Reading Reviews From Member: huffleherbs
  
33 Reviews Found

Review #1, by huffleherbsUnder the Shade of a Tree: Tatiana had one of her ‘fantastical’ ideas.

11th May 2011:
Hi! :) This has a really nice plot and it was a lot of fun to read, even if it was a little difficult to understand who was speaking from time to time.

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Review #2, by huffleherbsWeasley Revenge Day: Weasley Revenge Day

4th May 2011:
This. Is. Brilliant. I'll be announcing the winners when I can be bothered to make a blog ;D

Author's Response: Wow, thanks! Will look out for that! :D

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Review #3, by huffleherbsGrowing Up Is Hard, Arnold: Growing Up Is Hard, Arnold

4th May 2011:
This was really cute to read! It's like something that I really could imagine happening in the Potter household :)

Author's Response: I felt the need, now that I can, to finally respond to you. Thank you very much! I try to be as true to what could happen as possible.

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Review #4, by huffleherbsInsane. : They Call Me Insane.

4th May 2011:
This is so cute! I love the way how Lily is a teensy, tiny, ickle bit totally and utterly mental! :D Winners will be up within the week on my blog :)

Author's Response: I'm glad you liked it. :) Can't wait to find out!

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Review #5, by huffleherbsTales from the Crusadiverse: The Adventures of Reckless Git and Danger Ponce - Part 1

17th April 2011:
The banter between the couples is so funny, and you've written this really well. Your action scenes are always amazing and I can't wait to read the next chapter ;D

Author's Response: Ok, my heads starting to swell. I'm glad you had as much fun reading this as I had writing it.

Thanks again!

Eldy


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Review #6, by huffleherbsTales from the Crusadiverse: Hermione's Wand

17th April 2011:
I really like this chapter! It clears up a lot of questions about the wand- and it shows some really nice bonding between Molly and Hermione!

Author's Response: Hi! thanks for leaving a review.

i'm glad you think the explanation works. I always thought a little more back story on her keeping Bella's wand was necessary.

Eldy


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Review #7, by huffleherbsThe Power of Love: The Passion of a Thousand Suns

27th March 2011:
OH MY GOD BEST ENDING I'VE EVER READ

Author's Response: I KNOW, RIGHT? SO AWESOME.
Thanks! :D


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Review #8, by huffleherbsThe Ford Anglia Flies! : The Ford Anglia Flies!

24th March 2011:
Hi, huffleherbs here :)

Gramatically it's very good, but I did notice that in the first paragraph there should probably be a "for" inbetween the second "Fred and George annoying Ron and Ginny".

You've used your 1000 words really well: the story had a coherant plot and a good amount of detail. I like seeing how the Anglia first flew, I think it's a good missing moment :)

The twins seem a little younger than 14 in this, but maybe that's just me. Overall, this is a really nice one-shot to read :)

Author's Response: Thanks for reviewing.

I'm glad you pointed out that mistake; I'll correct it now. :)

I'm glad you liked it. I tried to keep it simple, which is probably why the twins seem a little younger. I'll have to see if I can change that.

Thanks again :)

-Soohia x


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Review #9, by huffleherbsPesky Parchment : Engagement Parchment

22nd March 2011:
This was so funny! I haven't read the other chapters yet, but it made perfect sense without that context. I'm a big Rose-Teddy shipper, so this was really cute! You used the quote amazingly :) Well done and I'll be announcing the winners in May :)

Author's Response: Aw, I'm glad you liked it! Thanks for stopping by and reviewing it :)

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Review #10, by huffleherbsCaptivity: CHAPTER THREE - Transition

20th March 2011:
This is phenomenal and I really can't wait to read more! Keep writing!

Author's Response: Thank you! I will, don' t worry :P This has a way to go yet.

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Review #11, by huffleherbsSymbiosis: A New World

14th March 2011:
She seems really, really eloquent and mature for an eleven year old. Then again, I suppose she's not too far off Hermione in her first year!

Lily's in it! I love little-Lily, she's adorable! The candy rose is a lovely idea too, little details like that make a story better.

Hupplepuff? :O As a proud 'Puff, I've gotta hope that it was a deliberate misspelling ;)

I like this, but as with every single Marauder story you run the risk of writing a cliche. You should consider getting a banner over at TDA to make your story stand out in the queue. Keep writing, it's going really well so far :)

Author's Response: I did really consider whether she was too well-spoken, but I decided that I know quite a few only children who went off to boarding school and were quite eloquent. Anyway, I decided even if it was over the top this was only a prologue and then it skips four years hahahah :)

I literally laughed my head off at the Hupplepuff thing! I must have been awfully tired.

