Reading Reviews From Member: Aphoride
  
324 Reviews Found

Review #1, by AphorideButterfly Effect: Prologue

20th August 2014:
Hey there! Dropping by for our review swap! :)

So I didn't read this when it was a one-shot, but I have to say that it makes a wonderful premise for a story! :)

I love how you started it without us knowing what exactly had happened to her mum and brother - it made the feeling in the writing so raw and powerful, because, really, we didn't need to know to get that it was heartbreaking stuff. The way she was shouting, repeating herself - it just really brought to life this kind of panic and fear and everything, which is so real, you know? I loved as well how her dad just signed the forms without thinking, because it might save them - there's something in that, you know, again that kind of realistic, sense of desperation for them to get better...

The one thing I was confused about was the football thing... with the touchdown... like, you use 'Mum' so I'm assuming they're English (or meant to be?) but the touchdown confused me because in English football there's no touchdown... :/ If I've missed something, feel free to kick me! :P

I'm so curious to see where this goes from here - her mum and brother having been killed by the truck driver, it must be so traumatic, and particularly in such a sudden way... that's the kind of thing which defines you. It changes things, and I'm curious to see how she reacts to that and how it affects her life and all... from your summary before (I think) I think James II comes into it? But I'm not sure...

Your writing is so powerful, though. It's simple but so evocative - you really just let the emotions talk, and that allows me as the reader to just feel. It's lovely, and so fast-paced as well, it's great.

So yeah, this is a really, really great start and I'm disappointed I didn't read the original one-shot! :)

Aph xx

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Review #2, by Aphoridean absence of light.: morning song.

18th August 2014:
Hey there! :) So I actually had to scroll down your page to see what I had and hadn't reviewed, because I love your work, so most of it I've already read, but I found this and I'm surprised I didn't stop by before. Vampires are just so cool... so interesting, but ah well, I get to stop by now! :)

I love how you presented Rose - she's such a beautifully complicated character. I love how she's not a victim, really, because she wanted the life she has, even if she's not totally sure about it now she has it, and she made a few mistakes, but she sort of accepts them, you know? It's such a lovely trait for her to have, and I like how she's not angry with Luc because of it, she's more angry about her family and disappointed in how they react. It's a really... can I say human? reaction to it, lol.

I loved how her family reacted, as well. They are a magical family - you can't expect them to simply be accepting of everything. There's a political thing going on underneath, with the magical creatures, and I love how you sort of delved into that with the Department of Regulation and all, the way her family are so scared of her and what she's become. It's really, really sad - both for her and for them, because she's lost her family and they've lost her, in a way, and it's just so sad that they're scared because it's so unfair. So yeah, I loved that - and I loved how Rose got angry at Hermione, because I can really, really get how and why she would be.

Also, I like how you dealt with the whole vampirism issue. Like it was just sort of... boring :P But not in a bad way as in your writing was boring, but that being a vampire wasn't much of anything special, it was more like being a different sort of person. There was this lovely sort of anti-climax where Rose was asking Luc questions, and she met his friends and it was all just so normal - like not that much different from a human life. And I loved that. The normality of her life really highlighted her family's reaction.

Hugo is amazing. 'Nuff said :P I love that boy. He and Rose have such a fabulous relationship, too. I like how he came round in the end - perhaps was always sort of round, in a way. It leaves this sort of hopeful, you know? And I like that. It's so much better than a properly 'happy' ending with everyone being friends and all...

Your writing, of course, is lovely as ever. I love your word choice and the different sections - the beginning was amazing - and the voice of Rose in this is just so strong. I remember reading your other stuff and how different this voice is to others you've written, and that kind of skill just amazes me every time.

So yes. I'm still in love with your work, and I'm so so glad you're back, and thank you so much for the swap! :)

Aph xx

Author's Response: Hiya! Awh you always send the best reviews, thank you so much!

I had a lot of fun with Rose in this. When I first started writing it I was writing her very differently, much more helpless, but I quickly realised i liked it much better if she wasn't just a mindless victim. The ambiguity of whether or not she wanted to be changed aside, she takes control of the situation, doesn't just totally run away from it - though she's tempted to try, at first.

Writing her family's reactions was hard for me! A lot of people have criticised it, but I stand by how I characterised the family. They don't know any better, and the wizarding world, in my opinion, is actually much more old fashioned and close minded than our world. So as sad as it is, I don't think they would easily accept her at all, because they just don't understand, and they've grown up with this ingrained fear of vampires, taught that vampires are instinctively evil... They probably feel like the rose they know is dead, really.

I was really trying to avoid as many vampire cliches as I could, because this is probably the most written about supernatural creature in the world and it's hard to get an original take on that XD so yeah, the main thing I tried to dispel was the idea that vamp life is super glamorous! So much of real life is filled with boring but essential tasks, I figured and extended life would be just the same, especially if you're in the modern day trying to be on the up-and-up, so you can't just go around stealing and biting whoever you want. It was actually really fun to write these, like , domestic vampires XD

I LOVE HUGO. whenever I put him in a story he always seems to end up the hero, oops XD I love the idea of him as a punk with a heart of gold, haha. And I'm a sucker for brother/sister cuteness, so I knew from the start that he would be the one to support Rose. I wanted to give her at least one person from the fam who was on her side!

I'm so glad you liked the writing and the whole story! This was a slightly rushed challenge entry originally so I still want to polish it up at some stage, but it means a lot you even like it as a slightly shabby version, haha!

~Maia


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Review #3, by AphorideStarfall: Seal Our Fate

16th August 2014:
Hi Isobel! :) Firstly, I'm sorry if this is a little short - I'm pretty busy atm, with sorting stuff out for going abroad soon - but I just had to drop by and see this, because I really, really do love this story! :)

I love Dorcas, how she's such a fully-developed character in this, despite not really being around for much of it :( The idea of the Death Eaters moving around, having temporary houses (at least, most of the known ones) is so good, and really highlights the idea that this is on both sides, a sort of guerilla war, where neither side has power and both sides are sort of undercover, in a way. You really build this whole feeling throughout it that anyone could be involved - it's so plausible that random people are involved, because of the way the war is, you know?

Poor Milly, though - so alone and so unfortunate :(

I loved the scene with Lily and James, too. How James was so loyal to his friends, and it became a weakness for him - how he just runs off into the night to go and find Peter and prove that he's not a traitor, because to him it is unthinkable. It's actually just desperately sad, I think, because he's a nice, good bloke... gah, I love James! :P And Lily... I love the mentions of the things she'll leave behind in the house - the photos and things - and how she and Harry escape with Hagrid, with Voldemort so close behind... (the only criticism, if I had one, would be that the end of this, with him coming up the path to the house, could be a bit more tense? Like, Lily could be more scared?)

I loved how you wrote Barty, as well. Of course, I ship him with Regulus, haha, but I loved his interactions with Marlene, and how crazy he is, but so clever as well. And Marlene! I loved - honestly, loved to bits - how she was kinda going crazy and psychopathic because of the loss of her family and yet she's on the good side, you know? Like, she's supposed to be a good guy, and she's out there killing random, innocent people because of revenge and it suits her needs. She's such a great character and I really hope we see more of her in the future! :)

Snape is so wonderfully creepy, as well, with all the comments about 'his Lily' and things... it's so possessive and so desperate.

All the little details and hints and clue-type things in here are just amazing, too. Like, why Barty is leaking secrets to the Order, how he's not being found out, is Snape going to work out that Milly wasn't an Order member and Barty's lying, what will happen to Pettigrew now his information failed and he's been rumbled as a spy, what will happen to Lily. gah, there's so many questions and so few answers! :P I'm so so curious...

So yes, your writing is fabulous, the length of this, even if it was long, was virtually unnoticeable, and I'm first review! (I hope, I think, maybe?) Yay! Hehe...

I love this story. So much. Please update soon! :)

Aph xx

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Review #4, by AphorideWhen Summer Fades: equinox

15th August 2014:
Hey there! Dropping by for our review swap! :)

Okay, so I love stories about Regulus - he's one of my favourite characters, with the whole tragedy of dying young, the whole family situation with his parents and Sirius... gah, so angsty, poor boy :P So when I saw this, I just had to read it.

