Reading Reviews From Member: magnolia_magic
231 Reviews Found

Review #1, by magnolia_magicPermission: Start Running

22nd July 2015:
Hi! Thank you so much for the warm welcome at the forums today, you're so sweet :) And I decided that a visit to your author page was long overdue, so here I am!

Wow, what an eerie piece. I really admire writers who can set up that type of vibe with a story, and you nailed the creepy factor perfectly! Lucius is a character that I really never have given much thought to, so it was interesting to read your take on his life and some of his actions. And the second person POV was a great choice for this! It really brought the sense of someone whispering in the audience's ear and lurking over our shoulder--as a reader, it was a very eerie effect. I definitely have goosebumps now! Awesome work! If I ever need to write a Death Eater story, I definitely know who to come to for advice :)


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Review #2, by magnolia_magicWhere Our Voices Sound: Beneath The Surface

21st April 2015:
Penny, oh my goodness. I knew immediately that I would be super into this story, but never in a million years did I expect to be this blown away! I just loved everything about this chapter and I really do hope that your muse allows you to update soon!

I just...I don't even know. What do I say? Your prose is gorgeous and it truly did transport me. I could pick out so many great lines, but I wouldn't even know where to start. I think my favorite section was the third one, where you introduce Vivienne with the line "Vivienne preferred to travel by night." I don't know, something about that simple image just captured me. I did spot a couple of tiny POV issues (switching to first person every now and then), but overall this chapter was beautifully written all the way through. You have a real talent.

Speaking of Vivienne, I just absolutely love her. You did a great job of hinting at the fact that she was half-human before the big reveal--the fact that she was the odd one out compared to the rest of her people--and you painted a really detailed portrait of her life without getting bogged down in too much detail. It's clear that Vivienne is lonely and searching for something, and very courageous to take such a huge risk in order to find it. I am definitely rooting for her :)

And the boys. Prince and Potter. They both intrigue me, and I'm wondering how each of them will play into Vivienne's life. I could honestly see myself shipping her with either of them at this point--they are both so precious!--but I do have a soft spot for Albus at the moment. The scene with him speaking to her in Mermish was great, such a sweet moment of connection :)

I am super eager for more of this! I know you said you were thinking about revisiting it, and I for one really hope that you do. Girl. You have gained a new fan! Thank you so much for the swap, and I hope to read more of your stuff very soon!


Author's Response: Hey! So I am about to fall asleep, but I will do my part of the review swap tomorrow! Sorry to be behind--I thought I had a bit more free time than I ended up having this evening. But I'm looking forward to checking out one of your stories!

Also, I am just, like, super flattered. THANK YOU! That is so sweet of you to say!

That's good to know, about the POV problems. I'll go through and try to clean those up. Thanks for telling me : )

Yay! I'm glad the half-human thing had enough hints to come across well!

I'm glad you like both Prince and Potter--I'm pretty fond of both of them. Ship her with either of them, eh? Hmmm...MUAHAHAHA!

and that's all I'll say about that ; )

Thank YOU so much for the swap, and I'm sorry my review's a bit behind! I'm REALLY excited that you like the story. As it happens, I think the second chapter's mostly done. It just needs a bit of tweaking. Perhaps if I could get another chapter of Traitorous Hearts out in the next week or so, I'd feel okay about taking some time to work ahead on Where Our Voices Sound--I would like to come back to that project. It'd be a lovely change of pace. Thanks for your encouragement--it's definitely got me thinking!

(P.S. I like your screen name. I LOVE magnolias. Where I live, I can see the little magnolia buds coming out on the trees already. I guess it won't be to terribly long now till the blooms come out. I absolutely love it when they do. It's worth the pollen and everything).


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Review #3, by magnolia_magicJumble: HodgePodge

21st April 2015:
Hi Kaitlin, here for review swap! I don't think I've ever read any of your stuff before, so it was exciting for me to look through your author page. This story caught my eye because of your summary. I love the idea of differentiating between the "Boy who Lived" and the "Boy Who Was Alive." Living life to the fullest is a very different feeling than just existing, and you brought that idea out really well with this story.

You describe flying so beautifully; not only was I immersed in the sights and sensations Harry was feeling, I could just tell how much he loves to fly. Some of the wording is more poetic than I would expect from Harry (the "long lost lover" line, for example), but it's all gorgeous and I enjoyed getting lost in your description :)

The part I most connected with was when you described all the things that weigh on Harry's mind; work, family responsibilities, and especially the lack of privacy in his life. I think we can all relate to feeling overwhelmed and needing an escape, and flying is clearly a great way for Harry to do this. I would never have expected him to play professional quidditch, but you make it believable here :)

Thanks again for swapping with me, Kaitlin! I really enjoyed reading this, and I hope to make time to read some more of your stuff very soon. Great job!


Author's Response: Hi Maggie,

Thanks for agreeing to swap with me!

I'm so happy to hear that you liked the distinction between The Boy Who Lived and The Boy Who Was Alive. I have no idea where it came from, but as soon as it popped out, I knew it was important.

I was originally really nervous that this story might be boring because it's practically all description. I'm glad that you didn't feel that way about it.

I definitely think most anyone can relate to the feeling of being overwhelmed by life. I really wanted to convey that it wasn't just deep, dark stuff that was grinding him down, but also the normal life things as well.

I get that reaction to him playing Quidditch a lot, but to me it seems like a natural place to end up. I mean both Ginny and Wood play professional Quidditch and Harry was better flyer than either of them. Plus, I think that's the only thing that I ever remember causing Harry just sheer joy.

Thanks so much for the swap! I hope you do get a chance to check out some of my other stories. I try really hard to make each one unique in style and subject.


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Review #4, by magnolia_magicHow You Court A...: ...Werewolf

21st April 2015:
Hi ladies! Here from Hufflepuff review tag :)

I liked this a lot! Padma is a character I have never really thought about before, to be honest, so I love that you chose to write about her. And the werewolf thing! I can definitely see how people would be put off by that, even though it clearly isn't Padma's fault. I liked the way you chose to address some of the attitudes people might have, and the fact that Padma's condition would have a ripple effect beyond just her. The bond between her and Parvati was so heartwarming; it was great to see them supporting each other through everything.

LOL Viktor. "You remind me of my cat." Smooth, bro ;) In all seriousness, though, I really love the way you wrote him. He's sincere and nice but not super charming (which just makes him even more adorable in my opinion), and he clearly likes a woman who can hold her own. Padma seems to be a good match for him, and you wrote their chemistry so well!

Great job! This was such a fun read and I really enjoyed it! I hope to check out your author page again very soon :)


Author's Response: Thank you for visiting! The review tag is a great way to find great stories and get a review at the same time. ;)

We did a challenge to write a character as a werewolf and we got Padma. After that one-shot, I (Georgina) loved writing about her and wanted to give her a romance. I don't know where the idea of Krum came from, but when I thought about it I realized it would really work. I also like writing the relationship she had with her sister (being asked if I were a twin with Freda, I like to think I have some knowledge of their special bond) and made sure I included Paravati.

