Gah, I loved this! How are you so talented? Seriously? You seem to be able to write everything and incredibly well. Everything of yours which I read I've adored.
I've always felt Percy gets the short stick amongst the Weasleys because he's the one who leaves and refuses to believe, but when he came back in the seventh book I was so unbelieveably happy. I dunno... he's a fascinating character and the way you've written him here is just incredible. Gah, he's clever and he's ambitious and he's so aware of his older siblings and he wants to be successful and do well. It's so real and so raw that I actually found myself sympathising with him, which I don't normally do.
I loved the whole ladder-to-the-stars idea as well. It fitted in so well, the idea that to be successful you reach the stars and that Percy wants to climb the ladder, but the ladder actually turns out to be nothing like as glamorous or as easy or as nice as he thought it would be. In that way, he's very naive.
But, gosh, I loved it. I loved your Percy and the way you portrayed him before he went to the Battle and before he went back home... it's just an incredible, incredible one-shot. I'll favourite it - I'm writing a note to myself for later :P
Aph xxAuthor's Response: Well... I don't know how to answer that question. :P But I'm so happy you like what I write! It's one of the best compliments ever, to hear somebody's enjoyed a story of mine.
I'll probably sound like a broken record when I say this, but Percy really is one of the fiction characters I identify most with, as far as wanting to stand out from his family and BE somebody -- those are very familiar feelings to me. Something I sometimes do in my writing is write in my own frustrations and feelings and hide them behind a mask of another character's words or thoughts, and it's kind of a way for me to sort my problems. So I'm glad you sympathized with him, because his concerns are very much real. :)
I've wanted to work 'ladder to the stars' into a story for at least six months now, and probably more, so I was chuffed to see it worked so well here! :D Stardust, ladder to the stars, reaching for the stars -- I think picking that first line out of the pool was nothing short of fate. ;)
Thank you so much for reviewing this for me! It really does mean a lot that you took the time to stop by here, and I'm seriously so pleased you enjoyed the story. ♥ Thank you!! Report Review
Ah, a rugby-centric chapter. One was bound to turn up sooner or later! ;)
I'm so glad Lily knows nothing about Rugby - completely realistic, of course, considering that she's a witch from an essentially pureblood family - because I know next to nothing about Rugby and so anything technical would have gone straight over my head. And Lily's. I think her lack of understanding made it funnier, though - particularly when Ocean told her she's done a 'groovy' job. Haha, she has no idea if she has or not! :D Also, Scorpius Malfoy playing Rugby = just brilliant. I'm not sure if he passed out at the end or not, lol... yeah, I'll say he fainted ;) More manly :D
Ah, gosh, this is just so exciting! I do love this. The characters are all pretty much mad and should probably not be allowed out in civilised society for their own safety, but I can't help but adore them all!
Ocean is amazing. She's just so... /her/ if you know what I mean. She just is. She's so realistic and so oblivious - more so than Lily - and it's just wonderful. And hilarious.
I'm with Lily on the warm beer front - it's weird. But warm ice-cream isn't too bad.
Caris is evil! I don't like her! For some reason, even though she seems a bit like the stereotypical blonde-evil-girl-character, she doesn't come across that way and she isn't annoying at all. I dunno... somehow you're making it work! Kudos to you!
This story is amazing. It's so funny and so odd it's unreal. I love it!
Aph xxAuthor's Response: Rugby, rugby, how the welsh love rugby. Like ducks love water. Like socks love feet. Like umbrellas love rain...
SCORPIUS PLAYING RUGBY. I could not resist the calling to write such a scene. Hahaha I had a nightmare about it once actually! Um, yeah, Lily turning into referee wasn't exactly planned, but it was funny I suppose (and I wanted to add some more bulk to the chapter!!).
The characters are extremely mad and should be kept confined to Eglentine Copse! Or my head.
I actually planned a story about Ocean before I wrote this, so I might get that up eventually... I'm not sure whether it will ever be written though :p
Thank you Aph! I've loved these reviews so much xxx Report Review
No, no, no! That's just so not fair! You can't do that to me! No! You can't! No - ahem. Sorry about that. I just... you were about to say why Scorpius was there - and why his parents can't ever find him there - and then you didn't. So unfair. Next chapter, maybe? Please? :P
Okay, this is just so good! I love the idea that everyone in the village has failed in one way or another (or, considering it a bit more, all ways) and that she's not really alone with what she did and having moved away. I love how everyone mingles in the pub - there's not really a 'young people's scene' and an 'older people's scene' it's just everyone and they all talk and get on and things. It's lovely.
I loved her internal monologue, btw. It's just so funny when she goes off on tangents internally, thinking about something completely different but which has followed a logical thought process to get there. It's so realistic as well.
No daffodils, though. I'm kinda disappointed. And no sheep! There should be sheep... :P (Yeah, this is pretty much the limit of my knowledge about Wales and Welsh culture. Daffodils, rain and sheep)
Anyway, this is really good and I'm really enjoying it - keep going! :D
Aph xxAuthor's Response: Hey!
Sorry about that! You will find out eventually, when Scorpius and Lily become a bit more *ahem* friendly. They're not exactly best buddies at the moment, haha!
It's a rather starnge idea, but I've enjoyed writing it thus far! Personally, I'd LOVE to live somewhere like Eglentine Copse. It sounds like heaven. But that's just the sort of thing I like :)
Daffodils will appear soon! And sheep? Now there's an idea.
I like your knowledge about the Welsh culture. It's basically correct (along with rugby, leeks, welsh cakes and patriotism)
Thank you!xx Report Review
Ooh, Scorpius Malfoy! What is he doing in Wales? No, seriously, what is he diong in Wales, because I honestly have no idea! Please say he speaks Welsh - because that would be funny! :D I've never imagined Scorpius Malfoy speaking Welsh... hm... interesting...
Ah, I loved this chapter as much as the last one! Lily's utterly stubborn, completely reckless, doesn't think things through at all, has no idea about anything and is somehow almost oblivious to everything on top of it all. She's a truly amazing character!
