Gah, I'm so sorry this is late! I was about to pm you to apologise, but then I had a bit of free time and nabbed the chance to actually get the review in. Life has been hectic recently, with deadlines and tests and more reading to do than I have hours for, but it's an explanation not an excuse and I'm sorry!
Anyway, I loved this! I'm not a huge fan of Snily myself (I'm a big canon lover), I have to admit - it's not something I look out for at all - but this was just beautiful. You took everything about the ship - the way Severus' feelings are ever-so more towards obsession than anything else, the way he's jealous of James, the possessive nature he has... and you put it all into this while somehow managing not to degrade the fact that he loved her. Because he did, but he was all those other things as well, and you just balanced the two so well. I don't feel sorry for Severus, but I suppose I pity him in a way, because yes, he loved her, but they would never have worked, you know? It was kinda doomed to be forever one-sided, in a way, and the way you described them as so different, with paths simply happening to run alongside each other for a while conveyed that so well.
Your writing is brilliant as well. Even with the quotes and the references to classic literature and things, it was so easy to read - almost effortless. I think I noticed one point where you changed tense - you said 'chooses' and I'm not sure if you meant 'chose' instead? - but that doesn't really matter. It didn't detract from the story at all for me. You might want to check it over, though, simply because it's the only mistake and having a flawless one-shot would be pretty amazing :P
Also, I thought the way you grouped the sins was interesting. They fit very well together in those groups for the one-shot, but I wouldn't ever really have thought about grouping them together like that myself. I'd probably have done it differently... The mention of hope being the cruellest sin of all was fascinating as well - I've honestly never thought about it like that before, but for him, it is and you really made me understand that.
I've actually sat here for a couple of minutes now, trying to find something constructive to say, some way you could improve after all the advice you gave me (which, I have to say, was brilliant), but I just can't find anything O.o
I really loved this!
Aph xxAuthor's Response: No worries at all! I completely understand how real life can get in the way of our fan fiction pursuits, and I really am pleased you dropped by at all. Don't give it another thought!
I'm a pretty big canon lover, myself, and this is really the only way I love Snily (though I adore it in this sense) -- unrequited love, where Snape forever pines for her, and Lily never returns his sentiments. There's something bittersweet and romantically tragic about the fact that every major choice Snape made in his life, and for most of the second half of that life, was done for Lily, the woman he never, ever stopped loving. I don't think it was an entirely healthy obsession by any means, and I write Snape a lot, so something I'm always trying to get across is this sort of complex duality about him. There are positive and negative attributes to his personality, and I feel that, a lot of the time, people write him in one extreme or the other. He is a huge mix of traits and I can't even list them all (I've just tried to provide examples!); I love him for his complexity.
I'm so, so pleased that you find my writing easy to read, too! ♥ That really means a lot to me. The quotes and allusions aren't designed to make me seem... intelligent, or whatever; they're there to supplement the story, and if I can't get that story across to the reader, then the supplementary materials aren't any good. You know? I get frustrated with people who write in such an abstract style that people confuse their lush imagery and scores of words for substance and depth. Just tell me what you mean! (Thank you for catching that slip, too -- I changed tenses halfway through this, and editing was a real pain!)
I played around with different groupings of the seven sins, and I'm happy to hear that the groups I ended up using worked for you. :) And I'm beyond flattered that you've claimed to not be able to find critique!
This review truly is lovely, Aph -- I'm still a bit speechless, reading it back over. I'm so glad we got paired up for this month's exchange! ♥ Thank you so, so much for taking the time to leave such in-depth comments! Report Review
Gahhh, I don't know what to say!
Okay, okay, got my mind in gear now, lol. First off, I love anything to do with the Black family - I find them all utterly fascinating like you wouldn't believe - and Regulus is just such an understated character. We know so little about him and yet he's probably one of the bravest characters in the books (him, Harry and Severus making the top three in my mind).
I loved how you wrote him here. Again, like with all your one-shots, it's so simply written with minimal description, short sections and virtually no dialogue. It always, always works when you do it and, honestly, this isn't the exception. The style is just so beautiful - it's kinda broken and jilted in a way, which suits Regulus because Sirius abandoned him, his mother went nuts and the only (possibly) real friend he had was Kreacher. He is sort of broken and damaged and twisted and I liked that you managed to portray that so well.
I don't think it was unnecessarily melodramatic, tbh. The Blacks in the books are all fairly dramatic - particularly Sirius and Bellatrix - so it fits with the family and it fits with the character you've created for Regulus. The whole gothic horror sort of aspect of it is really nice too - I love all that kind of stuff in stories :) Yeah, I think you could have done a bit more on the Drink of Despair (is that what it's actually called? Never knew that... cool) - maybe go back over the scene in book 6 when Dumbledore drinks it and Kreacher's recollections of it in book 7 and add a little bit more to that? But, seriously, you don't need to do anything else or add anything in at all. It's great, really great.
So many feels for poor little Reggie! Gah, poor little thing - I just wanna grab him and hug him tightly and never let him go.
Also, one thing I just remembered: I really love how you've done different styles in some of the different sections, like how there's the section at the beginning with the note/journal entry by Regulus. It adds something to the story, you know, and it wouldn't be the same without it, although I can't say exactly what it is... (that feels unhelpful, lol).
Anyway, yes, I really enjoyed it. Sorry for all the random rambling, but you actually made me feel emotion (you should be very proud, btw, I don't normally get like this)!
So glad I got to read this!
Aph xxAuthor's Response: Well, it looks like you certainly figured out something to say. :P
I adore the Blacks - they're just so dramatic and crazy, all, it seems, except darling Reggie, who's got his own issues a-plenty as well as a healthy dose of mysteriousness.
I've always wanted to write in this kind of disjointed, numbered style, and it seems to suit Regulus because it's organised and broken at the same time. Or at least, that's what I was trying to do. Anyway. Erm.
I love Gothic horror and I've always thought of Grimmauld Place as one of those spooky, architecturally intimidating manors where Gothic heroes so often find themselves in, and so it made sense of give Reg his own Gothic story, with all the melodrama.
Maybe I'll fix up VI now that you've mentioned it, but that was simply meant to be the beginning of his experience with the DoD (found that out on Wikipedia. It is pretty cool)... because I'm lazy.
I had ALL THE FEELS while writing this. Siriusly.
I'm glad you liked it! I was wondering whether people wouldn't be thrown a little by it, actually, so thank you.
Rambling is nearly always good! And yes, I'm very proud. The great Aphoride has been moved by my humble little experiment.
Thank you so much for your awesome review! :) Report Review
You mentioned Green Day! :D I always get a little bit excited when people mention era-related bands and things in fics because it's so easy for people to just ignore it or use modern music because it's all they know and it just doesn't work as well. Actually, just quickly, all your references were so wonderful. They really helped to set the scene, fitting in so well and rounding out Audrey's character, giving a lot more depth than she would otherwise have had, I think.
Anyway, I really, really enjoyed this. I don't think I'd hate Audrey, tbh, simply because she's so comfortable as herself yet not at the same time. She doesn't want to be different, she's not jealous of Fleur and Ginny for being prettier than her, but at the same time she can't quite reconcile that with herself, I think. It's a lovely hypocrisy - one of those things which so many people forget to include in their writing.
Audrey is just such a real character, you know? She feels like she lives and breathes and exists - which is so fantastic. I adore stories when people manage to do that - create people rather than characters in or for a story. But then again, I tend to write more character-based stuff, so I'm biased :P
The introduction of Rita Skeeter was brilliantly done as well. She barely took up much space in the one-shot, and it was just enough of a mention that she was involved and we got a glimpse of her character, as well as how Audrey views her (which is not exactly in a flattering light and I doubt anyone could blame her for that, lol).
