Reading Reviews From Member: AlexFan
  
1,476 Reviews Found

Review #1, by AlexFanVictoire: Velvela Grey

20th August 2015:
This is my favourite chapter so far to be honest with you. I could especially relate to Marko and the struggle that he was facing. I know exactly what it feels like to be so stressed over school and so worried about your grades that it brings you to tears, especially when you get a grade that was lower than what you expected. I liked the bit about the Calming Drought and how it was used on students because it was a really good way of showing just how panicked students get when exam time comes around. I just really related to the whole school experience in potions, I realise I'm going in circles now.

I love how comforting Victoire was to Marko, assuring him that it was okay to be upset and that there was nothing wrong with crying and that no he wasn't stupid. It's important to have a friend around to support you whenever you're feeling like that and I love Victoire for telling Marko that his feelings were perfectly valid.

On another note, I don't know how anyone is going to believe Velvela Grey. I mean, I don't believe her because her story and her idea of Greyback certainly doesn't fit with the Greyback that everyone knew during the Wizarding War. And who's going to believe her after the terror that Greyback caused? That whole werevoles are better than humans thing does sound like something that Greyback would've told her though.

Anyway, great chapter!

Author's Response: Thanks so much for the lovely review. I'm so glad this is your favourite chapter. It's probably been my favourite to write so it's really nice to hear you liked it. I figured exam stress is probably at an all time high in Ravenclaw, and Marko's a bit of an early casualty because of how busy he is. Victoire understands what he needs.

I think Velvela Grey would get a mixed reaction. People would know what they'd heard about Greyback during the war, but then not many of them actually witnessed what he did like Harry did. I figure that if they were willing to forgive Lucius Malfoy and co after the first world war, they might be willing to listen to somebody like Velvela. But more on that later :)

Thanks so much for taking the time to review xx


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Review #2, by AlexFanRabbit Heart: 3. Cold Toes, Warm Heart

19th August 2015:
THAT IS ONE CREEPY DAMN BUNNY OH MY GOD! BURN IT BEFORE IT BREEDS! I knew it, I just knew it, that bunny is all cute and stuff but there was something fishy about it, I didnít trust that bunny. There must be some kind of connection between Wren and the bunny. Whatís the bunny going to do with that connection, is it going to use it to try and harm Wren?

I donít like this bunny.

Your descriptions were on point, I could definitely feel exactly what Wren was experiencing, I could very clearly picture the room spinning around her and her dizziness and the pain. I could definitely relate to her feeling of being alone while everyone else is talking to each other about their summer, I know how that feels to be apart from your group of friends. And I know how strange it must seem to her to have let so much time slip away. I loved your description of Albus, I just kept picturing a really big sloth for some reason while you were describing how tall he had gotten.

Everything seemed so innocent at the beginning of the story but everything has picked up so quickly, I didnít think it would start getting dark this early on in the story. I love how your building the suspense up for the story as Wren tries to figure out whatís going on with her and whatís happening.

Author's Response:
You didn't happen to watch last night's episode of Zoo, did you???

Because I was sort of thinking the same thing, except much later on in my story. :P

I'm so glad that Wren's descriptions were clear to you and you could relate to them. It is very strange to have people in the same room with you and you can't seem to relate to them at all. Hahah, really big sloth!

Also glad you like the build up of the suspense. It's going to take Wren a while to figure things out.

Thanks for another cool review!

Pix


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Review #3, by AlexFanshock. : Chapter 1

19th August 2015:
This is my first time experiencing Paddfootstorm. I thought the dialogue flowed really well, and the characterizations seemed to be spot on as well. I could definitely see Sirius being intrigued by pirates and maybe taking it to the next level. It kind of breaks that idea of Sirius because this cold and aloof person and shows that dork that was without a doubt in him.

The flow to me seemed fine, I like how each scene ended and how each scene started and you filled in the gap between each scene by explaining what had happened and what Sirius had done. I think the chapter couldíve used more description. Most of the chapter is simply dialogue and I think you could add to that by going into detail about facial expressions that the characters might have had, or gestures that they made, or just describe what was going on around them at the time. It would really help give the reader a clearer idea of what to picture in their head. And especially Siriusís outfit, Sirius is supposed to look ridiculous but I canít really picture what heís wearing at all.

As for the humor, I felt that it flowed really well in some areas of the story, and then in other areas of the story, it felt a little forced. For example, the scene where Sirius is swallowing those sour candies and you describe the look on his face was very natural and amusing because I can imagine the kind of expression he would be making. But the scene where he shows up wearing the pirate costume feels a little forced. It feels like Sirius is trying too hard to be ridiculous and funny. Itís almost like Sirius is forcing himself to be amusing when it sounds like his outfit shouldíve been more than enough in providing humor. Now of course, Iím not an expert on humor so take this with a grain of salt.

I hope I was helpful!

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Review #4, by AlexFanRabbit Heart: 2. Trusting Hearts

4th August 2015:
Itís so strange to see someone as strong as Augusta Longbottom be portrayed as this frail old woman because she was so different in the books. I donít think even Neville thought about his grandmother getting old and weak. She mustíve been one of the strongest people that was present throughout his life. if itís hard for Wren to look after her Gran and worry about her, I can only imagine what Neville must feel like.

I liked that you include more detail in this chapter and talk about Granís condition more. It really brings out the feeling of hopelessness that Wren and everyone in her family is experiencing at the moment. And I liked how you talked about the kind of toll that it took on Wren as well and how sheís struggling to adjust to her new home by pointing out some of the difference between her old home and the Inn.

And that little boy Dillon, at first I felt a little sorry for him but there was this feeling of dread that I had the entire time that Roxanne was talking to him and Iíll be honest with you, the way that he was manipulating Roxanne to get what he wanted makes me a little wary. Heís far too cunning for someone who sounds very young. I thought he had something really sinister in his basket but it turned out to be just bunnies (but I donít trust the bunnies, they could be dangerous bunnies).

