Reading Reviews From Member: Aphoride
  
333 Reviews Found

Review #76, by AphorideAt Midnight: Mirage

7th February 2014:
Hey there! I was so glad when you said you wanted me to review this for you, since I'd already taken a sneaky look at your page and decided this would be the one I'd review if you didn't have a preference ;) Coincidence, huh? :D

First off, I like how you've started this right in the middle of all of the action. It's such a nice, pacy sort of start and really throws the reader into everything that's going on and the emotions and all. It's a really good beginning!

I love Molly's character, as well. I love how she's not all that confident, she knows her own flaws, she doesn't like having things pointed out to her, she's perhaps a bit fragile, a bit naive, but she's sweet and caring and wants to fix people, which isn't necessarily a bad thing and a fairly common trait, I think. She's a really fabulous character - such a mix of personality traits! :)

I liked her conversation with Teddy, as well - how he was pretty mean and rude, but honest at the same time, and how she slapped him and regretted it. There are too many stories where the girl slaps the guy all the time without feeling sorry! So yeah, this was a nice change. Besides, he really wasn't being very nice! :) I really liked how you used that conversation to show us Molly's character, and Teddy's... it worked so well!

Teddy's a lovely, complicated character, too! I hope he turns up again in this, because so far he's a brilliant character - charismatic, confident, but perhaps not so, cynical, honest to the point of rudeness, etc. You really do create wonderful characters! :)

Ooh, the mysterious guy... tbh, he's laying it on a bit thick, and it seems a little bit creepy, but I dunno if that's just me... but he's definitely mysterious!

Gah, your writing in this was lovely, too! Just the right amount of detail, no mistakes I could spot, nothing which seemed odd, excellent flow... mah, really, really great! :)

So yeah, I really enjoyed reading this - I'm glad we swapped! - and really surprised this is the first review! Say whaaat? Where is everyone ele?! But yeah, this is a really great start and I hope sometime soon I get to pop back and catch up with it! :)

Aph xx

Author's Response: HELLO!

I'm finally responding to this lovely review and I'm sorry that its taken me such a long time.

I normally don't start my stories with the action happening right off the bat but I thought that since this was going to be a bit different that I'd switch up a bit. You're able to get more swamped with all the information and feelings that way and since I'm evil, I decided to layer it on as heavily as possible as you go along. >:D
Molly is a new type of girl for me to write, I haven't done anyone quite like her before, she's not like Roxanne in "Abandon" or Lord help me she isn't like Astoria from "A Force of Wills" (This is actually a good thing) so I had to find a good balance with her. She's a girl that has so many insecurities that I wanted that to be made evident but not be the only thing that was so great about her.
Teddy, oh, Teddy. His conversation with Molly was brutally honest but there's some truth in it that I wasn't able to ignore and I was glad that I wrote him the way that I did.
My girls slap guys all the time but there's always some sort of reaction and honestly, I'm sure that actually hurts! Like, your palm must sting after that, right?!
Teddy might not show up in this but he does make an appearance in other stories and might be mentioned later but just for you, I'll give him another scene. Muahahaha.
Oh, Ethan! I noticed that he was coming off a bit...creepy so I toned it down in the next chapter. I hope you like him then!

Bwhaha, I'm not a very active user on the site because of some personal issues but my stories are so out there sometimes that a lot of people don't check them out. HAHAHA. D':
This is actually tame compared to some of my others...
Anyhoo, thanks so much for coming to this so long ago and I hope to see you again whenever I scrape the second chapter up here!
Much love,
Gabbie


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Review #77, by AphorideMy Little Secrets: The Voices Inside Your Head

7th February 2014:
Hey there - stopping by from the Ravenclaw Review Battle! :)

This is such an interesting story, and I love the twist you've put on it - with Lucy having so many issues and the voice in her head telling her those horrible things and verbalising all of her insecurities, and then at the end with the other kids pointing and calling out rude comments. It's so bitter, you know, and angsty, but so well done!

I think you did really well with the topics you included as well. None of them are easy things to write about and difficult to handle, but I think you did really well with them - you didn't go too overboard, but you didn't make it seem like light things or easily handled things either :)

I really liked how you characterised Lucy, as well, and Gwen, too. They were so good and seemed so real - with issues and helping each other, and wanting to keep things secret, and not telling each other things which they knew would be hard to say and hear. They were obviously flawed and that was so lovely! :D

I really liked your writing in this as well, it was so clear and lovely. It flowed really nicely and I couldn't find a single mistake, grammar or spelling-wise, was is great! :)

I'm really glad I read this - it's not what I would necessarily normally read, but I like that and it was such an interesting read! :)

Aph xx

Author's Response: Hi!!

This is probably the sweetest review I've gotten from a Review Battle!!

I'm so glad that you enjoyed the story! I wanted to show that life at Hogwarts isn't all roses and daisies. And I wanted to really bury the story in Angst, not just have little dashes of it here and there. It's definitely tough for me to write angst, because my knee-jerk is for fluffy romance. But it was fun to write!!

I'm flattered that you liked my writing in this, thanks for the lovely review!!

xoxo Sarah


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Review #78, by AphorideThis Longing: Divergence

7th February 2014:
Hey there! So, I've been meaning to review this for a while, and when I spotted you in the review tag, I could't resist! :)

I should apologise in advance for this review, since it'll probably just be a lot of squeeing and general confetti-throwing and similar things... ;)

Anyway, this was the first story I read on the archives, you know. Or, at least, the first one I read and favourited and really, really loved. It's honestly my favourite story on here, without a doubt, and I've read it over and over again, and, gah, it's so strange to see that it's finished! Like a kind of milestone, sorta-thing.

I really love stories about Minerva, as I love her character, but the time period with the Chamber and everything has always been fascinating, but I've honestly never found anything which describes it and deals with it in the same way as this does, and as well as this does. It's sort of become my non-canon headcanon, haha, and it's one of the few things where I know it's not canon and I just don't care and love it anyway. It's so easy to imagine this fitting into JKR's world, as well - it would just slot in so beautifully.

Your Minerva is flawless. Well, all your characters are, but Minerva... gah, I'm so terrified of writing her, you know? And you just do her so perfectly... it's amazing. I'm always blown away by that alone whenever I read this. She's just exactly how I'd imagine a young Minerva to be, and I can really see how she'd become the Minerva in the books.

All of the other characters are so good, too. Riddle is just delightfully creepy and twisted... every time he appeared I disliked him more, haha, and Dumbledore was so just like the canon version of him that it was amazing. I really loved how you wrote him in the last bit, with the references to the war and lost love and everything... it was such a bittersweet moment!

I have to mention Tiberius and tell you how much I loved him as a character, how brilliant I still think he is, and how I was rooted for him - not even really for Minerva, haha, stubborn as she was - through the whole thing :) He's probably one of the best OCs I've ever read, and definitely one of the ones which sticks in my mind the best.

Your writing, as always, is beautiful. There were a couple of spelling mistakes in this last chapter, but nothing serious ;) But gah, the way you write is just stunning - I'm always hooked and always just keep reading whenever I click on something of yours.

I loved how you ended it, as well. I love that it wasn't a happy ending, really - how could it be? Myrtle's dead, Hagrid's expelled, Riddle's free, and Tiberius is off to war, and obviously the war is going on... it's not exactly a nice time. But yes, I love it - it's such the right ending for this story, you know? I think if you'd tried to make it happier or angstier with the final goodbye and all, it wouldn't have been quite right...

So yes, this is my favourite ff story of all time, and I love it to pieces, and I can't believe it's over... gah, I'm so blown away by this in total and you're amazing.

I'm going to have to find something else of yours to read now... ;)

Aph xx

Author's Response: Thank you for choosing this story to review for the review tag! It's a treat to have a long story chosen for the tag, and I'm very pleased to hear how much you enjoyed this story. ^_^

Now I'm going to be the one squeeing in this response because reading that this was your first favourite story and that you've been following every since leaves me going asdfghjkl. You've read it multiple times?! Eeek, I can't express how much that means to hear. This story has been a cornerstone for me, and finishing it is a great accomplishment at the same time that it's daunting, almost frightening. Now what? I'm tempted to re-write it as an original story, just so that I can experience the characters' relationships and interactions a second time.

It's fantastic to hear that the story has that much meaning for you - that it has had a similar affect on you as it's had on me. It's hard to let go of it.

Would it be terrible to say that I prefer my Minerva history to JKR's? :P I thought my version was dramatic, but hers... wow. (Writing that version of Minerva is an interesting challenge, and it makes her into a different person - she develops in ways I wouldn't have anticipated, if that makes sense.) I'm so glad that this version of Minerva still fits - it's not what JKR intended, but it still works alongside the books.

She's easier to write than she may seem - think of a Scottish Hermione, driven by a similar desire for knowledge and the freedom it offers, and also driven by passion. Minerva's gloomier than Hermione, a product of her time period more than anything. It'd be fantastic if you did write Minerva - I'd love to see the result!

