For someone who was panicking about beig suck children James kept a surprisingly cool head. His internal freaking out though was pretty hilarious. I would've done the exact same thing as Avery and just left him in there and watched what happened. Report Review
YAY YOU'RE BACK! I always get so excited whenever I see that there's a new chapter for this so you can imagine how happy I was last night. Sadly it was late and my iPof was dying so I read it this morning.
So much stuff happened like oh my god! What are Aggy and the rest of them going to do about what's happening! Things are getting so intense like holy crap! Anyway, this huge monster chapter definitely made up for the long wait and it was totally worth it! Report Review
I hate to break the 394 review count but I'm doing it anyway (unless someone reviews before me in which case ill feel extremely stupid for what I just wrote). The point is, yay! You're back! I've missed this story so much and I want to get back into the drama of it and I've got a feeling that there's going to be a lot of drama going on!
Anyway, to sum it all up, I'm glad that you're not dead and back and I really liked the chapter despite how different it was! Report Review
I'm starting to become overly fond of Amy (but not in a creepy way). She's my type of girl, we would get along great if she was actually real. If this is the big deal over still having your V-card in a fanfiction I shudder to think how big of a deal it is in reality (I have yet to deal with things like this).
Where has Bink gone? He's disappeared for an awfully long time. I've got a suspicion that it has to do with a Ms Meta McLaggen (but I could be horribly wrong). Report Review
I need to pay more attention when I read because my brain is messing up information. I now see why James can't date Avery. Damn. How is he going to get around this one. There's barely been any drama (besides the fact that James stole a car) and I can already feel the tension in the air.
And why WAS Emerson at the Harpy tryouts, now that is the question! Report Review
I had the urge to cackle while reading this because James s finally gettin a taste of medicine of what it must've been like training with him as captain. Now he has to go through what he made everyone else on his team go through and he can't do anything about it.
Oh how well karma works. And the Code, it seems that no matter what James does that thing is bloody everywhere. At least it didn't say anything about dating anyone on your own team (or it did and I just completely missed that part). Report Review
No Avery, you and James are not seeing other people. You're seeing each other because you belong with each other.
I've joined the crowd of people that want Avery and James to date, get married and have babies when they're old enough (is that such a bad thing?)
I can't wait to get to the rest of this! Report Review
This is just not okay! Lawson has to be expelled! He's causing serious bodily harm to students, how is nothing being done about this! If they want to be sure that no one is lying then they should just give everyone Veritaserum, that should clear everything up.
I was so happy when I read expelled before I realised that it was only Albus yelling and he had no real authority. I wish Sinatra was expelling Lawson. Report Review
How does anyone not want to date Albus? Seriously though, now do you not want to date Albus? I want to date Albus, he's just gotten so awesome and I love badarse Albus! I LOVE IT!
I hope to see Albus kick some more butt as the story comes to a close (you better fix James and Avery!) Report Review
Oh my God this was adorable! This is why I love Jily out of every other ship, everyone comes up with the most adorable stories to ever exist to go with them!
This was just so gosh darn adorable that I can't even write you a proper review. This entire thing is just going to be me squealing and freaking out!
It was so cute how James was worried that Lily would say no and the Marauders planning everything was hilarious and Sirius is crazy! I loved the banter and I thought it was really sweet how Lily was freaking out because James wasn't there.
It was so obvious that she really cared about him and I love that she loves him and oh my gosh, that was around the part where I really started to get excited because, after all, that's where the good stuff was going to happen.
The plan that Sirius, Remus and Peter had come up with was hilarious but kind of cute and Lily's reaction was just funny and James being afraid of her just seemed like something he would be after years of her refusing him!
James's friends are insane, I would be freaking out if I came home and saw my boyfriend tied up like that by his friends!
James giving a war cry was just so gosh darn cute that I couldn't stop smiling and I was grinning throughout this entire thing!
As you cant tell I clearly loved it and you should do more James/Lily. Report Review
I'm going to finally get started on leaving those reviews! I've never actually read a story about Rita Skeeter but I like this one. Even for someone young you can definitely see the personality of older Rita Skeeter in her younger version.
I think you did an awesome job at staying in character with Rita. I actually thought that her friend Sybil was Trelawney but it didn't sound like her and I figured that Trelawney was way older than the students (as seems to be the fashion with all Hogwarts teachers).
Anyway, you only had a couple of typos but other than that this was great! For a beginning I thought it was pretty good and you left the reader in suspense.
I'm sorry, I've gotten into the habit of giving out criticism and sounding far too proper in my reviews now that it's going to take a while to go back to my relaxed version of it.Author's Response: Neither have I - That's actually why I figured I'd give this challenge a go, when I got the assignment. Along with plenty of ridiculous ideas that popped into my head, I wanted to try Rita in her element at school, and just...this is what comes out of it.
Well, actually...you're first assumption is right...Sybill is, indeed...Trelawney. There are reason for her, um..clarity? In the first chapter (besides the fact that she'd 14 and has yet to discover the wonders of..."the drink") but...there's a reason for it. And in my thinking, Trelawney is at least...late 40's in the actual HP book...and Rita is definitely in her 40's as well, ergo...this plunny.
