Reading Reviews From Member: Aphoride
  
345 Reviews Found

Review #1, by AphorideWhen Summer Fades: syzygy

20th October 2014:
Hey there - stopping by for our review swap! :)

I'm so glad I stopped by because I remember reading the first chapter of this a while ago, but I never finished it, so a chance to read the second chapter was obviously not something I was going to pass up! :)

As before, I love how you portray Regulus in this - I have such a soft spot for Black family members - he's so different from how you'd imagine Sirius to have been, you know? Kinda quiet and so nervous about doing something wrong, and yet friends with Summer and so caring when he actually cares about people - there's this strand of loyalty in him which amazing to see, and you write it in so beautifully. All throughout, particularly towards the end with all the mentions of the Death Eaters and things there's this sense that he's getting in too deep, and he doesn't really know what to do, and he's sort of lost, you know? Sort of innocent rather than cowardly, if that makes sense. He just doesn't have that kind of violence in him.

Summer is a brilliant character, too - she's so unique and more so in this chapter than the last one, which is impressive, frankly! ;) I love how she's still friends with him even after he tells her he's a Death Eater, and she's so calm about it, and so strong, dealing with her illness and all - she just has this wonderful, calm and almost breezy sort of way of dealing with things - like nothing could phase her. Yeah, she's amazing.

Their whole friendship is so sweet - but there's this lovely sense of tension underneath it, with her illness and the war and Regulus being a Death Eater, and the whole image of the fading summer really just sums the whole thing up so beautifully. So nervous about the whole Jasper knows thing, too - is he going to say anything? Will anyone find out? Will Summer survive?

You know, you have a lot of unanswered questions/cliffhangers in this one, haha. It's very cruel of you! :P

So yes, I really love this story as before, and I'm so glad I got a chance to come back to it, because it really is lovely :)

Thank you so much for the swap - it was great, as always! :)

Aph xx

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Review #2, by AphorideFeel Alive: Feel Alive

17th October 2014:
Hey there! :) Dropping by from the BvB review battle :)

So, I love Ron/Hermione - they're just such an adorable couple! - and I love seeing different authors' takes on them, so I just had to stop by on this one!

I love the way you've focused so tightly on their relationship here, because their whole relationship wasn't really talked about much in the books, you know, coz they were about Harry and it wasn't essential - but with this, it seems to sort of fill out and explore those moments, and explain them in ways as well. It's such a lovely presentation of it, and mentioning their kids as well is so sweet! :)

You wrote both of them so well, too - the way Hermione spoke about how Ron made her feel and things was so in character for her, and the way she described Ron as acting and the effects of it all was so like him, you know - like how he made her feel safe when they were on the run, how they jumped into the lake together off the dragon and so on... it was just so so good! I'm also really impressed you managed to give such a good account of a character (Ron) without having him ever actually be in the scene or show up, other than in Hermione's words and thoughts. It's really, really clever! :)

I love the way you described their relationship through emotions, though. It almost charted their whole friendship and then love with it - with them not getting on at first, him upsetting her, their fights and bickering as they grew up, their friendship and then them falling in love. There was this lovely sense of something incredibly real about it - and honest, too, with the way Hermione admitted that he made her annoyed and angry and hurt her and things.

Your writing is so lovely in this, too - there's this great flow to this, and a lovely style with the repetition of 'he made me feel' and things - it works so so well!

Also, can I just say that I'm incredibly jealous that you wrote all of this during a lecture? I could never ever write as much or something as good as this during a class, haha! I'd never have enough time to get anywhere close to finishing!

So yeah, in all, I really liked this - it's a really cute, sweet one-shot and the characterisation is amazing :)

Aph xx

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Review #3, by Aphoridenotes on freefalling.: sunbeams

14th October 2014:
Hi Maia! :) I just had to pounce on this one-shot when I saw you wanted a review swap, because I'm supposed to be revising for a French test and working on a presentation (or, you know, two *oops*) so the excuse was really, really welcome! :P

Plus, I always love your work, so it's such a treat to be able to drop by! :)

Okay, so I love the way you write Astoria - all of the emotions in this and her are just so beautifully written and feel so real, you know? It's so complicated, really, her situation, except that, in the end, it isn't, because she can be happy and she makes the decision that will make her happy. I loved how much she cared for Scorpius, though - because it really fuelled so much of this and her indecision and showed so much of her character - her selflessness, her insecurity, her hesitance, her love... yeah, it was just so good! :)

Parvati was amazing, too - I loved how this wasn't quite linear, going back in time to their eighth year - and how Parvati and Astoria sort of slowly became friends without really realising it. And I loved more than anything how Parvati waited for Astoria to work things out and make up her own mind about what she wanted to do - it was just such a sweet, beautiful moment, and it's not something you see often in ff or even of, characters who know and are so patient and understanding. I loved how you highlighted Parvati's friendship with Lavender (the little bit about Astoria wondering if they were more than friends made me laugh, because, honestly, I did wonder for a bit in this, too!), and her with her sister Padma.

(I do wonder, you know, if Padma ever finds out she essentially brought them together :P)

All the little themes in this were so good - the light colours, particularly the yellow, and the references to flowers and strawberries and things... I dunno, but coupled with the coldness of Malfoy Manor and everything it made me think that living with Draco was sort of like being in winter, and then Parvati was spring and everything - like a new year, new start kinda thing? I don't know if it was intentional, but I loved it all the same! :)

There is golden light inside of her and itís hot like the sun and it fills her from head to toe, every inch of her, every tiny part, she is filled up with Parvati and it is dizzy and warm and bright.

^this line was so beautiful, too - with the sun motif and theme and everything... and it was just such a beautiful description of a first kiss, too! Well, not first, but first kiss as a couple. Ah, you know what I mean! :P But no, it's so gorgeous!

All your details in this were so amazing, too - the description of Parvati's lip stud, the baby stains on Astoria's clothes, and so on... you are so so good at including things like that and making your story practically breathe. I'm almost jealous right now :P Tell me your secrets!

Your writing, as always, is gorgeous. You know I love how you write - the way everything is just so beautifully pulled together, every word fits so well, and I read through 6000 words without ever once thinking it was that long. Pretty sure I could read any length writing of yours and not notice the length... you just always suck me into the story and it's so amazing.

So yes. I love this, I love your writing, you're amazing. But you knew that already ;) Or should do, if you don't. Totally recommending this on the forums is no one else has yet... :)

Aph xx

Author's Response: your reviews are always the best omg just &hearts &hearts but go work on your presentations silly! :P

e i'm so glad you liked astoria! i've never written her or even really read her before so I went into this with no idea how i was gonna play it, and i just tried to let her write herself in a way, so i don't actually think i had any say in how she turned out! raw emotion was really what i was going for with her so i'm really happy you liked it! :D

parvati is another character i've hardly read and never written, so it was fun interpreting her too! we really have hardly anything to work on with her from canon, even though she's around quite a lot, so i just tried to make her into someone who would work with astoria. i decided astoria needed that quiet no-pressure gentle kind of happiness so i made parvati into that person :D

ooh i'm glad you picked up on the light and flowers themes! i usually have a stronger theme running through my fics than i did here (winter in 'winter cry', butterflies 'butterfly heart', etc) so i felt a little aimless while writing it at first, but then i tried to work with all these sun-related motifs for parvati and i'm pretty happy with how it turned out! she totally contrasts the coldness of the manor and the Malfoys, and she's kind of the sun that allows Astoria to blossom #cheesy

ahhh i'm glad you liked that line :D i'm really bad at writing romantic scenes and kiss scenes so i wrote that all stream of consciousness and didn't edit it, ahaha. so glad you think it worked!

i am so glad you liked this so much hun :D thank you so much for this amazing review! you always make my day ♥

~Maia


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Review #4, by AphorideInvictus: Out of the night that covers me

13th October 2014:
Hey there! :) Dropping by for our review swap!

