Reading Reviews From Member: Claire Evergreen
  
30 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Claire EvergreenMap Makers: Map Makers

20th April 2015:
Hey! Here for the BvB Battle!

I haven't read The Shadows Within, but if it is anything like this, I'll definitely have to check it out!

I love love love the characterization here. James is pretty much one of my favorite characters ever and I love how you wrote him here! You can really tell that he's young, but he still has those traits that we would recognize in an older James. He's smart and adventurous and has an obvious loyalty to his friends. The way that he was disappointed that they hadn't found anything yet and how he wanted to jump right in explore the passageway fit perfectly to what we know about him and worked really well to show his age.

Remus was perfect as well and I love how you include him sneaking around with James. So many times people write him as never getting into any trouble with the others, which is so false. I like how he's the one to go with James all the time and you still threw in him being the "smart" one in way with the comments about the classrooms and waiting to explore the passage.

This is such a cute one-shot and really fits in with how these characters actually act! I'll have to check out The Shadows Within because I'm already in love with your characterization! Great job!

-Claire

Author's Response: Hi Claire! Thanks for stopping by for the BvB review battle.

This is about four years before The Shadows Within and, as you must have noticed, had a lack of OCs so it can stand alone. (Although their is a Claire in TSW!)

I'm happy to hear that you liked how James & Remus were portrayed in this, since they are a few years younger than we even saw in Snape's Worst Memory. And yes to Remus not being a goody-two-shoes... I always thought he may be more considerate than the others and less likely to get caught, but he couldn't have been friends with the others if he wasn't willing to pull pranks and break the rules.

Thanks for such a sweet review. I'm glad you enjoyed reading it. =)


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Review #2, by Claire EvergreenMultiverse Theory: Coffee Shop Etude

15th April 2015:
Hey! Here for the BvB Battle!

Ahh this is so freaking cute! I haven't read may Jily stories (even though they're one of my favorite fictional couples) and I hardly ever read AUs, but this is just too adorable! I'm so glad that I found it.

I love Lily in this! I know it's an AU, but she just fits her character so well with everything that she does. I really like the idea of her as a romance writer and the fact that she likes big, grand, sweeping gestures, it's just so Lily, you know? Well, obviously you know, you wrote it.

Her interaction with James was too cute! Her nervousness and everything and then his confidence was just so perfect! That is exactly what they would be like if they hadn't known each other at Hogwarts. You really nailed the characterizations here.

And oh my gosh, James!! He is my favorite character of all time and I love him here, even though he's just in a really small part. I never in a million years would have thought of him as a musician, but it just works so well. What made you think of him as a keyboard player? Because I couldn't tell you why, but it just fits him really well.

This is just so cute! Fantastic job!

-Claire

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Review #3, by Claire EvergreenL'optimisme: Silence

14th April 2015:
Hey! Here for the BvB Battle!

Wow.

I'm honestly at a loss for words. Obviously I've heard of this story before, but I've never really been interested in Albus stories, but wow. This is incredible. I'm trying to think of words to describe it but I can't. Everything about this is stunning and it's only the first chapter. I can't even imagine what the rest looks like if the beginning is this fantastic.

The entire first section of this is flawless. I was trying to pick out a favorite quote or something that I wanted to comment on, but every time I thought I'd found one, I read the next line and went "no wait, I like this one more." After reading even that little bit, it's no surprise to me that this won the Dobby for Best Quote.

Your descriptions are amazing. I could picture every last detail that you included here. It was like you were painting a picture in my mind and I love every last bit of it. I'm nerding out over this and I'm trying to write something intelligent down here, but I'm having a hard time doing that.

I learned that day that silence is, in the end, far more deadly to the soul than any words could ever possibly be or could ever hope to be, no matter whose voice speaks them or in what order they come. So obviously I love every single line in this story, but I really really like this one. Like, wow, I wish that I could just randomly spout out any lines this deep.

I apologize if this was completely incoherent or if it made no sense, but I'm just in love with this. This is absolutely incredible, I can't believe that I almost missed out on reading it.

-Claire

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Review #4, by Claire EvergreenThe Defenders: Prologue

12th April 2015:
Hey there! Here for the BvB Battle :)

I love how you started off the beginning of this. The whole thing with Clara's grandfather's funeral was an extremely effective way of setting the scene and introducing the main character. Right off the bat, we know that Clara is a witch, but she is able to blend into the Muggle world quite easily just like her grandfather and we know exactly when the story is taking place. I also really like the way that you slip in the information about the disappearances in a more casual way so that the reader knows that it is going to be important later.

I also really liked how you introduced all of the characters. It seemed more natural to get their accomplishments and everything from Clara instead of having Dixon state what everyone did. It showed that most of the people were extremely important and relevant to society, which gives the organization itself more credibility.

Clara is a really wonderful MC. I like how you made a point to say that she is extremely powerful and talented, but you didn't have her either brush off the compliment and put herself down or go around bragging about her talent. It came across as very realistic, even if the subject itself isn't.

You set up the rest of the story really nicely with this chapter, it explained everything really well. Great job!

-Claire

Author's Response: Heyy!

Thank you so much for the lovely review! I'm smiling like an idiot right now with all the lovely words!

Thank you! I wasn't sure how to start the story at first and then the funeral came to mind so i'm glad it works!! Thank you! I didn't want to delve straight it with disappearances and such, not in the first chapter, so I thought a subtle mention would do it and it has so i'm happy!

Yes! I wanted everyone to see the characters from Clara's point of view - she's never met them before so her descriptions of them are more relatable and it shows almost instantly that they must have some status and significance - that was what I was going for anyway! I'm happy that it's come across that way!

Awww, thank you! I really enjoyed writing her! I wanted her to be a strong independent character but not arrogant in any way. I love that you like her!

