Reading Reviews From Member: javct
278 Reviews Found

Review #1, by javctDiamonds into Coal: Houses Asunder

21st November 2012:
javct45 finally here with your belated review.

This story gives me mixed emotions. On one hand, I'm so happy that there (might) be a wedding and all the characters will be happy (I'm still holding out for that) but at the same time, I'm really upset because it's not going to end happy!

Salazar showed him the Chamber of Secrets? Interesting. I wonder if that will play a larger role later on the in story? hmm. And why the sudden change of heart with Rowena? Seems odd.

I am really enjoying the development of the relationships between the characters.
Can't wait to see what happens next!

Jasmine, x

Author's Response: Hello Jasmine, and thanks for coming by :)

Haha, you sound like some of the other reviewers for this story--wanting to hold onto hope, but also not wanting to hold on too tightly for fear of having those hopes shattered. It sounds awful, but that's exactly what I want at this point in the story, to keep the suspense going :D

The Chamber of Secrets is important in a background sense, as I have it worked out right now. It kind of symbolizes this schism that's been working between Venn and Salazar in terms of their ideology and goals, and how the Ravenclaws fit in with them.

And Rowena! I'm glad you found her comments interesting. They were meant to expose the concern she's been brooding over for several chapters now--she wants Helena to get married, and yet she feels uncertain about giving her daughter away to someone who is related to Salazar and might share his extreme views. She's definitely waffling a bit.

Thanks so much for this lovely review :)


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Review #2, by javctGrand Scheme: Chapter 2

21st November 2012:
Back again.

This story has defiant potential but the grammatical mistakes and grammar are making it hard to read easily. It does not flow into a coherent structure a lot of the time and I'm finding it very hard to keep track of the time in this story.

Also, I really doubt that Scorpius would want to be called 'Scorp' and why is 'MuggleRants©' copyrighted? I don't understand.

I really recommend a beta. Grammar is a hard thing to grasp ahold of (I've been writing for six years and I still haven't mastered it) and a beta can seriously help :)

Another thing, an eleven year old calling someone Mr. Potter? Now, even the strictest parents wouldn't teach their children that, at least, I don't think they would. I was never told to call anyone by their last name until I was at least fourteen.

This is a harsh review isn't it? Sorry.
Jasmine, x

Author's Response: My grammar shall be the end of me :P
Hmm Scorpius is quite an awkward name. (Not on the top of my baby names list :P) Scorp ... Lets see what ole Scorpius feels when I write the next chapter :P
I copyrighted that to show that dear gwen has a unique and utterly unstoppable habit. It was put to show her extreme muggle loving nature.
Dunno about the eleven year old calling him Mr. Potter... Because I was taught not to call anyone by their first name unless they wanted it.
But again... Thank you so much for your review. I don't mind if it was harsh because I'd rather someone tell point out the mistakes and help me improve.
Thanks again :D

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Review #3, by javctGrand Scheme: Chapter 1

21st November 2012:
javct45 here with your belated review.

Bet you never thought was coming did you? ha!

I enjoyed reading this. The plotline is god so far and I think you could do a good job at avoiding the annoying cliche's when it comes to the next gen.

You mentioned grammatical errors in your 'areas of concern' and I'm glad you did. There are quite a few grammatical errors throughout this story (too many for my to point out in a review). Might I suggest getting a beta? There are plenty of amazing beta's on the forums and they are so helpful and amazing people. It is always good to have someone to look over your story that isn't yourself because, as the author, you tend to miss the mistakes (everyone does it :P).

The time changes confuse me a little though. I mean, I see that you have told the reader 'five yes later' and 'flashback' but, especially at the end, I found it hard to read it because the flashbacks were so prominent and quick. Maybe you could add some more description or imagery? that always helps :)

Jasmine, x

Author's Response: Hahahahah nah I thought you would ;)
Hmmm getting a beta...! I'll consider it. Just been really busy with school but I'll definitely consider it when I'm free.
Ah the timeline. I'll try to tidy that part up. :P
Thank you so much for pointing out the errors..!!!