Oh, Victor! He was so awkward in the books and I really wanted to show his, uh, charm? Writing Krum in this way made him a perfect match for Padma, and this might not be the last we write about these two.

Thank you ever so much for checking out our page. We hope to see you again! And thanks again for this lovely review.


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Review #5, by magnolia_magicBackground Noise: A Gentle Snow of Pianofortes

12th January 2015:
Teh. Like...what is this whacked-out awesomeness that I've just read? I swear I did not ever stop grinning throughout all three chapters of this. I knew that you were a great dramatic writer, so obviously I should have known that talent would cross over into humor as well :)

All the concepts are just so creative and wacky. Joanna's curse? Nora as an interdimensional princess AND reincarnation of Filch? Just whaaat? How do you come up with all of it? It's nothing short of fantastic. And the Potters are all great, especially Lily-Lou as the actual Satan. They are hilarious, obvs, and I have to say I cannot wait to meet the Boy Who Lived himself. I can only imagine what you have in store for him!

What can I say? I had a great time reading this, and I will definitely be coming back to it whenever I need a laugh. Jo's voice is biting and smart, and all the characters are so well-defined (perhaps because they each have their own very unique brand of crazy.) Great job as always, and I hope you have enjoyed your day on the hot seat :)


Author's Response: Maggie! ♥

I apologise!! FOR EVERYTHING.

First, I apologise for taking so long to respond to your wonderful and extremely amusing review. Thank you so, so much for taking the time to read and review. ♥

Second, I apologise for this fic. I APOLOGISE SERIOUSLY. Sometimes I zone out and then I start writing chapters of this. I'm never in a sane frame of mind whenever I'm updating this fic. :P

All the concepts are indeed crazy and completely unrealistic, as are the characters and their situations. I mean, come on, Filch's soul being spliced and sent to another dimension? Ridiculous. I don't know how I came up with it, to be honest. I think I was just frustrated with my writing. I tried to write a popular pairing (James/OC) and failed completely and this turned up instead.

Ooh, The Boy Who Lived!! Will he or won't he make an appearance? I haven't decided yet. I don't plan this fic; I just pull stuff out of my head.

I'm glad this fic gave you a bit of a laugh, even though it's completely silly. Thank you so much, my dear; you're far too lovely!! I have really enjoyed my time on the hot seat thanks to the generosity of my lovely badgers. ♥


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Review #6, by magnolia_magic"Love you Teddy": "Love you too Lil"

10th January 2015:
Hi! Here for your Hot Seat day, I hope you're enjoying it!

First of all, major props for doing a songfic. I've always sort of wanted to attempt one but never have, and I think you did a great job with this one! The lyrics were so perfect for Teddy's situation and fit the story so well. And I do love The Script, so I will have to give that song a listen soon :)

I just found this really heartwarming all the way around. I love that the Potters and Weasleys are still so focused on family, and that Teddy has sort of been welcomed in as one of their own. He makes a great big brother figure for Lily, who is adorable :) And I also love the backstory you gave Teddy. We tend to think that everything will be perfect for the next generation, because that's part of the "happy ending" we want for our beloved HP characters. But it makes total sense that Teddy would have a rocky start at Hogwarts because he is so different. And his childhood and family life have been so far from the "normal" situation. I could see that those memories were still painful for Teddy even after he'd overcome that period of his life. But at the same time, it was a great thing to see him using that situation to help Lily.

I loved reading this! You did an awesome job with Teddy, like I said--and side note, I love the way you incorporated his Metamorphmagus abilities at the beginning. Tonks' physical transformations were so connected to her emotions, and I love that you carried that on to Teddy as well :) Keep up the great work! I'm so glad the Hot Seat brought me to this sweet story :)


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Review #7, by magnolia_magicKeeping Secrets: After the Battle

6th January 2015:
Hi Jayde! I'm here for your hot seat day, albeit a day late. I've been meaning to come by and review Keeping Secrets, and I am so glad I did! I read this chapter a while back, and it's great to get back into the swing of things :)

This is such a heavy opening chapter, and from a perspective that I often overlook when thinking about the Weasley family. I love that you chose Charlie to tell this story, because he is kind of the forgotten Weasley brother. The way you've fleshed him out here is so natural and believable. He is Fred's older brother, and I can see the protectiveness and guilt that comes from that dynamic. I hate to see Charlie blaming himself, but at the same time I'm glad you chose to start the story at this time of grief. This way we can see Charlie's healing journey, which I'm looking forward to a lot :)

I can't wait to learn more about Charlie's life with the dragons, as well as with the rest of the family. I love the relationship you've set up between him and Bill in this chapter, and it will be nice to see how that continues. And your OC! I can't wait to get reacquainted with her, it's been so long!

Your style is so pleasant and flows so smoothly; you have such a talent! I can't wait to read on! Great work, Jayde, and I will definitely be keeping a much closer eye on your author page from now on :)


Author's Response: Maggeh! Do NOT apologize for being a tiny bit late with this review - you see how long it took me to respond to it, and how long it took me to get your reviews to you, don't you? *hangs head in shame* I am SO sorry it has taken me so long to get to this!

Thank you so much for your comments about Charlie being fleshed out and believable - they really make me feel good! Awww! I'm glad you're looking forward to Charlie's healing journey! I hope you enjoy it!

I'm glad you liked the relationship between him and Bill, and I'm ready for you to get acquainted with the OC again too! :D

Aww, Maggie! *Blushes* Thank you SO much for your kind words! *hugs*

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Review #8, by magnolia_magicLying Josephine: Introduction: Boxes

3rd January 2015:
Tanya, hi! I've been meaning to come check out this story for AGES now, and I'm finally here! And I'm so glad I was able to stop by for the hot seat this time :)

I know you're looking for feedback on the later chapters of this, but I had to start at the beginning for now, of course. I hope you don't mind another review on this fantastic prologue! I love what you did with the time jump in the middle. Starting off with a flash-forward is a move I really like, because I like a glimpse of where things are headed in a story. But it seems that poor Josephine sort of starts and ends in a similar emotional place in this chapter. The first scene is so intriguing, with what I'm assuming is the aftermath of Josephine's lie blowing up in her face. But it's the second scene that really got me in the feels. You really nailed Josephine's grief here, and the almost out-of-body experience it can feel like to witness a loved one's funeral. I'm so impressed with the way you handled those emotions here.

Josephine has such a great voice, and I'm looking forward to reading on and seeing more from her perspective. She's in a very hopeless place in this chapter, clearly, and I imagine it will be a very long journey to change that. I'm completely on board, Tanya! I hope to come back for the other chapters very soon!


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Review #9, by magnolia_magicDivided: The Tale of the Hogwarts Founders: Chapter II

2nd January 2015:
Hi Kristin! Here for your hot seat day, and can I just say that it does my heart good to be catching up with Divided after all this time :) I love your take on this era and these characters!

