I really truly loved your take on the Weasley family. Generally, they're portrayed as so wholesome. A bit off the beaten path as far as families go, but wholesome nonetheless. You however, tastefully shattered this image, and for that I applaud you. Not to mention I sort of hate Teddy/ Victoire. I don't know why as I've never read it, they just seem too peachy for me. I can't even say how much I loved this. It's not how I picture the family, but it's believable. So kudos for not being entirely cannon!Author's Response: I see the Weasleys as a big, cuddly family in general, but they definitely have their bad spots. The Percy ordeal, for example. I have mixed views on Teddy/Victoire, but usually I stray away from them in the attempt to do something more original.
Why is this not canon, may I ask? It's not the usual view, but I think that, as Next Gens don't have many limits, it could still definitely have occurred. ;) Report Review
Hey this is annaawakening with your (late) review!
Sorry this has taken so long, I've been inherently busy. I really truly enjoyed this. I love it when James is portrayed as something other than the fabulously arrogant son of Harry Potter. You're comic timing and flow are remarkable. All in all, good job. Thank you for stopping by my review thread. Sorry again that it took so long!Author's Response: No problem! I understand all about life making you so busy(: Thank you for the review! I'm so glad that you enjoyed it and liked my take on James. I really appreciate it. Report Review
This was brilliant, Callie! When you brought up Fred I nearly cried. I love how you went for the obvious, but really made them stand out aside from the obvious! This was really great! I love it just so, so much! :)Author's Response: Awww Anna thanks for the lovely review :)
I almost cried writing about Fred!
I read over the the part where he dies in DH before I wrote it and I was so upset I'm surprised I could even type.
I went for the obvious people because I thought they still needed to be wrote about, I'm glad you think I made them stand out :)
So happy you loved it :) :) Report Review
Oh gosh, wonderful story! I love how simple your creation of an alternate story was :) It was done quite, quite well.
The flow was wonderful, and your characters fit themselves radiantly. :D Ahhh. I'm so glad that you've finished and turned it in this early. It's nice to see a response already!
Thanks for this wonderful little story, Jane :)
-AnnaAuthor's Response: Thanks so much for your wonderful review, Anna! *hug* Aren't you proud that you inspired this story? You should be - I never would have written it without your prompt! =]
I'll be eagerly awaiting the challenge results on April 30! Report Review
Wow! This was so entirely original! I can't even begin to describe how happy I was when I saw that. Also, I'm curious as to how this fits into the next part of your story :) The best thing about NextGen fics is that one can simply mold them to be whatever one wants them to be, as there is no precedent! Something you have done so very, very well.
Just one grammar issue that I caught.
"...and to protect the all those that are not in this room..." The placement of 'the' within the writing is a bit awkward.
Other than that, truly very fabulous :) Let me know in my thread when the next chapter is published!Author's Response: Thanks! That is exactly why I am having so much fun doing this because with NextGen we are given so much freedom.
Oh, thanks for pointing that out. I rewrote that line several times and I guess the 'the' wasn't removed when I rewrote it the last time. I'll go fix that in a minute.
Thanks and I will be sure to let you know! Report Review
annaawakening from the forums here!
Okay, first thing's first- I adore your idea more than anything. I've never seen a story with Al in Hufflepuff, and most people don't realize just how much their character's houses factor into their personality and how they work. Good luck!
There are a few confusing points I'm not sure if I just scanned over without realizing or you hadn't realized that they weren't clear. One is Rose referring to her older brother... Rose doesn't have an older brother in canon, but a younger one. If you'd moved their placement, that's cool too, but you never mentioned Hugo. I was just a tad confused. Another is when James says he and Fred conquered the challenges two years ago... when James would have been a sixth year only one year prior. Just some things to think about. However, your style is fabulous, and your syntax is to die for. Love this story! Let me know when you update so I can come back for more!Author's Response: I appreciate the praise! I'm glad you are a fan of Albus being in Hufflepuff... I wanted to switch it up, and I never saw him as a Gryffindor or a Slytherin anyway. Plus Hufflepuff needed a Potter in it to boost its schoolwide reputation and recognition. ;)
Ooh, thank you for picking up on those errors! I suppose I meant to refer to James on that first one, but he is definitely Lily's brother, not Rose's haha. Hugo is still her younger brother! Also, that two year thing was simply another typo, as I mention it being only one year in the first chapter. I've sent both to the queue with the edits!
