Reading Reviews From Member: TheDoctor
  
30 Reviews Found

Review #1, by TheDoctorExceptional: Real Sisters

11th February 2012:
Hey, Astoria Viana here :)

So first off I'm a wannabe actress in training right now so I just loved this story by default :)

I will say I've seen allot of fics that have Lucy as an artist type but usually as a visual one or literary so this definitely separated itself from the masses. You also did a wonderful job putting so much character into Lucy within the framework of a one-shot, especially as we know next to nothing about her in terms of canon.

Speaking of characterizations I simply adored the descriptions of her cousins/siblings. Also of her father, I always get a little mixed up in terms of next gen family tree type things but I was able to figure out she was talking about Percy without even having to google who her parents were. I know, shameful, I sometimes have to resort to google for HP facts, I swear I try to remember everything but honestly, my brain is complete rubbish at memorization. But I digress.

Anyway, I really liked this allot, I think the beginning was a tad slow but it fit well with the story so i wouldn't change it. I also have to say, you have so much room for a sequel! i want to learn about Lucy and the Dramatic Arts School!

The only thing I would comment on is that since we only know Molly from Lucy's descriptions it might work to have another, maybe smaller conversation earlier in the story between the two that's less heartfelt. That way there's more groundwork for Lucy to be shocked and disbelieving at first of Molly's turn-around. Still it isn't really necessary, just a thought :)

Overall though I really loved this! I really do hope you write a sequel too :)
~Ria

Author's Response: Hi! I'm glad you think this story isn't so much like the other Lucy stories. I personally have never read Lucy before (that I can remember, anyway). I really like that about the next-gen, too, because I don't really read it that often so I am able to create my own next-gen without influence from other stories. And thanks! Lucy certainly does have a lot of character. She became so angsty so quickly, when I was originally going for something more pathetic and whiny, but I ended up sticking with the angst and letting it fly.

Ha, I'm glad you like my descriptions of her cousins, it was one of the first bits I'd written when working on this and I really enjoyed it, you know, writing the envious non-perfect character who wishes she was like her other, more attractive and awesome cousins. And I'm glad it was easy to pick up that her father is Percy. That is probably the closest I will ever get to writing him, he's way too uptight for me.

I can see how the beginning might be slow. But I think it's picks up quickly. Honestly, though, I figured people would find Lucy super annoying, but I'm glad they don't. That would be interesting, to have a less heartfelt conversation between Lucy and Molly. I don't know how I would fit that in, possibly in a flashback, but then it sort of overrides with quotes from her in Lucy's monologue.

Thanks so much for reading and reviewing! I'm glad you picked this story to r/r. A sequel though? I don't know. Not being a actress or even an actress in training, I don't really know anything about dramatic arts. So that would make it difficult. I don't know. Maybe a one-shot in the distant future, but I can't make any promises because I've got way too many other things I want to write right now that I've been mucho procrastinating on.

xxEnigmaticEyes16


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Review #2, by TheDoctorGrowing Up Magical: Luna

9th February 2012:
Hi :) Astoria here, I'm so sorry this took me so long :(

But here I am :) I love this! I've only ever attempted Luna once and I completely agree, she's one of the hardest to write, but you made it look so easy! I've officially named my shadow now, because it just seemed like such a sweet idea :)

I loved the imagery in this, the dandelions (both the flower and the shadow) as well as the printing press mayhem. Normally I'm one for massive amounts of detail but this had just the proper amount.

Luna's mother! Their relationship was just too sweet :) I've never read anything about Luna as a child but I think this is exactly how I subconsciously pictured it.

I'd always thought about how close Luna lived to the Weasley's and wondered why they hadn't been closer growing up. Still I love the idea of her watching them play and wishing she could play with them. I also laughed out loud at the 'whole mess of boys' bit.

I think my only note would be to clarify a bit at the end, I wasn't sure if Luna reached out to tough her shadow against the wall or if she reached out to grab the mug of Gurdyroot Infusion (which my the way I loved that you included that).

Anyway I loved this so much! Thanks for the swapping and I'm so sorry about how long I took :(
~Ria

Author's Response: Firstly, I must offer my most humble of apologies for how long it's taken me to respond to this review. Normally I have the review done in a day or two, but things just sort of slipped away from me these past few days. But I am here now!

I really am pleased you found Luna to be written somewhat convincingly -- I think she and Dumbledore are the characters I work hardest on when I have to write them, because they both have finicky, distinct voices. But yes, thank you for that. :3

As for the clarification, that just goes with the sort of basic rule that the 'it' mentioned is generally the last noun specifically named -- in that case, the shadow -- but I am definitely taking your minute confusion into consideration. :P

Thanks for being willing to swap, and no worries about the time! Hope to trade with you again soon!


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Review #3, by TheDoctorLiaison: Liaison

24th September 2011:
Hi, Astoria Viana here from the forums :) Firstly you have all the permission in the world to be very cross with me. All I can say is that I am so very very sorry for this review taking so long.

Okay, well on the review then... Plot: Awe! The ending is so sweet!... but more on that later. I think the idea that Blaise won't admit he's dating a gryffindor (and Lavender in particular). It really fits since it fits with the Slytherin tendency to look out for oneself first (don't get me wrong I'm not bashing the Slytherins, I'm one myself). But it also shows Lavender's gryddindor side when she goes to talk to him at the slytherin table.

I think your characterization was really lovely too. Lavender was just as giggly and boy crazy as she seemed to me in canon so bravo there. And Blaise match my personal idea of how he acts too so as far as I'm concerned bravo there too.

