Reading Reviews From Member: DahliasQuill
  
126 Reviews Found

Review #1, by DahliasQuillPlaying House with Malfoy: Sleepness Nights

9th May 2013:
I have been dying to read this chapter. And now I'm dying to to find out what Narcissa wants!! This is by far one of my favorite stories!!

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Review #2, by DahliasQuillSeriously Black: Rain is a dark and terrible thing

27th January 2013:
Hello. Just a few quick grammatical errors:

“No! It’s your fault” he called over his shoulder as he trampled over Remus’s sleeping body who gave a sudden gave a jolt in shock.- The second "gave a" should be removed.

“you two, seriously?- The y in you needs to be capitalized.

“Thanks Mooney! I can see were I’m going now”- there's no "e"in Moony and were should be where. The were-where mistake occurs multiple times throughout the chapter.

It seems as if the only time you use punctuation is in a question. Periods and commas are very important within writing. They allow the reader to understand your tone and inflections. Also remember that punctuation is also necessary within quotations.

"for four year"- years.

“Yes, but you didn’t cause you know I’d have made it wetter”- 'cause.

There are a few more mistakes throughout the story. If I were you I would go through and proofread this chapter.

Overall, I had a hard time focusing on the point you were trying to get across. Try and make it flow a little better. It was a little broken. also, try to develop the personalities of each individual character. They all were kind of mushed together as if they were all the same character.

The Marauders were tricksters of course but also very intelligent (Like Fred and George), with the exception of Peter. Here they just seem childish. Try to incorporate witty humor.

On a more positive note, I enjoyed the water in the bed bit. Overall, I think you can take this places with just a few adjustments. There isn't much of a plot in this chapter, but I do enjoy the little bit that there is.

I plead you not to be discouraged by my review. I am a very critical person and I can always find something to fix. What you have so far is good.

Good job.

-DahliasQuill.

Author's Response: Thank-you so much for the response, you weren't being harsh at all and anyway I prefer brutally honest rather than being nice... it gets me no where if your nice all the time :D
I'll be sure to go over all the grammar and spelling mistakes, infact i'm thinking about getting a beta reader, just to help me out because I really do want this story too be successful.
I think in the first chapter the characters full personality's havn't been shown yet that will develop so much further into later chapter, so I think thats the reason that the character all seem a little mushed together because i'm trying not too give too much away... i'm proabbly trying too hard infact which is why they all don't seem so different.
I've purposly tried to mae them quite childish to show how in later chapters they eventually grow older and maturer and start to get a glimpse into the 'real world'.
No, there isn't much of a plot in this chapter, i'm slowly easing into the story line and the first chapter was just an introduction to the story :D


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Review #3, by DahliasQuillBrand New Chick: No one said life is so easy....

21st January 2013:
I noticed you are in need of a banner. You can email me with your request and I shall make you one.. If you can use the DA questions as reference that'd be great. My email is shubbel24 at yahoo dot com

Sorry about the longhand.

Author's Response: aww thanks I'll email u tomorrow!^^ wait what do u mean by DA questions like the set up of request?

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Review #4, by DahliasQuillUnawakened: Chapter 1: Return to Hogwarts

25th November 2012:
This story thus far is remarkably written. I am curious to see more.

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Review #5, by DahliasQuillThe Memories to Come.: unexpected moments.

24th November 2012:
There are some major inconsistencies in this story. I would go back and read your first few chapters and make everything match up if I were you.

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Review #6, by DahliasQuillGryffindor Forever.: Options.

24th November 2012:
I just read all twenty chapters and I must have more!:)

Author's Response: More will come soon! Thanks for reviewing! :)

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Review #7, by DahliasQuillUnforgiven: Up For Discussion

24th November 2012:
Why did they have to get engaged? She was better off without him! You're ripping this poor girl a part with lavenders baby!!! She's losing all she loves!

Great story though.

Author's Response: I adore the way you ended this review xD Haha

I promise there's still some twists and turns to come, don't say goodbye to the Ron/Hermione storyline just yet..there's still potential ;)


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Review #8, by DahliasQuillUnforgiven: Start of Something New

17th October 2012:
I have regrettably been a silent reader thus far. This story has intrigued me the whole way through. Grammatical errors are my biggest pet peeve and even though this story is chalk full of them, I still seem to deeply enjoy it. While your twists and turns are relentless and your forshaddowing is phenomenal; I would still suggest you look into a beta. Typos and repeat words are natural. All writers are human and the only reason we don't see them in actual novels is due to highly paid editors. This is a fantastic piece of work and its a shame to have to halt my reading to attempt to decipher what you truly meant to put.

