This is extremely helpful. Even though I was aware of most of them, the requirement of citation in case of summing up past events from the books is something extremely new for me. Thanks!

Ramona

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Hey!

I really feel the need to start by saying your writing improved dramatically; the phrasing, the grammar - they're so much better! You still deal with punctuation there, but well...
That's an interesting start to a story and, really, it's rather out of place for people in England to find each other wives and sorts. I'm really looking forward to see how this will go like in your story.
Also, your dialogue flows great. There's also humor which I always love in a story and which you always manage very well in your writing. :)
Good luck in writing the next chapter (soon enough, I hope) and much good luck in your 11th grade.

Ramona

Author's Response: Finallly !!! U r here. I know that wife thing is a little out of place but still this story is based on a bollywood movie so it has some elements of that . I hope I get the next chapter up soon but seriously I dont get any time these days :/..poor old me :(


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Wait... Which park's paths were they walking? A little boy changing his hair's color by the minute would be quite noticeable - just saying... :))

Well, this was very sweet. I'm glad George starts thinking of future. By some means, Angelina's there too. The many links to Fred's song quotes and the fireworks were really clever placed, I think.
Well done!

Author's Response: Thank you so much for your reviews :) I'm still a new writer so your feedback was appreciated. I wasn't sure which park they'd be in, since Ted Tonks was muggleborn maybe they were closer to a muggle town, but since Tonks was magical maybe it's a magical town, I didn't really think about it.
I'm so happy you thought the quotes were cleverly placed, that was tricky for the 3 challenges it was entered in. Only heard back from 2, but it was fun :)
Thanks :)

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Me again.

It might have been fun to write, but it was also fun o read. I liked it that you added some funny scenes. Now this is the George we all knew and loved and it is good that, though he's not and will be never over Fred's death, he's still quite the same - all covered in work, all trying to stay away from anything but work, but the deep him still awake somehow.

Well now, Angelina entered in his life like a friend. This is good. I really want to see how will this work. :D

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Hey, here's Santa-mona again. We were given the chance to complete our Santa-like duties so here I am again.

I rarely read Angelina/George and now I wonder why. I should really try something new from time to time, other than the usual favorite stuff. *cough* I like Simple Plan, too *cough*

That was a good take upon them. The relationships George/Angelina/Fred were always so confusing for me, really. I'm glad I took the chance to read this. I'm usually not really into "brought together by tears" stuff, but I like this.
Somehow confusing were the tenses: present-past-present-past. Sure, I understood it all; it's just a bit annoying when you read them. :))

However, an overall good job done!

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"She its up" - 'sits', oh, Word, we hate you!
Hello! Here's Santa with a late present.
This was a really lovely story. I really enjoyed it all, the bits of humor in James' leaving the boy's Dorm (Haha, Wormtail has an interesting sleep!) to the bits of Sweet humor in James' thoughts towards Lily. This was a really innocent, simple, but really intelligent way to make his Lily smile. Good job!

Well, I didn't have the time to log out or anything, but that's it. A late Merry Christmas and n early Happy New Year!

Ramona

Author's Response: Thanks for the gift Santa-mona :P I'm glad you liked the story :D I thought it was a great way to do the challenge, and really emphasized how I've always pictured James :)
Thanks again :D

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the website-that-can-not-be-spoken-of : I know what this is! MWAHAHA! But, shh, I'll keep the secret.
Oh, God, this was so... and so... I can't even... HAHA! Perfect! That was the word - perfect! Screw canon!

Author's Response: I just felt kind of weird about saying the name of the website-that-can-not-be-spoken-of. You know? I don't believe that you should never speak of it, but definitely don't write it for tons and tons of people to see. It wouldn't be very nice :)

I love canon more than anything in this world, but I felt like it was okay to shove it slightly to the side for the one one-shot ;) ~writergirl8

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7 of 15.