Haha, teapot! It's really funny that was the first thing she thought of when trying to think of a surrogate surname, you know. Even 'Smith' might have been a better try ;) But that's what makes Lily Lily, lol.
Birdy seems like an interesting character, too. I can't really decide if I like her yet or not because she hasn't been around much... still, though, I like how she's already been pretty nice to Lily. The village seems adorable, btw :)
The rain sounds a bit scary, though. Does it really change that quickly? O.o Weird...
I loved how you made her parents still want to see her, though. It was a pretty bittersweet moment when she actually left.
Oh, and the part where she was in the airport with Harry was hilarious! :D
I'm enjoying this so much! Keep going! :)
Aph xxAuthor's Response: Aha! Now if I told you what he was doing in Wales i'd be ruining all the lovely jubbly surprises now wouldn't I?! :P Hate to disappoint you, but no he doesn't speak Welsh D:
Well, I logically thought of 'pot' at the beginning of 'potter' and then stuck a 'tea' on the front! Isn't it epic? I doubt that anyone real actually uses it as a surname but it does nicely for lily :)
No, the weather doesn't /usually/ change that quickly in Wales - but it has happened a few times! It certainly rains a lot! :D But this story is NOT a realistic Wals representation. It's sort of a spoof !!
So pleased you like it, thank you for reviewing
xox Report Review
Aww, this was such a sweet ending! Lily has already grown so much in this fic - she's actually admitted to herself that getting expelled from Hogwarts wasn't a good idea and that she couldn't actually buy a flat. Before another crazy idea came along and smacked her in the face :P
Eglantine Copse is a wonderful name for a little house, by the way. So cute and countryside-ish, if you know what I mean :)
I love how you've characterised both Hugo and Albus. Hugo was just... Hugo. He's sensible and pretty clever and doesn't like talking about feelings much, refusing to admit he'll actually miss her that much when she moves/isn't at Hogwarts with him. He's so realistic. And Al. I really liked Al, even though we didn't see much of him. He seems a bit like the typical older brother - kinda over-protective, a bit awkward. I like how you described him as 'hyper', though, and I'd love to see more of that in future chapters!
Aww, she cried! It's really sweet! I have no idea if she's going to leave or not, fyi, but it doesn't matter because I know you'll tell me next chapter! Mwahaha! :D
This story is so good! :)
Aph xxAuthor's Response: Hey! I'm really sorry about how long it's taking me to respond to these lovely reviews :cry: I've just got so much on!!
I'm definitely aiming for Lily to grow as a character- it was quite hard to write that she was suddenly moving to Wales and sound even vaguely convincing/realistic!
I CANNOT remember where I got the name Eglentine Copse from. It's crazy :P
I like Hugo too! I've always seen Hugo and Lily being close, considering they're the youngest of the next gens.
Thank you Aph!! xx Report Review
Hey there, Annon! So, I read your Author's Note at the bottom of the chapter and I'm so so glad you decided not to go down the angsty 'I got expelled from Hogwarts, oh no!' route because this is just hilarious.
I love Lily. She's completely shameless - she sold the Marauder's Map! How could she? - and seems to lack a filter, plus her conscience seems to have been sleeping for a lot of this chapter :P She's such a breath of fresh air and although I'm not a Lily/Scorpius fan, I'm going to keep reading just because she's a fascinating character.
I also loved the idea that they passed a law saying anything which helped defeat Voldemort was under Ministry possession and couldn't be sold. I'm not sure if it's entirely realistic for the Map, tbh, considering it is Harry's possession, technically, but hey, I'm really not bothered! :D
I thought you described all the Weasley-Potters so well. All their reactions were so normal and so /them/ that it was just so good.
Also, I would just like to point out to poor Lily that she might make a good lawyer, but technically she broke the law so she couldn't be one anyway :P
Seriously, though. Loved it!
Aph xxAuthor's Response: Aph!! Thank you so much for reviewing :D I can't tell you how astonished I was to see all these lovely reviews from you, and I'm sorry I've taken a while to respond *hides*!
Oh, I agree! This is pure fluff and light-heartedness. No angst allowed. Although, there was a teeny tiny bit right at the beginning but apart from that it's all good. There will be hardly any more. Hopefully. Lily wouldn't cope well with angst- it would crush her wild spirit.
I love Lily too! She just sprang into my mind one day, all crazy and funny and odd. And shameless too. I was trying for ages to think of a reason she could've been expelled for, and the Marauder's Map is what I came up with! It's not that realistic, but it'll do. :P
Huh, you're right! But secretly, I think Lily would be a rubbish lawyer- she's too batty :P
Thank youu :3
xox Report Review
Gosh, I loved this. I seem to love everything of yours which I read... I should read more of it, lol!
I loved James in this. I loved how you didn't include any dialogue right until the end, until he shouted up to Lily that Voldemort was there - it just set it all up so beautifully and made sure that the dialogue felt as important as it was, you know? It's the moment when everything is ruined, it's moments before he dies... it felt so huge and it needed to.
I loved the whole stream-of-consciousness idea behind it as well. How it was James thinking over his life and about perfection and Lily and Harry... gah. I loved what he said about having two hearts - Lily and Harry. It just surmarised him so perfectly, all that loyalty to his friends and family and the fact that he's such a loving and caring person.
I also liked how you mentioned the Imperious Curse and the Order, and you included the idea that Voldemort had wanted him to be a Death Eater. It really kept the idea of the war included, and showed off James' morals and how much he hates them without spoiling it (which I have no idea how you managed to do, btw).
It was really, really beautiful. I loved it. So sweet and romantic and then... the ending... gah. Poor, poor James.
And, seriously? Your first fanfic? Pshaw... too good! ;)
Aph xxAuthor's Response: Ahha thankyou so much! I'm very flattered that you like my writing :3
That was exactly what I was aiming for - for the dialogue to be more important because he was projecting outwards for the first time in the scene, after relishing the full life he'd lived so far. I just felt the need to give him that life, that rightness, before he had to fight Voldemort.
