Reading Reviews From Member: Shinicha
  
129 Reviews Found

Review #1, by ShinichaKill Your Darlings: Christmas Party

25th August 2015:
ohmygod, I had ALMOST forgotten about Ted's thing, whatever it may be, but now I'm doubly curious! At first I'd thought he was a metamorphagus like his future daughter ... but how could he transform his clothes? Then I thought he was some kind of Animagus - but why would he have this pain and this weird silver streak in his hair??

It really was a great chapter, again I love Andromeda for how she battles her self-pity and how she handled the whole situation. How lucky am I not having to wait for the next chapter! PHEW

 Report Review

Review #2, by ShinichaKill Your Darlings: Wensleydale Cheese

25th August 2015:
Another lovely chapter, and the final sentence "...So if the act of Muggleborn Ted Tonks enfolding her in a safe, warm embrace was an act of contamination, then it was the sweetest contamination that Andromeda Black had ever known." ... you melt my heart! haha

besides, I LOVE Nelson, he's awesome, though I do wonder what they usually eat when they apparently never use cutlery. Toast and pizza?!

Everything about this chapter was wonderful! Sorry about these far-too-short and not-very-helpful reviews!

I noticed one small mistake (I THINK):
"More than given it to her, he’d called incredible" -- I believe there should be one more "her" ;)

 Report Review

Review #3, by ShinichaKill Your Darlings: Refuge

25th August 2015:
Oh, this chapter warmed my heart, it was really nice. And yes, Andromeda IS behaving quite unusual, but I can't believe how her family could treat her like that!!! I would've been a heap of self-pity, but she is very self-reflective. I thought she was really strong, the way she handled herself in this situation!

Your quotes from the book very btw super-creepy! It really sounds like these race-theories from the late 19th early 20th century..uff!

Great chapter :)

 Report Review

Review #4, by ShinichaKill Your Darlings: Discovery

25th August 2015:
Oh, wow, okay, first let me catch my breath after this fantastic (and exiting) marathon through your chapters! I am sorry that I didn't stop after each of the catching and addictive chapters to leave a review, however I'm leaving for holidays tomorrow and wanted to get through some Dobby-Recommendations before leaving!

I really like your idea to chose to write about Andromeda and Ted; and I completely share your love for both of them! You've made two minor characters come to live in a really wonderful way :D

I think you did a very good job at working all the Canon characters into the story. Your Cissy and Lucius, and especially your Sirius, love them! Your managed to really flesh out their personalities, the way they talk and react to things is very consistent and provokes nice dialogues. Also your Rabastan is outright frightning! O_O His domineering ways and this "glint", whatever it may be, that she saw in his eyes made me seriously worried about Andromeda.

Especially Andromeda is great; the way she slowly, slowly changes over the chapters; how she is extremely naive but thoughtful at the same time; how she slowly makes herself question things she has learned to be true, just because that's what she expects of herself; to be consistent and smart.

I, too, enjoyed how you make language a decisive point in characterizing different personalities. I actually watched several youtube videos of yorkshire accident to understand its sexappeal!!! :D But also the usage of words (it's really cute when Andromeda gets thrown off by "uncoth" vocabulary haha)

In between the themes of overcoming prejudice and handling social pressure, the mystery of her nightmares, the blinks into a future with Death Eaters and Voldemorts, are peppering the story up and leave just the right amount of thrill. Ted's tattoo and the fact that it's a bird made me wonder if she might possess some divination skills??

I any case, I'm really happy to have found this story and can't wait to read on~~~ This year's Dobbys are going to be soo hard to choose again, with all these great stories like yours!!

 Report Review

Review #5, by ShinichaA Study in Silver: Such Savage Methods

20th August 2015:
This is getting SO thrilling and exciting!

Their plan is ridiculously dangerous and risky (was getting caught in the office part of the PLAN? Or did he succeed DESPITE being caught?), but also pretty clever.

Over the course of the chapter it also becomes clear, that while Perry is clearly erm, hard to deal with, his "delusions" are most likely to contain a lot of truth, and I can't help wondering if the suspicions he had about an "influencal wizard" being dark (whoever it was where he broke in) will become relevant later on.

The other thing is this annoying Skeeter woman who keeps appearing (who did she indeed get that shot?).

You're really doing an exceptional good job at giving all kinds hints toward potential suspects! :o

The child-thing, Roxanne does to remember the "innocence" of all her patients, I do it too and it's sometimes really quite puzzling. The sentences that followed, about Blishwick having signed his Healer's certificate before his birth certificate was one of the coolest ones in the chapter! (Besides, of course, the stoned birds, haha).

So, will Blishwick be the Moriarty? Or is this just the beginning? (IS SKEETER ACTUALLY THE MORIARTY?)

Too many questions!

Just something I forgot to mention in the last review for chapter 5:

"outside the scandal and the St. Mungo's and the investigation with Perry" - I THINK you meant "at" not "and" St. Mungo's?

 Report Review

Review #6, by ShinichaA Study in Silver: Meet the Wotters

20th August 2015:
Sooo this chapter was the awaited and dreaded serious turn!

While I had a bad feeling when Roxy left Perry alone, I think I would've done the same if I were her. (Maybe I would've forced him to come with me, but probably not.) Even assuming that he WAS an addict, it's quite true that he doesn't seem at all like a Heroin-one, with his giddyness and constantly reeling thoughts.

The scene where she gets the "clue", seeing Hugo and James on the balcony, was really cleverly woven into the story at a point where the reader wouldn't expect it! I also liked that she actually did realize something was wrong instead of coming home and finding the .. surprise.

As to the family gathering: It was interesting to see them all flock together and how you fitted in all the information about them. You did a good job with it, balancing facts with personality. It didn't seem forced or unnatural. I particularly liked the detail about Lily helping the Cannon's to the top :D

Again, I love how you mix other fanfictions with yours, and I think I might have to check out some of them (successful AD strategy!)

Hugo is such a little annoying ignorant, haha! He doesn't seem very grown-up, still too stuck-up to have sex talk (or at least have his sister talk about it publicly), but trying hard to be cool by approaching drugs in a supposedly'leger', actually a bit stupid and irresponsible, manner! It's funny how familiar his character seems. In between all the "do-it-my-way" self-confident Wotters (who all manage to be successful with what they want to do, excpet for Roxy haha) he seemed the youngest and the one with the most dents in his personality, which is intruiging.