This chapter had so much going on, and I love your exploration of the dynamic between wizards and Muggles. I've never really seen anyone portray it this way, from the very beginning of the fallout, so this was super interesting for me to read. I LOVED the battle sequence, everything about it, especially Godric's insistence on fighting fair with the Muggles and doing things the honorable way. And the way you've handled the decline in relations between wizards and Muggles is just so great. Neither group is vilified; instead, it happens as a series of emotional decisions that lead to misunderstandings. Of course, we know that things will eventually fester to the point that wizards go into hiding. I love seeing the beginning of that process, the very first hints of fear starting to creep in. Great job handling a very complex situation!

I can tell how much thought you've put into the political climate of the time, and that you've done some research about which groups of Muggles would be fighting each other. That is something I just completely avoid when I write Founders, mainly out of laziness, so I really admire the fact that you've taken the historical background of things into account. Those Vikings. They kind of caused trouble for everyone, I guess *shakes head*. At least Godric and Laudine were there to lend a hand and help drive them out for the time being.

You've done a seriously wonderful job with Godric in this chapter. His voice is just so true to what I imagine Godric to be like, and it was a joy to read. He is clearly a caring soul who wants to do the right things, and I can just feel how important his honor is to him. Laudine seems like a great partner for him because of the way her mind works in contrast to his; she seems more practical and realistic, while Godric sometimes overlooks important details. The scene with Laudine convincing him to use protective spells was a prime example. They are such a power couple, I love it!

Rowena continues to be feisty and great, and I can't wait to see how Hogwarts eventually gets off the ground. And I'm excited for Helga and Salazar to appear again! Great chapter, Kristin, and I hope to make time to read on very soon :)


Author's Response: Hi Maggie! This was such a lovely review and I'm sorry for taking so long to respond to it! Gah, thank you, it means so much that you like my interpretation of the Founders, because you're one of the best Founders writers on the site so that means a lot to me!

I really like writing about political/society issues so it was really interesting to incorporate the relations between wizards and Muggles in this as given the time period they would likely keep the same company sometimes. I figured Godric would be the one to try and be as noble as possible in a fight, even if it was stupid to do so :p Thanks, I am so glad you like the way the decline between wizards and Muggles occurs - exactly, it's no one's fault, just a series of unfortunate circumstances. I'm thrilled that you like the way I handled it!

You're right, there was a lot of history research involved haha. I actually loved doing the research for this, I just find the era really interesting! I'm so glad you appreciate the political climate in this.

Ah, thank you so much, I'm thrilled that my portrayal of Godric is like what you imagined for him. I'm glad you like Laudine as well - she is definitely a lot more practical, kind of prevents Godric from having too much of a noble/hero complex haha

Hogwarts gets off the ground in the next chapter, which was my favourite to write and I hope you like it! Thank you so much for reading and for your wonderful review!!

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Review #10, by magnolia_magicAlbus Potter and Slytherin's Office: The Rising Wizard

20th December 2014:
Hi! Happy Hot Seat day! I'm so excited to be able to review this, since I've never read it before. I really enjoyed this first chapter!

I love that you chose to tell the story as though the HP books didn't exist, so that everything feels fresh and new. Your descriptions of the wands as "sticks," and the way you talk about Parseltongue without actually using the all gave me that feeling of reading the books for the first time, and discovering the magic. It was a really enjoyable experience :)

Your characters are really interesting, too. I love the idea of Voldemort having a mentor in the shadows. It's actually a pretty scary thought, and it does open the door for future Voldemort-like people to come onto the scene. Like Zac. I can feel his eagerness to prove himself, and I hate that this old dude is basically training him to kill people and cause terror. The scene where he used the mass killing curse (a game-changer, definitely) on that group of sweet kids was so sad. I actually gasped at my computer, it was so unexpected! You did a great job of pulling me in with this chapter.

I'm hooked! You did an excellent job with this opening, and I really enjoyed reading it. I hope you have fun with the Hot Seat today, and I'm so glad I got to be a part of it :)


Author's Response: I'm glad you liked the lack of magical knowledge! That was done on purpose, so I'm glad you liked it!

When I was coming up with Zajecfer, I realized I needed a reason for there two be two dark lords in such a short time period away from each other. I figured a shared mentor is a plausible explanation.

Zajecfer was no innocent guy before Slytherin started helping him out. Zajecfer had already committed some crimes.

You gasped at the computer? *Puffs chest out proudly* I suppose I shouldn't be happy at deaths, but... *squeals happily*

Thank you so much for reviewing!

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Review #11, by magnolia_magicFour: Four

12th December 2014:
Hi Leigh! You're in the review hot seat, yay! I hope you enjoy your day of review-bombing, and I'm happy to come and be a part of it. This story caught my eye right away, and I'm so happy that I got a chance to read it!

I loved all four sections of this, but the first one was my favorite. I can see little Blaize adoring his mother and stepfather, and your descriptions of the piano are enchanting. Which makes it all the more sad when Geoff never returns. That line, when his mother says that the third husband will "fill his place nicely" is just chilling. Such a great job there!

If I can make one suggestion about the first section: if I were you, I would take out the line, "Until the third husband came along." I think it breaks up the flow a little bit, and distracts from the grief that comes a few lines later, when Geoff is gone. Taking it out would create a more seamless flow into that heavier subject matter, I think. If that makes sense.

I can relate to Blaize's use of the library as a retreat and escape, so I thought that section was lovely as well. And who doesn't see Hogwarts as a safe haven? That part will really resonate with your readers, as we're all such huge HP fans :) Most of all, though, I loved the little hints you dropped that Blaize has a soft spot for Hermione. I love that you don't show them interacting, and instead provide a sort of outside-looking-in perspective. It made me smile to imagine him admiring her from afar :)

Your ending is so lovely! I love the way you tied it all together in those last few lines and ended on a hopeful note. I thoroughly enjoyed reading this story, Leigh! Thank you so much for sharing it with us :)


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Review #12, by magnolia_magicchristmas eve.: spending time with family.

11th December 2014:
Hi Aimee! I hope you're having fun in the hot seat today!

Aw, I loved this! I can never resist a story about family and Christmas, and this one is well done. I loved all the characters you pulled in; even though there aren't really any connections to the HP characters, they still felt very real to me. I especially loved Betty! I know several precious old ladies like her, and I pictured her as my own grandmother :) I was glad that Brooklyn had someone to talk to during such a stressful time.

I'm very curious about the falling-out among Brooklyn's family. Is this a oneshot, or are you planning on continuing? If you do, I'd love to see some more light shed on that situation. The relationship between Brooklyn and her granddad was so heartwarming, though, and I absolutely love the way you ended this story. The image of them in the hospital room is so lovely; they have all the family they need when they're together :)

Great job with this! I hope today has been a great Hufflepuff love-bombing for you, and I'm so glad I could read this story and be a part of it!


Author's Response: Maggie, hey! :)

Yeah, I had a lot of fun in the hot seat :) It's put a massive smile on my face.

Trust me, the next few chapters will hopefully include HP canon characters so they'll be coming soon :) Yeah, Betty really reminded me of my own Grandmother (who taught me how to knit as well) so I thought I'd add her to the story.