Ooh I am glad you like the stream-of-consciousness stuff - now, I worry it's a bit too sappy and rubbishy, but I do still like the emotions behind it. I've always imagined James as so full of love, and Harry and Lily are just so important to him :)
Hehe, at the time I wanted to put it all in context! I'm still not sure how it doesn't kill the fluff, but I wanted to show how effected James was by the war but how lucky he still felt. His morals are so strong and he's very sure of himself.
Eep, thank you so much Laura! :D I'm very glad you liked it.
TGK xx Report Review
Oh my gosh! I loved this! I loved it so much - I can't believe I haven't read it before. Bad Laura - I should have been here much earlier! :( Anyway, it was amazing, as usual (and congratulations on getting Ravenclaw SOTM, even if it's very delayed :P).
I loved how you made the time pass by using different little segments. None of them were too short - they all showed something important and the details you included were just wonderful. I feel like I'm actually there, you know, with Bill and Fleur, learning about each of them in turn as they learn about each other. It's lovely. I also love how you're not giving too many details away - just mentioning that Fleur's aunt has had more than one husband and Bill's story about Charlie with the chickens... ha, that was so funny!
I also loved the whole fight for control angle you brought in. I've never considered that it could be like that, you know, and I've never seen anyone do it like that, so it's really interesting. I love how Bill is Fleur's equal and how she doesn't have control and it's throwing her off. It's those little human touches :D
Gornuk! I'm actually kinda upset - I have a heart of stone, so well done! :P - even though we never actually met him. I dunno, it's the way Bill says that he doesn't want to grieve because Gornuk wouldn't want it. So bittersweet! Also, that bit reminded me oddly of a Terry Pratchett story O.o No idea why - I think it was the phrase 'he is golden now' which was a fabulous touch, btw.
So yeah. Loved it. Would love to see more soon, pretty please! :D
Aph xx Report Review
Okay, okay, I couldn't resist! I've read this before - twice before, I think - but I had to come back and review this chapter! It was too good an opportunity to pass up! Plus, I love this story to pieces so it was on my list to do! :D
Bill is amazing. I'm just... gah, he's wonderful. He's so real and full of conflicting traits. It's literally like you've taken a real person and somehow pushed them into ink or something and created them on the screeen in this fic. It's incredible. I love how sometimes he's a bit almost angry with Fleur, about her conversation with Mhairi, and then when she says she forgot to take a note he's almost consoling her. It's such good characterisation... ah, he's just wonderful :)
I love Fleur almost as much as him, too! She's so manipulative and clever and all perfect hair, perfect smile... it's so impressive and so her! I just love it. Also, kudos on writing the accent in - I did it for a one-shot but I could never have done it for a story this long. It would have driven me mad! :P
Ooh, they're going on a date! I'm so excited! I can't wait to see where this goes - how their date goes, how their investigation continues and... everything. This is such a good story, I'm so in love with it... :)
Also, one last thing: 'pwetty French girlie'. Oh Charlie, oh Charlie... he's so wonderful and I haven't even met him yet ;)
House Cup 2012! :DAuthor's Response: Ahha thank you Laura!! I do love reading your reviews on each of my chapters, you're so encouraging and lovely :3
I LOVE BILL SO MUCH, and I am so glad you like him too! I do so want to keep him in-canon and realistic, but keep him within my personal fanon, which often leads me astray with inconsistent characterisations :/
I LOVE writing Fleur, too! She's such a tricky character since I want readers to like her, but to keep her as her own person with real problems. Hee RELATIONSHIP PROGRESSION :D
Haha I'm very glad it's keeping your interest for the date! I am trying to keep this away from the twee end of the spectrum, so I do hope it's not too contrived-sounding :P But YAY INVESTIGATION, more to be revealed soon ;)
Charlie is fab, I can't wait for you to meet him too - you're his biggest fan and we've not come across him yet! :D
TGK xx Report Review
Okay, I admit it! I'm an absolute sucker for anything vaguely romantic which involves minor characters. So as soon as I saw that you had a romantic one-shot about Tracey Davis and Theo Nott... here I was! :D
I really liked it. It was so sweet and simple and just... adorable. You didn't try to use poetic language or make comparisons to anything like the moon or the sun or anything like that and you really didn't need to. It was so realistic - I can see this happening in my mind in the set of Hogsmeade, you know?
Both Tracey and Theo were really good characters. I get the feeling there's a lot more to them than you mentioned in this story, simply because they both have fathers in Azkaban and that must be pretty hard - and it was nice having that little mention, that little bit of information to fit it in with the HP books. Maybe you could write more about them - maybe an angsty one-shot or something? I dunno, but I think you've developed the characters well enough that you could if you wanted to.
I loved the Auror novel, by the way. A magical murder mystery - it would be so cool! :D
And the whole 'kisses are for second dates' thing was so well done. I was worried for a bit that it was going to be a bit unromantic and not-sweet and jarr the flow of the piece, but you fitted it in so well! :)
House Cup 2012! :DAuthor's Response: Hi again, thanks for reviewing another one of my stories.
I'm glad that you liked it. When I wrote this I was working on two very angsty stories, and so this was sort of like a nice break from all things doom and gloom. I didn't want to write anything fancy, with all this symbolism, it was just going to be a simple fluffy date between two minor characters that I could basically do anything with.
I don't think I'll be doing anything else with Tracey or Theodore in the near future, but maybe in a very long time (when I finish one of my WIP's) I might turn this into a short story or something that follows them up until the final battle, or something.
Anywho thanks again for the reviews (this one and the other two you left me)
-Liz :) Report Review
Haha, I loved this! Gosh, you need to write more - than I can read and review more! Win-win situation, yeah? ;)
Anyway, this was really good. It was less introspective than the first chapter, which was good, and it sped along at a nice pace - not too fast, but it's not going slowly either.
Poor Parker. Cleaning three week old jelly... :P Rather him than me, lol. He seems like an interesting character, you know - a bit strong-and-silent, maybe shy? Obviously not stupid and very talented... hm... I dunno, he just seems interesting.
