Reading Reviews From Member: CharlieDay
  
76 Reviews Found

Review #1, by CharlieDayHermione Weasley's European Adventure: A Family Vacation

13th July 2013:
Hello!

This was a very sweet, funny oneshot! I loved Hermione's letter to the Potters at the end particularly, but it was all really fantastic!

The reason I liked the letter so much was that it was a very clever way of talking about their travel adventures. You put Hermione's perspective on it whilst making sure you didn't have to go into too much detail about what was actually happening. I wish I could've gone on their holiday, it sounds great! Greece, Venice, Vienna, Germany and France, wow! I might have got a little cross with Ron and Scorpius though, haha.

You took the travel theme and made it into this wonderfully hilarious piece, which I thought incorporated all the character you used beautifully! I thought Scorpius and Ron's relationship was fantastic, and very unusual! Mostly they're at each other's throats, so it was refreshing to see some friendliness between them.

Hermione was portrayed excellently. It is quite a rare sight in fanfiction to see something this close to the original books, so I was glad to have another little taste of Hermione after all these years!

I really enjoyed the comment about girls marrying boys like their fathers!

All in all, a very funny and enjoyable story!

Author's Response: I just can't stop smiling after reading your review! It really made my day! Thank you so much for the lovely comments! It means a lot to me!

 Report Review

Review #2, by CharlieDayNo Turning Back: No Turning Back

13th July 2013:
Hello!

Wow, Regulus Black is a very interesting character to write about, particularly with the 'Travel' prompt! A very creative choice :)

Somehow, in this piece your writing was both haunting and simple in the most elegant way- I liked it very much!

I was a little confused by the Sirius and Regulus photo- how old were they when it was taken? I like, however, that you mentioned it- it is interesting to think of Regulus noticing it before his meeting with Voldermort.

I loved the irony as Regulus thought about how he would never, ever betray his master. We all know, of course, that he did, so that almost made me laugh. Almost, I say, because the tenseness which you portrayed in this story made me to invested in the plot itself!

I very much enjoyed this one-shot, and thought that your portrayal of Regulus' feelings towards Bellatrix were very realistic- I would've been terrified of her, even if she was my cousin!

This was a very well written one-shot that I really enjoyed,
Charlie
xx

Author's Response: Hey there!

Aw, thank you so much for the lovely review, I really appreciate it. I'm glad you enjoyed this one-shot, I had fun writing it.

Courtney:)


 Report Review

Review #3, by CharlieDayFinal Call: Final Call

13th July 2013:
Hello!

I really liked the fact that this story was about Petunia. She is a very under appreciated character, who is always extremely interesting to read about, particularly as JKR gave her such a fascinating backstory. She is one of the few 'bad' characters in HP that I totally sympathise with!

And this, this was so sad! I so so wanted Petunia just to go away, to escape! I can imagine that she felt so trapped in that suburban life, and that Vernon just /would/ forget things like their anniversary.

Your writing style is just wonderful. You show emotion very well- you subtly show how Petunia is feeling through her actions and thoughts, rather than making her think 'I am angry.' I also liked your portrayal of their neighbour Marcy McArthur- she is just the type of person who inhabits the sort of atmosphere I imagine Privet Drive to be.

My only issue with this story was that there were a few very strong 'Americanism' moments; you used the word 'vacation' a couple of times, and there were a few other things which I forget now that just didn't seem very English. Of course, having Americanisms is really all down to personal preference, but I just thought I'd mention it :)

I think you portrayed Petunia and her confusion, her near-ignorance concerning Harry and just generally her beautifully. Like I said, I was rooting for her all the way, from having Vernon surprise her with something fantastic for their anniversary to going away on holiday with Harry!

Thank you so much for the lovely read,
Charlie
xx

Author's Response: Hello!!! Yeah, I feel that way about Petunia as well. Not necessarily likable (which contributes to her being unpopular) but interesting as heck. Fascinating indeed. I feel like I just connect with her for some reason. Yeah, I had the same feelings about Privet Drive; just everyone trying to keep up with and beat each other. Goodness, I know. I'm an American and didn't have enough time (House Cup!) to do proper research. I should have said "holiday" shouldn't I have? Those types of things are all over all my stories, I'm sure, and probably the only way I'll get better is if someone points them out, so thank you! It was hard to get people to root for Petunia, and I wondered after I posted whether I expected to much of my readers, but you guys came through just like I thought you would! What a great review! Thank you!

