Well. Al, it would have been easier if your dad hadn't given you that cloak, wouldn't it? Now you're just heading for trouble. Have to say I'm still totally blind as to who's causing the problems... but I have a hunch that there might be a little more about Nathan than first meets the eye. Ravenclaw to win the Cup.Author's Response: Thanks so much for the review. Was really curious to know what people were thinking at this point.
Can't say too much in response except a fair amount will be revealed next chapter, which is currently in the queue.
And yeah, if they hadn't got the cloak, he'd have an excuse to put things off a while longer, but now it's definitely game on. Report Review
I've never watched the Breakfast Club. I've got no idea how many references I've completely missed. I will say, however, having done an hour and a half of training yesterday in terms of identifying and supporting vulnerable children, that Flynn's story is getting harder and harder to read. I can feel a suicide attempt is coming. Merlin, let him survive.
I can only imagine that this is getting darker, again. There are so many avenues down which you have the potential to make things miserable, even having allowed a flickering of the light this chapter: I have the feeling detention won't go well.
PS - Thank you for the entirely unsolicited advertisements for the Lion, Eagle, Badger, Snake series. All readers more than welcome to visit my profile and read away!Author's Response: The only bit that was inspired by the Breakfast Club was when Creevey and Albus were going back and forth about detentions. That hour and a half might have done you too well. I can't tell you exactly where you're right, (BKL8008/Keith knows) but be very worried for Flynn. (I'm worried for your first years right now, though. They aren't in the best places right now. :/)
Oh, this is definitely getting darker. I'm currently writing a chapter that is making me want to cry, but you are right when you say it's heading in another downward spiral. Especially for Albus. Thank you so much for the review again.
P.S. no problem. More people need to read it - it makes my stuff look like crap. Report Review
I don't think I've ever read one of your one-shots without it making me laugh... and properly laugh, at that. Highlight of this one for me was, by some distance, the Alderaan line.
Somewhat disappointed that "Akbar, Andrew" didn't get up off his seat proclaiming, "It's A Trap!", mind. Maybe that's for another crossover...Author's Response: I't always great when somebody appreciates the Star Wars references. Thanks a lot for the review!
A peak of productivity at 2:44? Well I'm leaving this review at 2:03, so I guess our body clocks are on similar rhythms. Although I did just try to spell our as "are".
I know this was 3000 words long, but it felt like I was over it in seconds. It just sucks me in and draws me onwards. I'd love to believe that James has a decent side to him, but like Albus I can't reason or rationalise why he's made a sudden change after seven years of sin.
Also, if there is nowhere for Flynn to go at the end of the story then you can write me into the epilogue and I'll adopt him. You can't beat 11-year-olds up like that... and I say that, fully aware of the plot of LEBS & Snake Bites!
SheriffAuthor's Response: We nocturnal creatures must stick together, it seems. :)
I know that the James side is slightly confusing, but as I believe we start to explain in the next chapter, I'll say a bit now: James isn't suddenly loving the Slytherins, he's only trying to seem that way for Albus. With albus's spiral into what Keith accurately diagnosed as severe depression, James finally realizes how bad of a place is brother is in, and that sets off a chain of reactions. So he's not changing sides, but rather saying 'screw this, I need to help Albus', if that makes any sense.
Of course you may adopt Flynn (if even in a joking manner)! I'm doing a sadistic writer laugh atm because what happens to him I could very well see happening in one of your fic.
Thank you so much (once again) for the amazing review. I promise to keep up with Snake Bites.
Ellie Report Review
Welcome back!! I thought James (maybe) and the Gryffindors had kidnapped you and were cursing you to oblivion. Characters controlling you is good, though, that often feels like the bulk of a story.
Looking forward to getting back into the swing of things with this one, and read the last two chapters thinking "I don't want this to end". I remain hopeful that justice will prevail and Nick will be given the chance to live a life of her own - with Owen at her side. As for James and Albus, though, they've grown too far apart to reconcile. I think a civil truce might be as much as can be expected. I hope Flynn's alright...
