Reading Reviews From Member: ginnypotter242
  
253 Reviews Found

Review #1, by ginnypotter242Stuck On You: Slipping Faith

28th June 2015:
Aww, Fred and Lydia get to spend more time together! I feel bad for poor Lydia, it's difficult to be in close proximity to your secret crush, especially if he's a jerk and you're scared of how he'd react if he found out. And stupid friends- why would you tell people about your friend's crush? That's horrible.

I liked your characterization of Audrey- you didn't make her all stuffy and uptight like Percy. You gave her a nice sense of humor- which she needs, especially dealing with Fred. Going to the bathroom had to have been awkward- I wonder what they'll do at home, when there's no stall? Is the toilet close enough that the other can actually stay outside the door this time? So many awkward dilemmas!

I feel bad for Lydia- her family doesn't seem that interested in her. She has both her parents, but they're both too busy to pay attention to her- that must suck. She seems like a (relatively) nice person, she should have someone that cares about her more!

I'm in love with your characterizations of these characters. They're so different, yet they mesh together so well and I love the dynamic between George and Fred and Fred and Lydia. It all seems so natural when they're talking to each other, it's not forced or awkward or stiff :) Greta job on this story so far! I'd love to read more :)

~Sara (Gryffindor, House Cup 2015)

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Review #2, by ginnypotter242Stuck On You: It's Like I'm Stuck

28th June 2015:
Well I disagree with Fred and Lydia- I think there's a fair bit of sexual tension going on here! Fred and Lydia are amusing. I like their relationship so far, and this seems like it's going to be a very interesting story.

Methinks Lydia was getting a bit detailed with Fred's looks! Is he really such an egotistical jerk if she keeps talking about how attractive he is? ;) Their bickering back and forth was really good though, and I loved that Lydia stuck up for herself and wouldn't let him walk away with the last word- I can relate to that.

The potion is really interesting. I wonder what kind of potion or combination of potions could create an effect like that! What has George been up to? Speaking of George: he is golden. He just kept coming out with the puns which is a total Fr- George thing to do. I like that you made them just not able to step away from each other rather than actually physically stuck together. It's definitely n original twist on this story! How far apart can they stay from each other without feeling nauseous?

This seems like it's going to be a really interesting story. I like Fred and Lydia's personalities, they seem to mesh well together..in some sort of twisted, bickering sense of the word :)

Sara (Gryffindor, House Cup 2015)

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Review #3, by ginnypotter242Turbulence: Chapter 1

28th June 2015:
I like the school you made. You definitely made it have it's differences from Hogwarts, yet the basics be pretty much the same.

I like Astoria's thoughts during this chapter- her thoughts and emotions show that her mental illness is not gone, but that doesn't mean she's a loner or doesn't have friends or anything. I love your descriptions of people- you make their thoughts and actions seem so real.

I love what you did with Pooja and Durant and Fey- you captured the racism that plays a big part in America very well. And I love that you seem to be paralleling Voldemort's take over of England with his pure-blood supremacy with some white supremacy going on with Astoria in America. It's a good plot point :)

I like Pooja. She seems pretty cool, and I hope she and Astoria become friends. I also like learning about Astoria's heritage. I've never thought of a biracial Astoria before, and not of Asian descent either, but it seems fitting for her.

I really like what you're doing here! I can't wait to find out more about the different characters and see how their lives and relationships progress- also how Astoria deals with her mania and bipolar disorder. This is a very unique take on these characters, and I like how you're writing them :)

~Sara (Gryffindor, House Cup 2015)

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Review #4, by ginnypotter242Turbulence: Prologue

27th June 2015:
Ooh, a story about Astoria Greengrass- I don't see many of these! I quite like her character too.

You do a really good job writing about different mental illnesses. You described mania pretty well, with her not noticing anything that happened to her or Ana, and then not paying attention to her mother. It was very well written out, and Mrs/ Flint's reaction was a good comparison to how people treat someone with mental illness- looking at them in horror, saying there is something wrong with that person. It was very well done- sadly enough, that is how mental illness is treated by a majority of our society.