I have been worried about the cliche-y-ness, but I think I may have a way to solve it pretty soon!

Thank you so, so much for the insight! :)


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Review #12, by huffleherbsOne and Only: One

14th March 2011:
Now, this is really interesting. I've never seen this pairing before, and even if I wasn't reviewing then the brilliant summary would probably draw me in.

I love the idea. You've written it so that the reader really does want Molly to win over Teddy from just the summary! The language is a little clunky at times, you might wanna read it aloud and see how it sounds :)

This has a lot of promise, and you should keep writing and rerequest reviews :)

Author's Response: It's one of my top pairings. I adore it ♥

I'm so glad you mentioned the summary. It took forever to get this and it was only intended to be a first draft but my desire to post it got overwhelming and it stuck.

I think it's more a case of Teddy winning over Molly rather than vice versa (or Molly winning over herself) but I'm very glad you're rooting for them! That's what I want to hear ^_^

Clunky? Hmm...okay. I'll have another read and see what I can do; I forget that some people aren't very used to my style of writing which sadly is a bit heavy going at times. I'll work on it.

Thank you so much - definitely don't plan on stopping writing it any time soon :P


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Review #13, by huffleherbsChildren's Crusade: On the Beach and in the Shop

11th March 2011:
'Reckless Git and Danger Ponce'! Dying!

Author's Response: Hehehe. Glad you liked that. Its one of my favorite flourishes.

Crusade itself has several prequels. Harry and Ron first got the nicknames "Reckless Git and Danger Ponce" in "Battle of the Pitch," a novella that takes place two years before "Crusade." It gets referenced again in the short story "The Proposal", which takes place a few weeks before "Crusade."

Anyway, its a little jab the ladies keep for their ne'er do well boyfriends. Happy to see it got you laughing.

Eldy


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Review #14, by huffleherbsChildren's Crusade: A Better Place

11th March 2011:
Ee this is fantastic! I'm so glad I saw your thread on HPFFF, but I still agree that they need a peaceful ending after all this drama! :)

Author's Response: Hey, thanks for dropping by!

Peaceful ending, eh? Hmmm. Well, I can tell you the cast is in for a very bumpy ride in this story. Still haven't decided what'll happen when I start writing again. We'll just have to see.

Great to hear from you.

Eldy


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Review #15, by huffleherbsVertigo: Spectemur agendo

7th March 2011:
SexGod!Sirius is quite overdone, and this isn't canon. That could put a lot of readers off on initial reading, although it's generally quite well written so I imagine that people will see past that. I understand that this was written pre-DH, so I won't comment anymore on minor inaccuracies in the plot.

I like that she isn't head over heels in love with James initially or suddenly, it's best when that romance blossoms slowly. The language could be more descriptive and you could go more in-depth with relationships if you choose. The grammar is fine and the plot is good too. Keep writing and resubmit if you'd like me to review more chapters, as I only review one at a time! :)

Author's Response: Thanks for reviewing so quickly. Honestly I didn't think I characterized Sirius as a sex good, just a popular, good looking boy. I thought I made it clear that he actually wasn't like that - just that girls perceived him that way. Thanks for the other tips!

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Review #16, by huffleherbsNothing: Nothing

7th March 2011:
Albus doesn't seem very sympathetic or positive about his cousin! I understand that he's Scorpius's best friend, but he's related to Rose too.

That's literally my only flaw, because I love this! I'm not a fan of song-fics, and when I opened my thread I was tempted to put it under what I wouldn't read. You've used the lyrcis brilliantly, and I really feel sympathetic for Scorpius. The characterization is fantastic and you really do want them to get back together.

I just listened to the song too, so thank you for that! :D Keep writing things like this and feel free to resubmit more stories! :)

Author's Response: Hey!
I'm glad you reconsidered about reading this! I know song fics aren't everybody's cup of tea so I appreciate you reviewing it :)

Don't worry, I will be requesting more reviews from you ;)

-Sophia x


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Review #17, by huffleherbsThings just change.: The Decision

7th March 2011:
First of all, you need to put a real chapter summary to let readers know whats going on (and it looks neat!).

There are a few misspellings in here, have you considered applying for a beta? They could help with grammar and spelling, as well as general plot issues.

I think there are a few things you might want to look at: like the reason Mrs Lynn leaves Hermione to read the paper. It would be a lot more realistic if she just sent Hermione into a waiting room to read it!

I like the idea of witches or wizards being able to leave the wizarding world and join the muggle world! It's very interesting and imaginative! I'd be interested to see a little more description and to know how Hermione is feeling about the whole thing. Keep writing!