Lily is wonderful! She's definitely inherited Ginny's spunk, that's for sure! At the same time, though, she's really nice and very competitive at the same time, which good. It's a lovely mix of traits and I can imagine some of them are going to cause trouble later on.
Anthony... what to say about Anthony... he seems lovely. Very lovely, if a bit arrogant. Then again, he did try to be nice, it's not his fault if Parker doesn't know what to do when being chatted at by a man in a towel. Yeah, I'm on his side :P
I did notice, though, that there was one paragraph where you changed to 'her', rather than 'me', which obviously didn't fit. If you have a quick look over it again, you'll find it I'm sure!
Ah, I really enjoyed this. It's really funny to think of interns cleaning out lockers and getting lost... I'm curious to see where you go with this and what else Joey makes them do :D
House Cup 2012! Go 'Claws!Author's Response: Awww thanks so much for the nice review :D
I'm glad that you like Parker. I think you hit his personality spot on, although I'll get a little bit more into his character as the story goes on. I think I said this in my last response, but again Lily is really fun to write. Shes got that bit of Ginny in her, but at the same time I feel like she is her own person. You know?
And then there is Anthony. How could anyone not love Anthony right? Its not a party until the professional quidditch player shows up in a bathing towel :P.
Sorry about the typo. I do have a beta now, but he hasn't worked through all of the chapters yet (or really any yet), but we're getting there :)
Again thanks for the review this totally made my day.
-Liz Report Review
Ooh, that's a bit of a cliffie! I have to say I'm kinda disappointed now that I haven't spotted you more often in the Review Battle - this sounds so good! Plus, what with your other story - Mrs Pettigrew - I wouldn't know which one I wanted to review first, you know? A bit annoying, but anyway...
This is so exciting! I really love Quidditch stories - the whole idea of the sport and the game and the mentality that you need to win - which you touched on so well in this first chapter - and this one is not going to be an exception, I promise you!
Lily is such a good character. I like how you mentioned some of her family - Hugo, James and Al, Teddy and Fred - but not all of them. It made it a little more realistic than just listing of all the Weasley kids, you know? Also, her internal monologue at the beginning was really, really good. I find them so hard to do, so I'm really impressed you managed to pull it off so well. The whole winning/losing angle was so good and it also made me really curious about the rest of the story as well.
I'm so excited about seeing where this goes. The little arrow button at the bottom of the chapter looks so inviting...
Keep going! (And please no more cliffie-style endings! Please?)
House Cup 2012! Go 'Claws! :DAuthor's Response: Thanks for the nice review :)
I'm glad that you like Lily as a character, she's been really fun to write. Especially because of the entire mentality of playing quidditch (which she has to an extreme).
I've been trying not to mention every Next Gen character in one go. No person would ever go through and just say well this is my cousin, and so is this, and so is this ect. ect. I know for a fact I would never do that (and I have more cousins than Lily)
I won't make any promises about no more cliffies :P
Any who thanks again for the nice review :)
-Liz (and Go 'Claws) Report Review
Aww, this was so sweet - I really enjoyed this! I'm a huge Lucius/Narcissa fan, and an even bigger Bella/Rodolphus fan (so the little mention of Bella/Roddy just really was the cherry on top of a lovely cake) so I was always going to like it, but this was wonderful!
I honestly couldn't really tell that it was AU - I didn't really think about it. Perhaps Lucius was a bit nicer than I expected, but he was still Lucius, if you know what I mean. He was still recognisable as the canon character, which was lovely. I loved the line 'Please, Narcissa, let me be a gentleman' - it was so Lucius and so teasing and arrogant at the same time. I can imagine Jason Isaacs actually saying it, which is great!
Narcissa was lovely too. I liked the reference to Andromeda - and it really fitted that it was short and not too over-the-top, which suggested that it had been a little while ago - and the mentions of Bellatrix. I've always thought the sisters' relationships were pretty important, and so I loved how you showed them in this.
Also, haha, Bellatrix would be a ferocious Beater. I would not like to play her. Ever.
Oh, one last thing - I loved the fact that Antonin Dolohov was in it as well, and that your OC, Calista, had a very 'pure-blood' sounding name, if you know what I mean. It would have been odd if she'd been called 'Kate' or something, lol. But yeah, the way you used other characters really made it feel real.
I really, really enjoyed this! Please write more - I'll come back if you do! :D
House Cup 2012! Woot, go 'Claws! :DAuthor's Response: Hey Aphoride!
This was an awesome review, thank you so much! I'm actually nearly done with the next chapter! :D I had completely forgotten that this story was supposed to be AU, so it's fine that you didn't see that yet. I think it will come into play in the last chapter of this story (it will be three chapters long). I'll let you know when I update. :] I'm really glad you liked the characters and the mentions of Bella. I love the idea of her being a Beater, haha. How crazy! Again, I'm so happy that you liked this. Thank you so much for reviewing! I'll let you know when the next chapter is up!
--Emily Report Review
Okay, first off, I have to admit that I'm pretty sure I've seen this mentioned before on the forums but just never got round to reading or reviewing it, even though I thought it sounded interesting. Bad Aph ;) I'm here now, though! :D
I really liked this. It's such an interesting idea, exploring the Evans sisters' relationship. Of course, you always get a taste or two of it in James/Lily fics, but it never seems enough, you know? Never seems like it explores everything fully.
Anyway, I thought you characterised Petunia really, really well. I'm the oldest of three sisters, so I know what it's like to look at your younger siblings getting things and it is really difficult at times. So yeah, I can sympathise a bit and that's really down to your writing, tbh. I'm not really a sympathetic person, as such. I loved how you described the two sisters simply in the beginning, without going into too much detail. They're small children - their mother probably chose their clothes at that stage so describing much more than you did would have been a little pointless.
Lily was adorable! But I guess that's the point of this - Lily is adorable. Lily is cute and wonderful and sweet. Petunia is not. People don't think of Petunia as 'Petunia', like the way people think of Lily as 'Lily', they think of her more as 'Lily's older sister'.
