Reading Reviews From Member: Shinicha
  
99 Reviews Found

Review #1, by ShinichaCharlotte: Charlotte

26th November 2014:
Hey! Sorry about the delay with reviewing, I just couldn't get it done yesterday.

I think your story is...wow, very intense. There are several things I thought were very daring and executed extremely well, it's really a very ambitious and great story.

First of all: Telling a story of TWO lives over a time span of ten years in a one-shot with only one chapter!
I wouldn't have thought that it was possible. Moreover, you showed both sides of the story wihtout having to change the POV or making Charlotte seem out of character. This is really quite an achievement.

Your story was gripping right from the beginning. The intro was so well done - even though I had no idea WHO was speking tho whom and what it was about, it felt emotional and very real, simply by describing how her body reacts to the intensity of the moment.

Also, the interaction between the past and the present was great. Within one sentence you could convey what had happened when and why it is relevant in only one sentence - her spoken-out comments being integrated into the story very naturally.

It is a very mature story, but even though I am quite young, I can understand the pressure the characters have experienced, the sacrifices they made, and the choices they made. You managed to put across the complexity of family relations, the reasons for love or pretending to love, the pressure of society and having children, in this short story: wow. If i tried to dissect the story into all its plot components and retell it to another person noone would believe me that it could be dealt with in less than 6000 words. And still, it never felt to stuffed of rushed.

Two things I would like to suggest:
The punctuation marks before and after direct speech are a little bit confusing. Often you'd do it like this:
.her husband, "I should have ended things...

I personally find the ," combination somewhat confusing.

Here, the sentence just ends after a ,":
.it wasn't what either of us had wanted,"

But sometimes it would be like this:
...too many to name. "If we ever see each other again ...

Maybe you could take a look at the transitions between direct speech and text one more time!

Another thing is: I think you built up the suspense extremely well: For most part of the story we do NOT know that Sam is a woman, I'm guessing that this ambiguous name is chosen on purpose. So I think it might be a good idea to take out the A/N at the beginning where it is revealed that this is a Slash story! (even though, admittedly, for now the "Advisory" Slash does still exist)

Anyway, thank you for this great story, it was a real pleasure to read :)

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Review #2, by ShinichaThe Internal Monologue of Annett Sinclaire Kluge: The Effectiveness and Efficacy of Combined Action

23rd November 2014:
Another chapterr!!

First of all, thank you so much for your author's responses, I'm really happy that you find my comments helpful, and of course it's my pleasure to read&review! (But I think I expressed myself confusingly when I asked about the secret hiding place of Annett: I hadn't forgotten that it was in the library, but in the last chapter it is actually never mentioned where she is at when Al finds her, that's why I asked if it was, in fact, her hiding place!)

This was such a great Quidditch game and such a Annett-ish way to perceive it. The way she describes the crouds as fireworks and how she struggles to fight with the anxiety was really well written. And the whole chapter was so funny! I'd like to see that stunt where Indra and Davied actually SWITCH their brooms in mid-air, haha. This is quite elaborate.

It's so hilarious how she switches between full-on concentration on the game with her computer-like analytic skills and "reality". The flirting with Jordan was probably the best bit, so hilarious, ahaha.

I think it's good the way the game turned out. It was Annie's first game after all (I think I'll stick to that nickname now :P ) and it fitted that she'd need time to adjust. You really used a lot of imagination on it too (as usual pushing the boundaries of what we conventionally think about Quidditch) - I think noone ever imagined a game played without broom!

And the moment Al caught her I was actually holding my breath. Sooo cute! It almost made MY skin tingle *swoon*

The upcoming prank has had a long innuendo, I can't wait for it to happen. I honestly have no idea what it could be, but it must involve some complicated mechanical installations if takes so long to prepare and all kinds of equipment. Whoa.
The misunderstandings between James&co and Incog Imp are awesome. You know when there was this fake-article on Banksy's (the street-artist) capture in the news a few weeks back? It made me think of Incog Imp - only the other way round! Noone really knows if Banksy is a single individuum but everyone just assumes it, just as with Anett where everyone simply took it for granted that there must be several persons behind it. (which they now actually are, which is, again, so cool)

I liked the Slytherin way of dealing with their loss, and how it perplexes Annett. Fundamental Attribution Error, oh Annett!

Just small things about the German:
"Damn it" doesn't translate to "Verdammt es", it's just "Verdammt"
And maybe instead of "Dankeschön" (written jointly) "Vielen (, vielen) Dank" is better (dankeschön is very formal, not what you'd say when you're stirred up)

Anyways, wonderful chapter!

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Review #3, by ShinichaJust Another Midnight Run: Small-Time Hoods

15th November 2014:
Every person Rose talks to seems tothink Knappter is really bad business, and she still only listens to Ron! I'm wondering if Scorpius knows something too, I thought his reaction at that one time was a bis suspicious. I'm really hoping that the Mafoys aren't involved in dark business anymore... sorry about my meaningless bubbling. Overall a wo.derful chapter, everything you thoughtup for the characters' pasts and their habits is awesome and thought through. Love it!

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Review #4, by ShinichaJust Another Midnight Run: Weasley Genes

15th November 2014:
Great chapter, you really mix suspense with humour so well! I also like that Victoire isn't the beautiful vixen that people usually imagine with her being Fleur's daughter...
I wasa bit confused because I thought you' mentioned Heronebeing a Healer in the first chapter, but I'm probably remembering wrongly.
Reading on, can't wait to find out what Scorpius came up with!

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Review #5, by ShinichaJust Another Midnight Run: Parmenter, Again

15th November 2014:
I started reading this story a long time ago but, for some reason, never finished it! I don't know I couldn't - this is great! :)

Author's Response: I'm glad you're back, then :) Thanks for reviewing, and I hope you like the story!