Can I just say first of all that I am so, so impressed and amazed by how you've managed to write Sirius - and so well! - in 500 words? I could never, ever do that, let alone half as well as this, so seriously, major kudos to you for that! :)

I love the way you've written him here, too. I love the idea of taking what seems like a relatively insignificant moment - him walking around outside Azkaban in England - and turning it into this beautiful remembrance almost of his friends and everything. It's just so gorgeous.

I loved how he was so taken away by the beauty of everything outside - simple things like flowers and grass and so on. I never really thought that much about what Azkaban would do to you like that, but now I've read this I can't really separate one from the other. I loved the references to pride, with him holding his head up, and the courage he has - fierce and reckless - displayed so well and so beautifully in this, with him shivering at the thought of night and forcing himself to know they won't be coming, as though he's forcing himself not to be scared.

The references to James and Lily and Harry and even Peter, and Remus were just so heartbreaking. It was so so sad to read about them from his point of view - about Peter's betrayal and what that caused, for James and Lily and Harry, and Remus too. There was this sort of tone of almost revenge under the surface, though I don't know if that was me reading into it (but I'm inclined to believe it was your writing) which I just loved, too.

The ending was just amazing. Seriously. I love anything with Blacks which references stars because why not, right? :P So yeah, it was just gorgeous. The whole thing was gorgeous - your writing is amazing :)

So yeah, I really loved reading this! Thank you so much for the swap! :)

Aph xx

Author's Response: Aph, thank you so much for this review. I didn't want to respond because it makes me so happy every time just looking at it. Thank you! *hugs*

I think you have probably written about as many words in this review as there are words in this chapter :o I'm Siriusly impressed. Yes, the pun is very terrible and very deliberate :P what can I say? I loved writing him.

You've picked up so much here. I am in awe of how much you've noticed. You've basically picked up on everything I was trying to put across, so I am now unbelievably happy. As for the stars, I'm so glad you liked that bit. I'm pretty sure it's compulsory to reference them when talking about the Blacks ;)

My heart goes out to you right now, it really does. Thank you so much for this amazing review, and for the swap!

Lottie


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Review #5, by AphorideHurricane Luna: They Love in a City

13th October 2014:
Hey there, Beth! Dropping by for the BvB review battle! :)

I love this story so much - it's such a brilliant way for Luna and Rolf to meet, and it's just so lovely and fluffy - totally unlike what I usually read, so it's such a great change from all of that! :)

Luna is just amazing. I loved how she was so excited to go to Paris, and she loved telling him about the city, even though she knew he was uncomfortable with it, she got him through it - I always got the impression she was really patient with him. She was so good with the kids as well - which I always imagined her to be, haha! She's exactly that type, you know, that kids just adore!

Their whole romance was gorgeous, too - I love how it was Paris they were visiting and it tied in with the whole love thing, with Luna saying 'the Rolf I know and love' and him being all like 'whaaa?' and then being all like 'I love... Paris' at the end. Wah, it's like they're both being really coy about it, but it's so clear to see in this. It's so, so lovely! Perfectly understated - it's just fact, you know? :)

Rolf, as always, is amazing. I loved here how you sort of brought out more of him than in other chapters, because this is the first one where we get to see him in a 'normal' setting. I loved how uncomfortable he was with other people and children and big cities - they're things I think a lot of people just sort of know how to deal with and don't think anything about, but for people who don't know... it can be pretty scary! At least, I imagine so and I grew up in a city! :) But yeah, he's just so lovely! So shy and sweet and... yeah, I just wanna hug him! :P

The kids were adorable. Perfectly written as well - which is really impressive, coz kids are hard to write! I loved the whole introduction to Harry and Ginny, and the kids (though not James? :P), and the idea of the magical creatures hidden in paintings and landmarks and things was so clever!

Your writing, as always, was lovely in this - I love the way you describe things especially. There's this lovely dreamlike, fantasylike quality to it that just fits the characters and this story so well.

So yeah, really enjoyed this, as always! :)

Aph xx

Author's Response: Hi there Aph. Eeep! I'm so glad you like this story - I know it's not to your taste and it is REALLY fluffy and sort of over the top with the animals, but I really did have a lot of fun writing it.

I was really going for dreamlike in this - each chapter has a very different setting. Paris is such a romantic city, I wanted the words to be sort of light and airy too.

Rolf just feels more comfortable in the wilderness. He finds people unpredictable and an entire city of them is very daunting indeed. But, it would seem, he is a little bit in love here. Maybe Luna is opening his eyes to a few things, huh?

Thanks so much for this completely lovely review. I'll have to check on James - did I forget to write him in? Oops, I'll have to fix that.

Thanks again, this review made my day!

♥ Beth


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Review #6, by AphorideResisting Ardour: Most Days, He Was Okay.

12th October 2014:
Hey there! Dropping by for Review Tag! :)

Okay, so I adore George/Angelina, and I love love love it when people don't make too big a thing out of the whole Fred situation, so this as a plot was pretty much perfect for me! :P

I loved how George was so torn up about the idea of sleeping with the girl his brother loved, even if he was dead - it shows this compassion and this love and still grief for Fred, which really gives an incredible depth to their relationship, you know? Also, it says a lot about George, that he's perhaps almost scared to care about her... I loved how Angelina sort of worked him through it, eventually just giving in at the party to telling him that it didn't matter, that she and Fred had broken up and loved each other as friends and that that was how Fred had loved her - it was like he really needed to hear that, almost like being given permission, except not, told that it was okay, almost... gah, not sure if I'm even making sense any more ;)

But no, the way you write George is amazing. Just so, so good!

Angelina was brilliant, too - I loved the way you described her, with a deep and mellow voice, and how she understood George and what he thought and that it would take time (well, it didn't in the end :P but she was willing to wait, if necessary). The little flare of anger when he just didn't get it as well was so brilliant - really reminded me of the fire we see from her in canon in book 5, you know? When she's so passionate and so determined and all...

Your details and descriptions were gorgeous. I loved all of the little asides George had, the way he spoke to Fred in the mirror, the way the end he saw Fred in his reflection, the little mentions of the lighting and the ring on Angelina's finger... it was all just so, so good! I'm almost annoyed I haven't read much of your writing before this because if it's this good I really should have!

I may have to stalk you in tag and see if I can catch you again :P I loved this to pieces! :)

Aph xx

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Review #7, by AphoridePainting Over: Painting Over

11th October 2014:
Hey there - dropping by from the BvB review battle! :)

So, Rita Skeeter is a really interesting character to choose for this - and not one you see people writing about a lot, so I just had to pop by on this one!

I love how you've written her here. The way that you don't tell us what happened to her, you sort of hint at it drop little bits of information about it so that we gather the picture slowly is just so good - it really sort of gives it this lovely, natural feel, like she is honestly thinking about it all and recollecting it. Such a great, clever way to do that! :) I really liked as well how you didn't sort of justify what she does with the papers and things, you just explained it, with her having this difficult, tragic past and sort of changing after that. I liked how she wasn't affected by what she wrote, how she wasn't all nice and everything, just tragic - it was such brilliant characterisation!

All the little references in this were so good, too - I loved the mention of her nail polish and not quite being able to get the spell perfectly right, and the rhinestone glasses and all. They just really added to the whole Rita sort of feel, you know, so that I think if you hadn't mentioned her name I'd have been able to guess who it was.

