Reading Reviews From Member: Aphoride
  
307 Reviews Found

Review #26, by AphorideThe Moon Maiden: The Moon Maiden

26th March 2014:
Ah, I can't believe this is over! I can't believe it's taken me this long to get to this! And I really, really can't believe this is the first review on this chapter! (Though it might not be, by the time I finish this :P) So ridiculous... this definitely deserves more reviews than it has!

(Note: this review may be rambling in nature, at times insensible and illegible and filled with squeeing and general compliments about everything... sorry :P)

So, Bathilda. I love her. I just love how you portray her. The way we've almost gone through her life, from young(-ish) to old and the changes she's faced and seen and undergone. I love how she's a bit of a coward, really, even when it concerns things and people she loves, and how she shies away from things which are considered abnormal, despite writing history which is, frankly, full of secrets and 'abnormal' things and scandals and so on. The hypocritical nature of her is just so real and so lovely to see in fanfiction, since it's not always portrayed!

I love the beginning section with her mother's ring on her finger because it had fitted her, though it doesn't any more, and then how she stares out of the window and sees her reflection? An old woman? there, looking at her, and it's her but doesn't seem to be her. It's a beautiful way of phrasing it and such a haunting image.

The cameos were amazing, too! Filius and Albus and Mr Gaunt (last of the sane ones, I assume :P)... though I'm pretty sure Albus' hair when he was young was auburn, not 'sandy' ;) Don't know if that was a mistake or a conscious choice otherwise, but I thought I'd mention it anyway :) The idea that Filius was so concerned about dragon welfare is wonderful, as well as him saving the hour with a quick Aguamenti. Ravenclaw represent, haha!

The mentions of Muriel before the end section were so bittersweet. Because they kind of both ruined anything they could ever have had, you know, and it's not wholly either of their faults, but just something between them, and Muriel is too stubborn to change it, even though potentially she could have, in the end... it's a really sad idea, that she turned into the character we know from the books from that - so angry and old and bitter, and gossiping and rude... it's not a nice ending, really. I liked how she was still able to make a bit of conversation with Bathilda, though, it was nice to see that they could at least have a bit of conversation, despite everything, even if it was tense and awkward, haha. The little details about how Muriel organised Bathilda's funeral and all after she'd died were so sweet, too - that Muriel still cared about her in the end. Gah!

I loved the mentions of the books she wrote and about what, too; how she'd avoided writing about Gellert as far as possible. And I loved the use of Occlumency to block it from her mind so even Rita Skeeter couldn't get it out - and the little mentions of Albus slipping out of the window, arranging his clothes and all... :P I love how astute Bathilda is, that she thinks that information like that could have changed the war, but that it would also overshadow everything else they'd both done... because I think it's still true even today, you know, and it's such a horribly unfair thing!

The ending was fabulous, with the moon maiden appearing and Bathilda being dead and the use of the windows - which was so clever, I really didn't get it until you explained it! - to show different aspects of herself and what could have been, with the demon children... and Muriel! I love the idea that in the afterlife or whatever Muriel and Bathilda had their own little cottage, haha, and lived together :P (With Albus and Gellert down the road, ofc ;D)

Your writing, as always, is just stunning. You capture the era and Bathilda's voice both so, so well. It's so distinctive and beautiful and your descriptions are always so gorgeous. I don't really know what to say other than that it's just so lovely and I'm so jealous of how you can do that!

So yes, this is now one of my all-time favourite stories for sure, and if I see somewhere to recommend it, I definitely will because this is amazing. Just amazing. Honestly. I love it!

:)

Aph xx

Author's Response: Hello! :) Wow, this review is just amazing. ♥ Thank you so much!

I love that you love how I wrote Bathilda! :) I grew so attached to her while writing this and I feel oddly protective of her now, she had so many trials in her very long life. And I love how you've noticed how she is hypocritical and very imperfect - in a way, she's more comfortable writing and learning about other people's history than addressing her own, which made her very interesting to me.

Thank you, I'm very pleased you liked that scene! And yes, I didn't want to fully identify the old woman as being a part of her - she is, in a way, but Bathilda is so much more than that old woman who was killed by the snake, which is the message I was sort of quietly thinking about while writing this.

Haha, I'll change the hair colour - good catch! :P I'm pleased you liked the cameos as well, Flitwick just sort of showed up but I thought it was a nice moment since he was one of those people who others would probably underestimate as well. But he got to save the day! I have a bit of a love-hate relationship with young Albus but he sort of had to make a proper appearance eventually.

Yes! It really isn't a very happy ending, until the very end... well, sort of. The fact that they lived for decades with this kind of bitterness and regret, and how Muriel in my mind held a grudge or was quick to gossip about Bathilda to her dying day is quite sad. But I imagined that Muriel would come together in the end to help out when Bathilda had nobody left to care about her. Muriel reminds me of Ron a little bit (though nastier) in how they hold a grudge and talk badly about people but eventually forgive the people they love in some way.

I imagined that while being connected to Gellert would be sort of socially destructive for Bathilda, being emotionally connected to him would be worse. And I wanted her to know that there was some secret affair going on between Albus and Gellert, but not to tell Rita Skeeter, so Gellert placing a block in her memory so she couldn't speak it fit well and seemed like the sort of nasty but self-preserving thing he would do. I agree, it is so unfair how back then this sort of knowledge would have affected the way people saw them, which is just ridiculous but of course still is happening in other parts of the world and even in daily life here sometimes. So I'm really pleased that part resonated with you! :)

I'm glad you liked the windows! I enjoyed building up the hints and explanations and then having the moon maiden explain it all - I actually wrote that last section when I was working on the first chapter so it felt good to finally post it. And haha, that would be hilarious! I didn't really expand much on heaven and what it would be like, but it was nice to hint at some sort of happy ending.

Wow, thank you so much lovely! I really loved writing this and the writing style it needed, so it means a lot to see you say that. Thank you for the beautiful reviews, and for recommending this, and just being so awesome and supportive! ♥


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Review #27, by AphorideFounding Hogwarts: Bretagne

17th March 2014:
Hey, stopping by from the BvB review battle! Found a spare moment during coursework research to pop here ;)

You know, I've seen quite a few Founders stories which say Salazar's parents were hurt by muggles, for fear of witchcraft, and all along that sort of line, but not many which explore his parents - well, his father, really - in this much depth and I really, really like it!

I love the way Salazar's father was a powerful wizard in his own right, and how it seems like young Salazar looked up to him so much and sort of idolised him to the point of wanting to be exactly like him. It's a really realistic thing, I think, for kids to want to be like their parents, but it's not something I see all that much in ff so I love that youv'e included it here! I loved the mentions of Salazar's father being cold and calculating and resentful of muggles, and how Salazar, in wanting to be like him, grew up to be that way too. Kind of reminds me a bit of Draco, you know, how he grew up like that, with the idolisation and then becoming like him (though not quite the same, haha, seeing as Draco redeems himself at the end). It's a really bittersweet thing!

I loved the whole idea of why he joined the school in the first place, as well, why he created it with the other founders. I've never seen a story before which suggested that he joined the others in order to create a school where he could effectively teach pureblood doctrine, but it's a great idea and really suits him, particularly the idea that he doesn't ever really say to the others.

Gah, I actually feel really sorry for him, you know? He wants to be his father, he's been raised to believe that he's special and muggles aren't, that they took everything from him and that he should get revenge for what they've done, and he's so ambitious! I wonder what he could have become if he hadn't been so fixated on revenge...

Anyway, this was a really, really lovely chapter - characterisation, writing, everything was really great! I really enjoyed reading it! :) :)

Aph xx

Author's Response: Hi!! Thank you so much for taking time out of your busy schedule to write me another lovely review!! (I'm sorry that it took me so long to respond!)

The entirety of this story turned out to be a little exploration of the four Founders' backgrounds, I think! I really wanted a good explanation for Salazar's hatred of Muggles, and him idolizing his father seemed to make a lot of sense. :)

Yep, my version of Salazar is exactly the opposite of the James Sirius Potters that float around the archives sometimes--he wants to be JUST LIKE his daddy. So much so that he becomes him in the end. Yes, I thought of Draco when I was writing this!! But unlike Draco, Salazar won't redeem himself (I've got it in my head that his dad dies early on. The "heroic" image that young Salazar sees can never be ruined!).

Oh, really? I thought that his motivation for joining the other Founders was that he wanted to teach purebloods, but... Now that I think about it, canon doesn't really go into motivation all that much. He's definitely a secretive one, and in my head he continues on with his pureblood agenda until the Chamber of Secrets is discovered and he and Godric fight it out.