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Review #6, by ShinichaThe Internal Monologue of Annett Sinclaire Kluge: Developmental Revelations

11th November 2014:
omg omg omg SO AWESOME. This chapter had EVERYTHING. Humour, feelings, thoughts, plot development.. hach.
The conversation betwenn Annett and Al was so SQUEE worthy, I can't even properly describe how GREAT it was to read. The tension was almost feasable. I coudn't help but think KISS KISS KISS every few seconds. But I guess that wouldn't really work for two people that shy. NEVERTHELESS. I love you so much for this chapter.

I also had really beautiful descriptions and choices of words. The sentences flow in the right pace and still I was happily surprised by those quirky wordings and expressions. (And this: "Like an the head of a emu buried in the ground. Shy, but very much there." was just cute.)

The language misunderstandings were SO funny, my flatmate gave me a strange look when I was laughing loudly and didn't stop while reading... And the whole conversation in general was pretty ingenious. (REPUTATION!) Overall, I think your skills at writing dialogues have improved immensely, I never get confused as to who is speaking anymore and they start and end at the right points and are interrupted by description in a perfect way. It's really a pleasure to read. *hearts*

And plotwise I'm so thrilled that Al and Scorp are now part of the Incog Imp. WHATS THE PRANK. Can't wait to find out. Tell us more about their scheming, pleeaaassee?

Just a few questions:
The place were Al finds Annett, is it her secret hiding place behind the library? I guessed that it was, but it wasn't mentioned so I was wondering. Or is it another secret place we cannot know about yet?

And why would Annett deionise water? Isn't that usually for ironing and stuff? :o

Here I was a bit confused: "It was the morning Ronan told me he slept well for the first time. Now he can't even do that!" I thought Ronan was doing better? :( Or did she only later find out that he only has insomnia about once a week?

Here's just a small typo: "He say it's not something he cannot handle."

"...tame his nervous system on the moments they act up" And I'm not really sure, because I'm bad with this kind of grammar stuff, but I think it would be "in" or "during" the moments?

And here my usual annoying obsession with tenses xD (sorry for that).. "When I looked up at it, I saw that Al's face openly expresses his concern."

Thanks so much for this great chapter!

Author's Response: SHINICHA!

First of all, there is no need to apologise for your amazing ability to catch my annoying tense and grammar errors. I am endlessly grateful for that! As always, your suggestions are taken into account upon editing. You help me optimise the story in so many ways, Shinicha!

I am so glad you like it because after I wrote this the first time, I edited it again with you in mind!! This review just brings a gigantic smile to my face. You're too kind! Similarly, I love you so much for this review. ;)

Thank you for all your compliments about my weird way of writing and all those odd descriptions. It makes me so happy to hear that you like them. :D

The misunderstands are too fun to write and I'm delighted to hear that you find them fun to read. You know how my dialogue-writing has been improving? YOU! You've helped me SO much!! I am so honoured that you keep reviewing every single chapter of this story! All your support means a lot to me. :D You're a very, very lovely person. Thank you. :)

The prank will be revealed soon, I promise! I just hope that you'll find it funny and it's not just funny in my head.

It is in the library I only mentioned that in the second chapter I think, but I will keep that in mind when writing future chapters. It's hard to remember something so small, I completely understand.

Annett would deionise water for all her lab experiments. :) I never knew it was for ironing. Oopsie.

You're right. Ronan was doing better, but then the trypanosomes damaged his nervous system and now he's not getting better again. With Sleeping Sickness, I think that when an individual has been infected for too long, some of the damage is permanent even if all the parasites are gone.

All typos are fixed. :D Thank you so much for catching them, Shinicha.

And once again, thank YOU for this wonderful review. :)


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Review #7, by ShinichaThe Internal Monologue of Annett Sinclaire Kluge: Among Frustration, Feigns, Faintings, and Fun

11th November 2014:
Chapter 22 already, I can't believe how time's passing!!

I loved this chapter for all the Quidditch action. Because I LOVE Quidditch. Those were quite tough try-outs, wow, I would've died after 3 minutes of running.

There were a lot of moments I had to laugh out loud! Like when her fox-instincs kicked in, hahahaha! (If only Al new who he was spending the night with..!!)

This sort-of animal behaviourism were really adorable with Sirius too (I wonder if McGonagall has any cat-treats?), it's so cute that Annette can't help it.

Anette's becoming - there is no other word - cool. When she teased McLaggen I had this image of teenie-movies in my head with the cool football-gang crowding in on some poor bloke, and she's the center of attention! That's quite a development, and I have to say you made it very nice and gradual as to not seeming unrealistic. Nevertheless I am hoping that we'll soon get some more intimate moments (as in her thoughts on feelings and such) with her again, I love those so much! They always give a very different perspective on phenomena that are usually regarded as normal.

Her chat with Flint was hilarious!! (Who might the person of his interest be? Male female THOMAS?)
So verryy Slytherin-y to talk down the opponent in a moment of physical weakness haha. And the surprise at her "pretty" first name! When he suggested to call her Annie I immediately thought "how fitting!!!" thinking of Annie Oakley. (You now her? She must be one of the coolest women in history. And after being shot by Quaffles over and over again it made even more sense.)
Speaking of names, Maximus is a very unique name. His parents must have high hopes for him :P

I have a few suggestions. I don't know why I'm so concerned with tenses, haha.. but there were several 'switches' from past to present again that you might want to correct:
"Although, she catches six of Al's shots, she could only pass to Davies twice (...)
My roommate, Farley, was next. She could only catch five, although she successfully passed to Davies all five times (...)
In the obtuse, upside down "V" of his eyebrows, I saw more guilt as opposed to the anger I expected. (...) she couldn’t hold on any longer and drops to the ground" Maybe there are others that I didn't catch.

Also here, there's a "my" missing :)
"I shake head, willing myself to focus."

In my opinion it always disturbes the flow of a novel-style text to have "etc" inserted, as in "to test our reflexes and strength and agility, etc." but that's a question of style, obviously!

Thanks for the chapter :)

Author's Response: Shinicha,

Bahaha! Yes, it's very, very tough. I felt that the Quidditch tryouts needed to really let the players know what they will be doing or what it will really be like to play such a sport.