Hm... I didn't really take in account the Slytherin-Gryffindor rivalty, as my head was stuck to another arguement that was, though, not mentioned in here. Lily was a muggle born. Wouldn't it be something not so good, taking in count Regulus' education to even talk to a mudblood, Gryffindor or not?

Well, on the overall, that was my only complaint. I really enjoyed the chapter. It was realistic and really interesting. I especially enjoyed Regulus passing thought on how James was taking his place as Sirius' brother.

Ramona

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6 of 15.

Really well written and believable. Sirius seems really in character - proud Gryffindor, constantly causing his parents 'problems'. I really like the way you portrayed Regulus. Although with such mercy for unimportant creatures like house elves, he just trusts in the family's beliefs. That's how I always imagined him.
Sirius' comment “Clearly neither of you could, seeing as you both married in the family.” was really well put! That was just my thought as reading his parents' arguements.

Ramona

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5 of 15.

Honestly, i donțt know which was better - reading forwards or backwards? Wow, this is a really interesting thing to try writing. Also, although really short, is really well compressed. Very good!

Ramona

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The conversation in Draco's head as pretty funny! Though, making all that known in the Daily Prophet? Geez, that's evil!

Author's Response: yes and i love it!! i wasnt going to do that originally, but i needed to make the chapter longer and the idea just came to me.
glad you liked it :)

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That was crazy! I can't wait to see what will they both think in the morning...

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Well, your Teddy is really indecisive... Really, I feel like slapping him or something... I also feel like slapping Victoire, but that's not such a big deal.

"Stay reading to meet the newest characters: The Dementors of Azkaban" Hmm... Weren't the Dementors put out of Azkaban for their betrayal?

Author's Response: I dunno. Maybe. Oh well, I can come up with some creative excuse as to why they're there again.

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YAY! Harry and the gang in action!! LOL...
When it came to Fenrir Greyback I was so wondering if you're gonna get the fact of him being thr one who 'infected' Lupin in. I'm glad you did! That was with effect!

Pst! *looks cautiously in right and left* I heard this rumor... Not telling you who said it, but they say chapter 7 is the best so far.

Author's Response: Hahaha. And thanks ;D

Personally I LOVE writing Greyback. He's so funny. And creepy.

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I really love your Teddy. I always imagined him as being something of clumsy and forgetful, like his mother. In my stories, I tend to combine that with Lupin's skills and attention - it turns out really freaky!
The last part was really lovely! He was all harsh and then goes really softly "Are you crying?". Awww!

It's pretty hard to get along with Victoire being some kind of whore, though... I'm not much into the 'perfect Veela Victoire', too - just trying to make her foolishly human and a bit silly at times.

Great chapter, though. Cliffhanger in there! I love cliffhangers!

Author's Response: Go read chapter 6 and 7 then! I hear chapter 7 is the best so far. ;)

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This was, indeed, the strangest pairing ever. Ok, the pairing of Angelina with Draco was even weirder, but let's get back to the main ones. It was a funny piece to read, though. I really liked the idea of the story. I could always see Alicia stick by her friend, but, whoa, Blaise was really a surprise.
Even though the pairings were nothing but creepy chosen, I cannot say I have anything to complain about. The whole idea was really believable. I guess the humor and sarcasm of both Alicia and Blaise made it all.
Honestly, I would always read a sequel of this if there is to ever be one!

Ramona
Gryffindor

Author's Response: Yupp, the most unlikely couple ever. Twice in one story! But I enjoyed writing it - mostly because Alicia and Blaise's dialogue was really fun to write.

Glad you also liked it ;) and thank you for reviewing.

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That would be a good way of describing each Muggle-born's life until the reign of Voldemort would get to an end. It's just terrifying to just think about it...The story fitted really well for Dean. Brave as a Gryffindor to leave his family, go on his risk to save the ones he loved... Of course, the pain of the ones he left behind was equal, if not bigger... I can understand his step-fathers concern. Dean's leaving may have made them safe, but they couldn't be so sure about Dean...

