Reading Reviews From Member: AlexFan
  
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Review #1, by AlexFanThese Dark and Hollow Nights: The Room of Requirements

21st September 2014:
WOAH WOAH WOAH WOAH I WAS TOTALLY WRONG ABOUT WHO THE SECRET ADMIRERER WAS. I mean it crossed my mind briefly that it was Theodore but then I shook my head because he couldn't possibly be so obvious about his identity. I thought he would've at least changed the initial of his name. I was so convinced that it was Blaise so it was kind of a shocker for me to find out that it was Nott.

But I mean, I can ship Nott and Hermione, there wasn't much written about his character so he's basically an OC. He could be well with Hermione depending on how you characterized him. But if the two of them start dating her someone's going to have to tell him that "Mudblood" is not a term of endearment and to knock it off.

Author's Response: HAHAHA. Yep, it was Nott!! And yes, "mudblood" is definitely not a term of endearment. But I think you will be surprised in the next few chapters. I can't say much but it's definitely a shocker to most people.

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Review #2, by AlexFanThese Dark and Hollow Nights: The Secret Admirer

21st September 2014:
Blaise is totally not being mysterious and a hundred percent believable. For people that keep calling Hermione such a horrible slur, all of these boys have a crush on her and a strange way of showing affection. Someone needs to tell Malfoy that you can be rude to someone without bringing out the slurs. It's possible to make Hermione angry without having to constantly tell her "Hey always remember that your bloodline is less than mine."

But at least Hermione hasn't undergone a complete transformation where she turns into a babe so kudos to you on that!

I know that you're alluding to the fact that Ginny is pregnant, but see she's never explicitly said that she and Harry are doing it, I mean, it something that Hermione thought about when she went up into Ginny's room but other than that there was never any indication from any other character so Ginny really could just have a cold.

I can see Ron being aggressive towards Malfoy but not so much so that he would corner him in an empty hallway and then try to basically kill him. Ron has anger issues but he's not a psychopath.

Author's Response: Ron's anger issues will be explained later on because right now, he's not himself. And yeah I don't like when Hermione goes this transformation where she's suddenly a total babe lol, so I avoided THAT cliche at least. As far as Ginny, that will also be explained later on as well!! :)

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Review #3, by AlexFanThese Dark and Hollow Nights: Professor Quincey

21st September 2014:
Apparently being a prejudiced butthead doesn't stop people from wanting to meddle in their friends' love lives. I want to punch Nott in the face but then he acts like a decent human being for about three seconds and the urge disappears.

I almost snorted when Hermione's schedule said Defense because she could probably teach the class let's be honest here. Self-defense is a good thing to know but I mean, these people can do magic, they would use their wands to fight and defend themselves with. And even if they were to be disarmed, how useful would their self-defense knowledge be with their opponent having them at wand point. One move and they would be done for. I can see this being taught in muggle studies though.

Author's Response: That is true. And yes, later on self-Defence may be introduced in muggle studies. But this DOES come in handy as wizards are used to their wands and wouldn't be expecting to be punched in the face, so they would have the element of surprise. :) and the Golden Trio can probably teach Defense lol

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Review #4, by AlexFanThese Dark and Hollow Nights: Chapter Three: House Unity

21st September 2014:
I don't know, I can see Dumbledore giving people a second chance but I can't really see him pre-planning the Head Boy just because he might die, like on a list of things that he needed to take care of before he died, that would've probably been near the bottom. And I certainly can't see him giving it to Draco, for a lot of reasons but mostly because everyone knows who this boy is and what he has done, how many of them are really going to take his authority seriously? Besides the Slytherins, how many students are really going to listen to what Draco says? I guess it's a good way of showing that he's not that bad but it would take a lot of work.

Ah yes, the "you're sharing a dormitory" cliche, I was a little surprised to see it crop up but then I was a little excited because I wanted to see the kind of shenangians that would go on. I like how you have the whole prejudice thing still going. Because even though Harry defeated Voldemort, that didn't necessarily mean that everyone all of a suddenly stopped being prejudiced, and certainly not in a year so I liked how you showed that it would be a long time before everyone considered each other equal.

Author's Response: Yes, the dormitory is so cliche and I cringe when this is in other fics but it was necessary for this story. And yes, Draco does have a hard time getting people to respect him and listen to him. Even some of the Slytherins don't.
Lots of people are more likely to listen to Hermione than Draco since Draco was, for a while, on the wrong side of the war, as sad as that is. And it takes a while for them to start thinking of each other as equals.


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Review #5, by AlexFanThese Dark and Hollow Nights: Trial and Error

20th September 2014:
I CAN SMELL THE DRAMIONE ON YOU! But I mean, it's not the worst ship out there so I can work with it.

You know it's funny that everyone is calling Hermione 'Mione now because I personally never thought that the name would catch on. Hermione was just always one of those people that didn't have a nickname for whatever reason. I personally thought that it was out of character for her to actually bewitch and entire jury into letting Malfoy go free. Hermione is all about following the rules (even though she broke just about every single one there was) and I just can't see her doing something like this for Malfoy of all people. I get that she's supposed to fall in love with him but this seems like a lot to do for someone that you don't even get along with. I feel like it would take longer than simply one year to get over all of their problems.

I kind of like Draco but I kind of want to punch him in the face but at least he hasn't lost his arrogant nature!

Author's Response: Ok so Hermione bewitching the Jury was a LOT far fetched but this chapter was one of the ones I wrote and didn't reread before I posted it and then looking back I sort of cringe at it :( but this WILL be fixed and changed. I admit that I actually had a hard time keeping everyone in character and you might notice this later on as well.
And yes Draco's still arrogant and probably deserves being punched in the face, tbh.

Thank you again for the review!! :)


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Review #6, by AlexFanThese Dark and Hollow Nights: Chapter One: The Daily Prophet

20th September 2014:
Heyo! So I was supposed to leave you six reviews for the challenge prize but you never PMed me so I figured I'd just pick the story myself!

As a hardcore Romione shipper, this basically broke my heart because Ron has his faults, it would be stupid to deny that, but being unfaithful is definitely not one of them . If Ron was going to be unfaithful then he wouldn't have been put in Gryffindor. But let's say that I can see him cheating on Hermione, with Lavender of all people? I know that she went through an entire war and all but I still doubt that Ron would've picked her of all people. She would've matured after the war of course but I don't know how likely it would've been that Ron would decide to get back together with her.

But I think he's learned his lesson now, don't mess with Hermione Granger or she is going to hurt you. I agree with Hermione though , they've just been trough a war it's difficult to get over something like that in a year and of course she's going to be haunted by the things that she witnessed, they all would and it was just so stupid of Ron to think "I don't want to deal with your problems anymore so I'm going to become one." But it seems just like Ron to think that he was actually preventing hurt by keeping his affair a secret instead of being honest with Hermione in the first place.

I feel like George overreacted to be perfectly honest with you. If the War taught the Weasley's anything it's that family sticks together no matter what so I don't think that George would actually attack Ron like he did, he'd be extremely disappointed and angry with his brother but I don't think that he would attack Ron.

Onto chapter 2!

