YAY! GO YOU! IT'S AMAZING!

I love the way you've worked the new conversation between al and lucy.. interestingly this edit has made their relationship more "family" like, you know the whole "we not friends but we're family so i HAVE to help you out" and you can really get that sense from the way you've described how Lucy looks at Albus.

OH MY GOD i have fallen in love with Danny (even though he's not real). There's a sentence you write really really well: ("Tears rolled down Dannys face as he tried exhaling evenly to calm his staggering breaths")and i can perfectly picture this fully grown, gorgeous man (in my head he is, lol) breaking down in this really girly, pink, happy bedroom and the juxtaposition of that image in my head is really powerful.
Him being sat in that pink child-like bedroom, crying the way you described, reminds me of mourning child-hood, the innocence, the memories him and cara had, the carefree nature of childhood, and now that's all gone... it's like he's grieving in her room and this happy girly pink innocence room is making a mockery of him, whilst also reminding him that the time for 'fun' and 'happy' and child-like ways has LONG gone...

Its amazing that your writing is so well written that my mind can create all of that from only two sentences in that entire passage about danny

hmmm i wonder if this means, once he mourns, he's going to become really forth-wright/ blunt/ focused/obsessed with solving the case.?

oh i cant WAIT to read the next chapter although because i read the old edit i think i know what's coming next but still if you do the next one anything like this you deserve a MASSIVE dobby award...this is epic stuff! well done im so happy for you

~Kim :)

Author's Response: YAY! I'm glad that you like the changes that I made to this chapter! Seriously, your review made me feel like I had so much potential with the chapter and I'm glad that you pointed it out! I definitely want to continue to live up to your expectations!

I'm SO glad you like Danny!!! :D
When I first thought of him, I immediately fell in love. I'd never fallen in love with a male OC that I tried creating so I'm glad you like him too!

I love that you made that connection between an adult Danny in a pink little girl's room.

Thanks for your review! Seriously, you have been the most helpful reviewer EVER!

Claire(:

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Yay! i am so glad you finally posted a new chapter! as usual i love it, boys only a year apart are bound to fight so its good to see some rivalry!
Hope you find your notebook :)

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this is a really good story so far, the way you've described the relationships between all the weasley's/Potters' is really "realistic"/ jk rowling-esq.

cant wait to read the rest

~Kim

Author's Response: Thank you, I'm really happy that you enjoyed it, seeing that I'm really young and all, I thought it wouldn't be that good. Hope you'll enjoy the next chapter as much as the first. I'll try and write it as quick as I can!

~Tes



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i like your banner and chapter images, its really refreshing to see some original artistry, haven't read the story yet but when i do i'll let you know what i think :)

~Kim

Author's Response: Thank you very much! I'm an artist first and a writer second, so I'm very pleased that you like the images!

(Just fyi... my other story, The Clear Cut, is also illustrated if you want to see any more images.)

Thank you for your review!

Mottsnave

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Your banner is amazingly stunning, your chapter summary is very beautifully philosophic (its now my facebook status), and this story is ridiculously creative.

I love it.

Waiting patiently for next installment :)

~Kim

Author's Response: Well, hopefully you can wait a bit...the queue is going to be closing in a bit:P But other than that, it'll be up after the new year and it's back open!:) I plan to write away this holiday break, hopefully about two chapters of this, two chapters of my other R/H story, three for my H/G one, and finish my James/OC one.sorry, i just had to plan that out:P haha.

Anyways, I love this review. It makes me feel this feeling that I can't even describe with words:P I'm getting a new banner from TDA, but I'm extremely shocked (in a good way) that you like my banner:) Thank you for that, I'm new to graphics, so that really kept my confidence up:) And my summary is your facebook status? That's really cool:D I've never heard of that before, that's awesome!:) Thank you for all the compliments, they made my day!:D

HarryandGinnyForEver

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i love this!!! this kate-girl is so endearing..!

Love it..!
Next chapter please :)

~Kim

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How did tom recognize him?, isn't he mean't to be in disguise?

Great story though..! i mean't to review the first chapter then i realised i was on the 6th..! :)

Great read :)

~Kim

Author's Response: Nitra,
Yes this is a plot hole I have to go back and fix. Thanks for commenting, glad you enjoy it!

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i like it alot, and i like how he isn't giving up on her this time, shows his maturity

good chapter


~kim

Author's Response: Yeah he isnt going to be giving up on her anytime soon. LOL i'm happy that you enjoyed the chapter hope you enjoy the next also. Thank you for the review.

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oh my god..! i had my earphones in listening to that song while reading, no joke. How bizarre..!!

