Reading Reviews From Member: Aphoride
  
491 Reviews Found

Review #26, by AphorideThe Rules of Motherhood: Dreamer, Writer, Mother

17th June 2015:
Hey there! :) Dropping by for our review swap!

So, I just had to stop by on this one because I have a soft spot for Molly and Arthur stories, and the summary just sounded so interesting. Also, I haven't seen many stories around about young!Molly and Arthur, so I was curious :P

I love the way you've portrayed Molly. Most stories only talk about her after she's been a mother, and so capture what JKR gave us about her, but you go so much further with that, and expand it so beautifully, with the writing and the insistence that she's not going to be a mother, or indeed get married, and then finds herself doing both of them anyway.

I like as well how you've kinda reminded me that Molly was, in fact, a very young mother herself - date-wise, with Bill, there wouldn't have been much time between marriage and his birth - and kinda played that up here. I love how she's so scared about it, and admits that it interferes with those secret dreams she has (which I think is something everyone can understand, since we all have those kinds of secret dreams), and her plans for the future, and what she thought of herself, too. The lack of holding back on that is something I haven't seen before in teen pregnancy fics, or similar pregnancy stories, and I love that you've put it in here, because I think it's so true to life, you know? Especially with young mothers.

Your writing here is so lovely - so clean and clear, and the short sentences are so good at punctuating the flow, emphasising Molly's emotions and helping them to come through so, so well. The only thing I'd say is that sometimes it's a little too disjointed, and then it starts to interfere with the narrative flow a bit - maybe combine a couple of them?

Also, I loved the use of repetition in this with the 'she didn't want' phrases and so on. It was so good, almost like she was talking to herself. And I gotta mention quickly (got to run to lunch, oops) how I love the way she's so scared about telling Arthur, and so scared perhaps of the potential that it's going to happen if she does - it's kinda a final thing, I think, telling people. Makes it that much more real. And it makes her whole struggle that much more impounded, because Arthur doesn't know and she's so uncertain - there's no support or help for her then, and it's so difficult, and you just make me feel so sorry for her in this. Like, I just want to hug her.

This is a lovely little story, and I'm going to have to come back sometime :)

Aph xx

Author's Response: Hello, thank you very much for the review swap.

I'm really flattered to hear you say such complimentary things about my writing and my characterization. I have a lot of respect for your writing, so it means a lot to hear that from you.

I'm glad tat you understand the nuances of her not wanting to tell Arthur. Based on some of the other reviews I've gotten, some people were confused why she didn't think Arthur would react well, but you really understood that her silence was more about not wanting to make it a reality.

Thank you for the note about my flow being disjointed at times - I'll keep that in mind.

Molly definitely deserves lots of hugs.

Thanks again!

Sam.


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Review #27, by AphorideSerenity: Serenity

5th June 2015:
Hey Laura! :) Stopping by from BvB - and the summary for this sounded so good, so enticing I just had to stop by so I hope you don't mind! :) (Then again, tbh, most things on your page sound so good - it was so hard to choose!)

Oh my gosh, I'm so so glad I picked this one because the writing in this is so beautiful and the story you're telling is so lovely but so sad, too, because you know it can't end well, and even though you know that, the ending is still such a shock - I really, really didn't expect that from Isobel! :( Poor Padma...

I loved both the characters, too - Isobel and Padma. How Isobel was so quiet all the time, and words almost would have been more hurtful, but then perhaps serenity can hide the truth and true feelings - like with the end, when Padma thought that perhaps things could go back and then Isobel is just so silent, almost like it's an offer hanging between them, and Padma can't accept it. The whole theme of silence and serenity, and the two things mingling and not quite merging, really, was so so beautiful.

I loved Padma, too - how there was this sort of expectation for her from her mother and her family, which she was so scared of not living up to and so much pressure along with it, and yet it was so carefully written so as not to suggest anything potentially offensive, you know? It was just like the way things were for Padma and the way her mother was, and it made it so sad for her that Padma has to lie and that perhaps that is what in the end kills her relationship with Isobel :( Also, I loved that you included it so simply - I haven't seen that kind of unthinking, oblivious sort of pressure from parents much at all in fic, and it's I think almost more realistic than anything else.

I don't really know what to say about your writing in this. I really want to say something, because it's so good I can't really say nothing, you know - but what can I say about it? It was just so so beautiful, so descriptive and so stylistically perfect. It flowed perfectly, the word choice was perfect, the instances were you broke grammar were perfect... I have no idea how you did it, but this was amazing. Seriously.

I'm so so glad I read this. Favouriting. Going off to find places on the forums to recommend this because I don't really know what else to do... :)

Aph xx

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Review #28, by AphorideRoxanne and Dominique Weasley and the Chamber of Secrets: The Chamber of Secrets

4th June 2015:
Hey there - dropping by for our review swap! :)

So I just had to stop by on this one because the whole premise of it was so, so funny, and so original - I've never seen another story like this one, with the Chamber of Secrets used like this, and the Next Gen kids getting involved - especially with Dom and Roxy being the instigators of all of the trouble :P

I love that you used Dom and Roxy for this, too, and how they tricked Ron and Harry into giving up the information with Firewhisky - always the thing which loosens tongues :P Poor Harry and Ron - you wouldn't be too surprised to hear they were in trouble too for giving away they information like that :P The way you wrote Dom and Roxy - Roxy as more worried about the consequences when she realised them, and Dom as so much more flawless - was just so so good, and so wonderful different, too, especially when compared to the usual presentation of both of them :)

The whole thing with Al and Scorp wanting to touch the basilisk skeleton and then James and Louis sneaking out a basilisk fang were so, so good - so genuinely funny, and childlike, too - exactly the kind of thing teenagers would do, you know? :P

Your writing in this was so, so good. I'm so jealous because I can't write humour for the life of me but in this it was so natural and flowed so beautifully, every word fitted exactly where it was. The voice you used was perfect for the style, and it flowed so perfectly, too.

This was a wonderful one-shot - so so funny and so good - and I'm so glad I read it! :) Thank you so much for the swap!

Aph xx

Author's Response: Hey Aph!

Thanks for stopping by and for such an amazing review!!

I don't know why people don't use the Chamber of Secrets in stories more often. It's such a cool place! Sure, it's a little dark and creepy, but it's also pretty cool and the perfect place for teenage shenanigans.

I love writing about the Next-Gen getting into silly adventures. I feel like they deserve some downtime after two generations of war. These families deserve peace! And what better way to show peace than to hold fun adolescent adventures in this once horrifying place?

Thanks again for reading!!

-Stefi


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Review #29, by AphorideA Christmas in Azkaban: A Flickering Flame

4th June 2015:
Hey there - dropping by for our review swap on the forums! :)

I have this kind of morbid love of Sirius-in-Azkaban stories, because they have such potential for angst, anger, and horror/dark, which are all things I love. Especially with Sirius, who's such a fascinating character himself, so really, I was very happy you suggested this one ;)

I love the way you did this and focused more, I think, on the kind of humane aspects of being in Azkaban - the memories you lose and the way it tortures you, really, by taking them away and leaving you with nothing but the ones you hate. It's so damaging, you know - could completely change the way you remembered people. But yeah, the horror/dark element of this with the Dementors was done so so well! :)

The way you wrote Sirius was so great, too. I loved the mentions of the pain he feels at being 'reminded' of 'killing' his friends, and the guilt he feels over it, tempered with the sweet, happy memory of him with them at Christmas, being so very familial, really :) There was something so heartfelt about the emotions you described, and something so Marauder-like about the Christmas, too - with the boys hatching plans, and James nearly hitting Remus for having to kiss Lily under the mistletoe :P

Your writing in this was lovely, too - sometimes your description was a little too 'tell' rather than 'show', but all of your word choice was brilliant, and it allowed the emotions and the contrasting horror and warmth of the scenes to come through, which gave it so much more impact when the Dementors arrived.

