Reading Reviews From Member: Aphoride
  
549 Reviews Found

Review #26, by AphorideOne Last Rousing Speech: and the world was silent for a moment

6th November 2015:
Hey Joey, dropping by for our review swap! :D (And I gotta say quickly, that I'm so glad to see you back and writing - it was so strange not seeing you around on the forums, and I'm so terrible at remembering to check people's author's pages for new stuff, so I'm so glad I saw your status!)

Okay, so I really, really loved this. It seems pretty different to me to what you usually write - a different kind of tempo, and voice and things - but it really, really works so well! I really love in this how abstract the whole thing feels, you know, as though it's kinda watery and the pictures are fading quickly and stuff, because you don't linger much on each scene - especially with the whole 'ending' kinda theme/thing, it fits so well, and it just makes the whole thing feel so sad, you know, even without you doing anything else.

Also, I love how you don't mention any names in this. There's not really many clues as to who this is about - and it's so good, because it could be about anyone, almost, we can infer what we like into it, but there's still a story here, and still characters and development, and really how you've managed that I have no idea but it's amazing.

Ugh, the abstract in this... I know I'm kinda backtracking, but truthfully how abstract this is - that you tell a story without showing almost anything, without describing furniture or concrete scenes or hair colours and nothing at all with touch, almost, is just... it really does blow my mind. I've tried to do stuff this abstract and I just can't - it doesn't work for me - but for you it works perfectly. Seriously. The way you use description and metaphor and everything in this is incredible. All the little extended metaphors about paper and glass and musical instruments were so so good, and so clever - each one was picked so perfectly, and they just lifted the story off the page.

I love as well how after all of the explosive stuff at the beginning and middle, with the orchestra and the fighting, the relationship in this kinda dies with a whimper. Like, it just seems to end - I might have misread or misunderstood - but I love that it just sort of ends. You don't describe quite exactly how it ends or why or anything, you just say that it has. It really feels like a loss, you know, even in so few words and with comparatively few before to describe it.

This is so beautiful and solemn, and almost a lesson in how to write abstract and so much in so few words. Seriously, you should be super proud of this - I know I would be! :)

Aph xx

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Review #27, by AphorideTrapped: trapped

29th October 2015:
Hey there, dropping by for our review swap! :)

Okay, so I'm a huge Black family fan, and I find Sirius so fascinating as a character, so stories about him are always pretty good ;)

I was so excited when I started reading this (which sounds strange, I know :P) because the whole idea of Azkaban and how it effects people - and how it effected Sirius - is something which is so fascinating to me, and I love seeing people's takes on it. I'd never thought to connect it to PTSD before, but it makes so much sense now that I'm almost wondering why I never thought of it before :P

Your Sirius is so great in this! I love all the mentions to his friends - to the feeling of being trapped and the hatred and anger it brings up in him, the almost irrational thinking and desperate urge to get out. It's so realistic and so emotional, it's brilliant but also horrible because it really hits home, you know? It just really shows how bad things were for him and how difficult it was to be there, and it's so, so powerful.

Your writing is so lovely, too. You get all of the emotion out of this so well, and so strongly, too, without having to use cliches or overexaggerating anything. The language you use is so lovely, too - your description, gah. I loved the bit where you talked about the red of his room and the blood, and the connections there, they were stunning, and so visual, too.

(The only small thing I'd say is that it'd look better if the number 13 was written out - it kinda took me out of the story as it is? But it's kinda more of a stylistic thing, so... ;))

Gah, I feel like I've rambled a lot and not said very much, but the general jist is that I really, really enjoyed this. Well, enjoyed is the wrong word perhaps but you know what I mean ;) This is a great little story and I'm so glad I got a chance to read it! :)

Aph xx

Author's Response: Hey Aph! Thanks for swapping with me! Sorry for the late response.

I'm really glad that this story got you thinking about Azkaban/its effect on people in a new way. And compliments on the way I write Sirius are my absolute favourite compliments to receive, so thank you! ;)

I'm constantly worried about my descriptions and that I don't use them enough, so your comments about that mean a lot!

(You mean like "thirteen" instead of "13"? I can do that.)

No, you've said a lot of really nice stuff! I'm glad you (for lack of a better word) enjoyed this, and thanks for the lovely review!

-Kayla


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Review #28, by AphorideConstant Vigilance: Nymphadora

29th October 2015:
Hey Anja, stopping by for our review swap! :)

I'm sorry for stopping by this one - I would have done your top one, but it's super long (though it looked so interesting!) and it's late here and I'm super tired (blame uni!), so I'm here instead - sorry! *hides*

I really love this, though - even though it's a pairing I'd never have thought of before, let alone liked! - the way you write it is so simple and so lovely, you know? Like, you don't overload it with frills or with sappy dialogue or phrases or anything, it's just there, and the emotion comes through so perfectly. It's a real skill and you've just nailed it here - it made me smile so much, and that's not something I say very often about writing ;)

Your characterisation is so on point here. Tonks and Moody are two of those characters who intimidate me because their personalities and habits and things are made so clear in canon - but obviously they're not so scary for you, because you do them so well. I love all the little mentions of Tonks being clumsy, like when she thinks maybe she should have gone to work with dragons haha, and how she falls over in her flat. The little mentions of Charlie was gold, too! :)

Like I said above, your Moody is amazing. I love how you got the catchphrase in so cleverly, too - it's such a great line to end it on! And I really love how you didn't have to mention who either of them is in the actual text - like, no names - because we know without needing it.

Poor Tonks, though - Dawlish sounds like a terror to work with! :(

Ah, I'm so glad I read this - it's such a lovely little one-shot, and it's just so so good, you should be super proud of this if you're not already, coz you hit it out of the park on this one, imo ;)

Aph xx

Author's Response: Hello Laura,
OMG I'M SO SORRY. It has taken me ages and ages to get here and reply to this. and I STILL HAVEN'T COMPLETED THE SWAP! I'M SO SORRY *hides*
I'll get to it as soon as I can.
Oh, it's okay that you picked this story. I would have loved to hear your thoughts on my other story, too, but I really appreciate every review equally, and I love hearing what people think of this story in particular, because it's so unconventional.

I'm so glad you enjoyed this! I didn't really think about this pairing much before writing this for Rose. I know she liked it and she once said that there are not enough stories with this, that's why I wrote it for her.

oh, trust me, these characters scare me a lot. this story was really hard to write.
I really tried hard to leave the names out, these characters are recognizable enough without names.

I was actually very insecure about this, (I don't even know if Rose ever had the time to read this), and to hear someone who is as amazing as you are tell me to be proud of it really means a lot!! Thank you so, so much!

let me just say again how incredibly sorry I am that I haven't completed our swap yet. I have remembered and thought about it and felt bad about it quite a bit, but my life has just been so crazy lately. I promise I'll get to it soon.

6hearts; Anja


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Review #29, by AphorideThe Next Great Adventure: Prologue: An Old Friend

29th October 2015:
Hey there, Kaitlin! :) Dropping by for our review swap!

So I haven't actually seen that many stories about a kind of afterlife thing, which I think yours will be from the summary, and none at all with Harry as the main character, so it's kinda already unique in that way ;)

I like how you start it with him in bed and him knowing that he's going to die - I think it fits in really well with him being the master of death, and all, that he knows, you know? It was such a gentle kind of acceptance that he had that it was time for him, and I thought it was interesting that he didn't think about any regrets or favoured/treasured memories which are usually the 'normal' kind of thing people include in scenes like that. It was a nice change, in that way.