Yeah, it's a short-story but the other chapters won't include Brooklyn and her family (maybe in passing) but the story won't develop from this point.

~Aimee xxx

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Review #13, by magnolia_magicA Time of Heartache and Healing: Failure

10th December 2014:
Hi Erica! I hope you're having fun being in the hot seat today!

So from your summary, I fully expected this to be a sad story. But I wasn't prepared for the powerful emotion here. I really felt for Molly; the way you described her thoughts about her son's death felt so realistic and so heartbreaking. This story really speaks to the nature of depression; it can be a vicious cycle that is very difficult to break.

Even though it was a sad note to end on, I like your choice not to really resolve things between Molly and Arthur by the end. I wanted a happy ending so much (I always do, haha) but with this story it does fit the theme better to end things in the middle of all the complex negative feelings Molly is experiencing. That kind of thing can't be resolved with fluff, really, and I loved your choice to keep things realistic.

Great work, Erica! Enjoy the review-bombing today :) I'm so glad I could be a part of it! Congrats on tackling something new; you did a really good job!


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Review #14, by magnolia_magicYear Five: Loose Lips

7th December 2014:
Hi Roisin! It has been far too long since I've gotten to pick this story back up. RL has been cray cray and I just sort of left my review thread to die...But. I'm so glad you took me up on my swap offer! I loved getting back into the swing of your story :)

Eeee, a Tristan chapter! I just want to give him a hug, even though I feel like he would hate it :P I can definitely relate to Emily's desire to just "rationalize him into being happy." But he's at a tough age, and even though Hogwarts is warm and fuzzy and magical (especially the way you write it), sometimes things just aren't okay. I really love the way you preserve that nice, nostalgic Hogwarts feeling while simultaneously getting into the darker, more complicated headspace of your characters.

So Tristan isn't a pureblood after all? That was a surprise to me. exactly did he get into Slytherin with so much Muggle in him? Things are brewing here. I'm excited to dig deeper :) The altercation with Wood during Herbology class was well done; in fact, it's something I could see Harry doing during his angsty phase in OOTP. I wasn't expecting such a mean-spirited Wood, but then again he is a Gryffindor, and he has to protect his pride, I guess. Fred and George had a great attitude about it, at least, and you wrote their reactions and mannerisms so, so well.

I enjoyed this, as always! I hope I can carve out some more time to keep reading soon, because I'm dying to know what's going on with these kids. There are still so many questions and mysteries. Hopefully you will see me again before too much longer! And in answer to your question in your response to my last review, yes, you can feel free to use that line whenever your heart desires :) Thanks for swapping with me, Roisin!


Author's Response: Hello!!!

Ah! I'm so happy you feel like there's Hogwarts nostalgia here, despite a pretty heavy thematic emphasis elsewhere. I really wanted it to feel like the same world, and have a tangible connection to the Philosopher's Stone. And then since I had zero familiarity with fanfiction when I wrote out the first draft, I kind of came up with my own interpretation of what that meant, so there are a lot of references to the books (sometimes by like, re-using a phrase or concept, but changing its meaning). Basically, its very aware that it's fanfiction, so meta references are common :)

'Rationalizing someone into being happy' is such a thing! I've done it for sure, and it's been done to me. Like, trying to debate someone out of whatever they are feeling.

Tristan is very much a Slytherin, but the traits manifest in him differently than what we see in the books. I loved the idea of a reluctant/rebellious Slytherin, who could be just as elitist, but in different ways (namely, being a music snob). There's more later about exactly how he came to be a Slythrin, wot with his parentage.

I was definitely channeling Harry's OotP angst in this story! I think it's a tough age, and Rowling wrote it really well, so Harry being super frustrating at times is very much mirrored here :)

Yee! Thank you so much for the swap!


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Review #15, by magnolia_magicThe Minister of Magic's Daughter: Prologue

6th December 2014:
Here for review swap!

This chapter was not at all what I expected based on your summary, I have to say. But I think I enjoyed it even more because of that! This is the start of a really ambitious project, I can tell, and you've finished it! Props to you for that undertaking, first of all. I'm so glad I got the chance to start at the beginning.

This reminds me a lot of Greek mythology; maybe it's the subject matter, or maybe it's the way your writing flows. It feels like an epic, or a legend. Your prose is beautiful, very sweeping and grand, and it fits this prologue very well. I'll be excited to see how the style changes when we get into more concrete, present-day events.

The change in focus at the beginning felt a little abrupt to me. Hopefully this will make sense: you start off by having the narrator talk about herself, and then all at once we're in the distant past learning about the origins of magic. It was a little confusing at first, but once I adjusted I was fully drawn in! Your ideas about the initial separation of wizards and muggles are fascinating, and I love the idea of some higher beings governing the magic in the world.

Your last line is just great. It brings us back to the present and sets up this burning question of this narrator's place in the grand scheme of things. I am definitely planning to devour the rest of this as soon as RL allows!

I'm so glad I got the chance to read this! Thank you so much for swapping with me, and like I said, I'll definitely be adding this one to my reading list :)


Author's Response: Thanks for the review swap. I always like seeing what other stories and ideas people have out here.

This has been a pet project for a long time and I'm so excited to be putting up the chapters. It took me a long time to write the prologue as there's a lot to hint at, without giving everything away. Its really good to hear things from someone reading afresh. I will have a look at it again and see what I can do about the 'abrupt' change and see if I can smooth it out a little.

This story does become kind of epic...much more epic than I first perceived it to be. I'm really happy you enjoyed this first chapter and I hope you go on to enjoy the rest of the story.

Thanks so much for swapping with me also :)

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Review #16, by magnolia_magicMoon River: Prologue: Breathe

5th December 2014:

This is a great opening chapter! I'm so intrigued already. I like the idea of the Potters having a unity event; it seems like the kind of thing they would do to keep the peace going. And you did a great job of pulling me in right from the beginning with your descriptive language. The line about comparing the heat with honey is wonderful, strong imagery, and I almost felt a little suffocated just reading it! It helped me to empathize with Rose, especially toward the end when she began to get sick.

I can't wait to see the explanation of Rose's mysterious illness and how it affects her character. This prologue hits just the right notes; you offer a small glimpse into Rose's life while leaving us wanting more. I loved the sensory experience of Rose's illness--you did a great job portraying it! Description is a great strength in your writing, I can tell, and it makes for such a vivid experience :)

It's hard to get a good sense of characterization in this short of a prologue, so I'm very excited to get to know Rose much better in future chapters. I can say with certainty right now, though, that Liam is not my favorite. I'm going to give him the benefit of the doubt in case he ends up being a nice guy, but he's just a little too condescending for my taste. And how does he not realize that Rose has this illness? Isn't he her boyfriend? Shouldn't he know these things? Haha, I have so many questions! Also, saying that I don't like him is by no means a criticism! I'm excited to see how (if?) he develops and how he plays into the story.

Great chapter! I'm so glad I got the chance to review it!


Author's Response: Gah! Thank you so so much for the great review! I am so happy that you liked the chapter.

