Reading Reviews From Member: Flavia
  
104 Reviews Found

Review #26, by FlaviaMarauders IV: Flat hunting and Lily's Secret

28th June 2012:
Good chapter, but I'm confused...why does she have a phone? It's been a while since I read the previous chapters so I can't remember if she's muggle born or not, but still...it seems odd for a witch to be carrying a phone around and for nobody else to think that's strange. Just my opinion though.

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Review #27, by FlaviaA Place To Hide: Hindrance

21st April 2012:
I got a shiver there at the end...that was beautifully handled.

And the action...Oh. My. Merlin. Loved it!!! It was so exciting! And I like how you're writing in lots of complications, people getting hurt and things going wrong. It annoys me when the hero or heroine is seemingly untouched in a battle, so I liked that you showed the reality of this situation, a lot of the people fighting are just kids and they're up against very, very powerful dark wizards. It's unfortunate but it's true, and I think it makes the batt;e scenes all the more realistic.

Can't wait to see what happens next!

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Review #28, by FlaviaA Place To Hide: Happening

21st April 2012:
Oooh...good cliffy! The action's about to begin and I'm getting excited lol!

I liked the bit where Neville was reflecting about his past with Hannah and her finding out about her mother's death. One thing that didn't sit right with me though, was you seemed to imply that McGonagall told her mother was dead in the greenhouse in front of the class. I realise you wanted Neville to see her reaction but I doubt McGonagall would ever be that insensitive to do it in front of a bunch of sixth years that way. Just my opinion.

I adored your description of the sky when Neville stepped out a the top of the tower...absolutely gorgeous imagery, you have a real knack for painting a picture with your words which is wonderful because so many people have a tendency to overdo the dialogue and forget to describe things...but not you :)

Great work, keep it up :)

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Review #29, by FlaviaA Place To Hide: Hesitate

21st April 2012:
*sniff* even though I know how their story ends, this chapter still made me sad, Hannah and Neville are so beautiful together, you're weaved their characters together so wonderfully. I really like the way you connected them subtly, it's almost as though you are experiencing the gradual realisation of their feelings along with them.

I also like that you had Fred and George say goodbye to each other...the thought that they got that moment, that closure, helps to fill the little hole in my heart that Fred left behind :(

Great work, looking forward to the next chapter :)

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Review #30, by FlaviaA Place To Hide: Honor

15th April 2012:
Aw, this chapter was really sweet with the Ron/Hermione stuff and the few moments between Hannah and Neville. I liked Nevilles thoughts about Harry telling them they couldn't help. I mean even in their first year, Neville recognised that Harry could be a bit one minded and not think that others could help so it makes sense that he still feels this a bit, even though he cares for and respects Harry. You've really capture his character well.
Great writing!

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Review #31, by FlaviaA Place To Hide: Harry

15th April 2012:
yay...Harry's here! I liked how you showed how Neville was feeling, like he's sort of a reluctant hero and the effort he put into changing the charm on the coin too. The part with Lavender being all excited to see Ron was funny and I like the way you've wirtten Seamus. Your characterisation of the supporting characters really makes this story so interesting to read. Keep writing, you're doing a great job!

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Review #32, by FlaviaWelcome to Blunderland: { 06 }

15th April 2012:
I can't believe scorpius is winning! I'm team Al all the way, unless he turns out to be really horrible but i hope that isn't the case. For once i think it would be nice if a cliche was avoided and the girl didn't fall in love with her best guy friend...but that's just my opinion :) So yeah...team Al!

Author's Response: haha, hopefully everyone's opinions of both boys will have changed in a few chapters' time ;) there seems to be a very equal 50/50 albus or scorpius split, lolol. I should tally it up an actually find out which ship statistically has more support. anyway, haa. thank you for the review! :D ♥

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Review #33, by FlaviaA Place To Hide: Headlines

13th April 2012:
"So- If anyone finds a zonking great dragon in their garden- please report it to the order immediately."

I loved that line! I actually laughed out loud when I read it and then I went back and read it aloud! Hehehehe :)

I was a bit surprised where we were in the story, I got confused for a second, but then again they didn't spend the whole year in the room of requirement did they? Anyway, it will be good to see the battle through Hannah's eyes.

