Reading Reviews From Member: Dark Whisper
417 Reviews Found

Review #51, by Dark WhisperWith All Of My Heart: You're the one that I love

29th May 2014:
Oh, Lostmyheart... you really know how to break mine! Whaaa!

I love to read stories from the point of view of a man's broken heart. There's just something about it that I love, love, love.

Honestly, its probably because my mother indoctrinated me and my sister to believe that men were heartless creatures. And I am happy to report that I have met plenty of men that prove her wrong time and time again. So... reading of a man's heart means more to me than most.

Excellent story with so much emotion. I think my favorite part was the last... that he would find someone to love him, but not sure he would ever love someone as much as Rose. EXCELLENT ending! As an author, you really hit us in the gut. But that's a great thing. LOL! XD

Wonderful job for this challenge my fellow Slytherin. I know I'm going to lose. LOL!

Best wishes always,
Dark Whisper

Author's Response: Hi!

Argh, I feel so honored - you read one of my stories :D
I don't actually know why, maybe because I love your story (which I'm going to continue reading again soon) but you're like royalty to me. Oh, silly me. Haha :)
I'm so sorry I broke your heart! *hands you cookies and some tissues*
I love stories like that as well! It always have this sad, but still romantic feel of it - they always make me feel something more than just plain romantic stories.
I'm so happy to hear you liked that last line, I was a little bit afraid that maybe it was a bit too cheesy, but I thought it would fit well with the story flow.
Haha! You made me laugh out loud! It's definitely not my intention to hit you guys in the gut, I was actually aiming for your hearts :P

I'll definitely read your entry as well! I just saw it on the thread, what an interesting pair! And no, I'M going to lose!

And thank you so much for reviewing! I loved reading your review and it made me so happy! :)

- Avi

 Report Review

Review #52, by Dark WhisperHis Hero: His Hero

29th May 2014:

Wow, my heart is broken for poor Daphne! This was a wonderful read and an amazing look into anyone who has had to endure a wedding in which their love is marrying someone else!

Excellent job with this challenge. There is so much here in so few words.

I loved how you described when she thought Draco was looking at her as she walked down the aisle. Oh, the poor dear. And I especially liked her blush when he said so few words to her. Heartbreaking, really.

Again, excellent story in this little one-shot!

Dark Whisper

 Report Review

Review #53, by Dark WhisperSnakes Attraction: Snakes Attraction

29th May 2014:
Sir Snuffy,

Wow, well it certainly is a terrible thing to be accused of something that you didn't do, especially when it is your closest friends who don't believe you either. You captured this frustration in Harry very well.

We really don't know much about Daphne, other than she was Astoria's older sister and Draco would become her brother-in-law.

You had me wondering if she was going to show her cunning and maybe have an ulterior motive for being with him, but as it is written is just fine.

My only advice, I'd probably find a different description for Harry's grin. LOL! :P

Good job on the Slytherin May Writing Challenge. Best wishes, my fellow Slytherin.

Dark Whisper

Author's Response: You have my gratitude for this detailed and very positive review :).

 Report Review

Review #54, by Dark WhisperFor Her: For Her

9th March 2014:

Bravo! Take a bow... this was EXCELLENT!

Crack-ship, indeed, but done so very, very well. I'm amazed at how meaningful it is... how he has said nothing at his parole hearings and how his number spells out who he is and why he is there.

You showed where his obsession with her began and how it built. And how his only hope daily is to see her someday. I'm also quite fond that he had a newspaper photo of her and how he hides it.

This is an excellent look into a prisoner's lonely mind and shows that even a seemingly heartless man can harbor feelings hidden deep.

The ONLY thing that I could suggest is that you put the song in a top Author's Note so that readers could listen while reading it the first time. I didn't know of the song until the end.

Now for the song... It is one of my favorites of all time! I think I might like the choral version sung in Latin, (Agnus Dei) a tad bit better. :) I have listened to both literally hundreds of times, particularly when I want to touch on a certain tragic mood while writing. The height of it, followed by a crash of silence is music straight from heaven. Barber added the lyrics years later and it is my understanding it was a response to war. Over and over, repeatedly, it asks for forgiveness and peace. ;( It is perfection.

As it pertains to your story, I think it is the slow build that correlates to the sun rising, building his thoughts of her; building as he remembers seeing her during the battle; building to his height of hope and light... and then the crash and silence, realizing that change would never happen and he was just a number now. The music begins again, slowly and tenderly as he reflects on the reality of his situation... "Time will pass... and no change will come."


