Reading Reviews From Member: Pretense Of Perfection
  
471 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Pretense Of PerfectionButterfly Effect: Chapter 4

28th July 2014:
Wow, you do such a wonderful job getting Jenna's pain across the pages, it really comes to life. I'm glad we finally get to find out what happened to her mother, and how she died. I feel so bad for her dad, unable to cope with their loss.

I'm really beginning to wonder why Jenna is so adament about Lily not knowing what's happened to her. I know she's a very private person and doesn't really want anyone to know, but it seems like she's going to great lengths to keep Lily specifically from finding out.

Despite the fact that I'm not a huge fan of Lily, it seems like she has some stuff going on as well, as snogging a guy right in the hallway is a bit risky, especially for a prefect. I hope her and Jenna can work out their differences and become friends again.

You've done such a lovely job with this story so far, it's going to be so hard to choose a winner for the challenge, as all of the entries are amazing. Keep up the good work, and I'll definitely be back to check for updates!!

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Review #2, by Pretense Of PerfectionButterfly Effect: Chapter 3

28th July 2014:
Aw, poor Jenna, the hits just keep on coming.

I don't want you to take this the wrong way at all, because I think it's pretty characteristic of a teenage girl with a famous father, but I honestly feel that most of the things Jenna said to Lily were right. Lily just doesn't know when to stop, and seems a bit inept at picking up on small social cues. Her "worry" seems a bit like badgering at some points, perhaps even bullying, and I almost feel bad for Jenna for putting up with it, lol. With that being said I think that's just her character and personality, but boy, I don't think her and I would be friends.

You really do a wonderful job with descriptions and characterizations. Aside from Lily, I really like Jenna and think her personality is really starting to shine through. I imagine all of the other girls would gossip about her, and I like how she sort of stands up for herself.

Another awesome chapter, I can't wait to read more!!

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Review #3, by Pretense Of PerfectionButterfly Effect: Chapter 2

28th July 2014:
I love how we learn more about Jenna with each chapter. I think her fears of not being able to keep up due to having a different curriculum are very realistic, especially with her being a transfer student.

I loved her interaction with the Ravenclaw boy, and how she spaces out and imagines the two of them together on the Quidditch pitch. I think Lily is a bit too judgmental, being mad at her for something she doesn't quite understand, although it's sweet that she tries to understand, and realizes that she's being kind of unreasonable.

I think the classes and her day were paced perfectly, and the bit about her melting her cauldron and not knowing where her classes were was pretty funny.

With that being said, I think the ending, where her two room-mates come out and declare they kissed and are now a couple felt a teensy bit rushed. Unless I looked over it, there wasn't really any indication that they were interested in each other, and since we don't know much about them yet it just felt a bit forced.

Nothing major though, and I love the story so far! I can't wait to see where Jenna's adventures take her!

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Review #4, by Pretense Of PerfectionButterfly Effect: Chapter 1

28th July 2014:
Another interesting chapter!

The idea of transfer students has always fascinated me, as we don't really know of any from canon, but obviously it had to happen, at least occasionally.

I love how we got to know Jenna better in this chapter, from her home life, to her past and her personality. I'm so glad she got sorted into the houses where one of her new friends is, and I'm sure her and Lily will be great friends.

I really liked the part in the beginning where the student falls into the lake and the giant squid puts him back in the boat, it was a very nice, and authentic feeling touch!

Keep up the good work!

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Review #5, by Pretense Of PerfectionButterfly Effect: Prologue

28th July 2014:
Wow, what a great start!

I loved reading the last moments of the family being together, it was really touching. The scene flowed naturally, and you did wonderful, especially since you don't usually write next-gen.

Zac's death, unfortunately, did not come as much of a shock, but Annabelle's certainly did. It seemed as though she was going to be okay, and the healer certainly didn't imply that her injuries were extensive enough to be fatal, but perhaps that was the point? I guess I'll just have to read on and see.

You did a lovely job with Jenna, her anguish over her families' tragedy really comes across. The part in the beginning, with her shouting and trying to find out where they were being kept felt very genuine.

Lovely start!!

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Review #6, by Pretense Of PerfectionUntil the End: Together

28th July 2014:
Aw, what a poignant and bittersweet peek into the lives of the Prewett twins.

I always love reading about Gideon and Fabian, and you managed to capture their characters perfectly. I envision them to be a lot like Fred and George, finishing each other's sentences and being together through everything. I love how you really managed to show that, from their childhood until their deaths, and it's so sweet how they always says together until the end.