I feel sorry for him too!! He has no idea that he's been brainwashed, and as he's grown up with that mentality, it would be way too difficult to change his mind. I think he might've been a far greater wizard than the one that he became. Sure, he did a lot of advanced magic, but what of it? He didn't have love, and in the end (as Dumbledore knows!), that's more important than power, anyways.

Thank you so, so much for your review!! :D

~UnluckyStar57


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Review #28, by AphorideThe Second Act: Act Two

15th March 2014:
Hey there - stopping by from the BvB review battle! Snatched a bit of spare time to read the last chapter of this, because it felt so strange to leave it incomplete, at least in my mind.

Victoire's characterisation is lovely, as always! I love how nervous she is about big decisions and important meals and things, despite her age. Age doesn't always mean a lack of nervous, just generally better handling of them, I think, so I liked that. I also loved how one of her children wasn't quite so accepting - I mean, seeing your mum remarry four years after your dad died must be a strange thing to experience, even if you know that your mum is blissfully happy, I guess. It lent a really realistic vibe to it - and Bill's annoyance with his grand-daughter too.

I loved how again you focused on the important things - like the wedding and the dinner - and then added in the sense of their relationship with details and little things. It's such a lovely way to do it and your writing really shines in it :)

The details, as before, were lovely. I loved the mention of apple pies (making me hungry... :P) and the 'problems' of what to do with them. It was in sense a much lighter chapter than before, and you never told us anything, showing us instead which was great!

I loved the comparisons between Teddy and Dennis. I loved how you showed that her relationship with Dennis didn't mean she didn't miss Teddy and didn't mean that she forgot him and moved on without any effects, but that it worked despite them, in a way, and that they were two completely different relationships and love in two different circumstances and ways. Sort of not more or less, but different.

The ending section was really sweet, too. I liked how it was Iris who was there, and the idea that Victoire and Dennis had asked to be buried in different places, with their first wives/husbands, despite their own marriage. It was sort of bittersweet.

But yeah, in total, this is a really sweet, thoughtful story and I've really enjoyed reading it! :)

Aph xx

Author's Response: Hey! This was such a lovely review and it puts a huge smile on my face everytime I come back and read it!

I'm really happy that you liked Victoire's characterization. Obviously, it's a challenge for me to write a character so much older than me, who had gone thorugh so much more than me... so I'm just really pleased that you thought she was realistic.

Charlotte... she just really loved her Dad and doesn't want anyone to try to replace him... not that Dennis ever would. She can be immature.

Thank you so much for commenting on the details! I'm always really impressed with stories that give good detail, so when people mention that I give good detail, it makes me ridiculously happy!

I was really worried that the comparisons would be too obvious, so I'm glad you liked it!

I'm also glad you liked the ending. I was really unsure about it.

Victoire is sort of based off of my grandmother (I'm just realising this now...), who was married twice. She's still alive, but her second husband was buried next to his first wife and she plans of being buried next to my Grandpa. (It's actually really strange... I'll take her to the cemetary to put flowers on his grave, and she gets really excited, saying "look! Right here is where I'll be buried, isn't it pretty? And there's my brother-in-law, and your Great-Uncle will go there! And your Mom and her brothers can go right here!!"

Sorry. I rambled.

Again, thanks so much for reading and reviewing this. Your reviews have meant so much to me!


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Review #29, by AphorideFounding Hogwarts: Normandie

13th March 2014:
Hey there! Dropping by from the BvB review battle! :)

So I always love reading Founders stories, and when I spotted this I jumped straight here! I love the way you've written it for the Instrumental challenge, too - classical music is some of my favourite to listen to at times, and it's so very appropriate to the time period!

I love the amount of detail you've packed in this. Honestly, it's incredible! I'm always so blown away by people who manage to write succinct, short chapters with so much in them, and it's exactly what you've done here. The little things about his friends and father being scared of him because of his magic, how he hunted and rode and had dogs and horses and the idea of chivalry - they all do so well in describing the era, you know? Making it come alive and breathe and completely definable. Like, if I didn't know what era this was set in, I could probably guess within a couple of hundred years :)

One thing - he wouldn't say electricity, since he has no idea what it is, haha. Maybe lightening instead? It's pretty much the same as electricity, or similar, at least, and he'd know what that was... ;)

That being said, I love Godric's character! I love the idea that although he was outgoing as a child, he almost learned to be brave and had to triumph over adversity to get there - that even though he had a good life to begin with, it fell apart and he had to find his own way. It's such a lovely, albeit bittersweet version of his life - most of the one's I've read have had him from a magical family or rich family, at any rate, and didn't speak much of adversity and things.

Sweet little mention of him having a son and falling asleep in his food :P

Also, I really loved the mention of how they formed Hogwarts - that it was Godric who called on the others to set it up, and Godric who argued for the feast to celebrate and things... again, it's a really unique take on how it all happened, and I really like it! :)

So yeah, I really enjoyed this - your writing is really, really great in this, and your characterisation is fabulous! I'll have to come back at some point to read the rest of it... :)

Aph xx

Author's Response: Hello! Thank you so much for your review!

This was my second try at a Founders story, and I have to say that I really enjoy the time period! The song that I was given for the challenge was actually written in the twentieth century, but it fit so well with each of the Founders in my mind that I couldn't resist writing about them. :)

Awww, thank you so much! 500-word chapters are much harder to write than they should be, that's for sure! I had to delete several words at the end, but I tried to get every detail in without being long-winded and verbose (I'm actually really wordy most of the time, so this was quite a challenge!). I'm so glad that you could picture everything from my limited descriptions! :D

Oh, darn. I like to pretend that I could fit into the bygone times, but you know, I just can't live without my electricity! Pretty silly oversight on my part! I will fix it! Thank you for pointing it out. :)

In the story, I tried to give each Founder a unique backstory. I felt that Godric's bravery would be more valid if he had gone through some sort of ordeal that would make him want to set up a place for other magical people to be safe. In this case, his family is well-to-do, but his parents are really uneasy about his powers.

Thank you so very much for your fabulous review!

~UnluckyStar57


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Review #30, by AphorideWaltz: Waltz

12th March 2014:
Hey there, just stopping by from the BvB battle! :) When I clicked on your page to see what stories you had and saw this, I knew I had to stop by and see - it sounded so sweet and cute and just adorable, and Molly and Arthur are one of those couples I keep a soft spot for ;)

Strangely enough, this is the second Molly/Arthur one-shot I've seen revolving around dancing and them getting together - it being a way they meet/fall in love/he asks her out, etc. But, it's such a lovely, lovely idea!

I love the premise of having a Valentine's Dance just for the seventh years! I can really imagine Dumbledore loving the concept of Valentine's Day, you know, and it's such a nice twist on the usual 'Yule Ball' theme. The dance lessons... omigosh, I did not expect what happened to happen, haha! I was so sure he was going to ask her out, but I had no idea that that was what Zach wanted to say and what was really going on - I love it! :)

I really love as well how you characterised Arthur. He is bumbling, but he's also brave and strong and determined and curious and a bit silly, and I really thought you brought all those things out in him in this - he really seemed like a younger version of the Arthur from the books. His nervousness and habit of staring at Molly was so sweet too - it's such a typical feeling, I think, and I loved how you portrayed their relationship pre-dating. They're sort of not-quite-friends, and I like that!

A quick thing: you said at one point 'it had become a rage at Hogwarts', which doesn't quite work. I think you were trying to adapt the phrase 'it was all the rage' or just not quite getting it right? Either way, I think that's the phrase you want! I just wanted to point it out since otherwise this was so good and it's a little, easily-corrected thing! :)

So yeah, I really, really liked this! It's such a sweet, simply one-shot and your writing's great, Arthur is such a brilliant character... just so good! :)

Aph xx

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Review #31, by AphorideMy Deep and Black Desires: My Deep and Black Desires

11th March 2014:
Hey there! I'm so sorry this has been so late in coming - almost a month! - life has been incredibly hectic recently, and I'm sort of grabbing a spare moment to send you this! :)

So I really like this! I like how you've characterised Bella - how she's bored and sees school as something not worth her time. It's such a teenage though, you know, so it's symbolic of her age, but also shows her personality off pretty well: the arrogance that she doesn't need their teaching, and the idea that she hates working with others - ironic, then, that she ends up not only working with others, but for Voldemort, you know? I don't know if you intended it to be ironic, in that way, but it is! :)

One thing I noticed is that all your paragraphs, mainly, are pretty short. Maybe try filling them out a bit more - expanding on the things you're writing, going into more depth, more description, expand on what she's doing in class. It's fine as it is, it's just something to think about to improve ;) There were also a few places where some of the paragraphs could have been combined to make a big paragraph - the paragraph break wasn't necessary. Like when she's talking about killing the students - those two paragraphs can just make one. I think that would help!