I also thought it was interesting to see Roxanne in a club. While she'd mentioned that she hadn't really gone out much since she started as a Healer, and also that she apparently had a lot of pretentious friends who didn't care about her once she got into trouble, I didn't quite expect her to be so unused to going out. However, it fitted her personality so far, while showing a new facette of hers. (Also in the way she approached this Felix guy, who, btw, does NOT ring a bell at all from Year Five, WHAT AM I MISSING TELL ME).

So. Now. I'm waiting for what will happen to the idiot that almost overdosed even though he should know better.

 Report Review

Review #7, by ShinichaY5.5: Identical, Yet Inverted

19th August 2015:
LOL.

Ok that was my reaction to this, it's hilarious.

It's an expertly done spoof, and it WAS SO CONVINCING that now I feel like "damn, I took the original so seriously, HOW PATHETIC AM I AS A READER WHEN IT'S ALL SO OBVIOUSLY SILLY".

But it's not, I know it's not. However, this is, in a good way.

And I didn't fail to notice that you couldn't quite keep the deep stuff out of the story, it almost got lyric with Emily's time-tape-analogies! (which I thought were really clever, or am I now stupid for thinking them clever?! AH! - my word of the day)

 Report Review

Review #8, by ShinichaA Study in Silver: Stakeout!

19th August 2015:
Rita's article was the best of the best!
Ok, by now I have to admit I'm getting a tad tired, so this review will be much shorter, however believe me I loved it no less.

I really enjoy how you make references to other fanfictions in your story (such as the Fred Memorial Scholarship, from where I'm guessing Rose also borrowed her activism), I love your Skeeter woman (so much), and the only thing I would possibly, maybe change is starting two consecutive paragraphs with the same word in the article:

"So what went wrong?" - this one. MAYBE. I'm just overly picky with word repititions! (forever scarred by my German teacher)

The scientific input, mixed with magic, was truly impressive and also informative!

I'm really hoping Perry's addiction isn't connected to opioids (you know my horror by now), and I really hope Roxy'll get it out of him!

Also, thanks to you my English gets polished up quite a bit. Maybe I should start a vocabulary list! On the downside this story might just keep me from starting my own mysteriy novel that I've procrastinated writing the last weeks because

a) I'm too addicted reading this (plus, I should read all the other nice recommendations in the Dobby's thread too, not only but also to send this into the race) and b) this splendid piece of writing is far too nice to not subdue my enthusiasm about writing something far more inferior haha :P
(or maybe c) I'm just as lazy as usual.)

And now I'm off to bed,
nightie

Shinicha

 Report Review

Review #9, by ShinichaA Study in Silver: The Huddled Masses

19th August 2015:
I almost started this review with another "AHHH" (they're getting more insane and hysterical by each chapter), but that would be too repetitive.

But. AH. Okay, I'll start with the easiest thing: Unless my English failed me (quite possible), I think the "a" should be an "it":
"She’d intended to twist the knife where a hurt the most"

THANK YOU for making me laugh so hard. In my glee over this hilarious chapter, I posted it on Facebook, telling everyone to read it. (Sadly I don't know many HP fanatics so your read count most likely won't change much).

You're right, every attempt to make Scorpius sound cool is doomed to fail. Although I do know a person called Pius, like, for real. (I know a few Pias as well. Catholic country.) But Perry somehow reminds me of a dog's name, haha... you know, a really furry, fluffy one, as in peRRy.

I feel I get sucked in by Perry's quite crazy life rhythm just as easly as Roxanne does, getting up and sleeping at weird hours. (BECAUSE I CAN'T STOP READING. It's 2:40 in the morning.) But not only because of that, but because your writing gives a the story a fast pace that is still very easy to follow, it flows really nicely!

Your description of their surroundings when they're on their drug spree through London are really FINE, and I feel you've improved tremendously since Year Five, even though that is already really good.

The added mystery of Roxannes resignation intruiged me just like Perry. But I got immediately distracted by the absurdity of this chapter. The drugs hidden INSIDE a pig, haha.

Uncontested is Roxanne's fashion show in Diagon Alley. I'm trying to guess the letter order, let's see:
1. George
2. Angelina
3. James
4. Hermione
5. Albus
6. Well that one was revealed.

Am I right? If yes, you are truly amazing. If I'm wrong you still are, because with a single paragraph you managed to give me a distinct image of all the characters and managed to re-wrap it in two-line-letters. I mean, WHAT. (Although admittedly, there is a certain trend in the fandom-business that supports some guesses). Still, wow.

Perry's addiction IS btw a bit scary and when he burried his face in the rucksack, for a short moment I was afraid he'd just take a bite or something :D

OK BACK TO BUSINESS, next chapter. ^-^

 Report Review

Review #10, by ShinichaA Study in Silver: At the D.M.L.E.

19th August 2015:
Ah, I love you so much, this story is so super-duper-cool!

You've got a great grasp on the moods, they change very subtly but effectively with each scene. To see Perry's weak side was almost heartbreaking, I swear I felt sad when Harry told her that they didn't pay him!

Speaking of Harry; the thing with the glasses.ah. it's too funny, I can't put it into words .. T_T

I also liked that you tried to effectively think 15 years into the future (looking forward to re-reading it in 15 years ;D ); but solar-energy for London? :P

On a side-note: What's with the Heroin in each of your stories? :D
Ah, and Perry fighting his old addictions...

Righto, done rambling (sorry!) reading on :)

 Report Review

Review #11, by ShinichaA Study in Silver: Prologue: The Lodger

19th August 2015:
Ah I'm a terrible story-hopper, I know! (I haven't given up on Year Five though, promise!) But when I saw the title, I just had to give it a read!

. AND IT'S SO HILARIOUS. Luckily my neighbour just moved out or she might've been seriously bothered by my hysteric laughter. :D

I read a Study in Scarlet when I was a kid, so I basically don't remember anything, sadly, so I probably won't be able to recognize all the nice references (though I am watching the new series).

