Hey, this is elephant828 from forums. Sorry it took too long to get to your review(I've been nourishing a new found love of Doctor Who...)
This is probably the most beautiful writing I have ever read on fanfiction. I can't even give any criticism, as I can't find anything to critique.
The little snippets that jumped all over the time line were wonderful and I didn't find myself confused at all. You did a very good job at your first slash fic. :)
-KristenAuthor's Response: Hi there! No worries, Doctor Who should always come first ;)
Thank you so much for your wonderful, wonderful review. *Squeee*. Thank you so much for those kind words - you have no idea how much that means to me. Report Review
That was so good! I can't even make any critiques. That's how much I enjoyed it. :D
The way you've written Rose is very entertaining. I like reading something written from the POV of the Quidditch commentator, as I've never read anything like that before.
Sadly, I have some other reviews for the thread that I'd like to get done today, but I'm adding this to my favorites so I can keep up to date with all the chapters. And leave you lots of reviews :)
P.S. The visual I have in my head of "a pimple on a baby giant's backside" is scarring. Never again will I be able to think of Hagrid and Grawp the same... ;)Author's Response: Oh, thank you so much! And thank you for such a speedy review, too -- I really appreciate your taking the time to post a review thread. :)
I'm glad you liked Rose -- she's getting great reception, and that's so encouraging for me! She's a lot of fun to write, too, a lot more so than expected. :P
I'm so glad you enjoyed the story as much as you did! :3 I'll be posting chapter 3 tomorrow -- I'm really very excited about it! Hope to see you back soon! Report Review
I review as I go along, so any comments about your story as a whole will come after I adress things like sentence flow and any stand-out grammatical errors. :)
At the beginning of the chapter, I've noticed that you're using 'however' as an aside. This flows nicely with the writing, but you should place commas around it.
"But Hermione already knew that he was lying however Professor McGonagall chose that moment to sweep into the room, officially calling the meeting to order, preventing Hermione from pursuing the matter further." This is a bit of a run-on sentence. As you said you were concerned with the length, I think it would be okay if you just got rid of the words 'officially calling the meeting to order'. I don't think any meaning would be lost without this. :)
"She went through the mental list of who she spoke to and tried to second guess what they thought about her, especially people that didn’t know her that well but she felt herself lingering over George in particular." You should put a comma after 'well' in order to clarify the sentence's meaning.
"she was overcame with anger which she couldn’t control" I think you mean 'overcome' :)
"The actions she took next stunned even herself, with her not believing she had actually got that amount of anger built up inside her. Storming over to George in the corner, she snatched the bag he was holding out to first years before berating him about his immaturity and irresponsibility" I think you should go into more detail here. It would be great to see some of their interaction and to see George's reaction to her verbal abuse.
"As she approached further, she noticed that he had put his hands out in an attempt to guard what was behind his back. He looked flustered and had that same Weasley blush, Ron always had when he was embarrassed or trying to hide something. George looked somewhat like a five year old who’d been caught with his hand in the cookie jar." I like your characterization of George here. You stay very true to character, which is a difficult thing to do when you're trying to distiguish George from Fred. :D
"throwing his head into an armchair whilst holding his head in his hands, groaning loudly." This is worded oddly and is kind of confusing.
"She rolled his eyes at his lack of forward planning." I think it should be 'She rolled her eyes'
"George looked confused at her sudden change in behaviour and wondered for a moment whether she had swallowed the Essence of Insanity hidden in one of the boxes somewhere." On a side note, the bit about the Essence of Insanity made me chuckle. :) It was a very George-y statement.
"She liked his touch and the way his fingers just caressed her scalp, making her feel relaxed and comfortable around the guy that was her best friend’s brother." I would change the part at the end of the sentence about George being Hermione's best friend's brother. I'd like to think that she wouldn't be thinking about Ron while kissing George. ;)
"Peeves seemed to be floating around on the astronomy tower but neither of them even wanted to imagine what he was doing. Probably leaving a trail of destruction in his path for Filch to have to tidy up and moan about in the morning." You included Peeves! You have no idea how excited that makes me. :) He's always neglected in Fanfiction.
The whole chapter was very cute. Hermione/George is always an interesting read. I liked your idea that Hermione would even give up her no-rule-breaking lifestyle for George. :)
-KristenAuthor's Response: WOW! Thank you so much for such a long review and getting to my request so quickly!
My over use of the word however... I really really need to stop using it as much! Thank you for pointing it out, at least now I know people do notice it!
Your comments will be so helpful when I have change to edit this!
Hermione's verbal outburst to George is actually canon so I couldn't expand on that without going over the three line rule which really really sucked otherwise I would have expanded more about the reaction ect.