Yes...typos are truly the bane of my existence. I'll be looking for a beta quite soon, to be clearing that up.
And don't worry! That's what reviews are for. If we all got praise and confetti thrown around in these things about how great something was we'd all have heads as big as ol' James Potter and have no possible way to improve! I appreciate it! Report Review
The indirect smack talk about Twilight was awesome! For some reason I always find it funny when fanfictions do that. I feel so sorry for Addison though, she's got to deal with a knocked out James now AND she has to report to work because she wasn't doing her job properly.
Things aren't going that well for Addie
(Also, you're very welcome for the reviews [I sound incredibly obnoxious and I'm terribly sorry about that] and knowing me, I'll probably end up reviewing most chapters of the story.)Author's Response: The part about Twilight wasn't planned originally. It was for my best friend, Aisha's benefit, who, for some reason, loves that book.
No, definitely not going well. But then, she didn't do her job properly.
Yo don't sound obnoxious- you're one pf my best reviewers ever. And that'll be fantastic!
Thanks so much,
-Akansha. Report Review
Permission to slap Bink and Fred as hard as I possibly can. Is it the thought process of all teenage boys to get laid whenever things go wrong with relationships?
And on my God James, why, why did you have to bring Gaia into this! Why did you have to say all of that stuff! Just leave it at being friends and leave! Now Avery's going to think that she didn't mean anything to him while they were dating and ugh, things are just going wrong! Report Review
I don't think I've ever "heard" you swear before in your fanfiction. I was reading through this and I saw the f word and I did a double take because I was like "hold on, am I reading that right or have I really gotten that angry with Dom and Teddy that I'm inserting words."
Turns out, I'm not crazy.
Anyway, moving on. I really felt Victoire's pain. actually, it was starting to feel more like my pain and I was totally with Victoire on this. I am so glad that you made Victoire angry instead of just this pathetic whimpering girl who just accepted what happened. I've seen it happen far too often and it's refreshing to see that this fanfiction didn't have any of that.
You really know how to get your reader into a story and how to get your readers to feel what your main character is feeling. That's quite difficult to achieve and I congratulate you for that.Author's Response: Hey! Thanks again for reading and reviewing.
Yeah, well I swear a lot in real life so I try to tone it down in fanfiction but sometimes it comes through xP Haha you're too cute. And of course you're not crazy.
I am pleased you could feel Victoire's pain and you could connect with her. Indeed, I wanted Victoire to be strong and someone who doesn't take all the *insert swear word here* thrown at her.
I am glad you could get into the story and connect with my main character. Thanks a ton for your lovely comments! Report Review
What an interesting way of settling things between two people who don't seem to get along. I thought the dream part was actually really cool and I thought it was pretty cool as well that they both had the same thing.
I like that they decided not to end things on a bad note and made up -kind of. I also like that this showed that not all romances come to a happy ending and that things happen that drive people apart but that doesn't mean things have to go badly.
Also, the quote at the end was deep. I actually really liked it.Author's Response: Thank you for reviewing the last chapter!! :D
I'm glad that you liked the dream. It was actually based on a dream that I had before I wrote this chapter. :)
My characters made up (kind of) because sometimes in real life, that doesn't happen and I wanted there to be some kind of resolution. Because in real life, sometimes minds don't change. Sad, but true. :)
Thank you!! I'm very glad that you liked the quote. I had to manipulate it to make it read in a way that I liked. It's great to know that my work paid off. :)
Thanks again for your review!
~UnluckyStar57 Report Review
This was a really pleasant chapter. It's the only way that I can describe. The entire thing has this feeling of calmness to it and peacefulness which is actually very difficult to put into a story. Most chapters are intense and full of drama but this was nice to read.
The speed wasn't fast and even though it was a rather short chapter there was still plenty of description and a good balance of dialogue and description. This is one of the few stories where I actually enjoy reading in first person, most times I just find 1st Person POV choppy and I dislike reading it but you make it work.
There weren't any grammatical or punctuation errors as far as I could see and you did a good job of sticking to one verb tense.
I really enjoyed reading this.Author's Response: Eee thank you so much! It really means a lot to me! I have to say I'm rather bad at writing dramatic scenes, I'm more of a real-life kinda girl ;)
I'm so glad you liked it! Report Review
Goddamn, Abigail is abusive! Honestly, Freddie seriously needs to rethink his reasons for dating someone (and getting laid is not one of them). I felt like I should've reported Abigail to the police half the time -but then I realised that she was a fictional character and it went away.
I'm so happy that Fred is finally rid of her! VIVA LA FREEDOM! Report Review
I've always imagined old Harry as looking like Robert Downey Jr as well. He just looks like an older version of Harry. Speaking of Harry, I absolutely loved him in this chapter. His advic was pretty funny even though it worked and he just seemed so laid back.
