Reading Reviews From Member: AlexFan
  
1,465 Reviews Found

Review #1, by AlexFanDecoding the Tutshill Tornados: The One with the Burnt Pie

30th June 2015:
It's been so long since I caught up on this story and I'm only getting to it now but oh my gosh oh my gosh things are picking up so fast! And really come on, James is going to hold his own family hostage for a captaincy? Who even believes that it makes no sense! Like if you're going for some sort of leverage for captaincy there has to be a better way than holding your family hostage. This is the best rumor that they could've come up with on such short notice? AND AVERY WILL CHOOSE WHO SHE WANTS TO BE WITH THANK YOU VERY MUCH. David Flynn can just go and *insert rude hand gesture* honestly I can't believe him. And could you even get anymore petty, so James landed you in prison, you got out early what's the big problem?

I'm glad James finally got to the conclusion of Apparating, I was wondering why they were all running when they could've just disappeared into thin air. I hope nothing bad has happened to the rest of the family though, I like to think that nothing had will happen because them someone is going to end up in prison for a very long time but at the same time people want revenge on James so bad that I don't know the lengths they'd be willing to go to.

Also, I don't know how old August Wells is but I'm pretty sure James could have him arrested on account of a whole bunch of things which I probably can't mention here since not all of the words are 12+ on account of having an affair with a minor (Nia is technically an adult under Wizarding law but I'm fairly certain that under muggle law she's not so there's that). August Wells could very well land himself quite a few years in prison if news of his private affairs got out to the public I'm just saying, it could ruin him I mean I'd use the information against him.

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Review #2, by AlexFanChasing Halls: Chasing Halls

29th June 2015:
For a first try at second point of view, this was really very good, I didnít find any slip up in the point of view as I was reading and I think this was a good solid try. Iím sure if you practiced more at writing second person point of view you would improve immensely. And I admire that you took this on, second person point of view can be very difficult to write, at least in my eyes, but itís not as natural as it is to write in first person or third person.

One thing that I do have to say though is that I felt a little confused throughout the story. Everything was very ambiguous, I wasnít sure what was going on, at first I thought Teddy was in danger because he was running away from something that could hurt him from the way that he was talking about it, and then it suddenly shifts from something dangerous to something kind of humorous and it turns out heís going to a meeting. Maybe if you mentioned something about who he was running away from and why, or what the meeting was about that he had to go to the Room of Requirement. Something small that connects the different scenes together because they felt a little disconnected.

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Review #3, by AlexFanA Study in Silver: Stakeout!

29th June 2015:
Oh my God, just reading through that article raised my blood pressure, and naturally it was written by Skeeter, and I just, like what was even the point of the article because it just seems like it derailed and turned into bringing up fun, maybe not true, facts about Roxanne and Scorpius. If youíre going to write gossip at least do it right Skeeter. It just shows that if you take the simple truth without all of the details behind it you can charge someone with pretty much anything. I feel so bad for Roxanne, itís bad enough she had to quit but now her name is being dragged through the mud by a journalist, I wonder how many people will actually believe everything written in the paper, I would think that by this point everyone would know to question the media instead of just taking it literally.

Roxanne kept her cool a lot better than I would have under her situation. I probably wouldíve given Marga a concussion. It seems like being a pain in the butt (thatís the nicest way I could be) is a family trait passed on to the next generation in the Skeeter family. Youíd hope that the offspring wouldnít be as bad as Rita but apparently they would be. I can very much imagine Perry doing a mic drop at the end of his speech, it seems like something right up his lane.

And naturally in every rumor out there, there is a grain of truth. So I take it that there really was an affair of sorts between Blishwick and Roxanne, and if there was then itís really unfair that sheís the one who ends up dealing with the consequences when there were two people involved in that affair. But Iím sad to admit that Iím honestly not surprised. I honestly hope that Roxanne keeps that Silver away from Perry, I donít know how badly it would affect him if he took this stuff and ended up in the hospital (probably dead letís be real here).

THE PLOT THICKENS THIS IS GETTING SO GOOD YOU SHOULD WRITE MORE MYSTERY!

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Review #4, by AlexFanA Study in Silver: The Huddled Masses

26th June 2015:
This second chapter was just as good as the first Iím so excited for this. I suspect that Roxanne is probably going to spend a lot of time trying to figure out Perry and in the end just give up and go along with what he says. And you can see that the two of them make a good team because what Perry canít come up with, Roxanne can because of the different experiences that the two of them have had based on their lives.

