Reading Reviews From Member: Ravenclaw333
251 Reviews Found

Review #51, by Ravenclaw333True Romance: The Love You Save (May Be Your Own)

7th July 2014:
House Cup 2014 Review!

I figured I may as well win some points for Ravenclaw with my customary AHH YOU UPDATED verbal flailing. Anyway. Chapter.

I love Rose. Go Rose. Rose is perfect and I love how she was so quick to jump on Archie's comments and how she came by to see Brandon and the baby she's just so lovely and thoughtful and I am a huge huge Rose Weasley fan.

George's advice to Albus was excellent - I can really see him pulling no punches when it comes to giving advice to his nieces and nephews, and you've characterised him really well here.

Brandon's mum is lovely. She's obviously got some old-fashioned ideas but she loves Brandon unconditionally and I love that bit about how she's have been disappointed if he did bend to social norms - it says a lot about both of them and it was just a really lovely detail to throw in.

Fingers crossed for Albus and Brandon to finally see each other again next chapter (no pressure!)


Rose is quite keen to not put up with that kind of talk from people - especially someone new like Archie. OF COURSE SHE HAD TO GO SEE BABY SAVAGE!

I'm glad you like geoerge's advice. I've had mixed feedback on it. You and I see him the same when it comes to advice - it's not often dispersed but is done so with a firm intention.

Bea is a bit old-fashioned as you spotted but I'm so happy her love was also evident. She's definitely accepting of Brandon but has a pull towards tradition. I like having her as a contrast to someone like Archie.

Thank you so much for a beautiful review!

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Review #52, by Ravenclaw333Butterfly Effect: Prologue

6th July 2014:
House Cup 2014 Review!

Ah, Erin, it's up! I'm so excited for this story and can't wait to see where you take everything!

This was a brilliant start - it gives a good introduction to Jenna and of course the tragedy of losing her family. You've included a lot of detail in a short space - the flashbacks of earlier that day, the lasting image of a happy family and how quickly it was torn apart. The shock of everything really comes through, especially in your final line - I wouldn't have expected it if I didn't already know what was going to happen, especially her mum and how there seemed to be some hope for her.

There are a couple of points where you could go over your grammar - ellipses (...) are always three dots, and make sure that dialogue from a new speaker is on a new line. Other than that, though, this is a brilliant start and I'm super excited for the rest of the story!

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Review #53, by Ravenclaw333etc. etc. (and life goes on): V-Day D-Day

6th July 2014:
House Cup 2014 Review!

So I've been following this story for a long time (I remember reading it back when you first posted it, and I've reread it since then) and I don't think words could really do this story justice - it's gloriously written, with perfect characterisation and just the right amount of snark and sarcasm, and the way you've built Hogwarts as a hotbed of scandal and warring organisations and gossip is inspired, especially using Clemence as the disillusioned and cynical narrator at the midst of it all, trying to remain neutral and unaffected and failing. Long story short, this is one of my favourite stories on the archive and has been since about 2011, so major kudos.

This chapter in particular was incredible - it kept me guessing the whole time - the way Clemence swung from hesitation to certainty about the love potion, the brawl in Puddifoot's (I can't get over that, I really can't. It was beautifully done) and Scorpius's very public outing - everything was so unexpected and characteristic of the narrative rollercoaster you have this story on. I feel like I'm almost too invested in the story to comment much on your writing, except that you're a veritable master of this genre and these characters, your comedic timing is impeccable, and the balance of humour and depth of insight into Clemence in particular is perfect. 10/10, brilliant job!

Author's Response: Thank you so much! :3 I'm glad I still have long-time readers. This story's changed so much since then, gone through a crazy rollercoaster of plots because I kept wanting to write different things, that I'm surprised anyone made sense of it. This fic is full of so many things I love--perhaps too many things I love. I love that people love Clemence and it's weird to think how much of myself is in her, and how cathartic it has been to write her. I can't believe this story is almost over, but I get to write it all over again in an original draft, where finally all of this great mess makes sense 8D hopefully I'll find a place for the brawls and mobs and public declarations! It wouldn't feel like etc without it.

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Review #54, by Ravenclaw333an interlude of you.: thoughts from a prison of stone.