Your start to the story is perfect, the style is clear, precise and decided. And funny. Making Roxanne the Watson is a pretty cool idea; and i CANNOT wait for more detective/magic mixing. The Coffee-talk almost brought tears to my eyes!! (digestive tract of a kneazle? seriously?) The scene in the apartment and their exchange about moldy cups and Them! were priceless. Ah, not to forget Leonardo, lovely.

I cannot quite figure out why Scorpius would introduce himself with a fake name though.

So.. respect for giving this story a try, I imagine it to be incredible difficult to write. And I love how much thought and research you put into the details of your stories!

Looking forward to more.

And I don't get Diurnally. Apparently I'm not nerdy enough :/

Author's Response: Yay for story-hopping!

Heheh, I haven't read Study in Scarlet since I was a kid either, so I looked up various synopses to refresh myself. It's actually a pretty weird plot, so I just went ahead and made up something completely different and only referencing a couple of things.

So glad you found this funny! This was my first real go at comedy, and kind of my "Fun Fic" so I was just kinda having a good time with it :)

The kneazle thing! That's actually a thing! There are expensive types of gourmet coffee produced in that way using a civet! And since a civet is sort of cat-like, I though a kneazle made the best magical analogue.

I really enjoy doing research for stories (because: nerd), but I'm always glad when someone appreciates the research that went into things :) Oh! And 'diurnally' is an antonym for 'nocturnally'--Diurnal creatures are active in the day. So I figured if the shady/sketchy alley off Diagon was called "Knockturn Alley" then the posh/expensive street would be "Diurn Alley" :P

Yee! Thank you so much for all your amazing reviews!

xoxo
Roisin


 Report Review

Review #12, by ShinichaCuriosity Is Not a Sin: The Hogwarts Express

19th August 2015:
Hi!
First of all, I'm sorry to only comment on the very last chapter! I really appreciate all the effort you put into this very long story - THANKS a lot for writing it!

So I don't know the version before it was extensively edited as you anounced in your A/Ns, therefore I can only speak for the updated version :)

I really loved this romance. Its strongest point is characters and character development. The plot itself may not be one never written before, but you managed to turn it into a very unique story.

Your Rose, to start with, is refreshingly different. A troublemaker and a very real personalitiy with all her flaws and and averageness, while still being funny and loveable. I adored her stubbornness!

Scorpius is the other part of a set of great main leads; I enjoyed that he was embarrassed so easily, not a super-cool one (how silly with his traffic-light-hair!), very emotional and talkative…

Amongst all the minor characters (which were really colourful and fun!), I probably loved Dominique most for her kinda intimidating personality that you managed to convey long before we even met her in person!

The story itself arches nicely over the many chapters. I can honestly say this is the first story I know where nothing big, terrifying or shocking or even particularly dramatic happened, to which I still got hooked and that I could not stop reading.

The story of a first love is so convincing and real, I think any reader can put oneself into Rose’s and Scorpius’ shoes and feel with them. It is, what the title says: curiosity; paired with a fabulous sense of humour and a good portion of realism.

So thanks again for this wonderful read and making me love your story!

Shinicha

 Report Review

Review #13, by Shinichafirst: first meeting

15th August 2015:
hey! i found this story via the charactarization of the month in the ravenclaw common room :)

This is really a lovely start to a story. Esme seems like a very real personality already, so I think she's going to be a wonderful OC.

I think it's also interesting that her connection with Albus starts at this young age - and him as well, his insecurities about being the Slytherin of the family ...

Can't wait to read on!

(Sorry that the review is so short, I admit I get a bit lazy late at night ^^°)

 Report Review

Review #14, by ShinichaSirius Black: Escape from Azkaban: Chapter One: A Dog's Day of Freedom

5th August 2015:
Hi! I'm here for the review swap and terribly sorry that I'm so late!

It was really, really hard to choose a story out of the ones you posted as they all - all! - seemed alluring and interesting. Thus, I went for the one with the smallest number of reviews!

Believe me, it is difficult to write a review for this, because I don't think I can properly put into words what it made me feel.

To start with, the idea to write Harry's 3d year from Sirius' POV is a good one, and a big challenge at that. It is almost impossible to imagine what someone feels and thinks after 13 years of imprisonment. However, you did a superb job with it; the start in itself is beautiful and sets the mood of the story.

I also loved how you described Sirius discovering his emotions and perceptions again after being cut off them for so long. The scene at the beach was really touching! Although can never help feeling sad when I read a story about characters that I KNOW will die all to soon.

The interaction between him and James reminded me a lot of Harry's encounters with his father - in GoB or with the stone of resurrectoin - the way he talked and the misty state between reality and ghostly dream. Personally, I would like it even more if you took out the sentences that confirm what the reader unevitably thinks: that this is not quite a dream (but how can it be real?) But that's simply a matter of personal taste.

You managed convincingly to depicts his radical mood shifts and the complexity of his emotions. Your descriptions were wonderful in detail and expression but never too much!


I would love to see the story continued and to read what his encounters with Harry are like to Sirius, but even as a stand-alone piece it's quite beautiful. I'm really glad I read this, and I want to check out your other stories too!

 Report Review

Review #15, by ShinichaThis is Angelina: Memories

5th August 2015:
Hi! I'm here for the review swap - sorry I took so long!

First of all, you really managed to surprise me. When I read the synopsis, I imagined the story to start after the war - but you plunged right into the last scene. I have big respect for you doing this; I imagine it to be incredibly difficult to think of everything that the book describes and fit it a story of your own.

With this you did a really good job - in all this time that we follow Harry running around the castle, others are fighting. The horror of the war - especially in the second chapter - are crazily well decribed. It really made me shiver. You used a richness of words to convey the huge things happening around Angelina and in her mind too. Even more than in the original can we feel what it would mean to be in the middle of death happening!

The flashback of Angelina's childhood was also very well written and you fleshed out the different characters of George and Fred very well and gave Alicia a very shining personality that I immediately took to (although I felt that you were very harsh with Percy :D haha)

In between there are the love stories woven in. I honestly thought it was very interesting to have such a daring teenie-action mix. Mostly, I liked how you wrote it, although I can't help but think the discussions about love confessions would maybe not take place in a setting like this. But who knows?