One thing that Iíve noticed and really like is the microaggressions that Roxanne has to deal with because of her skin colour, because itís often something that gets overlooked in stories but I like how you mention her experiences with people that assume that sheís from a different country just because of her skin tone.

And this case seems to be a real wakeup call for Roxanne as well because sheís been stuck inside her safety bubble where sheís never had to struggle for anything but now sheís seen the kind of poverty that people suffer through and it seems like such a huge shock to her because sheís never really stopped and thought about it.

Iím so looking forward to the next chapter (and youíre right this is just like old times!)

Author's Response: AH, yes exactly! Skipping ahead to the thing about microaggressions: Shez wrote a really thoughtful blog about how writing a character who's a member of some sort of minority (ethnic, sexual, religious) is more than just saying they are and sort of leaving it at that. Like, having Roxanne be a character isn't necessarily the same thing as writing a black character, if they aren't true to some manifestation of that identity and experience. So while race isn't a significant part of this story, and I headcanon wizarding society to be pretty progressive, certain things will still necessarily be a part of her experience by nature of being an ethnic minority. So yeah, I really wanted to represent a black character, not just say the character was black and call it a day :)

Back to your first point, It was really interesting working out Roxanne and Perry's dynamic. Watson is very much a sidekick, so he's often treated kind of comically or like a foil - but I wanted to something here where Roxanne was sort of the sidekick, but still the MC, you know? And I wanted her to be strong and interesting, not some bumbling patsy, but still represent that Watson-esque indulgence and tolerance of Holmesian antics. (I later realized that the show Elementary did this EXACT thing! I didn't look into Elementary until after the draft of this was done, and... IT IS THE SAME)

I'm really glad you responded to the whole thing with Roxanne's privilege, too. She's definitely a compassionate person, and certainly cares about issues like poverty, but you're right that she just hasn't really ever put a FACE on it. Since I decided to go with a drugs plot for this story, I knew I had to examine these related social issues, and it was really interesting writing a likable adult working through them for the first time.

Thank you SO MUCH for the review, Grace!

xoxo
Roisin


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Review #5, by AlexFanBroken Memories: The Velvet Box

23rd June 2015:
I thought the writing flowed very well, I liked the attention to detail that you paid, throwing in descriptions throughout the story to pull the reader in, and it wasnít abrupt either, it flowed well with the dialogue and the emotions of the characters. I really liked the flashbacks that you threw in there, it really helps let the reader know just how big of an impact Fred had on George and Angelinaís lives before he died. It also shows just how much Angelina really cared about him and how much effort it was going to take her to move on from the grieving stage.

I can see how the current setup with George and Angelina could lead to them falling in love with each other. I think their pain is going to be one of the things that bring the two of them together. I liked how Angelina asked George how he could be happy when his brother had just died, and for some reason Georgeís answer just made me really sad. I donít know, but to me it just seems like the only way that he can deal with his brother, his best friend, being gone is by trying to push the sadness away and focus on the positive otherwise heís not going to be able to move on with his life because heís going to be mourning Fred the whole time. Itís almost like if George acts like nothing is wrong then it will stop feeling like something is wrong. It honestly seems like something George would do, try to make a situation a lot happier than it is to make it easier to deal with so well done on his characterization.

I think youíve got a really interesting start to your story here.

Author's Response: Thank you so much for your review! And for your amazing speed!

This is the first thing I've written that is really, desperately sad. It's also the hardest thing for me to write just because grief is so difficult to put into words. And George is quite a difficult person to characterize properly I think. Fred and George have such similar personalities in the books, but they should be differentiated I think. So that's what I try to do, but it's hard since their identities are so tied to each other.

Anyway, this whole story is kind of a big writing exercise for me in emotion and feeling (two things I struggle with in my personal life), so I'm really glad you thought it was well done!

Hope to see you here again!

Stefanie


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Review #6, by AlexFanA Study in Silver: The Lodger

23rd June 2015:
Iíve actually been meaning to read this itís been on my to read list so Iím very excited that you requested this from me. LETíS DO THIS!

I love how itís just natural to have actual DaVinci paintings in a cafe, not like theyíre worth millions of dollars or anything just oh look, an original painting by Leonardo DaVinci isnít that cute. Muggles wouldíve probably dropped over in shock at finding out about such a thing. AND OH MY GOSH THE SHERLOCKNESS OF THIS WHOLE IS SO BEAUTIFUL IíM JUST SO EXCITED TO READ THIS STORY. I AM SO EXCITED TO READ THIS CHARACTERIZATION OF SCORPIUS THIS SOUNDS SO INTERESTING ALREADY!

