HELLOOO AGAIN. This will probably be my last review for the near (and by near i mean for the next half hour) future, because I need to go NaNo, but anywho, onward bound.
I like how you remembered muggle studies. In fanfiction there's endless transfiguration, charms, and potions, but muggle studies is rare.
Ahh, a who's hot list. What fun. This comes to one of my favourite things about this story. You've got school to a realistic tee. It's just so, well, school-y, and again that's something rare in fanfiction.
xx Report Review
I'm sorry to say this is going to be another short review >< not that i want to do short reviews, but I just wrote a massively long one, and my laptop died, so I'm going for a shorty but goody.
I NEVER NOTICED ATHENA WAS TALENTED!! Seriously, and I think that was a really good thing. I mean, i kinda knew it, but i didn't really clock it, and I think that really helps to steer clear of the Mary-Sueism.
I just thought i'd point out, after 'and here are the ravenclaws' there's an accidental return; it says and one o[return]f...
OMG I love the OWL explaining bit. Exam requirements are always like that, and I ALWAYS need someone to explain to me what they're going on about.
Athena is brilliant. Absoloutly brilliant. AWESOMEWONDERFULBRILLIAN[INSERTGOODADJECTIVEHERE] She is the sort of person who is cool beyond cool, but in a realistic way.
See you on the next chapter
PS. Pansy hasn't come back :LL My Athena/Pansy best buddy dream has been broken... Report Review
Another short review here- IT's soo exciting! I want to get on with the story, so I can't stay down here long.
UMBRIDGE IS BLOODY BRILLIANT. She is so umbridge like, with her sort of snide nastiness mixed in with sadism. J'adore the way she reacted to Athena's comments!
Now, on to the next chapter. I just can't help myself.
xx Report Review
Helloo!! I am back, after not very long. At All. But that does not really bother me, because I like this story. Lotsandlotsandlots. AS MUCH AS I LIKE CHOCOLATE. Which is a lot. Because chocolate is my favourite thing. I should stop rambling now, and get one with the review. (Which will, I guarantee, be totally mad.)
The spacing Issue in this chapter is all fixed, so it makes reading a lot easier :)
I only really have one problem, with this chapter. And that is the fact that Athena kept talking about the faeces (yes, I'm being 12+ again) on the owlery floor. I think, maybe, once could've been enough, but on the other hand that way of going about it is kinda IC of Athena.
AND YOU GOT HARRY JUSSSTTT RIGHT!!! That's another hard character to do. Harry is trick business, and you just got him done god. He's all Harryish, and I especially like the fact that he goes on about the same things he really did in OoTP. The 'it's just luck' and all that.
Thanks for the awesome read
xx Report Review
This is going to be a moderately short review, because I am nearly dead by exhaustion.
Fred is so gentlemenly, yet at the same time so Fredish. But...I wonder if fred knew what had happened to Harry, and like, guessed but didn't say? I love your Umbridge, too, she is so umbridgey. Like a real, JKR, Umbridge. Like I have rambled on so many times before, your characterisation is an extrememely strong point.
And as I haven't mentioned it for a few reviews, I haven't noticed any major Kiwi-isms, and all your characters sound very British.
[/Uncharacteristicly short and to the point review]
Charlie, an addicted Athena/Fred Shipper
xx Report Review
Hi, again. I might stop at chapter five. But then again, I might not. And whenever I stop, I'm still going to keep reviewing you. I'm just going to go on a little break. Actually, I think I'll stop when my laptops finished charging, so I can't tell you exactly how many reviews that will be in.
AND I LOVE THE LINE ABOUT EITHER THAT OR IT'S * (this is 12+, so obviously i can't quote exactly.) It's really, really in keeping with Athena's character, and it's pretty funny.
I don't remember the thing with the twins happening in the book, but I kinda haven't read OoTP for about three years, so it might just be my memory.
AWW, poor little Nathaniel, being teased by Athena, but LOL. I can imagine Snape not choosing Katya A. Because of favouritism, and B. Exactly why you said, but I'm not sure why flitwick would choose Athena anyway.
