Hi there! :)
This is seriously brilliant!
You really did a great job with the second person! The way you used it with the description and language created such a haunting effect while I was reading. And the way you implied things through little subtle lines ("Like the others.") that make such an impact was awesome. I really got a sense of the hopelessness of the first war and of how she might be one of the only ones left out of all her friends.
If I had to guess, I'd say it's either Dorcas Meadowes or Marlene McKinnon, if we're assuming Voldemort killed Marlene's family shortly after/before her and not at the same time. The way you left it pretty open to interpretation was really neat!
It flowed so well too. The length was really perfect. I love that you didn't write a really long drawn out death scene, because that's usually not realistic.
You did such an amazing job, this is really well written. I love stories about the first war and this one was so brilliant and haunting.
- FaithAuthor's Response: Hello!
Aw, thank you! :D
You're far too nice with all your lovely compliments! Thank you so much! ♥
Yeah, I had Dorcas Meadowes in my mind when I was writing it, but it could totally be Marlene McKinnon! I like laving things for open interpretation, it's amazing seeing how different most peoples' reactions are. (Except this one everyone picked Dorcas Meadowes haha)
Thank you so much for this amazing review, you really made my day! ♥ Report Review
Another great chapter! I really love reading this story, it's a nice change from all the angsty one-shots I read a lot of. It's so funny and light hearted but there's still substantial plot development each chapter. You're a brilliant author!
I'm excited to see where Rose's involvement in the League goes! And what was up with Seth and her in the corridor? Do I spy romance in the future?? :P
I really like Cody and Hugo so far, though I haven't put my finger on why exactly. Thanks for the great chapter, I'm looking forward to reading more! :)
- FaithAuthor's Response: A brilliant author? Don't know about that, but totally flattered that you think so! What was up with Rose and Seth in the corridor? He snorted at the word "romance" when I asked him, but I'll keep you posted if he gets it together. Thanks for giving this new story a chance and being such a great reader and reviewer! Report Review
I was so happy when I saw you had posted a new chapter! I'm really hooked on this story already.
I love the authenticity you put into your writing. It makes the story just that much better. All the details and description are wonderful. You end each chapter at such a good moment, it always leaves me dying to know what happens next.
The flashback was really well written, great job! It was really interesting to get some history and background on Camille and Xavier. I'm anxious to see how things evolve between them!
We also got a lot of insight on Jean's character this chapter. I love the way you've revealed some of his more questionable traits. I really got the sense that there's something a little bit off about him, in addition to being cruel and cold.
I also loved how you're keeping Simon present in each chapter. I'm excited to see what happens with him and his family. I'm really hoping they get out safe and sound.
The whole chapter was just amazingly well written, you're very talented! I'm looking forward to find out what happens next! :)
- FaithAuthor's Response: Hello again!
Camille and Xavier will evolve, I'll say that much -- though it can be for better or for worse!
Jean is such a fun character to write, albeit spine-chilling and evil. You will also find out more about him in the coming chapters!
In the upcoming chapters, we get a flashback for Simon and his family, so I hope you'll like that. Them trying to find a way out is going to be a huge part of the story, as you can imagine, but I won't spill the beans...
Thank you so much for the review dear! :) Report Review
I liked this a lot! You really started the story off strong, moving right into the plot from the very first sentence. The plot itself was really interesting and unique. I liked the idea of suspected Death Eaters getting number codes, that was really creative.
I did notice several typos, but nothing that a quick run through and edit couldn't fix. I've found that a beta can also be really helpful in catching little things like that. :)
Your description was really brilliant, I really enjoyed reading it. This was an awesome read! The ending really made me happy for Astoria after all her ordeals. Great job!
- FAuthor's Response: Hi, thanks for the lovely review :) I'll go through and edit it soon. I swear, as many times as I read through I always miss something. Ive had beta's on other stories and they truly do make a world of difference, this was such a little piece that I didn't bother but with my spelling skills it probably would have been a good idea.
Thanks again for the review :) Report Review
Another brilliant chapter. :) I love how much effort you put into making the story historically accurate, it really helps the reader imagine everything. The imagery and description are wonderful. Your attention to detail is amazing as well, from setting the story in a real abbey to knowing the meaning of Miriam's name.
I also adored your characterisation of Cho. She's not some rebellious fiery heroine who wanted to go off on an adventure and be part of the war effort. She's an average girl (in a good way :p ) who just wanted to help in some small way, even though she had her doubts. I really liked that. The dialogue between her and Miriam was also very realistic.