Iím so curious as to what got Roxanne fired from St. Mungoís, what did she do that she got fired from the hospital, I look forward to learning more about the characters in the later chapters (and yes people of colour are present Iím so pumped).

Okay, so to address the things that you wanted to know specifically, I thought the pacing was great, the story flowed really well from one scene to the next and I liked how there was an explanation provided why there were so many changes in scenery because it added to the story. I like the feeling of mystery around the story as well, I think youíve got the reader hooked by dropping all of these hints about Roxanne being a disgraced Healer and Scorpius so I honestly donít know how anyone is going to be able to resist reading this story.

Your writing in this has a very different feel to the writing in Year Five. Thereís a hint of humor in your writing here and seems a lot more light-hearted. I love the attention that you pay to detail to give the reader a clear idea of what the setting looks like, Iíll be honest with you, it feels like Iím reading a novel written by J. K. Rowling, the writing style is very similar to hers.

So in summary, YES THIS WAS A GREAT FIRST CHAPTER AND IíM SO GLAD THAT YOU REQUESTED A REVIEW FOR THIS!

Author's Response: GraAaAaAace! It's so cool to get reviews from you again! LIKE OLD TIMES.

Haha, I had a lot of fun with the DaVinci thing ;) My idea was that, while he was amazing to muggles, he was kinda 'meh' to wizards. Famous, but not SUPER famous. Also DaVinci was just obviously a wizard!

I know the kids of the trio are always really popular in nextgen, but I've always been most drawn to Roxanne :D She just strikes me as someone with innate raw charisma! And when I wrote this (during NaNo), there weren't all that many multi-chapter fics featuring protagonists of color, making me even more certain that I wanted Roxanne to be the MC :)

Oof, I worried because this chapter is pretty long, especially for a first chapter, so I'm so relieved to hear it flowed well and had a good pace! It's definitely a really different style from Y5, and my first stab at humor, so I'm SO glad you liked it! And, I'm flailing, because saying this reads like JKR is probably the highest possible praise for a fic :D

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS REVIEW, YOU BEAUTIFUL REVIEW CHAMPION!

xoxo
Roisin





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Review #7, by AlexFanFounders Four: Pillars of the Ages: Chapter one: The Beginning

22nd June 2015:
Itís been around two months since you requested this from me but Iím finally here, sorry for the long wait.

Iíve actually never read a founderís story before, I attempted to write one but Iíve never actually read one so this was a new experience for me. And I admire that youíre taking as difficult of a genre such as founderís era, and I wish you the best of luck with it. The important thing about writing a Founderís fic is historical accuracy, and that requires a lot of research so I wish you luck on finding out how things worked in the 900s. Iím actually curious as to how different wizard and muggle societies were back then, because muggles wouldnít have been able to afford books unless they were nobleman because of the cost of the book since they were all written by hand, and the only books available at the time was the Catholic Bible, and people didnít know how to read so maybe wizards were ahead in that aspect, or Hogwarts was just run differently back then without the use of textbooks and such.

I especially liked the scene involving Godric, you can already tell what kind of a person he is just from the way that he sees the world and his interactions with Ingvar, I already like Godric and I look forward to anymore chapters which involve him. You can definitely see some of the daring and recklessness in him, I donít think anyone but a Gryffindor would purposely bait someone they knew could take them on and win. I like how you ended the story on a note of mystery to keep the reader wondering. I think your story is off to a great start and I wish you luck on writing it!

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Review #8, by AlexFanL'optimisme: Hungary

22nd June 2015:
I am something like two months late with this review so "I'm late" is an understatement at this point nevertheless I am here!

I donít know why this has a lower count than all of the chapters to be honest with you because I really enjoyed reading about Gellertís back story. I liked the glimpse into his family history, it just made him seem more real, and I actually pitied him a little bit to be honest with you, to grow up knowing that you were unwanted simply because you were the result of an out of marriage pregnancy, I can only imagine what kind of affect that mustíve had on a child.

I thought Gellertís backstory was a little bit like Albusís to be honest with you, Gellert was the child that was kept silent and that no one was supposed to know about because of the shame that it would bring upon the family and hidden away and isolated much like Ariana was hidden away and isolated because of her inability to control her magic because of what the muggle boys did to her. I think Albus wouldíve understood Gellertís situation very well and understood how he mustíve been feeling because of this. I really hope thereís more about Gellertís backstory to be honest with you.

I feel like some backstory is important to Gellertís character because it helps to understand what led to him being the person that he turned out to be and it helps to understand his motivation to do the things that he did. Seeing this bit about his life made me pity him even though he did horrible things during his time, it made Gellert seem more human and kind of destroys this idea that heís cold and invincible because you get to see the emotions that heís hiding.

