Reading Reviews From Member: Aphoride
  
345 Reviews Found

Review #76, by AphorideJust a Little: Just a Little

21st February 2014:
Hey there - dropping by from review tag! :)

When I saw this on your page, I had to read it. I have something of a soft-spot for James/Lily, particularly with goofy, over-the-top Sirius in it as well. So this sounded pretty much perfect ;)

I love the whole premise of this! It's such a cliched thing in ff, you know, the whole 'locked in a broom closet together and snogging' thing, so I love how you've taken a different spin on it, with them being locked in but not kissing and not wanting to/intending to and not finding it funny. Well, James did, a bit, haha, but still!

I loved how you characterised James in this, as well. How he was sort of sweet and a bit silly and his mind was always turning away from the problem at hand and not really paying attention... it's such a great characterisation of him, and one I don't think I've seen all that often, so I liked it.

Lily was wonderful too! I liked how she was so angry about being locked in a broom cupboard without her wand and instructed to snog - I would be too in that situation! - but wasn't really mean to James, even if she didn't believe him that it wasn't anything to do with him. Which really is fair enough. I loved the way she blushed towards the end and sort of admitted it was nice and kinda almost that she liked him - it was a really cute and sweet scene!

I'm so amazed by the way you kept what was going on, really, from the readers until the end. The whole 'last night' thing had me guessing until Lily said it - I suspected, but wasn't sure. It was such a neat little twist - I really loved it! :)

So yeah, this was a really, really great one-shot! I really enjoyed reading it - and good luck in the competition! :)

Aph xx

Author's Response: Yay! Another James/Lily fan! And a goofy Sirius fan!

I purposefully chose the most cliched setting I could think of. I love a good cliche, but I really wanted it to be done well, so I tried to give it a bit of a twist. I'm so happy that you found it effective!

James is one lovestruck boy! I had a lot of fun writing his inner monologue. His rather stalkerish fixation on Lily is endearing in a way. I kind of see him as being a bit dorky, like Harry, so when people write him all confident and suave all the time, I have to imagine that he has these ridiculously dorky thoughts.

EVERYONE should be angry to be in Lily's situation, regardless of the fact that you like the other person or not. The entire situation is a little ludicrous, mainly because Sirius is a little ludicrous. I'm happy that you liked how she reveals how she really feels near the end. I wasn't sure how well-received that would be.

I'm glad that the suspense was maintained! I wanted people to have an inkling but still have this big reveal for poor Sirius.

Thank you so much! And good luck to you as well! I really enjoyed your Regulus/Barty story :)


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Review #77, by AphorideThe Moon Maiden: The North Window

18th February 2014:
Hey there - stopping by for our review swap! :) I'm so so glad you posted that, since I can't believe I didn't spot this story before and so it's a perfect excuse to leave off studying Tort Law and read this :P (Not that I needed much persuading, tbh)

So, I was incredibly, incredibly curious about this even if just for the fact that it's a Bathilda/Muriel, which is one of those pairings I've never come across before, or even heard of, yet seems somehow like it could work quite well, despite the age gap there would have to be between them.

I love your characterisations of Bathilda and Muriel. I love how Bathilda is sort of like a hoarder, of information of things she's interested in, perhaps even of secrets. I dunno, I just get the impression that she's sort of like a kind of well of information, you know, things go in and they don't come out. It's brilliant! I love Muriel, too, how I can really see how she turns into the woman we know from canon - with the horrible shrill voice, barking orders at people, and so on. She's younger here, obviously, and perhaps a bit more innocent and naive, and less 'I know everything', but still enjoying a good gossip - which seems so integral to her character!

I love the way you write this, as well, with the different sections, where Bathilda and Muriel are younger, and then later when Bathilda is older, and the strange woman (I dunno who she is... Rita Skeeter? Or a more mythical figure, like the actual Moon Maiden or something? I don't know the story behind the moon maiden, though, if there is one, so... *shrug*). The differences between the two sections are so clear, but at the same time the style is the same and the writing just as beautiful :) I really love how incoherent the older Bathilda sections seem - almost like she's not even sure what's going on, and it's such a brilliant quality to manage to evoke in writing - I have no idea how you did it. It's amazing.

Your writing is gorgeous. Seriously. It's just flawless. Everything flows so perfectly, and it's almost poetic in the way you've written it. I found it oddly ironic/clever how Bathilda seems to refer to her living as 'her heaven', but there are 'demon children' outside and things like that... I just love the juxtaposition of the two things :)

So yeah, I love this. I will definitely be back, and have yourself a favourite in the meantime ;)

Aph xx

Author's Response: Hi Aph! :) Ah, I'm so excited you came to read this! Hehe, always glad to provide an excuse for not studying. :P

I'm glad you found the pairing interesting! It sort of occurred to me while I was re-reading DH and I knew about teh's challenge so this was the perfect excuse to write it. I did play with the ages a little bit by making Bathilda younger than she might have been, but logically it sort of fit as JK seemed to have written her as like 140 by the time Harry came along. :P

I'm so glad you like them! Yes, ah, that's just how I saw Bathilda! :D She loves learning and writing and translating history for other people. It's wonderful to know you thought Muriel fit with canon. She was just so obnoxious and hilarious in canon, and here I hoped she'd have the basis of that rather selfish and judgemental nature. Writing her love for gossip was so fun!

I'm really happy to hear you liked the structure and the different scenes as well. I had a lot of fun imagining the afterlife scenes especially. The moon maiden story is something I made up, but then I googled it and apparently there is some story called the moon maiden which has a similar-ish concept... well, sort of. :P I love your comments about how the story felt incoherent and scrambled for the older Bathilda - that's just the mindframe I was in when I wrote it, as if things shift into existence and go from being clear to confusing really quickly, so it's lovely that you picked up on that.

Wow, thanks so much! ♥ I'm so honoured you like the writing style! :D It's never really specified whether Bathilda is alive or dead, in heaven or in... that other place which is not 12+. So I'm glad you like the contrasts and the juxtapositions. I had so much fun writing this and no idea how readers might react so it's so lovely getting your feedback.

Thanks so much for the amazing review, dear! :D


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Review #78, by AphorideThe Worst: At The Burrow

18th February 2014:
Hey there! I was so happy to see we were partnered up in the review exchange, since it means I can come back twice in a row and keep up with this! :)

First off: I WAS RIGHT. I WAS RIGHT. Haha, I knew he was going to propose! Yeah! I didn't realise she was going to say no, though, huh. Strange, but I suppose it makes sense in a way - it's another change in her life, you know, and she's had so many recently... It might just be one change too far.

That said, I really love your characterisation of her, as you know by now ;) She's such a realistic, human character with flaws and qualities in equal measure. I liked how she was so self-conscious about the scar - it's perfectly natural, you know, for people to feel that way and to want to hide things. (Though, quick note: you might want to cut down on the description of her dress - it's just a bit much all in one go, you know? Maybe take one or two out...) I loved here how she just accepted that her family were going to fuss over her, and how oblivious she seemed and didn't make a deal out of Teddy perhaps being a little vague. It makes them a great couple :)

I liked Teddy in this, too, and Hermione. I liked how Hermione got some screen (page? O.o) time in this - she's such a brilliant character and I thought it was so true to her character that she was the one who made the potion for Dominique so she wouldn't be without. Such a great gesture! Teddy, as always, was incredibly sweet and really, really supportive. I'm so curious to know how he'll react how she's rejected his proposal... I can't see them breaking up, but I don't think he'd necessarily take it all that well.

The details in this were good, too - like how Wolfsbane Potion is illegal to make (presumably if you don't have a licence or something... *shrugs*), and how Dominique is so surprised by that, and how Hermione's so reluctant to say 'isolated' and things. And how Victoire knows what's going on - and Ian too, I'm guessing ;)

Ooh, so yeah, I'm really curious as to what's going to happen next - I mean, this whole dinner kinda seems almost like a set-up for him to propose, her to say yes and then they all sort of celebrate that and Delilah getting arrested, you know? In which case, er, things just went wrong!

So yeah, I'm really enjoying this story, as always! :)

Aph xx

Author's Response: Hey! I am so sorry that it has taken me this long to respond but I've been crazy busy!

Haha yes I kinda made it obvious that he was going to propose so I'm glad you got it ;) More than the change, it's the fact that she thinks she is "damaged" and doesn't want Teddy to marry her. But more about her reasons in the next chapter (which is still in the works).

I am glad you like Dominique as a character and find her human. I have tried really hard to show that she's not perfect but she's a good person at heart and I'm happy it comes across. Thanks for the tip about the description of the dress - I'll look into it =) And yes Teddy and her do make a great couple xD

It's such a relief to know that Hermione felt in character as I was quite anxious writing her so thank you. I felt like this was the kind of thing Hermione would do, yeah. As for Teddy's reaction, you'll have to wait and watch ;)

I am pleased you liked the little details too as they add colour to the story in my opinion.