The only things that I thought could be improved were, on one hand,
- punctuation (many sentences are too long and commas would ease the read immensely; also the usage of punctuation marks before and after direct speech is somewhat irregular)

- and on the other hand the introduction of canon characters. I feel here you rely too much on "the Trio" to explain how Angelina would know them or think about them. For example, it is very easy to imagine that Angelina knows Eloise without mentioning Hermione!

Other than that I think your story is really gripping and well written. I noticed some smaller mistakes that you might want to change:

Chapter 1:
* "Angelina nodded in understanding before pulling playfully on the hood of her cloak, knowing that on any other day, she would have hated hiding her blonde hair." - in this sentence it is not clear that "her" referrs to Alicia, so I got confused when suddenly blonde hair was mentioned!


*"Angelina walked a ways with Alicia in the warm night air, she had lit the fireplace earlier for something to do and to warm her cold hands." This part of the sentence doesn't very well connect to its beginning; also I don't really understand the reference to the fireplace?

*"Only, Harry doesn't want us to fight for him, he wants to handle this on his own, but we can't do that, we can't let him win.” Neville said fiercely." - here, it reads as if "him" refers to Harry, so maybe you could say "Voldemort" (don't know if Neville uses the name at the end) or any other name to clarify.

Chapter 2:
"The Quidditch supply room had been broken into only a few minutes before and she was surprised by just how heavy it was" - this usage of passive made me wonder who broke in (it was her and Angelina right?), and also "how heavy IT was" grammatically would mean the supply room, so the box should be mentioned again!

- “are you sure that they'll know what to do?”
“Of course. Until I tell them to,” ... - Written like this it would mean that the Bludgers know what to do up to the point where she tells them to (what?) - so I think it would make more sense to change "until" to "When"

*"undiluted Bubotuber puss that they were going to lug it over the walls." - pus (one s), and the "it" is not needed :)

*"darted away into the fray before Angelina could determine that he was all right - "whether he was alright"

- In the memory of first year, Katie Bell is mentioned, however I think she is one year younger than Alicia and Angelina!

*"but it was only when they were going to their separate dorms did she realize why" - "that she realized" would be correct

*"Percy and Clearwater, the two happy little Prefects" - I got a bit confused as the two weren't actually Prefects at that time. Is it meant that they behave like ones? Maybe another word would be better!

* "Its been a really good day" - change to "It's"

* "she realized that she was still disoriented and thought that they were still outside of their dorms, back in first year." - this part is kind of a contradiction of how you started the paragraph! Because you first wrote that she isn't surprised at all to find herself in the middle of the war.

*"The sight was more devastating than a lie" I think this is meant as an allegory, but it seems a bit random to me as I unvoluntarily thought it referred to a specific lie ("did I miss something??")

I hope it's okay to point these things out!

Cheers
Shinicha

Author's Response: HELLO!

Thank you a thousand times for this review and stopping by! I'm sorry that I'm just now responding to it though. D':

I think a few people have commented on the fact that I didn't start this story after the War was over. This is pretty short but the first four chapters actually focus on the Battle of Hogwarts. The remaining chapters focus on the aftermath of it (That's actually the name of my favorite chapter in this entire story) and I thought that it was a good balance.

I made sure that I did my research while I was writing the Battle. I didn't want to focus on Harry and his friends because we already KNOW what they're going through. It was easier for me to shape what Angelina was seeing around other events that you all would recognize, forcing her to be in the middle of everything that she couldn't stop. It was a kind of exhausting writing so much angst though but your reaction to it was just what I needed! I wanted you all to feel every single thing and one person left me a review a long time ago saying that she nearly tasted the blood in the air. Now THAT was a compliment that made me feel so amazed and even a little scared by!

I really liked the flashback because not only do you get a sense of what Angelina's relationship with George will be like in the future, you get a good idea of who he is without Fred. That was essential. I shall not apologize about making Percy into a git, although I do love him more than any other Weasley sometimes.

Punctuation is not my strongest suit.

The thing about Angelina being introduced to canon characters through the Trio is simply to show that she was everywhere and nowhere. I wanted to give you all the idea that she didn't really hang around the twins and the others ALL the time. I'm sure that she talked to Hermione and the others a little here and there too but there's also this thing that I wanted to play around with. You know who these people are already but to someone like Angelina, who doesn't have the closest relationship to them, seeing those same people dead or in danger just creates a whole different emotion.

Or something like that.

THe CC's that you pointed out are the same ones that get me every time. It's weird how that happens AFTER the chapter is posted, right? Hahahaha.

Thanks so much for the review!

Gabbie


 Report Review

Review #16, by Shinicha'Eyes' with an 'L': Boom

4th August 2015:
I'm really really really amazed by this story, I love it.

The mood you set in this story fits it perfectly. It has the childishness that must be there, since it's about 7-11 year old kids. It's very touching, but not really tragic, but it manages to grip the reader right from the start. Especially the opening lines are very well chosen.

To make it a Lily-story is ingenious. While I always imagined Lily's parents to be understanding and super-nice, your take on them is much more probable (why else would a sister hold a grudge over decades if not for parents clearly treating their kids accordingly).

The tenseness of Severus, and even twisting his motive for joining the Death Eaters is .. wow. I also loved how you did James - loud and arrogant maybe, but he never made fun of her and makes an effort right from the start.

Your descriptions of Lily's hearing experience were really powerful! The sound that doesn't go away, that sits in her brain, made me literally squirm and very uncomfortable. (it must be like a permanently implanted tinitus!!)

Funnily, I just had a discussion about the benefits/problems of chochlea-implants a few days ago with some friends. I think you captured how a person must feel to be torn between two "worlds" perfectly in Lily.

I'm not sure, but as I understood it the implant is something that is done if a hearing aid won't be strong enough. I went to an elementary school that had an 'inclusion' project so a third of my class had some kind of hearing disability. I definitely remember some kids in school having the implant, but that was the end of the 90s. They do hear some things, but it's clear that it's different (but I'm speaking for those who were born with hearing disability).
So yes, it really was like talking in a foreign language, in Sign, but also for them to learn German. I've always loved the thought that in the same place two languages emerge naturally, with familiarities that are completely indifferent to what is happening in spoken languages (ie Austrian and American Sign are related, while the German one isn't), like when Severus and Lily make up signs for things in the magic world - an overlap that more or less exists only for the two of them.