Ramona
Gryffindor

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Excellence. That was a wise way to describe what Tom has always wanted. Excellence in anything. He wanted anything that he could get and to get as much as he could. That's a good way to say it, thinking that he was given life and still wanted eternity... You portrayed Tom amazingly from that point.
The only thing I could disagree with is him spending all his time alone. Wasn't he meant to make people like him as much as he could and get his supposed friends, his future Death Eaters near him?
Oh! The ending made me tremble, really. The opening of the Chamber of Secrets must have really been that start for him to feel that "lust for power" you also mentioned.

Ramona
Gryffindor

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It is funny to see that, though she have in mind to just move on the "maybe one day.." is still there. Also, bringing back into her memories the song she once wrote, so much time ago, shows how well she remembers each detail of her life that had to do with Harry. That was really well thought.
Very good for mentioning so strongly about the Cho fact and how Ginny couldn't understand the boy's falling for a girl who does nothing but cry.
On the overall, this was an interesting into Ginny's mind and heart. It gets us to understand her and her feeling for Harry better.

Ramona
Gryffondor

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Aww, this was really good. It's rarely that we get real romance between these two, counting they were married through arrangements between the parents. I really loved how he called her the only normal pureblood he's ever met. Really, though having that pride of a pureblood, Narcissa proved to have some soul deep there, too. Also, you emphasized the fact that she's wise, clever, not any silly young witch.Very good!
You actually managed to make even Lucius seem better than he ever seemed. On the overall, I really liked this.

Ramona
Gryffindor

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Sirius' escape. Well, I think it came too so in a sudden. I mean, he could have chosen from all the reasons mentioned. Instead, he left because of that trip in France and a ball at Hogwarts. Well, I guess that, as a teenager, he could as well take such sudden decisions for not much of a big deal. I found the whole running of his parents really creepy and funny, though. I mean, they were two experimented adults against a child, practically.
James' surprise and wonder upon why would Sirius leave home shocked me a bit. Wouldn't James know about Sirius' family and all. Of course, finding your best friend at your door at...3 am (was it so?) is shocking, but I would have expected him to have a clue.

Ramona
Gryffindor

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A really great moment of Neville's years. This was the first real act of courage from Neville, the one that proved how much of a Gryffindor he was. I think you caught really well Neville's personality. I really liked how you described the moment of him trying to not let the Trio out. I really loved the comparison "as if he could take a hundred Malfoys". You emphasized very well the transformation in Neville's thoughts. Very well!

Ramona
Gryffindor

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This was really emotional. Ginny's speech was wonderful written and somehow...well, it got me thinking of any other mature girl talking to her father. After all, there always comes that moment we have to "spread our wings and fly". I also loved how you recalled all those memories. It was a wise thing to remind every time how he'd always be there for her, no matter what. I know it isn't something sad. It should really me a good moment, but the one-shot really made me teary. Great piece!

Ramona
Gryffindor

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Three years old? Has Remus ever mentioned the age he become a werewolf at? Well, nevermind, 3 years old is so early... It makes you feel pity, thinking he had to deal with that torture even before realizing what happened with him... I would have liked if you mentioned the reason for Fenrir having something against Remus' father, though. I always had this feeling that Fenrir did it because he just loved to do such, to say it this way...
You described Remus' fear of anyone finding out really well. I really loved Sirius so matter of fact question upon Remus being a werewolf. That sounds really like Sirius. The ending was also wonderful and well thought: "The weren't going anywhere." Very good!

Ramona
Gryffindor

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Oh, wow! That was a really interesting take on Luna. I didn't really wonder why would she believe all those things, because she was really nice and lovely through it all. Inventing a new world so she could avoid cruel reality... Hmm, really interesting, indeed.
Well, Luna always seemed so alright with everything the others told her, everything the others did to her. He wasn't even bothered to say she didn't have any friends. So, I was surprised, at first, by the sudden upset mood she got over that.
The last part was really good. It reminded me of the paintings on her ceiling. I was as surprised and glad as Harry while discovering them.

Ramona
Gryffindor

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