PS - It is eleven months and fifteen chapters since you reviewed Snake Bites. Not that I'm counting...Author's Response: Funnily enough, I have Snake Bites open in another tab. I have to reread it, and I promise to leave a smashing review. I had no idea it'd been that long, and Im really sorry.
Ahahaha I promise I wasn't kidnapped by thr Gryffindors, though, and I don't want this to end, either. I have no idea what I'll do when it is. And don't give up on James and Albus yet...
Thank you for the lovely review, and for not giving up on me. :/
Ellie Report Review
Hi there :-)
Random review for you, having read all 22 chapters over the last couple of days, which has to be a good thing, I suppose. I like the general arc of the story; it's building nicely, centred around the two main characters but containing enough peripheral action to keep the idea that you're in a busy boarding school.
I have to say I've really not got much idea who's behind the chocolates / brooms / messages / various other shenanigans around the place, which again is a good sign from an author's perspective because it means your various hints and red herrings are doing their job of thoroughly confusing me. I'd be stunned if Blackburn doesn't have anything to do with it, and I do wonder what demons lie hidden in her past. I also find myself wondering how relevant the Statute of Secrecy is, as I am currently myself in the midst of an 100,000 word epic where the Statute plays a central role (I did need to get rid of Binns to make the History lessons bearable, though).
In terms of CC, the only thing that sticks in my mind is that the secondary characters (e.g. Rasmus and Nathan) seem very peripheral at the minute. I really couldn't tell you much about them, and I'd like to know a bit more of their stories, even if they are irrelevant in the grand scheme of things.
Anyway, I've really enjoyed it thus far, and look forward to the last few chapters and the climax!
SheriffAuthor's Response: Thank you so much for the awesome review. And I'm flattered you read the whole thing in a couple of days. *grins*
Your story sounds fascinating. Must start reading it when I get a chance, but wow, you've a lot written. Checked out your author page.
Blackburn is an interesting character, in my own opinion anyway. I have a longer character file on her than on Albus or Rose. But whether or not she's involved in what's been going on, you'll have to wait and see. *grins*
I love to hear what people are thinking and which characters they suspect. Gives me an idea of whether I'm giving too much or too little away. Plus it's fun.
Thanks for the C.C. You have a point. There are so many OCs in this story that some have kind of gotten lost along the way. Year 2 will be from Rose's point of view and since she and Rasmus are friends, we might get to know him a bit better then.
Glad you're enjoying it. Hope you enjoy the rest too. Chapter 23 is currently in the queue and chapter 24 is almost completed, so both should be up within a week. Report Review
Oh, Albus. Let go. Seriously. It really doesn't do anyone any good to hang on to preconceptions and prejudices when the world of evidence is banging down your door. You are in much more danger from cannibal fishies than from your Potions Master.
He has just had the perfect opportunity to turn your friends into fish food, and lay the blame on any one of innumerable forest-dwelling beasts, and he's chosen to drag their ungrateful backsides back to the castle, kicking and screaming along the way. What did they expect, having broken 101 school rules?
Anyway, I am starting to feel like we must be looking at a werewolf as being the object of Zabini's midnight missions, but as for what the connection is between this and the Death Eater kids being murdered, I have no idea, and you might well be laying down a false track for all that I know. Hmmm. The plot thickens...Author's Response: Hello!
Bwhaha, that wasn't the reaction I was expecting! Oh, how hilarious was it to read though, isn't Albus just getting on your nerves?! Hahahhaha. I really do think that him holding onto those suspicions is the only way for him to feel like he's in control though. Everything else is constantly, and I mean CONSTANTLY blowing up in his face (Sometimes literally) that he has to have SOME say in what he thinks is going on. Right? Right? Does that even make sense? Probably not. HAHHAH.
But yes, he is in more danger from various other things. Zabini has had his chance to destroy them more than once and they've gotten themselves into quite a jam, haven't they? I mean, honestly, with what they did, they should be lucky that Zabini didn't do something more foul. My silly little Misfits. :p
Oh, yes, we're getting into the thick of things aren't we? I may or may not be leading you down a false trail, but you'll get your answers in a few chapters. Merlin, just let me write them first and get over this writer's block...come on, offer me some advice buddy.