Awesome job on this and again Iím so sorry for taking so long but I had to focus on school.

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Review #9, by AlexFanGame On: Checkmate - merlins beard - Ravenclaw

10th June 2015:
This is so cute! I saw James and Lily and the story just started calling to me.

James is so smitten it's so cute. I love how he's just staring at Lily like wow look at her, isn't she great. Lily's all focused on the game, and she probably thinks James is focused on the game as well, I'm just picturing how the two of them must look together, Lily all focused and competitive, and James staring at her and sighing because he still can't grasp the fact that he and Lily are in fact dating.

This was so cute, I've got the biggest smile on my face at the moment!

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Review #10, by AlexFanBeing a Falmouth Falcon: The Challenge

21st May 2015:
Woah, stuff went down in this chapter. I can understand why Gigi punched Camila, seriously I do, but how on earth can Gigi try and justify assault like that, I mean Camila was baiting her for a reaction, yeah her intentions may be real but I'm pretty sure at this point Camila is just saying stuff like this because she knows she'll get a reaction out of Gigi and make her look like the bad guy.

And James, wow, that was wow. I see where he's coming from. Ever since Camila joined the team practically everything out of Gigi's mouth has been about Camila, I can totally understand why he would want to distance himself from Gigi at this time and let her deal with everything on her own. But at the same time, this is like the worst thing because Gigi needs everyone now more than ever, imagine how alone she's gonna end up if everyone follows James' lead and turns their backs on her. And it seems like he's giving up to be honest with you, of course relationships aren't perfect but I mean, he and Gigi need to talk properly and clear the air and work together through this problem, not just call it quits because it's too hard. I think the both of them still have some growing to do as people.

Honestly, my heart was pounding when Gigi and Camila were going at it for the center position. I almost thought that Gigi was going to lose but then she didn't and I was like "oh phew thank God."

ANYWAY I'M SO EXCITED FOR THE NEXT CHAPTER WHENEVER YOU GET TO IT!

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Review #11, by AlexFanBeing a Falmouth Falcon: Pride and Some More Pride

21st May 2015:
Wow, things are going downhill for Gigi real fast here. I knew things were going to get bad because after all, this is a story, something has to go bad, but I didn't think that it would happen so soon or so quickly.

I really think Gigi should look into some anger management classes because it seems like literally all of her problems are stemming from her inability to just let things go and get on with her life. Think about it, she probably wouldn't have punched Camila, her relationship with James probably wouldn't be a little awkward after her punching Camila, she probably wouldn't have injured herself if only she had been able to let go.

And I mean, she couldn't really get mad at James for practicing with Camila either, they have games coming up, he needs to be prepared to play with whoever if Gigi isn't there, James is doing his job. But I can see how in her rage that wouldn't have occurred to Gigi and she probably felt extremely betrayed.

I'm surprised that they paparazzi would be allowed in the stadium during practice though, I mean obviously it was necessary for where the story is heading from this point on but I feel like they'd be really distracting for the players.

And I don't know, maybe this is just me but James and Gigi don't seem to be on the same level in their relationship. I mean, James trusts Gigi, you can see that from the way he acts and treats her, and obviously he thinks that she trusts him the same way that he trusts her which is probably why he would be confused by her behaviour. And I don't know but if Gigi trusted James as much as she says that she does then would it bother her as much to hear Camila say that she was going to take James away.

BUT ANYWAY AWESOME CHAPTER AS ALWAYS!

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Review #12, by AlexFanThe Unsinkable Molly Prewett: Come On Down To My Boat

15th May 2015:
After Molly's mum you can see where Molly got her strictness from when it came to her own children. Mrs. Prewett does not seem like the kind of woman that you would want to mess with. My favourite has to be Mr. Prewett, he seems like such an easygoing man and I love how he's so willing to help out Molly and Arthur. I can only imagine how very wrong Arthur's situation with the rock throwing would have gone had Mrs. Prewett been the one to look out of the window.

Fabian and Gideon are truly the original Fred and George. The relationship that they have with Molly is so great. They act like she's an annoying older sister but they're willing to help her out when she needs it.

(I'm beginning to wish everyone would stop giving Arthyr advice on what he should about his relationship with Molly. Everyone but him seems to have a problem with the dynamic in their relationship but I'm glad that he's sticking to what he believes is right, good on you Arthur!)

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Review #13, by AlexFanStuck: Distracted

15th May 2015:
It has been such a long time since you last updated this story and I was so excited to read the new chapter! I haven't read a lot of James/Lily in a while so the fluff had me grinning from ear to ear.

