its just a little TOO much. Anyway, when it all does hit the fan (love your way of phrasing that) we should all see... Hmmm.
Yup, this is all about Autumn and her self-esteem and her process of manning up... rather than a relationship story (to me, anyway) but I guess we'll get to thoes bits too.
AND the stuff with her parents :O
Still don't know what chapter that bits supposed to come up in...
Thank you very much! I'm having issues with this one at the moment, but... hopefully soon? :) :)
-AC Report Review
So I read the first four chapters of this before this chapter was put up but when the story status was already set to 'complete' and I was very confused because at the end I didn't know what had happened, but this chapter tied things up nicely. I'm still a little bit confused about why Rose got Teddy involved, but maybe it will help if I reread it.
I admit I haven't seen 'The Maltese Falcon,' but I can definitely picture Teddy as Humphrey Bogart.
I really liked your writing style- it definitely had that dark, old film-noir feel to go with the story.Author's Response: oh sorry about that!! i changed it before the chapter was validated, forgetting that the status would be seen first! my bad! sorry for the confusion!
rose got teddy involved because she was scared, and also because they (she and scorpius) needed to get Montague out of the way. they wanted him arrested so they could continue on with their own little activities.
i love teddy like this!!
thank you so much, as that was just what i was aiming for!!
xx Report Review
So I just finished reading what you have so far, and I have to say that I love it.
I like that Percy is a complex person instead of a pompous, flat character. It's great that he still has the same pompousness he had in most of the series, but you also included the part of his character that came around in the end and turned out to be a real Weasley.
I like that Percy and Audrey's relationship has all of the awkwardness of real relationships starting out (and is, for that matter, more like real relationships than pretty much any story I've read on this site). It's really sweet and makes your story seem very real.
I like that Audrey's character is developing a bit, and would like to see her develop even more over the rest of the story- find a passion, do some self-discovery, all that jazz.
There doesn't seem to be much conflict yet (and I don't mean high-school drama; I mean literary conflict), but that's fine with me. I actually rather like that I don't know what is going to happen because I have been reading far too many things lately where I can predict what is going to happen after two chapters. I mean, we already know the general outcome of the relationship, but the action of the story? My only guess is that it has something to do with the backfiring wands.
Bravo! I love it! I can't wait to read more! Report Review
I'm sorry but I have to agree with you that this chapter is lacking in the epicness your writing usually provides.
The first half of the chapter was really good except for one thing: bowel movements.
Really, bowel movements? Are you aware that that does not mean 'motion in the area of your bowels' but does in fact mean 'pooping'. So when Adele says "And his smile gives me bowel movements." She is literally saying "And his smile makes me poop." I mean, it's funny and all, and it's ok if you're doing it on purpose but if you are you need to make it a little bit more obvious that it is in fact on purpose. Or have another character call her out on it because that would be hilarious.
The second half of the chapter... eh. It's like the locking-people-in-a-broom-closet thing which is already a bit dodgy, and then... eh. The next chapter could still save it, but this is just... not your best.
It makes me really sad that this is my first review of your stuff because I honestly do like your writing and this story and I think that it is overall quite wonderful.Author's Response: well thank you! i'm kinda sad this is your first review as well. before this, i didn't even know you existed as a reader. how utterly depressing. you must leave just one more review (or more *wink*). and i'll write a better chapter so you can do so :)
oh dear. bowel movements.
every day, we have three bowel movements. up, across, and down (seeing as the large intestine is in kind of like a box shape without the third side). bowel movements LEAD to pooping, but it does not fully include pooping. plain old pooping is just excretion. bowel movements is what it takes for the food to get to the point of excretion.
trust me on this one -- i'm in AP Biology. i know what i'm talking about.
and if i'm wrong, blame my teacher. though she has a PhD in biology so maybe you should just blame google ;)
i think bowel movements could also mean pooping, but in this case, i'm talking about the whole up-down-across deal. when i say something technical in my stories, it's not just to sound funny, i'm actually just being a nerd XD
to be honest, i was not a fan of the second half of the chapter either. but what is done is done, i suppose :) Report Review
Terms of Service
categories & genres
short story collection