This is such an interesting twist. I really can't wait to read more when you get new chapters!!Author's Response: Aww, thankyou so much! I have yet to write the next chapter, but I have it planned, and lets just say there are lots more twists to come (Well, 2 more, I think ^^) Report Review
I saw your siggy and was drawn to this story, which looks quite interesting. I've never ever read a Rose story where she's sorted into Slytherin. Very interesting indeed. I'm excited to see where you're taking this?Author's Response: Thankyou for this review! Yeah, the only Sco/Rose's I've ever read has had Rose in Slytherin, and I wanted to write something a little bit different. Well, I don't want to spoil what happens, though. Thankyou again. :) Report Review
I entered this challenge too. Your entry is really wonderful! You portray the character's feelings well and it creates a haunting atmosphere. One of the things I really like about this story is the fact that several times towards the beginning you had rhymes.
"Things were left unsaid and our feelings were left unresolved and now I have nothing to stop the thoughts swirling through my head." There's a wonderful little rhyme between unsaid and head.
"Instead, everything is brick walls and closed doors and locked drawers." It isn't exactly rhyming, but it does have a bit of a rhyme to it that rolls off the tongue.
"It's like everything has changed since that night in seventh year, when I finally held my breath and took the leap you didn't want to hear." Seventh year and hear. Seems like you're creating a poem in your head. ;)
This piece does have run on sentences, but I think that it works pretty good since you do have the poem quality going already.
Ooh! One more thing.
"Maybe one day you can love me. Maybe one day you can tell me how you really feel. Maybe one day we cannot leave our words unsaid, and face them head on." Parallel structure. Always a great way to give a bit of attitude to a written piece.
Great job! This was certainly a pleasure to read :) Best of luck to you in the challenge!
10/10Author's Response: Wow thank you! I'm so glad you thought I could portray the characters feelings well. I was worried she might have been a bit contradictory since I didn't actually get to read over what I posted.
I'm not going to lie though, until you posted this review I had no idea that my lines rhymed. Although I do have a tendency to like when things sound.. right together if that makes sense. I used to write poems like when I was in like second grade so maybe that's where it came from?
I do understand I have a lot of run on sentences. I tend to love them because they're so long and rambling but the ones in my story are probably very confusing.
Anyways, thank you so much for reviewing! It makes me happy that you liked reading it, despite the fact that it's pretty rough around the edges.
Hermione should kiss him. Like really kiss him. Because I'm such a Dramione pushover.
:) Nice chapter, though I wish it was longer D:Author's Response: Thank you so much for your review! Well, yes, I wish it was longer, too ... I promise to be better once I have time again ;)
We'll see whether they will kiss again anytime soon ^^ Report Review
Oh, so good! I love it. I did this challenge too, and it really is quite fun.
This is a very engaging and interesting piece. I like how your thoughts travelled. Great job!Author's Response: It was a great challenge, wasn't it? I'll have to check out your entry.
Thanks for reading and reviewing. I'm glad you liked it. :) Report Review
Ooooh yay! A Marauder's piece!
I'm not very good at picking up mistakes, so I didn't see any, although I do say that the bolded letters are almost distracting to me (though really that's your choice).
Anyways, I really really liked the way this starts! I'm a super fan of reading Marauder's Era and am always up for a well written Marauders piece, and this seems to have hit the spot.
I'm going to favourite this and review all the chapters since I really do want to read it through to the end :D Report Review
Oh my gosh. I don't know what to say. What a climatic cliffhanger!
Oh dear. Poor Sirius. I can't wait to read next chapter!Author's Response: Thank you! :)
Very much a cliffhanger ;) I hope the chapter will update shortly.
~~emberlivi Report Review
Oh dearie. What is Sirius going to do when he finds out how many things she's keeping from him? Though I can't blame Althea, that's quite scary...
Great job!Author's Response: Thank you! :)
Yes, what will he do. Report Review
This is a very emotional piece. I love how realistic Althea's emotions are. I'm dying to know what happens when she tells Sirius that she is Kelly Derry, though...
I'm so glad you made a sequel! Ebb and Flow was amazing! I've been checking back everyday to see if you've gotten a new chapter out.
-Christine (Gryffindor)Author's Response: Thank you! :)
Althea does go through an emotional whirl in this chapter. I sometimes cringe at what Althea is thinking and feeling and wonder if it is too over the top.