I have a clear distinction in my mind about the characters of Fred and George and I tried to show this in here. So I'm glad you liked it!
Peeves is a star! I have got half of a story written about him so let me know if you want to read it when it's up!
I'm glad you liked it! Report Review
You made me tear up! :P I'm prone to crying at sentimental stuff. This was really good. I love Remus/Tonks and the thought of them watching their son board the Hogwarts Express is really sweet. I also loved the quote from PoA. Good job! :)Author's Response: Hey!
Don't cry! *hugs*
Well.. ok I have to admit I even got a little sentimental writing this. I love Remus and Tonks too, they're my favorite ship out there! :D Well... maybe I just have a little bit of an unhealthy obsession with Remus Lupin, but whatever! :p
Thanks so so much for reading, and reviewing! Report Review
"'I am going to kill you one day Sirius! Mark my words.' She shouted after him."
I really liked this. I love Bellatrix and I think you captured her before she went completely insane really well. At this point in her life (before Askaban) she was just... mostly insane.
I also liked your incorporation of Sirius. His pranks are some of my favorite things to read. I've never read something where he pranked Bellatrix, and I think what you wrote was very creative. :)
Thanks for the swap. :PAuthor's Response: Haha, thank you! Bellatrix is like my favorite because of her crazy, so I was very surprised that I was able to capture her close to right. Report Review
This was so funny! I had to contain my laughter so my family wouldn't think I was weird... I don't normally burst out laughing while staring at my computer screen.
"We all spun around, to see Ron standing over the coffee table in front of the couch holding out his arm and fuming heavily; he just karate chopped it in half at the sight of Harry kissing Ginny."
My favorite line. Ever. The mental image I get of Ron karate chopping a couch in half is just too much!
I think you covered all of the Dramione cliches. I also loved the ending with Shane. If only I had a boyfriend that loved Harry Potter. Sigh.Author's Response: Thanks :) I had so much fun writing this. I have to do the same thing; I read at work on breaks, so I get a few strange looks every once in a while :)
haha... that's my favorite line too :D It's the image that gets me. It just over-exaggerates Ron's temper about Ginny and Harry to such a random point, I loved writing it.
My boyfriend can tolerate Harry Potter. He thinks i'm a little nuts sometimes :p
You'll find him!! :D Thanks for the review! Report Review
I really liked this. I think your characterization was great. Ron and Hermione are extremely hard to write, but I think you did a good job with that.
I also loved the format that went from Ron to Hermione's POV. I think your experiment with style was a success. :) Good job.Author's Response: I'm so glad you enjoyed this story! I've not written a lot of Hermione, so getting into her head was a minor challenge. But I LOVE writing Ron. :)
And I'm so pleased that you think my experiment was successful! :P The more I write, the more I love playing around with the /way/ I write. I cannot get enough. Thank you so much for being willing to leave a review, and I'm so glad you enjoyed the story! ♥ Report Review
The perfect beginning to an amazing relationship. :) A very cute one-shot. I'm glad it was Remus who flirted with her. He's usually shown as very timid, but I think you got his character down better than in a lot of stories I've read.
Gotta love a good Remus and Tonks fic :)
-KristenAuthor's Response: Thanks :) I was looking to make it adorable. I'm glad you liked his character; that means a lot because he's my favorite.
I think even if he is a bit timid and shy, the marauder side of him would at least be able to let him flirt a little :D
I love Remus and Tonks, they're my favorite adult couple :) Thanks so much! Report Review
I loved the first chapter and I plan on reading the other ones too, but I just had to say how much I love Minnie. I really relate to her, being a middle child myself, and we share the same birthday! well anyways, good writing and I look forward to reading more of your story!Author's Response: Aw, thank you so much! Haha, that's pretty cool how you guys have the same birthday, and I'm happy to hear that she's relatable. Glad that you enjoyed it, and thanks again for the review!
-Camila :) Report Review
That was really cute :) i liked itAuthor's Response: thanks so much :) glad you enjoyed it! Report Review
I loved it. I feel like you really got ron and hermione right. A lot of fanfics have problems characterizing them like JKR did. Good job. :)Author's Response: That has to be one of the nicest things anyone has ever said in a review to me. To get a character right like JKR is just... wow.
Glad you liked this!
Thank you so much for your kind words,
Joop. Report Review
I really like this :D Its refressing to read from James' POV for once, and I can tell that you've put a lot of effort into it. Nice grammer ;) Can't wait to read more!Author's Response: Thank you so much! :) Report Review
I love this story so much! You're writing is beautiful and this is one of the only stories of read on HPFF where Ginny is actually in character. Report Review
I love your story!
and btw, as much as I love Harry, I like Mark too. I think you should keep him around a while... Report Review
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