Author's Response: Thank you for the lengthy review! I seem to have forgotten what challenge this was for? Oops!!
Yeah, ok I can totally see where you're coming from. Every Dramione story has its flaws, and unfortunately so does mine. Of course it's unedited so later on the flaws will be fixed but alas, they are there.
Thanks for the review anyways and though I cannot remember what challenge I entered I appreciate the review all the same.
:)


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Review #7, by AlexFanBertie Bottís Every Flavoured Beans: Chilli

8th September 2014:
OH MY GOD HE RAN OUT ON ROSE ON THEIR WEDDING DAY WHAT KIND OF MONSTER DOES THIS I AM SO MAD RIGHT NOW. YOU DONíT KNOW IT BUT IíM SWEARING IN MY MIND I JUST. DOM YOU ARE EXCOMMUNICATED FROM THE FAMILY DONE GOODBYE DONíT COME BACK. I donít care how much you love Lorcan, or how much he loves you, you donít do this to someone, especially to someone that is family. You shouldíve figured this stuff out before he got engaged.

On a less sensitive note, just think of all the money that was flushed down the toilet for this wedding. If Lorcan and Dom decide to get married, I hope no one shows up (I probably wonít feel this way later but I am literally so mad right now that Iím being super harsh).

On another note, I thought Rose being in complete shock at not getting what she wanted basically summed up what her entire life mustíve been like. She grew up in such a privileged lifestyle that not getting what she wanted is absolutely absurd to her. Talk about a reality check. Also, the paparazzi need a good punch to the face, they are being so insensitive and making the situation like five thousand times worse.

How dare Dom actually try to plead with Rose about being cousins. HOW DARE SHE?! She literally just ran out of her Roseís wedding with her groom and she has the audacity to show up at Roseís apartment and start making excuses. I could not care less that she loves Lorcan, she shouldíve had that figured out before Roseís WEDDING DAY. I generally donít condone violence but I will say that I am really happy that Rose slapped Dom in the face. I want to slap Dom in the face. I want to chuck her off a cliff right now.

(Hey Dom, speak now or forever hold your peace, YOU SHOULD LEARN TO HOLD YOUR PEACE GIRL!)

I thought Roseís reaction was very real in this chapter, sheís this heartbroken girl and when she sees her cousin, she just snaps, like Iím sure any person would. I liked seeing that even though she is in a vulnerable state at the moment, Rose is still a strong girl and she will move on from her ruined day and come back stronger than ever. She might even eventually forgive Dom for what she did and wish her happiness in her new relationship (or go with some trash talk about homewreckers but you know, either is good).

I like the pace that the plot is moving at, youíve already got Rose moving onto the phase where she learns to cope with everything and I really look forward to that. Iím generally not a fan of short chapters because they usually have a lot missing from them but I think youíre making it work really well for yourself so far, you include all of the action that needs to go with the chapter and itís got the right amount of information as well so it feels complete.

Author's Response: Thank you so much for the review!
I love your reviews, always smile while reading them! :)

Haha a lot of wasted money! That's for sure, I bet Ron wouldn't be too happy about that!

I generally don't write anything violent or read anything violent at all, but during that scene, I wanted to slap her too!

I'm glad you though Rose was realistic, she is incredibly vulnerable at the moment for sure. But yes, I always see her as a strong character who will bounce back (though of course it won't be exactly that easy!).

I'm glad you like the pace, I do get quite worried that I'm moving things too quickly and not adding enough filler bits in! xD

Thank you again!!

-Rosiful


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Review #8, by AlexFanYear Five: Muggle Magic

8th September 2014:
I liked how Isobel wondered whether Dumbledore was gay, it just goes to show that even though Harry didnít wonder about Dumbledoreís sexuality, it didnít mean that no one else had. I thought it was interesting that you made Elphais gay but it brings a whole other meaning to his devotion and praise of Albus when you really think about it. Oh, if she only knew who Albus really had a thing for.

This was something really small but I liked your title for the article about Myron Wagtail (and I also thought that it was really awesome how you named what I gather to be his girlfriend Circe because of the role she played in Greek Mythology. Sorry, back to the review).

Oh my God, I canít believe that Isobelís parents actually suggested that she tone up. She was so young when they started on her case as well. What kind of parent tells their child, indirectly, that theyíre gaining too much weight. As long as your kid is healthy, nothing else should matter. I am just so angry right now, if you cannot accept and love your child for who they are, then you shouldnít be having children. Breeder does not always equal parent.

I donít know how Emily kept quiet about so much magical stuff to her family. If I was in her place, I would never shut up about everything that Iíd learned and knew existed. How are people so chill about magic, like come on, ITíS MAGIC. But I guess you donít notice privilege when you grow up with it.

I was so sure that something would happen between Isobel and Lucas in this chapter and I was fully prepared to begin rolling my eyes so you have no idea how relieved I am that nothing but friendship came from the two of them.

Author's Response: Yay, I'm glad you liked that! Dumbledore/Elphias is total headcanon for me :)

And yee, I was really proud of that title myself and Circe myself! I looked into canon, and aside from the mythology, there was no one else named Circe. It was just too perfect for a first-name-only popstar, so I nabbed it!

Ugh, I definitely seen parents treat their children like that, and it's just awful. It always makes me really angry. And way too often, girls who develop early get quite a complex about it :(

You make a really good point about magic stuff! The fact that IT'S MAGIC was what I sort of wanted to play up here, through Isobel talking about it with them.

And OH NO. Well... I hope you don't get really bummed out by the next chapter!

It's taking me a minute to get to your review, because I want to read all the chapters, and not just the fourth, but I'm making my way through!

xoxo
Roisin


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Review #9, by AlexFanDecoding the Tutshill Tornados: The One with the Breaking News

6th September 2014:
Okay first of all, I would read as many stories about James as you have. So if you feel like writing another story about James and Avery DO IT.

Also, WHY WOULD YOU PLAY WITH ME IN THIS WAY LIKE WHY. You can't just have Amy die and the come back to life and just completely destroy Fred in the process. Like what kind of evil is this, do the tears of your readers provide you with the nutrition that you need?

AND I WAS NOT EXPECTING JAMES' MARRIAGE NEWS TO COME OUT LIKE THAT LIKE WHAT. I mean, I knew the news was going to be spilled but I hadn't realized it would be in such a public way ya know. I seriously hope that Harry takes Mason down. I look forward to his destruction.

I am worried about what's going to happen to everyone after this because your not in a good way has left me feeling anxious.

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Review #10, by AlexFanAlright, Alright: Alright, Alright

2nd September 2014:
Hello, here with your review!

Emmeline sounds like a smitten teenage girl, and hormones and chemicals released in our brain make us completely blind to the imperfections to the people that we fall in love with. And thatís exactly how Emmeline sounds, lovesick. Sheís completely blind as to whatís going on with Rabastan, she doesnít even realise the fact that sheís not allowed to be Lilyís friend is just proving Lilyís point in that heís not good for her.

I like how your story progressed, at first it went from a completely lovesick Emmeline who refused to listen to reason, to a version of Emmeline that was more aware of what was going on around her to the final part of her that realised that what she wanted was not what Rabastan wanted. I thought it all flowed really smoothly together and the transition from the beginning to the end I felt was flawless.

The only thing that I canít really see happening is James and Sirius saying, ďSweet, sweet Emmeline,Ē because it just doesnít seem like something that the two of them would say. Maybe Lily or another character but it just seems kind of awkward coming out of Sirius and Jamesí mouths.

But all in all, I really liked this. I think youíve started something interesting here.

Author's Response: Hi!

Thanks for the fantastic feedback. Your kind words and compliments on the plot and transition means a lot!

I guess I can't see them saying that either, if I were to step back from my POV. I'll change it up a bit to explain why it is they say that. I was saving the reason until the third part, but I suppose it would be better to tell it now.

Thanks so so much!