I'm going to have to stop reading for now, but I'll make sure to review when I read the rest of chapters :) Super writing!

Author's Response: Thank you so much!!! When I saw that I had 6 unanswered reviews I was like "WOW!" because I don't really get many. I'm glad you like my story, it means a lot to know that someone has took the time to read it, let alone write a review so thanks a lot. I hope you like the rest of it too!! I'm in the process of writing chapter 15 so look out for a show of my appreciation for all your reviews;)

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Review #34, by FlaviaA Place To Hide: Hope

13th April 2012:
Oh my goodness this chapter was adorable!!! I just loved it...so sweet! That moment between Hannah and Neville was so perfect and just made me go "naw". I liked the way Nevile was watching her as well and wishing that he was the one making her laugh...very cute.
I really love your characterisation of Hannah, whilst she still fits with the person we see in canon, you've developed her into this girl who's actually quite funny, interesting, clever and quietly confident. Her attitude works really well with her being a Hufflepuff, she has bravery but it's not her dominating feature, the thing that stands out is her smile and her kindness, which is just perfect.
Just one little thing, the end of the last sentence has a grammatical error that bugged me. It should just be "if Seamus hadn't snored" the 'of' shouldn't be there.
But absolutely adorable chapter, I can't wait to read the next one :)

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Review #35, by FlaviaA Place To Hide: Heist

13th April 2012:
An action packed chapter! I loved it! You captured the frantic-ness of the rescue really well and there were just the right amount of attacks, problems and escapes (in my opinion anyway!). I also liked thee fact that Neville jumped in front of Hannah to stop her getting hit by the spell...very chivalrous! I also like the way you show that the students are quite adept with their spells (due to being seventh years and their work with the DA) but at the same time they're still just teenagers and they're young so they make mistakes or can't maintain spells, like Hannah levitating Colin and not being able to maintain it.
I'm really enjoying the story so keep writing! :)

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Review #36, by FlaviaA Place To Hide: Help

13th April 2012:
I liked this chapter, although not a lot happened. It was a bit short but it had a good hook at the end so I want to keep reading. I liked the little moment with Aberforth too, I like that you've remembered to include him. You've done well to include all the little details like that because sometimes people get so absorbed with the romance part of a story that other elements suffer, but you're painting a whole picture with your focus on all of the characters and the settings etc. Keep it up :)

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Review #37, by FlaviaA Place To Hide: Happy

13th April 2012:
Another good chapter, it was a nice little interlude that sets up Neville and Hannah's relationship well. I also like that you took the time to explain Hannah's history with Neville and her thoughts about him, it makes their interactions and relationship more realistic and believeable.
I loved the moment with the chest of drawers exploding with clothes and other items, it was a really creative and funny moment. Neville's reaction to it and Hannah's reaction to Neville were sweet too :)
Great work, keep it up!

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Review #38, by FlaviaA Place To Hide: Healer

13th April 2012:
Ok, so I read the first five chapters of this story and then realised it hardly has any reviews, which I can't believe because it's a great story. But I decided to come back and write reviews on each chapter.
I love this concept for a story, the idea of Neville's rise as a leader and his development of confidence etc. I also love the Hannah/Neville love story, and it seems really likely to me that it began during their seventh year at school or maybe even a little earlier.
This was a good opening chapter, maybe a little short but it gets the reader's attention and you ended with a good hook to make me want to read more so well done you :)

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Review #39, by FlaviaDiary Drama: Albus and an aftermath

10th April 2012:
Aw! This was a really nice ending to the story. I've been slowly reading this story over the last week and I really enjoyed it. I'm surprised it doesn't have more reviews because it's really quite a sweet, funny story. I thought your characterisation was really good, and Rose was really funny. I thought the story arc between Rose and Lorcan was really great too...you paced it really well. So yeah, well done and I'll definitely be keeping this on my favourites list.

Author's Response: Thank you, I'm glad you think so! :) And that's great to hear. Thanks for all the compliments! I'm very glad you liked this :D

Thank you for your review!