Gah, description was lovely and minimal - just enough. Too much would make it too heavy and dull, I think. Pace was perfect. How do you write such wonderful, short little one-shots which contain so much to think about? Seriously, how?
Aph xxAuthor's Response: I always, always love when fic writers put in pop culture references - I feel so proud of myself when I get them! - so I decided to have a go too. And 2005 is a year I can actually remember, so that helps too. I was also kind of trying to use them to not make her seem like this completely self-absorbed, wishy-washy character... I don't know how well I succeeded on that, but I'm glad you appreciate it.
Audrey does have a bit of a complicated relationship with how she looks, doesn't she? I didn't realise while I was writing it. I can't quite figure out what her problem is, whether it's caligynephobia or misogyny or just plain old self-esteem issues that she's valiantly trying to overcome - but I suppose it is difficult to really hate her when you look at her from that perspective. I don't know, I just write this stuff, I don't pretend to understand what the hell I'm on about and I have no idea how you do. xD
I was worried that Rita Skeeter was a bit random, actually. Like, you've got all this reflection about cafes and rain and weddings and beauty and death or whatever, but then a wild Rita Skeeter appears. So I'm glad you think it was alright.
I don't write wonderful, thought-provoking one-shots; I write something boring, throw in some fancy adjectives and maybe a simile, and get people far smarter than I am to find meaning in it. Works like a charm. :P
Thank you so much for your wonderful, wonderful review! x Report Review
UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE! Ahem, I'm glad you updated :D (As if, you know, that wasn't obvious)
Fleur's met Arthur! Gosh, that was quick! I feel as if were you any other author and this any other story, it would be much, much too fast and far too soon for her to meet his dad, but it's Bill and it's Fleur and it's you and this story and so it's just so wonderfully perfect :)
I love how you mentioned about her returning to France for Christmas and seeing her family again. I felt as though I learned so much about her family in the few sentences you talked about them, and yet we haven't actually seen all that much of them. All of them feel as though you know them so well, even if we don't know them that well yet, but we will by the end of it... I feel like I explained that very badly... O.o
Anyway, I love this story so much and things are developing so neatly, but in ways I never expected. They still haven't worked out what's happening with Mhairi in the bank (or at least, Fleur hasn't, Bill might have already) but they're so far past that that it doesn't seem to matter any more. I love how their relationship has almost literally exploded without Fleur noticing. It's a bit like a snowball, I guess: picking up momentum until it's completely out of control and nothing and no one can stop it, except that big rock which is death, lol.
The only thing I did notice is you said 'inter-country' when talking about the Apparition Bureau. Wouldn't it be International instead? :P It's just a small thing...
Gah, this story is so very, very lovely and I'm glad I helped to encourage you to keep writing - even if just in a small way! :D
Aph xx Report Review
When I saw you'd posted in the review battle - and with a new story, no less! - I knew I had to jump in ;) And I was totally right - just the title is amazing to begin with: 'Against the Dying of the Light'. Such a powerful line, such a powerful title. You also seem, even from the word go, to have linked the title to your story, which is lovely.
So, wow. I'm not the biggest fan of OCs, as you probably know already, but... gosh, you shatter every cliche about OCs with Lila. She's not quite an OC since her mother is a canon character, and so it's easier to connect to her than it would be otherwise. Honestly, she's such an interesting character. She seems so self-assured and daunting and just terrifying and more than a little insane. But she's also so loyal to her mum (the way she defends Lavender when the little firstie insults her) and she definitely has more than her fair share of flaws. It's just... gah, such wonderful character construction. I'm guessing that some of her behaviour could be explained by the fact that her mum was mauled by Greyback, so she could have inherited some wolfish tendencies??? I dunno, but it's just a thought that came to mind while I was reading...
While there's not hordes of plot in this and I'm not too sure where you're going with it and what sort of thing is going to happen (other than a possible Albus/OC romance-type-thing - could Lila handle a romance? O.o) that's not a bad thing with this story. It could be, but it's not. It doesn't seem to matter because Lila is such a strong character and so she can carry it without needing a hugely complicated, fast-paced plot.
I loved the interactions in here. They weren't hugely interesting interactions in terms of what happened and normal situations, but because Lila doesn't react or think like normal people, they were interesting and different, you know.
The History teacher... I'm not sure if I like him or not. I think he's definitely interesting and I'll be looking out for future lessons and things involving him. Not too sure about the 'lit' etc. part of it, though. Most schools don't allow that, so I don't think Hogwarts would either. McGonagall would have a fit, I don't doubt ;)
Honestly, though, that was the only thing I could find with this which I thought was perhaps odd or even just slightly odd or out of character or anything like that. The flow was perfect - I love the way you have it divided up into different sections, each with a totally different scene and different interactions. It kinda highlights the way Lila thinks and the fact that she's obviously not normal at all, and almost an animal, in a sense (she certainly thinks of herself like an animal, at any rate).
So... yeah. I'm really glad I found this and I really enjoyed reading it! :)
Aph xxAuthor's Response: hellooo! It seems like FOREVER since we last talked, which is unacceptable ;) This review made me smile so much, THANK YOU about a billion times! The first review on this story was one of the best I've ever had :3
Ah, all title credit to Dylan Thomas, he is amazing and I adore the poem I got the title from! I thought it really fit what I have planned so that was awesome because I usually get titles really badly wrong :)
Gah, yes, Lila. I had the flu when I thought her up, so I don't know whether that affected her penultimate characterisation or not, but hey who cares. :P But ooh that Greyback idea is actually something I hadn't considered! It was going to be something that happened in her childhood, but I think I'll work in the Greyback thing as well now. :)
Well no, I wasn't planning on introducing the plot for a little bit, but there definitely is one! But I'm enjoying playing around with different writing styles at the moment, so this story is going to be a little... warped. I'm not sure how else to describe it, but it also links in with your comment about interactions, because there's going to be a lot of those - I want to make people see normal things through Lila's eyes i.e. very differently. But yeah. Thank you!
Already changed some bits about the history teacher! I'm planning to keep him though because I need him later ;)
AH, this review has made me so so happy. thank you so much
xxx Report Review
First of all, I'm so impressed you managed to get this all into only 500 words. They're so so difficult to do (I tried doing one myself once and ended up scrapping it because I hadn't said half of what I'd intended to in the 500 words). Sometimes they can feel under-developed, you know, like it could almost be any person or people, just with certain names, you know? But this wasn't like that, this felt developed and it felt... I dunno, right? Like it should just be this length - no more, no less. I have no idea if that made sense or not, but never mind...
I love how it was Remus and Regulus, both connected by Sirius and to each other separately - through the note - and that was it. Yeah, you mentioned Tonks and Teddy at the end, but they weren't in the story in the same way - they were almost just like additions to the scenery and description, lol. It's not a bad thing - it worked really well here because it allowed you to really focus on Remus and Regulus.
I loved your characterised of them both. They're not friends, so they can't exactly understand each other or anything particularly deep or meaningful, but they've, in a way, shared an important moment for each of them and shared the feelings that accompanied that as well. And that is, in its own way, impossibly intimate and really brings people together, you know. So even though they don't know each other, really, it feels almost like they at least understand each other, without ever exchanging words or anything.
Your mention of Sirius was great, too. I loved how you sort of summarised the whole Sirius and Regulus relationship in that one short line where you described Sirius moving through all those emotions after hearing that his brother was gone. It somehow gave so much depth to it - I honestly don't even know how and couldn't tell you what it is about it that does that, but it just does - and that made this all the more saddening.