Thank you so much for your lovely words! They mean a lot!!

Vicki


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Review #5, by Claire EvergreenCuriosity Is Not a Sin: Plausible Deniability

10th April 2015:
Back again for the BvB Battle!

She thought for a moment about what her cousins - who were both very enthusiastic Gryffindors - would be most disgusted by. “He called me a coward.”
James and Roxanne did not disappoint her. “Jerk,” they said at the same time, and each cast a threatening glance toward the portrait hole.
Best interaction ever and 100% in character with any die hard Gryffindor.

James and Roxanne are very quickly becoming one of my favorite duos! I love both of them, especially Roxanne since she isn't really featured heavily in most fics. The dynamic they have is absolutely wonderful and the way they play off each other is perfect!

I do want to specifically comment on James because I really like how you've written him. I mean, I know this story is about Rose, but I love your side characters a lot. I really enjoy how James is still the prankster and Quidditch-obsessed, but it's toned down and not as in-your-face as some fics tend to do. I love him!

The prank was absolutely hilarious as well. Turning his hair red was genius! I never considered that, but as someone who greatly dislikes Weasleys and has white blonde hair, that must be devastating. I was dying the whole time I read it!

Once again, this is a brilliant chapter! I can't wait to read more! Fantastic job!

-Claire

Author's Response: Aw, thank you so much! I'm glad you like the dynamic between James and Roxanne (and James himself on his own) - that was definitely something I really wanted to be featured in the story, even though it's not directly related to Rose and Scorpius's romance - I love writing those two so much!

Thank you for the review! ♥


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Review #6, by Claire Evergreenle ciel saigne pour nous. : la lune et l’étoile.

9th April 2015:
Hey! Here for the BvB Battle!

All I can say is...wow. Just wow. The amount of description you put into this is absolutely stunning. Normally I would say that level of detail was a bit overkill, but for some reason it just works really really well for this story. Nothing came across as too much or cheesy; it flowed beautifully and really added to the overall tone of the story.

Burnt down crowns of blonde adorn their heads, their skin tinged an inky grey by the looming moon. This should sound totally over the top and chessy, but it doesn't at all?? You have to be an amazing writer to make that work, I'm seriously jealous of how you are able to pull all of this off.

Just the amount of raw emotions you are able to put into this is stunning. I could feel everything that Victorie was feeling, probably due to your fantastic descriptions. This is a really powerful and emotionally charged one-shot and I think the fact that it is less than 900 words adds to that. It can be really hard to pack in all of that into a brief one-shot, but you do it wonderfully!

This is such a brilliant story and I like the unusual (at least to me) pairing that you've put in! Fantastic job!

-Claire

Author's Response: Hey there Claire!

Aw, thank you so much, I'm so glad that you thought it was okay and not too much as I was a little worried about that. Gah, I just want to flail around as your comments about my description are just so ♥ ♥

Aw, thank you! I'm glad it was okay, and haha, lots of brilliant authors have inspired my description so it's thanks to them really!

Aw, thank you you again! I really enjoyed writing Victoire here and I imagine her to not describe how she felt all that much hence why I didn't delve into it here too much as I thought the mystery of it all was probably.

Thank you for this fantastic review, it really made my day! ♥

-Kiana


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Review #7, by Claire EvergreenCuriosity Is Not a Sin: Albus's Guilt Trip

7th April 2015:
I' SO HOPING THIS TURNS INTO A SCOROSE FIC BECAUSE OH MY GOD THEY WERE MY FIRST NEXT GEN OTP I'M SO HOOKED ON THIS!!

Oh, yeah, I guess I should mention this is for the BvB Battle :P

I really like the Rose that you've written. She's the perfect balance between the bookish, Hermione clone and the rebel child that seem to be the extremes of her characterization. She still has that bit of book smarts with the Herbology, but she also is that bit of something else with her dislike of Slytherins and her friendship with James and Roxy.

Oh, my goodness, speaking of James and Roxy, I love love love that you picked them as the dynamic duo of the Wotter kids. I love seeing the groupings mixed up in fics and recently, I've grown to like Fred, Roxy, and James as a group, so I'm so excited to see where that goes.

Is it bad that I'm already in love with Scorpius? He's just that perfect mix of jerk and nice guy, it is just fantastic. I can't wait to really get into the story and see where he goes. I love his friendship with Al and their sense of humor is absolutely spot on. Bromantic walks is basically the best line of the whole chapter, I was dying.

This is an amazing start! I know I say that I'll make it back to stories I read a lot, but I've added this one to my currently reading list and hopefully I'll be able to put a dent in it tomorrow night when I have a bunch of free time! Fantastic job!

-Claire

Author's Response: I know, I love Scorose so much! They're why I started writing fanfiction in the first place - they're just such a fun ship to think about, and I'm kind of obsessed with writing about them. :P

I'm glad you like this Rose - she's definitely gotten some mixed reviews in the past (some people find her a little off-putting), but I'm personally very happy with her. I feel like I tried to strike that balance (yay, I'm happy that you think I did!) and give her a strong personality - because let's face it, is Scorpius going to be interested in someone who doesn't have a strong personality? (I say no. No way.)

Yes, James and Roxanne! I feel like Fred's often depicted with James as being the troublemaking duo, but I've always seen him as more along the lines of Victoire's age and a bit of a troublemaker with her. (I need to write more about their troublemaking in Hogwarts at some point. But I digress.)

It's not at all bad you're already in love with Scorpius! I'm really, really happy to hear that that's the case - I love the nice guy who's also a little bit of a jerk so much. Bromantic walks is actually a new line that got added in in the rewrite, and I'm happy you find it as amusing as I do. :P

Thank you so much for your wonderful review! ♥


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Review #8, by Claire EvergreenIn Pursuit of Fairness: Fair

5th April 2015:
Hey! Here for the swap!