This was really beautifully, poetically written. Best wishes on both challenges.

Thanks for the wonderfully sad, emotional read. I enjoyed it very much. 10/10.

Dark Whisper

Author's Response: Hi Dark Whisper!

Thank you so much for reading and reviewing! This was such an amazing review and it really made my day. I'm so happy that the emotions in this story came across well. I was really worried that I wasn't going to be able to pull this off, and I'm really happy you seem to think I succeeded! I'll definitely mention the song at the beginning. Good idea! Thanks for that. :) All-in-all, this was so great to read and I'm so happy that you liked the story. Thanks again!


 Report Review

Review #55, by Dark WhisperMurphy's Law: Reality

23rd February 2014:

Hello, deary... just checking out more of the Speed Dating entries.

Wow, what a date. I think she had it right with a dash of catastrophic. XD Hahahaha!

It didn't go at all as planned... and he'll probably never tell his friends how it really went. LOL! (At least, I would never).

The snow globe was really beautiful, but that she had to pay for it only to have him break it was awesome! Wow, how can it get worse?

You both did a wonderful job at linking your stories of ideal date and real date. It was a great idea and you both wrote it so well.

Loved the buttered bread visual as well. I can totally see them doing this just to prove him wrong and have fun while 'testing' it. :D

Great job, especially in such a short, short amount of time! Both stories were very creative and truly enjoyable to read.

Dark Whisper

Author's Response: Hi DarkWhisper! Thank you so much for the review! ^.^

hehehe What a date, indeed! That "dash" of catastrophic may have been a slight understatement of the truth... LOL Poor James. I tortured him a bit here. :-p

It's funny that you say that, cause I actually was toying around with the idea of adding an additional scene in which James returns to the dorms where the three other Marauders are all waiting to ask him how it goes, and he says with a big goofy grin on his face, "Perfect!" LOL But the word cap took the possibility for that away, but that's how I imagined it going while writing! hehehe

The snow globe was something I brought to the table for me and Singularity, but she made it magical by taking it from a snow globe to a season globe! Thank goodness for her, it was such a great idea! I'm so happy you liked it, as well! ...unfortunate about my choosing to break it, though... *cackles evilly*

Yay! I love to hear that! We tried really hard to have our stories very easily reflect each other, so I'm glad it was easy to spot the similarities!

LOL I can only imagine the trial and error those boys underwent in order to obtain an accurate outcome... hehehe It would have been a fun scene to expand, but I'm glad the short glimpse alone was satisfying! ^.^

Thank you so much for this great review! I sincerely appreciate your taking the time to write it! And congratulations to you as well for finishing in time for the super short deadline! I'll be over to your fic sometime this week with a review of my own! Yay!

Tanya :)

 Report Review

Review #56, by Dark WhisperYhprum's Law: Expectation

23rd February 2014:

Well, hello there. Just seeking out more Speed Dating entries...

This was really sweet. 17 pastries on a date is something that my younger son would think was a perfect date, indeed. LOL. XD

And that snow globe was really beautiful. I love that you put something magical in your story. It sounds lovely.

And can I say that I just love the Marauder's reactions. LOL! Too funny! Leave it up to your friends to call out all the mistakes in the plans. XD

Off to read the companion piece.

Lovely job in such a short amount of time!

Dark Whisper

Author's Response: Thanks for taking the time to read and review this!

Admittedly, 17 pastries is probably a bit extreme, but I don't think I would turn down that kind of date, myself :P (Though I have my doubts that they /actually/ ate them was more a bite or two here and there...quite wasteful really, if it wasn't a fantasy :P)

I'm really glad you liked the snowglobe. I like it too, and really want one. Sadly, I like in the Muggle world. :(

I'm so glad you liked the Marauder's bit at the end! I really enjoyed how that turned out. Tanya helped out with some of the one-liners that they threw and it was just so much fun to write :)

Thanks again for reading and reviewing!

 Report Review

Review #57, by Dark WhisperWhere Rainbows End: Where Rainbows End

18th February 2014:

Well, this is really cute and well done in such little time! And you linked together really well with the companion story.

Oh my, I would've been scared out of my mind with Lucius grabbing my hand like that staring at me and the ring... oh, my I probably would've passed out and hoped Scorpius would catch me!

Great job with the awkward/angsty/terrifying moment. So glad Draco was the first to accept. Probably liked having her squirm for a moment though. And of course, who doesn't love the line about not sitting by her father? LOL! Loved it.