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Review #4, by javctKeep Calm and Carry On: The Job Thousands would Kill For

21st November 2012:
javct45 here with your belated review.

Okay, I have to admit that I've been slack. You requested this almost a month ago and I only just got here. Sorry!

I really adore this story. It's so... Devil Wears Prada-ish and with the added touch of magic to it it's just brilliant. I think that you've done an amazing job at making the story interesting despite its lack of canon characters.

Mr. Ward makes me laugh, yet, at the same time he kinda bugs me. He's like that boss that you /never/ wanted. Though, as good as this story is, I feel as though the workplace is a little cliche'd. I mean, she has no one at work and all of her bosses take advantage of her and make her do all the 'dud jobs'. I think that I would find it more easy to read if she at least had one friend at work. But hey, this is just my opinion.

I can't wait to see Oliver! I like how you haven't introduced the readers to him from the first chapter. It gives the reader a chance to understand Edie and like her.

Once again, sorry about the /really/ late review.
Jasmine, x

Author's Response: No apologies needed! Thanks so much for getting around to reading this :) You made a really good point about Edie not having a single friend there, but I felt like there was an overload of characters and I didn't want to create another "work friend" character on top of Mildred, Ward, Rose, Theo and Tallulah (who will have a bigger role later.) I originally had she and Rose as good friends but I liked this relationship better; it's kind of based off the way I feel about a certain girl at work ;) You know, the people that you tolerate because you are around them 8+ hours/day but in reality you don't have much in common.

I want this story to be about Edie, and not about Edie and Oliver. It's going to have a huge role, mind you, and this is definitely a "romantic comedy" story. But she's still the main focus! :)

Thanks so much!

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Review #5, by javctBattlefields: Chapter Two

28th October 2012:
javct45 back again with another review.

Yay for a Severus chapter! I love reading about Severus and seeing him develop from a timid boy into Professor Snape.

This chapter was written really well, although I didn't like the ending. I don't know why, maybe it was because 1) Severus yelled at his mother (I've always been taught to never do that and it just strikes me as being very OOC for Severus - I don't think he ever really yelled in the books and 2) a part of the dialogue is in cap locks.

Might I make a suggestion? Instead of using cap locks to show Severus' emotions, try using adverbs after the dialogue has finished. I've always found them to be more effective and they always just look better as well. Cap locks, in my opinion at least, are kind of pointless when we have a whole language out there (most of which, isn't used anymore)!

I liked the way you wrote Rodolphus though. He's a character that I think a lot of writers forget about.

Feel free to re-request!
Jasmine, x

Author's Response: Sorry this has taken so long to respond to; I took a break from ff for a while, so please excuse me! I will look at changing the caps locks, but I will argue the fact that Snape shouts at his mother. I agree that even though he doesn't think much of his mother's pride, he wouldn't normally shout at her, but this is a really serious situation. Eileen has just inadvertently given the Death Eaters a ticket to hurt Lily, and Snape loves her and is terrified they're going to hurt her. So I think that he would have shouted.

Thanks once again for the review and your suggestions :)

Sarah x

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Review #6, by javctBattlefields: Chapter One

28th October 2012:
javct45 here with your requested review.

First off, let me say that I'm a diehard James/Lily shipper so I was (and still am) very skeptical about reading a story where Lily is paired with an OC, but nonetheless, I'm impressed at the start of this story. It's original and not a very explored way of writing the Marauders. I'm quite curious to see Mark's character develop.

I adore your use of nostalgia in this chapter: mentioning Severus (I hope we see more of him in chapters to come) and going back to the park where, basically, everything began (in a way to speak).

In your "areas of concern" you mentioned a reviewer commented on your beginning. I had a look through the reviews for the first chapter and I didn't really know what I was suppose to comment on :/

Jasmine, x

Author's Response: I understand your apprehension; I am also a diehard Lily/James shipper, but I justify this by saying this takes place before Lily and James get together. I'm glad you like the use of nostalgia, and as you've already discovered, Snape does pop up again :)

Sarah x

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Review #7, by javctSilent Kiss: Khloe Moss

25th October 2012:
javct45 here with your belated requested review!