I'm just going to tell you right off the bat that James Potter I is probably my favorite character in the history of forever and let me just say that you absolutely NAILED the characterization here. Like, I'm blown away. I've only ever found one other fic that characterizes him the same way I do, but now I get to up that number to two! I just love how he isn't an absolute jerk, he really does care about people, which is such an important part of his personality that so many people overlook.

The way you wrote the relationship between him and Lily was perfect. Obviously they aren't going to go from hating each other six year to immediately falling in love seventh year and I think you did a fantastic job making the transition. The way they went from being acquaintances to best friends to dating was perfect and you had the perfect balance between each one. It was so nice to read that!

I never actually stopped to consider that Lily would have a hard time at school during the war, but now that I've read this it makes total sense. I'm sure a lot of people wouldn't care, but there had to have been a lot that did and made fun of all the Muggleborns, so it wouldn't make sense for her to be immune, even if Snape was in love her.

Wow, this was so good! Especially for writing it at 5am! I don't think I'd be coherent enough to do that. Great job!

-Claire

Author's Response: Hello!

I'm always so pleased to meet fellow James Potter fans! And I'm always so paranoid about his characterization, so you have no idea how happy I am to hear that I got it right. I'm still grinning about it.

Lily struggling at school is really one of my biggest interests in this era, and I think it's so overlooked. I'm glad you enjoyed it!

I was barely coherent by the time I finished this, I think. The next day was rough.

Thank you so much for the review!


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Review #9, by Claire EvergreenTurning Page: Numb

5th April 2015:
Hey, here for the BvB battle :)

Normally I don't read any Draco fics or really any Hogwarts or post-Hogwarts era fics, but I really really really like this one. Plus, I have a soft spot for Astoria, so you have me sold.

I love the description you put at the beginning of Draco's dream. It's really well written and sets up the conflict for the rest of the story really well. It gave me chills reading it. It was so vivid and establishes the character you have really well.

The inner monologue Draco has going for most of the chapter was brilliant. The repetition of his thoughts like "Shoulders back, head up. Look past everyone else. Don’t give anything away." is perfect. I don't have any personal knowledge of what he is going through, but that just seems like perfect characterization of someone who is going through the same crap he is.

The way you introduce Astoria is fantastic. I love the idea of her just not telling Draco that she knew him and going along like she saw him come in like that every week (I mean, maybe he did, but still, you get the point). At least in the stories I've read, Astoria seems to either be a quiet little girl who never speaks out or is completely crazy and off the walls, so even though she's only in this chapter briefly, I like the balance you've seemed to find here.

Like my father before me, I am the definition of weak. Wow this is a perfect way to end this chapter, I love it.

This is such a good setup for the rest of the story, you did a really great job! I'll have to come back for more when I have the time!

-Claire

Author's Response: Hi there! :)

Haha I have a soft spot for Astoria too! I'm really glad you liked this despite Post-Hogwarts not being your thing.

Oh wow, that's so awesome to hear! I actually really enjoyed writing that, it was the first thing I wrote in a really long time that I actually liked and it was the break through I needed to get the ball rolling on this story.

Thank you so much, I'm glad you liked that as it was important for me to establish how insecure Draco really is. I'm really happy you think his characterisation is perfect because Draco is the character I worry about the most!

Ahh I'm so glad you enjoyed my characterisation of Astoria! As I said already, I have a soft spot for her as I've had a really clear idea of her character for a really long time and I want to do her justice.

Thank you so much for the awesome review, It means so much to me that you enjoyed it! :D





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Review #10, by Claire EvergreenBruises : Bruises

11th March 2015:
Hey! Here for your review swap.

I have chills after reading this story. It's so fantastically written and the even though I knew what was going to happen, I still hoped that it would end up differently.

Not gonna lie, I actually had to look up who Emmeline was because I couldn't for the life of me remember if she was an actual character in the book or not. But even so, I loved how you wrote her. She was a believable character who acted like a real person. I think it actually made the story more effective since you used a character who doesn't have that immediate connection (at least in the books) to the Marauders + Lily. I can't really explain how, but it does, just take my word for it haha.

I love love love the atmosphere that you create, even from the first few paragraphs. You can feel the tension that the war created and it stays with you throughout the entire one-shot. I know that I have the hardest time trying to get that tone, but you did perfectly!

I also love all of the foreshadowing that you throw in. I mean, obviously the second you mention Halloween and the Potters, everyone knows what's coming, but you played everything out so wonderfully! The thing with Peter in Hogsmeade and then him not coming to the party was perfect. The whole part at the end with Emmeline and Sirius before he leaves to check on Peter and then when she woke was just awful, such a great scene.

I don’t want to say I have emotional scars, because scars never disappear. Scars stay with you forever and I tend to think that I’m stronger than that. What I’ve had were emotional bruises. Bruises do fade after a while, but while they’re there, they hurt like hell. Wow what a powerful way to end the story. Such a fantastic few lines.

I love this story, it's so fantastically written (I've said this like a hundred times already, but it's so true) and I just love everything about it. Great job!

-Claire

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Review #11, by Claire EvergreenDark Birthright: A Muggle in the Ministry

10th March 2015:
Hey! Here for the BvB Battle!

This is definitely a very intriguing story. I can't say that I've ever come across a Muggle working for the Ministry, so I'm interested to see where you go with this.

Already you have me interested in Julia's brother (I'm going to guess that he was a wizard, just based on the fact that he worked in the Ministry, but I definitely could be wrong). I'm also curious to find out how he actually died. I'm going to guess now that his death had something to do with whatever Julia discovered.

