Reading Reviews From Member: Ravenclaw333
  
244 Reviews Found

Review #26, by Ravenclaw333Acanthus: The Tale of Acanthus

9th July 2014:
House Cup 2014 Review

So I have such a weakness for seeing characters through the eyes of others and I think it just gives them so much more depth and complexity and it's the best thing because I adore characterisation and so I love seeing Rose through Scorpius's eyes, it brings out these new aspects to her and I love the comments about how she's always so confident and sure of herself, and the line about how she 'charged into people's lives unexpectedly.'

So, yeah. I'm really excited about the change in perspective for this chapter - and the insights into Scorpius's character and career. Translating hieroglyphics sounds wicked awesome.

And the mythology makes an appearance! I'm so excited for this story, I really am, and the way you've already questioned the lines between history and myth is awesome and I can't wait okay this is my jam

ROSE IS SO IMPULSIVE OH MY GOD ROSE WHAT ARE YOU DOING I UNDERSTAND YOU WANT TO MAKE A NAME FOR YOURSELF BUT WOW

GRYFFINDORS AMIRITE

Dalila and her family are lovely and so well characterised and I kind of love them. And Rose is going! And she's taking Dalila! I'm so excited!

Onward!

Author's Response: Hi again!

I'm really glad you liked it too, as I'm a massive fan of it because then you just get a wider perspective and when writing if one character's being annoying you can always hope that the other one will be nicer so you cna switch to them :P

Yay for excitement and Scorpius, anything to do with him is pretty exciting if I am being honest :p (massive Scorpius fan sitting right here in case you didn't guess :P)

Yayyayayaya for it being your jam as it will come up again and again and again and pretty much again until you're annoyed with it.

DON'T WORRY IT'S JUST GRYFFIES BEING A BIT CRAY CRAY AS USUAL.

Yay it's turning into a group outing so whoo it should be fun! Thanks for another fab review though :D

-Kiana


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Review #27, by Ravenclaw333Acanthus: Souks and Surprises

9th July 2014:
House Cup 2014 Review

I'm going to restrain myself from gushing about your imagery for the next eighteen chapters because that may get a bit repetitive, but you do such a fantastic job of bringing this story and its setting to life, and I couldn't let that pass without comment.

I love Rose. I love her overeagerness and the way she comes across as a bit too forward - whether that's inexperience or cultural difference or a mixture of both - and it's a really good detail to throw in. The scene with Dalila was well done, and you've captured the speech pattern of a non-native English speaker well. The contrast between Rose before and after the interview is excellent - the way a small success can change your whole outlook on where you are and what you're doing.

Scorpius is a Ravenclaw! I can't wait to meet him in this story

FEELING BAD FOR TURNING DOWN SHOPKEEPERS/PEOPLE TRYING TO SELL YOU STUFF I KNOW THAT FEELING SO WELL I AM EXACTLY LIKE ROSE

Ah yay! Scorpius! Do I detect a bit of attraction on Rose's part?

Onwards!

Author's Response: Bahaha, it's fine as it makes me smile a ton! I'm so glad that you like it though and that it gives the story setting because whoo everyone loves that!

Yay for Rose too! I'm glad you liked her forwardness, because I was sort of going for a mix there, because when I've been in Arabic countries I've always noticed westerners are a lot more forward than everyone else. I'm glad you liked the Dalila scene as it's the start of something big really.

Of course he's a Ravenclaw, all the best people are in that house so he had to be part of it too :P

I FEEL BAD FOR IT TOO. ESPECIALLY WHEN MY MUM'S LIKE ASK FOR A LOWER PRICE THEY EXPECT BUT I CAN'T AS I FEEL MEAN SO I END UP PAYING THE FULL OVERPRICED PRICE.

Ooh maybe you do ;)

Thanks for another great review, Lisa! :D

-Kiana


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Review #28, by Ravenclaw333Acanthus: Spectrum

9th July 2014:
House Cup 2014 Review

Hi Kiana!

I've been meaning to read this story for a while now - it's been on my list for ages and keeps catching my eye - ancient cities? Mythology? Rose Weasley? Yes please - and I figured itís time I sat down to R&R.