Thank you for those compliments on the characters! They're everything to this story, and it's wonderful that you enjoyed reading about them and, more importantly, that they've stuck with you. :D

It's not a happy ending, but not entirely unhappy either - the mystery plot did not resolve well, but because of that, Tiberius and Minerva were brought together. The romance plot ends sadly, but there's still hope, especially for Minerva. She's the one with the most potential for a happy ending - she gets the independence she always wanted, yet she's also found friendship. I thought of making it happier, ending the story at the point before Tiberius leaves, but that would be cruel to both characters and readers - it'd be fake. I'm glad that you like this ending. It felt right, and it's great that you agree.

Thank you again!


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Review #79, by Aphoridemurmur.: one.

5th February 2014:
Hey there! Stopping by for the Review Battle in the common room ;) You know, it's strange - I remember reading this for the QTR Halloween Competition, I think, but I never reviewed... so, here I am again!

I have to say that having read this before, it's no less creepy than it was before. I don't get scared by things I read, but this really is creepy and weird and I could imagine someone making a really, brilliantly terrifying horror film out of this you know? Psychological horror... always the worst! ;)

Anyway, I really love this. I love how you've used Rose for your character, as she's such a common character but not commonly used in things like this - not that there is anything quite like this, but horror/dark as opposed to romance. I really like how you've portrayed her as not knowing what the voice is, not making any connection or necessarily trying to work out what it is, not noticing it at first... they're all such wonderful little insights into her character! The little pieces of information the voice tells her about herself as well, are so brilliant and so creepy. I like how, again, they really flesh out her character, but it's creepier than anything when you remember that it's the voice telling her. As though she doesn't know or something.

I don't know what's going on, but the whole thing with the voice and the necklace - potential link? - reminds me a lot of what happened to Ginny when she was possessed, only Rose isn't being possessed as such, it's more of a leech than anything else.

Okay, I'm successfully creeping myself out just by talking about this... well done you for making it so impossibly creepy that that happens! :P

I'm so impressed you wrote this all without the letter 'p' as well. It's one of those letters you don't think you use very often, but then you find out you use it more than you think.

So yes, I loved this. It's wonderfully creepy, really, really well-written, and so impressively done.

You've got to stop impressing me. Seriously. Or, rather, just write more ;)

Aph xx

Author's Response: I'm so glad you liked it :D I have never tried to write anything creepy before this story so I'm really glad it's actually creeping people out, as mean as that sounds!

Thanks for the lovely review!

~Maia


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Review #80, by AphorideAll That Glitters : Spinning Out

1st February 2014:
Hey there! I was so glad to see you re-request since I've really missed reading this story! One of the annoying things about being busy... missing out on things like this... :)

Anyway - first thought, best thought: wow. Just wow. This felt pretty short - I'm not sure if it was short or it was just me and the speed of the action in this - but I don't think it matters at all that much, because this seems to be a pretty important chapter, and I like how it's its own section, you know? I think it needs to be...

See, to me this seems to really be the point where things get dark for Eleanor, where it really hits her that it isn't some kind of game, that people are dying and people will die, and she might die, and that kind of stuff... almost a loss of innocence, if you will. It's always hardest when it's someone you know, and that's, I think, when it really hits you and it becomes real, if that makes sense. So yeah, I think because of that it kinda needed to be on it's own, because what else would you have put with it? And it's such an important moment for Eleanor...

Anyway, I'm rambling!

I love Eleanor as a character, really I do! I honestly don't read Sirius/OC fics, because I never ever like the OCs, pretty much no matter what, so the fact that I even like her is almost a miracle in itself :P But yeah, she's a fabulous character. She's sort of kinda the 'normal' person in the war, seeing what's going on and reacting. I love how she didn't want the boy to do and ran over when he fell to the ground even though she knew it was helpless... it's such a human reaction, and really brings her to life and makes her realistic. I really liked, as well, how she didn't want to be around Sirius at the end, even though he was trying to comfort her - I like that she's not latching onto him or anything, she sort of wants to mourn in private and just be on her own and think, or not think... it's really great characterisation! :)

I looked through this twice to see if there was anything I could comment constructively on for you, but there was honestly nothing at all. No grammar/spelling mistakes, no flow issues... everything's really good!

I really don't think you need to worry at all about things not making sense. To me, it makes perfect sense why Sirius would be a bit more distant with her - he's in the Order, she's not. He's an Auror, she's not. His family are nuts and want to kill him, and he doesn't want to make her a target ;)

I'm really excited to see where this goes from here, because it's such an interesting plot and I'm so curious to see how Eleanor deals with this, if she and Sirius get a little closer now that they've met up again, how their relationship goes (I'm not sure they'll necessarily make it work... I foresee arguments! :P), and, gah, just everything!

I hope I answered all of your areas of concern... I think I did! But yes, I really, really enjoy this story and really regret not having read it in a while!

Please, please re-request! :)

Aph xx

Author's Response: Hey Aph!

Thank so much for your thoughtful review! I really appreciate the feedback!! *hug*

Yah, this is a turning point for Eleanor. Not so much where she decides she's going to go down fighting, but she's thrust into the war a little more strongly than what she was before. She can't be a passive observer of the after affects anymore. You hit it in on the head when you say it's a loss of innocence. I think it's different from when you think you know about the war, when you see people come into the hospital or you read about it in the paper and when you actually experience it first hand. That's not something Hogwarts students would have a lot of experience. Even the Marauders would have a moment when they realize how real it is.

I'm so pleased you like Eleanor!! Ahhh!!! This comment made me go over the moon. She's my first OC that i've ever seriously written about in ff and it's lovely to hear she seems real. She's fun to write and explore. The fact you like her is more than I could even hope for! I'm with you when you say you're unsure of Sirius/OC's. I am too. I usually get annoyed by the OC or they seem like replica's of each other. I also get annoyed at their Sirius' too. Timeturner is one of the few authors that writes a young Sirius that I believe in. I'm really pleased you feel Eleanor has some depth. I put a bit of thought in while writing her. I want her to be her own person, not someone who, as you say, clings on to the man. I'm pleased that shown through here. It has it's good and bad parts as although she's independent, she also shoves people out of her emotional life. Anyway, thank you for those lovely comments about her!

I don't think Sirius would be stupid enough to parade around someone he potentially would like, or parade around a friend who could be hurt. Although me may not understand other people's weaknesses and limitations, he won't put them in danger. Especially with his family and their connections. Also, there is a huge gap of their beliefs that are coming into play. Hogwarts, that didn't matter as much. I think more of those beliefs were assumed to be shared and now that they are in it, they both realize how difficult it is going to be. This gap is going to play later on in their friendship/relationship thing. You're right. It''ll be difficult whatever way it turns out. :)

Thank you so much for your lovely review!!!

Zayne


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Review #81, by AphorideWarfare: 1 September, 2022

1st February 2014:
Hey there - stopping by to drop off your review from the forums ;) Unfortunately, I don't have time to read two chapters, but review the second, but feel free to re-request! :)

So, I really enjoyed this! I like how even though it's a plot line I've seen a couple of times (the characters-in-their-last-year-decide-to-take-on-the-resident-pranking-dons-at-their-own-game one), you've managed to put a pretty original spin on it, which is great to see! Makes it stand out from all the rest ;)

I really like Penelope as a character too. I think it's interesting that this is only her sixth year, but potentially going to be her last because of her mother's illness and her parents not being able to afford to send both of their children to school and that's why it comes up and why they decide to go for it. It's a unique point to start from. I'm curious as well as to the fact that all of Penelope's friends are boys. Are there any girls she talks to/is friends with? It's not necessarily a bad thing, I'm just curious! :P

Her friends are good, too. I like how they've all got pretty distinct personalities - though you might want to make sure they never blur, have their own mannerisms, phrases, etc. just to be careful since sometimes they seem a little similar, though that might just be me! I like how, as well, they didn't all magically meet on the train and become best mates, they became friends through chance, ridiculous childish behaviour and how they're not all in the same year. It's a very believable scenario, and I like that they're in different years - it's different! :)

There were a couple of times I noticed you went down the 'tell' rather than 'show' route. It's nothing major, as such, just that if you read through it again and tried to show, rather than tell, that Chris is Penelope's best friend, for example, instead of just stating it, it would work better ;) Again, particularly at the end, when you say 'the whole compartment erupted' (I'm just picking this up because it's the end, and the end is important!), you then describe what the characters do, which kinda makes it a bit pointless to say that the compartment erupted, if that makes sense. Expanding on the characters' actions would allow for more description, and less telling rather than showing. Of course, that's just my advice, you don't have to follow it - but it's probably something I'd suggest you take a look at ;)

That being said, I couldn't see any grammar/spelling errors, inconsistencies, or anything which jarred the flow of the story, so it's a really strong start, in total!

So yeah, in summary, your characters are great so far, your plot is good, your set-up is great, your writing style is lovely and clear and blissfully mistake-free, the way you've written the plot is unique and interesting, and it's made me pretty curious about what happens next and how things pan out ;)

I really enjoyed this - hope it wasn't too harsh! - and feel free to come back and re-request any time! :)

Aph xx

Author's Response: Hello Aph :)

Not too harsh, more helpful. I've done the 'show' rather than 'tell' before, and got a negative response, so I tried to do kind of both in this chapter? I'm glad you mention it, because now it's something I really want to look into and want to tweak my writing style, like I have with my other story.