Wow, thank you for the compliments on my writing! They were so uplifting and rather made my day haha. I will definitely be revisiting your thread when I update the story! Thanks again for the review. ^^ Report Review
Wow. This was really, really good. I have the biggest guilty pleasure for Dramione. Once it got into the flow of things, I was worried it would become tacky, as scenes like this often do, but it didn't. I enjoyed the depth of description involving her feelings for Ron, and her life. If it were my decision, I would turn this into a story in a heart-beat. This story used cliches in all the right ways. Sometimes they're overly used, but I've never seen such a spin on the plot quite as this, and it did wonders for your final product. The potential is most definitely there. Thank you so much for asking for a review of this, and gifting me with the pleasure of reading it! Well done.Author's Response: Wow, thank you for that wonderful review :)
I'm so glad you didn't think it was tacky, that's the last thing I wanted to happen.
I'm so happy that you liked the way I did the cliches, there was no point in trying to avoid them, with Dramione they are always going to be there.
And the fact that you haven't seen this take on them is so flattering, I wanted it to appear a unique take on Dramione.
As for turning it into a story, quite a few people have said that. I don't really know how I would carry it on, I might ask you on the forums!!
Thank you again for reviewing!! Report Review
This story is dazzling. I've never come across a Merope fanfic before, and I'm glad you posted a review request in my thread. Delving deeper into the mind of Tom's mother is a brilliant idea, and one I may never dare attempt, for fear of screwing it all up. You did a wonderful job capturing her emotions and her thoughts. I was drawn in for all three chapters. The only thing I would watch if I were you would be verb-tenses, as some of them are a bit off the mark, maybe have someone proof-read for you? Other than that, the story is spectacular. Bravo.Author's Response: Thank you so much, and yes that might be because I make quick changes to suit the rules here, and I don't read over it ha ha. Thanks Report Review
Hey, annaawakening from the forums here with the review you've requested!
First off, let me congratulate you on adding an interesting spin onto a well-known story. I love the fact that James and Lily are both artists in their own right. I also really enjoy the idea of throwing Snape's POV in, because I feel sometimes people forget that this year, when Lily and James fell in love, was probably the worst year of his life. Your flow is beautiful, and dynamic. Don't change a thing in those regards. It's still a bit early on in the story to tell characterization for sure, but don't be afraid to play up the past discrepancies in the relationship between James and Lily, it will add an edge to the story that I can tell you've already started by introducing Voldemort's rise. Bravo! I think I may just favorite this one! Let me know when the next chapter has come out and I will happily read it!Author's Response: Thanks annaawakening!
I love writing artists (thanks for picking up on the fact that Lily is an artist too ^_^).
I don't think I could write a James/Lily fic at Hogwarts without including Snape, because he was such a presence in Lily's life and he would have of course have something to say about James and Lily's budding relationship. It would have most def been his worst year at Hogwarts.
Aww thanks! I won't change a thing!
Past discrepancies? Do explain.
Thanks for the favorite. I will definitely let you know when the next chapter is out. < 3
Thank you so much,
Houlestar Report Review
annaawakening from the forums here :) sorry I didn't introduce my review last chapter!
This chapter was a good one for the building of the characters. If you're embracing so much of Sandreiah's heredity, why not think on doing the same for Lysander? He just seems a bit too... normal to be related to the Lovegoods.
"“This coming from the girl who has spent her entire family fortune on clothes,” he murmured. I don’t know if he meant for me to hear this comment or not, but I did, and I am beyond pissed that he went there." Be sure not to switch tenses in the middle of your story! It leaves the reader feeling a bit confused.