The pacing and plot were perfect, and I think you did a lovely job overall. I didn't notice any spelling or grammar errors, so awesome job there too!

I love reading stories that are written by author's out of their comfort zone, but I honestly never would've guess that was the case here. The writing flows naturally, and doesn't feel forced, and you paint such a beautiful picture. Amazing one-shot!!

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Review #7, by Pretense Of PerfectionThe Fool's Journey: The Fool

28th July 2014:
Oh boy, I can't wait for you to update!!

I love all of the different characters you've incorporated into this story, especially Grindelwald. I like how he isn't portrayed as completely evil, and even helps Colin find his way through the forest.

The air of suspense and mysticism in the story is so perfect, and leaves me wanting more. I love that things aren't exactly as they seem, and I find myself wondering if they've all somehow been transported back in time? It seems to be more of an "old world" type of setting, but sometimes the more modern things throw my for a loop, like Colin's camera. Then again it seems like a big chunk of the characters died before the end of the war, except of course for Mcgonagall and Sybil. I just don't know!

And I love it. Please update soon!!

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Review #8, by Pretense Of PerfectionThe Fool's Journey: Cassandra of Troy

28th July 2014:
Aw, reading this offered such insight to Trelawney's character and history.

I've only read a few other stories from her POV, but I think you managed to really capture her character in a way that no one else has. It's easy to see how and why she became the way she did, blurting out odd things and not caring what others think of her. I like how she truly does have the gift, but sort of alludes to her pretending it's easier if she just makes things up.

Her desire to be heard is so sad, especially since most people just look at her like she is crazy. I love seeing her early interactions with Dumbledore, and even McGonagall, as I imagine them both to treat her exactly as they did.

Awesome start, I can't wait to read more! It's going to be so hard choosing a winner for the challenge, everyone has such amazing stories.

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Review #9, by Pretense Of PerfectionProof: Three

28th July 2014:
Ahhh, you have to update soon, I'm dying to know what happens!!

Harry finally confronts Malfoy, which leaves me with more questions than answers. I'm beginning to feel like maybe he really isn't guilty, but I mean, come on, he's Draco, and he definitely knows more than he is letting on.

There were a few typos, but nothing major. I think you've done a great job with the plot and flow so far, giving your reader's just enough to keep it interesting, but not too much as to give it away. Excellent job!

I like how Harry really fights for what he believes, it keeps him true to his character. Even with his friends and co-workers doubting him, Harry knows deep down that everything isn't as it seems. You did a wonderful job with his character.

I really can't wait to read more!!

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Review #10, by Pretense Of PerfectionProof: Two

28th July 2014:
Wow, another awesome chapter!

I think you did a wonderful job with characterization, I can totally see Harry sitting up all night, drinking coffee, trying to figure out how to prove Draco killed Pansy. And as far as Draco goes, I can totally see him putting on an act of grief, even if he isn't guilty of murdering her, if that makes any sense.

I did notice a few mistakes, but nothing huge. At one point you say that Pansy's middle name is Calista, and her older sister's name is Astrid, but later the sister's name is Calista. Just a small detail, but one I thought I'd point out.

You've done an awesome job of shedding some light on Pansy's life, without giving too much away. I'm not sure if I think she was murdered or if it was a suicide yet, which is a good thing! You're definitely doing a great job with the suspense, and keeping the readers on their toes.

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Review #11, by Pretense Of PerfectionProof: One

28th July 2014:
What a wonderful beginning! You created an air of mystery, while giving us insight to both Harry and Draco's character, but without giving too much away. Absolutely wonderful.

I noticed a few typos, but nothing that distracts the reader's attention. I did find myself laughing when Malfoy "speared his chicken with a spoon," whether it was intentional or not. I think you should leave it, because it was quite funny, but hey that could just be me!

I can't wait to read more and find out what happens. I think you did a wonderful job with the genre so far, especially since it's something you aren't really comfortable writing. Well done!!

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Review #12, by Pretense Of PerfectionBurning for His Love: 1.

18th July 2014:
Hi there,

I'm totally not gonna lie, I typically don't read slash. I don't dislike it, I just don't go out of my way to seek it out. Even though you've just started out, I can actually see this happening. We can infer from canon that Charlie didn't have alot, if any girlfriends, so it's honestly very believable.