This was a great little oneshot - and the message at the end was so beautiful, so sad but so true! :)

Aph xx

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Review #30, by AphorideActions Speak Louder than Words: Bent: Rose POV

4th June 2015:
Hey Beth! :) Stopping by again for our review swap - well, kinda, I guess :P - though it's a bit late for it, really, considering we're into June now...

Anyway, I really wanted to come back to this, so I'm here - even if it is a little later than expected! :)

I love the way you expand a little on the characters here and give more inplication/potential hints about what happened to Rose during her kidnapping. It's a reallly great follow-up chapter to the first one (though, tbh, I'd have liked a little more action happening beyond the party, but I'm really not the right person to complain about things like that :P), with the way it compounds the elements we were introduced to in the first chapter and keeps setting up again for Rose's future development.

I liked the way you ended it on a small forward step, too - with Rose finding she could both give and receive comfort to and from another person. There was something so small and so normal from the way you wrote it, but Rose's realisation afterwards gave it this wonderful, subtle impact, where it became clear how much it meant to her to be able to do that, and to find it within herself.

I really love the way you're developing Rose's character, especially her kind of semi-dependent relationship with Scorpius, which is only friendship (for now :P), but is both very sweet and lovely, and it's so good he's there for her, but she seems very dependent on him being there, if that makes sense. Again, I'm so looking forward to seeing how you develop this further, and how they work through Rose's obvious issues and any problems Scorpius has or which happen to him. Because of the way you write them, though, I can't help but root for them both :) They're so good together! Or they would be... :P

As before, I love the way you write this - it really sounds and reads like the kinda diary/mementoes/thoughts of a girl not long out of Hogwarts. The words you use are just so well chosen, and you write the emotions, whether the panic she feels or the terror, the amusement as she jokes with Scorpius, so so well - I can almost feel them, you know, and they're so real and believable. It's just such a great voice you've got here - it really brings this story to life, and it's so so good.

Anyway, that's all from me for now - I'll hopefully be back later on this week for chapter 3! :)

Aph xx

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Review #31, by AphorideLife Was Meant to Be Easy Now: Darkness

20th May 2015:
Hey Molly! :) Dropping by for our review swap!

Oh. My. Gosh. No Scorp! :( :( Why does he get such a bad lot in this? Poor boy, I just want to hug him so much... it's so unfair all the things he has to go through. (Though is it bad I kinda want Al to go see him in the Hospital Wing and hope that kinda perhaps pushes them a little bit further back together? :P)

I really love how you characterise Scorp and Al, though, and how their relationship isn't easy or simple, and how the things which keep them apart/break them up aren't always just outside factors. It's things about each other too - often, I find, teenage-centric romances can ignore these things, or brush them away, and it doesn't really work, you know? But in this... I love how you brought in this chapter especially how important it is to trust someone, both friends and partners, and how difficult it is to be in those relationships with people when they don't trust you. Al's nervousness is understandable, and so hard for him, but Scorp I think was so right not to keep on putting up with it.

I really, really don't like Colin, I gotta say. I just... grrr. Can Lily break up with him already? He's just stirring things and then really going so much further than stirring things, and just... the quicker he's out of Al and Scorp's lives the better, imo. Unfortunately, things like that happen, though, and I love how you're bringing those sorts of issues up in this too :)

I loved the revelations from other characters, though - steps to moving forwards :) Draco's words to Scorp were so so lovely, and Dorinda's revelation about her own sexuality and approach to love was so so great, too. I even liked Al admitting that he wasn't annoyed about the Jupiter stage-kiss at breakfast (then he ruined it afterwards, but you know... :P). It always feels to me that your characters are developing with each chapter and it's so so great! :)

As always, I loved your writing in this one too ;)

Gah, running out of time - gotta go, but thank you so much for the swap (and for posting another chapter so I could hop back to this - I love it so much I couldn't miss a new chapter! :P) :)

Aph xx

Author's Response: Thanks for reading and reviewing! It's always great swapping with you! (I've got another chapter waiting for validation, so we have to do this again soon!) :)

I agree, Scorpius has really not an easy life right now. And as much as I want them together again I can't let them until Albus understand that he has to trust Scorpius. He is way too jealous for his own good...

Colin... No, he's not my favourite character either. But he seems hard to get rid of. ;)

Draco is improving, and you're going to see a lot more of that in the next chapter!

Thanks again!

Molly


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Review #32, by AphorideDiversions from Reality.: Shocked

20th May 2015:
Hi there - dropping by for our review swap! :)

I love how you move on with the time at the beginning of this - especially with Remus, too, after everything which happened at the end of the last chapter - and how everything in this one again happens so quickly, in such a short space of time. It's so true to life that often important things happen so quickly, you know? Especially when people are teenagers :P

I really like how nervous Remus is around Sirius - it's such a great representation of that hyperawareness you always have around someone you fancy - and how he combats that by going out of his way to avoid him. Of course Sirius would notice though - it was never going to throw him off for that long :P He's clever enough to realise what's going on, if not why.

I really liked, too, how you referenced the Gryffindor/Slytherin tensions, especially the tensions between the purebloods who supported Voldemort, and those who didn't in this chapter. Poor Remus, though... to get caught in the middle of that... not somewhere you'd want to be, that's for sure! Of course Sirius had to turn up to rescue him - so typical, haha, in romance fics, though you do it so well and it works so well in this that it's not really possible to mind it as such.

I feel so so sorry for Lily and Remus in this. Sirius is probably confused and struggling with his own identity, but going straight from Remus to Lily, as though he can prove himself that way is really cruel to both of them, you know? Neither of them deserve to be treated like that... though I still love how cruel your Sirius can be - how rude and arrogant and completely unthinking as well. It's just so much like how I saw him in the books! :)

Your writing in this is great, too. I really liked the bit at the beginning where you described Remus alone in the castle and avoiding Sirius - the details there were great, with him having to lie to Lily and copy her notes so his friends wouldn't think anything weird was going on, and everything like that.

I really enjoyed this chapter - it was such a great read! Thanks so much for the swap! :)

Aph xx

Author's Response: Hey :) What a fab review :) thank you!! I'm glad you like the timing; I did wonder if it was moving too fast but I didn't want to do too many angsty will they/wont they chapters. And I imagine anything like that is intensified in a boarding school! I also thought that Regulus would single Remus out for being different and to provoke his brother.
And Sirius definitely has a cruel streak I think. It just seemed like the exact way he would react to the situation.

I'm so glad you liked it. Thanks so much again x


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Review #33, by AphorideWhimsy: Rain Rain Go Away

20th May 2015:
Hey there, Kaitlin! Dropping by for our review swap! :)

I can't lie, tbh, children's stories and things I do find kinda hard to read now, simply because... well, I dunno really :P (especially weird given my unending love of fairytales...), and I'm not the biggest fan of anything fluffy, but this - this was adorable, and tells me all the reasons why this kind of thing is so loved by people.

I love how surprisingly full this is as a story - especially so because it's not hugely long as a story. There's so much in here to pull out, which you've packed in and it's so lovely. I love how you've told us about Luna's mother, what Luna herself was like as a child, about Xeno and his relationships with Pandora and young!Luna, and linked it all so wonderfully to the creatures Luna believes in/sees (since it's never truly determined in the books if they're real or not :P), which just really brings a level of poinancy to this, I think, in that it suggests that perhaps the creature-belief is a way Luna and her dad have of remembering her mum later on, which is a fantastically layered thing to have in here.

Her mum is written so wonderfully, too. I love how she embodies so many of the things we know about Luna, without being exactly like her. She has the same kind of imagination and creativity, and the same kind of kind and caring nature, though without some of the odd quirks which make Luna undeniably her, which is so so good (because too often characters are written as their parents in miniature, which bothers me a lot). The way you portrayed Xeno was great, too - with him caring so much about both of them and coming to see if everything's alright and getting sucked into the game, and all. He really reminded me of the character in the books, even if I can't point out exactly why - but in canon he cares about Luna beyond anything, and I could feel something of that here too :)

Little!Luna was totally adorable, too :P I haven't been around many young children either (in fact, in my family, me and my sisters are the young kids :P) but I think you wrote Luna as so young really well - it's a really hard thing to do, and yet you got the tone perfectly right and the way Luna acts and talks and her excitement and things were just so so good, and felt so real, as everything you write does.

