Reading Reviews From Member: SeverusSnape15
76 Reviews Found

Review #1, by SeverusSnape15Prisoner 1272: Prisoner 1272

8th May 2013:
Hello, SeverusSnape15 here with your review!

I really love the concept of this story. I think it's pretty well written, but you have many mistakes. The spaces are too close together, try double spacing between paragraphs, it makes it ten times easier to read, and it looks much better, as well.

The sentences are a bit choppy. Many end where they shouldn't. Some places are also missing a word or two that I feel like you should add. Eg. "The top of that list was accepting that this was the places I would take my last breath, feel my last heartbeat." I'd refrase to "The top of that list was accepting that this was the places I would take my last breath, and even feel my last heart beat."

I really like the opening paragraph, gets me interested right away. I want to know what happens...BUT, I did think that the main character was a man in the beginning. I think it could use something to indicate that it is a female rather than male.

I also feel that this could be much longer than it is. You have so much information here, so much you could make the story into. I wish you had kept the flashback going and explained who everyone was through the flashback, it would have made the story a bit more interesting, more exciting. I'd love to see more depth and detail on her sickness. You want to bring emotion with this death. It's tragic, she's dying for her family. Bringing out emotions means adding backstory to the actual story. I didn't exactly know who she was speaking to until the end of the story...And I still thought it was a male until I figured out he was calling her Evelyn..

With that set aside, I'd like to point out a quote that I loved. "His agreement to help me was the final nail in my coffin." That is wonderful and it's so full of detail in that single line that it needs little more to know that her decision is final. This story certainly has potential, don't give up on it! If you have any questions for me, let me know on HPFF forums :)


Author's Response: Hello! Sorry it's taken me so long to respond to your review, bad author, I know!
I definitely need to go back and work on sentence structure with this one, I've had a couple of people feed that back to me.
The idea was to keep her identity hidden until later, I didn't use any pronouns or names until the flashback to emphasise the fact that she has become just a number, a soul, to the Dementors. I tried to keep it til the flashback so that it highlighted the differences between her life then and now. I also wanted to wait until later on to reveal that it was actually Mrs Crouch, to add a little twist. Sorry if that didn't quite come across.
I plan to edit this as soon as I can so I'll definitely take into account the further detail needed and to sentence structure. Thank you for taking the time to review :)

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Review #2, by SeverusSnape15Unexpectedly Expecting: Chapter 2

18th July 2012:
Wow, great ending! I loved it. I'm not a huge fan of the story...because it seems like you just completely rushedi t. I don't understand how she can't be upset about her mother kicking her out. Again, with the dialogue. Honestly, I don't see the love between Sonya and Sirius. I can't feel it, really. I'd say more description on that would be nice, because, by the looks of it, it's a very important aspect to the story in a whole. The results of the winners should be up soon =) Thank you for entering, again.

Author's Response: It just passed my time. I'm sorry you feel I rushed it but writers block hit me on this one, so I understand why you may have gotten my time. It was a really awesome challenge. Thanks for reviewing my awfully written story.

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Review #3, by SeverusSnape15Curveball: Prologue

18th July 2012:
Helloo, thank you soo much for entering my challenge. I'm in love with this story already. Your description is simply amazing. This sentence: "I was grateful upon discovering that my broken dam had now dried out, grateful that the dam in fact was not bottomless. It had emptied out, no longer allowing my unwilling tears to flow." That is so wonderful. The metaphores you used are just simple wonderful. Your writing is magnificent. Wonderful job! I could feel her pain, and I could feel the love Lucy and Molly were giving her. This is very different from other Roxanne stories I have read. Wonderful job. 10/10, definately!

Author's Response: Thank you for this lovely review and sorry I couldn't get more chapters out before the deadline.

I'm glad you love this story already as this makes me smile :D

Thank you! I'm not so great at metaphors so when I do it right I'm very happy :)

Thanks for reviewing!

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Review #4, by SeverusSnape15Little Bundle: Christmas Announcement

8th July 2012:
Hello there. Cierra(SeverusSnape15) here from the forums. Thank you very much for entering my challenge, it's very much appreciated. I do enjoy reading the entries. This is a nice little start to the story, but...I think it went way too fast. You need much more detail woven into the story, even into this chapter. There is so much that goes on in the Weasley house! :) It'd be nice to see some more. Maybe some competitive games, joking around, etc. I'm not sure if you'll get in another chapter before the challenge ends, but good luck and thank you very much for entering. :) ~Cierra.

