Reading Reviews From Member: Pretense Of Perfection
  
460 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Pretense Of PerfectionBurning for His Love: 1.

18th July 2014:
Hi there,

I'm totally not gonna lie, I typically don't read slash. I don't dislike it, I just don't go out of my way to seek it out. Even though you've just started out, I can actually see this happening. We can infer from canon that Charlie didn't have alot, if any girlfriends, so it's honestly very believable.

" Which actually doesnít sound nearly as horrible as it is." This sentence struck me as a bit odd, given the rest of the paragraph and the context. I could just be speaking for myself here, but I think seeing Sprout's wrinkles and unibrow would be just as horrible as it sounds, if not more so (:

I think you've done a wonderful job with characterization so far. Charlie is pretty much exactly how I picture him, and I like how you've shown some of Linus' Slytherin side here too. I can totally see Charlie being confused over his feelings for Linus, especially as he's probably never really considered that he might like boys over girls before. Bill seems pretty spot on, what with being intrusive and pushing his brother into being better.

I think your writing style is quite unique, and was a pleasure to read. You really manage to get inside the characters head, even though you're writing in third person POV, so good job there. I don't remember noticing any spelling or grammar errors, but I honestly wasn't really looking for them either.

Overall I think you did a lovely job, and I'll definitely be looking forward to updates!!

-- Fae

Author's Response: Hello Fae,

What a wonderful and thorough review! You've got a gift. That was weird. Sorry.

I'm totally not going to lie either, I'm not really surprised. There isn't too many slash fics on this site. I mean...Drarry is really popular everywhere BUT this site. I really don't know why? We should discuss this sometime in the forums. That's a good topic to break out.

There's not much about Charlie at all. He gets described, you read a sentence about him every other book, and if you squint, he's in the battle of hogwarts. Maybe. I don't actually remember. IT'S SUCH A SHAME BECAUSE HE'S SO COOL, RIGHT?! HE'S GOT LONG HAIR, SCARS, AND STUFF?! I'm excited to develop my Charlie into that.

Thank you! I was hoping Linus as a Slytherin would be believable. Not all Slytherins are bad, yeah? But they all possess certain qualities that put them in that house. I've got to start getting Linus to show some of those. Maybe just hint at them or something. I don't know...I'm lazy.

I'm looking forward to hearing more from you! You're a delight.


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Review #2, by Pretense Of PerfectionRecipe for Disaster: A Recipe for Disaster

15th July 2014:
Hello there!!

What a pleasure this was to read. I love anything about dear old Minnie, and this was no exception. You did brilliantly with your characterization, and I literally laughed out loud at a few points. Dobby and the house elves spoke perfectly, I always have trouble with that myself, but you made it look so easy. I can totally see him and Dumbledore making taffy at three a.m.

I noticed one or two spelling/grammar errors, but nothing huge. Everything else was spot on, and this was literally a joy to read. Good look for your SOTM nomination in the CR.

-- Fae

Author's Response: Why thank you! I can't believe the surge in interest this little story has had recently. It's crazy, but I won't say no. LOL.

I'm really glad I could make you laugh. That was the point of the story after all. And I'm relieved you felt the house elves sounded okay. Writing house elves is HARD. Believe me, it wasn't as easy as you claim it looks, hehehe.

I do need to apparently edit this little story. Several people have pointed out a few typos I missed. Will hopefully be going that in the next little while.

Thanks again for a wonderful review! You left me grinning.

- Farmgirl


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Review #3, by Pretense Of PerfectionLittle Angel: Part 1 of Chapter 1

15th July 2014:
Hi there!

What an interesting idea for a story! I'm so excited for you to post more. I think you've done a brilliant job so far, and I'm dying to know what happens.

I've noticed a few typos, but that's basically the only CC I can point out for now. I don't know if you have a beta yet, but I'd be more than willing to look over a few chapters for you if you need some help there.

Regardless, i love it, and it's easy to see why it was nominated for SOTM. Good luck!!