Great job,
Dark Whisper

Author's Response: Hello!

I'm really pleased that you enjoyed it, and that this connects well to my partner's one-shot! :)

Haha, I think I would have been scared too, although I'm not one to faint :P I'm glad that you enjoyed the scene, and that Draco was first to congratulate them. It does make sense that he wouldn't want to sit next to Ron though ^.^

Thank you for the review!

 Report Review

Review #58, by Dark WhisperBirdie (Speed Dating Entry): Birdie

18th February 2014:

Hello, deary. Just checking out other speed date stories...

Your story is adorable. Love the advice from Hermione! "Just tell a few jokes and don't talk about your father." Hahahahaha! Perfect!

And wow, what a way to drop the bomb! Or maybe rip off the bandaid. LOL! I love his instinct to slither under the table and live there.

And oh, I'm glad it was Harry that stepped in.

This story was adorable and now I'm off the read the companion. It sounds like you linked really well.

Great story, especially in only 72 hours!

Best wishes,
Dark Whisper

Author's Response: Hey, thanks for the review! Even if this is a ridiculously late response that you'll never see.

I had a lot of fun writing this, even with the stress, so I'm really happy that you enjoyed it.

Thanks so much.

 Report Review

Review #59, by Dark WhisperWhat is love?: The Eve of Christmas

17th February 2014:

Awe, this is a wonderful addition to "What is Love?" It is a cute 'next step' of their relationship.

Doesn't every woman in the world want her man to say that she makes the dress look good and not the other way around? Oh, my heavenly stars that is so romantic. Love it!

And I loved her question. Was she just a distraction to when he can be single again? This question comes with a little hope, I think. But I can see how she had to ask it.

And ah... the subject of babies, oh boy. I think you did this right on. Pearson, that bum is looking for any little hint of a fake relationship and he got it, but only briefly. They recovered quite well.

I love the conversation about him worried about being a father. When she tells him what she thinks, he doesn't say anything and that... breaks my heart for him. He remains silent and its just... ugh! I feel so sad for him.

What I think is important is that she believes in him. He needs to hear this, I think. He needs someone in his life that believes that he can be a good man. ;(

You have me pulling for them, rooting for them to learn to be happy with each other. It is Christmas and May is only a mere 5 months away. I cannot help but wonder what path you will lead us on. Such a good story, Meg. Really, it truly is.

Can she be happy with this life? I'm reminded of something that I heard awhile back... That home is wherever the people you love are. No matter the dwelling or the traveling, home is with the one you love.

Hopefully, regardless of what happens, her home is with him. And his home is with her. Money or no money...

Well done, Meg. Apologies not needed. Everyone needs a break every now and then. We get refreshed and churn out beautiful chapters like this one.

So good to see your update. It's one more leap forward in your journey. I want to congratulate you in coming so far. You know... that I know that writing a novel is NOT easy. Congrats on one more step behind you. :)

Best wishes and hugs always,
Dark Whisper

Author's Response: Dark,

Hello, again. I think my readers needed a bit of hope after my last chapter.

Hermione would wonder a lot of things about her relationship with Draco if she were going to commit to him in the way that might get her heart broken but draco has been so sweet, kind, romantic, patient. How could she not come around and maybe love him. Draco just needs to teach her what love really is. She thought she knew at one point but she lost hope. Anyway, Pearson will return again.

Draco could be the father that his father never could be. Draco would learn from his father's mistakes. Hermione can see that and she believes in him to be a good man.

I'm so glad you read this chapter and your reviews are always so uplifting. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Until next time...


 Report Review

Review #60, by Dark WhisperQuirky: In Which A Date

17th February 2014:

Well, I read your companion piece first, then came to yours.

I really liked your Emmalyn and the crazy thoughts inside her head. The eyelash piece was adorable. And really, Albus's thoughts were hilarious as well. I love the Slytherin in him that enjoyed watching her squirm. XD

My favorite part was your "Roses are Red" poems that were perfect for Valentine's Day! I loved that they were playful slams and that they didn't take much offense.

It was really an enjoyable read and the link to the companion was really cute.

I think Rose should probably apologize though. LOL!

Very cute story in only 72 hours to collaborate! That is not much time!

Anyway, good luck and thanks for making me laugh.

Dark Whisper

Author's Response: Hello! And you can call me Sama.