Description is something I think is really important, and it makes me so happy that you like the descriptive language I use. It made my day!

Haha, Liam is definitely an upfront character. He evokes some strong feelings from me as well, he is kind of his own person in my head. He writes himself really...

I hope you keep reading! Thanks again Maggie!

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Review #17, by magnolia_magicComplicated: Welcome to the Madhouse

3rd September 2014:
Hi! I'm finally here with your requested review! I'm really sorry to have made you wait, but thank you so much for your patience. And now on to the review!

I'll be honest, it took a while for Olivia to start growing on me. But I think that's what you were going for, right? She's very...prickly? Difficult to deal with, and with her family background it's very easy to understand why that is. But you showed us tiny cracks in her defensive shell, like the mention of her friends and the moment with Katie at the end. Those things helped to make her a more relatable, fleshed-out character. Her voice is really witty and sharp, and you established a good pace--fast but comfortable.

And Jason! I liked him! He never seemed like a moron at all, despite Olivia calling him that. Instead, he came off very likable (for me, at least.) He reminds me a lot of the way Oliver was portrayed in the books :) And I loved the moment at the dinner table when he picked up on the tension and diffused it. And Olivia's little acknowledgment that it was a good move. "I suppose he's not always a moron." So cute! That was the moment that Olivia became tolerable for me, because you showed just the perfect amount of vulnerability without changing her personality. Really nice characterization technique for both Olivia and Jason there :)

Oh goodness, what to say about Olivia's parents. Pansy is a hot mess. I was just in disbelief that she brought Draco up in front of her husband and daughter. I mean, kids can tell when there is trouble in paradise, but aren't parents supposed to at least try to protect their kids from their marriage troubles? But clearly Pansy is not an ideal parent. And I was furious at the little digs she made about Olivia's weight! If you had left her as this completely one-dimensional "clueless parent" character, I would have been perfectly happy just hating her.

But. You threw us a curveball with the cheating revelation. And suddenly Pansy is a sympathetic character, at least for that one scene. I got used to seeing her as a straight-up villain, and suddenly she became the victim for a minute. It was a twist that I was not expecting, and I enjoyed the surprise. Even though the scene itself was dramatic and heavy, I thought it was fun to be thrown off a bit.

And her dad is now my least favorite of the two. It was going to take something truly heinous to strip Pansy of that title, but you sure delivered! What an absolute jerk! :/

I was a little miffed at Olivia for taking the situation and making it about her ("Stop dragging me into all your rubbish"), but it's to be expected. She feels betrayed too, and she seems to have a natural temper. I'm looking forward to seeing her with her friends, and I hope it's a healthier situation than what she has at home.

I like the image you leave us with, of Olivia flying away from the Madhouse on her broom, towards the sanctuary of her friends. It was a lovely, peaceful note to end on after all the chaos. But for me, the very last line about hating Christmas sort of disrupts that image. It feels a bit out of place to me, and it took me out of the moment. I think it's something about placing the strong negative emotion of the word "hate" right after the hopeful image of Olivia smiling as she flies away. I figured you were going for symmetry between the end of the chapter and the beginning, but I think the effect would be better with that last line cut. It would leave us focused on what's ahead in the story, instead of what's already happened.

I enjoyed this a lot! I kind of have conflicting feelings on whether I like Olivia, but that's good: she's not really supposed to be all that pleasant. And it means you've done a great job of introducing a complex character. I'm looking forward to getting to know her better, and I plan on adding this to my reading list. Great job and feel free to re-request!


Author's Response: Hi Maggie!

Thanks so much for the lovely review. Don't worry at all about the delay, it's not a problem

I'm glad you're unsure about Olivia. She's not supposed to be a perfect character but I hope I've given her room to develop and as you get to know her more I think/hope she gets more likeable.

And her parents are all round awful, but Katie's family is hopefully some kind of redemption. Jason's one of my favourites, which makes it difficult to write from Olivia's point of view because she dislikes him so much, but I just don't think they'd get along at this point in the story. Olivia's too determined to hate her family and also Gryffindors :)

That's such a good point about the last line interrupting the hopefulness of her flying away. I'll have a think about it and probably cut the line when I come back and edit. Given that it's not a one-shot I definitely would rather focus on what's coming than on what's happened, so thanks so much for pointing that out.

Thank you for all the feedback. I'll definitely rerequest if that's okay :)

Emma x

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Review #18, by magnolia_magicYear Five: Some Sacred Questions, Some Marijuana

31st August 2014:
I swear the people who post in my thread must have the patience of saints. But to make up for the wait, I have a feeling this review is going to consist of nothing but gushing compliments :) You're doing an awesome job with this story, Roisin!

This chapter is my favorite so far by a mile, but that may just be because Emily is my favorite character so far. She seems so kind and approachable, exactly the kind of person I would like to meet. I like that you took a little time to explore her past (in fact, I find myself wishing you had done a little more of that with Isobel in the last chapter. But there's a lot of story left for me to look forward to!) I can see the influence that Tonks must have had on Emily; she seems to share that spirit of inclusiveness and fun, even if Emily is quite a bit more reserved.

Speaking of, I LOVED the references to Tonks! If Helga is the queen of Hufflepuff, then Tonks is our princess, and I was thrilled to see your take on what she must have been like at Hogwarts. I can definitely see her being a sort of hero to the misfits of the school, and it's got to be sad for them to lose her. Also, I can relate to the surreal feeling of taking the reins after an older class of people has graduated. Definitely a weird place to be.

I feel like I know Tristan a little better now. Seeing him from Emily's perspective probably helps with that, as he seems to be more open with her than the other girls. His interest in Muggle music and books is intriguing, especially now that we know he's in Slytherin. To me, it seems like a way of rebelling against his pureblood heritage. I've already been suspecting that his home life is not ideal, and now the evidence mounts to support that. This kid has some layers, for sure, and I cannot wait to uncover some of them. And my head is spinning from the ominous hints you dropped about him in this chapter! Okay, so there is some sort of deal with Neville Longbottom. And something with his middle name. R. Riddle maybe? Regulus? Rumplestiltskin?

Okay. Guessing is clearly not my strongest suit. OR IS IT? Haha, I really want spoilers now!

Laurel worries me a lot. I really want a Laurel chapter to happen, just so I can get inside her head a bit more. And like I said earlier, I'm looking forward to more Isobel soon! I feel like she is sort of fading into the background so far, but that's natural. With several main characters to balance, they can't all take up equal space at all times. But I couldn't help but feel the difference between this chapter (in which Emily reveals quite a bit about herself) and the previous (in which Isobel focuses almost entirely on the people around her.) Maybe Emily is just a more open person than Isobel? In any case, I hope that more will be revealed about both her and Laurel in the coming chapters.

The story is definitely hitting its stride now! I loved everything you did with this chapter. The pacing is comfortable, the characters are super compelling, and you've got the Hogwarts vibe absolutely note-perfect. I'm officially hooked! Fantastic job, Roisin!


Author's Response: Hello! Thank you for this wonderful, encouraging, lovely review!

