Wow that was a quick update! Update more and moaarr! Nice chapter though, can't wait to see what happens next!
SofiaAuthor's Response: Thank you! I'm working on the next chap now so hopefully soon! Thank you for reading and reviewing! Report Review
Ah so exciting! My stomach was in knots all the way through this chapter. Fiu, glad it went well though. And the end! Lucy! Scorpius! Teddy! It was perfect. (I love your Scorpius, by the way. Sometimes he's a bit too complicated for no reason for our poor old Rosie but it's okay, we forgive him, don't we? He is the cutest and most perfect imaginary boy/man.) It was very good, though.
I find that this story has so many twists and turns and unfoldings you sometimes forget what you're reading and what is happening outside of the current chapter. For example, Rose in the hospital is a COMPLETELY different person from the Rose during Christmas break and it's really stunning how you evolved and changed her character into someone really interesting and realistic. It's crazy how much all of the scenes change with Rose as she grows up.
All in all I think this is a great story. I do think that sometimes the drama does get a bit too repetitive- for example, when Rose and Scorpius fight or don't get along. Or when Rose hates the world and no one gets along. It gets a bit tiring. But other than that, it's a really good fanfiction with lots of interesting and mysterious happenings. Ouh lala.
Thanks a lot for posting it. I also can relate to Rose because even though I am not anorexic and do not have an eating disorder, many of the thoughts I have were the same as the ones she was having; about calories, food, my body image, what others would think of me. It gets tiring and it makes you feel like poo. Can we swear on here? It makes you feel like shi*, in other words (just in case). As a teenage girl, it really is hard to completely love your body and this story really portrays that well, in a not at all common way. It isn't a cliched story about an anorexic girl who just gets better like THAT. It's intricate and it takes time.
I can't wait to see what the next chapters have in store! What will happen? Wooo, who knows? Well you do, but we don't, so I'm really curious.
AHHH! AND ROSE AND SCORPIUS! THEY HAVE NEVER EVEN KISSED PROPERLY. Fix that. Quickly.
Also, how many chapters are left in total?
Thanks for the chapter again, and please update soon.
10/10 cause this chapter was so exciting that it bamboozled my brain with suspense.
SofiaAuthor's Response: Wow, hello :)
Such an amazing review! Thank you for taking the time to read and then write it.
First I want to address your comment on the repetitive drama - thank you, I needed to hear that. I find it so easy to get carried away with what I'm doing, and then I'll read a few chapters and think, "Wow this is just so dramatic!". My aim for the next few chapters is to wrap up some of the drama and straighten out any confusing plot lines. Because I absolutely agree, it does get exhausting!
Next, I really wanted to write a story that was relatable despite being about magic etc. Eating disorders and poor self esteem is sadly so common in contemporary society, and anyone can suffer. I hope I give some girls (and even guys) the strength to appreciate who they are and what they can do in life.
A kiss, hey?? It has to happen soon! ;)
Again, thank you so much for taking the time to review. I really appreciate it, and I hope that you continue reading! Report Review
Wow what a coincidence, today I was just thinking that I haven't read or heard about this story in ages and then you come out and update it! My jaw actually dropped when I saw that! I'm really glad you did, though! Great chapter and I hope you can update sooner now :)
xxxAuthor's Response: Well, I'm really glad you read it. I know I went an extraordinarily long time without updating - almost year, as it were - but I'm hoping that everything's settled down in my personal life that it won't be so long between updates.
Again, thanks so much for reading and reviewing. It makes me so happy to know that there are still people out there who enjoy this story. Report Review
This one-shot really surprised me! It really is different from anything you've written to date and I love it! I like the new style- I think it's more realistic, rich, and precise.
I thought it was bitter sweet, just because of the fact that it was in Severus' perspective. If it had been Lily or James' perspective, the story would have been fun and fluffy and romantic, but as it was in Severus', I felt depressed, sad, BAD for him.