Oh! Mr. Greengrass got me so angry! It wasn't even muggle medicine! It was a potion that they took from muggle medicine and expanded on- that's infuriating that he wouldn't use it to help his daughter simply because it was associated with Muggles! Poor Astoria, she doesn't deserve that. And then, to ship his daughter out to another country for the same reason- Oooh,I dislike him! I feel so bad for Mrs. Greengrass as well- it must be horribly hard to have a child diagnosed with something like that so young, and then to have her husband refusing treatment for such petty reasons.

I hope that Astoria is okay at this school in America! It'll be interesting to see how you fashion a completely new school. Daphne is rather annoying though- how much older than Astoria is she? Does she know what's going on, and she's prejudiced because her sister is 'different'? It's so upsetting when your own family doesn't support you in situations like this!

This was a really great start to the story!

~Sara (Gryffindor, House Cup 2015)

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Review #5, by ginnypotter242Angel of Small Death: the wretched and joyful

27th June 2015:
Gahhh! This was so cute :P I just love the way you write Scorpius and Albus. I felt so bad for Al at the beginning of this! He's so lost, and I can tell that he loves Scorpius so much- it has got to be so difficult to love someone so much, and not be able to do anything to help or be able to fix it.

Ginny and Harry's conversation with Al was perfect. They were both so in character to how they would be at that age, and the story of their breakup after the war was great. It seems like something that totally couldn't happen (and I totally wouldn't mind getting a fic of that entire story, if you ever feel the need to write it ;) ) But they were both so supportive of Al and his decision and were so comforting- well Ginny was. Harry was, as she said 'useless'. They were exactly as I pictured them being as parents- supportive and comforting but not overbearing or telling Al what he should do.

I just loved Al's and Scorpius' interactions in this story. Al was so understanding when he saw Scorpius having a panic attack, and it was precious that he didn't even notice that he was kneeling in broken glass at first. And then Scorpius cleaning him up afterwards was adorable!

And the proposal! I was not expecting that to come! I think I actually squealed out loud when that happened, it was so incredibly sweet! (And especially after what happened yesterday in the U.S- I was extremely happy to read that!) I'm so glad that Al didn't leave him! I could just imagine Scorpius' expression when he heard how close it was. I don't know when I started loving these two- I used to be a hardcore Scorose shipper- but I can't get enough of them now, especially your versions of them! The talk at the end about dreams and all that was just delightfully charming as well :)

~Sara (Gryffindor, House Cup 2015)

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Review #6, by ginnypotter242Unravel. : Pansy.

27th June 2015:
I like that you chose to do background on Pansy. We never see much of her in canon, other than Harry's (and somewhat Hermione's) rather biased thoughts. So, seeing a story about her is new, and I like how you wrote her.

The way you described her thoughts was great. I liked reading her thoughts, and I thought you described her OCD really well. You described everything in a meticulous fashion, just as she thinks. You described her thoughts perfectly and I really enjoyed reading this.

I never thought I'd feel sorry for Pansy! She has so many expectations heaped on her, as a pureblood, Malfoy's betrothed, and everything else. There's so much pressure on her! You handled her eating disorder really well too. I love your descriptions! They go along so well to Pansy's thoughts, and it's almost as though I'm reading her actual thoughts. I can imagine her saying and thinking all of this.

The repetition throughout of "Pansy Parkinson. Designer. Future Malfoy. Proper, perfect, Pureblood. " just ties the whole story together. You did a great job writing this story, and I love how you wrote Pansy!

~Sara (Gryffindor, House Cup 2015)

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Review #7, by ginnypotter242(4) States of Matter: Weary Heart of Mines

27th June 2015:
Oh oh, what does James remember? That it was Snape that took them? Please let him remember that- actually, please let Lily remember that!