So ... thanks for this wonderful story.

Author's Response: Hello! Oh thank you for the surprise review on this story :D

Oh man, so those opening lines. I very nearly gave up on this story a number of times because the prompt ("lily evans+deaf") was so hard to reconcile with canon. Like, there are just so many canon thingies about her being Hearing (especially in Snape's memories), and Cochlear implants weren't available to the public until later. BUT YEAH, I was just so into those opening lines that I pushed to find a way to make it work.

James was def tricky, because I wanted to be in line with Annoying!James from canon, while not making him unlikable either. So yeah, he's never MEAN to her, and is genuinely interested and curious.

I was taking a Deaf Studies/ASL class at the time, so I used a lot of what I learned there when I was writing this. And I talked to a bunch of people on the forums who have experience with cochlears and read a bunch of first person narratives to try and get it accurate.

One thing I really wanted to get across here is how, for a lot of people, Deaf is an identity more than a disability. So yeah, the emphasis on Sign as a distinct language (rather than just pantomiming spoken language), and all that stuff. I'm so glad that, as a person with experience with this community, you found it interesting and compelling!

Thanks again so much for this review!

xoxo
Roisin


 Report Review

Review #17, by ShinichaThe Dirigible Plum Disaster: The Dirigible Plum Disaster

4th August 2015:
Hi! :) Here for the swap.

I chose this story since I thought the title was intruiging, and also because I'd written about Hugo before so I was curious what your Hugo would be like!

I think this is a lovely One-Shot. As the son of Ron and with this slightly dorky name in my head he would be one of the "funny Weasleys". But in your story he's a very mature, serious and loving person. I liked it!

The plot you chose was really quirky, I loved the idea: First the 'suspense' of who is Tony? Until we find out it's a plant. And then the plant becomes the focus point around which their relationship and personalities come to live and are shown. It's good!

I also liked how you switched the tenses very cleverly during the text - the back and forth between past and present is very smoothly but well done.

Although I personally would go crazy with a unreliable person like Finn, it's really cute how they make up in the end and try their personalities to match: Hugo's (obsessive?) love for plants, and Finn's chronic unreliability.

So overall a really sweet fluffy one-shot, you really can be happy about how it turned out :)

I noticed one small mistake: "And Louis is has to go to Rome on Tuesday for work." - one verb too many!

Thanks for the nice read :)

Author's Response: Hello!
I had a ton of fun with this one-shot, especially since it was my first time writing Hugo, so I'm glad you enjoyed it!
The idea of someone trying (and failing) to keep their significant other's plant alive is what inspire this, and then as soon as that idea came to me, I knew that it was going to be Hugo and his boyfriend. I had a ton of fun with Finn, too. He's just so nervous and forgetful, but I found it really endearing while I was writing it because he always has such good intentions.
Thank you for pointing out the typo! I'll have to go fix that.
I'm glad you liked this and thought it was cute! Thank you so much for the great review!
Cassie :)


 Report Review

Review #18, by ShinichaYear Five: Recreational Magic Abuse Recovery

3rd August 2015:
Hah, I'm back again! The last review was written drunk, but I promise, this is all crispy and sober, from the library even!

First of all: Isobel and Lucas, I knew it! :D
I didn't expect it to be her first time though. Can there be a first time that is actually "good"? I have never heard about anyone saying that about their own experience ... I kind of hope that he will get some space in the story again and not disappear like Sophie. Although it's probably unlikely since he lives as a Muggle in the US most of the time, as it seems?

The reasoning behind not letting them stay at Tristan's seems really feeble. The "Rec Magic" thing, that Isobel's parents worry so much about, seems a far better reason to distrust their kid's friends than possible ...sleeping around.

As to the scene in Mungo's: I think you did a fabulous job with EVERYTHING. First, I loved the passing comments on what is going on in the hospital (moths! insects! what a terror!) and the different departments.

Secondly, I think you managed to pin-point Luna's attitude perfectly, her dreaminess mixed with a weird down-to-earthness! It is quite sad to think of her past like this, with a dead mother and a depressed father. Also, there is clearly a Hex Head gang missing in the younger years, since she couldn't find any friends!

During the meeting with Laurel, the tension and delicacy of the situation was feasable. You don't want to treat your friend differently, but at the same time it seems dishonest to just ignore the big, pink elephant that is sitting in your midst (probably having fun with the biscuits)

The bracelett-hobby only added to the horror of what Laurel went through! (even though I also enjoyed making them when I was little.) She doesn't seem like a person that can get lost in "small details", but more of a big-rash-bigger thinker.

I wonder how you will make them interact once she's back to school.

On a side note: I tried to super-coolly slip in "stoked" during a conversation, but as my friends are also non-native speakers it ended up being a bit lame when I had to explain my Libanese friend what it meant. Next time!

Also, while I've always loved VU I didn't know Sunday Morning. As it so happens, I also started doing Yoga in the morning. So I'll try this Emiliesque intersection!

Author's Response: So glad that I'm not the only one who leaves drunk reviews! YAS! (But for the record, you seemed perfectly cogent to me :))

You make a good point that there isn't much by way of SPECIAL first times in this story. I guess here I just wanted a character to have a "whilst on holiday" experience, since that's a thing.

THAT SILLY WORRY! Man, those sorts of "you canNOT sleep at a boy's house!" parents were the bane of my teenage years. Luckily my mom was reasonable, but I had friends whose parents weren't.

Yee, I had so much fun making up those waiting room maladies :D

And I'm SO GLAD you liked my Luna! She might be the single most difficult character to get right, and I knew I was already asking a LOT of readers by expanding her backstory in this way. (Oh, and I headcanon that Luna totally continued hanging out with these older kids once she started Hogwarts [granted, they behaved themselves better around her], but then they graduated before Harry met her).

It is VERY difficult to carry on and hang out like normal when you're visiting a friend in this sort of context. Glad that the awkwardness there came off. And I really like your analysis of Laurel :)

YOU WILL WIN EVENTUAL SUCCESS WITH "STOKED." I AM CERTAIN OF IT.