I'm glad you think I put an original twist to it. I wanted to really try and give the reader something new but that was kind of cliche at the same time. Familiarity is always a good thing :)

You give me some really good hints for keeping my characters distinct, and I appreciate that so much! This being my second story ever, I hope to try and get as much advice as I can get, especially because I hold characterization so near and dear to my heart :)

Thank you for reviewing!

--Monica


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Review #82, by AphoridePure Intentions: Red Hot

31st January 2014:
Hey there - thanks so much for the swap! I was so excited to return to this story! :)

So, first off, I love how your plot is progressing! You're so good at making the time pass so quickly and easily, without any kind of break in it and awkward transition in time. I'm jealous - I wish I could do that as well as you do! ;) As well, I love how they've now left Hogwarts, growing up, deciding what they want in life, what they want to do in life, etc. That said, this didn't feel like a transition chapter, or a filler or anything - there was plenty of action in here on its own!

I love your characters, as you probably know by now. Your Albus is growing up so nicely - I feel so sorry for him with everything his going through, and how he's having to deal with the idea of Rose and Scorpius, and the idea that he's relieved at the idea of leaving is such a shame, because he's relieved for the wrong reason, you know?

Your Rose is amazing, as well. I love how she's so oblivious to her cousin and Scorpius' relationship, but is still concerned about it. It's such a family-cousinly thing to do, you know, be concerned about someone, but also be oblivious. She's sort of innocent, but not, if that makes sense?

Scorp. Scorp. Scorp. Really needs to get his act together, tbh. It's such a shame, but understandable, that he feels he can't make the decision to be with Albus, despite how he feels. His parents are his family, and that does mean something, you know? It's hard, it's not the easiest thing to do. Poor Scorp. Though he is treating Al badly! Silly boy...

I love Hugo. He's so funny... 'mum, Rose is mauling her boyfriend' - gosh, I'm borrowing that line for use on my sisters, haha! ;) Such a good line, though... Seriously!

But yeah, I'm really enjoying this! I'm so curious to find out what happens... hopefully, Scorp comes to his senses! And hopefully Albus will feel better! He really needs a nice boyfriend, tbh... Scorp? :P

Gah, I really do love this story! Happy writing! :)

Aph xx

Author's Response: Hello!!!

I always worry that I pass over time/events too quickly. A few times while writing this I wished I had decided to make his a novel and really build out the plot into a longer story. Writing what happens after school was a bit of fun. I feel so many stories revolve around school aged kids so it was a bit of a relief to write about someone trying to become an adult.

Albus is going through an emotional growth spurt!! :D Yeah, his relief at leaving was for the wrong reasons. I wish it could have been his excitement to start a new chapter instead of fleeing heartache and sadness.

She's oblivious and yet not so oblivious. I mean, she sees there's something wrong with Al but doesn't connect it with Scorpius (despite knowing that they're bffs).

Scorpius is, well... struggling right now. I don't focus on him *as* much but he does get his own moment later. I'd hate to have that many pressures on my social life though.

:D I'm glad you liked that line!! Writing an annoying younger sibling was quite fun as I was an annoying younger sibling in my day. (okay, I still am...)

hehe, I won't tell you what comes next but it won't be what you're expecting. :P

Thank you so much for a wonderful review!

-rose


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Review #83, by AphorideSmall Miracles: Small Miracles

31st January 2014:
Hey there! So, I got to this because MissesWeasley123 directed me to it in a review swap instead of asking me to review something of hers. Just so you know who to thank, rather than thanking me for this ;)

So, as it happens, I've actually read some of your stuff before - Methuselah, and maybe something else, but I can't quite remember - so I was pretty sure this was going to be good before I started.

Of course, this was amazing. I love love love how you didn't name any of the characters in it (except for McGonagall but I'm not really counting her as such :P), since it lent an air of mystery to it without diminishing any of the emotion. In a way, it enhanced it - kinda like the idea of the tomb of unnamed soldier, you know, where it's the symbolism of the loss garnered and the loss of innocence and total number of lives... and then, at the end when you pulled it back to 'reality', I guess, with the mention of 'dad, it was so lovely and managed to bring the two sides of it together. The metaphysical loss and total loss, and the personal loss of a girl's father. At least, that was my interpretation of it (and I thought it was incredibly difficult and yet you did it so perfectly), I don't know if that was what you meant... ;)

I loved as well how you didn't include any dialogue in this, how it was all description. It reminded me sort of of a silent movie or something, or seeing photographs on a wheel, you know, with no sound to accompany them... it's a pretty chilling effect. Your description, as well, was gorgeous. Just gorgeous. Every word fits so well in this - I don't know if you sat down and thought about each one, but whether you did or didn't, it's spectacular writing!

There were a couple of mistakes I spotted - 'victims eyes' should be 'victim's eyes', and 'Mcgonagall' should be 'McGonagall' - but they didn't upset anything at all, and they're just small little things, easy to change ;)

The level of detail in this was brilliant too. I loved the mentions of McGonagall's accent, rolling the 'r's, the black pigtails, the warmth of her hand, the crunch of cracking crisps. Okay, so a lot of those are descriptive, but it was all so good! :)

So yes, I really, really enjoyed this! I'm so glad I was asked to review it, because otherwise I might never have found it and that would have been a real shame.

Have yourself a favourite story while I go grab a cup of tea and some chocolate to cheer myself up ;)

Aph xx

Author's Response: Thanks so so much Aph!! This review still blows me away whenever I read it. I think you're the one with the attention to detail - you picked things up in here that I think i missed :D.

I'm so happy you enjoyed it! I'm glad you picked up that I was trying to show sort of the magnitude but also the impact of the loss in the war. I's so easy to dehumanize characters that we never meet, only knowing that they have died, so I felt like I had to make it personal, if that makes sense.

I rarelythink about every word, so I'm glad it turned out so well for you :)

Again, I'm so happy you've enjoyed it and thank you again and again for the amazing review ( don't worry, I've thanked Nadia too).

I hope you enjoyed that tea and chocolate, as it sounds quite wonderful ;)

~Gilly


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Review #84, by AphoridePure Intentions: Red Rose

28th January 2014:
Hey there! So I'm so glad I found an excuse to come back to this story - it's really awesome! :)

This is still such a unique story and I'm so hooked to it! You really know exactly how to pull me in and make me want to read on and know what happens. I love how unconventional their relationship is and how they're both on different pages and think about it in different ways. It really highlights their characters and beliefs, you know, as well as the differences in their home lives and the expectations their parents put on them.

Your characters have only grown in strength and complexity from the last chapter and I think they'll just get better and better! I love how Albus feels so wounded by what's going on and that they had something, even if it wasn't a proper relationship, and that it meant something to him, and how conversely, Scorpius either doesn't think that way or is telling himself that it's impossible because of his parents' wishes.

I liked, as well, how Albus was strong enough to turn around and refuse to be sort of kept on the sidelines and just get whatever was left over from Scorpius' relationship with Rose. It's not something I often see in ff, which is a shame because it's a very human thing to do, and it's a realistic approach. It adds to his character, as well, that he's not willing to compromise on it - it's either all or nothing, whereas Scorpius is trying to have both, you know, in a way?

Rose... gah, I can't help but feel sorry for Rose, you know! She doesn't know what she's broken up, and how she's effected their relationship... she's really pretty innocent in all of this, so I definitely can't think of her as the 'bad guy', so to speak. It's not her fault.

Poor Albus :(

I loved his chat with Harry, as well - your Harry was great! The way you wrote him was so good, and I liked the mention of asking Hermione for advice and wishing his own parents were around to help out and advise as well. Really loved that scene! :)

So yeah, I really love this! Keep writing (I have to know what happens!) :)

Aph xx

Author's Response: Hi Aphoride!

I'm really excited you've come back for more!! :D

I can't tell you how excited I am that you're getting a bit hooked to this story! I wanted them to be a bit unconventional by deciding to be friends in public but act otherwise in privte. In Scorpius' mind, their relationship changed while he was at home on break but he didn't think to tell Albus that. *sigh* Perhaps it was just because he never talked seriously about their relationship in the first place. Both boys are products of their upbringing - for better or worse.

For Albus, what they had in private was their true relationship and how they were in front of people was just a ruse. Somehow he became convinced that Scorpius really saw him as a boyfriend. Thankfully, Albus only spends a few chapters as a wounded puppy. :)

I couldn't have Albus be a complete push over. It was hard for me to justify his sideline role when he and Scorpius were together so when it came to not just being in a hidden relationship, but not being the primary relationship person, he needed some backbone to say no to that. Scorpius is every bit as lost though. They both have such a far ways to go.

Rose is a bit oblivious to what's going on. I think she's the type of person who doesn't second guess others. So when Scorpius shows her affection, she accepts it without question and when her cousin is upset, she doesn't dig terribly deep.

I loved writing Harry's chat with Albus. It was hard to get him to the right combination of understanding, awkwardness, and support. I wasn't sure if it'd be too "Hogwarts Era" of him to want to consult Hermione so I'm glad it worked. :D

Thank you so much for an excellent review! I can't tell you how excited I am that you like this story.