Your word choice is great, though - I love how you seem to have used a more formal sort of language for her, though you've retained a sense that she doesn't care, since both make sense and really give this the feel of the character, you know?

The details you use are lovely too - I love things which use details to give effect, and you do that really well here, with the mentions of nails and Dementors and husks, and the mention of McGonagall and whether or not she's ever smiled in her life.

One quick thing: Bellatrix was Bellatrix Black before she got married, which I would imagine would be before she left school - Lestrange is her married surname ;) Obviously, if she's married before she leaves school... I dunno, but it just sounds a bit strange and I thought I'd mention it anyway! :)

Hope this was helpful and I really enjoyed this - feel free to re-request for other stories in the future! :)

Aph xx

Author's Response: No problem - I completely understand and i appreciate you taking the time to critique.

I'm glad I've characterized her well. I used to write her all the time but this was my first attempt in a couple of years. I've still got it apparently! I didn't intend for it to be ironic, but sometimes that makes it all the better and makes it more natural. I don't like forcing things.

It's funny - my Lit teacher constantly reminds me to write longer paragraphs while he has to remind my classmates to make their paragraphs shorter. It's something I struggle with, so maybe I'll go back and see what I can do about it.

I purposefully made her speak formally because she is a member of the most ancient family Black. She would have been raised to be a proper lady. But at the same time she doesn't give a crap.

Yes! I have good details! That's often something I struggle with, so that's spectacular!

I actually realized that a few days ago and I debated changing it to Black. Ultimately, I decided to keep it as it was because to me it just makes her seem more crazy to me.

Thanks for reviewing!



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Review #32, by AphoridePure Intentions: Red Balloon

7th March 2014:
Hey there - thanks so much for the swap! :) When I saw you asking for it, I knew I had to come back to finish this story - it's been far too long since I read the rest of this and didn't finish it!

First off: NO. How can you do this to me?! What? They can't break up! Al and Brandon were such a lovely couple! Brandon was so good for Al! Gah, poor Al! I feel so so sorry for him!

But but but - Scorpius! Yay! I'm so glad they're at least friends, because they deserved to have some kind of relationship, given what they used to have, you know? It's kinda like a turning point for them. They've both grown up and made peace with themselves, and they're so much more settled.

So, in a way, even though this doesn't end, as such, in terms of their relationship being restored or broken forever - it's kinda a strange note to end it on - it works, because it ends with them turning a new leaf and all that jazz, you know? So it's kinda an ending and a beginning, at the same time, which is a great way to do it. It's a really original ending and all, I think.

Your characterisation and plot and setting and all are just lovely, as usual.

I've really enjoyed this story - it's been a really great read and a really nice, thoughtful story. Really, really great read!

(Sequel? I think I heard this mentioned at some point... lemme know when it's up! :D)

Aph xx

Author's Response: Howdy Aph!!

I'm so happy you came back to see the last chapter!!!

I'm sorry!!! I had to separate them so Albus could learn to grow on his own! He needed to be more self sufficient or he'd use relationships as a crutch forever. There may be a chance at them rekindling something eventually (in a sequel).

I liked ending the story at a turning point. I mean, it resolved the heartache issue that the story set off to talk about and set up what is probably going to be a sizable sequel. They both are quite different people than they were at the beginning of the story. Scorpius has learned to stand up for what he wants and not just do as he'd bid and Albus is one who will not take being in a secretive/dark corners relationship and knows a bit more about what makes him happy.

The ending was a bit unconventional, I suppose. I thought it would take more story time to fix their relationship than it took to bring them here. They're at least at a less turbulant part of life between them.

:D I'm so happy that the plot and characterization were good!!

I've really enjoyed following your reviews and incredible feedback. You've been super helpful and fun. :)

(I keep saying that I have one and I do - I'm not sure when I'll get to writing it out. There are a few plot points I need to decide on)
Thank you so much for such an awesome review!

-Rose


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Review #33, by AphorideThe Safety of the Shadow: Leaving Your Comfort Zone

6th March 2014:
Hey there - dropping by for the review battle! :)

So when I saw this on your page, I knew I had to drop by because I'm always so impressed by people who manage to fit so much into small word counts, like this - partly because I waffle on like nobody's business, as you can probably tell :P

I really liked this! I love how you've kept it short, and yet there's so much in it. Seriously, I could never do something like this - short, but so poignant, with so many themes and feelings all tucked into it. I love how it's sort of like a kind of flashback thing, how Rose is thinking of the things which have happened in the shadow and at school, and everything which has gone on and how she's grown up and changed. It's really lovely reflective tone you've got in this - it's great!

Also, I love the shadow itself. How it's the shadow of the school which has impacted her so much, and the idea of the change and how it's always been there. It's kind of like an obscure reference to time, you know, the way you've used the prompt. The idea that the seasons and time, therefore the shadow of the castle, is something of a constant and just keeps going, and it's safe and protective and now Rose is leaving.

The reference to being passed over from the safety of the shadow to a different kind of safety - the safety of love with Scorpius - was such a lovely touch, too! :) It's kinda like a maternal thing, you know - like a child growing up, almost literally, and the shadow's like a mother, and now Rose is leaving and growing up and her relationships are changing, becoming less childish... I have no idea if that all made sense, haha, but I hope so! :)

There were a few bits where the phrasing and sentences were a bit odd - just sounded kinda like phrases left on their own and maybe needed linking to something or re-phrasing? If you look over it again, or get a friend to look over it for you, it should help! It's a minor thing, but I thought I'd mention it anyway since it's something which can be fixed :)

But yeah, I really enjoyed this! :)

Aph xx

Author's Response: Hi!

Thanks for such a lovely review! I really appreciate all of your nice compliments! I was nervous that this wouldn't be well received because it was kind of a strange prompt. But it was fun to write once I got going and I'm glad you enjoyed it.

I'll definitely have a friend look it over for those places and to neaten it up. Thanks for pointing them out :)

xoxo Sarah


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Review #34, by AphorideEvasive Normality : Prologue

22nd February 2014:
Hey there - thanks so much for the review swap! :)

So, I'm a huge fan of post-Hogwarts and post-war stories. It's such a traumatic and difficult time for all of the characters, you know, but it's also such a fascinating time, with people dealing with so many different, hard things...

I really, really like how you've characterised Harry! I love how he's finding it so difficult to cope with everything - with all the deaths he feels like he caused and all, and everything he feels responsible for - because it's such a human reaction. People can't be strong all the time, and they can't always deal with everything, particularly something as intense as that in such a short period of time.

I love the way you have the Weasleys and Hermione and Ginny trying to help him, and talk to him and be there for him, but he's the one pushing them away because he feels guilty and all. They're all pretty loyal characters, so it's such a good way to portray them!

The details in this were great too - how Harry's now a godfather and has a responsibility to Teddy, how Hermione's parents are still in Australia with their memories removed, how Fred's died, how Colin Creevey had his camera on his chest... they're such simple little things, but really, really great! :)

The only thing I would say is that you could maybe do with a little more description - like, when Harry pulls the covers over his head, what colour are they? Are there any smells around, like from food? Any noise in the background? What's the weather like - is it raining or windy? Your writing at the moment is great, really nice and clean and lovely, but a bit more description would make it even better ;)

Also, there's kinda odd formatting thing down at the bottom of the page - a quick edit would sort that out! :)

Apart from those things, which are fairly minor in the scale of it, this is a really good start! It's really interesting, and such a realistically sad beginning - your characterisation, as I said, is excellent. Really, really good.

So yeah, I enjoyed reading this - thank you again for the swap! :)

Aph xx

Author's Response: Him sorry it has taken me so long to get back to this review!

I love Post hogwarts stories , as you say there are so many different things to deal with and it's interesting how authors write about it.

Thanks! He's defiantly a hard character for me to write and it always feels like there's more pressure, because well, he's Harry Potter.

I will take your point about description and work on it, I can see what you mean reading it back.

I'm so happy that you enjoyed this and thanks for reviewing.


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Review #35, by AphorideSev, You can stop oiling your hair now!: Sev, You can stop oiling your hair now!