I really, really love the way you presented him here. As like torn between two sides and almost not really being allowed to simply be himself, he kinda has to be both of his parents and Sirius, if that makes sense? Like he has to agree with both sides, seem to be on both sides... you've portrayed it as this really delicate balancing act, which I love - and a balancing act he kinda needs in his life, to avoid being sucked one way or the other. He seems strangely sort of... not unhappy with his friends, but sort of unfulfilled - as though they don't give him everything he needs in a friendship. I loved as well how surprised he was that Summer wanted to be friends with him - as though it didn't happen, but it probably didn't for him, and not with 'people like her'... gah, he's just a wonderful, wonderful character.

Summer is great too - I like how she's almost his kind of anti-thesis: happy and cheerful and bright, but not stupid or naive about what's going on and what they have to do to be friends. Like, she doesn't push him and is perhaps a bit of a walkover, in a way, but she's just generally a nice, good person. Her optimism as well is such a nice trait.

I liked how they sort of became friends almost be accident, and his friends didn't find out for ages because they simply assumed - and it's a fair enough assumption, to an extent! :P - and the cliffhanger at the end is great (though annoying, coz I wanna know what she has to say... *pouts*).

Like before (I read low tide, I remember, and loved it to bits), your writing is so gorgeous. The details you include are amazing, and your word choice is brilliant. The voice fits the character so well, and nothing seems out of place or over the top. Little phrases like 'wearing my heart on my sleeve' and 'she just listened until I had talked myself hoarse' are just so, so good.

So yeah, I really liked this! This is such a great chapter and a great story! Thanks so much for the swap, as well! :)

Aph xx

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Review #5, by AphorideOne Blaze of Glory: Feel the Heat of the Future's Glow

15th August 2014:
Hey there! Stopping by for our review swap! :)

I have to say, part of why I love summer is because I get to come along to all those stories I've seen around on the forums for ages, with people recommending them and stuff, like with this one. I loved the idea of the book when I heard about it in the canon, and he idea of a story based on that book is genius.

I love how you start it with the introduction to the book, with him talking about what he's going to write and how it's going to work, stressing that it's important. Because it is. Also, I really like how you describe the attack and make a point of stressing how they came from a wealthy, prominent family and after the attack Marcellus was expected to simply leave his brother behind, on his own, with nothing. It's such a harsh life, you know, but it kinda speaks about so much more and can be applied to so many things. It makes you think, I guess, is what I'm trying to say.

So yeah, I like that this isn't happy at the beginning, but it's the kind of story which almost shouldn't be, partly because of the canon information going into it, but also partly because of the sort of point I guess you're trying to make? But I love how you don't overdo it - you just mention things, almost casually. In the sense that, Marcellus doesn't seem to sort of dwell on things, he's more like a reporter than a writer, in the sense that he's just writing down what happens, not adding anything or changing anything. At the same time, with the situation, you manage to build this wonderful sympathy and empathy for with the characters. I want them to do well. I want them to, not get better, but do better. Be happy - all that kind of stuff. You make me root for them, seemingly without trying.

Your writing in this is gorgeous too - I love how you use description so effectively and your dialogue is so good, too - you adapted it to each character, which I'm so jealous of! Your word choice was brilliant in places and so suitable. Everything was just... gah, it just all flowed and fitted together so beautifully and it was so engaging. Like, I couldn't stop reading it.

I think I'm going to have to add this to my favourites :) Thank you so much for the swap, too! :)

Aph xx

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Review #6, by AphorideTea & Poison: Ella

12th August 2014:
Hi Isobel! So, I know it's terrible - I've been meaning to read this for ages, so as soon as I saw you post for a swap, I jumped on it! And now I'm just so so sad I never got round to coming to this earlier, because, honestly, this was amazing.

You manage to build this wonderfully creepy, dark atmosphere so easily, with the voice (of the dead boy? I'm not totally sure, but if it is then it's even creepier...) and the woman being so weird - the room being empty when she looks around, thinking things happen and people do and say things and then finding out they didn't. It's just... gah. I don't know how you do it, it's just so strange and confusing - in a good way! :P - with all the twists and turns, and differences in reality.

I love Elladora's character and the way you portray the whole family, too. I love how she doesn't seem to really like them, but feels in a way sort of oddly obligated to them nonetheless - it's a very strange, detached sort of attachment, if that makes sense, though it works so well with her and the times and everything! It adds so well to the spookiness - there's this sense, particularly at the beginning, but even at the end, that Elladora's on her own with everything that's going on, with the voice and what-have-you. It makes it so much worse because she can't ask for help and doesn't expect any help or for anyone to understand... Phineas is... well, not very nice? But I suppose he wasn't necessarily going to be, given who he becomes (albeit in painting form!) :P Her mother is terrifyingly haunting, too - she reminds me of a slightly more hysterical Miss Haversham, in Great Expectations, you know? Only sort of darker...

All the little details, like the rumours surrounding Ursula Flint and her mother were so good - I loved all the little things about society and how they were supposed to act and things. It was just so good! :)

Your writing was phenomenal in this. Seriously. It's just amazing. This is one of the best horror/dark things I've read in a long time, and I've almost fallen in love with the whole setting... even though it's creepier as anything! :P

Loved. To bits. Favouriting. Can I kick you to update this one too? :P ;)

Aph xx

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Review #7, by AphorideJigsaw: Piece #1

11th August 2014:
Hi Sian! I was so glad when I saw you in the review tag, because it meant I could stop by and get a chance to thank you for all the lovely reviews you've left me recently! Plus, it means I got a chance to have a look at your new stories - both of which look so good and so interesting - since I'm short on time atm and excuses are necessary :P

I love the different sections in this - how you start off with the man being cursed and all of that, and then with Roxy at the newspaper (which is such a good idea for a murder mystery, btw! I'm also jealous I didn't think of it first :P). They flow so beautifully together.

Roxy is such a wonderful character! I love how she's so dissatisfied with her life as it is, but at the same time is so in love with her chosen career and so determined to make it that she's still there, still going. She's so realistic, you know, in that she's not amazingly successful and has difficult relationships (like with Daniel, and Fred and everything that went on there - which I'm so incredibly curious about, I have to admit!).

The newspaper is just awesome. I can imagine it so clearly in my head - with all of the people there, and the little desks and Higgins being so rude and angry and everything... your writing is just so lovely - so evocative - and really allows the image to almost come alive. It's just gorgeous. And you're so so good at writing the mysterious bits too, without making them confusing or anything.

The details in this were amazing, too. I loved the Quidditch chat and the drinks and how the barman knew them so well, and the use of muggle technology - I have to be honest, it's one of my pet peeves, but in this it worked because it was so strange for them, you know? Like, they didn't just suddenly get it and be fine with it. It was weird and new for them, and I loved that!

So, yes, this is just a gorgeous, wonderfully-written start. I'm so hooked on what's happened already and so desperate to know more. I may poke you on twitter/hpff asking for updates. Please don't be alarmed :P

Please update soon! Favourited! :)

Aph xx

Author's Response: Hi Laura! Ah, I was so excited to see that you'd chosen to review this story when you followed me in review tag, because I've put a lot of work into it, and it means so much to get this fantastic review from you!

I'm really pleased that you think the different sections flowed well! I was worried that it might seem too stilted but I wanted to include the opening section especially to introduce more of the mystery.

I'm thrilled that you like Roxy! I've been working on this story for quite a while now so I've grown quite attached to her - it was important to me that she was realistic and didn't have the perfect life and job. Everything's a bit rubbish for her at the moment, actually, but she is ambitious and loves her work.

It's brilliant that you could imagine the Prophet offices! I have a really clear image of them in my head too, and was hoping that I could convey that; the atmosphere there and the sense of belonging to something much bigger are one of the reasons Roxy loves working there. I'm really pleased that you liked the mysterious parts too, and hat they didn't seem to confusing!