6th July 2014:
House Cup 2014 Review!

Kiana, you are going to kill me with your talent before this event is over. This is such an incredible piece, beautiful and melancholic and reverential, and I need to stop spewing adjectives and actually talk about the story.

I love each segment of this, and the way you've split up this story into a string of memories with separate imagery is fantastic. Cartography - I don't know why I have such a thing for cartography imagery but you've used it masterfully here, especially in the very real context of Gellert and Albus's 'Greater Good' plan and how they really were thinking about conquest and dominance and carving up the world - it works so perfectly, adds a sinister aspect to that melancholic reverence, and you can /see/ the way hindsight has affected Gellert's view of everything, not just in that segment but throughout. The 'morning clarity' part is just so perfectly done and so true to the characters and circumstances, and the way you've linked ideas and images throughout this piece is nothing short of masterful.

I'm in awe of your writing, Kiana, I really am, and this is just a shining example of it. 10/10.

Author's Response: Hi Lisa!

Wow, edfhorwferg, just wow, I think you made my month with this review and I'm just so happy right now I could sing or something.

Aw, thank you, I wanted to explore lots of their life but was too lazy to make it really long so this was born through laziness really :P Yay, you got the Greater Good plan here, lots of people missed it so it made me wonder if I had made it clear enough or not, so it's so great that you found it there! Gah, the awful thing such as hindsight, usually I love writing it here but this time it was so painful as Gellert just seemed to miss him and crave these memories so much it was so sad writing it!

Thanks for this amazing review though :D


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Review #55, by Ravenclaw333The Precise Hour: Eggs and Owls

6th July 2014:
House Cup 2014 Review!

Firstly - I love the premise of this story. It's so refreshing to see stories set in other countries, exploring the ways wizards and Muggles interact, and you've done a really good job with that here. Having Hassan and Abdullah constantly interacting with Muggles is an interesting choice and adds another unique layer to the story.

There are a couple of issues that I picked up - you've made a typo here: 'Hassan quickly began talking out some sickles' - I assume that's meant to be 'taking' - and where Hassan talks about how it's not his fault if beautiful women stand by their windows, Abdullah's response should be on a new line. Since you're pretty consistent with that everywhere else, I can only assume it was down to the pressure we were all under time-wise to get Event 3 entries in - if you plan on revising, though, just a couple of things to bear in mind :)

As for the actual story itself - it's beautifully done. You've done a brilliant job with evoking the sense of the culture and society, and the relationship between Hassan and Abdullah in particular is perfect - the lovesick young man and the cautious old man looking out for him. The way you've linked religion and morality also rings very true, and it's something I'd love to see explored more - especially within the context of magic and the wizarding world.

I love the use of the owl Ali as a link between the lovers, and how Hassan grows to appreciate him - his death really hits home, and works so well both within the context of the society and the 'forbidden love' idea and as a symbol of their relationship. Sahar giving him another bird is a lovely touch, and you've tied in everything so well with the song, which really adds to the atmosphere of the piece. Well done!

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Review #56, by Ravenclaw333 a goodbye in three parts: Today

6th July 2014:
House Cup 2014 Review!

This piece is absolutely beautiful,exploring a friendship that I've never really thought about but which makes perfect sense and is evoked so wonderfully in your writing. You've captured Luna's character incredibly well here - her wisdom, her kindness, the way she brings hope and how her friendship is a gift. I adore the line "I've added you to my ceiling, Dean Thomas," - it's such a simple line that means so much and, to me, really shows the depth of their friendship - that Luna has added him to the paintings in her bedroom and that he recognises and remembers, even thirty years later, how pivotal that was. Your final line ties in so wonderfully with that, and really brings the piece together. I love how you've written the war, and how you've managed to contrast such opposing ideas as the war and Luna's peacetime funeral without altering the tone. You use repetition incredibly effectively - the "things he needs to stop doing/things he needs to avoid" lines are perfect, with just the right amount of melancholy and urgency required for the battle - it's masterful.

I have one tiny criticism which is so inconsequential I feel bad pointing it out, but you have Luna saying she lost her mother when she was six, while canonically she was nine. It's such a minor detail and certainly doesn't detract anything from your writing, but you might want to fix it in later revisions.