 Report Review

Review #4, by CharlieDaySolid Marble Eyes: august 16, 1972

9th July 2013:
Hello! I'm here for the review battle!

Okay you know I adore your writing so so much from the last thing and omg this was absolutely fantastic too! You are just so so so so so talented it's not even fair.

I really liked that Narcissa played the piano because I play the piano so like I have something in common with her already (okay so maybe she's a pureblood witch and she's, um, fictional but we both play the piano and that totally counts).

The dialogue is fantastic and the description is beautiful. You manage to use adjectives without being clunky or heavy-handed, which is a rare skill to have. The metaphors which you use are also great, which again is nice because heavy-handedness in that area seems all too common.

Your characterisation was great in all areas, and it was interesting to see some romance between Lucius and Narcissa, because in the books we only really see them in a Draco-focused environment.

I don't have a huge amount else to say, this being quite short, but I'd love to read some more of it as you write to a really high standard!

Charlie
xx

Author's Response: omg, I'm really not, but I'm glad at least someone thinks I am! :D

I play the piano, too! I love finding that I have something in common with a character, even if they're only fictional.

I'm thrilled you like the dialogue, description, and characterization! Those were the things I was worried about while writing it. Lucius and Narcissa was a really interesting relationship to write, because in the books, there isn't that much information to go by.

Thank you for this lovely review!! :D


 Report Review

Review #5, by CharlieDayThrough the Doll's Eyes: The Housecall

9th July 2013:
Hello, I'm here for the review battle!

This was a really interesting start to what I'm sure will be an utterly fascinating story. Folklore and Mythology is always interesting, and I know very little about that of Russia, so I'm looking on this with fresh (and very, very interested) eyes.

I really liked your opening paragraph which, while being simple, was very detailed and effective- an excellent hook! Your portrayal of an elderly protagonist was very nice, as well. Not only did you think about what pain he may be in, you thought about the difficulty of making a house call. I think most elderly people hope for things to be as easy for them as possible, so this was really good!

I also thought your characterisation of Dumbledore was good, as he can be quite a difficult character to portray in fan-fiction. You managed to keep in with JKR's portrayal of him in the books beautifully, but at the same time you successfully showed him from a perspective other than Harry's!

My only real issue with this is that the language is a little odd. It not only seems a little old fashioned, but almost clunky. This wasn't true throughout the piece, just in a few places- nothing really strong, just a little off in a few places, if you know what I mean?

Overall, an interesting and exciting introduction with just the right amount of exposition and mystery! I will be very interested to read on into the story of the girl, which I'm sure you (and of course Dumbledore, hehe) will tell extremely well!

I'm so glad I got a chance to read this gripping story,
Charlie
xx

Author's Response: Yeah this one is a bit rough and I have loads of revisions to do before its through. My process is to post it and then pore over it and edit it about 100 times.

I am glad you enjoyed it despite all its warts.

Thanks for the R&R

Ken


 Report Review

Review #6, by CharlieDaysoul of the city: soul of the city.

8th July 2013:
Hello! I'm here for the review battle!

I picked this story not only because it's a house cup entry (go 'claws!), but because I actually live in South-East Asia, and so I get to do a bit of travelling around. I thought it would be interesting to see how Ron felt about all the places I've been haha :)

I loved the repetition at the start of this story- it gives it a descriptive beginning, as well as setting a tone for the style which follows. It's also really interesting to hear about the Philippines, because it's one of the countries round here I've never been to. I thought it was really interesting the way you merged the religious culture of the Philippines with the magic which comes with Harry Potter, giving us a brief glimpse into the magic of East Asia, without losing any of the cultural descriptions which you already had going.

It was interesting to see Cho's return, but nice to know that she had a family and that she was happy. My only note in her respect is that there has been some debate as to whether she's actually Chinese or Korean, but that's a small point and really up to interpretation. The Chinese section of the story did make me laugh a bit, though, with both Ron's American accent and his suspicion of Chinese food.

