Reading Reviews From Member: AlexFan
1,476 Reviews Found

Review #26, by AlexFanClash: Fall (part 1)

14th May 2015:
I'm finally all caught up! I'm so excited to see where this goes and what happens in the next chapter. One of my favourite bits are the parts where we get a glimpse into Harry and Albus's relationship and precisely how twisted and unhealthy it was. I wonder if Harry truly thought that he was somehow helping his son and preparing him with everything that he put him through. Yes Albus is absolutely brilliant in almost everything but he's so emotionally constipated. (Also I'm still trying to come to terms with the fact that the Harry in this story was cheating on Ginny, unless I'm reading into this wrong.)

Albus claims that he doesn't want Rose's affection and he puts so much effort into pushing her away from him and yet he threatens any boy that so much as blinks her way, even Scorpius, his friend. I wonder how the relationship between Albus and Rose will change as the story goes on they have a family relationship that I've never seen in fics before.

 Report Review

Review #27, by AlexFanClash: Rescue

13th May 2015:
But seriously tho this is probably the nicest Albus has been and Albus will ever be. He reminds me of Sheldon Cooper in the way that he's blunt about everything and the way that he puts logic and reasoning above everything else. Although he's probably much more attractive than Sheldon.

Out of everyone that Hugo could possibly grow close to I never really pictured Albus being one of them. But I suppose it makes sense. Albus treats Hugo the opposite of how everyone else treats him, Albus doesn't have time to coddle Hugo and I guess Hugo appreciates that.

You've gotta admire Scorpius's nerve with asking Rose out. Of course he means but he's also probs saying it to lighten the mood although if I had to take a wild guess I'd say Rose wasn't really in the mood for cheering up (how do I figure these things out I know super observant). I love how Hugo has jumped on the board the Scorpius/Rose ship.

I'm generally very had at putting clues together to be honest with you so even if you've made something really obvious I probably haven't picked up on it BUT IM EXCITED TO SEE WHERE THE STORY HEADS FROM NOW ON!

 Report Review

Review #28, by AlexFanClash: Descend

12th May 2015:
Iíve been meaning to catch up on this story for so long and Iím finally getting around to it now! I have to actually prepare myself for whatís going to happen because you canít just go into this story without doing some breathing exercises or something.

Your characterization of Draco is pretty spot on. You can see that he cares about Draco but thereís still that holier-than-thou air about him when he thinks about the things that heís seen and heard because of his job at the Ministry. Even with everything that Draco went through as a teenager, I donít think the Malfoy in him wouldíve ever left.

ďDraco didnít throw a fit as large one would expect him to throwĒ So that means that Draco still threw a fit (I would actually pay money to see how that mightíve gone). I wonder what it must be like living in the Malfoy household, Scorpiusís family sounds like something off of a comedy.

I forget that Albus actually cares about Rose, in his own twisted, unhealthy way so whenever he defends itís always a little surprising considering how poorly he treats her. Moving on from that, ALBUS POTTER IS ON A WHOLE OTHER LEVEL OH MY GOD. He just kind of sits around and goes ďhmm today letís figure out how to do magic without a wand,Ē like who does that who does he think he is.

Rose is a really strong character, I mean, she gets pushed around a lot by Albus but so does everyone else but sheís a really strong character. Sheís made it through everything with her brother and finding her parent's bodies and yet she still manages to keep going. But now that her brother has disappeared Iím pretty sure you wouldnít want to get in the way of Rose Weasley. When it comes to her brother there is literally nothing that will stop Rose from keeping him safe.

Iím so excited to keep reading (and now I have to go and tell literally everyone I know about how good this is).

 Report Review

Review #29, by AlexFanThe Making of The Map : James

2nd May 2015:
I've been meaning to catch up on this story for so long! I knew the minute that James made the joke about lyncanthropy that it was going to be a sore spot. My immediate thought was how it would affect Remus and I'm honestly not surprised that he got angry with what James said. It's something that he has to deal with every month, and here's his best mate turning it into some kind of joke. Your characterization of Sirius is actually quite different than how he's usually written. You can see the Sirius here that was a bully and made hurtful jokes and the Sirius that didn't know when he'd crossed a line. But I really like how honest and blunt he is, Sirius doesn't sugarcoat not even when it comes to his friend.

I really liked Ivy as well and I admire how she manages to be professional on the pitch. She's fair and doesn't hold her previous teammates to a higher standard than anyone else trying out, and it would've been so easy for her to be biased as well. Ivy seems like a no nonsense type of person but she's fair, she's a lot like McGonagall in a way now that I think about it.

But anyway, awesome chapter!

