Reading Reviews From Member: of the indie persuasion
  
2 Reviews Found

Review #1, by of the indie persuasionThe World Before Us: Going on About Lily

28th April 2011:
Hi there, indiepersuasion here with your sample edit. Sorry it took me so long to get around to this, I've been feeling under the weather this week.

First of all, I like your first chapter. It's well written and I didn't see any spelling mistakes in this quick read through. I think you need a little work in making the different scenes of the story flow together a little more seamlessly but I understand that this is the first chapter and it can be hard to introduce the characters and plot without giving too much away.

Also I think your story needs to be formatted a little to make it easier to read. I'd suggest not centering the dialogue because it gets a little distracting as you're going through the chapter. But don't worry too much, when I first started posting fanfiction my stories didn't even have paragraphs!

Your British-isms (as you call them :P) aren't bad at all and I think you're using them fairly well and making them sound believable. Your dialogue can be awkward at times but otherwise you do a great job of making the reader feel a part of the scene.

I'll continue to read the rest of the story, so I actually know what I'm reading but if you could send me a PM on the forums and let me know if you want me to be your beta reader. I see a lot of potential from this story!

Author's Response: Thank you so much for your feedback - I'll PM you right away. :)

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Review #2, by of the indie persuasion( imaginaire ): happily-ever-after

24th January 2011:
Wow, this is so different from everything else that you've written but it's really beautiful. I love how I just scrolled through it really fast because all the different sections just sort of flowed together. I think you're a really great writer :)

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