Exciting start to the story, i love the rambling tone and all the comparisons! Im feeling that this is going towards a brother vs. brother fight for Allie? :D
Good start and i really like the flow of your story there are some mistakes when it comes to grammar and word use though, i suggest a beta?
Really good start to your story and you display place and characters clearly :)
CheeryAuthor's Response: Thanks for the reviews =D I thought I might as well reply to them both at the same time in the post =D
I'm glad you really like the story and Ally so far! :D
I tend to ramble in stories, its the way I am =D
The next chapter is up and waiting in the queue as I speak :D
Hmm it could sort of turn into a brother vs brother but it isn't. Does that make sense?
Thanks for pointing out the mistakes, a couple others have as well and I have requested for a Beta but its just waiting for someone to pick up the request :)
Thanks again for the lovely feedback :)
~BlameItOnTheNargles Report Review
This was a really great start to your story! I really like it, we get to know the character, her irony, her childish associations at once! wonderful, simply magnificent :D
I spotted one or two mistakes in your text, one being "I also can walk on my hands" wrong order of the words, it should be "I can also walk on my hands", just so you know :)
Lovely start and now I'm eager to find out more about this Allie :D
CheeryAuthor's Response: Thanks so much for the lovely review! =D
I'm glad you enjoyed it and Ally does seem like something special! :}
Thanks for noticing, I've finally got a beta so hopefully it will all be sorted in a month or so! XD
Hope you enjoy the rest of the story =D
~BlameItOnTheNargles Report Review
Hmm... I was guessing that it has something to do with herbology and that he'll need Sophies help to figure it out and that she'll save him :D XD but thats just the fluff me :P
really like the chapter great beginning to the challenge and i like the way you make scorpius continue being such a fool... im starting to suspect its all to ruin the gryffindor team though... I like the way you make her have fun with Ted and am really curious of what will come from that!
CheeryAuthor's Response: lol, you're close :D I suppose you've read the next chapter though... lol. I love the fluff, fluff is the greatest thing in FF :)
Hmm... intersting guess. I'm not revealing a word!
I love Teddy's character, it's funny, there was never anything that was going to come from his character, but the more I wrote him, I just loved the personallity that developed from him.
Thanks hun! I love these reviews :D Report Review
great chapter, i like the way you bring rose and hannah back together to make her even more guilty. I also like that Al seems to be falling for Sophie :) You do conflicts and normal conversations very well i like the way you make the like true to the characters and all :)
off to next chapter!
*huggles*Author's Response: I gave Rose and Hannah that scene for exactly that reason :) That, and I was feeling that I was writing her too 'mary-sue', so I really wanted to give her more of a personallity. Albus... well he just needs to stop being a quidditch nut and realize how Sophie feels about him :D
:) I'm glad! I really tried to make this believable, even if it wasn't the most exciting moments. Thanks a million, these reviews totally made my day!!! Report Review
Great chapter too! and hmm... dont know if i can resist hating Scorpius a little, although i do get him not wanting it to be told he's such a player and cant be trusted :P
I really love fred though, really hope her affections change! and now im like really curious about what will happen in this cup...
off to read next chapter!
CheeryAuthor's Response: Lol... you can hate him, don't worry. I do at times too, and I'm the one supposed to be making him likeable :)
I love Freddie as well, he's my favorite character, besides Hannah, to write. He's a sweetheart.
Thanks so much!! Report Review
Loved this chapter too, not much happens but you really give the characters depth and make them all believable. I kind of get an inkling that fred's in love with Hannah too? :O
I hope so anyway ^^
CheeryAuthor's Response: Yeah, this was a bit of a filler, but every story needs one or two of those :) It's such a relief to hear you're feeling a depth of the character's personallities, that's the biggest thing I worry about when writing :)
Fred being in love with Hannah? We'll have to see.
Thanks for reading dear :) Report Review
haha, i loved this chapter just as much as the last, you tell it very well and all the characters are multi-sided, they all have some problem which is great :)
There are still a few typos and errors, i'd suggest a beta to help you with them and i dont think it'd be a big trouble to find one since you tell this story so interestingly
CheeryAuthor's Response: Thanks :) I really try to give my characters believalbe personallities/ flaws/ problems and all that jazz.
Hopefully future chapters should look better with their grammer, thanks for mentioning it I will go back and check :) Thanks so much! Report Review
WOW, you're writing is very good once you get into it, just go over the very first few lines, i found a few letters had dropped from words there...