 Report Review

Review #30, by AlexFanetc. etc. (and life goes on): A Kingdom For My Name

21st April 2015:
When I saw your post on tumblr I was very tempted to just tossy homework and head for your fic but I managed to wait until I finished before reading this. IT HAS BEEN SO LONG AND WOW this actually did not fail to bring it. It's a nice way to come back from a year of not writing with a AND YOU THOUGHT THINGS WERE FINE.

Clemence acting like she doesn't care but we all know that deep down inside she cares so much that she has to convince herself that she doesn't just so she won't get hurt. Either that or she really doesn't care. Your life sounds super busy at the moment but I'm so excited for the next chapter and then the epilogue oh my goodness!

Author's Response: IT HAS BEEN TOO LONG. The worries of writing a satisfying ending have not gone away. Oh no, they've skyrocketed.

Clemence + emotions = OTP, amirite. I always like to say that the only emotions Clemence feels are the REALLY STRONG ones, because, well, she can't feel the unworthy ones. So she's either totally flippant or the world's imploded.

Thank you!!

 Report Review

Review #31, by AlexFanTicking Away Seconds: Bittersweet Kisses

8th April 2015:
First off, Iím so sorry for taking so long to get back to you with this but iíve been insanely busy and Iím only now getting around to doing reviews so again Iím sorry and thank you for being so patient with me!

As a complete sidenote but Iím listening to a song right now that really goes with this but anyway, moving on! I like how you portray Lilyís feelings of portrayal in your one-shot, and she has every right to be upset with her best friend. Sheís known him for so long and this entire time there was an apparently part of him large enough that thought that she was below him because of her blood. Iím so glad that you show why Lily wonít accept Snapeís apology, you can see even at the beginning that she has already made up her mind and separated herself from the friendship that they used to have. Itís very clear that Lily is done with her relationship with Snape.

And I donít think Iíve ever been so mad at Snape before. Look at him pulling out all of the abusive techniques of his trying to get Lily to seem like the unreasonable one, the one whoís blowing things out of proportion. And whatís even worse heís making excuses for his behaviour! He acts like Lily doesnít know the kind of family that he grew up with when she knows perfectly well what Snape had to put up with, he acts as if that should be enough to get her to forgive him. TL;DR your portrayal of Snape is actually perfect and spot on but he still makes me incredibly mad. I appreciate how you donít romanticise the horrible things that he did.

And now it occurs to me that I didnít exactly address anything that you wanted me to so let me just do that right now. The story flowed very well, from Lily thinking about her grandmother to Severus pretty much violating her space without her consent and then leaving. I thought it fit into canon really well, especially your characterization of Lily and Severus and there were definitely no glaring issues as far as I could see.

Author's Response: Hey there!

No worries on the wait! I understand that reviews only happen when real life allows for it. Don't feel bad at all!

Lily's mind is definitely made up from the moment the story begins. Snape has crossed a very distinct point of no return with her and I feel like it's something that has been a long time coming.

Snape can be infuriating. I think my biggest frustration is that he does such awful things sometimes that it detracts from everything good he ever does. He is very manipulative and the recanting of his life is to draw sympathy more than to inform.

With both Lily and Snape I really wanted to stay as close to cannon as possible. I just wanted this to read like a missing moment after the initial blow out that we witness in the series.

I'm so happy to hear that there were no glaring issues that you could see. This was one of those rare stories where as soon as I started writing it, the words just poured out, so I was worried that I might've missed some important detail or written something funny in the hurry to keep pace with my imagination.

Thank you for this lovely review!


 Report Review

Review #32, by AlexFanHarry Potter and a Daughter of Druid: Apothecary

8th April 2015:
First off Iím so sorry that itís taken me over a month to get to this but Iíve been crazy busy and I honestly just havenít had the time. (And I should also mention that Iíll be reviewing as I read along with the story just so you know).

First off, Iíd just like to say that I find it really interesting how you chose to tell this story from the point of view of a Druid, I really havenít seen any other story like that on the archives. The first thing that I wanted to point out right off the bat was that you mentioned Daraís appearance twice, the first time with the description and the second time when her father mentions how much she looks like her mother. And I mention this because it feels a little repetitive because youíve told the reader what Dara looks like and then it just feels like youíre repeating what youíve already said.

I got the feeling while reading this that there were certain things that had taken place because of how you referenced to them which left me a little bit confused because I havenít read the entire story preceding this one so Iím not entirely sure whatís going on or what happened such as the fight that Harry talks about where he almost lost Ron.

I thought your characterization of the characters was really good, I especially liked Ron so well done on that because itís not always easy to write characters that have already been established by the author. I liked how you included the problem with Slytherin students being bullied because after the Wizarding War itís definitely something that I can see becoming a problem at Hogwarts. I like how you brought that up and acknowledged that it wasnít only the Gryffindors that were bullying the Slytherins but also other houses.