I love how true and genuine your original character is. She's honest about how vain she is, and that's wonderful. Don't be afraid to play it up a little, just to give her that extra edge!Author's Response: Oh that's ok, I knew who you were, lol! And there will be a lot more detail about Lysander's family in the next chapter, I promise. Tho now that you've mentioned it, I suppose I could try to explain him more, but it'll be difficult since this is from Sandreiah's point-of-view and she has a completely negative opinion of him now... I don't know, but I will see what I can do. Thanks for bringing that up! :)
The tense-changing thing has now been corrected by my wonderful Beta: MrsJaydeMalfoy. I've never written in 1st person before, so when I first started this I had a difficult time getting everything down right. But with her help, it all seems to be coming together nicely now. Thanks so much for pointing that one out tho.
I am so happy to hear that you found Sandreiah to be so genuine and original. I will be sure to to keep her sassy attitude and vanity going, lol! After all, that's what makes her a both a Slytherin and a Malfoy, is it not? (Lol!) XD
Thanks so much for the reviews. Sorry it took me so long to reply to them tho... I will be sure to come back and re-request once the next chapter is posted, cuz I can't wait to hear from you again!! =) Report Review
I love how incredibly strong Sandreiah is. One thing I'm always wary about in stories where the main character is a Slytherin, is whether or not they have enough attitude. She DEFINITELY does, so bravo! Please, please keep that fire in her. Because you're right when you say that there are a LOT of stories about brooding hormonal teenage girls who are insecure. Dare to be different!
Your writing style is also quite nice, just watch to make sure you aren't being repetitive. For instance: "But as of right now, I'm really just too pissed off to even take her feelings into consideration right at the moment." In this phrase you say 'right now' and 'right at the moment', it makes sense, but it's just a tad redundant. That's really my only criticism.
Love the pairing idea! Very unique!Author's Response: Thank you so much. I'm glad to see that you find her character to be so strong, and that you also liked her attitude as well. I LOVE being unique and different, lol, so I always do put a lot of time into trying to make all of my stories seem more original! As for the repetition thing, my Beta caught onto that too when she was editing this for me, so most of that has been fixed now. Thanks so much for bringing it to our attention tho. I am so happy that everyone really seems to be enjoying the pairing. It make me ever more glad that I went ahead and stuck with Lysander Scamander in the beginning, instead of switching it Albus Potter, lol! ^_^' Report Review
Hello again dearest!
Let me just say that I love the idea of Ceddy being with someone who isn't Cho. I think Cho is overrated. Moving on.
I've managed to put my finger on why I love your writing so much: your descriptive words and phrases. Please excuse the over used analogy, but it's almost as if you're using the words as bits of clay molding a (very good looking) sculpture.
I love how ironic the characterization of Ced and Rachel is. Maybe you didn't intend for this, but it's almost as if Rachel should have been a Hufflepuff and Ced should have been a Gryffindor. Love the irony.
However, playing on this can get a little dangerous at times. For instance (and this is a knit-pickey) at the very beginning you brought up how she wasn't likely to fall for any guy aimlessly, but she did exactly that- I just think it may flow smoother if you added a few more scenes between Cedric and Rachel rather than a constant interior monologue.
That being said, just mind that you tie up all of your loose ends! This is truly a very,very good story! I love the literary devices you use the whole way through! Keep it up!
-AnnaAuthor's Response: Hello, Anna dear! So sorry about the mix-up, I was close to positive I'd responded... That's what I get for responding as soon as I woke up, and from my Nook no less. ^_^
I'm so glad you liked this story. =) And I didn't even catch that little twist of irony, but you're kind of right! Hehe, how weird life is sometimes. =D Don't worry, I'm adding some more scenes (I hope) as the chapters go on, so I guess you'll have to keep checking back, yeah? (Shameless plug, hope you'll forgive me. =P)
Thank you so much for coming by and leaving a review, love! Ă¢Â™Â¥ Report Review
Oh, good gravy, you've done it again!