Your writing in this was lovely - so clear and precise, and with so many details. You have this lovely style which really showed here - and your description is gorgeous! Your writing really allows your characterisation to shine and your word choice is pretty much perfect! :)

Really enjoyed reading this - a really original story! :)

Aph xx

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Review #8, by AphorideDreams of Hope : Dreams of Hope

3rd October 2014:
Hi there - dropping by for the BvB review
battle! :)

Okay, so you should know that I love friendship
fics, and fics about relationships other than
romantic ones, because there's so much to
explore there - and so I was so excited to see
this on the top of your page, because it's just
so right up my street! :) Especially because
it's Remus and Dumbledore, and they're two of
my favourite characters, and I've always
wondered about how Remus came to teach and so
on...

I loved the way you had Remus asking for help,
but with that almost stiff, slightly
embarrassed air that he has in canon when he
has to ask for help and things, you know? I
love as well the idea that he spent so long
living off what he could before asking, as
well, almost like it was a last option for him
- it was such a great indicator of Remus'
pride, and embarrassment at his situation. Poor
man, he really does have this whole 'I'm-a-
burden' belief thing, doesn't he? :(

The way you had him so nervous about teaching
was great, too - I loved the mention of the
parents, what they'd think if they knew a
werewolf was teaching their children and all...
it's like this lovely little link to canon,
with how Remus gets fired and all.

Dumbledore was a great character, too - he was
so in character, with the way he was so
accepting and nice about Remus' condition, and
insistent on how he wants Remus to take the job
- so in line with how he is in the book and how
the Order are full of people who are on the
edges of society - and the quote you used just
suited him so well, and fitted in so perfectly
with the story!

Your writing is so lovely in this two - I loved
how simply you portrayed it and your
descriptions of Remus' emotions and everything
was so, so lovely. So good! :)

Such a lovely, sweet little story! It's really,
really great! :)

Aph xx

Author's Response: Hi Aphoride,
Thank you so much for reviewing. I don't often get reviews so when I get a long one like this it really makes my day. Thank you.

I am glad that you liked the way I portrayed Remus and Dumbledore. I try to keep my characters as close to canon as possible, so I'm glad that you said it fit. I was worried that people wouldn't like it.

Thanks again,
~Panda


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Review #9, by AphorideHere, There & Everywhere: Here, There and Everywhere

2nd October 2014:
Hey Jenna! :) Sorry this took a while to get to you - RL has been surprisingly busy, and more frustrating than I expected. Anyway, I'm here now and, er, have to find words to talk about this? :P

Because seriously, my gosh, this is amazing. Canon characters are terrifying to write because they're so easy to get wrong, and you have to get them right, and yet in this you just write both of them so, so easily. You must tell me your secrets! :P

I love how there's this beautiful tone of sweetness and a very deep, romantic love throughout this, and just such affection all the way through - like, you can tell they care about each other a lot, even when they're not together, and there's nothing sort of strained or soppy about it, you know? You say it like it's fact, they talk about it like it's fact, and, really, it is in this. It's just so gorgeous - an amazing way to present a relationship!

The inner depths you gave to both of them were amazing, too. I loved how Ron was a lot more caring than he seemed - the scoffing and rolling his eyes at things was almost a sort of bluster, even if he did get annoyed at things she did and said. But, I liked how it never really meant anything, you know? It was never so much about him being mean or rude to her, as it was about him being a bit irritated and sort of amused by it. I loved as well how he thought of himself as the knight - her knight, especially - it was just such a lovely, sweet touch and I loved how it linked all the way back to the first book when he literally is the knight. So clever!

Hermione was just as amazing. I loved the way you wrote her relationship with Victor into it - the idea of her kissing other people for practice, haha, such a Hermione idea! :P And I loved the little references about her being worried about her grades, and feeling that she doesn't belong in her parents' world any more, and telling him off for flinging the gnome... they're all so brilliant little details, they just bring her to life exactly as JKR wrote her. It's really, really incredible. I loved how you used the idea that she'd always fancied him, really, as well, with them both fancying each other for so long, and everyone around them knowing about it, and sort of encouraging them, but in the end letting them do it at their own pace. It was so funny - the idea of George (or was it Fred? :P) offering love potions to get it started made me laugh out loud! :D

I loved the theme of the months, as well - of July being 'their month', the time they have to spend together, just the two of them, being Ron-and-Hermione, instead of Harry's-best-friends. It was a lovely link to make, a great way to show the evolution of their relationship - and I loved how at the end, it became a month for everyone, with them sort of sharing it with everyone else. It made me sort of think that it was finally like they accepted their relationship, they knew what it was, and that was the point when they could share 'their time', but I dunno if that's sort of what you were going for...

Of course, as always, your writing is amazing. It's just so beautiful, and I loved how Ron and Hermione's thoughts were so similar, but easily distinguishable. The descriptions in this were gorgeous - particularly of the emotions, with the swooping and things. (My laptop has issues with copy-pasting atm, so I would post a quote, but alas :( )

This is just so, so lovely, and I'm so glad I got a chance to read it. Favouriting. Without question.

Aph xx

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Review #10, by AphorideGlass: Glass

29th September 2014:
Hey there! Sorry this is so late - I was making
dinner, and then my family called and I ended
up having long chat with them, but I'm here
now! :)

So, I have to say, I love your portrayal of
Teddy Lupin here. I love dark, unusual versions
of characters, and that's exactly what you've
done with him - turned the normal idea of a
happy, cheerful, popular Teddy on its head. I
love how he feels so much like a teenager, as
well - with the whole overload of angst and how
his feelings are so melodramatic, you know?
It's just so brilliant because it's exactly
like teenagers think, and it really gives such
an amazing insight into Teddy's mind. The
coldness, how he doesn't want to feel and
perhaps sometimes doesn't really feel the way
other people do, are such lovely little things,
too - he's such an original character! I know
I've said this a lot, haha, but it's true! :P

Dom was an interesting character, too. I
thought it a little strange how you described
her as haughty and almost very full of herself,
which suggests at at least a projected over-
confidence, and yet she has a stutter and in
all of her interactions with Teddy seems to
falter... it was an interesting combination of
things. I loved how you revealed at the end
that she understands him more than he thinks,
and how she struggles to feel in the same way
and doesn't want to feel in the same way... it
created this wonderful connection between them,
and this sort of bridge from which to build
understanding and friendship and so on, you
know? A really great little twist! :)

The only thing I'd say about this is that there
were a couple of times I got confused about the
scene change - time passing, especially. It
might be helpful to put in line breaks when the
changes happen, to make it clearer? Of course,
if you already have them in, feel free to
ignore me - I'm tired and I miss things easily
when I'm tired :P

Your writing in this is so good - I love the
way you use metaphors and description. It's so
evocative and sets the scene so well, with the
feeling of the water and the lights around and
making it all seem to real, like I could see it
in front of me.

So yeah, this was a really great one-shot - I
really enjoyed reading it! :) Again, sorry this
was late... :D

Aph xx

Author's Response: Hello!

Thanks so much for stopping by and don't worry about being late or anything like that! Family comes first!

So, I have read only a handful of stories that feature Teddy Lupin. I thought that it would be fun to turn him away from a goody goody because what's so great about a person that never makes any mistakes? I love writing characters that my readers might not even really like as a person but still understand them to some degree.

I was worried that it wouldn't come across very well though but you guys have been great! :D I think that Teddy has a lot of problems going on at the moment and I'm glad that they were realistic for you guys. I wanted to make him seem as original and real as I could but I worried that you all would find it a bit much.

Now, Dom on the other hand is someone that I wasn't sure if I would write very well at all. Teddy views her a lot differently than she does and while it's a bit odd at times, he thinks that her lack of emotion makes her arrogant. Dom though is the only one who knows how it feels to be a complete outcast and they were able to have a connection with that.