Emily is probably my favorite too :) I love Hufflepuff, and I think a lot of people write it off/don't celebrate it enough, so I wanted to write a very Hufflepuffy Puff to show how awesome it is.

Helga's the queen and Tonks is the princess--I loved that! In fact, can I borrow that line when I revise???

And yes! I loved the idea of a reluctant Slytherin who's obsessed with muggle culture :D He's definitely verrry rebellious.


It's going to be a while before we get into Laurel's head, which was an intentional decision. I really wanted to build up the perspectives other people had of her first. I really loved the way JK withheld and revealed information in Casual Vacancy, and how she gave simple details a lot of weight by how she introduced them. I SUPER tried to emulate that here :)

And AH! I'm so glad you thought the "Hogwarts vibe" was on point! That was a BIG thing for me writing this!

Thank you thank you thank you for all of the kind words!


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Review #19, by magnolia_magicTrixangela Snape: Year 1: The Prologue

30th August 2014:
Hi! Maggie here from the forums with your requested review! I'm so sorry it's taken me so long to get here, but I'm very glad you requested in my thread. I am a Snily shipper myself, so I appreciate seeing a new take on how they might have had a relationship. Thanks so much for your patience, and now on with the review!

I really liked the way you structured this chapter, first of all. The use of flashbacks was very effective, and I like that you started off with the point of Lily's death. The initial mystery of how Harry had brought his mother back to life was a great hook--I had to read on to find out! And the scene with Snape and Lily in the hospital was very well done. I loved the moment when she put her hand on his arm to reassure him. It seemed very Lily to me. It's the little things, I guess :)

I do have one suggestion for improving the flow. The "9 Months Later" section felt a little bit disruptive for me, mostly because I didn't understand why that scene had to be set so far ahead of the hospital scene. Also, having one flashback in italics and the other not confused me a bit. I'd suggest maybe merging that "9 Months Later" section in with the first flashback somehow. Try to work that passage of time into the narrative, instead of creating a time jump. That way the whole flashback would flow more smoothly, and then we could transition out of it without confusion.

Knowing Snape as we do from the books, I can understand his reluctance to be a father figure to Harry. He's very harsh in his refusal, but I think it's totally believable. I think you did well with his character in this chapter. It can be hard for canon characters to seem believable in AU stories, but I can see the effort you put into keeping Snape in character. And I have to say I loved the moment when he's alone with his daughter. That tenderness is something we never get to see in the books, and I think he would be a doting father to any child he had with Lily. I love that you ended the chapter on that note, and I'm excited to see how your Snape grows and changes as a result of being a father.

One little dialogue suggestion: when you have Snape calling people "git" and "prat", it doesn't really seem to fit the context. To me, those words bring to mind an ignorant person, or someone who's just acting dumb. I'm not sure it's the best way to describe infant Harry? Or even Voldemort, really--I think a stronger word would be more appropriate for a mass murderer.

It might sound odd, but one of my favorite things about this chapter is the way you wrote Dumbledore. You really did a terrific job portraying him as a wise mentor figure to Snape; never judging, but instead offering sound advice, whether or not Snape chose to take it. It was very true to his character, I thought :)

I think your plot is off to an intriguing start! You covered any questions I might have had in your author's note, so I won't go there. I'm excited to see the kind of person Trixi grows up to be, and how it could complicate things to throw Harry into the mix. And most of all, I can't wait for the flashbacks of Lily with her children, and the four of them as a family. You're giving us a lot to look forward to, which is exactly what you want out of an opening chapter. Thanks again for requesting! I enjoyed this!


Author's Response: Thanks for reviewing. You now gave me an idea for this that could very much work, I would think. Since I am flashing back in the past with future chapters anyway, perhaps I don't need the 9 months later scene just yet, as it's already assumed the two got married. I could squeeze the 4 paragraphs into a different chapter that covers this same topic.

I thought git/prat was okay given the fact that it's Harry. Other than "swine" I am not sure what Snape called James. But maybe I can come up with something less... slangish.

You will see a few more moments between Dumbledore and Snape, I am loving these scenes together... :)

Glad you liked it! Hope you like the rest!

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Review #20, by magnolia_magicMiddle Clouds: Cold War

30th August 2014:
Hi! I was scrolling through the recently added list and your summary caught my eye. I just wanted to drop by and say I'm so glad I picked this story to read! I enjoyed it very much, and I think you're a very talented writer. Rose has a great voice, and she seems like a very well-thought-out character. I like that she is dedicated to her studies but still has a sense of humor--always a great combination, in my opinion :) She seems very perceptive, too, and sensitive to the people around her. I really like her perspective and I'm looking forward to seeing more!

Ruth is great too; she seems like a great friend for Rose. I loved the personality quiz scene on the train. It's those kind of random things that can really set the tone for a friendship, and I loved the laid-back atmosphere that scene set up. Rose is clearly worried about her future and taking the right path, but she isn't neurotic about it; she still takes the time to goof off with Ruth and Al. Loved it :)

I'm very curious about what actually happened between Rose and Scorpius. That was the one thing I wanted a little more clarity on. What was their relationship like before things got weird? It seems like they are just sort of awkward acquaintances, and Rose is having trouble defining what their relationship actually is--or what she wants it to be, maybe? ;) If this does turn out to be a ScoRose, I think you have a very original take on them. Usually I see either star-crossed lovers or complete hatred in ScoRose fics, so it's refreshing to see a dynamic that's a little harder to label.

My suggestions aren't about the quality of your writing (which is excellent), but about what you could do to make this story more eye-catching. I want to see other people reading this! Do you have a forums account? If not, I hope you'll consider making one, because you can request feedback from other members and just generally get the word out about your work. We're all super friendly over there, and the staffers will answer any questions you might have. It doesn't take too long to get the hang of things :) Secondly, I'd consider getting a banner. The super-helpful people at the forums can direct you in how to go about that; there is a whole site full of talented artists who take requests.

(If I'm telling you things you already know, feel free to disregard all that. But I would hate to see this story get lost in the crowd, because I really do think you have a great start!)

But anyway. I think this story has amazing potential--you've got a great main character who is going through a tough rite of passage. The pacing is great, the supporting cast is great, and you've set up the tension with Scorpius well. The thing I like best about it is that you don't try to throw out any gimmicks. You're telling a real story about issues that real people face, and you do it in a straightforward, compelling way. I think if an author just tells the truth (and maybe throws in some funny dialogue, like you've done), that's where true originality comes in. Haha, sorry this review was so rambly! But again, I really liked this chapter and would love to see where you go with it. Keep up the good work!


Author's Response: Hello Maggie!

First of all, thank you so much for taking the time to write this wonderful review. Even if it weren't a positive one, I would be grateful. So you can imagine how happy I am now! :)

I am so glad you like the characters, especially because I have grown to love them over the course of writing this (and it's been quite some time now). I was actually planning to leave out the personality quiz scene because it seemed so random but I'm glad that the point I was trying to make has come across (as you so perfectly described it in your review.)