Also, I loved the way Luna was the princess, and how all of the animals came to see her :P Reminds me of a film I once saw involving lions... ;)

Your writing in this was gorgeous, as always! The way Pandora described the creatures was so clear and so lovely, and every word you used was just spot on for what you were describing or what you were saying... just... gah, it was so great! :) This really, really made me smile!

Thank you so much for the swap - I'm so glad I read this! :)

Aph xx

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Review #34, by AphorideActions Speak Louder than Words: Broken: Rose POV

20th May 2015:
Hey Beth! :) Stopping by for our review pairing!

You know, it's weird how I've been by your page so many times, but never onto this (it's coz it's so long and all, partly; I think I could never catch up :P), when it's so famous, really, and so good. Anyway, I'm here now! :)

I love the way you opened this - the mystery and uncertainty immediately at the beginning, with the panic attack where we don't know who the character is or what's quite going on, is so so powerful, and a brilliant hook! It's like, I already feel sorry for her from the beginning, you know, and want her to get better and feel better about herself - and to know what happened in the cabin which started all of this! And who Stannous is... pretty sure I'm not going to like him already :P

Also, I gotta say quickly - I saw the chapter list and the line of B words made me very happy :P It's the little things...

I love Rose's character, too. I love how she's so clever, but considers herself lacking in some things - in common sense, perhaps, in quick-thinking, improvisation and quick temper, and how she picks up on things which other people wouldn't necessarily consider flaws which she does: like compassion and trust. It's a really clever way of showing us what she's like while giving us insights into herself further, and little glimpses at what perhaps the 'old Rose' was like, before everything. Also, the 'I'm not good enough' kind of rhetoric Rose uses here when she's thinking about herself is so indicative of people who've been through difficult things, like Rose has, and it's so sad, but so true to life to see, you know?

Gah, you're already making me want to hug her and tell her that she's wonderful and everything will be okay (but then, she does remind me of my sisters - long, very personal story there!).

The repetition with the 'get up. dressed. wash. rounds. study.' section was so, so good. Again, so indicative of her condition and how she is, but so effective in the narrative, too! :)

I love the little glimpses of other characters in this, too - Dom and Al and Scorp and Selenia, even James, too - and how good they were, with the little indications of what they'll be like in later chapters, when we see more of them. All of them are so good, they already feel like real people (but then, I already knew your characterisation was good from previous things, so... :P).

I love your writing - but again, you should know that by now too :P - it's so so good, and here you've just got the tone perfectly. Rose's voice in this is so so strong and real that it allows everything to come through, and it really makes the story hers, if you know what I mean, which makes the first person shine so beautifully.

The little details in this were so good, too - I loved the little dash of humour with James and the story about why they all got sorted unexpectedly, and the details about the reactions at the sorting ceremony were just so so perfect.

So yeah, I love this, and I'll definitely be back! :)

Aph xx

Author's Response: Hi Aph!

Gosh! This review is too sweet! After I read it, I realized that I pretty much commented on the VERY SAME THINGS for your story. Hee hee - the chapter titles, the fact that the story is so popular, the way you opened up the first chapter... haha!

Oh my! I *LOVE* how you picked up on the subtle qualities of the Old Rose. She's definitely not that person anymore (but maybe she'll be someday :) ).

These characters are so ingrained in my mind, I don't have to think about them too much when I write, but I'm so happy you picked up on their main qualities - James is goofy, Selenia is unfailingly kind, and Albus has a hot temper which can lead to anger or unbridled passion.

Thanks for your comment on the fist person POV. I actually tried to go back and rewrite the story in third person POV, but it just didn't work. I also ended up switching first person POV between Rose and Scorpius. His view starts in the 3rd chapter, and I'd love to know how you think it works.

Thanks again!

♥ Beth


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Review #35, by AphorideLike a Multiverse on Fire: Spider

13th May 2015:
Hey there - dropping by for our review swap! :)

I gotta admit, first off that I haven't actually read the original of this, so I don't know how helpful I'm going to be if you wanted anything to do with that :P But, that being said, Sirius/OC fics were some of the first ones I ever read, and I've never seen a college AU like this before, so I'm glad I read it anyway ;)

I love the way you wrote Millie - clever and pretty and seemingly isolated, self-imposed too, and so irritated by people who make noise at late hours. She's such a realistic character, with her temper and how annoyed she is by Sirius interrupting her revision and all (I can totally relate to that! Hate it so much... :P). I'm not the biggest fan of Marauders stories because so many of them seem to be cliche-ridden but I love how this isn't, and none of the characters are either - the whole thing is so refreshing! :)

Sirius... mahaha, Sirius is lovely :P I love how Millie didn't know much about him, but he knows loads about her because he fancies her and how he loses his cool when trying to ask her out. It's so sweet, really, to see Sirius as something more than just a playboy. Also, I loved how his room was so much tidier than hers, and not at all what she expected - and I loved the little touch to canon with the motorcycle pictures up on the wall :P The spider incident was hilarious too - for some reason, I just love the idea of Sirius of all people being petrified of spiders, even the really little ones :P

Also, I have to mention the moment with the towel, haha. I loved how it slipped off - it kinda had to in a scene like that :P - and Millie was so embarrassed about it, but Sirius didn't care. It speaks volumes about the types of people they are, and is just such a funny moment in general.

I've never read an HP college AU before, but I love how you've mixed the two worlds together, with the use of magic and magical subjects and things, but the college lifestyle and so on - it's so so good. The details in this are just so brilliant and they really bring this story to life. The reference to the soundproofing charm - don't I wish I had one of those :P - and Gryffindor Hall, too. They're all so clever!

Of course, as usual your writing is amazing - but you know already what I think of your writing in general ;) I love your dialogue in this - it's just so perfect for the characters and the setting and everything, and I have no idea how you do it (tell me your secret! ;D), but it's so, so good.

So yeah, I really, really like this - it's a really brilliant start! :) Thank you so much for the swap!

Aph xx

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Review #36, by AphorideUnaffected: Unaffected

13th May 2015:
Hi there - dropping by for our review swap! :)

Since you said that the other things on your page were older, and this was newer, I thought I'd stop by this one, since it was the more recent one :)

I love the fact that you chose to write about Quirrell for this - I'm a massive fan of minor characters in fic myself, and Quirrell is one of those ones who never gets written about but has kinda an interesting role in the series, you know, what with having Voldemort on the back of his head and all :P

The way you wrote him was so good, too - I loved how he didn't like the kids at Hogwarts, almost seeming to be afraid of them and just so nervous around people in general - it really fits in with his later personality from the books. Also, it's kinda funny to think he's a teacher but he's not fond of people, haha - and it's so nice to see characters who aren't people people, you know, and who don't end up doing their dream job, necessarily. Plus, it was just so realistic too - his wishing not to be noticed, being so irritated by the noise in the castle the evening Voldemort was defeated and everyone found out. Those are all things it's so easy to sympathise with, I think.

One thing I really loved which I didn't expect was the conversation with the kids in the Muggle Studies class about the effect of Voldemort's disappearance. It was so astute and so clever, and actually made me wonder about all of that, because it's true, it's something which would have some kind of effect, you'd think, given that it's such a huge event and all the politics surrounding the war in the first place. I loved as well how awkward Quirrell was about the idea of discussing things like that, because it is a really heavy topic, and he seems so out of his depth with it.