This chapter drew me in from the beginning. You have a gift for imagery, and I could picture the scene perfectly in my head - the bustle of the office, the "festival feel" and the frantic rush to get everything finished before the deadline. I loved your introduction of Rose - you've painted a very clear picture of her right from the beginning, as a serious and ambitious young woman wanting to escape her parents' shadow - and having her as less successful than her parents and Hugo as well is something I haven't seen many authors do with Rose before. And Molly a squib! I'm already fascinated by your interpretation of the Next Gen characters - and Ginny! This is beyond perfect.

I'm reviewing as I read for the first time, so I should probably cut this short and move on to the next chapter before you end up with an essay. Brilliant first chapter!

Author's Response: Hi Lisa!

Haha, yes I love all sorts of things like that too, so now it's finished it's like give me more, give me more, I can't let it go now!

I'm so glad that you liked it because this was the first time I actually took care with my description and tried to make it work, so this chapter will always be very dear to my heart for that reason :P Yay for Rose! I already wrote the successful version of her where she's loved by all so I really wanted to write a different one because I figured it would be a lot more fun that way, so I'm glad you liked it!

Thanks for this fab review, and I wouldn't have minded an essay at all! :D

-Kiana


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Review #29, by Ravenclaw333Riddikulus: Riddikulus

8th July 2014:
House Cup 2014 Review - Educational Decree #4

Oh, wow. This is such a heartwarming piece and so perfectly done - I had never thought about Minerva's guilt before, the way she would blame herself for every child in her care - because they were children, those who fought in the Battle - who didn't make it, who died on the front lines - this entire scene hit home and is so poignant - you've really shown the scars war leaves behind even on the strongest of people and the cruel, cruel reality of the casualties in the Battle of Hogwarts.

Winky's scene here is perfect. The way you've captured her hesitation, her uncertainty at being treated like an equal or a friend, which is something she's always struggled with, and how she comes through that to offer Minerva words of comfort and truth - it's so moving, and you've done a phenomenal job with this whole piece. Well done.

Author's Response: I'm glad you enjoyed it! I know that Winky/McGonagall seems like an odd pair at first, but I really thought they would balance each other out.

Minevra certainly has survivors guilt, and I thought it may be the only thing that make her break down at the end of the war.

I'm so glad you enjoyed it! Thanks for the wonderful review!



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Review #30, by Ravenclaw333Event 3 ~~ Sunlight, Moonlight: Sunlight, Moonlight

8th July 2014:
House Cup 2014 Review - Educational Decree #4

Hey Leonore! I remember you posting about this in the CR during Event 3, and even though you don't normally write fluff I think you've done a really good job with this piece! You've captured the atmosphere beautifully, and I love your characterisation of Ollivander - simultaneously reverential and pragmatic, and the contrast between the beauty of the moment and Ollivander's concerns about collecting materials for wandmaking really brings that out. There's something sacred in the moment you've created here, and it really is very well done.

Good work!

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Review #31, by Ravenclaw333My Little Secrets: Moonlight

7th July 2014:
House Cup 2014 Review!

I KNEW IT WAS TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE EVEN THIS TINY LITTLE CHAPTER AND THAT LITTLE SLIVER OF HOPE AND HAPPINESS OF COURSE IT'S ALL A LIE

Ahem. Seeing how Lucy's family have rallied around her is so awesome to see, like it seemed that for such a long time it was just Gwen trying to keep Lucy's head above water and she was failing because it's such a huge burden to bear and nobody can do it alone, but now her extended family are looking out for her as best they can and Fred's writing her letters and it would be SO SWEET EXCEPT FOR THAT END BIT

I love the second to last paragraph, though. Beautiful imagery and a beautiful scene and it just makes my heart ache because of EVERYTHING Sarah why

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Review #32, by Ravenclaw333My Little Secrets: Irregular Beats

7th July 2014:
House Cup 2014 Review!

