Reading Reviews From Member: AlexFan
  
1,491 Reviews Found

Review #1, by AlexFanThe Wrinkles of the Road: Rose. --- Lunch With Narcissa.

25th December 2015:
Happy holidays!

Finally the meeting with Narcissa arrived. I was so excited reading this chapter. Things are so awkward between Rose and Narcissa but the two of them are getting along so I don't think it's going to go that bad. I can definitely see why Rose is awkward though, she and Narcissa come from two very different worlds. It's almost as if they're trying to find a language to communicate in that both of them can understand.

I hope that as the two of them keep talking that Rose will relax more and Narcissa will become warmer towards Rose. She can obviously see that Scorpius and Rose care for each other, I think Narcissa just needs to become more familiar with Rose. I'm already picturing the two of them meeting up for tea more often in the future and becoming closer, it makes me really happy to picture it for some reason.

Anyway, awesome chapter and happy holidays!

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Review #2, by AlexFanThe Wrinkles of the Road: Rose. --- Squad Assignments.

24th December 2015:
I'm so excited to see how the meeting between Narcissa and Rose goes, it's been eating away at her for so long. At least now she can get it over with and it'll be one less thing giving her anxiety. I'm actually really looking forward to it. I wonder how you've characterized Narcissa in this story. I always thought she and Lucius became two very different people by the end of the series.

Narcissa seemed like she'd taken a more open-minded route, and Lucius seemed like he was in too deep to change. Obviously the meeting is going to be a little bit awkward but I hope that it goes well so that Rose isn't as scared of Narcissa anymore.

I'm getting excited just thinking about their meeting. Great chapter and happy holidays!

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Review #3, by AlexFanThe Wrinkles of the Road: Scorpius. --- Colliding Callings.

24th December 2015:
I like the healthy relationships that the characters in this story have. I like that Rose and Scorpius go to various family members to seek opinions to make sure that they aren't making the wrong decisions, I think that's really healthy. And you can see that they're all really close with each other because they're able to open up to one another about problems that are bothering them. It's not easy to let out your problems to people.

I'm so glad that Rose agreed to have lunch with Narcissa, I had a feeling she would, but I'm happy to see it in writing.

I also enjoy the characterization of your Draco, he still keeps the characteristics of the young Draco but more mature, wise, and warmer. Draco was also very cold when he was younger so it was really nice to see him be so warm with Scorpius and giving out advice. I never really dreamed that Draco Malfoy would one day grow up to form healthy relationships like he has.

Happy holidays!

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Review #4, by AlexFanThe Wrinkles of the Road: Scorpius. --- Plans for the Future.

24th December 2015:
I've been meaning to catch up on this story for so long so the holidays seemed like the perfect time to drop some reviews on your story.

I like the friendship between Scorpius and Albus, and how Scorpius gets along with James. They got off to a bit of a rocky start in the previous story but I love how their friendship has grown since then.

I can't imagine how much anxiety one would get from meeting the family of their spouse, especially when it's a family as big as Rose Weasley's, but both Scorpius and Rose come from very different families, which would add to the stress. I'm glad that Scorpius went and talked to Albus about how his visit went, I think it definitely lessened some of the worries that he had about Rose's relatives hating him.

I hope that Rose does say yes to meeting Narcissa, she is very important to Scorpius, and he's definitely right, she would definitely be more well-behaved than Lucius. Narcissa would definitely be more accepting and open-minded when it came to Rose, she wasn't as into the pure blood ideology as the others I think.

Anyways, awesome chapter and happy holidays!

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Review #5, by AlexFanBecause In Reality: and in the end i'd do it all again, i think you're my best friend.

24th December 2015:
I really like Ronnie, she's got so many sides to her. She can be giggly and happy one moment, and then serious in the next. She's someone who's always happy but she knows when the situation calls to get serious, she's not one of those people who never take anything seriously. I like that about her. And she has such a good friendship with Bea too, the two of them know exactly what the other needs at a certain time, and I like how they always look out for each other. I think the two of them have a very healthy relationship together.

I love Bea so much, I see so much of myself in her, we both think the same way. She understands the hair situation so well, so many people have asked me why I always tie up my hair whenever I let it get long and Bea understands me. I understand why she prefers to stay out of matters involving romance and sticks to logic instead of emotions.

Not gonna lie, but Adrian seems like a really cool guy, he's definitely more likeable than his brother. Adrian doesn't seem like he's really up to anything harmful, or like a toxic person. With Nathaniel, you get the feeling that he's a toxic person to be with through Bea.