I'm glad you're enjoying the sequel. I worry that readers would be turned off by the premise. It isn't very action heavy--it's more dialogue driven and character driven. It is a continuation of Ebb and Flow, but a story in its own right. I'm very happy you enjoyed Ebb and Flow, too...thank you :)
~~emberlivi Report Review
Yes! *squeals* I'm such a Dramione fan now :D
I can't wait till the next chapter!Author's Response: Oh dear ... I am sorry for not answering any sooner. Thank you for the review. I am glad you liked it! I am pretty busy atm with my masters thesis ... so my updates won't be as very regular until about next month! Report Review
Oh my gosh.
I didn't think I'd like Teddy/Dom very much since, you know, I'm a Ted/Raven shipper and hate Ted/Vic, but I loved that ship :D
Very great! Can't wait to read more!
Christie (Gryffindor) Report Review
I loved this, I really did. It started out slow, as most intros do, but that's okay, because the letter at the end was quite intriguing.
I see this only has a few chapters, and so far this story is off to a wonderful start, so I hope you're still working on it :)
I am going to favourite this because I definitely would like to read more. Great job, well done!
Christine (Gryffindor)Author's Response: Thank you so much for this nice review!
This is a brand new story of mine and yes, I am definitly still working on it (chapter 5 was validated just yesterday). I plan on another chapter, two at most so, it's almost over already.
It is a slow story, lots of talking and planning; a bit of action in every chapter but it is not the main orientation of the story. The first chapter is the slowest, what with Harry being in that state of mind, but things will pick up for him. I'm glad you liked the letter at the end, it was so much fun to write!
I hope you keep on reading and let me know what you think of the rest! Thanks again!
I feel like I've read this before...I haven't reviewed it, and usually I review good stories, but I had a serious sense of deja vu. Plus I should have recognized the name.
Anyways, this was excellent. You had Fred and George's personalities down to a T. I was impressed. It was funny and I was able to read it in their voices when they spoke. There were one or two mistakes but they weren't quite noticable (probably why they didn't stand out in my mind enough to have mentioned it :P)
Great job! :D
(Gryffindor)Author's Response: You probably read the first version which I deleted :P But no worries and I think you reviewed. (deja vu is weird, I get it all the time.)
Aww well I do love the twins :P
Thank you for your review :D Report Review
Hmmm. Interesting start. Not sure I like the characterizations, but it does seem pretty realistic. Except for Scorpius. He's kinda wimpy. But it's almost funny in a way.
I really feel for Pippa, being that I've been in situations like that. I was rooting for her to punch him.
Very entertaining, I quite liked it. It was unique. I'm also curious as to what year they are? (maybe I missed something, it's possible).
(Gryffindor)Author's Response: Hello! I'm so glad you thought it was an interesting start! I put my own spin on the characterizations. I tried to make everyone different to how they usually are. Scorpius is a bit wimpy but he fights for what he believes in, as shown in late chapter. I'm sorry you've been in situations like that, but I'm so glad you were rooting for Pippa. I'm so glad you liked it. They are in 6th year! James & Damien are in their 7th. Thanks so much for the nice review. xxx Report Review
Hmmm, so I have a lot of things to point out to edit before I praise this piece ;)
First, "I can't imagine anyone willingly taking the Malfory name." Of course, it's obvious, Malfoy ;)
"I have a job at the ministry fiing papers for the law enforcement department, but it's not going anywhere." fiing should be filing, right?
"I'm extremly messy. I haven't seen the floor of my bedroom in months." Extremly should be extremely.
"Basically, I'm incapable of love, with her being the only exception." That sounds ackward. Perhaps it should be reworded to:
"Basically, I'm incapable of love; Rose was/is the only exception." I'm not sure if you want that sentence to be present or past tense, so that's why I put them both ;)
Wait, I lied. Just one more thing to cover before I praise :P Try to include more of Rose's feelings. Scorpius is realistic, but not Rose's emotions. She almost doesn't have any in this piece. If Scorpius really told her to leave, temper or not, she'd be begging him to not say that. That's how people in love are. Now if you really want to be a tear-jerker and pull those people in, make it heart-breaking. Absolutely devasting. You're 9 of 10 of the way there. Make Scorpius recognize her hurt. Play it to your advantage.
Okay, praise time. This piece almost made me cry. The tears were about to spill over, and that's pretty rare for me. I can get emotional, but usually not tearful. I sincerely think that if you add a bit to the end, you'll give such an impact to your readers that it'll haunt them.
I love the name of this fic. It's poetic in a way. I also adore this fic, and when/if you decide to change it (I know, changing is a pain), I'd love to read it. I would also think a sequel would be delightful. I love stories that pull heartstrings, and this is definitely a piece I'm adding to my expansive favourites list.