Heheh, Sunday Morning is probs the only VU song one can do yoga to. OH, and that Y5 playlist I linked you to (the one in my forums blog) has a really neat cover of it!


 Report Review

Review #19, by ShinichaYear Five: Muggle Magic

29th July 2015:
Ahh okay, I hope I have kept everything in my mind that I wanted to comment on (not sure if I did).

1. Okay so when I said last chapter that locking their kid up to protect it is NOT the way to do it, now this is exactly what Isobel's parents are doing ... but admittedly, she's a different case to Tristan.

I really feel with her concerning the smoking-thing though. I never went as far as smoking in the shower (how obvious would THAT be?) but from eating bananas to hide the smell and washing my hands to carrying around perfume I did all kinds of things :D All in all, she is handling the pressure with much elegance and patience though. Maybe it is because she only has to spend her holiday's with them, but I admire her self-composure.

2. I immensely enjoyed the "muggle-wizard" interaction! First, it was nice to see how grown-ups get along so well and do not clash as it so often happens in stories and also real-life (slightly disapproving families, forced politeness...) It also feels scary that I almost can relate more to the parents than to the kids. Damnit, I'm only 23!

3. On the other hand you wrote about so many things I was wondering about when reading the books! I never did much research reading the Wiki, so I have to ask: Are the facts about hags being a different species, and about Arithmancy made up? Or true? In any case: interesting!

4. Nice way to mention Albus fist boyfriend btw :D

5. And the subtle critique of state meddling was also amusing. If the Unspeakables are anything close to our intelligence services or "constitution protection units" they're nothing but despicable. òo

6. I laughed at the "hippie-ness" of Emily's parents. They seem very lovely.

7. Speaking of family: There is SO something gonna happen between Isobel and Lucas. RIGHT?

A few more things:

-Isobel's non-eating habits are worrying (I once read this book "air for breakfast" (was the roughly from German translated title), and felt shocked when I felt I could agree to almost every point up to the stage where the main cast grew these baby-hairs that the body produces when you hunger too much. ISOBEL DON'T GROW HAIR. EAT.

-Thanks for also introducing me to the word "stoked", I'll be careful to use it from now on :P

- I noticed a minor spelling error: "iare you certain you're getting enough protein?” "

- brownies are tricky, I hope they don't plan to eat all of them at once, otherwise they might have to extend their visit to the rehab clinic!

Author's Response: Ooh fancy, I'll reply in number form too :)

1. The interesting thing here is that I'm not sure whether or not this was even a good idea :P Like, I write it as though it isn't, but maybe it is?

Heh, I smoked in the shower, and it WAS obvious. Me and my friends would do it under the auspice of shaving our legs. Bloody ridiculous.

2. I wrote this when I was 23! And yes, I weirdly identified with the parents a lot too! I think it was the first time I properly looked at a parents' perspective and tried to consider why they do what they do in, like, a mature way.

3. The thing about Hags is from Fantastic Beasts (they're given the classification of 'Being,' which implied to me that they're a separate species). The Arithmancy thing was kinda made-up though. I looked into it, and it seemed way too simple to have an entire course on stretching multiple years (since it's basically just one kind of divination), so I messed around with it by including some numerology stuff and some other neat ideas I had :)

4. RIGHT! Elphias was TOTALLY Albus' boyfriend at some point! Like, COME ON. That eulogy?

5/6. Heh, yeah. The Unspeakables always struck me as shadowy and sketch, and some of their research reminds me of CIA tests back in the 50s and stuff. The Madleys DEF have a perspective I've seen before (a lot of my friends have hippie parents)

7. YOU'LL SEE.

-OH MAN, I just looked up that book and HOW WEIRD. Ok, so one of my friends is recovering from anorexia nervosa right now and her name is Serafina! ~WoOoOoOoOo~

-Heh, 'stoked.' My California is showing :P

-Whoops! Thank you! Editing now!

-oof, yes. Edibles can be QUITE easy to overdo!

YEE! Thank you so much for another fantastic review!

xoxo
Roisin




 Report Review

Review #20, by ShinichaOne Night Sin: Chapter 1

29th July 2015:
Hi, here to "show some love" ;)

First of all, I think you did a really great job in building the tension, going into just enough details while balancing them out with dialogue in less than 1000 (!) words!

Am I right assuming that the "cliché" you had to work with was waking up after a spontanious night of... love making? ^^

I sensed a certain satirical flirt with the cliché in the beginning - the way she describes him as "personification of grace and perfection" that made me smile. This could've been a cue to turn this story into a humorous one.

But you managed to elegantly twist the story into something more serious - self-blame because of something that might not be big deal for many people but is for a girl with a strict Hindi background.

In my head, this story could easily be spun into a longer story, work on the conflict or how Shreya will learn to deal with it.

The way the story ends, however, leaves the reader with a bitter feeling and an idea of "doom". That's not necessarily bad thing, and I think it is well executed to leave a lasting imprint. However it does have the strong feeling of a "prologue" with something to follow. So if the idea has crossed your mind to extend this story, I think it'd be definitely worth it!

I noticed a few small things that you might (or might not) want to change:

-- "---burning lust as their eyes met across their room" - I think it should be "the" room

-- "And you watched as his eyes came to rest on you" - I got a bit confused by the sudden change of perspective, as the rest of the story is written in third person. i think it might be more consistent if you changed this to "And she watched ... etc"

-- "one of the other four posters while the other beds were empty and unmade"
I know, I know I'm overly sensitive when it comes to word repititions! But I think for the flow of the sentence you might want to change one of the "others", i.e. "one of the other four posters while the rest of the beds were empty"

-- "The word sunk deep into the crevices of her brain, filling them with shame" This is really a stylistic decision, but in my head if felt more logical if the word filled "her" with shame instead of the crevices of her brain.

-- "Dirty and Impure" - impure not in capitals :)

-- "“It doesn’t concern you,” Shreya muttered, even as her heart sank" - The "even" in this sentence confused me a bit, maybe you should just erase it? (or maybe I'm not getting it!)

