So, I am very into this story. Its witty, comical, and very different. I haven't seen anything like this on HPFF (and I've been on it for a while). I love the fact that you designed it after the show, the League. if that's what you did...which I'm very sure you did... anyways, brilliant! Keep it up:D Report Review
So. Freaking. Perfect. Nuff said. I honestly loved this chapter the most. Poor James. I want him to play professional Quidditch so bad! I hate Avery's father. Can you stick me in the story for two seconds so I can Emerson-punch him? K thanks.Author's Response: Aw, thank you so much! This was definitely one of my favorites in the story. So much fun to write. I'll put in a good word for you to get in the story. That would make everything much easier, wouldn't it? Thanks! Report Review
oh good lord, a PLOT?! save us now. who needs plots nowadays anyways? you just need Aimee's snarky attitude and James's big head and you're golden. Anyways, loved it, of course. Keep it up!Author's Response: YES. A PLOT. who knew this story was ever going to get one?! james' big head certainly makes the story more interesting ;) thank you so much for such a lovely review!
ellie :) xx Report Review
jaslkfdjdklfjdsklfjda eff! I kept thinking you were going to have Avery come in and say they snogged before the Hufflepuff game. Would've been freaking perfect! I'm super excited for the sequel, but not super excited to see BTQC end. When one door closes, another opens, right?Author's Response: It would have been hilarious, wouldn't it? So funny. You're right, thouhg. Another opens. DTTT to be exact. I hope you like the end and the sequel! The things I'm already cooking up are insane. Thanks! Report Review
WHAT IS FREDDIE GOING TO DO?! Freddie would make a fantastic dad, just saying. Teaching it to play pranks on Ryan ;D. I can't say I'd be too fond of a pregnant Ryan, let alone Ryan-mom. She scares the bajezus out of me. Needless to say, another knock out of the park, Mistress.Author's Response: He really would make a fantastic dad. And yes, pregnant Ryan is going to be ... interesting. She's terrifying. Heck, she even scares me! Thank you so much! Report Review
OH MY LORD. What am I supposed to do now without Hide and Seek? I've read this through and through and I do have to say that Oliver is one of my favorite characters now! Him and Jane have just been so damn cute and romantic in their own way that you can't help but love this story to pieces. It makes me so sad that it is all over. I do think you should make a one shot of Jane and Oliver down the road. Maybe even a short story collection? That's on you I suppose :D.Author's Response: Aw, thank you! It really makes me sad that it is over too. I was pondering a one-shot down the road. When I really start to miss them. Maybe do one down the road when Jane is pregnant or when theyre married. Something light and funny. Probably when I'm rereading either story. I really appreciate you sticking with me through this! I hope you enjoy the other stories I have posted. Thanks! Report Review
Oh Mistress, what am I ever going to do with you? James and Avery need each other desperately. No, Bink cannot have her at all! I will jump into my computer and make sure it doesn't happen (though I'll tell you that might not go very well). I'm in love with blood-loss James if it didn't almost kill him. I suppose I'll stick to loving a drunken James, huh? Anyways, cannot wait for the next chapter. There is a sequel planned for this story, correct?Author's Response: I don't know, what are you going to do with me?
I'd actually like to see you jump into your computer. I have a feeling it will result in youtube-worthy action. Please record it :)
I agree about blood-loss James. There are many versions of James in this story I've decided. Blood-loss James, intoxicated James, manly James, Quidditch James, family James, feelings James ... I like it!
Yes, there is a sequel planned for this story. It will pick up exactly where BTQC leaves off. Okay, maybe a couple days difference. But pretty much right after.
Thank you so much for the review! Report Review
Favorite quote: "The answer to the equation of true love is the symbol of pie added to a gazillion". That was freaking brilliant. I laughed super hard at it and yes, I did get the weird looks. Who cares though, right?Author's Response: Hahaha. Yes, I laughed when I wrote it, so I'm glad someone else got a laugh out of it. Thank you! Report Review
Ahhh poor Grace. I feel bad for her. Now her and James can get together. Forget Max. We have James and his lovely loveliness xD. Fantastic chapter! Update soon, love :D.Author's Response: Ah, everyone's very much first reaction is now THEY CAN GET TOGETHER. So, well, I guess we'll see anyway. Thanks for a lovely review! Hopefully the update won't be too long :)
-AC Report Review
Oh my gosh. What the hell happened to James?! Someone blasted him off his feet? Slytherin? Bet so. Damn Bink, he can't do that! James had every right to be mad, thats his girl (even if he won't admit it!). I feel like ripping Bink's head off myself. Poor James. James, just go snog Avery already, okay? Please? Mistress, you need to have them snog again. Like next chapter would be preferred. You know I love you :D.Author's Response: Yeah, that wasn't Bink's smartest move. He has some alcohol and poor judgement to thank for that. Oh, and being a commitment-phobe.