Oh my! Yes. Yes, indeed. If only. . . ;)

I'm so, so, so happy to hear that you liked that! There are somethings about being a canine I just had to take advantage of!

Nice and gradual and realistic is EXACTLY what I was going for, Shinicha! That means so much to me for you to say that!! That image you described is absolutely hilarious! This was written like a behind-the-scenes look at how Slytherins keep up their reputation as mean people. Which is to say, they're not actually mean, they just have a very twisted sense of humour.

I love getting into her thoughts and I am super glad to hear that you do, too! 'They always give a very different perspective on phenomena that are usually regarded as normal' is the most awesome thing I've read today. Again, THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT I WAS GOING FOR!! :D You're too kind, Shinicha!

Who might it be, indeed! It's all up to you. ;)

Thank you so much for comparing my character to someone as awesome as Annie Oakley!! Admittedly, I did have to look her up and read about her, but she really is very, very cool!

I guess his parents do! Haha! That's actually exactly what I was thinking when I name him.

No, not at all! I love all the help you can give me, because you're always, always so helpful. You have immensely sharp eyes and I genuinely appreciate that! You're the best. I have taken all your suggestions and edited accordingly! :D Thank you so, so very much for them! You're awesome!!

Thank you, yourself for the review! You always help me with future chapters that you haven't even read yet, which is wonderful!


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Review #8, by ShinichaMonster: Monster

3rd November 2014:
Hola!

I think this is a good story. AND A TRAGIC ONE. Poor Hermoine, I was so shocked that she was attacked in the end. T_T

You chose a very uncommon POV, making the reader slip into the main character's role. It's an unusual but very interesting choice for a horror story!

I also like that you covered a big time span, from her childhood to her being attacked, making the fear, that every child has and is being told is irrational, real. Especially the intro set the mood right from the start. For a short moment I actually expected something really horrible to happen right then in the bedroom (like her mother being the monster!) Brr.

I think what would heighten the angsty/horror feeling in the scene in the wood, is mentioning the red eyes first. (Because red eyes are just so creepy. I'm still traumatized from this one X-factor episode I saw when I was a little child) Rather than telling the reader what he doesn't notice, I feel that describing what he *does* see is far more scarier! So maybe it would be good to insert a moment of suspense where she gets a hint - hearing footstepts? seeing the eyes? Noticing weird behaviour of other animals in the wood? The dying of any sound? - something like that.

This sentence confuses me a bit:

"All you remember is gagging as he feeds you his blood forcefully before his fangs sink deep in your neck."

The monster first feeds her his blood? This either needs a bit more explanation, or maybe it is wrongly described?

Thanks for sharing the story! Great read!

Author's Response: Hey!

Thanks for reading and reviewing =)
I'm glad you found the POV interesting, and the way I covered the timespan.
Honestly, I considered having something done to the 8-year-old but then I decided against it xP

I have actually gone back and edited the story just yesterday, where I added in the bit about her hearing the footsteps etc, so funny you should mention it now xD

And yes he fed her his own blood! If you've read some Vampire stories, most say that to turn your victim into a vampire, the person needs to die with vampire blood in their system. Otherwise, if they simply bite the victim, the person will die. So that's the folklore I've gone along with; and of course it would kinda interrupt the flow of the story if I went into that explanation, but I might incorporate it into my A/N =)

Thanks again for reading!


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Review #9, by ShinichaThe Wandering One : England

3rd November 2014:
I'm so happy to read this chapter, and so sad that the story will be over soon, and so guilty that I haven't reviewed every chapter!

I loved the details about the magical world you casually slipped into the story: the paintings and how to do them! and the wand-check instead of the passport check.

I also love all the other details you managed to build into you story. It's hard for me to describe it - but usually with stories you have a feeling which information will prove crucial for the plot later on, and which won't. However, in real life you never really know what random detail you notice or person you think about will play a part in your life ever again. This kind of casuality and mentioning of everyday things are present in Victoire's thoughts and it makes the story very "real". The Cockney-accent, Xavier, memories from her childhood... things like that.

I feel that you created a very convincing character in Victoire. Her restlessness, the urge to travel, and - as she admits herself - the fear of returning to be 'ordinary' is a very relatable way of coping with "growing up". In all her seeming coolness Victoire at least to me seems very vulnerable and insecure, but also very certain about judging others, especially Teddy.
(Even though I understand her irritation with him - the part about distracting his surroundings with his hair colour was adorable!)

I think the Weasley-Dinner was really well written; the characterisation of Hermoine and Ron but also of all the kids was so clear and sharp in very few sentences (using Quidditch! haha :D )

I think here is a grammatical error (if I'm not wrong):

"The meaningful raised eyebrows Dominique kept sending her way certainly wasn't helping."

(should be 'weren't' or otherwise change the subject to singular I believe)

There are still so many story threads open, I can't wait to find out how you plan to close them (or maybe leave them open?) And I do miss Sam! And I'm scared of young far-distance relationships, don't you dare hinting that it will work out somehow, because it won't! haha..

Author's Response: Hi Shinicha! :)

Wow, thank you so much! I've really been neglecting this story and this amazing review is reminding me that I should be working on the final chapter more than I have been - it's about half-written right now. :P

I'm so excited that you like all the details. Imagining how the little things with travel and the magical world would work was one of the funnest parts of writing this. And I really like your analysis of casual details vs. things being important for the plot - one of the things that this story always felt for me was, despite being magical, that it was realistic and believable, and you've captured that perfectly in your review here.

You understand Victoire so well! One of the things I like about her is that she's not just one thing: her moods and attitudes and reactions shift and change, and she definitely can be a little harsh and judgemental sometimes. I'm really pleased that you find her relatable. And yes - Teddy is both adorable and annoying here, hehe. :) I'm glad you liked the dinner, I love writing the Weasley clan so much.