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Review #5, by SeverusSnape15(Angel & Their Halos): Death—Lily.

11th May 2012:
Sorry that it's taken so long, but i'm here with your review.

This is wonderful for a first second-person, and a first Snilly. I actually teared up, because i've never really seen anything like this. My favorite part is the beginning, where he sees Harry's eyes. I really like how you wrote it.

You have MANY run-on sentences, though. You may want to get a beta for this story. It's pretty short, so I don't think it would take too long, but there are numerous run-ons for this little story. Maybe it's because it's your first time with a second-person piece, I don't know. I also think you could add some more in. Maybe, they could walk into the light, or walk somewhere, talk about something, anything. It just seems like it needs more, like it didn't end.

I think it's really canon, though. Severus would act just like that when he saw Lily for the first time in ages. I think it's good, but you could use some changes. :) As I said before, Betas can help you a lot. I hope I was of some help. ~Cierra.

Author's Response: That's okay - you're here now (or was here...)

Thank you! Aw, I'm sorry - I didn't mean for you to tear up! *hands tissues*

Ugh, i'm terrible with them :P I'll try and get a beta and see if they will help me haha, thanks for pointing that out!


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Review #6, by SeverusSnape15Witch Hunt: they really didn't see this one coming

11th May 2012:
Oh, goodness! I'm so sorry! I read this story, but never gave you your review, from the forums. I'm really sorry.

I really think this is a pretty interesting story. I like how it started, and I really like how it ended, as well. In most fanfictions, Lily's the little, sweet girl. It seems like that in almost all of them, honestly. I like the twist you're putting on her. Bad-ass Lily is very cool! I'm sorry, but everything I have to say is good! I have one little thing, because you have a few run-ons, but that's all. There's nothing bad to say. You're a great writer, and you obviously know what you're doing. Great job. 10/10.

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Review #7, by SeverusSnape15MISERY: THE NIGHTMARE

20th April 2012:
Review 3/7: Once again, you've done wonderful on this chapter. I think I squealed in class when I read them kissing(I was secretly reading on my kindle in class ;) Sh...) Anyways, I really like this one. I can't help but love the way Remus insists in taking care of Misery. What a romantic ;)

If there was an 11/10, I'd pick it, but for now...10/10 :)

Author's Response: Heyyy,
Glad you liked it :) I know I haven't done any real editing on any of this stuff, but I'm glad you could at least get pleasure from Remus's romancing. If I can make a fangirl squeel, that's good enough for me. Thanks again

Sunday ./.

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Review #8, by SeverusSnape15What they don't know: Chapter 2

19th April 2012:
OMG :O It's Mark! It's Mark! Oh my, you must upload soon! I must read more! This is very interesting, though I'm sort of irritated with Domi for not telling anyone about her pregnancy. Lord knows why I am, but it just she's so ashamed. Poor hon. I can't wait to read more =) Your chapters are always short but good!

Author's Response: Ahaha glad you like it, and I will hopefully update soon, I know the chapters (this one in particular) are short, I cant help it xD I feel that if I write a really long chapter it will mainly be filled with ramblings and people will get bored, I will try to get a chapter to 3000! :D

Thankyou :) x

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Review #9, by SeverusSnape15forget-me-not: Living

16th April 2012:
Aww! I have to say, I love happy endings, and I do like this ending. The last line of the story is the PERFECT closer. It's completely wonderful, my dear!

I like the little epilogue that you made. It's very cute! I still wonder the full story of Molly's accident, though. It's not exactly clear WHY she was running across the street, and what they were doing, and I'd really like to know. I wished you'd said something about that that was clearer.

It's interesting how she didn't remember at all, and I like that twist. Usually people's memories come back to them in stories, because that's what the reader wants, but in this case, you did something different, but still gave the reader what they wanted. It was a very different story, and very original, I think.

Your paragraphs could still use some work, but it was better in this one. I think you took the time to just write your heart out with this chapter from the looks of it, but I'm not positive, haha. Well, I hope I was of some help. Feel free to request again/re-request if you make changes. ~Cierra.

Author's Response: Ah, I'm a sucker for happy endings, I'm glad you liked it :D

I didn't really explain her accident and why... I shall have to sort that out as well.

I didn't want Molly to remember everything- I was well aware of my straying into the dangerous cliche territory!

Thanks so much for your reviews, I shall definitely work on what you pointed out, thanks very much xx

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Review #10, by SeverusSnape15forget-me-not: Learning

16th April 2012:
Hello again!