" Which actually doesnít sound nearly as horrible as it is." This sentence struck me as a bit odd, given the rest of the paragraph and the context. I could just be speaking for myself here, but I think seeing Sprout's wrinkles and unibrow would be just as horrible as it sounds, if not more so (:

I think you've done a wonderful job with characterization so far. Charlie is pretty much exactly how I picture him, and I like how you've shown some of Linus' Slytherin side here too. I can totally see Charlie being confused over his feelings for Linus, especially as he's probably never really considered that he might like boys over girls before. Bill seems pretty spot on, what with being intrusive and pushing his brother into being better.

I think your writing style is quite unique, and was a pleasure to read. You really manage to get inside the characters head, even though you're writing in third person POV, so good job there. I don't remember noticing any spelling or grammar errors, but I honestly wasn't really looking for them either.

Overall I think you did a lovely job, and I'll definitely be looking forward to updates!!

-- Fae

Author's Response: Hello Fae,

What a wonderful and thorough review! You've got a gift. That was weird. Sorry.

I'm totally not going to lie either, I'm not really surprised. There isn't too many slash fics on this site. I mean...Drarry is really popular everywhere BUT this site. I really don't know why? We should discuss this sometime in the forums. That's a good topic to break out.

There's not much about Charlie at all. He gets described, you read a sentence about him every other book, and if you squint, he's in the battle of hogwarts. Maybe. I don't actually remember. IT'S SUCH A SHAME BECAUSE HE'S SO COOL, RIGHT?! HE'S GOT LONG HAIR, SCARS, AND STUFF?! I'm excited to develop my Charlie into that.

Thank you! I was hoping Linus as a Slytherin would be believable. Not all Slytherins are bad, yeah? But they all possess certain qualities that put them in that house. I've got to start getting Linus to show some of those. Maybe just hint at them or something. I don't know...I'm lazy.

I'm looking forward to hearing more from you! You're a delight.


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Review #13, by Pretense Of PerfectionRecipe for Disaster: A Recipe for Disaster

15th July 2014:
Hello there!!

What a pleasure this was to read. I love anything about dear old Minnie, and this was no exception. You did brilliantly with your characterization, and I literally laughed out loud at a few points. Dobby and the house elves spoke perfectly, I always have trouble with that myself, but you made it look so easy. I can totally see him and Dumbledore making taffy at three a.m.

I noticed one or two spelling/grammar errors, but nothing huge. Everything else was spot on, and this was literally a joy to read. Good look for your SOTM nomination in the CR.

-- Fae

Author's Response: Why thank you! I can't believe the surge in interest this little story has had recently. It's crazy, but I won't say no. LOL.

I'm really glad I could make you laugh. That was the point of the story after all. And I'm relieved you felt the house elves sounded okay. Writing house elves is HARD. Believe me, it wasn't as easy as you claim it looks, hehehe.

I do need to apparently edit this little story. Several people have pointed out a few typos I missed. Will hopefully be going that in the next little while.

Thanks again for a wonderful review! You left me grinning.

- Farmgirl


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Review #14, by Pretense Of PerfectionLittle Angel: Part 1 of Chapter 1

15th July 2014:
Hi there!

What an interesting idea for a story! I'm so excited for you to post more. I think you've done a brilliant job so far, and I'm dying to know what happens.

I've noticed a few typos, but that's basically the only CC I can point out for now. I don't know if you have a beta yet, but I'd be more than willing to look over a few chapters for you if you need some help there.

Regardless, i love it, and it's easy to see why it was nominated for SOTM. Good luck!!

-- Fae

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Review #15, by Pretense Of PerfectionThe Brothers Three: The Pale Steed

13th July 2014:
Hi again,

I'm reviewing again for the "Never Have I Ever" Challenge.

The first chapter was amazing and I thought it would be hard to top, but this one certainly didn't disappoint. You did a wonderful job with setting the scene, and everything is very time period appropriate.

Your characterizations are just so amazing, I can't believe it. You managed to keep all three of the brothers in character completely, especially Cadmus. I can totally see him wandering drunkenly into the forest, and then hoping to capture the thestral after his run in with Death. I can see him running to Antioch's door, begging for help, and Antioch refusing, thinking his brother had finally gone mad. I like the glimpse into Ignotus' life that we get in this chapter as well, and I think it's interesting how he too, has seen the thsetals in the forest, but different ones from what Cadmus saw.