Speaking of her brother, I love how you started off the chapter with her brother's death in a way. It really set up the story well and gave an idea of one of the main themes (war? I'm guessing?) of the rest of your story. Similarly, the way that you established the time period without saying "This takes place during Harry's fifth year" was really well done. The little mention of the attack on Arthur and the picture from the world cup was slipped in so well. The mention at the very end of the chapter about the "one person who is lying low right now" was a pretty clever way of giving even more hints to the setting (even if that wasn't intentional).

I'm also quite interested in the ability that Julia has to sort of neutralize magic in a way. I'll have to keep reading to figure it out, but it certainly intrigued me. You do a good job of setting up just enough in this chapter to keep readers interested while keeping just enough from the audience to get them to keep reading. That's something that can be pretty tricky to balance, so well done there!

I think you have a great set up here for the rest of your story. I'll have to come back when I have time to read more! Great job!

-Claire

Author's Response: Hi, thanks so much for the lovely review, I appreciate it very much. I'm really pleased that you seem to have picked up on all the points that will come into the story again later on.I'd absolutely love it if you came back to later chapters. Thanks again!

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Review #12, by Claire EvergreenHurricane Luna: They Meet in a Tree

7th March 2015:
Hey! Here for the BvB Challenge!

Even though I know that Luna does end up with Rolf, I am still in complete denial that she and Neville never ended up together, so I've never actually read any Luna/Rolf, but I'm already in love with this and it's only chapter one!

Rolf sounds fantastic! From what I've heard and read in Next Gen fics, most people seem to have Rolf be kinda spacey and strange, kind of how Luna came across when we first met her. But I think I much rather prefer this Rolf to that. It makes complete sense that since he went into the same field as his grandfather, he would constantly be overshadowed by his grandfather's work. His whole personality in this is just so different from what I normally see in fics, but I love it so much!

Also, the fact that he found a species of flying fish and called them firds just makes me love the giant dork even more haha.

I feel like Luna is a difficult character to write since it would be so easy to make her this spacey, weird girl that everyone things is strange, but from what you have in this chapter, it seems like you do a really great job of staying true to her character. She very obviously Luna and she mentions the Quibbler and speaks in a sing-song voice, but it never gets over the top.

Aw, I'm a sucker for the whole 'dislike to friendship to relationship' stories, so you have me completely hooked on this. I know it was part of the quote you were given, but I love the fact that he called her "Hurricane Luna." I know it was supposed to be an insult, but it was just so cute and I really hope it comes back at some point.

Such a cute concept! I'm going to have to come back to read more. I'm hooked!

-Claire

Author's Response: Hi there Claire,

Sorry for taking so long to get to this reply. This review was so lovely - and I really appreciate you giving the story a chance, considering you're not a Luna/Rolf shipper.

I'm so happy you liked my version of Rolf. I know that he is often characterized as you said - sort of like the female version of Luna. But I felt like she really needed some sort of balance. I also thought that Rolf would *need* her in a way that no one else does.

Thanks again! I can't wait to hear what you think of the rest!

♥ Beth


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Review #13, by Claire EvergreenBreak Up With Him: Break Up With Him

6th March 2015:
Hey! Here for the BvB Challenge!

I will say that I don't ever read Jily-centric fics, but I figured I'd try out one of yours and I'm really glad I did because it's so cute!

I'm so so so so so glad that you had them actually be friends before they got together. So many people have Lily hating James up until their seventh year and then suddenly having a change of heart and getting together, but that makes no sense. A+ for changing it up!

I do have extremely extensive headcanons for the Marauders, but I really like your characterization for all them, especially Sirius and James. Sirius did have that confident-borderline-arrogant personality, but he could also be (pardon the pun) serious enough to have an actual conversation with Lily. James, too, came across much more mature than I'm assuming he would have been in earlier years, which perfectly fits with what we know from canon. Both of them act like actual people who have matured from when they were younger.

Liv seems like a wonderful friend for Lily. It's really obvious that the two of them are very different, but not so much that it would seem strange that they were friends.

I just really like your characterization for everyone in this story, it was really well done! I'm so glad I got to read this! Great job!

-Claire

Author's Response: I'm glad you liked it! The friends-before-dating thing seemed so obvious to me since we know nothing for a 15+ month span between OWLS & them starting to date and I figured their relationship would have to change over their 6th year.

I'm glad you liked the characterizations as well! Such sweet comments.

Thanks for the lovely review! =)


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Review #14, by Claire EvergreenNot entirely true: Toast to that

4th March 2015:
Hey! Here from the BvB Review Battle!

Another great chapter! I'm really excited to see how you play out the whole Quidditch World Cup thing. I love Qudditch, so the fact that it's the one of the main points of the story makes me really happy!

I really like how you flesh out Maddie's character more in this chapter. I know I said in my last review that you tend to tell and not show, but I feel like really showed us more of Maddie's character in this chapter. The whole "checking the lock three times" thing really showed how she can be somewhat neurotic and then you also showed that she has a somewhat short temper, but is also quite open to new things. You never explicitly stated any of that in the chapter, but the way that you wrote things really conveyed those things to me at least, so wonderful job there!

There are certain places that you could really elaborate on things and focus on that showing, not telling idea. I didn't notice it much in this chapter except for the very beginning when they are still at Maddie's house. It's really little things, like showing Josh is displeased with the idea of Maddie wanting to be sexy by explaining his facial expressions or throwing in bits of his own internal thoughts. Like I said, this stuff was really minor, you still do a good job of writing this.