Thanks for coming back though! Still laughing at that response.
Gabbie Report Review
Wow. Not sure I can remember the last time I read a chapter straight through and then instantly hit "Add to Favourites". You have that managed to create that essential "must keep reading", which can only be a good thing.
I like the way it has been structured, although I think I would have split it into two chapters between the prologue and "four years later", for added cliffhanger status. The scene with the magical lily was spot-on in terms of evoking the emotions of the broken men - congrats.
In terms of CC, the only thing that springs to mind is that Devlin seems a lot older than four in the first scenes - his thoughts and language fit to the way I'd write a seven or eight year old, at least, but if he is a "special child" then perhaps it all fits.
Spelling & Grammar: "device" rather than "devise" in terms of the pensieve, and "lilies" is the plural form of "lily".
I look forward to the next chapter!
SheriffAuthor's Response: First of all, thank you so much for your review!
It was originally more than one chapter, but this is a rewrite of the original story and I guess I just wanted to get a lot out to move on more quickly (it has a sequel that I am trying to rewrite as well). Plus, HPFF has a waiting period and I hate to leave too much of a cliffhanger for people when I can't alleviate their impatience quickly.
The lily scene was of course inspired by the Snape scene in the movie, and I am so glad it worked as I wanted.
About Devlin seeming older - do you mean in the torture scene, kidnap scene, or lily scene?
Devlin is a child that easily memorizes 'phrases' (I'm a pre-k teacher and kids who can do this have always fascinated me). I felt like I handled his 'lines' as realistically as I could and with his thought pattern - well I took it upon myself to elaborate so that we could all understand. I feel that children are able to make such conclusions, but they probably wouldn't be as beautiful in their structure as I have made Devlin's. Using a four year old thought pattern would be pretty tedious to read, I think. That said, he's clever.
And a werewolf, which I felt lent a certain 'instinct' to him that another four year old might have lacked in their fear. In the lily memory I tried to link his phrase or gesture to somewhere he had learned it, through Harry's perspective.
Thanks for the spelling and grammar notes - I'll fix them right away.
The next chapter should be out as soon as they approve it and I'll put the next one into the 'waiting line' today.
Oh, Albus. Mind well and truly blown, I take it?
Now, as for the identity of whatever foul fiend is actually inhabiting the forest, well, if Zabini needs Hagrid's protection, it can't be good. Right?
Meanwhile, do I detect that Scor and Lavender haven't actually made it out of the forest yet, and have been left to indulge in wondering just how life-threatening a situation needs to be in order for them to hold hands. I can't see any of those problems arising for my firsties if they were stuck with Miranda. In fact, they'd probably hurl her straight into the forest and leave her to it.
Your Roxanne has the Fred/George character about her (I get the feeling that she appears in your other work - seems fully-formed already) and the centaurs got that mix of menacing and contemplative spot on.
SheriffAuthor's Response: Hello!
what a nice way to start off the New Year! Thanks so much for coming back, I really like hearing your opinions on this story! :D
Yes, I think Albus's poor little mind has been taken in a very frightening direction. Things are not as they seem and this was the chapter that I think proved that for him. >:D
Well, some would say that Hagrid needs protection from Zabini but we can never be too sure, right? Hahaha. The actual thing out there taking down the wards is something dangerous but I can't go into more detail than that. ;)
Hahaha, I think I played around with Scorpy and Lavender's Forest adventure. There may or may not be alot of hand holding because lets face it, its just spooky in there! Hahaha.
I'm quite sure that your Albus and his friends WOULD just toss Miranda into the Forest after properly tying her to a tree and going back to the Slytherin dungeons. Hahahhah.
So cruel! ;)
Oh, yes, my Roxanne does have the Fred/George thing going on for her. She's George's daughter and she acts alot like him but I think I based James and Mason more after the Weasley twins. Its so fun!
She does show up in one of my other stories "Abandon" so I know her pretty well, which would explain why she was already spot on. For me, at least. Haha.