Everything feels off with what Wren is experiencing, everything seems innocent enough but thereís something very shady/sketchy underneath all of that innocence. This chapter was definitely better than the first and pulled me into the story even more.

(OH MY GOD IS DILLON GOING TO BE THE FRIEND THAT NEEDS TO DIE?)

Author's Response:

Augusta was such a strong character, I agree. But everyone gets old eventually. It's hard to watch, and yes, Neville must feel awful. I'm glad you liked the detail about Wren and her new home.

Dillon's his own special person. Dread and suspicion, uh oh! Is he not cute enough for you? Don't you want a cute little bunny?? They're really cute... and fluffy...

That feeling of things being "off", and "shady/sketchy", but still innocent is exactly what I was going for here. I'm happy you picked up on this.

Thanks for another review!

Pix


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Review #5, by AlexFanA Study in Silver: The Game Is On

4th August 2015:
Iím just waiting for you to pull some kind of plot twist at the very end like sike! It wasnít Blishwick at all!

I personally liked the narrative in this story. It jumped from one scene to the next really quickly, and normally that wouldnít work very well but in the case it just builds the excitement for whatís going to happen and the wondering about what Perry wrote in his letter to Roxanne as it unscrambles. I was reading so fast I had to actually slow down and go back and reread certain sections because I wasnít absorbing anything in my haste to figure out what was going to happen next.

The pace was really fast for the chapter but it worked really well for the story, especially considering the events that take place and the story that Perry told. It kept the story moving forward and interesting. I was actually waiting to see what Roxanne would do and what would happen to Blishwick. There was a lot of information coming from Scorpius all at once but I donít think it was too much at all, it might mean that you have to read slower and pay closer attention but I didnít find anything confusing.

Also that ending though had me squealing so loudly you cannot imagine, I didnít expect that to come from Roxanne so it was quite a shock. Iím looking forward to the next chapter.

Author's Response: There IS a bit more /plot/ to come, but mostly here I wanted to kind of switch around the traditional Mystery structure. Like, I feel like the reveal is always the climax, with the protagonist facing off against the suspect and then the suspect revealing their scheme ("and they would have gotten away with it, too!") So I tried to do something a little different, where the reveal came /before/ and then the action followed, and I hope that turns out satisfying!

Heheheheh, ok I'm SO glad that you said what you did about pace, because there ARE a few little things that I hoped would be SUPER obvious in retrospect but that readers would be going so fast that they missed them the first time around ;)

And YAYAYAY so glad the ending was squealy!

Thank you so much for this review! I was super worried about pace and stuff here so this has given me a lot more confidence in this chapter :)

xoxo
Roisin


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Review #6, by AlexFanA Study in Silver: Such Savage Methods

31st July 2015:
Hello there again! Okay, so the first thing that I wanted to ask was when Roxanne replied with ď?!?!?!?!Ē Iím not entirely sure what kind of sound that was supposed to make in my head or how I was supposed to read it. But anyway, Iím not really sure what to think of Perry to be honest with you, because it seems like he knows what heís doing but at the same time, Iím afraid that heís going to end up overdoing it and get himself into some deep trouble. And good for Roxanne for standing up to him, I was just waiting for her to call him out on his manipulation.

Nice job Scorpius, promise not to get Roxanne involved only to spill about everything you and her have been doing wonderful. The ending to the chapter though certainly gave it a certain thrill, I got excited, almost as if I was getting ready to enter into a game and preparing myself for the very worst.

For me, everything made sense, I was able to follow through and understand everything that was going on in the story. I didnít find anything confusing. I think Roxanne is a very good balance for someone like Perry, she provides the logic and reasoning to someone who is as, well, reckless as Perry is. A genius he may be, but he goes off on whatever whim that he has without thinking it through properly so he needs someone to tell him to slow down. When it comes to Blishwick, I can relate to his cold and calculating personality, and I can understand why he went to such an extent for something that he believed in. Heís a very Machiavellian character, the end justifies the means. Iím actually really interested in reading and learning more about his character no matter how much I may hate him. I can see some of myself in him, itís why Iím so interested in his character.

But anyway, great chapter and I look forward to the next one!

Author's Response: Hello!

Heh, the "?!?!?!?!?!?!" thing was just sort of a joke. It was such an intense scene otherwise that I wanted to throw in something silly :P It was basically just supposed to be kind of absurd (especially with the "she replied" tag), and kind of indicate that she was shocked/outraged and speechless.

I think you're right to feel a little ambivalent about Perry right now. This is definitely him at his worst, too--drugs have a funny way of twisting people into their worst selves. He is very smart but he also has some blind spots, most of which has to do with him being an addict. Like, his first plan at the beginning of the story was "let's go buy all the drugs." Then now, his plan involves "let's have me DO all the drugs." And there is a value to both those plans, but they were also both definitely flawed and risky, and there might have been better options. But yeah, addict. Blind spots.

Yup, very obnoxious Perry move there :P But YAY I'm so glad you found the ending exciting! I really wanted readers to have a "oh hell yeah it's ON" sort of feeling there :D

This is the most Plot I've ever done, and my first mystery, so I'm glad to hear I didn't bog you down with stuff. And I'm super stoked that you're digging the Roxanne/Perry contrasts and balance. Yeah, he's wildly eccentric, to say the least, and she's a great deal more grounded. But then I think she also has some innate awesomeness and toughness she's never really explored, and is eccentric in her own way. So she kind of stabilizes him, while he motivates her to kind of get out of her comfort zone.