I don't think he was ever really compatible with Lily and wasn't necessarily meant for her, but he loved her. And it just sucks that he loved her as, say, she loved James- unconditionally. He didn't choose to love her, which is why it was kind of like a curse that he bestowed upon himself without really having a choice. It hurts because he couldn't do anything about it, even if he had wanted to, and I think that is what makes his story so sad- the knowledge that he loved Lily possessively while she loved someone else, unable to live without her, yet still wanting to stop loving her to free himself. It's unrequited, and I understand how he must feel.
All in all, I think you honestly did a magnificent job on this one :) Continue writing like this! It's nice :)
-sofia Report Review
I loved loved loved loved this little piece!
I think it encompassed everything we needed to know about Lily and James' relationship and you made it out to be real and not at all cheesy.
I liked how straight-forward and down to the point Lily's thinking and the writing was. It was a small piece, but I think it's one of the best ones I've read from the '500 words challenge'. It's got everything- creativity, realism, and a hint of sarcasm which we know belongs to Lily, subtly defining her character without us really noticing.
I liked how Lily was thinking about all the bad things James had done in the beginning, as if she was thinking all of these things in her very head and we were there with her thinking all of these things. Then when she stops ranting we feel as if it's back to a higher perspective as one of the students drops an inkwell to the floor and McGonagall sends him a glare. It's just so in character and perfectly defining. It was brilliant!
And then the last few paragraphs, when we get to see what Lily sees and feel what Lily feels when she gets a glimpse of James in his natural state. Everything about the way you described it is pure, almost surreal, and as she said, perfect. It has a kind of magic that I don't often see in other stories. It was an unusual James she just saw- the real him- and I think that this is definitely one way I could see their relationship as a couple starting to form. It feels real to me, and I think that not many authors on this site can get that feeling to come across their readers.
I loved how suddenly it all changed for her, as if she had just had a most important revelation, as if this one moment would change her life forever and was always meant to be.
It was nice to hear her so nonchalant about the fact that she had just noticed him for the first time, as if all those times of fighting and hating him hadn't mattered one bit and had disappeared from her mind without her glancing back at them. All of those things just seemed so petty and I adored how Lily felt herself unravelling, changing, even though the moment between them had merely lasted a second.
I thought it was really beautifully well done and really well written- with character and great characterisation and really good, effective emotions which left the reader feeling giddy.
10/10 of course :)
-sofiaAuthor's Response: First of all, I have to say you are fantastic. THANK YOU for such a long, fabulous, whole-hearted review. I was very blown away (in a good way) when I casually checked my review box this morning. :)
Anyway, I am SO glad you enjoyed this! It was very fun/interesting to write. I wanted to find the first moment in which...well, Lily noticed James. Because as every HPFF member knows, he noticed her agesss ago, haha. And a moment this simple would have to be conveyed concisely, so 500 words was perfect. No blathering or beating around the bush, just truth.
I felt it could be something so simple as Lily catching him just...being. Isn't that what does it for most of us? Seeing someone in their perfectly natural state and they're suddenly flawless?
Poor Lily. She has a lot to contend with.
Again, thank you so so so SO much. This review has given me smiles all over. I'm absolutely glad you liked it.
--M&M Report Review
I loved it :)
I liked how you used poetry to describe what Hermione was feeling, it was new and it felt closer to home. There were a lot of metaphors and questions we always ask ourselves that you added in there, which I liked a lot too. I understood what Hermione was feeling and how she was feeling and I truly think it was beautiful, in the least corny way possible. We got to feel Hermione's problems, comprehend what she was going through and what her life had amounted to because of what she had believed in when she was younger. It was marvellous, and it flowed well together. It was comprehensible too, not too cryptic or overly pretentious.
It was nice :)
9/10Author's Response: Hello, thanks for stopping by and glad you liked!
I have always loved writing poetry, and in a way, it is easier to get closer to the reader (or yourself) as it analyses purely feelings and such. It is truly a great thing to hear that you enjoyed this, and that I accomplished doing what I was searching for. This is some part of Hermione we don't see much, and I'm really happy you liked it.
Thank you so much for leaving this review, it made my day and it's nice to know I did well :) Report Review
It's original, funny, light, happy, intriguing, and the characters are very well done and very different compared to all the other ones in stories of the Marauders.