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Review #40, by FlaviaMarauders IV: Moving In and Surfer Boy Woes

28th March 2012:
Aw cute! I liked it, all the Al/Sophie moments are so sweet, I hope she gets the boy of her dreams in the end :) I liked the different jobs you had for each of them. Can't wait to see where the story goes from here!

Author's Response: thank you!!

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Review #41, by FlaviaMarauders IV: Diabetic Hangovers and Graduation Pranks

19th March 2012:
A good chapter, there was a nice balance between the drama with her diabetes stuff and the lightheartedness of the graduation prank. It was nice to see that her friends cared for her and to see a softer side of Claire too.

Whilst I thought you handled the change in POV fairly well, I have to say that it still felt strange and I think that's because you left it too long to bring Al's POV into play. Five chapters in is too late in my opinion. I also felt that it wasn't necessary, you really could have covered it all from Sophie's perspective with a bit of creative writing. I'm really sorry, I don't mean to sound negative or mean but that's really how I felt about it. You write Sophie really well and I suggest it would be better for you to work on writing her really well and bring out everything you want to communicate from her perspective rather than swapping POV's all the time. It might be more difficult but I think it makes for better writing.

Anyway, sorry if you didn't like this review but I wanted to be honest. I did like the chapter though, I loved the idea for the prank actually, it wasn't malicious - it was just a bit of fun. And your description of it was good too :)

Author's Response: Ah, no, I love reviews of any sort. Actually, I like the longer ones, even if they're slightly more critical of my writing, the best :)
Al's POV didn't end up being as useful as Scorp's was in Oh Baby, but I love writing guys, so I had to try Al. It was also a good way to bring in some more info about Sophie's condition, what happened after she passed out, etc. without having Soph give a mile long inner monologue or a synopsis of what someone else had told her happened. I wanted to keep Al a bit of a mystery, and I think that took away from his POV, too. I probably won't be doing too much more with him, maybe just some little cameos.
Thanks, pranks are always hard for me, my family is more of a teasing/joking family, not big pranks, so I have to think long and hard before I write one!


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Review #42, by FlaviaThe Quidditch Bet : i know you're wearing thin down to the core

16th March 2012:
Argh, I should have written this review as soon as I read the chapter because now I've forgotten what I was going to say! But I did like this chapter, I always love a good Quidditch chappy :) And I LOVE that Hufflepuff lost (but only just) because it's going to add some nice drama to the story :)

On a side note, I sent you a message on the forums about Beta-ing so check that out if you'd like me to have a look at your chapters.

xx

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Review #43, by FlaviaMarauders IV: The Dare

13th March 2012:
I really enjoyed this chapter, especially towards the end. Is Sophie sick? I wondered if she was falling asleep because she wasn't well. But anyway, I liked the tension between them. I also liked thew truth or dare, sometimes in fanfic truth or dare can be overdone but I thought you handled it well.

I did get a bit confused at the start of the chapter, the wording in the first paragrah was a bit muddled and I had to re-read it a few times to work out what it was saying. I'd recommend a proof-read.

A great chapter and I can't wait for the next one :)

Author's Response: Thanks! Yeah, that first paragraph was a bear, it started out as a totally different incident, and I decided to change it, but I still needed to keep the action-Al ignoring Soph, her feeling weird about it, etc-and I don't think my retooling/editing of it turned out so great.
Soph passing out will be explained in the next chapter ;)


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Review #44, by FlaviaMarauders IV: Unnaturally Hot

8th March 2012:
Who did he kiss??? It's driving me nuts too hehehe :D
Another lovely but way too short chapter...I wanted more! Sophie is very cute, I like her, and I like that she has female friends too...I just tend to find it very unrealistic when a girl has only male friends...but maybe that's just me. I look forward to your next update :)

Author's Response: thank you! i hope you like the next chapter :)

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Review #45, by FlaviaMarauders IV: Gagging on Pumpkin Juice and Panicking Lakeside

8th March 2012:
Nawww, they're very cute together. I like Sophie, she seems like a nice person - very realistic character. I feel so bad for her, being in love with her best friend like that. And I love the description of Claire...hehehe funny how 12 year olds can think they're so grown up but to a 17 year old they're just annoying (ironic when they're probably trying to act like they're 17!)
Great chapter, I can't wait to read more :)

Author's Response: thank you so much! tweenagers are so funny...until you have to live with one, lol!