So glad you find Blishwick compelling! Yes! While he means are pretty brutal, he does have valuable (even noble) ends in mind. And his plan is horrible and stuff, but there IS a logic there. I def wanted to explore things like ethics in this story, and ask questions about whether ends justify the means and stuff, so I'm glad that thread is interesting you :) [UGH, I WISH I'd titled this chapter "Such Savage MEANS." STUPID ME. I don't have the layers for that image anymore, so I'm gonna have to start it again from scratch before I can change the title--and I really like the image!]

Thank you again for another fantastic review!

xoxo
Roisin


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Review #7, by AlexFanRabbit Heart: 1. Have a Heart

31st July 2015:
The summary for your story sounds so incredibly dark I didnít expect such a rather, I guess, happy, beginning to it. Iím going to have to prepare myself for how dark things are going to get in this story arenít I?

I liked the air of mystery to the story. Iíd get so excited when Wren started thinking about something that sounded really interesting and then she would stop herself. I like it because it keeps me reading to see if Iíll find out what she stopped herself from thinking about or figuring out what she saw.

James doesnít have much to say or do in this chapter but I already like him as a character, there was just something about that comment about the funeral being nice that just really cemented my fondness for him. I hope he has a bigger role later on in the story, he seems like the kind of character to always keep things interesting. Speaking of which, whose funeral was it. It mustíve been someone that Gran was extremely close with for her to be going to such extreme lengths? Was it Nevilleís parents? Did they die? AND WHAT IS THIS MYSTERIOUS BALL OF LIGHT THAT TOOK THE BABY BUNNY FROM THE BUSH! So many questions, not enough answers.

I liked the amount of detail that you included in the story, especially in the second half of it because it fits in with what Wren must be feeling about leaving her home. Itís like sheís paying attention to every detail so that she can remember it forever in her new home. Some sections have more description than others, almost as if certain parts of the house is dearer to her than other parts.

All in all I really liked this first chapter, it was really interesting.

Author's Response:

Hi!

Hmm... I don't consider the beginning to be particularly happy, but yes, the story does get darker as we go.

Hey, I'm glad you liked the first glimpse of James. He's definitely one to keep things interesting and he will have a recurring role in the story, so I hope you like what I've done with him.


I've been meaning to add a bit of clarity to who died in this chapter, just a touch of it, but I haven't decided exactly how to do it yet. It's fully addressed in chapter two, so hopefully that will be enough for you.

And yes, the ball of light! That's onwards as well.

Thanks for the review on my first chapter.

Pix


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Review #8, by AlexFanHarry Potter and a Daughter of Druid: Godfather

20th July 2015:
Itís been a while since I read the first chapter so it took me a moment to remember what happened. The flow of writing in this chapter was much much better than the previous one, and I liked the level of detail that you included concerning setting as well as character expression. One suggestion that I want to make is that every emotion out there has actions that go along with it, for example, if someone is anxious, they fidget a lot, or they play with their hands, or theyíre breathing hard or avoiding eye contact when theyíre speaking to someone. Another example is when youíre angry, you maybe clench your fists, or clench your jaw, or glare at someone.

I like where the story is heading because I can tell that itís building up to Harry meeting the Druids and the anticipation builds more and more as I read because Iím imagining how the first meeting will go and what kinds of things that the characters will say and whoís going to be there so good job on that.

The only thing that I wanted to point out, and this is more because I can be really picky when it comes to canon information about the series, but I noticed with Harryís patronus that you mentioned that because it had changed from a horse to a stag that Harry must be falling out of love Ginny, and I can understand that itís leading up to an event involving the two of them. But, patronuses generally change because of a traumatic event, and just because yours doesnít match up with your spouse it doesnít necessarily mean that you donít love them, it just shows that youíre different people is all because your patronus reflects who you are inside as a person. But other than that, I enjoyed the chapter and I liked it!

Author's Response: Thank you for leaving nice and insightful review on this, Alex.

Speaking of description, everyone in the forums suggests me good advice, I really appreciate that. I have to fix many things, I feel grateful that I could know such kind people here.

About cannon information, my magic world may digress a little but I enjoy the difference and if you can enjoy this as one fanfiction itself, I feel happy.

I'll change his patronus again. While I wrote this stoty, vision popped in my mind, which led me to keep writing. Writing fanfiction of J.K.Rowling's magical world is so complicated, but I'd like to enjoy writing more.

I take more time in reading than writing now, I wish I would know how to write addicting stories.


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Review #9, by AlexFanA Study in Silver: Meet the Wotters

20th July 2015:
First I wanted to talk about the family gathering. Even though they donít all get together often you can still tell that everyone is really close with each other and how strong their bond is. There was a really warm atmosphere around all of them, I felt like I was reading about a pleasant family reunion of my own to be honest. I was actually surprised to hear that Hugo was friends with a drug dealer, and I sincerely hope that he himself doesnít take any of the drugs as it will most certainly result in some very negative effects.

One thing Iíve never understood are people who argue with someone on a topic that that person has been trained in for probably years and has studied extensively even when they themselves have very little knowledge on what theyíre talking about. Like Roxanne is telling you that the stuff kills people and that itís dangerous and messes up your circulatory system, and as someone who studied for years and trained in the medical field, she would know this, yet Hugo insists that his mate knows what heís doing. Like, Iím sure your mate doesnít understand the effects of the drug and how the human body works as extensively as Roxanne does but whatever.

I also really liked the different sexualities that you mentioned as well as it provides diversity for the story, which I donít see a lot in fanfiction to be honest with you (but my consumption of fanfiction has slowed down considerably in the past year so thereís that). And itís realistic because in a family as big as Roxanneís the chances of everyone being straight are very very small.

And now to actually answer address your areas of concern, for me personally, it didnít feel as if there was a bunch of info-dumping throughout the chapter, I was able to absorb and understand everything that was going on and it helped me understand the story better but different readers will feel different ways. And the part concerning Roxanneís perspective will be in the next part.