As for the relationship between Rose and Scorpius, the next chapter will hopefully clarify some things. I consider their situation rather complex and I was hoping to lay it out gradually, layer by layer, instead of clumping it all in the very first chapter. So if you do find the time and will to read the second chapter, I would appreciate any thoughts on this particular subject!

Thank you so much for your suggestions on how to make the story more eye-catching. Just the fact that you care about that amazes me, really. I do have a forums account but I am still too scared to ask anyone for help, haha. The chapter went public yesterday so I wanted to see if anyone would even notice it (hence my astonishment with your review) before I requested reviews or, more importantly, a beta. But I will definitely start doing something about that soon. :)

Once again, thank you for the lovely review! I was terrified of posting the first chapter, despite the fact that people here seem to be really kind and helpful, so this means a lot to me. I loved how rambly your review was so I will not apologize for mine being even more rambly, although I probably should. :)

- Andy

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Review #21, by magnolia_magicLife As We Know It: chapter one

29th August 2014:
Hi Erica! I'm here from Hufflepuff review tag!

Aw, I liked this! Normally I'm not a Dramione person (and I bet you get super tired of hearing that from people), but I'm open to broadening my horizons a bit. And I've heard good things about this story, so I wanted to take the opportunity to check it out! I loved the way you delved into Hermione's emotions after seeing Ron and Lavender together. I just wanted to go and give her a hug. I know I've been in her shoes, and I'm sure many of your other readers have been as well. You described her humiliation and hurt so strongly; it felt very true-to-life. I know that a lot of readers will be able to relate to your portrayal of her.

I also loved that you brought out some uncertainty in Hermione. She is so often seen as a Strong Female Character--which she is, of course--but that sometimes means we forget that she's a young girl first and foremost. She can't be strong all the time. I think a lot of smart girls feel the way Hermione does here, like their ambition and love of learning might be keeping them from a different kind of life. The grass always looks greener on the other side, especially when your crush is kissing another girl right in front of you. Poor Hermione. It's rough out there sometimes :(

And the way you introduced Draco at the end was great! I like the cliffie, and I can just see his smirky little attitude when he says "Hello, Granger." Ugh. Making him into a likable character will be a tough task, but judging by this opening chapter, it looks like you're up for the challenge! I hope I can make some time to read on soon, because I really enjoyed this chapter. Great job, Erica!


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Review #22, by magnolia_magicKnight Takes Queen: Rook

27th August 2014:
Oh Laura. You beautiful soul, you.

I can't believe you wrote Founders! Alsjfkdskl I am so excited!! And you did such a beautiful job with it. I absolutely loved this from start to end. Rowena is just how I would imagine her. She has some big regrets, and as a perfectionist, that would be extremely difficult for her to deal with. But the merman provides the spark of hope that the story needs. The narrative builds so nicely to that pivotal moment, and ends on a "smile through the tears" note. So perfect :)

I will admit that second person POV is not my cup of tea. It pretty much tops my list of things I would rather not see in writing. But there was so much to enjoy here that it wasn't even a dealbreaker for me. Your imagery is so gorgeous and evocative; I just sort of sank into the scene along with Rowena. And the moment with the merman was so, so well done. I held my breath while he reached out to touch her hand; it was such a surreal moment, and you described it so beautifully.

I love you for this! Wonderful job, and I can't wait to tell you what I think of the other two stories in the collection. (SPOILER: I read them already and loved them! Hopefully I can carve out some more review time soon.) Well done, Laura!


Author's Response: Maggie! Thank you so much! I'm so so glad you stopped by this because your DCtN is pretty much my headcanon for Salazar and Helga and I loved it so much that I couldn't help but think of that when I wrote this.

I'm so happy you liked Rowena as well! I loved the idea of portraying her as struggling because she's famous for sort of having answers, you know, but also refusing to admit weaknesses, like Helena and the diadem. The merman... omigosh, i loved writing that bit, it was so much fun! :)

Second person... yeah, it's not for everyone, but I felt this sort of needed second person - it fitted. I'm so glad you could ignore it, though - it really is amazing to me that you like this, because you're so brilliant at this era :) A lot of this was just things I really like writing, haha, but I wrote it surprisingly quickly, so I'm so happy you like it :)

Thank you so so much for the wonderful review, and I'm so glad you liked all of them - I was so nervous about the third when I posted it! Thank you again! :)

Aph xx

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Review #23, by magnolia_magicFanged Revolution: Chapter the First

25th August 2014:

I have to say I've never read a vampire story on HPFF before, and I'm glad yours turned out to be the first! I'm super intrigued by this opening chapter, and I can't wait to see more.

I love the brooding feel you've set up here. It has just the right amount of drama and mystery--perfect for a prologue. I can't wait for the woman (the minister's daughter?) to play a more central role in the story so we can get to know her better, as well as Ignatius. You don't give away much detail about his personality or his past, and that just makes me that much more excited to read on.

I really like the premise you have going for this story. While I'm not necessarily that interested in vampires, I do love a good underdog story, and I think this one has the potential to be really inspiring (in a dark sort of way, of course.) You describe the plight of vampires so well; my heart goes out to them. Even though they're really creepy and dangerous, it isn't their fault when you think about it. Sad times :( But I'm looking forward to seeing how Ignatius and the other vampires choose to deal with their circumstances.

You've got me hooked! I will definitely be stalking this one for updates :) Keep it up!


Author's Response: Hello!

I'm glad you're intrigued. I wanted a mysterious feel with this prologue, and I guess I succeeded :)

The woman does play a central role, just not while she's alive, and we do get to know her better (I read your PM).

This is definitely going to be an underdog story. I'm still working out how this is going to fit in with canon, as well as the direction the plot is going to go.

I will definitely update again once I find my muse and get a break in coursework.

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Review #24, by magnolia_magicYear Five: The Hex Head Express

21st August 2014:
Hey, I'm finally back for chapter 2! Thanks for the re-request, and for your patience with my molasses-slow reviewing...

Obviously, the first thing I noticed about this chapter is that you're using different characters' points of view to tell the story. I think the technique can have its benefits and drawbacks. This chapter and the first felt a bit disconnected to me, but then again I also really enjoyed this chapter from Isobel's point of view. I can't imagine Tristan being as perceptive a narrator, because he had headphones in the whole time. And you included the part with the girls talking about Tristan's misadventures over the summer, which was a good way of tying the chapters together. Verdict: I think the POV switch allows us to see the story from different angles, which is all kinds of interesting. And I approve :) Haha, I had to work out my feelings about it, and I thought you should see all that was going on in my brain. Hopefully it was somewhat helpful :)

It's pretty jarring for me to think of students using mood-altering charms on the Hogwarts Express. It sort of shatters my wholesome image of the train rides in the books, and it's hard to wrap my head around. But even so, I had fun getting acquainted with all your OCs. I think Emily is my favorite of the new ones; she seems like she'd be a really good friend, and since she's a Puff, I find myself identifying with her :) And like I said, I really liked reading this chapter from Isobel's point of view. She has a very reliable narrative voice and seems like a very trustworthy person. She seems to prefer being on the edge of the action rather than right in the middle of it (compared to Laurel, anyway.) You did a really good job of giving everyone distinct personalities and mannerisms, which can be difficult to do with just one introduction. Great job with them!