-- Fae

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Review #4, by Pretense Of PerfectionThe Brothers Three: The Pale Steed

13th July 2014:
Hi again,

I'm reviewing again for the "Never Have I Ever" Challenge.

The first chapter was amazing and I thought it would be hard to top, but this one certainly didn't disappoint. You did a wonderful job with setting the scene, and everything is very time period appropriate.

Your characterizations are just so amazing, I can't believe it. You managed to keep all three of the brothers in character completely, especially Cadmus. I can totally see him wandering drunkenly into the forest, and then hoping to capture the thestral after his run in with Death. I can see him running to Antioch's door, begging for help, and Antioch refusing, thinking his brother had finally gone mad. I like the glimpse into Ignotus' life that we get in this chapter as well, and I think it's interesting how he too, has seen the thsetals in the forest, but different ones from what Cadmus saw.

You did a wonderful job keeping Death in character as well. It was sweet of her to try and comfort Cadmus, but you can tell she was sort of in over her head in that situation. Her irritation with him was apparent, and I can totally see her just walkign away and leaving him there to wallow in his own misery.

Excellent job again with the spelling and grammar, I didn't notice any errors. The pacing was pretty quick, but it suited the chapter and the point you were trying to get across. I think you used wonderful descriptions, and really brought the story to life.

I've loved it so far, and I can't wait to read more!

-- Fae

Author's Response: Oh, goodness. You made me blush. +]

Yay for the period appropriateness!

Characters are really always the life of my story. I put a lot of time into thinking about them, little tiny details that might never actually be spelled out, but still contribute to their personalities anways. It really means a lot to hear that you enjoy the characterization so much and that you felt it kept in tandem with the previous chapter.

Death is probably the hardest to write. (duh, lol) I really want her to seem unconcerned. A little curious, but mostly unconcerned. I'm glad it came across well.

Yay!! So happy you enjoyed it! I'm going to pump out a few chapters of Stand Tall before coming back to this, but i WILL be coming back. Thanks for such lovely reviews!


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Review #5, by Pretense Of PerfectionThe Brothers Three: Introduction

13th July 2014:
Hello there,

I'm here to review this story for the "Never Have I Ever" Challenge.

I'll start off with the CC, although there isn't much. I don't think they had ceiling light fixtures this far back in history, it would probably be some sort of candles or perhaps lanterns mounted on the wall. The only other thing I can point out is when Antioch is fighting the gravedigger, you add something to the end of the sentence saying he was his classmate. Since it seems like they would both be out of school, and Hogwarts hasn't been built yet, it struck me as odd. Overall it's nothing huge, but I just thought I'd point it out.

But wow, this is so brilliantly written, I'm impressed. I love that you portrayed Death as a female, and I really like the prologue about her sitting in the bar, watching all of the various sins and sinners unfold around her. You did her characterization brilliantly. Her wisdom and words seem aged and dignified, just as I would picture Death. The fact that she is a female is quite interesting as well, and something I didn't exactly expect.

I think you did a wonderful job with the three brothers characterization as well, keeping in line with what we know from canon. I love how you showed Antioch's arrogance and anger, as well as his lack of morals. Cadmus seems very complex, and his backstory is so sad it makes my heart kind of break for him. While he probably shouldn't be wallowing in the pub, I certainly can't blame him given what he's been through. I feel like we got to know Ignotus the least in this chapter, but it's early yet, and you did such a beautiful job with his two older brothers it might've been overwhelming for us to have more information so soon. Regardless, I think you did a wonderful job with the three brothers, and their personalities and histories fit perfectly, and really reflect the information we know from canon. Amazing job.

I only noticed one spelling/grammar/typo error, in the first paragraph. Other than that you did amazing, and the word choice really felt authentic to the timeline of the story. Nothing too modern. The pacing is perfect so far, and really grabs the attention of your readers.

I really can't wait to read the rest of the story and see what you come up with. I loved it.