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Review #46, by FlaviaMarauders IV: Butterflies

8th March 2012:
Aw, this was such a sweet start to the story! I loved the way you started it with the dream, it was a brilliant hook! I'm curious because in the dream she says "I was sure of him in a way I hadnít thought I could be, not after all that had happened." What did she mean??? Ooh intrigue! I can't wait to see if that manifests itself further.

I really appreciate the quality of your writing, you have a good grasp on grammar and punctuation and you have a lovely style that flows quite easily. I'm such a grammar Nazi and if there's too many errors, I can't read a story...it's like my head explodes or something! :) So I already love you for making the effort and making sure your writing is well presented!

The only two suggestions I have (and they're pretty small so don't worry) are 1. The spacing between chapters. It's really big and it can be a bit off-putting to a reader. I know that the site puts the extra spaces in automatically, but taking the time to fix it makes the story a lot neater. And 2. it was quite a short chapter, and I mean that in the sense that I was disappointed because I really, really wanted to read more! I really liked the chapter and I felt like just as I was getting into it, it finished.

But overall, really great start, sorry if I rambled a bit, I just really enjoyed it :) Now off to read chapter 2!

Author's Response: I love 'rambling'. I need to work on the spacing, it's gotten out of control since I started using the tab key instead of the space bar, idk why.
I always struggle between shorter chapters/faster updates and longer chapters/slower updates.
thank you so much for your review, i really enjoyed it. i love hearing what people think about my writing, and a little constructive criticism is always nice ^_^


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Review #47, by FlaviaThe Quidditch Bet : they never said that you should lose your mind

5th March 2012:
Another good chapter, I liked the way you really focussed on Sarah, we learnt a lot more about her in this chapter. I really like Sarah, she's a great heroine, she's likable but not in an over the top way that makes her seem to perfect. She's got flaws, which makes her more realistic. If I was at Hogwarts, I'd want to be her friend :) The tension between her and James is really good, it's not too much but it's enough to make you think there's something else going on there...at least on James' behalf!

I'm not sure how I feel about Briscoe yet, I know we haven't met much of him but I get the feeling he's a little too perfect. I'm not sure if that's what I'm supposed to feel...maybe I just have a soft spot for James, even if he is a git :)

The spelling/grammar/punctuation thing still bothers me (sorry!) but I'm such a grammar Nazi so it probably bothers me much more than other people. Do you have a beta? I'd be happy to look at your chapters if you want.
There were also two inconsistensies that bugged me. Firstly, the ipod: electrical items don't work at Hogwarts, there's too much magic around and it messes it up. Hermione explains that in Order of the Phoenix and I doubt that would have changed since the Trio were at school. I guess you can ignore that but I think it's kind of important and she doesn't really need to have an ipod...you could always invent some sort of magical music device I suppose.
Secondly, you said that Dom and Avril were both beaters but then Sarah's trying out beaters? There's only two beaters on a Quidditch team...did you maybe mean that Avril was a keeper? Also, the idea of two female beaters seems a bit far fetched...being such a strength-based position I would think it leads itself more to male players.

Ok, I'll stop there, I really hope you don't mind my suggestions or my long-winded reviews. I really do like this story and I can't wait to see where it goes from here. I'm a bit sad that there's only two more chapters until I'm caught up though...I'm really enjoying having something to read! Keep writing! xx

Author's Response: Yeah, well, Briscoe's kind of just a secondary character. He's there just to add more drama to the whole James/Sarah stuff. He'll have a bigger role later on in the story.

So, the reason the grammar isn't the greatest, is because I usually write my chapters early in the morning, so there are bound to be some mistakes, and then when I go through them later on, before I post them, some of the mistakes I don't seem to catch. So, if you're serious about beta-ing this story, I would love for you do to that. Just send me a message, or something, and we can get it all settled out.