This is just a side note, but since I know that English is not your first language and most of your experience comes from speaking it, I was wondering if you had ever tried taking your chapter and putting it through Google translate with both boxes set to English? You could have it read out the chapter to you and that might help you with flow? I'm not saying that your flow is bad (it's actually really good and I'm still going to forever be impressed by your ability to write this story), but it was just something I was thinking of as I read.

Another great chapter! I'll have to come back for more!

-Claire

Author's Response: Hello Claire,

thank you for reviewing this chapter!

I tried doing more "showing" rather than "telling" in my latest chapter, I'm grateful you mentioned that in your previous review. Once I finish this story I will take time to re-write it and I will make sure to throw "showing" here and there :)

I never thought of running my chapters through google translator using English to English option. I just have the worst experience with it translating articles from other languages to English that I never thought to try it your way. I will most likely give it a short next time out of curiosity!

Thank you again,

Monika


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Review #15, by Claire EvergreenCatch My Breath: Invisible

22nd February 2015:
Hey! Here for our review swap!

Straight off the bat, I'm just going to warn you about slipping too far into the cliches of this era. Not that anything you've written is bad (I like it and I'm probably going to keep reading after this), I just don't want people to disregard your story because of it.

Anyway, I like Lena and especially her relationship with Ethan. It's nice to see siblings who actually get along that are not Wotters (also, A+ for using that name haha). I'm excited to see how that relationship plays out!

I also really love how you mixed up the ages of the Wotters, even if it's just slightly. Normally you see James, Fred, and Dom and then Al, Rose, and Scorpius, so I really like that you threw Louis into the mix! I don't read enough stories with him in it.

Fintan is such a cool name. I just had to throw that in there. Plus, I'm a sucker for any Finnigan kid.

I'm excited to keep reading this! Great job, keep up the good work!

-Claire

Author's Response: Thanks for your review!

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Review #16, by Claire Evergreen(Soul)Mates: Prologue: Mates

20th February 2015:
Hey, Amanda! Here for our swap!

I really like this, it's so cute! I can totally imagine all of them packed into the living room of the Burrow together and the atmosphere that must be around that house two months after the Battle.

“This coming from the two men who were out strolling through the orchard together at night,” she replied, turning to raise an eyebrow at George as he stepped out of the darkness right behind Lee. “It is quite romantic. I’m so sorry for interrupting your date.” -- I'm not gonna lie, I completely thought they were actually going to be a couple in this story, but I still like how you wrote their friendship. AND PRAISE THE LORD YOU ACTUALLY INCLUDED LEE IN A STORY. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU.

This is a really nice concept, I'll have to come back when you've added more chapters! Great job!

-Claire

Author's Response: Claire,

I'm so happy you enjoyed it! I really tried to be true I felt the Burrow would be like after the war. The Weasleys are such a close knit family, that feel like they'd be torn between devastation and wanting to move on together. I'm glad you enjoyed Lee's role in the story so far. He's been wonderful to write, since he's such a minor character in the books and that gives me a lot of creative leeway. When I wrote the part with him and George, I knew it came across very couple-like, but I figured that made it funnier :) Thanks for reviewing!

Amanda


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Review #17, by Claire EvergreenUgly Eloise: Chapter 1

20th February 2015:
Hey, Kaitlin! Here for our swap :)

Awww, this is too cute! Not that I read a lot of Hogwarts-era stories, but I've never seen one that has Eloise as the main character. I honestly only vaguely remember her from the books, so it's so cool that you used her as the main character! (I don't know if you were assigned her for the challenge, but either way, I still really like it!)

This is just too cute. The whole exchange between her and Justin was perfect. He was exactly as I imagined him: that guy who everyone likes but is just a genuinely nice person. He and Eloise work perfectly together with the way you've characterized him!

Such an adorable one-shot, I love it! Thank you so much for doing the swaps!

-Claire

Author's Response: Hey Claire,

Thanks for swapping with me again!

So the only thing I remember about Eloise from the HP books was how everyone made fun of her acne and off center nose. I actually was not assigned her character. For some reason, she just popped into my head and it all started flowing from there.

I'm happy that Justin was as you imagined him. In the books, I also imagined him to be just a nice, likable guy, so I expanded on that a bit.

Thanks again for taking the time out to do these reviews!

~Kaitlin


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Review #18, by Claire EvergreenTo Fear A Full Moon: Chapter 1

20th February 2015:
Hey! I'm here for the review swap :)

I love that Pansy was the main character of this. It's not often that I read a story where she's characterized in the way that you did and it's brilliant! She always seems to be that nasty, vindictive girl who no one likes, but you seemed to be able to convey the very little we know about her from canon in a way that didn't box into that type of character.

The way you wrote in her prejudices was so good. It fit in so well with her character, but it's not like you had her ranting and raving about how terrible werewolves her. She just knew what she had been taught and would spew it back when prompted. That's so true of most internalized prejudices; they typically don't smack you in the face, they just come out whenever the person is asked.

The one thing I will say is that I wish this was longer! It'd be wonderful if you could expand on everything and flesh out all of the little moments you've written about here. It'd be so neat to see all of her interactions with John and really get inside her head after she was attacked by him. There's so much you could do here! I mean, obviously this is fantastic as it is, but ah there's so much potential! I hope you get the chance to expand this one day!

This is so good! I absolutely love it!

-Claire

Author's Response: Hi Claire,

Pansy was so much fun to write. I actually was assigned her character for The Lycanthropy Challenge and I really wanted to take her out of the usual mean girl stereotype. I feel like no one is ever always evil or always good, so I wanted to provide a bit of humanity to her.

Her deeply ingrained beliefs were her downfall, but also the catalyst for her evolution as a character. You are absolutely right in the fact that most people don't walk around spewing their beliefs.

I originally just wanted to write a one-shot about this, but after all of the feedback, I may write a novel featuring Pansy somewhere down the road.