SARAH WHAT HAVE YOU DONE

OH NO

I know I should have expected something like this BECAUSE I SORT OF KNOW WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN BUT STILL OH MY GOD

Okay I'm happy that Lucy's in St Mungo's getting treatment (I hope) for her eating disorder but I feel terrible for her that it got to this point and she's just going to struggle even more and she feels so guilty and WHY I WAS NOT PREPARED FOR THIS

And given you hate Quidditch and hospital scenes you did a pretty good job of this, especially the Quidditch scene because she was bantering with her cousins and everything seemed to be going well and then YOU HIT ME WITH THIS (also I totally agree with Gwen, hospitals are labyrinthine and I don't know why)

AND A COMMON CONDITION AMONGST WHAT

IT IS TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING FOR THESE EMOTIONS I'M SO WORRIED

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Review #33, by Ravenclaw333My Little Secrets: Harmful or Helpful?

7th July 2014:
House Cup 2014 Review!

This was such a nice chapter, and a real glimmer of hope compared to previous ones - it's really nice to see Lucy have a good day, making a concentrated effort to have a good day, look after herself and make things good for Gwen - I like how you showed that struggle, though, and the way she had to constantly and consciously choose to ignore that invasive voice in her head. And Gwen's support and understanding here is just perfect, and the bit about how Lucy hasn't seen her smile that brightly in a long time just hurts in all the right ways.

I'm really worried about the next few chapters though - this happiness isn't going to last, is it? /knocks wood

Onwards!

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Review #34, by Ravenclaw333My Little Secrets: The Walls Are Falling Down Around Us

7th July 2014:
House Cup 2014 Review!

God. This chapter. This chapter was fantastic, full of turmoil and desperation and pain and it's AMAZING. You did an excellent job with portraying that turmoil in your style of writing, and those last few paragraphs were perfect, just perfect, the way they showed how much Gwen is taking on trying to look after Lucy and Lucy's realisation that in hurting herself she's hurting the girl she loves - it was written so well, and her awareness, her knowledge that things are falling apart and there's nothing she can do to stop it - ahhh. I have no words except that you've gotten inside Lucy's head and you bring us there too and it's desperate and hurting and messy and so GOOD and I love love love this line:

A fragmented relationship held together by the intertwining of hands.

Perfect.

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Review #35, by Ravenclaw333My Little Secrets: When Things Were That Easy

7th July 2014:
House Cup 2014 Review!

Firstly, I loved the flashback here. I remember reading this back when I was reading/reviewing your entries for the Ladies Loving Ladies challenge and recognising a certain something in your style - the way you write characters falling in love, being enraptured by the other and reverential, I suppose, is such a credit to you and such a distinctive part of what I've always associated with your writing, so kudos.

The meeting with the parents was really well done, as well. Lucy's anxiety was so well done and believable, and I'm glad you made her parents so supportive - though disappointed that Lucy didn't tell them earlier. It really rings true as an understandable reaction, especially coming from parents who obviously already know something of Lucy's fragile mental state. I wish more writers imbued their parental figures with the understanding and sensitivity you've shown here from the Weasleys, because nine times out of ten they really do just want the best for their kids.

Excellent chapter!

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Review #36, by Ravenclaw333My Little Secrets: The Voices Inside Your Head

7th July 2014:
House Cup 2014 Review!

So I have to confess I've read this first chapter a couple of times and haven't reviewed because I'm terrible, but I'm (hopefully) going to make up for that now.

Firstly, I love the premise of this story, and you're really taking the road less travelled by having a character who is both gay and struggling with an eating disorder - there's already such a complexity to Lucy and you've handled that complexity so far with ease, sympathy and sensitivity, while making Lucy's emotions real (so real, so many of these lines really hit home, especially the invasive thoughts caused by her eating disorder, and kudos to you for portraying them so well) Obviously the details on what happened at the party are a bit hazy, but whatever happened to out her - God, I feel so terrible, I really do, because any kind of attention at all makes her nervous and brings her self-loathing to a head and I can't imagine what it would be like to be outed without even remembering it, in such a public setting.

Fantastic start! Onwards!

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Review #37, by Ravenclaw333Event 3: At Night's End: The sun sings lullabies.

7th July 2014:
House Cup 2014 Review!

Do you ever just read a piece of prose so beautiful you have to sit back and take a moment to rethink your entire life? Because that's what this piece just made me do.

