Reading Reviews From Member: Aphoride
  
366 Reviews Found

Review #51, by AphorideLove Lost to the Greater Good: Adult

7th August 2014:
Hi there! Dropping by from review tag :)

So, you should know that I adore Albus/Gellert, so as soon as I saw this I couldn't resist coming to have a look at it!

I love how you've presented Albus. He's such a complicated character, particularly in that summer, and I love how you've shown that - he's angry at having to stay behind and guilty about not wanting to and not doing enough to take care of Ariana and knowing he's falling in love but not wanting, perhaps, to do much about... it's just so perfect and so real!

Gellert was amazing, too - the way he was so calculating and so good at reading Albus and working out his secrets, like the attraction, and was just sort of biding his time until using it... it's strangely sinister and yet kinda sweet, in a weird way, haha. I liked the way you had the moment when Gellert thinks he's manipulating Albus to make him dependent, but really Gellert just wants to kiss him :P It's just so in character for him.

I loved how you wove in all the greater good and hallows stuff, as well, with them talking about it, and Gellert being the more driven of the two of them and Albus knowing the words are empty and not being totally comfortable with the idea of so many people dying for an ideal.

Your writing was so good in this too - so fluid and clean and such lovely description! :)

Aph xx

Author's Response: I'm glad you liked it. When found out Dumbledore was gay I really got into this ship because it is more interesting than the usual slash drama. Writing manipulative people is my favorite! I'm glad I managed to make Albus likeable. In my first draft he was kind of a jerk. I hope you consider reading more of my stuff.
Gladis Gudgeon


 Report Review

Review #52, by AphorideRainfall: King's Cross

6th August 2014:
Hi there - stopping by for the Blue v Bronze review battle! :)

I've seen this around the site, but I've never stopped by so I'm glad I got a chance to drop by this time! It's such a unique premise, really challenging in pretty much every way and so thought-provoking and emotional, you know?

You deal with Hugo being blind so well. Your writing doesn't feel limited at all and the description of things is just so gorgeous, whether it's what things look like or feel like or sound like. I almost wish I could get someone to read this to me so I could listen to it with my eyes close to imagine it properly :)

Hugo is such an amazing character. I love how he's not very outgoing, and very close to Lily, and irritated by people treating him like he's made of china or something, because he's not. It's such a real reaction, and kinda makes me wonder if I've ever come across as overly helpful and a bit smothering in that kind of way. Rose and his parents mean to be nice, but being overprotective kinda makes it annoying. Such a good, real presentation of them all, though!

The little mentions of things like Braille and him not always knowing when the dog (Snuffles! :D) comes up to him and hating people sitting in silence in the same room as him are so, so good.

As a whole thing, this is just so emotional and so evocative. You get the feeling of frustration at the end with Hugo, but also that he's just accepted it and he feels like his parents and Rose haven't quite accepted yet, even after so long. The ending scene particularly was so good - I felt so sorry for him, because it's something which really hurts, and the kid won't have meant it to be too rude because they just don't understand, but in a way that makes it sadder, if that makes sense. Especially when their parent doesn't seem to really step in... grr.

So yes, this was a really, really lovely piece. Gorgeous writing, great characters and an amazing, amazing premise. I'm so curious to see where this goes and how Hugo copes with everything! :)

Aph xx

Author's Response: Hi!

Thank you! I'm so glad you like it.

I've actually thought about volunteering this story to be made into a podcast over at FFAB. When I've finished it, I might. It would be really appropriate. If I can find anyone willing to record an entire novel!

I literally stop and close my eyes at odd moments to get a picture of what things would be like for him. It's fascinating to write from his perspective - if very limiting at times. And I think it's done wonders for my description! But you don't really appreciate how much you rely on sight until you think about managing without.

Really happy you like him - he's the first character I really feel I know. Like as I've been writing (I've actually got nearly 17 chapters done now) I've come to know exactly how he thinks and what he'd do. He feels like a very real character, and I'm really happy that comes across!

Indeed, Snuffles :D

The parent certainly wasn't very quick at stepping in, anyway, not acting before Hugo'd lost his temper and stopped listening. I've seen a few times the concept that children are honest in a way adults aren't, and it's true and Hugo knows it.

Thank you so much! I hope you do come back and read the rest - I'd love to know what you think. :)

~ Leo xx


 Report Review

Review #53, by AphorideEvent Three - The Plans We Make: The Plans We Make

5th August 2014:
Hey there - dropping by for the Blue v Bronze review battle! :)

So I love Ron/Hermione, and when I saw that this was a Harry/Hermione sibling-friendship type story, I had to pop by because I love those to pieces and there are never enough of them!

Your characterisation here is amazing. I'm so intimidated by the trio because they have such well-defined personalities and I'm so scared by the thought of messing them up, but you just wrote them so, so well. I love the way you write Hermione as being so out-of-control and unsure of herself because it's a step she didn't see coming and she didn't plan for it and she doesn't know what to do - it's a lovely, real side to Hermione we don't really see all that much of in the books so I loved seeing it here. Harry was brilliant, too - so out-of-his-depth at the beginning with the situation and wishing Ginny was there for the girl-talk stuff, haha, but he's grown up and knows not to say things which will irritate her and stuff.

The tone of this was so gorgeous, too. I love the way you layered it - with the fluffy kinda tone of it all, especially at the end, and then the kind of sad, anxious tone with Hermione and then all of Harry's confusion - it's so complex and so real!

Just gotta say, I love the bit where Harry offered up James Sirius as a test baby for Ron to practice changing diapers on. Poor baby James Sirius! :P

Your writing is so lovely in this. It's so compact and it flows so beautifully and nothing feels extraneous and there's just the right amount of description and detail... gah, it's so great! :)

The ending was perfect. Just perfect. That is all. :D :D

SO yes, I really, really enjoyed this one-shot and am totally in awe of the fact that you wrote this (and two other stories!) in under a week.

Aph xx

Author's Response: Thank you so much for such a nice review!!

I adore Harry and Hermione's friendship. I know a lot of people hate it, but I sort of love the dancing scene in the DH movie. If you look at it through the lens of friendship rather than the film trying to force Harmony on us, it's a really sweet moment!

You shouldn't be intimidated by the trio!! You're an amazing writer, and I doubt you'd mess them up. I tend to think that they're easier, because you don't have to think about them as much. They're already there! And you don't have to worry so much about giving background.

You're so nice!! I'm just flabbergasted by these compliments.

Alright... full disclosure... I wrote this like 6 months ago. It was the first chapter of a Novella that wasn't going anywhere. It needed major edits to make it work as a one-shot, but... the dough was already there. I could probably still publish the Novella with the original first chapter (because I really did do major edits), but... I feel like I should say that :P.

Thanks again for such an amazing review!!!

-Georgia



 Report Review

Review #54, by AphorideStarfall: Prologue

5th August 2014:
Hi Isobel! :) So I saw you posted this yesterday and really wanted to read it (and am now wishing I had had more time yesterday... fourth to review and sixth to favourite isn't as good as first or second ;D) but didn't have time, so here I am now! :)

The premise of this is so, so good. I'm not usually a fan of 'what if' stories, but this drew me in anyway - because it sounds dark and gritty and action/adventure-y which is all the kind of stuff I like :P Plus, it's your NaNo novel - or one of them - which you talked about and it sounded so good then, so I'm ignoring my own preferences here, haha.

But yes, this is a brilliant start. As a prologue it works so, so well - enough that I have no idea what happened to get Lily to that point (why? He's her son! Whaaa?!) but also that I want to find out what happened... I'm assuming something with Snape happened... hm... the mystery you have in this and you inject through this is so good - I'm so intrigued!

The way you write Voldemort is terrifyingly good, too. Terrifying because it's Voldemort, you know, but it's so perfectly in canon and so in character for him. I loved the way he wasn't bothered, really, by the idea that some of his followers might have betrayed him because he can deal with them later. It's this sense of egomania with him which is just so on point. Like, they're all ants to him. They don't matter. I'm actually kinda hoping there's more from his pov in future, because it's so fascinating and so good. Is that weird? I dunno... :P

The sense in this chapter - of defeat and loss and sort of despair on the side of Lily and the Order, and then of winning and triumph and glee from Voldemort - was amazing. I always find it so difficult to weave two different feelings like that together without making it weird - how did you do it? :P It really just builds up the picture and the tension and allows your beautiful writing and description to almost flow past. It's gorgeous writing, really, speaking of - your word choice is stunning and the pace is so quick and fluid. Little things like describing the Atrium as 'desecrated' and Lily's eyes as 'doe-like' are just so evocative.

