Reading Reviews From Member: StEpH_M
  
61 Reviews Found

Review #1, by StEpH_MTwo Letters: Rite of Passage

17th July 2013:
This was so sweet, it's so cute how they are friends and come to the clearing every holiday to see each other. Like there own little ritual (which I gues it actually is). I like that they are actually friends in this, that they aren't fighting all the time, enemies, the whole romeo and juliet thing. It's nice to have them as just normal friends that have normal meetings and talk about exams like a muggle would with their best friend. It's a nice down to earth thought.

I must say, your writing is rather good and the flow was excillent. It did feel like the end was slightly rushed a bit but other than that, it was an excellent story :) Well Done.

Author's Response: Yeah, I did think of it like a friendly ritual they had. The whole Romeo/Juliet or love/hate cliche gets under my skin a lot, so I thought I'd explore the possibility of Rose and Scorpius just being friends. I also think a lot of fics where people are still students don't focus on school, so I pulled in the exam element to put Ron's comments from the epilogue to the test once and for all :)

Sorry you felt like the ending was rushed, but I'm glad you liked the rest of this drabble.

Thanks for your kind review!

-Amanda


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Review #2, by StEpH_MAnachronous: In a Man's World

17th July 2013:
This is suprisingly sad, I don't know what it is about it, maybe the last two paragraphs, but whatever it was, it brought a tear to my eye.

I really liked that you got to see the world from adromeders (is that how you spell it?) Andromeda eye's that you got to see that from a young age she was the forgotten child, yet the glue that held the Black sisters together. That even though they hated her, there would have been a time that she could have stopped everything that they went through because she was the one to fix the broken things in the sisters. I also like that in a way it's a sad story about a women that really had no meaning to her life, in her eyes, she didn't have that much to do and were someone would be proud of raising a child, she wanted that little bit more. I also liked that she helped out in the war, healing and such. It's a nice touch to the story.

Overal, it was a very well structured story that I am glad I got to read. Well done :)

Author's Response: Yeah, writing the last couple of paragraphs made me sort of sad. It's hard to think about remembering your life as you draw closer to death, even through the simple fact of aging.

I think there's definitely a big contrast between how Andromeda sees herself here and how we (and probably many others) view her. She thinks of her life as simple, and it is, in a very beautiful way--but it's not just that. She played a really important role in the series, and I wish others wrote more about her. I'd love to get to know her a bit better.

Thanks for your very kind review!

-Amanda


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Review #3, by StEpH_MSiriusly in Love: Getting the Guy

17th July 2013:
Hey!

I really like this, I like that it's bascially a short version of what takes people 20 something chapters to write (I'm so guilty of this) but I also like that it's basically a quick story for both James getting Lily and Sienna getting Sirius. The only part that makes me curious is how they managed it? That would be a nice thing to read. I think the one thing you could have added was maybe a little more depth, I know it's a one-shot but I can't believe I'm saying this but maybe a little more fluffy and romance to just make it a little smoother and the end more believable would have been better. But then, I get nitpicky with everything and this one-shot is perfectly fine without it.

It's a really good story, as you said in the author's note, there are a few places that are written a little dodgy but other than that it has good flow and a nice overall story. :)

Author's Response: Hi Steph!

Thanks for the review! :) Haha as the years pass by I get less fond of this story.. To be honest I myself have no idea how James and Sienna manage to get Lily and Sirius.. :P Back then I just wanted to write some fluffy Marauders story, then realised I didn't have the creativity or imagination to make it any different from the thousands of other Marauder fics out there so I decided to have a massive flashback and leave it as a one shot. (Not really sure what I was thinking! :P) Anyway, nearly everyone has wanted to know, and occasionally I think about adding a couple chapters someday, but that would definitely be a huge challenge I'm not sure I'm willing to undertake.

Thank you so much for all your comments - CC is always good! :D The end does come off as a bit unbelievable due to the huge time gap but.. one day I'll see what I can do to make this story better :P Thank you for your lovely review Steph! :)

- Charlotte


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Review #4, by StEpH_MThe Perks of Being an Obliviator: The Perks of Being an Obliviator

17th July 2013:
Here for the House Cup ;)

I must say I really enjoyed this one-shot. I like that it's not all entirely about being overseas, that's it's more the journey of getitng there. I also enjoy the fact that it's set just after the wizarding war and gives insight into the way it changed people. How someone can go from wanting to be a professional quidditch player, to a job in the ministry. It's defintely a great idea and one that I might actually look into a bit more at a later date.

