Reading Reviews From Member: ad astra
  
352 Reviews Found

Review #26, by ad astraA Study in Silver: Prologue: The Lodger

15th July 2015:
Hey Roisin! Here for your requested review - and thank you for being my first request, I hope I can live up to expectation!

Firstly, looking at your areas of concern - you're right, this is a long chapter. That's not a problem in itself because your writing is engaging enough that it doesn't drag on, but if you were to split the chapter I would do it after Perry introduces himself as a consulting Auror and make the first chapter a prologue - it's enough to hook the reader into the story and encourage them to keep reading, and making it a prologue instead of a full chapter means you can get away with having a much lower word count without making your chapter lengths too inconsistent, if that makes sense? When it comes to story structure i'm very pro-prologue (that looks terrible written down) so I'm probably coming at this with a bit of a bias, but that's my two cents anyway

as for spelling/grammar derps - this is a pretty polished chapter, but I'll drop off a few that I found:
tennant should be tenant
Twenty eight years old should be hyphenated
victorian roofs Victorian should be capitalised
radiating off of him - should be radiating off him
heavy-footfalls - you don't need this hyphenated

As for general impressions on your writing style: this entire chapter is rich in detail and your writing flows really well. One thing I would suggest watching out for, though, is that you have a slight tendency to overuse descriptors - it's not enough to detract from the story and for the most part your use of language perfectly reflects the tone and atmosphere of the chapter, but in some occasions you let adjectives, adverbs and specific or emotive verbs pile up in a sentence, and these could be better balanced with more common words - stacking up descriptors can lessen the impact of them and weaken the image rather than strengthen it.

Overall, though, this is an excellent first chapter and if I wasn't coming at it with a view to do a full on, crit-heavy review I doubt I'd find any problems with it. Your worldbuilding and attention to detail is absolutely a credit to you as a writer, and I don't come across many stories that have fleshed out wizarding society as thoroughly and believably as you have here. There were so many moments I had reading this of "wow, that's an amazing piece of detail" and I'm particularly impressed by your construction of the luxury, higher-income lifestyle that Roxanne is used to, and the realities of her giving that up - especially when she's considering all the galleons she's thrown away on coffee and other luxuries over the years. I also really appreciated the legislation surrounding Mugglebaiting and its classification as a potential war crime - that shows an incredible depth of perception regarding the impact of the war on society.

You've done an amazing job on this first chapter and you've obviously put a lot of time and thought into it. this story is already a credit to the effort you make with your writing and I'm really looking forward to seeing what you do with it. Feel free to re-request anytime!

P.S i loved the shoutout to The Fred Weasley Memorial Scholarship in here and especially the "Merlin Help Us" addendum, it kinda made my night so thank you!

Author's Response: OH MY GOD LISA WHAT IS THIS SORCERY!?!?! How is it that you got to this SO FAST and wrote a review SO EXCELLENT!

Your idea to split the chapter after Perry introduces himself is BRILLIANT AND PERFECT AND I AM GOING TO DO THAT NOW! LIKE... RIGHT NOW. YES. Way to be a guardian angel and answer to my every prayer! I literally (literally) don't think I can thank you enough!

Also--so much thanks for help with the grammar derps!

I totally see what you mean about descriptors. Writing in a different style, especially humor, was certainly a learning experience. I gave myself a bit more license with adverbs for this genre, but I think you're right that the language would benefit from being reined in--especially when it isn't for comedic effect. (I'm also trying to balance tagging my dialogue better)

As I'm sure I've mentioned at some point, I've worked a lot around social justice issues and things--even working in the office of a legislator and on a political campaign--so I had a crazy amount of fun nerding out about political climes and postwar stuff :D HP is basically a political text to me, and my reading of it is very focused on the sociopolitical aspects (which is why my fics are SUH MUCH COMMENTARY).

And YAY, I'm glad you dug the shout out! With my first fic, a lot of people noticed how much canon and pottermore-side-canon I wove in and nodded to, but that was largely because I wrote it before EVER having read any FF. Now that I have, I can't NOT nod to and meta with other stories (especially when they become my headcanon).

Seriously, Lisa, you are amazing and this review is my everything.

THANK YOU!
xoxo
Roisin




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Review #27, by ad astraPain Makes You Beautiful: Rated Mature for themes and content.