-- Fae

Author's Response: I'm so out of my league with the period writing. Haha. In the edited version, I have changed the description of the tavern a bit, so it seems more... authentic. Haha. I got a beta to help me out with that. +]

I'm glad you enjoyed it! I thought having Death be a female would put a little spin on the character, but still with the calm, collected, detached feeling of someone who has been around for eons.

I love all of the brothers. I'm glad you find them to all be unique. I worried they'd all get jumbled up together, so the fact that they all seemed distinct is great.

Ignotus. I figured since he was the youngest, and as I always thought of him as the main character in the Peverell story, he has the most growth and change. Antioch is grown. He has his defining personality, as is Cadmus. Ignotus though is just now on the brink, and I wanted to show his hesitation in putting himself into the 'adult circle' with his brothers. I needed the older characters to have an established personality while Ignotus needed to be less established so that the growth didn't seem sudden/premature.

I'm glad you liked the introduction!


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Review #6, by Pretense Of PerfectionEvent Three - The Elder Song : The Elder Song

12th July 2014:
How interesting, I never thought of the dementor's opposite, although it does sort of make sense. I love how you created a brand new magical creature for the challenge, and it's easy to see that you put a lot of thought into it. I particularly like how she looks, what with the clawed foot like a bird and all. She seems exquisitely beautiful, just as I imagine a "Creature" of light would be. And Rolf was kept perfectly in character as well. He's totally the type of guy I can picutre going off into the woods on his own, looking for some sort of mystery or adventure. I like how his family was incorporated, and how it seems sort of like their affinity for nature is passed on through the generations. Well done!!

--house cup 2014 review--
gryffindor

Author's Response: Thank you so much!
I loved writing about Adarmam and Rolf and eventually I want to create a sequel sort of that show cases others of her species also.
Thanks again :)
kyle


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Review #7, by Pretense Of PerfectionEvent Three - Lament: A Giant and a Phoenix

12th July 2014:
Wow, i can only imagine how hard it was to write from Gwarp's POV, but you really managed to do him some serious justice here. You turned a creature of "limited intelligence" into a person that was easy to relate to, and who's feelings and emotions I enjoyed hearing about. His simple, childlike wonder was sweet. I loved his interactions with Fawkes, and I love that Fawkes healed him, essentially showing Gwarp that there is more to life than being bullied and being fearful all the time. The understanding between them was beautiful, and I think you did a wonderful job showing their friendship. The spelling and grammar were perfect, and I really enjyoed how quickly this one-shot moved along.

--house cup 2014 review-
gryffindor

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Review #8, by Pretense Of PerfectionEvent Three - A Good Elf: A Good Elf

12th July 2014:
Wow, this is one of my favorite house cup submissions so far, hands down. I loved it. I think it offered us a brilliant insight to a canon moment that we've never seen before, and this will likely become my new head canon. I love your characterization of Kreacher and Regulus, even though I sometimes hate Kreacher for betraying Sirius, this was so interesting to read. I felt awful for Kreacher, having to watch Regulus suffer and die like he did. It was amazingly sweet how he refused to leave him completely alone, and instead took the boat rather than apparate, so that he could steal be near Regulus in his final moments. I think you managed to show the very human side of Kreacher, which not many have managed before. You did a perfect jbo with spellng and grammar, as I didn't notice any errors. I think the title is simple, but fits the story quite nicely.

--house cup 2014 review--
gryffindor

Author's Response: Wow! High praise indeed! Thanks so much! When I read this bit in DH, I couldn't help but fee sorry for Kreacher, and so when the prompts came up I couldn't help but immediately want to write this. I love to write 'missing moment' stories, and this has to be one of my favourites that I've done, personally. Every person, though, has a human side to me, no matter how hard they try to bury it, so I wanted to show Kreacher as not all bad and bitter as we see him written by Rowling later in his life.
I'm so sorry it's taken me so long to reply to you lovely review - life has been rather hectic recently - but thanks so much for taking the time to give me this little confidence boost ;)

Thanks!
awesomepotter xxx


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Review #9, by Pretense Of PerfectionLily, I'm a Werewolf. : Lily, I'm a werewolf.