I'll be back to fix that mistake soon! :D

I can't promise that the last chapter will hold much closure, but it will definitely be an adventure (how cheesy does that sound?) :P Thanks so much for the amazing review!! It really made my day!! ♥


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Review #10, by ShinichaMy Life In Gold: My Life In Gold

2nd November 2014:
Thanks for sharing this story!!

Great choice for a story title, it immediately caught my attention!

I loved that Ginny was so understanding about her daughter being transgender. I think it's very refreshing to read a story which treats this as perfectly normal but not completely ignoring the very real problems transgender persons have to face (-McLaggen). What I'm missing a little bit is an insight into Ciara's feelings. In the beginning it's there, when Albus fears being caught by her mother, but towards the end it gets a little bit more descriptive. But obviously that's a choice of style and I hope you don't feel offended if I mention it.

I think you did a good job on covering a very big time span from Ciara's early age to her teenage days. I can also see that a lot of effort has been put in embedding the plot into what needs to be said about the Next Gen world and what is necessary for the story to evolve. I really like that you referenced other fanfictions, this is definitely the most effective advertisment for fellow authors there is :)

Also I love the hints of a love story at the end, with Ciara and Scoripus dancing. :3

Author's Response: :D Thank you!

Yeah, I loved the title 'Ma Vie en Rose' - but it just isn't the same in English! So 'Gold/Rose,' almost have a slant rhyme going on there :)

No worries, definitely not offended! There is a lot that's sparse about this story, I'll be the first to admit that. Partially, it's because I was so confined by the language choices. There aren't *any* pronouns used to describe her in the beginning (just 'Albus'). Then, after she talks about her name change, I drop the name Albus entirely in favor of ONLY pronouns. I didn't want the prose to sound awkward with all that going on, so I ended up just kind of doing less. I also realized I could have gotten more emotional examination by doing this First Person (since then pronouns aren't as much of an issue), but I thought there was enough of a benefit from doing it the other way - and, alas!

Now that I've read more FF, it's almost impossible not to reference! It's all so good, and totally has become my headcanon :)

Thank you so much for taking the time to leave me this review!

xoxo
Roisin


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Review #11, by ShinichaThe Internal Monologue of Annett Sinclaire Kluge: The Irritation of Attention

28th October 2014:
Loved this chapter! For picking up and arranging all the plot-threads and for having Al+Fufu action! hoho

On one hand, I'm glad that Ronan is healed from the parasite, on the other hand (I know it's mean) I'm somehow hoping that we'll get a few more science sessions with Annette researching methods to heal his neurological damage! I'd love a good lab session ^_^

I'm pretty amazed at what is thrown at Anette. She gets so much attention for being herself, but not just because she's being herself, but because she's behaving the way she does around others - meaning social interaction! Which is positive. I like the controvercy that arises from this - some students being really scared of her, giving her a reputation, others seeing her talents thus suggesting her for the Quidditch tryouts. Superficially the plot has everything a typical Cinderella-story needs. But it's so different, because firstly, it's not about a single prince charming discovering her traits, but her own abilities showing in the course of social interactions, secondly it's her thoughts that make her personality so convincing and interesting, and thirdly it's the VERY likable and welcome lack of constant social-class-clichés being reproduced (happy end=marrying/becoming rich) that usually come with Cinderella-stories.

Just one thing I was wondering about during the Quidditch training was the tense-change here: "I found myself sliding sideways until I hung upside down a couple times. My trainers found this abundantly amusing. It amazes me that with all their howling, they manage to stay on their own brooms. “Your grip is too loose, Kluge.” Davies was explaining to me when we heard the first shriek."

Is it an intentional switch between past and present tense? I tried to think of it chronological but it just didn't really make a lot of sense to me, hence me mentioning it here! (But maybe I just didn't get it right)

Also, I didn't really understand why there would be someone screaming at the Quidditch Pitch - or why screams from the castle would be heard all the way to the Quidditch pitch if they discovered the prank. Maybe you could explain this a bit more? ;)


I'm really glad that Annette got some recognition for her treatment of Ronan. But I was also wondering - first, there was Hagrid finding out about a fox. And then there were the teachers, knowing that it was her. Do they know that she is an animagus? If so, it's quite a serious matter that would be taken to the ministry, no? Because every Animagus has to be registered... Or did they hear it from Ronan who saw her in her human form...?

I just LOVED the scene between her and Al. (It will be all the more awkward when he finds out that Fufu is her haha...looking forward to that!) He's such a sweet and thoughtful person, I think I have a crush on him! haha. The way he immediately sees her scars, wants to help her and trusts her. I hope she will get over herself and try to approach him in some way - after all she has the advantage of him babbling all kind of things to her! Such as the fact that he doesn't hate her, but actually thinks that she hates him. or the fact that he thinks a lot about her...

Looking forward to more!!

Author's Response: Dearest Shinicha,

Thank you for yet another wonderful review. You are amazing at giving these things!

Lab sessions are awesome, aren't they? ;) As for Ronan, you are definitely thinking in the right direction!!

Your analysis of the story makes me so, so happy, Shinicha!! I am honoured that my writing is worthy of such an analysis! :D The story is certainly far from a typical Cinderella-type story. And I DO stay as far from social-class clichés as possible! Thank you, thank you, thank you so much for noticing. I have this raging need to give you a virtual hug now.

No, not at all! You got that right. Silly me. Thank you so much for catching that!! And the thing about the shrieks, too. I've relocated them elsewhere. You are AMAZING!!

It does beg the question who knows and what are the consequences of them knowing, huh? I wonder. . . And IS she unregistered? Hmm. . . ;)

I am so glad you liked that scene!!! It was amazing fun to write. Aw, Shinicha. Al can be very sweet and thoughtful, can't he? He can get very concerned about people and foxes he cares about. ;)

I know right? Why can they just make up?!?! ARGGHHH!

I am looking forward to more, too! More thoughts from you, that is. You are so lovely.