It's a pity you made the India section so short, because that's something I could've talked a little more about, however I think the little details you included such as the humidity and Ron's making a point of not thinking about the Dragon and the Troll made it not only a good section for travel description, but also for Ron's characterisation.

The Thai section, however, was the bit that really wowed me. You truly gave a sense of wonder and awe that sort of bled through the computer scene. I could imagine the scene extremely clearly and you just described it so well!

The end though- omg. I can't believe you left it on such a sad note! I mean, Hermione, it breaks my heart. I liked the last line though, because it's true that life is always worth living, and it lifted the piece back up again to it's original hopefulness.

ANYWAY, this has been a bit of an, er, epic. I just didn't want to leave out anything. Overall, a wonderful (and slightly sad) descriptive piece that was a really great read!

Charlie
xx

Author's Response: When I read that you lived in SE Asia and have done a bit of traveling around, I have to admit I got a little nervous at you possibly being able to find out that I haven't been to those places at all and had only gleaned it through the magic of the internet and my family (who have/do live in Asia).

Your insights into the story are appreciated! India is one of the places I'm interested in seeing myself so unfortunately I couldn't provide more of a realistic description than what I had.

Thank you thank you thank you for leaving this wonderful review!

Char


 Report Review

Review #7, by CharlieDaySimplicity: lavendula et viola tricolor

7th July 2013:
Hello! I'm here for the review battle!

I don't really know where to start with this review, because this story was fantastic, and I mean /fantastic/. Your writing style is incredibly beautiful and delicate, and you manage to use all sorts of fantastic literary devices without being in the least pretentious. You keep it so simple, but it's so elegant ugh. I'm gushing, aren't I? Well I have good reason because, as I said, this is truly incredible.

Your use of simplicity as a theme is fascinating and is a beautiful contrast against Lavender's classically quite busy portrayal. I also really like the way you split it up into the five parts, which were almost like five moods in Lavender's life.

I think that one of the biggest things I have to mention, however, is the strength of your imagery. You use it deftly and effectively, giving the reader an almost dreamlike view into Lavender's world.

It was also, actually, a really uplifting one-shot! Like that line about satisfaction, I think it just gave the whole thing this sense of hope, and again it really contrasted against the younger Lavender we saw in the books, who seemed hugely invested in her relationship. So I guess what I'm trying (and failing absolutely) to say is you gave her a wonderful maturity and showed how far she had come without loosing any of the subtlety of your piece. Fantastic!

Pansy/Lavender is a pretty unusual pairing, but I again think you handled it exceptionally. You made us care for the Lavender and Pansy as a couple, and sad about their break-up in an exceptionally short space, and did all this still keeping with your beautiful style.

Basically, what I'm trying to say is that your writing is PERFECT and I'm so jealous haha. I am definitely going to go back and read some of your other stuff, because this is great.

Charlie
xx

Author's Response: I'm so glad that you liked it; thank you for this amazing review!

I was really worried that the story/writing style might be perceived as somewhat pretentious, but I'm glad to hear you don't think so. When the idea first popped into my head, it was originally going to be more angsty and stuff, but then I took pity on poor Lavender and this came of it.

In the books, Lavender is seen as more superficial, shallow, and silly, but I wanted to explore the side of her that wasn't all these things, and how if she hadn't died in the Battle of Hogwarts, she might have turned out to be.

Pansy/Lavender was at first just because they both had flower names (a lot of characters in HP do, I think). It was interesting while writing to see how they're both very similar and very different at the same time and how relationships sometimes just don't work out.

Haha, it's far from perfect, but thank you so much for this perfect review, Charlie! :D


 Report Review

Review #8, by CharlieDayMan's Best Friend Times Three: Chapter 1: Magical Experiences

6th December 2012:
Hello! Thank you so much for giving me the chance to read something different. I think that's the beauty of review swaps; you really get a chance to read something different!

I really enjoyed this! I liked your use of the lesser known, but not totally obscure characters! It was excellent.

My other particular favorite thing about this fic was the first line! At first, it confused me a little, but I really grew into it! It was really expressive, and it kind of mirrored the '19 years later' line, hehe.

