Reading Reviews From Member: Aphoride
  
307 Reviews Found

Review #1, by AphorideMoving On : Moving On

5th July 2014:
Hey there - dropping by for the Blue v Bronze battle! :)

When I saw this was Cho/Cedric and no one had come by, I thought it was about time someone did, and since I have a soft spot for Cho/Cedric, I thought I should, so here I am! ;)

I love how you've followed them through their, well, story, I guess, from the beginning where they got together, to the end after he had been killed and the war was over and she'd moved on. I liked as well how you portrayed her as moving on but not forgetting him, something I think people often forget and don't really include, you know? But you balanced it so well - she remembered him, and she still cared about him, but she loved other people too, and I liked that as a nice touch and the mention of her muggle husband at the end :) Her grief was wonderfully shown, as was them falling in love and how real you made it seem - it didn't happen all at once, and it was sort of a stereotypical 'young love' scenario, but I liked the depth you gave to it, and it suited them!

The way you wrote Cho was brilliant, too! I'v always felt sorry for her because so many people don't like her because she cried a lot in book 5, but I like how you explored what Cedric meant to her and so how his death affected her, once he was gone. And I liked the little mention of Harry, kinda alluding to why she went out with him and tried to talk about Cedric. It's maybe a bit selfish, but it's because she doesn't know what else to do. She was a wonderfully sympathetic character in this, which was so great to see! :)

Cedric is just adorable in everything, 'nuff said, but yours was so sweet - the way he blushed when he asked her out, the way she was so excited and nervous and how they got on so well... it was lovely! :)

Your writing in this is great - really, really great. It flowed so well, particularly with the different sections, and your descriptions were brilliant (though a few more here and there wouldn't hurt anything ;D). I'm amazed, as well, at your ability to convey so much in a short piece - it's really incredible! - and it was just, in total, a great read!

I'm so glad I read this and I can't believe this is going to be the first review! :)

Aph xx

Author's Response: Hey Aph!,
Thank you for leaving this lovely first review. I am really glad you liked the story, it means a lot to me coming from you. I don't think I can put into words how sweet and kind this review was. Thank you it truly means a lot.
~Panda


 Report Review

Review #2, by AphorideTrue Romance: In the Waiting Line

29th June 2014:
Hey Rose! :) Dropping by for our review swap! :D When I saw you ask, I had to volunteer solely for the purpose of coming back to this story! I love it so much!

The first section with Rose and Scorpius is just... perfect. I mean, it's awkward and difficult and embarrassing and a really almost horrible conversation to have to have, and it doesn't really solve anything and perhaps causes more problems than it solves, but it's honest and it's real, which is so so great! And impressive because gosh it's just an amazing conversation...

I liked, though, how Rose was self-conscious and almost in need of reassurance from him about herself, but she didn't quite blame him for it and she wasn't rude or mean. She was accepting without being too nice, if that makes sense. It's the kind of way I like to think I'd react, and it really adds another dimension to her character - the insecurity. She's such a wonderful character, and I love seeing her every time she comes up! :)

Poor, poor Scorp! You're really succeeding in making me feel sorry for him ;)

I loved the glimpse of Al with Arthur, asking him about how he knew Molly was 'the one'. I dunno, there was something sweet about him asking advice from Arthur, and respecting him enough to be mature about it. The bits about muggles - flying cars - was such a lovely, lovely touch too! And so in character - writing Arthur and Molly intimidates me, so I'm always so impressed when people write them well like you did! :)

Is it bad that I really hope he means Brandon? :P

And I wanna know who the man who lost someone to being just friends is! *pouts* Is it Charlie? Please say it's Charlie! No? Yes? Percy, maybe? Hm... please say you're going to tell us at some point? :P

Brandon really needs to stop being quizzed by Harry :P It's going to end badly one of these days! But I love their scenes - it's like Harry effectively checking to see if Brandon is good enough for Al and I just find them so Harry to do, you know? The case sounds so interesting, though I hope nothing bad happens to him!

Question: how did you manage to build in so much mystery in this? I didn't even notice it, but it's so good and so effective! :P

So yes, I'm still in love with this story and I'm still hoping for an Al/Brandon reunion! ;)

Aph xx

Author's Response: Hi Aph!!

I was so happy when you signed up for a review swap (I likd doing that after posting a new chapter).

So... yeah, I had to make Rose and Scorpius have an awkward interaction like this. Rose left their relationship thinking they just wanted different things (ha, which they did but in a more fundamental way). I'm really glad you liked their conversation. I struggled writing it and had to redo it a few times.

Rose has a pretty bouyant personality but even she would take news like that with a bruise to her ego. I think part of her is still processing the information which is why she's not reacting too harshly.

:P Good, you should feel bad for him. Despite his rather comfortable upbringing, he's my downtrodden character in this.

It was pretty borderline for Al to be mature about his conversation with Arthur. I mean, he was close to going all James about it. I like to imagine Arthur dedicating his retired time to muggle stuff. Oh - i'm so relieved they were in character. I hardly write them so it's a bit intimidating.

Haha, I can't say who he meant.

It was Charlie. I have a story called A Savage Failure where Charlie dates Brad Savage (who is Brandon's uncle) and, well, their relationship doesn't quite turn out for the best. So... I already told people. :P A good number of people have read that.

Ha, yeah, Harry needs to stop abusing his power to weasle Brandon for information. :P Harry's definitely working quite a few angles when he talks with Brandon. I'll have to give them a scene together where Harry's not bothering him for information.

Um... I wont' comment about Brandon and that case.

I'm actually glad that there's mystery building up! I like making this as much about an unravelling of people as much as it is a romance.

Well, next chapter is their date!! That will be full of actin.

Thanks for a wonderful review!
-Rose


 Report Review

Review #3, by AphorideSevenfold: everything that happened, everything you saw

22nd June 2014:
Hey there! So I felt a bit bad that I've been reading this all the way along, but I've never really reviewed, so I decided to drop by on this chapter :)

Firstly, I loved the section with Ada at the beginning. Honestly, I did not see that coming at all - you completely confused me with the whole thing, haha, with Ruth not moving and I was so sure she was dead and then unsure because 'of course she survives, duh' and then you hit me with this ;) I like it, though - how she wants a new identity, and how she at least makes sure that Ruth gets buried nicely and people remember Ada while Ruth lives. It's a nice sort of compromise for both of them, if that makes sense?

Ah, Louis and his dysfunctional family always make me laugh! I love how hippie-ish Dominique and Steak (which is still one of the best OC names I've ever heard!) are, and the whole thing about using only natural products and all... you put enough of the detail in there to make it work, but not too much that it's overloading. And James. I adore your James. He's just so real, you know? Like he seems like someone I could actually meet in real life. Shame I can't really :P

Is it weird to say that I'm glad Draco's alive? Hehe, probably. But no, I'm loving the mystery. You manage to get so many details in that I feel as though I should know who it is, though I really have no idea. I find Eugenie Bones incredibly suspicious, and Molly a bit, and Emily a little... so yeah, no real idea :P But I like that! I shouldn't know yet, haha. Louis' conversation with Ada (Ruth? ;D) was great - I like the idea that she's trying to give him some kind of advice about what to do and how to solve it, even though she says 'I don't really know'.

The details and writing in this were wonderful as always. I'm so so excited for the next few chapters - to find out what happened with Erik and the sixth murders, and more clues! :D

I still love this story :)

Aph xx

Author's Response: Hey Aph! :)

You are so sweet - I had no idea you were reading this story but hearing all this just makes me so excited. Thanks for taking the time to leave a review, I really appreciate it! :D

Hehe, I was so excited to see how people might react to the identity trick and if I fooled anyone. And yes, I think that's how Ada sees it - she has a lot of guilt but at the same time she wants a new identity for herself beyond being the sevenfold killer, and so she seizes her chance. This also let me delay a little bit from keeping Louis and the reader from figuring out that Ada herself might still be around.

I love writing his crazy family too! :P They're so funny. Steak and this characterization of Dominique was actually stolen from one of my other stories but I loved them so much that couldn't resist shuffling them into this one. I'm glad it wasn't too much though. :P Ah, I feel that way about James too, somehow! He's so off the wall but realistic. I was originally going to write the story from James' POV but so glad I kept him as a minor character instead, because he's way more fun to write from an outsider's POV.