12th July 2015:
House Cup 2015 Review - Slytherin

This story absolutely kills me. I've seen a lot of people talking about it on the forums but what you've done here just surpasses all expectations and it's easily the best Wolfstar I've ever read (and I read a lot of Wolfstar so I don't say that lightly)

Your characterisation of both Sirius and Remus is perfect. You've gone into so much more depth with their characters than anything I normally see and it's gutwrenching. I live for this stuff it's amazing

There are two kinds of scars. The ones that bind us together, and the ones that leave a gulf between us. I don’t know what Remus does to me, but I like it. Too much, I think. this line is so perfect and it sums up their entire dynamic so well, because Remus and Sirius are a broken, falling apart mess and I can't get over the characterisation here. I think people have a tendency to skim over how cold and distant Remus can be - I suppose because he's so easily idealised - but you have him down in this story.

And Pete. He uses words that I love, like 'mates' and 'good times' and 'always'. He brings up Remus, and I shake. He asks when we can all be together again, and I break.

He’s eager. Eyes wide. Grinning and nodding like I’m giving him the world.
You manage to solve one of the greatest mysteries of the entire series - why Sirius made him Secret-Keeper, why nobody suspected his duplicity, in only a few key lines and I feel like I'm becoming a stuck record here but your portrayal of these boys at crisis point is so unbelievably well done. You take the canon and you enrich it beyond compare and I am just in awe of this piece.

10/10, phenomenal writing.

Author's Response:

Hi!

One of the things I wanted to accomplish with this story is highlight the absolute defeat that Sirius felt when Peter betrayed them all. The Marauders to me seemed like a very tight-knit group, each relying on one another for something that was otherwise lacking in their lives. Betrayal itself is ugly. Beyond that though, Sirius needed reasons to make the choices he did. Deep, painful reasons. I think that's where this story came from.

I hated writing this kind of language, but to get what I wanted, I just had to allow Sirius to express himself in the basest way possible. I really REALLY wanted to censor him, but if I had, this wouldn't be what it is.

Thank you for your kind words and letting me know that I hit the mark with this. It's not the stuff I usually write.

Pix


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Review #28, by ad astraGame On: Wotter Twister - UnluckyStar57 - Ravenclaw

6th July 2015:
House Cup 2015 Review - Slytherin

Mallory i am back and this story is fabulous as per usual (also there needs to be a written short form of 'usual' because it is important for my effortlessly cool online persona)

Wotter Twister with Elasticity Potion is a grand idea i love it and As they were now fourth years, their cousins deemed it “safe enough” for them to drink the potion and participate “without any long-lasting developmental effects.” look at james and the other older lot looking after the wee babies what a responsible young man he is

Molly, in the meantime, was gracefully posing as she perched on her dots. All that yoga really worked to her advantage, as did her preternatural grace (only bestowed by the Wizard Gods on the Hogwarts Head Students). i love this how do you characterise so efficiently in a single one-shot

“I shoplift like a professional,” Molly said immediately. “And I’m not ashamed. I just never bothered to tell anyone.” exhibit b. i love molly

this was a radbuckets read and i will be back to peruse your other HC stuff at my leisure

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Review #29, by ad astraGame On: Learning to Fly - BookDinosaur - Ravenclaw

6th July 2015:
House Cup 2015 Review - Slytherin

Ah, Gilderoy. no recollection of anything of any worth but still painfully aware of your alleged attractiveness and your fanclub, bless him and his persistent arrogance

Naturally, this was a very quick time, as Gilderoy was a beautifully fast learner. In no time he could become a professional flyer, he thought happily to himself. some things never change

Gilderoy Lockhart woke up, stretched, and closed his eyes against the sunlight that was falling against his face. It felt warm, and nice and all that, but he’d read somewhere that sunlight wrinkled skin, and that was the last thing that Gilderoy wanted. Really, would his fan club stick around if he had wrinkles in his skin? No, of course they wouldn’t. He tugged the curtain around his bed shut. is it bad that my first thought was that he'd turned into a vampire and closely followed by the thought that maybe vampires are just really aggressive about their anti-ageing skincare regimes and not bloodsucking supernatural beings after all

He hadn’t seen his reflection in a mirror because they wouldn’t let him have one of his own, but that was alright because he knew he looked amazing. is this because the Mungo's staff have realised he's the twentieth century reincarnation of Narcissus and that if he looks at himself in the mirror he'd waste away in front of it bc tbh i will accept no other explanation