I just wanted to take a moment to talk about Ernieís actions because it was eating away at me. Itís not that he did the wrong thing because he definitely shouldíve taken points away from Hufflepuff for what the girls did to Astoria but at the same time, itís only ten points and everyone is making a bigger deal out of it is. I mean, these girls attacked a student and left her alone in a classroom without thinking about whether or not she would be okay, it seems like they deserve a harsher punishment than just ten points. Okay back to the actual review.

I know that English is not your first language and I really admire that youíre confident to write in it and ask for help because not many people do that. I think your story has a lot of potential and is already off to a really good start so keep up the good work. I would suggest getting a beta reader since theyíll be able to pick up on grammar mistakes that you may slip up on and help you smooth out your sentences.

Author's Response: Thank you, AlexFan, I really appreciate that you didn't forget review request.

Speaking of a beta reader, she is working on this chapter right now,and she's a very good beta with much advice but she also has her own novel to write, so it'll take much longer till the rewritten one is up. If you have time for this, please stop by again and see how it would be improved.

Yes, your suggestion is right to the point. I think ten points from Ernie's house is far too little. Thank you very much!

Kenny :)

 Report Review

Review #33, by AlexFanThe Wandering One : Canada

29th March 2015:
It's taken me so long to finally read this last chapter and it was so good! It was entertaining and it felt like I was getting a brush up on my Canadian history (and Victoire is right, Canada is much safer than Europe, for example the chances of you getting hit by a car are considerably lower since drivers actually stop for pedestrians in Canada).

It was so great to see Victoire reunited with Sam again. I can just imagine how much of a shock it must've been for him to be surrounded by so much magic all at once. And I'm so glad that Teddy has moved and matured as well. I don't know if he would've been as happy for Victoire and Sam as he was in the end at the beginning.

 Report Review

Review #34, by AlexFanA Muggle's Wand: Undisputed

28th February 2015:
I never thought that I would ever see the day in which Ron Weasley would ever be described as agile as a cat. I still picture him as tripping over his own feet no matter how much of an expert he may be when it comes to being an Auror. But, that aside, I like how you wrote Ron. Youíve captured his loyalty to Harry in the way that he uses the anger that erupts inside of him at seeing his best mate taken down to go after the remaining witch and wizard. And I can definitely see him being an aggressive Auror, his past actions are proof that when it comes to Death Eaters and other criminals, Ron doesnít exactly hold back on his hatred. The one thing that I really liked about him though, and that seems to have changed about Ron, is that he doesnít let his quick temper get in his way. Heís learned to control his anger and is able to focus on the problem at hand and I can definitely see Ron learning how to control his anger.

Look at Ron, all grown up, he could barely levitate a feather when he was eleven and now heís throwing around cars at his enemy like itís nobodyís problem. Heís come so far, and I like how youíve captured his arrogance and confidence. Youíve written Ron in a very believable way, heís older, and more mature, but you can still see traces of the teenage Ron still in him, especially at the end when heís so proud of himself now that heís finally figured out something that he really excels at and how excited he is to tell Hermione, I can just imagine how happy she would be to hear about his new stance.

Iím so sorry for taking so long with this, Iíve barely had enough time to shower let alone read fanfiction so this is coming a bit late!

Author's Response: Thanks for the excellent review, I really enjoyed writing an adult Ron. I took his love of chess and turned that into a tactical advantage for Auror work. He may not be the best pound for pound fighter but he's definitely the smartest.

No worries on the timeframe, I love all reviews.

 Report Review

Review #35, by AlexFanL'optimisme: Malapropisms

28th February 2015:
I think Albus is definitely growing as a character. He used to be this boy who was hopelessly in love and blinded to the negative aspects of Gellertís character to someone who has acknowledged the things that he did when he was young, and the things that heís felt, and that he still feels those things but he knows better now. I feel like this is around the time when Albus starts growing into the character that we see in the book, for me at least, I donít know about anyone else.

I like how Albus has come to accept that he still has feelings for Gellert at this point in the story but that he shouldnít let what he feels get in the way of whatís right. And I like that he knows that there might come a day when he can move on from Gellert but that day is not today. But at the same time, it kind of feels like Albus keeps moving because heís trying to run away from his past, even after all of these years and him going back to England seems to be him finally coming to terms with everything thatís happened.

I thought the flow and pace of the chapters, exactly what was needed to show Albus moving on with his life in a sense. And Iím sorry for taking so long with this review, Iíve been really busy lately and Iíve finally got enough time to do basic things as well as leave reviews.

Author's Response: Hi there again! :) Thank you so much for stopping by again!