I couldn't see any real gramatical errors, but then, I'm sort of going as quickly as possible so I might have missed something, but I did really enjoy it, it's a nice little one shot :)

Author's Response: Hi Steph!

Thank you so much for leaving me such a lovely review! I'm glad you liked the whole idea of the story. I definitely did try to make it about the journey and the destination, and although I didn't initially set out to show the impact of the War on Alicia, I'm glad that got through too! Thanks for reading and for the great review Steph! :)

- Charlotte


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Review #5, by StEpH_MI Let You Down : I Let You Down

3rd June 2013:
Hey there, here with your review battle review :)

First of I want to say, your story brought a tear to my eye. I've always imagined Petunia regretted the way she treated her sister. That after she died all she wanted was to have her back so she could give her one last hug and tell her she loved her and I also believe that it was the same way with Harry. That when she knew that she would most likely never see the boy again, that he didn't love her like he should love his aunt, his adoptive mother, that it broke her heart a little more and you really brought that out in this story.

It definitely has a good beginning and ending too it, the way it starts with her blaming Lily for everything that happened to her, for leaving and it ends with Petunia deciding that it was in fact her fault that all this happened, she just hadn't seen it. It gives a nice flow to the story, a nice beginning and ending. In a one-shot or songfic that's really important, that it has a strong beginning and ending, since they are so short, you need to compact basically an entire story into one short chapter and it's important that you make the parts you want people to see, stand out. That's what you did here and it's great.

I have one little nit picky thing. Throughout the one-shot, it seems almost as if, Petunia is writing a letter, one she might leave at the house as she departs, saying her goodbyes to Lily as she says goodbye to Harry, however at the end it gets a bit confusing as you make it almost as if you aren't reading from Petunia's perspective, that you are more a fly on the wall that is being told a story by Petunia. You might want to check on that. Even adding an 'about' as if in pretence for what she would or make it past tense, that she is thinking about all this while she is in the car, remembering the letter she wrote or the things she just did. That would make it flow just that little bit better, but that's just me being nit picky. You don't need to change it if you don't want too. It's great just as it is.

Author's Response: Hello there! Thank you for stopping by!

Oh wow really? That's amazing to hear! (Not that it's usually amazing to bring tears to peoples' eyes, but you know what I mean!)
Yes, I feel exactly the same way about Petunia: that is wouldn't have been as easy to sever ties with Lily as she lets on it was. And I'm sure that there was some regret about Harry there too- I thought that that scene near the beginning of DH is very telling, when she almost speaks to him, but doesn't...

I'm glad you liked the structure of it too, and the way that the blame sort of changes in Petunia's mind. It's also great to hear that the parts that were significant stood out enough!

Hmmm, I see what you mean actually. I hadn't initially imagined this as a sort of letter, but I can definitely see your point, and how it would flow better if I put that bit in the past tense... Thanks very much!

This was such a lovely, helpful review- I really appreciate it!

-Bethany


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Review #6, by StEpH_MNot Normal: {Chapter the First}

13th May 2013:
Hey there,

I'm here with your Reviews :)

Okay, first thing first is believability. It's a good twist, a like the thought of a wizarding child being able to do that little bit extra. In that sense, it's believable, if wizards can speak Parseltongue or Metamorphmagus, why can't they see the dead that didn't come back as ghosts that roamed Hogwarts and houses they were connected too? I have a few things that you might want to consider in order to make it more believable. One thing, why five? What is the importance of that? Most gifts that aren't from birth usually present themselves around puberty, it's the change that causes them. In my opinion that might have been a better time, a five year old wouldn't really be able to keep such a thing a secret, no matter how hard they tried. It's a thing as a child, especially one so young, they like to brag and gain respect from their friends, secrets can get forgotten when it comes to that. Another reason I'm not sure about the age is because what sort of Grandmother would tell her grandchild about the dead when they couldn't really understand the importance of the gift? It's a great burden to lay on a five year old. Most grandparents would try to avoid the conversation as much as possible. Otherwise the rest is rather believable and could lead to a really good story. Especially with the medium side of things going on.

Right now onto the flow, overall it's really good, the parts of the story you have going on really bring depth to story and I always find it good to start off a story with a small explanation of what exactly is happening in the Main Characters life, stating from the start that she is a medium of sorts is really good and it draws you in. It helps to make sure the rest of the story is interesting and will lead to a good plot and theme. One thing I would watch out for is the chapter being disjointed. The way it's set out does bring an understanding about the main character but it also makes the story a bit confusing. From what I can tell, it's because it takes a little to realise that it has changed times. You have to read the first sentence of the next scene in order to understand the change and that can disrupted the flow. A lot of authors use ** or ~ in order to separate times, this way the reader knows that the next scene is either set before or after the one that played out before it.