And I know that this is all about Ronnie thinking that James is the One, but I like how that kind of takes a back seat to everything else going on. It still drives the story forward, but at the same time it allows the relationships of others to shine through as well and allows the characters to develop.

Happy holidays and I look forward to the next chapter!

Author's Response: I always get so excited when someone likes Ronnie! She's a hard character to digest I think but I'm very fond of her. It may be due to the fact that she's nothing like me and that I usually don't write characters like her. I like how you noticed that she has multiple sides to her. I really wanted to make her more than the flirty, boy-obsessed friend you see so often. And I do think one of her best qualities is that she is willing to stand up for Bea and protects her.

I'm so glad that you relate to Bea! The hair situation actually comes from personal experience so I totally understand what you are talking about. It is so much harder to study with your hair always getting in your face.

Adrian... he's the yang to Nathaniel's yang in a way. And Adrian was good friends with Bea at one point so I think that's why he gave off a more positive vibe, but Bea does tend to stay away from him nowadays. Nathaniel on the other hand... we'll have to wait and see to learn more about him. ;)

The story is about Ronnie thinking James may be the one for her but you are right that it isn't the only plot in the story. Bea and Ronnie still have their lives to get on with and James isn't the only one consuming their attention. I'm happy to hear that you like that the story sometimes deviates away from the James situation!

Thank you so much Grace for taking the time to read this story and taking even more time to review every chapter! I really appreciate it! And reading the thoughts of readers always gives you another dimension of thinking and motivates you to keep going so really, thank you!

~Sama


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Review #6, by AlexFanBecause In Reality: i've got troubled thoughts and the self esteem to match.

24th December 2015:
OOO Bea has some dark past secrets that she isn't talking about. That whole thing about being consumed with darkness hinted at something pretty serious and now I'm wondering what Bea went through. Everything about her is really quiet, from the way that she talks, to the way that she does things, it all screams quiet.

I relate to Bea on a very personal level as well, her love for Transfiguration is like my love for Chemistry. When she talked about how she was amazed but Transfiguration, it was literally a thought right out of my head, with the names of the subjects switched. I know where she comes from by always liking to be prepared, there's something very soothing about the fact that you're ready no matter what comes your way.

That conversation at the end with James was so awkward, I felt awkward just reading it. Those kinds of situations suck, you're trying so hard to keep a conversation going but the person you're talking to just won't contribute anything.

Hailey sounds really annoying, but at the same time I like her. I don't know why, but just the description of her makes her sound like someone who knows how to get what she wants. I've always admired that characteristic in fictional characters and people in general.

James's silence borders on rude to be honest, like there's a difference between being quiet and what he was doing with Bea. She's trying to make their group project work and he's offering two syllable answers. Did he smoke something before going to class?

Anyway, happy holidays!

Author's Response: She does have secrets. I wouldn't say they are dark since they aren't particularly scary but they are secrets. I love how you describe everything as so mysterious since that's what I was going for. :)

I'm glad to hear that you relate to Bea! And I love how you made the connection between Transfiguration and Chemistry! I never thought of it like that but I have to admit that Chemistry is a very interesting subject so I understand. And the being prepared comes from how uncomfortable I feel in school when I'm not. It just feels so much better when you are ready.

It was awkward, wasn't it? I really do wonder how Bea went through with it. Awkward conversations tend to stick with you for a while and you always end up looking back and thinking how could I have made that less awkward. And James really didn't help to keep the conversation going at all, did he? He honestly felt that there was any need for him to contribute and he himself wasn't really sure how to have the conversation come out natural. He isn't very socially savvy in general.

Hailey came out of nowhere but I feel like a character like her was needed since every school has students like her. And the fact that she's one of the only people Bea really doesn't like even without interacting with her much says something about Hailey and also shows that Bea, like everyone else, can dislike people. But you are right about the fact that she is a determined and ambitious person, hence why she's in Slytherin.

James does seem a bit rude, doesn't he? I don't think he means to come out that way but he does. And Bea doesn't know what to do about it. But he will slowly offer up more than two syllablles and as he does so, become less rude. Your comment about if he smoked something before he came to class made me laugh! But no, he didn't. He's just the brooding silent type.

Thank you for taking the time to read and review! I really enjoyed reading your thoughts and am now determined to make you like James more! He's a sweetheart, I swear. Underneath all the exterior that is. Thank you again!

~Sama


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Review #7, by AlexFanBecause In Reality: a teenage vow in a parking lot.

24th December 2015:
Merry Christmas! I'm a little late in leaving reviews but I'm trying to leave as many as I can in two days.