Haha, nah... Draco's more amusing alive than dead, really. :P And the sevenfold is starting to slip up a bit. Ooh, interesting theories you've got there! I love hearing people's suspicions, and Ada ("Ruth") does want to help out, in her strange way...

I'm so excited to post the next chapter and for you to read them! :D Especially when the murderer is finally revealed, it's going to be so fun to see what everybody thinks. *evil author laugh*

Thanks so much for the beautiful review, my dear, and I hope you keep enjoying the story! :) ♥


 Report Review

Review #4, by AphorideCollateral : Collateral

17th June 2014:
Okay, okay, you've got to stop doing this. I mean, seriously, it's unreal. Every time you write something new, you make me think and you make me fall in love with the character or the story you're telling simply because you're writing just does that, seemingly effortlessly. It's just... gah, amazing.

I love how you manage to pick up all these characters who have such small parts in the books, or who no one really writes about, and make them into such 3D characters and make their stories so big and grand and important. Like the Roberts.. I'd honestly never really thought about them before, but reading this... gosh, I missed something! It's so horrible what happened...

I love Clover, and Dudley, and how together they sort of learn more about the wizarding world and yet less at the same time, if that makes sense. Like, it's a very narrow view of it, but they haven't seen the amazing side of it, they've just seen the harm it can do. Kinda like Petunia, and Dudley with the Dementor you know. I love how Clover was so haunted and so scared by what happened to her and what might happen next - how it was like a living nightmare. It's so thought-provoking.

Dudley was great, too. I never see him written, which is a shame because he seems a bit more of a character than people often think he is, but I loved how you portrayed him here. How he wanted to protect her and liked her, but felt that he couldn't, and tried to stand up for her because he knew having her memory wiped wouldn't be what she wanted. Strange to think of Dudley as a defender of rights, but it worked so well here! :)

I have to mention how you managed to make Arthur and Tonks seem kinda creepy and weird. I had no idea that was even possible :P

Your writing, of course, was gorgeous, as always. I loved the style you wrote it in too - with the different sections and the memories incorporated into the main body of it. It was so, so lovely.

I'm so glad I read this and if you're not on my favourite author's list (which you should be...) then you're definitely going on now! :)

Aph xx

Author's Response: Hello! :)

Oh you are just so lovely! I loved this review so much, it was really sweet and gah, just thank you! ♥ I'm so honoured that you liked this story, and my writing!

I was just the same, I completely forgot about the Roberts, but once they came back into my head I just couldn't stop thinking about how horribly they were treated. Especially with how all the men just kept wiping Mr. Roberts' mind, it was awful. :(

I'm so glad you liked Clover and Dudley, and yes I know what you mean - their view is quite limited and has to remain that way, and they only see the scary things and how it's harmed them personally. I think Dudley is a little more prejudiced than Clover because he's been raised to think that way, while she really has to think for herself, but she's less angry and more terrified. I thought the way Muggles are just treated as pitiable but disposable, and how patronizing the wizards are to them to be very interesting - even in weird cases like Hermione modifying her parents' memories, it's a little patronizing in a way even if it's for their own good. So it was quite fun to explore that through Clover especially.

I've barely seen Dudley written either! It was tricky, because I wanted to make him an interesting character, but seen through Harry's eyes he's just so... dumb. So it was difficult to find a balance, but I'm glad you liked how he was portrayed! :) His crush on Clover and friendship with her does make him more of a protector, haha.

Hehe, I'm glad you found them creepy and weird though. :P It was quite interesting to write them as some sort of bad guys.

Thank you! I'm relieved to hear that, I didn't want the style to be too confusing but still wanted it to fit with Clover's jumbled memory.

Thank you so much for this amazing review and all the compliments, my darling! :) You really are too lovely!


 Report Review

Review #5, by AphorideTouch: Touch

17th June 2014:
Hey Maggie! Dropping by from Review Tag! :) I'd never read a Dean/Luna before now, so I thought I'd drop by here rather than your most recent story :)

I love the way you've portrayed Dean. We don't see all that much of him in canon, but he always seemed to me to be a little more serious than, say, Ron or Seamus, you know - a bit more of a down-to-earth and sensible kinda guy, and that's pretty much exactly how you've written him here. Not everyone can be a jokester, and the war isn't the funniest of times, so I love how it's more serious, from what's happening to the actual words and prose themselves. It just seems to fit with his character so well.

The way you talked about him being on the run was just brilliant, too. I loved how you picked up on the things you'd miss most if you had to go on the run - the difficulty finding food and having baths and things which seem so normal to us, but we'd have to do with out. It really highlighted how tough his life must have been on the run, without making it too big a deal, which is almost sadder because it's like it became normal for him, you know? So sad!

Luna. Omigosh, I love your Luna. She's just... wow. So perfect. So in line with canon it's unreal. I find her impossible to write, so I'm amazed at how well you've done here - it's wonderful! I love how you've added another dimension to her, though, with the whole end sequence, where she admits to being scared sometimes, and there's the sense that she hasn't really told anyone that except Dean, which is so sweet.

Your writing, as always, is so lovely. The way you've written this is so serious and so perfectly paced, and your word choice really shows how Dean's feeling and the difference and then spark between him and Luna. It's just really, really great :)

As with Helgazar, haha, you've completely convinced me on this one, too! This will have to become part of my head canon, I think.

I'm so glad I read this - it's a really, really wonderful one-shot :) :)

Aph xx

 Report Review

Review #6, by AphorideAn Eye For An Eye: Vengeance

7th June 2014:
Hey there! Dropping by for our review swap! :)

I should probably mention that I adore Sirius-centric stories, particularly ones which are more serious (haha :P) and not about his romance with a girl who inevitably dies and is the reason he joins the Order, so when I saw you were putting this up, I really, really wanted to read it! It's so rare to see a story like this, and even more rare to find one which is as good as this!

The way you've characterised Sirius is amazing. I love how he's so emotional in this, and yet not overly so. I mean, he's just found his brother-in-all-but-blood and his wife dead, expecting their child to be dead too - of course he's going to be in shock and floods of tears and all. I liked how his grief was so present, but so quickly overtaken by his anger towards Pettigrew and his want for revenge. It's a very cruel and vindictive trait and I like how he has it - it fits well with his character, you know? His anger was so wonderfully shown as well - I loved how you described him as predatory when confronting Pettigrew. Makes him sound almost evil, and bloodthirsty... which sort of lends almost an extra irony to Peter's actions.

Peter was so good in this, too. I loved how in two paragraphs or so of writing you managed to explain convincingly why and how he joined the DEs and hint at bitterness, irritation, even perhaps almost hatred of his 'friends' for the way they treated him. And, of course, ambition. Always ambition ;) I also really liked how Sirius completely underestimated Pettigrew - how Sirius didn't expect him to try and run or betray him quite like that. It made it a lovely twist, even if I knew it was coming :P

Your writing in this was lovely, too - it's so clear and your description is great! I loved the way you used italics for emphasis, as well - it's not something I see all that often, but I liked it here. It seems to suit Sirius' character, I think.

Just a small formatting note: in the second half, the formatting is different to the top half (tab in at the start of paragraphs). It's not a problem, you just might want to make them match. (Me and my OCD... :P)

So yeah, I really enjoyed reading this! I'm glad I swapped with you - thanks so much for doing it with me! :)

Aph xx

Author's Response: Hi! Sorry it's taken me a whitle to respond, but here I am now!
Thanks! I, too, love Sirius stories, but I also find, like you, most of them are about love and romance, or his time in Azkaban. Whilst I confess I love a bit of Sirius romance, this is always a moment I wish JK Rowling had written herself. When the challenge came along, I'd never seen someone write this scene (although they may have, I don't know), so I decided to give it a go.
I did find it hard to choose the right level of anger for Sirius - like you said, had he been overly emotional, he'd never have gotten anything done! I had to physically try and put myself in his place to decide how he would be feeling (which, trust me, is not the sort of thing you want to be doing with other people around - my brother wouldn't look me in the eye for about a week afterwards!), and then write. Yeah, now you mention it, it is a little ironic, isn't it? Not intentional, I promise!
Aah, Peter. One of the hardest characters I've ever had to write. I actually did two versions of this piece - in the first, which was abandoned halfway trough due to the unfortunate circumstnce of it sucking, Peter was just as angry as Sirius. He was having a yelling match with Sirius, and once I re-read it, it was completely OOC. It was so hard to decide on Peter's words and actions, but in the end I decided he would probably be bitter, but still actually quite cowardly and trying to feign innocence (like he did in Prisoner of Azkaban. I do think, though, that he was capable of a lot more than his friends took him for - probably part of the reason why he joined Voldemort, because he felt he was underestimated. That's also why I think he doesn't just attack Sirius on sight, even though he must know Sirius knows of his betrayal - they never actually did anything malicious to deliberately hurt Peter, they just dodn't accept him completely as a best friend. That's why I think Peter can't completely turn against them and try and kill Sirius as soon as he sees him - he has no real reason to, no justification for revenge, like Sirius has.


