Oh, goodness. You almost made me hate him for a second there, but thankfully Draco kissed her. Err. Great job as always.Author's Response: Thank you :) I'm glad they finally kissed :) AND THANKS FOR BEING MY HUNDREDTH REVIEW. It's exciting Report Review
Bravo. I loved this.Author's Response: Thank you so much! Report Review
A little flat at the moment? Nuh-uh, hun, I'm actually quite impressed. This story happens to be the favorite I've ever had the chance to read! And I don't even like Marauder era fics. Alas, I loved it.Author's Response: Oh, wow! That's a marvelous compliment I can't possibly deserve, but thanks so much! I hope I don't disappoint with the next few chapters... pressure's on... do you happen to enjoy steamy snogging sessions driven by ulterior motives? ;) Report Review
Well, I can't say I liked it much better than the last chapter, but it was okay. Certainly, I can still see some room for improvement - more description, a little less dialogue, that sort of thing. However, I can see some plot forming, and that's always a brilliant thing! I hope you see this as constructive criticism and not just harsh. Report Review
Hullo, there. So, after reading a ton of Dramione stories today, I was super excited to see an OC/OC story that dealt with the Marauders. But I am going to be totally honest when I say that I was a little disappointed. I mean, the story had its high points, and I understand how hard it is to introduce OC's (originals). Heck, I know how hard it is just to write. But it's easier when you know what's not so great in your writing. So, some things I noticed were a huge lack of description (sadly), and just a whole lot of dialogue. A little 'meat' would be nice, really. Keep writing, hun. Report Review
I truly do love this story! Perhaps even more than the sequel. For once in my life, I can see no negatives in a story! Haha, still, hun, this is an amazing story. I cannot wait to read more.Author's Response: Thank you SO much! That means alot :) Report Review
Alright! I thought I'd read this, as it looked interesting when I was looking for some new D/Hr stories to read as a past-time. Er, to begin, to begin. Hmm! Well, I quite liked where it started off; it didn't seem much too angsty, just a tad so really. Nothing that could really throw a reader off, if you know what I am saying here!
Aside from that, I felt bad as to how Ron is portrayed - I don't know, maybe after reading about him so much in J.K.'s actual novels, I just don't see his personality to be such a git. But, people change, so, I get why you had to set it up as such! Easier, for convenience, yes? Hmm. I liked how Draco interacted with Hermione, yet their sudden friendship seemed a bit odd to me. I didn't quite like how fast the chapter moved, and I hope it will slow down in the future! It's so overwhelming, to have all this information in just one chapter.
Oh! One last thing: punctuation & dialogue. So, here's an example of how yours is at the moment:
In reality, it needs to be punctuated like such:
It's trivial, really, but I thought I would mention it so you'd know! Maybe it just slipped your mind, or something. Anyways, nice work!Author's Response: thanks for reviewing...
check out Ron in the second chapter, i think u will like how Ive made him...
the reason the first chapter was kind of fast was because the friendship between Draco and Hermione wasn't the main plot of my story...
the real action is yet to come, in the third chapter.
so i just needed them to become friends, and become friends quick...
but the friendship hadnt sprung up in a few days...
it happens over weeks...
stay tuned for the rest of the story, and continue reviewing :)
and thanks for the info on dialogue..
im not entirely comfortable with writing dialogue, because i usually write about feeling and dramatic descriptions, so dialogue is new to me...
ill improve on that
This chapter was a bit confusingly winding, yet I found myself hesitantly liking parts of it, despite obvious confusion to questions yet unanswered. There's mystery and suspense, and then there's leaving your reader's in a complete cloud of uncertain, unanswered questions that makes them have headaches even two Advils can't cure. Certainly, there's mystery, and I love mystery, it's just I need some answers, just basic ones of course.
Secondly, I do like how Draco throws in that 'rule one' at the end! It was nice, really. I do hope you keep up with your writing, as it's improved from the last chapter. I really would like to read more.
I hope this helped and didn't sound too mean, or something! I'd hate to come across that way, certainly because you have at least written and posted something (that takes courage!) and my story is still in validation! Alas, I liked this chapter more than the last. Report Review
Well, I can't say the story was one of my favorites, or even great in my mind. I am not trying to be harsh, as surely it had it's good points, though it was clouded over by bad, I think. I believe the emotions in your writing were a little flat, leaving something to be desired in the interaction and the dialogue between the two so-said enemies. Okay, I get, he's mad, but...everything seems so forced from the two of them, if I may. Also, where's the introduction, the subtle explaining of what's happened and what's going on in the now? I could be watching them in third year, fourth year, fifty years after the war when Hogwarts actually rebuilt itself, or maybe they transferred to Pigfarts. Do you see how that can cause confusion, as it did certainly cloud me over with doubt during reading! A pity, too, because I can see a basic forming of a good plot line here, though needing some developing.
Another note I would add is to add some needed description - a hefty amount considering there's so little in the story at this exact moment. But again, it's nothing a little editing won't fix! I hope this helps you out, and I do apologize for my tad harshness, it was only honesty. I do hope to read further, though, as this is only a preliminary opinion of what I've read. Keep writing, hun! Report Review
Well, I was surprised! I thought either Harry, Lizzie, or Blaise would be able to switch stubborn Hermione's mind, but alas, it seems not. It's sad, for me! Poor Draco; I'm almost thinking he'll end up stuck with Pansy at the dance, and Terry will try something preposterous with Hermione and Draco and Hermione will end up closer by the end of the night. Ah, yes. Big expectations I have, hmm? Oh, and yes, I think she's made the wrong choice! Just an opinion, though.Author's Response: I completely agree with you, she clearly made the wrong choice. Terry boot pft who does he think he is trying to charm her. Draco is much better at it and he doesn't even have to try. Keep an eye out for chapter 11, it'll be up within a week or two. (these damn queue lines seem to be growing every time I log on) I think you'll quite like that chapter though.