Thanks again for the lovely review!

~Kaitlin


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Review #19, by Claire EvergreenNot entirely true: Truth Is Out

20th February 2015:
Hey! Here for the BvB Review challenge!

I like the premise to your story. It's not the freshest topic to write about, but you handle it well and I like the direction you're taking it. The timing of it all is nice, I like how it balances the time between the actual canon books and Next Gen. Most of the things in this 'era' focus on the main HP characters, so I like how you added in your own OCs and made them the center of the story.

Just a few nitpicks: you do a really good job of providing backstory to your characters without getting too caught up and buried in it. The one thing I would say is that you do a bit more telling than showing. Maybe just throw in more of the characters thoughts and actions instead of just directly telling us what they are feeling. Like, if Maddie is nervous, give her a tell, like twisting her hair or twirling a ring on her fingers or biting her nails. Just something that shows the reader how she feels without having to explicitly state it.

You have a really nice setup for the rest of the story (I like how Josh is working with the Quidditch World Cup, that's really cool!), it just feels a little bit rushed in some places. Like, I said, you set up everything really nicely, I think you just tried to pack a lot into one chapter.

I do like your dialogue, though. It flows very nicely and fits in with the characters you have. I know I struggle with my own dialogue a lot, but yours is really believable!

I noticed in your chapter summary that you said this was your first story written in English and I have to say, if you hadn't put that in there I never would have guessed that English isn't your native language! The writing and mechanics really are spot on, so kudos to you for that! I don't think I'll ever have the talent to be able to write a short story in another language!

Overall, you have a wonderful setup to everything! Keep up the good work!

-Claire

Author's Response: Hello Claire!

Thank you for choosing this story to review!

What you wrote is really helpful, especially the part where you said I should do include more descriptions and thoughts. I will keep that in mind when I write more chapters :)

I guess dialogue is easier for me to write, because most of my experience with English is in fact talking to other people; only had proper English class for two years. I just realized that haha.

And thank you so much for being so nice about my language skills, it means a lot :)

Monika


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Review #20, by Claire EvergreenPride and Scorpius: Well met on the Hogwarts Express

13th February 2015:
Hey! I'm here for the BvB Review challenge!

I'm pretty sure Scorpius and Rose was the very first thing I shipped from Next Gen and I haven't read a Scorose fic in so long, so this was so much fun to read!

I really like the friendship you have set up between Rose and Al. I know so many people just lump them together as friends since they're the same age, but I do like the little back and forth you have going between them and I'm excited to see how you flesh everything out between them!

Just a couple quick little nitpicks. I think you have a good opening first few lines; they set the scene well and introduce the main character. They just felt a bit wordy to me? I'm so bad at being concise, but I think taking one of the "trains" out of the first line would help?

Also, I totally get where you're coming from with Scorpius speaking a bit more formally than normal and I was going to say something else before I noticed Rose point it out. I like it, it's a nice touch, just maybe tone it down a bit? Like, keep the more formal tone, but just throw in a few contractions or something every now and then, only because Scorpius is eleven. But I like that element of his character, so don't completely get rid of it!

Speaking of Scorpius, I really love the way you've characterized him. The timidness and lack of self-confidence work really well in the story you've set up and it's nice to see a different view of him. Also, Ravenclaw Scorpius has been growing on me a lot lately (even though he will always be in Hufflepuff in my heart haha), so I like that he would consider that basically his first choice since he ruled everything else out.

I also like how you set up fall out from the War. I haven't read your other story, so I assume that Al not knowing the name Malfoy right off the bat and the Malfoy name not being prominent links back to that? Even if it doesn't, it's a nice touch, not one that I've seen in a fic before.

Obviously you've already written quite a few chapters for this, but I think you have a really nice set up here! I'll definitely have to come back and read some more when I have more time!

-Claire

Author's Response: Hi there, thanks for the BvB

The first shipping I read was Harry/Ginny but somehow I transformed my main ship into Rose/Scorpius and when I did, I fell into it so hard that I'm never coming back.

But that's exactly what they were, lumped together. James was James, rambunctious and fitting in with a lot more of the cousins sooner. Albus and Rose, not being nearly as exuberant and over-the-top as some of their more colourful cousins, sought out each other and became firm friends. I take the tack that: Albus leans more to the Potter side of his personality, whereas his other two siblings are more Weasley; Rose is a Weasley yes, but with a fair bit of Granger in her. Their friendship is going to take a hit - when Albus and Scorpius become friends and when Rose gets Dawnsfirstbloom - but it should always be there (you wait till when they tryout for Quidditch together).

Oh, I just re-read it and there certainly are a lot of trains. Due to the way this site allows you to ask for beta readers, this chapter wasn't thoroughly vetted - I might have to go back and fix it up a bit. I'm glad you think it establishes the scene, I wanted my story to start exactly where D.H. left off.

Scorpius does speak a bit formally - there is a reason for it and it will be fully explained later on. I couldn't explain it to the readers straight away because the story is from Rose's point of view and she doesn't know. I'm afraid that the exact reason will not be explained to you until it is explained to her (somewhere around chapter sixteen or so).

As for Scorpius toning it down a bit, well I'm sorry, but it's going to get even worse in a few chapters to come (chapter seven, from memory). There are good narrative reasons for it, as well as character ones, and I think you will understand why and when he becomes even more formal.

There are so many nasty and arrogant Scorpius'es out there, not that I mind that, but for the purposes of my story I wanted to try something different. In P&P, which I'm modeling this upon, Darcy at the beginning is very arrogant indeed. Since it is Rose who has most of the faults of Darcy (and Lizzy too, funnily enough), then she has to be the arrogant one. Arrogant though is too strong a word though, she is very self assured and confident in herself and her abilities.

