Reading Reviews From Member: AlexFan
  
1,414 Reviews Found

Review #26, by AlexFanThe Unsinkable Molly Prewett: Gimme Little Sign

14th August 2014:
I knew it, I knew that Arthur and Molly got distracted by each other in class (and I was right about the muggle gushing as well, it just happened a lot sooner than I thought it would've). It's cute how Arthur is trying to act all cool around Molly when he really doesn't need to because she's already interested in him.

I couldn't help but giggle when he ran to Gryffindor Tower cheering all the way. I just knew he would and I could picture him jumping around as he went. I think you've captured canon Arthur perfectly, you can still see the sweetness and the eagerness that he has in his older self in this younger version of yours. I just have Molly/Arthur feels going on right now that I was not prepared for.

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Review #27, by AlexFanThe Unsinkable Molly Prewett: I Can't Help Myself

14th August 2014:
Arthur is hopeless (HOPELESSLY IN LOVE). And to think that a love potion would be the thing that finally got Molly to notice Arthur and start paying more attention to him. I really loved how Thad and Arthur kept silent about what happened instead of telling everyone about it. Not many people would've done the same in their situation.

Arthur has just become so in tune to Molly, I bet he would notice that she wasn't in the Great Hall without looking too hard. He's so easily distracted by her, I wonder how he gets anything done in class when she's around honestly. ARTHURS OBSESSION WITH ALL THINGS MUGGLE YES. I can just imagine him gushing to Molly about everything that he finds fascinating about muggles and her listening intently and loving how passionate he gets about the subject.

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Review #28, by AlexFanThe Unsinkable Molly Prewett: Red Rubber Ball

14th August 2014:
I just realised while reading this that Molly's punishment for the love potion was really quite small. It makes you think that stuff like this isn't really as rare as you'd think it would be. Students drugging students with love potions seems to happen often enough that the consequences for it are one detention, your Head of House hearing about it and informing your parents of what you did.

You'd think Molly would be a little bit hungover the fact that she just got turned down by the boy she likes but she seems to be moving on pretty fast to Arthur. And poor Arthur, having to hear that the girl he fancied was actually trying to slip a love potion to his friend, that must've stung a little.

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Review #29, by AlexFanThe Unsinkable Molly Prewett: You Can't Hurry Love

14th August 2014:
Wow, Molly really doesn't beat around the bush, does she. Usually when a girl says that she's going to do something in order to get noticed by the object of her affections it usually doesn't mean, 'I'm going to slip him love potion.' And of course the plan didn't go well. It's like Karma is sitting on a chair with a drink, watching Molly and thinking, 'it's cute how you thought that would end well.'

And then Arthur and Thaddeus got all territorial over Molly (well, mostly Thaddeus really). At least Arthur realised that Molly wasn't a piece of meat and that she was the one who had to make the decision about which one of them she would choose. I think you could tell a lot about Arthur and Thaddeus's character just by the way that they were holding Molly's hands. Thaddeus got a little bit more possessive while Arthur was still gentle despite his growing temper.

I love how Arthur backed down when Molly chose Thaddeus. He didn't make a fuss about her decision but simply walked away because he just wanted Molly to be happy.

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Review #30, by AlexFanYear Five: Dozens of Little Televisions (1991)

13th August 2014:
I've seen this story around the most recent page and it's had great reviews from authors I trust so I added it to my reading list (but it's unfortunately at the bottom of the pile) so I'm really happy that you requested.

I can certainly see what everyone is talking about, you've certainly started your story off in an interesting way what with this Sophie character accidentally finding out about magic and all. I like how I got to know Tristan despite the fact that my impression of him was being given by someone else. I've got an idea in my head of what kind of a guy he is now so I feel like I should be able to expect some things of him as a character.

Another thing I liked was how you didn't make Tristan devastatingly handsome or tall like is usually the norm in fanfiction. He's quite average-looking by the sounds of it but that still doesn't stop the ladies (apparently). I can definitely see why he liked Sophie considering everyone else seems to really enjoy picking into his life (it was kind of sad considering she really didn't seem interested in him after their little adventure).

I found it kind of weird how totally okay Tristan's parents were with everything that happened to be honest. I mean, obviously they can't do much to him since Tristan is going off to school pretty soon, not to mention the fact that it doesn't sound like he has many mates so it's not like they're keeping him from anyone, but I felt like they should've been more worried.

I mean, I think they should've had at least some kind of talk with Tristan about what happened or something. Instead they just let him lock himself in his room with drugs. I know that if I had done what he did my parents would've given me a stern talk to that's for sure. Am I right in assuming that Tristan maybe doesn't have the best relationship with his parents and that they don't really talk to each other?