22nd February 2014:
Hey there - thanks so much for the review swap! :)

So, as it happens, I've read a couple of different versions and reasons for why Snape's hair is so greasy, and I really liked this one! The idea that he oiled his hair when he was young, and then carried on doing it because Draco, as a child and then later as a teenager, liked it was pretty sweet - and really original! It's a very definitely idea to anything I've seen people suggest before.

I liked how you characterised Snape and Draco, as well. How Snape loved Draco, even if he didn't show it all the time, and how he wanted Draco to love him and be fond of him. It's such a bittersweet gesture, you know, with everything to do with his parents and Lily and all. I also really love that you played up the Snape-is-Draco's-godfather thing as well, since that's something I don't see mentioned all that much in most stories! :)

I liked how you went through scene by scene, with different instances as Draco grew up where Draco liked Snape's hair and the oiliness of it. Some of them, particularly the early ones, were really, really sweet! Baby!Draco was just adorable! :) And it really showed the way they sort of bonded as Draco grew up, and how they became closer, to finally end with Draco considering Snape almost as a second father-figure.

I have to say that I'm not a huge Draco/Hermione fan, but I liked here how the focus wasn't on the Dramione element - it was on Snape and what he did and his contribution, revolving around his hair and the oil in it. It was such a lovely focus, and allowed the AU elements and things to go along, you know?

There were a couple of places where the wording was a little strange, and you used the wrong word, but it's nothing major! Maybe if you look it over again and read it out loud, that would help?

Still, I really enjoyed this - thanks so much for the swap! :)

Aph xx

Author's Response: Hey,

Thanks for the review swap too!

Glad you found the story original and interesting... I was aiming for a different and humorous view to their otherwise dark lives and it came across. Yay!

I'm constantly feeling sad for Snape. I'm not a Snily fan and think James/Lily are an awesome couple but when you look at it objectively, you realise Snape gets the most-alone person award. I might be getting off topic, but you get my drift.
Snape is Draco's godfather in my head since the beginning and I thought that for Snape to be like second-father figure, he needs to close to Draco. Hence, the godfather position.

I am a hard-core Dramione fan and it took a lot of effort and self-talk to stop myself from shifting the focus of the story. And to keep the AU from sounding too wrong and out of place. Whew! The effort paid off...

I'm going to take your advice and try and read it aloud... Maybe, hopefully, I'll find what sounds wrong?

Thanks again.Your review was real helpful!

Kinnu


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Review #36, by AphorideThe Moon Maiden: A Man's World

22nd February 2014:
Hey there! I'm so so glad I got an excuse to come back, because I do honestly love this story. It's just so beautiful and tragic and mysterious. It's wonderful! :)

I love Bathilda. I just love how you've characterised her - how she's clever, and lonely, and so in love with Muriel, and so secretive about what she knows and so loyal not to reveal other people's secrets... at the same time, she's so cautious and unsure of things and I liked how she couldn't quite work out Mrs Prewett - it really made her human and so realistic, you know? The idea that despite being good at reading people, some still elude her.

Muriel is so great as well - how she's so desperate to know what went on with the Dumbledores, and the truth of it, and Bathilda just refuses to speak of it. She's such an innocent girl, but has this strange sort of maturity which I think you only have when you're that age, when you think you're mature, you know? It's great! Mrs Prewett... I actually feel kinda sorry for her, cooped up in the house, probably bored, I'd imagine, desperate for something to do, maybe lavishing everything on her daughter and all... it's not a great life, really, and you can't wholly fault her for being suspicious of Bathilda.

Your details in this are fantastic. I loved the little bits - the demon children clawing away at the door, the 'feigning of shame' with Gellert, the references to mythology and the story of the Moon Maiden, the tapestries and so on... it just makes this such a rich story, if that makes sense.

I love your writing, too. It's just so beautiful. You manage to keep the mystery of what's happening to Bathilda in the first and last sections - is she dead, is the woman who 'visits' her real or not, who is the woman who visits her - but not make it overly mysterious and complicated, so that it's hard to follow and understand. Instead, I'm just curious ;) Your phrasing and words are so gorgeous, too - I love all the little things you include, like the period gesture, such as 'was it not' and things... it's just so lovely!

You're teasing me with the Albus/Gellert, as well... what happened? What did Bathilda find? Gah, I wanna know! I'm so curious!

This, as always, is just beautifully brilliant. Let me know when the next chapter is up! :)

Aph xx

Author's Response: Hello! :)

Aw, thank you so much dear! I'm so happy you're liking this. It's just such a joy to work on and unlike any story I've written before.

I'm really pleased you like Bathilda! I've grown quite attached to her as well. It's lovely to hear you find her realistic, and the contrasts between her love for telling stories and her need for secrecy because of how dangerous the secrets are. You're right - there are some people who she can't quite understand, or she doesn't want to understand fully. Mrs. Prewett is quite a contradictory person herself.

I'm glad you like Muriel - I felt it was important to show that gossipy, rather pushy side to her. I love your comment about thinking she has that maturity - that's just how she is. She likes the idea of having freedom but doesn't quite grasp it for herself. I'm quite glad you felt sorry for Mrs. Prewett, as she grew as a character I saw how she does focus in on Muriel and is quite protective of her, but has some demons of her own.

Thank you! :) I love writing the little creepy details and the anecdotes. Being a mythology nerd I just couldn't resist.

Aw, wow, thank you! :) You're so sweet. I'm glad you're curious about what exactly is going on and how it's a little obscure and mysterious. I can't promise it will ever be completely resolved, the way the last chapter is looking at the moment. I love writing the historical parts and trying to get into their heads a little - it's a bit easier than writing the 15th century in PTD, but I still want to get the feeling of the era across.

Curious is good! :) Yes, Bathilda was being quite mysterious about the boys. :P Partly, she doesn't want to fully admit it to herself.

Thank you so much for the amazing review! ♥ I really love hearing your thoughts and reactions to this story. The next chapter will be up in the next week! :)


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Review #37, by AphorideInvisible in Death: Ghostly Day

21st February 2014:
Hey there - here for our review swap! :)

So, I know I still haven't finished reading and reviewing Pure Intentions, but when I saw this up I just had to read it! A mystery! With Myrtle (and young!Tom Riddle, young!Hagrid)! Gah, even though we know who the killer really is, I'm just so curious as to how this is going to play out and whether Myrtle is going to find out, you know? Somehow, mostly due to your writing and plotting, it doesn't matter that I already know how Myrtle really dies :)

I love Myrtle's character. In this, you do so well at showing us the aspects of her character we already knew from the books and develop it further. I like how she's such a mixed bag of traits: she's being bullied and has little self-confidence, but is also capable of holding pretty serious grudges, pretty nasty herself (when she wants to be) and actually fairly clever. It was such brilliant characterisation! :)

I love the whole start of this and how you moved so quickly through the murder and all. Because we know how it happened, you didn't need to talk all that much about it, and everything. I loved as well how you showed us Olive bullying her and how cruel she was and how she came to, effectively, help Myrtle to die, in a way. I also really liked the scene when she'd just 'woken up' as a ghost and had to work out, sort of, that she'd died and that no one could see her. I thought you did such a good job of portraying it - and it was such an interesting idea! :)

Your writing is so lovely, as well. It's so clean and clear and your phrasing is great... and I'm so envious that you can write things with such a fast pace and so much action! Gah, this was such a great read!

I'm really, really glad I did this swap with you - I will definitely be looking out for more chapters, and seriously hoping you get more reviews because this really deserves more! :) This is a great, great start and I'm so curious to know what happens next!

Thanks for the swap! :)

Aph xx

Author's Response: I couldn't be happier that you picked this one!! It was all sad and reviewless. :D Well, there's not a lot of mystery for the reader - just to the characters. I think this is my first mystery actually.

Writing about Myrtle as a living girl was kind of interesting. I thought it'd be fun to make her annoying but not so irritating as she is as a ghost. She's definitely not a totally likeable person here. I can't tell you how excited I am that you liked how I characterized her!!!

I didn't think there would be a lot to elaborate on before her death expect to set up her pain and general life stuff. But, yeah, I thought her story after death would be more interesting. :D Having Olive be an over-the-top bully was my way of justifying how much Myrtle stalks her as a ghost. Part of me was all "get a grip lady" then I decided to give her reason to earn an official no-more-haunting ruling.

I'm jealous of your writing so we can just wallow in mutual jealousy. :D

Thank you so much for such a wonderful review and for swapping with me!!