I really enjoyed this. Seriously. You had me hooked from the first sentence and then her backstory just made me very happy. She doesn't seem like the kind of character that could become a Mary Sue easily. I really like her.

The only thing that I picked up was this: The Orphanage / it shouldn't be capitalized (unless the name of the orphanage is The Orphanage). Apart from that I got nothing :)

Honestly there is nothing else I can say for this story: I adored it and can't wait for me. Please let me know when the next chapter is up!

Jasmine, x

Author's Response: Thanks so much!

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Review #8, by javctBrittle Bones: Purple Poppies and Black Tales

25th October 2012:
javct45 here with your requested review (I took my time didn't I? Sorry I took so long -- I guess life caught up with me!)

I think you did rather well with your second person POV. It's a very unused point of view and I've found, whenever I've tried it, that it's really difficult so I think you did a good job :) Although, I have to ask: why did you change perspectives in the middle of the story? It's not as though I found it confusing because I still knew who you were talking about but I'm just curious because it did subtract from the story a little...

The imagery is lovely. I'm really curious to see how Poppy gets better :)

Also, that's a brilliant banner! Carrie in that movie is just so amazing!

Jasmine, x

Author's Response: Hello! Thanks for coming. And there's no problem at all with taking some time; I don't mind.

I'm very relieved to hear that second person didn't get overbearing in this piece. I did have to switch perspectives though because the character changed. Maybe that was a bit unclear?

And I agree with you! It's one of my favourite books and movies! Ahoythere is the one responsible for this banner's beauty though! :D

Thanks for the review and thank you for offering! -hugs-

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Review #9, by javctThe Prim and Not So Proper: Introductions

24th October 2012:
javct45 here (finally!) with your requested review.

Sorry for taking so long; school is being annoying again.

Now, onto the story: you have set up the characters really well, you've given them strong foundations and good personalities. I like how Max (or Maggie - I ADORE that name by the way) is a metamorphmagus (let's pretend that I didn't copy and paste that because I cant' spell it) it adds another dimension to her and also how it portrays her moods -- that should be interesting to see how it plays out in the story.

Also, what's this? A fic about two-girls that ISN'T slash? Gosh, I love you. I'm really sick of girls not being able to friends or enemies without something either 'romantic' or 'physical' happening between them!

You asked about grammar. I did pick up one thing that happened quite a few times. After someone has finished speaking you have to put either a comma, a full stop or an exposition (!?), I noticed that you did it a few times but you also missed it. Nothing a quick once over won't fix.

Great job!
Jasmine, x

Author's Response: Thanks for taking the time to review this!! I know all about school being annoying, I have exams I should be studying for.

Haha I get annoyed by that too. And guy-girl relationships that can't be just friends. One of the things I really wanted to explore in this was the idea of a friendship between two opposing personalities and the dynamics around that. I doubt there is going to be anything more than hand holding in the way of romance in this :P

Thanks for the grammar tip!! I never paid enough attention in English, and most of my troubles do tend to be centred around speech. I will definitely go through and fix this up.

Thanks again for your review!! You put a huge smile on my face :D

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Review #10, by javctCarelessness: Lost in Darkness and Distance

21st October 2012:
Wow. That was just, wow. I don't normally read stories that read like this (because their either written poorly or are to hard to follow -- though, they're two in the same thing aren't they?) but I found this quite easy to read.

I loved the feeling of the impending battle and the war in this story; especially in Remus/Tonks sections; I've read heaps of stories where the war is mentioned briefly but it's never mentioned just how much the war took its toll on everyone. You've highlighted the war and the effect of it so well.

I really liked the paragraph/line about their wedding (their being Remus/Tonks). I think that it really highlighted the relationship that Remus and Tonks shared: full of angst and troubles but in the end, two people trying desperately to make their relationship given their circumstances and predicament.