YOU JUST MADE MY DAY. AND I STILL HAVE 23 AND A HALF HOURS TO GO. I LOVE YOU. 'Me and Pansy Are best buddies' You just made the winningest friendship ever. That was all i wanted in my last review, and I got it. YAYAYAY.
Hmm...Athena+Nathaniel going muggle school at the same time... Plausible vs Implausible. THIS IS A STORY ABOUT WIZARDS. I am voting plausible.
Athena needs to date Fred. He is the cutest, most awesome guy in the whole world of fanfic, and Athena is the most awesome girl. So, well matched then ;)
The spacing in this chapter was a little distracting, but other than that, brilliant!
xx Report Review
Okayy, me. Again. You're probably getting bored of me, by now, but I'm not getting bored of your stories, so HAHAHA. I just thought I'd point out, though, the formatting on this chapter is a bit iffy. The spaces a pretty big, so it makes it a little harder to read.
"I need a new family." "Get married" I totally didn't have that exact same dialogue with my mother once...
BUT I WANT TO KNOW WHO ASKED ATHENA OUT!!! (Unfortunately, apparently) And I also like her sister. Her sister is like my sister. So she's good at being the annoying little sister. BUTREALLYSERIOUSLYCOOL. The sister, and the mum are really well characterised. I would say characterisation is definitely a strong point of yours.
Athena is actually a lot like me when it comes to the bed situation. I will never get out of bed, and sometimes i'll argue my head off whilst I'm tucked up in there.
AND RON IS SO, um, RONNY!! The shut up malfoy line, and oohh, so fun!
I love your characterisation of Pansy, and the fact that she doesn't think Malfoy is all bad. I think, though, that Athena and Pansy need to be BFFs. I don't care if this story is completed. THEY NEED TO BE BFFs. Because i now think that Pansy is, like, the coolest person ever. Yay!
Thanks for the fun, fun read
xx Report Review
Yes, yes, it's me again, I'm on a review fest. It is very fun. Especially with your stories. I LIKEY THIS CHAPTER. I SEE MORE TWINS. THIS MAKE ME HAPPY.
I was a bit worried that as the twins became more prominent, their characterisation would become less awesome, but they are still very well charactarised, and you really could be JKR.
I am also happy to announce that your characters all still sound like brits. I have been scanning for any Kiwi-isms that I've never heard used in the uk, that my friends use, and i've found none, so you're doing good.
The only thing in this that got me a little bit worried was Nathaniel's Weasley-ness, since he was never mentioned in the books...But, i still think that it's plausible, because we know the Weasleys had a lot of cousins, and there would obviously be some with the name Weasley.
Again, this chapter has a lot of dialogue, but starts with description. However, it's beginning to come through very much as a writing style, and it is really quite unusual. In a good way.
Thanks for writing such an awesome story for me to wittle away my time whilst reading,
xx Report Review
And another story to get down with reviewing. A bit longer, this time, so tres exciting. Especially as it's about a Ravenclaw, and being, um, a Ravenclaw myself i likey this. And Fred *loveLOVElove* So shiny. I liked Fred. And this is, y'know, bringing him back, so I can frolic in the imagining that DH never happened.
This was pretty short though, and there was a lot of dialogue. I think maybe you could've balanced out the dialogue a bit to make it flow better. I dunno, though. That might just be a thought.
It was very, very funny though. 'JUST Quidditch?' That has, in context, got to be one of the best line's ever. Another piece of praise I have, that's sort of on characterisation, is that I know you're a kiwi, so as of yet you've written English characters very well. It's not like in the US, where it's all completely different, but you're characters do sound VERY english.
Also, again on a characterisation note, It's very easy to make Fred OOC. Which is why I have a kind of phobia of writing him. But you made him REALLY Fred-like, with all the laugh-y quidditch stuff, and that.
I wasn't so sure about the Ginny, but we know she can be very shy, so it's quite easy to vary her characterisation.