-Leigh


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Review #11, by AlexFanYear Five: War Children

2nd September 2014:
Iím in a much better mood today so I wonít be as pessimistic. With the way that Tristan is smoking, the boy is going to get lung cancer before he even hits thirty. He needs to slow down and watch himself (but seriously, is no one learning from what went on with Laurel?) Also I thought it was kind of cute how Tristan actually considers running from Snape, thatís cute sweetie, you think you can actually run from Snape? The man invented Sectumsempra, he can stop a teenage boy from bolting from trouble.

I liked how Snape offered tea and then gave Tristan tea even though heíd refused. ďYou donít want tea, have some tea, I donít care.Ē Snape isnít even being a warm person, but him showing any concern for any student is probably the warmest that he would ever get but yes, itís definitely weird. I think you still kept him in character however despite that so I applaud you. Severus Snape isnít an easy character to write.

I like how you showed that Tristanís parents were in fact worried about him. I didnít really get that impression the first time around but taking a look at his home life now, I can see that Mary and Eddie really do care but they just donít know how to show it. Tristan isnít a little boy anymore, Mary canít coddle him like she used to and Tristan seems to like being touched even less than before. Add on the fact that no one in the family seems to talk much and itís like Tristanís parents donít even know who their child really is anymore.

Every time I read your story, I realise exactly why I donít want to have kids when Iím older, but Iím still enjoying reading this! Also, I thought Iíd let you know that now that schoolís started, Iíll be taking longer to leave my reviews!

Author's Response: Hah, no, I don't think anyone *is* learning from what happened to Laurel--because teenagers are immortal ;)

And yeah, good thing Tristan didn't bother running! Then again, Snape just wanted to give him tea--and awkwardly try and solicit a conversation about Tristan's *feelings.* I thought there was something VERY cute about Snape trying to do that, as he was so out-of-his-element. I'm so glad you thought I kept him in character!

Yeah, I definitely think that Mary and Eddie are also rather out-of-their-element when it comes to their son. Parenting a child is very different, I imagine, than parenting a teenager--and no one strategy works on every kid. All the parents are kind of making it up as they go, and just as lost as their kids are.

Haha, writing this story, I wanted to give all of my friends' parents BIG OL' HUGS :)

Don't worry about taking longer on reviews, school is more important!

xoxo
Roisin


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Review #12, by AlexFanL'optimisme: Wales

29th August 2014:
Your prose is absolutely beautiful, as always. Iím a little jealous of how wonderful your writing is and how well it just seems to flow together. I donít know how you do it.

Iím generally not a fan of point of view switches because Iíve read so many stories where I was unable to tell the voice of one character from another so itís become a bit of a put off for me. That being said, the voices between Albus and Gellert are very different. Theyíre both talking about similar events but the difference is in the way that Albus and Gellert talk about them.

Albus views Wales as a prison that he wishes to break out of and so he sounds trapped when he talks about his childhood except for the moments in which he is with Gellert. Gellert views Wales as freedom, it makes him happy and so his version of events are lot happier is the best way that I can put it. For Grindelwald Wales is almost like a chance for him to start over.

I thought it was interesting how you chose to write Grindelwald in his later life, it seems that despite the fact that heís imprisoned and should hate Dumbledore for putting him where he is, but he canít. Grindelwald may be on a side different than Dumbledore but he still seems to care for him quite a bit. I thought it was interesting how heís been locked up for so long that heís forgotten what certain places used to look like, except the ones involving Albus. It shows just how much Albus really meant to him that his clearest memories are the ones in which Albus is present.

I liked how you pointed out that the death of Ariana was what really broke Albus, because Albus loved Grindelwald immensely and wouldíve done anything to be with him yet the death of his sister is what broke Albus. Because no matter how much he cared about Grindelwald, his brother and sister held a special place in his heart that Grindelwald would probably never reach.

You have this absolutely incredible way of really getting into the characters heads and understanding how they feel and their thoughts and dreams I donít see quite often. So all in all, this was brilliant.

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Review #13, by AlexFanYear Five: The Big Thing

29th August 2014:
They really donít seem to be learning their lesson, do they? Laurel just landed herself in St. Mungoís because she completely lost control of herself, and hexed out, and yet all of her friends are STILL doing their recreational drugs. Like they are fully aware of what happened, has it not occurred to them that maybe the best thing to do would be to stop so that they donít put themselves in danger like Laurel? Theyíre terrified of what happened to Laurel and they worry about her but apparently what happened to her didnít terrify them enough to get them to stop with the drugs or get help if they canít stop on their own.

Tristan makes a good point about how muggles have gotten a lot farther than wizards and without magic, wizards seem to be stuck in the past and unable to move forward because itís kind of like theyíre so afraid of what change might bring. Theyíve cut themselves off from the world so thoroughly that the majority of them donít even know what a television is or a phone. How can you live in the 20th Century and not know about technology? Wizards look down on muggles so much and refuse to admit that muggles are farther along than they are yet they go ahead and steal the Hogwarts Express from them.

As a sidenote, Iím not in the best of moods right now so Tristanís ďwizards donít have souls,Ē philosophical crud is not something that I have the patience to deal with right now. (Also, Iím fairly certain that Tristan is depressed since he has a total lack of enthusiasm for anything and doesnít care about much which fits in a lot with most stories that Iíve read from people that struggle with depression.)

I never actually thought that purebloods hated muggleborns because they actually viewed it as their magic being taken from them (I now realise exactly how entitled purebloods actually think that they are). Saying that muggleborns are the reason that youíre not as good as you should be at magic is like people who say that their kids become autistic because of vaccines. I donít think any of these pureblood elitists realised that if the magic was only kept to pureblood, they would eventually die out or their DNA would become so similar that some biological mutation would probably end them.

Author's Response: No, they definitely didn't learn their lesson. Well, I think they'll be a little wiser about Cheering Charms, but it was far from sweeping. That's one of those quirks about the age I really wanted to get across: how casually selfish kids can be, how easy cognitive dissonance is, and how ardently they believe that they are indestructible.

Yeah, it's definitely interesting: if you have magic, then you don't really need to innovate. Another interesting thing, that didn't make it into this story, is where wizards get their food. Are their wizarding farmers, or do they just buy food that muggles have farmed? Food is an exception to Gamp's law (alongside, I think, currency)--so it can't just be created. Hmmm.

Oh yes, Tristan is certainly depressed :(

I remember in DH, when Umbridge was questioning Mary Cattermole, and she insisted that Mary must have stolen her wand--because she was muggleborn. That, and then the idea of "declining culture" because of muggleborn influence (how common names or traditions are lost/diluted) kind of coalesced into the Slytherins' prejudice. And I loved what you said about how it's like the anti-vaccers (I've studied infectious diseases a TON, and NUH UH). Yeah, all the purebloods are already distantly related, and inbreeding is VERY BAD (leads to tons of X-linked diseases). But, it kind of fits with history: royalty and aristocracy were/are very inbred, for similar reasons (and haemophilia is super common).

Thank you so much for your review--it was wonderful seeing your insights into this chapter!



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Review #14, by AlexFanComplicated: In Which Christmas Is Not The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year

29th August 2014:
I really like Olivia, she seems very realistic and the relationship that she has with her parents seems just like one a rebellious teenager might have (although to be fair, sheís not being rebellious considering very few people are actually worried about who theyíre going to marry at such a young age.) And she knows exactly how to get under her cousins skin, which I really like even though sheís not being very nice. As much as she may claim to hate Jason though, you can tell that she cares about him.