So, I think this chapter needed a little more. It was good, but it was pretty general. Usually, chapters are based on something, but this...well, it just seemed like it needed more. Again, with the paragraphs and description. There was a bit more description in this chapter than the last, but not much more. It still needs a lot of it.

Was cooking one of the things that Molly remembered? If so, you'd probably want to specify this. Maybe something like "This was one of the only things that she could really recall" or whatever. Just a suggestion, because it just sounds slightly odd that she doesn't know how to work the shower, yet she can remember how to make pancakes without explanation. :)

I do like this story, though! I really want to know who the guy is...that's a very good twist to this story so far. It's interesting, keeping me on edge.


Author's Response: I wanted this chapter to be Molly getting her bearings, so it is a bit filler-y. I'll see if I can flesh it out a bit more.

The cooking- you point out fantastic things! You are wonderful, thanks so much, I shall change that immediately! :D

Thanks for the review!!

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Review #11, by SeverusSnape15forget-me-not: Waking

16th April 2012:
Hey! Cierra(SS15) here with your review from the forums! My apologies on taking so long. I've been busy lately. I'll have all of your chapters done by today.

So, the first thing I noticed was the fact that you called the Healers, nurses. Though they would have been called Nurses in regular hospitals, in St. Mungos, it would have been Healers. Then, later, Molly says 'my Healer..' So, that made it a bit confusing if you didn't know the difference. I'm sure you do, though.

Second..I love PostSecrets ;) Just had to say that. Anyways, I think it was pretty good..but try adding a bit more detail. How was Molly feeling when James said that to her? WHY was she hurting because of the comment? How did that effect her? Details are good, you can almost never have too much. Most of your paragraphs are a bit short, so try to group them together if you don't really have much else to say. But, as I said before, detail is needed. I want to know what everything looks like..

The beginning was a bit confusing, in all honesty. I didn't understand it at first, but I did after a little bit. This sounds like it'll be a nice story. I'll move on to the next chapter, now. ~Cierra.

Author's Response: Hello, it's alright, RL can be awful sometimes :)

I totally didn't realise that- in my head the nurses and Healers were supposed to be different, but it should all be Healers, thanks for pointing that out!

More detail, got it :D

And the beginning was supposed to be a bit confusing, because Molly was confused about her surroundings.

Thanks very much for the review! :D

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Review #12, by SeverusSnape15Flicker and Fail: The Reason You Loved Me Before

16th April 2012:
Bravo, my dear, BRAVO! I teared up at this ending, I really did. And I was very happy with it as well.

You still have some run-ons, but that's all right! It's a wonderful story. The flow was great, in all honesty. I wanted to get to the end so badly because it was so good. The one thing I don't really understand is how Katie came to love Leanne. I'd really love to know that, like, maybe another story...showing it from Katie's Point of View.

You can tell this story was very well planned out. I really love the fact that this is supposed to be their story, so that Katie can remember Leanne. I thought it was the sweetest thing in the world. I love happy endings, I must say that. They distress me so much. This story is very good, and I'd love to read more of your stories, so please, feel free to rerequest anytime :) I can't say that there's much wrong with this, so sorry if I'm not of much help!


Author's Response: Yay, you liked the ending! It's cruel to say, but I am kind of glad you sort of tore up, lol. Though I do think they deserved a happy ending, even if it was a bit sappy, hehehehe.

Okay, well, Katie did love Leanne all along, but she was just too scared to say it (and understandably so, given their age and everything). It was only after nearly dying that she realised that she should have said it to Leanne from the start.

Anyway, I'm really glad you liked it, and I'm even more pleased with the general reception this story's got. I will definitely let you know if I have any new stories up :) Thank you for the review, and you were of much help reviewing this!


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Review #13, by SeverusSnape15Flicker and Fail: A Fickle Heart

12th April 2012:
Hey! Here for your second chapter's review:

So, the spacing is MUCH better on this chapter. It's easier to read, for me at least. You still have some run-ons, but that's all right. It's a very nice chapter, and I don't have too much to say about it. You just have those run-ons that are the problem, nothing else, really.

There is one thing...I don't understand when Katie says "you have six more OWLS than me." That makes no sense. They get grades on doesn't matter how many they get? I'm not sure what you meant by that, honestly. Well, good chapter. It was a very good length, all in all. I can't wait to read the next chapter.


Author's Response: Hiya :) I'm glad the spacing, um, sorted itself out, lol. I will definitely bear the run-on sentences in mind for future stories.