I'm so bad at developing characters, and this is really my first long stint at doing it, especially over such a long story, so I'm so glad you think it's going alright! He was definitely a lot more hopeless at the beginning, and a lot more naive about the consequences of emotions, I think, and how long and deep they can go.

I really, really wanted him to accept it, because I think it's very easy to not want to feel things and to think or even know that you shouldn't and almost resent them in a way - and I wanted it to be something he sort of stops fighting, in a sense, and realises he's just going to have to wait for them to go of their own acccord. It's sort of almost symolic of a maturity, I guess, if you like. And yeah, the return to England is pretty symbolic too - I couldn't have explained that better myself! :P And definitely not as succintly, haha.

No worries about taking time - I completely understand that RL gets busy, so there's no need to apologise for it ;) It's not something you can control, after all! :)

Thank you so so much for the wonderful review! :)

Aph xx

 Report Review

Review #36, by AlexFanAtonement Is Coming: A Shadowy Threat

13th February 2015:
Hello there, I'm finally here with my review!
(Also, I apologise if this ends up showing up
weirdly when you read it, I think my computer is

Flow:I thought the flow at the beginning of the
story was great, everything was smooth and moved
at a natural pace. However the bit with Harry,
Ginny, and the rest felt a little rushed to me. It
seemed like everyone arrived and left pretty
quickly. My suggestion would be to maybe stretch
the scene out a little bit and go into detail
about some of the things that everyone discussed
before getting to the part where Harry announces
the news.

Characterization: I thought everyone was pretty in
character. McGonagall seemed really well written,
you got her reserved yet caring nature down really
well. I thought Harry, Ron, Ginny, and Hermione
were also in character, particularly when Ginny
glared at Harry for spilling the beans before he
was supposed to. It brought back memories of them
as teenagers.

Interesting: I always love reading peoples
theories and headcanons about what happened after
the fall of Voldemort, because some people go with
really cheerful things and others go in a
direction similar to this. I can definitely
imagine that the events that Minerva and Kingsley
were discussing taking place. It's completely
natural to expect hostility towards purebloods
after the fall of Voldemort and I'm actually very
interested in seeing how you explore this issue
and what this new group is planning on doing.

Author's Response: Hi Alexfan,

Thank you so much for taking the time to review my story!

I'm really happy to hear that you thought my characterization was good. Some of the characters are easier to write than others, but I really wanted to stay pretty true to the books.

In addition to your review, a few other reviewers have also told me that the announcement scene is too rushed. I really did struggle with writing it and actually re-wrote it 3 different times. I will, however, be re-editing it this weekend some time, so I hope to smooth it out a bit. I think I will take your advice and talk a little bit more about the things happening at the party.

I'm glad that you find this particular theory interesting. It isn't exactly headcanon for me, just something that popped into my mind. I hope that I am capable of turning it into an awesome story.

Again, thank you so much for your review! I will really take it to heart while I am re-editing.


 Report Review

Review #37, by AlexFanA Muggle's Wand: Prologue: Bellatrix's New Pet

13th February 2015:
I'm here with your requested review.

Flow: I thought the flow was really good, the
progression of events seemed smooth and natural. I
like how you started off the chapter with this
unknown muggle and how he got himself into a
situation with Bellatrix and Dark Magic.

Characterization: I thought your characterization
of Bellatrix was perfect actually. You really
captured how unhinged she was as a person and
exactly how dangerous she was. Throwing Serahn
around and just generally messing with him is
something that Bellatrix would do. All of the
disturbing parts of Bellatrix were written
perfectly, the sick pleasure that she got out of
torturing people, the extent to which she really
hates muggles to the point where she would even
keep one as a pet.

All in all an awesome and interesting beginning to
your story.

Author's Response: What a great review! Thank you for your insight into Bellatrix, I had a ball writing her. I look forward to hearing what you think of more chapters!

 Report Review

Review #38, by AlexFanIce Cream-Flavored Jealousy: Throwing Waffle Cones.

13th February 2015:
I remember reading this a long time ago. Ger is still my favourite character so far, I love her sarcasm and her no nonsense kind of attitude. She's got a very abrasive personality but you can tell that under that prickly nature of her she's probably a good person who will help you out if she likes you.

Author's Response: I like bringing things to life even when they're most likely to be dead. You nailed that on Ger. Although, she prefers her good side be you know, buried. Thank you for reviewing still! After all this time hee.

 Report Review

Review #39, by AlexFanLilium: Chapter One: A New Start

12th February 2015:
Before I start, I'm a stickler for canon, like a huge stickler so I get a bit of a twitch when something set in the Potterverse does not follow canon unless it's AU. To be honest, I've never read a James/Lily story that has strayed so far away from canon and I don't know how to deal with it.