I really love the way you portray things and subtly tell more about whats happening and who's who :)
and i really loved this description:
Yes, call me pathetic, call me what you will. The boy could have stepped on me, scrapped me off the bottom of his shoe like an old piece of chewing gum, and I'd still blow bubbles for him.
great chapter, off to next
CheeryAuthor's Response: Aw, thanks! I'll check that out, I'm planning on going through and doing some edits now that i finally got a word processor.
I loved that description, it just describes Hannah and Scorpius so well, and their frendship/eventual 'relationship'. Thanks for the reviews, when I signed on to 7 new ones I freaked a little! I'll deffenatly check out your stuff later tonight :) Report Review
First of: I've never seen a doctor who episode. haha but i still really enjoyed this start, it takes a really nice spin at the end where harry says that he understands what it's like to be special.
I think you capture Hermione particularly well :)
a really good start and a very enjoyable read
CheeryAuthor's Response: YOU MUST WATCH DOCTOR WHO! Seriously, it's amazing!
Thank you for an amazing review! I am getting along to reviewing your story. Sorry for taking so long.
But seriously, this review made me smile! Thank you so much!!
Jaz Report Review
continues with the nice flow the prologue set out. There are a few typo's and awkward phrases here too, nothing that I dont think a beta would be able to help you with, or a second read through. Just to make it a bit easier :)
just to take two examples: write stuff instead of stuffs, and take away extra unneccessary words like in this sentence:
" If this was the 90’s, my notes might have offended the house elves instead" just remove the instead and it creates a nicer flow with the continuation :)
I do just these faults myself and thats probably why i pick up on them.
It's a very good start to a story and an enjoyable read :)
CheeryAuthor's Response: Another review? Yay! No wonder, I adore review swaps. Thank you for pointing out my mistakes. I really hope I can get a Beta.
Once again, thank you for a lovely review. It really means a lot.
Good start, you tell alot about what we are to expect from the relationship between both Methelda and Albus and Methelda and Mary Jane. I like the trivia about spiderman, my absolute favourite comic haha
I found two typo's it says the mary jane is a quite girl instead of quiet and then in the authors notice it says arthurs notice...
You write with attitude and thats very amusing
CheeringCharmAuthor's Response: Thank you, CheeringCharm. Your review really did cheer me up.
I am glad you like the relationship between Albus and my OCs. About the typos. I definitely need to edit my chapters. There are so many errors that keep popping up.
I write with attitude? Really? Wow. Thanks.
*huggles back* Report Review
HAHAHA oh my lovely story! amazing I absolutely loved the behind the lookingglass theme of it. All the changes and the antonyms you made the carachters become!
I would've loved to see a sensible Luna though XD
What i really liked was all these "well go for it because it seems to reach for a plot climax" so great it's like she knows she's "dreaming" but still believes in it.
I loved it :D
*huggles*Author's Response: Hello there! Thank you so much! :D I smiled so much whilst reading this kind review! :D And yes! Now that I look back, I see that the story indeed become similar to Behind the Looking Glass! Originally I just wanted to do something crazy and insane, and I've always adored the name Alice, so poof! It became the insane story it is! :D
And I'm so glad you loved the different characters and the ways I changed them as much as I do! But oh! A sensible Luna would be cool! I never thought about that! If I ever re-write it or if I make a sequel I'll be sure to add that and credit you for the idea! :D
But yes, I couldn't help but add the "plot climax and sudden change of events!" bits in there! :D
But I'm over joyed that you loved it and I thank you once more for the lovely review! Tata! :D Report Review
Happened more than I probably realised in this chapter but it's a great steppingstone out to bigger things, for instance WHAT is going on between Ron and Caitlin??? oh my... and between Harry and Melissa??? It seems like the dream-couples have some competition from the american girls!
Your writing is wonderful, really paints up the scene and settings of every part.
My absolute favourite part of this chapter was in the very beginning:
"She was having nightmares, of her old life, her old friends, of her family, of her Derek, and of what she could only assume was Voldemort."
The "of her Derek" made the loss seem so much more brutal and horrible, I didnt really get how much she loved him first but that made it clearer.
write longer! haha update sooner!
*Loads of huggles*
CheeryAuthor's Response: Hi there! :D So, I think only part of your review got posted, but I could just be wrong! :P Thank you so much for taking the time to read and review, you are absolutely AMAZING! :D
I am so glad that you got a feel for Melissa's loss, and how much he (and her family) meant to her. I am really working on developing that part of her character. (:
I am trying to write more and update sooner, this college thing is just a lot different than I expected! Haha, but hopefully I should be updating soon! I'll keep you posted!
Thank you again, so so so much!!
-Chanel Report Review
This is a great story and I am really impressed with the way that you have caught Luna, it really is her and all the details with the silk spiders and orange snails are make her just as I imagine her to be.