Incredible piece, beautifully written and poignant, and a real testimony to your skill. Well done!

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Review #57, by Ravenclaw333True Romance: A View to a Kill

6th July 2014:










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Review #58, by Ravenclaw333If You Asked Me Now: Who Is It?

3rd July 2014:

This is honestly so sweet and wonderfully done, and I love the use of hindsight and the theme of how, even though her perception of who her best friend is has changed over time, it has always been Ginny and she realises that now she's older - it's really true to the nature of mother/daughter relationships and you've done it so well! I love the background details of the other 'best friends' and how formative and important they were to her, and how their influence on her life hasn't been negated by her realisation that her mother has always been her real best friend. And the bit about Harry was really sweet - I can totally picture him doing that and Lily being his little girl and asdgghkdsl Potter family feelings everywhere.

Gorgeous one-shot!

Author's Response: Hey hon! Thanks so much for the review! You're too sweet and I'm so glad that you liked this. This one shot is probably one of my favorites that I've written so far. Then again, I say that about everything!
xoxo Sarah

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Review #59, by Ravenclaw333Hero: Hero

28th June 2014:
Oh wow. This piece is so bittersweet and beautiful and poignant, and the way you've tied everything together at the end with the theme of heroism is really, really well done. You've captured the struggle of the family dealing with Alzheimers so well - the scene where Harry doesn't recognise his granddaughter is heartbreaking, but you've still managed to end it on a note that's not quite happy but gives a glimpse of hope and acceptance. Beautiful piece and a well-deserved win :)

Author's Response: Hello!

Wow, thank you so much! Getting such lovely feedback on this story really means a lot to me and I really appreciate it. Dementia is a very difficult disease in how it affects the person involved and the rest of the family, but I loved working on this and the hint of hope and happiness at the end. :)

Thank you so much for the wonderful review! ♥

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Review #60, by Ravenclaw333Event Three - Ginny's Story: Ginny and Arnold

26th June 2014:
Hiya, here for the review swap!

Ahh, you picked Ginny to write about for your House Cup entry! I adore her, so I'm really interested to see what you do with the other two prompts for her. This chapter was really sweet and fits the prompt perfectly - Arnold is clearly a source of comfort to Ginny and the year of the Death Eater occupation is one where she desperately needs that comfort. You've done a really good job at showing the stress she's under and everything she's struggling with - the absence of her friends, the danger her family's in, the reign of the Carrows and the way the other students look to her for leadership and guidance. I like the way you've made Arnold not only comfort Ginny but inspire her to restart the DA - it's a really nice touch.

Plus Arnold is adorable.

Awesome entry, and go Ravenclaw!

Author's Response: Hi!

Thanks for this review - my first review for my first entry for my first house cup! Woo hoo! Ravenclaw!

Ok - that is out of my system. This is a really sweet review and I thank you for it. I actually do not like this chapter very much, but I felt the pressure to get all three entries in. I have some ideas how to rewrite it. I may go back after the House Cup and fix it up.

I'm glad that Ginny's angst came across in this. I've always imagined that it would be so incredibly hard to be the one who stays behind. You probably feel so helpless and out of control. Plus, it was the first time in Ginny's life that she didn't have ANY family around. No siblings were at Hogwarts with her. Harry and Hermione were gone too and Luna had been kidnapped off the Christmas train. This day represents the low point in her sixth year. She was always a true Gryffindor, who would rather have been fighting outright than sitting back and biding her time. I just wish I had conveyed that a little better.

Anyway, thanks so much for the swap!


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Review #61, by Ravenclaw333Violet Hill: a glimpse of infinity.

26th June 2014:
Oh, wow. Wow wow wow wow wow.