Your story flows really well and your dialogue is very believable. Your storyline fits perfectly in the one shot format, without being overly condensed to fit.

My only note would be about your ending. First may I say that I love the idea of Blaise still loving her but keeping a secret but a part of me feels like Lavender wouldn't be so easily nullified. When Ron ended it in his sleep with her she stayed mad for a very long time, so maybe if the note held some secret sentimental thing they'd had together... I'm not sure that makes sense... anyway I do love the ending but maybe a bit more detail would be nice.

Overall I really liked this story though, Blaise is one of my favorite characters but he doesn't get nearly enough attention, your portrayal of him was just wonderful. Really lovely story and well written too :)

Again I am so very very sorry for the intolerably long wait,
~Astoria

Author's Response: Hii,

I know how it is. Sometimes I have something on my review list and two weeks later I still haven't gotten to it. That's life ;)

I was thinking of the Slytherins of a tight-knit group. And if you want to be part of it, well, you just need to make some sacrifices. And I guess Lavender was Blaise's sacrifice.

The ending was so hard for me. I wrote the one-shot in an hour or so and the ending just sat there. Another hour went by, and another and another. And eventually I was like, to hell with it, and just conjured this up. Not happy with it and I will definitely change it sometime in the future.

Thank you for reviewing !

Love,
Danielle


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Review #4, by TheDoctorThe First Haven: Clearing

21st September 2011:
I love your writing style, it flows marvelously and creates a sense of intrigue. I love your characterization of Malfoy too, it's exactly how I picture him. Lovely start and I really can't wait for more!

Author's Response: I'm glad you liked it! :) thanks for the nice comments! I hope you stick with the story the whole way through :)

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Review #5, by TheDoctorIn The Black: Seeking Refuge

11th September 2011:
Hello, Astoria Viana again :)

Awe! James and Lily!... but poor Snape :( I'm curious to know how James asked Lily, if it was straight forward or... completely mental. Haha, but at least Snape shows signs of figuring out that Beth is nice. I have a prediction that maybe they become sort of friends...? Maybe? Well I admit I hope so anyway. Though I suppose that would make things a bit tricky with the marauders etc.

The scene with Snape and Beth in the corridor was so awkwardly cute! The comparisons between Beth and Lily are a lovely idea since it makes it plausible that Beth and Snape could become friends. (if they do, and I hope they do haha)

Your characterization is coming along nicely and Beth is certainly turning out to be a character that could certainly be followed through three books. My only thought is that so far there is no one who she genuinely dislikes or dislikes her. It's not really a big deal but something to consider. I mean Snape doesn't really like her but he still doesn't loath her.

You're writing is still lovely and very fitting of your story, I love the exploding snap details in the last chapter too. Can't wait for a new chapter and feel free to request another review any time. Again I'm really sorry for the delay of these reviews.

~Astoria

Author's Response: Poor Snape -- he's a rather conflicted man. Or, erm, boy. Whatever he is here. :D Friends? I suppose you'll have to read on to find out!

It's a large consideration of mine to make Beth very different from Lily -- else, wouldn't James be falling for her, and wouldn't she be running from Severus? (I'd assume so, but of course, that's me!) So thank you for commenting on it, because then I know I'm at least headed in that direction. :D

Don't worry about the review time! I always love reviews, no matter when they're received, and I am truly honored you came back no matter how long it had been since I requested. :) Thanks very much!


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Review #6, by TheDoctorIn The Black: The Confrontation

11th September 2011:
Hello :) Astoria Viana here from the forums! I'm so horribly sorry for how late this review is, as a way to make it up I'll review twice, one here and one on chapter six.

So to start, plot: Normally the idea of a fifth marauder screams cliche but when that marauder is in love with Snape... I'd say you're home free of cliche's. Besides that she's not a Mary Sue (yay!)

Overall you have a really interesting plot so far.With Snape trying to figure everything out and Beth avoiding admitting her crush to the rest of the marauders I think you've got a really interesting story so far.

Characterization: First off I just have to say again hat you've done a great hob making Beth not a Mary Sue. Sirius is well done too, and thank you so much for not making Peter have way too many Slytherin traits. I think you've done a prtty goo djob with Snape so far though maybe if he were a bit more beaten down in a few scenes... Well not so much beaten down as dreary I suppose. Maybe that's just my view point of Snape though, it's not a blaring necessity though, just a thought.

Overall though I think you've done a marvelous job.
overall I think this is a really well done story so far and I can't wait to read on a find out what Snape knows (which I shall do ASAP and then review I promise).

Your writing style has just the right amount of detail and your story flows nicely. The writing fits really well with the story and I can't say there anything I can point out in that regard.

Great so far and I'll be back soon to review chapter 6 :)
~Astoria

Author's Response: Wow -- thanks so much! :) I didn't realize until after I'd gotten royally stuck in plot and characters and whatnot that a fifth Marauder was, in fact, cliche, so I hope I'm sort of breaking normal rules. :D

I don't see Snape as dreary -- he wasn't a thoroughly depressed person, or even all that beaten down. He was very ambitious and very much obsessed with the Dark Arts, but that doesn't necessarily make one depressed. :)

Thanks so much for the review (it doesn't matter to me how late it is, a review is a review!) and for being willing to review the next two chapters, as well. I appreciate it very much!


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Review #7, by TheDoctorStarving Artists: A Dark Room

22nd August 2011:
Gah! I love this so much! I'm a complete photography nerd and Harry Potter + an old school dark room = my personal heaven! Anyway, you're a really gifted writer and I'm completely hooked. (p.s. I loved your description of the enlarger, it sounds just like my old one... dear old clunky...) But as I said I love this story so much!