12th July 2014:
What a unique and sweet story. I've actually read a lot of Marauders era stuff, and most of them cover this topic at some point, but I've never seen it done in this way. Typically Lily knows during her time at Hogwarts, and Remus finds out she knows then as well. Seeing it happen later in their lives is interesting, although I guess it makes sense. I like how she sort of laughs when he finally admits it to her, and then she goes on to explain that she already knew. The strength of their friendship is displayed very well, as accepted that she knew the whole time, and didn't say anything to him about it. I think you did a wonderful job with spelling and grammar, as I didn't notice any errors. The pacing was perfect, I like how it started out slower and then picked up speed as the story went on.

--house cup 2014 review--
gryffindor

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Review #10, by Pretense Of PerfectionHC Event 3: The Last Time: The Last Time

12th July 2014:
What an interesting idea. I loved this philosophical one-shot of Fred and George fluffiness. It almost makes me sad that George wanted to be dead, but I guess it's understandable, considering his life wthout his twin could never be the same. I think you started out very strong, and I loved the phrases where you included sensory observations. George recognizing the sounds of the shop before he realized where he was just proves how close him an George were, especially since he didn't step foot into it since Fred died. I really like how he and Fred got to reunite with each other after so long, and in a place that meant so much to the both of them. Their easy banter and joking over such a serious situation is so a Fred and George thing to go, and you did a marvelous job at keeping them both in character.

--house cup 2014 review--
gryffindor

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Review #11, by Pretense Of PerfectionPost-War-Problems - Event 3: Post-War-Problems - Event 3

12th July 2014:
Aww, I love the fact that Dobby is still alive. I think it's adorable how Harry asked him for help in getting an engagement, and could plausibly happen in canon, in an AU where Dobby didn't die, of course. I love how well you wrote Dobby's characterization, it's scarily accurate. I can totally see him showing up with a bunch of hats on his head, wearing flip-flops, and one sock. And then offering to get Harry some for christmas. I literally laughed out loud at the part. And Harry's expression? It was priceless. I love how Harry trusts Dobby with something so important in hsi life, and then goes on to tell Dobby that he is a true friend. It was a perfectly, light and fluffy piece, it really hit me. I so wish Dobby had lived so something like this could've happened, and I can totally see Dobby doing this for Harry. I loved this, it was wonderfull written.

--house cup 2014 review--
gryffindor

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Review #12, by Pretense Of PerfectionHC Event 3: The New Addition: The New Addition

12th July 2014:
This was a very insightful look into what the life of an ordinary wizarding family could be. I think you did well at capturing how excited and emotional a nine year old would be to get a new pet, and her emotions were quite apparent. I think the mother's reactions were funny and spot on, as anyone that has ever dealt with an excited child will relate to. Her sarcasm was perfectly timed, and I can totally see the scene where her daughter pesters her over when her father will be back with the crup, and how it plays out. The father as pretty good as well, expecting his daughter to give him a hug and instead being tossed to the side for the new crup. The pace was perfect, not too quick or too slow, and just enough to keep the reader interested without being overbearing. Your spelling and grammar are also perfect, and I'll definitely have to check out some more of your stories.

--house cup 2014 review--
gryffindor

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Review #13, by Pretense Of PerfectionAfter - Event 3 : After

12th July 2014:
I really enjoyed reading this the first time, and it was even better this time around. The grammar flows much smoother, and really showcases your talent as an author. Katie's lingering confusion and apprehension over what happened are really brought to light in this one-shot, and you managed to evoke so many thoughts in so few words. I like how you left the end sort of open-ended, allowing the reader to infer on their own whether or not Katie had worked out who is was that cursed her, and what she was going to do about it. Her characterization is spot on, great job there. It's so scary to imagine something like this happening, and I think you captured Katie's reactions to it well, being unable to recognize her mom. Her senses definitely must've been on overload, and you managed to convey that well with very sensory oriented words and phrases. Loved it.

