Reading Reviews From Member: Burning_Bridges
  
18 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Burning_BridgesNot For The World: Not For The World

31st October 2013:
Occasionally I was confused by the time skipping (in particular, the scene with Snape needing a haircut), but I really liked it (surprising since I normally dislike second person writing).

Author's Response: I'm sorry you were confused, but the time skipping lends a lot to this particular type of story. In the Snape-needing-a-haircut scene, I feel the point is you don't know whom Lily is talking to, until she says his name. I'm glad you liked it; I think second person generally gets a mixed reception, depending on how it is done. Thanks for reviewing!

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Review #2, by Burning_BridgesRules on Loving a "Muggle": Two Worlds *EDITED*

23rd May 2013:
again, tenses and commas are things to keep track of.

also, it seems unlikely that lexi would be completely unconcerned about her safety while in a dark alley by herself (like, she doesn't see anything unsafe about it) when women are basically socialized to fear that kind of situation.

also, pumpkin juice is a wizarding world drink. major tip off right there.

Author's Response: Yeah, I've always had a problem with over punctuation and tense. Hopefully you can see me working on this in later chapters. Although Lexi is awkward and shy around people, I also wanted her to come across as subtly brave and head strong- the reasons she ends up in Griffindor- which is why she was unafraid of the alley along with the fact she had a wand. As for the pumpkin juice, i am quite fond of it myself (I have my own home made recipe) and you can buy it in shops so I didn't see a problem with it. Hope that I helped you understand the reasoning to this chapter a little more and thank you for reviewing. xx

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Review #3, by Burning_BridgesRules on Loving a "Muggle": The First Day of Summer *EDITED*

23rd May 2013:
okay this might be kind of nit-picky but as someone who lives in florida, florida's summers actually contain a huge number of thunderstorms (daily ones, actually- it's basically our wet season), so it's actually not obvious that the sun would be out.

also today imples present tense, but everything else is in past tense. just a note.

also be careful with there/they're/their and other homonyms(saw at least one mistake) and other grammatical things (you said were instead of where). commas are your friend. look out for run-on sentences.

also i wish you'd show more about alexis than tell. you say she's generally quiet and you say that seh get's into awkward situations often, but there's no evidence (of course, you don't want massive anecdotes, either, and it's also the second chapter, but i'm definitely expecting to see evidence of this in later chapters).

also, alexis believes in this chapter that albus wouldn't judge her for anything, which runs counter to what was said in the previous chapter.

lastly, regarding ages, it's difficult to go off of driving age because every state's driving age is different. for example, in florida, permit age is 15 and license age is 16, but in massachusetts permit age is 16 and license age is 17. just something to think about.

Author's Response: Hey. I am always open to criticism so don't worry about it. This is actually very helpful as i am doing some serious editing on the early chapters to back up characters. And like I've said, i'm from Scotland and have never been to America and I don't know about the weather patterns and driving ages so thanks for your help. Much appreciated xx

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Review #4, by Burning_BridgesRules on Loving a "Muggle": Prologue *EDITED*

23rd May 2013:
hey. this looks like a nice start to a memoir-like story? the last paragraph, at least, makes it seem like a memoir, which would be cool, actually.

Author's Response: Thanks :) xx

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Review #5, by Burning_BridgesDay Moonlight: Realizing

20th April 2013:
I think your rationalization for why Lavender is the way she is to be really fascinating, and I can definitely seeing that happen to a person. I like how you were able to show how Lavender has grown as a person just by showing her contemplating herself, picking apart her own motivations.

I dunno. I just think your characterization of Lavender is fantastic, if that hasn't already been made clear.

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Review #6, by Burning_BridgesDay Moonlight: 'Remembering'

20th April 2013:
I really like how you're showing (and hopefully will continue to show) Lavender coming to grips with the full extent of her condition. I think it's quite interesting that instead of thinking about the situation in terms of herself, she's thinking about it in terms of other people.

I'm also really glad that you're portraying Lavender and Parvati as more fleshed out people, rather than the shallow caricatures that I see a lot of the time, and that you kind of hint that they were always like that.

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Review #7, by Burning_BridgesDay Moonlight: Dead

20th April 2013:
Hello! Sorry it took me so long to track your story down...