A really good start
xx Report Review
So Sad!!! You're writing style for this is completely different to your writing style for the greek one, but it's still amazing. It's so emotional, and it flows so beautifully. At first, when i saw the word count, I thought the shortness might be a problem, but I think that the way it flows from morning to day to night to morning is so stunning, it gives the piece an almost filmlike quality.
The way she told her it would be okay o.o The way her father knew she was a squib. It is so heartbreaking!
The only thing I have to say about this is that it would be really cool if you made it sort of a two-shot and did one about Filch, I think that if you could make the reader feel for him the way you made the reader feel for Arabella (the crazy cat lady) in this, it would be utterly amazing.
xx Report Review
"We all have to get it sometime, Terry" ROFL!!
This is so hilarious, I am not joking. I love this. This is my new favourite story. *DROOLS* It's like, um, like a really big bar of chocolate. It flows, it's grammatically awesome, it's believable. Seriously, Terry reminds me of one of my male friends so much. He is so much like a real guy. Ooh, it's brilliant. Report Review
Ooh, I love this. Now Patchwork's finished, it'll be my new *I am totally addicted* story.
I loved the little thing where she talked about how she thought her life was going to be. The way it wasn't angry, it was just accepting. I think that makes me feel for her even more.
I love the name Lonnie *Squee* it's so cute! Its a seriously epic name.
I like how you sort of establish her friends, without sitting down and saying 'they're Lonnie's BFFs.' although, my immediate reaction to Jordan was that she was a he *blushes*
I also like how it wasn't James who was the charismatic one, it was Fred. That's a massive cliche bust.Author's Response: Hahaha, you move on quick. ;)
Lonnie is an angry character, she's a pathetic one (not in a bad way).
It's something I really strive for in first chapters (and the whole story) is to show, not tell. Hey, Jordan is a unisex name, I know more girls called Jordan than guys, also Lonnie has no male friends with the exception of her brother and his best friend.
Squeee, I'm glad you picked up on it, I thin if you're born with limelight that you're less likely to be super charismatic, also just because he's called James Sirius, doesn't mean he's a mix of the two of them in the future.
Thanks for the review! &hearts ♥ Report Review
Bonjour, or hello. I AM FINALLY REVIEWING YOU!! we should have a party, right? I can't believe this has ended *tear* why must stories end? We definitely need to see a sequel. Definitely. Do you hear that, world? Definitely.
I saw a couple of grammar mistakes, bit nothing that a quick read through won't fix [ Read; I saw a couple of grammar mistakes, but forgot them by the pure AWESOME end] this is seriously one of the best stories on the archives, and I'll be soo sad to see it go. Seriously, though, dude. Do a sequel.
Ps. Loved the chavvy a/n. Dat iz best. Right, cuz we chavs, we iz da awesome.Author's Response: Grammar is my all time weakness. I'm going have to edit this eventually. *sighs*
Anyway, HOLA! Aww, thank you for such a compliment, I'm smiling goofily as I type this now.
I have to do a sequel, Arisa needs to be written, she wont let me have peace.
I wasn't even trying to be chavvy, it just happened. I like to think that I speak with received pronunciation.
Anyway, Thank you for lovely review and hopefully you will like the sequel.
♥ ♥ Report Review
Hi! It's me here, for the swapping of reviews! I chose this story because i love the title. I don't know if you meant it this way, but it's an interesting play on the idea of house colours, fading away in a togethery way.
I'm not so sure about the summary, though. It would be nice to make it a bit more mysterious, and help it hook the reader in.
This is absoloutly beautifly written, though. It conjures up such a picture, i just.. Ohh, any way, I love :D
Also, can I just praise you for the way you've written the dialogue? It sounds realistic to the time period, but still not silly.
The plotline's awesome too! The way you've written Helena and her mother has such a dynamic, it's not just chucked in there, and it's really believable!