I think that I messed up on the second half of the chapter. It was taking me a long time to get back into the swing of things but the transitions were just a few hours at most, not an entire day. I could have wrote that better, though. Hahahahah.

Ah, thank you so much! I wanted you all to be able to feel and see every little thing and I'm glad that that worked. :D

Thanks so much for the great review!

Much love,

Gabbie


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Review #11, by AphorideAlright, Alright: Alright, Alright

27th September 2014:
Hey there! Dropping by for our review swap! :)

So, you should know that I love Death Eater-
centric stories, particularly ones which don't
show them all the time as horrible, evil people
- because people don't work quite like that,
everyone has some 'good' qualities, even if
they're overshadowed. I loved how with
Rabastan, there's this lovely sense that he
genuinely believes in this creepy, twisted
utopia - he really, really believes it's the
best thing for the world, that it's right - and
it's actually kinda sad to see, really, in a
way. But I love the fanaticism coming through
as the story goes on, and how he doesn't get
why she seems to be, in his eyes, failing to
get bits of the theory and things. Plus, how
Emmeline would describe him as so sweet and
kind and gentle - it's really such a
counterpoint to what we know of him in the
books, and what he goes on to do for Voldemort.
It really shows a different side, this sort of
almost earnest young man, who winds up becoming
a violent killer. It kind of puts this tragic
sort of vein all the way through it...

Emmeline is great, too! I loved her naivety at
the beginning, how she was so sure as well as
Rab was that these dreams would be best, this
world would be perfect, and how she was sort of
blinded by liking him, by the fact he was so
nice to her. You don't make her out to be
stupid, as well, which I loved: it's just that
she doesn't really quite understand how it
would work, this new world, and so when she
does, she rejects it because of the
consequences and what would have to happen to
get there. Again, it really helps build this
sort of bittersweet relationship between them -
and you know it can't last, but you almost want
it to, because the ideas are so beautiful and
Emmeline really wants them to happen.

Kudos to you for your writing in this, as well
- the way you build up the dreams as so
wonderful and perfect, and then break them down
bit by bit and gradually reveal Rab's 'other'
side, I guess, and the truth about the new
world he wants. You paint the picture of it all
so, so well and you're so cruel to almost make
me hope in the middle that things might turn
out alright. Of course, they don't :(

James and Lily and Sirius were great supporting
characters, too - I like the way they were
trying to persuade her to see the other side of
the utopia, but ultimately they couldn't
persuade her, but they stood by her in the end
when she realised it on her own. There's such a
strong, lovely friendship there, between them
all, and I loved it! :)

So yeah, this was a great, great one-shot, and
I love that this is only the first bit of
Rab/Emmeline things you're writing, because
they're such a fascinating pair - particularly
the way you've written them here! :)

Aph xx

Author's Response: Hi Aph!

Thank you so, so much for such an in-depth review! It means a lot. I thought this out very carefully, from their thoughts and feelings to the way that Rab was twisted and manipulative, and Emmeline was naive. James and Sirius were written a bit different, and some people didn't like it, but I am so relieved that you find them supportive rather than OOC.

Thanks so so much! This was such an amazing review!

-Leigh


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Review #12, by AphorideA Time of Heartache and Healing: Failure

26th September 2014:
Hey Erica! Dropping by from review tag - I never can resist a bit of Molly/Arthur! Such a cute couple! :D

I love the way you're tackling such a hard topic, and the two of them at such a difficult, defining time, being pretty much straight after Fred's death. The way you showed the emotions in an everyday situation was so gorgeous - with Molly noticing her age and feeling she looks old, and that Arthur seems a bit withdrawn and almost lost. The whole thing just had this beautiful note of grief through it - it was so subtle and yet so, so effective. I really felt it, you know?

They were both so on point, as well - so close to their canon counterparts that frankly I'm jealous! :P Molly and Arthur are such intimidating characters and you do them so easily! I loved how even without referring to the things we know most about them from canon - Arthur's muggle obsession and Molly's love of rules/order and cooking - they were still definably them. It was so, so good!

Two quick things, just coz they're easily changeable: you kept missing off the apostraphe in Arthur's (for example), and Molly's brothers were called Fabian and Gideon and died in the war. Technically, it's not mentioned which side Bilius was an uncle on, but I know Molly's brothers were mentioned... though, of course, since it's vague, it's up to you ;)

Your writing was so lovely - and I loved how it was such a simple scene too. Not much action, but there didn't really need to be, you know? I think much more action with the emotions would probably have made it feel like too much! This is a pretty unique idea, too, dealing with characters dealing with the death of a relative - I haven't read that many like that, particularly not about the Weasleys!

So yeah, this is a really heartbreaking, sweet story, and I will have to look out for you in tag again to come back in the future! :)

Aph xx

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Review #13, by AphorideButterfly Effect: Chapter 2

2nd September 2014:
Hey there, dropping by for the Blue v Bronze Review Battle! :)

So I know you wanted a review on We Are One, but I do love this story and so I wanted to come back here instead, so I hope that's okay! :)

I love how Jenna's so worried about her dad and about failing and forgets things when she's distracted, like thinking about her dad or failure or the cute boy, haha. They're such human traits and not always the usual ones you see in an OC, so I really like that. She's a very human, very real character, and her reactions, and those of her friends are so good. Like, when Lily had to be persuaded to go and talk to her again - that happens all the time when two people feel wronged, whether friends or not!

The bit about her dad was so sad, too, though I like how you stated it almost calmly, not focusing too much on it. It gave the impression of almost normalcy, you know, which makes it even more frightening and overwhelming for her to have to deal with. You just kinda wanna hug her and her dad and convince them it'll all be alright, you know?

The story her friends told - Emily and Lisa - was really funny. I have friends who do that interjecting, interrupting thing too, haha, and my sisters do it as well, so it really reminds me of real life, you know? Which is great! Also, it was a nicely low-key way to bring up the romantic entanglements, you know, with two people just getting together, having I'm guessing liked each other for a while... it was just really, really sweet :)

Poor Jenna, though - you always make me feel sorry for her, no matter what happens! :P But she's an amazing character, and your writing in this is so good - so evocative and emotional. It's lovely!

So glad I came back to read this :)

Aph xx

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Review #14, by AphorideHurricane Luna: They Fall in a Cave

29th August 2014:
Hi Beth! :) Sorry for a slight delay in getting to this - family called for dinner, so I had to go!

I really wanted to come back to this story as soon as you posted, because there's something so lovely and so funny about the way you write both Luna and Rolf. The way they interact together is so fresh and has this sense of wonder and slight confusion about it all, haha, with this wonderful curiosity too. Despite it all, they just click, you know, and it's so, so great!

I gotta say, before anything else, that I love all the animals and things you come up with in this. They're all so fascinating and interesting and really seem like they could all be part of the HP world, you know. Plus, most of the creatures wouldn't be too impossible in real life, either, given how weird some of the animals around are :P

Luna is so like her canon self its amazing - I love how ditsy she is and all the little remarks she comes out with like about animal's feelings and so on, but how she has these brilliant moments where she's surprisingly lucid, and yet she understands how to act and so on throughout it. Like, she doesn't ever really do anything stupid, you know? And she's so calm and collected, but so happy constantly.

Rolf is so lovely, too. I feel a bit sorry for him, though, being tailed by Luna, haha, though it's not so bad for him, after all, seeing as he likes her... I mean, tolerates her :P I loved the little hints you put in this about how he liked her and things - like the yellow glowing creatures and her hair being blonde, and so on. It was just so sweet and really made his crush for her sort of almost subconscious - like he didn't even need to think about it, it just was. It was so, so great! :)

Your writing as well is lovely. You have this way of writing action which is just so engrossing, and you manage humour brilliantly (I admit I'm a bit jealous of this - I'm so rubbish at humour, it's unreal :P). Your word choice is great, your descriptions of the creatures and surroundings and things are so, so gorgeous.