But anyway, I loved the first chapter (and feel free to come back for the rest of them).

Author's Response: Oh wow, thank you so much! That means a lot to me to hear!

And thank you for the note on Tristan's appearance! Yes, I wanted all of my characters to be realistic teenagers, and I actually think I benefited a lot by choosing faceclaims. I wrote this whole thing out, and then really carefully thought about who to choose for the images, and then went back and edited the story with those actors in mind (which also helped the dialog, because I could tell if something wasn't realistic if I couldn't imagine the actors saying it). Anyway, I chose Craig Roberts for Tristan because he often plays dark or moody characters, and while he isn't traditionally handsome, he has a *quality* (I have a TOTAL fictional-character crush on his character in Skins:Fire ;) )

Thank you for the note on the parents! I've gotten a lot of really helpful reviews recently on that point, and also realized that the ending is a bit rushed. Their nonchalance about his sneaking a girl in definitely has REASONS that get explored later, but you're right--it doesn't really make sense here. After reading your review, I TOTALLY got a really good idea for something to add to this chapter that doesn't spoil anything, but does flesh out the ending. So ThankYouThankYouThankYou!!!

I will definitely rerequest!

xoxo
Roisin


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Review #31, by AlexFanThe Internal Monologue of Annett Sinclaire Kluge: The Peculiar Childhood: A Prologue

13th August 2014:
I've seen this story around the most recent page but I never really looked into it until you requested the review.

First off, I like your main character. The thing that I like about her the most is the fact that she's not from England or North America but instead other parts of Europe. You don't usually get to see many other cultures in fanfiction so I was really excited when you mentioned Austria and her Austrian-German features. The one thing that I was surprised to learn was how advanced she was in the sciences. This girl must be really mathematically advanced, as well as incredibly advanced in all of the other subjects such as Languages (I would say English but I don't know how much English she spoke prior to moving to England). I hope that you go more into this as the story goes on, someone as smart as your main character is surely not going to have any trouble with the first year course curriculum and just speed through everything.

(I'm hoping that maybe as the story goes on we get to learn more about what kind of traditions your MC has and learn more about Austria.)

I liked how the MC's parents were scientists, that's not something that you see either, and how supportive they were of their daughter. I love how they didn't lock her up in some lab and conduct tests on her but instead just let their daughter figure things out for herself.

I think the pace was pretty good for a prologue. It was pretty fast but you still managed to set your character and their life well enough so that the reader has some connection to your MC and understands them a little bit.

In terms of humour, I can't give you much there because I personally felt like there wasn't much in your prologue but I'm sure that there's plenty more in your next chapters.

I think you've definitely got an interesting story going on here, I know I'd want to learn more about a girl who comes from a family of scientists (talk about two worlds clashing).

Author's Response: Thank you for your very helpful review! I'm glad you are interested.

Austrians are a very family-over-friends oriented culture. And work comes before play. Not to say that there is none of the latter, though. We will see this in other chapters. As for her magical studies, we will see how she does in chapter 2, actually. :)

There is more humour in the next chapters, yes.

And cultural differences will also be explored. Food, mindset, and a couple mentions of tradition, and all! Sadly, it probably won't be as much as you expect, but I have been trying to integrate more culture into the unreleased chapters upon your review. :D

I did want to create something many people have not seen before! I figured science would be an interesting place to start. I wasn't sure about how most people would react as I wrote the first couple of chapters, but all the positivity and the vocalisation of interest has been encouraging. Thank you!

As for her mathematical and linguistic skills. I don't get too much on the former. It's mostly biological and chemical stuff. For the latter, we will slowly start to realise her grasp of English as more dialogue is involved.

Again, thank you very much for taking the time to read and review. It means a lot to me. Thank you for your thoughts! :D

Cheers.


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Review #32, by AlexFanCrossing the Borderline: Aaliyah: The Reaction

11th August 2014:
Sorry for taking so long to get to this but I was busy, BUT ANYWAY!

It's been a really long time since I read this story and I had to check which chapters I had left reviews for and this was one that I hadn't so here I am.

I like the characterization of Aaliyah and Albus, because you can tell that they're two different people who don't know each other at all. They don't know how the other person thinks or their mannerisms or what they like and dislike so obviously faking a relationship is going to be hard. I think maybe if they took some time to just sit down and talk to each other so that they could have some idea of what they have in common, or stuff that they both hate and I think they would have an easier time of convincing everyone that they're dating. I don't know how no one else caught onto the awkwardness between the two of them honestly.

I think the plot is moving along at a good pace, you've introduced some more characters into the story but you've also kept it focussed on the main idea and moving that along. I was worried that the actual start of the fake relationship was going to be in the next chapter but I was really happy to find out that it happened in this one. I'm pretty excited to see what happens in the next few chapters.