Okay, remember in HBP when Harry, Ron and Hermione got their OWL results? Harry and Ron got seven OWLs -- that means that they passed (i.e. got an Acceptable or above) in seven subjects. Leanne got six more passes than Katie did, hence why Katie said Leanne has six more OWLs than her. I hope that made sense.

I hope you enjoy the last chapter! It's vaguely smutty, lol. :)


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Review #14, by SeverusSnape15Flicker and Fail: When Will I See You Again?

11th April 2012:
Hey! Cierra(SS15) here with your review. I apologize for the long wait, but it's taken me a while to really read this thoroughly.

I have to say, this is a very good story, with a very good ending! I didn't want it to end, I wanted them to kiss, and be together. But, you went canon and didn't let it happen. I love that about this story, how you don't give into what the reader wants.

One thing that's a big problem, though, is your spacing. It looks like you pressed enter twice between paragraphs. While it spaces it out more, it tends to make the story seem longer than it is. You should probably fix that up a bit, but it's not hard at all.

Your weak point is sentence structure, I think. You tend write many run-on sentences. Try either shortening them up, or getting a beta(or both?) Either one will work out. Betas tend to go through your work thoroughly and tell you everything that's wrong with them.

The flow of your story is very good. I didn't get the feeling that it needed to be in different chapters, because it was pretty good, and it was good enough to be in one chapter, even though it was pretty long. I love the details that you give of their friendship, but I wish you'd have put more detail in their surroundings. We tend to do this when people already know what things look like, since many people have read the books/watched the movies before they read fanfiction. Sometimes that's true, but we still need description to make a good story.

I really enjoyed this! It was very good, other than a few simple errors! Some part I had to read over again, though, to figure out what was happening. For instance, the scene with Edward. I didn't really get it the first time. Maybe it's just me, but I'd wished you'd put a bit more background with him, so I really knew whom he was better.

All in all, though, it was very interesting. I want to know more...I'll review your other chapters tomorrow, love. Thank you for the oppertunity! Feel free to request again!


Author's Response: Hiya! No worries about this being a bit late -- the fact that you still read and reviewed the story means a lot.

Oh, the spacing is a bit of a problem, isn't it? Eep. I honestly can't be bothered to change it for this story, but I will definitely bear it in mind for future stories.

Hmm, I did have two betas for this story, but I can see what you mean about the sentences. As a beta myself, I know about how important sentence structure is, but I think it's just the fact that it's my own work that I can't see it with fresh eyes.

Yay to the flow being good! And I would have loved for the story to be read all in one go, but the word limit on HPFF is 10k per chapter, I think, so that wouldn't have been possible.

Anyway I'm glad you liked it :)


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Review #15, by SeverusSnape15Legend: Hello, Goodbye

5th April 2012:
Hey there, Cierra(SS15) here with your review from the forums, finally. Sorry that it took me so long to get to this, and I really am!

This was amazing, I must tell you that. It has so much character detail that I believe every single word of it. I can tell that Albus is different, or at least he thinks that he's different. I can see that Scorpius is a big-shot. I just wish I knew what house that Albus was in(I'd say Hufflepuff, considering his characteristics?) Or did you mention that? I don't think it was.

So, you have a lot of run-on sentences. You should go back and read through it, try reading it aloud, that helps a lot. Or maybe get a beta that can help you with that bit. There was one typo that I found, but that's pretty much all.

I like how the chapter ended, making you wonder what's going to come next. I also wonder how this is going to be an Albus/Scorpius..that's one interesting part.

All righty! Let me know if you'd like me to review any other chapters, because I think this story is beginning to grow on me already. =) Sorry for the long wait! You're a great writer, don't stop! ~Cierra.

Author's Response: Oh yes, run ons are definitely a problem, thank you for pointing that out! And thank you for the lovely complements, your review is much appreciate!

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Review #16, by SeverusSnape15Someone Like You: The Ultimate Betrayal

26th March 2012:
Hey! Sorry for the long wait. Cierra here(SS15) from the forums with your review. Let me know if you'd like the other chapters reviewed as well(considering you only put down the first one.)

The first sentence is a run-on sentence. If anything, that's the LAST thing you want to start off with. It tends to push the reader away. Try breaking some of your sentences down; it's not only in the first one, there are many in this little chapter.