With that said, overall I am impressed with the progression of this story thus far.

-DahliasQuill

Author's Response: Thank you so much for your enjoyment of the story! I'm very, very sorry about the poor grammar and editing. I am truly not very good at that. I had a Beta who started for me and edited a couple chapters, but she's been a little MIA due to real life time conflicts and I've been on my own. I'm planning on re-doing the whole story, chapter by chapter, once the story is over. Just editing the chapters one by one. I'm glad you still like the story though, I'll work on the other stuff. :)

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Review #9, by DahliasQuillUnforgiven: Raising the Bar

16th October 2012:
Why was she being so viscous to Draco? They're acting like their not together?

Author's Response: Basically she was just in a bad mood. Lol Nothing again the relationship. :)

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Review #10, by DahliasQuillPlaying House with Malfoy: To Love or Not To Love?

29th September 2012:
Aah!! I LOVE this chapter!

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Review #11, by DahliasQuillIf Wishes Were Fishes: Wish Upon a Fish

6th August 2012:
I have regrettably been a silent reader so far but I would just like to inform you that this is the best lily/James fic I have yet to read:)

Author's Response: oh geez thank you so much! I'm glad you liked it, thanks for reading!

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Review #12, by DahliasQuillPlaying House with Malfoy: The Morning After

27th June 2012:
As I read your warning in the beginning my heart fluttered. I silently celebrated to myself. "Yes! This is finally happening!" I am so excited to see what happens next! I sure hope they don't have to go back to hogwarts! And I definitely can't wait to meet baby Declan!! Amazing work!

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Review #13, by DahliasQuillWizards: Chapter 3

26th June 2012:
This story could possibly be something good. Although it seems like these three chapters should really be just one.

Author's Response: I read your review, and I get what you're saying! As far as the background, I'm aiming for a 'slice of life' kind of vibe so I was hoping that the empty spaces will be filled as time goes by. This is my first attempt a at fanfic so thank you very much for your comments! I really do appreciate them! :)

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Review #14, by DahliasQuillWizards: Chapter 2

26th June 2012:
Where does Luna come into the picture?

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Review #15, by DahliasQuillWizards: Chapter 1

26th June 2012:
I'm kind of confused on the background of this story.

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Review #16, by DahliasQuillFree As A Bird?: Mixed Signals and Mixed Feelings

23rd June 2012:
This story is very sad and I'm interested to see where it goes.

Author's Response: Thank you for your review!

Hopefully you will like where the story goes!


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Review #17, by DahliasQuillWhirlwind: A Party Retake

22nd June 2012:
I really do need more of this story:)

Author's Response: Lucky you, the next chapter is in the queue. I'm so glad you like it and thanks for reviewing!

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Review #18, by DahliasQuillFree As A Bird?: Drink and Responsibility

11th June 2012:
This is so sad!! Poor George!

Author's Response: Thank you for reviewing again! I've also noticed you've favourited the story which means hopefully you're enjoying the read!! It is sad I know :( but it will get better!!! :D

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Review #19, by DahliasQuillFree As A Bird?: Death and Punishment

11th June 2012:
This is starting out quite interesting. I never thought of Hermione in Law enforcement but the idea is satisfying.

Author's Response: Thank you so much for reviewing! I think I read somewhere that Hermione went into Law Enforcement after she fixed up magical creatures rights but don't quote me on that, I'm not sure! I'm glad you seem to have enjoyed the first chapter and I hope you continue to read on and enjoy the rest of the story! I would absolutely love it if you could continue leaving reviews too as every bit of feedback helps to spur me on and improve my writing but of course that is most definitely up to you!! :D

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Review #20, by DahliasQuillDaddy: Epilogue

8th June 2012:
This was a beautiful story!

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Review #21, by DahliasQuillDaddy: The Only One He Ever Loved

8th June 2012:
Yay! At first I thought it was going to be a wedding ring n the box!

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Review #22, by DahliasQuillDaddy: September Nineteenth

8th June 2012:
Finally! I couldn't wait for him to realise what a bitch she was!

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Review #23, by DahliasQuillDaddy: The B.A.T

8th June 2012:
Go Hermione! I am thoroughly impressed with the evolution of her character!

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Review #24, by DahliasQuillDaddy: St Mungo's

8th June 2012:
Ron! Be smart! Arthur pretty much told you he believed Hermione.

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Review #25, by DahliasQuillDaddy: Hexed

8th June 2012:
Uh oh! What happened to Hannah?

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