In terms of flow, I felt like the chapter was a little bit choppy. I think the biggest thing that interrupted the flow was the interruptions that Aaliyah made about each character. Like when Seth showed up for example and she describes his appearance, that kind of pulled me out of the story a little bit because it didn't seem to fit into the scene very well. I think if you showed your reader the characters appearance through mannerisms (for example, running your hand through blond hair, or green eyes twinkling etc.) instead of just outright telling them what the person looks like then it would make everything blend together a lot better.

But other than that, great third chapter!

Author's Response: No, you didn't take long at all!

They are two different people and if they did actually take the time to get to know each other it would be much easier but they didn't. I think they were just a bit too stubborn to try to get to know each other beforehand. :P

I think the only reason no has caught their awkwardness is because they are still in shock. I mean Aaliyah and Albus was kinda sorta really unexpected. They'll work on their awkwardness though.

I actually liked my plot pacing in the beginning but then looking back I feel like it's been slow so I kind of started to freak haha. I'm quite relieved that you find that it's at a good pace and isn't going slug slow (which is pretty slow). And the reason I probably made it start in this chapter is because I got impatient, lol.

Thank you for pointing out the flow issue. I get what you mean and I'm going to try and look into it as soon as I have time.

Thanks for the review. I love the points you made and thank you for pointing out the choppy thing. I haven't read or even looked back at this chapter in a longgg time and I guess it's time to address some issues I hadn't then.

Thanks again!! I had a fantastic time reading this.

~Sama


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Review #33, by AlexFanL'optimisme: Silence

11th August 2014:
Hey there, sorry for taking so long with your review but I was busy for most of last week, and then I was out for the weekend so I had no time to stop by with your review.

I remember reading this when you had it up before, and I enjoyed it then but I'm excited to see what the story is like now (I'll be writing this as I read).

I liked the beginning where you talked about words and silence. It seems like it's a little bit out of the blue but even though it seems a little bit random, you can tell that it's going to play a big part in the rest of the story.

I adore how you started off on August 29th, 1899. You set up the scene with Albus and Gellert and the two of them just being happy together and sleeping in each other's arms. They just sounded so cute together. I couldn't help but laugh when Albus commented on his jumping ability not being connected to his partial nudity. I could see him saying that in my head.

Seriously, I'm just dying of cuteness over here. Albus and Gellert wrapped up in a blanket, those sweet kisses that they gave each other just before Gellert left. I think the first person works very well for the story, it makes the memories seem more personal this way, I'm more connected to what's happening when the memories that Albus is thinking about are told this way.

I liked the sudden shift from happy memories to a more dark one, it showed the progression of Albus and Gellert's relationship. I thought the two of them were in character, particularly Albus. I think you nailed his thought process absolutely brilliantly.

I enjoyed the rewrite a lot more than the previous version.

Author's Response: Hey there - thanks so much for dropping by! :) No worries about the time - I totally understand! RL isn't something you can just leave completely ;)

I'm so glad you liked it - it is a bit random, but there is a point to it, I promise! I kinda wanted to set up the themes at the beginning, so I'm glad you think it sort of worked ;)

Thank you so much! I really wanted to show their relationship being good and happy, you know, because the angst is going to come in soon and it needs some kind of counterbalance, I think :P Haha, I liked writing that line - the idea just came to me and I had to include it. The image in my head was too funny! :)

Gah, thank you! It was strange shifting to first person - I'm more used to third, present, so first, past took some getting used to, though it just felt right for this story. Kisses... omigosh, I hate writing them, haha. I always feel so bad at them... so hard!

Yeah, it was something like progression - I also wanted to show sort of the pivotal moments and how quickly things can change from being happy to being broken, so it was kinda important to include (though I didn't intend to have it in there in the beginning). I'm so glad you liked Albus - he was so intimidating to write at first, but I think hopefully it seems to have got a bit easier! :)

Thank you so so much for the lovely review - I'm so glad you enjoyed this, and its so nice to hear from someone who read the first version as well! :)

Aph xx


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Review #34, by AlexFanThe New Pride of Portree: A Chance

11th August 2014:
It's party time! Mitz is canon once again and I am silently cheering so as not to wake my mum up. (I'm going to refer to Molly and Fitz as Mitz because it's just easier).

This chapter was just fluff, fluff everywhere and I was just dying from all of the cuteness. Molly finally put her feelings out on the table and the result was FAR from negative. But hey, at least Mitz are willing to give it a go now and really try and see where their relationship goes (I hope nothing horrible happens).