A couple of things, though. I think you could do with a bit more description in some places. Just try when you're describing something to think about the senses. Is the air cold? Are Petunia's fingers numb from the cold? Can she smell fresh bread in the bakery? What colour is her scarf? Her coat? You don't need to include all these things, but more description would really add to your writing, and you already have a lovely, succint style which will prevent you from getting off track by describing every little detail possible. Like me :D
Secondly, I think you could try rewording some of your sentences as some of them are a bit too long to keep the way they are (they sound... I dunno, a bit clumsy and put-together, if that makes sense?) - maybe try and find a beta for this? I found one example: 'She was sipping some warm hot chocolate in front of the fireplace while she watched Lily through the window as she determinedly rolled a large ball of snow, which was as tall as she was.' I think it would sound better if you switched one of the phrases round and put a comma in instead. Like, 'Sipping hot chocolate in front of the fireplace, she watched through the window as Lily determinedly rolled a large ball of snow, which was as tall as she was'. You see? I can't really explain the difference - sorry! - but it just flows a bit better, I think. Feel free to pm me on the forums for more clarification or whatever because I really don't think I've made it that clear :P
Gosh, I really enjoyed this, though! I love the idea, I love the characters, and I love how you used the first chapter to show how their relationship was before the whole thing went to pot. I'm not sure where the second chapter is going to pick up, but I'm looking forward to it! I hope you do include the whole Hogwarts letter and Snape episode because I think you'd do a fabulous job and I'd love to see what you do with it! :D
Aph xxAuthor's Response: Hi! I'm glad you liked the concept of going into Lily and Petunia's relationship. I've always wondered about them myself.
Yeah, they're both way too small at this point to be judged. Lily is the adorable little sister that everyone loves, Petunia is the older one who people almost never notice.
Yeah, description is my weakness, I've been trying really hard to do better with detail.
I know, sometimes I don't do well with phrasing things. I tend to type up really long sentences and then I have to keep re-phrasing them until they sound right. Again, trying to improve! ;)
I'm so glad you liked the idea! Yes, the next chapter is where Lily gets her Hogwarts letter a few years later. This was kind of like a prologue. Thank you so much for the lovely review! :)
~Rosie Report Review
I really enjoyed this! First off, I'm a huge Bill/Fleur fan - ever since Fleur was eying Bill up in Goblet of Fire, if you can believe it! I always thought they would go together so well... :D
Ah, this was so bittersweet, I really liked it! You combined the fluffiness and the angst of different parts of it so well - they just fit together perfectly. It's something that's really difficult to do, so kudos to you for that! :D
I also really liked how you used the different sections, showing different sides of both Bill and Fleur, different stages in their relationship and throughout the war. It filled it out so nicely and allowed you to include a lot more without lessening any of the emotion, if you know what I mean.
I loved how you wrote Bill and Fleur and Mrs Weasley and... well, all of them, really. They all felt so well rounded out and real, you know, and I felt like I could understand where both Bill and Fleur were coming from with their arguments and conversations and things. You wrote Molly so well, too - I've tried writing her and I find it so difficult. You make it seem so easy! :)
I liked how you touched on the idea that they got married without knowing if either of them would survive at all. It's something that I'd never really thought about before, and this actually made me think about that. It was a bit of an 'oh yeah, that's true' moment.
I just really enjoyed this - it was so bittersweet it was perfect.
Aph xxAuthor's Response: Ahh this review was so sweet it made my day ♥. I see so many flaws in this and it needs to be edited so badly, your review has pushed me to want to do so.
Fleur is an intoxicating character to write, she is so wonderful because I feel like there are so many sides to her!
Thank you again for this amazing review!! Report Review
Haha, gosh this chapter made me laugh! It seems perhaps a bit more serious than the others - what with the court case Rose wants to pursue and all - but still so funny! How do you do it? Seriously?
Ah, the return of Henry Devon! He is very lovely. I like him. A lot. If this wasn't a Scorose fic I would want you to get him and Rose together, simply because he's just so lovely. And gorgeous. And lovely. Although I was slightly disappointed by a distinct lack of Scorpius in this one ;)
Boris! Boris is hysterical! "It's May Day. I'm going to dance around a maypole later!" That just made me laugh like a drain. The image I have in my head of Boris dancing round a maypole is just precious. Thank you so much for that! :D Yeah, Boris is just amazing.
Poor, poor Matthew, being bombarded by Weasleys. And poor, poor Rose, who can never escape Weasleys. "I've never seen her before in my life." Er, nice try :D
I love the inclusion of Lockhart again - I was wondering if he'd show up again (I read the second book again recently and have a newfound appreciation for him, mostly because he dares mention the words 'love potion' and 'Snape' and 'teach' in the same sentence without a negative). It's such a typical move for him to make his own books required reading, lol. Although I'm not too sure if Rose will get the support she wants from Hermione... she did send him a Valentine's card, after all, lol. Should be a funny conversation!
Ooh, I'm so curious about where you're going to take this! I don't know how you intend to tie everything together. Rose's friendship with Molly, Boris and Matthew, Scorpius, Teddy, Lockhart. ah, there's so much going on and it's all so good!
I am anxiously waiting the next update.
Aph xxAuthor's Response: Wow, what an awesome review, Aph! I do feel like there is so much going on, but as we reach the end of the story all the previous plots are coming together and reaching their end and wrapping up. I know what's going to happen of course, but that's for you to find out later ;)
I'm glad you're enjoying it, thank you so much! Report Review
So, I know this isn't exactly the first thing on your author's page and so not necessarily the thing you really want reviewing, but I saw the banner and the summary and, ah, it just looked so interesting, so I hope you don't mind! ;)
I loved the beginning of it. It was familiar enough to make me kinda guess what was going on and unfamilar enough that I was still wondering who it was, why they were there, what was happening and where it was going to go. It was just such a perfect balance of information v. non-information and I really liked that.
