Reading Reviews From Member: Mintleaf
187 Reviews Found

Review #1, by MintleafMatters of the Hart: Recovery

21st August 2011:
Ah! This is too cute! Seriously! I love how much the level of drama has stepped up, and you've pretty much perfected your dialogue by now! I'm enjoying this thoroughly!

I'm a complete Tabby/James fan girl now though - I'm just itching for them to get together haha.

You know, I am normally much more inclined towards mystery/adventure, but you've perfected the hot/cold dynamic of Tabby and James' relationship to the point that I am even somewhat preferring fluff/drama to mystery/adventure. (Wow there were a lot of slashes in that paragraph haha).

'She smiled at her ‘almost boyfriend.’' - another line that I love :)

This was a pretty awesome chapter! I especially liked the first half and the way she discovered just how James had 'helped' her haha! :)

Author's Response: Wo another awesome review!

Thanks for comment about my dialogue, I find it really tricky to write long batches of dialogue sometimes, I get stuck using the same verbs for 'said' all the time. I'd much rather write long descriptive paragraphs - much easier!

I love your many slashes paragraph...very amusing! This portion of the story is quite strong on the fluff but my plan is for there to be more of the mystery adventure stuff soon. And I love that you are a jabby fan girl now, they're just too adorable I think :) Hope that doesn't sound to conceited! lol)

I like the scene in the hospital wing too, it was one of the more fun chapters to write. That being said, I really love the moment between Tabby and James in the common room. Did you notice the power change, how suddenly she's the one making him nervous and embarrassed? That's probably one of my favourite bits in the story so far.

I'm glad you liked the chapter and I can't wait to hear what you think of the next one.

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Review #2, by MintleafMatters of the Hart: An Interesting Couple

21st August 2011:
My lovely, lovely Becca :3 I finally have reading time *cheers*!

I have to say, this chapter surprised me from the beginning. It's like you took your writing to a whole new level - it's so smooth and rich in detail (well, even more so than before)! I love it! :D

I love their chat about Hippogriffs/Harry! It was so cute, and I love all the flashbacks! :)

'“Potter.” She growled darkly.' - Something about this line makes me smile so much haha. I don't know why, I just like it haha! And again, I love Annie - she's too hilarious!

I am a fan of this 'interesting couple' indeed - or at least as a plot device teehee. I'm still vying for Tabby/James! :) I love the way you wrote it, and the almost sneaky way in which James asked her to the ball!

I love the conversation on the steps and the mention of Hufflepuff. The rhythm of it is perfect!!!

And wow. What an end! I have to keep reading and see what happened :D

Author's Response: Tilly, you always write the best reviews :D You make me blush with all your lovely compliments about my writing, thanks so much! I do my best.

I thought flashbacks would be good, I hate it when next gens are too strong on the Harry stuff but I don't like it when they ignore all those canon characters either so I figured I'd go for the happy medium and write in a few cameeo moments here and there.

I feel a bit sorry for Rheydyn because it's pretty obvious (to the reader at least) that James is only going with Rheydyn because he's annoyed at Tabby going with Peter.

Thanks for the great review and I can't wait for yoou to read the rest! :)

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Review #3, by MintleafMatters of the Hart: Propositions in the Owlery

13th July 2011:
'he Black Lake was living up to its name, the green-black water reaching out towards the mountains like a large puddle of ink.' - I love this sentence and description :)

Snow sounds like a lot more fun when you can clear it magically haha!

'Professor Longbottom’s a spy!' bahahahaha.

'and yet when she caught him looking at her with that worried expression, a warm, safe feeling seemed to spread through her.' - this is so cute!

Peeves' song is hilarious! It's such a peeves-esque thing to do haha! The paragraph after it is in italics too though, so I think your italics tag might need to be closed a little earlier haha :)

It's so cute that Tabby's going to the ball with Peter - it really is! I do feel a little sad for poor James though; nothing seems to go his way in this chapter haha.