Author's Response: Yay! Another photography nerd! (Although I haven't been in a dark room for ages and I'm a bit rusty...). Thank you very much! ♥ And, yes, those enlargers - I swear I hit my head off them every time.
thank you very much for reviewing!


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Review #8, by TheDoctorLosing Harry: Six

21st August 2011:
Hello! Astoria Viana here from the forums! First off I just want to apolagize for the intollerably long wait, but I;ve been reading allot of your story lately (i'm addicted) so the next reviews should be up soon! okay, so this review will be an overall of the last six chapters.

Plot: I love Scorpius' relationship with Al, it's the ideal friendship. I also love that Harry and Ginny haven't exactly just welcomed him into there home with open arms. The rift caused by Al being in Slytherin is beautifully played off in your story and Harry's reaction is very realistic. I feel so bad for Al though, since James is being so harsh about it.

I admit when I first read the bit with malfoy not recognizing harry and with memory loss my head screamed chliche. but your story has been anythin but so far and I have complete faith that your story won't go down the cliche path.

Characterization: As I've said I love Al and scorpius, especially in Slytherin. this is one of the first stories I've read in which I love Harry's relationship with his kids, it's exactly how I imagined it would be. I have to say in chapter three I was a bit put off by Hermione, I loved your characterization for the most part but I'm not sure she would speak to Mcgonagal in such a manner, I think she'd be a bit more respectful. I can't say enough abot your characterization of Harry though, it's one of the first I've come across that is true to how i believe he would grow up and act. The idea that he would go looking for Malfoy is true to character, especially since he's trying find him so that Scorpius has a father. It's such a 'Harry Potter' type thing to do.

overall I have to say you're an extremely gifted writer. Your story flows brilliantly and you have just the right amount of descriptors.

You asked if this would draw in people who don't usually seek out this type of story. I think my response to that is that the beginning chapters didn't imediately hook me but i kept reading and now can't stop. however looking back at the first few chapters i can't really say what would make them more 'hookinh' as they all are important to the plotline and are well written. I think that pretty much anyone could read this story and as long as they kept reading they would love it.

lovely beginning and I shall be back soon!
~Astoria

Author's Response: Hi Astoria! Sorry for my delay in responding, but I do appreciate your time spent on reading and reviewing. Oh, I'm glad you like Scorpius' relationship with Albus! And the rift caused by Albus being the sole child of their family (so far) not to be sorted in Gryffindor, and in fact to find himself in Slytherin... I don't think the world works in such a way that they would all magically be friends, when we rarely ever saw friends between houses, not until the very end of Harry's years, when a few of them formed mixed-House friendships, and then fought together against Voldemort...

As for Malfoy's memory loss and not recognizing Harry, I do hope you'll find it not to be cliche, but I'll let you decide on your own. I wrote what the story dictated for itself, but I know memory loss is used often in stories, so I hope the story stands well on its own, regardless of what other authors and stories do...

I'm glad you like my characterization, and especially Harry's relationship with his kids. This is also how I think Harry would be with his children, and it's been fun to write. (o: As for Hermioe - I see your point about Hermione not talking to McGonagall in such a way, but I just see Hermione as lashing out more when she feels someone she loves may be in danger. I think when it comes to Harry, they survived too much of people playing games with his life, hiding information or secrets, and I think those old childhood issues emerge underneath the surface. I do think she respects McGonagall, but... this is how I saw the scene unfolding... And as for my Harry - I'm pleased you like him! I adore Harry and love to write him. (o: Malfoy too is fun, but it's been a challenge also, in this story, with the memory loss and etc.

Thanks for all the kind words about the story and my writing. I get what you're saying, though, about how it make take a reader getting a few chapters in before they find themselves hooked... But like you, I'm not sure what I could do to those first chapters, so I'll just have to cross my fingers and hope people will take a chance!

Thanks again for your review!!


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Review #9, by TheDoctorAt Great Personal Risk: A Little Bit of Chemistry

21st August 2011:
Helloe, Astoria Viana from the forums here! I'm really, really sorry for the wait, i went out of town for a few days and things were just getting crazy busy, but here I am!

Plot: this is a great switch you have going on. The way not everything is completely switched gives the story a whole new aspect, so it's not just the same story except with different characters in the same positions. Since some things are still canon and some are switched it just makes it a really interesting and original plot.

One minor thing I noticed (correct me if i'm wrong) but I think you mention in chapter one that James is Lily's neighbor, so that would mean that that two owls would go to Mill Town. (one fore Lily and one for James)

I love Eileen's recipe changes and her relationship with the apothacary workers. It's really fun to read.

Characterization: (As I said, I love Eileen in your story!) Since the characters are switched this is a bit hard to judge, so I'll base my judgement of characterization off of how the characters fit into the story As far as that goes, they're all lovely! I'm really glad that at least in one fic Snape has a happy childhood (he deserves it)

Overall this is a really interesting fic, the owls at the beginning were really interesting to read about. I don't think I'd ever even thought about how that worked. Really interesting beginning and your writing flowed brilliantly. I might add a bit more detail in coming chapters but I think other than that you've done a really wonderful job. (I adored the bit about the mini-Hogwarts express in Ollivanders)

~Astoria

Author's Response: Hello! Glad you came over to check it out :)

I'm so happy that you like that I didn't just swap everything as is. I agree that it makes it more interesting to throw a little of everything in there, although a few readers have different views on that point. As for James, if you notice, he was making fun of the weird magic Lily's parents did. I had him make these comments to signify that he's a Muggle, and will thus not be receiving a letter :) This chapter is the extent of his role in the story, as a matter of fact. I had fun writing Eileen's little experiments, so I'm pleased to see that you enjoyed reading it!