Lily! Why would you go over to his house? Poor Lily, she's going to get her heart broken by her Death Eater ex-best friend if she doesn't protect herself from him. Why did she go over to his house? I think Lily might be a little crazy- if I had been kidnapped (or however they got to the warehouse) and tied in the dark for hours, I would not go wandering around in the dark by myself after I got out.

Poor Mary! She seems to have some self esteem issues :( I'm so happy Remus and Sirius found them, but it did seem to easy. And why was the door closed- that's frightening. Someone's in there with them, or someone is watching them. I want to know what Regulus was meant to do to them- is it him that's watching them?

The truth or dare was great- we're all tied up in a dark warehouse, why not play truth or dare? It's what I would do. I mean, it's not like they can play I Spy, right?

The ending is frightening. Why would you leave it like that? I want to know why the door is closed! They're going to get out of there, right? More or less unharmed? That's a horrible cliffhanger to leave it on! And then adding James remembering something on top of that- well, that's just evil.

You write really well, I love your style! It flows really well, and it's definitely keeping me interested!

~Sara (Gryffindor, House Cup 2015)

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Review #8, by ginnypotter242(4) States of Matter: Lights Out

27th June 2015:
Ooh, this is intriguing! The beginning is all very mysterious and I really want to know what happened to them! Lily, James and Mary- that's an odd combination of people to tie up in an abandoned warehouse. Though if Snape brought them there, I can kind of see why James ended up there. I am wondering where exaclty "there" is though.

That's a horrible thing to wake up to! Why didn't Lily have her wand on her? If I found myself chained inside a dark abandoned warehouse...that would be incredibly creepy. And poor Lily! She tied there with a boy she 'hates'- what time is this taking place anyway? Is it the summer before their 6th or 7th year? Obviously Snape is already a Death Eater, as well as Regulus.

The banter between the three was amusing. Obviously tensions are running high and they're in a dangerous situation, but they still have the ability to throw some humor in- and I love that James didn't even seem to realize that he was making puns about Sirius. And Remus and Sirius were great- Sirius' thoughts were really amusing, and his character was perfect. I love how worried he got when he found out about James! And Remus was very well written too. You got his dry, sarcastic humor down pretty well. I loved the bit with the ripping the shirt. Remus should know by now not to say something like that to Sirius and not expect him to take it seriously (haha).

Oh, Regulus :( I feel so bad for Reg! He had such a horrible story (that was completely cut out from the movies! Not that I'm bitter or anything :p) I think here you did a very nice job of portraying him. His conflicting thoughts about his brother and the rest of his family, and his thoughts about how his brother changed.

This is a really intriguing beginning to this story. I want to know more! I really loved the very beginning, about the lights going out. That was so well written, and rather sad once you realize what it's about. Great job!

~Sara (Gryffindor, House Cup 2015)

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Review #9, by ginnypotter242The Department of Spectral Affairs: Darkness

27th June 2015:
Regulus Black gives me so many feels :( That's such a tragic death! And the fact that you wrote that in second person was amazing! It put so much more emotion into it, and I loved Regulus' thoughts. They seemed so real, and so true of what we know of his character. He had that smugness that Sirius did- the want for glory, but desire to do the right thing regardless of that. You nailed that characterization!

The fact that this is in second person just astounds me. It's so difficult to write in second person without it being awkward or choppy or seeming like instructions, but you made this flow very well and it was very nice to read. Nice and incredibly sad of course :D For such a short story, I felt so many different emotions. I felt so bad for Regulus, and his thoughts as he was dying. He deserved so much better than what he got. I just love how you wrote him, and his thoughts were sort of in a stream of consciousness, but it wasn't awkward or overly wordy or anything. You did a really good job with this story! I want to see more of your Regulus! Great job :)

~Sara (Gryffindor, House Cup 2015)

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Review #10, by ginnypotter242Primus: elegaics.