I think that Mitz should definitely talk to McCormack about their situation. It may not give them the answer that they want to hear, and it might make Mitz's life more difficult but I think that would be better than having McCormack find out from another source like last time.

Every time Mitz moments come up Take a Chance just starts playing in my head. I don't even have to think about it anymore, it just happens. It has become my theme song for this story.

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Review #35, by AlexFanExceptional Circumstances: Pixiedust Delirium II

7th August 2014:
I read this last night but I was far too sleepy to leave anything coherent so I'm back.

Okay, you may have mentioned Eliza in the chapters before this one but for the life of me I have absolutely no idea who she is or why she's important so it'd be great if you could refresh my memory a bit (but good for Eliza for being lesbian!) I am interested in finding out about Cliona and Tarquin and how they fit into Addies's past.

I'm kind of proud of James for taking Addie home and making sure that she was safe, but at the same time I really just want to punch James in the face for being kind of a jerk to Addie in the morning. I just wanted him to shut up the entire time that he was mocking her.

THAT IS WHAT YOU GET WHEN YOU DRINK SOMETHING WITHOUT KNOWING WHAT IS IN IT ADDISON YOU BETTER WATCH YOURSELF GIRL! This story takes place after 2020, come on now Addison, I imagine every girl is taught to watch what they drink when they go out.

AND OF COURSE THE MAGAZINE HAS TO COME UP WITH SOME GARBAGE STORY ABOUT A RELATIONSHIP HAPPENING BETWEEN JAMES AND ADDISON (even though they don't know that it's Addison) LIKE THEY DON'T EVEN HAVE ENOUGH FACTS FOR A PROPER STORY HOW IS IT EVEN POSSIBLE TO WRITE AN ARTICLE ABOUT THAT. This is fictional media and I'm already getting really angry with it.

Can't wait for the next chapter!

Author's Response: Ah, don't fret. The busiest two weeks of my life just ended and I just found time to respond to this.

Eliza is the Chaser of the English team, James teammate. She's also the one who called Addie a 'bossy hag' in ch 6. I suppose y'all forgot cause my update took so long >p sorry!

Cliona actually has nothing to do with Addie's past-they first meet in ch 6. She does, however, have a lot to do with Eliza's. And Tarquin plays an important role in Addie's life- past, present and possibly even future.

James was not a complete jerk! Only in the first half, granted, but I'm kinda proud of him too. And if he just kept being nice-ish to Addie, it would've seemed abrupt and uncharacteristic. But things'll improve (eventually).

All I'm going to say at this point, Addison, you incredibly foolish girl! We told you so! :D

And yes, the magazine article. Inspired by all the stupid gossip mags and celebrity websites out there, that I /have/ to salute for their talent of finding smoke where there's no fire. They're not done causing problems in Addie and James' lives, let me tell you that ;)

Thanks so much for reading, reviewing and being so absolutely wonderful.

Cheers,
-Akansha.


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Review #36, by AlexFanThe Monopoly on Honour: Do we not Suffer?

6th August 2014:
Hello there, here with your review!

I liked seeing your version of Lucius, because we never really got to see any other side of him in the books other than someone who despised the Weasley's and mistreated Dobby so everyone assumed that he was a bad man (which he was considering the fact that he also went hunting for muggles and muggleborns). I enjoyed this side of his character that showed that he cared about Draco, and that he attempted to protect his son in the ways that he could. I liked seeing him show affection for Draco because despite all of the other things that Lucius may have done, this was a man who loved his family and wanted what was best for them.

I liked the whole family dynamic going on as well, this whole, you protect your own business going on, I wasn't entirely surprised because I always got that feeling from the Malfoy family.

I can definitely see where everyone's fears are coming from. A lot of people in the wizarding world must be against Slytherins after the war ended, or purebloods, and people fitting either of those things would have to work harder to convince people that they weren't evil if they were dealing with someone close-minded. And I like how you pointed out that there were probably quite a few Slytherins out there that attempted to protect students from harm but their actions went unnoticed by the majority of people.

I quite liked the pace of the story, it was slow but not too slow, it moved along at a good pace and the reader got to settle into the scene before you moved onto the next bit of your chapter.

I think you've got a good start to your story here!

Author's Response: Thanks so much for your review :) It means a lot! I'm still in shock at the praise - so this reply is probably going to be all over the place, but hey!

I'm glad you liked my version of Lucius - he's one of my favourite characters, so I always hope to do him justice! He's such a complicated character and I'm glad that came across. I think you hit the nail on the head with him - he's far more complex than merely 'bad'.

Thank you for picking up on what Daphne and Theo tried to do - not many people have, and it's one of the main things Daphne is motivated by, I think, and I'm happy you liked the premise and found it realistic.