--house cup 2014 review--
gryffindor

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Review #14, by Pretense Of PerfectionWho Killed Lucy?: Ruptures and Punctures

12th July 2014:
Aw, poor Lucy! And Audrey and Percy and Molly. Wow, to die so suddenly at such a young age..that's a shame. By the title I was definitely expecting some sort of murder mystery or thriller type story, but I still enjoyed this regardless. You manged to caputre the family's grief and denial beautifully, and you made it seem very real. The fragmentation of their thoughts adds a really nice touch to the overall tone, and really adds to the effect of confusion that they are all feeling. I like how you only alluded to how she died, and didn't come and spell it outright. The uplifting message of hope at the end is inspired, and even though they are all still reeling from her death, that faint twinge of light at the end of the tunnel gives them all hope. I think you did a perfect job with spelling and grammar, and the pacing was excellent as well.

--house cup 2014 review--
gryffindor

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Review #15, by Pretense Of Perfection a goodbye in three parts: Today

12th July 2014:
Aw, poor Dean, losing his best friend like that! I love how you use the passage of time to mark different phases of their friendship, and to show the reader how it has progressed and grown over the years. I love that Luna is the person that has convinced Dean it's okay to like other men, and eventually, or tell Seamus how he feels and propose. The part where she says "I've added you to my ceiling," is such a Luna-like thing to say, and I think you kept both her and Dean wonderfully in character. I liked reading about their time together at Shell Cottage, and especially how Luna would cheer him up by making the leaves and flowers chirp and dance. The comparison between Luna and the color blue is brilliant, and it just fits her personality so well. I think my favorite tihng about this one-shot is how Dean's love comes across, and it shows that you can love more than one person, even if the love for them is a platonic one, it's still very strong. Brilliant work.

--house cup 2014 review--
gryffindor

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Review #16, by Pretense Of PerfectionThe Precise Hour: Eggs and Owls

12th July 2014:
Wow, what an interesting one-shot. I love reading about different magical cultures, and you chose something so unique, and wrote it brilliantly. I can't help but feel bad for Hassan, it's terrible that he loves this girl so much, yet cannot act on his feelings toward her. The watching her from the window part read as a little bit creepy, but definitely added to his overall charm in the end, because he wasn't doing it to be a perve or anything, if that makes sense. I like Sahar's character as well, even though she doesn't make much of a physical appearance. Her leaving the white pigeon behind was very sweet, and I feel it sort of represented their relationship with one another well. It's a shame that she was married off to someone she didn't love, but very sweet that Hassan named the bird after her. I think this was a very unique idea, and you made it work really well.

--house cup 2014 review--
gryffindor

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Review #17, by Pretense Of PerfectionEvent Three: Over the Bridge: The Bridge

12th July 2014:
Wow, I had no idea that this was written about Lily and Petunia until the very end. It was such a beautiful one-shot, and really managed to convey the differences between the sisters and the difficulties in their relationship. The quote that you chose is absolutely perfect, and anyone that has a sister can easily relate to this. I love how you show their growth as individuals with the passage of time, it was perfectly done. Petunia's version of the afterlife is intriguing, and I really loved how her and Lily finally got to make up with one another. The white wedding dress and the park were the perfect scene, as these were both important events in the sisters lives, even if they missed them. It's almost like they're getting a second chance to do things right this time around, and I really like that hopeful tone at the end. The insight to their childhood was wonderful as well, it's adorable to see how close they used to be and how much they trusted each other.