Scorpius, whatever else, does not want to make the same mistakes his father did and Draco too doesn't want his son to be the sort of person he was back in school. One of the reasons Scorpius was so afraid of the reaction he'd get (especially from the children of Harry and Ron) was because his dad has been honest with him, brutally honest.

As to where he gets sorted, you will have to wait for chapter four to find out.

Yes I believe that there would have been some fall-out from the War, Scorpius' way of speaking is actually one facet of that. In the first chapter of the other story, Harry appears at the trial of Draco. From what he does there you can see that he puts the past in the past, draws a line under it and moves on. So he hasn't ever bad-mouthed Draco in front of his children and whenever he's talked of him, he has referred to him as Draco and not Malfoy. Yes, Albus not knowing the name of Malfoy was a big ask, especially for some of my readers, but I thought the attempt was worth it - from both what it says about his father as well as how it starts their friendship off. It also shows that since the war, Draco must have kept his head down and the name of Malfoy off people's radar.

Yes it is all set up, lots and lots of set up, before the romance bits can start in later years.

Thank you for the swap. As of this review the total reads for the story are 585 and this chapter has exactly 200 reads, WOOT!

Thank you all,

Andrew,
Oldershouldknowbetter.


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Review #21, by Claire EvergreenFind My Way: Owls

11th February 2015:
Ah! I just realized I hadn't reviewed this yet!

Oh, Scorpius, I understand the pain of waiting til the last minute to do homework (she says as she avoids writing her essay due tomorrow).

Ok, just a quick little nitpick in the first line: "You can't take it with." I think there's supposed to be a you at the end?

The more I get to know Jia, the more I love her. The whole language thing is so cool and Oliver attempting to figure it all out is adorable. Jia's crush on Rose and the guys reaction to it is too good.

“And I don’t stalk her. I just admire her talent and think she’s really pretty.”
“From afar without her knowing.”
“Sometimes illegally."
Favorite exchange in the chapter. I love how easily the banter you write flows, in all of your stories, not just this one. It always comes across as so natural, I'm jealous :P

"Poor little nerd," Jia said, earning a glare from Scorpius. Jia, yes, I love her so much!

I'm not gonna lie, the line about "his father's sneered disinterest" made me so sad, you have to expand on that because I don't think I can handle it if Scorpius and Draco don't get along (Only the second chapter and I'm already this attached to the character. I blame you and your fantastic writing.)

I would try and write something intelligent about the scene with Al and Scorpius, but the whole time my mind was just going ASHJSFLKDSFHKJDHFK THEY ARE TOO CUTE. Scorpius freaking out about Al touching him was so cute I couldn't handle it.

Oooo what's going on between Al and Rose?? And Al just disappearing?? JULIE YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO ME I NEED TO KNOW NOW!!!

Yet another fantastic chapter, I don't think I can wait for the next one!

-Claire

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Review #22, by Claire EvergreenFull of Grace: It's Better This Way.

11th February 2015:
Hi, just stopping by for the BvB Review Challenge :)

I almost didn't read this with the song playing and I'm so glad I put it on because it just fit so wonderfully. My eyes were tearing up the whole time, this was just a beautiful story.

The descriptions in this are to die for. They are so beautiful and not once did it ever feel like it was too much. I mean, the opening line- White puffs dance lazily through the chilled air, plunking themselves across the back garden, stubbornly affixing to the grass, weeds and brush that line the property. - is absolutely stunning. I can't get over it, this is such a well written and thought out story, everything just flows so nicely together.

Going along with the descriptions, the emotions that you've written into this are just so powerful. I could feel everything that Molly was feeling and, like I said before, I was almost in tears for almost the whole story. I'm trying to think of another word to use, but powerful is just the only one coming to mind. I'm in awe of how well you were able to portray everything with just the right balance.

The dynamic between Molly and Arthur was wonderful. It was just enough interaction for this story length and the small descriptions and actions you wrote in conveyed the dynamic between them perfectly. The little part about Molly not hugging him since Fred died was so heartbreaking but it fit so perfectly with the other emotions that you put in.

The ending was just fantastic. I know I struggle to end pretty much any story I write, but yours came across so effortlessly and it just felt right. It was the perfect way to end such an emotionally charged one-shot.

I'm honestly in awe, this is such a fantastic story. I'm so glad I got to read it!

-Claire

Author's Response: Hi there Claire,

Yikes - I apologize for taking so long to respond to this.

I'm so, so happy that you played the song! I played it over and over and over when I wrote it and I'll admit, I cried my eyes out every time I sat down to write this - and there were many times. I really struggled with striking the right balance of pouring feeling into the piece and handling the subject matter with dignity.

Gah! thanks for your comment on the ending - I wasn't exactly sure how that came off and I heaved another sigh of relief with your kinds words on that ♥

Thanks again for this wonderful review and thank you so much for reading this story!

♥ Beth


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Review #23, by Claire EvergreenChicks Before Broomsticks: Hurt Heart

25th January 2015:
Yaaas new chapter!!

Oh my god, LOGAN GO AWAY NO ONE LIKES YOU!! If you mess up Roxy and Hollie I swear to god… *points menacingly in his direction*

Ugh, I feel so bad for Hollie but POOR ALEC. He just got a starting spot and now freaking Avery comes back and ugh no. It would just be better for everyone involved if Avery just “mysteriously” disappear or, ooo I know, I had a really bad Quidditch accident. Yeah, that would work! …right?

Alec is such a good friend, though. I love him so so much, he’s the perfect complement to Hollie’s personality and they are pretty much what brotps are made of. The dynamic you’ve written for them is absolutely wonderful, they play off each other so perfectly and you can tall they really care about each other a lot.