It's one of the concepts I believe is probably true: that prejudice, like war, goes both ways.

Thank you so much for such an awesome review, I really appreciate it!

Celi :)


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Review #37, by AlexFanHear us Roar: If All Time is Unredeemable

6th August 2014:
I've always loved me some Marauder era stories so here I am!

After reading this beginning I'm assuming that a lot of stuff happens in this story that leads to such a dark prologue like this.

I thought this was a really great prologue, it was long enough that you set up the scene and the character but not long enough that you gave a lot away. I liked the air of mystery around this because there was hints of stuff that happened that led up to this moment of Ivy's life and you left the reader wanting more.

I can't say whether or not I like Ivy because I haven't learned enough about her in this chapter to form a solid opinion. From what I have gathered from this chapter about her I'm fairly certain that I would be able to like her character. I'm definitely interested in finding out what happened with her, because to cause someone to lock themselves away like this something really horrible must've happened to cause this isolation.

At first I thought Ivy was in Azkaban or something like that because she mentioned prison and I thought that she had committed a terrible crime but then you went on to say that she had willingly holed herself up in this little shack and it occurred to me that Ivy was most likely hiding.

Personally, I definitely liked this beginning and I'd be willing to stick around for more of the story.

Author's Response: Hey! Thanks for reviewing so quickly, and sorry my reply is so late!

Thanks for such a nice review! I've been honestly so worried that this prologue is just going to turn everyone away from the story, but from my point of view it's still far too necessary just to get rid of completely. It's nice to hear that you'd be willing to stick around for more of the story, so at least I haven't mucked it up completely!

Your point about Ivy is completely fair, in another review someone described her as an interesting plot device as opposed to a person, so there really wasn't much else to flesh her out apart from her paralyzing fear and isolation, which makes her seem incredibly one-sided. You said you were interested to find out what happened to her, so I think she did her job ;P

Again thanks for reviewing!

~Aimee~


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Review #38, by AlexFanThe Wandering One : Santorini

5th August 2014:
Hey Jenna!

Santorini sounds absolutely wonderful, I want to visit there some day and hopefully enjoy it as much as Victoire did.

I giggled when Sam apologized to the rude tourist who cut in front of him. He's so right though, Canadians apologize for just about everything. I've lost count of the amount of times that people have walked into me and I apologized to them. You think that it's not something that you'll start doing but trust me, it becomes a habit after some time to just apologize for everything.

When Victoire does visit Sam for the Quidditch World Cup, he should definitely take her to see Niagara Falls because it's absolutely beautiful. They could take the ferry down to the falls and she could take pictures, or they could go behind the falls.

She should listen to Sam about the stray cats because he's right, they can be very vicious. And it's not just the cats, the dogs can be feral too, I remember visiting family in Albania and seeing stray dogs literally everywhere and my parents would put themselves in front of me in case they were vicious.

The magical animal sanctuary sounded absolutely brilliant. If magic was real I would've been pumped to go and see something like that. I love how Victoire is, for the most part, totally unsurprised by what she saw (except for the Chimera) while Sam sounds like he's about ready to pass out. I would love to see how well Valena and Hagrid would get along if they ever met up, they could be pen pals or something.

VICTOIRE SAW A HIPPOCAMPUS IS THIS FORESHADOWING? AM I SMELLING FORESHADOWING OR WAS THAT A COINCIDENCE?

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Review #39, by AlexFanDecoding the Tutshill Tornados: The One with St. Mungos

4th August 2014:
SUCH EMOTION MUCH OW! I have never seen Fred this emotional before and it was great to get to see this side of him (although it's kind of at the expense of the girl that he's in love with). The dude just seems like an absolute mess if Amy does die I don't know how he's going to be able to handle something like that.

I just love James more and more as this story goes on because he continually picks his friends and family over his career. He knows that his captain isn't going to be happy with him and that it's going to end badly for him but he chooses to stay with his family anyway (AS HE SHOULD). I've got my fingers crossed that even after the two weeks are up that James and Avery don't break up because I SHIP IT.

THANK YOU LORD JESUS THE IDIOT FINALLY WENT TO HARRY FOR HELP. I thought I was going to lose it with James because it seemed like he kept pushing back going to Harry for help when clearly that's what he needed to do. I was worried that James would just dig himself into a hole while trying to fix everything. THIS IS EXCITING I AM EXCITED TO SEE WHAT HAPPENS NOW THAT HARRY HAS BEEN BROUGHT INTO THE GAME.

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Review #40, by AlexFanSacrifice: Of Beginnings, Aurors, and Torn Photographs

3rd August 2014:
Hello there, I'm here for your requested review! I haven't done this in a while so I may be a little bit rusty.