I guess I can wrap my head around Lily going to Beauxbatons, but if she moved to France at the age of ten or eleven, and no one else in her family knew French, her first couple of years at Beauxbatons would've probably been quite difficult because she'd have to get around the language barrier that she was facing, and get around it fast. I can understand her being forced to move because of the job that her parents had or something but, other than that, I don't really see why she wouldn't go to Hogwarts in the first place. And maybe this is just me, but wouldn't Lily going to Beauxbatons alter the friendship that she had with Snape and how it affected her character as she got older?

(Also, Beauxbatons and Durmstrang are not all girl and boy schools despite what the movies would have you think.)

I liked your characterization of Lily because while she was definitely a kind person, if you stepped on her toes or were cruel for no reason, she definitely wouldn't have trouble putting you in your place. And you can see that in her treatment of Petunia, she loves her sister but she has no problem dishing out to her the same treatment that she gets.

I thought Petunia's character was a little OOC. The entire reason for why she's cruel to Lily is because she's jealous and angry that her sister can do magic, and is "special" while she does not (do magic). And to be told that she can't attend magic school because she can't do magic is pretty much rejection for Petunia so I guess I can't really see why she would owl wizards from Durmstrang when they represent the same things as Lily and are an even bigger reminder that the wizarding world has rejected her. What I did like about Petunia however was her confidence and how happy she was with who she was a person. You don't see that in a lot of character's in fic and I like how Petunia won't let what anyone says get her down because she knows what kind of a person she is and what she looks like. She is secure in who she is as a person and she's not going to let anyone try to step on that or take it away from her and I really admire that about her.

I can't really tell you where your story is going, it is after all, your story and you are the author so what you decide to write is completely up to you. I can see your story going into interesting places and your characters developing in a certain way but it's really up to you. I definitely like your writing style, it's descriptive and it flows really well, and you can tell a lot about your characters just from the simple things that they do like fidget or talk. When it comes to readership I really can't say. Some readers are going to stick around for more, while others might not, and it's not going to be because your story is bad, because it really isn't, but it could be for a variety of other reasons, it really depends on what a person likes.

Author's Response: I would firstly like to thank you immensely for taking the time to read and review this for me. It is very much appreciated. I admire the honesty you have shown and it has very much helped me to understand my own writing much better.

Firstly, I am aware of the strange James/Lily ship that that currently been presented, and will look at perhaps amending my story summary in reflection of your comments.

I will also be revising this chapter in the hopes of clearing up a few of the issues that you have pointed out with regards to their move to France, and the relationship between herself and Snape.

I am glad that you enjoyed the characterizations of Lily and Petunia, though I will be looking to establish Petunia's character a little more in light of her OOCness.

I'd like to say also that I greatly appreciate your comments about my style of writing.

So, thank you once again for reading and reviewing my story and considering my areas of concern, you've given me a lot to think about and a lot to play about with. Cheers!

 Report Review

Review #40, by AlexFanA Terrible Mistake: A Terrible Mistake

12th February 2015:
Hello! Iím here with your review!

I think you nailed Lucius to be honest. We donít
get a look inside his head throughout the series
but I think you nailed his line of thinking. I
like how you didnít make him particularly sorry
for the crimes that he had committed, just sorry
for the fact that everything had come down to such
a bloody war and that he had bet everything on
Voldemort and lost. Even when Lucius is admitting
that heís weak you can still see the Slytherin in
him. I liked how he literally just outright stated
that he had only been in it for the power that it
would give him and how much he now regretted
everything that he had done.

The contrast between the young Lucius and the old
Lucius was good because it showed the change that
had come over him through the years. He had been
happy to do Voldemortís bidding because he hadnít
really had much to lose when he was younger and
now he has so much more to lose if Voldemort had
won. I think the truly Lucius thing about this is
that heís devastated about the social blow that
Voldemort has cost him, he doesnít sound
particularly regretful about what heís done to
muggles, just that heís not benefitting (I feel
like Iím repeating myself at this point but you
get the idea).

I thought this was interesting and I liked your
portrayal of Lucius.

Author's Response: Hey bud!

Thanks so much for reviewing. Lucius was a lot of fun to write for this one, though a little tough so it's nice to know you think I captured his personality well.


 Report Review

Review #41, by AlexFanRose: Unrequited

10th February 2015:
I love the comparison that you made between Rose and the actual flower and how important of a person she was to Scorpius. I really got a sense of how he saw Rose and what she meant to him and how he felt for her throughout their friendship. I felt a little bad for Scorpius because he had just accepted his fate at being the best friend to Rose throughout his entire life.