The foreshadowing, haha - that last line was so good. He's so wrong about it, poor man... well, right in a way, I guess, given what happens to him later on :P But yeah, it was a brilliant way to connect this to canon, further :)

Your writing in this was so good, too. You have a really lovely, clear style which makes it so easy for the emotions your character is feeling to come through and really shine - which is so great in this, because it really makes me get the awkwardness and irritation Quirrell feels about the whole situation. Your dialogue was fantastic too - gah, I wish I could write dialogue which sounded as natural as that!

This is a really great one-shot - thank you so much for the swap! :)

Aph xx

Author's Response: Agh, what a sweet flattering review! Really, I didn't expect so many compliments!

I love minor characters, and I'm really glad that you've got this in common with me!

I'm quite pleased that you thought Quirrell's personality came across so well. I love getting into the psyche of a character and incorporating that into the narration style of a character. I didn't entirely intend to so strongly focus on Quirrell's anxiety and implied mental dysfunctions, but it just sort of happened naturally.

I'm also really glad that you liked the foreshadowing. I was afraid of either making it too subtle or too heavy handed, but it sounds like you didn't take i that way.

Essentially all of the things that I wasn't sure would read well, you said did! So that's great to hear.

In future reviews, don't shy away from constructive criticism. I love compliments, but definitely want to be pushed to improve =)

Thanks again!


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Review #37, by AphorideIt Used To Be Worse Here : It Used To Be Worse Here

13th May 2015:
Hey Meg! :) Dropping by for our review swap! I have to admit - I have a soft spot for Al/Scorp, simply because they're usually as a pairing a lot less cliche than Scorose, I've found, and there's something so sweet about the idea :P

So yeah, basically, I just had to come here, rather than anywhere else - I hope that's okay! :)

I'm kinda sad this was done for the Sink Your OTP Challenge, in a way, because I do like Al and Scorp together, really, but at the same time this is such a great story I almost don't, because it works so well, if that makes sense?

I love the way you wrote this, with the section at the beginning and the section at the end. I admit I didn't see the end of Scorp and Al's relationship coming that way - maybe that was stupid, but I really didn't :P - but the description of where Al was and how he was and that it used to be worse just gave me chills. It was such haunting description, and at the same time you used it so well to give such a beautiful portrayal of the fact that Al still kinda loves Scorp, even after it all, and there's something so incredibly sad about that. He seems so lost and so lonely in those bits, as though there's nothing left for him except to wait to die, which is a really raw and stark portrayal of a character - any, really. I kinda just want to hug him, poor thing :(

I love the way you wrote the middle section, too - and what actually happened, as well. I've seen cheating used before, but I love how here because there's not much mentioned about it, so much is left up to imagination about why Scorp and Rose happened, and how, and if they loved each other too, you know? Which makes it that much more powerful in the uncertainty. The way you had Albus kill them without thinking was so good, too - it's happened, people describing doing things like that without almost being aware of what they're doing, and it's simultaneously scary and sad to think that Albus was so far into shock that he wasn't aware of his own actions. Also, I love how you didn't demonise any of the characters about it - that's one thing in cheating fics which always frustrates me, you know - and I think it helped how you wrote it, with the sections and Al's automaton state and almost not wanting or waiting to know why.

The repeated line about Azkaban being worse before was so chilling and so creepy.

Gah, I loved this - poor, poor Al, and poor Al&Scorp, being forced apart so brutally :P Anyway, aside from that, it was a really lovely, devastating one-shot, and I'm so glad I got a chance to read it! :)

Aph xx

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Review #38, by AphorideUnravel. : Millicent.

11th May 2015:
Hey Erin - dropping by for our review swap! :) It's definitely been too long since I dropped by your page, and I really miss it, so I'm so glad I'm back! :)

And I'm so so glad you asked me to review this, because, tbh, I tend not to jump to later chapters, even in story collections, and this... wow, this was just amazing.

I really, really love what you've done with Millicent. We don't see much of her in canon, other than her being described as not the most attractive girl, tall and broad for her age, and seemingly fairly violent, too, with the headlock on Hermione (which I loved how you included that moment in here, btw - so so good!), and I always love seeing minor characters getting a bit more time in the limelight. I love how you made her so clever underneath it all, and the mention of the voices in her head... schizophrenia, I'm guessing? was just incredible - the way you used them as sort of friends of hers, like a comfort blanket, only violent, apathetic sort of things, and how they persuaded her to do things she perhaps wouldn't have done otherwise. It made the more brutish way she appears in the books become something incredibly malevolent and almost evil, you know, and far more terrifying for that, which I loved.

I thought you wrote her condition/illness really well, too - I'm not much of a psychologist; I only know a bit about a few certain disorders (for various personal reasons imma not gonna get into here ;D), but I thought you handled it so well and so sensibly and sensitively too - you didn't glamorise it or exaggerate it in anyway; it felt so real and so true in a portrayal. And of course, you wrote it amazingly well.

Tbh, though, your writing in this was amazing. I keep using that word, but it's true! Your descriptions were gorgeous, and there were so many lovely lines in this - I especially loved the earthly things and cosmic things line (I can't remember where it is... ooops), and that whole metaphor was just amazing, the imagery was stunning, with the different types of people running all the way through it, and how Millicent was more than they were, different from them and better because of it. It really felt so superior, the tone, too, but matter-of-fact at the same time, which I love as a tone for this.

... okay, I'm rambling. I'm not quite sure what I'm saying still makes sense in some parts :P But yeah, I loved this. It's a really amazing story, and it's so beautifully creepy and malevolent, and just so so good! :)

Thank you so much for the swap - I'm so so glad I got a chance to read this! :)

Aph xx

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Review #39, by AphorideThe Defenders: Prologue

11th May 2015:
Hey there - dropping by for our review swap! :) I hope it's okay I stopped by this one - it seemed appropriate given it was nominated for the Diadems, and it looked like such an interesting premise in total; the idea of previous organisations to protect against warfare and so on existing. So cool!

I love how you've taken the little canon bits of information we know about this time - the name of Ollivander's father, and so on - and created your own world sort of around that. It's so clever and the world is so in-depth, even in this first chapter, that I didn't even really notice until the end that there weren't many canon characters in it (and usually I avoid stories with very few/no canon characters in them, tbh) and it really didn't do anything to change my mind about this. All the characters that you've created are so intricate, and so interesting, too, with their different personalities when we first meet them, and their different qualities, and I'm so curious to see where you take them through this.

I especially loved Clara - she's such a great character: clever and young and talented. Though I have to ask: are you by any chance a fan of Doctor Who? Coz the Victorian girl called Clara... :P Just a thought! ;)

Your writing in this was so lovely, too - I loved your dialogue especially, how you got the more formal way of speaking so easily and to sound so natural, too; and your description was amazing - I loved the scene with the graveyard and the funeral, and Clara's mourning. All the little details you put in this, too, about how she wore black for the muggles, not the wizards, and how she'd had to adjust her grandfather's dates to make them seem more realistic for the muggle population, were just so so good.

I'm so curious about where this is going to go - what kind of things, Dark wizards or anything, they're going to have to fight and what's going to happen to their little band of friends. I like how you've got the different mix of careers in here; the mention of the former Minister makes me wonder especially if politics is going to come into this at all. Mm... going to have to catch you in the review battle to finish this, I think ;)

Thank you so much for the swap - I'm so glad I got a chance to read this! :)

Aph xx

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Review #40, by AphorideSilent Rumors: A Letter

11th May 2015:
Hey there, Kaitlin! :) Dropping by for our reviews swap!

So I realised that I've reviewed all of your top three one-shots, so I came to this since it's next, and the prequel to another story on your page - thought it was a sensible choice ;) Plus, I love a good murder mystery - I've really been craving them recently (side effect of watching too much Grimm, I think :P), so it all fitted together well as a way to go! :)

I really love this as a beginning chapter - the way you set up the situation, introduce us to the characters and leave us knowing that something bad's going to happen, but not sure what, or by whom, or why... it's so, so good! The suspense as well, in the letter - the fact that it was delivered with no returnable address or any kind of mark save the DA on the wax seal (which I'm so so curious about! - is it a false lead? Does it actually mean DA? Or does it mean something else? Is it someone's initials, or the name of another organisation? I really wanna know... :D), and how he had no idea who the sender could possibly be or why they'd want revenge on him.