Okay, the first thing that I'm going to point out and leave alone is that you should watch your verb tense because you went from past tense to present tense here Shutting the door behind me, I step into the room fully, and kick off my shoes. and that pulled me out of the story a little bit.

Now, onto your characterization. I think you've got believable characters. AJ seems like a realistic character, she wants to take care of her siblings and she doesn't want them taken away from her. I think if anyone was in her situation they would want the same thing. Alternatively, if you want to leave the explanation of Dean being Vinny's dad where it is, you could include something like a name tag pinned on his ministry robes so that he can be easily identified.

There were a couple of things that confused me, one, it took me a while to figure out who Addison was because I thought it was a girl but it turned out to be a guy so that threw me off a little bit but then once I went back a little bit I figured out where I had gotten lost.

Another thing was the Aurors, I get that Harry would be easily recognized but when AJ first called Dean Mr. Thomas I was confused as to how she knew him. I know that later on in the story it's explained that he's Vinny's dad but my suggestion would be to include that explanation before AJ identifies Dean as who he is. I don't know about other readers but I know that I was a little bit confused when AJ knew who the second Auror was and I had to go back to the beginning of the story to make sure that I wasn't missing something.

Another thing that jumped out at me was the fact that the Aurors were part-timing as social services. Like, Aurors are dark wizard catchers, that's their main job and I feel like social services wouldn't be something that they would do. It could be a part of the Magical Law Enforcements job, but I have a hard time believing that Aurors would also be in charge of social services on top of arresting dark wizards and solving cases.

In terms of plot, I think you've got a good one here, this is a very believable situation that these kids are in, there are lots of families out there struggling to get by because of parents losing jobs or because of the parents dying like in the case of AJ.

I like that you set up your characters situation in this chapter so that the reader has a very clear idea of what kind of life they lead and the kind of struggle that they must face every day. It's especially clear when AJ worries about bills, jobs, kids, and NEWT classes. The reader becomes fully aware of just how much your main character must deal with, which makes it easier for me to sympathize with AJ.

I love how you ended the chapter because it left me wondering about what happened to AJs parents, what led up to them living in this way, and what went on with their dad, because it doesn't seem that as if she and her siblings are very fond of him.

One last thing that I'm wondering about, where would AJ live? Because she has to work at the Three Broomsticks and Hogsmeade is in Scotland, and since it's the destination for Hogwarts students to walk to, it's not exactly close to any cities or villages.

But other than that, I think you've got an interesting start to a story here.
-Grace

Author's Response: Hi Grace!

This was SO helpful. Like, I went through the story and edited it AS I read your review. So, first, I'd like to thank you for that.

I actually had already fixed that verb tense :'D it's in an update I am about to send through the queue. But thank you for pointing that out :D

I fixed up the Dean being Vinny's dad scenario. I made it more clear to the readers :) I also cleared up who all the siblings were, the age, and the year they were in. Overall, I re-introduced everyone when I revised and edited, including Dean and anyone else you mentioned :D

I also explained about the Aurors, but i'll explain now so you don't have to re-read. It's because this particular case involved Dark Magic, and there's still belief that they (as in the kids) could have caused it. And then, the Ministry had them handle the MLE business as well, because Harry has power, and harry suggested it would be a lot on the kids to have MLE, SS, and Aurors on their doorstep every day. So yeah, the Aurors are around because of Dark Magic :) Of course, it makes more sense in the text, and I slyly add that AJ doesn't want to think about it, so that gives suspense and all that jazz as to what happened.

Thanks for the wonderful compliments on plot :)

Oh, and like the first sentence of the second paragraph mentions that they live in Hogsmeade, which is walking distance to Hogwarts. :)

Thanks!

-Leigh


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Review #41, by AlexFanThe New Pride of Portree: Friends Again

2nd August 2014:
BABY FLORA TO THE RESCUE! This has just become a thing now apparently, if you're unhappy, just hold the baby. Baby makes it all better.

Percy really is nosy, he takes so much interest in his daughters lives and it's kind of sweet. I liked that he went and had a talk with Fitz about what Molly was feeling and just told him (although I get the distinct impression than she wouldn't be too happy about Fitz knowing that she had cried on her dad's shoulder for half an hour).

I find it kind of funny that this entire time it never occurred to Molly that she was being really reserved about her feelings for Fitz. It's like she forgot that not everyone is able to read her mood changes and feelings simply based on looking at her.

I love all of the characters in this story because you can tell that the Weasley's are related. From the way that they talk to each other and treat each other, you can see a little bit of someone in all of them.