 Report Review

Review #7, by AphorideRun: Run

6th June 2014:
Hey again! I seem to be dropping by your page a lot these last few days ;)

Founders stories are one of those rare things which I don't see very often but I do love to read when I find them - see, I'm a bit a history nerd :P So even though I love We Are One and desperately want to read more of that, I dropped by here...

I love how you portrayed Rowena. She's in love and clever, and I thought bored as well by the life she leads as a noblewoman, and so desperate to get away that she runs away to her lover - which would have been so scandalous in the time, it's pretty brave of her to do it! I liked the juxtaposition of her fear and her bravery - how she was running away because she didn't want to get married, but also because she was scared of her father and that she'd never see Salazar again. But then it's also so brave... it's a lovely piece of characterisation! :)

Salazar and her parents were great, too. I liked how her parents were just so... normal for that era, you know? Expecting obedience and loyalty and acceptance of her duty and what would or should be her fate; it's so impassive, but also strangely caring, in a way, because they want her to be safe and looked after, you know? It probably doesn't make sense, haha, but anyway... :P Salazar was amazing, too - I loved his coldness and how quickly, with her, he could shift into being passionate and loving. It was such a great way to portray him - cold, cunning, and almost too prepared to do anything for her... I mean, he meant to protect her and he thought it would be fine, but obviously it's not what she wanted at all. I almost feel sorry for him - dunno if that was what you were going for, though!

The one thing I have to mention is your period details. I'm a huge history nerd, as I said, so this is probably far, far more obvious to me than to others, but there are quite a few of them which kinda... aren't right. It's just little things - mostly when she's with her parents. Like them having a sitting room, and a sofa, and her mother organising her wedding in that kind of way... the language fits the period so beautifully, though, so to me it seemed even a bit more out of place because of that... but, anyway, just a little thing! ;)

Your writing in this is gorgeous, though - so lovely and flowing and it really highlights your strengths - your descriptions and your characters, which are both amazing.

I really enjoyed reading this - a good Founders fic is always so hard to find and you've done a brilliant job with this! :)

Aph xx

 Report Review

Review #8, by AphorideHurricane Luna: They Meet in a Tree

5th June 2014:
Hey there, dropping by for the BvB review battle on the forums! :)

I love Rolf/Luna - I think they're such a sweet ship, with so much potential, but no one ever writes them, so I was so excited to see you had one up, so here I am!

Can I just say that Luna is one of the HP characters who scares me the most to write, because she's so hard to get right, you know, and yet you do her so well. It's amazing - really, it is. I love how even though your presenting her from Rolf's pov, you've captured her dreaminess and her wisp-like nature and how she's so clever underneath it all, even if she misses some things which are obvious to others. She's so like she is in canon it's uncanny.

Rolf is amazing, too. I really, really like how he doesn't like her at the beginning - how he doesn't like her being there, he doesn't know why she's there, and he just wants her to go away. It's a completely natural reaction to finding someone random is in your space, you know, and it makes so much sense in the story's context. Plus, it makes things more interesting between them! I love how Rolf is ambitious, too - like he wants to make his own name, instead of riding on his grandfather's coattails, so to speak. It's actually a fairly common trait, so I like that he has it!

Mahaha, bird attack! I have to admit that that made me laugh, though it probably wasn't meant to. But it was just the juxtaposition of the sweet little birds, and then them attacking Rolf like that...

Your writing is great in this, too - it flows so wonderfully and your word choice is great. Only watch out for extraneous adverbs - less is more ;) But yeah, apart from that little thing, it's really lovely. I love the way you incorporated the quote, too - it's a great quote, and a really interesting way of using it! :)

I really liked reading this - it's a great, fun read! I'm so happy I stopped by! :)

Aph xx

Author's Response: Hi Aph!

Thanks for picking this story! I really hated it when I posted it, but the reviews have been really positive, so I think I will finish writing it.

I did want people to laugh a little bit with the bird attack. I mean, Luna AND Rolf are both so clueless that it was kind of funny that everything went so horribly wrong. But I don't think Rolf thought it was funny!

I'm glad you liked the way I used the quote. I actually am incorporating a different part of the quote into each chapter of the story.

Thanks again!

Beth


 Report Review

Review #9, by AphorideA Promise: Don't leave

4th June 2014:
Hey there! Dropping by from the BvB review battle! :)

Okay, so I love these kinds of missing moments stories, particularly with Tonks and Remus, because they're such a lovely, lovely couple! ;) Plus, it's not a story we see much of in the books, so it's so nice to see how it unfolds, you know?

But yes, I love the way you have Tonks in this. She's so sweet and so in love and really, really wants to go and fight - but I liked how it was because Remus was there, not just because she's an Auror and it's 'what she does', you know? It was a real, true reason for it because that is often the biggest, most important thing. I also loved her interactions with her mother, and how worried she was, and how her emotions contrasted in all the sections - that was really lovely!

Remus was great too! I loved how you made him so happy when they got married, but then as soon as she got pregnant because he was scared, he panicked, and then blamed himself. It's such a sad time for him, I think, but I loved how even though it was from Tonks' pov, there wasn't all that much hate and anger and things - it was more like she understood, you know? She wanted to explain and she wanted him to be okay with it, but she got it when he wasn't. So sad! I loved their reunion scene when he got back, though - that was gorgeous! So sweet :)

Your writing in this was gorgeous, too! There wasn't buckets of description, but I liked it without it all, tbh - there was just enough in this. It flows so beautifully and your word choice is just so great. I'm so impressed at the length of this too - how you managed to make their story so compact, and yet there's so much emotion in it nonetheless.

The end was chilling. Wow.

So yeah, I really enjoyed reading this - I'm really glad I stopped by and picked this one. It's really, really good! :)

Aph xx

 Report Review

Review #10, by AphorideMy Girl: My Girl

3rd June 2014:
Hey there - dropping by from Blue v Bronze! :)

I'm so so impressed that you did this both in 500 words and also without using the letter 'e'. Both are so hard to do - I'm genuinely scared of attempting to write without using the letter 'e', and writing in 500 words was hard enough! Doing both is like... wow.

I love how you characterised Ron as so caring and so attentive and protective of his daughter. It's such a realistic thing, and really connects with how loyal and family-oriented he is in the books, you know? Plus, it's a kinda stereotypical but so true dad-type thing - to be protective and not stop thinking of their kids as theirs. It's so sweet, though, that that's what you chose to make the focus of this - it's not something I've seen very often.

I really liked how you portrayed Scorpius, as well, and from Ron's perspective too. I liked how Ron wasn't exactly perhaps Scorpius' biggest fan, and all, but did want his daughter to be happy and feel that Scorpius was good for Rose, you know? How Scorpius was a good guy, and Ron was sort of giving him advice, and telling him what to expect and how much he means to Rose and she means to him.

There were a couple of small (as in, really tiny!) grammar mistakes I spotted - 'an' where it should be 'a', for example. They're not any big deal, or anything, but I thought I should mention them anyway! :)

Your writing in this was so gorgeous, too! It flows so beautifully, and the descriptions are wonderful, too. Just really, really nice - this completely deserves its Diadem! :)

So yeah, I really loved this piece! It's so impressive and so sweet, and I love the way you've focused on a relationship which is so important and so present in life but isn't often portrayed in ff. I'm glad I had a chance to read this! :)

Aph xx

 Report Review

Review #11, by AphorideDon't Mean a Thing: Not the One to Stay Around

2nd June 2014:
Hey Rose! I thought about reading/reviewing the second chapter of True Romance, but when I saw you had this up, I decided to come here instead :)

So I'm not a real huge fan of Sirius/Lily, in the sense that I don't think they're right for each other, but I love here how you wrote it as a kind of secret, half-romance type thing, where they skulked around and no one knew and Sirius was sort of selfish about the whole thing, and knew that it was never going to last, and almost didn't want it to last, to a certain extent. Something like this, to me, is incredibly believable - more so than any other way of portraying it.