I'm so so glad I got a chance to come back to this - it's such an honestly lovely story, and it never fails to make me smile.

Thanks so much for the swap! :)

Aph xx

Author's Response: Hi Aph,

Sorry it took me so long to respond to this completely AMAZING review!!! Wow. I'm just grinning from ear to ear over this.

Coming up with the creatures was really fun. But I'm so excited to hear that you see them as fitting into the HP universe. I wasn't sure if they came off as too absurd or not.

Also I'm squeeing over how you like my Luna. I was nervous to write her - she's LUNA, after all - but I'm really having a good time telling this little love story. Of course, Luna and Rolf wouldn't ever have a typical love story, now would they?

I also really wanted Rolf to be nearly opposite Luna and we all know she is never going to change, so he has to be the one to come around.

Thanks again for these lovely, kind words! I've kinda put this story on the back burner, but now I'm thinking about it again!

♥ Beth


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Review #15, by AphorideDoing the Right Thing: Doing the Right Thing

29th August 2014:
Hey there! :) Okay, so Draco is one of those characters I find really interesting but have never written because there's already so much written about him, haha, and it's unusual to see something written about him which explores choice, even though it's such an interesting element of his character.

So yeah, basically what I'm trying to say is that I'm glad you asked me to read this because it's a really interesting premise and I probably would have picked it anyway ;)

I really love you portrayed him in this. There was this sense of determination that he was going to prove himself, that he wanted to, almost, which I loved - it really sort of reminded me that he was raised to be a Death Eater, in a way, and he was raised by people who were. I love as well how you then bring in sort of the hesitation and the weakness again, which really reminded me of the tower and made me feel a bit sorry for him. Poor boy - he's really not in the right career, is he? :P He just can't kill anyone. What I liked, though, was that how on the tower he was so cowardly and nervous and afraid, but here he seemed more grown-up and ready to back his own decisions, whatever they were. It seemed more indecision about what to do rather than absolute panic, I thought.

Okay, so I loved, as well, how you touched on Draco's relationships with his parents as well, and sort of contrasted them to each other. How he doesn't really seem too fond of his father (somewhat understandably, imo) but loves his mother and wants to make her proud. It's such a real relationship you made here, in not many words either, and I loved it. The little mention of Dumbledore's belief that he had a choice and had believed in him was so good, too, and I liked how it was sort of in memory of that and for his mother that he makes the choice. It's such a big choice, but you don't overplay it, either, and you leave it on a cliffhanger, as well, just after the choice is made which is very sneaky of you ;) Albeit, a brilliant ending for this piece.

So yeah, I really liked this. Your writing was so lovely, as well - so clean and neat (if that makes sense...) and you had such a lovely flow and balance of internal thoughts and the physical actions.

Thank you so much for the swap! :)

Aph xx

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Review #16, by AphorideHear us Roar: If All Time is Unredeemable

29th August 2014:
Hey there! :) You know, I don't usually read Marauders Era fics - trouble of having too much headcanon for Sirius :P - but this seems so, so different to most Marauders fics I see around and have read. Like, seriously, it's awesome.

I love how you emphasise the darkness of the times that the world - and Ivy especially - faced during the war and so on. Right from the beginning, it doesn't sound or seem like it's going to be a sweet, happy story about kids growing up and finding love and all that kind of stuff - there's going to be war, and death and other horrible things, and I love that you've included that in such a prominent way. It's one of those things I always miss in Marauders fics :P

Ivy seems like such a well rounded out character, too. I saw from the summaries (coz I'm sneaky like that ;D) that the next chapter goes back in time so I'm curious to know how she changed into this version of herself, but she's so... affected. You know, she's obviously been on the run for a long time, and in a bad place for a long time and seen and perhaps done some really horrible things. It's such a true presentation of someone who's been through trauma and paranoia and is then found. It was all the little things, too - the way she shrank back from being touched, the way she was terrified and assumed it was an attack even with the knocks... just so, so good!

I loved how McGonagall came to get her, too. Often people forget about the professors and adults in fics, haha, so I'm so glad to see her here! Plus, she's McGonagall - she's awesome :P You write her so brilliantly, as well - I'm envious!

The one thing I noticed, which I thought I'd mention was that you repeat the word 'little' a lot at the beginning of the fourth paragraph. You might want to change two of them to different words, to make it flow better ;)

This was gorgeous, though. Your writing is really evocative and so beautiful and has such flow and pace and style, and you had some really, really lovely phrases. I particularly loved 'a map of a life she had led' - just brilliant! :)

So yeah, I really, really enjoyed this and I'm so glad you swapped because otherwise I might never have read this and it would have been an absolute shame. Favouriting :D

Aph xx

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Review #17, by AphorideHow to Fly: How to Fly

27th August 2014:
Hey! Dropping by from review tag!

You know, it's kinda bad but I saw this in the Gift It Challenge thread, read it but never reviewed. It's such a gorgeous little story, though, that I thought I'd come back to review it properly :)

I love how it's Hermione and Rose and a parent learning from their children. You don't often see that in any kind of fiction, fan or not, so it's such a lovely thing to include. Plus, it's Hermione so the idea of her always learning, and learning from her children is so, so well suited. Like, it makes perfect sense.

I loved the way you wrote Hermione - you wrote her so well. Like I said, the idea of her always learning is so in-character for her, but it's more than that. It's the little bits too - that she doesn't really like flying, that she can't refuse Rose, that she sees both herself and Ron in Rose, physically and personality-wise, and how she, in the end, just loves Rose so much and ends up growing as a person because of the experiences. It's just such a genuinely sweet idea... and I'm not usually one for fluff/sweet sorts of things :P

The length is so perfect. Honestly. Nothing in this feels too bare or extraneous - the simplicity of it really emphasises the emotions and the feeling and the relationship Rose and Hermione have. It allows the ideas and the meaning behind it to really come forward, and it's lovely.

So yeah, it's gorgeous. I'm sorry this is so short, but I'm not sure how much longer I can repeat 'this is gorgeous' before my fingers stiffen up a bit (it's cold here!) :P

Aph xx

Author's Response: Hiya Aph!

Wow. I don't think this review was short at ALL! The story was only 500 words, so I think this completely sweet and lovely review was just perfect.

Thanks so much! I'm grinning while writing this because I'm so glad you felt all those things when reading it. You picked up on EVERYTHING I was trying to put into the story: Hermione is a lifelong learner, she sees herself AND Ron within parts of Rose, the way she grows from her experiences with her child. Thanks so much!

Thanks for making my day with this review!

Beth


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Review #18, by AphorideButterfly Effect: Chapter 1

27th August 2014:
Hey there! Stopping by for our review swap! I really wanted to swap with you, because I remembered this story and how curious the beginning had made me.

So yeah, I love the character you've got here - how there's still in the background the thought of her mother and brother's deaths (which is great, because things like that don't ever really go away) and memories associated with them which sometimes she finds hard. It links this chapter up beautifully to the prologue. I liked the little mentions of things she liked - statistics and so on, and how she and Lily got on and she wanted to have friends and at the beginning was so nervous about going to school. She's a really great character - I really wanna know how you develop her! :)

Her dad was great, too. I loved how you wrote him as worrying about her, and she knows that and she worries about him too, and he asks her all those normal little questions people ask when their kid's moving schools, or someone bumped into them. There was such a great sense of normalcy and sort of familiarity with this scene, which I loved, but you wrote it so well and so differently from the HP scenes, that the similarities didn't matter :) Her dad is just such a great guy - seems so sensible and calm and worried about her. So sweet!