Charlie
Xx

Author's Response: I'm glad you enjoyed this chapter, and I really like the lesser known characters because we can mold and shape them to be what we want lol. I know it can be kinda confusing but I'm glad it wasn't too bad hehe. Still trying to work on my writing as well as extend to new areas so this was the story that gave me a boost to do that.
I enjoyed the swap and it is really good to find new and different stories. Thank you again :)


 Report Review

Review #9, by CharlieDayOur Post-Relationship Friendship: One day after

5th December 2012:
Woo! review swap! (Can I just say that the voice control on my phone wrote that so I am VERY PROUD)

I can quite literally never resist a next gen humor, so, um, I didn't resist! I'm so glad to be reviewing this, as im always meaning to read your things, but I never get round to it. Ugh, busyness)

hehehe this was very, very funny! I enjoyed it a lot

I only noticed a few typos in there, but I mean that's to be expected! It's a nano, after all!

All in all, I very much enjoyed it ! Thank you so much for diving me a chance to read some of your fab work,
Charlie

 Report Review

Review #10, by CharlieDaySeeing Double: Prologue

5th December 2012:
Review swap ♥ ♥
Hehe I'm so excited to read this! I've been meaning to for a while- hopefully I'll be able to read and review the rest sometime when it's not the middle of the night ;)
Ooh I love how its second person! This was so haunting and lovely. Not lovely in an ooh fluffy way but lovely in a making me feel all strange and wrapped up in your plot. It had this strange kind of organized confusion to it... I can't really express exactly what is so fab about it (helpful, I know!), but really it was wonderful.

I think partly it was because it was, stylistically, very much my thing. I've always been fascinated with texts like this haha!

I also liked how she was losing her time to books- I have a tendency to do that, too, as I think many do on hpff, so that was a bit of an empathizer there, which I think allowed such beautiful and complicated writing to be more accessible to the everyday reader.

Thank you so much for giving me the chance to review this,
Charlie

Author's Response: Hey there - thanks so much for stopping by! :) Yeah, reading things at midnight is not always the best, and I know I write pretty long chapters, so if you tried you'd probably be up for a while, lol, and sleep is precious. Yeah, second person was kinda weird for me when I started this - I'd actually never read or written anything in it before, but it was fun, so I continued... haha, don't worry about it - thank you so much! :)

I'm so glad you like the style - it was a completely new thing for me and I did worry that there was far too much description in it and not nearly enough stuff happening, so thank you for enjoying it!

Yeah, I do that to and I think it's pretty common on hpff, lol. I always wanted her to be fairly average and normal, and the books definitely play a part in this so it worked.

Thank you very much for the lovely review - seriously, it's just lovely :)

Aph xx


 Report Review

Review #11, by CharlieDayThe Society: No Turning Back

5th December 2012:
Hello! Here for the battle!
Wow! I can't believe this is your first story! It's totally fab. Very correct, spelling and grammarwise, which is more than I can say for my first story, cough cough ♥.

I also thought that your use of description was A+ as it really added to the mood of the story, and allowed the reader to understand the literal actions and movements of the characters, even though it was told in first person.

I have only a few peeves with this story, and they are really very small. The first is that the formatting is a bit off, but don't worry about that! The formatting on this site is a bit hard, but you'll get the hang of it (I think I just about have!). The other is your italicisation of 'impervious' when you were referring to the charm. I don't know why it irked me, it just seemed somehow unnecessary.

On the other hand, I thought the way you kept the mystery and suspense going on all the way through this story was completely fabulous, and it is a truly hard thing to do! I was completely enthralled, and I have the attention span of a gnat hehe.

I also found the way you didn't reveal what the society was wonderful- It is a common thing on this site to have the plot laid out in the first chapter, making it pretty well pointless to read on, however, you certainly didn't do that, and I'm just about drooling to continue!

The last thing I adore, is your final line! it's just so... wow! I love it! It just fills the atmosphere and world that you've already created with a kind of jolt, and creates a moving plot! It's totally wonderful.

I'm sorry if i was a little incoherent in this review, it's just the sheer quality of your storytelling surprised me! I have no doubt that a book with this quality writing could be sold easily in a bookstore, it's much better than many published books!

Thank you so much for giving me the chance to broaden my horizons a little and read this, it really was wonderful. Keep writing lots and lots! ♥ ♥

Author's Response: AUGGGH!! You're awesome!! I love you for saying all that stuff!!