Snape does deserve a better shake, and I'm happy that that came across here for you. I'm glad you liked the introduction as well. I think I've put some more detail into the coming chapters, so I hope you'll stop by again and check them out when they're posted :)

Thanks so much for your very thoughtful review!

academica


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Review #10, by TheDoctorBloody Tuesday: Cooperation, Mr. Caine

21st August 2011:
Hello! Astoria Viana here (finally) and I just wann apolagize for the crazy long wait, but I hope this is still helpful.

Plot: Goodness! You've done it again! Well written and really intriguing. This is my first Audrey/Percy fic and i already love it! The mistery is developing well and your changes of perspective are smooth and each POV remains interesting to read. The little twist at the end of this chapter was brilliant! I'm curious if Harry has any suspicions of Williamson... anyway, poor Padma!... and Mr.Cain... is he dead?

While I can see the plot strands of both Inception and Harry Potter (of course) you definately have a unique and one of a kind spin on them.

Characterization: I love Audrey, she's got hufflepuff written all over her. The way you've written her as trying hard but occaionally slipping up (with Cain etc.) is lovely, especially with Williamson's little remark about her intelegence. Cain was also well done, I admit in many stories when it switches to a muggle POV it annoys me but you did realy well and I was thoroughly engaged.

Overall I'm completely hooked, your descriptors are wonderful and the story is compelling and, well I just can't wait till you update! I know I should leave so constructive critisism and I really did look for things you could change! but... well, I didn't really find anything. You're such a gifted writer! keep going and goodluck with the challenge!

~Astoria

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Review #11, by TheDoctorA Game To Die For: And Let The Game Begin!

21st August 2011:
Lovely Beginning! I can't wait to read more!! (do update soon)

Author's Response: Thank you and I'm so sorry it's taken so long to update, but chapter three is awaiting validation as I type this and I'm about to work on chapter four so let the game go on!
-Shayy


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Review #12, by TheDoctorRule Breaker: Making Peace and Promises

14th August 2011:
Gah! I love your story so much! I'm a huge Dramione shipper but... what can I say? I really love Theo in your story and I think at this point I'd be happy if Hermione stayed with him forever. Which is not to say I can't wait to find out how she and Draco get together. Great characterization. Great plot. Great everything! You're such a gifted writer!

Author's Response: Thank you SO much for this review! It really made my day. I absolutely love both Theo AND Draco, so working it into the story that Hermione ends up with Draco is going to be difficult, but I think I know how I'm going to do it. :] I'm really glad that you like the story and thank you so very, very much for all of your compliments.

--Emily


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Review #13, by TheDoctorOne Night: One Night

8th August 2011:
Hello! Astoria Viana here from the forums!

First off, love the pairing, I mean Lily/James forever but it really does fit that Narcissa and James wold have such an encounter. I think your plot line is realistic, since Sirius and James are best mates it fits that James would go with Sirius, even if he didn't want to.

I loved your characterization of Sirius, his cussing and all. Speaking of cuusig Ive read allot of stories were characters cuss and it seems like the words are just there for shock value. The placing of you're cusses was realistic and not annoying. I especially liked your line about Bellatrix being a 'real f*#$ing peack' I'm not sure why but I just love this line.

One thing I would suggest is a bit more detail about both setting and charcter actions. Such as when Narcissa or Sirius' mum first enter the room. It's not completely nescessary but it would be nice to have.

James' charcter was so great, his awkward reactions and his wishing that it were Lily rather than Narcissa. So cute and realistic.

Your ending was great too,what with Sirius about to go live with James. I also admit that I liked Sirius being kept in the dark about what happened with James and Narcissa. It added a sort of invisible humour in that the reader has a pretty good iea how Sirius would react if he found out. With the added benefit of Sirius being the one that recomended James 'get laid'.

Overall I hink you've done a really good job. You've made an odd ship believable. Again you might want to add a bit of detail but overall you've done a great job! Goodluck in the challenge!

~Astoria

Author's Response: Thanks for the lovely long review. =) I'm glad you didn't think the swearing was distracting or out of place. I hate when people (both real and fictional) just toss it in for no reason. I wasn't sure how much I should use those words at first but the more I thought about it, the more I thought that Sirius just seemed like one of those people who would swear when drunk. The line about Bellatrix was one of my favourites as well and I like how Sirius's comment ended up coming true, I'm glad you picked up on that "foreshadowing" (ha!). I'll try to add more detail in my next fic, for some reason it just didn't come easily in this one. I should probably go back and fix that once I'm finished writing my current story. Thanks again!

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Review #14, by TheDoctorPortraits of Courage: Sirius Black

5th August 2011:
Hello, Astoria Viana from the forums here!

First, plot: This is a really unique idea, having the order being formed while the Marauders are still at Hogwarts. I love the idea that James, Lily, and Sirius all decide on their own to do whatever it takes to help, without even knowing that their friends were doing the same. It definitely adds to the heroism.

Your characterization is spot on, or at least n my opinion. Especially with Mcgonagall, she's always been a hard one for me to write but I think you've really done a great job. Honestly I wouldn't change a thing in that area. Dumbledore also is done really well, hes wise, caring, and brave. Good job.