Gosh, this was just lovely. So thoughtful - you made me thoughtful, lol - and sad in a kind of way which makes me smile and feel almost proud of these two, because of the significance of those notes they're writing and the actions they do in this. It's odd, but it works.
Gah, this was just lovely :)
Aph xxAuthor's Response: I have the opposite problem to you - I can't write a long, detailed piece of fic. I struggle to get past the word limit to be honest, though admittedly this one required a hell of a lot of editing out stuff, so I'm glad the length worked for you.
Remus and Regulus are both fascinating characters in my opinion, because in my headcanon they're almost doubles; they're both quiet and subtle, with an inhuman amount of hidden depths that aren't quite as explored in canon as I'd like.
And yeah, for the purposes of this piece, Tonks and Teddy are basically furniture. XD
I'm glad you've said this because it was one of the things I was going for in this; the idea of... erm... sort of... an individual collectivity? That's a bit of an oxymoron, and you've put it far better than I could have, so I'm going to stop talking about it now.
I've always imagined Sirius as kind of taking emotions like gunshots - quick, but powerful, with long-lasting effect - and I tried to put that into the line, so I'm really glad it worked for you. I've never put so many adjectives into a sentence in my life.
You feel proud of them! I do too! I'm rather fond of them both. :)
Thank you so much for your absolutely wonderful review! Report Review
So I've seen this mentioned around the forums more than a few times recently and every time I thought to myself 'I must read that at some point'. Nevertheless, due to work/being busy/etc. made that kinda impossible until today. So here I am. Finally :)
The concept of this story is just amazing. Seriously. You go so far beyond the normal idea of 'girl meets boy' or whatever and the stereotypes of Next Gen fanfiction and all the rest of it and create... this. I'm so interested in what's going to happen, how the illness is going to tie in across the generations (at least, that's what I'm assuming is going to happen, but I may well be wrong) and how it's all going to pan out, and you haven't even really explained the plot yet (which, by the way, is perfectly fine. It works so well here!). It's just... gah, I wanna know! I'm so curious.
I did notice that there were a few odd words and odd phrases here and there - mostly in the first chapter. I saw you said you have a beta, so maybe send it to her again just to check. It's just a little thing, to be honest, but there were a couple of points where it jarred the flow of the story for me and it's easy enough to smooth things like that out, so you might as well ;)
Anyway, I have to admit that I really, really don't like it when people include non-canon children for Next Gen. There's an epilogue, it says who marries who, how many children they have and what they're called, BUT I am going to make an exception. For you. Don't expect me to do this again :P It's just that... gosh, Alphard is a Malfoy - a Malfoy with a Black name (like Scorpius and Draco), and Valeria really fits as a Scamander. I feel like perhaps she should be a little more day-dreamy and spacey, but they're both such solid characters it doesn't really matter, you know - it's personal preference and I can ignore that.
I love how you're doing the one chapter of timeline A, then one chapter of timeline B thing - it's so easy to get sucked into both stories that way and they allow the story to develop along both lines. It's very clever and very exciting since I've only ever read one other story which did it like this.
The Peverell brothers are so... perfect. Ignotus seems like the kind of person to ask for an Invisibility Cloak (although would you mind double-checking how you spell his name on the Lexicon or something because I could have sworn you spelled it 'Ignotius', with an 'i' between the t and u O.o), Cadmus - I'm guessing that Astrid, who is adorable, is the girl he marries and tries to bring back with the Resurrection Stone? And Antioch... well, he's just a power-hungry, ambitious little hippogriff, isn't he? :P But no, they're all so well formed, like your Next Gen characters, that even though we don't hear much about them at all (apart from the Tale of the Three Brothers and who knows how accurate that is, lol), I feel like I know them already. Like they are characters who we met in the books. Weird, but true :)
Gah, I really, really enjoyed this. Kinda disappointed there's only three chapters, but I'll keep an eye out for updates! ;)
Aph xxAuthor's Response: LAURA! HEY! Thank you for coming by! You have no idea how much this means to me! -squishes in a hug-
First of all, I'm so, so happy you like the concept so far! I just hope I can continue to develop it properly because I think that's the hardest thing about writing. Commitment. Which I don't usually have. But anyway... I'm happy you're curious and I hope some of your questions will be answered soon!
And yes, the first chapter's style is a bit of a mess. That's probably because it was my first shot at trying something like this. I'll try to work on it again when I have time!
And... you don't have to make an exception for me, okay? You could totally hate me for this because I hated myself when I first got the idea because I love canon. And the epilogue was epic and Jo tied all the loose ends and whatnot. But then Alphard began to haunt me, then Valeria came along and I had to figure out a way to have them weasel their way into the canon epilogue. Which I have! But that doesn't mean that you can't hate me for this! Also, I promise you that we're going to see more sides of Valeria soon!
I am so glad you like the brothers because I really do too. At some point, I was planning to abandon the Next Gen plot and just write about the brothers because I just had so many ideas for them! And I just checked Ignotus's name, by the way, and it's (thank God! Imagine how hard that'd be to edit!) spelled without an 'i'.
Anyway... There are such few ways to express gratitude, but this really has been such a pleasant surprise! Thank you so, so much for the massive and super helpful review! It really does mean the world to me! -squishes into another hug-
Hahaha, I knew it! I knew she'd cave and go to lunch with his grandmother! Yes! Ahem, I mean... I was somewhat surprised at the outcome, but I had a suspicion it might happen. Or something like that anyway.
Honestly, I don't think the talking was all that boring. It was addressing the first mini-subplot in the story (Rose meeting his grandparents), reminding us of the main conflict (her being in the DCB and him being a Healer) and giving us an insight into her work, her cousins and her character as well, when Albus makes that speech about how it's always Scorpius who adjusts for Rose. It was good information and you piled it in without making it stick out or seem clumsy and a bit like an information overload. It was all eased in very naturally and simply, which I liked.
Again, like with last chapter, I like the way you're building up the tension, like this is the calm before the storm, and then eventually it will all explode when she gets her first/second/third assignment. I like the slower pace of it because it sort of reflects her life at the moment. She's being more reflective and introspective and thinking about things more, while she waits for a 'proper' assignment, you know? It's going to make the change to the 'real' work so much more dramatic and give it a bigger impact.
Rose and Scorpius are still so lovely and so well developed. There wasn't much of Scorpius in this one, so I can't and won't really talk much about him but I love your Rose more and more I read about her. She's such a combination of her parents and she very obviously has both good traits and bad traits and they show. She's a very real character, as though she could be someone walking and talking along the streets, you know, and I love it so much whenever I read characters like that, particularly ones where we don't really know their personalities, like the Next Gen kids.
The cousins were amazing, too. Albus is such a good character - so unique in the way he has so many issues, he's talented, he gets a harder lot at work because he's his father's son but he doesn't complain too much about it (at least, it doesn't seem like he does so far) and I can already feel Albus/Bridget subplots ticking away in the background. Lucy was lovely too - perfectly mysterious, an interesting choice of job and she reminds me a little of Luna and Dumbledore with the way that she gives advice which sounds great but no one really understands what she means. She definitely isn't blunt, that's for sure! I also like how while you have the same Albus/Rose/Scorpius trio, Lucy is Rose's, effectively, best female friend. She's an underused Next Gen character so I like that you've given her some time to shine.
Also, your James cooks! He sounds more and more wonderful, and less and less like the normal stereotypical blend of James Potter I and Sirius Black that people make him.
I really hope you put the chapter where Rose meets Narcissa up soon - I'm really looking forward to that scene! It's either going to go much better than Rose expects or it's going to go very badly. And I want to know which one it's going to be. How do you manage to put in cliffhangers without actually doing it? It's annoyingly impressive :P
Again, I really enjoyed it. It's so well developed and so interesting... so real.