So yes, I loved this, and I will be following this story relentlessly and badgering you on twitter if you don't update on time (not really, don't worry! ;D). Favouriting! :)

Aph xx

 Report Review

Review #55, by AphoridePlaying for Keeps: Shooting Star, After Midnight

4th August 2014:
Mallory! Hey! :D So I promised to drop by, and here I am! :)

I've been looking forward to you putting this up ever since you mentioned it in the cabin, because it's such an interesting and unusual idea - plus, it helps that I know how to play pool, as well :P

I love the idea that it's in a casino, and the idea of a wizarding casino with slot machines and enchanted cards and all sorts of things is just so cool - I hope you go into more detail on that later, coz I wanna know so much more about it! And the idea of Fred Weasley II running it? Perfect! :)

I love your main character (so mysterious we don't know her first name yet - but it suits the chapter so well! I was so engrossed in reading I didn't even notice we didn't know it). I love how she's confident (but grown confident) and sexy and kinda cool and mysterious and yet from your summary she works so hard. She's just such an interesting character because in this all we see her at is her job, and in sort of an alter-ego kinda thing, so I can't wait for the next chapter to show us more of her.

The way you wrote the pool itself was brilliant. I'm always so nervous about writing actions scenes, because they're hard man! but this was just so good - I could see it happening in my head and it was so quick, as well. Tell me how you do that! Please? :P But seriously, it was so good!

Haha, I can't really feel sorry for the bloke who lost all his money - though he was a really great character. So real and so normal, to an extent, you know? He felt like someone you could pass on the street in RL. Poor Bonnie... :P

I'm so curious to know who the mysterious observer is and what he wants. She seems so scared/worried/etc.

Your writing in this is so good, too. I said about the pool scenes up there - and they were amazing - but all of your writing was so good. It flowed so well and your word choice was so great. I loved the way you described things, as well, particularly the casino at the top of this.

You people are making me add so many favourites these days :P Favouriting, following, bugging you to update :P

Update soon! Please? *bats eyes*

Aph xx

Author's Response: Wow, time certainly flies when summer ends. Sorry I took so long to respond, but this review is seriously one of the loveliest that I've ever gotten. So thank you for that!

Wooo, I'm so glad that you play pool! So maybe you can make sense of the jargon that I'm sure I'm going to jumble as the story progresses. :D I'm an amateur, but I really love pool and when I got this plunny, I couldn't NOT write it. Pool is cool, end of story.

The casino will definitely be featured a lot in the chapters to come. It plays a big part of the eventual plot (which will turn up one of these days). Freddy is one of my favorite characters to write, actually. He's so eclectic and weird, and you'll get to meet him later on in the story.

Ooh, I'm so glad that you didn't notice that I hadn't revealed my main character's name yet (until the end). I have this terrible habit of keeping character names out of the chapters until the very last second. In this particular story, her name isn't revealed until chapter three! Yes, well spotted! She's definitely taking on a sort of persona in this chapter--definitely playacting so that she can trick all of her opponents and such. Her work personality and her home personality are quite different!

Thank you so much! This chapter just came out of my head when I was at a loss for how to approach the beginning of the story. The pool scene is something that I imagine to be extremely overdramatic and very intense--almost a parody of itself. It was so fun to write! I honestly don't know how I did it, especially since I'm usually awful at describing action. I suppose it's easier when the majority of the action is done by inanimate objects. :)

Ugh, I don't feel sorry for the guy, either. I feel sorry for Bonnie. She married a schmuck, but a very commonplace schmuck. He was fun to write, but I'm hoping he won't make any surprise appearances in later chapters. o.O

Yes! The mystery observer is very scary. Be afraid. Be very afraid. ;)

Thank you so, so much! This is still my favorite chapter, just because I like the air of mystery that surrounds everything. I'm so glad that you liked the flow of the words and the descriptions! Hopefully I can keep that up. :D

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR FAVOURITING!!! Seriously, it made my day so much. And this was a fantastic review as well. You are too kind. :)

~Mallory


 Report Review

Review #56, by AphorideHow to Become Minister of Magic: A Guide: Let's Make a Deal

4th August 2014:
Hey Mary, dropping by from the Blue v Bronze review battle! :)

So, you should know that I love politics, it's something which really fascinates me, so I'm amazed it's taken me this long to get here, because this really does seem right up my street!

I love how you've got her starting off at the bottom - and Louis as well - even though her dad is pretty well-known and pretty high up in the Ministry, it seems. It's an interesting route to go with her, rather than her asking daddy to put her in a better job to start, you know, and says a lot about her character and how she wants to do it on her own, not with her dad's support, kinda thing. Laney is a really good character, too - she's not necessarily very nice, is very driven and manipulative, quite haughty and a bit egotistical, but somehow she's interesting and I want to read more about her and if she stays like this the whole way. It's an impressive knack to have ;)

I really like the other characters as well, and the way you show them solely through Laney's pov. Like the other assistant, who's kinda plain and a bit dowdy and probably really very nice, but Laney hates her and looks down on her. And the boss who is a bit of a pig, tbh, but you get people like him and the other girl, you know?

Louis is awesome. I love how you're using him like a kinda male mirror-image of Laney, in the sense that they're so similar, and they have similar aims and are happy to have similar methods of getting what they want. It's kind of a devilish pact, if that makes sense, and I'm so interested to know how it turns out.

This is such a good set up and such a good start to the story. I'm so curious to know what happens with the pact and with the job and all... also, whether or not Laney will stay as she is or if she'll change as the story goes on.

Ah, such a good story! I'll have to keep an eye in this ;)

Aph xx

Author's Response: Eee! Aph! Thanks for this review!! *hugs* (Where is the :hug: smily when you need it? ;))

I never really saw Laney as taking the easy route. Yes, she takes her own sort of shortcuts, but she makes sure that it is because of her that she gets the shortcut, not just because of who her father is. She is confident and proud and that has made her want to get places on her own merit. Yes, she is definitely all those things, no matter how negative they are ;) But at the same time, how proud she is of those characteristics just makes me like her because she is a bit quirky but not in the usual stance.

Yeah, I'm glad you caught on that some of the people she meets aren't really the way she describes them. She is somewhat of an unreliable narrator (which has made some feel like the story is a bit too mary sue-ish unfortunately), but I feel like that is just part of her charm ;)

What can I say, they are two peas in a pod :P However, they are too alike that I feel like there will be some friction coming up between them. They are both too driven and manipulative to be able to work together seamlessly.

Thank you again!!

Mary xoxo


 Report Review

Review #57, by AphorideBackground Noise: The Curse of Carkett Close

4th August 2014:
Omigosh, so, okay, when I saw this on your page, I just had to come read it. A teh-style parody with a bunch of wacky characters and a girl who's both a reincarnated drunk old man and a princess? Yes please! :D

This was just amazing. I'm not usually a big fan of parodies because often they're either too cynical/sarcastic or just not very funny and kinda miss the whole point of it all, but this is just... well, there's no way you could take it seriously. And that makes it brilliant.

I love Jo. She's so real, which seems almost strange to say in this world, but she is. She's surprisingly unbothered by things, lacks motivation, but it really brave underneath it all and just sort of gets on with things. In the context of the story, she's almost dull compared to the others characters, except she's got this wonderfully unique voice which is just amazing.

Nora is probably my favourite though. You can't really explain her without smiling and she's just such a wonderful, brilliant and interesting character. I kinda wanna know what the other dimension is like (will we ever see it? It would be pretty cool) and where she's come from. She's such a mysterious character, but she feels like she could be living next door to you.

Lizzy just makes me laugh. All the time.