Ooh, the centaurs were so tough! I thought I'd failed so badly at writing for them, but I plowed through and got what I got. Thanks!
I'll be back to Snake Bites soon and Happy New Year!
Gabbie Report Review
It is becoming increasingly apparent that either you, or your characters, are dangerously (possibly criminally) obsessed with pink panties. Either they are a key plot element, or you are just clinically insane. It's probably the insanity, isn't it?
I love Lavender's quote, "I mean that there's a lot more going on that we're not paying attention to". I reckon that could sum up 99% of situations anywhere in life; it's amazing what you can learn if you only know where to look. Don't think it's intelligent of Al to pass off the DE murders as coincidence immediately afterwards, mind... although going back into the forest at night is probably even thicker.
Also, cliffhanger, dammit! I sense blood!
Wait, that sounded a bit too much like Zabini. You'll blow my cover...
SheriffAuthor's Response: Hello~!
Hey, welcome back! I left you like, five million reviews for Snake Bites today. (Not really, I think I left three or four?) but anyhoo, I'm not sure who likes pink panties more, me or the kids. I'm not actually sure if this story would be the same without mentioning panties in at least one sentence. But if you read all of my other stuff which is girly/angst, I mention panties in there too. Its like my calling card or something. Hopefully not a sign of insanity? Possibly? Most likely. Haahaha.
Anyhoo, I think that my dear Lavender was the only one who actually had some sense going on. Albus and Scorpy are going back and forth with their ideas and she's more level I think. They should pay more attention to her! And ah, her quote does make sense when it comes to life in general but I'll leave the excellent coming of age stuff to you. You're alot better at it than me, after all. Hehehehe. :D
HAHAHAH! I smell tears in the next chapter! Whoo-hoo? Hahahaha.
What are you doing being the creepy Potions teacher in this story? Back, beast! Into the abyss with you! :D
Thanks for coming back, enjoy my reviews I left! >:D
Gabbie Report Review
Hmm, how much have they learned? How much do they know now that they didn't know already? Rumours confirmed, confused, or misled?
Now what are you going to do with the Quidditch match?
Nice to see the children are all getting on well with each other and managing to go a few minutes without beating each other up now!Author's Response: Hello!
I couldn't give away too much in this chapter and to be honest, I actually forgot to put something important in with it! I'll have to figure it out some other kind of way. I'm trying to have most or all of the many, many questions answered by the time the Holidays come up. So much happens during Halloween though and I have to brace myself for good critique from you my friend. D': Hope to see you soon!
P.S.: I have a slight idea for the Quidditch match and the kids won't be getting along for too much longer. They'll probably wind up beating each other up sooner rather than later if I have my way. Hahaha.
Gabbie Report Review
Still convinced that they're completely on the wrong track. Not sure I follow all the references to who's a vampire, who isn't a vampire, and who the misfits think is a vampire but really isn't...
Onward...Author's Response: Hello!
I'll let you know right now that they're on the wrong track. It was pretty intentional and most of the things I have planned sort of go down at Halloween, I'm still having so much work to do. Sorry if its getting confusing for you on what's what and who supposedly is this. I honestly had no idea what I was doing for this story and its showing on the chapters that I actually worked on recently. My apologies.D':
Gabbie Report Review
Cliffhanger! Aaaargh. fortunately I can just go and press "next chapter" and everything will be alright. I am glad that Sheriff the piranha has been keeping himself busy (I've never been fond of cats, either).
Maybe it's just me, but I actually find myself liking your Zabini. I think he's on the good side; if a little sadistic about it all...Author's Response: Hello!
Been a while but its nice to have you back! How was your trip and such? Anyway, I didn't mean to put that cliffhanger there, I just sort of didn't have any other ideas left! Hahaha, isn't that sort of awful to say?
Yes, Sheriff has been keeping himself busy these last few months and I'm pretty sure he's going to be eating more cats if he can't get his teeth on Scorpy first. Hahaha.
I actually do like my Zabini. He's an interesting character to write for and its sort of hard not to eventually like him, even if he is scary.