I loved how happy James' mum was to see Lily and how embarrassed James was. James' mum is such a warm person and honestly I wouldn't have expected anything less of her when she greeted Lily. And I liked how Lily took everything in stride, she's meeting all of these relatives all at once and she manages to handle it so well (the hilarious part is how everyone has heard of Lily before she and James even started dating).

I was so close to squealing every time James mentioned how he wanted to marry Lily and have her permanently join the Potter family and I just, the hardcore shipper in me comes out during times like this.

I can't wait for the next chapter!

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Review #14, by AlexFanClash: Fall (part 1)

14th May 2015:
I'm finally all caught up! I'm so excited to see where this goes and what happens in the next chapter. One of my favourite bits are the parts where we get a glimpse into Harry and Albus's relationship and precisely how twisted and unhealthy it was. I wonder if Harry truly thought that he was somehow helping his son and preparing him with everything that he put him through. Yes Albus is absolutely brilliant in almost everything but he's so emotionally constipated. (Also I'm still trying to come to terms with the fact that the Harry in this story was cheating on Ginny, unless I'm reading into this wrong.)

Albus claims that he doesn't want Rose's affection and he puts so much effort into pushing her away from him and yet he threatens any boy that so much as blinks her way, even Scorpius, his friend. I wonder how the relationship between Albus and Rose will change as the story goes on they have a family relationship that I've never seen in fics before.

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Review #15, by AlexFanClash: Rescue

13th May 2015:
But seriously tho this is probably the nicest Albus has been and Albus will ever be. He reminds me of Sheldon Cooper in the way that he's blunt about everything and the way that he puts logic and reasoning above everything else. Although he's probably much more attractive than Sheldon.

Out of everyone that Hugo could possibly grow close to I never really pictured Albus being one of them. But I suppose it makes sense. Albus treats Hugo the opposite of how everyone else treats him, Albus doesn't have time to coddle Hugo and I guess Hugo appreciates that.

You've gotta admire Scorpius's nerve with asking Rose out. Of course he means but he's also probs saying it to lighten the mood although if I had to take a wild guess I'd say Rose wasn't really in the mood for cheering up (how do I figure these things out I know super observant). I love how Hugo has jumped on the board the Scorpius/Rose ship.

I'm generally very had at putting clues together to be honest with you so even if you've made something really obvious I probably haven't picked up on it BUT IM EXCITED TO SEE WHERE THE STORY HEADS FROM NOW ON!

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Review #16, by AlexFanClash: Descend

12th May 2015:
Iíve been meaning to catch up on this story for so long and Iím finally getting around to it now! I have to actually prepare myself for whatís going to happen because you canít just go into this story without doing some breathing exercises or something.

Your characterization of Draco is pretty spot on. You can see that he cares about Draco but thereís still that holier-than-thou air about him when he thinks about the things that heís seen and heard because of his job at the Ministry. Even with everything that Draco went through as a teenager, I donít think the Malfoy in him wouldíve ever left.

ďDraco didnít throw a fit as large one would expect him to throwĒ So that means that Draco still threw a fit (I would actually pay money to see how that mightíve gone). I wonder what it must be like living in the Malfoy household, Scorpiusís family sounds like something off of a comedy.

I forget that Albus actually cares about Rose, in his own twisted, unhealthy way so whenever he defends itís always a little surprising considering how poorly he treats her. Moving on from that, ALBUS POTTER IS ON A WHOLE OTHER LEVEL OH MY GOD. He just kind of sits around and goes ďhmm today letís figure out how to do magic without a wand,Ē like who does that who does he think he is.

Rose is a really strong character, I mean, she gets pushed around a lot by Albus but so does everyone else but sheís a really strong character. Sheís made it through everything with her brother and finding her parent's bodies and yet she still manages to keep going. But now that her brother has disappeared Iím pretty sure you wouldnít want to get in the way of Rose Weasley. When it comes to her brother there is literally nothing that will stop Rose from keeping him safe.

Iím so excited to keep reading (and now I have to go and tell literally everyone I know about how good this is).

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Review #17, by AlexFanThe Making of The Map : James

2nd May 2015:
I've been meaning to catch up on this story for so long! I knew the minute that James made the joke about lyncanthropy that it was going to be a sore spot. My immediate thought was how it would affect Remus and I'm honestly not surprised that he got angry with what James said. It's something that he has to deal with every month, and here's his best mate turning it into some kind of joke. Your characterization of Sirius is actually quite different than how he's usually written. You can see the Sirius here that was a bully and made hurtful jokes and the Sirius that didn't know when he'd crossed a line. But I really like how honest and blunt he is, Sirius doesn't sugarcoat not even when it comes to his friend.