Wow, Jason really isnít very good at coming up with comebacks is he? I mean really, ďI know you hate yourself but you donít have to take it out on me.Ē I was just sitting here like, ďWow, really, thatís the best you could come up with?Ē But he seems like a nice person, maybe a little bit of a pushover and sensitive but it sounds like heís a hard worker and heís got his heart in the right place. I can also see the resemblance between him and Oliver, the Quidditch obsession was what really did it for me.

I really want to punch Oliviaís mother in the face. Good Lord woman just go jump off a mountain and let your daughter eat whatever the hell she wants. Characters like this make me flippin mad because itís like UGH YOU ARE LITERALLY THE WORST PARENT TO EVER EXIST. She is literally calling Olivia fat I am absolutely fuming!

Oh okay, Pansy is Oliviaís mother, I understand why sheís so irritating. I donít know how Oliver and Katie stand her to be honest. They didnít get along in their Hogwarts years so I have no idea why they would invite Pansy over for dinner.

Wow, Oliviaís dad is hella harsh. Her family is falling apart hot damn. I may hate Pansy with a passion but Iím glad she gave it to Andrew where it mattered (although I donít think pulling up your husbandís cheating tendencies in the middle of Christmas at a friendís house is the best thing to do). Of course itís hard for [i]you[/i] Andrew, the betrayal that Pansy feels must be miniscule to how difficult it must be for you to sneak around behind her back and spit in the face of her trust. She may still be in love with Malfoy (which, letís face it, we all saw it coming) but at least she wasnít sneaking around behind Andrewís back with Draco.

I think youíve definitely got an interesting start to your story is. Youíve developed your characters enough so that the reader knows what theyíre going to be like. I thought the pacing was good, everything fit in nicely and nothing felt particularly choppy. I liked the information that you included as well because it wasnít too much but enough to let the reader know how the main characters life at home was.

Author's Response: Thanks so much for such a lovely review!

You're so right about Olivia's parents - they're awful but so much fun to write :)

I'm really glad you enjoyed it.

Much love,

Emma x


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Review #15, by AlexFanAnd Just Like That: Chapter 1

28th August 2014:
First off before I get into the actual review, OH MY GOD YOUíRE ALIVE. Second, I love me some Marauders AU.

I like how even in your AU you still kept everyone in character. You can see that Lily and Snape are close friends but thereís still that part of Snape that refuses to accept help from anyone because of his ego. And even though he feels a little bad that Lily didnít get hired as a cook, he still agrees with Riddles decision (which is essentially his situation and relationship in the books as well).

I liked how James noticed that Lily had been crying but Snape hadnít, I donít know, it just speaks volumes to me about the type of people that they are.

I can see Riddle being sexist if he were just a regular muggle but at the same time, his best Death Eater was Bellatrix who was a woman. I can kind of see him being sexist but at the same time I kind of canít, if that makes any sense at all.

ďI justÖI just think with you being you, itíd be a waste to not have you be one of the waitresses.Ē Yeah what the hell does that mean actually? Did Severus just basically tell Lily itíd be a shame not to have her serving people? SEVERUS STOP OBJECTIFYING YOUR BEST FRIEND OH MY GOD. Heís basically asking her to use her body to get people to keep coming back? If the food doesnít make people want to come back then the problem is in the kitchen. People who cannot respect a persons right to personal space and think itís okay to treat Lily the way that the male customers did deserve not to be fed.

I just seriously want to punch Severus in the face. I knew he couldnít save himself after spouting a stupid line like that. Snape wouldnít have said something like that if he didnít think along the same lines as this muggle Riddle. I am 100% done with this jerkface, goodbye.

It says a lot when James, the one thatís supposed to be a jerk can make Lily feel better with like three or four short sentences than Severus can with his stupid rambling. Lily should just punch everyone that feels the need to violate her personal space and make her feel uncomfortable. Iíll do it for her. Who can be a team.

ďYouíre getting awfully cozy with Potter and Black,Ē WELL WHAT IS SHE SUPPOSED TO DO SNAPE JUST LET YOU AND EVERY OTHER GUY TELL LILY THAT HEY ITíS OKAY IF WE TOUCH YOU WITHOUT PERMISSION. I JUST . . . THIS MAKES ME HATE SNAPE EVEN MORE THAN I ALREADY DO.

Itís incredible how true you stuck to everyoneís characters despite this being an AU. You still managed to stick some canon in there and you really showed that neither James and Sirius nor Snape were the best of people. They both did horrible things to each other, theyíre at equal blame. I thought it was very mature of James to leave the cafe, he knows that he wonít be able to work with Snape and he knows that Snape needs the job more.
I liked how you drew a parallel between James and Snape. Because youíre absolutely right, Snape expected his apology to make everything better but James didnít, he knew what he did was wrong and that simple, ďIím sorry,Ē wasnít going to fix anything. James admits that the bullying side of his character is still there and that that part of him exists and he doesnít make excuses for the way that he acts because he knows itís wrong, whereas Snape wouldnít have done the same thing if he had been in Jamesí shoes.

I just really love your characterization of everybody. It was spot on.

The repetition of ďAnd just like that,Ē was not obnoxious at all, I didnít even notice it to be honest with you. The flow was perfect, each scene blended in with the next one perfectly, it didnít feel like you were jumping around or anything like that.

Iím in love with this and Iím super pumped for the rest of it!

Author's Response: I'M ALIVE! Sorry I've been kind of MIA - especially since you wrote a really nice review on one of my oneshots that I still need to respond to!

I chose sexism as the blood supremacy equivalent because I needed something that would believably translate into the muggle world and something that I hadn't yet seen in a muggle AU. If that makes sense. In some ways there's a bit of a stretch (i.e. Snape is way too possessive of Lily to let random guys hitting on and making her uncomfortable slide) but I'm overall happy with the way that it worked out. It's hard because in the Wizarding World, things like sex/gender, sexuality, and race aren't something that an individual is likely to be discriminated against (especially systematically) so I tweaked some things! I wish I had thought of Bellatrix when I started this story because she could have been head waitress instead of Rosmerta (although I did place her there because she's a barmaid in canon); I suppose I could make the argument that Bellatrix, while valued, is still in a place of servitude. But then again, so is every other Death Eater - male or female. It's just something that I have to work around, but I'm glad that you brought it up!

And I'm so glad that you liked my characterizations!!! I wanted to show that both Snape and James have problematic aspects to their characters, but that James was fundamentally a good person when and where it counted most. I'm glad that came across!!! I tried really hard to translate everything smoothly from canon into this AU setting and I'm so happy that you understood what I was going for - I really appreciate it :)

Thank you so very much for all of the lovely things you've said about this first chapter - it really means so much to me!!! I'm working on chapter three and once I get well into it, I'm going to post chapter two here.

Thanks!!!

~Jess


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Review #16, by AlexFanYear Five: Self-Spelling

28th August 2014:
I usually write my reviews as Iím reading the chapter so if any of them end up sounding weird, thatís probably why. Anyway, Isobel needs to start getting some food into her and stop worrying about what she eats. I feel so sorry for her because sheís so young, there is literally no reason for her to watch her weight, as long as sheís healthy then thatís all that matters. YOU ARE PERFECTLY FINE THE WAY THAT YOU ARE ISOBEL.

Iím honestly not surprised that Laurel was the first one to crash. She was the most dependent on the spells and took them the most often. Being forced not to use it would be difficult for her. Itís obvious to me that Laurel is self-spelling but I guess if I were in Isobelís place I wouldnít be too sure of what was going on my friend. I think you wrote Laurelís behaviour and reactions really well when she was off of her charms. The snappiness, and how sheís easily irritated and barely pays any attention in class.