Ahem. I'm going to attempt something approaching coherency now. This is stunning, stunning writing, Kiana. The language and imagery you use is beautiful, and the connection between Scorpius's emotional state and the physicality of the Thestral is brilliantly done. I love the thoughts of infinity, eternity and the nature of life and death which it sparks within him - it's a very real response to both the grief and a creature so closely linked with death. Everything about this just fits perfectly - there's a reflective stillness about this scene which you've managed to evoke perfectly through your writing. It's haunting without being frightening, poignant without being heartbreaking - you've struck a perfect balance in tone, and everything about this piece just lingers in the mind. I could wax lyrical about this piece all night, but I think I've already exhausted my vocabulary and if I keep going I'm going to get into weird figurative language and allusions to obscure books, so I'll wrap this up now. Incredible writing, 10/10.

Author's Response: Wah thanks for this amazing review Lisa!

I just have no words on how to respond as I'm just in awe of this amazingness so I'm going to sit here and just squee. Ha, all the mentions about eternity and death is just my philosophy student side coming out, the amount of times I've included those ideas into my writing is a little worrying but hey, I'll just roll with it. :P I feel as if this is a terrible response but I have no other words other thank you, thank you, thank you! :D


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Review #62, by Ravenclaw333Invisible in Death: Ghostly Day

26th June 2014:
I've seen this story a couple of times while stalking your author page (we do a lot of review swaps!) and I'm glad I finally checked it out! I think Myrtle is one of the most misrepresented/misunderstood characters in HP and it pains me every time she's used as comic relief and nothing else, and you've done a really good job presenting her here as a complex and tragic character. It honestly hurt so much to read this - how lonely she was, the way she was mercilessly bullied and how Olive's teasing her about her glasses was the straw that broke the camel's back, as it were. You present her with so much sympathy, and I really like the insights into the ghost world as well and her conversation with the Grey Lady. And, oh man, that line "You care now that I'm dead, none of you talked to me while I was alive" KILLED me.

Wonderful story, poignant and insightful. Great job as always!

Author's Response: I don't know where to start with this lovely review! One, I'm glad this story had curb-appeal. Two, I kind of died squeeing because you liked her characterization (espec. compared to other portrayals of Myrtle).

I don't think I've read many stories that feature Myrtle - but I do agree that she's often boiled down to a charactericture. I wrote this as a part of showing a Ravenclaw in a story and she was my first choice because of how often she's not given any depth.

It's vindictive, but I'm glad it was painful to read. I did feel a bit of angst while writing it too. When I was researching Myrtle and coming up with these events, I did start to sympathize with her more than I have in the past.

The ghost world stuff was really a carryover from my writer's duel entry from February. I couldn't help but connect the two stories with the Grey Lady.

Thank you so much for a wonderful review!


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Review #63, by Ravenclaw333Friendship never dies: Friendship never dies

25th June 2014:
Hiya! Here for that review swap you offered!

So I've been wanting to read this since you posted your summary in the CR and you did not disappoint! Full disclaimer: I love Remus and Sirius. I absolutely adore them and I will read any relationship of them - best friends, soulmates, lovers (I'm a Wolfstar shipper at heart but even their friendship in canon is sacred to me) but you've brought them to life at a whole new level and it's amazing to see. Your characterisation is perfect, spot on, flawless (insert synonyms here) and you've managed the difference in tone and voice between them as teenagers and as older men. I LOVE the addition of Sirius's voice from beyond the veil, watching Remus - the desperation at seeing him like that, contrasted with the humour and teasing that epitomised their friendship in life - it's really well done. And the final note of hope and knowledge that even separated by death they will never leave each other is such a brilliant way to end it - there's a line in the Iliad where Achilles says he will never forget Patroclus, even in the Underworld where men forget all memories of the living, and that line hit me like a tonne of bricks when I read the final sentence of this story (fun fact for you there)

Brilliant, brilliant piece!

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Review #64, by Ravenclaw333A New Moon: A New Moon

25th June 2014:

Author's Response: AH this is so sweet and the best best thing to wake up to!

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Review #65, by Ravenclaw333Event Three - Lament: A Giant and a Phoenix

23rd June 2014:

No but really, you've done an incredible job capturing Grawp's POV here - I've never given him much thought before, but you've given him a voice, thoughts, feelings and fears that are so incredibly real, building and expanding on his characterisation in the books - he's so innocent and childlike, and the details you've added about him being bullied are made more poignant by that. This is just a really, really beautiful piece (and I'm sorry for any incoherence but it's nearly 4am and this kind of blew me away, so.) Awesome, awesome work - and GO RAVENCLAW!