I hope you don't mind me pointing these things out!
Thanks for a nice read and good luck in the challenge :)

Author's Response: Hi! Thank you so much for reviewing this! It was so sweet of you to stop by like that. ♥

Ah you picked up on all the little nuances. I tend to write certain satirical lines since it's a cliche after all but I'm also trying to make this as legit as possible. The prompt is teenage pregnancy (i've added it in the A/N now) and I figured bringing in a different culture would actually give this a twist that would make it something different from the typical fics that we find on this theme. And your comments are really encouraging, thank you so so much!

And yes, this is going to be a short story, unless it turns out to become something longer, and I really hope you come back to read on. :)

Ah thank you so much for pointing those things out. I haven't gotten this beta'ed yet and I completely missed those little things. I've made all those changes except for the Impure one because that was intentional. It's more like her calling herself those names, sort of like proper nouns - you get? It's a stylistic thing.

You're such a darling! ♥ I haven't really seen you around before now, I'll definitely be stopping by your AP once my schedule clears a bit. Thank you so much again. :)


 Report Review

Review #21, by ShinichaYear Five: The Big Thing

28th July 2015:
The things are getting intense and there is truly not one incredient of teenage drama missing!

Unfortunately I have never read the Casual Vacancy, however I love your writing. The scene in Hogsmeade was ..wow, just incredible. Not because my wish for psychedelic drugs has come true ( :P ), but because of the smartness with which you wove in the future-present-trippy parts. Also, I am now bursting to know what the BIG THING might be. When Tristan first didn't want to reveal his middle name that started with "R", I irrationally thought of Riddle (which doesn't make any sense whatsoever, since it's a last name PLUS hardly anyone realized the connection between tom and voldy).

But it must be connected somehow to the Big Thing, no? Since he also talks about his "family"... but at the same time, judging from Emily's reaction it was something he did himself, when he was small? Ah, so many questions...

Behind all your characters' declared independence from the rest of the student-body you get their fragile emotional (teeny) state very well across; the fact that they do care a lot and in fact almost all their problems stem from exactly caring a lot about what "society" thinks of them.

By the way, for some inexplicable reason Isobel refuses to have black hair in my head!! I tried telling myself so often, and still she remains the blonde I saw in my mind when I first read the name. Why might that be??

Overall I'm really, really impressed with the effort and research you put into this fic. I'm sorry that my reviews are so useless .-. but believe me when I say that I enjoy it immensely, love it dearly and admire your writing a lot!

And btw, thanks to you I listened to Blur for the first time in my life (don't ask me how I managed to bypass them ...) and I love the song you mentioned. So thanks :D

Author's Response: 'No ingredient of teenage drama missing'! Yes! That was exactly what I was going for! I really wanted to see how all these Teen Drama conventions would play out in the Hogwarts context, since a lot of them never came up in canon (which makes sense, since Harry and co were a bit preoccupied fighting evil). But yeah, like, what's Hogwarts like for normal kids? Or rather, what's Hogwarts like for the kids who'd rather smoke under the bleachers than watch a Quidditch game?

So reading CasVac DEF isn't required for reading this, but, funny anecdote: an RL friend of mine got super spy status and found this online and read it all (luckily, he was down). Then, some months later, he read CasVac and said "it reminded me of Y5 a lot," and I was like "OTHER WAY AROUND, BRO."

And YAY I'm so glad you found Smartness in, erm, yeah psychedelia :P That was super fun to write, because I liked that canon idea that there are older and more subtle magicks outside of wand-waving.

You're def not the first person to think Riddle, and I won't lie: I do kind of dangle that thread.

Your point about their preoccupation with what 'society' thinks is very apt. Like, I think rebellion is important, and so is criticizing the status quo, but young/dumb kids CAN take it too far. When they decide that certain lines are dumb, they can also cross lines they maybe shouldn't. In a way, I think canon explored the same questions, but more to do with rule breaking. Like, when is it ok to break rules/laws? Sometimes the trio do it for good reasons, and sometimes it works out, but sometimes it doesn't, and the story is a lot about them learning how to be smart and thoughtful about it.

Huh, that's so interesting what you said about Isobel! It's such a brunette-y name in my mind! And while she is supposed to be half Arab, maybe she can have dyed her hair in your mind-cast :)

You're reviews aren't useless! I so appreciate all of your feedback and analysis, and it's so on-point and interesting :D (hence this absurdly long reply)

(And YAYAYAY BLUR! So stoked that I was able to introduce you!)


 Report Review

Review #22, by ShinichaYear Five: The Hex Head Express

28th July 2015:
Loved the second chapter as well!!! :)

It is always really interesting to think about what the side characters in the books are up to when we don't read about them. So i enjoyed the Percey and Penny interlude immensely, even more so the twins!!! But most of all I loved how you connected the far-away stories of the ministry and the order with Hogwarts by creating Tonk's past.

So far I enjoy the group's dynamic and all the potential future conflicts that are already implied; such as emely-tristan-(isobel?); laurel's inclination for charms etc.

The drugs are another thing I found hilarious and imaginative. (Speed-for stuying :'D ) I noticed that there are no psychedelic substances in play yet! (But would that fit better than whiskey?? Btw: why whiskey for gryffindor?? :o )

Can't wait for more!

Author's Response: Yayay thank you!

Since Percy and Penny were in their year, I definitely wanted to include them, especially because I thought it would be funny to see what these kids thought of them. And the twins! That was fun too, since they were older than Harry, and seemed all big. But to Tristan and co, they're younger, which was cool to think about.

And Tonks! I was SO stoked when I realized they would have overlapped at school!

I'm very interested in the dynamic you named--I like how you're thinking right now. That's the suspicion I'd hoped readers would have ;)

As you know, psychedelics are yet to come! But yeah, so, whiskey: that has a lot to do with what /these/ kids think of Gryffindors. Loud, prone to aggression, etc. And think about it! There are tons of Gryffindors in canon, and the main booze they drink is whiskey!

SO THEY WERE RIGHT!


 Report Review

Review #23, by ShinichaYear Five: Prologue (1991): Dozens of Little Televisions

28th July 2015:
First of all, excuse my short review, as it is a bit bothersome to write long texts on a phone!