Aph xxAuthor's Response: I'm so flattered that you like Rose more and more as you go through the story. I definitely tried to make her come across as a real person, rather than someone who's clearly between the pages of a book.
Or a computer screen.
You know what I mean.
I'm also really glad that you like Albus and Lucy. You seem to have a pretty good measure of Albus - he tends not to complain, at least not about that sort of thing, and he definitely has a good work ethic. (He was almost a Hufflepuff in my headcanon, haha.) I'd never thought about Lucy giving advice in the same way as Luna or Dumbledore, but now that you mention it, I can definitely see it, and I love the comparison.
And yeah, I definitely wanted to avoid James just being James/Sirius II (if that notation makes sense). I do think of him as being a little crazy and daredevily, but at the same time, I see him as having a much more sensitive side than we ever saw of James or Sirius, you know?
I'm sorry my cliffhangers are annoying! I never used to do them, and then I realised that I remembered stories with cliffhanger chapter endings more, and so I started doing them. :P Report Review
Okay, I have to admit first off that the only thing I've read of yours (and never reviewed, shame on me for that) is your Lily/James story collection which was just so utterly lovely. All your Next Gen stuff looks so impressive, it all seems to tie together and that kinda scares me a little :P
But, that being said, I kinda regret not reading anything else now. I've never read CINAS, but you don't need to worry about people not understanding this because they haven't read the prequel - this one can stand on its own perfectly easily. You lead the reader into so easily and naturally that I don't even really question things. I'm not wondering how Rose got together with Scorpius or what the relationship between Albus and Bridget is - I just... I dunno, I feel like I understand it all anyway. It's a nice feeling.
Your Rose and Scorpius are somewhat similar to others I've read (I've read a lot of Scorose, though), but they're so obviously their own individual characters and I already know they'll grow so much over the course of the story. I lovelovelove the mention of Draco's parents and how that's a conflict between them, how Scorpius still loves them despite everything, because they're family, you know? Sometimes people seem to look past that too easily... I'm really curious as to whether or not Rose will actually meet Narcissa or not. I get the feeling she'll cave because it's Scorpius asking, you know, but hm... I'll have to see.
I also love how you've developed little departments in the Ministry which we don't really hear much about - like the Magical Creatures Department by creating the DCB. It fits into JKR's world so easily and nicely that it almost seems like she could have created it herself and you found it somewhere on a tiny corner of the internet, lol. But it's yours and it's a fantastic idea.
It's really clever how you managed to slip in the main source of conflict (Scorpius being a Healer and Rose working in the DCB, therefore getting injured a lot and how that will effect their relationship) in a simple conversation with Albus. You could have started it with her in St Mungo's or something with a bigger bang, but this, I think, worked better. It allows tension to build (and I like tension :P), and means that we're already looking and waiting for that eventual explosion when something does go wrong. Your storylines are so developed as well, with the meeting-the-family kinda thing running underneath, what with Scorpius' first Weasley Saturday and him asking Rose to meet his grandparents. It feels very plotted and well-thought out, which is something I always admire because I'm hopeless at plotting :)
Your style is so easy to read, as well. It feels so effortless, and long paragraphs in this (not that there are many I'd call long at all) really don't phase me because it's so easy and quick to get through them.
Ah, I really wanna know what happens. Will Rose meet Narcissa or not? Will she have met Lucius by the end of the story? I'm looking forward to the creatures you use in this - there are so many weird and wonderful ones beyond dragons and Acromantula and I'm curious as to which ones are on your list for inclusion.
In short - coz that was kinda like an essay - I really enjoyed it, don't know why I haven't read more of your work, have a lot of questions and want to read on.
Aph xxAuthor's Response: Yeah, my next-gen stories do all tie in with each other - don't feel intimidated, though! Everything really can stand on its own. I think about it like, "Well, some readers will be sad that the story is over... but then they'll discover that there three more for them to read and be happy!"
Or something. :P
I actually considered starting with her in St. Mungo's, but I decided not to for exactly the reason you said - starting out there would just destroy the tension and make it a different kind of story than what I really want.
Thank you so much for your review. I'm glad you liked this so much! Report Review
Okay, so you've definitely made me curious. Very curious. Why does Roxanne have to go back to the past? What has happened in the future? What's so important about that ring she has on the necklace? What else is inside the bag? How did she get back to the past? What era has she landed in? Gah, so many questions! It's a good thing, don't worry ;)
I really like this. You started it really well, with the whole Roxanne-waking-up thing, made a little different by the fact that she was obviously somewhere she didn't necessarily recognise and the time was different from what it had been when she'd left the future.
Roxanne is an interesting character. So far she doesn't seem too much like either George or Angelina - she's a bit quieter, like George, and she seems to have her mum's confidence, but I don't instantly recognise her and their child, you know? Anyway, it's interesting. It makes me want to read on to find out more about her, and to see how much of a Weasley she really is - like does she have George's sense of humour? Angelina's Quidditch ability? Molly's cooking skills, Arthur's love of muggles?
The plot is really fascinating. I want to know more! You've done really well with keeping it nice and pacy, a good length and packing it full of little bits of information - but never enough so that we know the whole backstory.
Also, I love the idea of forging magical documents. It just developed the whole idea of a magical underworld further - it's completely believable.
So, yes, I really enjoyed this :)
Aph xxAuthor's Response: Thank you so much for taking time to review and sorry for the long wait concerning the answering, life has been very hectic these couple of weeks. I'm glad I was able to make your curious. So many answers and yet so little answers so far haha. I will end up answering most of not all when writing this story.
Well that part was so important so I had to include it but like you said I tried to make it a bit different.
I hope you were able to see that from them but I have to admit I don't think she will end up being a lot like her parents or family concerning the circumstances she grew up through. But I admit you gave a great idea!!
I'm glad you think the plot is fascinating! If you want to know more you have to read future chapters. ( a bit of self promoting here *wink*)
Glad you liked! I wasn't too sure if it was allowed on this site, but in my opinion it would be unbelievable that one doesn't have to show his documents atleast once. I'm not sure if there will be a moment in the story I will show this but it would be unbelievable if she didn't have these papers.
Glad you did! Report Review
I have to say, first off, that I really don't normally read this sort of AU. I generally prefer really wild AU - like the Marauders stuck in Arthurian times or something like that. Things like this where the details are changed, so it's not quite the same world we know from the books is not generally my sort of thing.
Anyway, I've seen this around on the archives a couple of times when I've been looking for things to read and somehow never got round to it (even though I made a mental note that I probably should), so I'm here now :P
Your first and last paragraphs were lovely. They were simple, easy to read and understand, so full of emotion and very, very poignant. There was so much weight carried in them, but at the same time they seemed to light... I dunno, they were just lovely.
I think one thing, if I had to give you one thing to work on, would be your word choice. You used 'evil' a lot in this, and you seemed hesitant to use words like 'screamed' instead of 'cried' and to make things more sudden. It was like you wanted it to be soft - but you're writing action. You can't let your words hesitate, or the scene hesitates. Does that make sense? I hope so... :)
Gah, the emotion in this was just lovely, though. I thought you handled the angst really well. You used enough emotion and enough force with it to make me really believe that Ginny was feeling that way and to get the hurt across. I'm a pretty hard-hearted person, too, so kudos to you ;)
Lastly, your characterisation was great, as well. Ginny seemed so like the character we know from the books - although, of course, we only saw her through Harry's eyes which coloured her a bit. Rose-tinted glasses and all that jazz. I thought she was well developed and she felt genuine and real, which is always so good to find in a story.