-Rose


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Review #85, by AphorideTo Have and to Hold: In the Still of Night

27th January 2014:
Hello, there! So, when I saw that this was an Albus/Gellert, I simply had to stop by - genuinely, I couldn't have simply wandered past - and check it out. I adore them to bits! :)

I really like this! Obviously this is more of a prologue-y sort of chapter, really, than an action packed one, but I like that and I think it fits with the time, you know? Their mother's only recently died, things aren't quite as tense/difficult as they get later on... this is, in essence, almost the calm before the storm, in a way, for all of them.

I loved the way you wrote both Albus and Aberforth. Albus is such a difficult character to write in general, and in particular when he's young because, gah, he's just Albus, you know? He has a distinct manner and way of speaking, and it's tough to do... so I think you've done so, so well with him. You could have taken away his name and I would still have known exactly who he was from the beginning, pretty much.

I think, however, that your Aberforth is brilliant, too. We don't hear all that much about him in the books, other than that he was closer to Ariana than Albus was, was a member of the Order, saved Harry's life, looked after Dobby and kept goats... that's not that much to go on, but I think you've really taken him as a character and made him your own and developed him further. I like how he seems to consider himself as Ariana's primary carer, and not Albus, and is so loyal and devoted to her that he'd sell goat's milk in order to look after her. You've really shown the differences between them, setting it up really nicely for fireworks later on ;)

One thing - at the beginning, you'll do better at creating tension or fear or the idea of being chased if you use short, snappy sentences. Yours at the moment are a bit too long, really, and take away from the feeling, I think. Also, be sure to try and keep references to objects, clothes, styles, etc. in keeping with the period - 'pictures', in frames or not, would have been called 'photographs' then ;)

I'm so curious about where you go with this, how you take it and how your characters develop. Obviously we know the ending, but so far this is really good and interesting, and I'd love to know how you spin it out from here! Really, really good start! :)

Aph xx

Author's Response: I'm glad you like them! I've seen a lot of people who don't like to read about Albus Dumbledore when he was younger, or with someone. I'm glad you stopped by!

Yes, this was my test run/character development chapter to make sure I could actually pull off the story. Haha. Though I did try to make it as appealing as possible, it was mostly exposition.

Oh wow! I'm so happy you think I did a good job on Albus! He was definitely the scariest prospect, but I found once I actually got to it, it wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be. haha. Aberforth was just natural, which I found to be a little odd.

You're right! Thank you for pointing that out. I'll have to go and edit it.

Actually, it's AU, for the What If Challenge, and my prompt was "What if Ariana never died," so we don't know how it will end. *creepy music* Haha. Thank you so much for the swap, I'm really glad you liked it.

Until next time! RHJ


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Review #86, by AphoridePlay the Devil: Prologue

25th January 2014:
Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, how have I possibly missed this?! How have I not seen this before? Because, like, Tudors and medieval England is my thing - gah, I studied it, I love it, I read all the fiction about it! - and this is so amazing...

So yeah, I'm so so glad I've finally found/got a chance to read this - expect it to be added to my reading list and a favourite soon enough ;)

I loved the first section, I have to say that first. With time, and all that jazz, the talking about the map fo time, the way you described it almost like a tapestry or a piece of spun silk... such a beautiful, lovely metaphor! And the way, like how JKR did with Death in the Tale of the Three Brothers, you characterised Time, made him alive and person-like, gave him a personality and the capacity to feel emotion - hatred, spite, etc. Such a lovely addition! :)

I love the idea that Rose is suffering from going back in time, that she's, effectively, dying because of it, but she doesn't really regret it. It's such a powerful start (and end, I guess, in a way) for her and says so much about what happened and how she felt about it... she's such a wonderful character so far - a criminal, dying, still desperately in love, almost hopeless, clever... such a unique bunch of traits! I don't think I've seen a character quite like her before.

So, the king... Richard III... I'm so curious as to why you chose him. I mean, I think he's pretty fascinating (even more so since his body was discovered! - I'm guessing that's why you mentioned Leicester University? :P), but he's not known as a popular king... still, that just makes him more fascinating. I love the idea that somehow he fell in love with Rose, because she would have been a complete stranger in that era, no idea how to manage it, and, gah, I'm just so curious! :) I loved the little details of the time, as well, with the ermine over his shoulders and the doublets and things... so good! :)

Just as an fyi - I'm pretty hot on all the historical events around that time, peerage at the time, etc. so if you need anything to do with that, feel free to pm me and I'll help as best I can! :)

This is an incredibly unique idea and I love it already. I'm definitely going to come back to this and read on at a later date - favourite and reading list, for sure! Because I'm just going to have to finish this story - you've completely hooked me! :)

I love this. Seriously.

Aph xx

Author's Response: Hello! :)

Yay, another history lover! :D I'm so glad you got a chance to come check this out, it's so exciting to hear from others interested in medieval England. :)

I'm glad you liked it! I really loved writing it and imagining what it might be like to see Time. I really loved that metaphor as well so I'm really glad you commented on it. I felt that in a time travel story, it's all pretty unbelievable anyway, so throwing in Time as a character would help with the fantastic quality to it.

Yes! Rose has to pay a price for her actions, and I felt like it was important to play around with the timeline throughout the story even if it gets a little confusing. :P It really means a lot to hear you like her character so far - of course, she still has a long way to go before getting to that point, but I do love writing her so much.

Haha yes, good picking up on Leicester University there. :P I'm not really sure what draws him to me either, I suppose because he's so infamous and controversial that it's a challenge to turn him into an appealing character. I'm really interested in historical propaganda and how history sees Richard, and despite having such a bad reputation his actual personality is quite unknown and his life is tragic in its way. I could never write a time travel romance about Henry VIII, for example. :P

Ah I will definitely take you up on that! :) I've been a little slower on writing this story since NaNo ended but the part I'm working on now is very political and involves a lot of historical detail, so I need all the help I can get. :P Thank you!

I'm so excited that you liked this, and I hope you continue to enjoy it! :D This story really is my baby and I get really excited about it, so hearing that you like it is really wonderful!

Thanks so much for the beautiful review! :D ♥


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Review #87, by AphorideGone: I'll Love You Long After You're Gone, Gone, Gone

25th January 2014:
Hey there - stopping by for our review swap! I thought I'd review this since I saw it had only gone up recently and it sounded so interesting! :)

I love the idea behind this. That it all surrounds Blaise and Charlotte, and eventually their child and the song kinda leads you through their relationship - from not really knowing each other, to liking each other, to falling in love and then after her death. It's such a complex journey to take, but you deal with it so well!

Technical things, though, which I have to mention: you really want to check the archive guidelines for song fics. You need to reference the artist/owners of the song and say it's not yours and I think there's a restriction on how many lines of text which isn't yours you can use - I think maybe three? - but it's been a while since I've written one! If you're unsure, check with a validator ;) Don't want you to get in trouble!

That being said, I love how you've followed their relationship from the beginning to the end with snapshots of their lives together, you know? It really brings them to life and highlights the important things they faced and how they dealt with them, while their relationship developed along the way. It really gives both of them a depth they wouldn't have had otherwise.

I loved the sections you picked to show us, as well. Like, some of them weren't necessarily the most important event in their lives, but they showed us something about them, you know, and their personalities and trials and things. You showed us the things which developed them, which was so lovely and really clever! :)

I'm pretty surprised this is your first song fic, tbh! The song really works with the story - they really merge together and compliment each other - and it flows so well.

Your writing is lovely. You could maybe add some more description, but I love how you focus on the feelings and actions, rather than describing every little thing, and the way you write your characters is so believeable. They seem so real - and kudos to you for writing Gabriella so well! Writing young children is always so hard, because it's so hard to get their age and vocabulary and things right, but you really, really nailed it! :)

So, I really love the concept of this, your writing is lovely, your characters are really, really good, you've done so well with difficult topics... this is a really good, bittersweet one-shot! I really liked it! :)

Aph xx

Author's Response: When I saw the validator thing I had to instantly stop and check. This is the rule: "Non-songfics may contain no more than 3-4 lines of lyrics per chapter. Please keep in mind that we do not allow karaoke-style fics on this site. Characters may not sing more than 3-4 lines of lyrics per chapter, regardless of whether or not the story is labeled as a songfic." And I did say the song and title in my summary so I wouldn't forget to credit Phil Philips.

Thank you! Everyone has been saying I wrote the child well which is a relief... I don't like to make people sound younger than they are so I try to be very careful... When I go back through and add some more scenes I'll throw in some more description. I just wanted to take advantage of the 0 hour queue :)I always try and make characters a first priority. It would break my heart to have someone say "Oh your scenery is lovely but your characters are flat..."

I am glad you liked the one-shot overall! :)

XOXOXOX,
LLG


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Review #88, by Aphoridebutterfly heart.: butterfly heart loves lilac girl

25th January 2014:
Hey there! So I was so excited to see you'd posted this up - I love pretty much everything you write and your stories are always so fascinating and fresh and shiny :)

This, of course, wasn't an exception ;)

It's odd, because although it's a rare, unusual pairing, I've actually seen quite a few stories about on various sites and things with it :P I've never read one before, though, but I loved it!