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Review #42, by AlexFanCharlie the Dragon Hunter: Crikey!

2nd August 2014:
This seems just like something that Charlie would do. I can picture him carrying on the Weasley pranks and mayhem at Hogwarts (honestly, how the professors made it through all seven Weasley's is an absolute mystery to me because trouble follows each of them wherever they go).

I love how Charlie pales at the idea of Mrs Weasley finding out about his antics. It's all fun and games until someone threatens to tell your mom and then you start pleading. I don't think there's anyone quite as scary as your mom.

I love how Kettleburn didn't take it personally as a lot of teachers/professors would have and just laughed it off and sent Charlie on his way. He at least got some payback by using the Mrs Weasley card on Charlie.

Reading this was a good way to end the night.

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Review #43, by AlexFanThe New Pride of Portree: Widdershins

2nd August 2014:
LOOK OUT RAKESY HARRY POTTER IS COMING FOR YOU! I am so excited to see Rakes get kicked out of the league thanks to Harry that I'm practically cackling at the thought. If Harry Potter can defeat Voldemort then he sure as heck get evidence to prove that Rakes was the one who injured Fitz. And honestly, I wouldn't have expected any less of the Weasley/Potter family.

I just love how Harry and Ginny immediately teamed up to bring down Rakes in their own way. Harry would investigate and once he and Ron found enough evidence, Ginny's probably going to talk smack about Rakes (and if she doesn't then I'll just hope that she will until you write the chapter in which she does not do this).

I absolutely love this story because it's not always cheerful, it does have its sad moments but they aren't too sad. It isn't make-me-sob kind of sadness and it's followed by this uplifting event that happens after like the Prides winning another game and I just really love that.

Onto your other stories now!

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Review #44, by AlexFanThe New Pride of Portree: Underdogs

2nd August 2014:
Movie day sounded like a lot of fun. I could just picture everyone lounging around and eating popcorn or throwing it at each other and giggling. Of course the mocking and the jokes and the talking would be inevitable but that's what makes movie day fun with friends.

I like Roxanne, she's a smart girl and she's also really funny. I love her relationship with Molly and the way that the two of them interact with each other is great. The thing that I love about the Weasley family in this fic is how close everyone is, even if not everyone gets along, like Dom and Roxy by the sounds of it, everyone is still close to each other.

I can see how the Beaters would enjoy the Rocky movie (I haven't met anyone who hasn't enjoyed the Rocky movies to be honest). And I couldn't help but smile when he made the comment about Beathan not liking the movie. It just shows that he's really beginning to understand the team and what everyone thinks like and the type of personality that they have and that's great.

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Review #45, by AlexFanThe New Pride of Portree: Let Us Break A Few Heads

2nd August 2014:
RAKES I AM MAKING A VERY RUDE NON 12+ HAND GESTURE AT YOU RIGHT NOW YOU PIECE OF COW MANURE!

I love how passive aggressive Fitz was when Rakes was insulting him because Rakes could throw all of the insults that he wanted at Fitz but the fact of the matter is that Fitz still won. I can't believe that he just admitted to being the one who hexed Fitz! I had an inkling that it was him last chapter but I never expected to be proven right. Rakes should not be playing in the league, he goes too far even for a Falmouth. He needs to be arrested (and then there should be people throwing vegetables at him but that's debatable).

When Rose showed up covered in slime I thought to myself "Now I want to read about Rose, I wish there was stories about Rose oh wait, there is." The slime caught my attention so now I want to read about what she does.

Fitz should stop being so surprised that Molly has connections everywhere, he should just accept it at this point (and now that I think about it, the Weasley's could make up the ministry).

But hey, at least Portree won the game against Falmoth so the Falcons can take that and stick it in their juice box. RAKES CAN BEAT UP FITZ ALL HE WANTS BUT HIS TEAM STILL SUCKS (I'm sorry that I'm taking this way too personally but Fitz is my baby).

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Review #46, by AlexFanThe New Pride of Portree: Strength of Will

1st August 2014:
Well at least I finally know why Mariah sold out Fitz and Molly. I knew she didn't do it because she had the teams interest at heart. I'm going to take a guess that she was a Slytherin when she was at Hogwarts judging by the fact that she's always looking out for number 1 (which isn't a bad thing). But at least she was honest about why she told Meghan and didn't make fun of Fitz when she realized that Fitz really did have feelings for Molly.

I can understand why Fitz is mad at Rakes but I'm struggling to understand why Rakes is mad at Fitz (this could be completely obvious but I've always been bad at reading in between the lines). Is he mad at Fitz because he caught him with Mariah? Did Fitz beat him up or something after catching him with Mariah?