Lily is so very different from all of the other Lilys who are perfect and have good grades. She swears like a sailor and eats like one, haha! I found it very odd how blaze she was about sleeping with Sirius, as if it happened all the time. She didn't freak out OR cry, which is odd! It's a nice change, I really hope you can keep it up because it still has to work with the original story AND this one.
Sirius is great, as all Sirius' usually are in stories (most of the time). He is funny and charismatic and I like him :). I just hope you can dig deeper into his character and make him MORE 3 dimensional- a lot of other authors don't.
Mufflin! Oh, Muffin. I love her. Honestly, I think the way that you portrayed her is very original and out of character compared to all the other characters in usual fanfiction. A nice Slytherin?! Tasty Muffin?! Haha! Who ever heard of that ;)? I love the way she is innocent and straightforward and is still nice about it, it feels real for me.
So, all in all, I like this story and I can't wait to see what happens next :). Keep up the good work for the characters and for the plot :)
See you next time!!
sofiaAuthor's Response: Yayayayayaay!! :D
Oh, my gosh! You are totally making my day :D
Yes! Thank you! I'm so sick of (the young)Lily always being portrayed as some sort of untouchable, holy goddess, and I am quite proud of what I've written her to be :D She's opinionated, she makes mistakes, she cusses, she's annoying -- in short: human. And I quite like the fact that Sirius doesn't like her, it's different in that way too.
Yes, I will try my best for the story to "end up" where it's supposed to. But I can't promise anything ;P
I will certainly dig deeper - but you know how guys are. They're incredibly one-dimensional, until one day BOOM! you find out they actually have a soul. It's weird, really. So, keep on the lookout for a 'boom'.
Oh, thank you :D I'm very glad you like Muffin, and that you find her real. She's one of my favorites, cause she's just so innocent, and sweet - and not at all what anyone would define as a slytherin :p
Please update soon! I can't wait to see what happens next and I actually find this story quite funny, so please update because I want to read more! And more! And more! And... you get the gist.
10/10Author's Response: Thank you! :) Report Review
I like Flora a lot and I can't wait to find out why Scorpius dislikes Albus so much. Fauna is reallyy getting on my nerves and I would feel exactly the same way if other random people would start saying hello to me in the hallways or walking with me just because they had seen me with someone popular. Just gets on my nerves, and I really understand Flora's annoyance with that. Albus is still a mystery in my eyes, as he always evolves and changes in character, but I can't wait for that little awkward wallflower to come out (Flora knows he has it in him and she's the epitamy of a wallflower haha)
Anyways, mega 10/10. Can't wait for the next chapter :)Author's Response: Scorpius' moping will all be revealed in time but for now he is a ~mystery wrapped in an enigma~. (but then again, so is Albus). the next chapter should go some way as to revealing Albus' most evil schemes (cue dramatic music)
thank you for the review! glad you liked it :D ♥ Report Review
I really love this story! I absolutely adore Connie and I cannot wait to see what's going to happen next :)
Great chapter and I hope you can update soon!
10/10Author's Response: Thank you :)
I'm glad you like the story and Connie.
-nell :) x Report Review
This is always such a pleasure to read!
10/10 for sure. Report Review
this made my heart ache.Author's Response: Thank you so much for your review. If it made your heart ache I have indeed fulfilled my purpose. Thank you . Report Review
I really liked how you wrote it and I find this a very powerful text, even if there is no dialogue. It's dramatic and I think you caught on well with the note of desperation I find the first wizarding war always holds.
I loved it :)
10/10Author's Response: Thank you so much! This was written 4 yrs ago actually, so my writing has changed quite a bit since then. Thank you for our wonderful compliments, though! Report Review
WAAA I actually squeled when I saw this was updated! It's been to long, but I understand that you have a life too, so I won't be mad :) It's just so hard to keep on waiting!
I really like June and Albus together, it makes me all squirmy and it's cute. I am liking Albus more and more, but I think that you have to make him out to be a little more like his usual self and not be TOO nice to June, because that threw me off a little. That he was talking to her, etc, etc.
This chapter was great! And I think someone has an ickle crush on Duncan haha.
10/10 and I really hope you can update more often :( I don't want to wait so long anymore!
sofia Report Review
I really loved the length of this chapter and just it in general! It was SO well described and we could feel every single emotion Agatha was feeling.