Your characters are rather good for the start of the story, already your main character, Ellie, has a lot of depth to her. It's already clear from the first chapter that although Chris and Ellie are twins they have a lot of things that are different, and yet the same. It's nice to see that aspect of a brother/sister relationship, especially one between twins. I hope that continues throughout your story. You also have a good start with Albus and Rose as Chris and Ellie's best friend but I believe that you should give them a bit more depth in the common chapters in order for your readers to relate to them more, it's important that the people that read your story can connect with not just the main characters but the minor or reoccurring ones as well. I know I have a habit of skipping large chunks of story if the character they relate about isn't someone with a realistic personality, i find it hard to read. Another thing you should watch out for is cliche, you have a new twist on it, with the medium side of things but you will need to watch to make sure that the relationship between Albus and Ellie. There are a lot of Hate/Hate turn Love/Hate to Love stories on the archives and you need to try to at least make your story different to the rest.

There was only one part that I really had a problem reading and that was basically the first five lines. Something about them doesn't seem right, like it's disjointed and slightly jumpy. I think it might have something to do with the way it's structured, you start with Ellie's voice talking about it, but instead of actually going straight into the ghost part you try to make it a bit more amusing, like she's talking to the reader. This can be good through out the chapter and such but I'm not sure it's perfect start for a story, it sort of pulls away from the important fact that she can see ghosts, making it seem a little less important then it actually is.

Overall, it's good start to the story and I am sure it will just get better as you continue to write it. :)
I'm sorry it's so long. I have a habit of talking too much.

~ steph

Author's Response: OMG. This is so long. I love it so much. Like, you have no idea.

You raise quite a few good points, actually. There is sort of a reason why I chose five as an age, and the thing about grandparents makes sense, but that's something that I want to underscore about the ghosts - they can be super weird. More shall be revealed! However, I like to think that Ellie's been able to keep this secret for such a long time actually reveals something about her, but I can see where you're coming from with five year olds not being able to keep their mouths shut, especially about secrets! Hmm... I shall have to see how to work with this...

I know the flow could do with a bit of work, so your suggestions are much appreciated! I shall endeavour to see about those annoying sentences and try and make the time jumps a little smoother.

My biggest fear really is that I'll neglect my minor characters - something which I have already done in another story! Thanks for the tip! You're right in saying that minor and recurring characters also need to be liked, otherwise the story can seem very one-dimensional and a little vain. The romance is cliche, I know, but I do love a good cliche! However, I really don't want this to be about the romance, so I'll try to make sure that the cliche remains as toned down as possible.

Thanks for the wonderful review! You were quite helpful (I haven't received many reviews critquing this story, so this was really nice)!


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Review #7, by StEpH_MOnce Defied: Verbal Acrobatics

29th October 2012:
More Lily and her friends moments, I found it funny of Lily hit Anna after her remark about Lily fancying her brother, it is a nice show of the fiery side of Lily's personality that was mentioned a few times in Harry Potter series when adults mentioned Lily while reminiscing. I also like that she vanished Anna's head, that made me laugh and Anna's remark about it was amusing as well. I also laughed at the professor's way of punishing Sirius for his antics; it was rather amusing to see him jinx Sirius instead of giving him a detention.

Anna and Dess' relationship is interesting too, I wonder if it's a family love hate relationship, where no matter how much they say they hate each other they actually love each other, or whether they actually do hate each other.

It's also good that you started to bring in the events that are happening outside Hogwarts, the start of the events that bring around the first war. It's basically the start of Hogwarts not being safe anymore and I'm glad that you brought it in near the start, just going to show that their year didn't start out as a happy year at Hogwarts that most other stories have.

And Snape has his first appearance, I'm happy about that, I always like seeing Snape as he was in Hogwarts, not just the older man he is later in life. I always like seeing the way he tries to apologies for his stunt in 5th year and how he loves her and just wants to protect her, I always liked seeing that.

And a civil conversation with James, I sort of like it, and them holding hands! Even if it wasn't in a romantic way. It's unusual to see Lily not yell at James for holding her hand, but I think I prefer it over the other way, constant fighting gets boring, playful banter and civil conversation is much more interesting. I also liked that Lily knew about James's invisibility cloak and his response to it, calling her 'bighead' for it.