A bookstore?! Me?! No... Pshh, I'm blushing. :)

As for grammar and stuff, well, I'm kind of the Grammar Police. I love grammatic accuracy, and I know how painful it is to read inaccurately spelled fanfiction. (I do it all the time... Glutton for punishment?)

Your peeves are very relevant and definitely true. As you can probably tell, I have no idea what I'm doing, except for writing stories. When it comes to formatting, I'm a derp. o.O
The Impervius was italicized because I thought it was supposed to be italicized... I don't know if it should be or not. One day in the (probably distant) future when I edit this chapter, I'll take a look at that and see if I can fix everything.

Thank you for loving my story!!! I love it when nice people like you say nice things about my writing... It makes my whole day better!! :D

~UnluckyStar57


 Report Review

Review #12, by CharlieDayOf Saints and Monsters: I

18th October 2012:
Hi, it's me, here for the review swap!

wow this is such an original ship but not in a creepy-deepy ew what is this? way. In a wow that is so clever why didn't I think of that? way
your writing style is also really pretty and delicate, you use a lot of description, but it wasn't heavy at all.

I really liked your vocabulary use as well, and Gellart seemed really well developed. I can't wait to read more

Charlie
xx

Author's Response: Hello!

Thank you! I found the ship via a challenge on the forums actually and I've been in love with it ever since!

Thank you so much!
Jasmine, xx


 Report Review

Review #13, by CharlieDayConsequences: Consequences

28th July 2012:
Hi, It's me here with your requested review!
I really liked this, it flowed beautifully, and I understood it really well. It was very simple, yet very very powerful. Stylistically, it actually quite reminded me of JKR's writing.
I also thought it was a very unusual concept, as Petunia is not very often written in fanfic, although she is a fascinating character.
This was not only a very good story, there were very few problems with it. The only things I thought were that although your dialogue was very good, there was a lot of it, and though I personally don't mind it some people aren't such big fans. However, I think that dialogue was really the whole point of this one-shot, so that doesn't really matter. The other main issue was not a big thing, but at one point you say 'sorry (word which I'm not allowed to say in a review)' isn't really much of a british expression... I don't know, you could think about changing that.
Both Petunia and Lily were extremely well characterised, and Petunia was particularly good. I think the last line just perfected her character. The way she sort of cut of her nose to spite her face was perfect.
Overall this was a very wistful fic, and I am very glad to have had the chance to read it.
Charlie

Author's Response: Thank you for stopping by!

I'm so glad you think it flowed well. That's usually my biggest issue, so that's a relief.

I agree that there is a lot of dialogue, but like you said, it is necessary. And I'll have to look for that expression and see if there is a way I can fix it.

Thank you so much!

~Cassie


 Report Review

Review #14, by CharlieDayGreen Eyes: The Green Eyes of Death

28th July 2012:
Hi! I'm finally here with your review and I just realised how long i took... wow! Sorry! I hope this somewhat makes up for it.
I thought the use of second person was very good, and it's very unusual so you certainly did well there.
There were only a few issues throughout the piece, but nothing a quick read-through wouldn't fix. The only really nagging issue that I thought I'd point out was the fact that you constantly capitalised 'him.' Now, I'm pretty sure that the only time it is generally done to capitalise 'him' is when referring to God, and even then rather than being correct, it's just the way it's done.
I very much liked your wording in this piece. It was quite ethereal, and I can really see the idea of it being in Voldermort's moment of death. I think the way you made him know he was going to die was wonderful, personally. It was just sort of amazing.
I also thought you got well into Voldermort's head without really making him out of character, which is quite unusual. You kept that evil, but at the same time made him just a little more human.
Thank you very much for giving me the chance to read your wonderful story,
Charlie

Author's Response: Hi thanks for the review.

I'm glad that you liked the second person. I really wanted to make Voldy seem more human, make you empathize with him. I figured what better way to do that than if I made you Voldemort.

I've gone through and fixed some errors since you've read this, so hopefully the little minor errors have been cleaned up a bit.