I haven't read a lot of your stories but I saw the banner and summary for this on your author page and I was already sold. This is the first time I've read a story in which James Sirius Potter is not loud and arrogant and to be honest I kind of like it. It's different from how he's portrayed in other fanfictions, it makes this story stand out in a way.

I really liked your main character as well, I like how she's not of those main protagonists who denies how attractive they are. She could've very easily gone down the route of "she's pretty but she doesn't know it," I like how she acknowledges that she's good-looking, it was a breath of fresh air to be honest with you.

I really loved this chapter and the interactions between Bea and Ronnie, the friendship between those two is really great, I loved their interactions. I was waiting for them to finally get to talk to James Potter but I see I'm going to have to keep reading to see when that happens (I was going to anyway).

And that scene with Louis at the very end where he asked Bea for help, I couldn't help but laugh because that seems like such a junior high school thing. I flashed back to when stuff like this happened when I was younger. I never really understood why we did those kinds of things to be honest with you. Bea knew what was happening to, she knew exactly what Louis was doing and was trying to avoid it (good job there Ronnie).

Anyway, Happy Holidays!

Author's Response: Hello!

I've actually had a lot of readers tell me that they clicked on my story just because of the banner which I have always found funny and very flattering. It's always great to hear that someone clicked on it because of the summary as well. The story actually came from the idea that what if the first Potter kid was more reserved and quiet while the second Potter kid was the more arrogant, popular one since most usually write them the other way around. I'm glad to hear that you like him portrayed that way. I actually enjoy writing him this way which I didn't expect.

Yay, someone likes Bea/Ronnie! Most only like Bea but I do feel they balance each other out and that both of their best qualities comes from being friends with each other. No I actually ended up not introducing James yet, but he is in the next chapter. I think that more came from me not ready to write him yet.

I really do wish those thing were junior high things and only junior high things, but I feel like that happens in high school as well. And Louis isn't very mature in this story so he would do that, not to mention that he's younger than both Bea and Ronnie as a fifth year. I never understood why those sort of things happened either. Anytime I was in a similar situation I always felt uncomfortable which is exactly how Bea felt. And Ronnie... well she never really caught on and seeing how Louis Weasley is Louis Weasley, she instantly believed he was a good person.

Thank you so much for stopping by Grace! It's great to hear your thoughts on this story since I've always thought you were great at writing Next Gen and you can flawlessly write rom/fluff/general/humor fics.And a very late Happy Holidays!

~Sama


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Review #8, by AlexFanTengu and a Daughter of Ninja: Fatherís Old Textbook (Prologue)

22nd December 2015:
Hello, I'm here with your requested review.

This chapter shows Draco Malfoy in a different light than how J. K. Rowling left it in the Prologue. But at the same time, it's very believable that not much of his personality would have changed throughout the years. I can see how Scorpius would be a bully if he was brought up the same way as his father.

I thought the story flowed pretty well for the most part, that being said I felt that the scene with Albus in Potions could've used more description and been slowed down so that the reader can really get into the story and make themselves comfortable with the characters present. Maybe talk about what the other students in the class were doing, or how Albus felt being put on the spot like that.

I liked how you talked about the relationship between Albus and Hagrid as it told the reader why Hagrid was the one that Albus went to for help and why they were so close.

This is a suggestion so feel free to ignore it, but the part about Albus wanting to join the Quidditch team could've been left for another chapter as it doesn't really add anything to the prologue. It seemed to get in the way of what was going on in the prologue and made the transition between the potions and class and going to Hagrid's hut a little awkward.

But I think you've got a good start to your story here, good luck on writing it!

Author's Response: Thank you, Alex for your insightful reveiw! These suggestions made me think about editing. I'll try adding some descriptions during winter holidays consulting with my beta. The update will be in the next year but I'll do it. Thanks again. I'll do the next post on your review offer thread now.

Kenny


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Review #9, by AlexFanTis The Season: Breaking The Fast

22nd December 2015:
I've never read any fanfiction that focused on a holiday other than Christmas so you can imagine my excitement when I saw that this was about Ramadan. I was so happy to see a fanfiction that focused on the holiday of another religion, I really enjoyed this, I loved it a lot.

I like how you showed Demelza in this light, her helping out with her family and caring for the people in her family. Going to the mosque to pray and having people over to celebrate the end of Ramadan. I don't know if just gave me a really warm and fuzzy feeling inside.

I really wish you had gone into a little more detail about how the prayers went at the mosque or the atmosphere during the praying, it felt like there needed to be a little bit more added to make the transition from the beginning to the end of the prayers.