I love how you talked about the way Katie thought of Fleur as perfect for so, so long, you know? Thought she was amazing and beautiful and perfect and everything, and then, the ending, where she realises she's just as human as the rest of them... it was almost bittersweet, in the way that it kinda implied to me almost that Katie hadn't really understood Fleur, really, until that point, because she's idolised her and loved her for perfection, and then, only after that does she love her for her, as it is.

But then, that's just my interpretation ;)

I loved Katie's voice in this as well. It's so strong and I love the way she writes/talks - it's almost poetic. I liked how it was obviously an older voice, as well, as though Katie was talking to an older Fleur, telling her about them. Some of the lines in here were phenomenally beautiful, and you used repetition so, so well - I'm kinda jealous! :P

I liked how you wove it in with canon, too. I'm a huge canon-fan, haha, which probably explains it, but I liked how it was an unconventional romance, really. How Fleur was married, and they didn't really have a relationship after GoF and all that, except that they kinda did because they had a relationship of sorts and they loved each other... the little cameo by Victoire was so sweet.

I have to admit, there was a point when Katie was talking about other girls, that I genuinely wondered if this was going to end up as a Katie/Luna and thought THAT WOULD BE AWESOME. But it didn't, and it was still awesome anyway :)

I loved all the metaphors as well. Actually, I love your writing, full stop. It's just so gorgeous - and this really, really brought it out. Your style in this is fabulous.

So, yeah, you might not be able to tell, but I love this. If you're not on my favourite author list already, you will be soon (I can't remember if you are or not... my bad!)!

Aph xx

Author's Response: Hey Hun! Sorry this response has taken so long, oops.

I'm so glad you liked the story! I had so much fun writing this.

I've never seen another story of these two, but I might try and seek some out, haha! I can't honestly think why someone would ship them without being prompted because they never interact in canon, but I've fallen in love with them while writing this, so I'm not complaining XD

I don't really know why, but it never even occurred to me to make this an AU. It was so much more interesting to try and fit it into canon - and so much more heartbreaking, really, because I already knew Fleur had to end with someone else. Though I guess end up is subjective, because I kind of like to think a few years after this story ends, Fleur comes to her senses and goes back to Katie ;)

THOUGH A KATIE/LUNA WOULD HAVE BEEN AWESOME. Wow, now you've got me wanting to write a sequel where that happens. Luna would be the perfect breath of fresh air and originality to make Katie get over Fleur. Maybe Luna is the heliotrope princess after all, hahaha!

Ahh, just thank you for this awesome review! Your one of my fave authors on this site so I get so happy to know you like my work XD

~Maia


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Review #89, by AphorideBlatching: Prologue

24th January 2014:
Hey there - stopping by with your requested review! Sorry it's taken me so long to get here - I was hoping to get here earlier, but I've been incredibly busy lately, so unfortunately my review thread has suffered a bit. I'm here now, though! :)

I really enjoyed this story, as well! While I don't tend to read Next Gen Quidditch stories on my own, I really liked this one! It had the right amount of action/teasing information in this for a prologue and was about just the right length for one, too. So a good start ;)

One thing I'd mention, speaking of beginnings, is that you might want to take another look at your first two paragraphs. I think you could improve them, tbh, and make them a bit more attention-grabbing. Perhaps instead of saying she was sitting on her bed, going over Quidditch tactics, maybe describe what she's doing a bit more, say if she's feeling stressed or tired or something? I think it just needs to be a bit more fleshed out, if you know what I mean :)

I love Charlie as a character, though. I love how you've given her a fairly common name and a pretty normal nickname, and an ordinary hair colour and things. Well away from Mary Sue territory! ;) I like how she's not necessarily the most social of people, sporty but not brilliant and so has to really work at it, has friends but doesn't tend to date. It's a really good premise and a nice change to see an OC who isn't brilliant at Quidditch! ;) The only thing I'd say is is it really relevant to the story for her to be Head Girl? Is she particularly clever/has enough time to dedicate to doing both jobs, since both would take up quite a bit of time? It seems a bit much to me for her to be doing both, tbh.

I liked the scene with Al and Scorpius as well. It was a nice little interlude, and it worked really well in the prologue, to set it up - teasing us with the possibility of Charlie/Al romance!

The main thing I would say about this, in terms of improvement, is that in a lot of your description and things you tend to write short, one-clause sentences and often starting with the same word, eg. 'she'. I'd recommend trying to follow the rule of only starting one sentence in any given paragraph with the a particular word (so you can only use 'she' once in a paragraph, for example), and combining short sentences together. For example, 'This girl is way out of your league! But I know you'll just love her!' can be combined to make 'This girl is way out of your league, but I know you'll just love her'. It'll improve the flow of the chapter ;)

Honestly, though, even with those little technical things, this is a really good start! Your characters are all pretty strong so far, your plot's good and off well, it works really well as a prologue... I like it! :)

Feel free to re-request! :)

Aph xx

Author's Response: Oh my gosh, thanks so much! That was an amazing review, so I'm really sorry it took so long to respond. I haven't been on here much since school started again after winter break, and now that I'm on a snow day, I figured I should check out what's going on! So, yeah, I know what you mean about being super busy. D:

Anyway, this was a super-helpful review. I agree with everything you said, including the part about the head girl thing. I've been thinking about that a lot lately and I think you're right. I should probably omit that part, just because, as I'm sure you can probably already tell, this is a story that revolves almost completely around Quidditch. The only non-Quidditch thing in this story is Charlie's friend Olivia. So, yeah, I'll probably go back and get rid of that part. I may just make her a prefect, because I still want it to be known that she's a "good kid with good grades" kind of person.

I've already started editing, using your comments, so thanks so much for this review! It was perfect in every way. :D

~Smit


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Review #90, by AphorideDouble-Oh Potter: Double-Oh Potter

24th January 2014:
Hey there - stopping by from the review tag on the forums! :)

So I really loved this! As soon as I saw this on your page, I knew I just had to read it - I adore murder mysteries/mysteries in general, so this is exactly my kind of fic. I was really surprised by the reveal and, well, let's just say what was up with Professor Ryan, but that just makes it even better!

(On another note, I am completely surprised that I'm the first person to review this. Like seriously. I'm assuming everyone else got lost on the way or something because this seriously deserves more reviews...)

I love James' character in this. How he's clever but puts no effort into his schoolwork, but lots when he thinks there's a chance something's in. His tailing Professor Ryan suggests he's both observant and talented and good at tracking and stealth and things... I loved his reaction, as well! It was such a typical teenage boy response, you know? It really fitted him so well, and was so realistic.

In fact, all your characters were great! They were all so realistic and different from each other, with their own characteristics and pretty well developed for a one-shot!

The plot and mystery was so well done! I loved how you didn't end it with the reveal and included the last scene - it was so funny! Your writing as well, is gorgeous. It flows so well and your dialogue is really, really good!

Just a couple of small things! Firstly, in a formatting thing - if you're writing online with a line between each paragraph, like I'm doing in this review, then you don't need an indentation at the beginning of each line ;) It's not that big a deal though, just a technical thing. The other thing is that this sentence gets a bit confusing: "...but the observer was too clever for him. He muttered something..." I know what you mean, but since you've written 'the observer' beforehand, then 'he' refers to 'the observer' not Professor Ryan. I was a bit confused, but worked it out from context, but I thought I'd let you know anyway :)

So yeah, apart from those little things, this was really, really great! I'm so glad I read this - I really enjoyed it! :)

Aph xx

Author's Response: This review has absolutely made my day ♥

It's a brand new piece! So hopefully it will be discovered by other soon enough :)
I had SO much fun writing the first draft. Which this version mostly resembles. James is one of my favorite next-gen characters so it was exciting to feature him.

I'm so glad you liked my characters! I've got an entire version in my head of how the next-gen characters turn out and I'm happy that they translate as well developed.

As for formatting, I don't change any of my formatting when I post, so it's whatever was in my processor. I don't think I'll ever take the time to change it :P
And the other bit, about that sentence, I'll probably edit this at some point, I usually read through it a few months after I post and realize I've missed a few things so I'll make note of it and try to fix it.

THANK YOU SO MUCH.

xoxo
Shiloh


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Review #91, by AphorideThe Second Act: Act One

23rd January 2014:
Hey there, stopping by for our review swap! :)

I really enjoyed this! I love Teddy/Victoire and minor characters and unusual pairings, so when I saw this on your page I just had to read it!

I love that you made it so believable and not the 'conventional' pairing in fanfiction, you know? With Victoire marrying Teddy first, having kids with him and being in the 'perfect fairytale romance', and then Teddy dying and her falling in love again with Dennis and remarrying. I love that. Seriously. It's so nice and fresh to see something new on the archives - and this is really unique! :)

Victoire's character is so lovely, as well. I love how she's clever and talented but still worries about exams, because it's so realistic. The way you carried her, and us, through the individual scenes you showed was so good - I loved how she grew up through them, but also was still decidedly her, you know?