And now, onto Perry, like I said, I knew something bad was going to happen concerning him when Roxanne went out to the club. With the new information that heís an addict, I expected something to happen involving drugs. I thought Roxanne was going to insist that he come with her if she was going to go just to make sure that he didnít do anything with the silver substance. I could understand everything else that she did throughout the chapter, the fumes for the drug would most certainly have been harmful if they werenít contained, and it wouldíve most definitely have affected her and Perryís mind, and I can understand why she talked to Hugo because she wants to make sure that heís smart enough not to take the drug because of the disastrous result of it. Itís natural that she would want to protect her cousin, Iíd do the same. The one thing that keeps bothering me is why it never occurred to her that leaving Perry alone was a good idea, Harry had told her that Perry was an addict, and I know that people forget things all the time but to me it feels like someone in Roxanneís profession wouldíve thought of what the potential result would be if they left a drug addict alone in a room with drugs. But anyway, I enjoyed the story as usual and Iím pretty excited to see what happens in the next chapter!

Author's Response: Yay Grace!

I have a really big family myself (even bigger than the Wotters!) so I definitely channeled a lot of my own experience into writing this :) As for Hugo, I figured that in a big enough family, at least one person would be going through 'a phase.' It's something I started implying a while ago (when Roxanne is reflecting about her family on Diagon Alley, there's a bit about Hugo doing "...whatever it was that Hugo did these days"). Also, since he grew up in the wizarding world, I don't think he really has a frame of reference for IV substance abuse and what the connotations are.

You're totally right about it being stupid to argue with someone in that situation. It happens a LOT and it's SO DUMB. Like, people will think that having more personal experience with a drug gives them more insight than someone who knows the toxicology and physiological things about it. Dumb.

Good point about probability and sexuality! Like, I think about a third of her cousins are queer in some way, which would make sense in 2030 (a progressive context where people can be out). About a third of my family is queer identified, which makes sense, because we're from San Francisco (another progressive context) :P

Your point about Roxanne is exactly what I was worried about. I really didn't want her to seem, like, stupid for leaving Perry alone. My idea was that while Harry said he was an addict, he didn't offer enough evidence for that conclusion (and Roxanne was particularly sensitive about just accepting what someone thinks without evidence after the Skeeter article). She definitely doesn't see warnings of potions or spell abuse, and she checks his arms for signs of IV drug abuse, but finds no evidence. And then he really pushes her to go see her family, and she really wants to, so she makes a bad choice.

So yeah, it was a pretty naive thing to do. But yeah, Roxanne IS a little naive sometimes. Anyway, if you have any ideas for how to make her decision-making more relatable while keeping the series of events the same (which I need for Plot Reasons), def let me know!

xoxo
Roisin
Roisin





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Review #10, by AlexFanAn Illusion of Sanity: The One Where Jelly is Jam

2nd July 2015:
AGAIN HAPPY BIRTHDAY! This chapter was so great. I totally understand where Perri is coming from about the time zones. you're up until five in the morning because your body hasn't caught up with the fact that you're in a different country.

I have to say though, that was some ace flirting by Perri, I almost choked on my Coca Cola. I was fully expecting the old cliche, stuck in a broom cupboard to get away from authority to happen so I was quite surprised when Perri and Fred just booked it all the way back to the common room. It's too early for that sort of tension.

Perri learning British slang is something I can relate to, especially when I first started reading Harry Potter, I was like "what are trainers?" although to be honest with you, I've never met anyone who calls jam jelly.

I love how honest everyone is with each other, you can tell that they're going to have a good friendship because Perri is honest about her situation and everyone else doesn't push her to talk about something that makes her uncomfortable, that's when you know you've made friends with good people. I look forward to the next chapter!

Author's Response: AH! Thank you again(: Haha thank you so much! I'm so glad you liked it (not that you almost choked though!). I'm always trying to figure out British slang, so I figured it would be a relatable quality. I call jam jelly! I wonder if it's just called that around where I live...hmm I never thought about it! Thank you SO much for your two lovely reviews. I am ever so thankful!

xx Rachel


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Review #11, by AlexFanAn Illusion of Sanity: The Revival of Chivalry

2nd July 2015:
Happy Birthday! This is my first time leaving a birthday review and I hope that you have a splendid day!

I like how you started off the story with that scene, it gave the story a mystery feel and now I'm actually very much looking forward to seeing what that dream was all about. I can already tell that it's got an interesting story about it.

I like the main character, you've written her very realistically and I love how easily she got along with everyone. The banter between everyone flowed really well and I couldn't help but smile while I was reading. I especially liked your characterization of Roxanne, she's my favourite person at the moment. She seems like a really easy-going person but I have no doubt that when you need her to be serious, she's there for you.

The only thing that I would suggest though is that, when the Sorting Hat is talking to Perri, it got a little confusing trying to figure out if it was the hat talking to Perri or whether it was what Perri was thinking about the hat, maybe if you italicized the speech of the hat it would help readers differentiate between the two. But other than that, I think you've got a really great story here and I'll try and leave reviews on the other chapters later on as well!

Author's Response: HI! I am SO sorry it took me so long to get back to you! Thank you so much for the birthday wishes! It just made me smile so wide! I'm glad the first chapter piqued your interest! Ah! I'm so glad you like the characters! That's always one of my biggest fears (writing boring characters). I will definitely go sort out the Sorting Hat section! Thank you for the feedback! Thank you so much for the lovely review and feedback!

xx Rachel


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Review #12, by AlexFanDecoding the Tutshill Tornados: The One with the Green Light

2nd July 2015:
THIS WAS THE GREATEST THING IVE READ ALL DAY OH MY GOD. But I am forced to keep my excitement within 12+ boundaries because the words I want to use would get me in trouble but anyway.