And that quote at the start was really nice :) Being a historian buff, I totally agree with it :D
Jasmine, x

Author's Response: This one actually used to be pretty terrible to read, with ridiculously huge paragraphs and so on, so I'm glad that's better now.

I like to keep my eye on context and stuff when I'm writing my fic, either pop culture or things that are being built up to in canon, so it's just me being pedantic. Dark wartime romance is the best anyway (not that I would know).

I was actually worried that I hadn't spent enough time on the wedding itself, it having been a big day for 'em, especially Tonks, bless her. So thank you for that.

The quote was given to me, but it is pretty cool, isn't it? Though I know nothing about either cartography or history. :P

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Review #11, by javctRevolution: Chapter 4: I Want To Hold You're Hand

18th October 2012:
javct45 back again.

Ohh, does Neville have a crush on Ginny and Luna on Harry? (No, no, no! Neville is suppose to be Luna and vice versa! *sad*) and what's up with Hermione? She's either got a crush on Harry or her and Ginny have had a fight *is plotting*

I really enjoyed this chapter. Anything that makes the storyline more complicated is just brilliant! Any story that has unrequited feelings towards a certain character is just brilliant (give me angst on a plate and I'm one happy girl).

and Ah! I love that song! The Beatles are just amazing and 'I want to hold your hand' is up the top with my favourite Beatles songs :)

Good luck on your future writing!
Jasmine, x

Author's Response: So many horomones flying around here ! LOL
I'm glad it's keeping you guessing here, though it all gets spelled out soon ;)
And I agree... The Beatles are just amazing!

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Review #12, by javctRevolution: Chapter 3: All My Loving

18th October 2012:
javct45 here with your requested review.

Okay, so now that I know that this is Hogwarts-era and not post-hogwarts the story is bit easier to follow :P

I found this quite enjoyable. Harry/Ginny is a good pairing if written well and I think that you have written them well together so kudo's to you!

One thing that I did notice was that Mrs. Weasley signed her letter 'love, Molly' but throughout the books Harry never calls her Molly but always Mrs. Weasley, now, you can correct me if I'm wrong but I don't think that Mrs. Weasley signed her notes to students with her first name. Now, I might be completely wrong because I haven't read the books in a while but that's what I remember off the top of my head :P

Apart from that it's really good. The characterisation was quite good and the storyline is really good so far.

I wonder how Harry is going to survive New Years with the Dursley's.

Jasmine, x

Author's Response: Yeah I'm not sure why I decided to go with Molly, but I don't think her signature is ever refered to anywhere in the books (though I admit it's been a long time since I've reread them) so I figured Molly is as good a signature as any ;)
I'm glad you like my Harry/Ginny pairing.. but don't get too used to it. LOL
Anyone who has read my work knows it's not a pairing I particularly like, so it never lasts for long ;)

Thanks for the R&R

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Review #13, by javctHiding in the Shadows: Rose's Secret

18th October 2012:
Back again.

I really like where this story is going. I really like her relationship with Albus (even though it wasn't touched on /much/ in this chapter. I still feel as though I'm going to love it).

I still think that Scorpius is the father - is he the father?

Just one grammatical thing that I picked up. When using exposition (?!) there doesn't need to be a capital letter after it. For example, this:

Erm... Ron... can I stay here tonight?' He asked his voice full of pleading.

Would be this:

Erm... Ron... can I stay here tonight?' (he) asked his voice full of pleading.

Apart from that it was really good. I'm really excited to see where this goes!
Jasmine, x

Author's Response: Thank you again for the review.

Her relationship to Albus is going to be a breath of fresh air to set apart all of the angst in this story. You will love it as he is going to be the one teasing her and making her feel more normal once her secret comes out.

Thank you for pointing that out. I'll make sure it gets changed!

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Review #14, by javctMy Sister-in-Law: horror feminae

17th October 2012:
javct45 here with your requested review.

I really do love Percy/Audrey or just any story involving these two in general because they are such underloved canon characters.

You asked if this was boring. It's not exactly Neverwhere by Niel Gaiman leaving me wanting to know what happened next but it's still good. Sometimes moments in people's lives are good to read about because it gives us, as the reader, more of an understanding to the depth of the character, their likes and dislikes.