I loved Lily and Sirius, as well. The way you showed them as people who needed each other, having this amazing, intense kind of fling, almost. It was such a lovely way to show different sides to them - Sirius' selfishness that he'll go after Lily because he wants/needs her, and he doesn't care that James likes her, and Lily that she's almost naive in trusting Sirius to tell her the truth about James and that he'd be okay with it, and then going along with the secrecy and the romance, almost like she always knew James wouldn't, but again, didn't care. It's such a refreshing way to show them both, and one which feels so real, you know?

Just should mention that you missed you a few words here and there - you might want to read through it (read backwards or something?) and look out for them ;) There aren't enough to stop the flow or make anything weird, but I thought I'd mention it anyway!

Your writing in this was lovely, too! The second person felt so natural to Sirius, so appropriate for him with that detached kind of feeling but a bit more intimate than third, and it never felt out of place or strange. The descriptions in this were wonderful too - I particularly liked your descriptions of Lily in the desk, because they were just gorgeous.

This is really, really lovely and I'm so amazed this is so great, despite being so short. It's just gorgeous! I'm so glad I got a chance to read it! :)

Aph xx

Author's Response: Hi Aph!!

I'm not a hardcore Sirius/Lily shipper. I mean, part of me ships anything and everything because that's always a fun challenge to make two people float. I couldn't see them having an above board relationship. The furtive nature of what they shared here is the most i could see them having.

:D It's really great that you liked the side of Sirius and Lily I showed here. I don't buy that Lily was as perfect as she's usually portrayed. Sirius was probably struggling after leaving his parents and having something darker emergen in his personality.

Oh, thanks for mentioning the typos and stuf. I wrote this in just a few hours and didn't really check it over. :-/

I'm happy that my writing and descriptions were decent in this. Using 2nd person was more of a challenge/new thing for me to try out. I am glad that it also enhanced the mood of the story. Describing Lily in this was kind of fun. I thought I stepped into some corny descriptions but I guess those work in moderation.

Thank you so much for wonderful review!!

-Rose


 Report Review

Review #12, by AphorideTrue Romance: New Slang

1st June 2014:
Rose! Rose! Rose! BRANDON IS BACK MA! Yay! *ahem* Okay, so you know I love Brandon and, well, yeah, I'm glad to see him back.

So I've been so excited for this sequel to come out... so glad it's here!

I love how you've made Al grow up between the end of the first one and this one, you know? It's nice that he's not doing all of his growing up in the story and that the balance has kinda changed between Al and Brandon. I liked how even though he was a little jealous of Scorp's new bf (who, by the way, has an awesome name), he tried to be a good friend and be interested and not jealous. It's totally understandable, you know, that he would be jealous and so nice that he doesn't let that out, really.

Also, I love James in this. As an older sister myself, I totally agree with the whole 'oi, stop it' thing, haha. There aren't many things more awkward than that... :P Their conversation was great - in fact, their whole relationship is lovely. I actually really get why James doesn't like Scorp, tbh, and kinda like that while Al is friends with him, James still hates him, haha.

Ah, sibling feels. Always good! :)

Can I just say that I think your writing has improved a lot from the beginning of the first one to this one? This is so good, and your writing is lovely - your description is really great! :)

Btw, the ending - IF AL DOES NOT GO HOME WITH BRANDON, OR THEY DO NOT KISS, I WILL BE VERY DISAPPOINTED. I ship them. Genuinely. This does not happen often. You should be very proud ;)

So yes. I must add this to my favourites/reading list and keep an eye out for updates because I have to know what happens... But yes, I love this start and can't wait to read more! :)

Aph xx

Author's Response: Hi Aph!!

hehe, I'm really glad you're kind of a Brandon fangirl. He needs more of those in life. ;)

I couldn't stand holding Al's hand as he branched out to be his own person. I dunno, that's just not the type of novel I wanted to write. Brandon and Al are on a bit more equal footing for this story. Al's ability to be the supportive friend will be kind of short-lived. I'm kind of surprised no one has linked Corbin with the 5th Element (the movie).

Giving James a larger role in this was a fun way for me to add a more complex plot. Though, I'm more of the younger sister role in real life so I can relate to Lily's desire to be one of the older kids. I'm so happy their relationship worked well. ^_^

Yay! I hadn't seen a noticable improvement from starting Pure Intentions to now but I'm glad you have. :)

AL WILL GO HOME WITH A LOT OF PEOPLE IN THE STORY. so... he'll get some kissing time in.

Thanks so much for the wonderful review!! I should have a new chapter up soon.

-Rose


 Report Review

Review #13, by AphorideThe Deathly Children: A Funeral

30th May 2014:
Hey there - sorry for getting here so late! I've been looking forward to reading this ever since the pairings went up, but end of exams and my birthday and my mum's birthday kinda threw everything out of whack :P

So, you should know that I adore Albus/Gellert. Beyond anything. They have, as far as I am concerned, the monopoly on tragic boyhood romances in HP :P I love stories about that summer and how they met and so on and so this seems exactly my kind of thing (plus your beautiful writing, which always helps! ;D)!

I love how you've started with a sort of almost prologue-esque letter, and how it's sort of accusing Dumbledore, even if not quite, it's angry and it's bitter and it works so well. Your writing is so brilliant and just gah... so nice! :) Even though we haven't technically met Gellert yet, as such, it still feels like because you've shown us what he becomes and sort of ends up as, that you've kinda let us know him already, if that makes any sense...

Your Albus is so similar to my head-canon young!Albus it's unreal :P I love how you didn't shy away from the harsh elements of his character - the loneliness, how he hates the village and doesn't really like Bathilda because she's nosy and irritating, how he and Aberforth don't get on... it makes him simultaneously sympathetic and not, you know, because it's understandable but also harsh things to feel. But yeah, he's wonderful. I'm so excited to see what else you do with him in this - how he develops and grows.

The last section is so sad. Poor, poor Ariana. I loved how you didn't make her stupid or anything, how she's still capable of understanding things, even if someone has to explain them to her, you know? And the way she's so scared of magic, and compares Albus and Kendra and kinda finds, in a way, both of them wanting, is so sad for all of them... I think it really highlights the tragedy of what happened to her - how she's scared of magic and Albus' gaze scares her and things, how she's barely ever alone... you've kinda taken things which might normally be little and created this debilitating condition with them. It's amazing writing, but incredibly sad.

As always, of course, your writing is stunning. The description is gorgeous and the detail is amazing - I loved the details about Kendra's body particularly (though it's kinda morbid to say) as they're so real and yet you avoid all the cliche things to say. The characters are so, so good before and I'm so fascinated to know what you're going to do with them later on...

So yeah, I'm hooked, and I'll be back at some time in the future for sure ;)

Aph xx

Author's Response: Hello, Aph!

First of all, massive apologies for taking forever to respond to your review. -hides-

And speaking of that, thank you so much for leaving such a lovely detailed review on my fic! Your comments made me incredibly happy, and I love how you analysed the characters.

Albus/Gellert is my OTP of this fandom! I love them together - they're such a fascinating pair of characters - not the easiest to write, but definitely one of the most interesting character couples to read about in fic. And I'm glad you found it to be your kind of thing (I've seen you post somewhere on the forums that you have an Albus/Gellert, though I can't seem to find it, so maybe you haven't posted it up yet? When you do, I'm looking forward to reading!) Like you, adore this pair and I'm always looking for more about them.

Ah, Gellert's letter. He doesn't actually appear in this opening chapter, but I thought the letter would be sort of a hint to his character, or at least to show how the whole relationship has turned out. It also kind of opens up a different sort-of parallel timeline to the main action of the story; I dunno, I might have overdone things, but it was worth a shot, trying stuff out! :P

Albus Dumbledore as a character in the books is like the epitome of perfection. Seriously. Brilliant, witty, confident, assured, never wrong in his guesses, highly intelligent, sagely...beyond any sort of mistake. Until of course, that final book, when his whole perfect image is sort of shattered, and he's brought right down to the level of the average human being. Or as flawed as Dumbledore can get. So I decided to develop his more selfish negative aspects a little more, make him a little more vulnerable as a character. And wow, it sounds great that we both have such similar headcanons of him!