I'm so glad! I was super worried about Grawp, to be honest, and I'm super happy that you think I've managed to develop his character while staying close to the books. Hearing/seeing that you feel his thoughts and fears were real is so good to hear, and I really do think that being bullied would affect everyone no matter what species they were. And no, this was such a lovely review to receive, don't apologise for anything!

Thanks for such an amazing review Lisa, and celsa sub conveniant aquila sapientes mentes! (is it bad that I feel proud for being able to recite that from memory? Yes, yes it is. :P) RAVENCLAW!

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Review #66, by Ravenclaw333Love in Three Acts: Epilogue: After the Curtain Fell

11th June 2014:
I hope you forgive me for not reviewing the third chapter but I just had to fast forward and see if there was a reconciliation between Remus and Sirius after the betrayal - my heart still hurts a little, and I was really worried this chapter would be about Sirius's death (I'm so glad it isn't, by the way, I don't think I could handle that much emotion in one sitting)

I really loved this chapter, though - not least because you gave my shipper heart some hope again. This whole scene was just perfectly handled - Sirius just casually dropping by, the way their familiarity and knowledge of each other comes through despite all the tension and all the painful history between them, and Remus's reluctance to dive headfirst back into a relationship. It's one thing I've noticed about your characters - they don't go running back to things that have hurt them at the slightest hint of reconciliation, and it's really refreshing to see Remus taking his time, not making any promises. A fantastic story all around, wonderfully bittersweet, and thank you for writing this!

Author's Response: I know I'm responding out of order but I couldn't help it. I dont' blame you for skipping straight to this one. I almost didn't write this epilogue but thought people would need a ray of hope after reading their betrayal chapter. I wanted this chapter to set up their relationship during OotP and HBP which I write about in other stories (as friends, not more than that).

I'm so happy you liked this chapter!! I wanted it to feel like their old friendship but not quite the old relationship. My Remus is very hesitant to love. I just can't let my characters jump into a bed of thorns because they see a rose in the middle. (wow - that got poetic) Yay!!! I'm really thrilled you enjoyed this little story!! :D

Thank you for the awesome review!


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Review #67, by Ravenclaw333Love in Three Acts: Act 2: Romance

9th June 2014:
Hi! Here for the review swap you offered!

I keep meaning to come back to this story - I had every intention of continuing when I read the first chapter, and I'm glad you offered the swap so I could! As I mentioned before, Remus and Sirius is my ultimate OTP and you've presented them exactly how I've always imagined them during the war - in a long-term relationship, but kept relatively quiet - and, of course, fighting in the war. Your characterisation of both is spot on, and I really like your Sirius here, especially his approach to missions and that recklessness which is evident even years later after he escapes from Azkaban. The dynamic with the Marauders is great as well - the subtle digs and innuendos they trade amongst each other really brings them to life and illustrates their friendship perfectly.

And as for the story itself - whoa, I did not see that last bit coming - though having said that, you did set up the moment quite well with little hints that their relationship is in trouble. Something tells me the next chapter is going to be heartbreaking (then again, isn't all Wolfstar?) But brilliant job here, as always!

Author's Response: Whoo! I'm happy you came back to this. :D Before writing this I hadn't tried to put Sirius/Remus together but now I ship them (at least as far as it doesn't contradict canon). ;)

I like to think that their close friends (and people who saw them socially) knew they were a couple but a new person might not know or pick up on it. If I were doing a novel I'd probably hash that out a little more. I can't tell you how excited I am that you liked their friendships and that whole group of people. They're a fun bunch to write. :D

The song that this is based on is what led me to a dramatic, unexpected ending like that for each chapter. It was kind of fun to walk through the hints and then hit people with the kiss.

You're right about the next chapter. :P And I'm not sorry. Thank you so much for a lovely review! I'm so happy you enjoyed this!


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Review #68, by Ravenclaw333True Romance: Mr. Kiss Kiss Bang Bang

9th June 2014:
Another fantastic chapter! I love the triple perspective here, having snippets of Scorpius, Albus and Rose along with all their issues - please keep it up!