I do love this story, and i shall review the other chapters soon!Author's Response: Thank you for the summary advice, I'll have a look at it :) Thank you so much for the awesome review :D Report Review
I am reviewing you, simply because this story looked awesome. The summary is really very good. It makes you seriously want to read the story. This review is probably pretty badly articulated, but that's because i actually adored the story
I like the way it's told in those sort of mini paragraph thingies, and then with the way the story is told in sort of normal.
I was so sad at the bit Cedric asked her. >< Silly Cho. She was destined to be with Terry. (You have converted me. I am now a Terry/Cho shipper.)
It was a wee bit short, i would've liked it to be longer, but it sort of suits being short. I don't know which way i'd like it better o.0
Anyways, I also thought it was awesome that you did a fic that even vaguely mentions Cho. Most people are like 'Aw, Cho's evil. I'll just ignore her', but you did a Cho-centric fic. So i love you. Author's Response: Heya! :)
Awww, thanks so much! I always feel like I have enough reviews compared other stories, which is why I've stopped requesting reviews. However, surprise reviews like yours make my day, so thank you!
I'm glad the story looked awesome :L and the summary is good? Thanks! The plot kind of came up with a challenge I did. I'm actually surprised how many people like this, I was really unsure of it! Terry/Cho is a bit of a weird pairing, but I'm glad you like it!
Thank you so much for the absolutely lovely review!
Charlotte :) Report Review
Ooh, i l-o-v-e the summary, so exciting! It really draws the reader in, and that's what summaries are for right? It's so cool how it's sort of mirrored and extended upon at the start of the chapter. I totally love that.
At the start, Lily seems to have quite a low opinion of herself; are you planning to let this affect the story? I think that could be a pretty powerful tool to play with. On the other hand, i'm wondering how a Potter (Actually, not only a Potter but the youngest and only femal Pottter) came to have such a low opinion of herself. I imagine in life she would always get a whole pile of praise etc.
I am also admiring of the fact that you didn't make her in love with Scorp. Or atleast it doesn't seem like it. In most stories the parents (or sometimes the father) are hopelessly in love. So this is a bit of a cliche beater.
CharlieDay, RavenclawAuthor's Response: Thank you for the review... Yeah, I wanted to try and stray as far away as possible from chiche in a pregnancy story... Lily's self esteem should be explained in the next few chapters, but it will be quite a big part of the story. I wanted to make Lily and Rose quite close, so L and Scorpius definately AREN'T in love!
Fingers crossed that this will stay as UNcliche-d as possible!
(BB4L on the forums) Report Review
And again with all the fan-girling.
Remus is really well characterised. He seems like he could turn into JK's Lupin. Some authors make him exactly the same, but you make him a character that could develop into Lupin, but is at the same time your own character.
On the other hand, i don't really understand why Madame Pomfrey didn't make sure no-one could hear what they were saying, i would imagine confidentiality is pretty high on the list in a position like that. Although, there are many reasons why this wouldn't matter. She could've thought Remus was asleep, or just completely forgot about him.
I also love-love-love the ending sentance. It just leaves open a world of possibilities, so to speak.
I really do adore this story.
CharlieDay, RavenclawAuthor's Response: Did I leave that part out? Remus is supposed to say "She probably thought I was still sleeping, or she wouldn't have told you here." Oops, that was a pretty big thing to go missing! As with his characterization, I actually took more from Snape's Worst Memory in terms of how he acted and joked about his furry little problem than how he was as an adult. As a seventh year, I figured he'd be a bit more serious, but I didn't want him to lose the Marauding in him before, well, all of the really bad stuff in his life started happening. As with the last sentence, that world of possibilities? Yeah, you'll probably see them all... Thanks for reviewing! Report Review
Ooh the suspense! I love this story, as i've said in every review so far, and am probably going to say in every review till the very last chapter of your story. I love.
I love how James' guard is slowly slipping down, you know, arrogant toe-rag slowly becomes less of an arrogant toerag. And the interaction, it has so much chemistry *clap clap clappity clap*.