I almost forgot about Remus's wolfy problem and that the Marauders always went with him. It will be really interesting if there is a auror patrolling when they are out, it will make for good drama. :)

Again there were no flow issues and I didn't notice any gramma ones either. I really liked this chapter and the Slug Club. It was really good. :)

More reviews will be on there way shortly, just as soon as I get RL under control :) Again, Happy 2nd Anniversary!

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Review #8, by StEpH_MOnce Defied: Just A Name

29th October 2012:
The fact that Lily isn't exactly overjoyed about being Head Girl is really good, I never thought of the Head positions being just a badly looked upon position, it's not something you would expect, when adults in the Harry Potter series talked of Head Boy and Girl it was with admiration and always saying they are proud if their child gets it. You never think that it actually might be some burden and people will hate you for it.

I like that Lily is sort of playing with James, the way she playfully hits him when he made a joke instead of yell at him. I also think the fact that she helps him with his head boy jobs is nice, even if she does lay all the club tasks on him, probably to get back at him for something. It that was really amusing actually, watching as James whined and Lily stood tall as she made him do all the club applications and she went off to work on her school work.

I also liked that you brought Anna and Mary into it again, even if it was for a little bit at least there was a little insight into her relationships with her friends and her personality.

There wasn't any issues of with flow or any gramma issues that I could see in this chapter, it was really well written and I enjoyed reading it. I really good chapter and I look forward to reading more as I go through your 2 Anniversary gift reviews. :)

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Review #9, by StEpH_MOnce Defied: Power, Potions, and Professors

29th October 2012:
I really like how James is actually trying to do a good job at being Head Boy even though he has no idea what he is doing. It's rather amusing. I also like how James's parts aren't completely orientated around marauders and the little stunts they pull, it's always good to have some of that, but constantly having it can sort of get a bit dragging so I am glad that James's parts are refreshing and involve other aspects of his Hogwarts life.

I also like that Lily and James are being civil towards each other and that even with James' teasing Lily is still trying to refrain from yelling at him. It's good and I prefer it to the cliche. Also, the fact that the story is more orientated around James and Lily's time together instead of the ways that James tries to ask her out is really good as well.

Again the flow was good and nothing really disrupted it, which again is really good for a story that changing P.O.V a few times in a chapter. Most stories just a little when they change P.O.V but yours doesn't. Just a few gramma related things; '"For homework, please research the ingredients of Veritaserum, and provide detailed explanations of their origins and properties. I would like at least twelve inches inches, due by next class. You are dismissed."' You doubled up on inches here.

I really look forward to reading more although I do hope there is a bit more of Lily interacting with her friends, since we have seen more of James' then hers. Her friends seem interesting so I hope to see more of them. I also look forward to the Slug Club party cause they have always been very amusing parties. :)

Author's Response: Yay, I'm so glad that you enjoyed all the parts you mentioned! It's exciting when someone else enjoys the version of the story that makes sense to me, too. :)

Thank you for pointing out that issue with the grammar--I just went and fixed it! I always appreciate it when people let me know what the issues are, because with the length of this story, I'm bound to miss things.

Thanks again!


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Review #10, by StEpH_MOnce Defied: The Great Divide

29th October 2012:
This is a really good start; I like the way that you brought Lily and James's point of views into the story from the very beginning, it means that through out it, there will be bother sides and individual personalities portrayed and not just one side that imagines what they other is thinking.

I also really like the way you slotted in the hat's song, with it's usual warning which sort of links to everything that will happen later. And that from the start of Lily and James's seventh year they aren't completely bickering and actually trying to get along, it's really refreshing compared to all the other Lily/James stories on the archive.

There were a few spelling mistakes, mostly missed letters nothing too serious. But otherwise there weren't any issues with flow; even with the switch of P.O.V there wasn't any bumps in the flow of the chapter.

I really like this chapter; it's a great lead in to the rest of the story, with laying down James and Lily's relationship and the introduction of both of their friends. It leaves more room for plot in the rest of the chapters instead of introductions.

I look forward to reading more and finding out how Lily and James got together :)

Author's Response: Thank you so much for review, and I'm SO (so so so) sorry it's taken me this long to respond! As you probably noticed, I've been on a bit of a long hiatus. I'm really glad you like having both POVs--I certainly like writing both. And it's awesome to hear that there's something a little new and refreshing about my version of their story...there are so many of these stories that it's tough to carve out a little niche for yourself!

I have no expectation that you're reading this reply a year and a half after leaving the review, but hopefully I'm sending out some vibes of gratitude your way nonetheless! Thank you again for reviewing!