Ooh, Corbin. I'm really not sure how I feel about him - he seems quite full on considering it's early days in the relationship, and he comes across as quite possessive - I'm really interested to see how things play out re. Albus now there's a jealous boyfriend in the mix.

Albus and Brandon going on a date! You've set up the tension between them really well, and it's obvious they still have feelings for each other without being angsty about it - it's a very reciprocal thing going on and it's lovely to see, especially given Albus's past relationship issues.

And I love Rose's storyline here - I love me some good romance, but she brings something new to the story with her career issues and makes the whole thing even more relatable. Can't wait to see where you're going with this, and an excellent chapter!

Author's Response: I can't tell you how exciting it was to wake up to a review on a new and shiny chapter (and that you were excited to have been first). I think I'll always have a triple perspective chapter - though it won't always be the same three.

Haha, no one really likes Corbin right now. :-/ I guess I thought that would happen. If it's any consolation, Scorpius likes him (and he even likes the possessive bit too). It might get interesting for Scorpius with Albus trying to scuttle his relationship.

Brandon and Albus haven't really seen a lot of angst between them. That's just now kind of struck me. But, they are very much into each other. I think if Al hadn't been so lost/broken in Pure Intentions they would have stayed together.

Rose is definitely the non-romance story line here. I might weave some into her story arc but it's not her main purpose in the story.

I probably won't have time for another chapter for a week+ between the HC and grading finals this week. :-/ I'm excited to see what you think about where I take this!!

Thank you for a fab review!

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Review #69, by Ravenclaw333Actions Speak Louder than Words: Blown Away: Scorpius POV

7th June 2014:
Wow. Just - wow. Your characters really do have some horror in their backstories, don't they?

This memory was really well done - you can hear Scorpius's voice as a fifteen-year-old coming through the memory, and the accident really comes out of nowhere, making the shock he feels that much more real. Prefacing it with his fight with his parents and his annoyance with the Muggle neighbour just adds to that shock, and his guilt at leaving his parents after an argument is obvious by the way he remembers the day so many years later.

The details you've added about him and Rose show a new dimension of their relationship - the fact that he still has feelings for her, and once again calling to mind their history together. And the line "She touched me, and let me touch her" seems so simple, but says so much - the fact that he's noticed something's wrong, and that until now she hasn't let him touch her at all - it's very telling. Wonderful chapter, and I really enjoyed this insight into Scorpius's POV.

Author's Response: Hi!

Thank you for this amazing review! Yeah, I have damaged Rose and Scorp, huh? I really wanted them to need each other on a deeper level. I want them to help bring each other back from their horrible pasts. Hopefully, it will happen :)

Thanks for noticing the details. I'm glad it was a shock to you - that's what I was going for - yay! I was so excited to see that you felt the memory was well done. This was something that I was concerned about (mainly because I am the furthest thing from a 15-year old pure blood wizard that you could possibly get).

I hope you continue reading! I really value your reviews.

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Review #70, by Ravenclaw333True Romance: Such Great Heights

31st May 2014:
Ooh, things are getting interesting! I like Rose's role in this chapter - she and Albus obviously have quite a close relationship, and I like how you've dealt with her career crisis and not wanting to disappoint her mother. Having her talk to Brandon was a nice touch, and helps develop both of them a bit further outside their relationships with Albus.

Albus himself has certainly been busy! You've handled his different feelings for Scorpius and Brandon well, without any kind of moralising about whether he should or shouldn't be kissing them, which is really refreshing to see. Obviously the seeds for some future tension have been sown here though, and I look forward to seeing where this goes!

Author's Response: Hello!

You get a prize for being the first to review this chapter. By prize, I mean a thank you!

Albus and Rose are quite close. I feel like they were a bit distant in Pure Intentions because of Albus' broken heart. I will be having more scenes where Al isn't at teh center of everything. :) Mainly because I like variety.

Albus will keep on kissing freely for a while - until he heart makes him pick one. I didn't think it would do the plot well for him to agonize over what to do and not do anyhting instead. ;) Oh, there will be quite a bit of tension between Al et al.

Thank you so much for a wonderful review! I hope to hve more out in a few days.