The one thing I would say is that while your physical description is fine - as in people, places, etc. - you don't do much, I guess, internal description. As in like, what she feels like, and so on. Like when she thinks of her brother - what does she feel? How does she react? That kind of thing. Just something I noticed reading through this - I wanted to mention it because the set up for this is so good, I want it to be brilliant! :D

Ooh, ooh, ooh! Is it going to be Lily II/Jenna? Or not? I don't know... but the whole 'blowing hair on the back of her neck' and shivering thing, and Tara's comment... ah, I dunno!

Anyway, I love Lily II and Tara - again, they're just such brilliant characters. You really have a knack with that, you know ;) I loved how Lily likes stats and things too, and they immediately talk to Jenna and kinda become friends from that moment - such a nice thing to do! Also, the sweets bit made me laugh and the whole thing about the chocolate frog cards... huh, I kinda wanna know how many cards are Harry Potter cards too :P

Your writing is so lovely - so evenly-paced and so smooth, and the description in it is great! I love the idea that she's from France (I love France, haha!) and how she had to be sorted first (poor girl...) and all, and the way this is developing is so so good so far! :)

Thank you so much for the swap! :)

Aph xx

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Review #19, by AphoridePlaying for Keeps: The Woes of Working Retail

26th August 2014:
Hi Mallory! :) As soon as I saw this I had to stop by - ah, I'm so addicted to this story, haha.

I lovelovelove Anne. She's such a real character - and I know I keep saying this, but it's so true. She just seems like someone I could genuinely meet in real life and I love that! I love how she had the parent issues - with her mother wanting perfection, and a 'respectable' job and being a conwoman doesn't really cut it... and Anne having to keep up the facade with the shop job, despite it all. Pretty unfair on her, you know, having to work two jobs just so her mum can say 'oh, she does this'... that said, I loved the sass she had and the little sort of pun/joke thing about the night classes - that was so good! So clever, as well! :D It also kinda shows that the persona she has in the Shooting Star isn't totally not her, as well, that she isn't always so self-conscious as she is in the shop.

I loved the discussion of house stereotypes as well - how most people assumed Hufflepuffs weren't very bright and always cheerful and things. It was such a strangely thoughtful, deep sort of statement to make, which says so much about the character.

Her boss is so... rude! I feel a bit sorry for him, with the forced early retirement and all, it must be hard, but there's no real reason for him to be so, kinda, rude to her about things... and always presume she isn't working... I mean, if he thinks she's rubbish at the job, why is she still there? Ah well, hopefully he's not so bad, really! :P

James, James, James. I was really, really hoping he turned up in this chapter, coz it was about time he found her and started putting things together (though he still doesn't seem to have any clue as to who she is regarding The Ghost of Hogwarts Past situation) :P Gah, he's so funny! I love how he tries to be all smooth and then it sort of breaks and he gets flustered and things... it's such a oddly sweet trait for him to have. Though the threat to stick his hand to the counter so she'd have to stay there with him until she agreed was pretty mean - especially when he knew her boss wouldn't let her go, as well. But I guess with the blackmail and the bet and all, he must be pretty desperate. Mm... not sure whether I feel sorry or not for him yet... we'll see ;)

Your writing, as always, is gorgeous. Your word choice is amazing and Anne's voice is so clear, it's lovely! :)

Also, that's totally her nickname now - The Pool Master :D

Great chapter, of course, and I look forward to the next one! :D (Also, you updated this so fast... like wha? :P)

Aph xx

Author's Response: Hi again! :D

Thank you so much! I'm so glad that Annie seems real to you, because that was my intention! I wanted her to be relatable, and she has her share of problems just like everybody else. Parent issues happen all the time, and the antagonism she gets from her mother is another reason why she is the way she is. Haha, the night class thing was one of my favorite snarky things to write! In this chapter, she's a little less suave/sophisticated/sassy, but she's still got that slight undertone of sass that I hope will never go away. And she's gotten pretty good at pretending to be someone she isn't when she's in the casino, so when she's in the shop, things are a little bit different.

YAY! I wanted to write a Hufflepuff character, but I didn't want her to be a "typical Hufflepuff." Hufflepuffs are super cool, and although I'm a Ravenclaw, I wanted to show my appreciation for the House of the Badger. Annie is awfully snarky and devious and such, but she's a Hufflepuff for good reason. There are many facets to people's characters, and I couldn't just limit her to a stereotype!

Yeah, Barry is a bit rude. I kept laughing about how lazy he is though. He yells at Annie, but he actually knows that she does a good job in the shop. He's just stuck between the glory days of his Quidditch career and the impending doom of Old Age and Falling Out of the Public Eye. He's a funny guy.

Yes, James! I love to write him for some reason. :) He DID need to find her, but he isn't going to figure things out any time soon. He recognizes Annie from the casino, but his memory of her at Hogwarts is VERY different from his impression of her in the present day. It's a bit strange that he doesn't remember, but it'll all turn out in the end, I promise! Yes, he gave me lots of trouble with his wavering between suave and bumbly. I just don't know what to do with his sometimes... And the Sticking Charm threat was pretty mean, but it ended up being quite effective... :)

I don't think that you should feel sorry for James. Yet. Or ever. Depends on how you look at it. :D

Thank you so very much!!! The queue was short, so I figured that I would go ahead and update. :)

~Mallory


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Review #20, by AphorideThe Place That Will Never Be Dark: Prologue

25th August 2014:
Hi Maggie! :D Spotted you in review tag and just had to pop by - so happy to see this up! I adored Down Comes the Night, as you know, so this looks super cool and exciting, even if there's (maybe?) a lack of Helgazar.

So really, chances were I was going to love this, and I do! It's just such a brilliant beginning! I love how you set the fall of the Founders up from the beginning - with what sounds like something of a final battle-type thing, with Godric, and the hints that Salazar is going to betray them. Of course, we know he does, but what else will happen? Is he just going to put a snake in the castle, because it sounds like he's going to do more... and all the little things about Godric should protect his family... Gareth! His wife! :( So foreboding - I love it :P

The characters are back and so wonderfully written, again. I loved how Salazar was so impassive, and Rowena just so uninterested in what the Seer had to say - which seems so in character for her, being so logical and so intelligent. It's not something which is particularly logical... Helga was lovely, as always - and Godric was so sweet, too, if even he seemed a little sceptical at the beginning. But then, I suppose none of them want to think about betrayal, you know? They're supposed to be friends and all...

The seer herself was great, too. I liked how she came from Ireland, there was a council of Seers (which is such a cool idea!) and how she'd come to give them a warning because the school - and they themselves - is important. It's very reminiscent of King Arthur, you know, in the sense that the quest/warning/magical guest comes to them, and so on...

Your writing, as always, is lovely! :) Everything flows so beautifully, and you just manage the more old-fashioned language so, so well!

So yes, I think it's safe to say this is something I'll be following without a doubt, and that you've done it again :)

Favourited! :D

Aph xx

Author's Response: Aph, hi! Thank you so much for checking this out, it means the world to me!

Although there may be a lack of Helgazar in this, I hope you will like the dynamic between them in this story. It's set several years after DCtN, so they have had considerable time to process things. I wanted to keep going with these characters, and I felt that it was time for them to face a real test. The stakes are definitely higher, and you're on the right track with some of your thoughts about what the prophecy means (if you can really even call it a prophecy. Haha, it's a little too cryptic to be truly informative.)