The idea of fear was so evident throughout the story - I could feel that James was scared, that he didn't know what was going on, and, at first, I wondered if it was Harry or someone having amnesia or something. It made the ending so much better! I liked how you used things which, on their own, aren't necessarily scary: the spiders, the car, the centaur, even the Forbidden Forest, but combined them so well to create the fear. The individual scenes blended into each other so well that, honestly, I didn't really have time to think about what was going on or question it, I was just swept away in it all with James. It was really, really good :D
I remember there were a few bits here and there which I thought were perhaps a bit disjointed - ooh, and the exclamation mark after the word 'vroom' shouldn't really be there - but I couldn't really find any mistakes, as such, it was all more stylistic choices. I'm hugely description-heavy when I write, so I'm so impressed you managed to write this and keep description to a minimum, only describing necessary things. It kept the pace of the story up, which was so lovely.
Also, I really wasn't expecting the ending and I really liked that I wasn't expecting it, if that makes sense. I didn't think it was going to be a dream, and I didn't expect it to be James dreaming, either. It surprised me - the good kind of surprise! :)
I thought your characterisation of James and Ginny was good, as well. James was sweet - young and kinda naive, but also fairly logical and a bit more mature than people normally make him which was nice to see. I loved the last paragraph. That was just... ah, it was just perfect. A dash of humour and a dollop of seriousness. It was so, so lovely.
Aph xxAuthor's Response: Hey Aph! :)
Of course I don't mind! Any review is always great! I am really pleased to hear that the banner and summary looked interesting though!
Thank you. I'm glad to hear that I achieved that balance, and that I didn't put anything too unnecessary in. I think my writing is generally lacking in description - which can often be a bad thing, but it's nice to hear that you thought it worked in this story! Dreams can be overused quite a bit, so I'm glad it wasn't too cliche and that it was a good kind of surprise!
Ahh thank you! Characters like Ginny are J.K.Rowling's so I try to have them in my stories like they were in Harry Potter. Since I wrote this a while ago, reading it back again now - the last paragraph feels slightly awkward to me.. but hearing that you found it perfect is reassuring.
Thank you so much for the absolutely lovely long review! You are much too nice and I really appreciate the effort! Thank you for reading and reviewing! :)
- Charlotte Report Review
Aww, that is so sweet! :D Okay, first off, I have to admit that I chose this story primarily because I saw aim.moon had done the banner for it and I love the graphics she made (it was really hard to choose which one-shot to review, they all look so interesting!) so I picked this one. And I don't regret it at all!
I love how you've used first person to tell it, you know, how it's Harry talking to Ginny even though she's not there, or writing her a letter or something. But, any way, it's him to her and it's such a good way to do it. Honestly, I hate first person so I'm pretty amazed you did it so well and it seems so easy for you! *is jealous
I really liked how you characterised Harry as well. You made it clear that while there are numerous reasons for why he's fighting and numerous people he's fighting for as well, he's secretly fighting for her and wishes he wasn't. It's just... the whole idea of him wishing he was fighting for the 'right reasons' is so Harry. It's just absolutely him.
Also, I really liked how you pulled in the whole 'I don't know what I'm doing' thing as well, because Harry's still human and will have had moments where he just wonders 'what am I doing?' and I thought that came across so well, and you explored that really nicely.
Oh, and Hermione was lovely! I liked how it was only a brief moment - it kinda seemed like it could be a scene from the film when they're in the forest, you know? - and they only shared a short conversation. I also liked how it was her comment which set him thinking because that's often how things work in real life and it was so realistic and true to both characters the way you portrayed them.
Eh, I think I rambled a lot :D In short, I liked it very much!
Aph xxAuthor's Response: Aim. Moon is amazing, she just, there is no way I can explain her graphics, I know the feeling. :) Thank you though, I got very worried about this one, but I'm really happy you liked it.
Recently first person and I broke up, I mean I had written in first person so much, for some reason my mind just wanted me to write in third person all the time. So don't be jealous, but thank you for all the nice things said.
Thank you, I get worried sometimes that people think that Harry is to much in love with Ginny, but then I think that's a good problem, there really is nothing wrong being so much in love with someone.
Harry is still human, and sometimes people forget that, and there is nothing wrong with just being human.
I love all your rambles, it made my whole year, thank you so, so, so, much!
Lizzie Report Review
Oh my gosh - I have missed this story! It's terrible - I see it's updated on my favourites list, promise myself I'll read it later and then end up forgetting about it and gallivanting off to a concert :P
This chapter was brilliant, as usual. I love Verity's character and how she's slowly becoming a bigger part in the story. She fits in with it so nicely - she seems exactly the type of person who would work in a joke shop and I really hope we see more of her in the future.
Angelina and George... gah, are they together? Are they not? I'm not sure! That's so annoying! ;) It's fine, really, just please let me know one way or another for definite next chapter, because this sort-of-sort-of-not thing is... well... hard. I want to know! They're just so sweet and real and I love how you have George thinking about her because of things and only occasionally. It's not over the top or anything, it's just right. It feels very natural.
Ooh, I noticed a Britishisms thing - 'carry-out' is 'take-away' in England ;)
I adored your imagery in this chapter, as well. The mention of the wire and returning to that, referencing tight-rope walking, was so good, particularly.
By the way, just for the record, after seeing Queen and Adam Lambert in concert yesterday I'm still a little teary at the mention of the name 'Freddie' in conjunction with anything relatively sad. So, yeah, I was a little teary - and I never even get upset, so kudos to you! ;)
This chapter was beautiful, like all the others. Hurrah for rogue bolts of lightening! :D
Aph xx Report Review
Ooh, I really like this! I've always loved the idea of stories about what happened at Hogwarts while the trio were off hunting Horcruxes and all that jazz - it's such an open period, you know? So many things you can do with it!
Your Ginny is incredible. I liked how you slipped in her nickname for Fleur (although personally I'd imagine her to be a little warmer to Fleur after what happened at the end of the sixth book, you know, but it's not that big a deal) and had her parents and Bill and Fleur with her at the beginning. She seemed pretty close to the Ginny from canon as well - fiesty but relatively sensible, still angry about the changes and 'in the know' about certain things and, of course, very loyal to her friends.