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Review #71, by Ravenclaw333True Romance: New Slang

29th May 2014:
Heya! Here for that review swap you offered!

I did intend to read this story anyway, so thanks for the opportunity! (and a reason to actually review as I go, rather than ploughing through the whole thing and leaving a brief couple of lines on the last chapter, like I did with Pure Intentions)

This is a really good first chapter - even if you're not sure about it, you've set the scene really well in terms of the relationships between all these boys. I love how Albus has progressed from using romance as a crutch to being able to let go and have a bit of fun with other guys like Derrick - that was a nice touch and shows exactly how far he's come from Pure Intentions.

The obvious tension between him and Scorpius, and the enduring attraction between him and Brandon really promises to make things interesting as the story progresses - I can't wait to see where you go with this!

I really like the relationship between James and Albus too. They seem to be best mates and flatmates as much as brothers, and it's really nice to see that connection and easy friendship between them. Albus being wingman for James was a perfect way of cementing that.

Overall an awesome start, can't wait to read more!

Author's Response: Hello!!!

Whoo! It'll be interesting to get your feedback throughout.

Whew, I'm really glad it sets the stage well. I dunno, first chapters are always kind of weird for me. Albus has progressed quite a bit from his emotional crutch status in Pure Intentions.

hehe, I liked making him still into both guys. Most of the story will be about them and whether they get back together. :D

After Pure Intentions, I thought I had ignored James a bit too much and it seemed like a good idea to show their relationship more. I like to think they're pretty close although they can annoy each other. They kind of remind me of Bill and Charlie sometimes (or at least how I imagine they were).

Thank you so much for a wonderful review! I hope to have the next chapter out this weekend.


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Review #72, by Ravenclaw333Devlin Potter: Riddle and Rescue: The Informant

23rd May 2014:
Here for that review swap you offered!

I've seen your status updates for this story and I've always been curious about it. You have a really interesting AU here - Voldemort and Sirius alive, the war still going, Harry with different kids and a different wife, and I can already see the potential for some really dramatic/horrific stuff.

I particularly love what you've done with Harry, seeing how the continuation of the war has changed him - this line is really striking: "The thought always proved to him, over and over again, how far he had traveled from innocence." The way he's still trying to be 'golden' and a hero really rings true, even though the war has damaged him and filled him with hatred - it's easy to make characters OOC in AUs, but you've done an excellent job in staying true to Harry here. Brilliant start!

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Review #73, by Ravenclaw333Between Here And Somewhere: Between Here And Somewhere

23rd May 2014:
Hey! Sorry it's taken me so long to get onto these reviews I owe you!

This piece is amazing, it really is. You do a remarkable job of bringing your characters completely to life in your one shots, and this is a stunning example of that. The way you've characterised Nina is flawless, first as a sister missing her brother, then a daughter bound by duty to stay at home while Amos travels, and finally (and most poignantly) as a young woman constrained by fear. I wasn't expecting that to come up at all, which I think is the most amazing thing - even within the story Nina manages to disguise her real reasons for staying at home, and the excuses she gives to her father and to the guests ring so true that even the reader is fooled into thinking that's all it is.

The way you've described her fear is perfect as well - the irrationality, the self-awareness, the isolation that comes from knowing nobody will ever understand the nature or extent of that anxiety - it's incredibly well done.

I loved your choice of why she's afraid - the bus in Cardiff seems like such a minor incident to outside eyes, but its effect on her is immediate and obvious (as is so often the case with anxiety/phobia related issues - it really emphasises her isolation and frustration with herself, and I have to commend you for that)

The way you've threaded her wanderlust throughout the story adds such a layer of bittersweet wistfulness - she wants nothing more than to travel and see the world, but at the same time she's too afraid, and I can't really put into words how much I appreciate seeing something like that in fic - the way you've shown how debilitating anxiety is, but at the same time you've included hope. She may not be ready to travel yet, but one day she will, and she's already working on leaving the house - her sanctuary - behind.

Overall an amazing piece of writing with perfect capturing of emotions, and I'm still a little bit blown away as I write this. Stunning work!