My favourite part would have to be when Agatha gets saved by Harry, because she just described the feeling of living so rawly and it was really well done. Bravo!
I liked the way Aggy thinks in this chapter (we DO see it in her point of view), but I think James was HONESTLY right about what he said. I've always found Agatha to be slightly arrogant and selfish, and I think that for once in her life, it served her right. I'm not for James either, because she could have died and she saved them, but she DID do it for herself.
I'm just more on James' side because I agree with what he said to her.
Oh, and I was always curious as to why you were always saying Dom has skinny arms! I KNEW there was something to that. I'm really curious about everything going on with everyone also!
I think Potter will be pissed at her for a while, that I'm pretty sure of. But they aren't over :)
But PLEASE update soon, this is awesome. Honestly, you make me laugh but make me sad and scared and embarrassed when Aggy is, and happy when Aggy is. You really put out the emotion well, so we can understand it and really look into it.
Great chapter and I love the story :)
-sofia. Report Review
I'm so so sorry I didn't leave a review on the last chapter, I just didn't really have anything to say! But I'm leaving one on here, so I hope it makes up for it. :)
I honestly loved this chapter!
I really liked how all the Weasleys interacted with one another and how they all had their different personalities. They were all hilarious and although Lily's friends seemed dumb and shallow, I liked them! I found that all of them together was really a weird combination but one that kind of fit, for some reason.
I REALLY enjoyed reading about Pippa's thoughts this chapter! They were very metaphorical and we got to see yet another side of her that we've never seen before- she was nicer and kind of... cute? Haha, weird way to describe her, but there you go!
I love that Pippa says she loves Cassie, even though she's really promiscuous. I find it refreshing and I love that even though Cassie should be one of those typical girls you hate, she isn't and you love her all the way :D
I also really liked Roxanne and Pippa. They go well together; they should make a team!
I'm really curious as to what happened to Rose and who broke Albus. We got to see more of what happened to both him and Pippa and I loved that :)
Oh, Fred! Him and Pippa interact so well together. If I wasn't for Pippa and Albus ending up together, they'd definitely be my second choice :)
And I also love drunk Scorpius! So typical of him not to be able to handle his alcohol. Still cute and fluffy though :) Him and Pippa are the cutest and I love that the other girls think that she's very protective of him (secretly, she is!).
I wonder what Albus wanted to say to Pippa and what's going to happen next!
Really great chapter!
Sofia.Author's Response: Don't worry :) I'm just so happy that you like my story, it means a lot to me :) I'm so glad you liked the chapter! I had a lot of fun writing it.
Thanks! I had a lot of fun writing them! Haha, Lily's friends are dumb, but they're decent people :) Thanks! I'm glad to know that it still fitted.
I'm so glad you liked Pippa's thoughts. Haha, yeah, she was trying her best to be nice and not to be horrible.
Yes! I thought it would be interesting to see if I could get people to like a character that society hates. I'm so glad you like her all the way. Even though she is the way she is.
Haha, that would be one interesting team!
I'm also interested ;) You'll find out eventually.
Haha, yes, they do :) I'm glad you feel that way :)
Drunk Scorpius is always a blast! Haha, yeah, it is typical. And yes, she is :) She'd kill anyone who tried to hurt Scorpius.
I'm glad you liked the chapter :) Thanks so much for the review and I hope you have a wonderful day! xxx
I went to check up on something and I found out a minor flaw in your characterisation of Blake.
In chapter 3, Albus is looking into Adele's eyes and he describes them as silver.
Then in chapter 6, a real fortune teller tells Albus and Adele that they will have three children and out of the three, there will be one boy. And that's Blake. But then she says that he will have the Potter hair and Adele's eyes...
Now, see, that doesn't work because Adele has silver or grey eyes, and it says in this chapter that Adele is looking at Blake's GREEN eyes.
Which does not make any sense, because Blake should have black hair and silver eyes.
So yeah, just wanted to clear that up! Report Review
Pssst... this is chapter 10! In your author's note it says 9 ;)
10/10Author's Response: No no, it actually is Chapter 9! HPFF counts the Prologue as Chapter 1, but really it's the Prologue, haha, and Chapter 1 is next. Yes? Sorry if it's confusing! Report Review
Hello! I've got to say, great job on the story. It's great!