Your Harry is so good in this, even though it's just a little glimpse. It's so lovely, and so impressive! :)

I'm so so curious to see what happens next after this, since this was just the prologue - how things go for Harry in the afterlife, what happens, and how Dobby ties into it.

This was a really well-written chapter, too - I loved the kind of peacefulness there was in it - and your descriptions/abstract section at the beginning of this was so lovely! :)

The little bit with Ginny joking about Harry lying in bed all day was so true to form :P Your characterisation is stellar for such short appearances (so far!)! :)

Aph xx

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Review #30, by AphorideThem: Them

26th October 2015:
Hey there, Gina! :) Dropping by for our review swap! :)

So I think this is the first thing of yours that I've read, which seems like such a shame now - you write so beautifully and I could have been reading your stuff for so much longer!

This was so, so good! It's just so delightfully creepy, and there's this whole sense of tension, like you're waiting for something, throughout the whole thing, which is so great, and just sort of amplifies the suspense from the short sentences and the storyline.

Ah, your characters are great. I loved how you tied them all into it - no one was random or out of place, even if they seemed like it at points (I did wonder what else James had to do with it at the beginning of the story when he sort of vanished for a while), and it just... gah, Albus was so well done. I loved the whole psychopathy element and how he's not safe, he's not cured, but he kinda thinks he is - even though perhaps he's not entirely sure? He and Soleil are just that perfect blend of out of control and yet in control, if that makes sense.

Your writing is gorgeous in this too. I'm not usually a fan of kinda stripped-down writing in this sense, but you pull it off so, so perfectly. Seriously - it's amazing! :) The style you've used is so right for this, and so clever, too - the way you've put the sections non-linear; it's so good! I'm always in awe of people who can do non-linear things because it's so so hard!

Ah, this is such a beautiful one-shot - though admittedly, incredibly creepy and twisted! I'm so so glad we swapped and I got a chance to read this! :)

Aph xx

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Review #31, by AphorideThe Way Out of the Maze: The Way Out of the Maze

25th October 2015:
Hey there, Chiara! Dropping by for our review swap! :)

This is a really lovely, really sad one-shot. I love how, though, there's this lovely thread of friendship and sibling companionship and so on throughout it all - it's not something you see very often in fic and I love that there's something of an emphasis on that in this :)

Speaking of that, the way you did Ariadne and Zach's relationship was so great, as well as their individual characterisations - they were both such rounded characters, and so different, too, and I loved how you showed us a different side to Zach, being a cheeky, happy kid - it was so great! :)

Your writing in this was so lovely, too - your descriptions are so beautiful and give this lovely, dreamy quality to the story, especially the beginning with Theseus, and how much Ariadne loved him. The emotion really seeped through so beautifully. I also really liked how the progression of their relationship was so natural, if terrifying, through the whole thing - none of it felt weird or strange for the people, you know? It fitted, and you could sort of see it evolving as the characters did. It was scary, but so well done.

Also, you dealt with the subject matter so well. It's such a heavy topic, and so difficult to do and do well, but you really did - it was solemn and heavy, and so happy in the beginning, but you did the change so well, and made it so clear that it was such a toxic situation to be in, but also that it's not always easy to get out of, which I also appreciated a lot.

This is a really, really great one-shot - you should be super proud of it! :)

Aph xx

Author's Response: Hey, Aph!
Oh, wow! Thank you so much! *blushing*

I felt so unsure about the theme and the way I wrote it... so it's such a relief you felt I did it well! :)

The first idea for the story (creating a sister for Zach and of depicting him in a different light) came from Kristin, actually! In her piece she focuses on his character and on how the war affected him (and obviously on his love for Ari). You know... if you're interested in getting a look... :P

Anyway, it's great to hear that you felt their relationship and their individual characterizations were done well! :D They are pretty different, but really love each other! I love to write siblings, must be because I don't have any and I really wish I did...

I'm also glad you liked the description, because it's something I really struggle with! And the progression of Ariadne and Theseus' relationship as well! It is pretty terrifying...

Thank you so so so much for this absolutely amazing review!!! I'm so thrilled you enjoyed the story so much!!!

Lots of love, hugs and kisses!
Chiara


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Review #32, by AphorideWords and Silence: Words and Silence

25th October 2015:
Hey there - dropping by for our review swap! :)

Okay, so I'm going to say at the beginning that this doesn't exactly match up with my headcanon for Sirius, just to qualify things a bit ;)

But, that being said, I loved your take on it, how you dealt with the issues you gave Sirius in it - they were so tactfully done, you know? And I loved how it gave Sirius this kind of violent, dangerous, damaged side to him, as well as making him a lot more vulnerable than I've seen him before. It was a lovely combination of things, and such a fascinating character deconstruction, too :)

Your writing in this is so great, too - it's so clean and so fluid, which I love, and the way you jump about is something which is so hard to make flow, you know? And you do it so, so well. Your description was so lovely, too, especially the way you described Sirius' emotions - there was something so real and so true about it, and the way you wrote it gave the whole thing this heavy, solemn kind of feeling which is so right for it.

I really liked all of the details in this, too: things like how Regulus was so often described as hiding behind others, in shadows, how Snape seemed to be so snakelike and dangerous, how Remus was so scarred and the parallels you drew between them. It was so great, and so full, if that makes sense :P

This really is a lovely, lovely, admittedly heartbreaking, one-shot :)

Aph xx

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Review #33, by AphorideOnce Upon The Marauders: The Untold Story: Signed, Sealed and Delivered.

25th October 2015:
Hey, dropping by for our reviews swap! :)

I've got to say, I really like how you seem to be working through the Marauders' years, and starting at the very beginning, with glimpses of them all getting their letters/learning they could go to Hogwarts, is such a lovely thing to start with and really gives it this sense of anticipation for what happens later, you know?

I also really love how it sets up the individual familial situations, too - with the mentions of Lily wanting to include Petunia and Severus hating her already, and Remus' parents being so worried about him being a werewolf and assuming it would mean he couldn't be normal, almost. It's a really clever way to get it across! :)

(Though, I gotta say, I didn't think the letters came on people's 11th birthday - after all, Harry's first letter arrives before his 11th birthday in the first book? Though I could be wrong ;D)

Your writing is lovely, too - you had so many lovely little lines which brought each scene to life, and the way you made each snippet so distinctive too was so good! :) The only thing I'd say maybe to change is where you say 'sometime on Peter's birthday' which just... it really threw me out of the story and seems a bit weird. Especially when all the others had birthdates. If that makes sense?

This is such a great start, though, and your characterisation of them all is so lovely! :) Thank you so so much for the swap! :)

Aph xx

Author's Response: Hey Aph!

Thank you for the swap! I'm glad you liked it. Yes I did go back and read up on what you said, there seemed to be mixed respenses. I mean Harry got his letter before his 11th birthday, but JKR mentioned somewhere in an interview that they recieve it when they turn 11. But as you suggested, I decided to remove the dates and that line at Peter's part as well.

Thank you for heading over and giving your input!