You know what's funny? I thought this chapter seemed a little short, but then I looked at the word limit and it's not at all! A credit to you that it went so quick haha :)

p.s. In the summary look what you accidentally typed 'The Hiogwarts students' teehee.

Author's Response: Naw Tilly you write the best reviews, always make me smile!

I'm glad you like the black lake description, The first couple of paragraphs if this chapter took ages to write 'cause I wanted a good visual description.

I love the Peeves song! I had so much fun writing it that I'm thinking I'll write more Peeves from now on...he's just such a silly character - love it!

I noticed the italics thing too...I just haven't gotten around to fixing it. One of these days I'll get on it, lol! The 'Hoigwarts' thing in the summary is pretty funny! I'll fix that too :)

Poor, poor James...I feel so mean for doing this stuff to him, but he'll cope :P I just could have Tabby accept his Ball offer, for one it would ruin the story jumping the gun like that and it would be totally out of character for her to just turn around and say 'yes' to James. Hence the charming Peter!

Thanks for the luuurverly review :)

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Review #4, by MintleafMatters of the Hart: The Letter

25th June 2011:

And so the plot thickens! I wasn't expecting this exactly and I'm excited to see how it develops! It wasn't too fluffy at all and I enjoyed the seriousness!

I loved the letter and the description and all the ways things could go from here. Tabby's reactions were very genuine, albeit very sad. And I loved the last line; with James. I loved the description of James' hand (I know, a strange description to like), but it made the situation real haha.

Brilliant chapter! Can't wait for the next :D

Author's Response: You always write such good're the best :)

Thanks so much for saying Tabby's reactions were genuine. This is probably the chapter I have so far spent the most time agonising over because I really did want those reactions to feel genuine.

I completely understand what you mean about the hand! I think it's the detail in the little things that matter...but I also love that Tabby is standing behind a statue with this guy she loathes and all she can think about is what his hand feels like! :)

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Review #5, by MintleafMatters of the Hart: Dates and Doors

25th June 2011:
You did it to me again hahaha! Another cliffhanger! Well the last wasn't really a cliffhanger, but you know what I mean :P

Tabby and James' elbow war was adorable and quite hilarious. It was a really lovely way to establish they're dynamic! And it's great that it didn't go unnoticed, as it seems like a great way to bring the relationship to light!

I am so keen to find out what's in this diary! I really am!!! Great chapter :)

Author's Response: Mwahahahaha! I love a good cliffy :)

I'm so glad you liked the elbow war. It was one of those scenes that made me smile when I was writing it, I thought adding a little cuteness to the relationship would help.

Aand the diary! Well I know you've already read the next chapter, but I'm glad it added a bit of intrigue!

Thanks for all the lovely reviews :)

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Review #6, by MintleafPhoenix in the Ashes: Pushover to Gryffindor

25th June 2011:
I really like that you chose to do this with minimal dialogue! And I'm surprised that you managed to fit the transformation into such a short piece :) I really like the paragraph where he said his infamous line though haha. From there till the end is so adorable, and so Neville. To still be happy when you've been hexed like that is just adorable, but I completely see Neville doing that haha! :) Good work!

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Review #7, by MintleafMatters of the Hart: Bludgers, Beaters and Broken Bones

24th June 2011:
Bah! I wanna know what that spell does and what's in the diary!!!

I love that you included this line: "And here come the Gryffindor team, Bennett, Wicksworth, Cooper, Hart, Weasley, Weasley aaand Potter!” I love starting a quidditch match like that and the 'Weasley, Weasley and Potter' bit is char,ingot reminiscent of the books! :)

I love the commentary of the match, throughout! It gives it that real competition feel!

Hm it almost feels as if there's a bit of a spark between Tabby and Alexander! Just that whole love-hate thing! Haha! I don't know if I've said it before, but I like that the major conflict so far is with the Claws rather than Slytherin. It's a refreshing change!

Anyway I desperately want to know what's in that diary, so I'll be back soon :D

Author's Response: yeah...I sort of intended the 'weasley, weasley and potter' bit...I like the idea of history repeating itself. I'm glad you liked the commentary, I'd never written a quidditch match before I wrote this but it was a lot of fun.