I also wish you'd gone into a little bit more detail about Demelza's mum preparing the food, I can only imagine how chaotic is must've been to have over a hundred people in her all at once. It must've been crazy for her mum to try and cook around that many people. Especially making the baklava, it takes at least four hours to make baklava and then to let it sit in the syrup so that it can be served properly, that must've taken a long time.

But anyway, I loved this chapter so much, you have no idea, it was so lovely to read.

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Review #10, by AlexFanUnlikely Friends: A Love For Dogs

22nd December 2015:
I really liked this, I liked how the stories of Tom and Marjorie come together. If this were canon then it would also explain why Ripper never seemed to like Harry, probably because he could sense Voldemort living in Harry (that would make him a very smart dog).

I think Marj going over to Tom Riddle Sr to make friends with him seems like something that she would've done as a child. It fit in with her loud character when she was older and I couldn't help but grin when she went over to his house and pretty much announced that he was going to be her new friend.

This story provides another look at Tom than the one we saw in the series where he was looking down on the Gaunts because of the house that they lived in. It just goes to show that there's many sides to a person.

I can't imagine what a shock it must've been for Marjorie to find her friend dead like that in his house, it must've been such a traumatizing experience for her. No child should ever have to witness something like that. I can understand why it took her so long to deal with the grief and especially what she had seen. Marj would've had to come to terms with the fact that someone killed not only her friend but also his entire family.

But anyway, great one-shot!

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Review #11, by AlexFanAn Apple A Day: Runaway

22nd December 2015:
I've been reading a lot of story about Draco Malfoy these past two days. I thought this was really sweet, you never really got to hear much about Dobby's life at Malfoy Manor, and there was something about the idea of Draco treating Dobby well that made me happy.

I think maybe I'm just happy about the idea that maybe not everybody mistreated Dobby, and that he liked at least one Malfoy. I think the fact that Draco wanted to run away from home spoke a lot about his time at Malfoy Manor, he probably had a very lonely childhood. It would make sense that a lonely house elf and a lonely boy would make friends with each other, they were probably the only company that the two of them had for some years.

Author's Response: Hi Alex,

Draco really is an interesting character to explore. I always feel that there was a lot more to him than was explored in cannon.

I hate to think of everyone treating Dobby terribly. I at least imagine that Draco was friendly with him until he was a teenager. Kids are usually kind until they are taught otherwise.

Again, thanks for the review!

~Kaitlin


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Review #12, by AlexFanRuins: Ruins

21st December 2015:
I've read a couple of stories today focusing on Draco Malfoy, and none of them took the route that this story did. I went from feeling pity for Draco Malfoy, to hating him, and then back to feeling pity for him.

Your characterization of Pansy is so different from how she used to be during Hogwarts years, and I liked how she acknowledged how much of a horrible person she had been during the time. I think that's a real sign of growth in a person, when they acknowledge the kind of person that they used to be and how they've improved.

I can't believe I'm saying this but I actually really liked Pansy in this, she was so much more mature than when she was at Hogwarts. I liked how independent she was and how strong, and I admired how she stood up to Draco. Anyone else would've left the house when faced with someone in a fit of rage the same as Draco's. It took a lot of courage to stick around and talk to him.

I loved how well she got along with Benjamin and the talk that she and Draco had with each other. This is the first time I've ever actually shipped Draco and Pansy. I would love to read more about their journey together as Draco learns to get back on his feet and Pansy continues with her job and with meeting Benjamin (hint hint, nudge nudge).

Challenge results will be up soon!

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Review #13, by AlexFanSpiked Gates: Freedom

21st December 2015:
The quote from the song fit this story so well. I didn't even think of Draco when thinking of this song but it fits him perfectly.

I love how you showed Draco's feelings about the mission that Voldemort had set him. You only really saw the cocky front that Draco put on for his fears, and the occasional cracks that Harry saw when he caught Draco unaware so this was really great.

I've never been a fan of Draco Malfoy myself but this one-shot really got me to feel sorry for him, even if it was a short story. I could understand where he was coming and what he was feeling. I could see how hard this was on him, and even he knew that the task the Dark Lord had set him was meant to get him killed as punishment for his father.

I was so worried about Draco there for a second because I thought something really bad was going to happen him when Voldemort caught him trying to sneak out. I thought he was going to be hit with the Cruciatus for sure.

TL;DR I really enjoyed this one-shot and the look into Draco's mind that it provided. N.O is definitely one of my favourite songs from Bangtan Boys (and you should definitely listen to it, or any of their songs really, the lyrics are always really deep). The Challenge results will be up soon!