One thing I would mention is that in chapter 3 (lily Evans) this:
"She opens her mouth to apologies again but Minerva holds up a hand to silence her. "We're not here to discuss the perfection of your uniform, Ms Evans. Let's not worry too much about appearance at the moment, hm?" section and the paragraph before it might need a bit of reworking, it's a touch confusing as it is. Maybe if it were 'state' instead of 'perfection or if you mention something about Lily's uniform is actually out of place. Hope that made sense.

Overall I think you have the makings of a great story, I might suggest some variety of the word 'pin' such as broach or something else but that's optional, it works either way. Your characterization is marvelous and it'll be great to see where this goes. I like that you've included Gideon and Fabeon as well since so little is known of them in canon. Keep up the great work and hope this helps :)

~Astoria

Author's Response: I thought having them join without telling the others would be a true testament to their loyalty and bravery, so I'm glad you picked up on that. :)

Thank you for the comments on the characterizations as that is always my biggest concern especially since I've never really written these characters before. I'm always afraid to step out of my comfort zone!

Hm, I thought I mentioned Lily trying to straighten up her uniform? I'm not sure but I'm sorry it was confusing. I'll go back and take a look at it and see if I can't reword it.

I don't really see the pin as a broach, but I'll try and figure out some similar words that might work so I don't keep repeating it.

Thank you so much for the lovely review. Really appreciate it!


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Review #15, by TheDoctorConfinement: Isolation

3rd August 2011:
Hello, Astoria Viana here from the forums!

Wow, this is really well done! It all flows together well and is really intriguing. I love your description of Azkaban *shudders* it's very well done and gives the reader a rather terrifying image. The idea of the mark to identify Hermione as a criminal is also really good. I love the affect it has on Hermione.

I like your characterization of Hermione though it might be good for her to at least try to stay calm and reasonable when she is first sentenced but then she starts to panic. I'm assuming the prisoner next to her is Draco so I can't wait to find out why he's there and how things unfold between them.

I think you have a really good premise for your story (and I'm usually someone who can't read stories where any of the trio dies so that's saying something) I can't wait to find out who did kill Ron.

The only thing I would suggest is to have had Hermione imprisoned a little longer than six days, since you said she already is showing sings of malnourishment it's a bit more realistic if she's been there for at least ten days. Along with this I would suggest her feeling really disturbed about Ron's death. You've already somewhat done this but since Hermione has pretty much lost everything including Ron it might be good to give her a little more reaction to his death.

Though almost all your descriptors are marvelous I would suggest going into a bit more detail on how her cell was separated from her neighbors, it was a tad confusing.

Overall though I really like your beginning! It flows well and really puts you in the scene. You've done a great job at making Azkaban terrifying even without the dementors. Really good job. Update soon I wanna read more! :)

~Astoria

Author's Response: Hi!
I'm so sorry it has taken me so awfully long to respond to your review, it makes me feel awful, but real life has a way of getting in front of the things we have to do in the online world!

I really wanted to throw whatever I could at Azkaban, I wanted to portray it as the most awful place I could, and I certainly wanted it to be terrifying, purely because the situation I imagined when I first plotted this was based upon one of my greater fears - Getting caught in an elevator. I really wanted to use that to create a strong image of the most awful place I could. Although whether she is or isn't a criminal is something that is still be discovered.

I think the placement of Draco was something I was really unsure about. It's one thing to put him in Azkaban as well, but for them to share a partially separated cell? That was something else entirely. It was a decision I wasn't entirely sure about and I feared it would be cliche in some way, so I'm hoping it wasn't... Seeing as I wanted this to be a story about a lot of things really, and finding comfort in the most unlikely of places was one of them.

I have got an explanation for the undernourishment of Hermione, I haven't gone into the holding cells prior to the trial yet, but they should come up in about Chapter Three according to my planning, so it will be explained. I actually had to do some research for this, as I'm not exactly medically knowledgeable... I will have to take her attitude towards Ron's death on board, if you noticed a lack of her feeling disturbed then that is something I need to address. Although the cell too is explained in the next chapter which is being sent to my beta this week!

Thank you so much for your review! I will look at correcting and addressing the points you've made in the upcoming chapters!


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Review #16, by TheDoctorHear Them Roar: Hear Them Roar

3rd August 2011:
Hello, Astoria Viana from the forums here!

First off I love your ending! i was in the complete belief that for some reason Fred would be the first Weasley the hat didn't hate and he would be at peace. Then, twist! Great job, this is definitely the first fic I've read from the Sorting Hats perspective. Verdict? So glad I read this!

In terms of plot I really think you've done a great job. I love that the hat's dearest wish is just to be clean. (Ugh *shudders* I would have the same wish if I were him, imagine if one of the first years had head lice!) But as I was saying, I really think you have a great plot and it flows together nicely and your transitions are well done.

One thing I noticed is "Silently he added, 'bitch.' He was pretty sure she heard it." You might want to add a 'Though between bitch and he. It was just something that gave me pause while reading but it isn't really something you absolutely need to change, but it might help.

I your characterization of the hat, I'd never thought of it as anything but really happy with it's work. Now whenever I reread canon I'm gonna wonder if the sorting hat is annoyed.

As far as believability I for the most part think you've done well. The hat is all about inter house unity though so you might find ways of incorporating that. One suggestion that could work (though is completely optional as it works as it is too) is that the hat would be really into his speech. Since it's mentioned in canon that since all he has to do all year is write it he must put allot of effort into it. So he's probably really proud of his speech. Maybe somehow seeing Fred just messes him up, thus making him even more bitter.

Overall though you have a great one-shot. Really well written and flows well. I really hope you win since this is such a good story!