This is such a beautiful and heartwarming friendship that you've explored here, and your characterisation of Luna through the eyes of Ollivander is nothing short of perfect. I love Ollivander himself, and that line about controlling and exploiting magic through skill and scholarship is such a wonderful one and so very Ravenclaw, and there's so much beauty in knowledge and even more in the things we cannot know or understand completely, and everything about this piece just seems threaded through with something beautiful and otherwordly. The dawn light, the physical presence and tangibility of magic - the exploration of these makes your writing shine. You have such a flair for perfect imagery and perfect description and this piece is just beautiful, there's no other word for it, completely and utterly beautiful and a joy to read.

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Review #38, by Ravenclaw333a slow shattering: the mirror thrown to the ground

7th July 2014:
House Cup 2014 Review!

God, Emily, this story is incredible.

You write the horror of Lavender's situation so well, and her trauma and her hopelessness and the way nobody takes her seriously, and her fear - her fear is palpable, tangible, terrifying in and of itself and you've done such a wonderful, wonderful job with this piece, I'm in awe.

This is one of those stories that leaves me without capability of anything approaching coherent thought, but I'm going to throw some compliments at you and hope they make sense.

Everything you write is so real. The style you use is absolutely perfect for Lavender and her mental state and reflects it so very well, adding a depth and realism and horror to this story quite unlike anything I've seen before. And the ending - when she realises she hasn't seen her parents - that killed me, it really did, because she's so alone and are her parents dead? Why haven't they come to see her? The thought of her so alone and terrified, left with nothing except these images in her head which won't go away and the scars on her face and this label - this label of crazy which just invalidates every aspect of her existence - it hurts so much. I can't even begin to count the things I love about this story but it has so much impact and empathy and poignancy and it's just a triumph, Emily, it really is. 10/10.

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Review #39, by Ravenclaw333Nicotine: I've Been Hijacked

7th July 2014:
House Cup 2014 Review!

I remember reading this story a while ago and I don't know why I didn't review - probably because I'm terrible - but this is an incredible piece - it's dark and painful and so very well done. You handle the theme of domestic abuse with sensitivity and realism - how she stays even though she knows he's destroying her, because she's addicted - the metaphor of nicotine works so well here, and I love how you've linked the words of the song, the reality of the cigarettes and the imagery of addiction and craving. This is honestly such a powerful piece, especially with the ending when she does get out and takes her life back.

Incredible piece, definitely among your best, and really, really well done.

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Review #40, by Ravenclaw333All Grown Up: Looking Down

7th July 2014:
House Cup 2014 Review!

When I clicked on this story I knew it was going to hurt - but it's a bittersweet kind of hurt, if that makes sense? You've managed to inject hope and light into something that has the potential to be incredibly dark and depressing, and that's something I really do associate with your writing - a kind of relentless optimism, I suppose. And this story is a shining example of that.

I loved your opening, especially the line "and if you just tried a little harder you could still be alive." I don't know why that rings so true for me, because it's not like I have a lot of firsthand experience of dying, but it does and it adds so much.

This was a really sweet scene to choose as well, and Tonks's mixed feelings about looking down from above - how she'd seen the moments other parents missed out on, like the Sorting and the first kiss, but how she couldn't touch him or talk to him - was really well done. There's just the right amount of wistfulness in this piece, but the pride and hope of Remus and Tonks at the end is the image that lasts. Beautiful piece!

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Review #41, by Ravenclaw333Running into Weasley: Running into Weasley

7th July 2014:
House Cup 2014 Review!

Ah, so this is where it all begins! I maybe should have checked this one out before your JulNo for a bit of background, but I'm here now!

Oh, Rosalia. You adorable, insane dork. That's one way to get a guy to notice you, I suppose - repeatedly walking into him. It's difficult to ignore somebody at such close range.

There are a couple of grammatical errors - mainly apostrophes in places where there shouldn't be apostrophes, but it's nothing a beta couldn't pick up if you ever wanted to revise this story.

This was just a really sweet 'slice of life' snippet, and a unique twist on the 'overcoming adversity' prompt! Your style really suits this genre, and I love the insights into Rosalia's mind and her witty narration of everything. Good stuff!

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Review #42, by Ravenclaw333Falling for Weasley: Mr. Cuddleworth

7th July 2014:
House Cup 2014 Review!