--house cup 2014 review--
gryffindor

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Review #18, by Pretense Of PerfectionMy Tears Are Becoming A Sea: aflame

12th July 2014:
Ahh, I love Robert Frost, and I love how you managed to incorporate his work into this one-shot. Simply beautiful. The imagery you used is beautiful, and the detailed descriptions really set the scene quite nicely. I love you you expanded upon Minerva's love, and turned it into a sad experience that she learned and grew from. I can see this happening, and her leaving, even if she's not entirely sure why herself. I love the glimpse of her parents and childhood that we get, as it provides invaluable insight to why she left and how she acts in canon. You essentially told her coming of age tale, and in such a brilliant and bittersweet way, that I think will be easy for your readers to relate to. Who doesn't wonder if they made the right choices, or what could've been from time to time? I really enjoyed reading this, and i tihnk it might be one of my favorite house cup submissions yet.

--house cup 2014 review--
gryffindor

Author's Response: Hi! I love Robert Frost too and when I started this I just thought 'wow this really needs /that/ poem.' Idk I do think that all experiences are sooo valuable and I guess that kind of shines through in my writing! Yeah, this is definitely Minerva's coming of age! Thank you so much again, and i can't believe it's one of your favourite HC Submissions literally I'm smiling sooo much!!
Astrid
x


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Review #19, by Pretense Of PerfectionEvent 3 - A Last Goodbye: A Last Goodbye

12th July 2014:
I typically don't read anything from Ron's POV. He's not my favorite character, although I do like him well enough. But you did such a marvelous job with this one-shot, I just might need to search for some more stories about him. I love how you really managed to capture the intensity and strength of his friendship with Harry over the years. It's a true testament to their relationship that Ron scrambled to have a small service that Harry would've enjoyed, and to try and fight the Ministry over the stuff that Harry wouldn't have liked. I love how mature and graceful Ron seems to be, age and time have been kind to him. I'm not entirely sure if his quiet acceptance of Harry's death is just that, or if he's so deeply in denial it just seems that way, but it is very beautifully written regardless. I like the brief glimpse of their lives we get, like about how Harry teased Ron about his greying hair. The ending was poignant, and really tugged at my heartstrings.

--house cup 2014 review--
gryffindor

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Review #20, by Pretense Of PerfectionEvent 3 - A Small Girl's Smile: What's in a Name?

12th July 2014:
What a delightful one-shot. You really managed to capture so many vastly different emotions, and in so few words, I'm overwhelmed by it all. I think you managed to accurately portray Neville and Hannah. I totally see him worrying over trivial things that are so far in the future, and her sort of reigning him back in to the present. Even though Frank and Alice played relatively minor roles in this one-shot, you did a pretty good job at keeping them in character as well. I totally picure Alice reacting more to her family thank Frank, maybe from some maternal instinct. I love how Hannah suggests that they name their daughter after Alice, and it literally broke my heart a little when Alice offered the other Alice a sweet. It was just such a grandmotherly thing to do, and she really was doting on her. The message was quite touching, and I love how you ended what could've been a melancholy story on a very high note with a message of hope. Beautifully written!

--house cup 2014 review--
gryffindor

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Review #21, by Pretense Of PerfectionEvent 3 - Reunion: Reunion

12th July 2014:
Wow, I really enjoyed reading this. I think Hagrid does have a way with magical creatures, even if he doesn't always go about it in the right way, if that makes sense. While dragons are definitely not known for being affectionate, I can kind of see this happening. Hagrid was the first thing Norberta saw when she was born, and she isn't likely to forget him, if she's at all like other animals. Maybe not so much how he looks, but I can see him smelling the same, and that scent being of some comfort or soothing her. I can totally see Hagrid ignoring the safety rules he was required to learn and going ahead and doing this, it's perfectly in character. It's so nice to think of the two of them being reunited again, and I really enjoyed reading this. I think the title is simple, yet suits the tone and theme of the story. I didn't notice any spelling or grammar errors, so great job on that front.