Ariana is the most interesting of characters to write for me. Her characterisation goes places and probably diverges from canon, mostly because I can't stand how she's portrayed in the books. Actually she wasn't portrayed at all, and she's only seen through her brothers' eyes. So she's a very elusive, mysterious figure, which provides me a little bit of free rein with her.

Thank you so, so much for this wonderful review, Aph! I'll be keeping an eye out for your Albus/Gellert, and once again, forgive me for taking so long to respond to all your lovely comments! ♥

-teh


 Report Review

Review #14, by AphorideTime, Space, and Blunt Force Trauma: for old times' sake.

28th April 2014:
Hey there! A little later than I planned - but revision comes first, unfortunately! Anyway, I'm here now! :)

So I was so excited to see we were paired up in the Review Exchange, since I love all of your writing I've read so far, but am honestly running low on excuses and reasons to read fanfiction during my self-imposed revision exile-type thing :P So yeah, this was perfect!

Can I just say, before anything else, that I love Sirius as a character? I love love love exploring him - so I was so intrigued to see your take on him, you know, since you tend to do such interesting and new versions of characters.

As expected, of course, I love this! I love your Sirius - how he's so childish and impetuous but so desperate to be doing something - anything - useful, and how he's so bored inside the house. He's such a wonderful combination of bitter and spiteful and malicious, and loyal and brave and reckless - it's a brilliant balance and I love how it shows different sides to him, you know? Coz I've never thought of him as a wholly nice or good character...

The little mentions in this were brilliant, too - Kreacher and how cruel Sirius is to him (always yelling for him, sneering at him, blackmailing him into doing what Sirius wants... kinda makes me feel sorry for him, you know?), the mention of Dumbledore arranging for Sirius to get the news so he's at least not completely in the dark, Remus and Tonks (yay! :D)... they just really fill the whole thing out so beautifully!

Of course, your writing is gorgeous. I'm completely amazed at how with each thing I read, your style and voice almost changes to match each character, while still retaining something of your writing in it, if that makes sense. It's incredible. I don't honestly think I could do that even if I tried, so seriously! Impressed, here! ;)

I know this was for a last twenty-four hours challenge, but I love how you've used that to show us so much of his character and so much of his misery, and show us things adjacent to canon? Like a missing moments kinda thing...

So yeah, I love this. The way you write Sirius is just amazing. You should really write more of him! ;) I'm so glad I had an excuse to read this! :)

Aph xx

Author's Response: Hey hey, Aph! Nah, no worries about the wait; I don't mind at all! :D

Gah, THANK YOU for this phenomenal review ♥ Seriously, your compliments are just alskdjlkc I feel like I'm not worthy. Oh, I'm glad you got to read about a character that you love! I was never really into Sirius...until I started writing this fic. And it was fascinating exploring his character, which you pretty much analysed so perceptively.

He definitely wasn't portrayed as a wholly good / nice character in the books - well, Harry sort of half-worshipped Sirius in the books, - but really, he had a ton of faults. And Sirius is definitely unkind to Kreacher; I'd say that his long confinement has made him lose touch with others a bit, made him isolated to the point that he's unable to empathise with certain others. Ah, I'm glad you mentioned Dumbledore sending him news; I was kinda proud of that tiny (but rather insignificant) detail!

Thank you so much! Your compliment about my changing style and voice just absolutely made my day! I do indeed like to tailor my narrative voice to that of my main characters; it may sound strange, but as the author I'm trying to take myself out of the story more often, and let my characters develop their own voice, and the story its own style.

I do have another Sirius one-shot in the works, but it's a little weird at the moment, ha! I'm glad you had an excuse to read this oneshot of mine too! Your review was an absolute joy to receive! ♥

-teh


 Report Review

Review #15, by AphorideForever and a Day: Forever and a Day

13th April 2014:
Hey there - dropping by from the Blue v Bronze Review Battle! :)

So I loved this. This was so absolutely, completely sweet. The lyrics worked so well with the story and the idea and theme, because the relationship between a parent and child is so different to any other relationship in life, you know? And this really reflects the idea of absolute, unconditional love that that relationship has.

Angelina's character is so sweet and caring, and I loved the references to George, and how you avoided talking about Fred I, you know, because a lot of people compare the two and it's nice to read something where they don't do that.

Your details are so great! I loved how you included little, everyday kind of things in this as well as the big things - becoming a parent and husband and growing up and those sorts of things. The knee-scrapes and things were great too include too - and they really added so much to the story, filling it out so nicely so that even though it was short it didn't really feel that short, you know?

The writing in this was so good, too. It's really succinct and clear and lovely. It flows so well throughout and it's so cute and every word feels so well chosen - there's not one which feels out of place, which is great since it's so short, you know?

So yeah, I really liked this! I'm so glad I read this! :)

Aph xx

Author's Response: Hey Aph!!

So this review was really sweet!! ♥

I'm so glad that you liked the way the lyrics worked with the story, and how I showed the relationship between mother and son. I also am so glad that you loved the George references, and lack of Fred references. I wanted to show that even though George and Angelina were still healing from the loss of him, the son kind of patched up that empty hole.

I'm just so flattered that you liked it, and I actually had to add the part at the beginning because it was too short, so I'm glad you didn't think it was TOO short!!! Thanks so much for this lovely review! I really appreciate it! You're so sweet!

xoxo Sarah ♥


 Report Review

Review #16, by AphorideFlawless: Flawless

12th April 2014:
Hey there - stopping by for our review swap! :)

So I recently wrote a Bill/Fleur as well, and I do love the pairing so when I saw this on your page I knew I had to stop by! :)

I love how well the quote and the colour suit them as a pairing - I honestly didn't realise this was written for any particular challenge at all until I got to the bottom and saw the author's note :P

I really like how you characterised Fleur - she's still retained the slightly haughty edge from the books, like she knows she's better than everyone around her, but you've tempered it so well with her being caring and sweet and completely in love with Bill and unconcerned, really, for what he looks like because she realises and knows that, in ways, he's better than she is and, perhaps, arguably more perfect. I love that contrast between them and how she thinks that she wants to be like Bill rather almost than like herself... it's such a sweet thing to say, and you manage to avoid it sounding self-deprecating and keep it as more that she admires him and thinks he's amazing, you know?

Your writing in this was lovely, too. There was so much great description and so any lovely little details - like how Fleur had persuaded Molly to go home and get some sleep, and how Bill had woken up before... they're little things but they add things to the story and Fleur's character, you know? The only thing I would say is that you might want to read it over again or get a quick beta/friend to look it over for you, because there were a few places where the grammar was wrong (commas in the wrong places, for example) or the phrasing was a bit odd. I know there were a handful of instances I noticed, but I can't quite remember where any of them were, sorry! But a read through should pick up most of them, I think ;)

Your writing is so lovely, too! I love how so much of it is description and an inner monologue - it works so well with the subject matter and how you've characterised Fleur. It's got such a smooth style and feel to it, it's great!

So yeah, I really enjoyed reading this! Thanks so much for the read and the swap - it was really great! :)

Aph xx

Author's Response: Hello Aph! Lovely to see ya! :D

I love Bill/ Fleur too! They are always so sweet! And besides, their love was true. :) They make a beautiful couple. :)

Aww, thank you! I was a little worried about writing a story for two challenges.

I'm so glad you liked Fleur! She's not that much hard as a character, but in this story, it was difficult to justify her love for Bill and how he was 'the kind of flawless she wished she could be'. That's why it took like three months for the idea to be written down in words. :)

I think the relation between Molly and Fleur became much better after Fleur accepted Bill with all his flaws. That's why I believe that Molly was persuaded to take rest by Fleur and Arthur. :) Feels great to know you liked the little details!

I totally know about the small mistakes. I'll look over this as soon as possible. :)

Thanks for the review swap and the awesome review!

Ashwini


 Report Review

Review #17, by AphorideRunaway: Should Have Seen it Coming

12th April 2014:
Hey there - dropping by for our review swap! :)

Okay, so I love reading stories about Sirus, particularly about Sirius and his family - they're so rare, you know? - because I'm so absolutely fascinated by them, so when you said this one, I'd already planned to go for this one when I saw your name up ;)

But yeah, I liked how you characterised Sirus - you kept him so close to canon: impulsive, reckless, completely devoid of planning of any kind, emotional (in a way) and so sort of uncaring and just defiant and rebellious. I liked how the whole thing was really, almost, in the end just to annoy his father - it seems a very Sirius-like reason to run away, even if just in the moment!