I know that Molly and Fitz broke it off but I wish that they could at least be friends, it sounds like they need someone to talk to, especially Fitz and the two of them seem to feel better about things after talking about it to each other. But seriously, Fitz and Molly need to sit down and have a talk about everything that has happened because they are not on the same page so far.

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Review #47, by AlexFanThe New Pride of Portree: Something Real

1st August 2014:
Never thought that I would see the day when Percy Weasley would use something from Weasley's Wizard Wheezes. I really love your Percy, there's a special place for him in my heart after reading this story. I thought it was sweet that he was so worried about his daughter so much that he actually went so far as to eavesdrop on her (it was a violation of privacy but he had good intentions). I burst out laughing when he got caught by Lucy.

Hilarion is just the sweetest person out there, the man is such a softie and I loved how concerned he was for Molly's safety. Lucy picked a good husband that's for sure. And I loved how his attempt at cheering up Molly was just to shove his daughter at her. "Hold baby. Baby makes everyone happy." I think Molly would make a good mom, she seems to soften up a lot whenever she's around her niece and she absolutely adores Flora and hugs her and everything. Not to mention the fact that she's very responsible so she'd pay close attention to her kid and what they needed.

Ah yes, the old "don't show the enemy your weakness." Fitz and Molly are both being so stupid just UGH, if you didn't care about each other then you wouldn't have spent so much time around each other. GET IT TOGETHER MAN. Fitz and Molly seem to have a bit of a communication issue, if they had just been more vocal with their feelings and talked to each other at least they wouldn't be stuck thinking that the person they got involved with didn't care about them as much as they thought.

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Review #48, by AlexFanThe New Pride of Portree: Colour-Coded and Perfect

1st August 2014:
Mariah Waldman needs to go fall into a hole or something because this girl sticks her nose in business that has absolutely nothing to do with her (well it technically does since if it went bad between Fitz and Molly, which it has, how well they get along affects how well they work together and the rest of the team). Seriously, does she have some kind of jealousy issues or something? Does she want Fitz back but the reader doesn't know it yet? What is going on inside of the head of hers? You could say that Mariah is worried about things going ugly and the team falling apart but I doubt that that's why she stepped forward and did what she did (or maybe she is worried about the team in which case I respect her decision).

But of course it was Mariah who sold Molly and Fitz out, why am I not surprised? SHE NEEDS TO STOP BLOWING HOLES IN MY SHIP THIS IS NOT OKAY.

I've got my eye on her from now on.

The part about their break up that saddened me the most was the fact that both of them thought that the other didn't care as much as they did when in fact both Molly and Fitz (the idiots) cared a lot about each other. I just felt like yelling at the two of them until some sense got knocked in that YOU TWO CARE ABOUT EACH OTHER AND YOU LOVE EACH OTHER SO STOP BEING STUPID.

I guess this is how being a reserved person can get you in trouble. People end up thinking that you don't care about them because you don't exactly display too much emotion.

Onwards to see how well Molly and Fitz are going to get along after this and how it's going to affect Molly's playing on the field.

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Review #49, by AlexFanThe New Pride of Portree: Stamp of Approval

30th July 2014:
Molly and Fitz are horrible at keeping it professional. Honestly they try to get it on so much I'm surprised no one has caught up to what they're doing and outed them. They should be more careful if they want to keep this up.

Lucy is such a sweetheart. How could anyone hate Lucy? She seems like the nicest person ever, anyone would be lucky to have her as a friend. If you can find me one person who dislikes Lucy, I will eat a sock.

Holy crow though, Fitz really is falling hard for Molly, he'd give up just about anything as long as he got Molly. Since he's never felt this way about a woman before, I'm guessing that it's going to take some time to adjust to the feelings that he has for Molly. I wonder if he's ever going to tell Molly just exactly how he feels about her.

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Review #50, by AlexFanThe New Pride of Portree: Spiralling Self-Control

30th July 2014:
I remember saying that I didn't mind Mariah because she hadn't really done anything to make me hate her but I take that back now. AINT NOBODY GOT TIME FOR A HOMEWRECKER. Mariah needs to check herself before she wrecks herself, I feel like this girl doesn't see boundaries.

I don't even know much about Hilarion since I haven't read the other stories and I'm already protective of him. But I love the relationship that he and Lucy have. They're just so in love with each other and they trust each other completely. I like how you include little bits and pieces about what makes them perfect for each other. Flora sounds like an absolute sweetie pie. I kind of want to see Lucy hanging around the Prides more often because I just want to see how she interacts with them.

OOOH DRAMA IS HAPPENING. DRAMA LLAMA. I'm excited to find out what the Beaters got into a argument over (it had to be something pretty big if they started throwing punches.

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