--house cup 2014 review--
gryffindor

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Review #22, by Pretense Of PerfectionEVENT THREE - A Ghoul As a Friend: Finding The Ghoul

12th July 2014:
Ahh, poor Albus. What a sad and lonely one-shot. As a reader, I definitely got a feel for his character. He sort of reminds me of Hermione, if she hadn't befriended Harry or Ron, sort of set in her ways and content to sit on the sidelines. I hope Albus sort of coems out of his shell and grows into himself more as time goes on, because he seems very lonely. I love how he uses books to escape the harshness of reality, and how he tries to relate to them and put himself in similar situations. Him trying to befriend the ghoul is very sweet, although it does manage to show just how lonely he is. I would've maybe liked to see the beginnig stages of their friendship, and how it progressed, but given the word limit here I think you still managed to do a marvelous job. I did notice one or two spelling or grammar errors, as well as a typo or two, but nothing that detracts from the quality of the story, and I'm sure you know a good beta could fix that easily. I think you set the scene really well in the begining, telling us how peculiar Albus is, and how he is different from all of the other kids.

--house cup 2014 review--
gryffindor

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Review #23, by Pretense Of PerfectionEvent Three: The Last Thing I See : Enough For Me

12th July 2014:
This was a wonderful little glimpse into the lives of Lily and James before Harry was born. I think you did a wonderful job with keeping them both in character. I can totally see James trying to talk about baby names in this situation, it's just a very James-like thing to do. I love how fierce and brave Lily is here as well, it really makes her personality shine through, and it's easy to see that her love for her unborn child makes her that much more determined to live. I love how neither of them will abandon Sirius, even though it means risking their own lives and the life of their child, it really portrays the strong bond that all of them share. Your word choice was perfect, and I really loved the quote that you used from the song. It fit perfectly with the story, and added to it's originatlity. The pacing was also perfect, I was eager to read more, but you didn't skip over anything important or linger on trivial things. I think my favorite part is the ending, whre the three of them joke and laugh about the future.

--house cup 2014 review--
gryffindor

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Review #24, by Pretense Of PerfectionHC Event 3: A Mother's Burden: A Mother's Burden

12th July 2014:
You really managed to capture a broad array of emotions in this story, and really make them come to life. I love how Molly goes from regret-filled, to fearful, to protective, and empowered, and then relieved so quickly. It's a very accurate portrayal of what I imagine her to be feeling in those moments, and really captures her as a character quite beautifully. Her fierce love for her children, both those she bore herself and those she adopted in, is the most powerful component in this one-shot, and you really managed to expand upon that. It's clear to see that she doesn't really want to kill Bellatrix in the beginning, she just wants to protect what's hers. But as they continue to battle, Molly grows enraged, thinking of all the people she killed and tortured, and essnetially sacrifices her own beliefs and does the wizarding world a favor by making sure that Bellatrix can never do those things again. You ended the story beautifully, not with Bellatrix's death, but with the sweet, private moment between Molly and Ginny. Very well written!

--house cup 2014 review--
gryffindor

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Review #25, by Pretense Of PerfectionMessrs, Canes, Maps, Twins, Confusion and a Whole Loada Running!: Confiscated and Highly Dangerous

12th July 2014:
Wow, this was hilarious, I literally laughed out loud at several different points. My one bit of CC is in the beginning. I think you meant to type "drawer," instead of "draw." they kind of sound similar, especially when spoken aloud, but a drawer is what's in a dresser, and draw is when you draw a picture or cartoon or something. Easy mistake to make, just wanted to point it out. I loved your characterization of all the boys here, in fact, I'm not sure I've ever read a better Weasley twin story. You captured their youth and mischief perfectly, especially when they find the map and the letter saying Filch is a squib. I found it hilarious how George was upset with Fred for not being considerate and using their last dung bomb without consulting him, it's just such a twin like thing for them to do. The Marauders were also done really well, and I loved how Sirius kept trying to say that naughty word, but his friends kept cutting him off, and then at the end he just shouts it out like word vomit, feeling quite proud of himself. Hilarious!!

--house cup 2014 review--
gryffindor

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