And yes the dinner was basically a set up for him to propose along with Teddy trying to bring Dominique out of her shell and meet everyone and relax a bit - but I guess it did go wrong didn't it? The story isn't called the Worst for nothing haha :P

Thanks again!


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Review #79, by AphorideHoping for A Heartbeat : Prologue

18th February 2014:
Hey there - dropping off your requested review! :)

So, first off, I have to say that I think you're incredibly brave for writing something like this - because it's a really difficult topic to deal with, and even more so if it's something which has personally effected you. So, seriously, that in itself is amazing! :)

I really like how you've gone through the beginning of Ginny's life, up to the start of the story (I think), as a sort of summary and a way to quickly say and show how much she loves Harry and how important he is to her.

I think you've done really well with Ginny's character, as well. I like how she admitted that she wasn't always brave, that she did get scared, and didn't always talk to people about what she was feeling - which I imagine may well be a recurring problem in the story! - and things. It's such great character development, and really adds depth to her as a person, you know? Really makes her realistic.

There were quite a few mistakes in this, though - little things, mostly: a few odd phrases, some strange word usage and a few grammar things. I think it would help you a lot to get a beta, or, if you already have one, to ask them to really look at the grammar and phraseology, and double-check the spelling, since I think your writing is good but those things are easy enough to tidy up ;) For example, 'no where' should be 'nowhere', 'alot' should be 'a lot'. You also switch tenses, which is something a beta could help you with. You switch from past to present, for Ginny's thoughts, which is kinda strange and threw me off a bit when it happened. I think if you sorted it out it would help! :)

That being said, I love the premise of this story, I really like your characterisation of Ginny so far, and I think you're writing is good, there's just a few bits here and there to tidy up! :) Really good start, though! :)

Feel free to re-request!

Aph xx

Author's Response: Hi thanks for an awesome review. :)
I have been looking for a beta but no one has wanted to do it so far. I did fix a few things though and am waiting on it to validate. Thanks again!!! :D
-Lindsey


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Review #80, by AphorideRules of the Game: A Home From Home

18th February 2014:
Hey there - stopping by with your requested review! Sorry for not reviewing a later chapter, but I said before in my thread that I don't have time to read multiple chapters in one sitting, but feel free to re-request later! :)

So, I think this is really good start! I like how you introduce it at the beginning of the school year, but manage to avoid the normal approach to it, and the endless cliches which go with it. I liked, as well, how you used the senses in it - referring to sound and sight and things - which really helped to bring the station and the business alive. That being said, it was a bit odd to have Ivy say 'Simon Brown, if she wasn't mistaken'. If he's in her year, she'll almost certainly know who he is, I imagine, and since he plays Quidditch it's likely she'll recognise him, you know? Just a small thing, but it seemed a bit odd to me, so I thought I should mention it.

So far, I like Ivy's character as well. I think she's an interesting character, and I'm curious as to how you're going to develop her further. I thought it was really interesting how she was nervous about the barrier, being muggleborn (I assume), and how her mother wasn't, conversely. It was a really nice touch! I'm interested to see how you display her as having the necessary qualities and abilities to be Head Girl, since it's presumably a position chosen by the teachers.

I like Lily and Alice, as well, though it is something of a cliche to have an OC friends with Lily and Neville's daughter named Alice, but I think you avoided making it cliche, you know. I think it works well! I like how Lily is Quidditch mad, how Alice is quieter and less dramatic - it makes for an interesting group dynamic.

It was really good with the way you introduced the tension elements into it - with Albus, and something obviously having gone on there between him and Ivy - and Jimmy staring at Lily, and suchlike things. A nice hint of potential things to come ;)

So yeah, I thought this was a really good start - good grammar/spelling, no really odd phrases or anything which stood out, nice characters, great set-up, good writing... yeah, it's all good so far! :) Really good start - I really enjoyed reading it! :)

Feel free to re-request!

Aph xx

Author's Response: Hi!

Thank you so much for leaving this review!

I see what you mean with the "if she wasn't mistaken" quote... you make a good point. I was meaing it more because Ivy isn't so big on Quidditch so it's good for her to know he's a beater... but I might look at re wording it.

I'm happy you seem to like all the characters so far... and happy that you seem to think I avoided the cliche's (I think?!) I don't want the story to be cliche. I know it probably is a bit to have Neville's daughter named Alice but yeah, I can't imagine her being called anything else.

I'm glad you picked up on those things as they will be important for later!

Thanks again for a great review, I found it really helpful to read your comments!

Lauren :)


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Review #81, by AphoridePure Intentions: Red Line

14th February 2014:
Hey there - I was so excited to see you in the review battle since it meant I could pop back to this story! :)

And omigosh the drama in this chapter! You're really vamping up the pace and the drama in this... wow.

I love how Al and Brandon are going well, and how Brandon sort of understands what Al's going through and how hard things would have been for him, and why he just wanted to get away. The more I see of Brandon, the more I like him ;) He's just such a sweet guy! Can I have one like him please? :P

I loved Brandon's conversation with Harry, as well. It's just like Harry to be concerned and not really know how to approach it, whether to talk to Brandon or not. I thought Brandon handled it really well - better than Harry, haha. But then Harry's awkwardness was just so in-character, it was lovely!

Poor Scorpius! I haven't said that all that much in this, since he hasn't been the nicest of people, but this is just so sad for him! I can't believe Draco disowned him for it! Chances of Astoria getting him back into the family? :( Gah, I feel so sorry for him - but good on him for finally making the decision he should have made a long time ago. I guess it's because he's grown up and seen how happy Al is and wants that for himself. Not Al. Well, not necessarily ;)

I can't believe this is nearly over - I'm so curious how it's going to end! Though I do hope that Al stays with Brandon, since I think they're very good together and for each other ;)

Really, really enjoying this story, as you know! ;) Looking forward to finding you in the review battle again so I can come back! :)

Aph xx

Author's Response: Aph!!

I'm so glad you're back!

There is a lot of drama and developmentin this chapter. I kind of got a lead foot while writing it. er, you know.

I've had a few requests for a RL Brandon. I don't know if one exists but if I find one, there will be an auction. :P Brandon is quite understanding and mature enough to handle the fact that his bf has a bit of drama.

Yeah, I don't see Harry ever growing out of his awkward stage. :D He has good intentions when he talks to Brandon but, yeah, I am glad that Brandon was respectful of Albus' trust.

Whoo!! I'm kind of happy you're at least feeling a little bad for Scorpius now. I mean, he's not the hero here but I didn't want him to be a complete bad guy. Draco is kind of a bad father in this story (which I feel bad for writing but hey). I felt that Scorpius needed to escape his family and their expectations of him so he could live on his own terms.

I'm kind of excited and terrified for you to see the ending... *dramatic music*

thank you so much for a fantastic review!! I always enjoy reading your thoughts and theories on the story!

-Rose


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Review #82, by AphorideHarry Potter and the Plot of Power: 00 Prologue

12th February 2014:
Hey there - stopping by for our review swap! :) I have to admit that I checked out the link you posted before signing up and when I saw the premise of this, and the summary, I just had to drop by!

So I love the premise of this - it's such a fascinating idea! I'm so curious about where you'll take this - what will happen, will the 'Director', whoever he is, succeed, will we find out who he is... gah, so many questions, and it's only the first chapter! :)

It was short, but I don't think that's a bad thing, at all! I think that it works so well as a prologue - just enough titbits of information in there to make the reader desperately curious about what's going to happen, and the cliffhanger at the end: wow! Just wow!

I like the characters you've created so far, as well. I hope we see more of them in the future of the story, but I like how Cassandra is, while clearly horrible, not totally evil, you know? Like she has the ability to feel emotion and such, and sort of has to remind herself that they're only test subjects, nothing more. The Director... well, I love how you've been so careful with giving away details about him! It's really making me so curious as to who he is. I really love how he's so determined to get revenge on Harry he's resorted to using muggles and muggle equipment and methods and things to do it. Kinda shows how desperate he is for revenge, you know? That is, if he is a pureblood. I thought so since Harry took everything away from him, but hm... maybe not... I dunno! ;)

Your writing, as well, is lovely. Your description is great and the flow is really, really smoothed. I really loved your details, as well, how you put them all in without overloading this with too many. It was just the little things: Cassandra's habit of rearranging clothing before going to see her boss, the blood on her coat, the factual details about calling the lawyers and suchlike things... it was all so good and so well thought out!

So yeah, I really enjoyed reading this! :) Thanks so much for the swap - it was great!

Aph xx

Author's Response: Hello! So sorry for taking over a month to give you a response! Ugh, I'm terrible at this but at least I finally got here.