-Rose


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Review #38, by AphorideJust a Little: Just a Little

21st February 2014:
Hey there - dropping by from review tag! :)

When I saw this on your page, I had to read it. I have something of a soft-spot for James/Lily, particularly with goofy, over-the-top Sirius in it as well. So this sounded pretty much perfect ;)

I love the whole premise of this! It's such a cliched thing in ff, you know, the whole 'locked in a broom closet together and snogging' thing, so I love how you've taken a different spin on it, with them being locked in but not kissing and not wanting to/intending to and not finding it funny. Well, James did, a bit, haha, but still!

I loved how you characterised James in this, as well. How he was sort of sweet and a bit silly and his mind was always turning away from the problem at hand and not really paying attention... it's such a great characterisation of him, and one I don't think I've seen all that often, so I liked it.

Lily was wonderful too! I liked how she was so angry about being locked in a broom cupboard without her wand and instructed to snog - I would be too in that situation! - but wasn't really mean to James, even if she didn't believe him that it wasn't anything to do with him. Which really is fair enough. I loved the way she blushed towards the end and sort of admitted it was nice and kinda almost that she liked him - it was a really cute and sweet scene!

I'm so amazed by the way you kept what was going on, really, from the readers until the end. The whole 'last night' thing had me guessing until Lily said it - I suspected, but wasn't sure. It was such a neat little twist - I really loved it! :)

So yeah, this was a really, really great one-shot! I really enjoyed reading it - and good luck in the competition! :)

Aph xx

Author's Response: Yay! Another James/Lily fan! And a goofy Sirius fan!

I purposefully chose the most cliched setting I could think of. I love a good cliche, but I really wanted it to be done well, so I tried to give it a bit of a twist. I'm so happy that you found it effective!

James is one lovestruck boy! I had a lot of fun writing his inner monologue. His rather stalkerish fixation on Lily is endearing in a way. I kind of see him as being a bit dorky, like Harry, so when people write him all confident and suave all the time, I have to imagine that he has these ridiculously dorky thoughts.

EVERYONE should be angry to be in Lily's situation, regardless of the fact that you like the other person or not. The entire situation is a little ludicrous, mainly because Sirius is a little ludicrous. I'm happy that you liked how she reveals how she really feels near the end. I wasn't sure how well-received that would be.

I'm glad that the suspense was maintained! I wanted people to have an inkling but still have this big reveal for poor Sirius.

Thank you so much! And good luck to you as well! I really enjoyed your Regulus/Barty story :)


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Review #39, by AphorideThe Moon Maiden: The North Window

18th February 2014:
Hey there - stopping by for our review swap! :) I'm so so glad you posted that, since I can't believe I didn't spot this story before and so it's a perfect excuse to leave off studying Tort Law and read this :P (Not that I needed much persuading, tbh)

So, I was incredibly, incredibly curious about this even if just for the fact that it's a Bathilda/Muriel, which is one of those pairings I've never come across before, or even heard of, yet seems somehow like it could work quite well, despite the age gap there would have to be between them.

I love your characterisations of Bathilda and Muriel. I love how Bathilda is sort of like a hoarder, of information of things she's interested in, perhaps even of secrets. I dunno, I just get the impression that she's sort of like a kind of well of information, you know, things go in and they don't come out. It's brilliant! I love Muriel, too, how I can really see how she turns into the woman we know from canon - with the horrible shrill voice, barking orders at people, and so on. She's younger here, obviously, and perhaps a bit more innocent and naive, and less 'I know everything', but still enjoying a good gossip - which seems so integral to her character!

I love the way you write this, as well, with the different sections, where Bathilda and Muriel are younger, and then later when Bathilda is older, and the strange woman (I dunno who she is... Rita Skeeter? Or a more mythical figure, like the actual Moon Maiden or something? I don't know the story behind the moon maiden, though, if there is one, so... *shrug*). The differences between the two sections are so clear, but at the same time the style is the same and the writing just as beautiful :) I really love how incoherent the older Bathilda sections seem - almost like she's not even sure what's going on, and it's such a brilliant quality to manage to evoke in writing - I have no idea how you did it. It's amazing.

Your writing is gorgeous. Seriously. It's just flawless. Everything flows so perfectly, and it's almost poetic in the way you've written it. I found it oddly ironic/clever how Bathilda seems to refer to her living as 'her heaven', but there are 'demon children' outside and things like that... I just love the juxtaposition of the two things :)

So yeah, I love this. I will definitely be back, and have yourself a favourite in the meantime ;)

Aph xx

Author's Response: Hi Aph! :) Ah, I'm so excited you came to read this! Hehe, always glad to provide an excuse for not studying. :P

I'm glad you found the pairing interesting! It sort of occurred to me while I was re-reading DH and I knew about teh's challenge so this was the perfect excuse to write it. I did play with the ages a little bit by making Bathilda younger than she might have been, but logically it sort of fit as JK seemed to have written her as like 140 by the time Harry came along. :P

I'm so glad you like them! Yes, ah, that's just how I saw Bathilda! :D She loves learning and writing and translating history for other people. It's wonderful to know you thought Muriel fit with canon. She was just so obnoxious and hilarious in canon, and here I hoped she'd have the basis of that rather selfish and judgemental nature. Writing her love for gossip was so fun!

I'm really happy to hear you liked the structure and the different scenes as well. I had a lot of fun imagining the afterlife scenes especially. The moon maiden story is something I made up, but then I googled it and apparently there is some story called the moon maiden which has a similar-ish concept... well, sort of. :P I love your comments about how the story felt incoherent and scrambled for the older Bathilda - that's just the mindframe I was in when I wrote it, as if things shift into existence and go from being clear to confusing really quickly, so it's lovely that you picked up on that.

Wow, thanks so much! ♥ I'm so honoured you like the writing style! :D It's never really specified whether Bathilda is alive or dead, in heaven or in... that other place which is not 12+. So I'm glad you like the contrasts and the juxtapositions. I had so much fun writing this and no idea how readers might react so it's so lovely getting your feedback.

Thanks so much for the amazing review, dear! :D


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Review #40, by AphorideThe Worst: At The Burrow

18th February 2014:
Hey there! I was so happy to see we were partnered up in the review exchange, since it means I can come back twice in a row and keep up with this! :)

First off: I WAS RIGHT. I WAS RIGHT. Haha, I knew he was going to propose! Yeah! I didn't realise she was going to say no, though, huh. Strange, but I suppose it makes sense in a way - it's another change in her life, you know, and she's had so many recently... It might just be one change too far.

That said, I really love your characterisation of her, as you know by now ;) She's such a realistic, human character with flaws and qualities in equal measure. I liked how she was so self-conscious about the scar - it's perfectly natural, you know, for people to feel that way and to want to hide things. (Though, quick note: you might want to cut down on the description of her dress - it's just a bit much all in one go, you know? Maybe take one or two out...) I loved here how she just accepted that her family were going to fuss over her, and how oblivious she seemed and didn't make a deal out of Teddy perhaps being a little vague. It makes them a great couple :)

I liked Teddy in this, too, and Hermione. I liked how Hermione got some screen (page? O.o) time in this - she's such a brilliant character and I thought it was so true to her character that she was the one who made the potion for Dominique so she wouldn't be without. Such a great gesture! Teddy, as always, was incredibly sweet and really, really supportive. I'm so curious to know how he'll react how she's rejected his proposal... I can't see them breaking up, but I don't think he'd necessarily take it all that well.

The details in this were good, too - like how Wolfsbane Potion is illegal to make (presumably if you don't have a licence or something... *shrugs*), and how Dominique is so surprised by that, and how Hermione's so reluctant to say 'isolated' and things. And how Victoire knows what's going on - and Ian too, I'm guessing ;)

Ooh, so yeah, I'm really curious as to what's going to happen next - I mean, this whole dinner kinda seems almost like a set-up for him to propose, her to say yes and then they all sort of celebrate that and Delilah getting arrested, you know? In which case, er, things just went wrong!

So yeah, I'm really enjoying this story, as always! :)

Aph xx

Author's Response: Hey! I am so sorry that it has taken me this long to respond but I've been crazy busy!

Haha yes I kinda made it obvious that he was going to propose so I'm glad you got it ;) More than the change, it's the fact that she thinks she is "damaged" and doesn't want Teddy to marry her. But more about her reasons in the next chapter (which is still in the works).