And, of course, the Ron/Hermione moment was just lovely :)
I really enjoyed reading this - I'm glad I found this on your page in the battle.
p.s. I'm still not entirely sure if what I meant about hesitating was clear - if not, feel free to pm me to ask questions. I don't bite, I promise!Author's Response: Hello! Thanks for the amazing review! :D
I'm not really an AU fan either--this was pretty much an experiment for me. (And by the way, my head-canon is that Harry and Ginny live a long and happy life together. :P)
I'm glad you liked the fact that I got the emotions across! That was primarily my goal. :)
I know, word choice and description is something I have serious problems with and I'm trying to improve that. Thank you for pointing that out! :)
Again, thanks for the lovely review! :D
~Rosie Report Review
Okay, so it's been a while since I read the first chapter, and gosh, I regret not coming back to this. I really like it. It's just... gah, so good. Seriously. I promise you I'm not lying :P
The emotion is so strong in this. It's strong and powerful and tense and I can't help but feel for both Daphne and Astoria because that must be so horrible for both of them - going through it and watching her sister go through it. You've managed that level of emotion and the topic itself so well, handling it so carefully. There's not too much but not too little either; there's just the right amount and it's so lovely. Heart-wrenching, but lovely.
I loved the little insertion at the top about the rebuilding of Hogwarts and the Ministry. It set the scene really well, describing what had happened before this all sets in and I really liked it. It was just the right length, as well, you didn't try to drag it out or anything. Also, I loved your point about how almost looking past the events and pretending they didn't happen isn't really rebuilding and healing. It was such a poignant point, particularly what with Daphne's situation further on in the chapter. The two bits fitted together very well :)
Astoria. Gosh, I feel so sorry for her, but at the same time, I know she'll be all right in the end, so it's not so bad, I suppose. She's so understandable, despite everything that she's been through - her reluctance to leave her family and her sister is so true to life. It's not that easy to walk away and stay away, and you've really brought that home here.
The one thing I would say is that, while this chapter was fabulous for all the information on Astoria, it's not so big on the plot front. Which is fine because, like I said, it gives so much lovely detail and information about Astoria and because she's not a well known character we kind of need that information, but it's something you might want to bear in mind for future chapters ;)
Mm... loved it. Want more. Write more. Sorry, I feel like this has been a very unhelpful review :P But, seriously, I really like this. Honestly.
Aph xx Report Review
Okay, first off I have to admit that, being a huge canon nut, this is completely unlike anything I've ever read or would really read if I was picking something for myself.
But, that being said, I really liked it. I thought you handled the whole idea of Remus well, keeping Tonks in there and having Jennifer be - almost - the one who got away, Remus' first love and so a girlfriend he's not forgetting, even if he knows they have no chance of a relationship.
Ah, the angst was wonderful! I love how you handled it - making Jennifer bitter, and that came through wonderfully, rather than sappy and sort of pathetic. I liked the mention of her other relationships as well; it gave her something other than lingering feelings for Remus in her life. A little thing, but it stopped it from going anywhere near the realm of cliches and all that jazz, which is lovely.
There are a couple of things, like Jennifer knowing Remus is a werewolf and patching him up after the full moon, which I wasn't sure entirely fitted with canon!Remus' character, but they fitted with yours, which was important. Rather than going down a Tonks-esque scenario with him being the one to break them up, you made it her and I liked that. Also, there were a couple of word choice things here and there which I noticed - if you look it over, you'll probably find them! A trick I was told ages ago is to read the story backwards, each sentence at a time, and then you pick up on word choice issues because you're not just skimming over the story. It might help you :)
I'm curious to see where you go with this - how you incorporate the title and how it relates to the story itself, and further how you develop Jennifer and her and Remus' relationship. I think you've got a fantastic start here - and your style is very original, with the short sections, divided into past and present - and it's really good.
Keep going! :)
Aph xxAuthor's Response: Biiig review. My favorite kind :)
I am also a huge canon nut ;) so this was a bit out of my comfort zone, to think that there was someone before Tonks - but I liked the end result, since it was still pretty much canon.
Thanks for the tips! I'll reread and see if I can find them :)
Thanks so much for the review... my response was ridiculously short but it was still awesome and I love long reviews and - I'm going to stop talking now.
~Charlotte Report Review
No! You can't do this! But, but, but... Draco and Astoria! They're... Draco and Astoria! No! Okay, so yes, I'm a huge Drastoria fan and you've kinda just shattered my world with this chapter, but still, I really like it. Really, really like it. As in, adding to favourites once I'm finished writing this like it :)
I love the details you put in about the garden and the inclusion of the gardener - the mention of Dobby and things. It really allowed me to feel the situation and to see it in my mind, you know? The description was just lovely - and there wasn't too much or too little of it.
All of your characters were wonderful (including Draco, despite his... ah... slight change of heart :P) and felt rounded out and real, despite this being only the first chapter, so kudos to you for that! Scorpius was lovely - I love how you slipped in the mention of Rose almost secretly, having Draco mention it once and that was it. It just gave the impression that it's something that's almost seen as being normal, you know, which I really liked.
The conversation between Draco and Scorpius was so well done as well. Neither of them were overly inclined to talk - and the way you didn't actually write Draco's confession was perfect. I think if you'd actually written him saying it, it would have lost something... it wouldn't have been so good, I don't think.
I'm really curious as to where you're going to go with this. Will Draco get back together with Astoria (ooh, I hope so, lol!)? What will Scorpius do? Will Scorpius and Astoria still have Malfoy Manor or will they have to go somewhere else? How will Scorpius cope? When will Rose apppear? So many questions!
Anyway, this was really well written and very original. I haven't seen a story with Rose/Scorpius as a main pairing like this before - it's so refreshing! Please, please continue it! :)
Aph xxAuthor's Response: Haha, sorry! I don't have anything against Draco and Astoria - it's just the way this story is! I'm glad you enjoyed it despite breaking up your OTP.
Thanks for the comment about the description here, I try hard not to over or under do it!
I'm glad you thought the characters were all right, even Draco. Poor Draco, I feel bad doing this to him. He's having a bit of a breakdown, I think! And yeah, Rose surprised me - I hadn't intended writing a Rose/Scorpius, but that seems to be the way this is going.
So many questions indeed! And actually, I don't know all of the answers yet - they'll turn up as I write :P
I'm very glad you enjoyed this, and will be continuing it as soon as I have the time! I enjoyed our review swap :)
Athene xo Report Review
Okay, I have to admit first off that I'm one of those people who follows stories attentively but doesn't often review - guilty as charged! :) So, when I saw you'd posted in review tag, I had to jump in because it's probably about time I actually reviewed :D
Gosh, I do love this story. You've taken something so obscure as the Grey Lady/Baron backstory and completely made it your own. This story is so unique it's unreal and... gah, it's so good!
I love how you've characterised Helena, Venn (nice name, btw!), Rowena... actually, all your characters. I don't think there's one I haven't really liked. They're just so true to the period you're talking about (I'm a huge History fanatic and my sister's into all the Arthurian myths and things so I know quite a bit ;) ) which is fantastic and they really just breathe, you know? They seem so real - they make mistakes, they get scared and worried and boastful. You've included all the historical bits and pieces wonderfully, as well - they're not just flung in all over the place or only mentioned when absolutely necessary, there's little details here and there and it really fleshes the whole thing out.
Gosh, Venn can be an idiot sometimes, though! Silly boy! Cheating - tut tut, lol! Nah, I can't be too annoyed with him, though, knowing how it's all going to end. I expect he was nervous he wouldn't win and chose to cheat in order to make sure he won *nods* Yeah, I'm gonna stick with that :)
The whole jousting scene reminded me of the BBC tv show Merlin, by the way - and they do good jousting scenes, so it's all good ;)
I loved your inclusion of Antioch Peverell, as well. The way you've portrayed him makes so much sense when I consider what happened to him as well - how do you do it? It's unreal...