“Gladys Gudgeon,” he read off the card, “sends her regards.” good Godric, Gilderoy, that woman is going to get her political allies to kill you at your own wedding

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Review #30, by ad astraGame On: Names - BookDinosaur - Ravenclaw

6th July 2015:
House Cup 2015 Review - Slytherin

you've done it you've made me foghorn laugh out of nowhere and i'm not sure if that's a step up from the teary-eyed cackling i was doing earlier but it's a milestone and you wanna know the culprit

“Look, Donald,” he said gently. “Just because you were Puddlemere United doesn’t mean that we can go around naming our team Puddlemere Divided –”


“I know that,” Donald said irritably. “That’s why I suggested Puddlemare Divided, not Puddlemere United.”
ole Donnie's a bit of a hard case i love him

i also like how Donald's the only one who actually has a name. it fits with the nameless motif you've got going on. very artistic. and of course there's the irony because the nameless girl gives the nameless team a name while Donald the Named fails in naming the nameless team

hello i'm lisa and i haven't slept

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Review #31, by ad astraGame On: Chess Tournaments - BookDinosaur - Ravenclaw

6th July 2015:
House Cup 2015 - Slytherin

Emily Feathers BookDinosaur

(read this in a stern motherly tone in lieu of your actual full name which is probably only known to god himself and, at a stretch, the australian government)

what is this what is this it was a perfectly normal fic of Ludo Bagman being a bit of a wasp-obsessed loser and chess not being very interesting and then you finish with this

Next year, he thought, I’m going to have them play chess on a table of wasps while the national anthem plays in the background and a tear of patriotic pride runs down the face of the wasp-mascot.

?

i'd like to submit an outsider's vote for this line to win SOTM Best Quote (i can totally do that right i'm like an expat casting a special vote from overseas?? anyway) because like. can we just take a moment to appreciate the sheer aesthetic of this scene and the number of questions it raises, including but not limited to
1) how does one make a table of wasps. are they bound together by some invisible force, is it magic, how much freedom of movement do these wasps have
2) does the wizarding world have their own national anthem and if so, what is it? if not, how much do wizards acknowledge the british monarchy? do they even understand the concept of a monarchy do they know what they are singing
3) is the wasp-mascot ludo and if not, how much would he have to pay someone to dress up as a wasp and cry on cue
4) Bees?

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Review #32, by ad astraGame On: Invention - BookDinosaur - Ravenclaw

6th July 2015:
House Cup 2015 Review - Slytherin

okay so i love this?? i love that the person who came up with something as absolutely bonkers as Quidditch makes his dramatic entrance dressed in red and yellow robes with a blue scarf (the man must have been such an eyesore?? i want to take a photo of him and put it on instagram tagged #aesthetic) and is just generally an unapologetic weirdo whose best friend is suitably long-suffering

i would build a shrine to your sense of humour and bring it offerings of...i got nothing i can't even think of what the patron deity of your humour would appreciate but the POINT IS i love this bit: “The answer!” Gerwie exclaimed. After a suitably dramatic pause, he continued. “The answer to all our woes of boredom and cries for entertainment!” His sleeves slid down his arms to reveal pale skin. why do i love it? who knows. maybe its the irreverence, maybe it's the flair for the dramatic that would put one sirius black to shame. maybe it's just the all-important visual of a skinny, pasty fruit cake in joseph's technicolour dream coat with his arms aloft, proclaiming boredom to be Vanquished Forevermore.

“Gerwie,” Wiberon said, “look, you know I appreciate you and your ideas. But that is never going to catch on, okay? Drop it,” he advised, and went back to his scribbling. i love a good dose of dramatic irony don't you

of course you do you wrote it

stay classy

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Review #33, by ad astraGame On: Volume II: Envy - BookDinosaur - Ravencalw

6th July 2015:
House Cup 2015 Review - Slytherin

HELLO EMILY

this is golden. this is absolutely fantastic this is draco malfoy at his arrogant preteen best and i lovehim you capture his voice so well i can picture him scowling at the fish outside the common room window having this little internal monologue. draco, my trash son

He’d just been making a little fun of Neville – who was his classmate, and nowhere near as good as him, and therefore fair game i can't fault your logic there dracie but people tend to raise moral objections to picking on hapless classmates