27th June 2015:
Okay, aww! I don't know when I started liking Scorbus, but I'm kind of obsessed with them now. And you wrote them so adorably! This was so sweet! I loved how Scorpius was brooding about love- I can jut imagine the 14 year old holed up in Ravenclaw tower and brooding. ANd Albus was so sweet! Waiting until Valentine's Day so that he could be sentimental and would never forget their anniversary! Though really Al, ten months? He couldn't find another sentimental date- poor Scorpius was going crazy with his feelings!

I really loved how you write the two of them. They're so sweet and cute and coupley but there's still that fourteen year old innocence with them.

Albus' and Scorpius' banter back and forth on their date was so sweet. I liked how they were bickering but not really bickering. It seemed very natural and sweet. Gahh, this was just adorable. I'm blaming you for getting me hooked on Scorbus, you just write them so well! You write both of them perfectly and their relationship is amazing! Great job!

~Sara ( Gryffindor, House Cup 2015)

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Review #11, by ginnypotter242Love, Damned Love, and Statistics: III. Getting the Girl to the Ball

12th June 2015:
Aww, that was a sweet ending. I didn't read the original, but I'm sort of glad that Ellian didn't return his feeling, even the hopeless romantic that I am. Even in just the two chapter, I never got the vibe from her- I actually kind of got the feeling she was asexual to be perfectly honest!

I do really like how this turned out though. They're little "us" is so adorable. Even though the romantic in me desperately wants Ellian to fall head over heels for James, them to get married and have tons of little cute Potters...I think the way it played out is actually best. It's a lot more realistic,and way more fitting with the personalities. Poor James though, he so confused by everything. He did have a very short amount of time to 1.) realize he loved his best friend, 2.) tell said best friend he loved her 3.) deal with getting rejected. He took it all rather well though, and I think their relationship is very good for the both of them . I want more on these two now though! What happens in the future? Do they end up get married, or stay best friends... updates please!

This was a really cute little fic, and I fell in love with the characters almost instantly (though, James Sirius Potter, how could I not?). I really love your writing style in this- it was all very fluffy and sweet, but not overly romantic and unrealistic. Great job!

~Sara (Gryffindor, House Cup 2015)

Author's Response: You're the first (who I haven't told) who's figured it out: she IS asexual! :D that's the part of her that she doesn't realize yet, because she doesn't know it's a thing.

I have a vague idea of their future--it involves a lot of James' schemes of course, one of which is an elaborate Muggle money-making scheme that takes up the next decade. I imagine during this time, they're best friends and traverse a bunch of other relationships to figure out what they want, but ultimately find that there's no one else they want to spend their whole life with, and end up being life partners-in-crime :D So, totally happy ending!

Thank you so much for reading :)


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Review #12, by ginnypotter242Love, Damned Love, and Statistics: II. Getting the Girl

12th June 2015:
Aww, poor James! That sucks :( And poor Ellian too! She thought he was joking- which to be fair, it is James Sirius Potter, but still! I'm so proud of James though, he finally told her! There's his Gryffindor courage! Thanks to Albus I suppose- speaking of which, I loved the little conversation between Al and James "I was named after two war heroes" and so forth was a great piece of dialogue, and I can totally imagine the two of them arguing about their names. Ellian's description of love was really sweet. And I liked James' "You're supposed to know because you know everything!" Umm, Hermione and Ron anyone?? It was cute. The interactions between all the characters are great and seem perfectly natural. I really love your writing style, and it fits these characters so well! I honestly feel for James, and your descriptions make it feel so real! I feel for Ellian too with her "I'm not your type" comment. I totally know how that feels (even if you don't actually like the person in question, it's a horrible feeling). The characterizations of all your characters is great! Love it :)

~Sara (Gryffindor, House Cup 2015)

Author's Response: Jokes about Albus' name never gets old!

This fic was so fluffy and sweet to write. I feel like the sap in me got to let out the floood of cute things. Cute dialogue that I could never fit in everywhere else. James' earnestness about the cheesiest things makes him so endearing to me, and it's something very present in Albus as well in 'Capers', which I find funny because James picks on him.

