Reading Reviews From Member: elephant828
11 Reviews Found

Review #1, by elephant828Say it For the Bones : Say it For the Bones

29th March 2012:
Hey, this is elephant828 from forums. Sorry it took too long to get to your review(I've been nourishing a new found love of Doctor Who...)

This is probably the most beautiful writing I have ever read on fanfiction. I can't even give any criticism, as I can't find anything to critique.

The little snippets that jumped all over the time line were wonderful and I didn't find myself confused at all. You did a very good job at your first slash fic. :)


Author's Response: Hi there! No worries, Doctor Who should always come first ;)

Thank you so much for your wonderful, wonderful review. *Squeee*. Thank you so much for those kind words - you have no idea how much that means to me.

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Review #2, by elephant828And Now A Word From Our Sponsors: One

20th March 2012:
That was so good! I can't even make any critiques. That's how much I enjoyed it. :D

The way you've written Rose is very entertaining. I like reading something written from the POV of the Quidditch commentator, as I've never read anything like that before.

Sadly, I have some other reviews for the thread that I'd like to get done today, but I'm adding this to my favorites so I can keep up to date with all the chapters. And leave you lots of reviews :)

P.S. The visual I have in my head of "a pimple on a baby giant's backside" is scarring. Never again will I be able to think of Hagrid and Grawp the same... ;)

Author's Response: Oh, thank you so much! And thank you for such a speedy review, too -- I really appreciate your taking the time to post a review thread. :)

I'm glad you liked Rose -- she's getting great reception, and that's so encouraging for me! She's a lot of fun to write, too, a lot more so than expected. :P

I'm so glad you enjoyed the story as much as you did! :3 I'll be posting chapter 3 tomorrow -- I'm really very excited about it! Hope to see you back soon!

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Review #3, by elephant828The Prankster and The Prefect: Black Markets and Falling In Love

19th March 2012:
I review as I go along, so any comments about your story as a whole will come after I adress things like sentence flow and any stand-out grammatical errors. :)

At the beginning of the chapter, I've noticed that you're using 'however' as an aside. This flows nicely with the writing, but you should place commas around it.

"But Hermione already knew that he was lying however Professor McGonagall chose that moment to sweep into the room, officially calling the meeting to order, preventing Hermione from pursuing the matter further." This is a bit of a run-on sentence. As you said you were concerned with the length, I think it would be okay if you just got rid of the words 'officially calling the meeting to order'. I don't think any meaning would be lost without this. :)

"She went through the mental list of who she spoke to and tried to second guess what they thought about her, especially people that didn’t know her that well but she felt herself lingering over George in particular." You should put a comma after 'well' in order to clarify the sentence's meaning.

"she was overcame with anger which she couldn’t control" I think you mean 'overcome' :)

"The actions she took next stunned even herself, with her not believing she had actually got that amount of anger built up inside her. Storming over to George in the corner, she snatched the bag he was holding out to first years before berating him about his immaturity and irresponsibility" I think you should go into more detail here. It would be great to see some of their interaction and to see George's reaction to her verbal abuse.

"As she approached further, she noticed that he had put his hands out in an attempt to guard what was behind his back. He looked flustered and had that same Weasley blush, Ron always had when he was embarrassed or trying to hide something. George looked somewhat like a five year old who’d been caught with his hand in the cookie jar." I like your characterization of George here. You stay very true to character, which is a difficult thing to do when you're trying to distiguish George from Fred. :D

"throwing his head into an armchair whilst holding his head in his hands, groaning loudly." This is worded oddly and is kind of confusing.

"She rolled his eyes at his lack of forward planning." I think it should be 'She rolled her eyes'

"George looked confused at her sudden change in behaviour and wondered for a moment whether she had swallowed the Essence of Insanity hidden in one of the boxes somewhere." On a side note, the bit about the Essence of Insanity made me chuckle. :) It was a very George-y statement.