The whole world you've built here is probably my favourite thing about this, though. It's just... amazing. It expands so nicely onto JK's world that it almost feels like it's just another bit we didn't really hear about before, and yet it's so different. It's totally wacky and weird and I love that. The name's are all so great, too - Carkett Close is genius! - though having a Horseshoe pub is a bit weird for me since I used to live near a Horseshoe pub... O.o but nm. The idea of the curse on the street is so good, too, and should be sad but isn't... I think it's because Jo just deals with it in such a sarcastic way :P

The details and writing, as ever, are gorgeous. Particularly the details - I loved all the little bits about the falling pianos and enlarged lawn mowers and sentient mould, and the chain of command question (God or a goblin? :P)... gah, just all of it. Again, I'm amazed by how different the style is here to other stories - tell me your secrets! :P You're so adaptable, it's just so impressive. I also loved all the little nods to pop culture, haha, though I won't list them here ;)

Ooh, and James Potter... so mysterious. Though I like how he's moving through wives, haha, and the Daily Prophet reporting so much on a single, relatively uninteresting event, except it's being reported on the same level as the end of the world. I'm so curious to meet him - I'm guessing the task is to look after him or something? And I like how he's a Seer - very cool!

Also, I have a soft spot for the clowns. And Creevey (Dennis?) :P

I'm so sorry if this is semi-incomprehensible, though I'm not really sorry because I loved this and I'm so glad I read it :)

This is being favourited and followed. Almost obsessively :P

Aph xx

Author's Response: Aph!! ♥

Aaahhh, thank you for this amazing review!?!

I'm not a great fan of too many cynical/sarcastic parodies either, but I do love crack!fic and ridiculousness told with a completely straight tone.

Yup, that sounds like Jo alright! 'Lacking motivation' is an excellent way to describe her. But I suppose if you're cursed to die pretty soon, you're going to lack a lot of motivation as well...and yeah, despite this curse and everything, she does seem the normallest out of everybody present. :P I'm so glad you liked her voice! I was a little out of practice with writing first person POV when I started this fic, but your review makes me feel a lot better.

And I'm glad you like Nora with all her mystery. She's the epitome of the mysterious girl with the mysterious past, which is coming to her in 'flashes' of remembering. :P

And the world that you're reading about is just me botching JKR's wonderful wizarding world and inserting random details here and there. I don't even know how I came up with some of the details like enlarged lawn mowers and whatnot. And pop culture references abound in this story. JUst because they're fun! I've always wanted to write something crammed with the silliest, most irrelevant pop culture references (the obscurer, the better) so I sound like someone who knows a whole tonne of things (but actually I probably watch too much TV and just googled a lot of stuff up.).

James Potter, ha! I haven't quite decided what sort of character he's going to be. He'll definitely make his first appearance in the third chapter. Here's to hoping that he doesn't disappoint!

Awww, thank you so so much for this brilliant review, Laura! I CANNOT BELIEVE THAT YOU'D FOLLOW SOMETHING SO RIDICULOUS AS THIS ♥ THANK YOU!!

-teh


 Report Review

Review #58, by AphorideDeath's Other Kingdom: Death's Other Kingdom

3rd August 2014:
Hey there! I'm so so sorry this is so ridiculously late - RL has been manic for the last while with all sorts of things and I didn't want to do a short review (because, really, I have far too much to say about how much I love this to fit in a short one :P) so I'm here way later than I should have been, so I'm so sorry about that.

Okay, so I loved this. You have this incredible gift of taking characters - often you manage to pick the ones I could never write, as well - and just writing them so well and so perfectly and in such a different direction to what I was expecting or thinking. Every time I read something of yours, I come away with a new idea about something or way of looking at someone. It's honestly incredible.

I have to honest and say that while Snape is probably one of the best characters in the series, I've never been able to like him. What I loved about this was that I didn't have to, and I don't think I was really meant to. You said you wanted to explore the darker sides of Severus and how he became a killer and it just... made sense. I could see him spiralling down and getting out of control, and I could almost feel his emotions through your writing and understand, even if I didn't like it, how he got to where he was. I almost feel sorry for him in this, except that he has this big thing about choices, with Lily and how she's chosen her path and he's chosen his - and it's the choice which makes him almost irredeemable in this, you know?

Gah, I could go on about this for ages... I loved how you presented him - and Voldemort. I don't think I've ever seen someone write Voldemort so well and so creepy and so... caring? I dunno if that's even a word that can be applied to him, but sort of interested, at least. The amazing thing is that you have this way of making things like that which should be just 'whaaat? O.o' seem completely and totally believable. Like, I believe you about this. I think it could work, the way you wrote it - with Voldemort seeing himself in Snape and that maybe being the attraction, and Snape just wanting to be needed and wanted and loved, and... just, yeah.

Your Voldemort is just amazing, as well. I mean, creepy as anything and terrifying and he doesn't even kill anyone or anything in this, but he still manages to be creepier and almost darker than in the books.

As always, your writing is to die for and practically makes me drool. Everything is just perfect: the word choice, the flow, the length and pace... it's just perfect. I don't know how else to describe it :P

Gah, you're just amazing. Seriously. I'm going to have to favourite this, because I don't quite know what else to do since someone else already recommended it on the forums (drat! :P) but I kinda feel I should do something...

I think I can probably officially call myself your fangirl now :) Yes? No? :P

Aph xx

 Report Review

Review #59, by AphorideShelter: Shelter

2nd August 2014:
Hey there! Dropping by for our review swap! :)

So when you mentioned this, I just had to drop by, especially after I'd read the summary. I love Ron/Hermione - they're just so perfect together! - and a nice bit of angst every now and then, so this was right up my street straight away!

I really, really enjoyed this, too - I'm so glad you mentioned it! I love how you wrote Hermione - not as weak or pathetic or anything, but as recovering and needing to be comforted after having been so strong before. It's something of a subtle difference, but I loved it. You really kinda showed why Hermione's a Gryffindor with her bravery, and the bit with the lies and her nearly giving in was just so clever and could so easily have been in the books it's practically become my head-canon for that moment just now :P I'm so so impressed by how well you did with Hermione, because I'm so terrified of writing canon characters, and there's nothing in this which is anything even the slightest bit OOC. It's just perfect characterisation. I'm almost jealous :P

Your Ron was wonderful, too! I love how he was there when she needed him and, despite how much they argue in the books, he knew how to comfort her and knew what to say and things. It was just so sweet and really, really showed the whole deep friendship turning to love thing so well. You really managed to develop this whole other side to Ron, where he's caring and compassionate and almost hypersensitive of Hermione's moods and how she would react to things. It's so brilliant, and just makes their relationship in this for me.

Your writing as well is gorgeous. It flows so beautifully, and the memories of Hermione being tortured fit in so well - they don't seem out of place at all, tbh. There's just enough description and enough characterisation to make it a really deep and meaningful story without having too much happening and going really heavy on the whole Bellatrix part of it all. I love this missing moment - it's so sweet and tender and sad and just, gah, full of so many emotions! :)

Really, really good one-shot! I'm so glad we swapped and I found this :)

Aph xx

Author's Response: Thank you so much for this amazing review (and the amazing swap, as well)!

I'm so relieved to hear that I didn't mess up Hermione's characterization. I'm definitely scared of canon characters too, considering I'm a stickler for canon stories, so I was worried. That's really great to hear!

Same goes for Ron, as well. In the books we have so much opportunity to see him as a moody teenager who lets his emotions get the best of him, but I sensed a more mature and protective side of him when Hermione was tortured in the books. I definitely wanted to show that through this.

Once again, this is very appreciated! Thanks :)

Jackie


 Report Review

Review #60, by AphorideMoving On : Moving On

5th July 2014:
Hey there - dropping by for the Blue v Bronze battle! :)

When I saw this was Cho/Cedric and no one had come by, I thought it was about time someone did, and since I have a soft spot for Cho/Cedric, I thought I should, so here I am! ;)

I love how you've followed them through their, well, story, I guess, from the beginning where they got together, to the end after he had been killed and the war was over and she'd moved on. I liked as well how you portrayed her as moving on but not forgetting him, something I think people often forget and don't really include, you know? But you balanced it so well - she remembered him, and she still cared about him, but she loved other people too, and I liked that as a nice touch and the mention of her muggle husband at the end :) Her grief was wonderfully shown, as was them falling in love and how real you made it seem - it didn't happen all at once, and it was sort of a stereotypical 'young love' scenario, but I liked the depth you gave to it, and it suited them!