This is one of those few stories where the best friend stays the best friend instead of suddenly getting their affections returned by the one that they like. And I liked how Scorpius was so okay with Rose not feeling the same way. I like how he didn't throw some fit or pull some "nice guy" stunt on her but instead stood by her whenever she needed him and supported Rose like a true friend would.

Everything about their relationship is just really nice, it makes me feel all fuzzy inside. Scorpius and Rose's relationship is more like a brother/sister, I feel like I'm going in circles but I just really like how they get along.

Author's Response: Hey! I am glad you liked this! Thank you for the lovely comments. The point of this story was "If you love someone, let them go." Scorpius was happy in Rose's happiness and that's what I wanted to show - it was friendship and unrequited love all in one! Thank you for the review!

 Report Review

Review #42, by AlexFanOut of the Darkness: Into the Sun

7th February 2015:
I'm always such a sucker for Marauder stories and especially ones that explore the relationship between Harry and Lily.

I like how you kept the focus on Lily's feelings and fears for Harry throughout this. I especially liked how it starts with her crying silently because of the fate that she knows awaits her son. It just makes you think about how much fear Lily and James must've felt during this time and how well they must've had to hide it from Harry so that he wouldn't think something was wrong.

I don't know how the two of them could've dealt with knowing that at any day it might've been their last, their last day to spend with Harry and make him happy and hold him. If only Lily had known then everything that Harry was going to go through, and I definitely believe that she and James were there for Harry through everything that he experienced even if he couldn't see them. I can just imagine them cheering him on whenever he was faced with a challenge.

So all in all I really enjoyed this!

Author's Response: Well you have came to the right place! :D

Yeah, I can't imagine either how it must have felt for James and Lily living out their last moments.

Me too! Lily and James as invincible spectators in Harry's life. Maybe I might write something like that one day!

Thank you for reading and reviewing! I'm glad you enjoyed this story!

- Asphodel

 Report Review

Review #43, by AlexFanPainful Bliss: Prologue: Beginnings

6th February 2015:
I saw this on the recent page and the summary looked interesting but I never got around to reading this until now.

I don't normally read a lot of Draco/Astoria, which is sad because there's so much potential for them so this was exciting for me. I like how you've written Draco. He's got this feel about him like he doesn't know how to deal with feeling emotions, which is understandable considering how much he must've had to push aside his feelings and feel nothing while Voldemort is in power.

I like how he doesn't know what to do with the fact that he's attracted to this woman named Astoria and doesn't know how to deal with it. And their interaction is a little awkward but it's really cute because you can just see them learning how to be around each other. I can already see the affection that is going to be growing with them and the type of comfortable, easy relationship that they're going to have. One of those ones where the couple can sit in silence, and still understand what the other is saying just through body language.

I really hope you decide to post the next chapter soon.

Author's Response: Well thanks for stopping by! :D

I feel like I can't find too many Drastoria stories anymore. At the time I wrote this (2012) there were plenty but now not too many. I suppose I'm trying to make them get a comeback. Draco doesn't know how to deal with his emotions and that's what this story is about. Neither of them do. He's living this life and he loves his wife but she doesn't anymore or at least it appears like she doesn't love him anymore so he's miserable but he can't not be with her because the memory of Astoria makes him happy, ergo, painful bliss.

The second chapter, well the first really, is a bit of a time jump so their interaction will be entirely different. I don't want to say it is completely love less but things have happened.

I'm posting the next chapter after my Filch Valentine's Day one-shot is posted. So very soon! Thank you so much for the well thought out review!

 Report Review

Review #44, by AlexFanHarry Potter and the Broomstick Makers: Prologue

6th February 2015:
I'm so sorry that it's taken me so long to get to your review but everything has been very busy lately.

Pacing/Flow: The pacing felt a little bit rushed in my opinion. I think the beginning was fine, I could understand the situation that was going on but the second half, with Harry in it, felt rushed, which was mostly due to the fact that it was almost completely composed of dialogue. One suggestion that I would make is to focus on your description, talk about what the characters are doing, their expressions, whether they're fidgeting or not. You could even describe what kind of room that they're in and such, it would really help slow everything down and pull in the reader.

Secondly, the scene with Harry was a little confusing, I know that it was supposed to be mysterious, and don't get me wrong, it does leave me wanting to read more of the story, but at the same time, it's a little confusing. Harry is being very vague with what he's saying, and I don't have a clear idea of exactly what's going on between him and his Head of Department. Maybe if you gave some background on why Harry is in his Head's office and maybe gave a slight summary of the events that took place before his meeting it would make everything a little less ambiguous.