For a smaller chapter, I think you have to make it memorable, and you did that very well. I think you need more discription, though. There's barely any. I don't even really understand when the time is. First, it says it's right after the war, then they went up to Gryffindor Tower? I don't understand, honestly.

As for some errors: Maybe refrase this: "The place was covered in spider webs, especially Dean, Ron, and my beds." Like this: "The place was covered in spider webs, especially our beds."

This sentence here: "I needed to tell her how much I’d missed her so much in those months looking for the horcruxes," doesn't make much sense. I think it was just a typo.

Grammarical error: "As I watched her walk away and into the arms of Seamus I felt so many emotions at once. Jealousy, hurt, sadness." Instead..."As I watched her walk away and into the arms of Seamus I felt so many emotions at once: Jealousy, hurt, sadness."

So, I just thought I'd point some out to you. Maybe get a beta :) Those are very helpful. I'm avaliable to beta, just PM me if you decide you'd like me to do it. I hope this review was effective!


Author's Response: thanks for all of the pointers, i changed everything you mentioned :)

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Review #17, by SeverusSnape15Shattered: Mirror Mirror on the Wall

18th March 2012:
Sorry that it's taken so long. I'm here with your review, from the forums!

I really like this story. You have a few run-on sentences, and some errors(such as the italicizing) but other than that, it's wonderful. I didn't really think about the title until the end of this story, so I was so confused on who was telling the story. At first, it was reasonable to think her mother was the one telling it, but then it said she'd died. But, it made me want to keep reading on! I love it! The concept, I think, is something that no one has really thought about. Writing a fanfiction from a mirror's point of view? That's so original that it hurts.

You're a wonderful writer, and I congratulate you on such a wonderful fic. =) Feel free to request again, I'd be happy to read more.


Author's Response: Yes, I am aware of the typos (darn things). You're "that's so original it hurts" comment made me laugh. I'm glad that you liked it! I felt inspired to write such words and to hear it well received is lovely.


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Review #18, by SeverusSnape15Losing you Slowly.: Losing You Slowly.

24th February 2012:
Hello, Cierra here from the forums with your review.

This story is VERY meaningful. It made me want to cry at the end, because the quote is so pretty, so fitting to the story. I love the consept, but I think Sirius is a bit uncanon. That's okay, though, not everything has to be utterly canon.

I think the best thing I can say is that you need a beta for this story. You have many grammarical errors. It looks like you just typed it up and didn't go back through it. There's things such as two of the same words, one after the other, lack of commas, etc.

I also think you need more background. Sure, it was sad, but I don't know anything about Aura enough to feel TOO sad. It doesn't make me want to cry for days, but just a bit. I'd love to see more detail as well. Describe your surroundings, tell us what is around her. I'd love to see more on the wedding, as it seems they married. :)

Thank you for requesting :) Feel free to re-request anytime!


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Review #19, by SeverusSnape15It's Just A Question: All it is, is a couple of words.

23rd February 2012:
Hey! Cierra(SeverusSnape15) here with your review from the forums!

First off, this is a nice little fic. It's short and sweet, but it starts off with a run-on sentence. "Rain pours outside as I sit on the couch in Harry’s flat with a warm blanket wrapped around me, grateful for the day off from Quidditch practice." That should be two sentences, if not more. It's too much for just one sentence, if you look at it closely.

I was VERY confused, I have to admit. At first, the "I" is Ginny, then it randomly turns to Harry? You need to indicate the change in POV's with something like +Harry's POV+

Author's Response: Hi!

Thank you, and don't worry about your review getting cut off, it happens to all of us.

Your review has some valid points and I will check them out, but thank you for the thoughts and advice, I'm always going to need them ;)

Thank you, thank you, thank you, for your super nice review.


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Review #20, by SeverusSnape15No Hesitation : No Hesitation

20th February 2012:
Thanks for entering my challenge! This is a nice little piece, here. It has much potential, etc. It's very cute. I've always loved Lily/Scorp. Many people go the canon way with Rose/Scorp, but I've never really liked that much. I was happy to see a bit of Hugo in it, considering he's my favorite Next-Gen.

Anyways, thanks! The results will be out soon :) ~Cierra.

Author's Response: Awesome! Thank you so much for the review, I had fun writing this. I was thinking that same thing when I wrote the ship, I'm already writing a ScoRose and didn't want to write another. And yeah I love Hugo!