Thereís a real difference from how everyone was at the beginning of the year to how theyíre feeling and acting this time around. At the beginning everyone was having fun and joking around and now slowly all of the characters are losing control of themselves and seem to have lost excitement for everything going on around them. This is not a healthy group of people right now, they really need to take some time and think about the choices that theyíre making and how it might end up affecting them.

I think someone needs to talk to Isobel about her anorexia problem. Someone needs to tell this girl that starving yourself is not the way to get yourself to lose weight. Someone needs to tell her that not eating is doing her body more harm than good, if she eats healthy and regularly exercises then she should be fine. But Isobel isnít overweight, her body cannot lose weight that it doesnít have. EVERY INCH OF YOU IS PERFECT FROM THE BOTTOM TO THE TOP ISOBEL (just like that song All About That Bass says). That being said, I think you dealt with Isobelís anorexia (and by the looks of it, bulimia) really well, it was written realistically. I literally have tears in my eyes right now like no, my babyís, donít hurt my babyís.

Oh my God Laurelís screaming and her scratching and it scared me so much that I literally cannot even right now. Laurel completely losing it scared me more than the first episode of Supernatural that I saw this morning. Your description of her glassy expression and her difficulty with breathing sounded absolutely terrifying and I just kept thinking, ďNO NONONONONONONONONO!Ē

Terrence Higgs needs a good punch to the face. Just because he isnít doing recreational magic doesnít mean that he doesnít need to know about the effects that it has on someone. Like good for him that heís not hexing but that doesnít mean that he shouldnít educate himself on the repercussions of it. Thatís like saying, Iím not having sex so I donít need to know about the consequences of it if itís not safe sex.

Itís very obvious that you did a lot of research on the subjects that you talked about in the subject. And Iím especially really happy with how you didnít simply deal with the situation as if it were something that could simply be shrugged off. Iíve read a lot of stories where the author doesnít deal with the sensitive topics that they talk about well but you kept the tone serious, because drugs and anorexia are serious problems and treating them any differently is kind of like insulting the people who suffer from stuff like this.

Author's Response: Thank you so much for this review! It meant so much to me!

Yeah, there's definitely a reason I chose Kat Dennings as Isobel's faceclaim. That actress is, I think, superdupergorgeouszomg--and she's definitely VERY curvy. I wanted images of a girl who looks great the way she is for Isobel. (The other pro of Dennings is that she came to prominence as a teenagers, and has a good amount moody and artful photos--buried under tons and tons of stunning glamour shots). That way, it would be more sad to imagine her slowly withering away :(

An interesting note: there's a newly named eating disorder, Orthorexia Nervosa, that people didn't realize existed until recently. It's basically an obsession with healthy eating and exercising that becomes so consuming that it's unhealthy. Physically, Ortherexia Nervosa isn't very damaging, except the those suffering with it will sometimes not get enough calories/just be a little too thin. BUT, O.N. is REALLY unstable/unsustainable, and almost invariably leads to Anorexia Nervosa at some point (sometimes the act of losing weight is the trigger for A.N.) The disturbing thing is that MOST female celebrities suffer from O.N.--but everyone acts like they are awesome for it, when actually it's a mental illness that really affects one's life and relationships with others. I imagined Isobel as starting the story with Orthorexia, which then devolved into Anorexia (with an occasional foray into bulimia).

I conceptualized "self-spelling" as being the wizarding equivalent of "shooting-up"--a behavior that indicates a major severity of the problem. Isobel definitely starts figuring it out here, but there's a lot of denial involved as well for the first part of the chapter. I'm glad that came off!

"There's a real difference from how everyone was at the beginning of the year to how they'e feeling and acting this time around." YES!

And I'm really glad you thought I dealt with her eating disorder well! I read this article once about how anyone trying to write about anorexia will surely fail, because anorexia is, ultimately, tedious and boring. The author wrote that too many people try to make it interesting, and accidentally end up romanticizing it. I also think that eating disorders are too often thought of as something like an extreme diet, but really, they tend to creep up on people. And ultimately, they aren't about vanity, but about control. It's really more of a mental illness, like true OCD (rather than like "OMG I'm so OCD"). Anyway, I thought about it a LOT, and really wanted to get it right, so I'm really glad you thought it worked!

Ah! Laurel's hex out! I labored over that scene so much, and I'm so glad the effect worked! I did a lot of research into overdoses for some of the details, but since this is a magical thing, augmented it with the screaming/scratching/delirium. This was such a pivotal point in the story, and I'm SO GLAD it had impact!

Higgs needs a good punch in the face, just generally.

"kind of like insulting the people who suffer from stuff like this"--yes, exactly! There were a lot of sensitive topics that I knew I couldn't just leave out, if my story was to be about realistic teenage problems, and I really wanted to make sure I handled them appropriately, and respectfully. I think, the only way to be respectful about this kind of thing is to be ACCURATE. Sort of like how abled people generating fiction about disabled people is VERY likely to offend, because they just don't understand what they are writing about.

Anyway, thank you SOSOSOSO much for everything you said in this review!!!


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Review #17, by AlexFanYear Five: Troll in the Dungeons!

27th August 2014:
Tristan seriously needs to get his stuff figured out with these contacts. He rips them or forgets to take them out, isnít that bad for the eyes or something? Why doesnít he just wear glasses?

TALK SMACK ABOUT GRYFFINDOR ALL YOU WANT BUT EVERYONE WANTS TO BE A GRYFFINDOR TRISTAN. EVERYONE. EVEN YOU WANT TO BE A GRYFFINDOR AND YOU DONíT EVEN LIKE THEM. Also, Tristan feeling like he isnít good enough for his parents is a very real feeling, I know that feeling well. Sometimes we forget that our parents love us no matter what and instead put ourselves down because we believe that we arenít good enough to be their kids.

If Tristan thinks that Kettleburns class was boring he just had to wait until Hagrid was the Care of Magical Creatures teacher, then heíd never be bored in class or have time to lounge around because heíd be running for his life away from hungry monsters.

I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR YOUR ATTITUDE PROBLEM TRISTAN. Sprout is just trying to be nice and helpful in her own little way and he has to go and swear at her like that. I get heís got his own problems but thereís no reason to take it out on a teacher that is obviously worried about his health. If Iíd been her I wouldíve just taken thirty points just to spite Tristan (not that heíd care since he doesnít seem to care about much).

Well at least McGonagall realised that you couldnít send the Slytherins to the dungeons. That was always something that I found funny, the fact that Dumbledore sent everyone to their common room and the Slytherins towards the troll. Brilliant idea.

Trust Tristan to turn the Quidditch game that Harry nearly died into something really boring. I didnít have patience for Tristan in this chapter. So much stuff happened and he didnít even react to any of the things that happened. This boy has just completely turned off his emotions and stopped caring about things. This is like when you get really excited around a friend but they donít understand why youíre so excited and they just kind of stare at you like, ďPlease stop.Ē

Author's Response: Hello! Thank you so much for leaving your honest feedback! I really hope this chapter didn't turn your off of the whole story--I wanted things to be really realistic, but I also recognize that realism can be SUPER ANNOYING (because: teenage boys).

Tristan and his contacts: hahaha, yes, he really is terrible at it. Partially, him constantly sleeping in them/tearing them is because my best friend was ALWAYS messing up her contacts when we were 15/16. The real reason, though, is that it's a way for me to draw attention to the fact that he even wears contacts at all--very much in lieu of glasses. See, I wrote Tristan to be very much the "Anti-Potter." In some ways, they actually have very striking similarities--but inverted.