The details were brilliant here, too - how he changed into Padfoot and didn't want to be spotted, the little mentions of Regulus and how it was his job to be the good son, the gravy on the girl's head (which made me both laugh and wince, because gravy in your hair would not be nice at all!)... it was really, really good! :)

I loved the ending, too - how he just turned up at James' house, kinda wild and almost insane - it really fits him as a way to be, you know, and sort of reminded me of when he escapes from Azkaban - how wild and mad he is then. I don't know if it was something you were going for - but I liked the similar imagery. It worked well! ;)

I loved the way the ending section with James' parents and Sirius practically breaking into their house, lol, was so concise - it make sense, seeing that he's perhaps a bit mad and not really thinking straight and adrenalin is everywhere... it's a bit short, maybe, but I think it works! :)

So yeah, I really enjoyed reading this! I've always wanted to see a story about Sirius running away - now you've written it :P

Thanks so much for the read and the swap! :)

Aph xx

Author's Response: Aph, hey!

Hehehe, I'm glad to hear that, and yes I have noticed how little people deal with Sirius' relationshi with his family directly, except maybe his brother - we don't get to see him interacting with his parents a lot in FF.

Ooh yay, I'm so glad you think that Sirius was characterised well! Yeah, all those values you just listed are in canon and I'm super happy that you got to see them all in Sirius. Yeah, I think he did need a proper trigger reason to want to leave hom, and I think it would fit his character well if he did it just to annoy his father in the end.

Ahh, I'm so glad you think the details were well done! I'm always trying to add some more details to my stories because I think that it really adds to the story and I'm just really happy to hear you say the details in this were good, so thank you! Oh no, gravy in your hair would not be nice at all, even if you could get rid of it straightaway. :P

Yeah, I was aiming for a bit of foreshadowing there, like how he was on the run for two weeks when later he would be on the run for two years, but I didn't really plan this wild, insane sort of writing, it just happened and I'm really glad that you think it adds to the story instead of taking away from it. :)

Hahaha, I'm so glad you like it! It is short and a bit unclear, maybe, so I might go back and add some deatails, but it's really great that you think that works well!

I'm really happy this managed to fulfill your desire for a Sirius running away story, and I'm so glad you enjoyed this!

Thank you for the swap and the lovely review, I really enjoyed it! :D


 Report Review

Review #18, by AphorideLost?: Lost?

10th April 2014:
Hey there, Kiana! Been seeing this one-shot around for a while, and finally grabbed a chance to read it now! (It's so much more interesting than an Equity essay! :P)

Okay, so Sirius is honestly one of my favourite characters - even if I don't like him all that much as a person - so I was so excited to see this was all based on him! And around Azkaban to... it's a really dark part of his life - probably the darkest - and it's so fascinating! :) (Also, the banner is stunning. Wow)

So yeah, this is basically everything I love in a one-shot, haha. Well, almost :P

I loved how you characterised Sirius. How he is obsessive over it enough to count the days, perhaps as an effort to remember - like a constant reminder that he's not guilty - and how fixed he is on the idea that he didn't kill them, that it was Pettigrew. It's like a kind of mantra, you know, and I love the repetition of it - you used it so well! :) The use of lost and found and winning was so great too - I loved the dual meaning of 'lost' and how you used both meanings simultaneously throughout the story - James and Lily were lost, Sirius had lost, and then he was winning. It was very clever!

I felt kinda sorry for Sirius in there, you know? Like, he's desperately trying not to go mad and all he's got to hang onto is, really, the thought that he's innocent and ideas of revenge on Wormtail for setting him up for the fall in the first place and killing James and Lily. It's an incredibly sad, haunting thing, and I thought you did so well so convey it!

Little comment about laughing when Bella hallucinates Voldemort, nice :P I can imagine it would be funny at first... but it's really kinda creepy as well O.o

I love how there was this subtle sense of anger and hatred and maybe-not-quite-sane-ness (you know what I mean! :P) underneath the whole thing, particularly at the end. I've never thought Sirius was wholly there, certainly not after Azkaban, and I liked how you sort of showed him shutting down and his whole world forming solely around Harry and how he was innocent and how he was going to get revenge on Wormtail. It's a really sad, scary thought, you know?

Your writing, of course, was so lovely! The repetition was great, and the descriptions and flow and style and all were gorgeous. Really, really nice! :)

Good luck in the Anniversary Writing thing (I can't remember if it's a competition or not? O.o)!

Aph xx

Author's Response: Hi Laura, haha, I do the same when I'm meant to be working as HPFF is suddenly even more amazing!

Whoo, for Sirius, I think that's why I loved writing this because the Sirius before and after Azkaban is so different I really wanted to see why he changed and the one-shot was born :P Haha, yes Laura/envoi really is amazing!

I'm so glad that you liked Sirius, as I've never written a character in such a bad state as he was so, so it was so much fun to explore. I'm glad you liked the focus on James and Lily too, because in the books it always seemed a bit obsessional so I imagined it really manifested itself here. Haha, I have to credit Coldplay for giving me that idea, because initially it was just going to be about James and Lily and then I listened and it was just like oh yeahhh!

I know, he really is in a desperate state here you just want to run away with him to save him from the trauma of all of this. I'm so glad it was ok though, as I wasn't sure whether I was over doing the melodrama of it all or not :P

Yes, I think the treatment he faced from his parents too didn't help much either with his mental state, so it's a wonder that he didn't actually go and murder all those people then because you wouldn't be surprised if he didn't given all that he went through. It really is sad and scary because at that point you really don't know where Sirius is going to go next.

Thanks for such an amazing review, Laura it really put a smile on my face and sorry for taking a while to get this. I can't remember if it was one either but I guess we'll see :P

-Kiana


 Report Review

Review #19, by AphorideLove and Be Loved: Hope Is Real

5th April 2014:
Hey there! Since I hadn't read or reviewed this before, I thought I'd stop by! :)

So, something like this is always an incredibly difficult subject to deal with, in writing or otherwise, partly because it's so personal and partly because it's just not easy to talk about or portray well, but you've done so well with this. You haven't avoided it, as such, but you've kinda... side-stepped it a bit and taken a more inspirational, hopeful approach to it without avoiding that it is hard and difficult and all those other, blue emotions, you know? You've chosen to focus on hope and potential and why life is worth it and I love it. It's such an incredibly powerful message, even if it's so simple, and you've written it beautifully.

I loved the familial relationship you wrote into it, too - with Fleur talking to Rose. It wasn't patronising or lecturing, it was more like two people on an equal footing, but one who has been there and managed to move past it and keep going talking to someone who's still on that journey, and I loved that. The messages about family and friends and 'trivial hopes' were so brilliant too - I think it's always important to have support, particularly in difficult times, and the familial connection was so good at showing that!

So yeah, this is a beautiful, wonderful, inspiration piece. Having had people close to me (not myself, though) go through incredibly, incredibly difficult times, it's something which really makes me think and feel - which is kinda abnormal for me, tbh. It's solemn, but the issues are really heavy, and you still manage to put a lighter, more hopeful spin on it. You've managed to portray in this all the messages you try to get across to people who are struggling, no matter what with, how large or small, and it's just brilliant.

Really, really wonderful. Honestly. I'm so glad Kiana mentioned it on the forums already otherwise I'd have to now! :D

Aph xx

Author's Response: Oh wow. This review is so sweet.

Your review is so sweet, and I'm so glad that you think I handled the topic well. I had a hard time deciding how I wanted to approach this, because I really wanted to bring light to the situation and to the organization, while still being gentle. I'm so flattered that you liked my story and thought I did such a good job.

I just don't even know what to say right now to this review! I wish I had more words to say more eloquent thank you's with. I had no idea how good of a response this would recieve, so thank you. And now I'm blushing.

Thank you, thank you, thank you! ♥

xoxo Sarah ♥


 Report Review

Review #20, by Aphoridelow tide: a meditation

3rd April 2014:
Hey there - thought I'd stop by here since this is a new one-shot and has less reviews than some of your other stuff ;) Plus, I'm a bit of a sucker for George-centric stories after Fred's died.

I love the use of the beach in this - how they're all there, and the simple memories it brings back. It's such a realistic thing - him remembering Fred in happy times, randomly, because of little things which have brought it back. It really helps create this wonderful melancholy feeling in this - not too sad, but melancholy and solemn. It's a very... deep sort of feeling, if that makes sense, and it suits George's character very well!