I really liked Ivy as well and I admire how she manages to be professional on the pitch. She's fair and doesn't hold her previous teammates to a higher standard than anyone else trying out, and it would've been so easy for her to be biased as well. Ivy seems like a no nonsense type of person but she's fair, she's a lot like McGonagall in a way now that I think about it.

But anyway, awesome chapter!

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Review #18, by AlexFanetc. etc. (and life goes on): A Kingdom For My Name

21st April 2015:
When I saw your post on tumblr I was very tempted to just tossy homework and head for your fic but I managed to wait until I finished before reading this. IT HAS BEEN SO LONG AND WOW this actually did not fail to bring it. It's a nice way to come back from a year of not writing with a AND YOU THOUGHT THINGS WERE FINE.

Clemence acting like she doesn't care but we all know that deep down inside she cares so much that she has to convince herself that she doesn't just so she won't get hurt. Either that or she really doesn't care. Your life sounds super busy at the moment but I'm so excited for the next chapter and then the epilogue oh my goodness!

Author's Response: IT HAS BEEN TOO LONG. The worries of writing a satisfying ending have not gone away. Oh no, they've skyrocketed.

Clemence + emotions = OTP, amirite. I always like to say that the only emotions Clemence feels are the REALLY STRONG ones, because, well, she can't feel the unworthy ones. So she's either totally flippant or the world's imploded.

Thank you!!


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Review #19, by AlexFanTicking Away Seconds: Bittersweet Kisses

8th April 2015:
First off, Iím so sorry for taking so long to get back to you with this but iíve been insanely busy and Iím only now getting around to doing reviews so again Iím sorry and thank you for being so patient with me!

As a complete sidenote but Iím listening to a song right now that really goes with this but anyway, moving on! I like how you portray Lilyís feelings of portrayal in your one-shot, and she has every right to be upset with her best friend. Sheís known him for so long and this entire time there was an apparently part of him large enough that thought that she was below him because of her blood. Iím so glad that you show why Lily wonít accept Snapeís apology, you can see even at the beginning that she has already made up her mind and separated herself from the friendship that they used to have. Itís very clear that Lily is done with her relationship with Snape.

And I donít think Iíve ever been so mad at Snape before. Look at him pulling out all of the abusive techniques of his trying to get Lily to seem like the unreasonable one, the one whoís blowing things out of proportion. And whatís even worse heís making excuses for his behaviour! He acts like Lily doesnít know the kind of family that he grew up with when she knows perfectly well what Snape had to put up with, he acts as if that should be enough to get her to forgive him. TL;DR your portrayal of Snape is actually perfect and spot on but he still makes me incredibly mad. I appreciate how you donít romanticise the horrible things that he did.

And now it occurs to me that I didnít exactly address anything that you wanted me to so let me just do that right now. The story flowed very well, from Lily thinking about her grandmother to Severus pretty much violating her space without her consent and then leaving. I thought it fit into canon really well, especially your characterization of Lily and Severus and there were definitely no glaring issues as far as I could see.

Author's Response: Hey there!

No worries on the wait! I understand that reviews only happen when real life allows for it. Don't feel bad at all!

Lily's mind is definitely made up from the moment the story begins. Snape has crossed a very distinct point of no return with her and I feel like it's something that has been a long time coming.

Snape can be infuriating. I think my biggest frustration is that he does such awful things sometimes that it detracts from everything good he ever does. He is very manipulative and the recanting of his life is to draw sympathy more than to inform.

With both Lily and Snape I really wanted to stay as close to cannon as possible. I just wanted this to read like a missing moment after the initial blow out that we witness in the series.

I'm so happy to hear that there were no glaring issues that you could see. This was one of those rare stories where as soon as I started writing it, the words just poured out, so I was worried that I might've missed some important detail or written something funny in the hurry to keep pace with my imagination.

Thank you for this lovely review!

~Kaitlin


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Review #20, by AlexFanHarry Potter and a Daughter of Druid: Apothecary

8th April 2015:
First off Iím so sorry that itís taken me over a month to get to this but Iíve been crazy busy and I honestly just havenít had the time. (And I should also mention that Iíll be reviewing as I read along with the story just so you know).

First off, Iíd just like to say that I find it really interesting how you chose to tell this story from the point of view of a Druid, I really havenít seen any other story like that on the archives. The first thing that I wanted to point out right off the bat was that you mentioned Daraís appearance twice, the first time with the description and the second time when her father mentions how much she looks like her mother. And I mention this because it feels a little repetitive because youíve told the reader what Dara looks like and then it just feels like youíre repeating what youíve already said.