Ah, the Director! Poor guy! Hahaha you'll find out eventually who he is and why he hates Harry. There's a reason behind his hatred of Harry. Is he a death eater? Perhaps! But maybe not. You'll see!

I wanted the prologue to be a quick taste of what is happening. To give the reader a glimpse of what it's happening. Prologues are supposed to be quick and with tidbits of information and most importantly, they make the reader want to come back for more! I'm glad I achieved that here!

Cassandra is not evil, just a little twisted. She's obsessed with certain things, very ambitious. If she had gone to Hogwarts, she would've ended up in Slytherin house. You'll get to find out about her soon and you'll eventually get to see her again pretty soon.

I'm glad you liked my writing!! I'm a detailed oriented person and sometimes I think I make chapters TO detailed you know! I'm glad that this was balanced enough.

Thank you for doing the review swap with me Aph! I really appreciate it!

Until next time!

--Rosie


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Review #83, by AphorideThe Second Act: Intermission

11th February 2014:
Hey there! I was so glad to see you in the review battle so I had a good enough excuse to stop learning about the harm principle in English jurisprudence and come back to this story ;)

Okay, so I really love this story and surprisingly really love the pairing, since it's not something I've ever seen before and not something I'd necessarily have thought I'd like, you know? You've completely convinced me, though, with the way you've written this.

I loved how you started with the obituary - really real, btw - and the details about the funeral and Teddy's death and how she moved on from it; what happened after. It was a really nice, bitter section of it and you handled the emotion so well, though you didn't really talk about it directly all that much - more conveyed it through describing Victoire's actions. I don't know if it was conscious or not, but I liked it nonetheless :)

I liked how the next section, where she starts the book as a project, almost as a way to snap out of her grief and move past it, you know? Some people are like that, and I think it really helps make Victoire seem so real. I liked how sweet it was too; but not sickly sweet, more sort of slow and mellow sweet, if that makes sense. I dunno, I just thought it was different to the teen romances I've read - felt older, more mature but still sort of flirting and coy. I really liked it, though - it really suited their relationship! :)

I love how you portrayed Dennis, though. How you described their relationship as progressing without Victoire really realising what was happening, how she came to fall in love with him quickly but no less deeply, and how they met, as well, was so lovely! Such an original idea, and you pulled it off well!

So yeah, I really enjoyed this chapter! Your writing was so clear - there were a couple of mistakes, but I imagine other reviewers might have pointed them out to you before now so I won't go over them ;) - and your characters and plot are as good as they were last time I was here! Really, really enjoyed it! :)

Aph xx

Author's Response: Ahhh, I'm glad you wanted to come back!!!

This *is* for the rare pair challenge. I can't take credit for coming up with the pairing;)

I'm really glad you liked the obituary. Haha, I may have read an article about how to write one that opened with something along the lines of "Firstly, I'd like to offer condolences. There really isn't a situation where you need to write an obituary that isn't a sad one."

Yes, that was intentional! Thank you! I didn't want to sit there and just say "She was sad. This was difficult."

I was really happy when I thought of the book. I really REALLY didn't want Dennis to be the one to get her out of her grief. I mean, he obviously helped, but I wanted Victoire to stand on her own two feet for awhile. This was originally just Act I and Act II (with Teddy being I and Dennis being II), but I REALLY wanted to give Victoire an Intermission for herself.

When I'm an old lady I want to find someone like Dennis to keep me young :)

Ack! So many mistakes that are so embarrassing, but I'm just so lazy.

Thanks so much for such a lovely review!!


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Review #84, by AphorideSecrets: Mischief Managed

8th February 2014:
Hey there - dropping off your requested review from the forums for you! :)

So, I think this is a really great start so far! I like how Sirius is arrogant and still kind of a bully with the way he treated Peter and so on, and he doesn't seem to realise it; I also like the way you didn't skimp on the bad aspects of his personality with him stealing from Professor Slughorn, and not caring about the fact that it's theft. It's such a reckless, bad thing to do, you know, and it's really in character for Sirius!

I like Valora, too (nice name! :P). I like that she's the best witch in their year, and even Sirius admits that, and you've successfully avoided the cliche that Sirius doesn't know who the OC is before that year, which is great! Their confrontation was good, too - I liked how they were both fairly cruel to each other in trading insults, and both were sort of stooping to the others level in taunting.

There were a few problems, I think, with grammar and phrasing, more so at the beginning and the end. For example, right at the beginning, you said Sirius was 'ignoring the urge to listen to the call of the outdoors', which sounds a bit strange to me, tbh, particularly when I first read it through (though that might just be me!), and then in the second paragraph you used the same sentence formation a lot which made the flow and pace drag a bit. Switching segments of sentences around will help with that! Also, when you say 'L' and '-ily Evans', it should be written like that, in quotation marks, not without ;) Lastly, just a little thing - always write numbers out in text, unless it's really necessarily otherwise. It just looks and reads better! :)

Those are all little things, though, and easily fixable!

You asked specifically about your plot. To be honest, there's not all that much of it in this chapter. It's fine for a beginning - there's the sense of a continuing confrontation with Valora, the idea that it's going to be a him v her kinda thing, and so on, but perhaps you could build in more tension/confrontation/etc. in later chapters? I think it just needs more of a goal feel, if that makes sense. I'm sorry, it's a terrible explanation! :S

Your characters and set up are really great, though! Just be careful to avoid the cliches - female lead fancies him 'against her will', he likes her 'despite everything', Sirius' pretty but stupid ex-girlfriend who's still desperate to get him back (just give her some redeeming personality traits and make her real and you'll be golden!). But I think you'll be fine - I think this is a really good start over all and I really, really liked the ending!

Really, really good start - just a few things to tidy up - but this is really great so far! :) Feel free to re-request in the future!

Aph xx

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Review #85, by AphorideThe Worst: A Ray of Light

8th February 2014:
Hey there - dropping off your requested review from the forums! :) I was so glad to see you re-request - I really enjoy reading this story!

Your characterisation, as always, was really, really good! I liked how Dominique didn't manage to keep control as everything was revealed about Delilah's plot and her confession, and how she reacted so badly. It's extreme and it's dramatic, and incredibly stupid in front of an officer of the law, but it really suits the character, I think, to react like that. Delilah's reactions as well were great! I loved how she insisted on denying it at first but then when she realised she'd effectively given herself away, she sort of seemed to calm down and give in and just admit it. It's perhaps not the most normal approach, since most people who commit crimes don't tend to believe they're really guilty, but, again, it really suits the character! :)

Your writing here was really great, too! There were a few shaky phrases, which didn't sound quite right, but nothing which threw off the flow of the story or really upset anything, so it's all good! ;) Spelling and grammar and all was great, too!

There were a few technical details which are wrong in relation to the arrest, which I feel just about qualified to talk about as a law student ;) The phrase for arresting someone is simply 'you are under arrest', and I've never heard of someone describing a crime as 'partially confirmed' (at least, not in English law) since the maxim to go by is 'innocent until proven guilty' so until she confesses, they only have a witness statement which doesn't 'confirm' anything as such until the trial. The more tricky bit is when you talk about Dominique 'lodging a complaint' - since Delilah is being accused of a crime, hence the arrest, then it would be the Crown, or the Ministry in the wizarding world, who would act in prosecution, and Dominique wouldn't have lodged anything, simply informed the Aurors of the crime committed, so the whole phrase wouldn't be said, really. I know this is all fairly technical stuff, so please, please pm me if you're confused or unsure and I'll help as best I can! :)

But yeah, other than the technical stuff, this was really, really great! I loved Teddy bringing the Aurors to the office, Dominique's reaction, Delilah cracking under the pressure and confessing... your writing was lovely, the ending was sweet with Dominique feeling better! This is a really great chapter! :)

I really enjoyed reading this, as you know from before ;) Keep it up! :)

Aph xx

Author's Response: Hey Aph! Thanks a ton for reading and reviewing!

I am pleased you liked Dominique's characterisation. I pondered a lot about Delilah's reactions before writing them so I am glad you enjoyed that too. Yes, most people don't act like that, but her personality is somewhat different - she revels in her power and wants to show off to everyone what she's done not realising the true consequences of her actions - she's just like that =)

It's such a relief to know spelling and grammar were okay as being a non-native english speaker that's always a major concern for me. As for the shaky phrases, I'll go back and try to spot and edit them!

Thanks for that technical bit of advice. I absolutely don't get these legal issues and well I figured it wouldn't matter so much since its the wizarding world and things might be done differently than the muggles so I could basically throw in anything lol xP Anyway, I'll look into what you said and try to make the phrases more authentic =) I really appreciate the advice!

I am pleased you liked how Teddy handled the situation and Delilah cracking under the pressure and stuff. Thank you so much for all your kind words. I am glad you're enjoying my writing!