Author's Response: Hey! (:

I know I need a beta, I'm hopeless at proff reading my chapters I'm usually good with grammar and I'm really good at noticing when others get it wring but can never seem to find my own mistakes which sucks for this (and when handing in Alevel coursework!)

The next chapter explains the reasons behind her decision in more detail...

And yes, I think it's a nice thing that it's open to all whiches or wizards (above 17) no matter what blood-status (wouldn't it be funny for a Pureblood who'd never seens a kettle before!)

Thanks again for the lovely review (:
Melliex


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Review #18, by huffleherbsRebelling Your Way Into My Heart: Chapter 1

7th March 2011:
I think this is becoming quite clichéd. You've got a gorgeous best friend character who seems to have zero flaws, and you've got a gorgeous, smart, rich love interest, although your main character is "normal-looking". I like that Rose isn't tame or boring, but she does run the risk of becoming a character that we've all read dozens of times before. Try to steer away from "perfect" characters, flaws can help a reader relate to your character better and make the story seem more realistic. Don't be discouraged: this is a really popular pairing so it's always going to be a bit over-done.

I mentioned getting a beta in my last review, and I'd really stress that because there are a few grammar and syntax errors that you could have corrected. Nothing too major, but it's worth looking at.

Overall, I think you've got a good characterisation of Rose and a good plot idea although you have a few areas in which you could improve. Keep writing and I hope I was of some help!

Author's Response: I think you've got to keep in mind that the narrator is Rose herself, and Suzie seems perfect to her but to other people of course this view is going to be different. I am planning on writing it from different POVs. And yeah I've planned for Rose to have a few flaws which I can't exactly go into because it'll ruin it.

Thank you for reviewing =]


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Review #19, by huffleherbsRebelling Your Way Into My Heart: Prologue

7th March 2011:
This runs the risk of being very cliche, although I think Rose's rebellious spirit negates that somewhat.

You've used "The Golden Trio" to describe Harry, Ron and Hermione, and referenced everybody "expecting" James to be a trouble-maker. It comes across that you're taking out-of-world details and using them within your narrative. If you have a beta, they'll be able to pick up minor things like that.

This is a short prologue, so I'm going to review the next chapter as well.

Author's Response: Thanks for reviewing. I got a beta after I posted the first chapter so hopefully she should help with stuff like that.

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Review #20, by huffleherbsLa Malédiction: Parler des enfants

7th March 2011:
Your authors note has cleared up a couple of questions I had.

I know that they're speaking old French, but the dialogue still seems a bit too clunky and forced. By all means, don't colloquilise or modernise the language if you don't want to (in fact, I'd really recommend not "updating" it) but you might want to just read the dialogue aloud. It almost sounds as if you're trying to emulate the dialogue from the Dr Who episode. It's fine: but maybe consider getting a beta for the finer points like these.

I'm also slightly confused as to who these people are, I think you need to go into a bit more detail and background in the story. The prologue and the first chapter don't really link up, so maybe have another look at that.

It's a good fic overall but needs some minor editing. Look into getting a beta. Keep writing and resumbit for review when you have some more chapters!

Author's Response: I do have a beta and I asked her about this and she thinks that she may not have acutally gone over this so we plan on fixing that up very quickly.

Okay, I admit I didn't explain that- The prologue was ten years into the future for Chapter One. So yeah, I go backwards.

Thank you so much for taking your time to review.

x Ely


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Review #21, by huffleherbsLa Malédiction: Prologue

7th March 2011:
This is very short, even for a prologue. I would have liked to see a bit more detail of what I'm sure is a gorgeous setting, as it's set in a manor!

It's very hard to tell whether your main character is a witch, although I'd have to assume that she is for obvious reasons.

I can't say much more about this because it's so short, so I'm going to review the next chapter as well. Keep writing!

Author's Response: I wanted to sort of keep this chapter short and sweet because in a sense this is really the end of the entire fic and I didn't want to give much away.

Yes, Sylvie is a witch. I just wasn't quite sure how to through that in there.

Thank you for taking the time to review.

x Ely


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Review #22, by huffleherbsWith the Devil: Chapter One

7th March 2011:
Hi! You already know that the chapter is quite short so I won't get into that.

The lines "Perhaps the entire village was dead. Like my mother. Dead and buried." don’t go into enough detail, and makes the death of Constance's mother seem quite inconsequential. There are a few lines here that could be expanded on, although you might be saving expansion for later.

I like the characterisation, she seems genuine and what you'd expect from a confused witch in a Puritan society! I love the Crucible, and like reading what you've done with the idea. I would point out that Constance maybe doesn't seem worried enough about what would happen if she was discovered to be a witch.

Overall, a good introduction that would make the reader want to continue reading. Keep writing and resubmit this for review if you'd like: I'll probably read it anyway when I get the time!