The way you wrote Cho was brilliant, too! I'v always felt sorry for her because so many people don't like her because she cried a lot in book 5, but I like how you explored what Cedric meant to her and so how his death affected her, once he was gone. And I liked the little mention of Harry, kinda alluding to why she went out with him and tried to talk about Cedric. It's maybe a bit selfish, but it's because she doesn't know what else to do. She was a wonderfully sympathetic character in this, which was so great to see! :)

Cedric is just adorable in everything, 'nuff said, but yours was so sweet - the way he blushed when he asked her out, the way she was so excited and nervous and how they got on so well... it was lovely! :)

Your writing in this is great - really, really great. It flowed so well, particularly with the different sections, and your descriptions were brilliant (though a few more here and there wouldn't hurt anything ;D). I'm amazed, as well, at your ability to convey so much in a short piece - it's really incredible! - and it was just, in total, a great read!

I'm so glad I read this and I can't believe this is going to be the first review! :)

Aph xx

Author's Response: Hey Aph!,
Thank you for leaving this lovely first review. I am really glad you liked the story, it means a lot to me coming from you. I don't think I can put into words how sweet and kind this review was. Thank you it truly means a lot.
~Panda


 Report Review

Review #61, by AphorideTrue Romance: In the Waiting Line

29th June 2014:
Hey Rose! :) Dropping by for our review swap! :D When I saw you ask, I had to volunteer solely for the purpose of coming back to this story! I love it so much!

The first section with Rose and Scorpius is just... perfect. I mean, it's awkward and difficult and embarrassing and a really almost horrible conversation to have to have, and it doesn't really solve anything and perhaps causes more problems than it solves, but it's honest and it's real, which is so so great! And impressive because gosh it's just an amazing conversation...

I liked, though, how Rose was self-conscious and almost in need of reassurance from him about herself, but she didn't quite blame him for it and she wasn't rude or mean. She was accepting without being too nice, if that makes sense. It's the kind of way I like to think I'd react, and it really adds another dimension to her character - the insecurity. She's such a wonderful character, and I love seeing her every time she comes up! :)

Poor, poor Scorp! You're really succeeding in making me feel sorry for him ;)

I loved the glimpse of Al with Arthur, asking him about how he knew Molly was 'the one'. I dunno, there was something sweet about him asking advice from Arthur, and respecting him enough to be mature about it. The bits about muggles - flying cars - was such a lovely, lovely touch too! And so in character - writing Arthur and Molly intimidates me, so I'm always so impressed when people write them well like you did! :)

Is it bad that I really hope he means Brandon? :P

And I wanna know who the man who lost someone to being just friends is! *pouts* Is it Charlie? Please say it's Charlie! No? Yes? Percy, maybe? Hm... please say you're going to tell us at some point? :P

Brandon really needs to stop being quizzed by Harry :P It's going to end badly one of these days! But I love their scenes - it's like Harry effectively checking to see if Brandon is good enough for Al and I just find them so Harry to do, you know? The case sounds so interesting, though I hope nothing bad happens to him!

Question: how did you manage to build in so much mystery in this? I didn't even notice it, but it's so good and so effective! :P

So yes, I'm still in love with this story and I'm still hoping for an Al/Brandon reunion! ;)

Aph xx

Author's Response: Hi Aph!!

I was so happy when you signed up for a review swap (I likd doing that after posting a new chapter).

So... yeah, I had to make Rose and Scorpius have an awkward interaction like this. Rose left their relationship thinking they just wanted different things (ha, which they did but in a more fundamental way). I'm really glad you liked their conversation. I struggled writing it and had to redo it a few times.

Rose has a pretty bouyant personality but even she would take news like that with a bruise to her ego. I think part of her is still processing the information which is why she's not reacting too harshly.

:P Good, you should feel bad for him. Despite his rather comfortable upbringing, he's my downtrodden character in this.

It was pretty borderline for Al to be mature about his conversation with Arthur. I mean, he was close to going all James about it. I like to imagine Arthur dedicating his retired time to muggle stuff. Oh - i'm so relieved they were in character. I hardly write them so it's a bit intimidating.

Haha, I can't say who he meant.

It was Charlie. I have a story called A Savage Failure where Charlie dates Brad Savage (who is Brandon's uncle) and, well, their relationship doesn't quite turn out for the best. So... I already told people. :P A good number of people have read that.

Ha, yeah, Harry needs to stop abusing his power to weasle Brandon for information. :P Harry's definitely working quite a few angles when he talks with Brandon. I'll have to give them a scene together where Harry's not bothering him for information.

Um... I wont' comment about Brandon and that case.

I'm actually glad that there's mystery building up! I like making this as much about an unravelling of people as much as it is a romance.

Well, next chapter is their date!! That will be full of actin.

Thanks for a wonderful review!
-Rose


 Report Review

Review #62, by AphorideSevenfold: everything that happened, everything you saw

22nd June 2014:
Hey there! So I felt a bit bad that I've been reading this all the way along, but I've never really reviewed, so I decided to drop by on this chapter :)

Firstly, I loved the section with Ada at the beginning. Honestly, I did not see that coming at all - you completely confused me with the whole thing, haha, with Ruth not moving and I was so sure she was dead and then unsure because 'of course she survives, duh' and then you hit me with this ;) I like it, though - how she wants a new identity, and how she at least makes sure that Ruth gets buried nicely and people remember Ada while Ruth lives. It's a nice sort of compromise for both of them, if that makes sense?

Ah, Louis and his dysfunctional family always make me laugh! I love how hippie-ish Dominique and Steak (which is still one of the best OC names I've ever heard!) are, and the whole thing about using only natural products and all... you put enough of the detail in there to make it work, but not too much that it's overloading. And James. I adore your James. He's just so real, you know? Like he seems like someone I could actually meet in real life. Shame I can't really :P

Is it weird to say that I'm glad Draco's alive? Hehe, probably. But no, I'm loving the mystery. You manage to get so many details in that I feel as though I should know who it is, though I really have no idea. I find Eugenie Bones incredibly suspicious, and Molly a bit, and Emily a little... so yeah, no real idea :P But I like that! I shouldn't know yet, haha. Louis' conversation with Ada (Ruth? ;D) was great - I like the idea that she's trying to give him some kind of advice about what to do and how to solve it, even though she says 'I don't really know'.

The details and writing in this were wonderful as always. I'm so so excited for the next few chapters - to find out what happened with Erik and the sixth murders, and more clues! :D

I still love this story :)

Aph xx

Author's Response: Hey Aph! :)

You are so sweet - I had no idea you were reading this story but hearing all this just makes me so excited. Thanks for taking the time to leave a review, I really appreciate it! :D

Hehe, I was so excited to see how people might react to the identity trick and if I fooled anyone. And yes, I think that's how Ada sees it - she has a lot of guilt but at the same time she wants a new identity for herself beyond being the sevenfold killer, and so she seizes her chance. This also let me delay a little bit from keeping Louis and the reader from figuring out that Ada herself might still be around.

I love writing his crazy family too! :P They're so funny. Steak and this characterization of Dominique was actually stolen from one of my other stories but I loved them so much that couldn't resist shuffling them into this one. I'm glad it wasn't too much though. :P Ah, I feel that way about James too, somehow! He's so off the wall but realistic. I was originally going to write the story from James' POV but so glad I kept him as a minor character instead, because he's way more fun to write from an outsider's POV.

Haha, nah... Draco's more amusing alive than dead, really. :P And the sevenfold is starting to slip up a bit. Ooh, interesting theories you've got there! I love hearing people's suspicions, and Ada ("Ruth") does want to help out, in her strange way...

I'm so excited to post the next chapter and for you to read them! :D Especially when the murderer is finally revealed, it's going to be so fun to see what everybody thinks. *evil author laugh*

Thanks so much for the beautiful review, my dear, and I hope you keep enjoying the story! :) ♥


 Report Review

Review #63, by AphorideCollateral : Collateral

17th June 2014:
Okay, okay, you've got to stop doing this. I mean, seriously, it's unreal. Every time you write something new, you make me think and you make me fall in love with the character or the story you're telling simply because you're writing just does that, seemingly effortlessly. It's just... gah, amazing.

I love how you manage to pick up all these characters who have such small parts in the books, or who no one really writes about, and make them into such 3D characters and make their stories so big and grand and important. Like the Roberts.. I'd honestly never really thought about them before, but reading this... gosh, I missed something! It's so horrible what happened...

I love Clover, and Dudley, and how together they sort of learn more about the wizarding world and yet less at the same time, if that makes sense. Like, it's a very narrow view of it, but they haven't seen the amazing side of it, they've just seen the harm it can do. Kinda like Petunia, and Dudley with the Dementor you know. I love how Clover was so haunted and so scared by what happened to her and what might happen next - how it was like a living nightmare. It's so thought-provoking.