OKAY SO I WASN'T KIDDING ABOUT DROPPING TEN REVIEWS I'M GONNA DO IT IT'S GONNA HAPPEN ARE YOU PUMPED COZ I AM

Mr Cuddleworth is my fave. Cat dialogue, yo, it's the best thing ever.

This was honestly a perfect 'first date' chapter - and not because it was a perfect first date but because it was so absolutely NOT perfect. You've made everything so much more realistic, and in that you've managed to show far more of the characters than if everything had gone to plan - Louis thrown off guard, endearingly awkward and flustered - he seems to be a pretty suave kinda dude ordinarily, and you've shown a few different aspects of his character even in this intro chapter, so I'm really looking forward to seeing him develop further!

Rosalia is a cutie. Her inner monologue is great - witty, matter-of-fact, a bit dorky. I think I relate to her a bit too much. Especially the talking-to-her-cat thing. Making her Italian is a nice touch as well - I'm hoping for more details about her tiny Italian school as the story goes on.

The way they related to each other was really well done as well - the awkwardness at the start, the banter, especially on their way home, and then more parting awkwardness - it's so true to the early stages of a relationship and really well done. Great first chapter!

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Review #43, by Ravenclaw333True Romance: The Love You Save (May Be Your Own)

7th July 2014:
House Cup 2014 Review!

I figured I may as well win some points for Ravenclaw with my customary AHH YOU UPDATED verbal flailing. Anyway. Chapter.

I love Rose. Go Rose. Rose is perfect and I love how she was so quick to jump on Archie's comments and how she came by to see Brandon and the baby she's just so lovely and thoughtful and I am a huge huge Rose Weasley fan.

George's advice to Albus was excellent - I can really see him pulling no punches when it comes to giving advice to his nieces and nephews, and you've characterised him really well here.

Brandon's mum is lovely. She's obviously got some old-fashioned ideas but she loves Brandon unconditionally and I love that bit about how she's have been disappointed if he did bend to social norms - it says a lot about both of them and it was just a really lovely detail to throw in.

Fingers crossed for Albus and Brandon to finally see each other again next chapter (no pressure!)

Author's Response: YAY FOR FLAILING FOR HC POINTS!

Rose is quite keen to not put up with that kind of talk from people - especially someone new like Archie. OF COURSE SHE HAD TO GO SEE BABY SAVAGE!

I'm glad you like geoerge's advice. I've had mixed feedback on it. You and I see him the same when it comes to advice - it's not often dispersed but is done so with a firm intention.

Bea is a bit old-fashioned as you spotted but I'm so happy her love was also evident. She's definitely accepting of Brandon but has a pull towards tradition. I like having her as a contrast to someone like Archie.

Thank you so much for a beautiful review!


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Review #44, by Ravenclaw333Butterfly Effect: Prologue

6th July 2014:
House Cup 2014 Review!

Ah, Erin, it's up! I'm so excited for this story and can't wait to see where you take everything!

This was a brilliant start - it gives a good introduction to Jenna and of course the tragedy of losing her family. You've included a lot of detail in a short space - the flashbacks of earlier that day, the lasting image of a happy family and how quickly it was torn apart. The shock of everything really comes through, especially in your final line - I wouldn't have expected it if I didn't already know what was going to happen, especially her mum and how there seemed to be some hope for her.

There are a couple of points where you could go over your grammar - ellipses (...) are always three dots, and make sure that dialogue from a new speaker is on a new line. Other than that, though, this is a brilliant start and I'm super excited for the rest of the story!

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Review #45, by Ravenclaw333etc. etc. (and life goes on): V-Day D-Day

6th July 2014:
House Cup 2014 Review!

So I've been following this story for a long time (I remember reading it back when you first posted it, and I've reread it since then) and I don't think words could really do this story justice - it's gloriously written, with perfect characterisation and just the right amount of snark and sarcasm, and the way you've built Hogwarts as a hotbed of scandal and warring organisations and gossip is inspired, especially using Clemence as the disillusioned and cynical narrator at the midst of it all, trying to remain neutral and unaffected and failing. Long story short, this is one of my favourite stories on the archive and has been since about 2011, so major kudos.