~Astoria

Author's Response: Actually, that's what I wanted to do first. Let Fred be the Weasley that shows the Hat not all Weasleys are *evil*, but then I thought, naah, this is way funnier ;)

After reading the story back I agree, bitch a bit too harsh, especially to eleven year olds. I changed that bit, thank you for pointing it out!

I'm glad you thought it was all believable - I even had trouble with believing it at first. Thank you for the review!


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Review #17, by TheDoctorDaddy's ittle girl : Daddy's Little Girl

3rd August 2011:
Hello! Astoria Viana here from the forums!

First may I say you got me within and inch of tears. Believe me there was allot of blinking and calm down moments while reading this. *takes deep breath*

Okay, I'm good. Well first off I think this whole piece has a lovely rhythm to it. Your writing fits well with the lyrics and it all just flows together nicely.

My parents divorced when I was five and I have to say you've done a really nice job of portraying Lily's feelings. I know I felt the same way. Both Lily and Rose are really well done. Their characters are similar in that they both react the same way but it works in the scene, as that is how almost anyone would react.

I noticed a few minor errors ("She need you just as much as I need you.") You just missed an 's' on the first need. But nothing is glaringly in need of fixing.

As I said before the only thing that you might want to work on a tiny bit is how very similar Lily and Rose are, though again it works perfectly well now and you don't really need to change it.

Since the song itself has some grammatical errors it might make the two better connected if you added a few sentence structure changes to yours. For instance
"Mommy's sayin' things she don't mean
Mum doesnít hate you!" It could work to say 'Mum don't hate you. But as I've said the whole thing has a nice flow already so it's completely up to you.

This was my first song fic and I'm really glad I read it. Well done! I love the theme you have throughout of family needing each other. It's so true and it's definitely what got me nearly to tears. Good job!

~Astoria

Author's Response: Aw! Really!! I almost made you cry! :O

Thank you, I was really quite afraid that it wouldn't flow well (:

I am glad you think I got the characters well, and how most people would act in this situation!

Okay!! Thanks for pointing out the error! I will change it back when I have time! Thanks!

Okay! I will put that into consideration! Thanks!

Okay! That is a good suggestion! Make it sound more 'flowy' with the song!! I could try that!

Yay! I was the first song fic you read! I am hopping it put you into read more (:
I am glad you liked it!!

Thank you so much for the review!

-Sarah
Xxxx


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Review #18, by TheDoctorThe Seer: Just a One Time Thing

31st July 2011:
Hello again! Astoria Viana here, so sorry for the long delay, I was on vacation and then life just got in the way... but I'm here for the review of chapter two!... of dear... and apparently in a really bad rhyming mood...

Anyways! So since I've already given you my overall of the plot in my later reviews I thought I'd give a detailed review of each main character... so hopefully that will be helpful

So let's start the reviewing games with James!... ooh... okay, I'm gonna stop rhyming now... :James is really well done, he has a few of the rash tendencies of his father as well as the competitive edge from his mother. He really does feel like the son of Harry and Ginny. His reactions are realistic and character fitting. as I think I said before I would just be careful to keep him realistic to the age he is as at times he comes off a bit immature. Overall well done though, especially with his reactions to being epileptic.

Albus: Originally I thought he was border line Gary Sue and I would still watch out for such tendencies but rereading this made me think differently. I like the fact that Al for the most part lives up to his incredibly weighty name. Hes fun to read about and I think you've done a great job.

Lily: I really love your characterization of her and I honestly wouldn't change anything. Her fire and energy is great, and she too just fits in as Harry and Ginny's child.

Ginny: As I've said maybe a bit more like Mrs. Weasley, but I think what I really meant by that was a bit more over protective of her children. Other than that though she's great.

Harry: I'll admit it's very hard for me to read about Harry in anything but canon. For the most part I think you've done a good job with him though I feel like he would also be a bit more over protective and also a bit more sensitive... the 'let's talk this through openly' sort of father. Up to you whether to change that or not though.

Dominique: Again I love the fire you've given her. I would caution again about her seeming a bit young but I like that trait in her.

Anyway hope these help! If you need any more in depth character analysis feel free to ask :) Overall though I think you've done really well, especially with James.

~Astoria

Author's Response: Ah thank you so much! Pointing out your thoughts on each character individually helps SO MUCH! You really have no idea.

Thank you so very much for taking the time to read and review. It really does mean a lot to me. Thank you! :)

Drue


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Review #19, by TheDoctorNevermore: First Duel

31st July 2011:
Hey Astoria Viana here from the forums (finally)! Sorry this took so long, I went on vacation and then life got in the way, anyway here I am!

Alrighty, plot: The idea of a witch born in the Muggle world but not a Muggleborn is interesting and unique. I'm not sure if you plan to do this (and if you do then just ignore me) but some further explanation of why she was raised this way would be interesting and be great back story. Still as I was saying, that she is unaware of Krum's fame is a great element as it doesn't make her immediately star struck. I also like that at first she thought he looked like a kindred spirit but then grew to hate him. This is often the reverse of most stories and it's a great start. Though I'm assuming that she grows to like him again later? (fingers crossed)

One little detail I would mention is that when she flies off on her broom and he follows she originally says 'catch me if you can' which would be initiative to follow her so it doesn't quite make sense that she's mad at him for following. Though I do like the idea that she doesn't need protection. Another minor continuity thing is that when the hooded figure is at Krums window I understand that you mean he catches a possible glimpse of a dark shape and goes to investigate but you might want to make it more clear. As f now it just seems a bit odd that he investigates carefully enough to find a blond hair when he didn't see anything initially.