"She liked his touch and the way his fingers just caressed her scalp, making her feel relaxed and comfortable around the guy that was her best friend’s brother." I would change the part at the end of the sentence about George being Hermione's best friend's brother. I'd like to think that she wouldn't be thinking about Ron while kissing George. ;)

"Peeves seemed to be floating around on the astronomy tower but neither of them even wanted to imagine what he was doing. Probably leaving a trail of destruction in his path for Filch to have to tidy up and moan about in the morning." You included Peeves! You have no idea how excited that makes me. :) He's always neglected in Fanfiction.

The whole chapter was very cute. Hermione/George is always an interesting read. I liked your idea that Hermione would even give up her no-rule-breaking lifestyle for George. :)

Keep Writing!


Author's Response: WOW! Thank you so much for such a long review and getting to my request so quickly!

My over use of the word however... I really really need to stop using it as much! Thank you for pointing it out, at least now I know people do notice it!

Your comments will be so helpful when I have change to edit this!

Hermione's verbal outburst to George is actually canon so I couldn't expand on that without going over the three line rule which really really sucked otherwise I would have expanded more about the reaction ect.

I have a clear distinction in my mind about the characters of Fred and George and I tried to show this in here. So I'm glad you liked it!

Peeves is a star! I have got half of a story written about him so let me know if you want to read it when it's up!

I'm glad you liked it!

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Review #4, by elephant828Bellatrix's Little Trial: A Dog Day Afternoon

24th February 2012:
"'I am going to kill you one day Sirius! Mark my words.' She shouted after him."

Foreshadowing! :)

I really liked this. I love Bellatrix and I think you captured her before she went completely insane really well. At this point in her life (before Askaban) she was just... mostly insane.

I also liked your incorporation of Sirius. His pranks are some of my favorite things to read. I've never read something where he pranked Bellatrix, and I think what you wrote was very creative. :)

Thanks for the swap. :P

Author's Response: Haha, thank you! Bellatrix is like my favorite because of her crazy, so I was very surprised that I was able to capture her close to right.

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Review #5, by elephant828Coming Home: Coming Home

16th February 2012:
I really liked this. I think your characterization was great. Ron and Hermione are extremely hard to write, but I think you did a good job with that.
I also loved the format that went from Ron to Hermione's POV. I think your experiment with style was a success. :) Good job.

Author's Response: I'm so glad you enjoyed this story! I've not written a lot of Hermione, so getting into her head was a minor challenge. But I LOVE writing Ron. :)

And I'm so pleased that you think my experiment was successful! :P The more I write, the more I love playing around with the /way/ I write. I cannot get enough. Thank you so much for being willing to leave a review, and I'm so glad you enjoyed the story! ♥

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Review #6, by elephant828The Middle: A Little Less Seventeen Candles

27th November 2011:
I loved the first chapter and I plan on reading the other ones too, but I just had to say how much I love Minnie. I really relate to her, being a middle child myself, and we share the same birthday! well anyways, good writing and I look forward to reading more of your story!

Author's Response: Aw, thank you so much! Haha, that's pretty cool how you guys have the same birthday, and I'm happy to hear that she's relatable. Glad that you enjoyed it, and thanks again for the review!

-Camila :)

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Review #7, by elephant828Unkempt : Unkempt

8th November 2011:
That was really cute :) i liked it

Author's Response: thanks so much :) glad you enjoyed it!

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Review #8, by elephant828Paper Cuts: Paper Cuts

6th November 2011:
I loved it. I feel like you really got ron and hermione right. A lot of fanfics have problems characterizing them like JKR did. Good job. :)

Author's Response: That has to be one of the nicest things anyone has ever said in a review to me. To get a character right like JKR is just... wow.

Glad you liked this!

Thank you so much for your kind words,

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Review #9, by elephant828The World Before Us: Going on About Lily

2nd July 2011:
I really like this :D Its refressing to read from James' POV for once, and I can tell that you've put a lot of effort into it. Nice grammer ;) Can't wait to read more!

Author's Response: Thank you so much! :)

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Review #10, by elephant828Poison & Wine: The Nicest Thing

17th April 2011:
I love this story so much! You're writing is beautiful and this is one of the only stories of read on HPFF where Ginny is actually in character.

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Review #11, by elephant828Poison & Wine: Hit The Lights

8th April 2011:
I love your story!

and btw, as much as I love Harry, I like Mark too. I think you should keep him around a while...

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