I dont know much about Theo, escept that he's a slytherin, but he definitly has a character and flaws which makes him seem real and anchored to the ground in comparison to Luna who is air and magical.
Your way of writing gives the story dizzy edges and that makes the whole every-day-thing magical despite none being performed at all.
I really like the way Luna asks him if he can see love and how she makes him realise that you don't always have to see to believe.
Lovely story 10/10
CheeringCharm HufflepuffAuthor's Response: Thank you for the lovely review. I'm glad you think Luna was Luna. It hard to write her. Harder than I thought!
Really happy that you liked it! ;) Report Review
So after reading your other story i just had to check this one out and its just as funny as the other one :)
Im literally laughing to myself while reading it!
I loved the detail with the purple cats, and i very much liked the way vic is so cynical to the whole marriage thing, really agree with her though 18 is too early!
CheeringCharm HufflepuffAuthor's Response: Howdy! (that sounds weird in my head because I'm nowhere near american but whatever lol) I'm really glad you like my humour writing, I'm pretty new to it but I have to say it's really enjoyable to do. Most likely because I think I'm hilarious and I laugh at my own jokes. awkward haha. I'm in the middle of writing the next chapter so it should be up nice and soon! Thanks a lot for reviewing, Alex :) Report Review
OH NO! theres no more chapters! :(
I absolutely love this story the humor the characters and the plot twists oh, and ofc Rons advice!
Your writing really brings out his feelings and his stupidity,the episode with the love potion did that especially well... (my favourite chapter!)
Im so following this story really cant wait for the next chapter!
CheeringCharm HufflepuffAuthor's Response: Hi again! I'm so glad you like the story so much, it's such a nice thing to hear! And thank you so much for liking the characters, the main reason I did this was so I could work on characterisation, especially from a guy's POV so that's a massive compliment! Thanks so much for reviewing again! It made my day, I'm off to read your review for It now, you're so kind for reviewing so much! Thanks again, Alex :D Report Review
Aww! I love your writing you make every step of the characters so certain and it really feels as if you know exactly where they should step and where they shouldn't, like a masterful pupeteer!
The way that you describe Scorpius development throughout the story is amazing, really. From being insecure and somewhat disliked (or well held at a distance) to being secure and complete and the thing that I am most impressed of is that his change doesn't seem exaggerated, because you do it so gradually :)
My favourite part of the story is when Scorpius is asking Rose out, and she just won't get it! that made me smile because it makes everything more realistic than if you'd made her understand it at once (and is more like the way some *cough* me *cough* would react)
I absolutely loved this story! and I really hope that I can be as good a writer as you are someday :D
CheeringCharm HufflepuffAuthor's Response: Wow thank you! This story I did feel very secure in where the characters were at and where they were going, so I'm glad that came across.
I think Scorpius's change was almost a subtle one, so that other people wouldn't even really notice that no one was holding him (and he them) at a distance, but just think they were getting to know him, you know? Through Rose, because she's boisterous and silly and gets in trouble (through no fault of her own!), and everyone would assume that if Rose thinks Scorpius is okay, then he must be. I think they complement each other well. Or I hope they do, anyway. Similar enough but different also, if that makes sense.
Thank you so much for the lovely review! *hugs* Report Review
Your writing is catching and the way you place the words and the sentences are to use the word for Regulus words, sensual, this piece really captures the feeling of being in love, a passionate kind, and it must be so hard for her to feel so small and unseen... especially being asked out by his brother.
I quite liked this piece it tells more than just the feelings described :)
CheeringCharm HufflepuffAuthor's Response: Thank you so much for taking time to review this! It truly sucks that she was asked out by his brother and not by the boy she liked. Yiks that one has to truly hurt , donÃ¢Â€Â™t you think? And you it must be hard for her to feel so small and unseen
PS: *hugsies back*
nice start to your story, I love Em too! she seems like someone that could be my best friend all likable and not stuck up at all :)
James on the other hand... would have some problems with him his very narcissistic nature and self-centered thoughts haha Russell is awesome- really! (I'd be sooner to fall for him or Fred than for James XD)
you write in a really engaging tone and it makes me want to read more and more so I'll most likely hand you a review at the last chapter as well ;)
CheeringCharm, HufflepuffAuthor's Response: Hey! :) I'm really glad you like her, especially from the first chapter! I felt I may have been struggling to get her character across properly which makes me twice as happy that you like her! Aww, James is a cutie to me, well, maybe not a cutie but I think he's adorable, as adorable as a 17 year old guy can get! Haha. I find it funny how many people love Russell (admittedly I'm one of them). Thanks on the engaging tone thing, that's such a nice compliment to get, it made my day! Thank you so much for reviewing and I hope you like the rest of the story too! :D Alex. Report Review
Oh how sweet!
your story is all full with aww's and aah's, i quite like the way you make Ginny a bit embarrassed to tell him why she likes the rain but then does because she doesnt really have any option :D
your language is lovely and the way you describe situations and memories in just a sentence are impressing :)
Really liked this story! *huggles*
CheeringCharm HufflepuffAuthor's Response: Thank you, so, so, so, much! I'm super happy you liked it! I think Ginny is a a tough person, so admitting something so cheesy would be hard for her. I glad you liked.