My favourite thing is hearing about Ginny roundhouse kicking someone in the face, I was beginning to wonder when she would start kicking butt this was Ginny after all. I only wish that there had been a detailed account of exactly what had gone on and exactly how Ginny kicked the poop out of that guards face. God bless for Ginny. Also as a side note Mason is an actual creep someone please lock this man up and keep him away from children like Paloma is a child what are you even doing Mason SHE IS A CHILD.

And then seeing the toughness that is Harry Potter and James realizing just how truly kick butt his father is. I'm telling you the minute Harry busted in I was like YISSS KICK SOME BOOTY! I don't know how exactly you manage to weave in humor in serious situations I really don't like James got the poop beaten out of him and he's still cracking jokes. I don't think I've laughed this much at a life or death situation in any story to be honest.

And oh my God Avery, oh my God I was just like I never really pinned her to be one of those damsel in distress types I was thinking she hasn't caused some damage at all? And then James finds her fixing up her shoes with everyone else taken out and I was like yeah this makes more sense, this is more Avery.

So many feels I just can't at the moment I have to take a few minutes to really absorb this chapter.

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Review #13, by AlexFanDecoding the Tutshill Tornados: The One with the Burnt Pie

30th June 2015:
It's been so long since I caught up on this story and I'm only getting to it now but oh my gosh oh my gosh things are picking up so fast! And really come on, James is going to hold his own family hostage for a captaincy? Who even believes that it makes no sense! Like if you're going for some sort of leverage for captaincy there has to be a better way than holding your family hostage. This is the best rumor that they could've come up with on such short notice? AND AVERY WILL CHOOSE WHO SHE WANTS TO BE WITH THANK YOU VERY MUCH. David Flynn can just go and *insert rude hand gesture* honestly I can't believe him. And could you even get anymore petty, so James landed you in prison, you got out early what's the big problem?

I'm glad James finally got to the conclusion of Apparating, I was wondering why they were all running when they could've just disappeared into thin air. I hope nothing bad has happened to the rest of the family though, I like to think that nothing had will happen because them someone is going to end up in prison for a very long time but at the same time people want revenge on James so bad that I don't know the lengths they'd be willing to go to.

Also, I don't know how old August Wells is but I'm pretty sure James could have him arrested on account of a whole bunch of things which I probably can't mention here since not all of the words are 12+ on account of having an affair with a minor (Nia is technically an adult under Wizarding law but I'm fairly certain that under muggle law she's not so there's that). August Wells could very well land himself quite a few years in prison if news of his private affairs got out to the public I'm just saying, it could ruin him I mean I'd use the information against him.

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Review #14, by AlexFanChasing Halls: Chasing Halls

29th June 2015:
For a first try at second point of view, this was really very good, I didnít find any slip up in the point of view as I was reading and I think this was a good solid try. Iím sure if you practiced more at writing second person point of view you would improve immensely. And I admire that you took this on, second person point of view can be very difficult to write, at least in my eyes, but itís not as natural as it is to write in first person or third person.

One thing that I do have to say though is that I felt a little confused throughout the story. Everything was very ambiguous, I wasnít sure what was going on, at first I thought Teddy was in danger because he was running away from something that could hurt him from the way that he was talking about it, and then it suddenly shifts from something dangerous to something kind of humorous and it turns out heís going to a meeting. Maybe if you mentioned something about who he was running away from and why, or what the meeting was about that he had to go to the Room of Requirement. Something small that connects the different scenes together because they felt a little disconnected.

Author's Response: Hello :D

Thank you for reviewing my first try at second PoV and I actually learned to like this type of writing after this challenge.

I do admit that I left the whole thing very vague and I'm actually considering clearing things out through a short story that is both a prequel and a sequel to this one-shot.

Though, I thought it was understandable that he was running from a cat in the hall.

Anyway, thank you for stopping by :)

DaaOne


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Review #15, by AlexFanA Study in Silver: Stakeout!

29th June 2015:
Oh my God, just reading through that article raised my blood pressure, and naturally it was written by Skeeter, and I just, like what was even the point of the article because it just seems like it derailed and turned into bringing up fun, maybe not true, facts about Roxanne and Scorpius. If youíre going to write gossip at least do it right Skeeter. It just shows that if you take the simple truth without all of the details behind it you can charge someone with pretty much anything. I feel so bad for Roxanne, itís bad enough she had to quit but now her name is being dragged through the mud by a journalist, I wonder how many people will actually believe everything written in the paper, I would think that by this point everyone would know to question the media instead of just taking it literally.

Roxanne kept her cool a lot better than I would have under her situation. I probably wouldíve given Marga a concussion. It seems like being a pain in the butt (thatís the nicest way I could be) is a family trait passed on to the next generation in the Skeeter family. Youíd hope that the offspring wouldnít be as bad as Rita but apparently they would be. I can very much imagine Perry doing a mic drop at the end of his speech, it seems like something right up his lane.

And naturally in every rumor out there, there is a grain of truth. So I take it that there really was an affair of sorts between Blishwick and Roxanne, and if there was then itís really unfair that sheís the one who ends up dealing with the consequences when there were two people involved in that affair. But Iím sad to admit that Iím honestly not surprised. I honestly hope that Roxanne keeps that Silver away from Perry, I donít know how badly it would affect him if he took this stuff and ended up in the hospital (probably dead letís be real here).

THE PLOT THICKENS THIS IS GETTING SO GOOD YOU SHOULD WRITE MORE MYSTERY!

Author's Response: GUH, sorry it's taken me so long to respond. HOUSE CUP MADNESS.

Ooh, I'm SO glad that the article was successfully enraging! I super wanted it to be as horribly frustrating as possible. As for your point about how much people will believe, I sort of think that once something is put out there, it never really goes away. Like, someone can be accused of something and then later it's proved false, but that idea is still out there. Once it gets into someone's head, it never really goes away. And yeah, that's why journalistic ethics is SO important. But in my experience, reporters tend to run fast and loose with the facts, and there's an increasing (and troubling) movement wherein reporters don't JUST transmit the facts. They like to kind of squeeze it into some sort of catchy narrative, even if that narrative is misleading.