As per your writing style I just have to say how amazing your detailing is. The paragraph about the hooded figure (I want to know who this person is!!... sorry curiosity got the better of me) but when they were crawling the wall the whole thing just flowed marvelously and read so well! Good job! You have a real knack for detail.

Overall I think you have a great start, your character names are so original! As far as Liza goes I think you've done well so far, she's fun to read about and easy to sympathies with. Just make sure she steers clear of Mary-Sue tendencies and you should be great. Well done and keep going!

~Astoria

Author's Response: Thank you so much for your detailed review! To answer some of your questions, I intend on explaining Liza's past a little later. I will also eventually reveal who the figure is, don't worry =] It might surprise you though.

Thanks for your input on my continuity. I will definitely look into restructuring those parts.


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Review #20, by TheDoctorChange: Getting to know

25th July 2011:
Hello, Astoria Viana here from the forums! Sorry for how late this review is but hope it helps!

Alrighty, plot first: I think you have really done Justice to Mrs. Malfoy, you gave her a youthful and naive aspect that made her outlook relatable as well as making the reader empathetic to her situation. Her hope that her child would bring love back into her marriage is believable and fits with your characterisation. The sight of her husband with another woman as motive to become cold with the exception of her deep caring for her child is very well done. It keeps true to the emathetic value of your story. Though I'm not all together sure the decision would have been at the same moment she saw Luius and the other woman. Perhaps if she went back to th manor in a rage but then had a good cry and got all of her emotions out at once then becomes cold and remains so. This change is up to you and I think it works either way but this change may help Narcissa's emotions be 'intense' enough. Again it works fine as is and and any change is up to you.

As for setting I love all the scenes at the manor though I'm not sure about how close any alleyways/buildings are in relativity to the Manor. (This being about the scene where Cissy finds Lucius and his mistress) So depending on how canon you want to be I might check Potter Lexicon to see aproximately how Malfoy Manor is situated compared to nearby buildings. Though this is just if you want to picky, it works with the story and I think you've done a great job with details so, again, up to you.

Overall I love your explanation of Narcissa's change, your characterization is really well done. I really felt bad for Cissy and her cold front was completely understandable. Well done!
~Astoria

Author's Response: hey there!

thank you so much for reading and taking the time to drop by such a wonderful review. I will keep your points in mind if I do an edit.

Thanks a lot once again and I'm glad you liked it.

cheers!
AD


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Review #21, by TheDoctorUnfairytale: PETER PAN.

12th July 2011:
Hello, Astoria Viana here from the forums.

First off, plot. No actually first off I just have to say I LOVE THE ENDING! Okay, now plot. no wait, I LOVE THE BEGINNING!!!... and the whole thing!! So yeah... I love you're plot. The whole thing has a sweet and beautiful innocence about it. The third and fourth paragraphs are my favorite. Your writing style is very poetic and flows marvelously. I can't thank you enough for having a romance without all the gushy bits. It fits perfectly with their characters and the small amount of dialog works well too.

Author's Response: Hi! Thanks for stopping by, dear. :)

Aww, thank you. I LOVE YOU. AND YOUR REVIEW. WAIT, NO, YOU MORE. ♥ I can't thank YOU enough for such a sweet review! ;)


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Review #22, by TheDoctorA Dangerous Influence: 1. The Beginning

12th July 2011:
Hello, Astoria Viana from the forums here. First off I am so sorry for how long it took me to review this. I was away for a while and when I got back I was really busy but here's the review! (with extra detail to make up for the lateness.)

Alrighty, plot:Well I can't say much yet since you only have one chapter but I do like what you do have. The idea of Astoria being the, well, goody two shoes of the sisters is great.I love her open attitude towards London. I love your writing style, it flows really well and gives a cheery outlook on everything. You give great details and even in a chapter without any high action or drama you still keep your reader engaged.

As for characters I just have to say how great it is to see a characterization of Astoria as not a snobby little... well anyway it's nice to see her with such a bright outlook. I like Daphne too and the relationship between the two is great and very believable.

All I can say is be careful of Mary Sue syndrome, I don't think either Astoria or Daphne have it but Astoria has potential to catch it. Since it's only the first chapter it's hard to tell but just a warning, though from what I've read in this chapter alone you have the writing talent to steer clear of Mary Sue-ism.

Overall this was a great chapter and I like where your story is going. You have a great writing style. Keep going and update soon!

~Astoria (not Greengrass)

Author's Response: Hi, I'm so sorry it took me a while to reply to this!

Thank you so much for the compliments on my writing. As there was no high action or drama, I was a little worried that there would be nothing there that would entice the readers back for chapter 2. I'm glad Astoria's cheery outlook came out through my writing, and as for Astoria being the goody two shoes, I'm especially glad you picked up on this as that is integral to the plot of the story.

Anyway, thank you so much for the review, I may be back to request again :)


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Review #23, by TheDoctorDo You Remember?: The Reparation

12th July 2011:
Hello! Astoria Viana here from the forums, and first let me just say how sorry I am for the lateness of this review. I was gone for a while and then everything was really busy when I got back. So again I am so sorry.

Alright, so first off, plot: Above all else your plot is... so wonderfully sweet! It's the perfect new beginnings story, it give Ron a second chance at love and the way everything flowed together was wonderful. I can't say enough about the ending, it was marvelous! It left the perfect beginning to a wonderful couple. without having he cliche sloppy kiss. The hug, the flowers, everything just worked so well.