Which brings us to: GRYFFINDOR! I am definitely a proud Gryffundor :) Tristan is for sure full of sour grapes about the whole thing. I'm not sure if it came off, but Tristan's memory of his Sorting is a lot like Harry's (the hat suggests Slytherin, which bums the boy out). Thing is, Harry fought it, whereas Tristan just gave up. It's especially tragic, since WE know that you can actually pick your house. But the fact that Tristan didn't think to fight the placement proves that he really isn't a Gryffindor :(

Hahaha, what you said about Kettleburn vs Hagrid--VERY true!

And UGH, I KNOW! I really like Sprout in this story, and Tristan is such a jerkface to her. I went to High School with some boys who had some serious behavioral issues (quite worse than Tristan, actually), so I kind of channeled that for that scene--tried to get into that headspace. I hope you think it worked!

And YES! That is EXACTLY why I put that thing about the troll in the dungeons in there! hehe

And oh no! I hadn't intended the quidditch match to be boring! Woops!

Your analysis of Tristan is definitely spot on, and I hope that this story gives you enough reason to have patience with him as more details come to light!

Thank you so much for this review--it was a really valuable perspective!


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Review #18, by AlexFanThe Letters to No One: a girl can dream;

27th August 2014:
Iím finally getting around to your review! Sorry for taking so long.

I never really pictured someone from a pureblood family like Astoria working in the Owl Post Office of all places. I never really thought about the fact that people would start buying more and more owls after Harry but I can see it happening since people jump on the bandwagon when it involves a famous person.

I loved how even in Dracoís letter talking about love it still sounds very Draco. The mundane and few extraordinary people in the world. He sounds absolutely desperate for affection but he still manages to preserve some of that arrogance of his.

I kind of feel bad for Draco in this. After everything that he did and everything that he went through after, I can imagine that he would be feeling extremely lonely because the world shunned him for what he did and was involved with (which is understandable). I felt even more sorry for him when I found out that he seemed to be having trouble getting over Pansy.

I had a feeling that Draco was simply sending the letters off to see who they ended up at. It seemed too strange for him to simply forget to add in an address because thatís not the sort of person that he is. He may have let himself go a little bit but the old Draco Malfoy is still there with his sharpness and he wouldnít forget to add an address to a letter.

I feel like Astoria showing up on Dracoís doorstep was the answer to his letters. He finally has someone showing up that at least cares a little bit even if it is about getting the letters to their proper owners. On a sidenote, Astoria sounds like a bit of a gold digger. She seems more interested in what sheís going to gain by marrying Draco rather than Draco himself.

I mean, really? Wondering if she would be able to fit into Narcissaís robes when she was dead? She also doesnít exactly sound like a nice person, especially after hearing the news about Pansy, I mean, I get being jealous and outraged at finding out the news after thinking that you were involved in a relationship for three months, but Astoria is really going to sit there and think herself better than Pansy because Pansy doesnít keep house? Did she not hear the part about being diagnosed with a sickness?

I mean, yeah, Pansy was probably dead at the time but still, she didnít know that and that says a lot about her. You have no idea how my stomach dropped when Astoria found Pansy dead in her bed. I realised that Draco literally could not let go of his wife and that he literally could not talk to her about her problems BECAUSE SHE WAS DEAD OH GOD.

At least now Astoria knows why Pansy never spoke Daphne for so so long, that mystery is solved at least (SHE WAS VERY VERY DEAD AND UNABLE TO COMMUNICATE WITH HER BEST FRIEND).

That was hella creepy.

This was hella good.

But I still want to punch Astoria in the face.

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Review #19, by AlexFanMorbid: Cousin Larry

27th August 2014:
Well Iíve certainly never read a story in which Teddy Lupin draws himself dying in various ways. I can see why Harry and Ginny were worried however, Iíd be pretty concerned if my kid was depicting his death in different ways. Itís refreshing to read a story in which Teddy doesnít know what heís doing, heís not the perfect boy whoís got his career figured out and is making a lot of money. I like how he got himself kicked out of the Auror training program for beating up another Auror that deserved what he said (Although I think a, ďYeah, and youíre pretty subpar coming from a family with no werewolves,Ē wouldíve sufficed just as well).

I thought your description of Merlin was a bit vague because it gave me absolutely no idea of what exactly he was. Is he a painting or some other kind of being that didnít want to move onto the land of the dead? What is going on with Merlin? That being said, I thought adding in Merlin was a really unique idea. He seemed like the perfect friend for someone like Teddy who is interested in death.

I think youíve definitely got an interesting idea here, your Teddy is certainly different than most and I quite enjoyed reading about him. I hope that as the story goes on you go into more depth about where his fascination with death and the dead comes from. Was it sparked by his parents and now heís wondering the different ways that one can die? What is going on inside of Teddy Lupin's head?

Author's Response: I really liked writing this Teddy that doesn't have it all together. I definitely set out to write something that no one had ever read before, so I'm glad that worked the way I wanted it to!

Merlin in this story and especially this chapter is supposed to be a bit of a mystery. His character is definitely up to interpretation. I've gotten a lot of guesses as to what he is, but I think this is the first time I've seen someone guess that he's a painting!

It's so great that you found my idea interesting! I can't say that I unravel Teddy and his strange fascinations completely in this story, (some of that is saved for the prequel) but I will say that his parents played a part in his obsession with all things death related.

Thank you so much for this review!


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Review #20, by AlexFanHear us Roar: Growing Up Lonely

27th August 2014:
Iím here with your review!

I liked how you showed the reader the two different versions of Ivy. The one that was deemed acceptable by society and the person that she truly was because it gives the impression that she has a different attitude around different people depending on who the situation calls for her to be. She comes from a world where being pretty seems to be the most important thing and being herself is difficult when everyone else seems to be trying to shove something else down your throat.

The art of conversation was boring, hairstyles were boring, men were boring, and make-up was boring. Amen Ivy, Amen! Her mother mentioning that she had to change who she was in order to appeal to men just got my blood boiling and I had to calm myself down and remind myself that this was only a fictional character. Itís so sad that Ivyís mother grew up thinking this way and that she was trying to force this kind of thinking down Ivyís throat. Claudette wasnít taught affection or love, she was taught that her looks were the most important things about her and that as long as she looked good then everything else would fall into place.

I would feel bad for Claudette if it wasnít for the fact that the woman has no soul. She doesnít know the meaning of affection or love. Her own child is a burden to her, she locks Ivy up in her room because she doesnít fit into what is her image of a perfect little girl. She has convinced herself into thinking that the only thing needed to keep a husband was to have a pretty face no matter what age you were that she has completely forgotten and even blinded herself to the fact that looks are nice and well but there needs to be affection (I totally called her husband cheating on her though).

It was so sad to see the life sucked out of Ivy by Mrs. Thimmel. She went from this happy curious child to this little eleven-year-old that got annoyed by the light thrown from the chandelier instead of being delighted by it and conforming to what everyone wanted.

Eleven year olds should not know how to hate. I thought that was a really strong sentence that you had there because it basically summed up everything that Ivy had endured up until that social event when she was eleven. It really made you aware of just how much this girl had been forced to go through, to the point that she now resented people around her because of who she had to become.