I also love how you've used Ernie for this - he's a relatively minor character in the books, sort of out of the way and only gets mentioned a couple of times, and though he's supposed to be a bit pompous as a kid, that's not overly uncommon and nothing really bad is said about him, so... hm. Curious situation ;) It works so well, because we have no more idea why anyone would want to hurt him than he does; there's not really anything from canon to give us any clues here.

It's a little thing, but I really liked how you included the whole 'do I tell my wife' thing, too. It's such a natural thing, to want to protect those closest to you from harm, even if it means withholding things from them which they might need to know later on - and it really speaks about how much Ernie cares for her, and his loyalty and all.

Your writing in this is so great, too - I love how you build the scene up so cleverly, with the almost domestic scene at the beginning with Ernie in the shop working, and then with the owl arriving and the sinister message changing the tone completely, and then him deciding it wasn't anything (almost because, you know, he wanted to think it couldn't be anything, but maybe that's just my interpretation ;D) and this sense of resolve to be relaxed came through your writing. It's so so lovely. As always, both your dialogue and your description were wonderful :)

Thank you so so much for the review swap - we're going to have to swap again so I get to finish this :P

Aph xx

p.s. a minor thing I only just noticed, but it's Macmillan, not MacMillan ;) Essentially insignificant, but I thought I should mention it for if/when you edit :)

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Review #41, by AphorideMeals With Muggles : Burgers And Chips

10th May 2015:
Hey Kaitlin! :) Dropping by for our review swap!

I have to admit that I've never read Dudlietta (though it's a pretty cool ship name) before, or even really seen it before you and Mallory (UnluckyStar57) started talking about it on the forums, so I was so so curious to see how it would play out and how a story with the two of them would actually work.

I love how you've used their individual bad experiences with magic and magical people (all concerning the trio, oddly enough, which I have to admit I find kinda funny :P) as something to draw them together rather than separate them. It's not something which I've seen done very often - the magic as bad trick pulling people together - so I really loved it here. Also, I loved how you used it to give Dudley almost anxiety and paranoia over it, like he panics and he's certain there's a trick and he becomes so convinced that anything's possible, you know, which makes the whole idea of magic seem so terrifying and threatening.

The way you've written them both is so good, too. I think it's always important when looking at the books to realise that we see it from Harry's pov, where he understands magic, what it does and what it can do, and Dudley doesn't, and the unknown of it terrifies him. It's kinda sad, really, because you can't help but feel that it sort of dented their relationship forever, like it did with Petunia and Lily's, you know? And I love how Dudley has grown up since the books - he's aware of the 'bad' bits of his lifestyle, that he needs to lose weight and that his job isn't the greatest, but he also has enough characteristics of Dudley in the books that he feels like him, which is so great! :)

Marietta is more of a wildcard, since we don't really learn much about her in the books, but I loved how she was so bitter over the curse Hermione put on her, and how much it had affected her life, and the idea that she became so afraid of magic that she gave up her entire way of life because of it is incredibly sad. I really liked how optimistic she seemed about it, though, like she looked at things and could find some good in them, which is a lovely characteristic for her to have - and not one you normally see in a character considered 'bad', you know?

I love how they met so randomly, too. They both happened to be in the same place at the same time and she happened to stumble and fall into him. The quip about him crying over his sandwich if it hadn't been for a beautiful woman made me laugh! :P It was such a great moment - coincidental things can sometimes be overdone, but this really, really wasn't; it worked so well here.

Your writing as always was so great! I loved the line about the sandwich being attacked vociferously by pigeons (omigosh, so many pigeons in London... ugh :P), and the moment when Dudley realises Marietta's a witch and panics was so, so well-written; the emotions really leapt off the page.

This is a really, really great one-shot, and I'm so glad I've read it! Thank you so so much for the swap! :)

Aph xx

p.s. you talking about food has made me hungry and alas I am out of snacks :( :P

Author's Response: Hi Aph,

I was really excited about Dudlietta as well. It was completely new to me, but the way Mallory explained it made it make a lot of sense to me.

I definitely thought that if Marietta and Dudley were to meet, they would definitely bond over their mutual dislike for magic. And Dudley showed some signs of slightly paranoid behavior when he was younger, so I thought it might be natural for it to continue.

I'm glad that you liked the way that I imagined Dudley. You're right, from his perspective, I think that magic would be terrifying.

I always imagined Marietta to be very bitter about her school years. The curse was said to have lasted well past completion of Hogwarts...so I could imagine that really leaving a mark on her.

The meeting was very random, serendipitous even.

I'm glad you liked my voracious pigeons. I always try hard with my descriptions>

Thank you as always for such a lovely, detailed review.

~Kaitlin


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Review #42, by AphorideBetween the Lines: Any-way-what-how

8th May 2015:
Hey Beth! :) Dropping by for the BvB Battle!

So, I have to admit that as much as I love Minerva's backstory on Pottermore, I do have a soft spot for queer!Minerva stories, mostly because they're always so lovely and so sad, and so well-written, and really this is no exception. (Apart from the sad bit, obviously :P)

I love how you wrote Minerva, too. If I'm honest, I'm never overly fond of the incredible genius child character, but here I think it works okay - because she still has problems because of it, and I know you're a talented enough writer to have given Minerva things she struggles with or finds more difficult and so on ;) That being said, I love how similar she is to the character we know in the books, with Amelia remarking on the way she carries her self - 'dignified' is a good way to describe it! - and also how she's still very brave and loyal, as she is.

Amelia is a great character, too - I like how they sort of become friends over the teasing and by accident, with Amelia almost rescuing Minerva by pulling her into the passage, and then them exploring the passage they found and discovering where it leads. I loved the little hints of future romance, too - they were perfectly done for children who probably don't even really quite get the idea of romance and all that yet, with the silence and the closeness and then the sort of unusual feelings. It was a really nice inclusion.

As always your writing in this is so lovely - your description is so so good, especially when they're in the passage, that was so clear in my mind, I could literally see it. Your dialogue, as always, is amazing - really, can you teach me how you dialogue? Please? Because it's just so good - they sound like they're from an older time (which I think is about the early 1950s/late 1940s?), but they also do sound like children, which is so hard to do, but so great! :)

I'm so so curious to see where this goes, and how Minerva and Amelia continue as friends (and admittedly somewhat as to how the Albus/Gellert comes into it because OTP :P) and how their romance develops later on - and how things end up in total. This is an amazing first chapter! :)

Aph xx

Author's Response: Hi there Aph!

So - good news (at least I hope you think it's good news)! I've sorted this story out so that it is Pottermore compliant AND Minerva/Amelia are the main pairing. I don't want to say too much, other than Minerva is bisexual and that plays a big part in their love story.

Yeah, I didn't want to go overboard with how brilliant Minerva is - and I'm not entirely sure I got it the way I wanted to, but I'm convinced that she was a really, really gifted student at Hogwarts.

So, me and my nerd-self has made a timeline of events for this story - and Albus Dumbldore does play a minor role in it. However, from what I can tell, Minerva McGonagall started Hogwarts in 1946 and Albus Dumbledore dueled Grindelwald in 1945. So, there won't be too much Albus/Gellert interaction per se, but he will get a mention...

Gah! - thanks so much - I actually think my dialogue is pretty awful, so I really appreciate you noticing that!

I've got most of the story outlined... I just need to... erm... sit down an get to it!

Thanks so much!

♥ Beth


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Review #43, by AphorideThe Duet Of Pansy And Draco: Cantata

6th May 2015:
Hey Kaitlin! :)

Omigosh that twist was brilliant, haha. I really, really didn't expect it at all - seriously, I was so convinced that wasn't what was happening... though I was so glad to see it was, that the twist happened (though that might be cruel to say, but whatever :P)!