The flow was great as well, and the chapter was really well-paced and moved the plot along. Amazing job, I really enjoyed reading this!
- FaithAuthor's Response: Hi Faith, nice to see you again :)
It's great that the details work well for you and don't seem too overwhelming or minute. I like to draw from history whenever I can and let things in my story have a meaning, rather than just making totally arbitrary choices.
I did really want Cho to seem average. I don't like characters that are too extreme in either direction, because it seems like it would make it hard to relate to them if their emotions were always all over the place. I'm glad you liked the dialogue between Cho and Miriam, too. Miriam is one of my favorite parts of this story.
Thanks so much for another fabulous review! Chapter three will be up next Saturday :)
-Amanda Report Review
You're such a good writer and this was a really well written chapter! I loved the interactions between Colin and Astoria. I loved that you showed she was kind of unsure about him and out of her depth since she's only a first year and hasn't really interacted with Muggle-borns before school.
AND THE DEMENTORS! ohmygosh I'm dying to know what happens. :O
I also like how you represented the general viciousness of Slytherin house. I'm not saying they were all bad, but a lot of them were. I've also imagined there's a lot of competition amongst all the purebloods, and I love that you included that through Pansy wanting to sit next to Draco. The old-fashioned ways of the purebloods were also well written. They way Astoria's mother is already talking about her getting married and needing to find a good husband to keep the bloodline pure, etc.
The emotions you've written Astoria having are also really realistic. Brilliant chapter!
- FaithAuthor's Response: Hello again indeed! :D
Aww, thank you! ♥ Colin was really fun to write; it was extremely addictive writing him, actually, since he was just so fun! (And he's the reason that Gluttony was split into two, haha!) She hasn't interacted with Muggle-borns -at all- so to have Colin be the first one she meets affects their friendship in a good way, I think.
Haha, you'll find out in the next chapter! ;)
It's interesting to hear your view there, as I wasn't intending to portray just Slytherin House as bullies. Although I do agree with you - they weren't all bad. What I had in mind writing those scenes was that Draco and Pansy are canon bullies, and obviously they're a part of Astoria's life so it would be unrealistic to have someone else bully her. Gryffindors are bullies too - just look at Sirius (and to an extent, James). Indeed there is! Especially with "royalty" like the Malfoys - it's all so very Jane Austen-y, trying to make the best marriage possible. (And yes, even at the age of ten, Pansy does think of marriage!)
Thank you so much! I hope to see you again when further chapters are posted!
-Katie ♥ Report Review
Hi there! I've been wanting to check out this story for awhile and I'm so glad I did!
I love that you've chosen to write about a pretty minor character and even started writing about her as a young child. You've also done a really good job explaining her motives and the reasons behind why she's prideful (beyond just the fact that she's a pureblood.)
The way Draco bullies her is also interesting since the reader knows they eventually wind up married. It's almost like the old "if a boy annoys/teases/makes fun of you it means he likes you" idea. But in this case it's obviously flat out bullying rather than teasing. I'm excited to see how you write them together in later chapters.
I thought the flow was excellent too! I didn't see any typos either, great work! Astoria's characterization is also really spot-on. You've given her classic pureblood traits without making her so big-headed that she can't be hurt by the things Draco says. Draco is also really close to what I imagine he'd be like as a child.
Awesome work! *rushes to next chapter*
- FaithAuthor's Response: Hi! I'm glad you came to read this story too and that you decided to leave reviews! :D
Thank you - it's always a compliment to hear someone likes the ideas I come up with! :3 And it's great to hear that you think I've done a good job!
I felt it was overdone to make Astoria completely in love with Draco, so I wanted to do something different and more realistic. And thank you - you'll certainly see that in the last two or three sins! :)
I was really worried about characterization when I wrote this, so it's wonderful that you feel it's spot-on and Draco fitted your expectations of what he'd be like as a child.
Thank you for dropping by!
-Katie Report Review
I JUST LOVED THIS SO MUCH, it really is amazing and you're very talented!
I've been scouring the archives lately and I keep running into historical stories, which I love!
The way you wrote each scene was so intriguing and intense, and then they all tied together in the end. It really makes me want to find out what happens next, so I'm looking forward to that.
The character that interests me most so far is Camille, but I feel like you've explained them all so well but still left out little things that we might unravel throughout the story. They all work for the same cause, but they're still so different. You also built up a wonderful atmosphere. The language and just the writing in general fits the mood and situations so well. You've written it in such a good way, the reader really gets a sense of the times and the tension in the area. It feels so realistic and well-paced.
- FaithAuthor's Response: I AM SO HAPPY TO SEE YOU HERE!