Yeah Emmalyn is quite peculiar and kind of crazy. I honestly didn't think I could pull of a character like her but I wanted to give it a shot. Yes... the eyelash scene. From now on I'm going to call it that. That scene wasn't planned at all. It just popped into my mind and then I wrote it down, thinking maybe it won't come out too bad. And I love the Albus that likes seeing people squirm too!

I came up with the "Roses are Red" poems after I wrote the first few paragraphs of the story. And I thought they fit in with Valentines day so they went in the story. And I'm glad you liked them even though my rhymes aren't too good.

Rose didn't actually know she threw her butterbeer at someone else so... her apologizing may not happen, lol.

Yeah, 72 hours isn't too much time but in the end, the rush of it was very fun.

Making people laugh is always a pleasure. And thanks for the wonderful and positive review.

~Sama :)

 Report Review

Review #61, by Dark WhisperThe Bet - Speed Dating: The Bet

17th February 2014:
It is so wonderful to see you writing again! Welcome, welcome, welcome back! Yeah! When I saw your name on the speed dating list I was hoping to be partnered with you, but alas, it was not meant to be. :( Boo. But I was THRILLED to see your name! 8D Anyway... on to the review...

Awe, this Scorpius/Rose story is really, really cute... a bet to win a Valentines Day date is an adorable premise.

I loved that it actually began in the morning as he wanted her to spend the entire Saturday with him! So sweet. Wow, I really liked that... an entire day. And I LOVED his comment about her dressing up for him. Hahaha! It was very Malfoy of him.

And he really melted my heart with his sincere comment about her being allowed to leave before they even began. Awe... LOVES.

Rose is so cute in this. I love it that she points out that she is not like any other girl. When she began noticing his hair, his dress and realized it was a 'real' date, I can totally see her being a bit shocked and at a loss for words. "Is this a thing?" LOL! Very cute! I would probably lose my tongue as well. :)

It was a little heartbreaking to know that she had been saving up the money for the Quidditch gloves, which really adds to the story. It certainly provides contrast (her having to save and him being able to purchase them and just give them away as a gift).

He was being insensitive about money, but he didn't really mean to be. I'm glad that he made up for it by buying her the gloves.

His note was short and to the point and would bring a smile to me as well.

This was really a cute story and you did an excellent job with so little time! 72 hours to collaborate with someone is no time at all!

I'm off to read the companion story. I'm interested to see what happened after Albus's date ran out, the poor dear. And then since I noticed a new chap of "What is Love," I'm going there after that!

Good luck and welcome back. :)
Dark Whisper

Author's Response: Dark,

Thank you for the warm welcome back. I've missed being around. I missed quite a few updates to delilah fut I'm back on track now.

I have to say I was a little disappointed that we couldn't work together. I was hopeful too when I saw you were a part of the Speed Dating.

I'm glad you like the premise, it was playful and fun to write about the bet and the date that resulted.

I think Scorpius is a romantic at heart hidden under the prideful Malfoy name. Yes, he wanted to date Rose and spend a whole day with her as her date for Valentines Day. He wanted her to want to spend time with her even if it was just a bet.

Lol, for some reason I base my rose off of Emma Stone and some of her quirkiness. :)

The moment she read the note she knew he was still the same pig-headed boy she grew up with but that maybe things could progress further past this one date. Plus, Malfoy pride wouldn't allow him to be too emotional.

I'm so glad you read and liked this one-shot. I always look forward to your reviews and they never fail to make me happy.

Maybe one day something will come up and we can be a team. :)

Until next time...


 Report Review

Review #62, by Dark Whispergone.: he wasn't gone.

15th February 2014:
Hello, my speed date! Since we are writing a companion story, I thought I'd check out one of your stories and Wow! Congrats on winning the prompt and being one of the featured stories!

This was agonizingly sad (and I do love a good sad story, for sure). The woman... so heartbroken, but still hopeful, but at the same time struggling to face her worst fears of an outcome that she seems to already know is true. It's downright awful and so sad. ;(

I must say that a Muggle who has been Kissed is very original and truly an amazing idea. And Moody is perfectly written and in true character. Wow. How devastating that he 'finishes' the man. Gah! So sad!

I love the focus on the rings as well. It provides wonderful imagery and a connection to the couple in an intimate way.

Congrats on being a winner and featured on the front. That is a place of honor and your story is well deserving. Bravo!