Teddy was so sweet, too! So cheeky and perhaps not quite so talented as Victoire. I loved the way you mentioned that he could have had a better position in the Ministry, but how he didn't want to joyride on Harry's fame, as it really shows such depth to his character!

I have to say, when I first read this I was a bit confused by how it was an unusual/rare pairing, since it said Teddy/Victoire, but I really, really love how you built it up with the fairytale-style romance - childhood sweethearts and all that jazz - and then made it crash with Teddy's death and Victoire's remarriage.

Your writing in this was so lovely, too. It was really clear, free of mistakes, and your description was great too (though maybe a little bit more here and there? Then again, I tend to write a lot, so feel free to ignore that if it's just me ;D). I really loved your dialogue - you write it so well!

The details you included in this were great, too! You really developed the setting of this and the characters. I loved how Victoire mentioned how her mother passed away, and how she didn't want her whole family in the hospital. It was those little things which really helped bring the sense of time to it.

This was a really lovely one-shot! We should swap again in the future so I can finish reading this (I have a terrible memory otherwise...) ;)

Aph xx

Author's Response: Hey, thanks so much for the swap. I feel really bad about the mix-up with yours. But hey, at least I noticed!

I'm glad that it caught your eye!

I'm really really happy that you thought she was still her own character. I really worried while writing this, because I don't like it when somebody's life is defined entirely by another person.

Awww, Teddy is really just a big Teddy bear (har...har...har...).

I totally agree that I could use more description. That's something I constantly have to work on.

Thank you so much for such a great review! We will have to swap again, I'd love to get more feedback from you.


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Review #92, by Aphoridefalling away with you: falling away with you

22nd January 2014:
Hey Kiana! Just dropping by - I saw you mention this on the forums and was curious enough that I just had to stop by! :)

First off, it's a really interesting pairing! Draco is a lot older than Rose and they don't seem like they'd really interact so much, you know? But you've really made it work, somehow, and it's angsty and sort of solemn and kinda reminds me of a watercolour painting, with all the art references.

I loved Rose's character, as well, I thought she was so realistic - bored in her job, doing things she enjoys but isn't making that much money at, old enough to know what she wants but young enough that she doesn't think in the same way as Draco does, and about the consequences as much. I like that it's so easy to tell she's a young woman, independent and clever, and she's very much herself, if that makes sense. Like she's not defined by anything in particular - things make up her, instead. Anyway, in short, she's a fabulous character ;)

Draco is so good here, too! You write him so well! I love how you don't really talk much about their families, instead focusing on them - it works so well - and how his family is sort of destroyed, and his life is still really not great after the war, despite it being so many years. It's such a bleakly realistic (if that makes sense) portrayal of him, and it makes me feel kinda sad for him, you know, that things didn't work out for him. I loved the touches of him we know from the books you put in - the references to the fights with Ron and Hermione, the mention of his mother, the smirks.

It was so smooth and solemn, the way you pulled them together. Like, they're interested in each other, but it's sort of a slow, calm sort of thing, rather than a rushed, passionate affair. I loved that - most relationships in fanfiction are the rushed, passionate sort and I liked that this was sort of calmer and more sedate but still deeply emotional. I'm probably not making any sense, haha...

The ending was so bittersweet! So disappointing that they care about each other so much, they get on so well and then everything just sort of ends, because in the end it just won't work. I loved how Ron and Hermione reacted badly, and Rose was sure it could work anyway, and how Draco went away and thought about it and made a decision based more on the logical ideas of their corresponding ages and the future and what would happen then. It's sweet because it shows he's thought about the prospect of a future for them, and that he cares about her because he doesn't want to make her do that, but also so bitter for her because it's not the way she looked at it or looks at it, even at the end.

Gah, conflicting views! I love, as well, how even though it's angsty, it's not an overload of angst, you know? There's just enough angst and just enough romance and it all flows so beautifully. Your writing is so gorgeous here, as well - so many lovely sentences and descriptions...

So yeah, I really enjoyed this! This was so lovely and bittersweet and solemn. Really, really wonderful.

Laura xx

Author's Response: Aw, thanks so much for coming by and reviewing this and the favourite author too, it really means so much to me and I want you to know that! ♥

Haha, yes, I think that's why rare pairings are so much fun because you really have to try and figure out how on earth can this ship possibly ever make sense and that's the best thing about writing them, so I'm so glad that you thought it fitted together.

I'm so glad that you liked Rose because I was trying to show her as this young and naive girl who never had to experience war unlike Draco, but I thought she almost came off a little too free spirited at times :P Haha, yes I think she would definitely be independent and I'm glad you picked up on that because it's one link to Hermione as she always looked past former prejudice so I guess that's why Rose does too.

Aw, thank you and I'm glad that you liked the lack of family mentions too because I feel as if that drama of the Weasleys and the Malfoys is brought into next gen a little too often at times and sometimes we just need to forget about it now and then. But poor Draco though, I really need to be nicer to him in stories but as horrible as it sounds I don't think he had a too happy life after the war because those things would always come back and haunt him. I'm glad that you liked the touches to the books though because I felt something like that was needed given how strange the pairing was :P

Haha, you are making sense don't worry at all! I know what you mean because it may just be me but whenever I've been in a relationship I always knew the person before and knew that I liked them, because that just makes sense in real life so why not in fanfiction too? :P Plus, I think Draco will always be too reserved to go leaping into things!

I know, I was toying right up until the last minute whether it should be happy or not but in the end, I think while they lasted for a while it could never be something forever. I'm glad that you liked Draco's reaction because I wanted to show the softer and more reflective side that I imagine he had after suffering throughout the war. Gah, hearing all what you're saying makes me want to change it to a happy one but it just wouldn't work.

Gah, I don't even know how to respond to the last few comments as they're just so lovely and amazing! All I can say really is thank you for such an amazing review which is still making me smile days later, you really are great Laura! :D

-Kiana


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Review #93, by AphorideThis Devilry: Chapter Four

22nd January 2014:
Hey there! I'm so glad I've got another chance to come back to this story - I really do love it so much! :)

I love your Ginny. More than anything or anyone else, she just shines in this story! I've never read anything which deals with this and portrays her so well. She's so much like the canon!Ginny it's unreal. I love how you've managed to capture her struggle and fight against what's happening to her, along with her fear and confusion about what's going on.

You are so so good at writing description and action and blending things together so I don't really notice things changing, it just sort of happens to me, lol. I love the use of the sea and the way she thinks of the Chamber of Secrets and the serpent, and how Ron saves her... it's such an incredibly powerful scene, and so scary since I didn't even realise what was going on until Ginny found out.

Again, I love how you make Ginny hesitant about going back to therapy - of course, it's not always easy to admit things, you feel foolish or stupid or incapable, and Ginny's always been strong and she has a family who depend on her to be there, so it's such a wonderful conflict, even surrounding what's happening to her.

I love her jealousy, as well. How she's jealous of Fleur and Hermione for being so well put-together and seeming to be so well sorted out and confident and happy in their lives with so few discernible problems... it's such a realistic emotion.

Gah, all your characters are so spot on! And the plot is incredible, as you well know ;) It's simunltaneously creepy and terrifying that those sorts of things can happen to her, without her even noticing, to the point that she doesn't really understand when she comes round. It's really reminiscent of the implications of possession in the second book, and it's such a scary idea, to lose control like that.

This is just so good. I love your plot, and you never fail to make me desperately curious as to what's going to happen next, how Ginny's going to react and just hope that she gets better, and sorts things out. Honestly, this is one of my all time favourites already, and it's only 6 chapters long at the moment! :)

Please update soon! :)

Aph xx

Author's Response: I really wanted to bring out elements of canon Ginny that are often ignored or misinterpreted, so I'm glad that worked well and you could see them here. After working on this story, I don't know how anyone can hate Ginny. She's not my favorite, but I can't deny the ways in which she and Harry are just really perfect for one another.

It was interesting to put Ginny's family, on whom she's always depended, around her following the incident in the ocean, in such a way that she just felt a big claustrophobic. Her nightmares and visions are really robbing her of everything she holds dear, and I can't wait to see her try to fight back against those evil forces. While understandable, her jealousy is going to be a big sticking point for her, and it's something with which she'll have to deal eventually.

Ginny's experience in canon was so interesting and I was honestly surprised not to find more stories that explore it. Oh well, more fun for me, right?

Thanks for your awesome review!

-Amanda


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Review #94, by AphorideShadow: Shadow

16th January 2014:
Hey there! Sorry for being a bit late with getting to this - I've been surprisingly busy over the Christmas/Winter holiday period. I'm here now, though ;)

And wow. Just wow. Gosh, this is amazing. I read a lot of dark/horror, in fanfiction and out, and this is honestly one of the best written and most original one-shots I've read in a long time. Expect a favourite after this! :)

So, after that, I want to apologise if this review is a little short and gushing, etc. :)

Genuinely, like I said before, this is seriously one of the most original one-shots I've read in a long time, possibly ever read. It's such a unique idea! I'm a huge fan of mythology myself, and I've always loved the possibility of including some bit of mythology in one of my stories, and I have to say that this was a pretty tough challenge, given that an incubus is quite a tricky figure of mythology.