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Review #11, by StEpH_MWhat Makes A Man: It was too late

29th October 2012:
I have always wondered what might have made Voldemort who he was, a cruel almost emotionless man that took pride in killing muggles and Muggleborns alike. And I have always wondered whether anything would have changed if his mother hadn't of died, would he be different? Not being completely shrouded in death and the misery living in an orphanage may bring. Maybe he wouldn't have tried to kill people, he may have had a grudge against muggles but maybe he wouldn't have wanted to kill them.

I really like this story, the way you have written it is really good and it works well with the song. The way you go from his childhood to his death was really good too, linking his fear of death to his actual death. It makes a good ending. And the way the lyrics link to each of the little sections of the story is really well done too.

I really enjoyed reading this, there was a line "He couldn't remember when something had taken root in him," What exactly is the something? I'm not sure if you meant that it was his desire for power that took root or fear/helplessness. But otherwise it was extremely well done.
Great job with your first song fic. It's really good :)

Author's Response: Hi Steph! Thank you so much for reading and reviewing this story (as well as leaving some reviews for Once Defied).

I wonder a lot of those same things about Voldemort. Sometimes, I think we are supposed to understand that it was his upbringing without love that turned him evil, but then at other times, I wonder if being brought up by his mother would have made much of a difference. She did not seem like a confident woman who would have been able to be the mother that he needed to grow into a different sort of man--I suppose motherhood might have changed her, but the fact that she preferred to die than raise her son makes me think that it wouldn't have. So then I go back to thinking that he was sort of doomed no matter what. I think it's definitely true that he would have possessed some hatred of Muggles, even if his mother had lived.

Anyway, I'm getting all caught up in speculation now. But this is part of what motivated me to write this story! :)

I'm glad you felt I incorporated the lyrics well. I think song fics are really personal pieces, and often, I read ones written by other people and don't really get the connection between the song and the story. It makes me happy to hear that you could understand that connection in this song fic, at least to some extent. :)

You're right; that line seems really vague, now that I read it over again. What could I have been thinking?! Haha. I think I probably meant that he himself didn't even know what it was that had gotten into him and made him evil, but I didn't express that very well. Thanks for pointing that out!

Really appreciate the review! (And I apologize if I take a little bit of time in replying to the others.)


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Review #12, by StEpH_MShot in the Dark: Shot in the Dark

29th October 2012:
This is rather sad, I always wondered how Colin died, cause he wasn't in the final movie you never found out more then the fact that he didn't make it out. It's good to know though that even through his naivety he actually would have done some good in it all. Some of those pictures could have helped to ID death eaters after the war ended; it's a pity he never got to reach Harry like he hoped.

I also liked how he helped out Angelina and her group, how he helped on his way to find Harry and probably without him there would have been a few more people hurt of killed. It was nice to know that he helped a lot before he was killed.

You did a really good job of bringing Colin's part in the final battle to light. And it just makes you wonder how much each of them were able to pull off before they either where killed or the final battle finished, it just goes to show that kids can do just as well as adults if they have the right motivation and ideals.

I have always liked stories set in the final battle and this didn't disappoint. It was really well written and flowed beautifully, it didn't have any unnecessary bits and because it made me feel like I was actually there, it brought tears to my eyes when he found Fred and when Colin died. I do hope someone found his camera.

Very well done, I really love this one-shot.

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Review #13, by StEpH_MThe Dragon Slayer's Story: The Dragonslayer's Story

29th October 2012:
I really enjoyed this, it's very medieval which is something I like, I really like medieval stories so I was glad that this was basically one of them. I also liked that it was a story about a ghost, from reading the summary it's not something I would have expected and I really liked it when I found out that it was in fact Sir Patrick, one the ghosts of the Headless Hunt.

The way that it was written, retelling a story was really good. I also like how he was beaten by a muggle, although the muggle wasn't exactly noble, neither one of them were. What type of noble person would kill a innocent horse just to prove a point? It just sort of reminds me that back in the medieval time, that some of the wizarding world wasn't hidden from the muggles, that dragons and unicorns and the like were still seen and believed to exist by them and wizarding world didn't make them forget.

I would really like to know how George killed all those dragons though. It was always said that it took a large amount of strong magic both dark and not to bring down a dragon or I am guessing the poison which Patrick used, which I have a feeling isn't something a muggle could readily get his/her hands on. So I wonder how he killed so many, did he cheat sort of like how Patrick did?

Also, I sort of felt sorry for Patrick, that a muggle had taken everything a way from him, and a dishonest one at that, no noble person would strike a man when they are disarmed.

This was really well written, how you brought present and past smoothly together without any break. It really gave insight into the life of a very old ghost and how it really does get boring.

Great job. It's definitely one of my favourites.