Thank you again!


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Review #13, by ginnypotter242Love, Damned Love, and Statistics: I. The Girl

12th June 2015:
Oh James... I really liked how this started. This type of experiment does seem like something James would do-at least, making a fool out of himself in public seems like something he would do. I like the description of the three friends- it has almost a Golden Trio-esque vibe, which works very well. James being to persuasive is a really nice characteristic for him. It works pretty well, especially in this task- though I have a feeling he's going to need more than pretty new parchment to get through this.

The moment of realization is amazing. I liked how James tried to rationalize it at first, very fitting. It's a lot like how Harry tried to rationalize his feelings for Ginny. He does have a good point though, with the eyes. Very good rule James, I approve. (Though frankly,because of that, I think he's kind of screwed.)

This is an interesting plan. I do wonder why James knows so much about Muggle dating advice books though... This is off to a great start!

~Sara (Gryffindor, House Cup 2015)

Author's Response: Hee, thanks for starting this silly story of mine. The best things come in threes, no? Trios, chapters, rules.

I love the endless amount of stories that James creates. Indeed; why DOES he know so much about Muggle dating advice? How did the asparagus butterbeer fiasco happen? Why does he distrust yellow scarves?? I'm not sure I wnat to know 8D


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Review #14, by ginnypotter242Founding Hogwarts: Provence

12th June 2015:
Okay, so I wasn't sure what perspective you were going to do for the last chapter, and I read the first couple lines and just immediately went SORTING HAT! I can safely say that I've never read from the Sorting Hat's perspective before- though I did write a rather lovely conversation between him and James II. You did it really well though! The personality of it was enough to make me realize who was peaking from the first couple lines- which is impressive, since I didn't know the Sorting Hat had a personality.
I never realized how big of a job the Sorting Hat has. Not only dos he have to sort hundreds of students each year, but he has to warn people of upcoming dangers- no pressure or anything. The Sorting Hat, an oracle- I never though of it that way! It's really good though, and fits prefectly with what he (it?) does.

I really liked this story! I never read much Founders, but this had a very nice touch to it. The second person was really well written, and it flowed well throughout the whole story. I'm glad I read this Mallory! (And please excuse my mini Hufflepuff rant)

~Sara (Gryffindor, House Cup 2015)

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Review #15, by ginnypotter242Founding Hogwarts: Alsace-Lorraine

12th June 2015:
You know, it seems rather fitting that Rowena Ravenclaw is a bit of a feminist. You described her really well, and I love that you made her wise, not smart. The fact that she is curious and wants to learn about the world truly show Ravenclaw nature. Ravenclaw's story with her husband and daughter is sweet, and her thoughts when her daughter came into the world were perfect.

I loved her thoughts on gender. Like I said, it's fitting for her, and the way you wrote it it seems like a flawless characteristic of hers. It just seems obvious that "duh, of course she's a feminist" especially as her views on gender weren't really widely accepted in that time period. (To be honest, I'm kind of imagining her and Godric getting into an argument and singing the song "Anything you can do, I can do better")
This was a great chapter, and really well described for Ravenclaw :)

~Sara (Gryffindor, House Cup 2015)

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Review #16, by ginnypotter242Founding Hogwarts: Īle-de-France

12th June 2015:
I feel like Hufflepuff is the hardest house to truly describe, since it gets so little attention in the fandom. But you did a wonderful job describing Helga and what would end up being Hufflepuff House. I really liked that you showed that Hufflepuff was not all sugar and rainbows, and that Helga had seen dark things in her past. The fact that you gave her that past allowed her to need to forgive, no matter the circumstances. You showed the Hufflepuff traits well, even those that are typically associated with Gryffindor (because to be honest, people usually associate any good trait with Gryffindor, which isn't right). This was a really good way of showing the power of Hufflepuff. I also really liked her thoughts as she watches the students, and the factthat she hears music from the din. Honestly, from the very first sentence, this whole chapter screamed HUFFLEPUFF to me! Great job.
Also, I really want your second person writing skills. I'm jealous!