I loved your descriptions in this chapter and the attention to detail that you paid. It really felt like I was there with Ivy and experiencing everything that she was experiencing. It was like I was in the house with her and going through the motions with her and that was really great. I enjoyed learning about her childhood because it made her more real to me and Iím able to connect with her a lot more now that I know what kind of a childhood that she had. After seeing what Ivy was put through I canít imagine how much of a relief it was for her to go to a place that accepted her for who she was and even encouraged her to be herself instead of this nice dead person that her family wanted her to be.

Author's Response: Cheers for such a lovely and detailed review, first of all. :)

My goodness, the beginning of that chapter changed a million times (and I'm only exaggerating a little). The whole "two halves" thing was a really late addition which I was still a little worried about, so I'm glad you decided to mention it in your review as a positive!

Oh God I've never written a character I've hated more than Claudette freaking Pond. She does have no soul! Personally I think she's far more evil than Mrs Thimmel (though that woman is plenty evil), so I have to admit I did pile a few lines in there (the one about men, especially) to make sure that although I hope people get that she's only an ugly product of her own upbringing and society, people don't feel sorry for her. Rather, that they think that the world is trying to restore some karmic balance by having her husband cheat on her. Yeah, so my blood boiled as well having to write that horrible woman.

Oh my goodnes I just love this review so much! You noticed the chandelier part! Yes! I was worried about having to cover so many years in so few words, so I thought sticking little things in there like how differently she reacts to something at six as opposed to eleven might help bridge the gap. So happy you noticed it!

Thanks so much for you review. It was just brilliant! :D

~Aimee~


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Review #21, by AlexFanThe Monopoly on Honour: When Love absents itself

26th August 2014:
Sorry for taking so long with this but I'm here.

I don't know if I mentioned this last time but the more of this story that I read the more interested I am in what happens to these characters. I think you picked a great time after the war to write about.

I liked how you showed the repercussion on Lucius's marriage because of the decisions that he not only made for himself but for the rest of his family. Because you can see that Lucius cares about his family but the fact that he seems to be worrying about humiliation more than anything else might give Narcissa the impression that he doesn't care and that he still isn't getting the message. It was really interesting seeing a man like Lucius, someone who is always in control of his emotions lose it and resort to tears because he does not know how to fix the mess that he has made.

All of this time and effort that he put into trying to give his family the best life that he could and this is what it all lead to. That would be hard for anyone to deal with.

I feel like had it been anyone else in these characters situation, they would've accepted their fate and cherished the time that they had left but that's not in the Malfoy or Greengrass blood. You go down fighting even if you know that you're a lost cause.

I like how you're building up to the hearing. Showing the readers how different characters are dealing with their current problem in their own way but still reminding the reader that this trial is going to happen by adding in more and more details about what each characters trial is most likely going to be like and what the sentences for those already convicted were and what the Malfoys can expect when it's their turn. The more you talk about the hearing, the more excited I get for it.

I think you're pacing it's good, it's slow but for a story like this I feel like it needs to be slow in order for the reader to really process and understand what's going on with everyone. It adds to the serious tone of the story.

Author's Response: Don't worry about taking your time - I completely understand :) we all have RL.

Gosh, thank you so much :) That is exactly what I was going for, so thank you.

On Lucius - I was a bit mean, wasn't I? But I quite honestly just could not resist, and hopefully it was a realistic conversation. I really enjoyed writing that scene - something about taking Lucius and Narcissa to some sort of breaking point.

Oh, the Malfoys - Lucius at least - have every intention of going down with a great a bang as possible. Lost cause - yes, in way. Simply because I absolutely cannot see the Malfoys blindly accepting and fitting into the Post-War world. Not because they are necessarily evil or anything like that, but simply because I think that too much has happened.

Ah, the trials. And yes, the idea was to keep the trials at the forefront as much as possible, but sort of in constantly in the background as well, if that makes sense? I think I sort of see the trials as a sword of damocles hanging over their heads, as something in their futures that comes inexorably closer, and that they cannot escape. It reminds me of a Pippin quote from Lord of the Rings, 'I don't want to be in a battle. But waiting on the edge of one I can't escape is even worse.' (I've been reading and watching waaay too much Tolkien lately :p ) I'm also very excited about the trials.

I'm glad you think I have the appropriate pacing, so thank you! I suppose it's something I am quite worried about, wondering whether I'm keeping the momentum going in each chapter.

Thank you :)


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Review #22, by AlexFanYear Five: Behind the Mirror

26th August 2014:
Sorry I took so long with this but weekends are never good times for reviewing apparently so I'm here today!

I'm so glad that I haven't been totally useless with my reviews, I feel quite proud of myself right now actually.

I liked the more light-hearted feel of this chapter as opposed to what seemed to be brooding from all of the characters in the previous chapters.

I liked how you showed that not everyone was as into house rivalry as Harry and his friends seemed to be. The party showed that whatever problems the houses had with each other everyone was capable of getting over them and getting along and having fun together. It was kind of sad that Tristan was the only Slytherin there because it's kind of like no matter what everyone seems to still have problems with Slytherins but at the same time, it doesn't seem as if Tristan actually likes any of the people from his house, so it was best that no one from Slytherin was there.

I especially loved how Tristan and Oliver seemed to be getting along. Not everyone would be able to just forgive and forget something that Oliver did but he and Tristan seemed to have moved on from that little spit of theirs. Then again, they could've just been drunk so who knows.

I also liked how you showed what different spells were used for by different people. Tristan and his friends do recreational spells because it's fun and for other reasons whereas people like Siobhan do it to help keep them going during crunch time and to keep themselves focussed.

I was so happy to see the discovery of the kitchens because it adds some background to how Fred and George learned about the place (although you'd think they would've figured out what with the map and all). But I was very excited to see that.

Again, sorry for the delay with this!

Author's Response: Hello again! Thank you so much for the reviewww!!!

Yeah, I ended up adding a LOT of fluff to this chapter last minute (DANCE OFF?!?!?!), because I try to inject a little light-heartedness into all the angst as much as I can :)

I feel like ALL the Slytherins aren't bad--but Tristan just kind of writes them all off because of the bad apples. Then of course, no one would bother to invite any :(

And yeah, after seeing parties get blown up and become ragers when I was this age--I figured tons of people from different houses would end up just showing up.

I am definitely FAR from disliking Wood; their little conflict was a lot to do with prejudices and misunderstandings, so I wanted to give them both the opportunity to work past it. And yeah, it helped that he was drunk!

The same way I thought of magic being abused recreationally, I realized people might use it for studying. Definitely a common occurrence at my college, unfortunately. (I mean, not MAGIC, obviously, but medication).

And AH! The map! You raise a GREAT point! Although, I might be able to explain it away: once when Harry used the map, it sort of gave him the password. But for the kitchens, you have to tickle the pear--and since (in canon), people are labeled dots, then there's no way to indicate "TICKLE PEAR".

Thank you so much for the review, and no worries about delays!

xoxo
Roisin


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Review #23, by AlexFanYear Five: Three Times Charmed

21st August 2014:
Oh goodness, I feel so bad for Isobel because she seems like such a nice person and I hate that she's so insecure about herself. She sounds like she's absolutely gorgeous. She's curvy, pretty, and incredibly intelligent, Isobel has it all. But the insecurity is what makes her more believable because the majority of girls out there are insecure about how they look even if there's nothing to worry about.

But while Isobel seems to be put together at all times of the day, Laurel is the exact opposite (I think Laurel needs to talk to somebody, because not wearing make-up is her choice but not being able to shower and a bad sleeping pattern, something is wrong here. She should have time to do basic things).