I am glad you like Dominique as a character and find her human. I have tried really hard to show that she's not perfect but she's a good person at heart and I'm happy it comes across. Thanks for the tip about the description of the dress - I'll look into it =) And yes Teddy and her do make a great couple xD

It's such a relief to know that Hermione felt in character as I was quite anxious writing her so thank you. I felt like this was the kind of thing Hermione would do, yeah. As for Teddy's reaction, you'll have to wait and watch ;)

I am pleased you liked the little details too as they add colour to the story in my opinion.

And yes the dinner was basically a set up for him to propose along with Teddy trying to bring Dominique out of her shell and meet everyone and relax a bit - but I guess it did go wrong didn't it? The story isn't called the Worst for nothing haha :P

Thanks again!


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Review #41, by AphorideHoping for A Heartbeat : Prologue

18th February 2014:
Hey there - dropping off your requested review! :)

So, first off, I have to say that I think you're incredibly brave for writing something like this - because it's a really difficult topic to deal with, and even more so if it's something which has personally effected you. So, seriously, that in itself is amazing! :)

I really like how you've gone through the beginning of Ginny's life, up to the start of the story (I think), as a sort of summary and a way to quickly say and show how much she loves Harry and how important he is to her.

I think you've done really well with Ginny's character, as well. I like how she admitted that she wasn't always brave, that she did get scared, and didn't always talk to people about what she was feeling - which I imagine may well be a recurring problem in the story! - and things. It's such great character development, and really adds depth to her as a person, you know? Really makes her realistic.

There were quite a few mistakes in this, though - little things, mostly: a few odd phrases, some strange word usage and a few grammar things. I think it would help you a lot to get a beta, or, if you already have one, to ask them to really look at the grammar and phraseology, and double-check the spelling, since I think your writing is good but those things are easy enough to tidy up ;) For example, 'no where' should be 'nowhere', 'alot' should be 'a lot'. You also switch tenses, which is something a beta could help you with. You switch from past to present, for Ginny's thoughts, which is kinda strange and threw me off a bit when it happened. I think if you sorted it out it would help! :)

That being said, I love the premise of this story, I really like your characterisation of Ginny so far, and I think you're writing is good, there's just a few bits here and there to tidy up! :) Really good start, though! :)

Feel free to re-request!

Aph xx

Author's Response: Hi thanks for an awesome review. :)
I have been looking for a beta but no one has wanted to do it so far. I did fix a few things though and am waiting on it to validate. Thanks again!!! :D
-Lindsey


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Review #42, by AphorideRules of the Game: A Home From Home

18th February 2014:
Hey there - stopping by with your requested review! Sorry for not reviewing a later chapter, but I said before in my thread that I don't have time to read multiple chapters in one sitting, but feel free to re-request later! :)

So, I think this is really good start! I like how you introduce it at the beginning of the school year, but manage to avoid the normal approach to it, and the endless cliches which go with it. I liked, as well, how you used the senses in it - referring to sound and sight and things - which really helped to bring the station and the business alive. That being said, it was a bit odd to have Ivy say 'Simon Brown, if she wasn't mistaken'. If he's in her year, she'll almost certainly know who he is, I imagine, and since he plays Quidditch it's likely she'll recognise him, you know? Just a small thing, but it seemed a bit odd to me, so I thought I should mention it.

So far, I like Ivy's character as well. I think she's an interesting character, and I'm curious as to how you're going to develop her further. I thought it was really interesting how she was nervous about the barrier, being muggleborn (I assume), and how her mother wasn't, conversely. It was a really nice touch! I'm interested to see how you display her as having the necessary qualities and abilities to be Head Girl, since it's presumably a position chosen by the teachers.

I like Lily and Alice, as well, though it is something of a cliche to have an OC friends with Lily and Neville's daughter named Alice, but I think you avoided making it cliche, you know. I think it works well! I like how Lily is Quidditch mad, how Alice is quieter and less dramatic - it makes for an interesting group dynamic.

It was really good with the way you introduced the tension elements into it - with Albus, and something obviously having gone on there between him and Ivy - and Jimmy staring at Lily, and suchlike things. A nice hint of potential things to come ;)

So yeah, I thought this was a really good start - good grammar/spelling, no really odd phrases or anything which stood out, nice characters, great set-up, good writing... yeah, it's all good so far! :) Really good start - I really enjoyed reading it! :)

Feel free to re-request!

Aph xx

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Review #43, by AphoridePure Intentions: Red Line

14th February 2014:
Hey there - I was so excited to see you in the review battle since it meant I could pop back to this story! :)

And omigosh the drama in this chapter! You're really vamping up the pace and the drama in this... wow.

I love how Al and Brandon are going well, and how Brandon sort of understands what Al's going through and how hard things would have been for him, and why he just wanted to get away. The more I see of Brandon, the more I like him ;) He's just such a sweet guy! Can I have one like him please? :P

I loved Brandon's conversation with Harry, as well. It's just like Harry to be concerned and not really know how to approach it, whether to talk to Brandon or not. I thought Brandon handled it really well - better than Harry, haha. But then Harry's awkwardness was just so in-character, it was lovely!

Poor Scorpius! I haven't said that all that much in this, since he hasn't been the nicest of people, but this is just so sad for him! I can't believe Draco disowned him for it! Chances of Astoria getting him back into the family? :( Gah, I feel so sorry for him - but good on him for finally making the decision he should have made a long time ago. I guess it's because he's grown up and seen how happy Al is and wants that for himself. Not Al. Well, not necessarily ;)

I can't believe this is nearly over - I'm so curious how it's going to end! Though I do hope that Al stays with Brandon, since I think they're very good together and for each other ;)

Really, really enjoying this story, as you know! ;) Looking forward to finding you in the review battle again so I can come back! :)

Aph xx

Author's Response: Aph!!

I'm so glad you're back!

There is a lot of drama and developmentin this chapter. I kind of got a lead foot while writing it. er, you know.

I've had a few requests for a RL Brandon. I don't know if one exists but if I find one, there will be an auction. :P Brandon is quite understanding and mature enough to handle the fact that his bf has a bit of drama.

Yeah, I don't see Harry ever growing out of his awkward stage. :D He has good intentions when he talks to Brandon but, yeah, I am glad that Brandon was respectful of Albus' trust.

Whoo!! I'm kind of happy you're at least feeling a little bad for Scorpius now. I mean, he's not the hero here but I didn't want him to be a complete bad guy. Draco is kind of a bad father in this story (which I feel bad for writing but hey). I felt that Scorpius needed to escape his family and their expectations of him so he could live on his own terms.

I'm kind of excited and terrified for you to see the ending... *dramatic music*

thank you so much for a fantastic review!! I always enjoy reading your thoughts and theories on the story!

-Rose


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Review #44, by AphorideHarry Potter and the Plot of Power: 00 Prologue

12th February 2014:
Hey there - stopping by for our review swap! :) I have to admit that I checked out the link you posted before signing up and when I saw the premise of this, and the summary, I just had to drop by!

So I love the premise of this - it's such a fascinating idea! I'm so curious about where you'll take this - what will happen, will the 'Director', whoever he is, succeed, will we find out who he is... gah, so many questions, and it's only the first chapter! :)

It was short, but I don't think that's a bad thing, at all! I think that it works so well as a prologue - just enough titbits of information in there to make the reader desperately curious about what's going to happen, and the cliffhanger at the end: wow! Just wow!

I like the characters you've created so far, as well. I hope we see more of them in the future of the story, but I like how Cassandra is, while clearly horrible, not totally evil, you know? Like she has the ability to feel emotion and such, and sort of has to remind herself that they're only test subjects, nothing more. The Director... well, I love how you've been so careful with giving away details about him! It's really making me so curious as to who he is. I really love how he's so determined to get revenge on Harry he's resorted to using muggles and muggle equipment and methods and things to do it. Kinda shows how desperate he is for revenge, you know? That is, if he is a pureblood. I thought so since Harry took everything away from him, but hm... maybe not... I dunno! ;)

Your writing, as well, is lovely. Your description is great and the flow is really, really smoothed. I really loved your details, as well, how you put them all in without overloading this with too many. It was just the little things: Cassandra's habit of rearranging clothing before going to see her boss, the blood on her coat, the factual details about calling the lawyers and suchlike things... it was all so good and so well thought out!

So yeah, I really enjoyed reading this! :) Thanks so much for the swap - it was great!

Aph xx

Author's Response: Hello! So sorry for taking over a month to give you a response! Ugh, I'm terrible at this but at least I finally got here.