They kissed.! they finally Kissed! it was very very well written, and like that rose still isnt too sure..! :)

well done you :)

..and yes very happy now :)

~Kim

Author's Response: Bizarre is right. But hey the song works perfectly. lol. I know they finally kissed. I told you that if you held in a kiss would be coming very very very soon. And it is real. :) Rose still not being so sure about this kiss but at the same time cant help but kiss him is her inner feelings fighting against one another. Im happy your happy. Thank you for the review :)

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oh, very exciting first chapter,


lots of drama already building! {i have a thing for it, lol}


cant wait to read on! :)

~Kim

Author's Response: Thanks! I hope you continue to enjoy the story!

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lol I really like this intro


" I'd tap that"

made me chuckle...cant wait to read more! :)

~Kim

Author's Response: thanks :)


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"It was an awkward thought, but not an impossible one".

:) :)

LOVED THIS LINE.. The whole story so far could be put into that one sentence. I mean, how skilled you are as a writer to create the essence of the whole story in one sentence, im actually amazed..!!

*To myself:[Rose and Scorpius. In a relationship. It was an awkward thought, but not an impossible one.]

Perfect..! as always :)



update soon!!

~Kim

Author's Response: Thank you truely for the wonderful complement. I am so happy that you like my story and my writting plese do continue to read it. And to be honest that is one of my favorite lines too. Thank you for the review the next chapter will be up soon.

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thats b*lls**t! (i apologise for the outburst) but thats soo * dumb.! god i hate harry, he's a snivelly whimp and now he's gunna give his son away after he fought to get them back and after everything he learnt about ariana dumbledore. h's a c**k! ( again i apologise, lol) he needs to grow some balls

Great story tho.!!! im really getting into it as you can tell, but please make him change his mind..!!

Update soon..!

~Kim

Author's Response: Oh wow, I panicked when I saw the first half of the review lol. Thought you were flamming it. :P
Yes, I agree with you.But Ariana was completely different, she had no control over her magic but had her powers still. They never had a choice, either she went to Saint Mungos and be miserable or they hid her away. While Harry has a choice of two extremes, both of which he doesn't want to do as he knows both are going to end with something he doesn't want. Ha, the Harry you know, as I've said before, will come back. :)
I'm trying to update, but real life and other stuff is getting in the way...I am trying my best!!
Thank you so much for your reviews!

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such a touching chapter..!! I had a small tear in my eye :(

~Kim

Author's Response: I try my best to get the emotions across to you guys! But I loved writing this chapter and the reaction of Jame :( poor kid.
Thanks for reviewing!

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wow! what a brilliant first chapter..!! :)

~Kim

Author's Response: thanks! Hope you like the rest of it just as much :)

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how can albus disapperate? he's only 16?

Author's Response: You're right, I guess I forgot about that...Sorry.

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i cant get my head around it.

In what world would harry consider sleeping with draco malfoy to save him from living life as a muggle..it seems so fantastical... why, when he saw him months ago did he not portkey him to st mungos? stun him, then portkey him.. done

im not criticising by the way... i kinda enjoy the cringe of it, but you have tried to maintain the same characters traits as they have in the "Harry Potter" series, but it doesnt work. It just not plausible that orphan-born harry, who craves family life (mirror of erised) willingly leaves his wife and kids with no contact for 5 months to sit in a garden holding hands with draco malfoy in the middle of winter...

But..

you have somehow managed to write it, in a way the keeps you entraled (up until this chapter anyway) so congrats to you, you are clearly a very good writer, despite the fail of a story-line

~Kim

Author's Response: I see your point of view, but disagree, otherwise, I wouldn't have gone about writing the story, much less with so many chapters. As I see this world and how it has developed from where JKR left off in the books, it is plausible. It just may not be what other readers think, expect, and bank on happening. It's one of many different, varied, and possible futures for these characters.

And Harry himself (as well as others) will address the self same issue in this story - leaving his own family in an attempt to restore someone else's, and in fact throwing everything away... Well, life rarely ends up in fairy-tale happily ever afters wrapped in a pretty bow. And this isn't one of those kinds of stories. It's messy and people make mistakes; all of them. They act like teenagers instead of 40-year-olds and often ruin their lives; I've seen it happen many times in real life.

I understand your point of view, and also your desire to no longer read the story based on such a viewpoint. There are all kinds of stories on hpff, and I'm sure you have found and will find the stories that suit you.

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i agree they needed to be realistic and right now they're not gunna be 'normal' friends, it doesn't fit right with their ages and situations, im glad you put this in.

...although admittedly a little sad, lol

~Kim

Author's Response: Thank you so much for understanding. That was exactly how I felt. Thank you for the review. Next chapter will be up soon.

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Ohhh like it very much,
it was action-y but not overload.

Usually this kind of autobiography style of writing makes the characters seem really whiny and neurotic, but yours didn't. It actually felt real (probably cos you put some trauma in her past.