Great job, it was a sincere pleasure to read :D 10/10Author's Response: Oh gosh, Christine, thanks so much! I really owe you for pointing out those mistakes. As hard as I try, I'm awful at proof reading my own stuff. I always miss really obvious stuff. Truly, thank you for taking the time to point them out to me. I really need to work on getting my stories beta'd haha :)
I see what you mean about Rose's emotions. When I wrote this, I was really focusing on Scorpius and how he would react, but I see how I may have neglected Rose a bit. I'll have to go back and see if I can beef up her emotions.
And aww, you're too kind! It's always an honor to hear you could make someone cry! (haha, that sounds wrong, but you know what I mean)
I'll definitely make some changes, thanks for helping me make this a better story! And as far as a sequel, I haven't quite decided, but if it happens I'll let you know :)
-ronsgirl29 Report Review
I liked this. It had a dangerous tone, yet it ended well and happy and playful.
This was very well-written, and I didn't spy any mistakes that were noticable (but I'm no beta, so yeah :P)
Although I don't know or recognize the song that this was written for, I tied the connection with the lyrics, so I think that's really well-done. I thought the lyrics were almost haunting in a way, too.
The main banner for this story was what caught my eye. Especially the way it flashes dark for a moment (but then again, I usually am drawn to more darker fics :P)
Great job! Definitely interested in what else you have to offer :)Author's Response: Alright, this is ackward... I'm really sorry for the delay but can you believe I am finally getting to your review seven months later? Yeah, things got a bit out of my hands in the last couple months and I'm really sorry about the delay.
The song is from The Beatles and is a happy-go-lucky kind of tune; very light, which is a bit at the opposite of this story. A darker story with a lighter sound to it whereas the song is light with a darker undertone.
I'm glad ou liked it and thought the lyrics fitted with the story; it was my first (and still to this day, only) songfic.
I also love the banner! I absolutly can't get over how great it is and I have forwarded your compliment to the person who deserves it, the creator on TDA.
Thanks again and sorry for the delay! Report Review
This is very intriguing and very original. I admit, when I started to read this I was expecting a Hogwarts story, not a school-story. And so I'm very very interested to see what you're going to do with this. You caught my attention from the very first start, especially starting off with a normal school day. Usually, I lack an attention span, but this certainly kept it.
Being that this is a HPFF story, I'm very curious to know how magic is going to be tied into this story and I can't wait to keep reading. A VERY nice job; I'm very impressed :)Author's Response: Awe! Hiya Christine! :D
Thank you so much for this review, it means a lot to me!! Hehe, fair warning, I tried to take many of the "cliche" ideas, to add them in here and still make it original and readable. Because I don't believe cliches are a bad thing...*stops herself before she goes on a rant* I am so glad this kept your attention span, and that you liked it! :D Thank you SO SO SO much!!!
-Chanel Report Review
NO!!! How could he! An excellent twist, of course, but I feel almost as hurt as Hermione. But I'm not going to lie, it was a VERY well-written piece, and such a lovely twist to the story, I can't help but admire the genious of it. Just when the reader is dying for Hermione/Draco to get together, Draco becomes a liar, traitor, and evil. Absolutely wonderful.
Great job! Report Review
NO! You killed Tonks! Poor Tonks!
I'm shocked now. I hope Draco comes to her rescue! Anyways, that was quite a big shocker. Maybe Ryan will die then Hermione can have Draco.
Only one mistake: "Las Vages" should be "Los Vegas" (I think, anyways). Very nice, I can't wait to read on! Report Review
Morrre Dramione! Draco is still an ass, but he's a lovable one. I like how they aren't "serious" and Draco is just being a good friend now. I also love how you've portrayed Hermione's depression. Though I have to admit, I can't blame Ryan, though I do feel sorry for Hermione.
Very nice job. The last line makes me wonder what's going to happen, since Hermione doesn't think life is worth living now.
Good job! Can't wait to read more :D Report Review
Wow. That was absolutely amazing. It brought tears to my eyes and I felt like I was choking in her pain along beside her.
My favourite pairing would have to be Hermione/Draco. I love how Draco is there at the end holding her while she's heartbroken. Normally I am not a Draco/Hermione fan, but this is really quite sweet.
I didn't see any noticable mistakes (not like I really pay attention, but still). I think this is a great fic. Good job! Report Review
Dude, this guy sounds exactly like my ex boyfriend...
Wonderful so far. You have converted me to Dramione, to say the least :D Report Review
YES! Get another chapter!Author's Response: What else did you expect? ;)
~Lily Report Review
OH. MY. GOSH.
Best thing ever! Report Review
That was probably one of the funniest things I've read. I started laughing like mad at Draco's opinion of himself XD Report Review
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