I am re-requesting for the next chapter now, so I hope it's not too soon to do so :/ I just love your feedback so much though! Thanks!


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Review #86, by AphorideTwo Sides of the Coin: Ambition and Power

8th February 2014:
Hey there - stopping by from the Ravenclaw review battle! As soon as I saw this was up, I just had to read it, you know? I mean, gah, Slughorn is such a fascinating character, I think, mostly because on the surface he seems so repulsive - kinda like Lockhart - but it just makes me curious! :P

As with everything you write, of course, this was brilliant and I loved it :)

I love how you characterised Slughorn. There's not all that much 'deep' of him in the books, you know - just that strange moment when it says he's fighting Voldemort himself after seeming so scared and almost feebly pathetic earlier on, when the castle's under attack. It makes him such a strange, contradictory character and I think you really showed that here. I loved the mentions of his past, how his background was similar to Tom's, and how he refused to admit that some of his favourite students could be Death Eaters and do those kinds of horrible things. I think it's something no teacher would really want to think about any of their pupils, certainly not ones they liked and thought could be great and good. It's kind of a harsh thing for him to realise.

I loved how you wove his personality into that, as well - with the photographs and binning them when his students, I guess, disappointed him, really, and the gold medallion above the door he bought himself, and the way he'd hand-picked students but not necessarily the right ones. I really liked, though, how you showed him almost growing up in a way after the war, and how it was then that he realised, with the war and its consequences, his mistakes and his faults and things. It's such a great time to place it and such a lovely idea!

The mentions of Tom Riddle were great too - I liked how you mentioned they'd had loads of conversations in the evenings/nights when Tom says he can't sleep and things, hinting that Slughorn didn't really believe him in a way, and how Slughorn doesn't need a picture to remind him of Riddle. He probably doesn't, you know - Tom Riddle is definitely memorable, haha. I liked how you had him feeling almost guilty over that, like he'd failed Tom and you kinda feel sorry for Slughorn, because, really, what could he have done? O.o

Ah, feeling sorry for Slughorn... wow :P

Your writing, as always, is stunning and I'm incredibly jealous, as usual, of your ability to write so beautifully and so succinctly. So many wonderful lines in this, so many emotions all crammed into it without it feeling overloaded... This is a really, really great one-shot! But then, all your stuff is ;)

You're welcome for the inspiration - if you write things like this after inspiration, I hope it strikes again! :D

Will be shortly adding to favourites (watching ski jumping now... ;D)!

Aph xx

Author's Response: I'm so happy to hear from you on this story, Laura, since your work did really inspire me!

I did want to go deeper into his mindset to understand the change of heart you described and the way in which he had to come to terms with the truth about Voldemort and many of his other former students. I understand him being a bit feeble, because it's obviously a lot to handle, but I'm proud of him for standing up for what's right and accepting that he made a mistake in choosing some of his "star students."

I'm glad you felt sorry for poor Slughorn! He has a lot of faults but I really pitied him when I thought about how he wanted to share a bond with Tom and had such high hopes for him and had to watch all that intellect go in service of dark magic. It was interesting to look into their relationship, though it wound up being a relatively small part of the overall story.

Thank you so much for your lovely review!

-Amanda


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Review #87, by AphoridePure Intentions: Red Letter

7th February 2014:
Hey there - quickly dropping off this review before watching Lord of the Rings, so sorry if it's a bit shorter than normal! :)

First things first: Brandon Savage! Like, aaah, Albus has a boyfriend! ;) :P Gah, I'm glad for him, though, that he's found someone who likes him and has a proper boyfriend! He really deserved it, particularly after Scorpius!

I like how Rose isn't sure of her relationship with Scorpius. That little scene with her and her friend was a really great inclusion and I liked how she was so unsure about whether or not their relationship was going to last the distance, and whether or not she wanted it to. It's such a believeable thing to think, though. She really is a great character - and I really find I can't hate her, no matter what her relationship with Scorpius has done to Al and Scorp!

I loved the end scene as well! I loved how Scorpius was so horrible to Albus, coz it's just really I think because he was jealous of Al being able to be open about his relationship and able to admit it and because he wants Al to be with him. Poor Scorp... but he could have done things differently!

Must dash, but I do really love this story - sorry about this being so short!

Aph xx

Author's Response: Aph!! Happy LotR (marathon??)!!

:D Brandon Savage is an exciting feature of this story. Al having a boyfriend (a proper one) is just thrilling!! I was so happy to give him someone who was open nd out there with their relationships.

I'm so glad you liked the scene with Agatha! She is a bit uncertain about her relationship - mainly that she doesn't know what she wants in life. I'm especially glad that it's hard to hate Rose. I wanted to shield her form being a bad guy in this story.

Scorpius' little scene there was just too fun to write. He's a bit jealous of the type of relationship he has and upset that he's with someone else.

Thank you so much for an incredible review!! Hope you enjoyed the movies!

-Rose


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Review #88, by AphorideAt Midnight: Mirage

7th February 2014:
Hey there! I was so glad when you said you wanted me to review this for you, since I'd already taken a sneaky look at your page and decided this would be the one I'd review if you didn't have a preference ;) Coincidence, huh? :D

First off, I like how you've started this right in the middle of all of the action. It's such a nice, pacy sort of start and really throws the reader into everything that's going on and the emotions and all. It's a really good beginning!

I love Molly's character, as well. I love how she's not all that confident, she knows her own flaws, she doesn't like having things pointed out to her, she's perhaps a bit fragile, a bit naive, but she's sweet and caring and wants to fix people, which isn't necessarily a bad thing and a fairly common trait, I think. She's a really fabulous character - such a mix of personality traits! :)

I liked her conversation with Teddy, as well - how he was pretty mean and rude, but honest at the same time, and how she slapped him and regretted it. There are too many stories where the girl slaps the guy all the time without feeling sorry! So yeah, this was a nice change. Besides, he really wasn't being very nice! :) I really liked how you used that conversation to show us Molly's character, and Teddy's... it worked so well!

Teddy's a lovely, complicated character, too! I hope he turns up again in this, because so far he's a brilliant character - charismatic, confident, but perhaps not so, cynical, honest to the point of rudeness, etc. You really do create wonderful characters! :)

Ooh, the mysterious guy... tbh, he's laying it on a bit thick, and it seems a little bit creepy, but I dunno if that's just me... but he's definitely mysterious!

Gah, your writing in this was lovely, too! Just the right amount of detail, no mistakes I could spot, nothing which seemed odd, excellent flow... mah, really, really great! :)

So yeah, I really enjoyed reading this - I'm glad we swapped! - and really surprised this is the first review! Say whaaat? Where is everyone ele?! But yeah, this is a really great start and I hope sometime soon I get to pop back and catch up with it! :)

Aph xx

Author's Response: HELLO!

I'm finally responding to this lovely review and I'm sorry that its taken me such a long time.

I normally don't start my stories with the action happening right off the bat but I thought that since this was going to be a bit different that I'd switch up a bit. You're able to get more swamped with all the information and feelings that way and since I'm evil, I decided to layer it on as heavily as possible as you go along. >:D
Molly is a new type of girl for me to write, I haven't done anyone quite like her before, she's not like Roxanne in "Abandon" or Lord help me she isn't like Astoria from "A Force of Wills" (This is actually a good thing) so I had to find a good balance with her. She's a girl that has so many insecurities that I wanted that to be made evident but not be the only thing that was so great about her.
Teddy, oh, Teddy. His conversation with Molly was brutally honest but there's some truth in it that I wasn't able to ignore and I was glad that I wrote him the way that I did.
My girls slap guys all the time but there's always some sort of reaction and honestly, I'm sure that actually hurts! Like, your palm must sting after that, right?!
Teddy might not show up in this but he does make an appearance in other stories and might be mentioned later but just for you, I'll give him another scene. Muahahaha.
Oh, Ethan! I noticed that he was coming off a bit...creepy so I toned it down in the next chapter. I hope you like him then!

Bwhaha, I'm not a very active user on the site because of some personal issues but my stories are so out there sometimes that a lot of people don't check them out. HAHAHA. D':
This is actually tame compared to some of my others...
Anyhoo, thanks so much for coming to this so long ago and I hope to see you again whenever I scrape the second chapter up here!
Much love,
Gabbie


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Review #89, by AphorideMy Little Secrets: The Voices Inside Your Head

7th February 2014:
Hey there - stopping by from the Ravenclaw Review Battle! :)

This is such an interesting story, and I love the twist you've put on it - with Lucy having so many issues and the voice in her head telling her those horrible things and verbalising all of her insecurities, and then at the end with the other kids pointing and calling out rude comments. It's so bitter, you know, and angsty, but so well done!