I sort of picture Roxanne as someone who has a temper, but still has the maturity to compartmentalize and handle things when she needs to. Like, she may be a bit naive about certain things, and rather youthful for someone in their late twenties, but she's definitely not immature.

Ah yes, it was very fun sprinkling grains of truth into that story, and leaving it up to readers to sift fact from fiction :D It was a really fun way to infodump clues and all, so I'm really glad that worked!

Thank you SO MUCH for this review and for the encouragement! Ah!

xoxo
Roisin



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Review #16, by AlexFanA Study in Silver: The Huddled Masses

26th June 2015:
This second chapter was just as good as the first Iím so excited for this. I suspect that Roxanne is probably going to spend a lot of time trying to figure out Perry and in the end just give up and go along with what he says. And you can see that the two of them make a good team because what Perry canít come up with, Roxanne can because of the different experiences that the two of them have had based on their lives.

One thing that Iíve noticed and really like is the microaggressions that Roxanne has to deal with because of her skin colour, because itís often something that gets overlooked in stories but I like how you mention her experiences with people that assume that sheís from a different country just because of her skin tone.

And this case seems to be a real wakeup call for Roxanne as well because sheís been stuck inside her safety bubble where sheís never had to struggle for anything but now sheís seen the kind of poverty that people suffer through and it seems like such a huge shock to her because sheís never really stopped and thought about it.

Iím so looking forward to the next chapter (and youíre right this is just like old times!)

Author's Response: AH, yes exactly! Skipping ahead to the thing about microaggressions: Shez wrote a really thoughtful blog about how writing a character who's a member of some sort of minority (ethnic, sexual, religious) is more than just saying they are and sort of leaving it at that. Like, having Roxanne be a character isn't necessarily the same thing as writing a black character, if they aren't true to some manifestation of that identity and experience. So while race isn't a significant part of this story, and I headcanon wizarding society to be pretty progressive, certain things will still necessarily be a part of her experience by nature of being an ethnic minority. So yeah, I really wanted to represent a black character, not just say the character was black and call it a day :)

Back to your first point, It was really interesting working out Roxanne and Perry's dynamic. Watson is very much a sidekick, so he's often treated kind of comically or like a foil - but I wanted to something here where Roxanne was sort of the sidekick, but still the MC, you know? And I wanted her to be strong and interesting, not some bumbling patsy, but still represent that Watson-esque indulgence and tolerance of Holmesian antics. (I later realized that the show Elementary did this EXACT thing! I didn't look into Elementary until after the draft of this was done, and... IT IS THE SAME)

I'm really glad you responded to the whole thing with Roxanne's privilege, too. She's definitely a compassionate person, and certainly cares about issues like poverty, but you're right that she just hasn't really ever put a FACE on it. Since I decided to go with a drugs plot for this story, I knew I had to examine these related social issues, and it was really interesting writing a likable adult working through them for the first time.

Thank you SO MUCH for the review, Grace!

xoxo
Roisin


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Review #17, by AlexFanBroken Memories: The Velvet Box

23rd June 2015:
I thought the writing flowed very well, I liked the attention to detail that you paid, throwing in descriptions throughout the story to pull the reader in, and it wasnít abrupt either, it flowed well with the dialogue and the emotions of the characters. I really liked the flashbacks that you threw in there, it really helps let the reader know just how big of an impact Fred had on George and Angelinaís lives before he died. It also shows just how much Angelina really cared about him and how much effort it was going to take her to move on from the grieving stage.

I can see how the current setup with George and Angelina could lead to them falling in love with each other. I think their pain is going to be one of the things that bring the two of them together. I liked how Angelina asked George how he could be happy when his brother had just died, and for some reason Georgeís answer just made me really sad. I donít know, but to me it just seems like the only way that he can deal with his brother, his best friend, being gone is by trying to push the sadness away and focus on the positive otherwise heís not going to be able to move on with his life because heís going to be mourning Fred the whole time. Itís almost like if George acts like nothing is wrong then it will stop feeling like something is wrong. It honestly seems like something George would do, try to make a situation a lot happier than it is to make it easier to deal with so well done on his characterization.

I think youíve got a really interesting start to your story here.

Author's Response: Thank you so much for your review! And for your amazing speed!

This is the first thing I've written that is really, desperately sad. It's also the hardest thing for me to write just because grief is so difficult to put into words. And George is quite a difficult person to characterize properly I think. Fred and George have such similar personalities in the books, but they should be differentiated I think. So that's what I try to do, but it's hard since their identities are so tied to each other.

Anyway, this whole story is kind of a big writing exercise for me in emotion and feeling (two things I struggle with in my personal life), so I'm really glad you thought it was well done!

Hope to see you here again!

Stefanie


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Review #18, by AlexFanA Study in Silver: Prologue: The Lodger

23rd June 2015:
Iíve actually been meaning to read this itís been on my to read list so Iím very excited that you requested this from me. LETíS DO THIS!

I love how itís just natural to have actual DaVinci paintings in a cafe, not like theyíre worth millions of dollars or anything just oh look, an original painting by Leonardo DaVinci isnít that cute. Muggles wouldíve probably dropped over in shock at finding out about such a thing. AND OH MY GOSH THE SHERLOCKNESS OF THIS WHOLE IS SO BEAUTIFUL IíM JUST SO EXCITED TO READ THIS STORY. I AM SO EXCITED TO READ THIS CHARACTERIZATION OF SCORPIUS THIS SOUNDS SO INTERESTING ALREADY!

Iím so curious as to what got Roxanne fired from St. Mungoís, what did she do that she got fired from the hospital, I look forward to learning more about the characters in the later chapters (and yes people of colour are present Iím so pumped).