On the capital H in Him. I did that on purpose, I realize that in the real world only Him as in God is capitalized, but I wanted to stress that to Voldemort he might view death as a sort of god. If you think about it he wouldn't really relate to God all that much. I mean being a mass murderer and all, but everything about his life seemed to relate in some way back to death. Him being an orphan, killing his grandfather, him becoming the Dark Lord. I wanted to kind of spin it so that the reader got that Voldemort sort of had an idolized view of death, but at the same time he never really knew him at all. That's sort of very out there, but it was what I was going at.

Again thanks for the review
-Liz


 Report Review

Review #15, by CharlieDayOne last time...: One last chance to talk

24th July 2012:
Hi, it's me, here with a review
It was a very nice story line, I think it sort of highlights Hermione's healing process in a very nice way, I also thought it was nice that you used such an appropriate song. Sometimes the songs people use in songfics aren't quite right, but this seemed perfect for the story.
My main issue in this story was the fact that Sirius' speech was in italics. Why was that? I would've assumed it was because he was a ghost. However, in canon, the formatting of the ghost' speech was just the same as the formatting of anyone else's, so I'm not sure.
I also thought it was great that you bolded the lyrics, it made what was going on really clear. Finally, I thouht the finish was really nice, it seemed to fit wit the story well, and really left the reader with a strong impression of the story as a whole.
Sorry if this review was a little short, I found it quite hard to review because I don't really normally review stuff like this, so I wasn't sure what to say. I hope this is okay,
Charlie

Author's Response: Hey, thanks for reviewing, of course it's ok! :)
Ill go back and change the formatting, I wasn't sure so thanks for that!
I'm glad you thought the song fit! :)
Thanks again :)


 Report Review

Review #16, by CharlieDayperpetuity: perpetuity

24th July 2012:
Hello!
First of all, thank you for being so specific in your areas of concern- you have no idea how helpful that is. I just hope I'm able to help you!
The wording of this was just beautiful, it was so ethereal! It did seem some how wizened, but it definitely didn't come across as dull. It was more like... delicate. Very, very lovely.
I also thought it was great that you used Perenelle and Nicholas, it's so rare for them to even be mentioned in fanfic, so to write a whole story based around them was just lovely.
I found it slightly confusing, and had to read it over twice, but I'm quite tired, so I think it was more the fact that the plot was quite complex that the fact that it was confusing.
I think you did a wonderful job at portraying Perenelle and Nicholas' relationship, it was just how I think a couple their age's should be, not to wild, but so close. Perfect.
The ending was so perfect, as well, it was open ended, yet it seemed like a definitive finish. Just how endings should be, really.
You asked whether I thought you should continue this. Well- I would love it if you continued, because your writing is wonderful, and it would be fascinating to read more about Perenelle and Nicholas' lives, however I think this story also stands alone beautifully.
I actually had a lot of difficulty reviewing this without keyboard slamming, because your writing so perfect. It's completely magical, and you are probably a famous author in disguise. Possibly a resurrected Bronte. Your writing is so so so wonderful.
Thank you so much for the chance to discover such a brilliant, wonderful, amazing, story.
Charlie

 Report Review

Review #17, by CharlieDayPride, Prejudice, and Duelling Pistols at Dawn: Too Many Mince Pies

24th July 2012:
Hi, I'm (finally) here with your requested review!
I loved the Pride and Prejudice references, and the first paragraph was great! I liked how Will's character was quite different from Mr Darcy's, so he wasn't just a copy.
This chapter was also very funny, so you did well if it was your first try at humour and fluff in a while. Dom's voice was very unique, and her relationship with her family was believable, and I laughed out loud at the part about Dom sending Louis away so she could kiss Will, and then Louis returning.
The only thing I really had an issue with was the fact that there was a lot of dialogue. Now, I don't really mind that, but it puts some people off, I find.
Your Grammar and spelling was wonderful, I didn't notice any mistakes at all, which was, as I said, great. It's always nice to see stories like that. They just read so much better!
I definitely want to read more of this, it was super funny and I can see it turning into a super fun story!
Thank you so much for letting me review this great, great story. It was just my kind of thing!
Charlie

Author's Response: I'm so glad you liked it! Yeah, Will isn't really like Mr Darcy at all, which makes it all the more bemusing for him to be constantly compared to him. Oh, I'm so relieved you found it funny! It's quite easy to write something that you yourself find funny, but then I worry that it will just be me and that I just have a strange sense of humour...