Let me just say the characterization of Ron? Brilliant. Spot-on. Same goes for Hermione. I see Rose and Scorpius differently as adults, but that's the beauty of an ambiguous epilogue in Deathly Hallows, isn't it?
Again, your description is flawless. There were a few minor errors in typing, but that's probably the heat-of-the-moment typing frenzy everyone goes through when their muse has hit.
Hooray for another job well done!
-AnnaAuthor's Response: *throws confetti* Thank you for dropping by - again!! ^_^
I'm so glad you liked it, truly! I'll have to go back and scrounge up those errors - I tend to get flustered when my muse hits, it ain't pretty! =D
Thank you SO much! Report Review
Let me just say this before anything else: wow. Your attention to detail is mesmerizing. It was literally as if you as an author grabbed my attention and never let go. Syntax played a huge role in this; I literally went on an emotional ride in this story. As soon as I recognized the part where James was sending up colored puffs of smoke into the air, my heart skipped and I got goose-bumps.
Truly a brilliant one-shot. I generally don't like one-shots played around this iconic scene, but it was magnificent. This was done so, so well. I literally cannot say this enough!
I'm in awe.
Thank you for that beautiful piece.
-AnnaAuthor's Response: Wow!! What a surprise, I definitely wasn't expecting a review from you, and that just makes it so much sweeter. =]
Thank you so much for leaving such a wonderful review, it really has made my night. I am so glad you read this fic, it's one of my favorite things I've ever written and I'm really happy you liked it!
I can't tell you how much your review meant to me. =] Thank you so, so much! Report Review
Awh I got shivers at the end of this for the amount of cuteness :) This was such a great update! It's so like the characters to all say they did it too! I'm just so in love with your writing, in a totally platonic way haha. And Lily's dream? While it may not be the subtlest of foreshadowing, it was well played. Thoroughly enjoyable! Can't wait for chapter 5!
No really, I can't wait. So you better be typing that sucker up and submitting it to the queue real fast :)Author's Response: Woohoo! It makes me SO happy that you love this story! And YES to Lily's dream! This story is FILLED with foreshadowing right from the beginning but nobody was saying anything so I thought to myself That's it! Something completely obvious has to be done!
And don't you worry my dear, Chapter Five is well underway...I hope it's up to your standards!
Until next time...
T Report Review
First off, love your writing. Really, it's some of the best I've seen on this site. The attention to detail is great. I loved the description of the rain making his clothes stick to him. Beautifully done. However, there are a few minor flaws in plot. For instance, there was a bit earlier about how he had failed his aparation test, and suddenly he can aparate? And he's only seventeen, so Lily must be at least two years younger, so why can she? It just broke the illusion that you'd obviously worked so hard to build. Don't take this the wrong way, though because I am entirely addicted to this story! I just needed to point out this discrepancy. Love the plot, so original! I'm actually really, really shocked I like this story, as I generally view James as a bit of a git (haha rhyme). So bravo!
-AnnaAuthor's Response: I could have sworn I replied to this review. Anyway, thank you so much for taking the time to review, and for pointing out flaws. The reason for them, and while not a particularly good one, is the fact that between this chapter and the last few, I took a long break because of family issues, and I must have missed those details when reading the stuff I've written before. Thanks so much for bringing them to my attention, and I really appreciate the attention you put it when reading them to notice them in the first place. And the praise is completely undeserved, but lovely nontheless. Thanks so much :D. Report Review
So, I love this story. The Description in it is marvelous, but not overbearing, which is wonderful. Each character has such a unique personality. The only thing I would suggest, and this is more of my own accord than anything you are doing wrong, is to spend a little more time characterizing the girls that you've created for this story. I think that sometimes in a story when you have more than one or two original characters, the reader gets them a bit jumbled, and so jokes and puns can be a little lost throughout the plot.