Potter was always stealing the attention. First, he had been lucky enough to be The Chosen One – and it didn’t matter that Draco’s dad, his whole family, were always muttering rebelliously about how without Potter they might have been in the middle of their glory days – and now he had apparently grown Quidditch skills along with a weird personality. Draco still didn’t understand why Potter had turned down his offer of friendship. They were supposed to be best friends. there is so much characterisation going on here and you manage it while still holding on to this whiney-eleven-year-old voice and it's so good??? because it's a really subtle way of pointing out both draco's sense of entitlement - which is impossible to ignore because that kid is the poster boy of entitlement - and the fact that he's lonely and had this expectation of a friend that ended up shattered and he's still too young to understand why

emily you are the bestest

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Review #34, by ad astraGame On: Volume II: Hagman - UnluckyStar57 - Ravenclaw

6th July 2015:
House Cup 2015 Review - Slytherin

Hagman

you honestly have the best story ideas and this one is no exception i love it how do you even come up with this stuff

this is so typical of ron i can just picture him bored in the common room one day and deciding to mess with some itsy bitsy gryffindors and just fishing colin out of thin air. and of course he gets away with it because colin's muggleborn and can't actually know for sure that Xaocopate Tlugz aren't actually a real thing (although i love that he still keeps an eye out for them at Honeydukes anyway. bless colin creevey what an adorable wee muppet)

also like. using broken spellchecking quills for a rigged variation of hangman is ingenious??? you are far too creative for the rest of us mere mortals

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Review #35, by ad astraGame On: Volume II: Andromeda’s Game - UnluckyStar57 - Ravenclaw

6th July 2015:
House Cup 2015 Review - Slytherin

TEDROMEDA YAS

you probably already know that this is adorable, O Queen of Fluff, but i really love the dynamic you set up between ted and andromeda (and also the continuity with the Blacks not being allowed to play games) and andromeda's characterisation - i think this line says it all: Andromeda tried to be imperious again. “And what makes you think this will become a regular occurrence?”

also you should know that when i opened this story i lost it at classes were really starting to roast her goose and then i went away to do groceries and came back and laughed at it again and i don't know what it is about roasting geese that's so inherently hilarious to me but that's a gem of a line tbh

also speaking of gems of lines this one: He finally answered the redundant question. “Ted Tonks, at your service, Miss Black. Hufflepuff Quidditch Captain and All-Around Great Guy.”


She rolled her eyes. “It does not become a gentleman to brag upon himself.”
this sums up the difference between them so perfectly, it's like they come from different worlds (and they do) or different centuries (they probably don't) and you illustrate that so well a+

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Review #36, by ad astraGame On: Volume II: 52-Card Exploding Snap Pick-Up - UnluckyStar57 - Ravenclaw

6th July 2015:
House Cup 2015 Review - Slytherin

this is such an a+ idea i love it so much and also how have i never read a story from Peeves' perspective? clearly i am Missing Out and i'm so glad you have introduced me to this world of poltergeisten hijinks. that's an adjective now i don't make the rules

Hermononucleosis Stranger so like, does the wizarding world have autocorrect and is this what comes out when you plug Hermione Granger into it because that is golden

Herman. Ms Lone Ranger i love everything about this apparently i have such a weakness for hermione being called ridiculous variants of her name

There was no need for her to get sooty before bedtime. this is such a hermione thing to think i can practically see her rolling her eyes and sighing a bit at the lack of imagination and how easy it was to outwit him

mallory for president

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Review #37, by ad astraGame On: Volume II: Cat and Mouse - UnluckyStar57 - Ravenclaw

6th July 2015:
House Cup 2015 Review - Slytherin

OH MY GOD MALLORY YOU DIDN'T

also you gave me a shoutout i do love minerva and i'm already crying with laughter because my cat is called minerva and i'm sure that's not news to you but sweet salazar this is fantastic

Minnie the Kitten i am sobbing i don't even know how i'm going to get through this i love it so much you're amazing and ALSO because this is meant to be a review with coherent feedback and stuff (?) i love that you've made Young Minerva transform into a kitten that makes so much sense and is also so adorable (especially because i'm picturing my minnie when she was a kitten and i'm so happy)

also DOUGAL. dougal

she secretly vowed to never play games as a kitten again. She would rather flirt as a human being, after all. can we talk about how this is the cutest thing to ever happen? i proclaim you Queen of Fluff that is your title from here on in

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Review #38, by ad astraGame On: Volume II: Irate Owls - UnluckyStar57 - Ravenclaw