The whole scene with Dean and Hollie was just so cute, even when she was bawling her eyes out (I swear to god I will hurt Roxanne and Avery if they keep hurting her because, unlike Hollie, I am in complete denial that it was a fake relationship and THOSE TWO ARE JUST DESTINED FOR EACH OTHER OKAY?). The whole story about Dean and Seamus was perfect and I loved how he turned it into advice for Hollie, which she totally needs to follow up on because heck yeah Roxanne is someone she should fight for!

So, yeah, this review is probably completely incoherent, but oh well. I really love your story and I can’t wait for another chapter!!! (she says as she completely procrastinates writing her own story…)

-Claire

Author's Response: NEW CHAPTER! (late response, but still exciting)

Haha! I wish it was that easy! I be Hollie wishes it was that easy too.

I definitely think Alec got the worse end of the stick here. Yes, Hollie's the main character and it sucks that her romance is effected by it, but this is Alec's career and his future, and Avery just waltzes in and takes the spot away.

But I definitely agree, Alec is really a great friend in this chapter (well, all chapters) and hahaha I haven't thought of them as 'brotp' but I LOVE IT and will always refer to them as that from now on.

I loved writing the Dean scene. It wasn't really planned to be in the story, but with the 'fake relationship' trope there has to be that moment where the character comes clean with the family, so I think it ended up being really neat. Plus who doesn't love more backstory on Dean/Seamus? No one, that's who! And She definitely has to fight for Roxanne!

SHH I LOVED THIS REVIEW. It was fantastic. Just like you! Thank you so much!! (AND YES GO WRITE MORE SIRIUS/JULIANNE PLS THANK YOU)

Julie


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Review #24, by Claire EvergreenFind My Way: Stinksap

12th January 2015:
I definitely should be writing my own fic, but oh well :P

So I'm probably the most unobservant person ever because it took me two times reading this and reading the reviews to realize that Al is blind. I don't know how I missed it, but I did. Anyway, I thought it was really cool, I think I've only read one other fic with a blind character, so I'm really excited to see what you do with it!

“Neville, why!?” Scorpius looked down to his table when Albus Potter called out in anguish from the back of the room. Several snickers from his group of friends followed.- For some reason I found this ridiculous funny haha. Actually, I just found Al hilarious pretty much any time he opened his mouth. He was funny in a sarcastic, almost dry way and I love it! We've only gotten a little glimpse of him, but I already feel like I know his character and I'm in love with him.

Scorpius too, I really like how you've written him here. I like the little hints you've given about his feelings for Al and I really like the idea of him in Ravenclaw (even though he will always be a Hufflepuff in my heart :P). He and Al seem to complement each other even when they dislike each other at this point. I think they're much more similar than they think they are and I'm so excited to see how their relationship plays out in later chapters.

Hehe I'm also really looking forward to getting to know Jia and Professor Nott in particular. Jia just seems like she's going to be a fun character and Professor Nott...I don't really know why, I just can't wait to see his relationship with Scorpius play out.

I'm so excited to see what you have planned for this! Can't wait to read more!

-Claire

Author's Response: Hey Claire!

Haha. I should definitely be writing CBB, but here I am starting a new story.

You're not the only one! I definitely didn't make it 'easy' to figure out in the first half of this story. I really like to do that when I'm writing, just introduce something subtly and let the reader learn things as they go.

Albus is a dramatic child. He's definitely got quite the spitfire personality, and I'm super excited for you to see what I have in store for him in the future chapters.

I'm so glad you like Scorpius! He's definitely really conflicted in the beginning in wanting to hate Albus, but secretly not. lol. I kind of really love Hufflepuff Scorpius!?!?! LIKE!? I debated for a while about whether to put him into Ravenclaw or Slytherin, but in the end Ravenclaw won out.

Jia has some wonderful stuff coming up soon! And Professor Nott will definitely play a good part! She is a really fun character and she creates a good friendship balance for Scorpius.

Thank you so much, Claire! This was so wonderful! I always love hearing your opinions on things. Talk to you later!

Julie


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Review #25, by Claire EvergreenTraces: one.

10th January 2015:
Oh, my god, a Next Gen fanfic based around How to Get Away With Murder...I don't think it can get any better.

This is such a brilliant idea! I'm going to apologize now in case this review is completely incoherent because I'm barely containing my excitement over this fic and gah!!! I legitimately squealed when I saw what this was.

Ok, first things first, I'm guessing that Roxanne is Laurel, Hugo is Wes, Rose is Michaela, and Scorpius is Connor? Ahh now I'm so excited to see how everything plays out. Especially Scorpius as Connor, that is going to be so so good!

“I’m really glad I don’t have to pay you until you pass the bar, Malfoy.”- Yes, just...yes. I just know I'm going to love Daphne as much as I love Annalise :D

I loved the prologue! The way that you were able to transfer everything over into magical terms was perfect. Magical law is something that I know is used in fics, but I've never actually read much with it so I'm so excited to see how you incorporate everything into the magical world.

Ah, I'm just way too excited for this. I'm going to say it again, this is such a brilliant idea and HTGAWM is one of my favorite shows and I can't believe I almost never saw this fic! I can't wait to read the rest of this!

~Claire

Author's Response: INCOHERENT REVIEWS ARE THE BEST. I CHERISH THEM.

I'm glad you're so excited for this story because I'm pretty excited too and HTGAWM is just the best.

You're almost spot on with those - Scorpius is definitely Connor and Rose is Michaela, but I've mixed up genders a bit so Roxanne is actually Wes and Hugo is.??? Hugo's just kind of 'misc,' though probably closest to Laurel.

Thanks so much for reading/reviewing and hopefully this will live up to your expectations!



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