Overall, a good one-shot. Good luck on your challenges!
Jasmine, x

Author's Response: Hey there.

I have a soft spot for underloved characters - Regulus especially, though it was quite interesting writing Audrey too - so I just love writing about them. ^.^

I'd never presume to be Neil Gaiman, though I wouldn't mind being married to his wife. :P
This was more of a quiet and introspective fic - a bit of mood music really rather than a story - so I'm glad you appreciate it.

Thank you so much! :)

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Review #15, by javctOn The Radio: 1

17th October 2012:
review swap!

this story defiantly has lots of potential. I adore the idea of them working in a radio station (the integration/contrast of muggle technology is really well done).

The story itself is original and I honestly can't see where you're going to go from here (which is good, unlike other next-gen stories were the entire story is laid out in one big chapter and the rest of the story is like /blah/).

I'm quite interested in the main character - she seems very nice and I'm eager to see what will happen to her in the next few chapters :)

Overall, really good original story. Good luck on your future chapters!

Jasmine, x

Author's Response: Hi! I'll do your review in just a moment!
thank you very much, it's always hard to get the balance right, so it's great! Hehehe there was a clue in there, but I don't expect anyone to get it. It's more like an 'aah so that's what was going on' thing, so I'm glad you can't tell where it's going! :) Yay! Well the next few chapters are up, so hopefully you'll like them ♥

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Review #16, by javctWe are Villains: We are the Villains!

17th October 2012:
javct45 here with your requested review (oh, also review swap! - may as well hit two birds with one stone aye?)

What you did good? YOU MENTIONED MOJO JO JO, OH MY GOSH HE WAS THE MOST EVIL VILLAIN WHEN I WAS A CHILD! MOJO JO JO WAS LIKE DARTH-VADER AND VOLDEMORT MIXED INTO ONE (even though he didn't do anything that evil now, looking back at it :P)

Anyway, I like the mix of the villains. You kept them all within well-known fandoms (Cause, let's face it; who didn't watch the Powerpuff Girls as a child?).

Things you may want to work on: there were quite a few spelling errors (nothing a quick once over won't fix) and missed spaces (example: "WHAT?"Voldemort said - you missed a space between the quotation mark and the next word) and there were /a lot/ of unnecessary capital letters; honestly, there are too many capital letters in this story.

One more thing (last one I promise), just a small grammatical mistake that I picked up on. After a exposition (!?) you don't use a capital letter. Don't worry, I used to do the same thing until a kind reviewer pointed out my mistake and I didn't believe them until I looked over my Harry Potter books and noticed it. So for example this:

"And This ISN'T THE MOCHA I WANTED!!" Cried Darth Vader.

Would be this:

"And (this) ISN'T THE MOCHA I WANTED!!" (cried) Darth Vader.

This story is defiantly a good parody but I would suggest giving it a once-over just to fix up the mistakes; might I even suggest getting yourself (if you haven't got one already) a beta? Being one (or a failed one) myself and having a beta I can vouch for their helpfulness to pick up the mistakes that we, as authors, tend to not-notice. There are many beta's on the site that would be willing to help you; they're all lovely people and are just amazing a beta-ering.

Jasmine, x

Author's Response: Wow, a long one!
First off, thanks soo much for this awesome review!
I loved the powerpuff girls. My sister still watches it, and I thought mojo jo jo was the best villain there. Him freaks me out. He is a weird half boy half girl lobster dude. Freaky!

I have a problem with capital letters. I am better with them now, but I just didn't get a chance to edit this story. :P I will soon though!


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Review #17, by javctJump and Fall: December

16th October 2012:
Back again.

Can I just compliment you on your almost perfect description of England shopping malls at Christmas? I've been in England at Christmas and by Merlin! the shopping malls are heaving! and you managed to capture that in that fist paragraph really well (for some reason, as I was reading this I was imaging her being in Harrods).