I was a bit hesitant about whether to include Muggle technology or not, because I think sometimes it's made to seem too easy. It's only a recent addition to their world here, and I imagine the phones being like the earlier ones from the 90s, only being able to phone and not much else.

Thank you so much for this amazing review! I'm hoping to post an update soon! ♥


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Review #8, by AphoridePlaying for Keeps: A Face From the Past

10th August 2014:
Hi Mallory! :D Gah, second review - I will get first next time, I promise! :P

So, I love that this chapter carries straight on from before, but also the way you don't immediately tell us who he is or use his name straight away. It's a little thing, but it adds so much... and I liked how your James isn't a nice, charming, delightful guy. He's a former bully (maybe not one still) and a bit creepy and arrogant and annoying - the kind of guy I wouldn't want to be friends with, you know. But, then you make him so real at the end by him having his own problems and his own fears and difficulties - he's not just mean and arrogant, he also feels afraid and worried and things like that. He's such a good character, even just in this so far. All the little references to him being a Quidditch player and being so smooth in the spotlight and being fawned all over, but then being different out of it... I don't know if this was your intention, but you make me almost feel a bit sorry for him. He's not a nice guy, but that doesn't mean fame isn't hard and it doesn't wear on him like it does on other people. The way you've used fame as well in this is just so good, too :)

So yeah, James is awesome. I loved the developments of your MC, too - though we still don't know her name! Next chapter, please? :P Nah, it's fine, it works so well without having a name, tbh. It's almost more mysterious. I'm almost hoping you keep this up until James finds it out - like it's a kind of thematic-trope type thing in this. It would be so awesome if it was... but, anyway! I love her and the way you've developed her. She's been bullied, but she's stronger. She hasn't forgiven or forgotten, she can hold a grudge, she gets angry, she's rude... gah, she's such a great character! And I really like her - she's so real! :)

Your writing is again so good in this - the mystery is so lovely, so well woven throughout it and the lack of a name for her adds to it so much. Plus, the little bits you give us - which cousin is blackmailing James? Why are they blackmailing him? Why did they choose pool? What really happened at Hogwarts? - are just so tantalising. I want to know! *pouts*

Plus, your word choice in this was amazing. Seriously. I loved the description of 'bacchanalian celebration' and 'recapitulation'. Gah, just so good!

The details - I have to mention that I loved the little mentions of wizarding culture-type thing in this. The Quidditch chat, the comment about how words and names have power and meaning... they're all just so lovely and so atmospheric.

So yes, I am still in love with this story, I am so, so curious to know what's going to happen next and about the bet and whether or not she'll help him, or how he'll persuade her, and just everything! This is really just so good I can't even! :D

I would ask for another update, but I think two updates in two days is a bit cheeky :P

Please write more! :D :)

Aph xx

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Review #9, by AphorideLove Lost to the Greater Good: Adult

7th August 2014:
Hi there! Dropping by from review tag :)

So, you should know that I adore Albus/Gellert, so as soon as I saw this I couldn't resist coming to have a look at it!

I love how you've presented Albus. He's such a complicated character, particularly in that summer, and I love how you've shown that - he's angry at having to stay behind and guilty about not wanting to and not doing enough to take care of Ariana and knowing he's falling in love but not wanting, perhaps, to do much about... it's just so perfect and so real!

Gellert was amazing, too - the way he was so calculating and so good at reading Albus and working out his secrets, like the attraction, and was just sort of biding his time until using it... it's strangely sinister and yet kinda sweet, in a weird way, haha. I liked the way you had the moment when Gellert thinks he's manipulating Albus to make him dependent, but really Gellert just wants to kiss him :P It's just so in character for him.

I loved how you wove in all the greater good and hallows stuff, as well, with them talking about it, and Gellert being the more driven of the two of them and Albus knowing the words are empty and not being totally comfortable with the idea of so many people dying for an ideal.

Your writing was so good in this too - so fluid and clean and such lovely description! :)

Aph xx

Author's Response: I'm glad you liked it. When found out Dumbledore was gay I really got into this ship because it is more interesting than the usual slash drama. Writing manipulative people is my favorite! I'm glad I managed to make Albus likeable. In my first draft he was kind of a jerk. I hope you consider reading more of my stuff.
Gladis Gudgeon


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Review #10, by AphorideRainfall: One

6th August 2014:
Hi there - stopping by for the Blue v Bronze review battle! :)

I've seen this around the site, but I've never stopped by so I'm glad I got a chance to drop by this time! It's such a unique premise, really challenging in pretty much every way and so thought-provoking and emotional, you know?

You deal with Hugo being blind so well. Your writing doesn't feel limited at all and the description of things is just so gorgeous, whether it's what things look like or feel like or sound like. I almost wish I could get someone to read this to me so I could listen to it with my eyes close to imagine it properly :)

Hugo is such an amazing character. I love how he's not very outgoing, and very close to Lily, and irritated by people treating him like he's made of china or something, because he's not. It's such a real reaction, and kinda makes me wonder if I've ever come across as overly helpful and a bit smothering in that kind of way. Rose and his parents mean to be nice, but being overprotective kinda makes it annoying. Such a good, real presentation of them all, though!

The little mentions of things like Braille and him not always knowing when the dog (Snuffles! :D) comes up to him and hating people sitting in silence in the same room as him are so, so good.

As a whole thing, this is just so emotional and so evocative. You get the feeling of frustration at the end with Hugo, but also that he's just accepted it and he feels like his parents and Rose haven't quite accepted yet, even after so long. The ending scene particularly was so good - I felt so sorry for him, because it's something which really hurts, and the kid won't have meant it to be too rude because they just don't understand, but in a way that makes it sadder, if that makes sense. Especially when their parent doesn't seem to really step in... grr.

So yes, this was a really, really lovely piece. Gorgeous writing, great characters and an amazing, amazing premise. I'm so curious to see where this goes and how Hugo copes with everything! :)

Aph xx

Author's Response: Hi!

Thank you! I'm so glad you like it.

I've actually thought about volunteering this story to be made into a podcast over at FFAB. When I've finished it, I might. It would be really appropriate. If I can find anyone willing to record an entire novel!

I literally stop and close my eyes at odd moments to get a picture of what things would be like for him. It's fascinating to write from his perspective - if very limiting at times. And I think it's done wonders for my description! But you don't really appreciate how much you rely on sight until you think about managing without.

Really happy you like him - he's the first character I really feel I know. Like as I've been writing (I've actually got nearly 17 chapters done now) I've come to know exactly how he thinks and what he'd do. He feels like a very real character, and I'm really happy that comes across!

Indeed, Snuffles :D

The parent certainly wasn't very quick at stepping in, anyway, not acting before Hugo'd lost his temper and stopped listening. I've seen a few times the concept that children are honest in a way adults aren't, and it's true and Hugo knows it.

Thank you so much! I hope you do come back and read the rest - I'd love to know what you think. :)

~ Leo xx


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Review #11, by AphorideEvent Three - The Plans We Make: The Plans We Make

5th August 2014:
Hey there - dropping by for the Blue v Bronze review battle! :)

So I love Ron/Hermione, and when I saw that this was a Harry/Hermione sibling-friendship type story, I had to pop by because I love those to pieces and there are never enough of them!

Your characterisation here is amazing. I'm so intimidated by the trio because they have such well-defined personalities and I'm so scared by the thought of messing them up, but you just wrote them so, so well. I love the way you write Hermione as being so out-of-control and unsure of herself because it's a step she didn't see coming and she didn't plan for it and she doesn't know what to do - it's a lovely, real side to Hermione we don't really see all that much of in the books so I loved seeing it here. Harry was brilliant, too - so out-of-his-depth at the beginning with the situation and wishing Ginny was there for the girl-talk stuff, haha, but he's grown up and knows not to say things which will irritate her and stuff.

The tone of this was so gorgeous, too. I love the way you layered it - with the fluffy kinda tone of it all, especially at the end, and then the kind of sad, anxious tone with Hermione and then all of Harry's confusion - it's so complex and so real!