I got the feeling while reading this that there were certain things that had taken place because of how you referenced to them which left me a little bit confused because I havenít read the entire story preceding this one so Iím not entirely sure whatís going on or what happened such as the fight that Harry talks about where he almost lost Ron.

I thought your characterization of the characters was really good, I especially liked Ron so well done on that because itís not always easy to write characters that have already been established by the author. I liked how you included the problem with Slytherin students being bullied because after the Wizarding War itís definitely something that I can see becoming a problem at Hogwarts. I like how you brought that up and acknowledged that it wasnít only the Gryffindors that were bullying the Slytherins but also other houses.

I just wanted to take a moment to talk about Ernieís actions because it was eating away at me. Itís not that he did the wrong thing because he definitely shouldíve taken points away from Hufflepuff for what the girls did to Astoria but at the same time, itís only ten points and everyone is making a bigger deal out of it is. I mean, these girls attacked a student and left her alone in a classroom without thinking about whether or not she would be okay, it seems like they deserve a harsher punishment than just ten points. Okay back to the actual review.

I know that English is not your first language and I really admire that youíre confident to write in it and ask for help because not many people do that. I think your story has a lot of potential and is already off to a really good start so keep up the good work. I would suggest getting a beta reader since theyíll be able to pick up on grammar mistakes that you may slip up on and help you smooth out your sentences.

Author's Response: Thank you, AlexFan, I really appreciate that you didn't forget review request.

Speaking of a beta reader, she is working on this chapter right now,and she's a very good beta with much advice but she also has her own novel to write, so it'll take much longer till the rewritten one is up. If you have time for this, please stop by again and see how it would be improved.

Yes, your suggestion is right to the point. I think ten points from Ernie's house is far too little. Thank you very much!

Kenny :)


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Review #21, by AlexFanThe Wandering One : Canada

29th March 2015:
It's taken me so long to finally read this last chapter and it was so good! It was entertaining and it felt like I was getting a brush up on my Canadian history (and Victoire is right, Canada is much safer than Europe, for example the chances of you getting hit by a car are considerably lower since drivers actually stop for pedestrians in Canada).

It was so great to see Victoire reunited with Sam again. I can just imagine how much of a shock it must've been for him to be surrounded by so much magic all at once. And I'm so glad that Teddy has moved and matured as well. I don't know if he would've been as happy for Victoire and Sam as he was in the end at the beginning.

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Review #22, by AlexFanA Muggle's Wand: Undisputed

28th February 2015:
I never thought that I would ever see the day in which Ron Weasley would ever be described as agile as a cat. I still picture him as tripping over his own feet no matter how much of an expert he may be when it comes to being an Auror. But, that aside, I like how you wrote Ron. Youíve captured his loyalty to Harry in the way that he uses the anger that erupts inside of him at seeing his best mate taken down to go after the remaining witch and wizard. And I can definitely see him being an aggressive Auror, his past actions are proof that when it comes to Death Eaters and other criminals, Ron doesnít exactly hold back on his hatred. The one thing that I really liked about him though, and that seems to have changed about Ron, is that he doesnít let his quick temper get in his way. Heís learned to control his anger and is able to focus on the problem at hand and I can definitely see Ron learning how to control his anger.

Look at Ron, all grown up, he could barely levitate a feather when he was eleven and now heís throwing around cars at his enemy like itís nobodyís problem. Heís come so far, and I like how youíve captured his arrogance and confidence. Youíve written Ron in a very believable way, heís older, and more mature, but you can still see traces of the teenage Ron still in him, especially at the end when heís so proud of himself now that heís finally figured out something that he really excels at and how excited he is to tell Hermione, I can just imagine how happy she would be to hear about his new stance.

Iím so sorry for taking so long with this, Iíve barely had enough time to shower let alone read fanfiction so this is coming a bit late!

Author's Response: Thanks for the excellent review, I really enjoyed writing an adult Ron. I took his love of chess and turned that into a tactical advantage for Auror work. He may not be the best pound for pound fighter but he's definitely the smartest.

No worries on the timeframe, I love all reviews.


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Review #23, by AlexFanL'optimisme: Malapropisms

28th February 2015:
I think Albus is definitely growing as a character. He used to be this boy who was hopelessly in love and blinded to the negative aspects of Gellertís character to someone who has acknowledged the things that he did when he was young, and the things that heís felt, and that he still feels those things but he knows better now. I feel like this is around the time when Albus starts growing into the character that we see in the book, for me at least, I donít know about anyone else.