That being said, what you do have at the moment is good, especially the beginning, I liked the detail that was in it and the mystery that you have going on with the broom maker and his problem, I thought that was a very good way to start off the story. Unfortunately, I don't have the time at the moment to go through each and every chapter of your story (unless you come back and request for the second chapter), or really any story at the moment unless it's requested of me. But I hope I was a little bit helpful!

(I would also recommend a beta since they can pick up on any mistakes that you may not see and make suggestions to your writing. It never hurts to have a second opinion!)

Author's Response: Thank you for sparing time for this, AlexFan.
To focus on my description is my top priority. I'll reread and have to describe more.

I intended to mask the clue but your suggestion to write some background why Harry was in the office should be kept in my mind.

I've just posted for a beta request on forum, I wish I could develop skills in writing stories with advice.

Thank you again, your decent review!

 Report Review

Review #45, by AlexFanExceptional Circumstances: Premonition of Doom I

30th January 2015:
If the people working for Ganymede have any of the qualities that the myths for the Olympians say the gods have, then I would say Persephone is the perfect choice to pick for whatever plan he has in mind. Hell hath no fury like Persephone scorned. Honestly the amount of things that that girl did to people that crossed her is amazing. I think the only person that comes close to Persephone's wrath is her mother Demeter.

But in other words, yay, the plot is finally moving forward and we finally get to meet the villain! I like the air of mystery that you keep around him, he sounds dangerous but at the same time, you don't really know much about him.

And regarding Roxanne, THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU DON'T INCLUDE PEOPLE IN IMPORTANT PLANS LIKE JAMES'S SAFETY THE PERSON PROTECTING HIM ENDS UP NOT BEING ABLE TO DO HER JOB. Honestly, it's like Addie has to watch not only James but his entire family too just to make sure they don't do anything stupid and put him in harms way. THERE IS A DANGER A FOOT!

Author's Response: Did you honestly say (type) THERE'S DANGER AFOOT! You are my new favourite :D

While Ganymede's people have nom de plumes after Greek gods/goddesses because their work is similar, I chose Persephone because she is a young goddess, and therefore, I'm inclined to believe, quite inexperienced. Forgive me if that is not, mythologically spaeking, the case :)

Addison does have quite a lot on her plate, doesn't she? And handling a firecracker like Roxy can never be easy :)

Thanks so much for reviewing!

 Report Review

Review #46, by AlexFanVictoire: Uncle Harry's Warning

29th January 2015:
I knew that something intense was going to happen in this chapter from the way that you ended the previous one but I had no idea that quite what would be in store. Needless to say, you didnít fail with the follow up, your description of the images in the photos made my stomach turn a little bit. I canít imagine what Izzy must be feeling after seeing those photos sent to her by post, what sick person would do something like that?! And the worst part is that magical photographs move so can you just imagine those images moving through the same sequence over and over again.

Okay, I need to stop.

I love the banter between Asher and Victoire because they represent two sides of Ravenclaw house. Thereís Victoire who believes that working hard and doing everything by hand is the best option because then you retain more information, and then thereís Asher who doesnít see the point of it and just wants to finish his work using the most logical, smart way of doing it.

Iím so looking forward to seeing how this story progresses because I can just tell that no matter how hard I try, Iím going to be trying to figure out who the murderer is (and Iíll probably end up being wrong with my guess). Iíve already started guessing on who the killer is and you probably havenít even introduced him. I really liked this chapter and Iím looking forward to the next one!

Author's Response: I'm so glad you found the pictures impactful. I really wanted to convey creepiness, and you're definitely right that it would be worse in magical photographs.

And thank you for liking Asher and Victoire! You're definitely right. They're both extremely clever and work very hard, but have quite different attitudes. Asher's also muggle born so gets frustrated when he thinks the wizarding world is a bit behind the muggle world, like they are in the case of the lunar charts.

The next chapter should be up soon. I'm aiming to update at least twice a month.

Thank you so much for such a kind review!

Emma xx

 Report Review

Review #47, by AlexFanThe Unsinkable Molly Prewett: Canít Take My Eyes Off of You

26th January 2015:
My favourite thing about this fic has to be the relationships that Molly and Arthur have with their siblings, no wonder Ron and his brothers and Ginny grew up to be such a tight knit group. Gideon and Fabian are absolute copies of Fred and George and I can just imagine Molly's reaction when her own twin sons picked up the tendencies of her two brothers, "It's like living with Fabian and Gideon again."

I love how Bilius doesn't even tease Arthur for very long about having a girlfriend, he's just there enjoying the events that take place, it's great. Molly's dad is so chill, I thought he would've been a lot more serious but instead he just directs Arthur to Molly's window and goes back to sleep, how many dads out there can claim that?