Ah, the Director! Poor guy! Hahaha you'll find out eventually who he is and why he hates Harry. There's a reason behind his hatred of Harry. Is he a death eater? Perhaps! But maybe not. You'll see!

I wanted the prologue to be a quick taste of what is happening. To give the reader a glimpse of what it's happening. Prologues are supposed to be quick and with tidbits of information and most importantly, they make the reader want to come back for more! I'm glad I achieved that here!

Cassandra is not evil, just a little twisted. She's obsessed with certain things, very ambitious. If she had gone to Hogwarts, she would've ended up in Slytherin house. You'll get to find out about her soon and you'll eventually get to see her again pretty soon.

I'm glad you liked my writing!! I'm a detailed oriented person and sometimes I think I make chapters TO detailed you know! I'm glad that this was balanced enough.

Thank you for doing the review swap with me Aph! I really appreciate it!

Until next time!

--Rosie


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Review #45, by AphorideThe Second Act: Intermission

11th February 2014:
Hey there! I was so glad to see you in the review battle so I had a good enough excuse to stop learning about the harm principle in English jurisprudence and come back to this story ;)

Okay, so I really love this story and surprisingly really love the pairing, since it's not something I've ever seen before and not something I'd necessarily have thought I'd like, you know? You've completely convinced me, though, with the way you've written this.

I loved how you started with the obituary - really real, btw - and the details about the funeral and Teddy's death and how she moved on from it; what happened after. It was a really nice, bitter section of it and you handled the emotion so well, though you didn't really talk about it directly all that much - more conveyed it through describing Victoire's actions. I don't know if it was conscious or not, but I liked it nonetheless :)

I liked how the next section, where she starts the book as a project, almost as a way to snap out of her grief and move past it, you know? Some people are like that, and I think it really helps make Victoire seem so real. I liked how sweet it was too; but not sickly sweet, more sort of slow and mellow sweet, if that makes sense. I dunno, I just thought it was different to the teen romances I've read - felt older, more mature but still sort of flirting and coy. I really liked it, though - it really suited their relationship! :)

I love how you portrayed Dennis, though. How you described their relationship as progressing without Victoire really realising what was happening, how she came to fall in love with him quickly but no less deeply, and how they met, as well, was so lovely! Such an original idea, and you pulled it off well!

So yeah, I really enjoyed this chapter! Your writing was so clear - there were a couple of mistakes, but I imagine other reviewers might have pointed them out to you before now so I won't go over them ;) - and your characters and plot are as good as they were last time I was here! Really, really enjoyed it! :)

Aph xx

Author's Response: Ahhh, I'm glad you wanted to come back!!!

This *is* for the rare pair challenge. I can't take credit for coming up with the pairing;)

I'm really glad you liked the obituary. Haha, I may have read an article about how to write one that opened with something along the lines of "Firstly, I'd like to offer condolences. There really isn't a situation where you need to write an obituary that isn't a sad one."

Yes, that was intentional! Thank you! I didn't want to sit there and just say "She was sad. This was difficult."

I was really happy when I thought of the book. I really REALLY didn't want Dennis to be the one to get her out of her grief. I mean, he obviously helped, but I wanted Victoire to stand on her own two feet for awhile. This was originally just Act I and Act II (with Teddy being I and Dennis being II), but I REALLY wanted to give Victoire an Intermission for herself.

When I'm an old lady I want to find someone like Dennis to keep me young :)

Ack! So many mistakes that are so embarrassing, but I'm just so lazy.

Thanks so much for such a lovely review!!


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Review #46, by AphorideSecrets: Mischief Managed

8th February 2014:
Hey there - dropping off your requested review from the forums for you! :)

So, I think this is a really great start so far! I like how Sirius is arrogant and still kind of a bully with the way he treated Peter and so on, and he doesn't seem to realise it; I also like the way you didn't skimp on the bad aspects of his personality with him stealing from Professor Slughorn, and not caring about the fact that it's theft. It's such a reckless, bad thing to do, you know, and it's really in character for Sirius!

I like Valora, too (nice name! :P). I like that she's the best witch in their year, and even Sirius admits that, and you've successfully avoided the cliche that Sirius doesn't know who the OC is before that year, which is great! Their confrontation was good, too - I liked how they were both fairly cruel to each other in trading insults, and both were sort of stooping to the others level in taunting.

There were a few problems, I think, with grammar and phrasing, more so at the beginning and the end. For example, right at the beginning, you said Sirius was 'ignoring the urge to listen to the call of the outdoors', which sounds a bit strange to me, tbh, particularly when I first read it through (though that might just be me!), and then in the second paragraph you used the same sentence formation a lot which made the flow and pace drag a bit. Switching segments of sentences around will help with that! Also, when you say 'L' and '-ily Evans', it should be written like that, in quotation marks, not without ;) Lastly, just a little thing - always write numbers out in text, unless it's really necessarily otherwise. It just looks and reads better! :)

Those are all little things, though, and easily fixable!

You asked specifically about your plot. To be honest, there's not all that much of it in this chapter. It's fine for a beginning - there's the sense of a continuing confrontation with Valora, the idea that it's going to be a him v her kinda thing, and so on, but perhaps you could build in more tension/confrontation/etc. in later chapters? I think it just needs more of a goal feel, if that makes sense. I'm sorry, it's a terrible explanation! :S

Your characters and set up are really great, though! Just be careful to avoid the cliches - female lead fancies him 'against her will', he likes her 'despite everything', Sirius' pretty but stupid ex-girlfriend who's still desperate to get him back (just give her some redeeming personality traits and make her real and you'll be golden!). But I think you'll be fine - I think this is a really good start over all and I really, really liked the ending!

Really, really good start - just a few things to tidy up - but this is really great so far! :) Feel free to re-request in the future!

Aph xx

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Review #47, by AphorideThe Worst: A Ray of Light

8th February 2014:
Hey there - dropping off your requested review from the forums! :) I was so glad to see you re-request - I really enjoy reading this story!

Your characterisation, as always, was really, really good! I liked how Dominique didn't manage to keep control as everything was revealed about Delilah's plot and her confession, and how she reacted so badly. It's extreme and it's dramatic, and incredibly stupid in front of an officer of the law, but it really suits the character, I think, to react like that. Delilah's reactions as well were great! I loved how she insisted on denying it at first but then when she realised she'd effectively given herself away, she sort of seemed to calm down and give in and just admit it. It's perhaps not the most normal approach, since most people who commit crimes don't tend to believe they're really guilty, but, again, it really suits the character! :)

Your writing here was really great, too! There were a few shaky phrases, which didn't sound quite right, but nothing which threw off the flow of the story or really upset anything, so it's all good! ;) Spelling and grammar and all was great, too!

There were a few technical details which are wrong in relation to the arrest, which I feel just about qualified to talk about as a law student ;) The phrase for arresting someone is simply 'you are under arrest', and I've never heard of someone describing a crime as 'partially confirmed' (at least, not in English law) since the maxim to go by is 'innocent until proven guilty' so until she confesses, they only have a witness statement which doesn't 'confirm' anything as such until the trial. The more tricky bit is when you talk about Dominique 'lodging a complaint' - since Delilah is being accused of a crime, hence the arrest, then it would be the Crown, or the Ministry in the wizarding world, who would act in prosecution, and Dominique wouldn't have lodged anything, simply informed the Aurors of the crime committed, so the whole phrase wouldn't be said, really. I know this is all fairly technical stuff, so please, please pm me if you're confused or unsure and I'll help as best I can! :)

But yeah, other than the technical stuff, this was really, really great! I loved Teddy bringing the Aurors to the office, Dominique's reaction, Delilah cracking under the pressure and confessing... your writing was lovely, the ending was sweet with Dominique feeling better! This is a really great chapter! :)

I really enjoyed reading this, as you know from before ;) Keep it up! :)

Aph xx

Author's Response: Hey Aph! Thanks a ton for reading and reviewing!

I am pleased you liked Dominique's characterisation. I pondered a lot about Delilah's reactions before writing them so I am glad you enjoyed that too. Yes, most people don't act like that, but her personality is somewhat different - she revels in her power and wants to show off to everyone what she's done not realising the true consequences of her actions - she's just like that =)

It's such a relief to know spelling and grammar were okay as being a non-native english speaker that's always a major concern for me. As for the shaky phrases, I'll go back and try to spot and edit them!

Thanks for that technical bit of advice. I absolutely don't get these legal issues and well I figured it wouldn't matter so much since its the wizarding world and things might be done differently than the muggles so I could basically throw in anything lol xP Anyway, I'll look into what you said and try to make the phrases more authentic =) I really appreciate the advice!