I think you did really well with the topics you included as well. None of them are easy things to write about and difficult to handle, but I think you did really well with them - you didn't go too overboard, but you didn't make it seem like light things or easily handled things either :)

I really liked how you characterised Lucy, as well, and Gwen, too. They were so good and seemed so real - with issues and helping each other, and wanting to keep things secret, and not telling each other things which they knew would be hard to say and hear. They were obviously flawed and that was so lovely! :D

I really liked your writing in this as well, it was so clear and lovely. It flowed really nicely and I couldn't find a single mistake, grammar or spelling-wise, was is great! :)

I'm really glad I read this - it's not what I would necessarily normally read, but I like that and it was such an interesting read! :)

Aph xx

Author's Response: Hi!!

This is probably the sweetest review I've gotten from a Review Battle!!

I'm so glad that you enjoyed the story! I wanted to show that life at Hogwarts isn't all roses and daisies. And I wanted to really bury the story in Angst, not just have little dashes of it here and there. It's definitely tough for me to write angst, because my knee-jerk is for fluffy romance. But it was fun to write!!

I'm flattered that you liked my writing in this, thanks for the lovely review!!

xoxo Sarah


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Review #90, by AphorideThis Longing: Divergence

7th February 2014:
Hey there! So, I've been meaning to review this for a while, and when I spotted you in the review tag, I could't resist! :)

I should apologise in advance for this review, since it'll probably just be a lot of squeeing and general confetti-throwing and similar things... ;)

Anyway, this was the first story I read on the archives, you know. Or, at least, the first one I read and favourited and really, really loved. It's honestly my favourite story on here, without a doubt, and I've read it over and over again, and, gah, it's so strange to see that it's finished! Like a kind of milestone, sorta-thing.

I really love stories about Minerva, as I love her character, but the time period with the Chamber and everything has always been fascinating, but I've honestly never found anything which describes it and deals with it in the same way as this does, and as well as this does. It's sort of become my non-canon headcanon, haha, and it's one of the few things where I know it's not canon and I just don't care and love it anyway. It's so easy to imagine this fitting into JKR's world, as well - it would just slot in so beautifully.

Your Minerva is flawless. Well, all your characters are, but Minerva... gah, I'm so terrified of writing her, you know? And you just do her so perfectly... it's amazing. I'm always blown away by that alone whenever I read this. She's just exactly how I'd imagine a young Minerva to be, and I can really see how she'd become the Minerva in the books.

All of the other characters are so good, too. Riddle is just delightfully creepy and twisted... every time he appeared I disliked him more, haha, and Dumbledore was so just like the canon version of him that it was amazing. I really loved how you wrote him in the last bit, with the references to the war and lost love and everything... it was such a bittersweet moment!

I have to mention Tiberius and tell you how much I loved him as a character, how brilliant I still think he is, and how I was rooted for him - not even really for Minerva, haha, stubborn as she was - through the whole thing :) He's probably one of the best OCs I've ever read, and definitely one of the ones which sticks in my mind the best.

Your writing, as always, is beautiful. There were a couple of spelling mistakes in this last chapter, but nothing serious ;) But gah, the way you write is just stunning - I'm always hooked and always just keep reading whenever I click on something of yours.

I loved how you ended it, as well. I love that it wasn't a happy ending, really - how could it be? Myrtle's dead, Hagrid's expelled, Riddle's free, and Tiberius is off to war, and obviously the war is going on... it's not exactly a nice time. But yes, I love it - it's such the right ending for this story, you know? I think if you'd tried to make it happier or angstier with the final goodbye and all, it wouldn't have been quite right...

So yes, this is my favourite ff story of all time, and I love it to pieces, and I can't believe it's over... gah, I'm so blown away by this in total and you're amazing.

I'm going to have to find something else of yours to read now... ;)

Aph xx

Author's Response: Thank you for choosing this story to review for the review tag! It's a treat to have a long story chosen for the tag, and I'm very pleased to hear how much you enjoyed this story. ^_^

Now I'm going to be the one squeeing in this response because reading that this was your first favourite story and that you've been following every since leaves me going asdfghjkl. You've read it multiple times?! Eeek, I can't express how much that means to hear. This story has been a cornerstone for me, and finishing it is a great accomplishment at the same time that it's daunting, almost frightening. Now what? I'm tempted to re-write it as an original story, just so that I can experience the characters' relationships and interactions a second time.

It's fantastic to hear that the story has that much meaning for you - that it has had a similar affect on you as it's had on me. It's hard to let go of it.

Would it be terrible to say that I prefer my Minerva history to JKR's? :P I thought my version was dramatic, but hers... wow. (Writing that version of Minerva is an interesting challenge, and it makes her into a different person - she develops in ways I wouldn't have anticipated, if that makes sense.) I'm so glad that this version of Minerva still fits - it's not what JKR intended, but it still works alongside the books.

She's easier to write than she may seem - think of a Scottish Hermione, driven by a similar desire for knowledge and the freedom it offers, and also driven by passion. Minerva's gloomier than Hermione, a product of her time period more than anything. It'd be fantastic if you did write Minerva - I'd love to see the result!

Thank you for those compliments on the characters! They're everything to this story, and it's wonderful that you enjoyed reading about them and, more importantly, that they've stuck with you. :D

It's not a happy ending, but not entirely unhappy either - the mystery plot did not resolve well, but because of that, Tiberius and Minerva were brought together. The romance plot ends sadly, but there's still hope, especially for Minerva. She's the one with the most potential for a happy ending - she gets the independence she always wanted, yet she's also found friendship. I thought of making it happier, ending the story at the point before Tiberius leaves, but that would be cruel to both characters and readers - it'd be fake. I'm glad that you like this ending. It felt right, and it's great that you agree.

Thank you again!


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Review #91, by Aphoridemurmur.: one.

5th February 2014:
Hey there! Stopping by for the Review Battle in the common room ;) You know, it's strange - I remember reading this for the QTR Halloween Competition, I think, but I never reviewed... so, here I am again!

I have to say that having read this before, it's no less creepy than it was before. I don't get scared by things I read, but this really is creepy and weird and I could imagine someone making a really, brilliantly terrifying horror film out of this you know? Psychological horror... always the worst! ;)

Anyway, I really love this. I love how you've used Rose for your character, as she's such a common character but not commonly used in things like this - not that there is anything quite like this, but horror/dark as opposed to romance. I really like how you've portrayed her as not knowing what the voice is, not making any connection or necessarily trying to work out what it is, not noticing it at first... they're all such wonderful little insights into her character! The little pieces of information the voice tells her about herself as well, are so brilliant and so creepy. I like how, again, they really flesh out her character, but it's creepier than anything when you remember that it's the voice telling her. As though she doesn't know or something.

I don't know what's going on, but the whole thing with the voice and the necklace - potential link? - reminds me a lot of what happened to Ginny when she was possessed, only Rose isn't being possessed as such, it's more of a leech than anything else.

Okay, I'm successfully creeping myself out just by talking about this... well done you for making it so impossibly creepy that that happens! :P

I'm so impressed you wrote this all without the letter 'p' as well. It's one of those letters you don't think you use very often, but then you find out you use it more than you think.

So yes, I loved this. It's wonderfully creepy, really, really well-written, and so impressively done.

You've got to stop impressing me. Seriously. Or, rather, just write more ;)

Aph xx

Author's Response: I'm so glad you liked it :D I have never tried to write anything creepy before this story so I'm really glad it's actually creeping people out, as mean as that sounds!

Thanks for the lovely review!

~Maia


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Review #92, by AphorideAll That Glitters : Spinning Out

1st February 2014:
Hey there! I was so glad to see you re-request since I've really missed reading this story! One of the annoying things about being busy... missing out on things like this... :)

Anyway - first thought, best thought: wow. Just wow. This felt pretty short - I'm not sure if it was short or it was just me and the speed of the action in this - but I don't think it matters at all that much, because this seems to be a pretty important chapter, and I like how it's its own section, you know? I think it needs to be...

See, to me this seems to really be the point where things get dark for Eleanor, where it really hits her that it isn't some kind of game, that people are dying and people will die, and she might die, and that kind of stuff... almost a loss of innocence, if you will. It's always hardest when it's someone you know, and that's, I think, when it really hits you and it becomes real, if that makes sense. So yeah, I think because of that it kinda needed to be on it's own, because what else would you have put with it? And it's such an important moment for Eleanor...

Anyway, I'm rambling!

I love Eleanor as a character, really I do! I honestly don't read Sirius/OC fics, because I never ever like the OCs, pretty much no matter what, so the fact that I even like her is almost a miracle in itself :P But yeah, she's a fabulous character. She's sort of kinda the 'normal' person in the war, seeing what's going on and reacting. I love how she didn't want the boy to do and ran over when he fell to the ground even though she knew it was helpless... it's such a human reaction, and really brings her to life and makes her realistic. I really liked, as well, how she didn't want to be around Sirius at the end, even though he was trying to comfort her - I like that she's not latching onto him or anything, she sort of wants to mourn in private and just be on her own and think, or not think... it's really great characterisation! :)

I looked through this twice to see if there was anything I could comment constructively on for you, but there was honestly nothing at all. No grammar/spelling mistakes, no flow issues... everything's really good!