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Review #14, by StEpH_MDragon's Blood: The Widow Sihirbaz

29th October 2012:
Another good chapter, it's really starting to get there, I am hoping that when you start writing more I will start to see more parts of the ship and some of the mysteries and the suspicious substances and cargo will be reveled? I still really want to know what illegal cargo the ship may be carrying.

There wasn't much interaction with the captain but I am guessing he will come back later. I am starting to wonder if he actually knows about anything that's going on or if it's his employees that are hiding things from him. Guess I will have to wait to find out.

I like the comparison you made with Hogwarts, it made me able to imagine the dinning room (muggle style with a Hogwarts candle touch). It made me feel like I was watching everything that Percy was doing and not just reading it.

I also look forward to learning more about the two people he shared the table with, who they are other then someone Percy had met through work and her son. I do hope you bring them in a bit more they seem like they would make a good addition to the story.

Again I really enjoyed this chapter, but I do hope it starts to move a bit quicker so that I can really get into the mystery part of it. :)

I will be looking out for more.

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Review #15, by StEpH_MDragon's Blood: The Sea Princess

29th October 2012:
This doesn't disappoint, I still want to read more, I don't know what it is but the way you write this story just makes me want to read it until the very end and everything is sorted out and explained. I do enjoy a good mystery novel and this is definitely starting out as one.

It's a good introduction of the ship and some of the crew, I'm curious to know more about Mustafa, the way he talks is making it really hard for me to figure out where he is from. Is he from the UK? Or is he from somewhere else? I'm also really curious to meet the ships captain.

I also really like how there are basically two shipping yards in the one place, like the platform at King's Cross, I know I shouldn't be surprised but I sort of was. I also like how you used one of the shipping containers as the door, it's very creative and a good use of the object that are around the area. You could have just as easily used a warehouse wall or door that no one could ever seem to open but I prefer the shipping container.

I'm also curious to know how the ship works, like, does it go back to the muggle world after it sets sail? Come out of some invisible barrier somewhere out of the harbor or does it stay in the wizarding world the entire time.

This chapter is really intriguing and continues to make me want to read more. I got a bit confused around the part that Mustafa was talking, trying to figure out what he was saying but otherwise it was really well written.

Great Chapter, I look forward to reading the next :)

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Review #16, by StEpH_MDragon's Blood: A Cartographic Clue

29th October 2012:
This is a really good start, it has me intrigued. Just from this chapter I can tell that anything could happen after this chapter and it really draws you in. The way you left the chapter open for more possibilities is good, and I really like the fact that it's basically like something that could happen in any business or large company only with a magical spin. The way you wrote this makes me what to read on, the fact that you made Percy and Hermione not actually say anything about the illegal goods that may have been on the ship means that my curiosity is pushing me to read the next chapter. Just so that maybe I can find out more.

I really like that this is a Percy story, there isn't much on him and I enjoy the fact that it's a guy in his department that is under questioning for involvement in illegal things. It's not something you would expect Percy to let happen. He always seemed to strict.

I also probably like that unlike most next gen sort of stories, Percy actually gets along with his family, that he isn't so stuck up to communicate in great lengths with people in his family as he may have seemed during his schooling and the first part of his Ministry career.

It's good that you introduced the suspicious character in the first chapter, a lot of mystery stories wait till much later to introduce them and to me it always seems too stretched out and has way to many overly pointless filler chapters. The way you have started it sort of lays everything out for the reader so they can start speculating from the start.

I don't see any problems, it's a really great start to a story and I look forward to reading the other chapters. :)

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Review #17, by StEpH_MThe Ibis Winked: The Ibis Winked

29th October 2012:
The Weasleys! How I love them and I love that you made a one-shot of what happened in the summer break between second and third year. He just as always, Ron is bored. I wonder if he will ever really put effort into learning. :) I really like this, it just reminds me so much of the Weasley family I have missed from JK Rowlings series. Ron's mum yelling at him, percy being fascinated by the history and Bill just well being Bill.

I like how even at the age of thirteen he thinks about Hermione when he is way, how she would like Egypt. It's sort of cute that even then she was on his mind then more then a friend. But he didn't realise it yet.

It was also nice the whole God thing, rather amusing that the statue winked and gave him a message that I am guessing is for the Deathly Hallows after he leaves them. But I could be wrong. That's just the feeling I got.

It's sort of sad that he doesn't believe that he can bring anything to the trio even then but I guess he is just slightly too thickheaded to really take in what he means to Harry and Hermione.

Again, I didn't see anything overly detrimental to the story. It was all really well written and drew me in.