Tabby and Alexander! If I'd been drinking something I would have done a total spit take when I saw that! That's like the 'Matters of the Hart' version of dramione! lol...will have to make sure to make him really really nasty then :P

Oh and the 'mean ravenclaw' thing was also intentional...poor slytherins, thought I'd give them a bit of a break.

Thanks for the lovely review, as always!

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Review #8, by MintleafPhoenix in the Ashes: I Just Don't Understand Girls

23rd June 2011:
Awhhh! I love little Ron! He's such a ridiculous character, and I think you captured his boyishness perfectly! It flowed really well, and the pace was excellent! I also loved the description of Quirrel's turban ;) I love the title, and this makes Ron/Hermione even more adorable! :D

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Review #9, by MintleafFade to Grey: One

23rd May 2011:
Hello there!

I absolutely love stumbling across good founders fics! It's such an interesting era! :)

I love the dynamic you created in the Ravenclaw family. Helena's father acting as a mediator between mother and daughter creates an excellent premise for the deterioration of their relationship when he dies. You've set the scene so well there!

I noticed one or two little typos. 'that could possibly outside the door' - I think maybe you're missing the word 'be' (I'm awfully tired at the moment so I could be reading that line wrong though haha). Also, 'How does removing ever memory of him' - every memory?

The dialogue was also fantastic! It seems appropriate to the era, which is probably quite difficult when writing Founders. I also thought all the little details you included (like Helena gripping the table/spreading her fingers across the table) drew out so much more emotion, which was lovely, and made the story much more enjoyable. Also, the little details like Rowena wearing blue were subtle and gave the story more familiarity, which I guess is another thing that's hard to do with Founders fics.

I presume the 'young baron' is the one we're all familiar with? Anyway, I'm very interested to see where this progresses! Great chapter :)

Author's Response: thank you so much!

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Review #10, by MintleafChildren's Crusade: The Strategy and the Ecstasy

23rd May 2011:
I'm back! Haha, finally got a chance to come back and read more! :)

Harry can braid hair? That's adorable haha! Again, I really love Harry and Ginny's relationship. It seems just right, exactly as I'd imagine it. Also, I thoroughly enjoy any mention of Ron eating; even subtle mentions make it feel so much more like Ron haha!

I presume the 'Battle of the Pitch' you mentioned is the amazingly condensed version of your story of the same name? I really should have read that first haha :P

Gosh, I love reading about all the strategy and planning! So often it's more enjoyable than reading about the action itself, for me.

I really loved this chapter, possibly my favourite in this story yet. I liked the balance of relationships between the quartet and the main plot. And what I love most is that in 'planning' chapters like this, it's clear how much you've developed the back story, which makes the story a bazillion times more enjoyable than stories that seem to just carry on with little to no information.

The mention of a DA member still being alive excites me! The quartet's prospects look so limited at the moment, so I can't wait to see what'll happen! :)

Author's Response: Hey Mintleaf!

Welcome back! Harry can braid - he has my affinity for his wife's long hair, no idea why ;) Besides, I thought it would provide a nice moment to show how devoted to her he really is, right down to being her "dutiful slave." No idea where that came from either...

Ron's eating. I love showing Ron as having grown up, being more confident to the point where he's not jealous of Harry anymore. But I still want him to be "Ron," the eating and his funny quips are the way I've chosen to do that. Glad you think it works.

Yep, the Battle of the Pitch mentioned is the same as in the Novela of the same name. But, never fear. "Crusade" is the first of the "Crusadiverse" stories I wrote, although all of the others, including "Pitch" comes earlier in the chronology. I do everything backwards. Anyway, you won't be lost; but nearly all the backstory and some of the things folks were curious about (Like why Yaxley's wand locked with Harry's) gets explained in the prequels. I'll include a chronology of the Crusadiverse below to help you out. But, no pressure to read 'em.

I delved into the planning to show that the Quartet has grown up; they're not doing things on the fly anymore. I'm glad you enjoyed it; sometimes all the exposition can get REALLY boring. I try to break it up with action and high pitched emotions. Hope you think the balance works.