Cheers,
Em


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Review #12, by ShinichaThe Internal Monologue of Annett Sinclaire Kluge: A Collection of Confusing Conversations

28th October 2014:
Ahh finally I'm taking the time to review. And I'm lagging behind 3 chapters!! :( *cries*

After the last chapter, which was mainly about Annette's thoughts and herself coming to terms with what has happened to her over the last few months, this one was a lot about her interacting with people. Which is SO cool, because after her internal debates wheather friendships were even necessary, she now get's the answer in practice. And as we now, experience is the best teacher.

I have to ask: WHO the hell IS Bob? I just didn't get the joke, I feel exactly as helpless as Anette and Lindstroem. Is there something foreigners just don't get??!!! Please tell me!

I thought her cleverness to anticipate people's reactions was greatly shown in the fighting scene (he actually hurt himself! just great application of her non-magical pranks!...and martial arts training), as well as in her interaction with Scorpius. But the curiosity is just unbearable now. Scorpius seems to know SOMETHING. But not her relationship with his father? Why? How? Did he notice her eyes? Ahh.. suspense!

I think you put a lot of thought into your story and there are many details the readers will not know (of course, this is always the case with stories...) But I would really, really love it, if you would give more details about what is happening in between the major scenes. How she experiences classes (Those with Cunningham were awesome), her routines, her observations besides analyzing the conversations etc.

Now reading on! :)

Author's Response: SHINICHA!

Thank you so much for taking the time to read and review! I genuinely appreciate all your comments.

I'm delighted as always to see that you think it's cool! :D

Ah, yes. . Bob. It's from a phrase that is used to show the simplicity of a certain action. For instance, when one is making tea one might say: "You just put a tea bag in a cup of hot water and Bob's your uncle." I didn't understand it either until very, very recently. I totally understand how you feel!

You're curious? And unbearably so? I will take that as a compliment. Thank you! What does he know, indeed? And what is this thing with Draco?

I HAVE TAKEN THIS AMAZING PIECE OF ADVICE AND EDITED THE CHAPTER! Thank you, Shinicha! As for her routines, they are on the latest chapter.

Thank you so, so very much Shinicha! I would be eternally grateful if I could live that long!

Cheers,
Em


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Review #13, by ShinichaHormones: The Court Case

28th October 2014:
Ahh amazing chapter. As always!
I really love how the relationship between Fred and Ryan develops, how they get closer (and are so inventive about coming up with excuses to help each other out)
I was a bit disappointed that Ryan didn't get a Dobby for Original Character, because her character development is just so convincing and I love her so much!

I have to admit though that the court scene seemed a tad rushed to me. I have NO idea about how law works (just those TV shows where there's a "objection" thrown in every few moments)... How come that noone ever saw or bothered to see that the transactions were rigged, even though it was so apparent? And why did Zonko crumble at the first mention? I just thought with all the corruption scandals we're confronted with every day in the newspaper in the "real world", this one was a little bit too easy to overcome. However, I do understand that this isn't but one part in a plot that isn't about wizarding law but something else, so I understand why the main thing that had to be conveyed was Ryan's effort helping, the future of the shop, and James and Freddie making an impact with their new ideas at the store (I'm really looking forward to more store-stories, and how George is going to react to the changes they've implanted)

I was so releaved to read George's letter. It was more of his sparkly self, even though he's clearly unhappy about his situation. It somehow made me feel that after he entrusted his son with his shop that he cares about so much, this letter shows even more that he has faith in Fred, not talking about how to do things, or apologizing, but making jokes and really leaving it up to Fred. That would (on one hand, if it were me in Fred's position) freak me out, but on the other hand assure me that he's trying to get better and trust Fred completely.

Also, I want to punch Zonko.

One thing I noticed, I think here "considered" was supposed to be another verb:

"It considered me she had so many ideas on that subject."

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Review #14, by ShinichaClash: Him

2nd October 2014:
I really cannot understand what became of Harry ... I obviously don't know much yet, but for what reason did he torment persons on a regular basis ... what did he train Albus for, and who is reading his memories out of the pensieve. It couldn't be Rose, she seems to not know all the details the Pensieve apparently holds. But can Muggles use them? (as in Walter)

I think what happened to Albus is really horrible. I have difficulty to grasp his character, no matter how it was shaped by his past. I can't wait to get to know him better so that I will maybe understand him a little bit better. I'm also dying of curiosity as to why he would want to know to bring people back from the dead. It couldn't be "Tommy"? He doesn't seem to care for this kind of thing, although his mentions of Malfoy as a "pureblood friend" was somewhat worrying. So much confusion.
I also cannot wait to see what happens with Scorpius. Rose blamed some of Al's development on him, after all. Too strange.

Needless to say, this chapter was breathtaking and amazing.

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Review #15, by ShinichaClash: Her

2nd October 2014:
Wow, that was a hard-to-digest first chapter. I think your writing is amazing - I especially enjoyed the imagined dialogues - it sets the mood right from the start. Your characters have so much personality already from so little interaction, which is really stunning.

And then the story. There are so many questions for now that I think I won't ask one of them - the story will tell me eventually. Im am intrigued by the fact that Rose did not admit to the statement, that there was no more magic in the world. I'm horrified by the thought that the characters I am yet to meet (like Albus) will be dead at some point in this story. I am infinitely curious about the mentioned war, and about what happened to Ron and Hermione. I'm also pretty amazed by the thoughts on magic and the desciption of the spell. So woah. Conclusion: Overwhelming and exciting.

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Review #16, by ShinichaThe Internal Monologue of Annett Sinclaire Kluge: An Intense Session of Introspection

2nd October 2014:
Wow, this chapter was amazing, seriously, SO great. We know so much more now about her inner life and it helped a LOT to understand her actions and reactions. You really made her introversion so understandable and I feel much more able to empathize with her than before.

The part I probably loved most was her analyzing the contraditory and complementary quality of her emotions and thoughts and how they connect to different environments in school and at home. It's just WOW. And then the way she tries to get to the core of her feelings and hints at the solution to her dilemma (as in "maybe involvement can give meaning to conversations thus solve the interruption of 'pointless' time" ..paraphrazing your MUCH more elegant way of explaining)

I also loved how she tries to figure out the difference between Al and "others" and why she thinks more about him than everybody else.

