Reading Reviews From Member: Yemi Hikari
  
194 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Yemi HikariHarry Potter and the Lord of Destruction: Harry Potter and the Lord of Destruction

20th September 2013:
How... anti climatic. This is all based around a piece of jewelry in a Muggle Museum all the way across the ocean in the United States. I just... don't buy it.

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Review #2, by Yemi HikariI Miss My Friend: I Miss My Friend

20th September 2013:
Story could use a lot more depth, a lot more emotion as well as have a lot more put into it.

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Review #3, by Yemi HikariA Wayward Witch: Disclaimer - finally

20th September 2013:
So... I get to the last chapter. It feels more like original fiction then fanfiction. There is very little connection to Harry Potter and feels more like some fan girl having a fantasy about him existing. No... that comment actually isn't aimed at the writer there. It's aimed at the character.

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Review #4, by Yemi HikariA Wayward Witch: Ch. 2

20th September 2013:
Wait... why is she... or another character as I'm not really sure... talking in "owl"? That... um... what other surprises does this old story have?

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Review #5, by Yemi HikariA Wayward Witch: Ch. 1

20th September 2013:
And now we find out that the two characters from the two different stories share the same last names as well.

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Review #6, by Yemi HikariA Wayward Witch: Prologue

20th September 2013:
Wait... this character is named Nicole? Your character for Summer Trip is also named Nicole. I'm taking a guess here that the writer's name is also Nicole, so the character is her self-insert.

In the long run the first chapter is confusing. I know that she has amnesia and she's having dreams about her past. Except I don't believe that's how amnesia works.

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Review #7, by Yemi HikariSummer Trip: Ch. 1 - Dream Flight

20th September 2013:
(...)

Sorry to say this, but your writing is rather bland. It's devoid of emotion and I think that's the problem I had with Last kiss, which is ironic because your story Hold on has plenty of emotion, but the characters are OoC.

Because of this I don't like your OC. Mind you, I don't dislike her either. I can't really relate to her and she doesn't feel like she's a person with feelings.

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Review #8, by Yemi HikariLast Kiss: Final Date

20th September 2013:
Sorry, but this story was way too rushed. It feels like you took the topic and... I'm not sure how to describe it other then there is so much more that could have been done.

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Review #9, by Yemi HikariHold On: Hold On

20th September 2013:
I'm actually glad that this story didn't get completed. As another reviewer pointed out, the boy's are acting way to feminine to their canon selves. Mind you, I get the writer has gone through depression and has even thought about suicide... saw that in one of the review replies. Problem is its the writer's feelings in this story and not those of the characters. Harry... yes, he's grieving, but that's not always a trigger for depression and suicidal thoughts. Then Draco's being friends with Harry, even having contact with him despite the fact they don't have good relationship in school and have little to no contact outside of classes and Quiditch. Yeah... not believable. Sorry, but it isn't.

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Review #10, by Yemi HikariDolores' Sorrow: Dolores' Sorrow

19th September 2013:
Even before the revelation in the seventh book I had problems sympathizing with Umbridge. I honestly never saw her as anything more then a bigot. So this story honestly feels off. If it were an OC, or maybe another character it wouldn't feel off, but this is Umbridge we're talking about.

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Review #11, by Yemi HikariAvada Kedavra: Avada Kedavra

19th September 2013:
The story is interesting and the prose is good, but it isn't my cup of tea. It almost feels in some ways like there was more you could have done with this one, places where you could have expanded upon but only touched remotely for a brief second with that imagination of yours.

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Review #12, by Yemi HikariThe Mists of Memory: Chapter 6: Draco's New Room

19th September 2013:
Oh wait, there was another chapter. I don't think they need to take their wands to Olivander's for cleaning though.

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Review #13, by Yemi HikariThe Mists of Memory: Chapter 5: Diagon Alley

19th September 2013:
Sadly the story got abandoned and never finished. One thing that stood out to me this chapter was that people asumed that she was now Mrs. Potter. Problem with this is Harry's so famous his wedding would be all over the newspapers even if it is a private wedding. I mean, I've never heard of a celebrity whose wedding wasn't covered in the media, but otherwise great.

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Review #14, by Yemi HikariThe Mists of Memory: Chapter 4: You called me Marion.

19th September 2013:
So... I really like this story, but I would like to point out something. You don't have to "do it" to have a romantic relationship let alone call someone your love. That's something I see crop up in a lot of stories. What makes it even more irritating is seeing a young female complaining because she's not doing it with her boyfriend as well as pretty much saying they don't have a real relationship.