I think I've rambled a lot in this review... in summary: it's very, very good and please continue! :)
Aph xxAuthor's Response: Hi Aph! You don't know how delighted I was to find a review waiting for me on my brand new chapter :) I think the only thing I like more than faithful reviewers is when readers come out of the woodwork and leave reviews after 'secretly' following the story. It doesn't happen to me often, but when it does, it makes me happy, so thank you so much!
Anyway, yay, I'm so pleased that you're enjoying the story! It's great that you like my characterization; it's been a fun challenge to try to balance my love for canon and desire to adhere to it with my need to make these characters and events my own with those little details. It's also lovely that you feel like the historical piece is accurate. That's a huge relief! I don't have many reviewers with a background in that area, so I always feel better about my efforts when someone who does comes along and approves of my choices. I definitely know that sometimes the historical details can feel a little tacked-on and that it can be hard to balance that with the rest of the plot, so it's doubly exciting to find that my characters still feel real and alive. (So, basically, this review response is just me jumping up and down. Yay, yay, yay! Thanks!)
Ugh, he sure can. Izzy (CloakAuror9) actually suggested the idea of him cheating, because it really does fit in with the concept of a prototypical Slytherin. You may be on to something with your reasoning; hold on for chapter nine to hear him explain himself :)
Ooh, I love Merlin! I agree that they have good jousting scenes, and whether or not they unconsciously influenced this chapter, I'm glad that the joust was satisfying to you. It's great that you liked Antioch, too -- I was definitely building off the tension Venn feels regarding Nentres and the way Antioch comes across as being domineering in canon.
Thanks again, so much, for this wonderful review. Stay tuned for chapter nine! :)
-Amanda Report Review
Oh my gosh. I really don't know what to say. I'm pretty speechless right now, but I'll try and find something to say.
Right. Remus... oh gosh.. he's perfect. He's so young and so adorable - the whole bit where he's talking about how he's three and Daddy says three's small but he thinks it's big is just so cute. The way you've written this is incredible - I have a cousin around Remus' age and I can just imagine them talking to me like this. Although, you know, hopefully not saying this story.
The tale of the gnome - I just loved it. Just loved it. It explains so much about Remus, you know - where he got the whole idea of being a killer from and why he fought so hard against the wolf, because he'd been fighting against the idea of being a killer for so long. Gah, poor Remmy! I just want to hug him!
Also, I adored the character of his dad. He was fabulous - so realistic and so utterly dad-like, if you know what I mean :D The tears, the anger, the smiles - they were always, always perfectly in character, perfectly timed and just perfect. They fitted in so well with the story and really added so much more to the story that I, as the reader, can understand but Remus can't, which makes it just so much more heart-breaking.
I thought the way you had Remus' dad explain death to him, with the idea of a soul, was really very bittersweet. Sweet because it's just the right way to explain something so complicated to a small child, and bitter because, well, he shouldn't need to be explaining it, really. In a perfect world, it wouldn't have been necessary - but it's not a perfect world because it's Remus and his whole story is just so beautifully tragic and you've started it so, so well.
I'm looking forward to the rest of this so much - this will be being added to my favourites as soon as I've finished writing this. Gah, so incredible. So, so good!
And Seamus Heaney is win. Just saying!
Aph xxAuthor's Response: FINALLY!!! Finally someone acknowledges the Seamus Heaney quote! YES! Thank you so much for that! I am so glad you liked the quote! I love Seamus Heaney - he's my favourite poet! I actually got to meet him about three yeas ago and I actually cried afterwards! That could only be topped by meeting JKR!!!
Anyway, thank you so much for your review! I am so happy you liked the way I captured Remus here. I wasn't sure if people would go for it or not (I was kinda afraid that all the grammar mistakes would get annoying, but that does not seem to be the case - thank Merlin!!!). I am so glad you think it's realistic and that you think your young cousin would sound the same! I spent a very long time trying to get the voice right, so just to hear that you think it's authentic really makes my day - thanks so much! :-)
I am relieved that you liked the gnome idea. When I sat there writing it, I had to stop and take a step back for a few moments. I thought that maybe it was a bit too dark, you know? But life is dark at times, so I just felt I had to go with it - yes, you're right in what you say about Remus not wanting to be a killer. In this whole fic I just want to capture his whole life - and how his life experience made him who he was, you know? I want to provide reasons why he left Tonks, why the Marauders' friendship meant to so much, why he struggled on when he was alone, why he got involved in the order, why he was so severely self-depricating. So I'm glad you are picking up on little stuff like that!
I am so glad you liked Remus's dad too! Because I didn't really have much to go on with him, just that he insulted Greyback and tried everything to heal his son, so he's mostly an original character and just to know that you find him believable and convincing it just great - thanks so much for that!
I'm glad you thought the chapter was bittersweet - because it sets the tone for the whole novel, as you said, everything in Remus's life will be bittersweet, because we all know that once he finds a small grain of happiness in life, death will take it from him. So bittersweet is what I am aiming for here, because his life is so tragic, and I just want to capture it as best I can. I want to do justice to Lupin, because he's my favourite character, because I love him so much, because I geniunely feel he deserves a book of his own, to tell his story, because the films never EVER did him justice.
Thanks so much for the review, I appreciate it so much! I hope you enjoy the rest of the story, and thank you so much for adding it to your favourites - that just leaves me speechless, because I still can't believe that people actually like this story!
Thanks so much for all the kind things you said - I really REALLY hope you enjoy the rest of it, and there's much more to come too. I just hope I don't disappoint!
TLM Report Review
Ah, you're giving me such trouble, you know that? I can't decide who is more adorable... six year old Oliver or seven year old Draco... gosh, this is hard. I adore them both, though!
Oliver is just... gah, so adorable but also the kind of kid who raises a smile on your face by being so enthusiastic and hyperactive - he really reminds me of the Oliver in the books and films. I also loved how you included the whole Quidditch angle and mentioned how he decided he would be a Keeper someday and he would play for Puddlemere United without making it over the top or completely consume the whole story. There was just enough Quidditch and just enough enthusiasm from Oliver (and Ewan, lol) to make it perfect.
I love how different all of these are. Sort of defining moments for each of the characters - little moments which have some significance in some way. It's just wonderful to see when Oliver started being Quidditch obsessed and when he decided he would be a Keeper.
Also, I loved how you described the argument between his parents about whether or not he could go and then had Oliver listening to them on the stairs and let out a cheer when his mother finally caved 'forgetting that he was supposed to be in bed'. Haha, it was such a perfect line!
So good, as usual :D So, so good.
Aph xxAuthor's Response: Right? Every time I wrote a new chapter, I was convinced that that was my favorite one of them all! :D I think, in the end, I like Colin's and Draco's and Cedric's. And the epilogue. Which is basically half of the chapters...
I remember writing this story pretty vividly, where I was sitting and what I was thinking, so it's really awesome to sort of connect that to your response. I don't know what that's relevant, but it is. :) And I actually sort of really don't like writing Quidditch, so -- natch -- I've got to write about a boy who loves it! Brain, what are you even.
These very much are defining moments, and I like that phrasing. :D A lot of the Muggle-born kids get magic in theirs, but really it kind of shows that children, they aren't different, born into magic or no. You know? Baww, that line. ♥
Thank you so much -- again! -- for leaving me all these reviews! And I'm quite sorry for the mess I made of responding to them. ♥ I really cannot tell you enough how grateful I am! Report Review
Haha, oh gosh I think this one has been my favourite so far! Draco was just... perfect. I absolutely adore him. If he existed I would adopt him right now - he's just too cute!