~Sara (Gryffindor, House Cup 2015)

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Review #17, by ginnypotter242Founding Hogwarts: Bretagne

12th June 2015:
Okay, I don't know how you are writing all of this in second person! It works so well, and it doesn't seem awkward or choppy like 2nd person pov usually does.

You did amazing with characterizing Salazar. You showed the traits of Slytherin so well, and everything that we know of them. Cunning, ambitious, using any means to achieve their ends- you touched on it all, but it wasn't forced which is even better. I liked how you gave a reason for Salazar's personality, and had him make his his father his hero. It showed the side of the typical 'pure blood Slytherin' that is cold and aloof, but made it so he wasn't cruel or unloving.
I also liked that you gave Salazar a reason for disliking Muggles and Muggleborns (however weak that argument may be). So many people just have him randomly disliking those of lesser blood, without actually giving him any reason to do so to such extremes.
Your characterization was spot on in this one! Great job :)

~Sara (Gryffindor, House Cup 2015)

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Review #18, by ginnypotter242Founding Hogwarts: Normandie

12th June 2015:
Mallory! Ooh, a founders fic, I haven't read one of these in ages. I really liked that you did it in second person- that's so difficult to do, but you pulled it off really well! I liked how you wrote out the thoughts of Gryffindor, how he reflected back on both his childhood and the strangeness of magic as well as building Hogwarts. I never thought about the founder's blood, but it sort of makes sense for Godric Gryffindor to be a muggleborn, considering the rivalry with Slytherin. I wish this was longer, because I want to read more! This was really great, and I loved Godric's personality. It was very fitting to what we know of him and Gryffindor traits, as well as the time period he's in. Really great job on this chapter!

~Sara (Gryffindor, House Cup 2015)

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Review #19, by ginnypotter242Inanimate Objects: where possible salvation is tricked into arriving at the castle

11th June 2015:
Oh it's Bellatrix! I totally should have gotten that- duh! That's actually really good, though the thought of Bellatrix Lestrange (Black) as the good person kind of frightens me a bit.

Okay, first if all, I love that you write this through Lucius's point of view. It's certainly different, since not many people write in his pov (and especially not as a candelabra I'm assuming) but it also makes me hope that one of Bella's sister's may come to visit at some point? Perhaps a certain blonde one?

Okay, Cygnus and Druella are perfect. They are exactly the type of people that would sell out their daughter for their own safety. I love how Bellatrix barely questions the fact that a clock and a 'candlestick' were talking to her; though I suppose she is a witch. You're doing a really great job with combining the Harry Potter world with Beauty and the Beast. Each story has just enough of its original characteristics, and it all works together very well. I can't wait to see where this story goes, and see some Bella/Tom action...which before this story, I never thought I'd say, so good job with that!

~Sara (Gryffindor, House Cup 2015)

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Review #20, by ginnypotter242Inanimate Objects: where he tried to defuse the situation and failed utterly

11th June 2015:
Emily! This certainly is a unique story! I have to say, reading Tom Riddle say whatever was very strange... I got the sudden image of Voldemort as a teenage girl...which may be more mentally scarring than his normal look to be honest. But this idea is great! Obviously the personalities changed a bit, but they fit in so well with how the story came out. Who knew that Voldemort liked potatoes so much? I never pegged Rookwood for a cook, but I suppose it works- did he become Mrs. Potts...or the equivalent of?? (I have only ever seen the Disney version of this movie, so I don't know how the real fairytale went)

Now Dumbledore really is a crazy old man. I kind of pictured him as Merlin from Shrek. The fact that Lucius became Luminere- I can just imagine him hopping around signing (again, Disney version, but it's an amusing mental image).

As for Belle...well the second chapter is already up, but I'll guess anyway. Since Tom's the beast, I'll go with McGonagall.