Just gotta say, I love the bit where Harry offered up James Sirius as a test baby for Ron to practice changing diapers on. Poor baby James Sirius! :P

Your writing is so lovely in this. It's so compact and it flows so beautifully and nothing feels extraneous and there's just the right amount of description and detail... gah, it's so great! :)

The ending was perfect. Just perfect. That is all. :D :D

SO yes, I really, really enjoyed this one-shot and am totally in awe of the fact that you wrote this (and two other stories!) in under a week.

Aph xx

Author's Response: Thank you so much for such a nice review!!

I adore Harry and Hermione's friendship. I know a lot of people hate it, but I sort of love the dancing scene in the DH movie. If you look at it through the lens of friendship rather than the film trying to force Harmony on us, it's a really sweet moment!

You shouldn't be intimidated by the trio!! You're an amazing writer, and I doubt you'd mess them up. I tend to think that they're easier, because you don't have to think about them as much. They're already there! And you don't have to worry so much about giving background.

You're so nice!! I'm just flabbergasted by these compliments.

Alright... full disclosure... I wrote this like 6 months ago. It was the first chapter of a Novella that wasn't going anywhere. It needed major edits to make it work as a one-shot, but... the dough was already there. I could probably still publish the Novella with the original first chapter (because I really did do major edits), but... I feel like I should say that :P.

Thanks again for such an amazing review!!!

-Georgia



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Review #12, by AphorideStarfall: Prologue

5th August 2014:
Hi Isobel! :) So I saw you posted this yesterday and really wanted to read it (and am now wishing I had had more time yesterday... fourth to review and sixth to favourite isn't as good as first or second ;D) but didn't have time, so here I am now! :)

The premise of this is so, so good. I'm not usually a fan of 'what if' stories, but this drew me in anyway - because it sounds dark and gritty and action/adventure-y which is all the kind of stuff I like :P Plus, it's your NaNo novel - or one of them - which you talked about and it sounded so good then, so I'm ignoring my own preferences here, haha.

But yes, this is a brilliant start. As a prologue it works so, so well - enough that I have no idea what happened to get Lily to that point (why? He's her son! Whaaa?!) but also that I want to find out what happened... I'm assuming something with Snape happened... hm... the mystery you have in this and you inject through this is so good - I'm so intrigued!

The way you write Voldemort is terrifyingly good, too. Terrifying because it's Voldemort, you know, but it's so perfectly in canon and so in character for him. I loved the way he wasn't bothered, really, by the idea that some of his followers might have betrayed him because he can deal with them later. It's this sense of egomania with him which is just so on point. Like, they're all ants to him. They don't matter. I'm actually kinda hoping there's more from his pov in future, because it's so fascinating and so good. Is that weird? I dunno... :P

The sense in this chapter - of defeat and loss and sort of despair on the side of Lily and the Order, and then of winning and triumph and glee from Voldemort - was amazing. I always find it so difficult to weave two different feelings like that together without making it weird - how did you do it? :P It really just builds up the picture and the tension and allows your beautiful writing and description to almost flow past. It's gorgeous writing, really, speaking of - your word choice is stunning and the pace is so quick and fluid. Little things like describing the Atrium as 'desecrated' and Lily's eyes as 'doe-like' are just so evocative.

So yes, I loved this, and I will be following this story relentlessly and badgering you on twitter if you don't update on time (not really, don't worry! ;D). Favouriting! :)

Aph xx

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Review #13, by AphoridePlaying for Keeps: Shooting Star, After Midnight

4th August 2014:
Mallory! Hey! :D So I promised to drop by, and here I am! :)

I've been looking forward to you putting this up ever since you mentioned it in the cabin, because it's such an interesting and unusual idea - plus, it helps that I know how to play pool, as well :P

I love the idea that it's in a casino, and the idea of a wizarding casino with slot machines and enchanted cards and all sorts of things is just so cool - I hope you go into more detail on that later, coz I wanna know so much more about it! And the idea of Fred Weasley II running it? Perfect! :)

I love your main character (so mysterious we don't know her first name yet - but it suits the chapter so well! I was so engrossed in reading I didn't even notice we didn't know it). I love how she's confident (but grown confident) and sexy and kinda cool and mysterious and yet from your summary she works so hard. She's just such an interesting character because in this all we see her at is her job, and in sort of an alter-ego kinda thing, so I can't wait for the next chapter to show us more of her.

The way you wrote the pool itself was brilliant. I'm always so nervous about writing actions scenes, because they're hard man! but this was just so good - I could see it happening in my head and it was so quick, as well. Tell me how you do that! Please? :P But seriously, it was so good!

Haha, I can't really feel sorry for the bloke who lost all his money - though he was a really great character. So real and so normal, to an extent, you know? He felt like someone you could pass on the street in RL. Poor Bonnie... :P

I'm so curious to know who the mysterious observer is and what he wants. She seems so scared/worried/etc.

Your writing in this is so good, too. I said about the pool scenes up there - and they were amazing - but all of your writing was so good. It flowed so well and your word choice was so great. I loved the way you described things, as well, particularly the casino at the top of this.

You people are making me add so many favourites these days :P Favouriting, following, bugging you to update :P

Update soon! Please? *bats eyes*

Aph xx

Author's Response: Wow, time certainly flies when summer ends. Sorry I took so long to respond, but this review is seriously one of the loveliest that I've ever gotten. So thank you for that!

Wooo, I'm so glad that you play pool! So maybe you can make sense of the jargon that I'm sure I'm going to jumble as the story progresses. :D I'm an amateur, but I really love pool and when I got this plunny, I couldn't NOT write it. Pool is cool, end of story.

The casino will definitely be featured a lot in the chapters to come. It plays a big part of the eventual plot (which will turn up one of these days). Freddy is one of my favorite characters to write, actually. He's so eclectic and weird, and you'll get to meet him later on in the story.

Ooh, I'm so glad that you didn't notice that I hadn't revealed my main character's name yet (until the end). I have this terrible habit of keeping character names out of the chapters until the very last second. In this particular story, her name isn't revealed until chapter three! Yes, well spotted! She's definitely taking on a sort of persona in this chapter--definitely playacting so that she can trick all of her opponents and such. Her work personality and her home personality are quite different!

Thank you so much! This chapter just came out of my head when I was at a loss for how to approach the beginning of the story. The pool scene is something that I imagine to be extremely overdramatic and very intense--almost a parody of itself. It was so fun to write! I honestly don't know how I did it, especially since I'm usually awful at describing action. I suppose it's easier when the majority of the action is done by inanimate objects. :)

Ugh, I don't feel sorry for the guy, either. I feel sorry for Bonnie. She married a schmuck, but a very commonplace schmuck. He was fun to write, but I'm hoping he won't make any surprise appearances in later chapters. o.O

Yes! The mystery observer is very scary. Be afraid. Be very afraid. ;)

Thank you so, so much! This is still my favorite chapter, just because I like the air of mystery that surrounds everything. I'm so glad that you liked the flow of the words and the descriptions! Hopefully I can keep that up. :D

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR FAVOURITING!!! Seriously, it made my day so much. And this was a fantastic review as well. You are too kind. :)

~Mallory


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Review #14, by AphorideHow to Become Minister of Magic: A Guide: Let's Make a Deal

4th August 2014:
Hey Mary, dropping by from the Blue v Bronze review battle! :)

So, you should know that I love politics, it's something which really fascinates me, so I'm amazed it's taken me this long to get here, because this really does seem right up my street!

I love how you've got her starting off at the bottom - and Louis as well - even though her dad is pretty well-known and pretty high up in the Ministry, it seems. It's an interesting route to go with her, rather than her asking daddy to put her in a better job to start, you know, and says a lot about her character and how she wants to do it on her own, not with her dad's support, kinda thing. Laney is a really good character, too - she's not necessarily very nice, is very driven and manipulative, quite haughty and a bit egotistical, but somehow she's interesting and I want to read more about her and if she stays like this the whole way. It's an impressive knack to have ;)

I really like the other characters as well, and the way you show them solely through Laney's pov. Like the other assistant, who's kinda plain and a bit dowdy and probably really very nice, but Laney hates her and looks down on her. And the boss who is a bit of a pig, tbh, but you get people like him and the other girl, you know?