Okay, so to address the things that you wanted to know specifically, I thought the pacing was great, the story flowed really well from one scene to the next and I liked how there was an explanation provided why there were so many changes in scenery because it added to the story. I like the feeling of mystery around the story as well, I think youíve got the reader hooked by dropping all of these hints about Roxanne being a disgraced Healer and Scorpius so I honestly donít know how anyone is going to be able to resist reading this story.

Your writing in this has a very different feel to the writing in Year Five. Thereís a hint of humor in your writing here and seems a lot more light-hearted. I love the attention that you pay to detail to give the reader a clear idea of what the setting looks like, Iíll be honest with you, it feels like Iím reading a novel written by J. K. Rowling, the writing style is very similar to hers.

So in summary, YES THIS WAS A GREAT FIRST CHAPTER AND IíM SO GLAD THAT YOU REQUESTED A REVIEW FOR THIS!

Author's Response: GraAaAaAace! It's so cool to get reviews from you again! LIKE OLD TIMES.

Haha, I had a lot of fun with the DaVinci thing ;) My idea was that, while he was amazing to muggles, he was kinda 'meh' to wizards. Famous, but not SUPER famous. Also DaVinci was just obviously a wizard!

I know the kids of the trio are always really popular in nextgen, but I've always been most drawn to Roxanne :D She just strikes me as someone with innate raw charisma! And when I wrote this (during NaNo), there weren't all that many multi-chapter fics featuring protagonists of color, making me even more certain that I wanted Roxanne to be the MC :)

Oof, I worried because this chapter is pretty long, especially for a first chapter, so I'm so relieved to hear it flowed well and had a good pace! It's definitely a really different style from Y5, and my first stab at humor, so I'm SO glad you liked it! And, I'm flailing, because saying this reads like JKR is probably the highest possible praise for a fic :D

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS REVIEW, YOU BEAUTIFUL REVIEW CHAMPION!

xoxo
Roisin





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Review #19, by AlexFanFounders Four: Pillars of the Ages: Chapter one: The Beginning

22nd June 2015:
Itís been around two months since you requested this from me but Iím finally here, sorry for the long wait.

Iíve actually never read a founderís story before, I attempted to write one but Iíve never actually read one so this was a new experience for me. And I admire that youíre taking as difficult of a genre such as founderís era, and I wish you the best of luck with it. The important thing about writing a Founderís fic is historical accuracy, and that requires a lot of research so I wish you luck on finding out how things worked in the 900s. Iím actually curious as to how different wizard and muggle societies were back then, because muggles wouldnít have been able to afford books unless they were nobleman because of the cost of the book since they were all written by hand, and the only books available at the time was the Catholic Bible, and people didnít know how to read so maybe wizards were ahead in that aspect, or Hogwarts was just run differently back then without the use of textbooks and such.

I especially liked the scene involving Godric, you can already tell what kind of a person he is just from the way that he sees the world and his interactions with Ingvar, I already like Godric and I look forward to anymore chapters which involve him. You can definitely see some of the daring and recklessness in him, I donít think anyone but a Gryffindor would purposely bait someone they knew could take them on and win. I like how you ended the story on a note of mystery to keep the reader wondering. I think your story is off to a great start and I wish you luck on writing it!

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Review #20, by AlexFanL'optimisme: Hungary

22nd June 2015:
I am something like two months late with this review so "I'm late" is an understatement at this point nevertheless I am here!

I donít know why this has a lower count than all of the chapters to be honest with you because I really enjoyed reading about Gellertís back story. I liked the glimpse into his family history, it just made him seem more real, and I actually pitied him a little bit to be honest with you, to grow up knowing that you were unwanted simply because you were the result of an out of marriage pregnancy, I can only imagine what kind of affect that mustíve had on a child.

I thought Gellertís backstory was a little bit like Albusís to be honest with you, Gellert was the child that was kept silent and that no one was supposed to know about because of the shame that it would bring upon the family and hidden away and isolated much like Ariana was hidden away and isolated because of her inability to control her magic because of what the muggle boys did to her. I think Albus wouldíve understood Gellertís situation very well and understood how he mustíve been feeling because of this. I really hope thereís more about Gellertís backstory to be honest with you.

I feel like some backstory is important to Gellertís character because it helps to understand what led to him being the person that he turned out to be and it helps to understand his motivation to do the things that he did. Seeing this bit about his life made me pity him even though he did horrible things during his time, it made Gellert seem more human and kind of destroys this idea that heís cold and invincible because you get to see the emotions that heís hiding.

Awesome job on this and again Iím so sorry for taking so long but I had to focus on school.

Author's Response: Hey there! :) No worries for being late - rl gets in the way sometimes; it happens to us all! :) Just glad to see you back again and that things are (hopefully) all okay on your end! :)

Thank you so much! :) I really wanted to give a little more information on Gellert, especially while he was still younger, haha, because we know about Albus' and it's so necessary to understand people, and characters are people? It is pretty sad, imo, to grow up feeling so left out and so apart because of something which wasn't your fault - but it was a very common opinion, then.

It is pretty similar, yeah. I mean, there are some differences - but they're very slight, more differences of situations rather than the effects, if that makes sense? I do have more on his backstory, and more will definitely come up later! :) And yeah, I think Albus would have found it an easy thing to sympathise with, given his own family's situation.

I'm just so glad you liked it, tbh - I wanted to include it to show a bit more of him, a different side perhaps to him, and a bit more of where and how he'd grown up, and why he'd developed the way he had. Especially since we know all of that (or a lot of that) for Albus, too... I just really didn't want it to seem too random or forced, so I'm so glad you liked it! :)

Thank you so so much for the lovely review - and seriously, don't worry about the timing! :)

Aph xx


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Review #21, by AlexFanGame On: Checkmate - merlins beard - Ravenclaw

10th June 2015:
This is so cute! I saw James and Lily and the story just started calling to me.