When I was first reading, I thought your sentences were a little bit choppy, but now that I think about it I think it works really well for Lavender's current state of mind- her thoughts are disjointed and disoriented and the sentence pattern reflects that. No idea if this was intentional or not on your part, but either way it's a neat effect.

That said, there were some wording things that felt really awkward.

I also find it interesting how is basically in a state of denial about her own health.

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Review #8, by Burning_BridgesThe Cloud Dancer: The Cloud Dancer

14th April 2013:
Hello! Sorry it took a while to track this down.

I must admit that I was a bit surprised- though I anticipated dark(er) stories when I issued this challenge, yours was definitely one of the darkest responses I've seen.

That said, I can totally see this happening to someone in the post-war period. The idea of feeling lost and a general feeling of depression that's so overpowering that it consumes everything.

"She couldn't just box up the war and put it on its shelf and be glad it was over. Because it wasn't." These are probably my favorite lines from this piece, because to me they sum up the entirety of what I was thinking about when I was reading the last few pages of the Deathly Hallows.

This piece was really beautiful, and really thought-provoking.

Author's Response: Hi Thank you for coming and reviewing this. I think i was surprised as well at how dark this became. It just sort of wrote itself as i tried to imagine the immediate after effects of war. Thank you so much for your review and for issuing the challenge! It was great to write this.

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Review #9, by Burning_BridgesPoisoned Honey: Arrest

14th April 2013:
Hello! Sorry it took me so long to track this down.

I really like that Dolores got her reward for her actions during the war. I really do. I think it's good that you've justified why she was kept on after Fudge's era, which also allows you to juxtapose Kingsley's leadership and Fudge's/Scrimgeour's/Voldemort's leadership.

That said, I feel like the timing is very rushed. Yes, I'd imagine that rounding up Death Eaters and people like Umbridge would be relatively high priority, I also feel like it'd take a bit more than a few hours to sort out the immediate aftermath- the battle, the changing of hands in the government, and so on.

Also, I think it's a bit unrealistic for the aurors to assume that Umbridge would have no idea that she might be in danger of arrest, even if she does believe herself beyond reproach. Particularly since her behavior (such as essentially dropping off the radar) would indicate that she does believe that she could suffer consequences. It's very possible that she thought seh would face consequences, but that they wouldn't be that bad because, as many of your characters observed, she believed herself to be beyond reproach. And I can totally see her screeching about "inferior" beings during her arrest.

Grammatical note that really bugged me- the second sentence. The second clause requires a verb. Sorry. I do try not to nitpick about that kind of thing, but it just really stood out to me while I was reading.

Anyway, this was a really enjoyable read, and not just because Umbridge got to face the consequences of her actions. It'd actually be super cool if you expanded this, I think. If you ever had the desire to.

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Review #10, by Burning_BridgesTogether: Together

14th April 2013:
Hello! Sorry it took me so long to track down your entry.

I really like how you went with the idea of closure, and I really thought that it was great that you showed Andromeda with conflicting emotions surrounding Bellatrix's death. And I do like the idea of Andromeda wanting to put the past behind her, in a way, and make up with Narcissa. I think it's a very understandable reaction to the war and to losing much of her family.

Also, Teddy Lupin was adorable. And the way he acted was felt really natural.

Really nice piece :)

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Review #11, by Burning_BridgesWAS IT WORTH IT????: WAS IT WORTH IT????

14th April 2013:
Hey- sorry it took so long for me to track this down.

I think you managed to hit a lot of Harry's emotions quite well- the sense of guilt in particular. And I think it really is quite probably that Harry would fall into a sense of depression.

That said, I think some of his reactions were a bit...overly dramatic? I mean, yes, Harry can be very emotional, and his emotional displays can be quite extreme, but some of them felt extreme in a fake way? Mostly the sudden screaming/sobbing and falling to the pavement. Or maybe it's just the fact that it's sudden. Also, the running to London from Hogwarts thing...unless he apparated that's a really far run (Hogwarts being in Scotland and London being in the south of England).

I'm also a bit curious as to why he'd choose to go to the forest. Maybe he instinctively feels safer there, after spending so much time on the run? I dunno. I just think it'd be interesting to delve into the psychology of that choice.