Louis is awesome. I love how you're using him like a kinda male mirror-image of Laney, in the sense that they're so similar, and they have similar aims and are happy to have similar methods of getting what they want. It's kind of a devilish pact, if that makes sense, and I'm so interested to know how it turns out.

This is such a good set up and such a good start to the story. I'm so curious to know what happens with the pact and with the job and all... also, whether or not Laney will stay as she is or if she'll change as the story goes on.

Ah, such a good story! I'll have to keep an eye in this ;)

Aph xx

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Review #15, by AphorideBackground Noise: The Curse of Carkett Close

4th August 2014:
Omigosh, so, okay, when I saw this on your page, I just had to come read it. A teh-style parody with a bunch of wacky characters and a girl who's both a reincarnated drunk old man and a princess? Yes please! :D

This was just amazing. I'm not usually a big fan of parodies because often they're either too cynical/sarcastic or just not very funny and kinda miss the whole point of it all, but this is just... well, there's no way you could take it seriously. And that makes it brilliant.

I love Jo. She's so real, which seems almost strange to say in this world, but she is. She's surprisingly unbothered by things, lacks motivation, but it really brave underneath it all and just sort of gets on with things. In the context of the story, she's almost dull compared to the others characters, except she's got this wonderfully unique voice which is just amazing.

Nora is probably my favourite though. You can't really explain her without smiling and she's just such a wonderful, brilliant and interesting character. I kinda wanna know what the other dimension is like (will we ever see it? It would be pretty cool) and where she's come from. She's such a mysterious character, but she feels like she could be living next door to you.

Lizzy just makes me laugh. All the time.

The whole world you've built here is probably my favourite thing about this, though. It's just... amazing. It expands so nicely onto JK's world that it almost feels like it's just another bit we didn't really hear about before, and yet it's so different. It's totally wacky and weird and I love that. The name's are all so great, too - Carkett Close is genius! - though having a Horseshoe pub is a bit weird for me since I used to live near a Horseshoe pub... O.o but nm. The idea of the curse on the street is so good, too, and should be sad but isn't... I think it's because Jo just deals with it in such a sarcastic way :P

The details and writing, as ever, are gorgeous. Particularly the details - I loved all the little bits about the falling pianos and enlarged lawn mowers and sentient mould, and the chain of command question (God or a goblin? :P)... gah, just all of it. Again, I'm amazed by how different the style is here to other stories - tell me your secrets! :P You're so adaptable, it's just so impressive. I also loved all the little nods to pop culture, haha, though I won't list them here ;)

Ooh, and James Potter... so mysterious. Though I like how he's moving through wives, haha, and the Daily Prophet reporting so much on a single, relatively uninteresting event, except it's being reported on the same level as the end of the world. I'm so curious to meet him - I'm guessing the task is to look after him or something? And I like how he's a Seer - very cool!

Also, I have a soft spot for the clowns. And Creevey (Dennis?) :P

I'm so sorry if this is semi-incomprehensible, though I'm not really sorry because I loved this and I'm so glad I read it :)

This is being favourited and followed. Almost obsessively :P

Aph xx

Author's Response: Aph!! ♥

Aaahhh, thank you for this amazing review!?!

I'm not a great fan of too many cynical/sarcastic parodies either, but I do love crack!fic and ridiculousness told with a completely straight tone.

Yup, that sounds like Jo alright! 'Lacking motivation' is an excellent way to describe her. But I suppose if you're cursed to die pretty soon, you're going to lack a lot of motivation as well...and yeah, despite this curse and everything, she does seem the normallest out of everybody present. :P I'm so glad you liked her voice! I was a little out of practice with writing first person POV when I started this fic, but your review makes me feel a lot better.

And I'm glad you like Nora with all her mystery. She's the epitome of the mysterious girl with the mysterious past, which is coming to her in 'flashes' of remembering. :P

And the world that you're reading about is just me botching JKR's wonderful wizarding world and inserting random details here and there. I don't even know how I came up with some of the details like enlarged lawn mowers and whatnot. And pop culture references abound in this story. JUst because they're fun! I've always wanted to write something crammed with the silliest, most irrelevant pop culture references (the obscurer, the better) so I sound like someone who knows a whole tonne of things (but actually I probably watch too much TV and just googled a lot of stuff up.).

James Potter, ha! I haven't quite decided what sort of character he's going to be. He'll definitely make his first appearance in the third chapter. Here's to hoping that he doesn't disappoint!

Awww, thank you so so much for this brilliant review, Laura! I CANNOT BELIEVE THAT YOU'D FOLLOW SOMETHING SO RIDICULOUS AS THIS ♥ THANK YOU!!

-teh


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Review #16, by AphorideDeath's Other Kingdom: Death's Other Kingdom

3rd August 2014:
Hey there! I'm so so sorry this is so ridiculously late - RL has been manic for the last while with all sorts of things and I didn't want to do a short review (because, really, I have far too much to say about how much I love this to fit in a short one :P) so I'm here way later than I should have been, so I'm so sorry about that.

Okay, so I loved this. You have this incredible gift of taking characters - often you manage to pick the ones I could never write, as well - and just writing them so well and so perfectly and in such a different direction to what I was expecting or thinking. Every time I read something of yours, I come away with a new idea about something or way of looking at someone. It's honestly incredible.

I have to honest and say that while Snape is probably one of the best characters in the series, I've never been able to like him. What I loved about this was that I didn't have to, and I don't think I was really meant to. You said you wanted to explore the darker sides of Severus and how he became a killer and it just... made sense. I could see him spiralling down and getting out of control, and I could almost feel his emotions through your writing and understand, even if I didn't like it, how he got to where he was. I almost feel sorry for him in this, except that he has this big thing about choices, with Lily and how she's chosen her path and he's chosen his - and it's the choice which makes him almost irredeemable in this, you know?

Gah, I could go on about this for ages... I loved how you presented him - and Voldemort. I don't think I've ever seen someone write Voldemort so well and so creepy and so... caring? I dunno if that's even a word that can be applied to him, but sort of interested, at least. The amazing thing is that you have this way of making things like that which should be just 'whaaat? O.o' seem completely and totally believable. Like, I believe you about this. I think it could work, the way you wrote it - with Voldemort seeing himself in Snape and that maybe being the attraction, and Snape just wanting to be needed and wanted and loved, and... just, yeah.

Your Voldemort is just amazing, as well. I mean, creepy as anything and terrifying and he doesn't even kill anyone or anything in this, but he still manages to be creepier and almost darker than in the books.

As always, your writing is to die for and practically makes me drool. Everything is just perfect: the word choice, the flow, the length and pace... it's just perfect. I don't know how else to describe it :P

Gah, you're just amazing. Seriously. I'm going to have to favourite this, because I don't quite know what else to do since someone else already recommended it on the forums (drat! :P) but I kinda feel I should do something...

I think I can probably officially call myself your fangirl now :) Yes? No? :P

Aph xx

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Review #17, by AphorideShelter: Shelter

2nd August 2014:
Hey there! Dropping by for our review swap! :)

So when you mentioned this, I just had to drop by, especially after I'd read the summary. I love Ron/Hermione - they're just so perfect together! - and a nice bit of angst every now and then, so this was right up my street straight away!

I really, really enjoyed this, too - I'm so glad you mentioned it! I love how you wrote Hermione - not as weak or pathetic or anything, but as recovering and needing to be comforted after having been so strong before. It's something of a subtle difference, but I loved it. You really kinda showed why Hermione's a Gryffindor with her bravery, and the bit with the lies and her nearly giving in was just so clever and could so easily have been in the books it's practically become my head-canon for that moment just now :P I'm so so impressed by how well you did with Hermione, because I'm so terrified of writing canon characters, and there's nothing in this which is anything even the slightest bit OOC. It's just perfect characterisation. I'm almost jealous :P

Your Ron was wonderful, too! I love how he was there when she needed him and, despite how much they argue in the books, he knew how to comfort her and knew what to say and things. It was just so sweet and really, really showed the whole deep friendship turning to love thing so well. You really managed to develop this whole other side to Ron, where he's caring and compassionate and almost hypersensitive of Hermione's moods and how she would react to things. It's so brilliant, and just makes their relationship in this for me.