Then again, Pansy has never been my favourite character, so... :P

I loved the way you characterised Pansy - how she was so almost obsessed with Draco, and kept going after him and wanting to carry on with him even though he didn't want to be with her, and how even throughout the whole ceremony she was watching him, looking for him and paying attention to him. Once I knew about the twist, it really just highlighted the levels of her love/obsession with him for me, you know, because it's just... wow. It's like her mind is only set to see Draco or something. I love that portrayal of her - it's both vulnerable and kinda strong in a twisted sort of way, incredibly loyal, but also so definitely Pansy, given how she was in the books - it's so believeable that she'd end up like this.

You wrote Draco so well, too. I loved how he was so cynical about the whole thing, about how he didn't even want to be there, really, he was only there sort of because he had to be. The way he thinks about her is so rude and obnoxious, but at the same time, there's almost a strain of self-disgust, like he can't understand why he still lets her hang around him - like he should have shut her out years ago. I almost feel sorry for him, tbh, because it must be difficult, especially knowing the truth about why someone's getting married but not feeling you can say it, because you'll break your friend's heart. It's so sad.

Tbh, I almost feel sorry for Goyle too, here, which is a pretty impressive thing to have managed ;) The idea of him loving Pansy and marrying her, thinking she loves him is actually pretty sad - especially since secrets like this tend to come out one way or another, in the end.

As always, your writing in this was lovely. The voices you created for Pansy and Draco were so separate and so distinct, it was amazing. I loved your description of Notre Dame, too (though I kinda wanted to smack Draco for not appreciating it properly - it's so gorgeous... *insert dreamy sigh here :P). And the twist... omigosh that was just perfect. I haven't read a better twist, written or planned, in a long while. Seriously.

This was such a good one-shot - I'm so so glad we swapped and I got to read this. Thank you so much! :)

Aph xx

Author's Response: Hi Aph!

I'm so happy that you enjoyed the twist. To be honest, I was terrified that it would be too obvious.

I have a really strange love/hate relationship with Pansy. I love writing about her, but hate her character, if that makes sense?

I agree that this version of Pansy is a bit twisted, but that's what I was sort of going for. :D I wanted to demonstrate how scary and depraved obsessions can get.

Draco is one of my favorite characters, but I'm always nervous about getting his voice right. He's so snarky and obnoxious, but in an almost refined sort of way. He's a pretty big jerk, so I don't feel all that sorry for him.

I actually was feeling sorry for Goyle myself. I think that people often make mistakes as teenagers and then grow past them. I imagine that happening with him. I think his love for Pansy is genuine and his desire to be married and have a family sincere. You're absolutely right that secrets like this do come out, but who knows, maybe Pansy will learn to love what she has.

Thank you so much for such lovely compliments. It always makes my day when a writer as talented as you are tells me that I'm doing a good job.

And yes...the Notre Dame is gorgeous. I saw it for the first time last year and fell in love. Almost on first sight, ideas for stories started popping into my mind.

Thanks for the swap!

~Kaitlin


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Review #44, by AphorideLady Mondegreen: Conversations with a Portrait

6th May 2015:
Hi there - dropping by for our review swap! :) I actually haven't read any portrait-related stories before, tbh, so I when I realised that was what this was about I was so excited because it's a first, so it's so cool and interesting to see how it works, you know? :)

I haven't read your other universe, but this stands so well on its own as its own little story, and both Lia and Lady M are such strong characters, with such clear personalities and traits that it's so good to see and to read. I love how Lia is so annoyed by James, and how Lady M is so curious to know what's going on, since she never gets visitors, and how they sort of become friends by the end of it, with Lady M kinda helping Lia out with her James Potter problem.

I've got to say, I always love when stories have a friendship-related theme to them - there aren't enough stories like that, imo, where those kinds of relationships are the forefront - and this was such a lovely example of it.

You used the word you were given so well - mondegreen - I've never heard of it, but it's so cool and the definiton above made it sound so had, but you worked it in so cleverly, with the double-layered use of it, as both Lady M's name and with the instances of it throughout the story. I loved that so much - it was so good. It also gave a beautifully light feel to this, with all the comedic moments - I loved the thing about the misheard comment with the sausages, that was brilliant.

Your writing in this was so good, too - so clean and clear and your description was so lovely. I'd hesitate before describing people of colour as having 'chocolate-coloured skin' just because it's a bit... over-used as well kinda stereotypical, you know? But that's a slightly picky thing, tbh. I loved your dialogue best, though - it's so fluid and easy, so real; the way people really would speak, which is such a gift.

I really enjoyed this - thanks so much for the swap! :)

Aph xx

Author's Response: Aph!

Thanks for dropping by and reviewing!! I'm so glad that you liked this story, it's definitely one of my favorites!

The portraits have always intrigued me, so it only felt natural to expand on that a bit within my own writing, and I'm glad that others find it interesting too!!

Lia and Lady M are probably on my top five favorite characters to write so far. They've got such fun and distinct personalities that just make me laugh and laugh...hopefully I'll be able to work in another interaction between them in another one of my stories. I think their friendship is definitely a cool one.

You're totally right about the "chocolate-coloured skin" bit. I've got to work on my descriptions in general, and after I wrote this I went and did a load of research on better ways to write physical descriptions, so I'm definitely going to go an edit this a bit at some point.

Thanks so much for reading and reviewing this Aph! I really appreciate it and I loved reading your story too!!
LL


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Review #45, by AphorideAn Inconvenient Repercussion: Chapter 1

4th May 2015:
Hey Kaitlin! :) Dropping by for our review swap! I have to admit, even if you hadn't put this link up I'd probably have stopped by here anyway - Blaise is one of those characters I've always wanted to write but have never got around to, you know: he has all that fascinating potential backstory with his mother and all her husbands, each in a row, which is exactly the kind of thing I love.

So yeah, I'm so excited to read this, basically.

I love the way you approached his mother's marriages and her relationship with him, too. It's a really unique way of looking at it and thinking about it - I've never seen anyone put it in this light and this way, so it's so so interesting because of that. I really like how you didn't kinda hold back on it, on how she treated him and how bad it was and the whole slow burn of his hatred of her and him pulling apart from her, and then the ending (- omigosh, that was so sudden, I really wasn't expecting it at all!). It was so real and so horrible of her, and you really made me pity Blaise for what happens to him and just want to hug him a lot, really, because it's so so cruel, especially from his own mother.

I have to say, quickly, how much I loved you casting the Malfoys in a more positive light, with Narcissa and Lucius both being so shocked and horrified and righteously furious at how Valentina (such an appropriate name, btw!) treated him. People often cast them in an awful light, but I've always thought that the one thing which was always non-negociable about them was how much they loved Draco, and I always love stories where they're not wholly evil, so I loved that you included them like that :)

I loved the way you wrote Blaise, too, going from him being so young and so scared of his mother, almost, but equally as scared of the rest of the world, and so left with no choice but to stay even if he doesn't want to. It's such a sad moment, when he goes back and she's so horrible to him about it, because it's really so far from the normal reaction it's unreal, and he's done nothing to deserve it. For some reason that moment has just stuck in my head.

I thought the ending was so fitting actually, strangely enough - she'd spent so much of her life being cruel to him and mistreating him, even going so far as to threaten and manipulate other people who tried to protect him, and killing off all the men closest to her, so it worked out that her son, who should have been closest to her killed her. I kinda like how you made her so selfish, though, and so uncaring of him - it's something which does happen, and you wrote her so well (if that can be a compliment, haha) in all of her horrible, nasty glory.

Your writing in this was so so good, too - the suspenseful parts were set up so well, and I actually kinda froze after reading Blaise with the skillet the first time - I had to read it twice to make sure it was right, because oh wow did that come out of left field! Not in a bad way, it made sense, I just wasn't expecting it at all! :) Your description was so good too, and I loved the way you used the first person for this - it was so so gorgeous and worked so well!