Luna and Neville were great too - I felt I could already see Neville had grown up a little over the summer, which makes perfect sense and continues on from the Death Eaters' escape in OotP, you know - it's a logical step. I loved how Luna, of all of them, was still hoping that the year would be similar, still thought that there would be some similarities - it's a very Luna-esque trait and really rounded out her character I think.
There were a couple of things which I thought were off... firstly, I'm not really sure if Ginny would be able to recognise a Death Eater solely by what robes he's wearing. Maybe she's seen a wanted poster or remembers him from the tower in book 6? Amycus Carrow was, I think, there at the time so it's possible. Secondly, when you mentioned that a load of the teachers were glaring at Snape it felt a little off to me. I definitely don't think they'd be happy with it or that they'd just lie down and let Snape do whatever he wanted, but I'm not sure they'd glare. I think that might be a bit too obvious, you know? A bit too open.
It's really well written, though. It flows very well and both your characters and your plot are very, very solid. I'm really interested to see where you take this and how you make the characters grow - because they will. Also, Ginny's point of view seems so natural - it's lovely.
Keep going and I'm sure I'll find you again soon in the review battle! :D
Aph xxAuthor's Response: Hi! I'm glad you liked the idea for this story. :) You're right, I'm having so much fun with this plot, considering we know almost nothing about what happened at Hogwarts during the seventh book.
In my mind, I've always pictured Ginny becoming closer to Fleur after a different event which occurs in this story. She's just sort of upset with Fleur because to Ginny, Fleur is taking away her older brother Bill. Ginny does become closer to Fleur, but not yet.
Yay, I did a good job with Luna and Neville's characterization! :D
Yeah, I guess it doesn't make sense that Ginny would recognize a Death Eater by their robes. Thanks for the suggestions. :)
I'm glad you thought it was well-written and that Ginny's PoV was realistic. Thank you so much for the lovely review!
Gosh, this is so good! Firstly, well done for getting it all in five hundred words. It's so compact and neat - like a little present in a box, lol.
The idea is so original. I've never thought about the idea that Harry needs to be someone's hero, needs to do something to help people after the war, but it makes perfect sense and part of me is wondering why I never thought of that before, you know? I love how it was muggle London as well, not magical, so people don't even know who he is - that way, it's so much easier for you to keep him in character (and it's just such a Harry thing to do - help the muggles).
Your characterisation was just wonderful. I love how Ginny is sneaky and kinda cunning and how those are the traits Harry associates with Slytherin - not just 'evil' and pureblood. It says so much about both of them. I also love how you made Ginny so understanding and yet such a pillar of support for Harry. It's pretty similar to how I've always thought about them, which is wonderful ;) Great minds, eh? :P
Your style is lovely, your grammar is pristine... I honestly can't find anything in this that was wrong, felt slightly off or out of place or even that could be improved. Seriously - absolutely nothing.
Write more, so I can squee over your one-shots like this again in reviews! :D
p.s. I just wanted to say thank you so so much for the two very, very lovely reviews you left me on Unfortunately Fortuitous. You will get a very 'oh my gosh, thank you so much!' response soon, I promise!Author's Response: Aaaah thank you so much! I'm quite the rambler so I thought the 500 word thing was definitely a challenge haha.
I've always been fascinated by Harry's heroic tendencies and I was struck by the idea that those wouldn't leave him even when he transitioned to a normal life. I know that's also something that war veterans struggle with, so it seemed appropriate.
Thank you! I love how you read so much into Harry's Slytherin comment - probably more than I actually intended when I wrote it, but I love your interpretation. I'm going to pretend I'm actually that deep (;
Really? I'm pretty critical of my writing, so it means so much to me that you couldn't find anything wrong! And no worries about responding to my reviews; take your time.
Thank you so much for your review! :D
Gosh, how do you do it? Seriously? How do you do it? Can you share your secret of writing such wonderful, succint, unique one-shots? Every time I read one of yours, it's noticeably yours and it's always so very lovely.
I loved your take on the Marauders. Because of the way you wrote it and how you wrote it and which bits you wrote about, you avoided all of the cliches of that era perfectly, which was so nice. Reading it, I could have characterised James, Remus and the others any way I wanted to in my head (I didn't, because I was too busy reading, but the point still stands, I think) which was really nice. Also, Minerva was amazing. I love how you referred to the Marauders and Lily as her children, and it fits so well. She must get close to certain students, and we see that occasionally in the books when she gets so protective of them - ah, you wrote her so well it was almost like this was an extra bit JK had written. Style's different, though, so not quite :P
I loved the way you counted down, going through the Marauders and Lily like that, and particularly how you used her thoughts at the time. I've never really thought about how the events would have effected someone like Minerva, who was removed from the situation but still emotionally involved, so it was really interesting to read.
The simplicity of it was lovely, as well. Nearly no dialogue, not too much description, mostly just her thoughts on what had happened with the occasional tiny anecdote about them in there. I loved that. You didn't use incidents at school or flashbacks or anything and it really, really wasn't necessary. Anything more would have taken away from the emotion of this.
I don't really know what else to say... reading things you've written is always such a pleasure - I really do love your work (and I'm now wondering why you're not on my favourite authors list... huh). Please keep writing! :D
Aph xxAuthor's Response: Haha, no secret. Just years of practice, I suppose?
Thanks. The Marauders are my specialty and they're so ingrained in my brain on how to write them. Minerva was such an easy choice for this story - it all started with that quote and I just dreamed about this story from McGonagall's POV and then here it is. I think part of it, too, is how I write her in my short story collection, Portraits of Courage, and she refers to them as her children and she feels all this guilt about recruiting them for the war. We see the aftermath of the war here and how affected McGonagall is by their deaths. I always imagined her having a soft spot for the Marauders despite their penchant for trouble. I think they'd always try to charm her pants off and she'd find it endearing. ;)
I was going to make it no dialogue, but that line that Remus speaks, well...I had to include that. I think it says a lot about Sirius's betrayal and how they felt following those events. I didn't think flashbacks were necessary either. That wasn't the point of this story and I'm glad you enjoyed the simplicity of it.
Thank you so much for such a lovely review and for the favorite author add. ;) I really appreciate it. Report Review
Wow. Gosh, I loved this. It was just so good.