Can't wait to see how you react to who of the DA survived. No more will I say.

Thanks again for reviewing!


Crusadiverse Timeline:

1998 July - Hermione's Wand one shot - posted

1999- August - Journey of a Thousand Miles -one shot - posted as Chapter 1 of "The Staffer's Choice Awards," a Prefect's Collaboration. It's in my favorites.

2000 - August The Battle of the Pitch (main story line)short story posted

2000 November -The Adventures of Reckless Git and Danger Ponce - short story posted

2002 - Spring "Best Laid Plans," -one shot; and The Proposal -short story both posted.

2002 Early Summer - The Tipping Point - short story - posted.

2002 - Summer - Children Crusade- novel sequel to Stop All The Clocks - posted

2003 December - The Gift- one shot - posted as Chapter 30 of "The Final Battle," site-wide collaboration. It's in my favorites.

2004 May The Battle of the Pitch(introductory story line) posted

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Review #11, by MintleafLive Your Life: My Mum

15th May 2011:
Hello again! I'm back with your second review :)

You've stepped up this chapter, good work! Your sentences are MUCH improved *thumbs up*

I think, personally, you have a few too many line breaks horizontal rule thingos. Typically, I suppose they're used to signify a jump in time or some kind of change, but I think your story flows much better with about a third of the number of breaks there are in thus chapter!

Again, I adore your OC! Every other ill OC I've seen written has been disgustingly cliche, but yours is wondeful and well researched too! Awesome work. I love her dad and the doctor even, as well!

Okay I'm really pleased you took on board what I said last chapter! Much more emotion this time round, especially at the beginning and end.

You finished on a lovely note too! Another wonderful chapter, and a much improved one at that :3

Author's Response: Yay! Good to see you again! (:

Glad that my sentences are better! Better each time is what I aim for you know?

Hmm, interesting. I suppose they don't really need to be there. I can cut down on those, no problem (:

I'm glad you love Laura, because she's pretty amazing, not going to lie ;)

GOOD! That's the real insight that I was looking for right there, and thank goodness I did. I actually re-read some of my first chapter the other day, and realized there was this one line, when Laura Flooed back from Hogwarts where she calls for her dad and she just sounds SO uninterested!!! Like she's supposed to be so close to him and everything, but ahem, anyway. I fixed it all up, don't you worry!

I'm glad you liked the ending! I wasn't sure at first where I was going to end it, but I think it wrapped up nicely.

Thanks for the (again) amazingly timely review, and I'll of course re-request you when the third ones out! (Don't worry, it's only half written yet)


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Review #12, by MintleafBlindside: Prologue: Too Much

15th May 2011:
Hi there, I'm starting my review thread backwards so you're first haha!

Okay so your main focus was with Severus' characterization but there's none in this! But I will talk about Albus' characterization. I was worried when you said he wasn't going to be the Albus we know, but luckily I don't think this is necessarily an unpleasant characterization of him. I like it sans two things. The mention of him being bored in his career at Hogwarts is something I find very unlikely. Even your characterization of him should maintain the fact he was a great wizard, and I think that one thing he ought to maintain is he would t have qualms about being independent. Secondly, the last line. Him chuckling, it just breaks the flow of the chapter completely. It's like it's all going strong and then bam, cheesy-ness.

I think you could also do to split your paragraphs up. Well some of e bigger ones anyway. :)

Other than those things though, your spelling and grammar was great. This chapter had a good flow, but your right it is hard to judge purely on a prologue, so with that in mind, feel free to rerequest when you have more up. That way I can offer you some more comprehensive advice! :)

Good story so far though :)

Author's Response: Oh excellent - thank you for the swift review! It is hard to judge on prologue but I had thought maybe by the time you got to me I might have another chapter in, but either way I'll definitely let you know when the others start getting placed up as Severus characterization comes to play in the next two (and then the rest of the novel of course.)