Thanks so much for reviewing all the chapters and letting me know how you think everything is coming along and your opinions on everything :) It literally made my day :) Report Review
Oh, my. Such complications arise when boys start to like one, eh? I don't think I like Terry, but maybe it's just prejudice; I have to agree with what you had Draco saying as I read: he wants more than just her company. Draco's the better option! Obviously, haha. But still, great work! I really loved how Rebecca told Pansy off at the end, though I'm wondering how violent Pansy will get to throw back Rebecca's words in her face.Author's Response: I tried to write Terry as seemingly charming, though I do end up showing a meaner side to him. Draco, on the other hand, has more intention of being there for her, and not just what she can offer. And we shall have to keep an eye on that Pansy, Warning: She WILL get violent. May resort to drastic measures. Report Review
You're killing me here! I do love how Harry was almost supporting Draco over Terry when he said, 'sleep on it' because he knew Draco would ask her later. Ah, that's just wondrous if you ask me! But now you've got me on edge, for if she turns down Malfoy I might simply die of sadness. A bit melodramatic, yes, but he did go 'all out' for her, of course. Off to read the next chappie, now!Author's Response: Oh please please please don't die :( . I'm sorry to dissapoint, but I just can't have them together yet. But don't worry, Draco and her's time will be soon!!! (hint hint - I've already written the chapter where they may or may not kiss) I'm so glad you like my story. It makes me so happy :) Report Review
I liked this chapter a lot! Okay, closer to loved it. Ah, so sneaky having Draco and Hermione so close to kissing and giving us a split-second hug to contend with instead! Still, I did like that part a rather lot. The Blaise/Rebecca pairing seems great too, and I still am anxious to see how Harry's Project: Jealousy thing goes with Ginny. Ah, shall be fun!Author's Response: Thanks :) I wanted to have the two of them have a moment, but it was still to early for anything legit to happen between the two of them! Report Review
Hmm! This chapter was nice, a little less action in it than previous chapters. I loved the Blaise/Hr interaction! I especially liked how Ron finally apologized, and how Draco and Hermione talked a bit. It's a good start to their friendship. Anyways, I can't wait to see how Harry's 'relationship' with Ginny will end up!Author's Response: I look more into the Harry/Ginny ship in later chapters, and theres way more focus in chapters i've already written but have yet to submit, you'll have to keep reading to find out! :) Report Review
I like the way the characters interact! And, I admit, I'm a complete Blaise fan! Rebecca Adams, your original character, seems really great too, a little different for a Slytherin, obviously, but still a nice character. I also liked the planning the girls began to do, and how detailed it was. The D/Hr scene came as a shock, though, I will admit! But I liked it. Hmm, can't wait for more!Author's Response: Yeah, Draco let his emotions take control of him, then realizes it when Blaise comes in. After that, he will make sure it doesn't happen again though. Report Review
This chapter is complete brilliance, I must agree with you saying it's your favorite! The writing seemed so true in this chapter (not that it wasn't in previous ones). Also, I loved the Christmas Ball mention! It should be exciting, yes! And the ending might be one of my favorites for a chapter. Ah, those words coming from Malfoy? Just ironic brilliance.Author's Response: Thank you :) I've had trouble writing and trying to make them seem as much in character as possible and I'm really glad you like it :) It's nice to know I'm not to too bad :) Thank you SOOO much !!! Report Review
I liked this chapter, especially how there's some conflict in the Trio! It's quite demented, but I like seeing people struggle! Ah, yes. Just to let you know, though, you did exchange a few times what was supposed to be 'too' for just 'to.' Just so you are aware, though, not to sound nitpicky! But, I'm also glad Hermione doesn't immediately fall for Draco, as that's something you see a lot now. Really good! I liked it.Author's Response: Thank you!!! Thanks for letting me know, I didn't even notice :) And yes, I've noticed that alot of stories now, have them like, falling for each other in such a short amount of time. I never liked it. Report Review
This chapter was certainly more packed than the last, if you get my gist! Er, hopefully you do. I like how Zabini is Head Boy instead of the boringly common match of Draco & Hermione as Heads, because I certainly think the first pairing is more reasonable, to be completely honest. And it sure will be interesting to see how everyone reacts to living together - I expected Harry and Ron to decline McGonagall's offer, actually, so I was a tad surprised! I do wonder, however, if Draco will be able to do as Blaise wishes and actually befriend the Trio. Hate just doesn't flick away. Good chapter, though!Author's Response: Thanks :) And yeah, I'm trying to go for the more filling chapters lately. I never get how Draco is made Head Boy, did everybody forget he did try to take Dumbledore's life? I'm glad your reading my story and reviewing to let me know what you think ! It really helps as I write later chapters. Thanks :) Report Review
I liked this chapter! In fact, the only thing I thought was missing was a little more description. But it's still quite lovely, if you ask me. I can't wait to see more Draco & Hermione interactions as I read on.Author's Response: Yes, this chapter was short and bland, I know. But I felt it was more like, an introduction, I didn't want things to get to going during the first chapter Report Review
Terms of Service
categories & genres
short story collection