All in all, this is a really, really great one-shot and I'm glad I read it! :) Thank you so much for the swap!

Aph xx

Author's Response: Hey Aph!

I'm so sorry that it's taken me forever to respond to this.

I feel the same way about Blaise, so this was the perfect opportunity to play with his story a little bit.

I'm glad that you could feel some pity for Blaise regardless of the outcome of the story. I was hoping to make people feel a bit conflicted since he certainly seems like he's gotten the short end of the stick his whole life, but then makes a horrible mistake at the end.

For whatever reason, I have a hard time viewing most people as wholly evil. Narcissa shows at several points throughout cannon that she has a heart and she cares for the important people in her life. If you are in her inner circle, she will protect you. That's why I figured she and Lucius might be kind to Blaise. Also, even though they do some awful things, you'll notice that they never abuse or neglect Draco themselves, so I thought they might find Valentina's behavior shocking. I'm glad you agreed a bit.

Blaise really does get stuck between a rock in a hard place. He wants desperately to leave his mother, but he's too young to fend for himself.

The ending seemed like a natural conclusion for me. I mean most people can only be pushed so far without snapping and I feel like by the end Blaise had been pushed past his limit. I'm glad that the skillet scene caught you off guard. I wanted it to seem really out of character for him to highlight how far he'd been twisted.

Thank you again for the lovely swap! I'm happy that you enjoyed this one!

~Kaitlin


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Review #46, by AphorideThe Story of You: The Story of You

4th May 2015:
Sian! :) Okay, okay, it's been way too long for me to get here - but in my defence, I've read this about five times, and each time wanted to review and tried to, but not been able to say anything other than 'THANK YOU. THANK YOU SO MUCH. OMIGOSH IT'S AMAZING, I LOVE YOU' which is true, but not very coherent :P

So I'm going to attempt to actually review this - but omigosh, really, reviewing stuff of yours before was always so hard, because I just end up repeating myself so much, but here? I'm going to need a dictionary find synonyms for 'perfect', I think.

And no, I'm really not joking.

Okay, so the beginning of this... just, wow. I loved how the entire thing was sort of told with so many references to books and stories, as though his life was a story itself (which, as an idea, can get very meta very quickly so I'm not going to go there, hehe): with the beginning, and the middle, and the idea of him being cast the hero of his own story, except is he? The bit where you comment that he's not sure he's the hero or the villain, but might be the fool is just so, so sad. Then, of course, it's counteracted by the ending, which is just such a beautiful analogy, really it is, and such a poignant line.

I loved as well how you talked about books being his friends in place of real ones, being a kind of solace and protection for him. It's such a sad, sweet thing to think of, and I loved how you returned to that each time he and Gellert split up :( Also, this: "It always amazed you, the way that shapes could become letters and letters words, and words could spring from the page and into your imagination, where they were given life as you breathed." is such an amazing quote! :)

I've just got to quickly mention the brief reference to Wilde - caught it, loved it! :D It is so so fitting, though, given the context and the time it was written :)

Your Gellert was amazing. Like, seriously. I loved how you described how he captivated Albus from the very beginning, and the Deathly Hallows drew them together - though the moment when Albus was so embarrassed by having them out and Gellert seeing the stories was so, so good :P - and how Aberforth noticed, even though Albus tried to hide it, and sneered at him about it. It's just so, so in character, and so emphatic of the difficulties of the time, too, that even Aberforth wasn't best pleased - and you make it so clear that it goes beyond the normal kind of brotherly teasing.

I loved the little references to how he wanted to sign the letters with love but could never do it, or say it either - it's so cruel to think that he never could, and you can't help but wonder about what if's, you know?

This line, and the whole metaphor/reference was just pure genius: "Neither you nor Gellert were the ones struck, and yet on that day the both of you pricked your fingers, sending another into an eternal sleep and tearing you apart from him." :)

I loved how you described the duel, too, with Gellert older and so much worse, but still him (and I loved that line, too, but I suspect I'm going to start running out of characters soon), and how hard it must have been for him to be there, and to have to do it. It was a really heart-wrenching moment, and I don't say that lightly! ;)

The way you tied Life in with the story/book metaphor was so, so great, and how inevitable the duel was as the conclusion of the story. I think other people have mentioned it before (they should have!), but this: "You held your head high that day, Albus, as you fought your heart and your lover simultaneously; you stole the pen from Life and wrote the ending of the story yourself." is just amazing. It's just so so good I can't even explain it other than to repeat myself.

You wrote them in love so so well, too, without even quite saying it explicitly, and I just love how you did that. It was so gorgeous - the way you described Albus as 'breathing Gellert in' and how even afterwards he regrets that it ended so quickly, and still loves Gellert, still can't think of him badly, the way other people would do. It's so expressive, and it's so heart-breaking, because even though I know what's going to happen, I still wish that there could be some kind of happy ending for them, especially with the way you make it so clear and so painful that Albus almost misses Gellert, and still loves him.

The way you wrote this is just amazing. Seriously. Like, every word is chosen so exactly and just fits in so perfectly... it really is amazing. I don't know what else to call it, tbh. You've always been so so good at making me feel for your characters, and believe in them, and everything, and of course I'm going to be biased by Albus/Gellert is my ship, man, but you write them so so well and whenever I've read this, once I've started I haven't been able to stop until I reached the bottom. It's an absolute gift you've got, and it's so beautiful, and I'm absolutely floored by the fact that you wrote this for me, and really, I have no idea what to say.

Thank you so so much for this - it's just amazing, and so beautiful, and gah, I'm just going to throw this everywhere around the forums in an attempt to say thank you, so please excuse me... :P :)

Aph xx

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Review #47, by AphorideOh My Darling: 1

2nd May 2015:
Hi there - dropping by for our review swap! :)

I really love the premise of this and the way you set it up so that the beginning moment - the event which starts everything - happens at the end, and how it's such a simple thing. It's so clever, using just a look from a conversation as the thing which kickstarts things - I haven't read too many stories where it is that simple; usually the starting factor is a lot bigger, so it's so nice to see something different.

I really like your MC, too - Clementine. I like how she doesn't seem to be very stereotypical front what we've seen of her so far - she's not the cleverest student in her year, seems kinda shy/not fond of crowds and parties and things, and pretty interested in history - or at least certain historical periods. She's a really relatable character, and I like that - so is her best friend, and well, really, almost all of the characters you introduce in here.

The little details in this were so good, too - I love how you mentioned Albus Potter didn't stay at the party long, suggesting perhaps he's not overly fond of parties either, but that James threw famous parties at school, and the gossip-related information about hte other students, too - it is so true to school life!

Your writing is lovely in this, too - you've got this really lovely style which is so clean and fresh and allows your strengths - your dialogue, your humour - to come through in this. It's really great! :)

Thank you so much for the swap! :)

Aph xx

Author's Response: Hello!
I'm so glad you liked this! It's a new narration style for me, and Clementine is different from a lot of my OC's. She and I are quite similar, though, so she feels very natural for me to write.
Albus is a mystery to Clementine, since she doesn't go to parties and doesn't believe the gossip she hears about him, so it'll take her a little while to really figure him out.
Thank you so much for the review swap! I'm so, so happy you liked this!
Cassie :)


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Review #48, by AphorideHurricane Luna: He Searches in His Heart

2nd May 2015:
Hey Beth, dropping by for our review swap! :) There was no way I was going to go anywhere else than here when I saw I had another chapter left to read ;)

Ah, I feel so sorry for Rolf in this - with the whole way everyone else around, Xeno and Neville and Harry and Ginny all being so quasi-judgmental of him, because they feel like Luna's disappearance is his fault, in some way - and, you know, they kinda have something of a point there, in a way, even though it is kinda harsh to say on poor Rolf :( I loved, though, the moment when Neville is all bad-tough-guy, hehe, and Rolf finally admits he has feelings for Luna - true, strong feelings of the L.O.V.E. kind - which you made me wait a long time for :P (But it was totally worth it!) There was something so lovely about seeing all of these people rallying round to protect Luna, even from someone they knew she cared about a lot. It really spoke of the loyalty they have to each other as friends, which I love.