The only thing in this chapter that i even have a minor 'I wonder' about is why Madame Pomfrey made her wait till the morning. Although, there's some creative license here, because it adds to the suspense of Lily's character.
CharlieDay, ravenclawAuthor's Response: Yeah, it was just creative license and suspense on my part. I didn't know she was going to go talk to James though, when I started writing; she just did that herself. I know it makes more sense for Pomfrey to tell her right away, but it's all part of the story. Thanks for reviewing! Report Review
Hey *waves* I have been a totally inconsistant reviewer and i just wanted to let you know, i still absoloutly LOVE the story. It is totally worthy of publishing.
First thing i noticed that was not amazingsauce was the word 'tossed'. I don't know, it just didn't seem very English. I've never heard anyone say it, maybe it's just the are that i'm from, but still, not very brit.
The part about the chocolate frogs made me laugh. I may or may not have ever done anything simila *cough i totally have cough*
My only other thing i have to say is that you mentioned a fifth year in Lily's dormitary, but Lily's a seventh year right? I don't think they went inter-year with the dormitaries.
Overall, i love love love this story.
CharlieDay, RavenclawAuthor's Response: The part about the fifth year? I was like "I totally don't remember that..." so I went and found it; that was just funny wording on my part. I was talking about Elizabeth, the last girl in the dormitory. (Who, by the way, will play a key role later.) I'm really glad you love it, because I do, too. Thanks for reviewing! Report Review
Hello. I am back. And within the same day! Yay! I just couldn't keep away from your story. Like I said in my last review, your writing is got to go up there with the best. Your writing style is amazing, like a published author's!
I liked it when lily said about being half way through their group, it made me laugh, but I wonder; Is Sirius sorry about James and lily? Or was it just a drunken moment in their fifth year? I also loved the thing about P. Petigrew and the broom cupboard.
There was one thing that I didn't get, but it's a pretty tiny thing. At the start, Sirius refers to James as 'prongs' in front of Lily, and then half way through, when sirius Is talking about James, he starts of saying 'prongs', then catches himself and changes it to James. Then, nearer the end, Lily calls James prongs, so why did Sirius catch himself?
Is Severus going to feature in this story, I just wondered, seeing as he was in love with Lily.
I'm gonna say again, I totally love this story.
XxAuthor's Response: No joke, that made me super pleased. I'm trying to make the situation a little light-hearted without being insensitive to it, so I'm so glad the jokes worked. Ah, the Sirius conundrum; I'll answer your direct question, but there's a lot to be uncovered about that. No, he's not sorry, it really was just a mistake in fifth year that miraculously bloomed into a friendship. As for the Prongs thing, Sirius is fairly close to Lily but he hasn't outright told her the Marauder secrets; he's so comfortable around her that he doesn't always notice and when he does, he tries to fix it. Lily's always trying to get him to admit it, which I do get back to after the big secret is revealed, so if she uses the nicknames, she's just trying to trip them up. But thanks for asking! I'm glad someone caught something that wasn't consistent or explained. Yep, Severus has got a small part to play, although we've got the holiday season between us and that. I'm really excited you love it, because I totally love it too. Thanks so much for reviewing. Report Review
I am going to prewarn you; this review, well, it may not be all that great. It's just about the whole my-computer-kills-every-review-i-write-these-days thing. So, anywho, on whith the review.
I think you wrote her getting drunk very well, it seemed to be more of a process, instead of her immediately getting stoned, like what seems to happen in a lot of stories.
I think the romantic part between her and James is believable, and i've always thought that Lily was secretly in love with James; and just too stubborn to say so, which you seem to have said here.
I only have one issue with this chapter, and it's Mary, if her father was an alcoholic, then wouldn't she try and warn her friend off the firewhiskey? I don't know, just a thought.
xxAuthor's Response: Ooh, I never thought of that! Haha, that was something I abruptly decided as I wrote it, and didn't consider the possibilites and implications of. I will attempt to smooth out that wrinkle in later chapters.