Dudley was great, too. I never see him written, which is a shame because he seems a bit more of a character than people often think he is, but I loved how you portrayed him here. How he wanted to protect her and liked her, but felt that he couldn't, and tried to stand up for her because he knew having her memory wiped wouldn't be what she wanted. Strange to think of Dudley as a defender of rights, but it worked so well here! :)

I have to mention how you managed to make Arthur and Tonks seem kinda creepy and weird. I had no idea that was even possible :P

Your writing, of course, was gorgeous, as always. I loved the style you wrote it in too - with the different sections and the memories incorporated into the main body of it. It was so, so lovely.

I'm so glad I read this and if you're not on my favourite author's list (which you should be...) then you're definitely going on now! :)

Aph xx

Author's Response: Hello! :)

Oh you are just so lovely! I loved this review so much, it was really sweet and gah, just thank you! ♥ I'm so honoured that you liked this story, and my writing!

I was just the same, I completely forgot about the Roberts, but once they came back into my head I just couldn't stop thinking about how horribly they were treated. Especially with how all the men just kept wiping Mr. Roberts' mind, it was awful. :(

I'm so glad you liked Clover and Dudley, and yes I know what you mean - their view is quite limited and has to remain that way, and they only see the scary things and how it's harmed them personally. I think Dudley is a little more prejudiced than Clover because he's been raised to think that way, while she really has to think for herself, but she's less angry and more terrified. I thought the way Muggles are just treated as pitiable but disposable, and how patronizing the wizards are to them to be very interesting - even in weird cases like Hermione modifying her parents' memories, it's a little patronizing in a way even if it's for their own good. So it was quite fun to explore that through Clover especially.

I've barely seen Dudley written either! It was tricky, because I wanted to make him an interesting character, but seen through Harry's eyes he's just so... dumb. So it was difficult to find a balance, but I'm glad you liked how he was portrayed! :) His crush on Clover and friendship with her does make him more of a protector, haha.

Hehe, I'm glad you found them creepy and weird though. :P It was quite interesting to write them as some sort of bad guys.

Thank you! I'm relieved to hear that, I didn't want the style to be too confusing but still wanted it to fit with Clover's jumbled memory.

Thank you so much for this amazing review and all the compliments, my darling! :) You really are too lovely!


 Report Review

Review #64, by AphorideTouch: Touch

17th June 2014:
Hey Maggie! Dropping by from Review Tag! :) I'd never read a Dean/Luna before now, so I thought I'd drop by here rather than your most recent story :)

I love the way you've portrayed Dean. We don't see all that much of him in canon, but he always seemed to me to be a little more serious than, say, Ron or Seamus, you know - a bit more of a down-to-earth and sensible kinda guy, and that's pretty much exactly how you've written him here. Not everyone can be a jokester, and the war isn't the funniest of times, so I love how it's more serious, from what's happening to the actual words and prose themselves. It just seems to fit with his character so well.

The way you talked about him being on the run was just brilliant, too. I loved how you picked up on the things you'd miss most if you had to go on the run - the difficulty finding food and having baths and things which seem so normal to us, but we'd have to do with out. It really highlighted how tough his life must have been on the run, without making it too big a deal, which is almost sadder because it's like it became normal for him, you know? So sad!

Luna. Omigosh, I love your Luna. She's just... wow. So perfect. So in line with canon it's unreal. I find her impossible to write, so I'm amazed at how well you've done here - it's wonderful! I love how you've added another dimension to her, though, with the whole end sequence, where she admits to being scared sometimes, and there's the sense that she hasn't really told anyone that except Dean, which is so sweet.

Your writing, as always, is so lovely. The way you've written this is so serious and so perfectly paced, and your word choice really shows how Dean's feeling and the difference and then spark between him and Luna. It's just really, really great :)

As with Helgazar, haha, you've completely convinced me on this one, too! This will have to become part of my head canon, I think.

I'm so glad I read this - it's a really, really wonderful one-shot :) :)

Aph xx

Author's Response: Hi Aph! Thank you so much for this completely lovely review! I'm slowly making my way through my list of unanswered reviews, so I'm really sorry it's taken me this long. But I so appreciate your time and your kind words, and it's always lovely to see you :)

I always saw Dean as being a pretty serious person. Sure, he can joke around with Seamus and the other Gryffindor guys, but he also seems to hold a lot in reserve. Maybe it's JKR's extensive, fascinating backstory on Dean that makes me feel that way. But anyway, I do normally prefer to show his serious side. Expecially as a contrast to Luna :)

I read and reviewed a oneshot by nott theodore called Snatched, which is about Dean on the run from Snatchers. It's a great oneshot, and it definitely planted the seed for me to write this one. I wanted to show the realities of what life would be like on the run (or at least make it seem as real as I could), and also spend some time showing Dean's thoughts and feelings about it all. I'm glad the details enhanced that for you :) And I guess Dean is very matter of fact about it all, isn't he? I had never thought of it that way, but that really does make it sadder. Thanks for giving me that new insight!

Aw, I'm so glad you liked Luna! She is always a challenge for me, but I'm getting to know her better and better as I write her more. I like to show a more down to earth side to her, because I figure she must have one. But I also tried to keep her sweet strangeness and her talent for saying things that no one else really wants to. It means the world to me that you enjoyed her!

Thank you so much, Aph! I'm just so thrilled to hear that you enjoyed the writing and the story itself. I'm really happy that you decided to read this--your review makes me day every time I read it! You are wonderful :)

--Maggie


 Report Review

Review #65, by AphorideAn Eye For An Eye: Vengeance

7th June 2014:
Hey there! Dropping by for our review swap! :)

I should probably mention that I adore Sirius-centric stories, particularly ones which are more serious (haha :P) and not about his romance with a girl who inevitably dies and is the reason he joins the Order, so when I saw you were putting this up, I really, really wanted to read it! It's so rare to see a story like this, and even more rare to find one which is as good as this!

The way you've characterised Sirius is amazing. I love how he's so emotional in this, and yet not overly so. I mean, he's just found his brother-in-all-but-blood and his wife dead, expecting their child to be dead too - of course he's going to be in shock and floods of tears and all. I liked how his grief was so present, but so quickly overtaken by his anger towards Pettigrew and his want for revenge. It's a very cruel and vindictive trait and I like how he has it - it fits well with his character, you know? His anger was so wonderfully shown as well - I loved how you described him as predatory when confronting Pettigrew. Makes him sound almost evil, and bloodthirsty... which sort of lends almost an extra irony to Peter's actions.

Peter was so good in this, too. I loved how in two paragraphs or so of writing you managed to explain convincingly why and how he joined the DEs and hint at bitterness, irritation, even perhaps almost hatred of his 'friends' for the way they treated him. And, of course, ambition. Always ambition ;) I also really liked how Sirius completely underestimated Pettigrew - how Sirius didn't expect him to try and run or betray him quite like that. It made it a lovely twist, even if I knew it was coming :P

Your writing in this was lovely, too - it's so clear and your description is great! I loved the way you used italics for emphasis, as well - it's not something I see all that often, but I liked it here. It seems to suit Sirius' character, I think.

Just a small formatting note: in the second half, the formatting is different to the top half (tab in at the start of paragraphs). It's not a problem, you just might want to make them match. (Me and my OCD... :P)

So yeah, I really enjoyed reading this! I'm glad I swapped with you - thanks so much for doing it with me! :)

Aph xx

Author's Response: Hi! Sorry it's taken me a whitle to respond, but here I am now!
Thanks! I, too, love Sirius stories, but I also find, like you, most of them are about love and romance, or his time in Azkaban. Whilst I confess I love a bit of Sirius romance, this is always a moment I wish JK Rowling had written herself. When the challenge came along, I'd never seen someone write this scene (although they may have, I don't know), so I decided to give it a go.
I did find it hard to choose the right level of anger for Sirius - like you said, had he been overly emotional, he'd never have gotten anything done! I had to physically try and put myself in his place to decide how he would be feeling (which, trust me, is not the sort of thing you want to be doing with other people around - my brother wouldn't look me in the eye for about a week afterwards!), and then write. Yeah, now you mention it, it is a little ironic, isn't it? Not intentional, I promise!
Aah, Peter. One of the hardest characters I've ever had to write. I actually did two versions of this piece - in the first, which was abandoned halfway trough due to the unfortunate circumstnce of it sucking, Peter was just as angry as Sirius. He was having a yelling match with Sirius, and once I re-read it, it was completely OOC. It was so hard to decide on Peter's words and actions, but in the end I decided he would probably be bitter, but still actually quite cowardly and trying to feign innocence (like he did in Prisoner of Azkaban. I do think, though, that he was capable of a lot more than his friends took him for - probably part of the reason why he joined Voldemort, because he felt he was underestimated. That's also why I think he doesn't just attack Sirius on sight, even though he must know Sirius knows of his betrayal - they never actually did anything malicious to deliberately hurt Peter, they just dodn't accept him completely as a best friend. That's why I think Peter can't completely turn against them and try and kill Sirius as soon as he sees him - he has no real reason to, no justification for revenge, like Sirius has.