Plotwise this is going really well and I'm quite interested to see how their relationship develops. You've given your protagonist a good and firm back-story within those few lines about her brother and her house. I'm quite nick-picky when it comes to next-gen stories because the main character usually becomes a Mary Sue but you're doing really well at keeping her as Un-Mary Sue as you can (by giving her a family and a personality!)

This story is really good :) Good luck on your future writing endeavours!

Jasmine, x

Author's Response: HAHA! Thank you! I have actually only been to England once, so that is like a HUGE compliment... I pretty much based it off stores in my hometown :) Thank you! I really appreciate you taking the time to review both chapters! Hugs! :)

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Review #18, by javctJump and Fall: November

16th October 2012:
javct45 here with your (belated) requested review.

I'm sorry I took so long; school just started again. Onto the review.

Truth be told, I don't need many James (II)/OC stories and fluff none the less (but hey that is the main reason that I started the review thread!) that said, I really enjoyed it! The protagonist so far isn't cliche'd and she isn't a Mary Sue. I like how you kept this chapter short; just putting their introduction in this chapter :)

Just one thing that did confuse me a little. This line: "Don't... you look good in it." He had a small smile on his face. I laughed at this, not really knowing what to do next." It confused me. What did he mean you look good in it? Because wasn't she just sitting in a chair? You might want to clear that up. Apart from that it was really good and I throughly enjoyed it.
Onto the next chapter!

Author's Response: Not a problem! Thanks for your review! :)

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Review #19, by javctHiding in the Shadows: Discovering the Truth

16th October 2012:
Is the father Scorpius? Is the father Scorpius?! *is guessing he's the father until proven otherwise (which I probably will be in the next chapter :P*)

This was really good. I enjoyed the way that you didn't mention the father's name in the first chapter; keeping the reader guessing (as you can see by guessing).

This story can be set apart from other teen-pregnancy fics because this chapter, unlike others, keeps us guessing: who is the father? why is she pregnant? how will Ron and Hermione react?

Gosh, I can't wait to read Ron and Hermione finding out she's pregnant.
Summer, this is really good and I can't wait to see what happens next!
I will be watching this story and will wait for chapter three

Jasmine, x

Author's Response: Haha you can keep guessing but I may not reveal for a while!

The father's name is going to come out in rather a spectacular fashion as it is going to cause a lot of pain to a fair few of the characters here. I do want to keep people guessing for as long as possible.

Chapter 3 will be up very soon!

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Review #20, by javctMorning People: one

16th October 2012:

This isn't your best work? I beg to differ - this has got to be the best Jily one-shot I've read in a long time and can I just say that this line: "As James pulls back, he's staring at Lily as though she's a gift from Heaven itself." made me melt into a puddle. It's stories like these that make me realise just how alone I am in life.

This was just asdfghjkll;;'

Author's Response: EVERY SINGLE JILY FEEL!

No, really, thank you so much for your review! I wrote this after a really long time of...well, not writing anything, so I felt like it wasn't up to par with the rest of my work but looking back on it, I'm always really happy to have produced it. I'm glad you enjoyed it!

Thanks again!

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Review #21, by javctOn A September Afternoon: On A September Afternoon

11th October 2012:
javct45 here with your requested review.

This was really poignant; I'm not really sure why, it just was :P I found Christie really cute and adult!Harry was just adorable.

I do, however, have a few small things to point out.

Who is Amy? Is she a OC, because, this is a suggestion but because of your small amount of characters (four) I think that the story would be more engaging for Christie's mother to be canon character that the readers can relate to. Also, how old is Christie? because she seems very advanced in her speech for a young girl (although, I am imaging her to three or four)

There were also a few grammatical, punctation and spelling mistakes. Nothing a good once-over couldn't fix.

Jasmine, x

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Review #22, by javctBut I Get Torn to Pieces for the Stupidest Reasons: I never met a lady quite as pretty as Lily Evans.

11th October 2012:
javct45 here with your requested review!

I really enjoyed this! I liked the style of this: as an open letter. It's really interesting.