I am pleased you liked how Teddy handled the situation and Delilah cracking under the pressure and stuff. Thank you so much for all your kind words. I am glad you're enjoying my writing!

I am re-requesting for the next chapter now, so I hope it's not too soon to do so :/ I just love your feedback so much though! Thanks!


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Review #48, by AphorideTwo Sides of the Coin: Ambition and Power

8th February 2014:
Hey there - stopping by from the Ravenclaw review battle! As soon as I saw this was up, I just had to read it, you know? I mean, gah, Slughorn is such a fascinating character, I think, mostly because on the surface he seems so repulsive - kinda like Lockhart - but it just makes me curious! :P

As with everything you write, of course, this was brilliant and I loved it :)

I love how you characterised Slughorn. There's not all that much 'deep' of him in the books, you know - just that strange moment when it says he's fighting Voldemort himself after seeming so scared and almost feebly pathetic earlier on, when the castle's under attack. It makes him such a strange, contradictory character and I think you really showed that here. I loved the mentions of his past, how his background was similar to Tom's, and how he refused to admit that some of his favourite students could be Death Eaters and do those kinds of horrible things. I think it's something no teacher would really want to think about any of their pupils, certainly not ones they liked and thought could be great and good. It's kind of a harsh thing for him to realise.

I loved how you wove his personality into that, as well - with the photographs and binning them when his students, I guess, disappointed him, really, and the gold medallion above the door he bought himself, and the way he'd hand-picked students but not necessarily the right ones. I really liked, though, how you showed him almost growing up in a way after the war, and how it was then that he realised, with the war and its consequences, his mistakes and his faults and things. It's such a great time to place it and such a lovely idea!

The mentions of Tom Riddle were great too - I liked how you mentioned they'd had loads of conversations in the evenings/nights when Tom says he can't sleep and things, hinting that Slughorn didn't really believe him in a way, and how Slughorn doesn't need a picture to remind him of Riddle. He probably doesn't, you know - Tom Riddle is definitely memorable, haha. I liked how you had him feeling almost guilty over that, like he'd failed Tom and you kinda feel sorry for Slughorn, because, really, what could he have done? O.o

Ah, feeling sorry for Slughorn... wow :P

Your writing, as always, is stunning and I'm incredibly jealous, as usual, of your ability to write so beautifully and so succinctly. So many wonderful lines in this, so many emotions all crammed into it without it feeling overloaded... This is a really, really great one-shot! But then, all your stuff is ;)

You're welcome for the inspiration - if you write things like this after inspiration, I hope it strikes again! :D

Will be shortly adding to favourites (watching ski jumping now... ;D)!

Aph xx

Author's Response: I'm so happy to hear from you on this story, Laura, since your work did really inspire me!

I did want to go deeper into his mindset to understand the change of heart you described and the way in which he had to come to terms with the truth about Voldemort and many of his other former students. I understand him being a bit feeble, because it's obviously a lot to handle, but I'm proud of him for standing up for what's right and accepting that he made a mistake in choosing some of his "star students."

I'm glad you felt sorry for poor Slughorn! He has a lot of faults but I really pitied him when I thought about how he wanted to share a bond with Tom and had such high hopes for him and had to watch all that intellect go in service of dark magic. It was interesting to look into their relationship, though it wound up being a relatively small part of the overall story.

Thank you so much for your lovely review!

-Amanda


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Review #49, by AphoridePure Intentions: Red Letter

7th February 2014:
Hey there - quickly dropping off this review before watching Lord of the Rings, so sorry if it's a bit shorter than normal! :)

First things first: Brandon Savage! Like, aaah, Albus has a boyfriend! ;) :P Gah, I'm glad for him, though, that he's found someone who likes him and has a proper boyfriend! He really deserved it, particularly after Scorpius!

I like how Rose isn't sure of her relationship with Scorpius. That little scene with her and her friend was a really great inclusion and I liked how she was so unsure about whether or not their relationship was going to last the distance, and whether or not she wanted it to. It's such a believeable thing to think, though. She really is a great character - and I really find I can't hate her, no matter what her relationship with Scorpius has done to Al and Scorp!

I loved the end scene as well! I loved how Scorpius was so horrible to Albus, coz it's just really I think because he was jealous of Al being able to be open about his relationship and able to admit it and because he wants Al to be with him. Poor Scorp... but he could have done things differently!

Must dash, but I do really love this story - sorry about this being so short!

Aph xx

Author's Response: Aph!! Happy LotR (marathon??)!!

:D Brandon Savage is an exciting feature of this story. Al having a boyfriend (a proper one) is just thrilling!! I was so happy to give him someone who was open nd out there with their relationships.

I'm so glad you liked the scene with Agatha! She is a bit uncertain about her relationship - mainly that she doesn't know what she wants in life. I'm especially glad that it's hard to hate Rose. I wanted to shield her form being a bad guy in this story.

Scorpius' little scene there was just too fun to write. He's a bit jealous of the type of relationship he has and upset that he's with someone else.

Thank you so much for an incredible review!! Hope you enjoyed the movies!

-Rose


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Review #50, by AphorideAt Midnight: Mirage

7th February 2014:
Hey there! I was so glad when you said you wanted me to review this for you, since I'd already taken a sneaky look at your page and decided this would be the one I'd review if you didn't have a preference ;) Coincidence, huh? :D

First off, I like how you've started this right in the middle of all of the action. It's such a nice, pacy sort of start and really throws the reader into everything that's going on and the emotions and all. It's a really good beginning!

I love Molly's character, as well. I love how she's not all that confident, she knows her own flaws, she doesn't like having things pointed out to her, she's perhaps a bit fragile, a bit naive, but she's sweet and caring and wants to fix people, which isn't necessarily a bad thing and a fairly common trait, I think. She's a really fabulous character - such a mix of personality traits! :)

I liked her conversation with Teddy, as well - how he was pretty mean and rude, but honest at the same time, and how she slapped him and regretted it. There are too many stories where the girl slaps the guy all the time without feeling sorry! So yeah, this was a nice change. Besides, he really wasn't being very nice! :) I really liked how you used that conversation to show us Molly's character, and Teddy's... it worked so well!

Teddy's a lovely, complicated character, too! I hope he turns up again in this, because so far he's a brilliant character - charismatic, confident, but perhaps not so, cynical, honest to the point of rudeness, etc. You really do create wonderful characters! :)

Ooh, the mysterious guy... tbh, he's laying it on a bit thick, and it seems a little bit creepy, but I dunno if that's just me... but he's definitely mysterious!

Gah, your writing in this was lovely, too! Just the right amount of detail, no mistakes I could spot, nothing which seemed odd, excellent flow... mah, really, really great! :)

So yeah, I really enjoyed reading this - I'm glad we swapped! - and really surprised this is the first review! Say whaaat? Where is everyone ele?! But yeah, this is a really great start and I hope sometime soon I get to pop back and catch up with it! :)

Aph xx

Author's Response: HELLO!

I'm finally responding to this lovely review and I'm sorry that its taken me such a long time.

I normally don't start my stories with the action happening right off the bat but I thought that since this was going to be a bit different that I'd switch up a bit. You're able to get more swamped with all the information and feelings that way and since I'm evil, I decided to layer it on as heavily as possible as you go along. >:D
Molly is a new type of girl for me to write, I haven't done anyone quite like her before, she's not like Roxanne in "Abandon" or Lord help me she isn't like Astoria from "A Force of Wills" (This is actually a good thing) so I had to find a good balance with her. She's a girl that has so many insecurities that I wanted that to be made evident but not be the only thing that was so great about her.
Teddy, oh, Teddy. His conversation with Molly was brutally honest but there's some truth in it that I wasn't able to ignore and I was glad that I wrote him the way that I did.
My girls slap guys all the time but there's always some sort of reaction and honestly, I'm sure that actually hurts! Like, your palm must sting after that, right?!
Teddy might not show up in this but he does make an appearance in other stories and might be mentioned later but just for you, I'll give him another scene. Muahahaha.
Oh, Ethan! I noticed that he was coming off a bit...creepy so I toned it down in the next chapter. I hope you like him then!

Bwhaha, I'm not a very active user on the site because of some personal issues but my stories are so out there sometimes that a lot of people don't check them out. HAHAHA. D':
This is actually tame compared to some of my others...
Anyhoo, thanks so much for coming to this so long ago and I hope to see you again whenever I scrape the second chapter up here!
Much love,
Gabbie


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