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Review #14, by AlexFanFuse: Damp Squib

21st December 2015:
Wow, this brought a whole new light to Argus Filch. We only ever knew him as the grumpy worker at Hogwarts but this story adds more depth to him. I actually feel sorry for Argus to be honest, something I thought that I would never say.

The original series never really gets into how Squibs used to be treated in the twentieth century, so this provided some possible insight to that. I can definitely see how being a Squib would be look down upon in a wizarding community, magic is something that witches and wizards pride themselves on and to be born without magic is like failing to join an exclusive club. Argus was part of this exclusive club, and yet, people treated him as if they wished that he wasn't a part of their secret.

Of course, we knew why Filch was always so angry at Hogwarts students, but this adds even more insight into that. Hogwarts students get it easy, none of them had to live through what he did, or deal with the level of discrimination that Argus dealt with. I think this story fits right in with Argus's character when he's older.

Challenge results should be up soon!

Author's Response: Thanks for the review!
As I write Fuse, I feel bad about what I put Argus through. In the series, Squibs seemed to not even be liked by most Muggle and Muggleborn supporters during the mid 1990's, so mid-twentieth century must have been awful for Squibs. I can imagine Argus going through a lot during that time.


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Review #15, by AlexFanOnce Upon The Marauders: The Untold Story: Signed, Sealed and Delivered.

21st December 2015:
I know this review was supposed to come a while ago but Iím here now. Sometimes I like to write reviews as I read the story, and this is going to be one of those times.

I really liked the beginning of this, it gave this feeling that this story was going to get a lot deeper as it went on. The line, ďDestiny begins with a chance, but ends with a choice.Ē had me going oh in my seat because I just knew that big things were going to happen in this story. I donít know how to explain it but that line just really hit me.

Snape is savage, that line about Petunia that he made had my mouth dropping open. I feel like Snape has so much he wants to say about Petunia that heís got something ready to go whenever she comes up.

I loved seeing a glimpse at the relationship between Sirius and Regulus while they were young before it got ruined as they grew older and went their separate ways. Sirius has always had a special place in my heart, and seeing him and Regulus get along gave me this warm and fuzzy feeling. In that big, dark, house, Sirius at least had one person who he was close to and understood him.

The scene where Dumbledore visits the Lupins said a lot to me about Remus was most likely treated in his own household. You could see it from the way that his parents talked about him and the way that his mother said that Remus wasnít normal and the way he shrunk down at the sound of that. His own parents were most likely afraid of Remus and probably avoided him as much as they could because they didnít know how to deal with a son that was a werewolf. That kind of treatment was probably the reason why Remus started at Hogwarts as a timid little boy before the Marauders helped him gain some confidence.

The scene at Jamesís house showed exactly how loved and privileged he grew up compared to the rest of them, and Peterís life showed why he grew up to adore James and Sirius as much as he did and why he followed them around Hogwarts that much. Seeing that little snippet of Peterís life, I can understand why he would betray his best friends to Voldemort.

I thought your characterizations were perfect to be honest with you, each scene reflected the personality of the characters and the kind of people that they would be when they grew up. I really enjoyed reading this and I think your story is off to a really good start.

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Review #16, by AlexFanThe Fallen: Herpeton

21st December 2015:
Iím so sorry for taking so long with this review, I started reading this story a few weeks ago and I just never got to the end so I couldnít give you a proper review and I had to restart. That being said, I feel as if I need to get back into my Harry Potter knowledge here because there has been so much canon information coming forward and I havenít been caught up on any of it so this was quite the surprise for me.

Iíve never read a fanfiction like this before, focusing on the afterlife so it was really interesting to see what you did with it. I liked how in depth you went into the story and the different parts of the afterlife and how it all worked. I thought it would be perfectly realistic, I donít think I would picture the afterlife any less complicated than what you came up with in the story.

I thought the story flowed really well, despite the fact that the point of view changed quite a bit throughout the story. Iíve never really liked the whole point of view switching in a story before but Iíll admit that it worked really well with this. It showed two sides to the same story, but each point of view felt like a different story (if that makes sense). Both Cedric and Fred were telling the same story, and yet they both felt very different.

I personally had a little trouble keeping up with everything being mentioned, there was so much going on all at the same time that it felt like my mind was trying to go in multiple directions trying to keep track of everything, but again that was just me.

But anyway, I think you have a really interesting story here and I enjoyed reading it.

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Review #17, by AlexFanKeep Calm and Carry On: Good Decisions

20th November 2015:
It's been so long since I've read this story and I'm finally catching up. I don't remember if I figured out that Dean liked Edie before in the story because it's been so long I don't remember every detail. Regardless, that came as quite the shock. I was sitting here with a hand slapped over my mouth in shock. I honestly didn't see that coming, I pretty much figured out Dean had a thing for Edie about a second before she did and then I was like, "wow."