That aside - in regards to him being bored, I'm not too sure where that impression stems from except perhaps the beginning, in which he reminiscing about his first years as Headmaster in which it wasn't so much boredom, but an all-encompassing sense of loneliness. Imagine how loud Hogwarts must be day to day - so busy, so boisterous - and then for it all to just stop, because the kids are gone. You're left alone in a huge castle with just the noise of wind and paintings to accompany you - it would be daunting even for a great wizard, I'd imagine, and give reason to seek company from the portraits and in so doing, eyes among the walls.

As for the cheesy bit, the flow of the chapter is meant to be broken there, as he's about to do something entirely unfriendly in the next one because the sight of Hagrid inspired him to a bunch of manipulations - so that I'm not to worried about XD It does the job I need it to do.

I'll keep an eye on the length of my paragraphs (that's one of the things I've been madly editing in chapters one and two actually)

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Review #13, by MintleafMatters of the Hart: A Hogsmeade Hallowe`en

14th May 2011:
OH LOOK! I've finally caught up :P

Annie's hair curling method makes me smile!

“Fair call,” James grinned mischievously. “I reckon your lips are pretty glossy anyway.” - This is so not smooth but so hilarious. It reminds me of something Ron would say!

I think in the Tabby-James progression it would be cute if he would tease her more. It might make things seem more natural! Though, they're going pretty well at the moment anyway :)

Mm Honeydukes is making me hungry haha!

Ooh some mystery! I'm curious as to who this lurking figure is! :)

Good chapter, I shall be eagerly awaiting the next!

Author's Response: Yay, you caught up! =D

I love the hair curling too...I reckon it would totally work!

That lip gloss line has been changed so many times and I'm still not happy with it. I just wanted him to tease her in a way that was intentionally trying to make her uncomfortable. Fair call on the teasing though, I should be including more in because otherwise Tabitha's anger seems a bit over the top and unjustified doesn't it? Hmmm I'll work on that, thanks for pointing it out.

Yes, I thought a bit of mystery was needed. The cloaked figure wasn't as subtle as I wanted things to be but I'll work on it.

Thanks again for the review!

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Review #14, by MintleafMatters of the Hart: We the undersigned...

14th May 2011:
Awh, I get a mention. :D

'Hallowe`en' - Is this the real way to spell Halloween or something? I've seen so many variations on the word haha.

Your writing style seemed so different in the first section. Really cute, and yes, very fluffy :P

'“I have decided the following…”' - good suspense with this line!

I'm so happy they're having the ball. I'm an absolute sucker for them haha! I still absolutely love Annie, she's so funny and her reactions are gold!

"If mum says I can go, I’ll be allowed to go. Dad always gives in to her." - This is exactly how I always imagine Harry and Ginny's life hahaha.

This whole chapter makes me go awh. It's so cute, I love it. Chapters like this certainly brighten up a story! :3

Author's Response: Yay...I love your reviews! =) Thanks for reading it, and yes you get a mention because you always write me helpful reviews!

The Halloween/Hallowe'en thing is really a matter of personal preference I think, both ways are correct. I spell it the way i do because that's how JK spells it in the books and I thought I'd try to keep as canon as I could by spelling it that way (a bit like the O.W.L. thing).

I'm glad you thought my writing was fluffy at the start because I was going for a bit of fluff in this chapter. I always feel a bit stupid submitting a fluff chapter because there's not a lot to it but I think it's needed and I wanted to develop some ideas and characters that worked best in fluff. I also thought Annie needed a bit more spotlight since up to this point she'd been in the background a lot and she is such a fun character to write. I always thought that "I have decided..." line was abit lame but I haven't thought of anything better to put in there yet and I wanted to skip over Sprout telling them, straight to Annie's reaction.

Yes! On the Harry/Ginny thing! It's kind of modelled on my own parents, my Dad is a very strong person, not wishy washy at all, but my mum still 'wears the pants' so to speak. hehehe, it just seemed to fit Harry and Ginny's personalities.

Thanks again for reviewing, and reading! I really appreciate the feedback.

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Review #15, by MintleafMatters of the Hart: Sabino

9th May 2011:
The first paragraph is written wonderfully!!!