Your Harry and Ginny and Xeno and Neville are all so spot on, too - and I'm so excited to see more of them, in some cases, and to meet them in this in others. Neville especially - I love how you worked in Neville's friendship with Luna, especially, since I always liked the idea of them being surprisingly close as a pair, since Ginny was always that little bit closer to the trio, you know? As before, they're all so so well written - so real, and so true, and so close to their canon counterparts, it's really really impressive.

Little!Albus Severus is the most adorable thing ever. He's just too cute - and the way he's so helpful, and he knows where Luna is and wants to go with them... aww, poor little guy. Maybe when he's older :P

As always, I love your writing in this. Rolf's voice is so strong, and you portray things in this beautifully unique way, with the settings and the characters... your description is so good, and I love your dialogue, too. It's all so clean and so clear and just so lovely to read, it really is.

Okay, so I'm so so looking forward to the next chapter, and the team heading off to Iceland to find Luna - will she be there? Will she have found the creature yet, or will she discover it with Rolf? Will they make up (I hope so!)? Gah, just so many questions! :P

Please, please write another chapter soon? I really do need to know these things! :)

Aph xx

Author's Response: Hi there Laura!

Eep! I have to say. I never, never, never, expected my Hurricane Luna story to be so well received. You and Rose and a few others just send me the kindest, sweetest reviews for it - and I end up sitting at my computer screen just staring all giddy and smiley and such - haha!

Gah! The crew just HAD to be so judgmental to Rolf. First off, they're one big lot of Gryffindors who are fiery and temperamental and ready to fight anyone who does wrong. Secondly - it's LUNA! Everyone absolutely adores her and they *think* she's a bit more naive and innocent than she is, and might just need some type of saving - they are gonna step in. (I had a BLAST writing angry!Neville :D)

I really wasn't sure how to shape the end of the chapter (where they figure out to go to Iceland), but then I realized what was missing - and little Albus reappeared! Unfortunately, he's a bit *too* little to head off on an adventure with them, but he definitely helped out!

The next chapter. Uhh...

What?

Erm - I think someone's calling me. I gotta go!

:D

♥ Beth


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Review #49, by AphorideJigsaw: Piece #2

30th April 2015:
Hey Sian - dropping by for our review swap! :) So I'll admit double motives for stopping by on this - I've missed reading murdr mysteries recently and this is so good and I've been meaning to come back to it for ages, but never found time to (or forgotten, as happens :P), and I've promised myself (and you, kinda) to review The Story of You separately, because, really, considering all things, it feels like it would be a bit rude not to.

That probably doesn't make any sense. Ah well :P

Anyway, I love this story so much - really, it's just so good, and so unique in what's about - you really do put a totally original take on the murder mystery genre.

Roxanne is such a brilliant character - I love how she's so excited and nervous about doing her first big story at the same time - the idea of doing something like that, totally on my own, is so terrifying... and how she feels so out of place with the other journalists, who are all probably so much more experienced than her... I loved the idea of them all being friends, kinda like a clique in school, and her being the odd one out, like the new girl. It's a very stark image, I think, and you make me feel so awkward and sorry for her with it. They really are all kinda vulture-like, and almost predatory in nature, jumping on the Hit Witch - I loved how unimpressed she was with them all, haha, it was again a lovely human moment (and I can imagine it's so true in RL too, with the police and all).

The photographer is hilarious. I love him to bits - how he's so good-looking, but sounds slightly messy, and then his whole freelance photography sort of as the respectable arm of his socialite career :P (I'm guessing he's Pansy Parkinson's son, and really I'm so impressed you made me like her son, since I loathe her as a character, haha)

Ooh, Daniel... okay, I'm super curious to know what happened with Daniel - and if anything will happen with Daniel in the future of this story, or if that romance is really dead. It seems so heartbreaking, and so awkward for the two of them - you write it so well, the ended romance, without (I think) actually saying it explicitly. It's just there, you know, and it's so hard - the emotions come through your writing so, so well. I love how affected she still is by him, and how easy it is to slip back into familiar habits - it's so true, I think, with anyone you kinda leave behind or stop seeing. Gah, they seem like they'd really work together, too - so bad they broke up and I don't even know the story! He's been involved in this for what, five hundred words? How do you do this?!

(Also, I loved the little mention of the fame the Weasley surname gathers, with Roxanne wondering if people are looking round because of her surname or the name of the newspaper, or perhaps because she's obviously new.)

Your writing is amazing in this, too. You write action and emotion so, so well, and even the waiting, when Roxanne is looking around and feeling so alone and everything, is so gorgeously written. The description of the crime scene, with the Hit Wizards inside and the photographers and reporters all outside, was pretty much drool-worthy and really brought the scene to life - I really could picture it so so clearly.

I'm so so curious about the crime scene and what's going to come out about this man's disappearance over the next while - has he actually left of his own accord or not? Will they find a body, and then it will be a murder? Will other people go missing too, out of the blue? It's such a cliff-hanger type situation you've left us in, without needing an actual cliff-hanger, and I'm just so looking forward to getting to the next chapter to find out! :)

(I have to say as well, that the way you write about the reporters and how they work and all is just so, so good. It seems so real, and so in-depth, as though you know everything about journalism. It's so brilliant!)

I love this. If this isn't in my favourites, I made a mistake when I first read this :P I will stalk this over the summer holidays ;)

Aph xx

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Review #50, by AphorideLife Was Meant to Be Easy Now: A Kiss At Breakfast

26th April 2015:
Hey Molly! :) Dropping by for our review swap!

First of all, I just have to say... WHAT THE... JUPITER! WHY, just whhy - Scop and Al deserve to be happy, and he just insists on screwing everything up, even more than it was before (coz, you know, people won't necessarily have believed it before but after that they will, and you can't really blame them!)! Stupid, stupid boy... hm. I kinda liked Jupiter before, but not for this.

Coincidentally that's one of the things I love about your characters - they're so real. They're real-life teenagers, with all the melodrama and overreacting and faint paranoia about who said what about who and what other people think and so on. It's so true to life, and really emphasises both the characters qualities and their flaws. Plus it's that bit more fun, too, you know ;)

I don't really blame Albus for this one so much. I mean, of course he should trust Scorpius more than he does, but when your sister comes to you and says something like that, of course you're likely to believe it, you know? It's coming from someone you trust unreservedly, and that means something. It's such a difficult position for Albus - to either not believe his sister, or to not believe Scorpius. There isn't really a right answer. And then the whole thing with Jupiter 'giving them something to talk about'... I mean, gosh, if Albus had had second thoughts about whether or not it was true, he won't after that! And who can blame him? Poor guy, that's gotta be rough.

I like too how you tied the reason for people suspecting something going on between Jupiter and Scorp was rooted in misunderstanding and a lack of acceptance, too - that they don't quite get that being friends with someone who's gay doesn't necessarily mean there's any kind of romantic attachent there. It's such a horrible thing for people to think, but again so real, and I like how you've touched on it here and shown how horrible it can be to those people involved.

(That was a lot more preachy than I intended, sorry! :P)

I just... gah, I feel so sorry for them all, you know - Scorp for his arm getting broken (and reacting angrily to pain like that is so like me, haha!) and Al not trusting him, Al for then seemingly having it all proven to him that Scorp isn't the guy Al thinks he is. It's such a shame for them - I just want them to be happy! :(

You have to update soon - I really, really wanna know what happens next! Please, please don't say they break up? :( Ahhh, this is so bad! :P

Aph xx

Author's Response: Thanks for this great review. I'm totally with you about Jupiter. That was sooo unnecessary and stupid. But he acted on his own, I did everything in my power to stop him... ;-)

I think both Albus and Scorpius are to be blamed. They're still very young, and they're both quite short-tempered... They can't help it, I suppose...


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