I love this fluff, I live for this fluff to be honest with you. After everything that went down, this fluff is giving me life. Let Edie be happy, let her live, my baby is all grown up. I so look forward to seeing how Rose deals with being dumped, because knowing Rose, she's not going to take it well. But I mean, Edie did save her job, so she kind of owes the girl.

Anyway, fabulous chapter as usual.

Author's Response: Hey you!! It's been so long since I've *updated* this story. Man, feeling the pressure of writing a good final chapter... I'm glad you stopped by to review, though!

That's so funny that you don't remember if Dean liked Edie. It must have been a while since you last read, because I was not very subtle in writing it! Haha. That part of the story came after a very long (5-6 year) and unspoken and unrequited love-thing with my best guy friend from high school. Our friendship is okay now but it definitely will never be the same. We never actually spoke about it, it's all swept under the rug and nobody talks about it, so maybe that's why I wanted to have a scene like this where Dean so obviously has feelings for her. I realize it's TOTALLY a trope in stories, but it's probably a trope because it happens in real life so often. A lot of you readers have said they experienced similar things, so I hope to have given you guys some piece of mind, maybe?

This chapter was definitely one of the fluffier... In fact there are several pretty fluffy chapters in a row following after. I felt like i owed it to you guys after all of the things I put Edie and Oliver through ;) I live for this fluff too! I don't know what I'm going to do when the fic is over and I can't write hundreds and hundreds of words of pure Ediver fluff anymore ;A; (Probably do it anyway and post it on my tumblr...*cough*)

Ohh and as for Rose's reaction to all this, you'll just have to find out! I'm quite pleased with where she ended up in this story.

Thank you again, for another wonderful review! ♥


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Review #18, by AlexFanGet in Line: Out With The Old

10th November 2015:
CYRUS AND MITCH CAN FIGHT ME OH MY GOD WHAT KIND OF GARBAGE FRIENDS ARE THEY?! Like it is not their place to dictate what a woman does and doesn't do with their body okay like you can't do the thing with the girl and then shame her for doing the thing like what the hell?! SERIOUSLY THOUGH THEY CAN FIGHT ME! I'm so angry, you're friends shouldn't backstab you like that, Mose actually trusts them and likes them and they don't even respect her. You know what, Cyrus and Mitch aren't her friends, friends don't treat friends like that, they don't talk about each other like that. Fred and James have been better friends to Mose than Cyrus and Mitch.

You have no idea how angry I am right now, I would literally fight Mitch and Cyrus if they were real people okay. Nothing gets me angry like friends backstabbing friends and shaming women for doing the same things as men. I can't wait to see how Mose deals with what she knows in the next chapter, whether she'll ignore Cyrus and Mitch or drag them through the dirt.

The scene with James and Fred was so cute and fluffy, that is what a proper friend is like, they're there for you. James doesn't even like Mose and he told that she doesn't deserve to be talked about like that okay, the person who "dislikes" her is more supportive than the people who are supposed to be her friends.

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Review #19, by AlexFanAnother Time: The Other One

6th November 2015:
Hi there, Iím here with your review.

Iíll be honest with you, I had a little bit of trouble following the storyline of the story but I managed to figure out what had happened by the end of it.

I thought the flow of the story was great, you went from scene to scene really well, and even though there wasnít a smooth transition from scene to scene, the abruptness worked really well with the story. You placed the switch from one scene to another perfectly so that it felt natural for the story to switch between two different stories. I liked how each part built up to the situation that the main character is in at the beginning.

Your wording and sentence structure I thought were really good, this read like something that I would probably read in an English class of mine and then have some sort of discussion on it afterwards.

One thing that I did want to point out however, was one sentence in the first paragraph of the story, ďthe drapes he has so meticulously and thoroughly sealed,Ē I just wanted to say that meticulous and thorough mean the same thing, and to me it just sounded like the character was saying the same thing twice. I also noticed a typo in the same paragraph, ďshining beckonĒ which Iím pretty sure is supposed to be beacon, not beckon. But other than those minor things, I think this was a good story.

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Review #20, by AlexFanFair Agony, Fair Madness: Prologue

2nd November 2015:
Iím so sorry for taking so long with your reviews, really I am, truthfully I donít even know why itís taken me so long and I have absolutely no excuse but nonetheless, here I am with my review and I hope it proves useful in some way, no matter how small.