Also, it was lovely to hear about some of the Hogwarts-era students! I hope we'll be seeing/hearing more about them :)

I think you've handled the James/Tabby relationship progression really well in this chapter! A little bit of vulnerability certainly sheds a new light on someone else! :)

Author's Response: Yay! Glad you liked it. The Tabby/James thing is still driving me nuts, it's making it hardto write at the moment, but I'll get there...I'm determined!

James is giving me such grief at the moment...he keeps trying to run off and do things i don't want him to do...very counter productive!

I'm glad you like the hogwarts-era stuff...I'm intending to just pop it in here and there for a bit of added depth, but hopefully it doesn't overpower the story.

As always, I love you for reviewing! I appreciate your reviews so much =)

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Review #16, by MintleafDon't Prank A Prankster: Don't Prank A Prankster

3rd May 2011:
Awwh this is sweet! I love the characterization of James' Father. He is often written as a decrepit, super serious, old man! I like this characterization A LOT more.

"James gasped, any expression of excitement removed from his face; he knew that spell. He knew the consequences and they were disastrous." - This is a particularly great sentence!

Cute story :)

Author's Response: I apologise completely for taking so long to reply to this - I've taken a little break from fanfiction, but I'm back now.

I've honestly never read any other stories about James and his dad - I guess I probably should, haha! XD I'm glad you liked the characterisation, though. Writing about parents isn't easy.

Light writing isn't my strong point, so I'm glad you enjoyed this story. Thank you very much for your kind review. :) xo

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Review #17, by MintleafMatters of the Hart: Whack ‘em with a Broomstick!

2nd May 2011:
“They’re the best people for the team, so we should pick them! They shouldn’t be penalised just because they’re related to you.”
“Yeah, I mean that’s punishment enough.” - I'm sure you realize how great this line is! :)

I worry that this spark with James will come on too quickly! I'm sure you'll manage it though :)

Hmm I'm excited to see what's in the diary! Stuff like this really pulls me in! :D

Author's Response: Urgh...the James/Tabitha thing is my biggest worry with this story. I've literally scrapped entire chapters because the spark was igniting too fast, so to speak. My focus at the moment is to make sure the different storylines are getting equal attention so I'm hoping that will balance it all out.

I do love that Tabby/Rowan line...I find it hard to write funny dialogue and I don't want to make it sound forced, so when I came up with that I was very proud =)

Thanks a million for the great reviews! much much love and cookies!

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Review #18, by MintleafMatters of the Hart: Alexander the Not-so-Great

2nd May 2011:
Haha I like that the WWW's products are banned now rather than Zonko's stuff!

'Gryffindors were notorious for the occasional (or not so occasional) run in with members of Slytherin house.' - I love this line!

As a nit picky thing, did you know the official way to spell OWLs is O.W.L.s? I didn't know this either, but I got told it's canon so I'll pass it on to you too! :)

“I don’t know Shreve, what do you do? Show them how good you are at losing Quidditch? Or do you just suck at Quidditch because you can’t help it?” - I'm so glad to see Tabitha get feisty haha! I like it! She isn't that awful crazy angry I see in too many fan fics, which is great! :)

And okay... I'll give it to you. You're making me like James! :D

Great chapter!

Author's Response: Huzzah...2 reviews on one day! You are so awesome! =)

Thanks for the heads up on the O.W.L. thing (I just checked it and you're right lol!). I am so glad you like Tabby's fiesty side...She's been giving me a little bit of trouble lately but yeah I don't want her to be crazy either. I'm very much enjoying the challenge that this story is posing.

Thanks for the great review! *hugs*

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Review #19, by MintleafMatters of the Hart: Sulking

1st May 2011:
I've finally come to read chapter four :D

I love the way you write Hagrid's dialogue! It's perfect!

'“What did Sprouty want?” Tabitha smiled and casually indicated to the silver badge on her chest. Natalie looked where she was pointing and let out a small gasp.' This line here though - I think it would be a lot clearer if 'Tabitha smiled and casually...' was on the next line.