James is so smitten it's so cute. I love how he's just staring at Lily like wow look at her, isn't she great. Lily's all focused on the game, and she probably thinks James is focused on the game as well, I'm just picturing how the two of them must look together, Lily all focused and competitive, and James staring at her and sighing because he still can't grasp the fact that he and Lily are in fact dating.

This was so cute, I've got the biggest smile on my face at the moment!

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Review #22, by AlexFanBeing a Falmouth Falcon: The Challenge

21st May 2015:
Woah, stuff went down in this chapter. I can understand why Gigi punched Camila, seriously I do, but how on earth can Gigi try and justify assault like that, I mean Camila was baiting her for a reaction, yeah her intentions may be real but I'm pretty sure at this point Camila is just saying stuff like this because she knows she'll get a reaction out of Gigi and make her look like the bad guy.

And James, wow, that was wow. I see where he's coming from. Ever since Camila joined the team practically everything out of Gigi's mouth has been about Camila, I can totally understand why he would want to distance himself from Gigi at this time and let her deal with everything on her own. But at the same time, this is like the worst thing because Gigi needs everyone now more than ever, imagine how alone she's gonna end up if everyone follows James' lead and turns their backs on her. And it seems like he's giving up to be honest with you, of course relationships aren't perfect but I mean, he and Gigi need to talk properly and clear the air and work together through this problem, not just call it quits because it's too hard. I think the both of them still have some growing to do as people.

Honestly, my heart was pounding when Gigi and Camila were going at it for the center position. I almost thought that Gigi was going to lose but then she didn't and I was like "oh phew thank God."

ANYWAY I'M SO EXCITED FOR THE NEXT CHAPTER WHENEVER YOU GET TO IT!

Author's Response: Camila is definitely baiting Gigi so that she can look like the innocent person and Gigi can look completely nuts and jealous. But Gigi isn't making it any better. She IS acting completely nuts and jealous.

Gigi is too proud than to talk to James about anything. James is just... James. There's not much more I can say there, really...

Gigi never loses, love ;)

xoxo


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Review #23, by AlexFanBeing a Falmouth Falcon: Pride and Some More Pride

21st May 2015:
Wow, things are going downhill for Gigi real fast here. I knew things were going to get bad because after all, this is a story, something has to go bad, but I didn't think that it would happen so soon or so quickly.

I really think Gigi should look into some anger management classes because it seems like literally all of her problems are stemming from her inability to just let things go and get on with her life. Think about it, she probably wouldn't have punched Camila, her relationship with James probably wouldn't be a little awkward after her punching Camila, she probably wouldn't have injured herself if only she had been able to let go.

And I mean, she couldn't really get mad at James for practicing with Camila either, they have games coming up, he needs to be prepared to play with whoever if Gigi isn't there, James is doing his job. But I can see how in her rage that wouldn't have occurred to Gigi and she probably felt extremely betrayed.

I'm surprised that they paparazzi would be allowed in the stadium during practice though, I mean obviously it was necessary for where the story is heading from this point on but I feel like they'd be really distracting for the players.

And I don't know, maybe this is just me but James and Gigi don't seem to be on the same level in their relationship. I mean, James trusts Gigi, you can see that from the way he acts and treats her, and obviously he thinks that she trusts him the same way that he trusts her which is probably why he would be confused by her behaviour. And I don't know but if Gigi trusted James as much as she says that she does then would it bother her as much to hear Camila say that she was going to take James away.

BUT ANYWAY AWESOME CHAPTER AS ALWAYS!

Author's Response: Oh Alex. Some things can't always be rainbows and butterflies. But I wish they could. I like butterflies.

Don't you think we all need some anger management classes? I sure do. Except... I don't punch people... I'll advise Gigi to get into some anger management classes. Or at least to become a beater or something.

Gigi isn't what she used to be. I think she kind of needs to set the reboot button on herself. Get back to what she's supposed to be.. I'll put in some more recommendations to her ;)

Just saying though, she's kinda a wild card. I can barely control her and I'm supposed to be the author.

xoxo


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Review #24, by AlexFanThe Unsinkable Molly Prewett: Come On Down To My Boat

15th May 2015:
After Molly's mum you can see where Molly got her strictness from when it came to her own children. Mrs. Prewett does not seem like the kind of woman that you would want to mess with. My favourite has to be Mr. Prewett, he seems like such an easygoing man and I love how he's so willing to help out Molly and Arthur. I can only imagine how very wrong Arthur's situation with the rock throwing would have gone had Mrs. Prewett been the one to look out of the window.

Fabian and Gideon are truly the original Fred and George. The relationship that they have with Molly is so great. They act like she's an annoying older sister but they're willing to help her out when she needs it.

(I'm beginning to wish everyone would stop giving Arthyr advice on what he should about his relationship with Molly. Everyone but him seems to have a problem with the dynamic in their relationship but I'm glad that he's sticking to what he believes is right, good on you Arthur!)

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Review #25, by AlexFanStuck: Distracted

15th May 2015:
It has been such a long time since you last updated this story and I was so excited to read the new chapter! I haven't read a lot of James/Lily in a while so the fluff had me grinning from ear to ear.

I loved how happy James' mum was to see Lily and how embarrassed James was. James' mum is such a warm person and honestly I wouldn't have expected anything less of her when she greeted Lily. And I liked how Lily took everything in stride, she's meeting all of these relatives all at once and she manages to handle it so well (the hilarious part is how everyone has heard of Lily before she and James even started dating).

I was so close to squealing every time James mentioned how he wanted to marry Lily and have her permanently join the Potter family and I just, the hardcore shipper in me comes out during times like this.

I can't wait for the next chapter!

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