Lizzie! Report Review
so dark. so sad. so... cold.
amazing story, you tell it so well and I really can't help feeling sad for Tobias, I always thought that he and Eileen married after a summer romance ending up in a child and then the love disappearing but your take on their destiny is so much more beautiful and captivating.
Eileen feels so poverless and so does Tobias and the way that you capture her determination and his insecurity about the situation are so much like i'd imagine them to be.
Snape really seems cold and how he does the murdering, through poisonning is really the way i'd imagine it.
How did you come up with this story? (just had to ask)
CheeringCharm HufflepuffAuthor's Response: First off, thank you for the lovely review!
How did I come up with the story? Well, you see, I mainly write Stream of Consciousness - so, randomly. Whatever comes to mind, I put in on paper and it usually ends up here. Anyway, I have this odd fascination with Eileen and Tobias Snape. We don't know very much about their relationship - so many things could have gone wrong [and right]; there is no telling the hardships that they faced. I find it so intriguing. This piece is one of the numerous ways that I view Eileen and Tobias. I just decided to go with it and hope for the best! I really can't explain how it came to be because I just write from the heart, the imagination, from wherever the inspirations springs forth.
Thank you so much for the lovely review! I really appreciate it! Report Review
Lovely story! reason i read this is that Snape is one of my absolute favourite characters, and i must say that you pictured him pretty well, the way he's so anxious and pressed for time really comes through and his love for her.
I particularly liked when Lily told him Harry is her son too and that he has to make the very hard decision to leave her.
CheeringCharm Hufflepuff Report Review
WOW! really, when i first saw this story my thought was, oh... 12 chapters, i might read and review the first, but that was quickly forgotten when your words captured me. I can without doubt say that i am so very impressed by the way you tell a story, the tone and style are really (in want of better words) great.
The action, the relationships, the plot itself are all really fascinating and makes me eager to read the next chapter.
the second point where i thought "oh, this might be hard to swallow" was when Remus and especially Harry was brought into it but as i continued reading you've really made it quite your own thing, of course the HP books will always come first but when i look away from them I really like your trio of american girls stirring things up at Hogwarts :D
My favourite of the girls that i'd like to know more about is Alexis, because it really feels like she's in for trouble but then I reallyreally like Caitlin! I am so happy that you made her a Hufflepuff and really hope that it will show that it's not the "spare" going into my house ;P
Cant wait to read the next chapter! and again, so well-written and well-thought out that I really couldnt tear my eyes away :D
CheeringCharm, HufflepuffAuthor's Response: Hello dear! I'm so sorry that this took so long for me to reply to, but I was out of town on vacation, and some real life problems came up!
I am so, so, so flattered that you gave this a chance, and read the story! I don't even have a clue what else to say...this review has entirely made my day, and given me a kick to get to writing again! :D Oh! And Caitlin is most definitely not the "spare" so no worries, I think you'll like what I have planned for her! (: Thank you so, so much! I truly, really appreciate it!
-Chanel Report Review
Lovely, absolutely lovely :)
I like the way you tell their story and how he blew their cover but my absolute favourite part is where his sanity is questioned! haha perfect! french+veela blood, i mean what else than hot temper is there to be expected? :D
You go on to clichés many times and some lines has been heard before but that doesnt matter cause you tell them in a new way!
Ive been wondering about them and this story shows what i expected, that they fight alot haha and love alot
CheeringCharm, HufflepuffAuthor's Response: Thank you, thank you, thank you! Report Review
Good piece, I quite liked the voice that you gave to him although he does seem a bit childish doesnt he? :)
I like the way you made him a bit selfconcious and unsure about it and how he really fell for her. It mustve hurt him alot to hear her throw those words back at him!
You have a special way of writing, the paragraphs that are separate tell litlle parts on their own and alot together which is kind of like puzzle-pieces, really liked that!
CheeringCharm HufflepuffAuthor's Response: Hey thank you so much for your review. I guess I never really thought about my paragraphs that way but I'm glad that you liked it! And I'm glad that you think that my writing is kind of like puzzles pieces and they all fit together. Thank you so much!
~Slytherinchica08~ Report Review
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