 Report Review

Review #66, by AphorideRun: Run

6th June 2014:
Hey again! I seem to be dropping by your page a lot these last few days ;)

Founders stories are one of those rare things which I don't see very often but I do love to read when I find them - see, I'm a bit a history nerd :P So even though I love We Are One and desperately want to read more of that, I dropped by here...

I love how you portrayed Rowena. She's in love and clever, and I thought bored as well by the life she leads as a noblewoman, and so desperate to get away that she runs away to her lover - which would have been so scandalous in the time, it's pretty brave of her to do it! I liked the juxtaposition of her fear and her bravery - how she was running away because she didn't want to get married, but also because she was scared of her father and that she'd never see Salazar again. But then it's also so brave... it's a lovely piece of characterisation! :)

Salazar and her parents were great, too. I liked how her parents were just so... normal for that era, you know? Expecting obedience and loyalty and acceptance of her duty and what would or should be her fate; it's so impassive, but also strangely caring, in a way, because they want her to be safe and looked after, you know? It probably doesn't make sense, haha, but anyway... :P Salazar was amazing, too - I loved his coldness and how quickly, with her, he could shift into being passionate and loving. It was such a great way to portray him - cold, cunning, and almost too prepared to do anything for her... I mean, he meant to protect her and he thought it would be fine, but obviously it's not what she wanted at all. I almost feel sorry for him - dunno if that was what you were going for, though!

The one thing I have to mention is your period details. I'm a huge history nerd, as I said, so this is probably far, far more obvious to me than to others, but there are quite a few of them which kinda... aren't right. It's just little things - mostly when she's with her parents. Like them having a sitting room, and a sofa, and her mother organising her wedding in that kind of way... the language fits the period so beautifully, though, so to me it seemed even a bit more out of place because of that... but, anyway, just a little thing! ;)

Your writing in this is gorgeous, though - so lovely and flowing and it really highlights your strengths - your descriptions and your characters, which are both amazing.

I really enjoyed reading this - a good Founders fic is always so hard to find and you've done a brilliant job with this! :)

Aph xx

 Report Review

Review #67, by AphorideHurricane Luna: They Meet in a Tree

5th June 2014:
Hey there, dropping by for the BvB review battle on the forums! :)

I love Rolf/Luna - I think they're such a sweet ship, with so much potential, but no one ever writes them, so I was so excited to see you had one up, so here I am!

Can I just say that Luna is one of the HP characters who scares me the most to write, because she's so hard to get right, you know, and yet you do her so well. It's amazing - really, it is. I love how even though your presenting her from Rolf's pov, you've captured her dreaminess and her wisp-like nature and how she's so clever underneath it all, even if she misses some things which are obvious to others. She's so like she is in canon it's uncanny.

Rolf is amazing, too. I really, really like how he doesn't like her at the beginning - how he doesn't like her being there, he doesn't know why she's there, and he just wants her to go away. It's a completely natural reaction to finding someone random is in your space, you know, and it makes so much sense in the story's context. Plus, it makes things more interesting between them! I love how Rolf is ambitious, too - like he wants to make his own name, instead of riding on his grandfather's coattails, so to speak. It's actually a fairly common trait, so I like that he has it!

Mahaha, bird attack! I have to admit that that made me laugh, though it probably wasn't meant to. But it was just the juxtaposition of the sweet little birds, and then them attacking Rolf like that...

Your writing is great in this, too - it flows so wonderfully and your word choice is great. Only watch out for extraneous adverbs - less is more ;) But yeah, apart from that little thing, it's really lovely. I love the way you incorporated the quote, too - it's a great quote, and a really interesting way of using it! :)

I really liked reading this - it's a great, fun read! I'm so happy I stopped by! :)

Aph xx

Author's Response: Hi Aph!

Thanks for picking this story! I really hated it when I posted it, but the reviews have been really positive, so I think I will finish writing it.

I did want people to laugh a little bit with the bird attack. I mean, Luna AND Rolf are both so clueless that it was kind of funny that everything went so horribly wrong. But I don't think Rolf thought it was funny!

I'm glad you liked the way I used the quote. I actually am incorporating a different part of the quote into each chapter of the story.

Thanks again!

Beth


 Report Review

Review #68, by AphorideA Promise: Don't leave

4th June 2014:
Hey there! Dropping by from the BvB review battle! :)

Okay, so I love these kinds of missing moments stories, particularly with Tonks and Remus, because they're such a lovely, lovely couple! ;) Plus, it's not a story we see much of in the books, so it's so nice to see how it unfolds, you know?

But yes, I love the way you have Tonks in this. She's so sweet and so in love and really, really wants to go and fight - but I liked how it was because Remus was there, not just because she's an Auror and it's 'what she does', you know? It was a real, true reason for it because that is often the biggest, most important thing. I also loved her interactions with her mother, and how worried she was, and how her emotions contrasted in all the sections - that was really lovely!

Remus was great too! I loved how you made him so happy when they got married, but then as soon as she got pregnant because he was scared, he panicked, and then blamed himself. It's such a sad time for him, I think, but I loved how even though it was from Tonks' pov, there wasn't all that much hate and anger and things - it was more like she understood, you know? She wanted to explain and she wanted him to be okay with it, but she got it when he wasn't. So sad! I loved their reunion scene when he got back, though - that was gorgeous! So sweet :)

Your writing in this was gorgeous, too! There wasn't buckets of description, but I liked it without it all, tbh - there was just enough in this. It flows so beautifully and your word choice is just so great. I'm so impressed at the length of this too - how you managed to make their story so compact, and yet there's so much emotion in it nonetheless.

The end was chilling. Wow.

So yeah, I really enjoyed reading this - I'm really glad I stopped by and picked this one. It's really, really good! :)

Aph xx

 Report Review

Review #69, by AphorideMy Girl: My Girl

3rd June 2014:
Hey there - dropping by from Blue v Bronze! :)

I'm so so impressed that you did this both in 500 words and also without using the letter 'e'. Both are so hard to do - I'm genuinely scared of attempting to write without using the letter 'e', and writing in 500 words was hard enough! Doing both is like... wow.

I love how you characterised Ron as so caring and so attentive and protective of his daughter. It's such a realistic thing, and really connects with how loyal and family-oriented he is in the books, you know? Plus, it's a kinda stereotypical but so true dad-type thing - to be protective and not stop thinking of their kids as theirs. It's so sweet, though, that that's what you chose to make the focus of this - it's not something I've seen very often.

I really liked how you portrayed Scorpius, as well, and from Ron's perspective too. I liked how Ron wasn't exactly perhaps Scorpius' biggest fan, and all, but did want his daughter to be happy and feel that Scorpius was good for Rose, you know? How Scorpius was a good guy, and Ron was sort of giving him advice, and telling him what to expect and how much he means to Rose and she means to him.

There were a couple of small (as in, really tiny!) grammar mistakes I spotted - 'an' where it should be 'a', for example. They're not any big deal, or anything, but I thought I should mention them anyway! :)

Your writing in this was so gorgeous, too! It flows so beautifully, and the descriptions are wonderful, too. Just really, really nice - this completely deserves its Diadem! :)

So yeah, I really loved this piece! It's so impressive and so sweet, and I love the way you've focused on a relationship which is so important and so present in life but isn't often portrayed in ff. I'm glad I had a chance to read this! :)

Aph xx

 Report Review

Review #70, by AphorideDon't Mean a Thing: Not the One to Stay Around

2nd June 2014:
Hey Rose! I thought about reading/reviewing the second chapter of True Romance, but when I saw you had this up, I decided to come here instead :)

So I'm not a real huge fan of Sirius/Lily, in the sense that I don't think they're right for each other, but I love here how you wrote it as a kind of secret, half-romance type thing, where they skulked around and no one knew and Sirius was sort of selfish about the whole thing, and knew that it was never going to last, and almost didn't want it to last, to a certain extent. Something like this, to me, is incredibly believable - more so than any other way of portraying it.