Camille is my personal favourite by just a little(characters are like children, I should not be picking favourites, but psh), I'm so glad you like her.
Thank you so much. Seriously. This story really worried me, and I'm so, so, so glad you like it! Report Review
I really loved this! It's a bit different than what I usually read but it was a really nice change!
The dialogue was pretty realistic and I especially liked Hugo and Cody's lines. You write humour really well to! I've always been scared to try it because I'm really not funny :P but I thought you did really well!
Great opening chapter, I'm looking forward to seeing what happens next! Awesome job!
- FaithAuthor's Response: Yay, first review! I wrote this story completely for me. I wanted to write a fun, goofy comedy (just the sort of thing I need this time of year) but wasn't sure if anyone in the world would actually want to read it or find it the least bit entertaining. Thank you so much for taking the time, not only to read this, but to leave such a great review! Thank you SO much! Report Review
I completely adored this! :) I've never read a story that takes characters from the books and puts them in a different time period, but I really like it so far.
You've done an amazing job pulling the reader in and leaving some questions unanswered (where are Finnigan and Thomas? O.o).
The description was brilliant too. You gave me a perfect picture in my head of what his surroundings were like without having to drone on about every last teensy thing.
I loved how you included the part about students signing up at Hogwarts. It does seem realistic that some wizards would go to fight in the war. It affected so many people and I don't think the magical community would have gone untouched.
I actually haven't read much Cho/Cedric. For some reason that ship's just never really interested me that much even though I have nothing against the characters. I'm sooo glad I decided to read this though, you really are a wonderful author! 10/10!
- FaithAuthor's Response: Hi Faith, thanks for stopping by!
I've read a few great AU stories similar to this on the archive, and that's part of what inspired me to do my own. If you ever want some recommendations, let me know :)
I'm pleased that you liked the imagery and felt like it really drew you in to the story. I intended to leave quite a few questions unanswered with this first chapter, but answers are coming soon, I promise. It's good that you liked my five senses approach, too, in terms of putting you in Cedric's shoes.
Part of the fun and the challenge in this story was trying to intertwine the Muggle world and the magical world. I'm glad you liked the little bit about Cedric signing up to go fight, and that you felt like it would be a realistic scenario. It seemed like Cedric would be the perfect character to transform into a soldier.
Thanks so much for your compliments and this wonderful review. Hope to see you again!
-Amanda Report Review
Hi there! I'm here from the forums with your review :) Also, sorry for the delay. It turned out I had more homework than I originally thought.
Normally I wouldn't read such a Draco-centric fic but I really enjoyed this! You described his epiphany (I guess that's what you would call it?) so well. How he slowly realized he could try and change his values a little and do what was right.
I especially loved how you stayed true to a lot of his core personality traits. For example, you get the sense that he will still always save his own neck first. ("Between Father, Mother, and I, it was an unspoken consensus that by this point of the War, the only importance was our safety.")
You also get a feeling that he's still arrogant and a little proud but he realizes killing people isn't the answer and that he owes Harry a debt since he saved his life.
Good job, I really enjoyed this piece! :)
- FaithAuthor's Response: I'm glad that you liked it!
Yeah, I normally wouldn't write a Draco-centered fic either, but this was the best opportunity, if that made any sense. Anyways, I'm glad that you can see Draco is still himself because that is the one thing that irks me: when Draco in Next Generation of Post-Hogwarts acts completely OOC xD
Thank you so much for this review! (: Report Review
ghdrfjkytnph this was your first story!? It's amazing! You created such an intricate story and implied such an interesting history (and future) in a short piece. Well done, you're a really good writer!
"Three words that don't tell the whole story." Eeek that is such a perfect line, I love it. It really says a lot about them and their history.
You've done really well at giving the reader insight into the characters in a short amount of words. I really feel like I can identify some of each of their characteristics even after reading only 500 words about them. You really managed to get the characterisation across strongly, in my opinion. :)
And then the author's note! I read that and my mouth dropped open hahaha! It makes the fic so much more dark and complex. I'm glad you included in your AN since it's a lesser known fact.
This pairing in general is just really complex and you've done a super job of showing that. I'm a diehard Sirius/Marlene shipper but I still really enjoyed reading this! :) The flow was very good and I didn't see any spelling errors. Brilliant writing overall, especially for your first story!
Also, sorry for the delay on this review. I ended up with more homework than I originally thought, but better late than never right? :) Great work!