This chapter in particular was incredible - it kept me guessing the whole time - the way Clemence swung from hesitation to certainty about the love potion, the brawl in Puddifoot's (I can't get over that, I really can't. It was beautifully done) and Scorpius's very public outing - everything was so unexpected and characteristic of the narrative rollercoaster you have this story on. I feel like I'm almost too invested in the story to comment much on your writing, except that you're a veritable master of this genre and these characters, your comedic timing is impeccable, and the balance of humour and depth of insight into Clemence in particular is perfect. 10/10, brilliant job!

Author's Response: Thank you so much! :3 I'm glad I still have long-time readers. This story's changed so much since then, gone through a crazy rollercoaster of plots because I kept wanting to write different things, that I'm surprised anyone made sense of it. This fic is full of so many things I love--perhaps too many things I love. I love that people love Clemence and it's weird to think how much of myself is in her, and how cathartic it has been to write her. I can't believe this story is almost over, but I get to write it all over again in an original draft, where finally all of this great mess makes sense 8D hopefully I'll find a place for the brawls and mobs and public declarations! It wouldn't feel like etc without it.

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Review #46, by Ravenclaw333an interlude of you.: thoughts from a prison of stone.

6th July 2014:
House Cup 2014 Review!

Kiana, you are going to kill me with your talent before this event is over. This is such an incredible piece, beautiful and melancholic and reverential, and I need to stop spewing adjectives and actually talk about the story.

I love each segment of this, and the way you've split up this story into a string of memories with separate imagery is fantastic. Cartography - I don't know why I have such a thing for cartography imagery but you've used it masterfully here, especially in the very real context of Gellert and Albus's 'Greater Good' plan and how they really were thinking about conquest and dominance and carving up the world - it works so perfectly, adds a sinister aspect to that melancholic reverence, and you can /see/ the way hindsight has affected Gellert's view of everything, not just in that segment but throughout. The 'morning clarity' part is just so perfectly done and so true to the characters and circumstances, and the way you've linked ideas and images throughout this piece is nothing short of masterful.

I'm in awe of your writing, Kiana, I really am, and this is just a shining example of it. 10/10.

Author's Response: Hi Lisa!

Wow, edfhorwferg, just wow, I think you made my month with this review and I'm just so happy right now I could sing or something.

Aw, thank you, I wanted to explore lots of their life but was too lazy to make it really long so this was born through laziness really :P Yay, you got the Greater Good plan here, lots of people missed it so it made me wonder if I had made it clear enough or not, so it's so great that you found it there! Gah, the awful thing such as hindsight, usually I love writing it here but this time it was so painful as Gellert just seemed to miss him and crave these memories so much it was so sad writing it!

Thanks for this amazing review though :D

-Kiana


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Review #47, by Ravenclaw333The Precise Hour: Eggs and Owls

6th July 2014:
House Cup 2014 Review!

Firstly - I love the premise of this story. It's so refreshing to see stories set in other countries, exploring the ways wizards and Muggles interact, and you've done a really good job with that here. Having Hassan and Abdullah constantly interacting with Muggles is an interesting choice and adds another unique layer to the story.

There are a couple of issues that I picked up - you've made a typo here: 'Hassan quickly began talking out some sickles' - I assume that's meant to be 'taking' - and where Hassan talks about how it's not his fault if beautiful women stand by their windows, Abdullah's response should be on a new line. Since you're pretty consistent with that everywhere else, I can only assume it was down to the pressure we were all under time-wise to get Event 3 entries in - if you plan on revising, though, just a couple of things to bear in mind :)

As for the actual story itself - it's beautifully done. You've done a brilliant job with evoking the sense of the culture and society, and the relationship between Hassan and Abdullah in particular is perfect - the lovesick young man and the cautious old man looking out for him. The way you've linked religion and morality also rings very true, and it's something I'd love to see explored more - especially within the context of magic and the wizarding world.

I love the use of the owl Ali as a link between the lovers, and how Hassan grows to appreciate him - his death really hits home, and works so well both within the context of the society and the 'forbidden love' idea and as a symbol of their relationship. Sahar giving him another bird is a lovely touch, and you've tied in everything so well with the song, which really adds to the atmosphere of the piece. Well done!

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Review #48, by Ravenclaw333 a goodbye in three parts: Today

6th July 2014:
House Cup 2014 Review!