I really don't think you need to worry at all about things not making sense. To me, it makes perfect sense why Sirius would be a bit more distant with her - he's in the Order, she's not. He's an Auror, she's not. His family are nuts and want to kill him, and he doesn't want to make her a target ;)

I'm really excited to see where this goes from here, because it's such an interesting plot and I'm so curious to see how Eleanor deals with this, if she and Sirius get a little closer now that they've met up again, how their relationship goes (I'm not sure they'll necessarily make it work... I foresee arguments! :P), and, gah, just everything!

I hope I answered all of your areas of concern... I think I did! But yes, I really, really enjoy this story and really regret not having read it in a while!

Please, please re-request! :)

Aph xx

Author's Response: Hey Aph!

Thank so much for your thoughtful review! I really appreciate the feedback!! *hug*

Yah, this is a turning point for Eleanor. Not so much where she decides she's going to go down fighting, but she's thrust into the war a little more strongly than what she was before. She can't be a passive observer of the after affects anymore. You hit it in on the head when you say it's a loss of innocence. I think it's different from when you think you know about the war, when you see people come into the hospital or you read about it in the paper and when you actually experience it first hand. That's not something Hogwarts students would have a lot of experience. Even the Marauders would have a moment when they realize how real it is.

I'm so pleased you like Eleanor!! Ahhh!!! This comment made me go over the moon. She's my first OC that i've ever seriously written about in ff and it's lovely to hear she seems real. She's fun to write and explore. The fact you like her is more than I could even hope for! I'm with you when you say you're unsure of Sirius/OC's. I am too. I usually get annoyed by the OC or they seem like replica's of each other. I also get annoyed at their Sirius' too. Timeturner is one of the few authors that writes a young Sirius that I believe in. I'm really pleased you feel Eleanor has some depth. I put a bit of thought in while writing her. I want her to be her own person, not someone who, as you say, clings on to the man. I'm pleased that shown through here. It has it's good and bad parts as although she's independent, she also shoves people out of her emotional life. Anyway, thank you for those lovely comments about her!

I don't think Sirius would be stupid enough to parade around someone he potentially would like, or parade around a friend who could be hurt. Although me may not understand other people's weaknesses and limitations, he won't put them in danger. Especially with his family and their connections. Also, there is a huge gap of their beliefs that are coming into play. Hogwarts, that didn't matter as much. I think more of those beliefs were assumed to be shared and now that they are in it, they both realize how difficult it is going to be. This gap is going to play later on in their friendship/relationship thing. You're right. It''ll be difficult whatever way it turns out. :)

Thank you so much for your lovely review!!!

Zayne


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Review #93, by AphorideWarfare: 1 September, 2022

1st February 2014:
Hey there - stopping by to drop off your review from the forums ;) Unfortunately, I don't have time to read two chapters, but review the second, but feel free to re-request! :)

So, I really enjoyed this! I like how even though it's a plot line I've seen a couple of times (the characters-in-their-last-year-decide-to-take-on-the-resident-pranking-dons-at-their-own-game one), you've managed to put a pretty original spin on it, which is great to see! Makes it stand out from all the rest ;)

I really like Penelope as a character too. I think it's interesting that this is only her sixth year, but potentially going to be her last because of her mother's illness and her parents not being able to afford to send both of their children to school and that's why it comes up and why they decide to go for it. It's a unique point to start from. I'm curious as well as to the fact that all of Penelope's friends are boys. Are there any girls she talks to/is friends with? It's not necessarily a bad thing, I'm just curious! :P

Her friends are good, too. I like how they've all got pretty distinct personalities - though you might want to make sure they never blur, have their own mannerisms, phrases, etc. just to be careful since sometimes they seem a little similar, though that might just be me! I like how, as well, they didn't all magically meet on the train and become best mates, they became friends through chance, ridiculous childish behaviour and how they're not all in the same year. It's a very believable scenario, and I like that they're in different years - it's different! :)

There were a couple of times I noticed you went down the 'tell' rather than 'show' route. It's nothing major, as such, just that if you read through it again and tried to show, rather than tell, that Chris is Penelope's best friend, for example, instead of just stating it, it would work better ;) Again, particularly at the end, when you say 'the whole compartment erupted' (I'm just picking this up because it's the end, and the end is important!), you then describe what the characters do, which kinda makes it a bit pointless to say that the compartment erupted, if that makes sense. Expanding on the characters' actions would allow for more description, and less telling rather than showing. Of course, that's just my advice, you don't have to follow it - but it's probably something I'd suggest you take a look at ;)

That being said, I couldn't see any grammar/spelling errors, inconsistencies, or anything which jarred the flow of the story, so it's a really strong start, in total!

So yeah, in summary, your characters are great so far, your plot is good, your set-up is great, your writing style is lovely and clear and blissfully mistake-free, the way you've written the plot is unique and interesting, and it's made me pretty curious about what happens next and how things pan out ;)

I really enjoyed this - hope it wasn't too harsh! - and feel free to come back and re-request any time! :)

Aph xx

Author's Response: Hello Aph :)

Not too harsh, more helpful. I've done the 'show' rather than 'tell' before, and got a negative response, so I tried to do kind of both in this chapter? I'm glad you mention it, because now it's something I really want to look into and want to tweak my writing style, like I have with my other story.

I'm glad you think I put an original twist to it. I wanted to really try and give the reader something new but that was kind of cliche at the same time. Familiarity is always a good thing :)

You give me some really good hints for keeping my characters distinct, and I appreciate that so much! This being my second story ever, I hope to try and get as much advice as I can get, especially because I hold characterization so near and dear to my heart :)

Thank you for reviewing!

--Monica


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Review #94, by AphoridePure Intentions: Red Hot

31st January 2014:
Hey there - thanks so much for the swap! I was so excited to return to this story! :)

So, first off, I love how your plot is progressing! You're so good at making the time pass so quickly and easily, without any kind of break in it and awkward transition in time. I'm jealous - I wish I could do that as well as you do! ;) As well, I love how they've now left Hogwarts, growing up, deciding what they want in life, what they want to do in life, etc. That said, this didn't feel like a transition chapter, or a filler or anything - there was plenty of action in here on its own!

I love your characters, as you probably know by now. Your Albus is growing up so nicely - I feel so sorry for him with everything his going through, and how he's having to deal with the idea of Rose and Scorpius, and the idea that he's relieved at the idea of leaving is such a shame, because he's relieved for the wrong reason, you know?

Your Rose is amazing, as well. I love how she's so oblivious to her cousin and Scorpius' relationship, but is still concerned about it. It's such a family-cousinly thing to do, you know, be concerned about someone, but also be oblivious. She's sort of innocent, but not, if that makes sense?

Scorp. Scorp. Scorp. Really needs to get his act together, tbh. It's such a shame, but understandable, that he feels he can't make the decision to be with Albus, despite how he feels. His parents are his family, and that does mean something, you know? It's hard, it's not the easiest thing to do. Poor Scorp. Though he is treating Al badly! Silly boy...

I love Hugo. He's so funny... 'mum, Rose is mauling her boyfriend' - gosh, I'm borrowing that line for use on my sisters, haha! ;) Such a good line, though... Seriously!

But yeah, I'm really enjoying this! I'm so curious to find out what happens... hopefully, Scorp comes to his senses! And hopefully Albus will feel better! He really needs a nice boyfriend, tbh... Scorp? :P

Gah, I really do love this story! Happy writing! :)

Aph xx

Author's Response: Hello!!!

I always worry that I pass over time/events too quickly. A few times while writing this I wished I had decided to make his a novel and really build out the plot into a longer story. Writing what happens after school was a bit of fun. I feel so many stories revolve around school aged kids so it was a bit of a relief to write about someone trying to become an adult.

Albus is going through an emotional growth spurt!! :D Yeah, his relief at leaving was for the wrong reasons. I wish it could have been his excitement to start a new chapter instead of fleeing heartache and sadness.

She's oblivious and yet not so oblivious. I mean, she sees there's something wrong with Al but doesn't connect it with Scorpius (despite knowing that they're bffs).

Scorpius is, well... struggling right now. I don't focus on him *as* much but he does get his own moment later. I'd hate to have that many pressures on my social life though.

:D I'm glad you liked that line!! Writing an annoying younger sibling was quite fun as I was an annoying younger sibling in my day. (okay, I still am...)

hehe, I won't tell you what comes next but it won't be what you're expecting. :P

Thank you so much for a wonderful review!