Yay, I'm so glad you like the characters so far! Even with this first little glimpse of them I tried to show the personalities I'd established with Down Comes the Night. Rowena was particularly fun to write here, with her snark, and I'm looking forward to giving her center stage at times throughout this story. I'm so happy you found all four of them to be distinct and likable :)

You'll be seeing more of the seer very soon! I wanted to widen the scope of this story to challenge myself a bit. Since DCtN is set almost entirely within the walls of Hogwarts, it was time for some outside influence to come in. I imagined that Hogwarts would be a source of hope for the magical community, a way to reassure people that the future of magic is bright :)

Alsdfdslfka thank you! I love this style and it's a joy to get back into it. I'm so happy that you came by, and I hope to have the next chapter ready to post very soon :)

--Maggie


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Review #21, by AphoridePlaying for Keeps: Mint Chocolate Chip Memories

24th August 2014:
FIRST REVIEW, FIRST REVIEW, FIRST REVIEW! :D (I really hope this is the first review, haha)

Okay, so I'm really, really falling in love with this story. It's just... addictive. Ironic it's set in a casino, haha.

*coughs* Anyway, I loved this chapter - the exposition back to the past, showing her being bullied by James Potter, revealing her name (poor girl...), introducing The Best Friend... it's just so good. And, you know, flashbacks can be awkward things to lug around (I'm so bad at them, haha) but you just manage them so well. They seem to fit in so easily and so naturally - as did all of the different sections. It just flowed, despite the breaks, and it was so, so lovely to read.

Portia (Annie? I'm assuming Annie is preferred) is such a wonderful character. I loved the development of her here, with the bullying and her optimism that it was a one-off incident with The Ghost of Hogwarts Past, and how she's fairly relaxed in spite of it happening. I like that - not everyone remains really worked up about things, you know? And it shows a nice, softer side to her after the casino chapters.

Side note: one of my sisters has a friend called Portia. She doesn't use her first name, either :P I couldn't help but think of her when reading this.

Hattie seems such a great character, too. I loved the little insights into her, and how she seems like such a genuinely nice person. You know, that person in school you just can't hate at all... that one. Her. :P Yeah, I love that - some people are just like that, reaching out to others who are upset and helping them and taking their side. I also liked how she seems a little bit... neurotic, I guess? :P With the flailing of arms and all... their friendship was just so real, though, the way you wrote it - it was just obvious they were best friends. So good!

As always, your word choice is amazing. I really loved 'nebulous' and how you used the more childish kinda vocabulary for when they were eleven years old - 'big, dumb meanie'. It's little things like that which really make something come alive, and it was just so, so good. I keep saying that, but it's true! The details in here as well, are amazing, like the story about the magic marker dragonpox spots (I kinda wanna know that story now! :P) and the mint chocolate ice cream (which was also such lovely description!)...

Your writing is so good. And so many cliffhanger-type things. So many questions! I really wanna know what happens when she sees James next! Does he come to the casino again? How does he persuade her? What will Hattie think of that? Gah, this hasn't been the most action-packed chapter, but it didn't need to be, because the mystery and the curiosity is still there.

So yeah, I still love this story, and, as always, I want you to update already :P (Sorry? ;D)

Aph xx

p.s. haha, Emily! First review! :D Yay! *cheers* (Sorry... :P)

Author's Response: Hahaha, shame on me for taking my sweet time in responding to this brilliant review. :)

Addictive? I can work with that! I'm so glad that you're enjoying it, because I really admire your writing and it makes me super happy that you like mine, too! :D

Thank you so much! I struggled a bit with the flashbacks--it's so hard to figure out what needs to be put in and what could be left out, but I ended up going with the barest minimum of information that I could without being super vague about it. And I had to introduce Hattie and OF COURSE reveal my MC's name! (It's about time, right?)

Yeah, Annie is definitely preferred by my character, especially since Portia carries such awful significance for her (which will be revealed... eventually). She is definitely more relaxed after her encounter with James, but I would like to think that she's still a bit shaken by it. She tries to cover it up, though, because everything she's been through has taught her (in a way) to hide what she's actually feeling. Sort of. (Maybe I'm being too explain-y. Sorry!)

Ugh, your poor sister's friend! Portia is quite an interesting name--rather archaic, but I think that if my name were Portia, I would rebel.

Hattie is so sweet. I love writing her, just because she IS the one that everyone loves. She knows how to comfort people, but she's also easily excitable and slightly neurotic--what Healer isn't? :D

Thank you! Words are so awesome. I love adding in interesting vocabulary because it gives my story a cool vibe (I'd like to think). Yeah, I'm sure that I called people "big dumb meanies" when I was eleven, so it seemed to be a fitting insult. Hahaha, there's no real story behind the magic marker dragon pox, but it might make a good one-shot. ;) Mint chocolate chip ice cream is the bestest. Definitely.

THANK YOU SO MUCH OMG. I love cliffhanger-type things and questions, as you can tell, so you'll just have to read on to find out! I rather enjoyed writing this because of its actionlessness. It was a nice break from the slight intensity of the previous chapters. :D

Thank you so, so much! And yes, you got the first review! Hooray! :)

~UnluckyStar57


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Review #22, by AphorideButterfly Effect: Prologue

20th August 2014:
Hey there! Dropping by for our review swap! :)

So I didn't read this when it was a one-shot, but I have to say that it makes a wonderful premise for a story! :)

I love how you started it without us knowing what exactly had happened to her mum and brother - it made the feeling in the writing so raw and powerful, because, really, we didn't need to know to get that it was heartbreaking stuff. The way she was shouting, repeating herself - it just really brought to life this kind of panic and fear and everything, which is so real, you know? I loved as well how her dad just signed the forms without thinking, because it might save them - there's something in that, you know, again that kind of realistic, sense of desperation for them to get better...

The one thing I was confused about was the football thing... with the touchdown... like, you use 'Mum' so I'm assuming they're English (or meant to be?) but the touchdown confused me because in English football there's no touchdown... :/ If I've missed something, feel free to kick me! :P

I'm so curious to see where this goes from here - her mum and brother having been killed by the truck driver, it must be so traumatic, and particularly in such a sudden way... that's the kind of thing which defines you. It changes things, and I'm curious to see how she reacts to that and how it affects her life and all... from your summary before (I think) I think James II comes into it? But I'm not sure...

Your writing is so powerful, though. It's simple but so evocative - you really just let the emotions talk, and that allows me as the reader to just feel. It's lovely, and so fast-paced as well, it's great.

So yeah, this is a really, really great start and I'm disappointed I didn't read the original one-shot! :)

Aph xx

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Review #23, by Aphoridean absence of light.: morning song.

18th August 2014:
Hey there! :) So I actually had to scroll down your page to see what I had and hadn't reviewed, because I love your work, so most of it I've already read, but I found this and I'm surprised I didn't stop by before. Vampires are just so cool... so interesting, but ah well, I get to stop by now! :)

I love how you presented Rose - she's such a beautifully complicated character. I love how she's not a victim, really, because she wanted the life she has, even if she's not totally sure about it now she has it, and she made a few mistakes, but she sort of accepts them, you know? It's such a lovely trait for her to have, and I like how she's not angry with Luc because of it, she's more angry about her family and disappointed in how they react. It's a really... can I say human? reaction to it, lol.

I loved how her family reacted, as well. They are a magical family - you can't expect them to simply be accepting of everything. There's a political thing going on underneath, with the magical creatures, and I love how you sort of delved into that with the Department of Regulation and all, the way her family are so scared of her and what she's become. It's really, really sad - both for her and for them, because she's lost her family and they've lost her, in a way, and it's just so sad that they're scared because it's so unfair. So yeah, I loved that - and I loved how Rose got angry at Hermione, because I can really, really get how and why she would be.

Also, I like how you dealt with the whole vampirism issue. Like it was just sort of... boring :P But not in a bad way as in your writing was boring, but that being a vampire wasn't much of anything special, it was more like being a different sort of person. There was this lovely sort of anti-climax where Rose was asking Luc questions, and she met his friends and it was all just so normal - like not that much different from a human life. And I loved that. The normality of her life really highlighted her family's reaction.