You did so well with this, though! Honestly, I loved this. I loved how you really used the mythology in the story, and the detailing of it was so excellent! I loved the idea of incubi and succubi fathering/mothering children who go on to become famous and influential people... in a strange way, it makes sense :P The voice of incubus was amazing, as well - it was such an interesting take on it, the way you made the incubus proud of his accomplishments, in a way, and what his children had done. It was such wonderful characterisation and use of the mythology.

I loved how it tied into Albus Dumbledore, as well. I have to admit that I really wasn't expecting that (I thought maybe it would be Snape, given you said it was in the north - I got a bit confused :P but that was my fault, not yours ;D), but it makes such sense when I think about it! I also love how you mentioned other incubi fathering other children, and the one in the east of europe who claims he's fathered a child who will tear down the definitions of good/evil or something like that... Gellert, perhaps? :P

The details in this were wonderful, the description was amazing... gah, this was just a wonderful, wonderful one-shot. Favourited. Absolutely.

Feel free to re-request later with anything else! :)

Aph xx

Author's Response: Hi there! No worries- this was a lovely surprise to get! :D Thanks for coming by!

I'm so happy that you liked it! It was one of the more horror-oriented stories I've written, so it's really lovely to hear you thought it was well written and original. It really means a lot! :)

I love mythology too! It's wonderful to get the chance to tie in myths and legends to stories. I agree, the incubus is quite tricky, but I had a lot of fun imagining how it might fit into the wizarding world and into canon.

Ah, I thought the idea of incubi being the parents of extremely talented people fit so well with HP! I'm really happy you thought it made sense. It's lovely to know you liked his voice- in a way, I imagined that his own true accomplishment or impact on the world was fathering great children, so that's all he really has to hang onto.

Confused isn't such a bad thing! :P I was hoping readers would have that moment of realization, hehe. I'm glad you liked the mention of the mysterious other child- good job guessing. :P

Thank you so much for this absolutely beautiful review! :) It was ever so wonderful and really made my day! :D ♥


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Review #95, by AphorideEffortlessly Dead: Death Comes Calling

16th January 2014:
Hey there! I'm so so sorry it took me so long to get to this - it's a bit ridiculous, tbh - but I've been incredibly busy with RL, exams and essays and then holidays minus internet connection, so it's been a while! Anyway I'm here now! :)

First off, I have to say that I love your premise! I love the idea of a family of wizards who are trained killers and take hits for a living. Since it happened in the muggle world, it's incredibly likely it happened in theirs, you know? So yeah, I love the idea that they've been in hiding as well - helps make them more mysterious and build it up ;)

Your writing is so clean and clear, as well. It's so easy to read and you have such a lovely style. It's really, really great! You asked me about brit-picking, but, seriously, I couldn't find anything in here. No non-Brit terms for things, nothing at all - and I did look! ;) Grammar and spelling and everything was brilliant as well!

On top of that, I really like your characters so far. Obviously, we haven't seen all that much of them so far, apart from perhaps Galen, but you've given me enough to make me curious. I love how they're all so different, despite working in a morgue - like Galen seems so relaxed around the dead, and how you mentioned that Rosie (Weasley?) screamed when she saw the 'floater', and how Mac is the man in charge but always smiling... it's really, really great basis for the rest of it and they seem so real already!

A quick note - I loved the lingo you used as well. The way you said 'floater' and things. It really gave me the impression of a group of people who sort of mainly stuck around together and came up with abbreviations and things of their own.

The beginning, as well, was so great. I liked how you didn't show us the actual murder itself, or tell us why or who it was, so that we find all that out later. The analogous use of the cat and mouse was brilliant too - I loved how you segued so neatly from one to the other, and used both to show us a glimpse of the killer, as it were.

Speaking of the killer, I liked how you made the mention of what her grandfather had told her, and then had her refuse to thing about sentimentality and just sort of ignore sentimental ideas. It was a lovely, human touch to give her.

I'm really curious about this story! I love the idea of an assassin family, and them coming above ground again, so to speak, and I'm so curious to know what happens, who they kill, what their motives are (if any), and, well, just about everything!

This was a really, really great start! Feel free to re-request! :)

Aph xx

Author's Response: Thank you for your lovely review! Don't worry about it taking so long - I totally understand that real life can be very demanding!

Despite being such a last minute addition, the beginning seems to be very popular among the readers, which makes me very glad! I'm happy that you liked it as well.

I'm relieved to hear that there were no non-Brit terms. I'm used to writing all my essays and other school papers in American English but since this story (and the whole world of Harry Potter) is situated in Britain, using British English made more sense. I was worried, however, that I had accidentally used American terms.

I'm also glad to hear that you liked the characters even though they were featured so briefly. They are a very interesting group and I'm hoping I get to portray their group mechanism more in the future. I'm also happy to hear that the lingo worked! As someone who uses lingo in her daily life (although a very different kind of lingo:)), I know people can get annoyed with it when they don't understand it.

Ah, the killer. She's lots of fun to write about. Glad to hear she came across as humane, even if it's only a fraction.

Thank you again for reviewing! I might re-request sometime in the near future!


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Review #96, by AphorideThis Devilry: Chapter Three

16th January 2014:
Hey there, Amanda! Spotted you in the review tag and just had to come by! I have to admit that I've read this all the way through already, but didn't have time to review, but popping back was easy enough since, gosh, I love this story so much! :)

Sorry for the gushing and praise, etc. in advance. ;)

One of the things I love the most about this is all the detail you put in. Every time I read it, I realise I've forgotten bits and pick up on other little things... like Rita Skeeter having another gossip rag after her the war and saying Ginny and Harry are going to split up, Dumbledore never mentioning Ginny's name after the CoS incident... there are more, but I won't recite them all otherwise this will become a ridiculously long review :P Suffice to say that I love them all and it's so incredible the way you manage to get them all in, and they're all so canon, if that makes sense. They really seem to fit in with the world and make sense.

Of course, all your characters are brilliant, as always, but I really love the way you write Harry and Ginny's relationship. It's so... beautiful, you know, and real. I love that you don't try to hide that they get annoyed with each other and things. It's the little things, I think, which really bring it to life - the little things you mention - and the way you keep them as separate persons at the same time.

You write Ginny marvellously, as well! I've always seen her as such a strong, individual person, and I love how you're showing her as that but also not, if that makes sense. Like she is strong, but she's sort of breaking.

I love love love your plot so much! The idea... gah, you know I'd never thought of doing something like this; it's such a unique idea and I honestly have no idea where you're going to go with it. I'm so fascinated by the therapy scenes and the way you write Ginny and what's happening to her, and what might happen... I'm honestly completely enthralled by this and every time I see a new chapter I have to read it immediately :P

So yeah, I just love this. So much. It's incredible, you're incredible (but you knew that already ;D), and gah, I can't wait for you to update (and I promise I will try and review. I should, I really should...).

Aph xx

Author's Response: Hey Laura! Gah, this response is abysmally late, and for that I'm sorry. I'm here now!

Hah, you know I love my details. I always think, "Hmm, how could I work in an interesting fact here?" or "I bet readers will have questions about this, so how could I go ahead and address it?" I'm glad they really add to the story and don't just feel like long-winded explanations.

I've never really found Harry's relationship with Ginny interesting before, but I've really gotten into it by writing this story. I think it's the little quirks and moments that you share that really define a marriage and it's neat to watch their personalities intersect, sometimes with a bit of chaos.

I'm glad to hear that you find my Ginny interesting and like the overall concept. It's been fun to explore the process of therapy in a magical context and try to write a good mystery in the process :)

Thanks so much for your really lovely compliments! I don't even deserve them!

-Amanda


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Review #97, by AphorideAtlas Air: Prologue

16th January 2014:
Hey there - stopping by for the review battle! :)

And just... wow. Wow. This is incredible. Honestly. I've never read anything like it - it's so unique as a premise and, really, I love it. This is definitely going on my reading list and favourites! I'm going to have to come back, read it again and again and again, and follow this all the way to the end!

Your writing is stupendous. I read Just Rose and I've really missed reading your work - it's so beautiful and smooth and clear and, gah, I wish I could write like you! So lovely! You use just the right amount of description and dialogue and your action is so fast-paced! I love the letter as well, it's so simple and really sounds like something someone in Victoire's position might write.

I love your characters. They're always amazing - so well thought out and so realistic. They always jump off the page towards me, and this isn't an exception. Victoire and Teddy are great! I love how they're such good friends, know each other so well, and relying on each other.

I'm so excited by the plot and setting. Africa is such a beautiful, mysterious place in my mind, because I've never been there, but watched a lot of documentaries about it and always been fascinated by it. The plot is just amazing. I'm so curious about what they find, who the mysterious attacker is, what's going on and how (if) they get out of it.

You really, really have a knack of writing beautiful, fascinating stories! Honestly, I love your writing. You're brilliant! :)

Sorry this review is a bit short, but, seriously, I can't find anything else to say other than rambling on endlessly about how much I love this! There's nothing wrong with this - flawless plot, setting, a lovely fast pace, amazing characters... just wonderful.