- Faith Report Review
Hi there! I'm here from the forums with your review! :)
To start off, I really liked the way you began this piece. It was a strong beginning that jumped right into the plot. I found that it drew me in by leaving some questions unanswered ("Last night they'd said a lot.") and that it made me want to keep reading.
"Their relationship lasted 2 years and for 3 hours, she mourned the loss of their relationship." --- I feel like repeating the word "relationship" twice maybe hurts the flow a little bit and using the word "it" at the end of the sentence would serve the same purpose.
The title is also well chosen, it really reflects the fic and James and Gia's relationship. You've really managed to put a lot of impact into a short piece. I also love how Gia knows he hurt her, but she still lets him back into her life. It's realistic since people tend to fall back into bad relationships sometimes and overlook the flaws of people they love.
I didn't see any spelling or grammar errors, but apologies if I missed some (I tend to be really bad at spotting them :s)
This is wonderful for being your first piece on the archives! It was really ambitious to take on a challenge for your first posted fic, but you did it justice! Well done!Author's Response: Thank you so so so much for the lovely review. All of your corrections will be taken into consideration and I plan to change them really soon. To be honest, this is the first story I've had the courage to publish to HPFF but your lovely review makes me want to write so many more.
peanuts11 Report Review
So, I really really liked this! You're a braver author than I am for taking on Luna, that's for sure! You sure did her justice though, in my opinion.
I loved how you wrote her through the whole one-shot. It was all very true to her character, and I like how you said she always talked to the conductor, it seemed very like her to me. :) And her last line is just so perfectly Luna!
Bellatrix was well written too, great job! Just one thing: "They were quite for a few moments and then she started swatting the air around her." I think you probably meant quiet there? :) That was the only thing I noticed though, brilliant work!
- FaithAuthor's Response: Hello there!
I was SO nervous for writing Luna, I kept thinking, "Is she canon enough?! Does she seem too airy-fairy?! Is she TOO grounded and not airy-fairy-enough?!" but I'm glad that you think I did her justice. She's a difficult character to write!
Well we never really see Luna in the early parts of the books and I knew she had to be SOMEWHERE on the train so I thought that would be something she would do. :D
ahahaha glad you liked the last line. ;) I thought it was very Luna-esque. :p
I fixed that up - thank you for pointing it out! :D I'm glad you liked Bellatrix - she was scary to write because she's so evil and psycho! :p
Thanks for the review! :D Report Review
This is really brilliant, I loved it! You really wrote Victoire's thoughts in a way that was really honest and relatable which I really liked.
"She was a child that came of the Second Wizarding War and somehow she knew that was the reason for her morose. That it had damaged her somehow- tainted everything about who she was because she was birthed in complete innocence in a world that still grieved."
^^That is just perfection. :P The way it's worded is just so brilliant. I think that was my favourite line.
Overall such an amazing piece, great job! You're very talented!Author's Response: Thank you so much for stopping by and reviewing! I really appreciate it. I don't even know how to respond to your compliments but i'm very pleased you've enjoyed this and the wording of it ;P Report Review
Brilliant chapter! I really love your writing, you're really talented! I adore this story already, it's a new spin on James/Lily.
I especially loved the part where Lily despairs over how James doesn't reach his potential, it felt like a really accurate insight into his personality and stuff.
Really good characterization, and I didn't see any spelling mistakes at all. Awesome job! 10/10! :)
- Faith Report Review
This is so unique, I loved it! It's a simple idea that you've taken and expanded on and the result is just gorgeous!
Really great writing for such a short piece. I think you ended it at just the right time. I like that you didn't drag it out for the sake of a higher word count. I find that I do that sometimes and that it can take away from the overall quality.
I didn't notice any spelling or grammar mistakes at all, great work! I loved it!Author's Response: Thank you so much! I'm really happy that you think that my idea and the end result is gorgeous! XD
I must admit, I was concerned that the word count was rather short, but in the end I decided that it was quality and not quantity that mattered, and I'm glad that you agree!
I'm also glad that you loved this one-shot; thank you for reviewing! ♥ Report Review
Hi there! I really loved reading this chapter, it was great! For some reason I really love Daphne's character, even though we haven't seen her a whole lot so far in the story.
Looking forward to New Year's with the Weasleys and finding out whether or not Natalie gets in touch with her Dad. :)
Thanks for the fantastic chapter, you're a great writer! :) 10/10
- F Report Review
This is just perfect Lily! :) The way she spent a ton of time making formulas and doing math :p
This was an amazing prologue, it held my attention all the way through and it set the stage for the rest of the story really well. The interactions between the girls are very realistic and natural too, good work!