Did you get my questions on your MTA answered yet?! :D
Much love and thanks for coming back!
Gabbie Report Review
Aw, poor Voldy. Almost enough to tug at your heart strings and generate sympathy. Almost. If I did sympathy I might have felt for Jim Furyk or Steve Stricker at Medinah tonight.
Again, I liked the balance between canon and accepted reality, and the interactions on the boundary that aren't far away from a Dr Who script in terms of observational humour. Just with added cynicism.
I look forward to another swap in due course!
SheriffAuthor's Response: Thanks for the review and the swap, and we yanks need all the sympathy we can get after that horrendous collapse. Report Review
Brilliant! Not sure I've laughed harder throughout the HPFF forums. I thoroughly enjoyed the nature of the parody, the intentionally excessive and gushing adjectives and descriptions, and the way the plot (I know it isn't a plot, I just couldn't think of a better synonym) is self-consciously mocking about the oddities and eccentricities of fanon.
I was also amused by the fact that it's half set outside Craven Cottage, which is coincidentally the place where I've come closest to getting involved (read "beaten up") in football-related violence... but that's another story.
Thanks for a good laugh!
SheriffAuthor's Response: Thanks a lot for the review! This was definetly a fun one to write.
Now that's a story I'd love to hear sometime... Report Review
You're back - and still as happy and smiley as ever... (!)
I think it was necessary to have this kind of reviewing / summarising chapter here having had a few weeks off, to re-familiarise both you and us with the characters and the plot line.
Slytherin will stick together: and we're stronger than any one lunatic. Liked the touch with the Prophet article.
PS - some new Snake Bites posted since your last review - and another one due very soon (in the queue). Would love to know what you think :-)
SheriffAuthor's Response: Hehe, I'm actually quite a happy person. I just can't write happy things.
I'm glad you liked it. I knew it was necessary, and though it mostly is review there is actually quite a bit of foreshadow and setting up of things hidden in there. :)
I'm thinking of using that line somewhere in the next few chapters (crediting you of course). Would you mind? I just think it's brilliant. :)
Thank you so much for the review!
P.S. *headdesk* I'll take a look. :) Report Review
So, as far as I can tell, this chapter was all about taking all of your characters' fears and neuroses and waving them around in front of them like a cheerleading troupe made up entirely of Boggarts. Actually, that *is* the sort of thing that you would use...
You enjoy it all as well, don't you? Evil, evil, evil...
Where's the werewolf come in?!Author's Response: Hello!
Hahaha, hello again and welcome back! I admit, this wasn't my favorite chapter to write. It had been so long since I had done anything for this story that I was sort of out of loop with what I had originally planned so bear with me! Anyway, this I suppose, was all about fear and the horrors to come. I couldn't help it, I just have to put these children in horrible situations...>:D
Anyway, I haven't done anything with a Boggart yet! So many ideas...mwhahahah.
Alas, the werewolf or monster or whatever is happening in this story won't show up for quite some time but I'm getting there. Sorry if its taking forever but this is actually going in a place that I hadn't intended and now I have to consult my notes, cry a little and break my fingers to make it better. Have mercy on me when I do come back! D':
Gabbie Report Review
Nice. Everything is drawing together. The climax can't be too far away! I liked the pace, flow and structure of this chapter that developed the story subtly and off-camera as well as in the text.
I look forward to the finale!Author's Response: My first review since May! Thanks very much for your loyalty. Yes, we're near the end. Thirty-eight chapters ought to do it. Thanks again for reading! Report Review
Thought I'd leave you a review - never much fun to have a story sitting on zero!
I like the political supporting story - the Shields and the Triads - and I think it's got potential to develop quite intriguingly. I'm looking forward to reading the next chapters.
The only thing I would say on the other hand at the moment is that things are skipping on rather rapidly at the moment - the chapters are pretty short, and time is passing quickly without too much depth being given to the characters.