Your writing as well is gorgeous. It flows so beautifully, and the memories of Hermione being tortured fit in so well - they don't seem out of place at all, tbh. There's just enough description and enough characterisation to make it a really deep and meaningful story without having too much happening and going really heavy on the whole Bellatrix part of it all. I love this missing moment - it's so sweet and tender and sad and just, gah, full of so many emotions! :)

Really, really good one-shot! I'm so glad we swapped and I found this :)

Aph xx

Author's Response: Thank you so much for this amazing review (and the amazing swap, as well)!

I'm so relieved to hear that I didn't mess up Hermione's characterization. I'm definitely scared of canon characters too, considering I'm a stickler for canon stories, so I was worried. That's really great to hear!

Same goes for Ron, as well. In the books we have so much opportunity to see him as a moody teenager who lets his emotions get the best of him, but I sensed a more mature and protective side of him when Hermione was tortured in the books. I definitely wanted to show that through this.

Once again, this is very appreciated! Thanks :)

Jackie


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Review #18, by AphorideMoving On : Moving On

5th July 2014:
Hey there - dropping by for the Blue v Bronze battle! :)

When I saw this was Cho/Cedric and no one had come by, I thought it was about time someone did, and since I have a soft spot for Cho/Cedric, I thought I should, so here I am! ;)

I love how you've followed them through their, well, story, I guess, from the beginning where they got together, to the end after he had been killed and the war was over and she'd moved on. I liked as well how you portrayed her as moving on but not forgetting him, something I think people often forget and don't really include, you know? But you balanced it so well - she remembered him, and she still cared about him, but she loved other people too, and I liked that as a nice touch and the mention of her muggle husband at the end :) Her grief was wonderfully shown, as was them falling in love and how real you made it seem - it didn't happen all at once, and it was sort of a stereotypical 'young love' scenario, but I liked the depth you gave to it, and it suited them!

The way you wrote Cho was brilliant, too! I'v always felt sorry for her because so many people don't like her because she cried a lot in book 5, but I like how you explored what Cedric meant to her and so how his death affected her, once he was gone. And I liked the little mention of Harry, kinda alluding to why she went out with him and tried to talk about Cedric. It's maybe a bit selfish, but it's because she doesn't know what else to do. She was a wonderfully sympathetic character in this, which was so great to see! :)

Cedric is just adorable in everything, 'nuff said, but yours was so sweet - the way he blushed when he asked her out, the way she was so excited and nervous and how they got on so well... it was lovely! :)

Your writing in this is great - really, really great. It flowed so well, particularly with the different sections, and your descriptions were brilliant (though a few more here and there wouldn't hurt anything ;D). I'm amazed, as well, at your ability to convey so much in a short piece - it's really incredible! - and it was just, in total, a great read!

I'm so glad I read this and I can't believe this is going to be the first review! :)

Aph xx

Author's Response: Hey Aph!,
Thank you for leaving this lovely first review. I am really glad you liked the story, it means a lot to me coming from you. I don't think I can put into words how sweet and kind this review was. Thank you it truly means a lot.
~Panda


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Review #19, by AphorideTrue Romance: In the Waiting Line

29th June 2014:
Hey Rose! :) Dropping by for our review swap! :D When I saw you ask, I had to volunteer solely for the purpose of coming back to this story! I love it so much!

The first section with Rose and Scorpius is just... perfect. I mean, it's awkward and difficult and embarrassing and a really almost horrible conversation to have to have, and it doesn't really solve anything and perhaps causes more problems than it solves, but it's honest and it's real, which is so so great! And impressive because gosh it's just an amazing conversation...

I liked, though, how Rose was self-conscious and almost in need of reassurance from him about herself, but she didn't quite blame him for it and she wasn't rude or mean. She was accepting without being too nice, if that makes sense. It's the kind of way I like to think I'd react, and it really adds another dimension to her character - the insecurity. She's such a wonderful character, and I love seeing her every time she comes up! :)

Poor, poor Scorp! You're really succeeding in making me feel sorry for him ;)

I loved the glimpse of Al with Arthur, asking him about how he knew Molly was 'the one'. I dunno, there was something sweet about him asking advice from Arthur, and respecting him enough to be mature about it. The bits about muggles - flying cars - was such a lovely, lovely touch too! And so in character - writing Arthur and Molly intimidates me, so I'm always so impressed when people write them well like you did! :)

Is it bad that I really hope he means Brandon? :P

And I wanna know who the man who lost someone to being just friends is! *pouts* Is it Charlie? Please say it's Charlie! No? Yes? Percy, maybe? Hm... please say you're going to tell us at some point? :P

Brandon really needs to stop being quizzed by Harry :P It's going to end badly one of these days! But I love their scenes - it's like Harry effectively checking to see if Brandon is good enough for Al and I just find them so Harry to do, you know? The case sounds so interesting, though I hope nothing bad happens to him!

Question: how did you manage to build in so much mystery in this? I didn't even notice it, but it's so good and so effective! :P

So yes, I'm still in love with this story and I'm still hoping for an Al/Brandon reunion! ;)

Aph xx

Author's Response: Hi Aph!!

I was so happy when you signed up for a review swap (I likd doing that after posting a new chapter).

So... yeah, I had to make Rose and Scorpius have an awkward interaction like this. Rose left their relationship thinking they just wanted different things (ha, which they did but in a more fundamental way). I'm really glad you liked their conversation. I struggled writing it and had to redo it a few times.

Rose has a pretty bouyant personality but even she would take news like that with a bruise to her ego. I think part of her is still processing the information which is why she's not reacting too harshly.

:P Good, you should feel bad for him. Despite his rather comfortable upbringing, he's my downtrodden character in this.

It was pretty borderline for Al to be mature about his conversation with Arthur. I mean, he was close to going all James about it. I like to imagine Arthur dedicating his retired time to muggle stuff. Oh - i'm so relieved they were in character. I hardly write them so it's a bit intimidating.

Haha, I can't say who he meant.

It was Charlie. I have a story called A Savage Failure where Charlie dates Brad Savage (who is Brandon's uncle) and, well, their relationship doesn't quite turn out for the best. So... I already told people. :P A good number of people have read that.

Ha, yeah, Harry needs to stop abusing his power to weasle Brandon for information. :P Harry's definitely working quite a few angles when he talks with Brandon. I'll have to give them a scene together where Harry's not bothering him for information.

Um... I wont' comment about Brandon and that case.

I'm actually glad that there's mystery building up! I like making this as much about an unravelling of people as much as it is a romance.

Well, next chapter is their date!! That will be full of actin.

Thanks for a wonderful review!
-Rose


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Review #20, by AphorideSevenfold: everything that happened, everything you saw

22nd June 2014:
Hey there! So I felt a bit bad that I've been reading this all the way along, but I've never really reviewed, so I decided to drop by on this chapter :)

Firstly, I loved the section with Ada at the beginning. Honestly, I did not see that coming at all - you completely confused me with the whole thing, haha, with Ruth not moving and I was so sure she was dead and then unsure because 'of course she survives, duh' and then you hit me with this ;) I like it, though - how she wants a new identity, and how she at least makes sure that Ruth gets buried nicely and people remember Ada while Ruth lives. It's a nice sort of compromise for both of them, if that makes sense?

Ah, Louis and his dysfunctional family always make me laugh! I love how hippie-ish Dominique and Steak (which is still one of the best OC names I've ever heard!) are, and the whole thing about using only natural products and all... you put enough of the detail in there to make it work, but not too much that it's overloading. And James. I adore your James. He's just so real, you know? Like he seems like someone I could actually meet in real life. Shame I can't really :P

Is it weird to say that I'm glad Draco's alive? Hehe, probably. But no, I'm loving the mystery. You manage to get so many details in that I feel as though I should know who it is, though I really have no idea. I find Eugenie Bones incredibly suspicious, and Molly a bit, and Emily a little... so yeah, no real idea :P But I like that! I shouldn't know yet, haha. Louis' conversation with Ada (Ruth? ;D) was great - I like the idea that she's trying to give him some kind of advice about what to do and how to solve it, even though she says 'I don't really know'.