I'll see what I can do, okay? thank you! Report Review
I honestly think this is brilliant. I've always enjoyed the way you write Freddie, even in Breaking the Quidditch Code. He's a very bubbly and enjoyable person. You can't go wrong when writing George Weasley's son. It's plain brilliant.Author's Response: Ah, thank you so much! I really love Freddie so far. Each chapter he's starting to come into his own. I like how sensitive he is and how he blushes. Thank you so much! Report Review
freaking amazing chapter. I love Summer and James. Can they get married now? Please? They can't be over! I feel like the timing was off a bit with this chapter. They weren't out by the lake for that long, were they? In order for her to see them, go inside, get drunk, and find Albus and start snogging him? I might be off a bit there :D.Author's Response: awh, thank you! and sorry love, but i think the pair of them have quite a way to go before they're going to get around to doing something like getting married ;) they were out by the lake for quite a long time ~ natalie talks a /lot/. and summer didn't drink for very long. she's just not used to alcohol :D
ellie :) xx Report Review
Oh my lord. I'm so so so sad to see it end!! I might cry a little! You're a brilliant writer, though Im sure you knew that. God I love your stories far too much for it to be healthy.Author's Response: Eugh, me too. I'm going to be an absolute MESS when it ends. Seriously. MESS. Bring me tissues and some Ben&Jerry's. Thank you so much for the review! I really hope you like the epilogue! Report Review
I should hate you. Really, I should. But I just can't. Sighh. Why would you do this to me?Author's Response: please dont hate me. i dont want to be hated. the next chapter will be soon - does that help with not hating me? :D
ellie :) xx Report Review
Let me help you with your goal of 222 reviews :). Love this story and love james and grace. Really wish james would've won the penny slots!Author's Response: Awhh, thank you very much ScarletRoses! It's such a joy to get lovely reviews like this. I guess everyone wanted James to win ;)
Thanks for stopping by :) Report Review
oh goodness, I just KNEW Connor was going to find out. Connor knew already, so it was bound to happen. Anyways, great story. I'm sure you knew that, though. Update soon!Author's Response: yeps, connor was the one that found out first - he's the only one that ever bothered to notice in the first place. thank you so much, thats really nice of you to say :D
ellie :) xx Report Review
Awh, I really like it! I didn't think I would...but needless to say, I did. You just win me over in everything, don't you? Anyways, continue with all your stories. And now this one. :D.
Author's Response: Aww! I'm so glad you gave it a chance, seriously :) I really appreciate it. Thank you! Report Review
So you're the only author I've ever favorited, but I seriously can't help it. You're an amazing writer. Your ability to get involved with the characters is so amazing. They're so realistic, that I'm pretty sure you've taken who they are out of people you know for yourself. I read the Art of Breathing and fell in love with it (though I am very disappointed you killed her off). I read it a while ago, but still is one of my favorites to this day. This story is becoming a top favorite as well. Your ability to portray your characters amazes me, I'll say that again. AMAZEMENT. Okay, I think I'm making this far too long. Please have Grace dump her weird boyfriend and go for James. It's bound to happen anyways. Or have her become pregnant with James's baby? That'd be pretty awesome too. Just saying.Author's Response: Heheh, always know that this sort of review genuinely makes an authors day. Thank you so very much! I love getting to know my characters and writing about them, they more or less seem real to me, and I always love to hear that other people like them and care about them almost asmuch as I do.
Sorry about killing Mary off, ahha. It won't happpen again.
Both future plots you've suggesterd are ones I've genuinely considered, so there we go. Thanks for this lovely review and hopefully they'll be another update you can enjoy soon! :)
AC Report Review
Hey! ScarletRoses here to give you your review :D.
Narcissa dying?! That's so tragic. Writing Lucius with emotion had to be extremely hard! I couldn't imagine having to write that. You did an amazing job at it, because Lucius Malfoy doesn't really have those kinds of emotions, you know? On to your concerns.
The flow. It kinda lost me at certain points. I noticed you put a lot of memories in your stories and while that is good, it may not be necessary to have so many. That messes with the flow a lot. You just sort of jumped into Draco yelling at Lucius and didn't give us good enough support for the blow up, you know?
The characterization. Lucius was portrayed very well. I would personally say that I assumed Lucius was a man who loved his family dearly, not someone who abandoned them, but I see where you encorporated that in. I assumed Draco loved his father as well, but I see you encorporated that slightly as well, but I wish that was more developed. I really would have loved to see more to Narcissa (past obviously, since she died).
All and all, it was a great piece. Your detail and choice of wording was excellent, but you had a fair few grammar problems. May I suggest a beta? They are brilliant. I'm probably going to invest in one :D.
Author's Response: It is,so it was very hard to write(:
I'm sorry to hear you were lost at some points.