First off, I really like the pace of the story, it feels like youíre slowly introducing us to the characters and to the situation without thrusting everything all at once at the reader. It gives me time to settle into the story, so for me the pace was great. I loved how you introduced who the protagonist was without having to give us her name. I also loved the sense of mystery throughout the story. It keeps the suspense going and it also adds in with the fact that Lily doesnít want to talk about whatever happened to her.

I like how the chapter ended on a happier note than it began and then you immediately switched to a more serious and ominous tone of the story when you brought up the letter again. I thought you did a really good job of keeping the chapter mysterious, you manage to hint at something terrible happening without giving away what actually happened so that the reader will come back to find out what went down with Lily and why she wonít go to the memorial.

Again, so sorry for taking so long with this review but I finally did it!

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Review #21, by AlexFanVictoire: Velvela Grey

20th August 2015:
This is my favourite chapter so far to be honest with you. I could especially relate to Marko and the struggle that he was facing. I know exactly what it feels like to be so stressed over school and so worried about your grades that it brings you to tears, especially when you get a grade that was lower than what you expected. I liked the bit about the Calming Drought and how it was used on students because it was a really good way of showing just how panicked students get when exam time comes around. I just really related to the whole school experience in potions, I realise I'm going in circles now.

I love how comforting Victoire was to Marko, assuring him that it was okay to be upset and that there was nothing wrong with crying and that no he wasn't stupid. It's important to have a friend around to support you whenever you're feeling like that and I love Victoire for telling Marko that his feelings were perfectly valid.

On another note, I don't know how anyone is going to believe Velvela Grey. I mean, I don't believe her because her story and her idea of Greyback certainly doesn't fit with the Greyback that everyone knew during the Wizarding War. And who's going to believe her after the terror that Greyback caused? That whole werevoles are better than humans thing does sound like something that Greyback would've told her though.

Anyway, great chapter!

Author's Response: Thanks so much for the lovely review. I'm so glad this is your favourite chapter. It's probably been my favourite to write so it's really nice to hear you liked it. I figured exam stress is probably at an all time high in Ravenclaw, and Marko's a bit of an early casualty because of how busy he is. Victoire understands what he needs.

I think Velvela Grey would get a mixed reaction. People would know what they'd heard about Greyback during the war, but then not many of them actually witnessed what he did like Harry did. I figure that if they were willing to forgive Lucius Malfoy and co after the first world war, they might be willing to listen to somebody like Velvela. But more on that later :)

Thanks so much for taking the time to review xx


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Review #22, by AlexFanRabbit Heart: 3. Cold Toes, Warm Heart

19th August 2015:
THAT IS ONE CREEPY DAMN BUNNY OH MY GOD! BURN IT BEFORE IT BREEDS! I knew it, I just knew it, that bunny is all cute and stuff but there was something fishy about it, I didnít trust that bunny. There must be some kind of connection between Wren and the bunny. Whatís the bunny going to do with that connection, is it going to use it to try and harm Wren?

I donít like this bunny.

Your descriptions were on point, I could definitely feel exactly what Wren was experiencing, I could very clearly picture the room spinning around her and her dizziness and the pain. I could definitely relate to her feeling of being alone while everyone else is talking to each other about their summer, I know how that feels to be apart from your group of friends. And I know how strange it must seem to her to have let so much time slip away. I loved your description of Albus, I just kept picturing a really big sloth for some reason while you were describing how tall he had gotten.

Everything seemed so innocent at the beginning of the story but everything has picked up so quickly, I didnít think it would start getting dark this early on in the story. I love how your building the suspense up for the story as Wren tries to figure out whatís going on with her and whatís happening.

Author's Response:
You didn't happen to watch last night's episode of Zoo, did you???

Because I was sort of thinking the same thing, except much later on in my story. :P

I'm so glad that Wren's descriptions were clear to you and you could relate to them. It is very strange to have people in the same room with you and you can't seem to relate to them at all. Hahah, really big sloth!

Also glad you like the build up of the suspense. It's going to take Wren a while to figure things out.

Thanks for another cool review!

Pix


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Review #23, by AlexFanshock. : Chapter 1

19th August 2015:
This is my first time experiencing Paddfootstorm. I thought the dialogue flowed really well, and the characterizations seemed to be spot on as well. I could definitely see Sirius being intrigued by pirates and maybe taking it to the next level. It kind of breaks that idea of Sirius because this cold and aloof person and shows that dork that was without a doubt in him.