Great job. I really enjoyed reading this.

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Review #18, by StEpH_MDancing Lessons: Dancing Lessons.

29th October 2012:
I love AVPM and this story made me laugh. Voldemort and Quirrell's relationship was always one of my favourite parts of the musical and you did it justice. I love Voldemorts 'romantic side' his feelings about flames and his hints towards dancing. The fact that he giggles! And the clothes thing! I always remembered voldemorts thing for neatness, it always amused me that someone so well evil, could be nitpicky about folded clothes.

It was rather amusing to read Voldemort teaching Quirrell how to dance, how he actually used a square and made him dance around in it. Also how much enjoyment he got out of getting Quirrell to dance. It was very entertaining and drew me in. Just imagining Quirrell dancing by himself while voldemort talks to him from the otherside of his head. It's not something you would expect. Which is what I love about it.

I also love how Quirrell blushes when voldemort announces that he 'likes him'. It's like they were flirting and Quirrell is a hormonal teenager with a crush on someone he admires. It's great.

Again, I can't really pick any problems out of the story unless I went through it again with a fine-toothed comb and was being nitpicky.

This made me laugh quite a bit and I really enjoyed the humor that Voldemort and Quirrell's relationship brings.

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Review #19, by StEpH_MAfrican Violets: How it Happened

29th October 2012:
You sure do leave it in suspense, I was so close to flicking through the story to find out exactly which loveable character had been poisoned. I sort of started to guess part of the way through, as Mrs. Longbottom (Hannah?) started to reminisce about how he would spend so much time in the garden with his plants, doting on them as if they were his own children and not parts of nature. Although I waited till the end to actually confirm that it was Neville.

It's a rather sad story, even if you never actually see what happened, I think it was because Mrs. Longbottom seemed so emotional about it, in her own way. The way she reminisced about her beloved Husband, how she regretted her agreement and now, knew she should look after her husbands plants cause that's what he would have wanted. She adored him, and I think that's what makes it sad. That she didn't have Neville anymore.

Some of the story dragged on a bit and felt a bit repetitive. I think it was more how she always went back to his love for the plants and staying out in the garden with them.
This is one of those stories I would happily read over and over. Even with the slight repetitiveness, I really enjoyed reading it. I do quite love his wife. :)

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Review #20, by StEpH_MHepzibah's Inheritance: Sundays at Nana's

29th October 2012:
I do adore stories from a child's point of view. I think it's something about their innocence, that no matter what they will grow up into they are still so forgivable when young. I like Hepzibah, even though she doesn't protect the little cup as much as she should in the end. It's nice to see her as a little naive child, exclaiming about dress robes and the lovely trinkets that litter her Nana's living room.

I never really thought much about Hepzibah other then that she showed the cup to Tom and how silly it was for her to do so. You really put her in a new light, that even as an adult, she was childish, so ready to impress someone that she would release all her family's secrets to impress them. Also how she didn't seem to see the severity of showing the cup, like it was a harmless little thing that wouldn't do anything in the bigger picture, that it couldn't possibly get out. I am sure if Tom hadn't stolen it someone else would have after they found out where it was.

I really like your writing, this one-shot works really well in the 3rd person, although, there were some parts in the first part of the story (when Hepzibah was little) that were more sort of what an adult would say, not a child. But there was no other problems I could see. You did a really good job and I am glad I got a chance to read such a lovely story.
Great Job.

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Review #21, by StEpH_MThe Last Letter: The Last Letter

29th October 2012:
You're Second Anniversary Gifts have arrived! :)

I'm not used to reading Petunia stories so I don't have as much to go on. But I rather liked this. It sort of, in my opinion, links in to the reaction that Petunia has at the beginning of Deathly Hallows, the love that she actually has for Harry and Lily even though she never showed it. It's a nice tie in.

I also liked being able so see it from Petunia's view, her worry about Voldemort and what will happen once the protection enchantments are broken. Also the insight into her love and jealousy towards Lily, how she misses her, always did and how she regrets everything she did before Lily's passing.

There were a few sentences that Vernom said, here and there that I had to read over twice to actually understand exactly what was being said, but otherwise I didn't see anything that disrupted the flow of the one-shot.

I really enjoyed reading this, it's made me want to read more Petunia stories from Hogwarts Era, just to know what it was like for her and her family while Harry was running around trying to defeat Voldemort.

Lovely story and great tie in :)

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Review #22, by StEpH_MIllusions: Tainted.