And, as for the inconsistencies; the i-pod was just something that I added, because in all honesty, I was really tired, and couldn't create something more 'magical' and wizard-like. I don't see the issue in it now, but in the future, I will think about going back and changing it to be something more fitting.

and as for the beater situation, again, it was way to early, so I must have accidentally added that. Avril is the beater, Dom is a chaser, and Briscoe is the keeper, like dear old dad. ;) I've gone through it though, and edited it, so it should be good in a couple of days.

You're reviews mean a lot to me; as a writer, I feel like I really need the constructive criticism that I get here. I don't have much of that in real life, so it's nice to see it here.


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Review #48, by FlaviaThe Quidditch Bet : you walk and talk like youíre some new sensation

5th March 2012:
Omigosh it's ridiculously late and I'm yawning like crazy so I'll have to read the rest of the story tomorrow, but I'll leave a review for this chapter before I go to sleep :)

I liked this chapter, it's nice to see Sarah developing a backbone, it fits really well with the whole 'let's make this a great year' concept, she's really trying to be more confident. I also have to say that I LOVED the flashback. It was perfectly placed, flowed beautifully and was exactly what was needed to explain Sarah's relationship with James. It was also a good reason for Sarah to hate James so much. It's exactly the sort of thing an 11 year-old would use to develop a grudge against someone. Sorry, I'm gushing, but I really liked it :)

Just a few things that didn't sit right with me:
*Grammar/spelling/incorrect word usage. Sorry, I keep mentioning this but it's my pet peeve. I find it very distracting, which is a pity because I actually think you have a lovely grasp on language and write really well but it sort of gets overshadowed by those little errors. Editing/Beta-ing is a good idea.
*I didn't quite understand why the other Gryffindors came in and sat down. If they were just looking for James, surely they'd leave once they found him? Usually tormentors don't hang around, they pick on someone and take off. I dunno, that bit just felt a bit strange to me.
*I thought her description of her uniform was a bit long-winded and redundant. It didn't really add any new information because the majority of the people reading this story would have seen the movie depiction of the uniform and already have that image in their mind, so when you've got this paragraph descibing something you already have a detailed image of in your head, well your mind starts to wander a little. Does that make sense?

I hope you don't mind the suggestions, it's meant to be constructive and helpful and of course you're welcome to ignore it :) I really think this story has so much potential though and I'm definitely starting to get into it. I often have trouble finding fan-fics that I enjoy reading but you have a lovely writing style and I'm hooked! Can't wait to read the rest of the chapters. xx

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Review #49, by FlaviaThe Quidditch Bet : and they told me i donít need to worry

5th March 2012:
A good second chapter, it flowed really well and you introduced the characters really naturally without it sounding like you were just listing off their characteristics (which you unfortunately see in fanfics a lot), so that was great. I like that each character is different but not in a stereotypical way, you haven't just gone for the stock standard 'funny one' 'pretty one' 'clever one' etc, which makes your characters so much more believeable.

I personally LOVE that you've put all of these girls in Hufflepuff. So often people think that all Gryffies have to be super brave and adventurous, all Ravenclaws have to be geeks, all 'puffs are boring and shy etc. But if you look at the canon characters, there are so many examples of characters who don't fit the mould: Neville Longbottom, Cedric Diggory, even Hermione! Good on you for making 'puffs who like to pull pranks and make trouble, or who enjoy reading...once again I think it adds realism.

There are still a few grammar, spelling issues etc, which could be sorted with a good edit, and occasionally the details are a bit hard to follow. do you have a beta? It might be handy to have someone else look over things for you. Just a thought.

Overall, I'm really enjoying the story and I still want to read more! Sorry about such a long, rambly review! I can't help myself :)

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Review #50, by FlaviaThe Quidditch Bet : this year is gonna be incredible

5th March 2012:
A good start, you've done well for your first story. It's a good concept and it's always nice to see the 'Puffs getting some attention :) I wouldn't worry about the length of this chapter, it's actually relatively short. I notice the other chapters are longer, which is good.

Your writing is fluid enough that the story reads quite well, my only suggestion would be to really take the time to properly edit because there were a few instances where the wrong word was used (such as 'was' instead of 'were' or 'exciting' instead of 'excited') and I found that stopped the flow while I stopped to understand the sentence.

Otherwise, I think this story looks really interesting and I'm looking forward to reading the next chapter! Well done :)

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