You did a wonderful job keeping Death in character as well. It was sweet of her to try and comfort Cadmus, but you can tell she was sort of in over her head in that situation. Her irritation with him was apparent, and I can totally see her just walkign away and leaving him there to wallow in his own misery.

Excellent job again with the spelling and grammar, I didn't notice any errors. The pacing was pretty quick, but it suited the chapter and the point you were trying to get across. I think you used wonderful descriptions, and really brought the story to life.

I've loved it so far, and I can't wait to read more!

-- Fae

Author's Response: Oh, goodness. You made me blush. +]

Yay for the period appropriateness!

Characters are really always the life of my story. I put a lot of time into thinking about them, little tiny details that might never actually be spelled out, but still contribute to their personalities anways. It really means a lot to hear that you enjoy the characterization so much and that you felt it kept in tandem with the previous chapter.

Death is probably the hardest to write. (duh, lol) I really want her to seem unconcerned. A little curious, but mostly unconcerned. I'm glad it came across well.

Yay!! So happy you enjoyed it! I'm going to pump out a few chapters of Stand Tall before coming back to this, but i WILL be coming back. Thanks for such lovely reviews!


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Review #16, by Pretense Of PerfectionThe Brothers Three: Introduction

13th July 2014:
Hello there,

I'm here to review this story for the "Never Have I Ever" Challenge.

I'll start off with the CC, although there isn't much. I don't think they had ceiling light fixtures this far back in history, it would probably be some sort of candles or perhaps lanterns mounted on the wall. The only other thing I can point out is when Antioch is fighting the gravedigger, you add something to the end of the sentence saying he was his classmate. Since it seems like they would both be out of school, and Hogwarts hasn't been built yet, it struck me as odd. Overall it's nothing huge, but I just thought I'd point it out.

But wow, this is so brilliantly written, I'm impressed. I love that you portrayed Death as a female, and I really like the prologue about her sitting in the bar, watching all of the various sins and sinners unfold around her. You did her characterization brilliantly. Her wisdom and words seem aged and dignified, just as I would picture Death. The fact that she is a female is quite interesting as well, and something I didn't exactly expect.

I think you did a wonderful job with the three brothers characterization as well, keeping in line with what we know from canon. I love how you showed Antioch's arrogance and anger, as well as his lack of morals. Cadmus seems very complex, and his backstory is so sad it makes my heart kind of break for him. While he probably shouldn't be wallowing in the pub, I certainly can't blame him given what he's been through. I feel like we got to know Ignotus the least in this chapter, but it's early yet, and you did such a beautiful job with his two older brothers it might've been overwhelming for us to have more information so soon. Regardless, I think you did a wonderful job with the three brothers, and their personalities and histories fit perfectly, and really reflect the information we know from canon. Amazing job.

I only noticed one spelling/grammar/typo error, in the first paragraph. Other than that you did amazing, and the word choice really felt authentic to the timeline of the story. Nothing too modern. The pacing is perfect so far, and really grabs the attention of your readers.

I really can't wait to read the rest of the story and see what you come up with. I loved it.

-- Fae

Author's Response: I'm so out of my league with the period writing. Haha. In the edited version, I have changed the description of the tavern a bit, so it seems more... authentic. Haha. I got a beta to help me out with that. +]

I'm glad you enjoyed it! I thought having Death be a female would put a little spin on the character, but still with the calm, collected, detached feeling of someone who has been around for eons.

I love all of the brothers. I'm glad you find them to all be unique. I worried they'd all get jumbled up together, so the fact that they all seemed distinct is great.

Ignotus. I figured since he was the youngest, and as I always thought of him as the main character in the Peverell story, he has the most growth and change. Antioch is grown. He has his defining personality, as is Cadmus. Ignotus though is just now on the brink, and I wanted to show his hesitation in putting himself into the 'adult circle' with his brothers. I needed the older characters to have an established personality while Ignotus needed to be less established so that the growth didn't seem sudden/premature.

I'm glad you liked the introduction!


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Review #17, by Pretense Of PerfectionEvent Three - The Elder Song : The Elder Song

12th July 2014:
How interesting, I never thought of the dementor's opposite, although it does sort of make sense. I love how you created a brand new magical creature for the challenge, and it's easy to see that you put a lot of thought into it. I particularly like how she looks, what with the clawed foot like a bird and all. She seems exquisitely beautiful, just as I imagine a "Creature" of light would be. And Rolf was kept perfectly in character as well. He's totally the type of guy I can picutre going off into the woods on his own, looking for some sort of mystery or adventure. I like how his family was incorporated, and how it seems sort of like their affinity for nature is passed on through the generations. Well done!!