Everyone is friends again . . . Mostly at least. Avery can be scary though, the way that she snapped at Bink and Fred was epic though. Report Review
Is it okay for me to just kill Clint and Emerson? Can I just kill them and hide their corpses. I got so angry with those two. To hate someone so much that you would risk getting expelled just to get even with them or bring them off their high horse. THAT'S INSANE! I mean I've hated people but I'be never been crazy or hateful enough to do something like that! Report Review
Oh good, so I'm not the only one who believed the prank. I was freaking out as well and I'm almost started crying when I realised that I wouldn't be able to read my favourite stories on here without words being replaced and looking weird.
Anyway, I'm just glad that you finally updated. I enjoyed reading the chapter and keep up the humor (I'm sick so forgive me for sounding weird and such). Report Review
I love reading anything Marauders related and I especially love reading James/Lily so I was excited to read this.
Your characterization for Lily and Petunia were spot on, especially for Petunia. After the comment that her dad made about Lily always being special it's understandable that Petunia would resent Lily and become mean to her. I'll bet that she never forgot what her father said ever, I'll bet that it always stuck with her forever and everyday she'd be reminded that Lily was special and that she wasn't.
Lily sounded exactly like a little girl whose sister was mad at her for something she didn't know. Confused and a little bit hurt.
Your chapter flowed really well and as far as I could see there weren't any grammatical mistakes and if there are (I can be pretty bad at spotting them sometimes) they didn't stand out.
Anyway, this was a really interesting chapter and I really enjoyed reading it!Author's Response: Hi AlexFan, thankyou for the lovely review!
I'm glad you thought the characterisation of Lily and Petunia was good. From what we see in the books Petunia has issues with how easily her parents accepted Lily being a witch and I feel they may have shown favouritism towards Lily because of it (or at least, that's how Petunia see's it). There is more to come on their relationship and the family dynamics.
Thanks again for the review and I'm pleased you enjoyed reading it :) Report Review
I really liked this chapter. It's my favourite one so far. I loved how unique it was and I loved learning what things might have been like before they invented technology and such.
It certainly makes a lot of sense and it was really fun to read.
I really like Merissa, she seems really friendly and my favourite part was where she said that she disliked playing the painoforte. I can't explain why but that just made her seem more real to me, doing something just because your parents wanted you to.
As for the flow of the chapter, it was in general really good but there were a couple of sentences that had misspelled words or missing words or were slightly confusing.
You have a good balance between dialogue and description (something that I'm always having trouble with). It's not always easy to achieve that balance but you do a good job of it. There's enough description so you know what's going on but not so much that there's nothing left to your imagination. And there's enough dialogue that it gets across everything that it needs to but not so much that it's all just dialogue.
I think this is your best chapter yet and I really enjoyed reading it!Author's Response: Thank you very much!
I really like this era in history - there are so many huge strides in discoveries. I also like their focus on art and music.
I've added a note to look for the sentences that were confusing and for misspelled words.
Merissa really wants to play the violin but her mother is insisting that she learn the pianoforte first. :)
As I'm writing, I tend more to dialogue and really have to work to get the descriptions to be there. To get just the right amount of description is a challenge for me. :I
Thank you very much for reading and reviewing!
I read this entire thing a while ago but I can finally review this chapter now!
Albus is so mean, he comes off as quite abusive and he sounds even worse than Percy did in the books! He writes like he's forty and from a different century and I can't believe that I only realised now how much of a jerk that Albus kind of was!
That being said, the way that he got angry when Melinda broke up with him and snapped at his friends kind of showed that as much as he disliked Melinda, he was still sad to lose something/
Or maybe I'm just being overly romantic and my cynical side is still asleep.
I can't believe that Albus was so rude to Melinda about the flower though. Yeah, you have to be honest in a relationship but there's a difference between being honest and just being rude. Plus, it's not like it's that big of a deal, she's just wearing a flower in her hair.
I love that you showed this from Albus' point of view though. There are very few times when there are explanations for why Albus acts like a jerk and I liked that there was an actual reason for this.Author's Response: Thank you for reviewing my story! :)
Albus is really mean and kind of old-fashioned, but as much as he tries to hide his feelings, he is really sad when Melinda breaks up with him. My best explanation for his behavior is that he changed over the years, and he didn't want to admit it, so when Melinda forced him to admit change (by breaking up with him), his emotions were upended.
It's okay to be romantic sometimes. :)
I think that Albus was mean about the flower because he felt like he needed to control some aspect of his relationship, even as he felt it crumbling around him.
Thank you for your review!! :)
~UnluckyStar57 Report Review
Oh no, I just know that things are going to end bad. As badly as I want James ad Avery together I have a feeling that bad things are going to happen and that peopl are not goons to be responding very well at all. Report Review
I'm so glad that you finally updated and it was okay for a filler chapter. Not like it was boring or anything. I would suggest though adding in more description and not having so many one-liners.
I don't really have an y face claims for the characters. I picture Karen Gillan for Rose but, then again, I picture Karen Gillan for any red-head Weasley or Lily Evans.Author's Response: Ah yes, description. I swear it's the bane of my existence. But yes, you're right. I do need to work on my description. Thank you for the constructive criticism :)
Oh really? I always pictured Rose as a red headed Emma Stone! Oh well. Thanks for sharing your opinion though :)
Thank you for reviewing :) Report Review
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