6th July 2015:
House Cup 2015 Review - Slytherin

OWLS PLAYING GAMES i am so here for this your entries are an absolute gift bless you

okay so this may be the two-seasons-in-two-days scrubs marathon i'm in the middle of rn but this line Unlike his uptight mentor, Hedwig, Pig was full of pep and vigor reminds me so much of JD and Cox and i actually just tried searching the Cabin to see if you were in the haven't-watched-scrubs camp or the scrubs-is-fab camp (spoiler: i couldn't go back that far) but at any rate i appreciated this line and even without scrubs references Hedwig as an uptight mentor is a such a beautiful mental image

As the owls had done with Hedwig a few years earlier, they summoned Pig on one of the rare occasions that he was sleeping. do these birds have initiation rituals

Pliny the Elder Owl i am SCREECHING

does this make me a.screech owl i need to stop

Birdies and gentleowls i can't

i have tears in my eyes you wrote angry birds/harry potter crossover fanfic and for some reason it's the greatest thing i've ever seen you need a knighthood

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Review #39, by ad astraGame On: Volume II: Spot the Nargle - UnlcukyStar57 - Ravenclaw

6th July 2015:
House Cup 2015 Review - Slytherin

mallory have i mentioned recently that i love your ability to turn a phrase because i really do. your humour is deadpan and matter-of-fact and i live for it. exhibit a: (Nargles ate ideas as a light appetizer before their main course of Aimless Thoughts. It was a nasty thing for them to do, really.) i have so many aimless thoughts i could feed a Nargle for the entirety of its natural life tbh. maybe i already have

walrus-mustachioed professor is the best epithet for slughorn i've ever seen

EP

IS THIS A

WAS THAT A

NEVILLE/LUNA THIS IS ADORABLE i'm sorry i have no chill but this is the thing ever “Thanks for, um, saving me from them, Luna.” bless him i love everything

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Review #40, by ad astraGame On: Volume II: Dominoes - UnluckyStar57 - Ravenclaw

6th July 2015:
House Cup 2015 Review - Slytherin

mallory you are a gift you really are

there is so much going on here i don't know whether to be touched by the sibling bonding going on here or laugh at sirius being - well - sirius. siriusly. kudos on the characterisation this line was amazing: But Sirius Black did not approve of the disapproval of the Most Noble and Ancient House of Black, so he did as he pleased. He went around in the Muggle world, had very Bad Behavior, and was a General Tomfool. And… he played games.

(it is now my dearest headcanon that Sirius has at least once in his life proclaimed himself as General Tomfool and i get the feeling i'm going to end up with a lot of dearest headcanons going through your entries)

“Are you ready for the dominoes race of a century, little bro?”


“Oh, bring it on!”
doesn't this scene just make you wish that regulus didn't die alone trying to make his big brother proud and that sirius didn't die before he discovered what regulus had done i mean

i'll see myself out

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Review #41, by ad astraGame On: Volume II: Photosynthepranks - UnluckyStar57 - Ravenclaw

6th July 2015:
House Cup 2015 Review - Slytherin

Mallory! I have decided to go through all (read: maybe 5-10) of your HC entries for this round because you piqued my interest in them SO MUCH during the writing process. i'm excited to see the finished products

firstly, how have you managed to personify plants?? i mean, i'm pretty sure i will come across weirder things in this collab and there are also weirder things in the wizarding world anyway but let's talk about this bit for a sec: Plants are quite intelligent and they have a lot of time to think while they do photosynthesis all day, but when it comes to revelry and rumpus, they are as mature as five year old children. And magical plants play the simplest game of all and how i want to compliment your characterisation of magical plants. i love it. this is golden

Oliver blinked. “I haven’t done anything to you, Percy. I don’t even want to talk to you right now! I swear to Merlin, you’re so annoying sometimes!” i am going to believe 100% that this is the beginning of a tropetastic hate-to-love percy/oliver and nothing you can say will convince me otherwise

this is going to be such a party thank you for writing this

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Review #42, by ad astraOutsider: The Unexpected Visitor

28th June 2015:
Hi Yumna! I saw that you didn't get any reviews during the last HC round and didn't want you to miss out!

First things first - I love the premise of this story. Dudley having a magical child is one of my dearest headcanons and I'm so excited for the rest of this story. Your characterisation of Dudley here is fantastic - how you've identified the things that forced him to grow up and become a better man, and how he slowly but surely overcame his upbringing. And the story of him meeting Preeya and standing up to his family is just perfect - it must have been a real turning point for him to realise, fully, the intolerance of his parents and the issues with his upbringing. I never thought I'd end up admiring Dudley Dursley, but you've given his character a real sense of determination and courage.