2nd September 2012:
I really like this, it's a different depiction of Lily and James, how they came together and the torment that plagues their lives. I really like how James covers Lily protectively as she sleeps, but it also shows that even he can't protect her from everything as she dreams of their parents deaths and his as well.

Like no matter how hard you might try to protect someone there is always something that is going to get in to destroy the happiness you have worked so hard to keep.

I also like the different way that James and Lily came together, usually you hear about James pursuing Lily until she finally gives in for some unknown reason in 7th year. Here you actually give a reason and I like it, it makes sense and is believable.

One thing I would work on is maybe how well the sentences flow into each other, some of them are a bit jagged and stiff but it doesn't affect the story overall.
I would also like to suggest a little technical thing, maybe less spaces between the paragraphs, it makes it hard to read the story from one paragraph to another. Try using the simple editor if you are having problems with spacing.

Otherwise lovely one-shot. I really enjoyed reading it. Keep up the good work. :)

Author's Response: Thanks! I really loved writing this and I always thought that it should be more than just peer presure that got Lily to give into James :)

I'll look back and fix the sentences, spacing ect. Thanks so much for the feedback and the review!

~Elle


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Review #23, by StEpH_MThe Goldfish Chronicles: One stupid lie

27th July 2012:
This is a really good start, it captures your attention and makes you want to read more, I sort of like how it starts of in filch's office, but personally I think the shackles were a bit much? Maybe, cause I really don't think something like that would be allowed if being hung from a wall or something like that isn't. But that's just me, I also noticed that you didn't meant what house the girl was in, which makes me super curious (if you did I am sorry, I am just blind).

One thing I truely love, is probably how bad a liar the girl really is, a 2000 page book under her pillow? That's great. :) It looks like it's going to be a fairly interesting story and probably entertaining as well :)

Good start, and I look forward to reading more, just watch some of your grammar wording and it will be lovely. :)

~Steph

Author's Response: Hi! Thank you for the review. Sorry that it took a while for me to answer it. =)

She's a Gryffie, but it will become more clear in the next chapter. I remember reading from HP, that Filch had some chains and stuff in his office, whether he was allowed to use them (or uses them anyways) is left open to reader's interpretation.

Thanks for the reminder, I'll try to keep my grammar in check.


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Review #24, by StEpH_MSnatched before my eyes: Snatched before my eyes

27th July 2012:
P.T.P for HC :)

This was a really touching story, at first I couldn't tell who's point of view it was from, I actually thought it was Harry's for a while, but I think I liked it even more when I found out it was Ginny's. She has always sort of been the sore spot in HP for me, she never really had that emotional level when JK wrote her, not enough for how she really was feeling in my opinion anyway. But you gave her that emotion and feeling and I was really glad. It was nice to see just how much love and kindness could come from her.

It's a rather sad story I must admit, the pain they must have gone through with Lily would have been terrible. But you depicted the whole thing really well. It's original, usually in stories it's all "Wizards can't get cancer" but you made it super believable, and not by using the usual methods either, by using magic. Which in my opinion showed that even a simple, seemingly harmless spell could ruin everything and change someone forever.

I really loved it, it was well written and made me actually picture myself there next to Ginny. Great Job.

~ Steph

Author's Response: I'm glad you thought it was touching. It was a very hard piece for me to write with my own daughter called Lily and this being a nightmare I had when she was very young.

Ginny does have some emotion and behind that touch exterior she will be upset at a lot of the things that go on. The story is very painful and I wanted to show that wizards weren't invincible and magic that appears to be pretty harmless throughout the book can turn nasty too.


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Review #25, by StEpH_MTask One Challenge: Fighting your Dragon through the Darkness: Within the Darkness

26th July 2012:
I really enjoyed this story. I think my favourite part would have to be that Neville went up against Harry again, this time to protect him more then he had to in first year. It was kind of good to see a side of Harry you don't usually see in fanfic, a dark side, showing that the war actually did have a rather large toll on his life, probably more then it did on anyone elses. So I really liked that he was the 'bad guy' in this story.

Another thing I really liked was that you managed to depict the Department of mysteries in a sort of dark way, that no one wanted to enter them, I am guessing after what happened in Harry and Nevilles fifth year?

This was a really good story, there were parts, around where Harry came in where it got a bit confusing? But otherwise I didn't see any problems with it. :)

Author's Response: Thanks for the review! I felt very much like both characters need a little twist to them so i decided to make them the opposite of what they are normally. I'm so glad you enjoyed it though. I know it got confusing a bit, because that's what i felt like Neville was feeling like and a bit how it felt to write it. I'm glad you enjoyed it overall though and thanks again for the review!

Love,
Am.Ginny


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