Excellent, sad read...
Dark Whisper

P.S. I don't write much fluff. So, if you think my idea is too fluffy, by all means, lets darken it a little. I'm game for ideas and can't wait to hear from you. :)

Author's Response: Hello, my wonderful partner! Thank you so much for this, and for the review. :)

Well, I'm glad you think it's sad bcause that's what I was aiming for, even though the prompt was more fluffy and Christmassy haha. :P Exactly, I think you summed up the woman's emotional conditions really well there. She's hopeful but struggling and denying to herself what she knows is true.

Thank you! I think JK didn't really focus on Muggles that much in the series, but they're the ones who were targeted by Voldemort as well, so I'm glad you find he idea creative! And I'm so happy you think Moody is in character, he's a canon character so I was super scared to write him haha.

Ah, I'm glad you like it! I did mean for it to be a subtle connection between the couple as well, I'm glad you picked up on that.

Thank you so much! I'm so flattered you enjoyed reading this silly little oneshot, and thank you for the congratulations as well. :)

I'm so glad you enjoyed this and thank you so much for this lovely review, it really made my day. :D

 Report Review

Review #63, by Dark WhisperI Know You Care: I Know It's Always Been There

5th February 2014:

I love that your stories are inspired by music. Music is such a large part of our lives and lyrics can really inspire the imagination.

I looked up the song and listened and it really is beautiful and can see how it would fit with this Dramione. Very well done.

I liked the glimpses of their past and how you explained that they were friends as children, before "Mudblood" word got in the way. It is very much like Snape and Lily's beginning and I can see the parallels.

I loved the part when he helped her during the battle and especially how she felt safe. It was a very touching part to me that they had this moment together.

And of course, her kissing him in front of everyone in Diagon Alley is really saying a lot! It was a good ending and set them up for a hopeful future.

Great job!
Dark Whisper

Author's Response: Hi Dark Whisper!

Gosh I'm so glad you liked this story!

Yes, music is such a big part of our lives, I love to listen to different songs and I always get new ideas. 'I Know You Care' is one of my absolute favourites of all time.
So naturally this story is one of my own faves.

I'm glad you liked the ending! I was a little afraid that it maybe was a little tacky or cliché but it felt right for the story :)

Thank you so much for your review!

- Lostmyheart

 Report Review

Review #64, by Dark WhisperOne More Night: Chapter One

5th February 2014:

I don't normally ship Draco/Ginny (too involved with Dramione, I think, hehe), but thought I'd give it a go since I am a fan of Maroon 5. I mean, who doesn't love this song? LOL :D

This was an interesting take on them. I like it that she surprised him in so many ways. ;)

And my favorite line was also in your summary regarding how he had standards and she didn't meet them. Awe... It was actually a sad line for me.

He is clearly in turmoil here and honestly I love Draco in this light... undecided and second-guessing himself. On one hand there is his traditions and upbringing and on the other hand are feelings that he must face.

And can I say that I love her confidence, especially when telling him that she wasn't his? Perfect! It actually sounds like something that he would say to a girl and now he is getting a taste of it and it has a profound effect on him.

Great job!
Dark Whisper

Author's Response: Hi Dark Whisper!

I know, right? It's an amazing song. I absolutely loved it :)
I am a big Draco/Hermione shipper myself but I generally love every story with Draco in it. It was different to write a Draco/Ginny story and to be honest, Dramione stories are a lot more fun :D

Your observations are so spot on. I was really going for the 'taste of his own medicine' kind of moments and to have her more confident than he was. I wanted her to be nothing like he expected and that it would make him unsure of himself and as you so well put it: second-guessing himself.

Thank you so much for your review!

- Lostmyheart

 Report Review

Review #65, by Dark WhisperPsychopath: Chapter One

5th February 2014:

Wow, this story is appropriately named!

You did a wonderful job in penning her madness... that everything she was hearing and seeing was a lie and that Hermione and Draco being together could never, ever be true or even possible. Even with Blaise, she just couldn't accept it. And really, feeling that Hermione must be drugging him only serves to justify her own mind. SCARY.

It truly was madness and you did an excellent job with her character.

It is painful to read that after everything Hermione went through that she would die in this manner. So sad, sad, sad. ;(

This story was quite dark, indeed.

Dark Whisper

Author's Response: Hi again :)

Really? Oh you have no idea how much this means to me! I kind of love this story, even though it has such terrible ending, but... I always thought that maybe the title didn't fit to the story :)

Yes, the story was quite dark... not many liked the ending but I somehow like that it doesn't have a good ending - it shows just how crazy Pansy actually is.

And again, thank you SO much for your reviews!