He's still far from perfect, of course, with the obvious issues he has with Nora's magic, but you've made it clear he's acting out of concern for his daughter - his experience with magic was overwhelmingly negative, after all, and he doesn't want Nora to get involved in the magical world as he knew it. I really hope he comes around, though, and I'm looking forward to meeting Nora in future chapters.

fantastic start!

Author's Response: First off, it means so much to me that you took the time to review even after the event is over! Thank you so much!
I'm so glad you liked Dudley's development as a character. And you're right, he's still far from perfect. You will certainly meet Nora in the next chapter.
Again, thank you so, so much for the review. I really appreciate it! :)


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Review #43, by ad astraDon't Forget Me: My Hero

28th June 2015:
House Cup 2015 Review - Slytherin

TAMMI.

TAMMI WHAT IS THIS WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WHAT HAPPENED WHYYY

i demand explanations i cannot believe this i thought everyone was exaggerating but no you killed Rose. my precious Rosie and you made James kill her omg why

you should write a 50k novel about this and i will review every single chapter with just "why Tammi why" you know you want to

Don’t forget about me James.

You’re the only one who promised that you wouldn’t.
you took my already shattered heart and stomped on it with this line. Rose is dead and James has blood on his hands and Albus is in Azkaban for it just. waiting on his brother. trusting him. relying on him to save him and get him out. because his entire family has abandoned him and he's innocent but he just wanted to save his brother and oh no

i'm upset. it's 3.17am and i am very very upset

Author's Response: Elisabeth, I am sorry! I'm a big meanie who apparently wants to destroy everything :P

There will be explanations, you will know why James done it, and why it was Rose, and why/how Albus came to take the blame.

Hahaha I will write it! AND I HOLD YOU TO THOSE REVIEWS :P

*hugs you*

I'm sorry!


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Review #44, by ad astraCold Blood: Broken Pieces

28th June 2015:
House Cup 2015 Review - Slytherin

sweet salazar whoever this killer is they sure have a thing for harry. i mean like there are definitely better ways to get your crush's attention than systematically murdering all his enemies #voldemortinlove

“Oh, that’s right,” you murmured into his ear. “You need to use the loo.” not gonna lie, i was fully expecting an actual toilet to drop from the ceiling and kill him. that'd be a fitting way for mundungus fletcher to die, don't you think? that was terrible i'm sorry

your killer is a torturer too. warm breath, pearly teeth, clearly an altruist. you've made them almost likeable, except for the penchant for grievous bodily harm

She nodded in response, her face lighting up with a warm smile. She loved it when Ron surprised her with his affectionate gestures, especially when she really needed a distraction from her work. love a bit of romione in the midst of all the murder. cutie patooties

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Review #45, by ad astraCold Blood: Bitterly Truthful

28th June 2015:
House Cup 2015 Review - Slytherin

SO THE KILLER'S AN AUROR? OR SOMEONE WHO WORKS IN THE MINISTRY AND WOULDN'T BE EVEN REMOTELY SUSPICIOUS LOOKING UP FILES

on mundungus fletcher. does that mean i'm right was the killer after good old dung? does he have hair? i think he was balding come to think of it #3amthoughts

Ron snorted. “Marietta hated Umbridge? That’s hard to believe given how she betrayed us at school.” okay this is excellent characterisation because we all know ron weasley is a+ at casting shade and also holds grudges for approximately ten million years

Harry recollected the events of his parents’ murder; the flash of green light illuminated the air around him as his mother’s screams resonated in his ears. He watched Cedric drop to the ground like a doll, with just two words. He watched as a green bolt narrowly missed Ginny. “I change my mind,” he said. “No one deserves it. No innocent person deserves to have their life taken away. And no one who can cast it without remorse should be given such a painless escape.” sweet Salazar that is some good characterisation. harry is so noble and has such a traumatic history, and i was almost expecting him to unmask some Hidden Dark Thoughts especially about umbridge but that wouldn't have been consistent with his character. kudos to you awesome job

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Review #46, by ad astraCold Blood: Chocolate and Bubbles