I loved Lily and Sirius, as well. The way you showed them as people who needed each other, having this amazing, intense kind of fling, almost. It was such a lovely way to show different sides to them - Sirius' selfishness that he'll go after Lily because he wants/needs her, and he doesn't care that James likes her, and Lily that she's almost naive in trusting Sirius to tell her the truth about James and that he'd be okay with it, and then going along with the secrecy and the romance, almost like she always knew James wouldn't, but again, didn't care. It's such a refreshing way to show them both, and one which feels so real, you know?

Just should mention that you missed you a few words here and there - you might want to read through it (read backwards or something?) and look out for them ;) There aren't enough to stop the flow or make anything weird, but I thought I'd mention it anyway!

Your writing in this was lovely, too! The second person felt so natural to Sirius, so appropriate for him with that detached kind of feeling but a bit more intimate than third, and it never felt out of place or strange. The descriptions in this were wonderful too - I particularly liked your descriptions of Lily in the desk, because they were just gorgeous.

This is really, really lovely and I'm so amazed this is so great, despite being so short. It's just gorgeous! I'm so glad I got a chance to read it! :)

Aph xx

Author's Response: Hi Aph!!

I'm not a hardcore Sirius/Lily shipper. I mean, part of me ships anything and everything because that's always a fun challenge to make two people float. I couldn't see them having an above board relationship. The furtive nature of what they shared here is the most i could see them having.

:D It's really great that you liked the side of Sirius and Lily I showed here. I don't buy that Lily was as perfect as she's usually portrayed. Sirius was probably struggling after leaving his parents and having something darker emergen in his personality.

Oh, thanks for mentioning the typos and stuf. I wrote this in just a few hours and didn't really check it over. :-/

I'm happy that my writing and descriptions were decent in this. Using 2nd person was more of a challenge/new thing for me to try out. I am glad that it also enhanced the mood of the story. Describing Lily in this was kind of fun. I thought I stepped into some corny descriptions but I guess those work in moderation.

Thank you so much for wonderful review!!

-Rose


 Report Review

Review #71, by AphorideTrue Romance: New Slang

1st June 2014:
Rose! Rose! Rose! BRANDON IS BACK MA! Yay! *ahem* Okay, so you know I love Brandon and, well, yeah, I'm glad to see him back.

So I've been so excited for this sequel to come out... so glad it's here!

I love how you've made Al grow up between the end of the first one and this one, you know? It's nice that he's not doing all of his growing up in the story and that the balance has kinda changed between Al and Brandon. I liked how even though he was a little jealous of Scorp's new bf (who, by the way, has an awesome name), he tried to be a good friend and be interested and not jealous. It's totally understandable, you know, that he would be jealous and so nice that he doesn't let that out, really.

Also, I love James in this. As an older sister myself, I totally agree with the whole 'oi, stop it' thing, haha. There aren't many things more awkward than that... :P Their conversation was great - in fact, their whole relationship is lovely. I actually really get why James doesn't like Scorp, tbh, and kinda like that while Al is friends with him, James still hates him, haha.

Ah, sibling feels. Always good! :)

Can I just say that I think your writing has improved a lot from the beginning of the first one to this one? This is so good, and your writing is lovely - your description is really great! :)

Btw, the ending - IF AL DOES NOT GO HOME WITH BRANDON, OR THEY DO NOT KISS, I WILL BE VERY DISAPPOINTED. I ship them. Genuinely. This does not happen often. You should be very proud ;)

So yes. I must add this to my favourites/reading list and keep an eye out for updates because I have to know what happens... But yes, I love this start and can't wait to read more! :)

Aph xx

Author's Response: Hi Aph!!

hehe, I'm really glad you're kind of a Brandon fangirl. He needs more of those in life. ;)

I couldn't stand holding Al's hand as he branched out to be his own person. I dunno, that's just not the type of novel I wanted to write. Brandon and Al are on a bit more equal footing for this story. Al's ability to be the supportive friend will be kind of short-lived. I'm kind of surprised no one has linked Corbin with the 5th Element (the movie).

Giving James a larger role in this was a fun way for me to add a more complex plot. Though, I'm more of the younger sister role in real life so I can relate to Lily's desire to be one of the older kids. I'm so happy their relationship worked well. ^_^

Yay! I hadn't seen a noticable improvement from starting Pure Intentions to now but I'm glad you have. :)

AL WILL GO HOME WITH A LOT OF PEOPLE IN THE STORY. so... he'll get some kissing time in.

Thanks so much for the wonderful review!! I should have a new chapter up soon.

-Rose


 Report Review

Review #72, by AphorideThe Deathly Children: A Funeral

30th May 2014:
Hey there - sorry for getting here so late! I've been looking forward to reading this ever since the pairings went up, but end of exams and my birthday and my mum's birthday kinda threw everything out of whack :P

So, you should know that I adore Albus/Gellert. Beyond anything. They have, as far as I am concerned, the monopoly on tragic boyhood romances in HP :P I love stories about that summer and how they met and so on and so this seems exactly my kind of thing (plus your beautiful writing, which always helps! ;D)!

I love how you've started with a sort of almost prologue-esque letter, and how it's sort of accusing Dumbledore, even if not quite, it's angry and it's bitter and it works so well. Your writing is so brilliant and just gah... so nice! :) Even though we haven't technically met Gellert yet, as such, it still feels like because you've shown us what he becomes and sort of ends up as, that you've kinda let us know him already, if that makes any sense...

Your Albus is so similar to my head-canon young!Albus it's unreal :P I love how you didn't shy away from the harsh elements of his character - the loneliness, how he hates the village and doesn't really like Bathilda because she's nosy and irritating, how he and Aberforth don't get on... it makes him simultaneously sympathetic and not, you know, because it's understandable but also harsh things to feel. But yeah, he's wonderful. I'm so excited to see what else you do with him in this - how he develops and grows.

The last section is so sad. Poor, poor Ariana. I loved how you didn't make her stupid or anything, how she's still capable of understanding things, even if someone has to explain them to her, you know? And the way she's so scared of magic, and compares Albus and Kendra and kinda finds, in a way, both of them wanting, is so sad for all of them... I think it really highlights the tragedy of what happened to her - how she's scared of magic and Albus' gaze scares her and things, how she's barely ever alone... you've kinda taken things which might normally be little and created this debilitating condition with them. It's amazing writing, but incredibly sad.

As always, of course, your writing is stunning. The description is gorgeous and the detail is amazing - I loved the details about Kendra's body particularly (though it's kinda morbid to say) as they're so real and yet you avoid all the cliche things to say. The characters are so, so good before and I'm so fascinated to know what you're going to do with them later on...

So yeah, I'm hooked, and I'll be back at some time in the future for sure ;)

Aph xx

Author's Response: Hello, Aph!

First of all, massive apologies for taking forever to respond to your review. -hides-

And speaking of that, thank you so much for leaving such a lovely detailed review on my fic! Your comments made me incredibly happy, and I love how you analysed the characters.

Albus/Gellert is my OTP of this fandom! I love them together - they're such a fascinating pair of characters - not the easiest to write, but definitely one of the most interesting character couples to read about in fic. And I'm glad you found it to be your kind of thing (I've seen you post somewhere on the forums that you have an Albus/Gellert, though I can't seem to find it, so maybe you haven't posted it up yet? When you do, I'm looking forward to reading!) Like you, adore this pair and I'm always looking for more about them.