Much Love
Ysh


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Review #34, by AphorideKeep Calm and Carry On: A Guide to Writing Speeches and Carrying On

17th September 2015:
Hey J! :D I was so excited to see you in the BvB when I had a spare minute (going back to uni is surprisingly busy!), since I've missed this story - it's so so brilliantly unique and funny :)

Haha, I loved the opening scene - there's something so perfect and so true about Lorcan falling asleep at his desk. Even not in politics, people do that when times are super stressful and busy (my dad has!), plus with the way he gets woken up by Linda :P I really hope those photos turn up again, haha, though it would be cruel to poor Lorcan :P

Lily... you know, I love her more and more as this goes on. There's something so very endearing about her naivity, and confusion over things like sleeping in the office and why people work for politicians. She reminds me a lot of one of my sisters actually, and that's a good thing - she's so lovely, if a little too nice at times ;) It's a really nice foil to the cynicism of some of the others - Bruce and Linda, especially (I think? Sorry if I'm wrong... :/), plus her learning about this stuff is a lovel little side-plot too :)

Really, all your characters are great - and your plot is so quick off-the-mark, which is so right and real for a political campaign and also suits this kind of mad dash type feel to it, especially for Lorcan :P I'm so so curious to see how the political stuff goes along, how the party goes in the next chapter (maybe? :P Please? :D), and what else goes wrong for Lorcan :P

Your writing in this is amazing, too. I have no idea how you manage to get so many details in, or how you get everything to be so perfectly timed, with this great comedic slant to it all the way throughout - it's not something which can really be taught, I don't think, and it's so so good, really it is.

I really love this story and I can't wait for the next chapter! :)

Aph xx

Author's Response: Heya Aph! Thanks for another wonderful review! It's so great to hear your thoughts. :) I totally relate to the busy-ness of returning to university-- that's why I've been so behind on answering reviews and updating!

Lorcan is so resigned about sleeping at work, too! His life is truly tragic from time to time, but he takes it in stride. It's also classic that his coworkers are making fun of him by taking pictures instead of helping him (although Lily saves the day, in the end!).

You've totally nailed the characters, don't worry! Lily's naivety is one of my main focuses of the fic, and her interactions with the cynicism of the rest of the office are a huge driving force for my writing/conceptualization of the characters. Lily is growing on me as well! She's so sweet and slightly misguided, and I just want to help her along the best I can. (Ignoring for a moment that I have the power to do that...)

The pacing of this fic is really whacky to me, because so much is happening all the time, but it's also somewhat slow to unfold, you know? Like the first five chapters are less than one week, but what a week it is! And don't worry, the party is in the next chapter! :D

Gahh your comments about my writing make me freak out because I find your writing so incredible! Thanks so much for your kind words!

Thanks again for the review and being a wonderful person! I really appreciate hearing from you. :)

--J


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Review #35, by AphorideWords Unspoken: Words Unspoken

14th September 2015:
Hey there, Mikaela! :) Dropping by for the BvB battle - I hope you don't mind I stopped by on this, I just love reading the shorter stories because it's always so cool to see what people do with 500 words! :)

I love how you use the word limit so well in this to give us so much of a sense of what happened, without actually saying what Scorpius said to Rose, or telling us outright what happened. There's something so gorgeous about it, with the subtlety of the events, and the emotions just being let to keep going :)

I really like how you've characterised Rose, and developed her and Scorpius' friendship and relationship as the story went along. I like how she was so devastated by the end of their friendship and realising that she'd wanted so much more from him than just friendship, but she realised too late. It was so lovely how their friendship sort of ended, and Rose was left to be so alone, and regret so much that she hadn't said anything beforehand.

Your writing in this was so gorgeous, too - you do so so well to get so much emotion out of this, with the way you describe Rose's emotions and the scenery around with the lake and the cold and the water - the image of the ripples coming up to the shore was so lovely! I liked how you made the whole thing with the weather and everything feel so bleak and really emphasise the loneliness and the sadness Rose was feeling - it was so good! :)

I'm sorry this review is a bit shorter than normal, but this was so so lovely, I just ran out of ways to say it again :P

Aph xx

Author's Response: Hi Mikaela. Thanks for readng this story. I'm quite fond of it. And I agree, that it's quite coold to see what people do with 500 words.

I kept the story quite ambiguous, the event didn't matter as much as the emotions that it led to it. Its a hard place to be, between friend and something more, but Rose never really imagined the possibility that he wouldn't be there at all.

It was a fun piece to write and I loved the imagery of it. Thanks so much for your review.

Jacqui


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Review #36, by AphorideEvery Moon Wanes: Thinking Out Loud

6th September 2015:
Hey there, Manno! :) Dropping by from BvB! I'm so glad I spotted you in it (and had free time to drop by) because I've seen this around the forums and really wanted to stop by and check it out, so it's so great I got a chance! :D

I love Remus/Tonks as a pairing - they're so wonderful, really, and they complement each other so well, too - so I was so excited to see this was that. The way you write them is so good, too - there's this beautiful complexity to them both, which I love, and which really rings true with what I remember of them in the books, too. I love how you referenced Remus' 'too poor, too old, too dangerous' lines, too - the conversations in italics were so well inserted into the main body of the story, and just worked so well in getting it all across. You get Remus' character exactly, with his self-deprecating state, and always thinking he's not good enough for her but never quite thinking about what she wants - and how she keeps trying to persuade him of that. It's so sad, and so horrible that he's so convinced of that, you know, and you do so well at getting all those emotions of out it, through your writing - especially your description.

I also love the way you structured this. Like, it's not that common to split it up into sections with two separate timelines, in a way, which then combine together, you know, but it's so good and so well done, and I just love how you used it so further the story and to show the adorable moments of Tonks with her parents when she was young and things. It was just so sweet, and balanced out the angst in the main storyline so well.

I gotta mention her parents, too - I really, really loved how you kinda tied her parents' relationship into hers, in a way, and drew the parallels between them, because they really are there, and I just love anything which makes connections like that :P

Your writing in this was so lovely, too - you brought the emotions out perfectly in this, your description was so gorgeous. I especially loved the snippets when Ted was telling her stories, especially the one about the moon and the werewolves. I think that's the most beautiful description and explanation of werewolves I've ever read. It was so lovely! Your dialogue is so impressive, too - really, from this, it's impossible to tell you took a break from writing ;)

It's so great to see you back - especially if you keep writing things like this! ;) :)

Aph xx

Author's Response: LAURA! Hello! You have no idea how happy this review has made me. I squealed in the middle of a family gathering and everyone looked at me, and I couldn't explain. But yeah. Eek!

I love Remus/Tonks as well, and that made me so nervous about the execution and how they came off. I haven't really written about either of them before but I thought that it's about time I did anyway! So I'm super glad to hear that they worked out.

Also, the conversations in italics were last minute edits, and I did worry that they just dragged the whole thing out pointlessly. But, at the same time, I wanted a way to show Tonks's struggle so far, and explain why she was still fighting for it.

Oh, and the story about the werewolves is probably what I'm most proud of in this story. So you have no idea how happy I am that you liked it!

Thank you, thank you, thank you, for the awesome review! It means so much to me!