28th June 2015:
House Cup 2015 Review - Slytherin

i feel a weird sense of trepidation every time i read a fluffy scene from you because there's this knowledge in the back of my mind that their happiness will end in tragedy or violence or maybe a mix of the two but James's birthday party is so adorable look at the happy Potters and wee James blowing out his birthday candles! i assume Ginny's pregnant with Albus here?

and OH LOOK THE KILLER'S AT JAMES'S BIRTHDAY PARTY. what did i tell you right there erin. ALSO i think i kind of guuessed this earlier but obviously the killer's some kind of vigilante getting back at anyone who's ever harmed harry and i am so curious about who they are which is kind of the point of a murder mystery? a+ job with that

who is the bald man?? why was my first instinct mundungus fletcher? i just remembered mundungus fletcher had hair. it's 2.30am i cannot be blamed for this

who else is bald and has wronged harry and has a lot of gold?

your killer is terrifying. and has excellent teeth. this doesn't narrow it down at all

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Review #47, by ad astraCold Blood: Light up the Dark

28th June 2015:
House Cup 2015 Review - Slytherin

erin my dear i'm sorry i never got around to reading the rest of this story but we both know i'm pretty trash at reviewing and at least it means i get to review you for points ey viva la salazar

Xenophilius Lovegood Erin why would you kill Xenophilius Lovegood he was my favourite nutty wizard and poor Luna losing both parents and being the one to find him too oh no and this line How her father had taught her the beauty and mystery of life and death, showing her that her mum’s death didn’t mean it was the end. How he was the reason she grew up to be a strong, unique young woman.

i digress.

Even this lion of a man wouldn’t be able to find you. No one would be able to find you. No one knew your secret. i forgot you throw these little snippets from the killer's POV into this story and it adds so much suspense and mystery to the whole thing - to be close enough to the killer to get their POV and their thoughts but never close enough to know who it is.

luna is an actual angel bless her soul

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Review #48, by ad astraThe Internal Monologue of Jamie Nott: Okay, so maybe it wasn't very romantic

28th June 2015:
House Cup 2015 Review - Slytherin

Jamie, by way of your parental supervision (hi Em)

Fourth wall? What fourth wall? Hello readers! I've told you about me. Why don't we hear about you? What's your story?

Yes you, you who is currently reading this. Hello there!
I thought I was being so sneaky, Jamie, and you knew all along.

Gail has got her tentacle wrapped around me tightly in the abdomen area—that was the strange squeezing sensation I felt. She's lifting me into the air and—good Merlin, NO! And here I was thinking that strange squeezing sensation was you overcome with feelings about Devyn. I've done you a disservice, Jamie, I should have realised a rogue squid tentacle when I read one.

Do you speak Squid? Or do you and Gail just have a deep understanding that transcends language? Incidentally, did you name her Gail or did she tell you her name? I'm intrigued.

Devyn levitates me to the Hospital Wing after we find out how hard it is for me to move. You're a lucky man, Jamie.

Analysis Paralysis. Grumuck is a witty little banker, isn't he? I need to start using this in real life all the time.

Cheerio, my man.

Author's Response: HIYA, LISA!

Parental supervision? That's probably more like it. Em is almost like a second mum sometimes. Or a first one since my mum probably doesn't know I exist anymore. And I mean that literally. And when I say literally, I mean that actually literally.

About that fourth wall. Em told me that people from beyond this thing called a 'fourth wall' know my story. That's where these letters are coming from, she said. Are all people from beyond the 'fourth wall' some sort of overlords or all-powerful deities?

Did you? Hmm. . . tentacles and feelings are radically different things, though. :P I like you a lot, you're funny. I mean that in the best way possible, of course. Ah, that's alright, Gail's a very sneaky one. She's quite the trickster.

Do I speak Squid? In a sense. I can communicate to creatures beyond humans and house elves. I guess you could say that I do speak Squid. And fairy. And Pixie. And others. Gail told me what her name was, yup. :D

Thank you so much, Lisa. I guess I am. Devyn's. . . amazing, though maybe that's a bit of an understatement and not the right word. . . Devyn is. . . Devyn. She's unreal to me sometimes.

Grumuck, sweet, old, grumpy Grumuck. He's the best.

Again, thank you so much for these wonderful letters. I really, really do appreciate them. They make me feel a tad less alone.