This really was an interesting story, and definitely a unique one! I never would have thought to turn the Death Eaters into the Beast and Co. but it certainly seems like you're doing it well! I like that you made Tom's "beast form" his Voldemort 2.0 form- perfect touch. Though whoever is Belle is in for a treat! Great start to the story!

~Sara (Gryffindor, House Cup 2015)

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Review #21, by ginnypotter242I Always Liked Your Pigtails: The Party

11th June 2015:
Okay aww! Neville and Hannah are so cute and I think their relationship is so underrated- it's hard to find a good story about them! I think you did a really good job with this. The fact that it showed the very beginning of their relationship was great, and it was very sweet. I liked Neville's conversation while they were in the hallway- it seemed very in character for him. He really would hate it- not the fame necessarily, but the way people treated him because of his fame. You did a good job of showing Neville as more confident, yet still with that genuine nature that makes him so likeable.

And Hannah! Hannah is never fleshed out enough, in my opinion. I always read her as Neville's wife, not Hannah, and so I love that you did this from her point of view! The part with Michael was so great, with how he acted with the mental breakdown comment (which, by the way, is totally rude to shout out at a party!) It fit what we know of his character very well- kind of arrogant and above everyone. It wouldn't be strange that some people had mental problems after the war, so not everybody would be so awkward about it, but I think Michael reacted perfectly. Great job on this story, Neville and Hannah are adorable!

~Sara (Gryffindor, House Cup 2015)

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Review #22, by ginnypotter242Aesthetic Alterations: Library Aesthetic

22nd April 2015:
Muggle Jily Au's are my weakness Mallory. The fact that you added in a Music Man reference...well, now I'm having all the feels (mostly because the show is over!)

Oh my god, I love Lily. Such an idealized picture of what a librarian should look like- she's right though, that's definitely a stereotypical librarian image. I'm sure she could pull it off though. Ahh, James is so lovely. He's so sweet to her and Remus. I loved that too by the way- the input of 'lupus'- that was a nice touch.

I'm just going to read all of your Jily stories now, because they're amazing.

By the way, I now have "Marian the Librarian" stuck in my head, and I blame you!
~Sara

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Review #23, by ginnypotter242Victoire: The Guard

30th January 2015:
Hello! I'm (finally) here for our Gryffindor January review swap!

This was such an interesting start to the story! I really liked the addition of Cormac, and the allusions to Ron and Harry holding a grudge from their school days. It was interesting to hear Cormac's thoughts, and I thought they were very in character- wanting to be an Auror because of the respect of the job, disliking doing the grub work, all of that fit his character very well!

Victoire's reaction to the newspaper article was great, and I love that she told Teddy right away- it was definitely something that would affect them, especially Teddy.

The article about his death was very well written, and I liked how you incorporated Greyback's history into it. It added a lot of information about him, and I thought it was very well done.

Teddy's line about "I think I might like to go and tell Dad" though! That is such a bittersweet sentence, I actually gasped when I read that (considering I was reading it at school, in a silent room...not the best idea).

The ending is interesting- leaving a cliffhanger like that! That definitely makes me want to read more.

All in all, I thought this chapter was very well written, and I love the idea of this story! Victoire is one of my favorite characters, and I love how you've written her so far! Great job! I'm definitely going to keep up with this story :)

~Sara

Author's Response: Hi Sara!

I'm so glad you enjoyed Cormac. I don't really know how he ended up being the Guard but as soon as I'd decided to write him I loved doing it. I'm really glad you think he's in character, and although he's not a big part of this story it's always lovely to get positive feedback about him.

I think the newspaper was only really going to have that relevance to Teddy and Victoire, and Victoire knew she needed to talk to somebody it made sense to. I worry that the article's a bit dull because it's essentially a reiteration of what we know from canon, but I wanted to remind people of the facts about Greyback and this seemed the way to do that.