-Manno


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Review #37, by AphorideTurbulence: Chapter 1

1st September 2015:
Hey Erin! Sorry the rest of our swap is coming a bit late - with the Dobbys and wrist injuries, things got a little bit delayed :/ I hope that's okay! :)

I really like with this story, how well you do at setting up the world around Astoria, and keeping it in line and merging with the world we know from the series. Like, the little things - the mention of Hogwarts and the sorting hat and so on, the letter from her mother saying that the Dark Lord had returned - they just give it this great sense of grounding, you know? It all fits in so well. Plus, it gives all these lovely details - like how to get into House Cartell, how their sorting system works (and it seems a lot less potentially argumentative, haha, than Hogwarts', though I guess rivalries and things would still exist), and that it seems so many founders had alliterative names :P

I like your Astoria, too - I really like how you've developed her from the prologue, and how you've shown the effect the potion has on her, in a way, by the contrast between her then and now. It's a really stark presentation, you know, when you compare the two, and there's something strangely unnerving about how almost monotone she is, with the potion making her so flat to how she was before. I also liked how clearly her experiences there had shaped her, with the two boys bullying (for lack of a better word, though it's incredibly light for it) the new girl - it gives her this interesting, brave side, and that was kinda the first time where it felt like more of her from the prologue was coming through, you know? Which makes a lot of sense.

I like the group you've set up around her, and how already we can see some of the conflicts sort of waiting for her - with her making a new friend she may have to defend, the possibility of her friends learning about her condition, the antagonists Durant and Fey and things happening there - and the threat of the Dark Lord's return in the background. It's a really lovely complex situation, you know, which I just love :)

I'm really, really curious to see where this goes - where you take Astoria after this, and how things develop for her in America. It's a really interesting start, and your characters are wonderful! :)

Aph xx

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Review #38, by AphorideTurbulence: Prologue

25th August 2015:
Hey there, Erin! :) Sorry for the late drop by - I got distracted by prep research for uni, haha (which is like a miracle for me :P), and the gym, but I'm here now! :D I'm so excited for this fic because I saw it in the Diversity challenge, but didn't know if it stood on its own, really (which is mostly my fault, I admit!), so I never stopped by, so I'm so glad you said this one! :)

I really love the way you've set Astoria up in this one - with the reason she's going to school in America, and her diagnoses and how she never sees her best friend again and just doesn't understand. It makes her, and her mother to an extent, too, a really sympathetic figure, because it's not her fault, you know? She's a kid, she has no idea what she's doing or not doing...

Also, I just love that you included bipolar disorder in this - it's something which touched my life, though not directly, and it's something which is never talked about in fic - disorders and things, illnesses, just never seem to come up. I love as well how in depth on it you're going, with the details about Astoria's actions, and I'm so curious to see where you take her with this, how the potion works and to what extent, and just what happens in America.

I love the way you portray her family, too, how her mother is the only one, really, to even sort of attempt to understand what Astoria needs and what's necessary for her, and at least seems to be willing to try - her dad just sounds so... stiff. Inflexible, kinda.

Your writing in this is so lovely, too - it's so clean and so clear, and so just good, you know? Like, everything's perfectly balanced and your description really suits the characters, and the voice you use for it just perfectly expresses the emotions wound up in the story. It's really, really lovely to read :)

This is a really interesting prologue, and a really interesting set-up (I love the super original reason for her going to America, and I'm so curious to see how the racial element ties into it, because that hasn't been mentioned so much yet ;)) and I'm really looking forward to reading the next three chapters! :D :)

Aph xx

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Review #39, by AphorideKeep Calm and Carry On: A Guide to Keeping Calm and Apparating

24th August 2015:
Hey again, J - I'm back for more of this! :D I did say it wouldn't be long... ;) Especially seeing as I actually read this the other day when I saw you'd posted it (and didn't review *hides* I am a bad Aph, clearly...), I really, really wanted to stop by :)

I love your Lorcan more and more with each chapter. There's something so refreshing about his absolute clumsiness and awful attempts at subtlety and information-wheedling. Though he does succeed, so perhaps there's something to learned from it :P He's not quite solely for comedy, but you give him this beautiful comedic turn which suits him and his traits, and the tone of this story so so well. It's something which I can imagine is really, really hard to do (I've never tried to do it personally... I'm too scared of humour, haha), so I'm so impressed by how easy it seems to be for you in this.

There were so many great bits and great lines in this chapter - your dialogue is just brilliant. Like, seriously. You've got this perfect sense of timing, almost, in writing which just gives all the lines such a kick to them. I think my favourite, though, was the exchange at the end with Branson and Erick about Lorcan going on a date with the opposition's aide - it was just so so funny! :D I really, really love how strong Lorcan's voice is in this, it really shines through, and it's so witty and so easy to read, you know? Like, I almost barely notice I'm reading as I go through, and I'm always surprised when I get to the end, because it's so genuine.

(I'm not sure that last bit made sense. Sorry :P)

I've got to say, I love what you're doing with the plot, and how you're winding this all around politics - it reminds me a lot of comedy tv shows (Yes, Prime Minister, mainly) about politics, which I love because it's so true and it's so understandable, you know? (Though don't think I didn't notice it seems very much based off American politics, which is okay... I can deal :P But I'm super into British politics, so feel free to pm me if you want to ask Brit-specific questions ;)) I love the whole run through it, with them having to deal with the meeting where the candidates put themselves forward - and I love having Hestia Jones in as a familiar name, since it makes sense some of the Order would still be floating around - and how Lorcan is sort of dragged along because he's the least imposing :P Poor guy!

I'm so so excited to see where it goes from here for the party and for Lorcan (and hopefully some starting hints of romance with Lily? *wink wink* *nudge nudge*). Next chapter now, yes? :P

(Also: I gotta say, I love that you gave Lily Celiac disease. My adopted grandmother (it's a long story, haha) has it, and I dunno, I just love it when authors include things like that - it helps with the realism, you know?)

Thank you so so much for the swap! :) As always, it was great!

Aph xx

Author's Response: Heya Aph! Sorry I've been such a failure in responding to this, and thanks for a great swap and such a wonderful review! (And no worries-- I read without reviewing far, far more often than I should! *hides with you*)

Aww I'm so excited about your response to Lorcan! He's honestly a joy to write, because I just critique everything that happens to him with some snarky aside. And then, if I notice there's something silly that could go wrong, I make sure it happens because I love inflicting pain on him. (Just kidding-- I love him! He's just too funny when I put him in weird situations, though!)

You totally make sense, and it's so great to hear that you find my dialogue funny! That's something I really worry about (probably because I find Elisabeth's dialogue the funniest thing in the whole world and am constantly humbled by their incredible talents) and it's really wonderful to hear that it's working for you. Part of this humor comes from all of the crazy, clashing personalities in this office, and how hard it is for them to work together!

I'm totally inspired by a lot of televisions shows for this, not only ones about politics, so it's cool that it's shining through! The Thick of It/In the Loop are my main inspirations, but I think that Parks and Rec bleeds through. Ugh, I'm sorry it's so Americanized! I was going to have it more British, but then I got lazy and went with what I know. :P I may hit you up if I try to flesh it out a bit more, though! Thanks for the offer! :)

Haha romance with Lily and Lorcan-- I think we can all tell how he is when dealing with that! He's such an awkward little pumpkin. He's got no game, as the kids would say.