I love Lucius and Draco:D
thanks for the review Report Review
Awh James and Lily. So precious and a very hard ship to write! I've never even bothered to attempt the pair (i'm more of an OC girl myself). Lily/James...what is there to say really? We all know where this is going to end up ;). Kind of why I'm not a fan of this couple, to be honest.
The story kind of lacks the spark that I was expecting with a Lily/James story. When you think of the pair, you'd expect the fighting to come first, right? Not just jumping right into them starting to date. At least that's what I see. I expected some sort of spin-off, like Lily was dared by a friend to give James a chance or something along those lines, you know? It seemed far too predictable for my liking.
For the chapter, you did really well at keeping it in the realms of a "first chapter". By this, I mean you knew right out what you were going to start with and how to go on from there. Your flow with this chapter was perfect, to say the least. You nailed every aspect of it. I think you need to add some personality to each character, but that's it in regards to the flow.
Again, my only problem is the fact that they're already having feelings for each other. It kind of lacks the flare I'd look for in a Lily/James story. You're a great writer and I think this story could be brilliant! Great job :D.
Author's Response: Oh, I'm sorry you didn't like my approach. :( When I wrote this, my intention was specifically to avoid the fighting or the dares or that sort of thing, because I find those to be a little overused and cliche. I wanted to show Lily in a more active role in their relationship, rather than hounded into it or pushed into it by her friends.
Thank you for the review. I appreciate it, and I'm glad you liked the story even though the approach wasn't quite to your liking. :) Report Review
So this story has a lot of potential to turn into something great! (maybe it already is, I wouldn't know since I've only read the first chapter :D) It's kind of cliche, but sometimes that's not all that bad. The story description really did not do it justice, though.
One area you were concerned with was the general flow. It seems to work, but you are a little bit "here and there". It seems as though you were trying to fit a lot of things into the first chapter. Something you might want to remember is to make a first chapter sort of "sweet and to the point" to get the general idea of your story out there for the readers.
As you have a beta, you're perfectly fine on grammar, as you're aware. The word choice is actually amazing. You seem to grasp the concept of not using to many "said" or "told". There aren't a lot of opportunities to rip into a poetic ballad, but you seem to do that well at the beginning. Ohhh the beginning. I will be honest with you and say I was very tempted to skip it...That's because I'm a dialogue person. There was just huge paragraphs that almost immediately turned me off.
Again, I'm a dialogue person, not a long-paragraph person. In saying that, your dialogue intreged me. It made me want you to write more dialogue.so write more dialogue!! 'Nuff said on that topic..
Your pacing.. well, like I said earlier in my review, I feel like you're trying to cram too much into one chapter. Slow and steady wins the race, love. Not to worry, it was a brilliant chapter, but something you might want to keep in mind. You don't want your couple falling in love in chapter 8 and having a baby in chapter 9, you know? (just an example, i didn't mean your story was going that way!)
Your character does seem sort of like a Mary-sue. Pretty, best friend to famous James Potter and his cousin Rose Weasley, only girl on a Pro Quidditch team, etc. etc. You might want to point out her flaws a bit (other than the obvious that she is in love with her best friend). This might bring things to be more relatable for readers.
Okay, I babbled for far too long. Lovely story and keep it up!
Author's Response: Heey! Thank you for such a great review! It was really helpful!
The main plot line is really cliche, I'm aware of that, but I'm hoping I'm turning it to much more with everything else (: I'll take a look at the description and try to make it better, so thanks for the tip!
I know what you mean with 'here and there'. And the long paragraphs! They both actually get better already in the next chapter! There will be a lot more dialogue starting from the next one. There was just so much I wanted to tell in this chapter (x
Slow and steady, that is actually something I've considered to be a problem for me, when I've written earlier, so that's something I'm already taking in consideration and working on, and I think I'm doing a good job with (x well, you'll get to see that when I come to re-request d:
Mary-Sue-ism is another of my concerns. Her other flaws will come to show later on.
Thanks again for reviewing! (: Report Review
So i had a good review written up, then suddenly the site went down for the two seconds I wanted to submit it. made me very upset. anyways, let me start this, right?
This is a brilliant story. I'm not into fluff or one-shot, but you really got my attention with this. There aren't many Luna/Rolf stories out there and you killed it. Not in a bad way, of course!
To say the least, you pulled off the fluff very well. I hate to say that I'm not into fluff, but if I were, this would be a great choice for me. I think something you could've touched more on was some more dialogue, since you had little to none. That could've added to the fluff some more.
Another one of your concerns was Luna. I think she'll always be a child at heart and you touched her so well. I was always wondering if Luna would ever grow up and outgrow her odd antics, but you did a very good job at making sure she was still the Luna that everyone loved. It's hard to highlight that when you're just doing a one-shot, but it was brilliant nonetheless. She seems amazing with her children :D.