Haha, Rowan sounds like a cutie!

James' big sulk has made me like him a little more - I imagine a Ron-esque moodyness about him and I like it!

Good chapter! :)

Author's Response: Ah thankyou for reviewing! You're the best =)

I'm glad you thought Hagrid's dialogue sounded gave me so much grief! I think you're right about that tabitha/natalie conversation paragraph would make more sense to put it on a new line. I'll fix it up next time I edit.

Thanks so much for taking the time to review this *hugs*

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Review #20, by MintleafVital: Chapter 7

28th April 2011:
Hey there! Sorry for the wait :)

I love this line: 'But, as Corinne had said when Elena voiced a complaint, murderers didn’t care about the cold.'

Your description of the weather and surroundings are really good. At the beginning especially! Good work :)

I think this line reads a little strangely, but you may have intended it that way: 'Elena made sure to look for Corinne as she pulled, almost violently' - she was pulled?

I did find it a bit bizarre that Jacob gave Elena his number after stealing from her. Maybe he was just that inebriated haha.

A tiny typo: 'But she hasn’t been down her for maybe a month' - hasn't been down here?

Ooh what an exciting end! This, all-in-all, is a very good chapter. It expresses Elena's naivety at this and Corinne's expertise really well!

Also, nice CI! If that's Elena and Corinne they look just as I imagined haha :)

Author's Response: Thanks for the review! I'm glad that you liked the chapter over all. I'll have to clarify that line, I guess. And I'll fix the typo as well.

Yep, the CI is supposed to be Elena and Corinne :) I spent forever trying to find good pictures for them. Glad you approve :D

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Review #21, by MintleafThe Joker and Her: The Hermit, Part 2

24th April 2011:
Only a paragraph in and I'm noticing your writing has improved, again! Awesome work! And this one was certainly a long one too, which I'm not complaining about haha!

'“Brienne doesn’t like clothes.”
“She doesn’t walk around naked, does she?”' - this is hilarious haha! I love that whole scene haha!

Ooh the end was so eerie! You're very good at writing eerie! :)

I don't have so much to say about this chapter, compared to the others. You're certainly getting a lot better and I really feel like you took all your criticism well and it shows! Best chapter yet, definitely! :D

Author's Response: :D Thank you so much! I try my best to make the twins funny, because everything else is so mellow. Thanks again!

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Review #22, by MintleafBack in Time: Returning Home

24th April 2011:
You know, I kind of think that all this would have worked better as a short story. I have so many questions at the end of this, mostly pertaining to what happened to Emily! It would have been nice to tie up a couple of loose ends in this chapter!

Also, I think they would have been a little more excited after returning, not just being like 'oh we have to clean!'.

All in all a cute idea but I would have liked to see a bit more in the past! :)

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Review #23, by MintleafBack in Time: Emily's Story

24th April 2011:
Oh my, secret twins are always a concern of mine... They just seem so un-canon! I think they might have explained the situation a little too bluntly to Dumbledore, and I think there could have been some more length and explanation to the beginning of this chapter.

On the plus side, I think that your explanation of why Emily is seen and why others see them when they're with her is quite reasonable! Good work! After all, there was never anything specified about the interaction of time turners :)

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Review #24, by MintleafBack in Time: Avoiding

24th April 2011:
Hmmm so I'm a bit concerned about this chapter. While I don't mind them all looking so similar to their parents, I think it's a bit unbelieveable for people to actually mistake them for their parents. Also, I don't think their presence would be able to go unnoticed at all. Do you remember how tight security was when this chapter was happening? There were dementors everywhere. And also, Teddy's nineteen here, hardly school age!

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Review #25, by MintleafBack in Time: Emily- Since when can they see us?

24th April 2011:
'“We’re…..from the past.” He tried to explain.' - I thunk you mean, we're from the future. Hahahaha.

The long list of Weasley's at the end was amusing. I was dreading seeing how far they travelled back, I thought you were going to make them relive the entire time they missed, so I'm very glad you're skipping faster than that haha!

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