I'm glad you think it helps with the realism! I wanted to get it represented at some point and this just seemed like the place to do it!

Hope you continue enjoying the story, and thanks so much for a wonderful review!!

--J


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Review #40, by Aphoridefirst: first kiss

23rd August 2015:
Hey Carla! :) Dropping by for our review swap (and the BvB fest)! I'm so glad you posted it, because I really love this story, so it's so great to get a chance to come back to it :P :)

I really love Esme, as I've said before, and how you develop her. She's sort of fragile, but in the kind of way where she wants to be so strong, and wants to make herself so strong - almost cold - because that's easier than being weak or emotional and seeming weak, you know? Which is a really lovely and interesting way to take a character - it's not one you see very often! I always feel so sorry for her in ways in this story, but strangely not at the same time, too, because she gets a bad lot, it's true, but she sort of doesn't quite let it define her as such, and she manages to deal with it all extremely well :)

Your Albus is so amazing. I love how worried he was about her when she stopped writing, how angry he is that she was so close and never thought to stop by - yeah, he gets angry, but there's a lovely undertone of caring about it: that he was so worried and so angry because he cares about her, and it's something which is so true to life, too, which I love. And James... haha, yeah, I'm an older sister, and it's such an older sibling reaction, and I love it :P The angry, the irritation that someone, knowingly or not, has made your little sibling upset... yeah, it happens :)

Your writing in this is so lovely, as always - you have this wonderful way of describing things, and this brilliant, unique voice for Esme which I love, there's this kinda French twist to it which is so clever and so subtle but so right, you know, and it's all so so impressive. The other thing I love so much about this is how well you do at filling in the information between scenes, in the dialogue and the thoughts of the characters in the scenes we see. When you're skipping time as you do, it's so so important to get it right, the whole show not tell thing, and you do it so well here. I loved that Esme flees her parents' failing relationship, but can't quite see that hers with Denis could potentially go the same way, and how she works in England but never says to any of her Weasley cousins. It says so much in so few words, and I love it, really! :)

This is a wonderful story - but then you know I think that - and thank you so much for the swap - I really gotta keep up better with this! :)

Aph xx

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Review #41, by AphorideSilence: The Lake

20th August 2015:
Hey Kaitlin! :) Dropping by for our review swap! Okay, so I'm a bit of a sucker for canon missing moments, and I do love the Marauders - especially things which give different takes on events - so I just had to drop by on this; I hope it's okay! :)

I really like the spin you've put on this. It's really different to anything you've seen before. I like how Lily's so angry with James, and so fed up of him always in her space and following her and trying to make sure she's alright - almost like she can't stand that he cares, and it's an interesting way to take things, you know? I don't know if you intended this as such, but I love the way it's almost like Lily herself isn't a very reliable character - you describe her as refusing to believe James could be sincere, which is so fascinating for a character to have.

I really like as well, how it was only at the end that Lily got the peace she wanted, and James sort of finally understood the truth of things, and who to listen to when it came to girls :P It was a great moment of humour compared to the rest of it - which was quite a bit darker and a lot more solemn in a way than I expected, I have to admit! :)

Your writing in this was great, too - I liked the way you used the dialogue to show so much and the differences between their characters, and how much or little they understood of each other. There were so many lovely little details in this, too - I loved the moment with the flowers, and how Lily doesn't vanish them or something but hits them to the ground. It's a lovely image! :)

This is a really lovely little one-shot, and so fascinating, too! :) Thank you so much for the swap; I loved it, as usual! :)

Aph xx

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Review #42, by AphorideTraitorous Hearts: An Unwelcome Visitor

20th August 2015:
Hey there, Penny! :) Dropping by for our review swap! You know, it's strange, this is one of those things I've seen now and then around the forums, in updates and things, but I've just never stopped by, so it's so great to finally get the chance to do it now! :D

I really like the way you've started this off - there's a perfect mix of set-up and suspense. I'm always a big fan of beginnings which just drop you in amongst the story headfirst, so to speak, and this does it so right: the way the first thing is Draco arriving, and we're presented with so many questions through the narrative is just so so good. It's a great hook, and you use it so well :)

Your characters are great, too - I love your portrayal of Astoria. There's something so fascinating about the way you set her up as sort of being in charge/control of her family, and thus their future as a group, and how terrifying that must be, and so interesting to think on maybe how she grew up to be like that and why, you know? Already she's a pretty complex character, which I love because it makes the whole thing that much more alive and real and emotional, you know?

Draco was really good, too, in this - I like how you've brought out how much being a Death Eater effects him - how tired and gaunt from the stress and the fear it makes him. It's little things like that - the details - which make him feel so real, and so perfectly in-character, and make me feel pretty sympathetic for him.

Your writing in this is so great, too. I love how many little details there are in this - from the musing on the colour of her dress, which I loved, to the little things about the way the room looked, how Draco looked - and how complete they make the picture feel. It's so easy for me to imagine this so clearly, because of the description - it's all so so good! :) Another thing I love in this is the aesthetic of it - the way you create the feel of the pureblood society, almost like a kind of era; it really puts me in mind of the Victorians or the Edwardians, you know, with the kind of stiff, cold way of living. It's so brilliant, and so beautiful, and so clear too, which I love.

All in all, this was a brilliant start, and I'm so glad we swapped so I could read this - I've really, really enjoyed it! :)

Aph xx

Author's Response: Hey! I totally know what you mean. There are several stories that I'm always meaning to go check out, but some of them I just haven't gotten to. My list is a mile long.

Those are my favorite type of beginnings, too, so I'm really glad you thought it was done well here! Thank you! :D

Astoria definitely bears the weight of *way* more responsibility than a 16 year-old girl should ever have to. You find out why that is later in the story, and on the whole she bears up well under it, but it requires a lot of strength. And she is definitely terrified that she won't be able to protect the people she loves.

Complexity was what I was going for with Astoria, so I'm really happy to hear that you think she comes across that way from chapter 1.

Yay! Someone's sympathetic for Draco! I get such a wide range of responses to him early on in the story, since so many people have really firm opinions on Draco Malfoy. Especially at the beginning, before we really get inside his head, what people seem to think of him varies a lot. But I did want to convey that he's got some vulnerability. Even if he, like Astoria, is good at covering it up, his appearance doesn't lie.

Thank you! I love working out the details and really trying to paint a picture of the scene. I used to write from a really dialogue-based perspective, so this was the first fic where I ever really tried to dive deeper into tone and setting, and so far I've really enjoyed it. I think it's changed my overall writing style a great deal, because I just have fallen in love with the details.

And I love writing the Pureblood society aspect. That was one of the things I was most excited about when I decided to write this fic. My headcanon was that magical society, well, they're sort of old-fashioned as it is, right? So I thought that Purebloods, since they consider themselves the most magical of all, would cling to the past even more than most. I thought they would be very cold and formal (at least in public), as if they were still in a bygone era. That's been a lot of fun, too, and it really helps ramp up the tension. Muahaha! I love tension ;)

Thanks so much for such a lovely review, Aph! I really appreciate it!