Ahh, I thought there might be. I much prefer writing dialogue to writing description etc, so I tend to have a lot of it. Thanks for pointing that out -I'll have a look and try to balance it out a bit.

Gahh thanks so much! I'm really glad you liked it, and thanks for the great review!


 Report Review

Review #18, by CharlieDayThe Whisper: 1.

22nd July 2012:
Hi!
This story really intrigues me, this chapter really hooked me in. I actually can't wait for you to post another chapter, it was a fantastic start!
The adjective use in this chapter was lovely, it really painted a picture of the story. It sort of reminded me of a movie.
There was only one thing I saw wrong with this chapter, and it really is a very small issue-
there was a 1. right at the start of the very first paragraph. Was it meant to be there? It just seemed a little out of place.
I really liked the way you didn't immediatly reveal that Scorpius was the captain of the Quidditch team, you just sort of let it reveal itself.
I also thought that the banter between the players- the beaters, Scorpius and Dominique- was really well done. It was humourous, but not in a contrived way. It made the story more three dimentional, so rather than just covering the sad aspects of Dominique's Quidditch practice, it kind of drew it as a real event.
I'm so so so excited to read more of this story, Charlie

Author's Response: Thank you for taking the time to review. Really glad you liked it. This story is kind of like my baby at the moment, so I'm always a little bit scared about what people will think of it. Reading your positive review really made me happy ;)

Thank you again!

Ooh, the 1. is just the Chapter 1 indication. Something like that. I don't know. I always do that. Might be time to change ... -___-"


 Report Review

Review #19, by CharlieDayJust the beginning : Ron's first magic

21st July 2012:
Aw, that was extremely cute! I can just imagine that being Ron's first piece of magic. That of course leads me to say that all the characterisations in this story are very good, very believable, even the characters which are only mentioned in passing.
The only crit I really have for this story is the fact that I don't really feel it flows very well, it's quite broken, in a way.
From what I could tell, your rammar use was totally perfect! Like I said before, this is a totally adorable story, and Molly seemed like really mothering.
If you ever want me to review anything else, my thread is always open.
Thanks for the chance to read a wonderful story,
Charlie

Author's Response: Thanks for reviewing :)
I'm glad you think that the characters are believable,I don't normally write about the weasley's as a family so thanks! :)
I'll have a look back over the story and see if i can make it flow better and thanks again!


 Report Review

Review #20, by CharlieDayChasing the Storm: Prologue

21st July 2012:
Hi! It's me, with your requested review!
The imagery and description in this is absolutely wonderful, it's very artistic! For a prologue, this is wonderfully descriptive and definitely gives the reader a good idea of the story, as well as keeping the story very open to different manners of developement. I remember an English Teacher of mine once said to me 'The most Important part of the story is the first chapter- it must hook the reader in. This story certainly did that for me.
I noticed very few problems with this chapter, however, I don't think that the way you said 'my friends wrote me' reads quite right. Also, and this is a very small thing, I don't really think 'going steady' is really a term used in England.
Another great thing I noticed about this story was the flow of it. It was very smooth, and all the paragraphes seemed to fit together like puzzle pieces.
Lastly, I'd like to say that it was a very realistic characterisation of a 15 year old, in my opinion. Though I'm not one myself, I think that her thoughts were very like mine at that age!
Feel free to come back and re-request, as I'd definitely be happy to read any future chapters!
Thank you so much for being my first requester,
Charlie

Author's Response: Thanks!

I'm glad you think its artistic--I'm usually more of a humor writer so it was hard for me to be more serious! I definitely agree that chapter one should hook people in!

Hmm okay I'll see if I can fix those.

I'm a bit older than 15, but its recent enough for me to remember pretty well I think!

No problem :) I'll let you know when I get more chapters up


 Report Review

Review #21, by CharlieDayBlame it on the Pregnancy Hormones: Pink

26th April 2012:
Hi!
This story certainly has good potential and is a very interesting concept, however, it could be viewed by some as slightly cliche. The whole 'my name is' introduction is quite commonly used, not to say it's bad, it's a very effective technique, however it is as I said, not particularly unusual.

Other than that, this was very fun, and I'm excited to see where you are going with this! I'll definitely be looking out for future chapters.