Teddy's always going to feel the loss of his parents, in the same way that Harry did, but he's lucky to be surrounded by so many people that love him.

Thank you so much for such a kind review! I loved your story too so if you ever want to swap for a future chapter just let me know :)

Emma xx


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Review #24, by ginnypotter242An Astorian Love Story: An Astorian Love Story

22nd December 2014:
Hello!

Aww, this was such a sweet one-shot. Poor Draco! You know, I never quite liked him during the books, but I've been growing fonder of him lately. Especially of Draco/Astoria- it's so sweet! This story was really good though, I enjoyed it. The plot was sweet and I really liked the interaction between Draco and Astoria.

If I could give a couple tips: I thought the change in Draco's mood was a bit too sudden. he was very sullen and angsty, and then turned flirty and such when he saw Astoria. It was a bit of a flip and very quick, and I'm not sure I could see Draco being so brazen so quickly, especially to a girl he just met.
Another tip- perhaps a little more description. You 'tell' instead of show a lot. Astoria's description was a step in the right direction, but you can still do a little more. Instead of saying "she blushed" which you do quite a bit, describe it, or use other ways of saying it: "a red flush spread over her skin', "her cheeks stained a light pink" "the still present blush deepened" it makes the story flow a bit more. I hope this helps a little bit, description was always my worst part when I started writing (it still is actually), so I just wanted to share some of the things I learned!

Anyway, the story was really cute. I've been reading a lot of Draco/Astoria lately, and your story is definitely one that I've enjoyed! The story was very sweet and innocent, and I think it was a perfect allusion to the beginning of their relationship. I really liked the beginning too, with Draco reminiscing about the war and what he had done. The way people reacted to him was perfect, and I really enjoyed it- but poor Draco, he doesn't deserve all this hate :( Great job on this story, I definitely enjoyed it!

~Sara

Author's Response: Ah thank you so much for reviewing :) I'm super glad you liked it and thanks a lot for your feedback, it's really great getting a response!

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Review #25, by ginnypotter242L'optimisme: Silence

21st August 2014:
Hi Laura! I'm finally here to review your story!

This was such a good first chapter! Your flow was great, especially for not being used to writing in first person. I can definitely get the feeling of it being Albus reflecting on the past, that idea comes across rather strongly. It's well balanced too, with his feelings changing throughout the days.

I love the language motif in this. The beginning of this chapter was really well written, I liked how you spoke about words and what they mean to people, and how dangerous they can be. It definitely seemed to resemble Dumbledore's speech patterns.

I liked that this chapter was all about the summer that they met. t gave their background emotion, real thought instead of exaggerated words written in a book.

Honestly Laura, you have nothing to be worried about :) You write the two of them really well, and the way you characterize them is amazing. The entire chapter flows really well together. You've got Dumbledore's rather unique speech down as well, which is pretty difficult to write.

And oh my gosh, Albus and Gellert are so good together! I love the way you're writing their relationship! Great job on this story, it's off to an amazing start.

~Sara

Author's Response: Hey Sara! :) Thanks so much for stopping by!

Thank you so much - I'm so glad you liked it! I was so nervous about this, it's sort of become my baby, and with the first person and all, it was a bit scary... but I'm so glad you think it worked!

I loved writing the language motif. Languages are one of the things I love and desperately wish I was better at, haha, so the chance to include them in a story when the idea struck was just amazing! Haha, that section was so fun to write - just waffle in general, haha :P

Yeah, I thought it might be a bit boring or sort of unnecessary, but I wanted to include it because I think it sort of gives a launching platform for everything which happens afterwards, you know? So I'm so glad you like it! :)

Thank you so much! I'm so glad you liked it - and gosh, Dumbledore's speech was so fun to write, in the end. It started off so hard, but once I got into a groove, it sort of just got easier, haha.

Gah, thank you so much for this wonderful review! I'm honestly just so glad you liked it, and so all the compliments are so great to get! Thank you! :)

Aph xx


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