--Penny



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Review #43, by AphorideKeep Calm and Carry On: A Guide to St. Mungo's and Carrying On

17th August 2015:
Hey J! :D Dropping by for our review swap and the BvB fest ;) I was so glad I spotted you'd posted that tweet, because I'd seen you posted this the other day and really wanted to read it, but needed a excuse, and you handed me one perfectly on time ;) So it all worked out! :)

I really love Lorcan in this - there's something so brilliantly catastrophic about him, you know? :P Like, nothing he does seems to go quite right, even if it doesn't go badly - he has this impressive ability to upset things, and hit things and fall over :P Clumsiness is quite a common thing for characters to have, but you just do it so perfectly here - really, this is how to do clumsiness as a flaw, and I love it! :D

The relationships you write between all of the characters is just so great, too - I love how Erick is so matter-of-fact about what happened to Branson and about Lily's family being involved with the war and how they have to approach the possibility of other candidates having that kind of background, and how Lily can't quite cope with that - it's obviously a very sensitive thing for her, as I think it would be for most people. That said, I'm so looking forward to how Lorcan and Lily's friendship evolves - and what happens with this date with Linda's friend! :)

I love how you're doing the political side of things - with the campaigning starting and being so high-pressure, it seems, with their first major event in four days, and how they're essentially totally understaffed, and so much is still unknown. It's just so brilliant, because it feels so real, and yet there's this beautifully, light-hearted feel to it, you know? Your writing really pulls that out of the story, and it comes so naturally, too, from your characters and your writing - it's a real gift! :)

I'm really, really enjoying this story! I'm so so curious to find out who else decides to run and what havoc Lorcan manages to cause next :P Update? :P ;)

Aph xx

Author's Response: Thanks for this review, Aph! And the swap! :D

That's a wonderful way to describe Lorcan. He is brilliantly catastrophic! I'm glad you think his clumsiness is realistic/amusing. I also read a lot about characters who are clumsy, and it's just kind of a cute thing for somebody to comment on and everybody laughs about it. (cough cough Twilight cough cough) But speaking as a representative of the Clumsy Community, it gets pretty old fast! And I think calling it a flaw is dead on. It's funny, yes, and everybody around Lorcan will probably tease him about it forever, but honestly it's so inconvenient. Something I'm trying to do with this fic is look at the consequences and impact of these different aspects of characters. It's not just a throwaway thing that Lorcan is physically awkward/clumsy, so hopefully I'll be able to stick to that throughout the story!

I'm glad you're enjoying the relationships here! I think they're really important to the story and the campaign. Erick is a funny guy in that he's really just willing to say anything, anytime. And Lily is still getting used to the world of politics, which is going to be a continual adjustment throughout the story and as her background is revealed. :)

This is definitely a very stressful time for all of them! The stress is going to continue to mount and affect them differently, but at the heart of this story is humor more than drama/action. Ahh thank you so much for your kind words! It means so much coming from such a talented writer. -insert :wub: emoticon here-

The next chapter is officially in the queue! There's a bit more action in there. Hope you continue enjoying it! Thanks so much for this review/swap!

--J


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Review #44, by AphorideShenanigans and Hi-Jinks: An Encounter in the Forest

16th August 2015:
Hey there, Branwen! :D Dropping by for our swap for BvB fest! :) I just had to come back to this - I wasn't sure I'd reviewed this one or not, so I'm glad (? I think, haha) that I hadn't - though there was another chapter, so even if I had, it would have been fine ;)

Anyway, enough rambling! :P You know I love this fic, and Vic and Fred - and I was so so excited to see them get going with the whole drama/adventure side of things - not that, you know, missing the train and all wasn't adventure, but this is starting to tie in with the summary, which I love so much, and I'm so so excited to see where you go from here with this and all! :)

I love the way Vic and Fred are so casual about popping into the Forbidden Forest - and even how Micah is usually pretty fine with it, but only after the beginning of the year and the threat of trouble dies down (you know, it's little things like that which make your characterisation so full and so wonderful - the sheer level of detail in each of your characters is amazing!) - despite it being totally against the rules and really pretty dangerous. It's such a great side to them both, and I love how Vic is even more relaxed about it than Fred is, so calm and collected even in high-pressure situations. It's a really interesting trait for her to have, but a really useful one too - and one which isn't often seen in fic, strangely enough.

Oh my gosh. That scene in the forest was so... creepy. Like strangely unearthly, and just creepy... but there was this beautiful layer of human interaction in it, between Vic and the banshee which was so lovely - it gave it all this kind of almost-human quality to it, which sort of made it even more creepy, if that makes sense :P I loved the way it happened almost so innocuously, but there was still that sense of danger, that things weren't quite right, and how the comb ended up still with her. Again, it's so creepy, and so suspenseful because why is it there, and how did it get back into her pocket (which I think the answer to is 'magic' :P), and what does it mean - is it really a portent of death, like Fred thinks, or is Vic right and it's not quite as serious as all that? (Though I'm inclined to believe Fred, tbh :P) I really, really wanna read the next chapter and find out (shame I have to cook dinner :P) - you've made me so curious! :)

As always, your writing is so lovely in this - you manage everything in this story so well: the bits of humour, the irritation and the guilt Vic feels in previous chapters, to the darker, more suspenseful bits of this chapter - it's a real skill, because they're so hard to weave into the same thing, and do equally as well, but you manage it so effortlessly I'm almost jealous ;) Plus your description in this, the comb and the light coming off it, the banshee herself, were so so gorgeous, too - I could picture it so easily, you know?

This is such a brilliant story - I know I've told you that before, but it's worth repeating, I think! ;) I'm so so looking forward to getting a chance to read the next chapter and seeing what - if anything - happens with the comb! :D

Aph xx

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Review #45, by AphorideJigsaw: Piece #3

13th August 2015:
Hi Sian - dropping by for our review swap! :) I just had to stop back on this, which I hope is okay, since it's been on my list of things to read and catch up with for so long, and now seemed like such an opportune time :) Hopefully it won't be long until I'm back either! :D

Okay, so you know from previous reviews (I think? :P) that I love Roxanne. She's so brilliant - so earnest and so ambitious, in a way, and so dedicated to the job, and also so in love with it, which I can totally identify with, in a sense. I love how you've got that nervousness when being given a big, new task to do down so perfectly - but she's so excited about it, too, and so looking forward to it. I do like, though, as well, how the human aspect of the story - the disappearance, the people involved - comes through too, and does affect her, and how she has to think of the headlines and kinda the rewards she'll get for the story instead of Malcolm Armstrong's wife sobbing. It gives her this lovely, real feel, you know? :)

I'm so so curious about the titbits revealed in the press conference (and how the wizards have finally kinda grasped the idea of them for the hit wizards and aurors, haha) - how they're now almost certain he didn't leave of his own accord, but won't say why, or anything else about it. And the 'people they're interviewing' about his disappearance... I'm with Obadiah on that one, actually - I'm hoping for an arrest, haha :P I just really wanna know how things progress - what next comes out about it, how Roxanne's story goes and what happens with Miranda and Andy at the office, if anything. You really do work the mystery into this so perfectly, it's amazing! :D

Also, I love how well-rounded the whole of your cast is. Everyone, from Miranda to Andy to Lily - and why does she dislike Roxanne so much? I really hope we find out soon! :D - is just so good and so real as a person. I actually kinda like how cruel Miranda is so Roxanne - it's kinda fun to read, haha, and makes for an interesting work dynamic. Also Jensen Collins... what an idiot, haha. I liked how there was such a difference between the older kids who knew about the war or lived through it, and those who didn't - it just created this real sense of tension in the group, and gave this brilliant reminder of the kind of fear it would give people who had lived through it - that maybe, maybe something was creeping back.