Author's Response: Thank you for your input! I'm not the best when it comes to introductions, I think I'm much better at writing after the main character is established. I'm excited for this story as well! Thanks for reading, and I'll post the next chapter as soon as It's done!

~Claire


 Report Review

Review #22, by CharlieDayWelcome to Blunderland: { introduction }

16th April 2012:
I said I was tempted to make to make it 100, so now I am, and the CI is really, really cool. Mega, in fact.

Anyhow... ZOMMGG This is awesome, it's really a lot like chocolate to me. But less guilty. And Flora reminds me of me, but more socially awkward. Which is hard.

And Flora and Fauna... that made me laugh. teehheee

I love all the reasons for them being Hufflepuffs...

Anyway, I am sorry to say I shall end the review there, because otherwise it will continue in the one-lined loving. Which I would like to continue, but are probably quite dull to read, so
Bye :DDD

Author's Response: woo! an enormous, teetering plate of virtual biscuits for you! custard creams, bourbons or digestives? take your pick~

lolol. flora is what I might be like if I said the word 'like' a lot more and also possibly said 'mega' every five seconds.

thank you so much for being reviewer #100! glad you liked it ♥


 Report Review

Review #23, by CharlieDayInto the Woods.: You follow

10th January 2012:
Hiya! This is my review swaP review, and first I'd like to say this is my first horror/dark in... A while. Anyway, let's get on with the review.

It was brilliant. It was weird, but in a really amazing way, sort of like a Tim Burton film. It was very visual, like a film, I could see it easily in my mind's eye.

I loved the little nod to Remus Lupin, and I'm really curios about what could happen next... Personally, I don't think she got away. But I dunno. It would be really awesome if you expanded it.
Charlie
X
(also, I loved that she was a muggle. Not many stories have muggles in them)

Author's Response: Thanks! This is a side effect of reading Carter I think, who does have that sort of Tim Burton-esque feel, so I think I'm going to take it as a compliment :)

Well, I've mostly given up on thoughts of extending this one (too many WIPS) so I guess it's entirely up to you :P

-AC


 Report Review

Review #24, by CharlieDayPortrait: Portrait

26th December 2011:
Oh wow, another One-Shot. I like one-shots, pint-sized but enjoyable :P

I love the idea of Lily-the-artist; It's very original. The descripion in this story is beautiful aswell, very vivid. You are a tres well rounded writer. We all know you have a massive talent for humour, but it's lovely to see your more serious work as well.

This was SERIOUSLY stunning; And the always at the end. It brought tears to my eyes. I love, love, love this story.

Charlie
xx

Author's Response: -dies-

I'm not sure if I died because of the fact that I suck at answering your reviews and you rock at writing them, or the actual content of said reviews. I love feedback on the stories themselves, but when someone makes comments about my writing all-round - I could die of happy. I'm glad you enjoyed it, and just...thank you. And I will respond to your other reviews. Promise.


 Report Review

Review #25, by CharlieDayHermione Granger and the Implausible Romance(s): Hermione Granger and the Implausible Romance(s)

26th December 2011:
Ooh, reviewing a one-shot, how fun! &It's a challenge, I don't think I've read a you-challenge yet. Hmm, this is fun!

'"Mudblood", he realised' I don't know if I will ever get over that line. Lol, lol, lol and lol.

I'm vaguely wondering, though, does 'everything in the sky' count rockets? Because if it does, then, she would have a pretty AWESOME face.

And another doctor who reference. Although, I'm sad that I didn't fill the void in Sirius' heart. Because, you know, my name is secretly Adipose 3.

Shortish review, sorry :o
Charlie
xx

Author's Response: This is the story I pull out to show my friends when they ask about my writing. Srs. I'm glad you found it amusing, I still can't read it without falling on my keyboard laughing. I don't know whether that's a good thing or a weird thing when you make yourself laugh that much. Maybe it's a sign of madness?
ADIPOSE 3? I thought you were destroyed somehow?
I throw in a few Doctor Who references around the place. That's how I roll. It's easier than crossovers (but if you want to check mine out, go ahead :P)


 Report Review
If this is your story and you wish to respond to reviews, please login

<Previous Page  Jump:     Next Page>