I'm really intrigued by the story so far, also because you said it's inspired by Skins. I watched the first three seasons years ago (when i was still young and innocent haha) and remember it left me very disturbed indeed :D

You did a great job with so many things in this chapter: finding hilarious excuses for magic in a home (the ikea-part made me laugh out loud); including canon characters in a subtle way; shaping Tristans broody teenage character subtly but clear (telling the story from this omniscent authors perspective is very refreshing!) .

So i can't wait for more!! :)

Author's Response: Yee! Hello! Thank you so much for dropping by this story and taking the time to leave a review (especially since it's all annoying and on your phone!)

Oh man, so I was the same age as the kids when the first season came out, so my reaction was very "HOW DO YOU KNOW MY LIFE." Although I was more of a "Jal" type--like, the goodie-two-shoes, Hermione-ish friend. If only relatively.

But anyway! I'm s glad you liked the kind of tone and style of this, I def loop in canon as much as humanly possible, while providing an alternate POV for all the stuff. And yee, the ikea line was my favorite too :)

Thank you again so much for reviewing!
xoxo
Roisin


 Report Review

Review #24, by Shinichaetc. etc. (and life goes on): A Kingdom For My Name

27th July 2015:
Hey! I just read all the so-far existing chapters in one go, and I feel terribly sorry that I didn't stop after each to leave a review. It was simply too addicting!!!

In general I'm amazed with your writing style. It manages to lose itself in details while still flowing nicely, weaves dialogues and internal monologues and action into one seamless, wonderful motion picture.

Of course it's also hilarious, and the absurdity of the events brought me to tears (from laughter) several times: food fights in the great hall??? A rampage in padfifoots??? Even more amazing is the fact that you manage to deliver it with elegant seriousness and angstyness without it ever loosing the humour.

The other thing is your characters; they are really alive and real!! None of them seems shallow, everyone has their mysterious side (even, or especially Appy! She's just crepyy.) I especially love Clemence as the main cast and how we slowly, slowly see her change over the chapters. Not one thing seemed ever 'out of character', i really feel that you are in everybody's head - even the quirkers ones haha.

But since all of the characters are somewhat ambiguous, the mystery of WHO 'the enemy' is becomes almost unbearable!
At first, with the Lipstick on the paper, of course I thought of Appy herself.

And then I can never shake this feeling of "what if it's Dom???" She could've shattered the teapots on V-Day! Also, Rose is still in my mind, although she seemed quite amiable when she wanted thr letter to be published... Endless possibilities! What if it's innocent and nice Janey who just wants the gossip to end and start a serious school paper?

On another note: i also really loved how you created new places in the castle that fit into Hogwarts smoothly. The speak easy, the newsroom,...

And overall the way the romance evolved was just perfect. The moments of passion, in the hallway or at the lake were so well built up and intense, i started drooling and actually got goosebumps! Still, Albus is maybe the character i understand the last. His actions seem a bit random all over the story. But that's maybe just him: making spontaneous decisions, actually not very cool at all, very emotional and caring.

So, sorry for this kinda unspecific and over-viewy review...in any case I'm so glad i read this and super-thankful that you wrote this!! I can't wait for the last chapter and the epilogue :) :)

Author's Response: I'm really happy with what etc's done with my writing style; writing this and Capers at the same time meant they got to feed into each other a lot. etc explored a lot of narrative styles that I'd use in Capers and my description and action in Capers lent itself here.

Also absurd yet serious (seriously absurd, har har) is my writing in a nutshell 8D WRITING FANGIRL MASSACRES WITH A STRAIGHT FACE.

You read it all in one go, so you remember that there IS SOMEONE OUT THERE STILL that we don't know about! 8D Who, indeed? I like your ideas! They're sneaky. I'm sneaky.

I'm glad you like what you've read so far. Thank you so much for reading and reviewing! I'll try to get the next chapter up soon.


 Report Review

Review #25, by ShinichaDobby: The Paid Elf: Dobby: The Paid Elf

8th December 2014:
A Dobby story!!! How COOL is that?
I actually planned to review "saving severus snape" first but then I saw this and simply had to read it.
Such a beautiful story and such a great idea. It always pains me to read about elves, how very little self-esteem they have and how selfless they are, even though they probably even more powerful than wizards. (They can do magic without wands, duh) You described Dobby's inner life so well and very in-character.

--But apart from the elf-theme it reflects a lot of what happens to humans in our society too. Being home- AND jobless is probably in the top-five of hardest hardships there are. When you wrote about how Dobby covered himself with a newspaper and how his hopes of a new life had been crushed it really made me soso sad.

The bittersweetness of a joboffer where he DECLINES better working conditions really made me go "ARGH NOO elves really need trade unions" (already when I read the books, but now in the context of this story even more so).

Loved this one, it flowed nicely and made me FEEL so much. In only around 1000 words your story really manages to pull the readers in and immerse themselves into your written word.

Author's Response: Aww! You've read Dobby! And you liked it!! Thank you!! ♥

No worries, I'm thrilled that this caught your interest. It really doesn't get a lot of attention, so I'm always really happy and surprised when I receive a review on it. :)

I originally wrote this story for the House Cup during the summer. There was a prompt challenge and this was for one about overcoming adversity, I think. Sadly, I missed the deadline to get it in on time, but decided to post it anyhow.

I completely agree with you about the House-Elves. They really are a bit more powerful than wizards. I mean, look at Dobby in DH. He's able to Apparate out of Malfoy Manor when none of the wizards could. He was really, really tough to write, so it's completely refreshing to hear that he seemed in character.

Yeah, he really was at his lowest point there. I can't imagine what it would be like to be out of work and living on the streets. It has to be terrifying and you must feel so defeated. I would apologize for making you feel sad, but that was exactly what I was going for. So I won't. :p

Hahaha! House-Elf Unions. I bet that's something that Hermione started when she began her work in the Ministry. You're right though, he should have accepted more, but he seemed happy. And that's all that really matters. :)

Gah! *blush* Thank you so much! I honestly don't know how to respond to that besides just saying, thank you!

I'm really, really happy that you stopped by this story. This review was so kind and I honestly appreciate every word of it. Again, thank you so much! I'm ecstatic that you liked it. ♥

xoxo Meg


 Report Review
If this is your story and you wish to respond to reviews, please login

<Previous Page  Jump:     Next Page>