-rose


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Review #95, by AphorideSmall Miracles: Small Miracles

31st January 2014:
Hey there! So, I got to this because MissesWeasley123 directed me to it in a review swap instead of asking me to review something of hers. Just so you know who to thank, rather than thanking me for this ;)

So, as it happens, I've actually read some of your stuff before - Methuselah, and maybe something else, but I can't quite remember - so I was pretty sure this was going to be good before I started.

Of course, this was amazing. I love love love how you didn't name any of the characters in it (except for McGonagall but I'm not really counting her as such :P), since it lent an air of mystery to it without diminishing any of the emotion. In a way, it enhanced it - kinda like the idea of the tomb of unnamed soldier, you know, where it's the symbolism of the loss garnered and the loss of innocence and total number of lives... and then, at the end when you pulled it back to 'reality', I guess, with the mention of 'dad, it was so lovely and managed to bring the two sides of it together. The metaphysical loss and total loss, and the personal loss of a girl's father. At least, that was my interpretation of it (and I thought it was incredibly difficult and yet you did it so perfectly), I don't know if that was what you meant... ;)

I loved as well how you didn't include any dialogue in this, how it was all description. It reminded me sort of of a silent movie or something, or seeing photographs on a wheel, you know, with no sound to accompany them... it's a pretty chilling effect. Your description, as well, was gorgeous. Just gorgeous. Every word fits so well in this - I don't know if you sat down and thought about each one, but whether you did or didn't, it's spectacular writing!

There were a couple of mistakes I spotted - 'victims eyes' should be 'victim's eyes', and 'Mcgonagall' should be 'McGonagall' - but they didn't upset anything at all, and they're just small little things, easy to change ;)

The level of detail in this was brilliant too. I loved the mentions of McGonagall's accent, rolling the 'r's, the black pigtails, the warmth of her hand, the crunch of cracking crisps. Okay, so a lot of those are descriptive, but it was all so good! :)

So yes, I really, really enjoyed this! I'm so glad I was asked to review it, because otherwise I might never have found it and that would have been a real shame.

Have yourself a favourite story while I go grab a cup of tea and some chocolate to cheer myself up ;)

Aph xx

Author's Response: Thanks so so much Aph!! This review still blows me away whenever I read it. I think you're the one with the attention to detail - you picked things up in here that I think i missed :D.

I'm so happy you enjoyed it! I'm glad you picked up that I was trying to show sort of the magnitude but also the impact of the loss in the war. I's so easy to dehumanize characters that we never meet, only knowing that they have died, so I felt like I had to make it personal, if that makes sense.

I rarelythink about every word, so I'm glad it turned out so well for you :)

Again, I'm so happy you've enjoyed it and thank you again and again for the amazing review ( don't worry, I've thanked Nadia too).

I hope you enjoyed that tea and chocolate, as it sounds quite wonderful ;)

~Gilly


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Review #96, by AphoridePure Intentions: Red Rose

28th January 2014:
Hey there! So I'm so glad I found an excuse to come back to this story - it's really awesome! :)

This is still such a unique story and I'm so hooked to it! You really know exactly how to pull me in and make me want to read on and know what happens. I love how unconventional their relationship is and how they're both on different pages and think about it in different ways. It really highlights their characters and beliefs, you know, as well as the differences in their home lives and the expectations their parents put on them.

Your characters have only grown in strength and complexity from the last chapter and I think they'll just get better and better! I love how Albus feels so wounded by what's going on and that they had something, even if it wasn't a proper relationship, and that it meant something to him, and how conversely, Scorpius either doesn't think that way or is telling himself that it's impossible because of his parents' wishes.

I liked, as well, how Albus was strong enough to turn around and refuse to be sort of kept on the sidelines and just get whatever was left over from Scorpius' relationship with Rose. It's not something I often see in ff, which is a shame because it's a very human thing to do, and it's a realistic approach. It adds to his character, as well, that he's not willing to compromise on it - it's either all or nothing, whereas Scorpius is trying to have both, you know, in a way?

Rose... gah, I can't help but feel sorry for Rose, you know! She doesn't know what she's broken up, and how she's effected their relationship... she's really pretty innocent in all of this, so I definitely can't think of her as the 'bad guy', so to speak. It's not her fault.

Poor Albus :(

I loved his chat with Harry, as well - your Harry was great! The way you wrote him was so good, and I liked the mention of asking Hermione for advice and wishing his own parents were around to help out and advise as well. Really loved that scene! :)

So yeah, I really love this! Keep writing (I have to know what happens!) :)

Aph xx

Author's Response: Hi Aphoride!

I'm really excited you've come back for more!! :D

I can't tell you how excited I am that you're getting a bit hooked to this story! I wanted them to be a bit unconventional by deciding to be friends in public but act otherwise in privte. In Scorpius' mind, their relationship changed while he was at home on break but he didn't think to tell Albus that. *sigh* Perhaps it was just because he never talked seriously about their relationship in the first place. Both boys are products of their upbringing - for better or worse.

For Albus, what they had in private was their true relationship and how they were in front of people was just a ruse. Somehow he became convinced that Scorpius really saw him as a boyfriend. Thankfully, Albus only spends a few chapters as a wounded puppy. :)

I couldn't have Albus be a complete push over. It was hard for me to justify his sideline role when he and Scorpius were together so when it came to not just being in a hidden relationship, but not being the primary relationship person, he needed some backbone to say no to that. Scorpius is every bit as lost though. They both have such a far ways to go.

Rose is a bit oblivious to what's going on. I think she's the type of person who doesn't second guess others. So when Scorpius shows her affection, she accepts it without question and when her cousin is upset, she doesn't dig terribly deep.

I loved writing Harry's chat with Albus. It was hard to get him to the right combination of understanding, awkwardness, and support. I wasn't sure if it'd be too "Hogwarts Era" of him to want to consult Hermione so I'm glad it worked. :D

Thank you so much for an excellent review! I can't tell you how excited I am that you like this story.

-Rose


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Review #97, by AphorideTo Have and to Hold: In the Still of Night

27th January 2014:
Hello, there! So, when I saw that this was an Albus/Gellert, I simply had to stop by - genuinely, I couldn't have simply wandered past - and check it out. I adore them to bits! :)

I really like this! Obviously this is more of a prologue-y sort of chapter, really, than an action packed one, but I like that and I think it fits with the time, you know? Their mother's only recently died, things aren't quite as tense/difficult as they get later on... this is, in essence, almost the calm before the storm, in a way, for all of them.

I loved the way you wrote both Albus and Aberforth. Albus is such a difficult character to write in general, and in particular when he's young because, gah, he's just Albus, you know? He has a distinct manner and way of speaking, and it's tough to do... so I think you've done so, so well with him. You could have taken away his name and I would still have known exactly who he was from the beginning, pretty much.

I think, however, that your Aberforth is brilliant, too. We don't hear all that much about him in the books, other than that he was closer to Ariana than Albus was, was a member of the Order, saved Harry's life, looked after Dobby and kept goats... that's not that much to go on, but I think you've really taken him as a character and made him your own and developed him further. I like how he seems to consider himself as Ariana's primary carer, and not Albus, and is so loyal and devoted to her that he'd sell goat's milk in order to look after her. You've really shown the differences between them, setting it up really nicely for fireworks later on ;)

One thing - at the beginning, you'll do better at creating tension or fear or the idea of being chased if you use short, snappy sentences. Yours at the moment are a bit too long, really, and take away from the feeling, I think. Also, be sure to try and keep references to objects, clothes, styles, etc. in keeping with the period - 'pictures', in frames or not, would have been called 'photographs' then ;)

I'm so curious about where you go with this, how you take it and how your characters develop. Obviously we know the ending, but so far this is really good and interesting, and I'd love to know how you spin it out from here! Really, really good start! :)

Aph xx

Author's Response: I'm glad you like them! I've seen a lot of people who don't like to read about Albus Dumbledore when he was younger, or with someone. I'm glad you stopped by!

Yes, this was my test run/character development chapter to make sure I could actually pull off the story. Haha. Though I did try to make it as appealing as possible, it was mostly exposition.

Oh wow! I'm so happy you think I did a good job on Albus! He was definitely the scariest prospect, but I found once I actually got to it, it wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be. haha. Aberforth was just natural, which I found to be a little odd.

You're right! Thank you for pointing that out. I'll have to go and edit it.

Actually, it's AU, for the What If Challenge, and my prompt was "What if Ariana never died," so we don't know how it will end. *creepy music* Haha. Thank you so much for the swap, I'm really glad you liked it.

Until next time! RHJ


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Review #98, by AphoridePlay the Devil: Prologue

25th January 2014:
Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, how have I possibly missed this?! How have I not seen this before? Because, like, Tudors and medieval England is my thing - gah, I studied it, I love it, I read all the fiction about it! - and this is so amazing...