You included the perfect amount of information on her life for the intro. For the next chapter it would be really good to see the dynamics between the friends :)

I can tell you've taken alot of care over this chapter and it definitely pays off, cant wait to see what you do with rest..! :)

Well done you :)

~Kim

Author's Response: Thank you so much. Keep reviewing!

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R.I.P Liza_Potter
x.x.x

Author's Response: RIP Liza. We'll always remember you.

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oh im so so SO glad its back..!

oooh they were sooo close to kissing, i could practically taste the sexual tension..! :)

another great chapter, cant wait for the next..!!

~Kim

10/10

Author's Response: Thank you so much for the review. I know that they were very close to kissing. But oh well. Next chapter will be up soon glad you liked it.

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Oh my god, that was such a good opening...!! :)

yay you..! you clearly have an talent for writing..!

:)

~Kim

Author's Response: Thanks loads! I'm so glad you liked it.

xx Evie

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Hi

I dont know if you still read your reviews but i had to give you a review..
I loved this story so much, very believable and SO enjoying, I can see why you won the award, Ive given you an "end-of story" review because I wanted to share my favourite moments, mostly ones that made me laugh or cry or cry with laughter so here they are :

Oh well, every cloud has a silver lining, right? True, it’s quite a dark cloud and the silver lining is so thin that you can barely see it, but it’s there.

All I did was throw my half eaten banana at her

Why don’t I just go outside and burn a bunch of puppies and laugh at the homeless?

“Well if wit were shit you’d all have diarrhoea,”

So this is my fault?
“I’m not saying this is your fault or anything,”

I’ve always noticed that when boys are trying to be sympathetic, they make a complete balls of it. Like the time Al was dumped in third year and James just said ‘aw, that’s pretty shit’ – or when my dog died and they said ‘yeah, that’s a bit nasty’. I mean, it’s ‘pretty shit’ that she died – it’s not sad, it’s not heartbreaking, it’s not emotional…it’s pretty shit.

What if he or she got sick? I panic in situations like that. When Hugo got the chicken pox, I rang Mum and told her that Hugo was dead

“You’re in there, safe and warm and surrounded by gooey crap

March slips away quickly and soon April is upon us before we can say “piss off James and Fred – aren’t you a bit old for April Fools?”

How could this situation get any more awkward?
“So, I have this weird growth on my ass,” James starts, trying to break the tension.
There – that’s how it gets more awkward.

James!” Nana Molly growls, “STOP PICKING AT THE WEDDING CAKE!”
“But I’m hungry!” he moans, as Ginny drags him away from the food table

Right, here goes, I’m just going to do it. Bite the bullet. Nip it in the bud. Throw the baby out with the bathwater (that one doesn’t fit, but I can’t think of any more clichés)

"– but you come down here like – like – like…”
“A baboon with nappy rash!” Ginny finishes for her husband.
“Exactly!” Harry continues.


“What do we not say in the airport?” Grandad asks.
“Bomb,” we all answer automatically.


“Hello Rose, how are you?”
What a prick.


I’ve never seen him shout like that. It’s kind of sexy. Okay, snap back to the issue at hand – your cousin is practically dying.


Lily gasps in shock when she comes into the common room and sees the state of her older brother.
“Al! I told you not to piss Rose off!” she yells.


“I am so glad your parents had sex all those years ago!” he cries and everybody in the Gryffindor common room stare at him.
Of all the stupid things James has ever said in his life, that is definitely the most disturbing. Why can’t he just say something like ‘I’m so glad you were born’? See, this is the kind of thing that makes me think James might be mentally unstable. Why won’t Harry and Ginny just listen to me? Their son needs help.



“Lily says I’m not allowed argue with you!” he cries and runs up the stairs to his dormitory before he can get himself into trouble

“Date away! You can go and date anyone you like! Get stuck in my friend!”


It’s just him and me now. Me and my baby. My beautiful, perfect little –
“Wahh!!!”
Oh bollocks.


Very funny writing style, I cant wait to read the rest of your stories and I hope you never stop writing :)

~Kim

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i like that you haven't over-dramatised such a sensitive issue..,
its just a subtle hint and its very well done, so congrats to you!

oh im loving this story soo much that its now one of my favs..! :)

Author's Response: Ah thank you, Lexi's issue will form a great part of the story as the other characters get more involved in it.

Wow! So glad you're loving the story - I'm loving all your reviews - they're putting a smile on my face!

Thank you! Chapter seven has been submitted but validation is 5 days so it might take awhile!

Secret Stag x

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ahh this was a very sweet chapter

father-daughter love.

Author's Response: Haha! I always had Harry down as the protective father, Lily's his little girl in my eyes!

Thank you again for reviewing - you're great!!!



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