--house cup 2014 review--
gryffindor

Author's Response: Thank you so much!
I loved writing about Adarmam and Rolf and eventually I want to create a sequel sort of that show cases others of her species also.
Thanks again :)
kyle


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Review #18, by Pretense Of PerfectionEvent Three - Lament: A Giant and a Phoenix

12th July 2014:
Wow, i can only imagine how hard it was to write from Gwarp's POV, but you really managed to do him some serious justice here. You turned a creature of "limited intelligence" into a person that was easy to relate to, and who's feelings and emotions I enjoyed hearing about. His simple, childlike wonder was sweet. I loved his interactions with Fawkes, and I love that Fawkes healed him, essentially showing Gwarp that there is more to life than being bullied and being fearful all the time. The understanding between them was beautiful, and I think you did a wonderful job showing their friendship. The spelling and grammar were perfect, and I really enjyoed how quickly this one-shot moved along.

--house cup 2014 review-
gryffindor

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Review #19, by Pretense Of PerfectionEvent Three - A Good Elf: A Good Elf

12th July 2014:
Wow, this is one of my favorite house cup submissions so far, hands down. I loved it. I think it offered us a brilliant insight to a canon moment that we've never seen before, and this will likely become my new head canon. I love your characterization of Kreacher and Regulus, even though I sometimes hate Kreacher for betraying Sirius, this was so interesting to read. I felt awful for Kreacher, having to watch Regulus suffer and die like he did. It was amazingly sweet how he refused to leave him completely alone, and instead took the boat rather than apparate, so that he could steal be near Regulus in his final moments. I think you managed to show the very human side of Kreacher, which not many have managed before. You did a perfect jbo with spellng and grammar, as I didn't notice any errors. I think the title is simple, but fits the story quite nicely.

--house cup 2014 review--
gryffindor

Author's Response: Wow! High praise indeed! Thanks so much! When I read this bit in DH, I couldn't help but fee sorry for Kreacher, and so when the prompts came up I couldn't help but immediately want to write this. I love to write 'missing moment' stories, and this has to be one of my favourites that I've done, personally. Every person, though, has a human side to me, no matter how hard they try to bury it, so I wanted to show Kreacher as not all bad and bitter as we see him written by Rowling later in his life.
I'm so sorry it's taken me so long to reply to you lovely review - life has been rather hectic recently - but thanks so much for taking the time to give me this little confidence boost ;)

Thanks!
awesomepotter xxx


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Review #20, by Pretense Of PerfectionLily, I'm a Werewolf. : Lily, I'm a werewolf.

12th July 2014:
What a unique and sweet story. I've actually read a lot of Marauders era stuff, and most of them cover this topic at some point, but I've never seen it done in this way. Typically Lily knows during her time at Hogwarts, and Remus finds out she knows then as well. Seeing it happen later in their lives is interesting, although I guess it makes sense. I like how she sort of laughs when he finally admits it to her, and then she goes on to explain that she already knew. The strength of their friendship is displayed very well, as accepted that she knew the whole time, and didn't say anything to him about it. I think you did a wonderful job with spelling and grammar, as I didn't notice any errors. The pacing was perfect, I like how it started out slower and then picked up speed as the story went on.

--house cup 2014 review--
gryffindor

Author's Response: Hi there!

Oh yay! It's always nice to hear that you've written something that wasn't quite like any other stories. I know, most of the time she does tend to know while they are still in school. I myself have a story written where she knows during their seventh year, as well. I just thought, with Remus being so ashamed of what he is, that he would try to wait until the last possible moment to tell her. And if Lily was going to be Lily Potter in a week, in his mind, she would find out sooner or later.

I'm thrilled you liked that part. Lily laughing when he comes clean was my favorite part to write and I love how people seem to enjoy that part, too. :) In my head, that is just the way that Lily is. She accepts people for who they are. I can see her knowing and just not caring, or ever bringing it up. I feel she would have waited until he was ready to tell her.

I wrote this very quickly, trying to get it up in time. I had the idea in my head all day at work, came home and wrote it out in about an hour or so. It was originally over 2,000 words and I had to edit it down quite a bit. I'm honestly shocked there weren't misspellings or any other errors haha.