Since Isobel seems to have more control over herself than a lot of her other friends, I think it would take everyone the longest to figure out that she has a problem because she'd hide her feelings from everyone. I just feel like I really relate to Isobel because I know that feeling that she seems to has where she needs to have control of her surroundings and being very reserved about her feelings.

I don't know about you, but cassette tapes can be hella dangerous. My mom would have cassette tapes lying around when I was little and I'd just pulled the plastic out of it for fun and you could strangle someone with that stuff.

Laurels' cheering habit has already become a problem, it seems like this girl is going to crash and burn if she doesn't watch herself or get some help. I feel like if she doesn't do something soon about her Cheering Charm problem, things are going to become too much for her and she's going to hit a wall.

I like how even Tristan and his friends know when the time to smoke is and when it's time to study. I actually admire their ability to push aside their daily activities and focus on their work.

(Ah yes, the ancient Hufflepuff secret of having the kitchens right outside of your common room. On a side note, I actually really admire how much you've connected all of your characters into the story. You picked up the most obscure references and names and turned them into something relevant to your story.)

Author's Response: Yes! Exactly! Thank you! That was something I really wanted to explore here--because you're right, insecurity is a shame, and often, a waste. At the same time, it's far, far too common.

I liked the idea of Isobel and Laurel being best friends who contrasted one another, but how it can go too far. I also think that Laurel's reliance on Isobel has kind of let her get out of control, because she knows Isobel will pick up the pieces.

And you are spot on about Isobel! For each of the characters, I pulled something from my own personality, so that I could write it realistically (and a lot of attributes were inspired by my friends at this age)--so I'm really glad you can relate, and that it seems true to life!

Haha, casette tapes--good point. Then again, you could always use shoelaces or something to the same end, so I doubt Filch would be vexed in that regard ;)

And most definitely--Laurel's behavior is FAR from sustainable.

You're the first person to comment on their ability to prioritize. Something I get into later, is how it's very often the cleverest of kids who end up going down these dangerous paths. Partially because they question the status quo, and choose to live outside of it. While that's admirable on its own, being young is to generate many ideas, and they are necessarily only partially formed. It's easy to lose sight of important lines one might be crossing :(

Hahaha, your note on "Ancient Hufflepuff Wisdom" made me lol. And THANK YOU--before I even started writing, I found canon affiliations for all of the characters :D. I'm glad you appreciated!

You are wonderful, this was such a thoughtful review, and it was so encouraging to read!


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Review #24, by AlexFanBertie Bottís Every Flavoured Beans: Introduction

21st August 2014:
I LOVE IT I LOVE IT I LOVE IT I LOVE IT! This was such a different start to a story featuring Rose and it was a breath of fresh air really to read something like this. I love how you started with what happened in the end and then went back to the beginning to tell the story that lead up to Rose crying while wearing a white dress (although to be perfectly honest, I'm not entirely sure if she was crashing her cousins wedding in the beginning or if something else was going on).

I liked your version of Rose because I've gotten so used to seeing her as this extremely intelligent, sometimes uptight girl who has got her life figured out and your version was different and relatable (not that the other version of Rose wasn't but this one where she doesn't know what to do with her life is something that a lot of people her age are faced and struggle with). I liked how she was still figuring out what she was trying to do but since Rose seems to like Honeydukes so much, she could look into something to do with making candy? She could make up her own sweet and then take a sample to a company and try to get them to mass produce it for her? But basically, I like that Rose sticks out like a sore thumb among the rest of her family members.

The pace for this chapter was quite fast but I think it worked really well for your introduction, because you set up Rose's situation and the basics for the relationships in the rest of the story so that the reader has some idea of what's going to happen but it didn't go by so fast that it felt choppy and disconnected. I feel like I already know Rose a little bit just from this beginning and that I can connect with her on some level about things.

All in all, I personally think you've got a great start to your story here and I'm actually really excited to see where the rest of this goes to be honest with you (not even joking, I'm bouncing in my seat)!

Author's Response: Thank you so much!!
I'm really glad you like Rose, and yes a lot of people do suffer with not knowing what to do in life (All of my friends and myself included!)! That sounds like a really awesome idea for her future actually! Not exactly what I was planning, but we'll see where the story takes me :)

I'm also very glad the pacing was alright. When writing this intro it was quite hard trying to figure out the line between too fast and information overload!

Thank you so much for the amazing review!!

-Rosiful


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Review #25, by AlexFanYear Five: Loose Lips

20th August 2014:
When you mentioned that you wanted to see what I would pick up I got all nervous and started thinking, "oh no, this is some reading comprehension test, I am not prepared for this!" (I was never any good at reading comprehension).

I never really thought about Professor Sprout substituting as the school guidance councillor but I can see it happening, she seems as good a choice as any of the other teachers (except for Quirrel, that is). And I think that Tristan really should go and talk to her about his problems. I'm no doctor but it seems to me as if he has some sort of depression. I think Laurel needs to talk about what's going on in her life as well because she seems to be having some problems also.

I HAVE NEVER BEEN SO MAD AT OLIVER WOOD IN MY LIFE HE IS SUCH A JERK FACE OH MY GOD. He always seemed like such a nice person to me but it never even occurred to me that Oliver could be prejudiced in any way. But I see that that was a stupid assumption to make. It wasn't only the pureblood elitists that were prejudiced, other people could've been prejudiced as well. I hate how Tristan didn't defend himself, but Oliver had backup and Tristan didn't so he would've lost in a fight anyway (unless he was really good at Defense). I just got so mad at Oliver though for being such a bully and the shaming! Like no, Oliver, stop that right now. YOU SHOULD BE BETTER THAN THIS.

Gryffindors can be especially smug and from this new portrayal of Gryffindors, I can see where the dislike is coming from but it seems like some of the Slytherins are even worse than some of the Gryffindors. I mean really, who sits around talking about lineage, sure people discuss family but it's never usually used as a way of figuring out someone's worth. But at least Tristan isn't afraid to tell the Slytherins to shut up.

I like Tristan but I pity him more than anything and I just want to wrap him up in a hug and protect him from the world. He seems like such a good kid, who maybe made some not so great choices, and I just want to make him feel better.

Author's Response: Aha! No worried, this review is great!

Yeah, I figured Hogwarts must have SOME kind of guidance situation (I mean, with 500 to 1000 teenagers, you'd have to). I chose Sprout because she's not usually given very much play, and the "guidance counselor" role was somewhat inspired by Tessa Wall in the Casual Vacancy (who bears a passing resemblance to Sprout).

And yeah, I also put in a guidance counselor because they NEED ONE.

I WAS SO HAPPY TO READ YOUR ALL CAPS REPLY TO WOOD! I always liked Wood, so I thought it was interesting the posit him as a jerk face. I mean, in canon he can be a little manic, and overenthusiastic at times, so I tried to really draw out those qualities here. I'm still a Wood fan, but you know, teenagers make mistakes/can be jerks from time to time (plus, I feel like his personality would bristle my OCs).

I'm a massive Gryffindor, and they were SO important in canon, that I liked the idea of looking at them another way. Obviously, the perspective the characters have is slightly biased, but then again, canon perspectives of Slytherin or Hufflepuff were too!

And yeah, Tristan's Housemates are pretty nasty. We only got to see into Slytherin lair once in canon, so I wanted to imagine in what ways it would be horrible for Tristan to have to live there :(

That is EXACTLY how one should feel about Tristan! So glad for that! I alternate between wanting to hug him, and wanting to slap him.

Thank you so much for taking the time to leave this review!

xoxo
Roisin


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