The flow to me seemed fine, I like how each scene ended and how each scene started and you filled in the gap between each scene by explaining what had happened and what Sirius had done. I think the chapter couldíve used more description. Most of the chapter is simply dialogue and I think you could add to that by going into detail about facial expressions that the characters might have had, or gestures that they made, or just describe what was going on around them at the time. It would really help give the reader a clearer idea of what to picture in their head. And especially Siriusís outfit, Sirius is supposed to look ridiculous but I canít really picture what heís wearing at all.

As for the humor, I felt that it flowed really well in some areas of the story, and then in other areas of the story, it felt a little forced. For example, the scene where Sirius is swallowing those sour candies and you describe the look on his face was very natural and amusing because I can imagine the kind of expression he would be making. But the scene where he shows up wearing the pirate costume feels a little forced. It feels like Sirius is trying too hard to be ridiculous and funny. Itís almost like Sirius is forcing himself to be amusing when it sounds like his outfit shouldíve been more than enough in providing humor. Now of course, Iím not an expert on humor so take this with a grain of salt.

I hope I was helpful!

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Review #24, by AlexFanRabbit Heart: 2. Trusting Hearts

4th August 2015:
Itís so strange to see someone as strong as Augusta Longbottom be portrayed as this frail old woman because she was so different in the books. I donít think even Neville thought about his grandmother getting old and weak. She mustíve been one of the strongest people that was present throughout his life. if itís hard for Wren to look after her Gran and worry about her, I can only imagine what Neville must feel like.

I liked that you include more detail in this chapter and talk about Granís condition more. It really brings out the feeling of hopelessness that Wren and everyone in her family is experiencing at the moment. And I liked how you talked about the kind of toll that it took on Wren as well and how sheís struggling to adjust to her new home by pointing out some of the difference between her old home and the Inn.

And that little boy Dillon, at first I felt a little sorry for him but there was this feeling of dread that I had the entire time that Roxanne was talking to him and Iíll be honest with you, the way that he was manipulating Roxanne to get what he wanted makes me a little wary. Heís far too cunning for someone who sounds very young. I thought he had something really sinister in his basket but it turned out to be just bunnies (but I donít trust the bunnies, they could be dangerous bunnies).

Everything feels off with what Wren is experiencing, everything seems innocent enough but thereís something very shady/sketchy underneath all of that innocence. This chapter was definitely better than the first and pulled me into the story even more.

(OH MY GOD IS DILLON GOING TO BE THE FRIEND THAT NEEDS TO DIE?)

Author's Response:

Augusta was such a strong character, I agree. But everyone gets old eventually. It's hard to watch, and yes, Neville must feel awful. I'm glad you liked the detail about Wren and her new home.

Dillon's his own special person. Dread and suspicion, uh oh! Is he not cute enough for you? Don't you want a cute little bunny?? They're really cute... and fluffy...

That feeling of things being "off", and "shady/sketchy", but still innocent is exactly what I was going for here. I'm happy you picked up on this.

Thanks for another review!

Pix


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Review #25, by AlexFanA Study in Silver: The Game Is On

4th August 2015:
Iím just waiting for you to pull some kind of plot twist at the very end like sike! It wasnít Blishwick at all!

I personally liked the narrative in this story. It jumped from one scene to the next really quickly, and normally that wouldnít work very well but in the case it just builds the excitement for whatís going to happen and the wondering about what Perry wrote in his letter to Roxanne as it unscrambles. I was reading so fast I had to actually slow down and go back and reread certain sections because I wasnít absorbing anything in my haste to figure out what was going to happen next.

The pace was really fast for the chapter but it worked really well for the story, especially considering the events that take place and the story that Perry told. It kept the story moving forward and interesting. I was actually waiting to see what Roxanne would do and what would happen to Blishwick. There was a lot of information coming from Scorpius all at once but I donít think it was too much at all, it might mean that you have to read slower and pay closer attention but I didnít find anything confusing.

Also that ending though had me squealing so loudly you cannot imagine, I didnít expect that to come from Roxanne so it was quite a shock. Iím looking forward to the next chapter.

Author's Response: There IS a bit more /plot/ to come, but mostly here I wanted to kind of switch around the traditional Mystery structure. Like, I feel like the reveal is always the climax, with the protagonist facing off against the suspect and then the suspect revealing their scheme ("and they would have gotten away with it, too!") So I tried to do something a little different, where the reveal came /before/ and then the action followed, and I hope that turns out satisfying!

Heheheheh, ok I'm SO glad that you said what you did about pace, because there ARE a few little things that I hoped would be SUPER obvious in retrospect but that readers would be going so fast that they missed them the first time around ;)

And YAYAYAY so glad the ending was squealy!

Thank you so much for this review! I was super worried about pace and stuff here so this has given me a lot more confidence in this chapter :)

xoxo
Roisin


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