Your writing in this is so great, too - I love your dialogue. It's so amazing, and you manage to make it so easy to distinguish who's saying what, and give the lines so much emotion and everything. It's such a great skill to have! Also, your details in this are incredible. There's so many of them! You're just so so good at including so much detail, and so many little facts, and the description in this is so good, the whole thing just seems to come to life. Like, I can picture the scenes so clearly. It's so so gorgeous, and I'm so excited for what comes next, and so (selfishly, haha) glad there's so much of this up for me to read, because it means more of this ;)

I love this story. Really, really can't leave it so long until I come back! ;) :D

Aph xx

Author's Response: Hi again, Laura ♥

I'm really so pleased that you love Roxanne as a character - I really wasn't sure how she would turn out and a lot of the traits that she has have kind of developed as I've been writing or developing the plot for the story, but it's really great that you like her and can even identify with her in some ways. The moral and ethical aspects of journalism always seem really interesting to me, and difficult to balance for a lot of people too, I think, so I really wanted to include that question rather than having Roxanne be completely at ease with everything relating to her job.

It's so difficult to decide what to reveal and what not to reveal just yet - like I want it to be realistic and also keep the reader's attention, but there has to be enough that still hasn't been revealed to keep people reading and questioning, you know? I'm glad you're curious about what's been revealed so far though, and I'm really glad you're interested in how things progress!

That's such a compliment! Especially from a writer like you ♥ When I set out to write this, I did originally make a list of characters who'd appear, but it's grown so much and some characters have really taken on a life of their own. I'm so happy that the vivid personalities in my head kind of make the transition into the story, at least in some measure!

Seriously, you're far too kind to me and I really appreciate all your compliments because it's so encouraging to hear from someone like you, particularly when I'm struggling to write a few chapters at the moment and kind of need a boost. Thank you so much for this wonderful review, Laura, it means so much! ♥


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Review #46, by AphoridePain Makes You Beautiful: Rated Mature for themes and content.

13th August 2015:
Hey there Pix - dropping by for our review swap! :) You said you wanted something recent done, and I'm absolutely intimidated by the idea of starting novels as long as yours is, even though it sounds so cool, so I hope me stopping on this is okay! :)

This is an incredible one-shot. I'm not exactly a fan of Sirius as a person, but as a character he's amazing - so complicated and so many sides to him that there are a hundred-and-one different ways to take him and portray him which I love in characters, and this really just shows why. Not only that it makes me think, you know, about Sirius and Remus, and the Marauders as a whole, and their relationships as a group.

Speaking of the Marauders, I loved how you delved into each of them so well - Remus and James and Peter, too. It's not something I always see in Marauders stories (Peter being nonexistent was one of the reasons I pretty much stopped reading the era... :/), and I just love it here. I love how you emphasise the difficulties they have, and the problems they all face - the impact these things have on them, like Remus' lycanthropy and Sirius' relationship with his family, and how Peter almost manages to fly under the radar even with his friends so much so that they just don't know anything about his home life and things, which is equal parts devastating for him and devastating for them. Your James was great, too - I love how he almost tries to fix them, wants to give them the things they didn't get otherwise, and there's something almost heartbreakingly generous and almost naive about it, which I just adore.

I loved with your Sirius how he was so broken and so devastated by each loss he'd had, almost, and they seemed to keep on mounting up and overwhelming him - it rings so true to what he suffers in canon, with his family and so on, and it just makes me want to hug him, you know, because it's such a horrible set of things to endure. The part where he tells Remus he loves him, and Remus can't love him back, and it all ends, is so devastating too - the repetition of him having things and then having had them is just so good there. It's this wonderfully sad portrait of a very unhealthy relationship in that they're both clinging to each other, but it doesn't quite work, you know - they're only just supporting each other, really, but Sirius loves him and it's so sad. On the other hand, it's so perfectly in character for Remus, so I love it for that :P

Your writing in this was gorgeous, too - I love the style of it. I can't quite explain why, or what it is I love about it - the pace of it, the voice and the rawness of the emotions it brings out - but it's just so right and so beautiful, you know? Like it feels so real, almost like this is something he's saying directly to me - recounting what happened. Everything about this - every word - seems so perfectly placed and chosen exactly, and it's so lovely. Really, really is.

I feel like I've rambled a lot in this, so I'm sorry if this is a bit of a rubbish review, but I really did love this and I'm so glad I got a chance to read it! :)

Aph xx

Author's Response:

Hi Aph. Thanks for the swap!

Sirius Black has a lot to offer as a character. So many people are fascinated by him from the books, from the movies, just... he's so magnetic, you're just pulled in to whatever story he has to tell. He would have made one cool Godfather to Harry, but alas, that was not to be.

I guess this piece evolved by thinking about just what you said, the Marauders as a whole, and what they meant to each other. I haven't seen many satisfying fics that involve Peter in a way that I'd believe, so I had to think about that for a bit before coming up with my own version. The great thing about not knowing is that it gives us room to play.

I don't know if you are aware, but I am very allergic to angst. Mostly it's the overdone, melodramatic kind, where everything hurts so much that the characters can't put two words together without sobs wracking their body. I signed up for this challenge mostly because I didn't think I could do it, but also because I had a small idea that I thought I could pull off without getting all mucus-y and congested but still have everything hurt so badly that there's no way to move on from it. I wondered what that would look like, to make it real and raw, and Sirius gave me a character that I thought I could work with.

The take-away from this is: angst is hard. Uncomfortable. Exhausting. It's not my favorite genre, and writing anything longer than a one-shot in this style might just well kill me.

But now I know.

Thanks so much for reading and reviewing!

Pix


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Review #47, by AphorideKeep Calm and Carry On: A Guide to Keeping Calm and Coffee Stains

10th August 2015:
Hey J! :) Stopping by for our review swap - I love politics, so I couldn't resist this, it just sounded so fascinating and so brilliant, so here I am! :)

I really love how you've set this up: having Shacklebolt be Minister for so long and so well, too, and then suddenly retiring out of the blue with the election being called and Lorcan's boss deciding to run. There's something so fresh about it - and about having both Lily and Lorcan in politics too, which is often a career not even mentioned in fic! - which I just love, so I'm super excited to stalk - I mean, keep an eye out for :P - you updating this in the CR ;)

Your characters are so great, too. I love your Lorcan - the way he's a lot more sensible and down-to-earth than his parents seem, the way it doesn't sound like Luna and Hermione, despite being friends at school, kept massively in touch, at least with normal society for the former, haha. When the canon characters were mentioned - Shacklebolt and Luna and Hermione and Harry - there were just these beautiful little touches and nuances which spoke of their canon counterparts, you know, and just made them so good! Plus, I love Lorcan's clumsiness and how he's had such a bad day, haha, and almost predicted it - the opening was brilliant - and how he and Lily are such good friends in the office.