I loved the way you didn't mention their names. It was stylistic and it worked because you didn't need to. It was obviously Ron and Hermione, with Hermione narrating and that came over so easily - the characterisation was so clear that qualifying it or mentioning her name would actually have taken away from the story, I think.
The way you told it as well was just lovely. Your language was kinda poetic and rolled so smoothly, making it so easy to read, even if I did have to take it slower than normal, just letting it all sink in. The only thing I did notice was that you used 'abstractness' and one another like that, I think (a word ending in -ness) and they sort of threw the rhythm off for me. Perhaps it would be better if you changed them to 'an abstract world' or something like that? I dunno... they just didn't seem to fit.
That's the only thing wrong with this, though, I swear! Everything else is practically perfect. The quote was integrated in a way I really didn't expect, even after reading the summary and looking at the banner and chapter image and things, and I really liked it. It was a good twist on what would otherwise be a relatively light-hearted quote.
The length of this was also perfect. Because it was so emotionally heavy you didn't want it to be too long, but it wasn't. It was just right.
And the metaphors were beautiful. All the mentions of colours and comparing her and Ron to hummingbird's, and the idea of Rose and Hugo being little twin fires and mentioning blindness, like she can't see anything without Ron there. they were just so good. They might have been melodramatic, thinking about it, they could have been - but they weren't. You made them work and made me understand where Hermione was coming from.
Seriously, this was just so good. Whatever you do, don't stop writing - not if you pull things like this out of the bag!
Aph xxAuthor's Response: Merlin I don't even know how to respond to this :,)
I remember when I was younger I used to omit the characters' names in the beginning of my little stories and so I'm glad you appreciated that.
I remember 'tangible abstractedness' used to be 'thin blades', but as the metaphor could be taken literally the one-shot got rejected and so I had to change it, though I'm still not pleased with it. I'll think of something else so it doesn't break with the flow, thanks for pointing it out!
I was really nervous as to the heaviness of it, --it wasn't a light hearted one-shot for once!-- , it makes me feel so happy and relieved that you felt it was right.
Seriously, I don't know what to say. I'm glad you liked it and thank you for saying it! you've made my eyes teary :)
Even if I wrote terribly, I'd never stop doing it. It's just something I really love and need, and thank you again and again! Sorry for responding so late. Report Review
First of all, I'd like to say that I find the whole idea of someone travelling forwards in time, rather than backwards, really interesting. Time-travel is always a tricky subject (I've always been too scared to write it, lol), but particularly when going forwards, I think, so I'm impressed you've done that ;)
I really like Scorpius' character. He seems very real - I like how even though he's a Slytherin he's not a complete coward or a wimp or anything like that - but, at the same time, he's not a genius or amazingly brave. He seems like a nice medium, which is good. Also, his point of view was lovely - the way he internalised pretty much everything and didn't speak at all during the chapter (except in the flashback) really hammered home the points you made about the 'Malfoy rules': don't talk, don't make noise, etc. I'm really curious to see what you do with Scorpius - how you make him 'grown-up', so to speak and how he develops as a character. At the moment, he seems like a pretty average teenage boy, albeit with perhaps a slightly different set of problems to other teenagers, what with the whole family issue thing, lol.
I thought Draco and Astoria were really good as well. I've never read them like that before - so quiet and adherring exactly to the rules and things. It's almost like they're both scared to stick out and be in any way noticeable within their own home, which is actually kinda sad - and not just for Scorpius. It's also a logical progression for Draco after the war, too, not wanting to stick out and be noticed and things. While it's unusual characterisation, I really like it. It fits. I hope we see more of them later on, since their characters and relationship seems so interesting and mysterious-like at the moment :P
Ah, the plot! Where to begin? Like I said above, the whole idea of going forwards in time instead of backwards is really fascinating. I'm really curious to see how Scorpius develops, how the future unravells in front of him and what he learns from it (coz he must learn something, right? :D). Even if nothing much changed at all, I imagine this would still be a really intruiging story, so it should be even better with stuff actually changing ;)
I'll definitely have to keep an eye out for you again in the review battle ;)
Aph xxAuthor's Response: Time-travel is definitely a tricky subject and writing this story has been really tricky/mind-blowing, so I'm really glad to hear I haven't completed muddled things up.
And you like my characters so far...hooray! I think Draco and Astoria are really interesting and I'm a little sad this story is so Scorpius-centric and they don't play a bigger role, because they are a lot of fun to write about.
Hopefully I'm doing a good job of making Scorpius develop as a character in the later chapters.
He does learn something (lots of somethings, actually!) but I guess you'll see if you encounter me again in the review battle.
Thanks so much for the review! I really appreciate you putting so much time and effort into it (: Report Review
Hey there! Gosh, this was so cute! Very awkward, but so cute as well. It was really realistic as well - with the awkwardness and just the whole scenario with Molly asking Arthur out. You really captured what she would be feeling as she asked him out, how nervous she would be and everything. I also like how you included the beliefs of the time - that girls shouldn't ask guys out really - because this would have happened in the sixties and everything, so it would have been a pretty different time. So many people forget that, so kudos to you for remembering! ;)
I really liked your characterisation of Molly and Arthur. They both seemed pretty close to their older canon counterparts, you know, with Molly having grown up and being more secure than she was here. You managed to show the characters younger with similar traits and personalities, while still allowing them room to grow later on, which I liked.
I did think, though, that it was a little short - even for a one-shot. If you added in more description - showing us what happens, Clara's thoughts and Molly's reactions and things, describing the scene around them - it would be longer and just feel a bit more alive, you know? Grammar-wise, though, I couldn't see anything which threw me off the story, which was lovely :D
Seriously, I really enjoyed this. It was so cute and sweet - and I can definitely imagine it happening! Keep going! :D
Aph xxAuthor's Response: Thanks so much for your review. I'm so glad you think they are pretty similar to thier canon counterparts. Rereading the story, I see what you mean about adding more description.
Mystique Report Review
Terms of Service
categories & genres
short story collection