As to characterization Ron, Luna, and George weren't strictly canon but they weren't so far from it that it was unbelievable. After all they have to grow up and change sometime. The idea of Ron having a drinking problem seemed a bit OC but if Hermione left him then I think it's possible. But let me stress that even if your characters were a bit OC I wouldn't change a thing. They work so well for your story and you feel empathetic towards all of them.

You're detailing is wonderful too, you give just enough, not enough for your reader to get lost in but not so little that only you can see what your trying to convey.

All I can say to work on is... uhm... I can't think of anything! Maybe give George a bit more humor and more of a carefree edge and Ron a bit less of a moody streak in future stories (not a drastic change or anything just a bit). I say in future stories because this story is so sweet the way it is that you shouldn't change anything!

Author's Response: No worries about the delay! Seeing a review at any time, no matter WHAT time, brightens my day. :3

And thank you for leaving such a long and sweet one! There is a large smile on my face right now and it is all thanks to you. :3 I am so glad to hear you liked the story!


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Review #24, by TheDoctorThe Seer: Epiphany

7th July 2011:
Alrighty! Astoria Viana here again with part two of your requested review :)

Okay, before I go back into the overall review I just have to say what a great chapter this is! Great twists and really well written. You have an amazingly unique story.

But back to the overall so far: So in terms of description I think you've mostly got it down. In terms of appearances and scenery I can't say I'd change anything. You really give the reader a great visual image of all your characters and the physical apearances fit to their characters well. Though I would say that when you describe physical actions things can get a bit confusing. In some cases (definetely not all) you go into too much detail about simpler things. The amount of detail is hard to take in and thus the reader loses the image of what you're trying to describe. I can't find a specific example right now but it's basically the use of step by step detail rather than the overall picture.

My last bit of constructive critisism is on your characterization of Harry and Ginny. I know this was in an earlier chapter but when James uses the F-word to Harry while in the hospital Harry's reaction is a bit unbelievable. Maybe this was just me but if someone I loved as much as I'm sure Harry loves James had just been through so much and had just gotten such life changing news I wouldn't nescessarily be to angry if the cussed. I understand that they're his parents so they should have a slightly stern reaction but I'm still not sure it would be that strong

Okay but back to this chapter. It's really well written and I'm completely hooked. I can't wait for the next chapter. The idea of James and Al having a thing for Norah is great. Be careful not to stray into cliche love triangle territory but from what I've read so far I think you have the talent not to do so. Also th twist with Alaric is great! especially with the bit about his captors wanting more information on Al than James, it'll be interesting to find out why. I would say the last two paragraphs of this chapter are a bit confusing. You might want to read over them again just to make sure they read how you want.

.and finally! Final thoughts: You've got a really original story here and the writing skills to see it through to the end with style. I can't be sure yet (since I'm just making guesses) but I think you have allot of great foreshadowing... if my suspicions are right anyways. Each of your chapters are well done and the length is great. I can't wait to find out where your story is going!

Hope this helps
~Astoria

Author's Response: Ah! Thank you SO MUCH for this review! You really did just make my day. Thank you, thank you!

I hope to see you back in the future chapters. :)


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Review #25, by TheDoctorThe Seer: Not Today

5th July 2011:
Hello, AstoriaViana here from the forums. i am so sorry, this took way longer than I expected but I promise to give an extra detailed review and review your latest chapter as well.

Alrighty, first off, plot: as I said before I think you have a beauty so far. Especially the lead in to your plot. Your not just jumping into high action, your giving the reader plenty of back story while still keeping their interest. The powerful seer idea is marvelous, especially since Harry made so much mockery of the subject during his Hogwarts years. I can't wait to find out what James' visions will mean.

The amount of research you did on epilepsy is very evident. The way you inform your reader about it is great too. Since James is learning about it himself you can tell the readers more on the subject without sounding teacherly or boring.

Still on the subject of epilepsy I just have to say how great I think it is that you made James have the disorder to go along with the visions, and not just the visions alone. Not only does it give the character so much more depth but it shows that people with epilepsy can still be strong and well thought of people. I personally know two people with epilepsy and it's great to see that your story doesn't portray people with epilepsy as weak cripples. Even if James is self conscious of the disorder he still carries himself well.

On the subject of James. The fact that he does get angry about the whispers about him is really believable. It's exactly how so many people would react and it gives the reader great insight into his outlook. Also his feelings towards Al are very realistic, especially since they were one sided.

On the subject of Al. I have to say you were verging on male Mary-Sue tendancies a bit though once James and Al had their talk I think this went away. This said I still wouldn't change anything since James is mad at Al for being so perfect. Especially now with the parselmouth twist I think your characterization of Al is just getting better and better. Since now both boys have a unique ability that many of the students know about. Though I;m not sureAl would have such a negative reaction towards the language. If he knows that Harry too spoke the language than he is less likely to connect the language to 'dark wizards only.'

Along with the subject of snakes, in the line "The snake blinked and pulled its head back to the floor." the snake blinks. Now if you're following canon then this owrks, after all in book one the snake at the zoo winks at Harry but as far as the real world snakes can't blink or wink. So I'd say it's up to you whether or not you keep that.

AHH! okay, this is getting way to long so I shall continue it on the next chapter. Hope Part 1 of this review helps though!

~Astoria

Author's Response: Oh my goodness. Thank you SO much for this review. It was so helpful, and I loved every bit of your criticism.

Thanks so much! You have no idea how much i appreciate it.

Yes, I didn't think too much about that whole snake part, but you're right. It winks in HP. We will just say this is an HP world and therefore the snakes can wink. ;)

Thank you!


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