I'm so happy to hear that you enjoyed it! Thank you so much for the lovely review!! :) I truly appreciate the kind words!

xoxo Meg


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Review #21, by Pretense Of PerfectionHC Event 3: The Last Time: The Last Time

12th July 2014:
What an interesting idea. I loved this philosophical one-shot of Fred and George fluffiness. It almost makes me sad that George wanted to be dead, but I guess it's understandable, considering his life wthout his twin could never be the same. I think you started out very strong, and I loved the phrases where you included sensory observations. George recognizing the sounds of the shop before he realized where he was just proves how close him an George were, especially since he didn't step foot into it since Fred died. I really like how he and Fred got to reunite with each other after so long, and in a place that meant so much to the both of them. Their easy banter and joking over such a serious situation is so a Fred and George thing to go, and you did a marvelous job at keeping them both in character.

--house cup 2014 review--
gryffindor

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Review #22, by Pretense Of PerfectionPost-War-Problems - Event 3: Post-War-Problems - Event 3

12th July 2014:
Aww, I love the fact that Dobby is still alive. I think it's adorable how Harry asked him for help in getting an engagement, and could plausibly happen in canon, in an AU where Dobby didn't die, of course. I love how well you wrote Dobby's characterization, it's scarily accurate. I can totally see him showing up with a bunch of hats on his head, wearing flip-flops, and one sock. And then offering to get Harry some for christmas. I literally laughed out loud at the part. And Harry's expression? It was priceless. I love how Harry trusts Dobby with something so important in hsi life, and then goes on to tell Dobby that he is a true friend. It was a perfectly, light and fluffy piece, it really hit me. I so wish Dobby had lived so something like this could've happened, and I can totally see Dobby doing this for Harry. I loved this, it was wonderfull written.

--house cup 2014 review--
gryffindor

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Review #23, by Pretense Of PerfectionHC Event 3: The New Addition: The New Addition

12th July 2014:
This was a very insightful look into what the life of an ordinary wizarding family could be. I think you did well at capturing how excited and emotional a nine year old would be to get a new pet, and her emotions were quite apparent. I think the mother's reactions were funny and spot on, as anyone that has ever dealt with an excited child will relate to. Her sarcasm was perfectly timed, and I can totally see the scene where her daughter pesters her over when her father will be back with the crup, and how it plays out. The father as pretty good as well, expecting his daughter to give him a hug and instead being tossed to the side for the new crup. The pace was perfect, not too quick or too slow, and just enough to keep the reader interested without being overbearing. Your spelling and grammar are also perfect, and I'll definitely have to check out some more of your stories.

--house cup 2014 review--
gryffindor

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Review #24, by Pretense Of PerfectionAfter - Event 3 : After

12th July 2014:
I really enjoyed reading this the first time, and it was even better this time around. The grammar flows much smoother, and really showcases your talent as an author. Katie's lingering confusion and apprehension over what happened are really brought to light in this one-shot, and you managed to evoke so many thoughts in so few words. I like how you left the end sort of open-ended, allowing the reader to infer on their own whether or not Katie had worked out who is was that cursed her, and what she was going to do about it. Her characterization is spot on, great job there. It's so scary to imagine something like this happening, and I think you captured Katie's reactions to it well, being unable to recognize her mom. Her senses definitely must've been on overload, and you managed to convey that well with very sensory oriented words and phrases. Loved it.

--house cup 2014 review--
gryffindor

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Review #25, by Pretense Of PerfectionWho Killed Lucy?: Ruptures and Punctures

12th July 2014:
Aw, poor Lucy! And Audrey and Percy and Molly. Wow, to die so suddenly at such a young age..that's a shame. By the title I was definitely expecting some sort of murder mystery or thriller type story, but I still enjoyed this regardless. You manged to caputre the family's grief and denial beautifully, and you made it seem very real. The fragmentation of their thoughts adds a really nice touch to the overall tone, and really adds to the effect of confusion that they are all feeling. I like how you only alluded to how she died, and didn't come and spell it outright. The uplifting message of hope at the end is inspired, and even though they are all still reeling from her death, that faint twinge of light at the end of the tunnel gives them all hope. I think you did a perfect job with spelling and grammar, and the pacing was excellent as well.

--house cup 2014 review--
gryffindor

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