Ah, Gellert's letter. He doesn't actually appear in this opening chapter, but I thought the letter would be sort of a hint to his character, or at least to show how the whole relationship has turned out. It also kind of opens up a different sort-of parallel timeline to the main action of the story; I dunno, I might have overdone things, but it was worth a shot, trying stuff out! :P

Albus Dumbledore as a character in the books is like the epitome of perfection. Seriously. Brilliant, witty, confident, assured, never wrong in his guesses, highly intelligent, sagely...beyond any sort of mistake. Until of course, that final book, when his whole perfect image is sort of shattered, and he's brought right down to the level of the average human being. Or as flawed as Dumbledore can get. So I decided to develop his more selfish negative aspects a little more, make him a little more vulnerable as a character. And wow, it sounds great that we both have such similar headcanons of him!

Ariana is the most interesting of characters to write for me. Her characterisation goes places and probably diverges from canon, mostly because I can't stand how she's portrayed in the books. Actually she wasn't portrayed at all, and she's only seen through her brothers' eyes. So she's a very elusive, mysterious figure, which provides me a little bit of free rein with her.

Thank you so, so much for this wonderful review, Aph! I'll be keeping an eye out for your Albus/Gellert, and once again, forgive me for taking so long to respond to all your lovely comments! ♥

-teh


 Report Review

Review #73, by AphorideTime, Space, and Blunt Force Trauma: for old times' sake.

28th April 2014:
Hey there! A little later than I planned - but revision comes first, unfortunately! Anyway, I'm here now! :)

So I was so excited to see we were paired up in the Review Exchange, since I love all of your writing I've read so far, but am honestly running low on excuses and reasons to read fanfiction during my self-imposed revision exile-type thing :P So yeah, this was perfect!

Can I just say, before anything else, that I love Sirius as a character? I love love love exploring him - so I was so intrigued to see your take on him, you know, since you tend to do such interesting and new versions of characters.

As expected, of course, I love this! I love your Sirius - how he's so childish and impetuous but so desperate to be doing something - anything - useful, and how he's so bored inside the house. He's such a wonderful combination of bitter and spiteful and malicious, and loyal and brave and reckless - it's a brilliant balance and I love how it shows different sides to him, you know? Coz I've never thought of him as a wholly nice or good character...

The little mentions in this were brilliant, too - Kreacher and how cruel Sirius is to him (always yelling for him, sneering at him, blackmailing him into doing what Sirius wants... kinda makes me feel sorry for him, you know?), the mention of Dumbledore arranging for Sirius to get the news so he's at least not completely in the dark, Remus and Tonks (yay! :D)... they just really fill the whole thing out so beautifully!

Of course, your writing is gorgeous. I'm completely amazed at how with each thing I read, your style and voice almost changes to match each character, while still retaining something of your writing in it, if that makes sense. It's incredible. I don't honestly think I could do that even if I tried, so seriously! Impressed, here! ;)

I know this was for a last twenty-four hours challenge, but I love how you've used that to show us so much of his character and so much of his misery, and show us things adjacent to canon? Like a missing moments kinda thing...

So yeah, I love this. The way you write Sirius is just amazing. You should really write more of him! ;) I'm so glad I had an excuse to read this! :)

Aph xx

Author's Response: Hey hey, Aph! Nah, no worries about the wait; I don't mind at all! :D

Gah, THANK YOU for this phenomenal review ♥ Seriously, your compliments are just alskdjlkc I feel like I'm not worthy. Oh, I'm glad you got to read about a character that you love! I was never really into Sirius...until I started writing this fic. And it was fascinating exploring his character, which you pretty much analysed so perceptively.

He definitely wasn't portrayed as a wholly good / nice character in the books - well, Harry sort of half-worshipped Sirius in the books, - but really, he had a ton of faults. And Sirius is definitely unkind to Kreacher; I'd say that his long confinement has made him lose touch with others a bit, made him isolated to the point that he's unable to empathise with certain others. Ah, I'm glad you mentioned Dumbledore sending him news; I was kinda proud of that tiny (but rather insignificant) detail!

Thank you so much! Your compliment about my changing style and voice just absolutely made my day! I do indeed like to tailor my narrative voice to that of my main characters; it may sound strange, but as the author I'm trying to take myself out of the story more often, and let my characters develop their own voice, and the story its own style.

I do have another Sirius one-shot in the works, but it's a little weird at the moment, ha! I'm glad you had an excuse to read this oneshot of mine too! Your review was an absolute joy to receive! ♥

-teh


 Report Review

Review #74, by AphorideForever and a Day: Forever and a Day

13th April 2014:
Hey there - dropping by from the Blue v Bronze Review Battle! :)

So I loved this. This was so absolutely, completely sweet. The lyrics worked so well with the story and the idea and theme, because the relationship between a parent and child is so different to any other relationship in life, you know? And this really reflects the idea of absolute, unconditional love that that relationship has.

Angelina's character is so sweet and caring, and I loved the references to George, and how you avoided talking about Fred I, you know, because a lot of people compare the two and it's nice to read something where they don't do that.

Your details are so great! I loved how you included little, everyday kind of things in this as well as the big things - becoming a parent and husband and growing up and those sorts of things. The knee-scrapes and things were great too include too - and they really added so much to the story, filling it out so nicely so that even though it was short it didn't really feel that short, you know?

The writing in this was so good, too. It's really succinct and clear and lovely. It flows so well throughout and it's so cute and every word feels so well chosen - there's not one which feels out of place, which is great since it's so short, you know?

So yeah, I really liked this! I'm so glad I read this! :)

Aph xx

Author's Response: Hey Aph!!

So this review was really sweet!! ♥

I'm so glad that you liked the way the lyrics worked with the story, and how I showed the relationship between mother and son. I also am so glad that you loved the George references, and lack of Fred references. I wanted to show that even though George and Angelina were still healing from the loss of him, the son kind of patched up that empty hole.

I'm just so flattered that you liked it, and I actually had to add the part at the beginning because it was too short, so I'm glad you didn't think it was TOO short!!! Thanks so much for this lovely review! I really appreciate it! You're so sweet!

xoxo Sarah ♥


 Report Review

Review #75, by AphorideFlawless: Flawless

12th April 2014:
Hey there - stopping by for our review swap! :)

So I recently wrote a Bill/Fleur as well, and I do love the pairing so when I saw this on your page I knew I had to stop by! :)

I love how well the quote and the colour suit them as a pairing - I honestly didn't realise this was written for any particular challenge at all until I got to the bottom and saw the author's note :P

I really like how you characterised Fleur - she's still retained the slightly haughty edge from the books, like she knows she's better than everyone around her, but you've tempered it so well with her being caring and sweet and completely in love with Bill and unconcerned, really, for what he looks like because she realises and knows that, in ways, he's better than she is and, perhaps, arguably more perfect. I love that contrast between them and how she thinks that she wants to be like Bill rather almost than like herself... it's such a sweet thing to say, and you manage to avoid it sounding self-deprecating and keep it as more that she admires him and thinks he's amazing, you know?

Your writing in this was lovely, too. There was so much great description and so any lovely little details - like how Fleur had persuaded Molly to go home and get some sleep, and how Bill had woken up before... they're little things but they add things to the story and Fleur's character, you know? The only thing I would say is that you might want to read it over again or get a quick beta/friend to look it over for you, because there were a few places where the grammar was wrong (commas in the wrong places, for example) or the phrasing was a bit odd. I know there were a handful of instances I noticed, but I can't quite remember where any of them were, sorry! But a read through should pick up most of them, I think ;)

Your writing is so lovely, too! I love how so much of it is description and an inner monologue - it works so well with the subject matter and how you've characterised Fleur. It's got such a smooth style and feel to it, it's great!

So yeah, I really enjoyed reading this! Thanks so much for the read and the swap - it was really great! :)

Aph xx

Author's Response: Hello Aph! Lovely to see ya! :D

I love Bill/ Fleur too! They are always so sweet! And besides, their love was true. :) They make a beautiful couple. :)

Aww, thank you! I was a little worried about writing a story for two challenges.

I'm so glad you liked Fleur! She's not that much hard as a character, but in this story, it was difficult to justify her love for Bill and how he was 'the kind of flawless she wished she could be'. That's why it took like three months for the idea to be written down in words. :)

I think the relation between Molly and Fleur became much better after Fleur accepted Bill with all his flaws. That's why I believe that Molly was persuaded to take rest by Fleur and Arthur. :) Feels great to know you liked the little details!

I totally know about the small mistakes. I'll look over this as soon as possible. :)

Thanks for the review swap and the awesome review!

Ashwini


 Report Review
If this is your story and you wish to respond to reviews, please login

<Previous Page   Jump:     Next Page>