Fred and George are SO Fred and George in this! You really have their dialogue down to an art. I find them really hard to write, personally, so I'm always impressed with a good portrayal of them! They seem older than thirteen, but maybe that's just because they hang out with an older crowd. I can tell that it's going to be fascinating to see the Hex Heads' influence on the twins as the story goes on.

I loved that this chapter was so dialogue-heavy, because I think you're really, really good at writing natural dialogue. You convey more expression with just one line than many authors do with a whole paragraph of description. The slang, the caps lock...things like that really paint a great picture of what it would be like to be there in the room with these characters. And it makes for a great flow and lively pace.

Loved this chapter! I had fun with the new characters and the references to the Sorcerer's Stone (Fred and George telling their friends about poor lost little cute and nostalgic!) I'm excited to see the plot take shape, and I'll look forward to reading on! Re-request any time you want!


Author's Response: Hello!

I'm really glad you think the shifting focalizations is ok! And yes, hearing your reasoning is helpful indeed!

I worked really hard to keep a consistent format (new POVs are ALWAYS indicated by capitalizing the characters name), and every chapter shifts POVs between the characters at a regular rhythm during the first half.

Haha, yes, suggesting there was a shady teenage element going on behind the scenes was a VERY fun idea for me indeed! I realize it might not be to everyone's taste, so I'm glad you enjoyed the chapter regardless!

And I'm so glad you found them distinct! I know I sort of overload the reader with three brand-new girls all at once, so I'm really pleased you got unique senses from each of them! (Emily is probably my favorite, too! Hufflepuff is my favorite house, so I wanted to write a really wonderful-and also smart-puff character).

AH! Writing the twins was so daunting, so I'm SOSOSO glad that the reaction has been good, and you think I did them justice! In a way, even though it's scary, writing canon character was almost easier for me, because I felt like I knew them all so well already. It took me writing this whole thing out to really get to know my OCs, so then I went back and made a lot of tweaks before uploading this story :)

I agree the twins seem a little old for their age--I think it's because they seemed old to me when I first read HP (I was like 9). I've definitely justified it to myself by thinking how there are definitely some precocious thirteen-year-olds who hang around older crowds.

Ah, the dialog, THANK YOU! I think having faceclaims in mind for the characters helped a lot. They're all good actors, so I tried to write lines that I could realistically imagine them saying.

Oh man, there are SO MANY nods to Sorceror's Stone here--well, since this is happening in the background. I had a LOT of fun with those, and I think they are among the funniest moments :)

Definitely will be re-requesting! Thank you so much for taking the time to leave such an awesome review!


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Review #25, by magnolia_magicYear Five: Prologue (1991): Dozens of Little Televisions

11th August 2014:
Hi! Maggie here with your requested review! Sorry it was a long time in coming, but I'm very glad you requested this story. I've never seen anything set during this period in the HP universe--pre-Harry, but close enough that the timing almost overlaps with the books. I was super intrigued by that premise from the get-go, so I was excited to read your first chapter. And now I'm so glad I did, because I enjoyed it very much!

To answer the question you asked in your AoC, I'm already looking forward to reading on! Tristan and Sophie are both very compelling characters, and I want to get to know them better. I almost wish the chapter had ended a little less abruptly, with a line that starts some forward momentum into the next chapter. But the strength of your characters alone makes this opening chapter super intriguing, which I know is what you were going for :)

I love Sophie already. You've set her up to be a complex character, and so much about her is endearing to me. Even though the chapter opens with her doing a shady thing--leaving Tristan alone without any explanation--you give the backstory behind it. You show us a vulnerable, sensitive young girl who is trying (though maybe not in the most ideal way) to reinvent herself. It's a sympathetic portrayal that a lot of people will be able to relate to, I think. Breakups are tough, and Sophie is upset about not only losing her boyfriend, but being branded with an image she doesn't like. I suspect that she found much more than she bargained for with Tristan, though! Even though the mind-wipe happened, I really hope Sophie and Tristan can reconnect sometime soon. I might be getting ahead of myself here (it's the romantic in me, what can I say?) but they have the makings of a precious couple :)

Tristan is a little more difficult to figure out. And I love it. The picture you paint of him is very lonely so far, and I hope to get to know this troubled child better soon. I loved seeing him from Sophie's perspective as well as his own. Sophie's impressions of him are a little vague, understandably, but she definitely noticed a darkness in him. He seems to feel things very deeply and intensely; I can totally see the depressive tendencies his mother mentioned. I look forward to uncovering a little more about Tristan in the future, because I can tell he'll be a bit of a tough nut to crack.

And the parents. Oh, the parents. They seem completely at a loss for how to deal with their son. I kind of wanted to shake them by the shoulders a little that bad? I don't understand why they were so blase about Tristan smoking in his room and bringing girls home overnight. And then they let him go out again, no questions asked! I was amazed. And really, now that I think about it, this chapter might not be the right time or place to address Tristan's relationship with his parents in much detail. But I still would have liked one interaction between them, just to get a better feel for what the dynamic is like.

I have to compliment you on the way you handled Sophie's transition from full alertness to the sort of dazed state that the Oblivator finds her in. (Did Mary slip her a potion or cast a spell of some sort?) It was so subtle that I didn't really realize what was happening until the line about Sophie not registering the sound of the owl. It was just a very vague sense of drifting away, and you conveyed it so perfectly. I also loved your descriptions of the magical photographs as "moving televisions." It's so fun to see magical objects being discovered from a Muggle perspective--we so rarely get to see that! I'm glad you showed it to us here, even if it led to Sophie's mind-wipe.

To be honest I'm not even sure what kind of concrit I can give you at this point. I enjoyed every word of this opening chapter, and I can't wait to read the next. Wonderful job! You are obviously very talented, and I'm really glad to have the opportunity to read your story. Keep it up!


Author's Response: Hi! Thanks so much for leaving such a detailed review, I super appreciate it!

Ah! Unfortunately Sophie really isn't a big part of this story, more of a device to introduce the characters (I really liked the idea of seeing a mixed wizard/muggle house through a muggle's POV). Much more on Tristan, though! There's sort of an 'ensemble cast' for this story, but Tristan is something of the main character.

And yes, Tristan is a bit of a tricky young man. I'm glad you think so, because I wanted this to be a very character driven story.

The parents are definitely at a loss when it comes to Tristan. I'm glad you had the issues that you did, because those are points that get further examined. And thank you for the note about wanting further interaction between them. Another reviewer noted that the chapter seemed rushed at the end, so I think I'll be fleshing out the conclusion a little bit when I go back to revise :)

Thank you so much again for leaving such a hefty review! And I *wish* I could take the compliment for setting this pre-Harry, but alas, I cannot. This story unfolds during the timeline of HP&tPS--but Harry and the trio only crop up in passing, and as the subjects of wild rumors. (A later chapter is titled "Troll in the Dungeons!")


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