Author's Response: Hi Lisa! Don't worry about it, I understand that real life can get busy (not to mention that you pretty much wrote an entire novel in less than two months so you have my adoring worship because WOAH)

Wow, thank you! I'm honoured at your lovely compliments and really happy that you enjoyed Nina's characterisation. She's using every excuse in the book to cover up her fear because she's scared of admitting it, scared of her own fear and the way people might react and I think that's heartbreaking, particularly as there doesn't seem to be much mention in the books on how people cope with trauma. Look at the Longbottoms, locked up in St. Mungo's when they could easily live in a care home or an assisted living facility. I'm really pleased her excuses were able to convince you though because I wanted this story to be as realistic as possible and to do the subject of agoraphobia justice.

I actually googled agoraphobia to research it more thoroughly prior to writing this one-shot and found out that most agoraphobics don't consciously realise the real reason they're so afraid and it's through therapy that the counsellor works with them to go through their memories and discover why they're so afraid and I wanted Nina to have that. I wanted the agoraphobia to be realistic, and most of my research suggested that it was a gradual process so that's why I made her slowly recede from Cardiff to the village then to the street then the garden until eventually she's trapped inside her own home.

Thank you so much! The wanderlust was actually down to last year's HC -- the theme was travel, and I wanted to do something unique so I came up with Nina who wanted to travel but was held back by her own anxiety. Unfortunately, when I tried to write the one-shot back then it didn't feel like good enough so I left it to simmer in my head and then nine months later there was the Writer's Duo and one of the prompts was travel which seemed like the perfect motivation to pick up this story again, particularly since my partner (who wrote about Amos' journey across the world) loved the idea! I'm really honoured by your lovely comments because making this story realistic was my main aim while writing and it appears that I've done that judging by what you've said.

This review was so lovely to read so thank you so much, Lisa ♥

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Review #74, by Ravenclaw333Actions Speak Louder than Words: Bent: Rose POV

21st May 2014:
This is another incredible chapter - you started strong with your opening chapter and you've really kept that going with this one. I felt for Rose this whole scene, with the party and the drunk man and just the overwhelming terror she felt, and the way you've set up her relationship with Scorpius as someone who makes her feel safe is so important. You've continued to include little snippets of them from their Hogwarts years, which gives their relationship added depth and history, and does a really good job at emphasising how close they are, and how important they are to each other.

I have to commend you again on how you deal with the issues in this story and your portrayal of Rose's anxiety - as I said before, I really felt for her in this scene, and I can't emphasise how important it is to see characters who struggle with things like this. Incredible job once again, and I'll definitely be back for the next chapter!

Author's Response: Hi!

I was so excited to see that you came back for another chapter! I am glad to hear that you find Rose's emotional state portrayed realistically. I didn't want to gloss over the phases of dealing with a crisis when you are trying to keep it from everyone. I chose to start the story right around the two year anniversary of Rose's kidnapping, so that she has gone through (and is still going through) the emotional turmoil of it all, but is on the brink of being ready to move on.

I also am a huge ScoRose shipper, but I wanted this story to be more than just the two of them being together - they need each other. If you decide to read on, you will see that he needs her just as much.

Thanks for the review!


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Review #75, by Ravenclaw333Love in Three Acts: Act 1: Friendship

19th May 2014:
Here for the review battle!

This story caught my attention right away - Remus and Sirius are my ultimate OTP, and you've already encompassed everything I love about the pairing in this first chapter! The banter and the easy friendship between all four boys was really well done, and the way you've introduced the initial attraction between Remus and Sirius suits them and their situation well. I like the little details you give about their families as well - Sirius's comments about Regulus and the Tower of London, Peter and his Muggle family - you've put them all in their wider contexts and I enjoyed seeing some of the innovations you've come up with. Overall, brilliant first chapter!

Author's Response: Ah! Thank you so much!

It's kind of funny that I'm so into this ship because my OTP is Remus/Tonks.

I'm so happy that you like how I've handled their relationship. I really like writing bits from the Marauder Era - the friendships and intricacies are a delight to write. I couldn't make their friendship turn to romance over night but wanted it look like a long-coming emotional build-up.

It's so exciting that you liked the extra bits I threw in to make their world a little more comprehensive.

Thank you so much for an awesome review!


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