Your description and language in this was lovely, too! I loved how you use your description with the colours of towels and the little things - like the red of the eyelids and things... it's just so gorgeous!

The second person is great here, too - kinda draws you away from it all, make you think of George alone and things, sort of removed from it all. It's a lovely use of the perspective! :)

I really enjoyed reading this! Thanks so much! :)

Aph xx

Author's Response: Hello! I'm glad you chose this one as yes, it's my newest fic and my first time attempting second person POV!

That is so wonderful to hear about the mood of this fic, that it's melancholy but not necessarily sad. I wanted a contrast between the rather whimsical past memories and the sad present, and I am glad they combined well to make that deep feeling you mentioned. I'm glad it suits George, too - I had been unsure about writing George in that he is always so joyful but obviously couldn't be so in this fic, so it's great to hear that even when sad and reflective it still suits George.

Thank you so much about the description!! I am so flattered to hear you describe it as "gorgeous"... !! ♥ I'm glad the second person worked, too! It was an interesting experiment for me but I rather like that POV now!

Thanks so much for your review!!! ♥


 Report Review

Review #21, by AphoridePlay the Devil: Mysteries

3rd April 2014:
Hey there! When you posted, I had to stop by for more of this story - I really, really can't get enough of it! :)

Okay, so I love how you've characterised Louis. I like how he's gorgeous and clever, but kinda boring, haha :P It's such a lovely and unique way to portray him - I've honestly never seen it before, but I really love it! His mate Archie is great too - I like how he tells Rose about the Time Turner and the experimentation the Department of Mysteries have been doing, even though he's not meant to. It's such a realistic thing, you know - people always want to tell secrets, if they have them. Well, most people, at least.

Rose, as always, is brilliant. I love how curious she is - how it's an almost academic curiosity which leads her to it, rather than anything else - and the way she hangs around with her cousins, and isn't very respectful towards her bosses, and wants excitement and all that. It's such a great characterisation - but then you know that already! ;)

So, yeah, all your characterisation is great.

I'm so impossibly curious about what she stole from the Department is! A potion of some kind... hm... interesting. Will it let her get to the device or let her go back in time? Curious, very curious... I'm so desperate to know - hopefully we'll swap again soon so I can come back! :)

Your details in this are beautiful. They're so detailed and full and rich and amazing. I love them so much, and your writing is gorgeous. They really fill it out. Your writing is so lovely, as always - it flows so beautifully, it's easy to read and lovely... yeah, it's just great.

I'm so excited to read more of this, and really hope I'll be able to come back soon to read more. It's such an exciting, fast-paced story, so I can't wait to get to the bit where Rose goes back in time and meets Richard! :)

Thank you so much for the swap - I always love swapping with you! :)

Aph xx

Author's Response: Hello! :)

I'm so excited that you're liking this story! :) It really is my baby so it's so lovely to get positive feedback.

Louis is a little boring - I love that. :P Louis is such a great cousin to Rose but he likes to keep things quiet and calm. And Archie is quite interesting as well, and he's not very good at not speaking for an Unspeakable. :P

Thank you, I'm so pleased you like Rose! She is quite curious in a way that she likes gathering knowledge and knowing everything about everybody. I find her quite similar to myself in some ways as in many situations I just imagined what I would do - it helps in keeping her character consistent, anyway. :P

Hehe, well the potion is sort of explained... eventually... it's all quite confusing!

I'm really glad you liked the details. I'm sometimes a little wary of over-writing with the details and background, but I really enjoy tying in all these little things. Wow, thank you so much - you really do flatter me! ♥

I hope you can come back soon too - we'll definitely have to swap in the near future as I love having the chance to review your stories! I can't wait to hear your thoughts on Richard and Rose's interactions! :D

Thanks so much for the lovely review! :)


 Report Review

Review #22, by AphorideMakes Me Wonder: The Only Chapter

3rd April 2014:
Hey there - stopping by from our review swap!

So I wasn't sure at first if I was going to drop by on this, seeing as you have loads of reviews on this - but, I love Rose/Scorpius, so I decided to stop by anyway!

I love how you characterised both Scorpius and Rose. How they're similar, and so different, and how they work but sort of fell apart. And I liked how we saw Scorpius through his actions, and Rose through his eyes. It was a great way to do it! I liked how Rose was a free spirit, even though she'd been popular and clever and sporty - sort of perfect, really, at school - but it hadn't all been as easy as might as assumed. The little detail about her hiding for 'admirers' and friends and people to go is such a bittersweet little thing. I liked Scorpius too - how he seems so fixed on her and still misses her, and how he seems so easily embarrassed by normal things - like the condoms in the shopping trolley! Such a funny inclusion! :P

I love how you started it after Hogwarts, and after they'd had a relationship. It's such an unusual starting point, you know - mostly it starts with the beginning of the relationship, rather than sort of after it - and I liked it! I liked how they had this really tangible awkwardness about them at the beginning when they first met and he realised it was her, and then how they relaxed and got on with each other and had this great camaraderie - laughing and joking. It added depth to their relationship which I really liked - it offset the ending, I think.

One quick thing: you might want to look at combining some of your sentences, since you tend to use a lot of short ones in a row, when you don't want to build up tension or anything. If you switch some of the phrasing around, then you can combine them, and it'll flow better :)

I really like this, though. I like how sweet it is and how realistic it seems. Not everyone has those perfect relationships, not everyone gets the girl they want at the beginning, you know. It's such a sweet story! :)

Aph xx

Author's Response: Hi there, Aph! ^_^ I'm sorry for this super late response!

I'm glad you decided to drop by. I think I'm a little attached to this story because it was my first one-shot and I had so much fun writing. Reviews are always welcome :)

I'm g;ad you like my characterisation and portrayal of them. I know that this isn't how they're usually portrayed, so it's nice to hear that it worked! I tried to write them differently, but I didn't want either of them to come off seeing unbelievably perfect. So I'm happy to hear that, that wasn't the case!

Condoms=Awkward=Humour. Simple algorithm :p

I know it's rather unusual, but again, I can't tell you how happy I am to hear that it worked! I wanted to write something totally non-cliche, and that's how this fic came into existence :p I wanted them to find each other easy to be around, but at the same time, I wasn't going for something totally frivolous, so you've got it spot on ;)

Thanks for the tip! :) I'm planning to edit soon and I'll make sure I watch the sentence structure when I do!

YAY! :D I'm going to hand over a whole box of cookies to you for this awesome review! AND for calling it sweet and realistic and funny, cause that's all I went for here.

THANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOU!! *hug*


 Report Review

Review #23, by AphoridePlay the Devil: Rose

29th March 2014:
Hey there - ah, I'm so excited to come back to this story! I was torn between this one and your Pied Piper story, but I chose this one in the end, since I'd already started reading/reviewing it :P

I love the information about her job and how she didn't do as well as expected in exams and feels so much pressure to live up to her mother - at least, that's what I got from it. It's so easy, I think, to forget that they'd have grown up with their parents' reputations over their heads, and that it's a lot to bear as a kid. It's an interesting characterisation of Rose, too - and not one I've seen very often so I like it! :)

Mahaha, yeah summer jobs aren't usually great! Poor Rose... though, ooh, the time turner article in the newspaper... how she goes back in time? And the skull, I'm guessing, is Richard? Aww, love at first sight - not! :P

Hermione and Ron are just so brilliantly characterised, as well. I love how Ron's content to work a fairly boring, low-level Auror job, because it's a change after the war, whereas Hermione likes to be busy and has a high-flying career and all. It's so typical, and really nice to see Ron not quite Harry's second-in-command and things. It works so well with their characters! And Ron blowing up the coffee maker was hilarious!

I loved the last scene so much - with Richard. I love how you explained his character, and didn't tell us who he was immediately, but let us work it out and gradually come to realise his identity. It was such a clever way to do it! I love the details you've put in here, too - with mentioning his brothers, and English legends he was told as a child and things, because they're such great period details! So far, he seems like a pretty nice guy :P And I like how you haven't portrayed him as openly evil or ugly or anything like that... it's interesting and I'm so curious to see how he develops through this.

Speaking of details, all your details, really, in this are beautiful. There's so much in this, but it doesn't overwhelm the plot or the pace or bog it down, you know - somehow you manage to find that perfect balance! :)

I'm so excited with this story - I've missed it, strangely - and I really, really want to read on! Hopefully I'll be back soon! ;)

Aph xx

Author's Response: Hello! :)

Ah, well I'm glad you chose this one! :D I really love getting your feedback on it!