I like how Albus has come to accept that he still has feelings for Gellert at this point in the story but that he shouldnít let what he feels get in the way of whatís right. And I like that he knows that there might come a day when he can move on from Gellert but that day is not today. But at the same time, it kind of feels like Albus keeps moving because heís trying to run away from his past, even after all of these years and him going back to England seems to be him finally coming to terms with everything thatís happened.

I thought the flow and pace of the chapters, exactly what was needed to show Albus moving on with his life in a sense. And Iím sorry for taking so long with this review, Iíve been really busy lately and Iíve finally got enough time to do basic things as well as leave reviews.

Author's Response: Hi there again! :) Thank you so much for stopping by again!

I'm so bad at developing characters, and this is really my first long stint at doing it, especially over such a long story, so I'm so glad you think it's going alright! He was definitely a lot more hopeless at the beginning, and a lot more naive about the consequences of emotions, I think, and how long and deep they can go.

I really, really wanted him to accept it, because I think it's very easy to not want to feel things and to think or even know that you shouldn't and almost resent them in a way - and I wanted it to be something he sort of stops fighting, in a sense, and realises he's just going to have to wait for them to go of their own acccord. It's sort of almost symolic of a maturity, I guess, if you like. And yeah, the return to England is pretty symbolic too - I couldn't have explained that better myself! :P And definitely not as succintly, haha.

No worries about taking time - I completely understand that RL gets busy, so there's no need to apologise for it ;) It's not something you can control, after all! :)

Thank you so so much for the wonderful review! :)

Aph xx


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Review #24, by AlexFanAtonement Is Coming: A Shadowy Threat

13th February 2015:
Hello there, I'm finally here with my review!
(Also, I apologise if this ends up showing up
weirdly when you read it, I think my computer is
glitching).

Flow:I thought the flow at the beginning of the
story was great, everything was smooth and moved
at a natural pace. However the bit with Harry,
Ginny, and the rest felt a little rushed to me. It
seemed like everyone arrived and left pretty
quickly. My suggestion would be to maybe stretch
the scene out a little bit and go into detail
about some of the things that everyone discussed
before getting to the part where Harry announces
the news.

Characterization: I thought everyone was pretty in
character. McGonagall seemed really well written,
you got her reserved yet caring nature down really
well. I thought Harry, Ron, Ginny, and Hermione
were also in character, particularly when Ginny
glared at Harry for spilling the beans before he
was supposed to. It brought back memories of them
as teenagers.

Interesting: I always love reading peoples
theories and headcanons about what happened after
the fall of Voldemort, because some people go with
really cheerful things and others go in a
direction similar to this. I can definitely
imagine that the events that Minerva and Kingsley
were discussing taking place. It's completely
natural to expect hostility towards purebloods
after the fall of Voldemort and I'm actually very
interested in seeing how you explore this issue
and what this new group is planning on doing.

Author's Response: Hi Alexfan,

Thank you so much for taking the time to review my story!

I'm really happy to hear that you thought my characterization was good. Some of the characters are easier to write than others, but I really wanted to stay pretty true to the books.

In addition to your review, a few other reviewers have also told me that the announcement scene is too rushed. I really did struggle with writing it and actually re-wrote it 3 different times. I will, however, be re-editing it this weekend some time, so I hope to smooth it out a bit. I think I will take your advice and talk a little bit more about the things happening at the party.

I'm glad that you find this particular theory interesting. It isn't exactly headcanon for me, just something that popped into my mind. I hope that I am capable of turning it into an awesome story.

Again, thank you so much for your review! I will really take it to heart while I am re-editing.

~TreacleTart


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Review #25, by AlexFanA Muggle's Wand: Prologue: Bellatrix's New Pet

13th February 2015:
I'm here with your requested review.

Flow: I thought the flow was really good, the
progression of events seemed smooth and natural. I
like how you started off the chapter with this
unknown muggle and how he got himself into a
situation with Bellatrix and Dark Magic.

Characterization: I thought your characterization
of Bellatrix was perfect actually. You really
captured how unhinged she was as a person and
exactly how dangerous she was. Throwing Serahn
around and just generally messing with him is
something that Bellatrix would do. All of the
disturbing parts of Bellatrix were written
perfectly, the sick pleasure that she got out of
torturing people, the extent to which she really
hates muggles to the point where she would even
keep one as a pet.

All in all an awesome and interesting beginning to
your story.

Author's Response: What a great review! Thank you for your insight into Bellatrix, I had a ball writing her. I look forward to hearing what you think of more chapters!

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