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Review #21, by SeverusSnape15MISERY: THE BOX

19th February 2012:
Thank you for entering my challenge. I hope you know, since you have Dorcas, she has to be the woman that's pregnant. Maybe she will be, later on in the story, I don't know just yet. Anyways, this is interesting. You have a few errors, though those are easily fixable. I enjoy reading about Remus, though. He's the most interesting Marauder, in my opinion. Anyways, thank you!


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Review #22, by SeverusSnape15Anesthetized: Your Amazing Friend, Mary.

19th February 2012:
Wow. That's all I can really say You describe such little things so greatly that I want to keep reading. You're a wonderful author, keep up the good work! Thank you for entering my challenge, I'm very honored that you did so. I'll be back! I won't stop reading this story :) It's so wonderful! I love the Marauderettes. But how come Dorcas isn't in the bunch? She died as well, I'm positive, before James and Lily did. Dorcas was close friends with Mary, Lily, and Marlene, if I'm not mistaken. But I'm pretty sure :) That would be a good add on, if you ever edit. xxx thank you. 10/10!

Author's Response: Your compliments just make me want to stick my head through the window and scream! Really! Thanks to your challenge, I've come to discover that the Marauders' Era is actually quite interesting, and I plan to explore it furthermore in the future.

As for Dorcas, I suppose you're right; I did miss out on this one. I suppose it shouldn't be too hard to include her when (if) I edit, so thanks for pointing that out.

Once again, thanks for the challenge. And this review, of course.


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Review #23, by SeverusSnape15Anesthetized: I. Your Mummy, Mary.

18th February 2012:
My goodness. Thank you SO much for entering my challenge, because you're a WONDERFUL author. This is your first challenge? My goodness, it's so wonderful. This is the best entry I've read so far, I have to say. It makes me want to cry. I can see the pain that still lingers in Mary from being tortured. I can see how afraid she is of anyone hurting her child. It's obvious that she's very lonely - she wants to keep her baby safe. This story already has so much meaning and potential. After the challenge, you can expect me to be reviewing every chapter!

You don't have many errors, really, but the repitition of the last paragraph was sort of confusing. Maybe change it up a bit so it doesn't sound the same. 10/10

Thank you again! ~Cierra.

Author's Response: Thank you so much for this review! I really did squeal when I first saw it. I still can't believe I got 2nd Place with this, but I surely am very glad that I did!

I really did enjoy writing this story, though parts of it were a bit hard for me to imagine and were probably missed out. Nonetheless, I am very happy you liked this!

Thank you so much for setting up this wonderful challenge and for this lovely review.


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Review #24, by SeverusSnape15The Start of Something Amazing: Chapter Two: The Engagement

17th February 2012:
This is a really cute little chapter. It's a very sweet engagement, I love it! I wish you'd put a bit more detail into it, though. You have a few errors, but everytime you use quotations, you need something after the words.

Ex: "Hello," she said. Or. "Hello!" You don't put anything after them. :) Keep that in mind. Thank you for entering my challenge.

Author's Response: Gah! *headdesk* I always, always do that! *Must get better at that*

Thanks though!


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Review #25, by SeverusSnape15What About Us?: What About Us?

17th February 2012:
Hello! Cierra from the forums with your review!

I LOVE all of your stories, I have to say this now. Your slash is remarkable and it's some of the best I've read. You create your characters very well, describing them vividly. It's okay that this is slightly uncanon, because it's not too noticable, nor would many people care about that.

I love the ending. It's perfect. Maybe it is random, but it fit in pretty good. I love 'kissing in the rain' cliches. They're so romantic.

As for errors, you have a lot of little ones, like just forgetting to add the 's' on 'makes.' small things like this. On one, I saw "Amdromeda." They're small ones, but you'll want to go back and fix these.

I was surprised that Teddy wasn't upset that Scorpius sort of took his spot light. It was his wedding and Scorp pretty much made people concentrait on them instead. I would get upset with this. But your Teddy seems like a nice guy. The way you described Victoire, though, I would have thought she would have gotten upset.

Altogether, I honestly say, this is a wonderful fic. Just a few edits needed. Maybe get a Beta :) Or just read it aloud to yourself. You'll see your mistakes if you do that.


Author's Response: Thank you for that!

It's my favorite cliche (if you can have one). I love it in movies, I just can't help it. :)

I fixed the errors you pointed out. :)

No. Teddy planned it, to help Hugo. He'd do anything for family and he'd told Vic beforehand, so she knew. It was never a surprise, he just wasn't sure it would work. I'm thinking of writing a sequel, it would be explained then, bu I'm not sure.

Thank you for reviewing. :)


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