 Report Review

Review #48, by AlexFanChai, Chutney, and a Friend in the Wee Hours of the Morning: Chai, Chutney, and a Surprise

26th January 2015:
I can relate to Hannah so much, I absolutely hate chopping onions, I always tear up so bad that it gets to the point where I canít even see anymore because thereís so much crying and I have to put down the knife and walk away. My eyes burning just thinking about it,

I understand Nevilleís struggle with the pressure cooker, my momís old one used to drive me crazy because it would start whistling at the most random of times and it would always startle me. And then whenever I tried to take the lid off, or attempt to, I couldnít figure out how I was supposed to turn it, I donít like pressure cookers is basically the story here.

The minute that Neville said that they should get married because of a chutney recipe I just wanted to groan because thatís not how you ask someone to marry you and I thought Hannah was just going to eat him alive for proposing that way. But at the same time, I wouldnít have expected anything more from Neville to be honest, it was just so completely Neville that it made laugh. It seemed like the perfect way for him to ask Hannah to marry him.

Oh my God Neville, way to tell the love of your life the story behind her engagement ring, ďNot because she killed him,Ē oh my God, where did this boy come from. Heís so sweet, and awkward, and dorky. I would like my own Neville, can I have my own Neville. I think your Neville is perfect, I wouldnít change anything about him at all, you can still see the eleven-year-old in him but at the same time heís a lot more confident and a lot happier than his kid-self and I love how youíve wrapped that all into one person so great.

(Also, Iím sorry this took so long I got sidetracked kpop.)

Author's Response: There are people who enjoy chopping onions? I either get my mother to do it, or take out a machine. Technology was invented so that I wouldn't have to chop onions! I'm just a puddle of painful tears when I chop them.

I remember when I first learnt how to open and close a pressure cooker. I feel you Neville - the struggle is real. They're so useful but they're just so difficult to use!

I just loved writing that scene. He's just so NEVILLE about it all. He wants to be this really cool and suave guy, but marriage is just such a huge thing, and he kind of just muddles right through it. I do love how he just keeps going, despite how terrible it's all going. But the great thing about these two is that Hannah gets him. A big part of it I think is that she's in shock - how can someone ask such a question by using a chutney recipe as a segue?

So much of Neville's awkwardness is my awkwardness to be honest. I feel like this is the kind of story I'd tell. I can babble terribly when I'm nervous. I'm just so happy by how many people love Neville. People have really embraced the dorkiness!

Thanks for the lovely review. (And totally understandable - kpop is a black hole)

 Report Review

Review #49, by AlexFanBeing a Falmouth Falcon: Clubs and One Night Stands

25th January 2015:
I was kind of hoping that Gigi would've been the bigger person and told Camilla that Adam and James always get like that when they're drunk. I am always one hundred percent here for girls sticking up for girls and I feel like Camilla is a little lost or maybe she just wants to be noticed and she thinks having everything that Gigi has is going to change that. I mean don't get me wrong, she shouldn't have said that about Jenny, Camilla has no right to judge someone on what life choices they've made.

But yeah, Gigi, is going to have to burn all of her furniture and get her flat cleansed with some holy water. And I'm so proud of her for being so secure in her relationship with James, because she's not jealous, she's more annoyed but she knows James and she knows how loyal he is and I like that they trust each other so much, that's a good relationship right there.

Author's Response: Gigi the bigger person? You're funny. Camila is... a treat. She's definitely got something wrong with her. I couldn't tell you what, but there's something wrong with that girl.

Gigi and James's relationship is based off of a lot of...interesting things. Well, you've seen it! You've read the first story ;).


 Report Review

Review #50, by AlexFanPsychos and Psychologists : Problem Number Eleven

24th January 2015:
It's so good to see this story back! I was wondering what had happened to it!

Finally, there's some progress being made though! Coral is actually going to be able to provide some form of help now that Albus has decided to actually open up to her. And I'm actually kind of glad that she yelled at him to be honest, it seemed like Albus was just looking for a reason to stay angry and using that whole, "you don't know anything about me thing," as a way of keeping people out and snapping at them. Maybe people would know what they were talking about if he actually opened up about his problems.

In regards to your writing, you're definitely not a bad writer, I think the main thing you need to work on is your description because you kind of leave out the details about the things going on around your characters which results in what appears to be too much dialogue and very little setting.

(Also, Kenny is my favourite.)

Author's Response: ahh i am terribly sorry! it has been a while since i've updated :(

i am really glad she yelled at him too. there is only so much of complaining and moodiness anybody can take. and also he was really starting to annoy her so.

thank you so much for the critique! i'll definitely try to keep that in mind and try to improve!

thank you so much for your kind words grace :)

 Report Review
If this is your story and you wish to respond to reviews, please login

<Previous Page   Jump:     Next Page>