And ah it's so good how she figures out his actions by trying to put herself in his position and woah, how she manages to filter the most important questions for her out of the mass of thoughts. I love you so much for this chapter and I can't wait to find out what the consequences of these will be once she's back to school.

I hope you don't mind me pointing out a few things:
When she talks about her parents it says "They've known me all their life.", although technically they've known her all HER life.

When she starts reminiscing about her time with Al it just says "he" right from the start. Maybe you should mention his name at the beginning? (Even though its deductable from the context who she's talking about)

Then this sentence: "There was I time I" - one too many I's ;)

And here: "With this balance, my work because meaningful" I think you meant to say "becomes".

I'm sorry if I'm nitpicking, they're only very small things!

Thanks so much for this awesome chapter ^___^

Author's Response: Dear Shinicha,

Thank you! I am so glad you think so despite all the embarrassing mistakes that you pointed out to me that were so helpful, thank you so much for them! You are amazing! I never mind at all. Your helpfulness is invaluable to me.

It means so much to me that this chapter could do that! It's awesome to hear that you can empathaise with Annett. :D

Shinicha! Thank you! I'm so, so glad it didn't come off as boring because that's all this chapter was about, her analysing and reevaluating her own thoughts.

I wonder what conclusions she will come to when thinking about why she thinks of Al. . .

[incomprehensible 'GAHH's] THANK YOU! I was so insecure about this chapter! I love you for all your reviews!

And yes, there will be consequences. [evil grin] of what kind, though?

Thanks so much for this spectacular review!! You just made me smile a lot!

A copious amount of gratitude,
Em


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Review #17, by ShinichaOut of order: Bad Guy

29th September 2014:
This is just so VERY Hucklyberry Finn (in British)! (I love Mark Twain)

You caught Umbridge's manner of speaking SO perfectly, I could all but hear her stupid "chrm" and the toad-voice.

I'm almost a bit sad that there isn't more to find out about Mundungus' daily life and also his past. Especially his past! It sort of over-ran me right at the end of the story.

Great story! Love it!

Author's Response: I haven't had anyone compare me to Mark Twain before!! I'm a huge fan and that made me really happy.

I tried really hard to nail Umbridge's speech patterns. I'm glad I did that so well even though I didn't actually specify that it was her.

I would have been able to get further into it all, but I had just about a few hours to put it into the queue in time for the challenge deadline. I didn't even have time to edit! I actually could expand this into a short story or something maybe.

I'm really glad you liked this! I love surprise reviews :D Thank you so much!


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Review #18, by ShinichaThe Internal Monologue of Annett Sinclaire Kluge: The Extent of My Romanticism

29th September 2014:
Uhh, some romance (kind of) in this chapter :D I'm sure this is what everyone has been waiting for!

As always the interaction between Al and Annett was great, imo. It feels like you really understand these two characters of yours extremely well, especially when they are with each other. I like how you managed to get across Annett's uneasiness which she doesn't understand herself but reveals more to the reader (the way she can't get Al's words out of her head). I could almost FEEL the tension before Annett ran away. I don't think Al is really mad at her; I think her answers somehow pacified him, because she admitted that she'd thought of him as a friend. That was probably what had bothered him most... It's funny in a way that they are both angry because they feel that the other one has betrayed their friendship - only with the exact opposite line of argumentation.

However the dialogue between Teddy and Annett is a little bit confusing, especially when Carter joins. Maybe you could add more descriptive words to make clear who is talking when? (For example explaining that Carter has just appeared/creeped up, and something like "..., Annett shot back" etc.)

Also during the train ride it might be helpful if you add a few sentences to explain that they've reached London, otherwise the change between compartment-talk and parents-picking-her-up is a bit too sudden!

I can't help but wonder if Teddy will accept her present without giving her anything in return. Maybe he's planning something small to surprise her at the wedding?

I have to say, I'm just as shocked as Carter to have heard about Annett's dating history! Even though she feels so uncomfortable with closeness she even seems to have kissed that guy! Oha! Carter can't just let it go, can he...

When I read about him dating Thibault just to get information about Incog Imp I thought "wow that's SO Slytherin". He had a more Ravenclaw-y feeling to him up until that point! :D

It's SO AWESOME that her Mama called her "Suessling". Until a few minutes ago I thought this word didn't even exist and I made it up for fun to tease my boyfriend. But you actually found it (somewhere). So, thanks for teaching me a German word, hoho.

Author's Response: Hello Shinicha!

Bahaha! I try. :P

Oh. You're good. . . Well now they've got that out, we'll have to see if anything changes, won't we. ;)

Oh no! I'm sorry. I wanted Carter to just pop out of nowhere. And for Annett to be rather unfazed by this. Ill see what I can do to optimise this scene. Thank you for pointing that out. And I'll definitely make it clearer as to who is talking.

Yikes! Thank you so much for catching that. I told myself I'd edit it, but I guess I forgot to before I put it into the queue.

Hmm. . . That will have to wait until another chapter. For now, it's as if Annett has some kindess in her. For whatever reason, she does care about people and she does want to help them out in however she can. This relates to her future career.

Haha. Well it was alluded to in Wolfgang's letter in ch. 16. ;) She didn't are about the guy at all. It's almost as if she's forgotten his name, too.

I made him a Slytherin for a reason, yes. Bahaha!

Really?! That's so cute!

Thank you for another wonderful review and some very helpful pointers, Shinicha! You are amazing!

Cheers,
Em


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Review #19, by ShinichaThe Internal Monologue of Annett Sinclaire Kluge: War and An Ally

25th September 2014:
Yay another chapter!

First of all, I'm sorry if my reviews made you think that I didn't like introverts or even dislike Annett because of it. No way, I love her! I guess what I said was because of how I perceive humans in general. As social beings that need a web of connections to others in order to define themselves. But I think I was too harsh; after all you made clear that Annett's best friends were her parents, also she has Ronan, Mrs. Norris and Carter too. So she wouldn't be alone. It's true, I'm probably too much an extrovert myself to understand a personality like Annetts. Which makes it so much more exciting to read about her, because to me she's really unpredictable!