But really, truly, brilliant story!
-AnnaAuthor's Response: OO! LONG REVIEW! I LOVE THESE!
Characterisation! I can do that! Haha, unfortunately these characters are so strong in my mind sometimes I forget to put it down on paper so thankyou for this!
Chapter Four is already in the queue but let me know if Chapter Five and onwards have improved :)
Hope to hear your thoughts on the next one!
T Report Review
I find myself biased against short one-shots as a general rule. 'There's no way to develop a plot in 700 words'. You my friend, are the exception to this rule. It could have gone further, no doubt about that. However this flash moment into Ron and Hermione's life is really picturesque. Another bias of mine though is Ron/Hermione so... who knows :) Bravo.Author's Response: Thank you very much! One-Shots are good if you just have the urge to read a really quick story when (just say) you're supposed to be studying for your physics exam. But I agree that they're just plain annoying if you want to read and actual story with plot and good characters etc. Another plus for one-shots is that they're easy to write, if you're a beginner (like me!); that's probably why there are so many of them out there! Thanks for giving this story a chance... and thanks for leaving a review! You're awesome! Report Review
So good! My heart sank a little when I saw the 'Happy Halloween, Lily' bit. wonderful. truly wonderful.Author's Response: Thanks so much for your review! On my birthday, too!
Yeah. I wanted to have that bittersweet element to it - the story is total fluff, but that last bit... it adds a little bit of depth. Report Review
This was inexplicably cute! I've never read anything quite this original before. Kudos!Author's Response: Thank you very much! I'm very glad you enjoyed it! And I can't take the credit for the cuteness really... anything with little James and Al is going to be cute, don't you agree? Report Review
i am so so so glad you decided to grace us with another chapter in this story :) lovely. just lovely. i've never read a marauders story before but this one is rather intriguing! can't wait for another chapter
-AnnaAuthor's Response: Thankyou!!! I loved this review! It's ones like these that really give me inspiration to write more. So thankyou (again)! Report Review
Ahhh! I was never expecting that ending!! Really brilliant story though. There were a couple factual flaws here and there, but generally very, very good. I'm in awe of how creative this plot was!Author's Response: Thanks so much for the great review. As to the flaws, I saw those too. Killing Harry off and staying within the canon framework on wand mastery wasn't easy. When I finally came up with how to do it, I was pretty proud of myself. Then I realized I'd missed somting rather important. Luckily, I was able to use this oversite to write the sequel: "Children's Crusade." Its completed and posted.
Thanks for the praise of the plot. I set out to write a story in which Ron was the undisputed hero; unfortunately, to pull that off I had to eliminate practically the entire cast. And the ending? There just didn't seem to be a better way for Ron to prove himself than making the ultimate sacrifice for his Hermione.
I'm glad you liked it and hope to hear from you if you read the sequel.
Eldy Report Review
So wonderfully written! :) I loved the chaos at the beginning, and how none of the lines were really assigned speakers, it was super realistic. Well, as realistic as a fictional world can be, right? And the memory was so beautifully described. The only thing that could have maybe enhanced the piece would be a bit of Harry's explanation in front of the whole family. Overall, well done :)Author's Response: Wow, thank you!
Me too, I always pictured their family like that, all busy and that.
I suppose I didn't want to... clog it up? I just wanted it to be pretty simple, and everyone already knows what happens so I didn't see the point of putting it in, for fear of boring anybody.
Thanks again! :) Report Review
i know this has nothing to do with the story really, but your disclaimers that you aren't JKR make me LOL every time :)Author's Response: Thank you for your kind words! I am not much of a writer, it is just a fun hobby, so I am always cheered when I can bring a smile to someone's face. :) Report Review
Scorpius is such a strong character! I just hope Rose comes out to be as strong as a character as him :)Author's Response: I am so happy people are still reading this story and enjoying it! I am still, STILL, working on a short sequel... I hope to finish it this summer and post it. We shall see. Happy reading! Report Review
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