I love how you made him cute and intelligent and somewhat cunning for a seven year old boy. He's clever enough to know how to get things from his mother when he wants them and how to try and manipulate people - even if each attempt failed miserably. It was just such a lovely take on his character, and they're all traits he possesses in canon so it fits in with him there so well. I can imagine this happening, lol.
Cherry tart. You really are just working your way through a horde of desserts/puddings I love, aren't you? I completely understand why Draco decided the whole adventure was worth it in the end. Cherry tart is delicious.
I loved it when the maid called him 'tyke' and all the details were amazing. The silver snake as the hand on the clock, Narcissa's pearls, the first violinist, the fact that the butler had been hired specifically for this party and to let people inside... it was just incredible.
I just loved this. I'm really not quite sure what more to say without repeating 'I love this, I love this, I love this' over and over again...
Aph xxAuthor's Response: Draco! I'll admit it -- the Malfoys are also canon characters I really don't focus on a lot, because they don't interest me that much. ;) But actually, I've written quite a bit about them in recent stories, so I'm getting over that. And everybody likes a sneaky seven-year-old! I'm glad you saw a lot of canon Draco here; with all the Draco stories out there (Dramione, anyone?), sometimes that's a tricky thing to do, and it's nice to know I succeeded.
Ahaha, and the dessert strikes again! I'm guilty, though -- the cherry tart's only in here because cherry pie is one of my favorite, favorite, favorite desserts. ♥ Which I am now craving.
I always picture the Malfoys, and Malfoy Manor, as really lush and extravagant, and exploring that atmosphere a bit more in-depth in this story was great! I'm really happy you liked it, too. :)
Repetition is fine by me. :D Especially since saying 'Thank you, thank you, thank you' is a bit repetitive, too! But honestly -- thank you. Your reviews really did brighten my day so much! Report Review
You wrote Luna so perfectly! How do you do it? Write every character so well! Neville, Colin, Luna, plus all the Weasleys... it's just... incredible!
Luna was perfect here. Dreamy, intelligent, slightly gullible and just so... Luna. I can imagine her acting like this in the film (only as a mini-Luna) and skipping around.
Her parents were wonderful, too. I loved how you included them and her mother told her about her shadow being a constant friend. It seems like something a young Luna might believe. Her excitement at it being true was lovely as well. Really sweet. Also, the inclusion of Xeno's printing press-type thing was really good as well! I loved it - it reminded me that of course the offices for The Quibbler are in their house. A bit of an 'oh duh' moment, lol.
Also, I loved the mention of the Weasleys. Given they live in the same village, it was inevitable that they would have at least heard of each other, since not too many witches and wizards live in Ottery St. Catchpole, and I particularly liked how Luna thought that when her mum said 'a mess of boys' she meant they were messy. :D Totally wrong, but so sweet! It made me smile.
Dandelion is indeed a fitting name for a shadow ;)
Gosh, I loved this! :)
Aph xxAuthor's Response: Oh, thank you! I don't quite know how to answer that question... :P I think it's a combination of reading the books and listening to the audiobooks and watching the movies SO many times, and having a semi-photographic memory, that can just get me straight to the voice of the person I'm writing about. But that does rather sound like I'm bragging. ;)
I had a lot of fun imagining what Luna's mother would be like, actually, because I've always imagined her to be quite a bit like her daughter. And the shadow, of course, is a nice go-between! I'm rather pleased you caught my 'messy' pun, too -- not a lot of people seem to have done so. :P
Thank you, once again, for a plethora of such lovely, sweet reviews on this story! It really does mean so much to me that you chose to leave them, and I'm just glad you liked the story so much. :) Report Review
Colin! I have to admit, I didn't really like Colin much in the books, seeing as he was just always following Harry around and being overly-cheerful, but I adored him here. He was just so sweet and adorable... and gah, I just wanted to hug him.
I loved all the details in this as well. It's amazing how you manage to fit them all in without bogging the story down and keep it a sensible length. I totally understand what he means about having a spring birthday - it's often raining on my birthday too, since I'm born in the spring :P
I loved the tradition you created of their father walking to the town to get their presents on their birthday. It was just so original and something I'd never ever thought of before in any way, so it really surprised me :) Also, I think you're trying to make me hungry. First meringue last chapter, now chocolate cake... will it be cookies next time? Yes? No? Seriously, though, all these mentions of various puddings are just making me hungry.
'Bubba' - okay, I just had to mention this! It was beyond adorable. It made Dennis even more adorable than Colin. And the whole spies and sidekicks things was just pure genius, although I think Colin got a bit mixed up, lol. Superheroes have sidekicks, not spies :P That mix-up just made it even cuter, though.
The camera. I loveloveloved how you included the camera and how it was the photo which was his first sign of magic. It was so fitting for a boy who loved taking photos and never went anywhere without it at Hogwarts.
This was just so cute and adorable and perfect :)
Aph xxAuthor's Response: I don't think I really appreciated Colin in the books until he died -- it's so sad, but that's actually why I like most a good amount of characters, because they snuffed it in a heroic fashion. :P I so enjoyed writing this chapter, though! It was really easy for me to picture Colin as a little kid.
I am clearly trying to make you hungry, if that wasn't obvious enough before. :) I'm so pleased to hear you like all the story's details! I'm always a little guilty to hear things like that, though, because I really don't consciously plan a whole lot of my stories. I have outlines of what I want to happen, and other things just get added in as I go, like Colin's father's walking to town, or Dennis's rabbit thing. (I kind of agree, though, that Dennis is more adorable than Colin! They were always so close in the books -- I loved that.)
You liked the camera bit! I thought it was really fitting that that was how Colin would first sort of wonder about magic. I'm so glad you enjoyed this! And thank you for taking the time to leave me a review on this chapter, too! ♥ Report Review
Okay, I've been meaning to read this for so long - well, read and actually review this time since I've read it all before at least twice, I think - and so here I am! :D
I loved Growing Up Weasley and this is just as good! I love how you're using perhaps less well-known characters, like Neville and Cedric and others. It's so fascinating! :) I'm a huge fan of minor characters.
Your opening line was fabulous - 'There was no smell more pleasant, Neville thought happily, than the sugary smell of something baking in the oven'. No truer words have ever been said. Cookies, cake, whatever - the smell is just amazing. Plus, it was such an original way to open the story - I've never seen anyone open a chapter quite like that :)
Ooh, one thing I picked up when I was reading - 'grandnephew' should really be 'great-nephew'. I don't know if the slightly different name is a British thing or not, but I've always used 'great-nephew' *shrugs*
Haha, Augusta was perfect! Spotting the missing sugar cube (by magic, of course ;) ) and Algernon calling her 'Gussie'. Oh gosh. I just can't imagine it, but it's just so perfect for her... haha, it made me laugh, though! :D
Meringue! :) You have captured my heart - I love meringue. I completely sympathise with Algernon, lol. And Neville.
'He bounced!' Best line of the whole fic, lol. It was just... gah, so good! I can't wait to read the others!
Aph xxAuthor's Response: Well, I had no idea you were one of my readers! And twice through, no less! :) I'm so excited to see you've returned, and it's great to hear you enjoyed the stories.
I love the Hogwarts-era characters, and really moving onto this collection after finishing up GUW was almost a no-brainer. :) Although it was, I'll admit, largely an excuse to write Cedric again. But alas! There does seem to be a lot of sweets written into these stories... I think it's a combination of loving pudding myself and feeling like such things are an integral part of a little kid's life. ;) Yes?