So, like I said, I'm not a fluff or one-shot person, but you did both really well. You might turn me to the dark side soon enough ;).Author's Response: Oh noes :( That's always crappy when it does that.
Ha! You liked my fluff! I'm happy even though it isn't exactly your cup of tea. killed it - loved that phrase! I know it doesn't mean it in a bad way but the slang is...I don't know, I just liked it.
I know I could've put dialogue in there but I'm not a dialogue sort of person. I think if you read my other one-shots (which is fine if you don't because I know you're not into that sort of length) then you'll see that I basically use no dialogue in most of them :P I don't know why - too focused on description?
I'm glad that I kept to Luna. I wanted to have the child-like Luna but the grown up Luna there too! Thanks!
You mean I might turn you to the fluff-side? ;P
xChar Report Review
So I'm a little confused with all of this. I love the idea of this kind of story, but I'm not sure how their relationship formed and all of that. The reader was just kind of jumped in to nothingness, you know? I'm sure you're going to elaborate in more chapters, but I thought I'd touch on that just a little bit.
I think a history of the couple is definately in order. They seem so precious that I would really like to know more about them. Being as this is the first chapter, I'm not sure how you went about this. I think its a good cliff hanger type of thing. It seems you went with something that highlighted everything that is Sirius and Anastasia.
This story has a lot of potential to be something great. Relations to Malfoy and friends with Sirius while they were younger? Again, I would LOVE their history, haha. :D Anastasia seems like a three-dimentional character and I can't wait to see more of her. Good luck with this story, love!Author's Response: wow!thank you so much for the lovely and helpful review:D you are the best! Report Review
So, if I must say so myself, you're a great author. Your story is very well written. You use proper grammar and all that nonsense that I'm not strict on. I kept on reading so that I could get a good sense of the story and give you a good review.
I'll address your concerns, shall I? Hmm, yes I will.
Okay, so your sentence structure is fine, but I'm not one to look to for that ;). They're complete and all that. I did read an article (literally last night) about how short sentences can bring out dramatized parts in a story, such as "she screamed." blah blah blah, right?
Anywho, your next concern was your pacing, which is perfectly fine. You dont want to jump into a sirius/keira relationship too soon and make the readers bored the rest of the story. Your pacing is perfect so far. You're welcoming him into your plot line and giving him a base line. Well done.
Your flow is perfectly fine as well. Everything seems to mold together. There are, however, a lot of characters to keep track of. I like that you used canon names, but it still doesn't make it very easy on readers if there are that many characters (most are original). I'm still a bit lost with who is Keira's friends and who is Lily's friends, but I'm sure if I actually thought hard enough, I could figure that one out.
I'm guessing Henry is getting introduced in the next chapter (I was actually going to ask about him until I saw him at the end of this chapter). I'm really curious what he's about, but again, I'm sure its in the next chapter. I'm not sure how all these people tie into the plot, but we'll see I suppose, yes? I'm kind of unaware of where the plot is going with Keira and Sirius, but you're in the early stages of the story, so I don't blame you for not elaborating on that.
As for Keira Nyx.I don't see her as too much of a Mary Sue. She's clever and everything, but is invisible in a way. She doesn't have a very obvious personality, though. I thought she was shy, but then she speaks out in front of Sirius and James. I'm not too sure where to characterize her and I think that's the main problem. I'd take a little time in future chapters to outline Keira, but that's it with her. I hear she has a nice chest? ;) haha just kidding.
You seem like you have a good handle on this story and I love that. It's amazingly written, but so far, hasn't grabbed my attention completely because there hasn't been a major event (which I'm sure is to come since you are an amazing writer). All and all, keep it up! I think I'll be following this story :).Author's Response: Hey!
Thanks so much for this. I'm really glad that you didn't find any problems with the sentences or anything. Sometimes I just feel that they might not make sense to other people, but if you had no problems with them, then that's great. :)
Sirius and Keira together are a long way off, but their friendship will slowly be built along the way. I want it to seem real, not they get together in chapter seven or whatever, but at the same time, I don't want it to be so drawn out that people lose interest. It's tricky :S
It seems a few people have had issues with working out who's in what year etc, so that's something I'm going to have to work on. Thanks for pointing that out ^_^
Phew, *happy dance* I'm so glad she doesn't seem like an Mary-Sue. I'm so paranoid about that, but again, you raise a valid point; she needs more outlining in future chapters.
I'm so glad that you like it and my writing style ^_^ It's really fantastic to hear such helpful and constructive feedback. I do hope you follow the story, as the next chapter (Quidditch tryouts) should be up in a few days. Hopefully you'll like it, and find it more engaging.
Thanks again for the review ^_^
- A. :) Report Review
Well...this story? Amazing. 'Nuff said.Author's Response: :D. Aww, thanks. That means a lot Report Review
Terms of Service
categories & genres
short story collection