This piece is absolutely beautiful,exploring a friendship that I've never really thought about but which makes perfect sense and is evoked so wonderfully in your writing. You've captured Luna's character incredibly well here - her wisdom, her kindness, the way she brings hope and how her friendship is a gift. I adore the line "I've added you to my ceiling, Dean Thomas," - it's such a simple line that means so much and, to me, really shows the depth of their friendship - that Luna has added him to the paintings in her bedroom and that he recognises and remembers, even thirty years later, how pivotal that was. Your final line ties in so wonderfully with that, and really brings the piece together. I love how you've written the war, and how you've managed to contrast such opposing ideas as the war and Luna's peacetime funeral without altering the tone. You use repetition incredibly effectively - the "things he needs to stop doing/things he needs to avoid" lines are perfect, with just the right amount of melancholy and urgency required for the battle - it's masterful.

I have one tiny criticism which is so inconsequential I feel bad pointing it out, but you have Luna saying she lost her mother when she was six, while canonically she was nine. It's such a minor detail and certainly doesn't detract anything from your writing, but you might want to fix it in later revisions.

Incredible piece, beautifully written and poignant, and a real testimony to your skill. Well done!

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Review #49, by Ravenclaw333True Romance: A View to a Kill

6th July 2014:
OKAY I'VE ALREADY YELLED NOT SO PLEASANT THINGS ABOUT CORBIN AT YOU IN THE CABIN SO WE'RE GOING TO MOVE ON TO POSITIVE THINGS

ROSE! I LOVE ROSE. I'M SO HAPPY SHE'S WORKED THINGS OUT WITH HER FAMILY AND THAT THEY'RE SUPPORTING HER AND SHE'S GOING TO PURSUE HER DREAM I GOT WARM FUZZIES YES GOOD

ALBUS AND JAMES BEING BROS IS FANTASTIC I LOVE THE IMPORTANCE OF FAMILY IN THIS STORY AND HOW CLOSE EVERYONE IS IT'S FAB

AND OH MY GOD I'M SO GLAD YOU DIDN'T KILL OFF BRANDON AND THAT WAS SO UNEXPECTED AND KUDOS TO YOU FOR THAT AND ALSO FOR INCLUDING CHARACTERS THAT FALL INTO THE BI/PAN CATEGORY 10/10 GOOD WORK

Author's Response: LISA! I FEEL OBLIGATED TO BE SHOUTY WITH MY RESPONSE. AND IT'S EASIER THAN REACHING FOR THE SHIFT KEY. I KNOW AND HAVE RECORDED YOUR FEELINGS ABOUT CORBIN. NOTED.

IT WAS NICE TO WRITE ROSE BEING A BIT MORE MATURE THAN SHE WAS IN THE LAST FEW CHAPTERS. SHE'S GOING TO GIVE HER DREAM A TRY AND SEE HOW IT WORKS OUT.

THEY'RE QUITE BROTASTIC HERE. FAMILY IS KEY FOR THE CHARACTERS IN THIS FIC.

I COULDN'T KILL HIM OFF - NOT YET. HE AND ALBUS NEED TO DO MORE RELATIONSHIPPING. I'M GLAD THAT WAS AN UNEXPECTED TWIST. I DEFINITELY THINK THAT CATEGORY NEEDS MORE LOVE IN THE FF WORLD WHICH IS WHY I TOUCH ON IT WITH BRANDON.

THANK YOU FOR SHOUTING AT ME AND LEAVING SUCH A RAD REVIEW!

-rose


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Review #50, by Ravenclaw333If You Asked Me Now: Who Is It?

3rd July 2014:
AHH SARAH THE FEELS

This is honestly so sweet and wonderfully done, and I love the use of hindsight and the theme of how, even though her perception of who her best friend is has changed over time, it has always been Ginny and she realises that now she's older - it's really true to the nature of mother/daughter relationships and you've done it so well! I love the background details of the other 'best friends' and how formative and important they were to her, and how their influence on her life hasn't been negated by her realisation that her mother has always been her real best friend. And the bit about Harry was really sweet - I can totally picture him doing that and Lily being his little girl and asdgghkdsl Potter family feelings everywhere.

Gorgeous one-shot!

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