Ooh, I'll have to do more research on that. There's actually quite a large debate on 'grandnephew' versus 'great-nephew' on the Internet, which surprised me. :P 'Grandnephew' seems to be the more common of the two, but thank you for pointing it out!
I'm happy you liked Augusta -- I've written her once before, and she's lots of fun. :D Thank you so much for taking the time to leave me your opinion on this story, Aphoride -- I'm seriously so happy you did! ♥ Report Review
Gah, I loved this! How are you so talented? Seriously? You seem to be able to write everything and incredibly well. Everything of yours which I read I've adored.
I've always felt Percy gets the short stick amongst the Weasleys because he's the one who leaves and refuses to believe, but when he came back in the seventh book I was so unbelieveably happy. I dunno... he's a fascinating character and the way you've written him here is just incredible. Gah, he's clever and he's ambitious and he's so aware of his older siblings and he wants to be successful and do well. It's so real and so raw that I actually found myself sympathising with him, which I don't normally do.
I loved the whole ladder-to-the-stars idea as well. It fitted in so well, the idea that to be successful you reach the stars and that Percy wants to climb the ladder, but the ladder actually turns out to be nothing like as glamorous or as easy or as nice as he thought it would be. In that way, he's very naive.
But, gosh, I loved it. I loved your Percy and the way you portrayed him before he went to the Battle and before he went back home... it's just an incredible, incredible one-shot. I'll favourite it - I'm writing a note to myself for later :P
Aph xxAuthor's Response: Well... I don't know how to answer that question. :P But I'm so happy you like what I write! It's one of the best compliments ever, to hear somebody's enjoyed a story of mine.
I'll probably sound like a broken record when I say this, but Percy really is one of the fiction characters I identify most with, as far as wanting to stand out from his family and BE somebody -- those are very familiar feelings to me. Something I sometimes do in my writing is write in my own frustrations and feelings and hide them behind a mask of another character's words or thoughts, and it's kind of a way for me to sort my problems. So I'm glad you sympathized with him, because his concerns are very much real. :)
I've wanted to work 'ladder to the stars' into a story for at least six months now, and probably more, so I was chuffed to see it worked so well here! :D Stardust, ladder to the stars, reaching for the stars -- I think picking that first line out of the pool was nothing short of fate. ;)
Thank you so much for reviewing this for me! It really does mean a lot that you took the time to stop by here, and I'm seriously so pleased you enjoyed the story. ♥ Thank you!! Report Review
Ah, a rugby-centric chapter. One was bound to turn up sooner or later! ;)
I'm so glad Lily knows nothing about Rugby - completely realistic, of course, considering that she's a witch from an essentially pureblood family - because I know next to nothing about Rugby and so anything technical would have gone straight over my head. And Lily's. I think her lack of understanding made it funnier, though - particularly when Ocean told her she's done a 'groovy' job. Haha, she has no idea if she has or not! :D Also, Scorpius Malfoy playing Rugby = just brilliant. I'm not sure if he passed out at the end or not, lol... yeah, I'll say he fainted ;) More manly :D
Ah, gosh, this is just so exciting! I do love this. The characters are all pretty much mad and should probably not be allowed out in civilised society for their own safety, but I can't help but adore them all!
Ocean is amazing. She's just so... /her/ if you know what I mean. She just is. She's so realistic and so oblivious - more so than Lily - and it's just wonderful. And hilarious.
I'm with Lily on the warm beer front - it's weird. But warm ice-cream isn't too bad.
Caris is evil! I don't like her! For some reason, even though she seems a bit like the stereotypical blonde-evil-girl-character, she doesn't come across that way and she isn't annoying at all. I dunno... somehow you're making it work! Kudos to you!
This story is amazing. It's so funny and so odd it's unreal. I love it!
Aph xxAuthor's Response: Rugby, rugby, how the welsh love rugby. Like ducks love water. Like socks love feet. Like umbrellas love rain...
SCORPIUS PLAYING RUGBY. I could not resist the calling to write such a scene. Hahaha I had a nightmare about it once actually! Um, yeah, Lily turning into referee wasn't exactly planned, but it was funny I suppose (and I wanted to add some more bulk to the chapter!!).
The characters are extremely mad and should be kept confined to Eglentine Copse! Or my head.
I actually planned a story about Ocean before I wrote this, so I might get that up eventually... I'm not sure whether it will ever be written though :p
Thank you Aph! I've loved these reviews so much xxx Report Review
No, no, no! That's just so not fair! You can't do that to me! No! You can't! No - ahem. Sorry about that. I just... you were about to say why Scorpius was there - and why his parents can't ever find him there - and then you didn't. So unfair. Next chapter, maybe? Please? :P
Okay, this is just so good! I love the idea that everyone in the village has failed in one way or another (or, considering it a bit more, all ways) and that she's not really alone with what she did and having moved away. I love how everyone mingles in the pub - there's not really a 'young people's scene' and an 'older people's scene' it's just everyone and they all talk and get on and things. It's lovely.
I loved her internal monologue, btw. It's just so funny when she goes off on tangents internally, thinking about something completely different but which has followed a logical thought process to get there. It's so realistic as well.
No daffodils, though. I'm kinda disappointed. And no sheep! There should be sheep... :P (Yeah, this is pretty much the limit of my knowledge about Wales and Welsh culture. Daffodils, rain and sheep)
Anyway, this is really good and I'm really enjoying it - keep going! :D
Aph xxAuthor's Response: Hey!
Sorry about that! You will find out eventually, when Scorpius and Lily become a bit more *ahem* friendly. They're not exactly best buddies at the moment, haha!
It's a rather starnge idea, but I've enjoyed writing it thus far! Personally, I'd LOVE to live somewhere like Eglentine Copse. It sounds like heaven. But that's just the sort of thing I like :)
Daffodils will appear soon! And sheep? Now there's an idea.
I like your knowledge about the Welsh culture. It's basically correct (along with rugby, leeks, welsh cakes and patriotism)
Thank you!xx Report Review
Ooh, Scorpius Malfoy! What is he doing in Wales? No, seriously, what is he diong in Wales, because I honestly have no idea! Please say he speaks Welsh - because that would be funny! :D I've never imagined Scorpius Malfoy speaking Welsh... hm... interesting...
Ah, I loved this chapter as much as the last one! Lily's utterly stubborn, completely reckless, doesn't think things through at all, has no idea about anything and is somehow almost oblivious to everything on top of it all. She's a truly amazing character!
Haha, teapot! It's really funny that was the first thing she thought of when trying to think of a surrogate surname, you know. Even 'Smith' might have been a better try ;) But that's what makes Lily Lily, lol.
Birdy seems like an interesting character, too. I can't really decide if I like her yet or not because she hasn't been around much... still, though, I like how she's already been pretty nice to Lily. The village seems adorable, btw :)
The rain sounds a bit scary, though. Does it really change that quickly? O.o Weird...
I loved how you made her parents still want to see her, though. It was a pretty bittersweet moment when she actually left.
Oh, and the part where she was in the airport with Harry was hilarious! :D
I'm enjoying this so much! Keep going! :)
Aph xxAuthor's Response: Aha! Now if I told you what he was doing in Wales i'd be ruining all the lovely jubbly surprises now wouldn't I?! :P Hate to disappoint you, but no he doesn't speak Welsh D:
Well, I logically thought of 'pot' at the beginning of 'potter' and then stuck a 'tea' on the front! Isn't it epic? I doubt that anyone real actually uses it as a surname but it does nicely for lily :)
No, the weather doesn't /usually/ change that quickly in Wales - but it has happened a few times! It certainly rains a lot! :D But this story is NOT a realistic Wals representation. It's sort of a spoof !!
So pleased you like it, thank you for reviewing
xox Report Review
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