I'm so glad you liked the portrayal of Rose as a bit of an underachiever and not living up to what her mother wants for her. Rose is very much her own person and not a copy of either of her parents, and she makes a lot of mistakes sometimes. Also, she is only eighteen and to enter the workforce and find a career at that age would be quite a lot to ask, and Rose isn't quite as ambitious as her mother would like - this only makes me like her more, however. :P

Haha, agreed! Hmm, interesting guess - it certainly has something to do with her adventures. I love reading people's reactions to the skull, it's so creepy but kind of cool at the same time. She definitely wasn't bowled over by his good looks this first time around! :P

Okay, it's so nice to hear you like how I wrote the parents. They intimidate me, and I don't think I could do them justice in Hogwarts-era. Hermione especially is based on my own mum since they have very similar personalities in some ways. I never imagined Ron or Harry for that matter being particularly ambitious or dedicated to boring work in the way Hermione is, so I'm glad you like him here. :)

Richard! Thank you, I'm pleased you liked how he was introduced. I really like working on the period details and how superstitious the people would have been. I'm excited for you to see him grow and change - he's one of those characters I just love to explore and see how people react to him.

Thank you! I'm so glad to hear that - I sometimes get a bit too heavy-handed with detail and description so it's lovely to get such positive feedback.

Thank you so much for the amazing review! :D


 Report Review

Review #24, by AphorideGravel on the Ground: From the Ashes: Chapter 4

29th March 2014:
Hi there - sorry for the delay in getting to this! RL got a bit hectic for the last while, but I'm here now! :)

You know, this story is one of the one's which I realise I've kinda missed reading when I see it's been updated and things... it's such a unique and interesting idea, and something I would never even dream of trying, so it always impresses me so much! :)

Anyway, I love how you're progressing with Sadie's character. How she's so nervous about being left there, how she wants to stay with Professor McGonagall, how she gradually relaxes and warms up just a little to the Weasleys... it's such a nice thing to see, even though obviously it's just the start and it's the end of it. I loved the inclusion of the sign language and the notebook - how hesitant she was to get it out. She's a phenomenal character and you do so well with her!

I loved the scene from Harry's pov. How he feels like he can maybe understand her a bit, and how he gets the things she isn't saying and kinda sees through her words, where others might not.It's a strangely insightful Harry you've got, but I think it makes sense in this situation, you know? Of all people, he's most likely to understand that! I'm looking forward to seeing him and Sadie interact more! :)

The twins picking up sign language quickly and wishing they'd known about it before does not surprise me, haha.

Arthur and Molly... okay, so they intimidate me as characters, haha, because they're so 'them' in the books and you just manage them so, so well in this. Like, they pretty much are the characters from the book, no questions asked! It's amazing, really!

All the characters are great, tbh. You have a real knack of it! :)

I love how it's moving, as well, how the plot isn't perhaps as quick as it could be, but we're learning about Sadie and she's learning to cope and it's necessary, you know?

Absolutely no problems with pace or flow or mistakes anywhere... your characters are brilliant, your plot is still fabulous and I'm still so curious and amazed by this story so it's all good! ;)

Feel free to re-request! :)

Aph xx

Author's Response: I am once again horribly slow responding to reviews. When real life decides to take over, it does so with a vengeance and I'm really sorry.

Thank you so much! It always makes an author feel good to know their story is missed, and the fact that you think the concept is interesting really makes me smile. I was so worried everyone would hate this story when I started posting.

And now I'm really blushing after reading your compliments about Sadie. There are so many aspects about Sadie that could be considered Mary Sue traits that I try to be extremely careful when writing her so I don't cross that line too often. I want her to be real, and believable even though she does have a rather unbelievable backstory. Thank you so very much for your comments that help ease my mind about how I'm writing her.

Harry was rather more insightful than he usually is here, but I'm gonna pass it off as him paying more attention than normal because the personal stakes are so high for him in this part. He really, really wants a relative that likes him. And you does understand what it's been like for Sadie a bit more than the others do. I'm not sure the others ever really grasped how awful it was for Harry at the Dursleys either, simply because he's so good at hiding it from them, and he just doesn't talk about it.

And I'm really excited to start exploring this relationship between the two as well.

The twins feel like it is their duty to learn anything that could be useful in being sneaky and devious. It's a badge of honor.

Wow, thank you about Arthur and Molly. I honestly don't know what else to say about such an amazing compliment! Just...thanks!

I know I've stretched out this beginning for quite a bit, and they eventually do need to get to school, but there is so much Sadie needs to adjust to that I felt it was okay to take a little longer.

Thanks for a simply amazing review. I hope you can forgive me for letting real life get in the way and not answering right off the bat.

I would absolutely love to know what you think of the rest of the story, but I think I'm going to hold off on requesting reviews as much in the future. I can't seem to keep up with the lovely reviews I get and I feel so bad about leaving people waiting for responses. I just wanted you to know if I don't re-request for a while, it's not because I didn't absolutely love your reviews, it's simply because I can't keep up with them the way people deserve.

Thank you so much for this! You are really amazing.


 Report Review

Review #25, by AphorideHarry Potter and the Plot of Power: 01 For Crown and Country

29th March 2014:
Hey there - sorry it took me so long to get to this! I've been incredibly busy with RL for the last month or so, but it's mostly cleared up now so here I am! :)

Okay, so first off, I love the way you've written it as a number of sections which jump around from place to place and character to character. It really helps heighten the tension and get the mystery element in quick and early, you know? Makes it feel unsure... almost unsafe, if that makes sense.

I love how you're including an older Ron/Hermione/Harry/etc. with a new Minister and os on. It's such a lovely and different thing to see, since usually people don't include them when they're older... but yeah, I love how they're older and more mature but still identifiably them, you know? Even if you didn't have names I'd know who they were - the way Hermione tried to convince Ron to retire, and Ginny and her are ganging up on the boys to do it, haha. Hugo's reaction is such a typical child's response too! I'd be exactly the same, lol...

The scene with the Brigadier and the Major and the others is so chilling. Like, they're not good guys at all, but they seem to almost try and convince themselves that they are, and they don't care about what they have to do in order to protect themselves and 'their' things... I love how we don't know much about them, though - I think it works so well with this. It makes them that much more mysterious and terrifying, makes them more of a nameless face in the crowd...

Also, Hugo! Poor Hugo! And Lorcan... ah, no! I'm guessing the 'body' is one of them... not sure which one it'll be yet, but I'm guessing it's either one of them. Oh wow. Poor Harry and Ron when they have to identify the body - that's really not going to be great! Still, great, great cliffhanger and suspense! ;)

There were a few places here and there where you missed out little words, like 'he'. It's a small thing, but maybe if you read it through - maybe out loud might help more? - again, you should spot most of them. It just jars the flow a bit occasionally, makes it seem a bit strange... just thought I'd mention it!

Apart from that, really, this is awesome! Your writing is lovely and so clear and you're really building in the suspense/mystery element so, so well and I'm incredibly curious to know more! Your characters are all well-developed, and for those who aren't all that well-developed, it works with the kind of character they are, you know? so it doesn't really matter that much!

A really, really great chapter! :) Feel free to re-request!

Aph xx

Author's Response: Hello!!! So sorry I've taken forever to come and give you a response. I know the feeling about RL getting in the way.

I like splitting up the sections to give people a full aspect of what is going on. To give a glimpse of how things happened, why, and who. And how Harry and Co. handle the situation. And avoid plot holes as I write, hahaha.

The Ron and Hermione scene is something that I got from "experience". Haha. Not trying to convince my husband to retire but a way for me to get my way in some stuff. Hugo's reaction is something that I would see myself doing if I caught my own parents doing that.

The Brigadier and Major are definitely not good people. But they definitely, have it in their heads that what they're doing is the right thing. For the greater good, for the best for humanity.

I'm glad that you have some fear for what happens to either Lorcan and Hugo.

I'll do a second, third re-read and get together with my beta to iron the chapter out a bit more.

Thank you for your kind words! They help me want to keep on writing, to want to finish this story out and tell you guys everything I want to say in this story!!

Thank you for your review!!!

--Rosie


 Report Review
If this is your story and you wish to respond to reviews, please login

<Previous Page  Jump:     Next Page>