I liked that Carter got such an important part in this chapter. He never seemed to be lacking confidence (thus like someone who would get bullied), but he's so much more complex and interesting than I thought. I should've guessed it from the way he really wants to discuss magic and study with Annett! I admit I never foresaw that he'd be the one to find out about her Incog-Imp-secret! Their detective-conversation was so funny; they both knew the truth but talked in circles and still understood perfectly well what it was about. For example, if I were Annett I don't think I would've come to the conclusion that Carter is being bullied. But Annett did, because she analyzes actions and words of people so closely.
It's even more interesting that she can be quite clueless when it concerns herself. The way she thinks that the others had been avoiding her (even though they tried to invite her so many times and Al keeps watching her even after their argument). It's as if she believes that she's invisible to others!

Also, the challange! Carter being a possible assistant prankster! I simply assumed that it would be Al that would find out first, because they've been more or less close for so long. This makes up all new possibilities. (I hope she teaches Carter martial arts. And I hope Al will get jealous over their closeness.)

You asked me why I assumed that Annett is in love? I don't think that it's love necessarily, but I think she finds Al far more interesting and follows him more closely than she realises herself. And obviously, as an Al-Fan, I'm very biased, haha.

I'm so happy that the cure for Ronan is working! Poor Annett, she's blaming herself too much, as if it was her fault that he's become that sick. The fact that Hagrid knows someone is helping is just another thread of the story... I wonder if or how people will find out her secrets. There are quite a lot possibilities by now! The last few chapters opened up many different ways the story can take from now on, which is good because that makes it less obvious (I love good suprises). But after these chapters to move along the plot, now's probably be the time to follow up all these different threads and get a bit action in! :)

I was really impressed by her expermenting in the greenhouses. You really plan your story very carefully; like the thing about boron and dittany and the potions-incident. Do you study chemistry or biology? I couldn't even think of dreaming up all these things...

I do find it a bit unrealistic that Fred, Roxie and James can just announce that they PLAN on causing lots of trouble in front of everyone and the teachers don't even say anything. Of course they don't have any evidence yet, but it seems quite risky nevertheless!

And before I forget to mention it: I love Annett's misunderstandings about the English language. It fits her personality, that she cannot really go with the flow in that respect, since she always over-analyzes things. I do wonder what that joke would have been, haha :D

Author's Response: Woot another review from Shinicha!

Hello, there!

No, not at all, Shinicha! I'm sorry that I made you think that was the case. And I am so thrilled to hear that you love her! You are so sweet.

It is so very open-minded and generally awesome of you to read about an extreme and peculiar introvert. I adore you all the more for that. It's my goal to help extroverts explore the inside of an introvert's mind!

Isn't he?! I'm delighted to hear that you think so. Carter's adorable. I have a bit of a soft spot for him. Thank you for saying that about their roundabout conversation it went through so many edits. I'm so happy it turned out okay.

She really is! She hasn't really thought too much about how she fits into everything until ch. 14. But even then she has not reached any significant conclusions. Here, with everything going on, she's especially out of it.

But Shinicha! Al and Annett are mad at each other. Do you know what would happen if they even tried to talk right now? You will soon. ;)

We shall see if your thoughts are true [waggles eyebrows].

She's mostly blaming herself for not getting it done quick enough. She had to go through so many hypotheses and she felt that she was wasting her time with other people. She is a bit harsh on herself, but that drives her determination in a way. Not very healthy, I know, but that's who she is.

So many, many possibilities! I hope you enjoy (and are surprised by) the one I made up. Action will most definitely be gotten into (kind of) in the next chapter. It's going to be a bit of a transition. I won't drag the story out unnecessarily. I promise. There will be the necessary developments because developing needs to be done. That is an awkward sentence (I'm sorry), but I don't want to spoil anything for you.

I do. I try. Thank you so much for noticing.

I study both! :D

It is at this moment, isn't it, but they have their rules. And the teachers can't do anything because they haven't done anything. . . yet. I'll explain this more later, I promise that too. I like to tie up loose ends. Most of them, anyway.

So do I. I would have loved to hear that one. I am relieved to hear that you find it fits her. Thank you!

Bahh! Shinicha. I love these discussions with you. Thank you so much for showing interest in this story. It makes me so happy!

Cheers,
Em :D


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Review #20, by ShinichaKeep Away: Perry Practice

22nd September 2014:
Oliver's behaviour confuses me the more I read about him. Really, why is he trying so hard to give Jane an actual chance...? Maybe he appreciated her caring for Quidditch (without playing it). After all, he did notice that she'd had a subsciption for the Quidditch magazine for two years. So it has to be the Quidditch or herself as a person that made him do it! ... Right, I'll stop playing detective now, the story's finished after all *chrm*

His fan-base is hilarious - one of the best extras in this AU! Their banner is creepily close to worshipping rather than cheering, haha...

I do wonder about the aftermath of Jane not telling her best friends about the try-out. If I were them I'd probably assume some secret love story between Oliver and Jane, just like Alicia. why else would he know about it (give her his broom) and they didn't?

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Review #21, by ShinichaKeep Away: Spreading the Word

22nd September 2014:
So, after I've been spoilered by the Keeper's Daughter I came back to read Gee's parents' story!

I'm already in love with Jane - she's way too proud and stubborn! But then again, that's what makes the story. (mine would have ended with me admitting to everyone I couldn't fly in my first year.)

I'm surprised to have Angelina be the serious one, I always imagined her to be a joker, like Fred, and only really scary-serious when Captaining. I'm looking forward to your version of Angelina over the course of this story.

I'm also happy to hear a bit more about Katy and Alicia, somehow I managed to miss out on any fanfictions with them in more prominent roles so far.