The details and writing in this were wonderful as always. I'm so so excited for the next few chapters - to find out what happened with Erik and the sixth murders, and more clues! :D

I still love this story :)

Aph xx

Author's Response: Hey Aph! :)

You are so sweet - I had no idea you were reading this story but hearing all this just makes me so excited. Thanks for taking the time to leave a review, I really appreciate it! :D

Hehe, I was so excited to see how people might react to the identity trick and if I fooled anyone. And yes, I think that's how Ada sees it - she has a lot of guilt but at the same time she wants a new identity for herself beyond being the sevenfold killer, and so she seizes her chance. This also let me delay a little bit from keeping Louis and the reader from figuring out that Ada herself might still be around.

I love writing his crazy family too! :P They're so funny. Steak and this characterization of Dominique was actually stolen from one of my other stories but I loved them so much that couldn't resist shuffling them into this one. I'm glad it wasn't too much though. :P Ah, I feel that way about James too, somehow! He's so off the wall but realistic. I was originally going to write the story from James' POV but so glad I kept him as a minor character instead, because he's way more fun to write from an outsider's POV.

Haha, nah... Draco's more amusing alive than dead, really. :P And the sevenfold is starting to slip up a bit. Ooh, interesting theories you've got there! I love hearing people's suspicions, and Ada ("Ruth") does want to help out, in her strange way...

I'm so excited to post the next chapter and for you to read them! :D Especially when the murderer is finally revealed, it's going to be so fun to see what everybody thinks. *evil author laugh*

Thanks so much for the beautiful review, my dear, and I hope you keep enjoying the story! :) ♥


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Review #21, by AphorideCollateral : Collateral

17th June 2014:
Okay, okay, you've got to stop doing this. I mean, seriously, it's unreal. Every time you write something new, you make me think and you make me fall in love with the character or the story you're telling simply because you're writing just does that, seemingly effortlessly. It's just... gah, amazing.

I love how you manage to pick up all these characters who have such small parts in the books, or who no one really writes about, and make them into such 3D characters and make their stories so big and grand and important. Like the Roberts.. I'd honestly never really thought about them before, but reading this... gosh, I missed something! It's so horrible what happened...

I love Clover, and Dudley, and how together they sort of learn more about the wizarding world and yet less at the same time, if that makes sense. Like, it's a very narrow view of it, but they haven't seen the amazing side of it, they've just seen the harm it can do. Kinda like Petunia, and Dudley with the Dementor you know. I love how Clover was so haunted and so scared by what happened to her and what might happen next - how it was like a living nightmare. It's so thought-provoking.

Dudley was great, too. I never see him written, which is a shame because he seems a bit more of a character than people often think he is, but I loved how you portrayed him here. How he wanted to protect her and liked her, but felt that he couldn't, and tried to stand up for her because he knew having her memory wiped wouldn't be what she wanted. Strange to think of Dudley as a defender of rights, but it worked so well here! :)

I have to mention how you managed to make Arthur and Tonks seem kinda creepy and weird. I had no idea that was even possible :P

Your writing, of course, was gorgeous, as always. I loved the style you wrote it in too - with the different sections and the memories incorporated into the main body of it. It was so, so lovely.

I'm so glad I read this and if you're not on my favourite author's list (which you should be...) then you're definitely going on now! :)

Aph xx

Author's Response: Hello! :)

Oh you are just so lovely! I loved this review so much, it was really sweet and gah, just thank you! ♥ I'm so honoured that you liked this story, and my writing!

I was just the same, I completely forgot about the Roberts, but once they came back into my head I just couldn't stop thinking about how horribly they were treated. Especially with how all the men just kept wiping Mr. Roberts' mind, it was awful. :(

I'm so glad you liked Clover and Dudley, and yes I know what you mean - their view is quite limited and has to remain that way, and they only see the scary things and how it's harmed them personally. I think Dudley is a little more prejudiced than Clover because he's been raised to think that way, while she really has to think for herself, but she's less angry and more terrified. I thought the way Muggles are just treated as pitiable but disposable, and how patronizing the wizards are to them to be very interesting - even in weird cases like Hermione modifying her parents' memories, it's a little patronizing in a way even if it's for their own good. So it was quite fun to explore that through Clover especially.

I've barely seen Dudley written either! It was tricky, because I wanted to make him an interesting character, but seen through Harry's eyes he's just so... dumb. So it was difficult to find a balance, but I'm glad you liked how he was portrayed! :) His crush on Clover and friendship with her does make him more of a protector, haha.

Hehe, I'm glad you found them creepy and weird though. :P It was quite interesting to write them as some sort of bad guys.

Thank you! I'm relieved to hear that, I didn't want the style to be too confusing but still wanted it to fit with Clover's jumbled memory.

Thank you so much for this amazing review and all the compliments, my darling! :) You really are too lovely!


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Review #22, by AphorideTouch: Touch

17th June 2014:
Hey Maggie! Dropping by from Review Tag! :) I'd never read a Dean/Luna before now, so I thought I'd drop by here rather than your most recent story :)

I love the way you've portrayed Dean. We don't see all that much of him in canon, but he always seemed to me to be a little more serious than, say, Ron or Seamus, you know - a bit more of a down-to-earth and sensible kinda guy, and that's pretty much exactly how you've written him here. Not everyone can be a jokester, and the war isn't the funniest of times, so I love how it's more serious, from what's happening to the actual words and prose themselves. It just seems to fit with his character so well.

The way you talked about him being on the run was just brilliant, too. I loved how you picked up on the things you'd miss most if you had to go on the run - the difficulty finding food and having baths and things which seem so normal to us, but we'd have to do with out. It really highlighted how tough his life must have been on the run, without making it too big a deal, which is almost sadder because it's like it became normal for him, you know? So sad!

Luna. Omigosh, I love your Luna. She's just... wow. So perfect. So in line with canon it's unreal. I find her impossible to write, so I'm amazed at how well you've done here - it's wonderful! I love how you've added another dimension to her, though, with the whole end sequence, where she admits to being scared sometimes, and there's the sense that she hasn't really told anyone that except Dean, which is so sweet.

Your writing, as always, is so lovely. The way you've written this is so serious and so perfectly paced, and your word choice really shows how Dean's feeling and the difference and then spark between him and Luna. It's just really, really great :)

As with Helgazar, haha, you've completely convinced me on this one, too! This will have to become part of my head canon, I think.

I'm so glad I read this - it's a really, really wonderful one-shot :) :)

Aph xx

Author's Response: Hi Aph! Thank you so much for this completely lovely review! I'm slowly making my way through my list of unanswered reviews, so I'm really sorry it's taken me this long. But I so appreciate your time and your kind words, and it's always lovely to see you :)

I always saw Dean as being a pretty serious person. Sure, he can joke around with Seamus and the other Gryffindor guys, but he also seems to hold a lot in reserve. Maybe it's JKR's extensive, fascinating backstory on Dean that makes me feel that way. But anyway, I do normally prefer to show his serious side. Expecially as a contrast to Luna :)

I read and reviewed a oneshot by nott theodore called Snatched, which is about Dean on the run from Snatchers. It's a great oneshot, and it definitely planted the seed for me to write this one. I wanted to show the realities of what life would be like on the run (or at least make it seem as real as I could), and also spend some time showing Dean's thoughts and feelings about it all. I'm glad the details enhanced that for you :) And I guess Dean is very matter of fact about it all, isn't he? I had never thought of it that way, but that really does make it sadder. Thanks for giving me that new insight!

Aw, I'm so glad you liked Luna! She is always a challenge for me, but I'm getting to know her better and better as I write her more. I like to show a more down to earth side to her, because I figure she must have one. But I also tried to keep her sweet strangeness and her talent for saying things that no one else really wants to. It means the world to me that you enjoyed her!