I'm curious: where James and Sirus actually... together or not? Because he mentions how they held hands but it never actually states if they are "in love" (hmm, *thinks deeply and cleverly, which of course fails because I am in no state of mind to think deeply and cleverly*). I like the way that is puts Severus in the story for like, a line (SNILY FTW!); I wonder if Lily and Sev where ever "together" (if you know what I mean *hint hint nudge nudge*).

My poor ship! Jily! I don't know what I feel about James/Lily right now. You have given me confusing feelings about Jily and snily! (Do you know how hard it is loving two ships at the same time!)

On your comment on "James being Jamesy enough" I think you did a good job. Honestly, it took me a while to really warm up to the way this is written (seeing inside James' head because, let's face it, the Marauders aren't really written as being deep and meaningful) but after I re-read a second time i really liked it. It's really nice to see inside his head and see what he is thinking.

I really enjoyed it and I'm also sorry if this review makes no sense: i'm really tired haha :P
Jasmine, x

Author's Response: Hey there! :D

The style was a bit of a happy accident tbh: what happens, apparently, when caoty starts writing without thinking too hard.

You know what, I have absolutely no idea. I don't think even James knows, and he was there at the time. Their relationship is infinitely complicated, even without shipping.
I don't ship Snily - then again, I don't ship James/Sirius either, so make of that what you will. ;)

It's weird 'cause Lily/James is my second favourite ship in the entire fandom, and it was kind of heartbreaking writing this.
But no, I don't know what it's like shipping the same person with two people who completely hate each other at the same time. :P

I'm one of those people who thinks that the Marauders should absolutely be written as being deep and meaningful as well as humorously, so I'm glad you warmed up to that part.

Thank you so much for your review. :D

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Review #23, by javctKeep Calm and Carry On: Take Two and Call Me in the Morning

11th October 2012:
javct45 here with your requested review!
I do apologize for taking so long - school just started this week and it just hit me (and I crawled in a hole and ignored life :P)

Anyway. I do agree with you that Edie has the potential to become a Mary Sue BUT ONLY IF YOU LET HER! Anyone can avoid their heroine become Mary Sue as long as they watch her carefully but I do think that you won't let that happen; with your writing talent and so far, she seems really good. I love reading about girls that have guy friends of whom they do not harbour "feelings" for. I'm really interested to see how their relationships pan out in the next few chapters :)

Comedy: I can't comment much on it in this chapter because it is mainly just introducing the characters; that, and I don't read much humor but if the characters say in with the personalities that you have blessed them with then I am sure that the comedy will be really good :) I did, however, like this line: "May we never have office jobs, may our futures be full of nights forgotten by morning, and most importantly, may we always get laid." it really made me laugh!

In which chapter are you going to introduce Oliver? (may I ask?). I am defiantly eager to know what happens in the next few chapters (I want to meet her boss; for some reason she reminds me a lot of Miranda Presely if you have ever seen "The Devils Wears Prada")

Good job and good luck on your future chapters!
Jasmine, x

Author's Response: Hello! No problem; I know what you mean about life getting in the way.

Thanks for all of your comments in my areas of concern, and I appreciate you taking the time to judge its value as a comedy even though you don't typically read them.

Certainly you may ask about Oliver's introduction. We first meet him in chapter three (which I know is a wait for some people, but I'm a sucker for backstory.) Then from there on out he'll be in the story for good!

Also, I really wanted Edie's boss to be like Miranda Presely because I freaking love Meryl Streep. But I was afraid of making this too similar, and I also really liked the idea of her boss as kind of an idiot male, so I came up with Mr. Ward. You get a nice little dose of him in chapter two ;)

Again, thanks so much for stopping by to read my story!

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Review #24, by javctThe dreamland of angels: Act 1 – Curtain call

3rd October 2012:

Can I compliment you on your use of dialogue? It's amazing, can I steal your dialogue talent. It just seemed so... natural and un-forced, you also made them sound like normal humans and not people reading from a movie-script, they still stuttered and made human mistakes. Your dialogue is really good.