I'm glad it came off well. No one is immediately drunk, and so I thought if it went gradually, it may be more believable.
Yes, secret feelings did come through! I'm going to build on those for a few chapters, and then the fun, emotional crap will hit the fan!
Thanks for reviewing, I really appreciate it. Report Review
I am going to do a horrible thing now. Please forgive me. I wouldn't, but I'm a grumpy-guts so i don't forgive anyone.
Update! Please! There. Now i've done it, and i can get on with the proper review.
I love this story. Truth be told, I've been reading it for ages. I think it is very original and realistic. There. That was a short review. I apologise sincerly.
X-etty XX Report Review
Hello, i have started stalking my favorites again, so i believe i've been pretty quick. This will probably consist of more fan-girl drivle (Is that how you spell it, i honestly have no idea.) So feel free to run away screaming.
The rugby was pretty good, from my veiw of it, i mentioned in my last review that i used to watch rugby, i don't think i mentioned that i was only there for the violence, the hammering of other schools and the cake, so for what i know of the rules it was pretty good!
I have fallen in love with Vernon, oh dear. It's like when you fall in love with Sirius or Tom Riddle or Scorpius or some other person like that, booky sort of love. Especially as he's Vernon, Duddikins vernon. Oh dear.
It was a dementor AAH! I have no idea what a bobcat is, and i don't think i spotted the blog, but am i right in assuming that it is some sort of Wild Feline, slightly larger than a normal cat? *hops over to Wikipedia*
Tot Ziens- Charlie
xxAuthor's Response: hehe yesh it is! :D I will be writing a blog today i wanted to wait for the chapter to be out to write the blog first so i didnt give away a secret!! :D hehe YES a dementor!!! *hangs head in shame* I cant give those two a happy life now can i?! :D LOL
OMG i know your feeling on Vernon because he is slightly OOC in my story as too the fact that he is young here and the epilogue is planning to explain the change! :D Im glad you enjoyed the chapter im hopping over the blogging now! :D Report Review
Firsties First: *Claps* Your character cries, she is a normal human being, in a wizardy way. You are basicly sitting there avoiding all those annoying little rocks people get caught on. Yay! She is so diverse, i mean it, in chapter 1 (prologue) She seemed cool, and very mature and you have kept that going, yet made her underlying desire to be immature and have fun clear.
Ok, so another pointer, in the UK 'Internalize' is spelt 'Internalise', nice use of the word though.
I keep saying how much i love you don't i, Hermione kept her bushy hair! Hooray! Yay! *runs around room and does celebratory dance.*
Clappy clappy! Short chapter again, but still, i love it!
X (for extra awesomeness.) Report Review
Ok so firsties-first again. I would personally trade the words 'gossip' for 'news', gossip is quite a femenine word and i personally wouldn't use it in the context of Ron. That really is personal preferance though, so feel free to ignore me. Nexties: OOH I love you, really i love you so much! Hermione noticed the fact that they hadn't ever had a transfer student! I have hardly ever seen that done before! yay!
Agh, the nickname 'Mione' Don't like that much, they never used it in the books and i don't find it very flattering, but there is my personal preferance sneaking in again.
Twins characterisation= Pure and utter awesomeness, i think you have done well, they really sound like JKR's Fred&George.
You put transfer from 'and american school' you probably meant 'an american school, just a pointer.
Slytherin. You put her in Slytherin. I love you more every second, i was groaning inside thinking 'American exchange student? She is sooo going to be in Gryffindor.' But you made my day! Of course if you had put her in Ravenclaw you would've made my week, but still Awesome! I mean it!
When you have draco saying 'and your Morgan' it is correct to put 'and you're morgan'. Another mini grammatical pointer, but your doing pretty good so far, as normally i'm a ninja in spotting that kinda thing.
Aah, flabbergasted. Your American, i think (let's hope so or i'll be pretty embarressed) And you used a brittishism, correctly, did i mention that i love you?
I love the ending, cliffies galore! Lucky i can go on and read the next chapter.
xx Report Review
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