Thank you so much, Aph! I'm just so thrilled to hear that you enjoyed the writing and the story itself. I'm really happy that you decided to read this--your review makes me day every time I read it! You are wonderful :)

--Maggie


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Review #23, by AphorideAn Eye For An Eye: Vengeance

7th June 2014:
Hey there! Dropping by for our review swap! :)

I should probably mention that I adore Sirius-centric stories, particularly ones which are more serious (haha :P) and not about his romance with a girl who inevitably dies and is the reason he joins the Order, so when I saw you were putting this up, I really, really wanted to read it! It's so rare to see a story like this, and even more rare to find one which is as good as this!

The way you've characterised Sirius is amazing. I love how he's so emotional in this, and yet not overly so. I mean, he's just found his brother-in-all-but-blood and his wife dead, expecting their child to be dead too - of course he's going to be in shock and floods of tears and all. I liked how his grief was so present, but so quickly overtaken by his anger towards Pettigrew and his want for revenge. It's a very cruel and vindictive trait and I like how he has it - it fits well with his character, you know? His anger was so wonderfully shown as well - I loved how you described him as predatory when confronting Pettigrew. Makes him sound almost evil, and bloodthirsty... which sort of lends almost an extra irony to Peter's actions.

Peter was so good in this, too. I loved how in two paragraphs or so of writing you managed to explain convincingly why and how he joined the DEs and hint at bitterness, irritation, even perhaps almost hatred of his 'friends' for the way they treated him. And, of course, ambition. Always ambition ;) I also really liked how Sirius completely underestimated Pettigrew - how Sirius didn't expect him to try and run or betray him quite like that. It made it a lovely twist, even if I knew it was coming :P

Your writing in this was lovely, too - it's so clear and your description is great! I loved the way you used italics for emphasis, as well - it's not something I see all that often, but I liked it here. It seems to suit Sirius' character, I think.

Just a small formatting note: in the second half, the formatting is different to the top half (tab in at the start of paragraphs). It's not a problem, you just might want to make them match. (Me and my OCD... :P)

So yeah, I really enjoyed reading this! I'm glad I swapped with you - thanks so much for doing it with me! :)

Aph xx

Author's Response: Hi! Sorry it's taken me a whitle to respond, but here I am now!
Thanks! I, too, love Sirius stories, but I also find, like you, most of them are about love and romance, or his time in Azkaban. Whilst I confess I love a bit of Sirius romance, this is always a moment I wish JK Rowling had written herself. When the challenge came along, I'd never seen someone write this scene (although they may have, I don't know), so I decided to give it a go.
I did find it hard to choose the right level of anger for Sirius - like you said, had he been overly emotional, he'd never have gotten anything done! I had to physically try and put myself in his place to decide how he would be feeling (which, trust me, is not the sort of thing you want to be doing with other people around - my brother wouldn't look me in the eye for about a week afterwards!), and then write. Yeah, now you mention it, it is a little ironic, isn't it? Not intentional, I promise!
Aah, Peter. One of the hardest characters I've ever had to write. I actually did two versions of this piece - in the first, which was abandoned halfway trough due to the unfortunate circumstnce of it sucking, Peter was just as angry as Sirius. He was having a yelling match with Sirius, and once I re-read it, it was completely OOC. It was so hard to decide on Peter's words and actions, but in the end I decided he would probably be bitter, but still actually quite cowardly and trying to feign innocence (like he did in Prisoner of Azkaban. I do think, though, that he was capable of a lot more than his friends took him for - probably part of the reason why he joined Voldemort, because he felt he was underestimated. That's also why I think he doesn't just attack Sirius on sight, even though he must know Sirius knows of his betrayal - they never actually did anything malicious to deliberately hurt Peter, they just dodn't accept him completely as a best friend. That's why I think Peter can't completely turn against them and try and kill Sirius as soon as he sees him - he has no real reason to, no justification for revenge, like Sirius has.


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Review #24, by AphorideRun: Run

6th June 2014:
Hey again! I seem to be dropping by your page a lot these last few days ;)

Founders stories are one of those rare things which I don't see very often but I do love to read when I find them - see, I'm a bit a history nerd :P So even though I love We Are One and desperately want to read more of that, I dropped by here...

I love how you portrayed Rowena. She's in love and clever, and I thought bored as well by the life she leads as a noblewoman, and so desperate to get away that she runs away to her lover - which would have been so scandalous in the time, it's pretty brave of her to do it! I liked the juxtaposition of her fear and her bravery - how she was running away because she didn't want to get married, but also because she was scared of her father and that she'd never see Salazar again. But then it's also so brave... it's a lovely piece of characterisation! :)

Salazar and her parents were great, too. I liked how her parents were just so... normal for that era, you know? Expecting obedience and loyalty and acceptance of her duty and what would or should be her fate; it's so impassive, but also strangely caring, in a way, because they want her to be safe and looked after, you know? It probably doesn't make sense, haha, but anyway... :P Salazar was amazing, too - I loved his coldness and how quickly, with her, he could shift into being passionate and loving. It was such a great way to portray him - cold, cunning, and almost too prepared to do anything for her... I mean, he meant to protect her and he thought it would be fine, but obviously it's not what she wanted at all. I almost feel sorry for him - dunno if that was what you were going for, though!

The one thing I have to mention is your period details. I'm a huge history nerd, as I said, so this is probably far, far more obvious to me than to others, but there are quite a few of them which kinda... aren't right. It's just little things - mostly when she's with her parents. Like them having a sitting room, and a sofa, and her mother organising her wedding in that kind of way... the language fits the period so beautifully, though, so to me it seemed even a bit more out of place because of that... but, anyway, just a little thing! ;)

Your writing in this is gorgeous, though - so lovely and flowing and it really highlights your strengths - your descriptions and your characters, which are both amazing.

I really enjoyed reading this - a good Founders fic is always so hard to find and you've done a brilliant job with this! :)

Aph xx

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Review #25, by AphorideHurricane Luna: They Meet in a Tree

5th June 2014:
Hey there, dropping by for the BvB review battle on the forums! :)

I love Rolf/Luna - I think they're such a sweet ship, with so much potential, but no one ever writes them, so I was so excited to see you had one up, so here I am!

Can I just say that Luna is one of the HP characters who scares me the most to write, because she's so hard to get right, you know, and yet you do her so well. It's amazing - really, it is. I love how even though your presenting her from Rolf's pov, you've captured her dreaminess and her wisp-like nature and how she's so clever underneath it all, even if she misses some things which are obvious to others. She's so like she is in canon it's uncanny.

Rolf is amazing, too. I really, really like how he doesn't like her at the beginning - how he doesn't like her being there, he doesn't know why she's there, and he just wants her to go away. It's a completely natural reaction to finding someone random is in your space, you know, and it makes so much sense in the story's context. Plus, it makes things more interesting between them! I love how Rolf is ambitious, too - like he wants to make his own name, instead of riding on his grandfather's coattails, so to speak. It's actually a fairly common trait, so I like that he has it!

Mahaha, bird attack! I have to admit that that made me laugh, though it probably wasn't meant to. But it was just the juxtaposition of the sweet little birds, and then them attacking Rolf like that...

Your writing is great in this, too - it flows so wonderfully and your word choice is great. Only watch out for extraneous adverbs - less is more ;) But yeah, apart from that little thing, it's really lovely. I love the way you incorporated the quote, too - it's a great quote, and a really interesting way of using it! :)

I really liked reading this - it's a great, fun read! I'm so happy I stopped by! :)

Aph xx

Author's Response: Hi Aph!

Thanks for picking this story! I really hated it when I posted it, but the reviews have been really positive, so I think I will finish writing it.

I did want people to laugh a little bit with the bird attack. I mean, Luna AND Rolf are both so clueless that it was kind of funny that everything went so horribly wrong. But I don't think Rolf thought it was funny!

I'm glad you liked the way I used the quote. I actually am incorporating a different part of the quote into each chapter of the story.

Thanks again!

Beth


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