Also, I can't wait to get to know that side of Oliver that I know from Keepers Daughter! Right now I just think how mean he is for spilling her secret to the twins even though it was part of the deal not to do it.
Although ... maybe it's his way of trying to find her help to learn flying? Why is he even interested in her trying out? Maybe he's more than simply annoyed by her? Have to read on, now, immediately!

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Review #22, by ShinichaSearching For Forever: The Thing About Weddings

22nd September 2014:
Soo, I haven't read any of you other stories - I don't know why I picked this when I went through your author's page (I have a suspicion it's because I like red and the banner was red and lovely...)

I think it's pretty amazing that you created your own universe and manage to write so many stories from different angles that would fit together. After this I have to read some others!

I have to admit Lily's recent history with boyfriends made me laugh a bit. It's just too absurd! And quite impressive, to maintain a lie for such a long time. Looking forward to more!

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Review #23, by ShinichaThe Wandering One : Flanders Fields

21st September 2014:
I really enjoy your short stories so far, it makes me want to travel, too! The way you mix wizarding history with Muggle history and fit in small stories is really great. It has a certain tranquility to it.

I also love Victoire; I somehow never quite warmed up to the Delacours, but your Victoire makes up for it. The way she appreciates different experiences and her compassion for the giant and the ghosts...

Sam is a funny character; at first I thought he would be more of a cynic (the way he snorted into his black coffee when Alexander hit on Victoire...) but he's more of an artsy-calm guy. Very hipster, haha. I bet he'll like Berlin!

I hope you don't mind me correcting your German, it would be "Hallo" or "Guten Tag mein Name ist Victoire" (I don't think Grub is a word, I have no idea where Google Translate takes it from)
Also "Sie sprechen Deutsch, huebsche junge Dame" (ziemlich is more like "pretty much" and saying "young lady" seems more fitting for a man his age) ;)

Looking forward to the next chapters and cities!

Author's Response: Hello!! :)

Ahh, thank you!! This review was so lovely to receive. I'm so glad you like the traveling stories and it's exciting to hear that it's inspiring you to travel as well. This story has been so lovely for me to work on and I love how you used the word "tranquility" - I definitely know what you mean, though I'm not sure how to express it.

Thank you! :D I'm so glad you like my Victoire. I never was a big fan of that family until I started writing her, and now they're one of my favourite Weasley families. I felt that since she was the eldest cousin and Bill's daughter, she would have both that responsible and compassionate quality while also a thirst for adventure.

Sam is quite hipster, haha! I love how you picked up on that. He's pretty laid back as well, and cynical in a quiet way, but he and Victoire get along quite well since they have so much in common.

Thank you!! :) That's so helpful, Google Translate is so confusing haha. I'll fix that right away.

Thanks so much for the wonderful review, it really made my day receiving it and made me so happy in responding just now. ♥


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Review #24, by ShinichaThe Internal Monologue of Annett Sinclaire Kluge: Trapdoor of Piranhas

19th September 2014:
At my last review I forgot to mention that I positively loved Annett's thoughts about feelings. How to measure them, and what criteria one would need... I think she should study Dialectics, that would help her open her mind a bit!
Even though I have to say that she's right - love is very vague and don't we all know that we can suppress it and not realise it? Just like Annett herself. (Hopefully :P )

I like to think that she has a sort of friendship with Teddy. But do find it somewhat unrealistic that he would just take the ring for free! He should probably give her something as thank you... thinking that he is her teacher too! (Even though since Dumbledore and Harry we know that teacher-student relationships can be very intimate without being creepy)

I'm glad that she's making progress with the medicine, but I'm a little bid sad an disappointed that she didn't ask Al for help. And also, that they aren't talking!

All the rumours about her are really mean and farfetched. But I can't completely blame the students, because, after all, it does seem just very un-normal not to have any social life (by choice.) But still, after the students saw her being humiliated by the teacher EVERY lesson since the first it's just hugely unfair to think she's being evil! She just proved her being right!!

Author's Response: It was great fun to write! But can you imagine her in such a class? She prefers working objective things rather than subjective things.

You imply a very interesting question: Is Annett in love? What makes you think so?

In a later chapter, I get back to this issue about Teddy and the ring and explain it. ;)

But they've only just fought, Shinicha! Bahaha. Can you believe if they had to talk when the Argument is still fresh? Can you imagine what would happen in that case?

It is actually not 'un-normal not to have any social life (by choice).' Wow, there are a lot of negatives going on in that sentence. What I mean is, this story is about exploring introversion. It's a perfectly normal thing although not all introverts are similar. There are different kinds and different degrees of introversion.

That's a fair point, but when she's silent and glaring. She's not humiliated, she's annoyed and her classmates see this. It is because of this that they think she has a heart of stone and an air of indifference. They think she is incapable of caring because, on the surface, that is what it seems.


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Review #25, by ShinichaThe Internal Monologue of Annett Sinclaire Kluge: As Cunning as Ham

19th September 2014:
Yayay! I'm so happy, all my wishes from my last review came true! ScroRose and the stupid teacher! Show her, HA! I wonder what it means for Annett - will she get detention? Will she get recognition?

The news about Ronan I am not happy about ): So now the medicine she thought she could use would rather kill him than the parasite? I wonder why she never tries to get help. I'm sure the potions master would be delighted. Or Al! He's a potions genius, maybe he could think of a way.

But then again I understand that she doesn't want to risk other stupid comments and misunderstandings about Muggle science... Now that I think of it, it's really amazing that apparently Magic Healing has never bothered to learn about DNA and the functioning of non-human Beings! Or maybe they have? Can't wait to read what Anett finds out!

Author's Response: Bahaha! It was quite scary how you predicted that all, Shinicha. I'm losing my confidence in being able to surprise you.

Professor Slughorn has tried, remember. All of the professors have. And they couldn't do much. For Al, she have to tell him about Fufu. I don't suppose she's okay with that. It's more complicated. How inconvenient, right? ;)

And your mentioned all that I've wanted to say in that last paragraph! Healing could also use some updates.

I can't wait to read what else you've said.


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