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Review #15, by Yemi HikariThe Mists of Memory: Chapter 2: I'm not a Death Eater!

19th September 2013:
Wow. This was a seriously intense chapter. I am finding myself curious as to who this Marion is. Looking back at your profile I was surprised to find this had so many reviews despite this being your best chapter based story only to find it was marked as "abandoned". Sad really as this is a really good story. Then again, I'm not holding out that a story from 2004 will get updated either.

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Review #16, by Yemi HikariThe Mists of Memory: The Mists of Memory

13th September 2013:
I believe you've found your voice. Major improvements in the prose compared to the older stories. Onto the next chapter... though I'll add I love the emotions in this one.

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Review #17, by Yemi HikariLet him go: Let Him Go

13th September 2013:
I think you're good at second person narrative and I find myself crying its so good. You can actually feel with this one. However... why would Harry of all people get the kiss? He's good at the patronus. Also, why did his scar disappear? That's the last thing you would expect to disappear when he died.

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Review #18, by Yemi HikariDetention with the Muggles: Detention with the Muggles

13th September 2013:
I like the story, though the Americanisms are rather a put off at times. Your prose has improved and it seems as if you're coming into your voice.

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Review #19, by Yemi HikariA summer at the Weasleys: A summer at the Weasleys

13th September 2013:
While your writing style is dry, I actually like this story and find myself sad that this one wasn't updated. Oh well...

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Review #20, by Yemi HikariHave I told you lately that I love you?: Have I told you lately that I love you?

13th September 2013:
The story itself is nice, but... I can't feel any of the emotion you expect to get from first person point of view. It seems... detached is the best word for it.

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Review #21, by Yemi HikariA New Life a New Me: Answers

13th September 2013:
I was going through my older reviews and found that you updated the story since then. My previous critique still stands.

While it is true that you should write what you know, writing what you know does not include changing a canon character's personality. Why? Because you the writer should know what her personality is like. So in the long run this character is not Hermione, but an OC that you're trying to pass off as her.

Every chapter the changes to canon keep growing in number as well, which... the best way to put this is "you break canon, you make it believable". You don't wait until later on in the story to tie them together to make them add up either. That's bad writing. No, you don't like the fact I'm calling it bad writing and you'll probably insist again that "you're the writer", but that doesn't negate bad writing or stop people from calling you out for bad writing.

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Review #22, by Yemi HikariMoney Doesn't Bring Happiness: The Aftermath

13th September 2013:
You really need to work on your characterization. The last two chapters were pretty much the canon characters acting horribly OoC. The nice way to explain how bad the OoCness is I guess would be to say its to the point they're not acting how people act in real life.

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Review #23, by Yemi HikariMoney Doesn't Bring Happiness: Interruptions

13th September 2013:
Wait... that scene with Colin. What did she have to save him from? I'm guessing that she caught him, which in the long run wouldn't have caused people to say things like, "ohh... Ginny's in love with Colin". It would have people saying "Colin's a wimp for having having a girl save him," and "Ginny's all masculine and that's why she can't get a boyfriend." Anyways... the conflict you added isn't good conflict.

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Review #24, by Yemi HikariMoney Doesn't Bring Happiness: The Train Ride

13th September 2013:
The head girl and head boy do not get their own separate dorms. On top of this I find Pansey's characterization... well, as much as I don't like her character her pigging down on food... you went over board just to make her look bad. Then there is the relationship between Draco and Ginny. They're too... how to put it... they're way to amicable for two people who haven't gotten along most of their lives. So I'm going to have to say they're OoC. Try character development as well as character interactions for future stories.

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Review #25, by Yemi HikariMoney Doesn't Bring Happiness: The Life

13th September 2013:
Rule of thumb. Don't ever describe a character as perfect. I wasn't going to say it when it was just Draco as he has the crush on her, though him not grumbling about it as she is a Weasely is off. You have even Ginny taking notice of everyone else calling her that. Nothing about her character suggests people would call her this. She then whines about how everyone treats her like a little kid. Mind you... this is the biggest indicator that she's not grown up like she's insisting. There is no cause and effect as to why she's saying it, she's just whining about it and how grown up she thinks she is. And then she's already in *love* with Draco? The story is rushed. These are two characters who don't get along in canon.

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