Biiig hug
- Lostmyheart

 Report Review

Review #66, by Dark WhisperRemember Me: Remember Me

26th January 2014:

Well, this was cute. Don't we just love these two together? :)

I searched for the song, as I'd never heard of it before and I liked it. I loved his raspy voice. :)

I can see how it would fit with your story of having them meet in the summer and falling in love. It is sad that he feels like it can never work and worried about what others will say.

Your story reminds me of the classic/musical film, "Grease," as it too is about a summer romance that ended when school started, especially when finding out that they hung out with two very different groups.

I'm glad he had a change of heart at the end. Good job on this little one shot. :)

Best wishes,
Dark Whisper

Author's Response: Thank you so much. I'm glad you liked it. Bo is easy listening isn't he?

 Report Review

Review #67, by Dark Whispermystify.: mystify.

26th January 2014:
No dairy (cheese) or corn that I see. :)
This was really cute.
I liked how you used the "roman numerals" like chapters in a book. It was very fitting and added to the style.
This could be any couple, but because it is Draco and Hermione, it adds to the significance of it all.

I think my favorite line was when they were in the restaurant... "Before she even feels the night has even started, the music stops..."

I have to tell you what a wonderful thing it is to loose track of time when you are with someone or feel that time flew by much too soon and you are not ready for it to end or to say goodbye. These are truly the best of times in a relationship. Talk and talk and talk... sinking into deeper territory than mere surface conversation.

Excellent. Realistic. Great read.

Dark Whisper

Author's Response: I'm struggling to think of response that could do this gorgeous review any justice ... Honestly, I really wasn't expecting much from this story (I wrote it in one sitting, and I never write fluff), so to read your review ... I'm speechless.
Haha, I am glad you noticed the Roman Numerals! They are my new obsession in stories right now. It's good to hear that they actually worked with the story well - I thought line breaks would make it too haphazard and stop-start.
And yay, Draco and Hermione :) I had trouble thinking of a one-shot for them, just because of their rocky history (it seemed daunting to forget all that and try and write them romantically in 7000 words or less). This idea that they would have intellectual conversations stuck with me, though, and I can actually see it happening. I am over the moon to hear that you found it realistic yourself.
Thank you so much for this review, it was just lovely to read. I could not thank you enough!
- Mahalia

 Report Review

Review #68, by Dark WhisperMistletoe Mishap: Mistletoe Mishap

20th January 2014:

Well, great job, my fellow Dramione shipper. :)

This was really adorable. You did a great job on their dialogue. And I loved how you wrote as things got more and more heated. It was quite suspenseful and really held me as a reader.

I think my favorite line was about how he would be able to "feel it" and know in their kiss whether or not she would be telling the truth. I agree with him in that regard. It was an excellent point, but also a very intimate and intriguing thing to say. I loved it.

And then, it was adorable when it was over and she asked him nicely to stop teasing Longbottom. LOL! That was such a sweet way to admit defeat. Excellent writing!

Good job,
Dark Whisper

 Report Review

Review #69, by Dark WhisperWhimsical Wands and Splendid Spells: Strange Encounters.

19th January 2014:

Well, congrats on posting your first ever fanfiction and for navigating through it all and figuring it out on your own. Good job.

The beginning of your story was very fairytale-like with mystery and intrigue with the royal couple and their baby. You did really well in the description. However, I really don't know what happened. Did the foal give up it's life and then the Queen turn into the foal? I might've missed something? Sorry.

I like the similarities to platform 9&3/4. I really liked the mirror as a door to the magical world. That was a really cool idea.

It is too bad that she doesn't feel these three could be friends, especially since she blushed with the guy... possible romance? Hmm? It is sad that she feels that it won't last.

For English being a second language, you did really, really well. One thing that stands out as far as language is concerned is that generally, I wouldn't say that someone is "longer." People are either taller or shorter. And also, I have no idea how tall 175 centimeters is. Haha. :P Since people around the globe have different ways of measuring things, you might just want to say that he was so tall that the top of her head barely touched his shoulder... or something else that people could relate to. Just a friendly suggestion, of course. You can certainly keep it if you want. :)

Well, good luck to you with all of your writings. You are off to a great start.

Best Wishes,
Dark Whisper

 Report Review

Review #70, by Dark WhisperYoung and Beautiful: Chapther One

14th January 2014:

Awe, this was really sweet.