Author's Response: Thanks so much for the thoughtful review! It was great hearing from you and I really do appreciate your kind comments. I hope you have a pleasant weekend. ^_^ Take care!

Best,
celticbard


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Review #23, by huffleherbsCaptivity: PROLOGUE

6th March 2011:
Okay, so I love this. I've never read a fic that I wanted to read more of so badly, but I haven't got time to review all the chapters right now. I'll do that later.

This is a fantastic plot and the language use is perfect. The way you switch between different perspectives: Ron on the front-line, Rose at home, and Hogwarts, is really effective and it helps the reader understand what’s going on.

You've invented such a convincing plot that it almost feels as if this was taken from Rowling's notes or something. Not an eloquent way of saying it, but this is just really good.

I wouldn't use so many spaces between each scene break, it comes across as disjointed and a bit sporadic.

For a prologue, it’s amazing and it would definitely make people want to read on. Keep writing!

Author's Response: Thank you so much! That is amazing, I am so glad you like it. I will be updating this regularly. I have never written an action/adventure before, so I am pretty concerned about the pacing of it, but I am so glad to hear you enjoyed it!

The whole story will be switching perspectives a lot, so I hope I don't confuse you!

Sorry about the spacing, its the curse of both laziness and the use of the advanced editor. That's what I get for actually italicizing and not including my coding in my word document!

Thank you so much!!!


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Review #24, by huffleherbsplaying with fire: Playing With Fire

6th March 2011:
You could get a fantastic banner with this title, so if you haven't already requested one at TDA then do that!

I'd bold your authors note, and make a more definitive break between the A/N and the bulk of the story.

I really like how you make lust a huge factor in this; usually Rose/Scorpius stories are quite fluffy. I'd like to see this made longer; the end just doesn’t seem fitting with the rest of the story. It starts out fantastically but does decline somewhat in the style and language towards the end.

Hope I was some help, and sorry that I always sound so critical! If you decide to expand on this, then link me and I'll review :)

Author's Response: Thanks for all the tips, and no problem with being critical, critical was just what i needed :)

Thanks again

Megan
xx


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Review #25, by huffleherbsThe dreamland of angels: Act 1 – Curtain call

4th March 2011:
Oh, God! I didn't realise this was you! :D

I was going to get around to this, but I've been inundated with Biology work! Enough about me and more about your fabulous chapter.

This should, quite simply, have loads more bloody reviews! I'm concerned that the chapter length might be putting some people off: 5000 words is a lot for a chapter! Maybe split them into two seperate, smaller chapters, if that's something you’re willing to do.

I love that it's her. Focused on her, her ballet obligations, her friends, her studying, rather than having it begin with her being totally Sirius-crazy! No fic that I've read has mixed a muggle-life with a Hogwarts-life, so this is fantastic! :D

You already know how much I love this, so I'll try to offer critique rather than purely praise.

Still not keen on the double spacing, although I suppose it might be easier for some people to read. Alicia seems a little bit over the top sometimes, although that does make her perfect as a friend for the more reserved Anya.

I'm also struggling to figure out who exactly is magical and who isn't: although maybe that's intentional on your part of stupidity on mine.

Oh, I can't criticise this, even constructively. I love it! Keep writing!

Author's Response: Hi! Thank you for getting my request. Id posted after your slots were filled, but it was an honest mistake i swear. I know that about the length... Ive been trying to split them in two parts and all that. the first chapter was actually done that way. (yes, half of this chapter was supposed to belong with the first one... i know, im insane) I just wish i could be more eloquent with my writing, but that ability takes a lot more skill than I have. Ill try though.

Wow, you like me focusing on her?! THATS FANTASTIC!!!:D That was the point, you know, focusing on this kinda weird girl that could be anyone and then making her change 180 degrees as she starts to open up. I have dropped hints about the Sirius thing, but never too obvious because I want these first chapters to be about her.
Im making plans about her life at Hogwarts and its going to be lots of fun writing that part - because she isnt particularly keen on magic. Cant wait to get there.

Im sorry again for the dounble spacing. I edited them out when you first mentioned it in your last chapter, but I guess the edit is still in the que. ;P

About Alicia being over the top and why/how Anya is friends with her - thats going to be mentioned in the fourth chapter, where Anya kinda wonders herself what she has in comon with this girl.

Only Alicia and Anya (and respective families, though I havent gotten to that part yet) are magical. All others are not. Ive been asked this before and I have tried to make it more obvious, but aparently i have still to work on that. I mentioned in the first chapter that everyone in Anya's ballet school is muggle... but its been 10.000 words since then, so I understand the confusion ;P


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