I'll definitely be back once the next chapter is up! Awesome job, you're a great writer! 10/10!Author's Response: Oh wow! Thank you so much, really. I'm glad you enjoyed how I wrote Lily - I wanted to do something different, so I'm thrilled it paid off. Thank you love xx Report Review
I liked this a lot, I've never really read much about Regulus, so this was new for me. I loved the way you broke up the events.
I did notice you tend to leave out punctuation in dialogue (ex. "I can save you Reg" she smiled.) You might just want to watch that you include a period at the end of the sentence. (ex. "I can save you Reg." She smiled.)
Other than that, it was great! Really good work!
- FaithAuthor's Response: Thank you so much (again!)
Seriously, this is the best gift I could have asked for! Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU :D Report Review
*tackles in massive hug* OH MY GOODNESS this is amazing!! I just want to sit here squealing like an idiot, you are so freaking awesome Kayla! :P
I adored how Draco was written, it really lined up with how I imagine him to be after the war. You want to hate Draco and Astoria because what they're doing is so morally wrong, but at the same time it's not just a phsyical thing, they actually have feelings for each other. You've really written it in an amazing way! 10/10!
The little moments of their lives are brilliant! You really managed to put alot of impact into a short piece, and I think it all just flows wonderfully.
Definitely one of my favourite presents ever! Thanks so much, it's clear you put alot of effort into the story and I adore it! Thank you! Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!
- Faith Author's Response: Oh my gosh, I'm so glad you like it! I was SO worried! :D
hdfcbkjsdbvdkj THANK YOU! :D
I'm SO glad you like it! :D I tried making a forums set for you but failed miserably, so I decided to do this instead. :p
I hope your Christmas was great and happy new year to you too! :D Report Review
This. Is. Gorgeous.
Oh my goodness, this is so beautiful! You're an amazing writer. It's really refreshing to see a piece where Harry is blamed for the deaths, especially by Ginny.
And the bit about Ginny's heart being a kingdom in ruins? Absolutely heartbreaking! That part in particular was just fantastic, I thought.
You're a wonderful writer, this was brilliant! Happy holidays ;)
- FAuthor's Response: AWWWH! I REALLY WANNA GIVE YOU A MASSIVE HUG RIGHT NOW :D
Like seriously, nicest reviewer every award goes to you, no contest :)
HAPPY HOLIDAYS TO YOU TO :D
And thank you so much, again, because really, this review right here is the best Secret Santa gift I could have ever wished for :D Report Review
There was something really sweet and honest about the way you wrote this, and how you portrayed Luna. I've literally never even thought about this ship before now but it's an interesting concept.
This is really well written, but if I could suggest one thing, it would be to add a bit more description. I would have loved a clearer picture in my mind of the surroundings and atmosphere but it was still fantastic.
I also thought you wrote Luna wonderfully. Personally, I'm scared to even attempt to write her because I feel like I would just ruin her personality. However, you did amazing! She was honest, unique Luna just like in the books. :)
Overall, a beautiful piece! :) Great job!
- FAuthor's Response: Thank you so much :D
This was written in a flurry for my Secret Santa, so I will most definitely be going back over it and adding in more description (it seems that is my weak point, I never add in enough :) )
And I am so glad you think I got her personality right :) I was terrified too, because she is one of my all-time favourite characters, so I'm glad you think it went well :D Report Review
Ohhh my goodness, you've made me an upset mess! :P This chapter was just so sweet and well written, it was amazing!
I've said it before, but I love how you slowly reveal more about character's personalities, and now we can kind of understand Natalie and her quirks/insecurities now.
I'm so glad you justified why she is the way she is. So many stories just say: "This character is guarded, end of story." Whereas you've said "This charcter is guarded, because..." and given reasons behind their personality traits.
Yeah... That was a bit of a rambling mess.oh well :)
And Kate! Oh my gosh, I was not expecting this! :o I kind of assumed she had supported Oliver in the divorce or something and so Natalie didn't talk to her. It's so sad, and now I just want to hug Natalie. :(
Anyway, I should pull my blubbering mess of a self together :P Magnificent writing, this chapter was brilliant!
- Faith Report Review
Amazing chapter, as per usual! :)
Oooh, I'm eager to learn more about this girl Albus potentially likes. Maybe she'll help solve the issue of the whole James/Natalie/Al love triangle. Then everyone lives happily ever after, if James and Natalie ever get around to actually admitting their feelings :P
I'm frustrated with Natalie (and James actually :P) but I guess I'll just have to wait and see what happens! Awesome work, keep it up!
- Faith Report Review
Terms of Service
categories & genres
short story collection