I love it that Draco is so loving and tender with her and still kisses her like they were teenagers. I can see where Pansy's jealousy comes in to play. :)

Your story about her insecurities is true-to-life, especially when one hears of so many relationships failing and of loved one's cheating, leaving broken hearts. And Draco is one of those men who are completely desirable to other women. It would be easy for him. The hard part would be saying no to temptation when it comes. That is reality, and so, I think it is only right that she would feel that way.

Her Valentine's gift would be the best gift for him. Despite his canon character flaws, I think he'd be an excellent father (or at least, he would plan to be a good one).

I can totally relate to Astoria's little prayer... to bring him along to Heaven. It was very sweet. But I would think she would find his non-belief a bit alarming, more so than reassuring. I do hope Draco changes his mind. Perhaps the new baby might have him thinking differently? I hope so. *praying for him* :)

Good job changing the story a bit to incorporate Valentine's Day into your story. Sometimes when people try to 'fit' things after the fact, it is a bit choppy. But you did so rather seamlessly.

You definitely penned a very sweet Valentine's Day, romantic story. Who wouldn't want to dance like that? Who wouldn't want to be kissed liked that? Great job on describing these things.

Good luck on the challenge. :)
Dark Whisper

Author's Response: Hi DarkWhisper :)

Thank you so much for your review, a lot of the things you mentioned had crossed my mind while writing this story.
I wanted him to be happy for gift she gives him but as it wasn't the ending I had planned, I may have written him a little out of character - I think he was quite 'simple' up until that point. I do think he'd be a good father, I always imagine that he'd learn to become a better person after the war - with the death of Snape and all.

Yes, maybe she should have been alarmed with his view on the life after death. That would probably make the scene more realistic than her not commenting on it :)

I'm glad you think I did it seamlessly, with incorporating the Valentine's Day theme to the story :)
To be honest, I thought the story may have been too gloomy considering it was supposed to be a romantic day/theme, but maybe it was because I listened to the song while writing the story and it is a little melancholy, hehe :)

Thank you so much for telling me your view on this story, it means a lot to me and actually made me happy :)


 Report Review

Review #71, by Dark WhisperWaltz: Waltz

6th January 2014:
Dear, writeyourheartout,

This was cute, cute, cute!
Congratulations on winning one of the Featured Story spots on the Archive. Well deserving.

Can I say that I loved that Scorpius wasn't perfectly perfect? I can totally see him as someone who struggles with what to say and how to say it, especially given his "perfect" lineage and the stress that would come with it.

Thank you for writing them both in such away that they are not perfect. I do feel bad for her bunkmates though. Poor things.

I also loved the mistletoe exploding into glitter. It is a frightful, yet harmless mess. I thought that was very creative and kept things on the light side.

And also, I loved the line about brushing her teeth. That was so sweet as both of their insecurities showed through.

This was really cute. Take a bow... :)

Dark Whisper

Author's Response: Hahaha I see what you did there. Cute, cute, cute! ;) And thank you so much! I still can't believe I won; it's been so bizarre, but extremely exciting! :)

Yay! I won't lie, I thought he was pretty cute myself here, which was nice because I've never written him before! I'm really glad he's been so well-received and that you liked him! And it was definitely interesting experimenting with this sort of struggle via a Malfoy; I'm glad you found it plausible. :)

You know, it's such a strange position for the people in Rose's life to be in, because of course you feel badly that Rose struggles as obsessively as she does, but it can be hard to be the people on the outside of the disorder as well. But I'm glad that their imperfections worked for you!

hehe The mistletoe was fun; I'm so happy you enjoyed the twist of it! I was trying to do something outside of the norm; yay for it working! *squee*

The brushing your teeth line is actually one of my favorites, and one of the very last things I added to the story! I was really happy to have thought of it before submitting and even more thrilled that it has been a favorite line with a few reviewers!

*bows* Gah, this is such a lovely review. I'm so happy you enjoyed it! Thank you so much for taking the time to write this comment out! *hugs*

 Report Review

Review #72, by Dark WhisperHold Me Here: hold me close.

1st January 2014:
Thestral Princess,
This was an amazing read. You bring up very realistic emotions of someone that is so war-weary and worn out.

At the beginning, your words reminded me of the very real feelings of someone coming home from war. The loss and emptiness... like what do they do now?

You pen her exhaustion perfectly. And truly, their victory was just too sad to celebrate because of their losses. It's just 'The End' and too difficult to look passed the losses to celebrate the victory. ;(

And perhaps my favorite line was... "What happened to the brightest witch of her age?" "I'm so tired, Harry."

Oh, you broke my heart with those simple, but all important words.