Hugo is amazing. 'Nuff said :P I love that boy. He and Rose have such a fabulous relationship, too. I like how he came round in the end - perhaps was always sort of round, in a way. It leaves this sort of hopeful, you know? And I like that. It's so much better than a properly 'happy' ending with everyone being friends and all...

Your writing, of course, is lovely as ever. I love your word choice and the different sections - the beginning was amazing - and the voice of Rose in this is just so strong. I remember reading your other stuff and how different this voice is to others you've written, and that kind of skill just amazes me every time.

So yes. I'm still in love with your work, and I'm so so glad you're back, and thank you so much for the swap! :)

Aph xx

Author's Response: Hiya! Awh you always send the best reviews, thank you so much!

I had a lot of fun with Rose in this. When I first started writing it I was writing her very differently, much more helpless, but I quickly realised i liked it much better if she wasn't just a mindless victim. The ambiguity of whether or not she wanted to be changed aside, she takes control of the situation, doesn't just totally run away from it - though she's tempted to try, at first.

Writing her family's reactions was hard for me! A lot of people have criticised it, but I stand by how I characterised the family. They don't know any better, and the wizarding world, in my opinion, is actually much more old fashioned and close minded than our world. So as sad as it is, I don't think they would easily accept her at all, because they just don't understand, and they've grown up with this ingrained fear of vampires, taught that vampires are instinctively evil... They probably feel like the rose they know is dead, really.

I was really trying to avoid as many vampire cliches as I could, because this is probably the most written about supernatural creature in the world and it's hard to get an original take on that XD so yeah, the main thing I tried to dispel was the idea that vamp life is super glamorous! So much of real life is filled with boring but essential tasks, I figured and extended life would be just the same, especially if you're in the modern day trying to be on the up-and-up, so you can't just go around stealing and biting whoever you want. It was actually really fun to write these, like , domestic vampires XD

I LOVE HUGO. whenever I put him in a story he always seems to end up the hero, oops XD I love the idea of him as a punk with a heart of gold, haha. And I'm a sucker for brother/sister cuteness, so I knew from the start that he would be the one to support Rose. I wanted to give her at least one person from the fam who was on her side!

I'm so glad you liked the writing and the whole story! This was a slightly rushed challenge entry originally so I still want to polish it up at some stage, but it means a lot you even like it as a slightly shabby version, haha!

~Maia


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Review #24, by AphorideStarfall: Seal Our Fate

16th August 2014:
Hi Isobel! :) Firstly, I'm sorry if this is a little short - I'm pretty busy atm, with sorting stuff out for going abroad soon - but I just had to drop by and see this, because I really, really do love this story! :)

I love Dorcas, how she's such a fully-developed character in this, despite not really being around for much of it :( The idea of the Death Eaters moving around, having temporary houses (at least, most of the known ones) is so good, and really highlights the idea that this is on both sides, a sort of guerilla war, where neither side has power and both sides are sort of undercover, in a way. You really build this whole feeling throughout it that anyone could be involved - it's so plausible that random people are involved, because of the way the war is, you know?

Poor Milly, though - so alone and so unfortunate :(

I loved the scene with Lily and James, too. How James was so loyal to his friends, and it became a weakness for him - how he just runs off into the night to go and find Peter and prove that he's not a traitor, because to him it is unthinkable. It's actually just desperately sad, I think, because he's a nice, good bloke... gah, I love James! :P And Lily... I love the mentions of the things she'll leave behind in the house - the photos and things - and how she and Harry escape with Hagrid, with Voldemort so close behind... (the only criticism, if I had one, would be that the end of this, with him coming up the path to the house, could be a bit more tense? Like, Lily could be more scared?)

I loved how you wrote Barty, as well. Of course, I ship him with Regulus, haha, but I loved his interactions with Marlene, and how crazy he is, but so clever as well. And Marlene! I loved - honestly, loved to bits - how she was kinda going crazy and psychopathic because of the loss of her family and yet she's on the good side, you know? Like, she's supposed to be a good guy, and she's out there killing random, innocent people because of revenge and it suits her needs. She's such a great character and I really hope we see more of her in the future! :)

Snape is so wonderfully creepy, as well, with all the comments about 'his Lily' and things... it's so possessive and so desperate.

All the little details and hints and clue-type things in here are just amazing, too. Like, why Barty is leaking secrets to the Order, how he's not being found out, is Snape going to work out that Milly wasn't an Order member and Barty's lying, what will happen to Pettigrew now his information failed and he's been rumbled as a spy, what will happen to Lily. gah, there's so many questions and so few answers! :P I'm so so curious...

So yes, your writing is fabulous, the length of this, even if it was long, was virtually unnoticeable, and I'm first review! (I hope, I think, maybe?) Yay! Hehe...

I love this story. So much. Please update soon! :)

Aph xx

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Review #25, by AphorideWhen Summer Fades: equinox

15th August 2014:
Hey there! Dropping by for our review swap! :)

Okay, so I love stories about Regulus - he's one of my favourite characters, with the whole tragedy of dying young, the whole family situation with his parents and Sirius... gah, so angsty, poor boy :P So when I saw this, I just had to read it.

I really, really love the way you presented him here. As like torn between two sides and almost not really being allowed to simply be himself, he kinda has to be both of his parents and Sirius, if that makes sense? Like he has to agree with both sides, seem to be on both sides... you've portrayed it as this really delicate balancing act, which I love - and a balancing act he kinda needs in his life, to avoid being sucked one way or the other. He seems strangely sort of... not unhappy with his friends, but sort of unfulfilled - as though they don't give him everything he needs in a friendship. I loved as well how surprised he was that Summer wanted to be friends with him - as though it didn't happen, but it probably didn't for him, and not with 'people like her'... gah, he's just a wonderful, wonderful character.

Summer is great too - I like how she's almost his kind of anti-thesis: happy and cheerful and bright, but not stupid or naive about what's going on and what they have to do to be friends. Like, she doesn't push him and is perhaps a bit of a walkover, in a way, but she's just generally a nice, good person. Her optimism as well is such a nice trait.

I liked how they sort of became friends almost be accident, and his friends didn't find out for ages because they simply assumed - and it's a fair enough assumption, to an extent! :P - and the cliffhanger at the end is great (though annoying, coz I wanna know what she has to say... *pouts*).

Like before (I read low tide, I remember, and loved it to bits), your writing is so gorgeous. The details you include are amazing, and your word choice is brilliant. The voice fits the character so well, and nothing seems out of place or over the top. Little phrases like 'wearing my heart on my sleeve' and 'she just listened until I had talked myself hoarse' are just so, so good.

So yeah, I really liked this! This is such a great chapter and a great story! Thanks so much for the swap, as well! :)

Aph xx

Author's Response: Hi Aph! Gah, this review was just so amazing and totally made my week!

I love Regulus too! There's just enough about him in canon to make him a really mysterious, complex character. And ahhh given that he is one of your favourite characters, that's such a huge compliment that you loved the way I wrote him! Thank you so much! I do like the way you put it, like a balancing act, feeling unfulfilled, that's exactly what I was aiming for.

So glad you liked his friendship with Summer as well. She was definitely intended to be a foil to him, and I like what you pointed out about her. Their friendship is rather an unexpected one, but I think that's the only way it could have happened given Regulus' history and his friends.

Omg, thank you for the lovely compliments about my writing style and word choice, you're so kind! I'm flattered. It's so wonderful to hear that the voice fits Regulus well, too.

Thank you so much for this incredible review! Loved swapping with you! :)


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