I really liked your writing in this too. The tone you use for Lorcan is so dry and witty, it gives it this lovely undertone of humour which is so so great and gives this huge amount of character to your writing, which I just love. You do use a lot of short sentences, which makes it very punchy - but just be careful not to do too many or that'll get lost and it'll start sounding stilted ;) Your dialogue is so good in this - it's so realistic and so good, and just sounds so write, plus you've managed already to give all of your characters pretty distinctive voices and characters, which is such an impressive feat, given the size of your opening cast ;)

This is a great, great start, and I'm definitely going to be back for more! :)

Aph xx

Author's Response: Ahh Aph! Thanks so much for this wonderful review! I wrote this first chapter in one big go and posted it really quickly so I wasn't sure if it was anything worthwhile or just random nonsense, and getting feedback is super helpful!

I'm excited that you find the setup interesting! I've been thinking about politics a lot lately with the American election stuff going on, and then I made up some headcanons for Wizarding politics after the War, and here we are! I didn't think there was much fic out there about politics, so that also intrigued me.

I'm glad you like my Lorcan! I'm accidentally falling in love with him haha. For Luna and Hermione-- I like to think they do actually keep in touch, but Luna has no idea how famous Hermione is, so she's just like "oh Lorcan I think I know this person who does this thing!" and Lorcan's like "Mum...she's so famous and influential and what planet do you even live on??" I'm glad you thought the canon characters seem in character! That's something I'm always nervous about. :)

Ahh I'm so glad you like the style! It's really different from my normal style so I'm not too confident about it. It's funny you mention the short sentences because I accidentally do tons of long sentences and feel super self conscious about it! So it's good to see that's not an issue? Haha regardless I'll keep an eye on it! Thanks! :)

I'm very glad that you think the characters are developing already! That's something I'm fleshing out more as I figure out where the story is going so I'm glad you like the starting place!

Thanks again for this wonderful review! It gave me a lot of confidence to keep working on this fic! :D

--J


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Review #48, by AphorideThe Pub: Stumble

10th August 2015:
Hey Kaitlin! :) Dropping by for our review swap! I love stories about Hannah (and Neville - hopefully? ;) :P), but a story about her and the pub is something I haven't seen before, so I had to stop by! :)

You say humour is terrifying and the hardest style and I'd definitely agree with this - it's so so difficult to do, that balance is just so hard to find at times - but you really don't need to feel bad about this at all, you've done really, really well with it, especially for it being your first time writing humour! I love the comedic moments you've sprinkled throughout this - with the butterbeer foam going everywhere, and her giving a pint of firewhisky to one patron, haha. Poor bloke - must have been horizontal when he left :P You work them in so easily and so naturally, it's just so great! :)

I love the way you've written Hannah, too - her clumsiness, her apprehension at suddenly owning a pub even though she wanted to because she has no experience, her wonderful ability to laugh off accidents and things. Not to mention she's so nervous, and almost paranoid of something in the kitchen - though given this is for the Flip Side Challenge, maybe a hint as to the future? ;) - and she just seems so real, in all, you know? She's just such a rounded character in this, and it's so great! It's not easy to do either, in a shorter story, especially when you've got so much else to put into it, so you've just done amazingly in this! :)

Your writing in this is really great. Like I said, the humour came through really well in this, and I loved how your description was so on point for all the comedy moments, too - the image of Hannah covered in foam was so great! :) And the bit with the smoke was so good, too - the combination of the suspense and the reveal in this was perfectly done! :) Plus, you really managed to get all of the emotions coming through so beautifully - but then I knew you could do that already ;)

(One thing: you say at the beginning that Hannah buys The Three Broomsticks, and then at the end you say she's in London :/ Maybe something to edit quickly? But it's nothing big! ;))

Thank you so much for the swap - it was great, as always! :)

Aph xx

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Review #49, by AphorideBeyond Repair: Daddy's Little Flowers

10th August 2015:
Hey there - dropping by for our review swap! :) I hope it's okay I chose this one - but I've always been fascinated by Petunia and Lily's relationship (it's not nearly written about enough, imo), so I just had to stop by on it :)

I love the way you've started this right at the beginning - with Lily being born and Petunia becoming a sister, and meeting her sister for the first time. It's such a sweet - well, bittersweet almost at the end - moment to choose, and it's done so well, with the writing scaled down to read simply, to match with Petunia's age and the mentions of period details. (Though one slight error: nurses and midwives of the 1960s didn't wear pillboxes, they wore lace caps ;))

The way you've written Petunia is just so believable, and it's so impressive considering that she's a difficult character at best, not to mention writing children is so so hard, so the fact that you've done both is really incredible. I love how you've got the moment at the end where Petunia - like all older siblings get at times, especially when they're young! - has that moment of jealousy for Lily, because she's daddy's flower and mummy's love, not the baby, and then she's assuaged swiftly, and forgets about it. It's a really, really lovely piece of foreshadowing for what happens in their later lives - and I love it! :)

Your writing in this was so good, too. Like I said, children are so hard to write because writing simply and writing well are so difficult to marry together - but you do it so well here I'm almost jealous :P There's this really lovely clean and clear quality about your writing, and so honest, too - the emotions Petunia's feeling come through so beautifully, and it really heightens everything in this, really making it come alive, you know? It's so gorgeous! :)

Thank you so much for the swap - this was a really lovely read! :)

Aph xx

Author's Response: Hi Aph!

Thank you so so much for your lovely review! I agree that their relationship is very interesting and doesn't get enough attention. I'm not complaining though - a little less competition for this story is okay with me ;)

I really enjoy writing children, so I am always really happy when reviewers compliment that. Thank you very much!!

I swear I tried to look that up about pillbox caps. Darn! Thanks for letting me know, though.

Really, thank you so much for this lovely and kind review!!
:hug: Renee


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Review #50, by AphorideBeautiful Mess: Beautiful Mess

10th August 2015:
Hey there! :) I'm dropping by from the Dobby rec thread - the rec given by ScorpiusRose17 ;)

This is such a lovely one-shot - I can totally see why it was recommended! There's this lovely quality about this, with the simplicity of the story really allowing the quality of the writing and the sweetness of the emotions to come through so beautifully. It's really cleverly done too - it's one of those things which is so hard to do because it's easy for it to become boring, you know, almost too nice and too simple, but there's enough description in this, enough going on for it to still be really enthralling :)

The way you've characterised both Harry and Ginny - especially Ginny - is so so impressive, too. They're both so close to their canon counterparts, and it's something which is so hard to do again, so it's so amazing you've done that so well! I love the way you show how Ginny's grown and matured, especially where her children are concerned - but she still has her kinda cheeky and fun side, haha, and this great side of loyalty, and devotion when she looks at her family, which is just so her, you know? :)

Your writing in this was so lovely, too. It was simple and this was short, but you had so much beautiful description - when Ginny looks in on the sitting room and the mess there, and then her family together in her and Harry's room were both so wonderfully described. There's so much fluffy emotion in this, so much sweetness, and while I'm not usually a huge fan of fluff, it works so well here - there's something about it which can't fail but bring a smile to your face :)

This is a really, really lovely one-shot and it really deserved its recommendation :)

Aph xx

Author's Response: Aph,
This whole post makes me want to cry tears of happiness. Thank you thank you thank you, for your kind words. I bet Harry and Ginny were the best parents and I tried to convey that here! I seriously have no words. I am thankful and truly honored for such a wonderful and sweet review.
Frankie


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