And how could Harry not have feelings for her? She was there for him, alone with him, and even suggested that they grow old together in the Forest of Dean.

Personally, I am a severe Draco/Hermione shipper. Hermione and Ron? No. I'd rather see her with Draco, Viktor, then Harry before Ron. Teehee. ;)

To me, you get high marks for realism.

Anyway, very well done, emotional read...
Dark Whisper

Author's Response: Aw, thank you so much. :) I must admit, this particular peice is my little baby. I'm fascinated by how all the Harry Potter characters deal with what they have left after the final battle, but I feel particularly Harry and Hermione have spent so much of their life working towards one end and one end alone. I'm so glad I was able to convey that and that you enjoyed.
I must admit Hermione belongs with Harry in my opinion. Though I love reading Hermione/pretty-much-anyone as long as its not Ron. :)

 Report Review

Review #73, by Dark WhisperBroken Foundations: returning fire

23rd December 2013:

Hello, again. Awe, poor Draco and his nightmares as well. I'm half glad that those beeps brought him out of it.

I liked your idea of him knowing what she was dreaming. It is very sad detail... and you know me. I love sad things that make me feel sorry for the characters.

It was good of Harry and Ginny to use their instinct when they thought of Hermione and her needs. It shows how much they care and how worried they are about her well-being.

And poor Hermione thinking that she had no value during the war... that is really sad and so untrue.

And Ron, well.. I'm not a fan of his right now. Poor Hermione.

As for your author's note at the end... that depends. My advice to you is that you should continue the story for yourself, not for reviews. Finishing will give you a sense of accomplishment and closure. I think you could probably finish in a couple more chapters. Just having them see hope and healing in each other could be the end of this story. You can end it on the possibility and hope for the future. That is only if you want to end it soon.

Of course this is YOUR story and you have your ideas. I just want to encourage you to write if it makes you happy to do so. I think you have a viable start to a lovely story.

Best Wishes Always. And Merry Christmas to you.

Dark Whisper

Author's Response: Dark Whisper,

Thank you soo much you your advice, while on holidays I figured out a continuing story plot so I guess it won´t end son, thanks you for saying the review thing, Now I see it´s true.

I really I would feel better knowing my characters are aprecieated, but hey it´s also true that it gives you self satisfaction in finishing the story.

thanks for all your help and advise.


 Report Review

Review #74, by Dark WhisperBroken Foundations: A maze of thoughts

23rd December 2013:

Oh, I do love this line... "I was going to spend my life fixing pain." It is a really good look into his thoughts on that fateful day. It was is if he suddenly knew exactly what he wanted to do in life. It was a pivotal, all-important moment. I really like that idea.

And, can I say that I love the metaphors... her broken eyes... like looking into an abandoned house. Excellent imagery and description. Love it.

You also described Ginny's feelings of guilt really well. I find it a very true-to-life feeling. It is understandable that when someone harms themselves... that their friends and family feel guilty for not 'seeing it' earlier, before it was too late.

Ooh... and I love the 'flame-shaped' ruby. Wow, that sounds unique and beautiful.

And we have poor Hermione having nightmares. I do love the idea of Draco helping her.

Good job...
Dark Whisper

 Report Review

Review #75, by Dark WhisperBroken Foundations: Painkillers

23rd December 2013:
Perdaha Obsessed,

Well, hello there and congratulations on starting your first story. It is a very brave thing and not easy to figure everything out on your own... (creating it, figuring out how to create an account, and post it, etc...). Good job.

Poor Hermione. It is a shame that she didn't get help all that time. I can see how Ron leaving would send her over the edge, the poor dear.

And Malfoy as a healer? I read an earlier review and I have to say, don't worry about that at all. I too actually have a story (more like ideas written down, not written or posted at all yet) where Draco is a healer. He is highly intelligent and many doctors are quite arrogant, so I think it fits him just fine. :)

For help with structure, you may find the BETA section of the HPFF Forum helpful. Betas are helpers that enjoy assisting with editing a story so that it flows properly. A good rule to remember is that if someone new is speaking, then you must start a new paragraph. And if it is the same person continuing to speak, then you do not need a new paragraph, just continue. Hope that makes sense, as I'm not good at explaining things like that. :P

Anyway, I hope your vacation with family is going well. I believe you mentioned it in one of your reviews on my stories. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year! Reading on...

Dark Whisper

 Report Review
If this is your story and you wish to respond to reviews, please login

<Previous Page   Jump:     Next Page>