Update soon!! I can't wait to see what happened to Louis :( I really hope he doesn't die.
Love this story!! I really don't know what is up with Aiden, but I'm pretty sure he likes Pippa. Or not. We may never know!
10/10 of course! The writing is brilliant and it's very original. :)
Can't wait for more!Author's Response: Hii, thank you! New chapter is written and will be submitted today.
Aiden is a tricky little character... all will become clear!
-Tasha Report Review
Thank god she didn't kill you! I would have died if this story were to never end.
Please update sooner and great job! I really have no idea how this is going to end. Is it going to be happy? Or devastating? I don't know- too much mystery, but great nonetheless.
sofiaAuthor's Response: I think the real question is why hasn't this story ended yet. It will, I promise! And hopefully soon! Thank you so much for all your lovely comments and for reading and reviewing and everything! Thanks! Report Review
Awh I really liked this! Great job at descriptions and how James was feeling- I really felt what he was feeling. And don't worry! I didn't find this story sad at all; it was more hopeful, as if everything was going to be okay.
I really liked how you described James' feeling towards not wanting to see her dead body get lowered into the ground- that it wasn't her and that she was somewhere better now.
"He is not religious, but he can feel her above him, everywhere. She is everywhere. She is everything."
I loved that line! I understood it so much and it really made me happy that James was thinking positively in all of this :) Because Lily was part of everything again, as she was before she was born. It was beautiful :)
Great job! :D
10/10Author's Response: I'm glad you thought it was hopeful at the end - I tried not to make it too much of a downer! :)
I think it's sort of nice to try and think that while someone might no longer be living in their body, they still live on in spirit and in our hearts. Call me a sap, but there you go!
Thank you so much for the review! :) Report Review
Yayyy happy you updated! It's great and keep up the good work :) Only thing that I have to say is that you do have a few grammatical mistakes (you can get a beta or edit the chapter), but other than that, it's nice to read!
YOUR WELCOME. :) I'm glad you did and don't abandon it.
8/10Author's Response: This story's kind of on hiatus in my mind right now. That doesn't mean that I'm done with it! Not at all, I just have to actually sit down and type. Trust me, it's a lot harder than it sounds as a junior in high school. Thanks for reviewing! Report Review
Oh my god. So beautiful.
You should definitely write more, because you have a talent. The way you write flows really well and I got sucked into the story when I read it- it was enough even if it was short, descriptive enough so as to feel Dean's pain and written well enough to see the beauty of how he saw things- the artist.
A really beautiful short story. :) Your characterizations were really fabulous, and it all seemed so realistic- Luna saying yes to Rolf first just because he asked her first, Dean's Gryffindor bravery.
It was magnificent and heart achingly beautiful.
Sofia.Author's Response: What a kind review! I'm really glad you enjoyed the characterizations, because they're very important to me. Thank you so much for reviewing! Report Review
Update this story! Right now! And all of your other ones while you're at it. Because I need my fix. :)
PS: As a reward, I'll favourite all of them muahaha.
Love the story. Don't abandon it, it's really great and the characterization is realistic.
sofiaAuthor's Response: I thought that people just didn't really like this story! I'll think about updating, but it's not at the top of my list right now. I'll see though! Report Review
That was so unexpected! I really didn't see Fred as Mr. E! EEE that's really cute! I'm so happy for Lonnie :)
Great chapter and great story. I love everything and I enjoy how Lonnie makes comparisons, it's always cute but somehow realistic.
The only thing I think you should improve is the way you check over your mistakes (if you do), because there are quite a few and it makes the story a bit less realistic when I find one. Also, (this is a proposition), you should maybe explain more thoroughly who is who, because I still get mixed up and we don't know much about Lonnie's best friends or her other friends.
Anyways, that's all. I like the story so far! :)
Sofia.Author's Response: Thank you! ♥
I'm in the process of getting a beta and I'll try and make it clearer who her friends are, but she only has two Jordan and Cal.
Thank you! Report Review
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