Some of the dialogue is a little awkward- it doesn't seem like something that would be said outside of a very formal situation.

"Harry looked confused and said,
'What's going on here? How did I end up here? I take it I'm at the Burrow?' He asked." is about where is starts to get a little weird to me (dialogue aside and the redundancy of dialogue tags aside). I dunno. It seemed to move very quickly, or something. I can't quite put my finger on it.

But I did really enjoy the fact that you focused so much on Harry's emotional state and tried to humanize him a bit, so that he's not some superhuman hero figure.

Great work :)

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Review #12, by Burning_BridgesGiving In: Needing Forgiveness

14th April 2013:
Hello! Sorry it took so long to track this down...

I really did enjoy your story, but I don't know if it really fits into what is at least my envisioning/interpretation of my issued aftermath challenge? To me the focus should have been on the aftermath, and while I think the story does manage to capture Ginny's emotions I feel like most of the story's focus is on the war itself, rather than the aftereffects.

Still, it's a wonderful story and I like how Ginny is a little bit selfish.

In some sense, I think it may have been a bit short for the huge timespan that you ended up covering, but I also think that because you zoomed in so much onto one thing it doesn't feel too short. If that makes sense at all...I guess what I'm getting at is that it could have been longer but it doesn't feel like it has to be longer.

Author's Response: Thank you!

(Sorry for the delayed reply)
-BaletGir


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Review #13, by Burning_BridgesBreathe: Breathe

12th April 2013:
Hey! Sorry it took me so long to track your story down.

I really like how you used repetition, particularly in "It's another day. Another Portkey trip. Another funeral." I also really liked the lines about Ginny's and Molly's hands in the beginning.

I'm not entirely certain if I'd classify this as stream of conscious, but it definitely comes close to it and remains readable and easy to follow.

I almost feel like you could've put in more descriptions of what's going on either in Molly's head or in the world around her, and have the actions be almost like an afterthought? It might be neat to experiment with, if you ever decide to revisit this piece. Also, I feel like you could do without some of the "I hear" and similar phrases.

This was a really enjoyable read :)

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Review #14, by Burning_BridgesWaiting For a Train: you know where you hope this train may take you.

12th April 2013:
Hello! Sorry it took me so long to track this down.

I really enjoy Harry's inner conflict here, and I love how you chose to go along this route. The idea of Harry wondering exactly what parts of him were really him and what parts came from Voldemort's soul fragment is something that frankly never occurred to me. And the way you've phrased his own thoughts seems quite natural to me, both in general and in terms of his character.

I also like how you've chosen to end the story with Harry still wondering.

There's one little section that bothers me a little, and it's where Ginny tells Harry to talk to her, and the dialogue tag says "ushered". I dunno, the word just didn't feel right to me? Totally my opinion.

Also, just be careful about verb tense- there were a couple of places where it flipped from past tense to present tense (such as "presses").

Great piece!

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Review #15, by Burning_BridgesTwo Halves: The Holidays: They Think We're Together?

29th June 2012:
I can't say I like the girl vs. girl stuff that seems to be going on (like the constant calling of the girls Victoire and Teagan don't like as 'sluts' and 'hoes'), but I do like the dynamic between Victoire and her friends.

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Review #16, by Burning_Bridges1:24 AM: 1:24 AM

27th May 2012:
Wow is really all I can say. I loved this piece. Literally the only complaint I have is that you occasionally switched from first person to third person when referring to Pansy.

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Review #17, by Burning_BridgesHogwart's School Slut: The New Girl

9th February 2012:
More description and characterization would be wonderful- I'm not seeing the personalities of any of the characters shine through. Yes, this is fan fiction, but at the same time I'd like to see some semblance of the original characters.

Also, the title. I clicked on it precisely because it featured the word "slut" in order to tell you this- slut-shaming is something that should never be done. I think this has the potential to be a thought-provoking fanfic if you look at /why/ people think that Hermione is a 'slut' and the psychological effect it has on her.

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Review #18, by Burning_BridgesThe River Otter: Meeting Esmerelda

12th August 2011:
Cute and the characters were spot on. Great job.

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