I'll be back... :P

Aph xx

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Review #98, by AphoridePure Intentions: Red Flags

14th January 2014:
Hey there - stopping by for our review swap! :) So I've seen this story mentioned a couple of times around the forums (I forget where...) and I've always wanted to read about it, but never remembered when I had time so I'm so glad I could stop here now!

I love love love the premise you've used for this. The way they have a friendship which is more but no one else knows, and the idea that Scorpius has to marry a girl and have children to preserve his family line/name/etc. and that he might - potentially, I guess - choose Rose. It's not something I see very often, and something very difficult, but gah, you've handled it so well and I love the way you've introduced it! The way Scorpius already knows it's how things are going to be, he's just... well, too scared and hesitant to admit that it's how they'll be, you know? He's young, exactly as he should be.

I love your Scorpius and Albus as well. In fact, all your characters are so great - Draco and Astoria, Harry and Ginny... they're all done so well! They all feel so real, you know, like they're actual people. I loved the little mention you made of Scorpius potentially being afraid of his relationship with Al, coz it seems a bit more serious - I think that's a perfectly normal thing at 16/17 to feel. I know one of my sisters felt like that. It really fleshes out Scorpius' character and highlights the differences between him and Al.

One thing I noticed was that when Astoria went to Scorpius' room she said 'Draco', not 'Scorpius', which was a bit odd. Just a small thing, though ;)

I'm so curious about where you're going to go with this, what's going to happen, how Rose is going to come into this and whether or not Scorp and Al are going to work things out and end up together (I hope they do!). It's such a great start, really! :)

I hope I spot this again soon... ;)

Aph xx

Author's Response: Aph!! I think this was mentioned in the Secret Santa thread (there were excerpts posted for milominderminder to read). I only just posted it so you haven't been missing out for long!

!!I'm really glad you like the preimise for the story. I felt a bit wicked coming up with a plot line that I knew would be so potentially hurtful to the characters. I guess it's not the first time I've trampled on characters like this.

Their friendship might seem like more to other people but then they don't want to be presumptious (that is people like me who are always caught by surprise when two people turn out to be togther). I Malfoy family continuation thing came to mind when Maia posted something on the forums about slash in next-gen and any hang-ups people might have. I kind of had an idea of this story then but that solidified my idea about making it the conflict about kids veruss love.

Ooh, I haven't thought of age as being part of Scorpius' hesitence. but, you're right, at 16/17 he's really too young to make life-long decisions or to make them with real conviction.

It's great that you like how I did the characters in this. I'm such a next-gen n00b that it was like starting from scratch for them.

haha, I'll have to go change that. I kept catching myself type Scorpio instelad of Scorpius and I didn't look for writing his father's name.

There's at least a few chapters until the end. There will be a lot of ups and downs all around but I haven't quite settled on an ending yet.

Thank you so much for a wonderful review! I'm glad we got to swap!

-Rose


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Review #99, by AphorideThe Chaos Within: Hardships

14th January 2014:
Hey there - popping by to return our review swap! Sorry for the slight delay - got caught up with a couple of other things - but I'm here now! :)

Okay, I have to admit first off that I'm not a particularly big Harry/Hermione fan, tbh, so I was a little apprehensive about this (though I know I shouldn't be), but this was really, really good! I like how instead of jumping in with the romance and making it obvious Harry and Hermione will end up with each other, you've started with the effects of the war and almost the breaking of the golden trio. It's so harsh and almost upsetting and real, because, you know, that's what happens when people grow up and things happen - sometimes they lose contact for a bit. Particularly with the way they've drifted apart, with Ron dealing with his family after the loss of Fred, Hermione going to find her parents, Harry dealing with, well, everything. Simple explanations, but they're so good and you handle it all so well!

The only thing I would say is that you have a tendency to sometimes tell things, rather than show them. Instead of telling us Hermione mourned for Crookshanks when he died, show us - maybe not full on mourning, but maybe expecting him to jump up on her lap or something, you know? It's not a great example, but I hope you get what I mean! :)

I love your characterisations, though! You've managed to capture all three of the trio so well, without Ron even actually appearing as such in it, and that's not easy to do! It's perfectly in character for Harry to be so disinclined to stay at the Burrow and to feel so guilty over everyone dying, even for Ron not to have written much.

I'm really curious as to how this is going to go - it's such a good start, and such a believable plot and way for things to happen after the war. Your writing, as well, is really lovely and I couldn't spot any obvious mistakes in grammar or punctuation, which always helps ;)

Really lovely start! :) Keep it up! :D

Aph xx

Author's Response: Hey! Thanks for the wonderful review!

About the Harry/Hermione pairing..well I hope that you'll change your mind if you keep reading this story. I'm planning on making it novel length, or at least novella, and their relationship will take a while to happen.

I totally get what you mean about the telling rather than showing. I just didn't want to linger too much on that just then. Her memory of Crookshanks will be coming up in a later chapter though!

I'm really glad you liked the start and I hope you'll keep reading. :)



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Review #100, by Aphorideclose your eyes, listen on up.: under the mistletoe.

2nd January 2014:
Hey there - dropping by from the review battle! :) jumped in when I spotted you since you left those reviews on In Theory recently (which I absolutely loved and will reply to soon, I promise! :D) ;)

You know, it's strange, but I don't read that much femmeslash, mostly I think because I haven't found a ship to ship, if that makes sense, though I've read bits of Fleur/OFC and Luna/Ginny before.

I loved this, though. I loved how you didn't focus on the fact that they're two girls at all, that was almost sort of irrelevant, it was mostly about how they're best friends and Lily can't see, which I think fits really well with it being Next Gen, you know? They're at school in the 2020s - the world's going to be different from now then; things will have moved on.

I liked how even though this is a one-shot you still took the time to explain that Lily lost her sight and how they met when they were little and things, and then at the end that they spent so much of their lives together. It was really sweet, like a kinda story or flickbook of important moments, you know? It almost felt like Lily was telling it to someone else, in third person, almost, say James' kids or something.

You dealt so well with her being blind, as well. It's such a difficult thing to tackle, I think, because it's so hard to really understand properly what it's like for people who are blind, you know? But I think you did so well with it - you pointed out that things were harder for Lily, picked presents she's likely to get, mentioned things like how she couldn't see her clothes or her hair colour or Caitlin, which were all such wonderful details.

I love their characters as well. I love how Lily's nervous and wants to be able to see just for that moment, sort of, but so happy and really pretty darn brave, too. I loved how Caitlin is such a wonderful friend and seems so chirpy and patient and kind. They're such a lovely pair of characters, and they really feel so real, you know? :) Yeah, I really love them both. They're so adorable - apart and together!

Your writing, as well, is so lovely. Clear and just the right balance of description and action, it flows so easily... gah, so nice! :) There were a few formatting issues, but they're easy enough to tidy up and, frankly, they're not that big a deal ;)

So yeah, I loved this! I'm so glad I read this! :)

Aph xx

Author's Response: Hi hon! Thanks for this awesome review - I've taken so long to respond to it because I honestly didn't know how to respond to a lot of it! You're far too sweet :D

There isn't really a lot of femslash on the archives, so it's understandable that you haven't read a lot of it! As a pretty resolute lesbian myself I have kinda taken on the task of singlehanded changing that by writing quite a lot of it ;) I can honestly say I've never read a Luna/Ginny, though I now really want to since you've said that, but I am currently writing Fleur/Katie Bell and finding that really fun!

I really did want to take the almost 'political' aspect of this out, and just focus on their love rather than making some big statement about gayness :P I am sure they would face some adversity in the long run but like you say, this is a while in the future and things will have changed at least somewhat by then, and for this story at least it's not about the bad consequences of being a gay witch. It's a love story between two two people, and one of them is blind, and they're best friends, and it's just cute! I'm glad you liked that about it :D

I'm also happy you liked the little snippets of their past that I started off with. I have a habit of writing long, winding fics that take place over a series of relatively disconnected scenes, and it doesn't always work well for short oneshots like this, so I was trying to get out of that pattern - but I couldn't help giving just that little bit of backstory! I hate trying to cram backstory into the main body of a fic, though I know that's just a failing of my own writing ability, haha :P

Most of the reason I decided to make Lily blind in this is as a challenge to myself, because typically I use sight SO MUCH as a description in my writing. I really wanted to force myself into focusing on things like smell and touch and sound, because I think it's great writing practice to challenge yourself like that, so eliminating sight was super hard but I'm glad I did it. I'm really happy you thought I did a good job, too! I was nervous about all these weird new methods of description...

I was a little worried I hadn't developed Caitlin's character enough, so thank god you liked her! Haha, she is definitely very patient and lovely, which is really perfect for Lily. I think they are some of the most real characters I've ever written, to be honest - they don't have any extreme quirks or anything, but they still fit perfectly together, in a kind of subtle way. Thanks so much for saying you liked that :D

Thankfully I've now fixed the formatting :P It was driving me crazy the whole time the queue was closed!

Thank you so much for this awesome review!

~Maia


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