So yeah, I'm so so glad I've finally found/got a chance to read this - expect it to be added to my reading list and a favourite soon enough ;)

I loved the first section, I have to say that first. With time, and all that jazz, the talking about the map fo time, the way you described it almost like a tapestry or a piece of spun silk... such a beautiful, lovely metaphor! And the way, like how JKR did with Death in the Tale of the Three Brothers, you characterised Time, made him alive and person-like, gave him a personality and the capacity to feel emotion - hatred, spite, etc. Such a lovely addition! :)

I love the idea that Rose is suffering from going back in time, that she's, effectively, dying because of it, but she doesn't really regret it. It's such a powerful start (and end, I guess, in a way) for her and says so much about what happened and how she felt about it... she's such a wonderful character so far - a criminal, dying, still desperately in love, almost hopeless, clever... such a unique bunch of traits! I don't think I've seen a character quite like her before.

So, the king... Richard III... I'm so curious as to why you chose him. I mean, I think he's pretty fascinating (even more so since his body was discovered! - I'm guessing that's why you mentioned Leicester University? :P), but he's not known as a popular king... still, that just makes him more fascinating. I love the idea that somehow he fell in love with Rose, because she would have been a complete stranger in that era, no idea how to manage it, and, gah, I'm just so curious! :) I loved the little details of the time, as well, with the ermine over his shoulders and the doublets and things... so good! :)

Just as an fyi - I'm pretty hot on all the historical events around that time, peerage at the time, etc. so if you need anything to do with that, feel free to pm me and I'll help as best I can! :)

This is an incredibly unique idea and I love it already. I'm definitely going to come back to this and read on at a later date - favourite and reading list, for sure! Because I'm just going to have to finish this story - you've completely hooked me! :)

I love this. Seriously.

Aph xx

Author's Response: Hello! :)

Yay, another history lover! :D I'm so glad you got a chance to come check this out, it's so exciting to hear from others interested in medieval England. :)

I'm glad you liked it! I really loved writing it and imagining what it might be like to see Time. I really loved that metaphor as well so I'm really glad you commented on it. I felt that in a time travel story, it's all pretty unbelievable anyway, so throwing in Time as a character would help with the fantastic quality to it.

Yes! Rose has to pay a price for her actions, and I felt like it was important to play around with the timeline throughout the story even if it gets a little confusing. :P It really means a lot to hear you like her character so far - of course, she still has a long way to go before getting to that point, but I do love writing her so much.

Haha yes, good picking up on Leicester University there. :P I'm not really sure what draws him to me either, I suppose because he's so infamous and controversial that it's a challenge to turn him into an appealing character. I'm really interested in historical propaganda and how history sees Richard, and despite having such a bad reputation his actual personality is quite unknown and his life is tragic in its way. I could never write a time travel romance about Henry VIII, for example. :P

Ah I will definitely take you up on that! :) I've been a little slower on writing this story since NaNo ended but the part I'm working on now is very political and involves a lot of historical detail, so I need all the help I can get. :P Thank you!

I'm so excited that you liked this, and I hope you continue to enjoy it! :D This story really is my baby and I get really excited about it, so hearing that you like it is really wonderful!

Thanks so much for the beautiful review! :D ♥


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Review #99, by AphorideGone: I'll Love You Long After You're Gone, Gone, Gone

25th January 2014:
Hey there - stopping by for our review swap! I thought I'd review this since I saw it had only gone up recently and it sounded so interesting! :)

I love the idea behind this. That it all surrounds Blaise and Charlotte, and eventually their child and the song kinda leads you through their relationship - from not really knowing each other, to liking each other, to falling in love and then after her death. It's such a complex journey to take, but you deal with it so well!

Technical things, though, which I have to mention: you really want to check the archive guidelines for song fics. You need to reference the artist/owners of the song and say it's not yours and I think there's a restriction on how many lines of text which isn't yours you can use - I think maybe three? - but it's been a while since I've written one! If you're unsure, check with a validator ;) Don't want you to get in trouble!

That being said, I love how you've followed their relationship from the beginning to the end with snapshots of their lives together, you know? It really brings them to life and highlights the important things they faced and how they dealt with them, while their relationship developed along the way. It really gives both of them a depth they wouldn't have had otherwise.

I loved the sections you picked to show us, as well. Like, some of them weren't necessarily the most important event in their lives, but they showed us something about them, you know, and their personalities and trials and things. You showed us the things which developed them, which was so lovely and really clever! :)

I'm pretty surprised this is your first song fic, tbh! The song really works with the story - they really merge together and compliment each other - and it flows so well.

Your writing is lovely. You could maybe add some more description, but I love how you focus on the feelings and actions, rather than describing every little thing, and the way you write your characters is so believeable. They seem so real - and kudos to you for writing Gabriella so well! Writing young children is always so hard, because it's so hard to get their age and vocabulary and things right, but you really, really nailed it! :)

So, I really love the concept of this, your writing is lovely, your characters are really, really good, you've done so well with difficult topics... this is a really good, bittersweet one-shot! I really liked it! :)

Aph xx

Author's Response: When I saw the validator thing I had to instantly stop and check. This is the rule: "Non-songfics may contain no more than 3-4 lines of lyrics per chapter. Please keep in mind that we do not allow karaoke-style fics on this site. Characters may not sing more than 3-4 lines of lyrics per chapter, regardless of whether or not the story is labeled as a songfic." And I did say the song and title in my summary so I wouldn't forget to credit Phil Philips.

Thank you! Everyone has been saying I wrote the child well which is a relief... I don't like to make people sound younger than they are so I try to be very careful... When I go back through and add some more scenes I'll throw in some more description. I just wanted to take advantage of the 0 hour queue :)I always try and make characters a first priority. It would break my heart to have someone say "Oh your scenery is lovely but your characters are flat..."

I am glad you liked the one-shot overall! :)

XOXOXOX,
LLG


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Review #100, by Aphoridebutterfly heart.: butterfly heart loves lilac girl

25th January 2014:
Hey there! So I was so excited to see you'd posted this up - I love pretty much everything you write and your stories are always so fascinating and fresh and shiny :)

This, of course, wasn't an exception ;)

It's odd, because although it's a rare, unusual pairing, I've actually seen quite a few stories about on various sites and things with it :P I've never read one before, though, but I loved it!

I love how you talked about the way Katie thought of Fleur as perfect for so, so long, you know? Thought she was amazing and beautiful and perfect and everything, and then, the ending, where she realises she's just as human as the rest of them... it was almost bittersweet, in the way that it kinda implied to me almost that Katie hadn't really understood Fleur, really, until that point, because she's idolised her and loved her for perfection, and then, only after that does she love her for her, as it is.

But then, that's just my interpretation ;)

I loved Katie's voice in this as well. It's so strong and I love the way she writes/talks - it's almost poetic. I liked how it was obviously an older voice, as well, as though Katie was talking to an older Fleur, telling her about them. Some of the lines in here were phenomenally beautiful, and you used repetition so, so well - I'm kinda jealous! :P

I liked how you wove it in with canon, too. I'm a huge canon-fan, haha, which probably explains it, but I liked how it was an unconventional romance, really. How Fleur was married, and they didn't really have a relationship after GoF and all that, except that they kinda did because they had a relationship of sorts and they loved each other... the little cameo by Victoire was so sweet.

I have to admit, there was a point when Katie was talking about other girls, that I genuinely wondered if this was going to end up as a Katie/Luna and thought THAT WOULD BE AWESOME. But it didn't, and it was still awesome anyway :)

I loved all the metaphors as well. Actually, I love your writing, full stop. It's just so gorgeous - and this really, really brought it out. Your style in this is fabulous.

So, yeah, you might not be able to tell, but I love this. If you're not on my favourite author list already, you will be soon (I can't remember if you are or not... my bad!)!

Aph xx

Author's Response: Hey Hun! Sorry this response has taken so long, oops.

I'm so glad you liked the story! I had so much fun writing this.

I've never seen another story of these two, but I might try and seek some out, haha! I can't honestly think why someone would ship them without being prompted because they never interact in canon, but I've fallen in love with them while writing this, so I'm not complaining XD

I don't really know why, but it never even occurred to me to make this an AU. It was so much more interesting to try and fit it into canon - and so much more heartbreaking, really, because I already knew Fleur had to end with someone else. Though I guess end up is subjective, because I kind of like to think a few years after this story ends, Fleur comes to her senses and goes back to Katie ;)

THOUGH A KATIE/LUNA WOULD HAVE BEEN AWESOME. Wow, now you've got me wanting to write a sequel where that happens. Luna would be the perfect breath of fresh air and originality to make Katie get over Fleur. Maybe Luna is the heliotrope princess after all, hahaha!

Ahh, just thank you for this awesome review! Your one of my fave authors on this site so I get so happy to know you like my work XD

~Maia


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