What do I think of Scorpius and Tancred? I don't know them yet at all, beyond the fact that Tancred has a tan and a name that is not British...!Author's Response: Thank you for noticing the Shields and Triads. It's an election year, and I thought I'd show my colors. Now that things are at Hogwarts, I think that my chapters can get a lot more interesting and, as you mentioned, a lot longer. Both Scorpius and Tancred will undergo a lot of character development, promise. Thank you for your review.
jberardo113 Report Review
I look forward to reading the missing chapters, but nonetheless it feels like things are moving forward. Is there hope for Slytherin...?
SheriffAuthor's Response: Oh, yes. This is a big, pivotal plot moment (though my favorite chapter so far is the would-be fifteen.) Slytherin may have a little hope. All shall be explained. :D Thanks for the review!
Ellie Report Review
Like it :)
It's a worthy successor to your opening chapter and fits the same style. Tom is easy to warm to and his self-effacing admission of his own weaknesses makes him a character that as a reader I want to succeed. I also like his overwhelming dry sarcasm, which is much like me...
One tip - new speaker, new paragraph... otherwise it gets rather confusing as to who's speaking. Take it from an angry ginger.Author's Response: Thank you! I was super excited to get my first review of the second chapter so 10 points to you.
Tip taken :) Report Review
Well that's a twist that I hadn't expected... I'll be interested to see what you do with it; there are a lot of angles that this could lead to - and it's not immediately apparent where things are heading here.Author's Response: Hmm, well we shall see... Maybe not immediately, though. But good for Petunia, eh? She finally 'saw the light'!
Alex :D Report Review
You don't spare the misery, do you? This is getting blacker and blacker with every chapter... I can't stop reading, though...
My guess is Zacharias Smith.Author's Response: It's not pitch black yet, sadly ... I'm glad you're still reading, though. :)
Close, but no cookie. :( He used to be ...
Thanks for the review!
Ellie Report Review
I got the reference to LEBS immediately... sadly it seems the fate of your Slytherin doesn't quite follow my timeline.
I think the result of the match is a great twist on the Quidditch rules - I know from experience that it's not easy to write the game and (i) keep it interesting and (ii) do something different - and you hit both.
We're back in a very, very dark place though, aren't we? Kenzie's still unconscious (hope he's alright), Nick's been beaten senseless and on her way to exclusion, and everything that looked good is all disintegrating before our eyes. Ouch.
I get the feeling we won't be taking it lying down, mind.
A couple of little spots, as you mentioned it was not betad yet:
* "as I was trying to stop the first Bludger from Kenzie" - missing a "hitting" in there?
* "After I heard the whistle, having finally gotten McLaggen’s attention, and my blood stopped pounding in my ears. Then the voices reappeared in my ear." - not a sentence, no verb in itAuthor's Response: Ah, I'm so glad you got the reference. :)
Quidditch is rather difficult to write. I loved your spin on it, especially with the switching positions . so I'm thrilled you liked mine.
And we are back into the darkness. It doesn't get any better from here for another 5-10 chapters. It actually kind of goes even more downhill :/ Anyways, I hope Halloween lulled you into a sense of fluffy security so that it made the hit a bit more dramatic. That was kind of the point (I know I'm being kind of evil).
As for the little bits, I'm wincing right now. *goes off to edit* Anyways, thanks for the review, and you might be surprised at how Nick copes/what comes next. The plot's moving, though. :)
Thanks for the review!
Ellie Report Review
Lots of places are much more than just schools - I know mine is - but I suppose everything that counts here counts for Hogwarts a hundred times over...
Welcome back to writing; I have myself been struggling through the exam season from the other side of the desk, but the summer holidays are in sight now (let's just hope for some sunshine to go with it).
Are we going to see the rest of Harriet's Hogwarts years? Do we then get to see the grandkids making their own way to school...?
SheriffAuthor's Response: I have a feeling that everything is just 'more' at Hogwarts, if that makes sense.
It's so good to have the time to write again! And yes, if only the sunshine would come back... It's so typical of Britain, as soon as I was free it started to rain :(
There will be much more of Harriet and Lily's Hogwarts years. I haven't quite figured out how I will integrate the grandkids going to Hogwarts in yet, but hopefully I'll get there eventually!
Alex :D Report Review
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