Cheerio to you as well, Lisa,
Jamie


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Review #49, by ad astraThe Internal Monologue of Jamie Nott: A Romantic Picnic by the Great Lake

28th June 2015:
House Cup 2015 Review - Slytherin

Jamie (c/o your ever-benevolent overlord Em)

Oh Jamie. Bless your beautiful awkward besotted stumbling soul. This monologue of yours was a delight to read and not because I enjoyed your discomfort. at all

Am I allowed to emasculate you a bit and call you adorable? because you totally are. you're an absolute cutie-pie. Look at you making quiches for the girl you like and bringing her berries and having a favourite house elf.

Speaking of, I look up at her. She sees the awe in my face. Her eyes are brightened.

"You just changed my life," I whisper.

She leans in closer to me. "I know," she whispers back.
Jamie my boy, I'm sorry, but I feel like you and Devyn were on different pages during this particular exchange. The berries sound amazing though, I'd love to be fed one by a pretty girl next to a lake

I hope your brain is almost literally returned to you unharmed soon, because you're going to have a hard time getting through the rest of this scene - I mean experience - without it. Godspeed, child.

Author's Response: Hello again Lisa!

The ever-benevolent overlord. That's the best description of Em that Em's ever seen, I bet.

Yes. You is right. I is awkward, bestted, and stumbling. It's very kind of you to say that I am in a beautiful way. I really appreciate that. Thanks, Lisa. And I like chatting with you, too. These letters from you are a delight to read as well.

Yup, lots of discomfort here, there, everywhere, in a box, with a fox. . . I'm rambling. Sorry.

Funny thing about this emasculating bit. . . I haven't really specified my gender yet, now haven't I? Hmm. . . In any case, I shall gladly take this 'adorable' compliment and the 'absolute cutie-pie' one. I'm red. Any more of this and I'll be scarlet. And any more after, I'll likely combust. I mean I am so glad you think all of this is cute. . . I hope Devyn thinks so. Gingky did say it was a good idea.

Different pages? Yeah, you're right about that. No need to apologise though, I'll just try something else, 's not your fault, Lisa. :D Well, berries are best fed by pretty girls next to lakes! I mean, not that it's a regular thing for me or that it's just any girl--just Devyn for me.

Scene! Hahaha!! As if it was a movie or a story. You're very funny, you know? Thanks for the godspeeding and the lovely letter, as always.

Cheers,
Jamie


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Review #50, by ad astraThe Internal Monologue of Jamie Nott: The Two Laws of Hogwarts

28th June 2015:
House Cup 2015 Review - Slytherin

Dearest Jamie (c/o Em 'pointless_proclamations')

Firstly, I greatly appreciate your Laws of Hogwarts. The first one almost seems like a trope of the genre, you know? Not that I'm suggesting your life is fictional or anything. Just an observation. Keep it real.

Your internal monologues are stellar, Jamie. You're obviously a witty kind of bloke and I appreciate your take on the world, especially things like the Rambunctious Order of Redheads and your matter-of-fact Devyn Yang is my best friend. This is our 7th year at Hogwarts. While I have plans to go back to South Africa and start working in a Magical Creatures Sanctuary, Devyn has plans to become a chef. I think I may be attracted to her.

A grand proclamation. I think your author has a thing for name-dropping herself into your life. I mean, what? Author? I didn't say author. Do you have any close friends called Em, perchance? Authority figures in your life? All-powerful deities? Just asking.

'll take any excuse to spend time with the Hippogriffs and to avoid having to drink this goo, however kind enough he was to make it. All class, Jamie Nott.

10/10, would read again.

Author's Response: Hello there Lisa!

Tropes? I guess you could say so. The laws do apply to the overwhelming majority of Hogwarts students and alumni. Sometimes, it almost seems like it's fictional. You know, when so much of the world don't know that this other part of the world exists. . . like my mother.

I am tickled pink you like reading my thoughts, I suppose. Thank you for complimenting my brain (?).

Again and again, thank you for all these compliments. Never really thought of myself as witty, I guess.

Haha. Good Merlin, you had me very, very confused for a moment. Yes, I have an Em. She talks to me sometimes. Are we friends? I'd say so. I never really considered what she is, though. I don't really know actually. Maybe she is an all-powerful deity. Hmm. . . I'll have to ask her.

Em? Are you an all-powerful deity?

*. . .*

She's not replying right now, I think she's sleeping.

Anyway, 'all class,' yup. . . that's me. . . well, that's me trying, at least.

Thank you for your thoughts, Lisa! You are amazing fun to chat with.

Cheers,
Jamie


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