That said, nothing much happened in this chapter. You introduced a new character who shares her passion for dancing which was good and you showed the readers some of Anastasia's morals which I loved but that was it.

Also, she is on holidays right now right? Does she do her Ballet classes during the holidays because she can't attend them because she goes to Hogwarts? (I just thought I'd check incase I got it wrong)

Are we going to see the mysterious boy on the motorbike *cough*Sirius*cough* at this club? I'd like to think so :P

I think the pace is coming around nicely. The story, to me, flows naturally and doesn't have huge gaping holes between time periods (which annoys me sometimes).

Feel free to re-request!
Jasmine, x

Author's Response: Again, I am going to start by apologins profoundly for taking so long in replying, since i felt escecially guilty when i read this review. I hope i have not made you think i am ungrateful for your words, because i am not. I went throught the roof when i read you liked my dialogue. When i started writing that was one of my weakest points and it has taken me a lot of practice to make my characters sound more natural when talkng to each other.
I had noticed that this chapter is a little loose around the edges, so I am editing it as well. The point of this chapter was to introduce Alicia and her repationship with Anya, how they are different and how they fit toghether. When i first wrote it, this chapter and the next one were supposed to be a single chapter but i cut it because i thought it was too long. But now I've changed my mind. I write long chapters, I need to get used to the idea, because cuttingt hem in half interrupts the story and drags it out.
Yeah, Sirius is goign to come on the the next chapters. Him and James, and belive it or not, Regulus as well.
Im relieved you found the pace and the flow ok. I was so concerned when i first requested. I am eidting the story melting chapters toghether and cutting back unnessecary bits, but your reviews helped me decide the keep the first few chapter as they are, so thank you and again, sorry for the lateness of my reply.
You have been most kind and I hope i can reaquest again, as soon as a spot is available in your thread.

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Review #25, by javctThe dreamland of angels: Epilogue – Here, where all things come to the close...

3rd October 2012:
javct45 finally here with your requested review

First off, I'm sorry for taking so long, real life got in the way for the first time since, well, ever!

Now onto the story. I really like the start of this story -- you have given the main character a decent personality (it's not cliche'd so yay for that!) and I adore how original she is; I mean, I don't that I've ever read a story on the archives of someone who wants to do something non-magical when they leave school.
I also love how you have made her a normal teenage girl, especially when she is noticing how mean she is becoming with her thoughts towards her best friend.

I can't comment about the plot so far but can I take a guess at the boy on the motorbike? Sirius Black? I mean, it's a Sirius/OC story and he owns a motorbike! *i'm probably wrong but ah well*

You mentioned in your areas of concern that you wanted to portray your characters before giving them an adventure and I like your thinking. You have defiantly given Anastasia (I love that name by the way!) strong foundations and good ground to work with. I can't wait to see how she turns out :D

The only critique/question I have is, you said in the story that Anastasia before she was out of the Academy. How is that possible because she goes to Hogwarts?

Apart from that it's brilliant! Onto the next chapter!

Author's Response: Allow me to start with an apology.
Im so very sorry that i neglected to respond for so long, especially since i was the one who requested the review. You have been very kind in your review and I am mortified for the delay.
Im relieved that you found Anya's character refreshing. I am trying to make her as real as i can by giving her a very flawed personality and making her do stuff that aren't that normal for a witch - hence the fancing.
You're right, the guy on the bike is Sirius of course, and the story is aboutt he two of them.
I wanted with this story to try and write romance, and even though it was my first try at somehting so specific as this, i wanted it to be diferent, and I was trying to do that by writing the story ina certain way - with certain characters that fight against their circumstances. And i thought i coudln't make that sound beliavable if the reader didn't get to kow the character well first. But i have finally reached the concusion that i have to speed things alon more.
Anya follows the summer courses of the Academy, and goes to Hogwarts teh rest of the year, but she practices every second she gets in the castle (she has a basic curriculum that gives her more free time than the typical Hogwarts student) - that is explained more in teh later chapters.
Again, I am so sorry for the delay in replying and I thnk you heartedly for the review. I hope i have the chance to request again.

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